How to Find Determination by Simply Changing Your Vocabulary
Words can change your mindset because words have power. We’ve known this for centuries, and we’ve all seen the stories and heard the advice which pretty much boils down to: “The pen is mightier than the sword.” Or “No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.” (Robin Williams)
We also all know we should eat well, exercise, get 8 hours of sleep, look after our mental health, call our mums…. We know that we should, but sometimes life happens, right?!
On the other hand, sometimes a Netflix binge happens, all weekend. Sometimes we spend an entire evening scrolling mindlessly through social media, or playing game after game on the computer, or X-box or PlayStation.
And again, it’s important sometimes to do that in order to unwind and recentre. At the end of a long and stressful day, sometimes doing nothing is what your body and mind needs.
The problem is when that becomes your normal. When every evening and most weekends are spent on activities that take you away from the activities and people who can enrich your life and bring you joy and happiness.
And like the frog in a pot of water, we might not realise it’s slowly killing us. At worst, we see the typical 21st century mental and physical impacts: diabetes, obesity, heart conditions, depression, anxiety. At best, we live a ho-hum life, maybe we’re successful but we’re never truly happy.
Cultivating the Right Mindset for Success
The field of psychology has long known that your mindset can have huge impacts on your actions and your success.
Stanford psychologist and Professor Carol Dweck has spent 30-years studying how mindset impacts our success. In her own words, “My work bridges developmental psychology, social psychology, and personality psychology, and examines the self-conceptions (or mindsets) people use to structure the self and guide their behaviour.”
Carol has found that mindset is critical, and most reassuringly, you can change your mindset – it is not fixed. In fact, people who cultivate a “growth mindset” are the ones who view failure as a motivator to try harder. As a result, they’re more resilient and more successful.
Mindset is how you stop yourself from feeling like a failure or feeling guilty next time you don’t go to the gym or choose a salad at lunchtime. It’s how you forgive yourself, move forward and start again with more determination tomorrow.
And what impacts mindset the most? Our emotions and the words we choose to use.
“The way we deal with our emotions shapes everything that matters: our actions, careers, relationships, health, happiness and organizations. Getting hooked by our thoughts, emotions and stories inhibits us from thriving,” says Susan David, Harvard psychologist and author of Emotional Agility.
Thankfully, learning to have a positive mindset can be as simple as being more deliberate about the words you choose to use in your day to day life. In short, words can change your mindset. In fact,
As if the title of their book wasn’t enough, in their book, Words Can Change Your Brain, they show that words like “peace” and “love” can alter the expression of genes, propelling our motivational centres into action and building resilience.
So, if you’re struggling to do the things you know will bring you more happiness, then this is the article for you. Here are some words that can change your mindset…
[Check out these books – mindset, Carol Dweck & Emotional Agility Susan David, & Words Can Change Your Brain]
Words That can Change Your Mindset
“Get to” and Your Worldview
Many people seek happiness, yet their day to day view of the world is as a chore to be bourne, not a wonder to be explored and experienced.
How often do we say we “get to” go on a holiday, but we “have to” go to the gym? Or maybe you “get to” visit a friend but “have to” go visit the in-laws. Or maybe you “get to” go out to dinner but “have to” eat healthily.
At what point did doing the right thing for us and our family become something we just have to grit our teeth and bare? Why does being good to ourselves – by doing exercise, getting enough sleep, eating healthy meals, visiting family etc… — get relegated to the “have to” pile along with the laundry and dishes?
No wonder so many people struggle to get fit or bother to even leave the house! No wonder as a global population, we’re more unhealthy and more lonely than ever before.
So, if you’re seeking happiness and satisfaction in life, and you know (because of the resources on this site) that means developing a strong community and connection; looking after your health and wellbeing and finding meaning and purpose, then why should any of those activities be chores?
Next time you start to apologise to someone for “having to go to the gym,” stop and think about the words you’re using. Instead, put a smile on your face and say, “I get to go to the gym this afternoon, maybe we can meet afterwards?”
“Not yet” and Growth Mindset
In her Ted Talk, which has been viewed more than 10 million times, Carol talks about the power of two small words to change the way we think about failure.
Not yet.
That’s it. Two little words. Yet these words have the power to completely change how we view ourselves and our achievements, or lack of them. To make her point, Carol talks about a classroom of kids and the grading system that used “not yet” rather than the typical “F” for when a kid didn’t pass a course.
Through the power of these two little words, the kids in this class were taught to know they’re on a journey of learning, and that everyone learns at different rates. They know that if they get “not yet” on their report card, they shouldn’t give up or stop trying. Instead, they have more work to do, and that’s OK.
Those two little words entirely change the kids’ mindsets, from wanting to quit and give up for “failing” to wanting to try harder next time because they don’t have it yet.
In short, ‘not yet’ is about acknowledging that life and learning are a journey, and it’s not only about achievement. So, focus on the journey of learning, rather than the outcome. When praising kids, trying hard should be rewarded over achieving an “A.”
Lots of Words… Positive Affirmations
Positive affirmations have been popular for the last couple of decades. Supposedly, a few magic words will help you lose weight, get fit, get promoted, find a loving partner… and the list goes on. But if you’re a cynic (like me), then maybe you’ve been thinking ‘this is all a load of BS.’
It turns out we were all wrong. Words can change your mindset. The reason this has become a ‘thing’ is that the science is solid. About 65,000 thoughts go through our minds each day. For a lot of people, the majority of them are negative, or at least not positive.
Now, negative thoughts are the cornerstone of improvement. If you’re happy with your performance you won’t try to make it better. But too much negativity can stop you from even trying.
So, including some positive affirmations into your day is about balancing the scales. It’s about being more attuned to the negative things you say to yourself and the limiting beliefs you hold. I
We know that the wrong mindset can get in your way of success, but how much are you paying attention to the words you say or use in your mental dialogue? Maybe it is time to do some self-reflection.
And on that note, I’ll leave you with another famous quote: “Choose your words wisely.”
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It’s amazing to think just how much words can have an impact on our mental health. Thanks for the read.
Love this – I have just written ‘I GET TO’ on a post it on my wall!
I use positive affirmations as my computer passwords for work – it really helps me get in the right mindset to start my day/after a break.
Thanks Amanda. If nothing else, it’s good to stop and think about what you say to yourself sometimes. It all helps or hurts, but I think half the battle is just being aware 🙂