This week I was interviewed for a podcast on resiliency. I wrote down some notes before the interview, which ended up going a bit off script, so I had all this content and nothing to do with it… hence the following article which is now a Q&A with myself! So, if you want to know about the Coronavirus Change Curve and how to maintain your resiliency during this unique time in our human history, read on.
Having resiliency… what does that mean?
Simply put, resiliency is our ability to bounce back when things go wrong or are bad.
It doesn’t mean that resilient people don’t cry or get angry or feel pain – it’s really important not to bury those emotions, when things are bad; you’ve got to process them. It does mean that resilient people process quicker, they’re less likely to get overwhelmed by those feelings and get stuck there, so they move on faster.
How are Balance and Happiness Related to Resiliency?
I’ve been interviewing people all around the world to understand why some people are resilient, and others not. Or why we’re resilient one day, and not the next. My research is showing that there are 3 things that resilient people have:
- Firstly, they have close social bonds, this means they have three or more close people they feel they can depend on.
- Secondly, they have purpose or meaning, so they have long term goals and a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
- Thirdly, they prioritise their own physical and mental wellbeing. Now this differs person to person – it could be going for hikes, or extreme gym workouts, getting 8-hours of sleep and drinking lot of water – there’s no right answer, except that they have built and always maintain those good habits, particularly when things get busy or stressful.
So back to the original question… There is such a wealth of research now in the positive psychology space on how to be happy, and it turns out that those 3 pillars are so integral to happiness as well.
The last one is balance – which gets a bit of a bad wrap as a new age catchword. But essentially, my research is showing that you can’t only do one or two out of the three foundations, you have to have balance across the three, which is a bit of a wake-up call for a lot of people. You are just as much in danger if you’re a workaholic as if you’re unemployed!
Coronavirus Has Put Many of us in a Danger Zone
As I just mentioned, balance is key, and a lot of us are out of balance right now, which means a lot of people are in a danger zone right now – they’re not in a good place for resiliency and they’re at risk of feeling out of control emotions, or being overwhelmed by emotions or even of depression, particularly the longer they’re out of balance.
For instance:
- If you’ve lost your job, aside from financial stress that brings, for most people that means you’ve lost your purpose or meaning, and sometimes your identity too. And the statistics show that a 1 in 5 people who lose their jobs become depressed if they don’t get another job within 6 months.
- If you’re self-isolating, particularly if you live alone, that means you may have lost your social connections. And again, the statistics paint a grim picture, in fact, the World Economic Forum had labelled loneliness an epidemic. So, we’ve got more people living alone than ever before in human history, and supposedly loneliness is as toxic as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
- Lastly, you’ve got a whole lot of lucky people who kept their jobs but they’re now adjusting to working from home 100 per cent of the time. And one of the common traps I’m seeing is that people are spending hours sitting at their computers, and they’re not moving. And we all now know that sedentary lifestyles and sitting for long times is really bad for you – it even increases your chances of cardiovascular disease and cancer.
3 Tips to Re-gain Your Balance
It’s time for the good news. I’m sick of all the doom and gloom! Here are some really practical things you can do to boost your resiliency through all this.
- If you don’t have a job, you need to set a long term goal and work towards it. Think of things you can master, like a new language or new instrument, launch a new website, or complete a good DIY project that will take a few days, or start a new course on one of the many free online learning platforms, like EdX which has courses from some of the top universities in the world. Try to think of long-term activities that will make you feel proud when you’ve accomplished them.
- If you’re at home alone, make a point to video chat with someone every day, and just a side point, mindless scrolling on social media is not connecting with people, in fact it has the opposite effect.
- And if you are now working from home, make a deal with yourself that you will stand and walk for every phone call or video conference – people are being far more accepting now.
The Coronavirus Change Curve
We’re all just getting used to a new normal, so during this time of change it’s really important to keep focused on those three resiliency foundations: close social bonds, meaning and purpose, and healthy mind and body. If you don’t look after yourself first, you can’t look after others.
Also, it’s worth pointing out that we’re all going through change right now, and it’s leading to both positive and negative emotions, which are normal.
Perhaps the best way to understand what we’re all going through is to look at the change curve, which was originally created by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in 1969 to describe the stages of grief. Today, we use this same model to show the stages that people go through when they experience any crisis or major change.
Here’s a look at the Coronavirus Change Curve.
The first step to moving on is to understand your own journey. It’s worth poiting out here that not everyone goes through each stage, and some people spend longer in one stage than in others, while others skip some stages altogether.
In Australia, as a society, we seem to be moving onto sadness at the moment, and maybe even some acceptance. But, we’re living in an uncertain and extremely volatile world at the moment, so it’s possible that other events, such as an economic downturn, would take us back to the beginning of the curve again.
What stage do you think you’re in?
What will the future look like after Coronavirus?
Once we get through the uncertainty of the Coronavirus Change Curve and this new world we’re adjusting to, I’m really hopeful for the future.
I truly think we’re going to learn a lot of really good lessons from the next few months. You see for too long we’ve been fighting against the Change Storm. We’ve been too busy, too stressed, and it’s overwhelming and it’s been making us sick. I mentioned loneliness before, but there’s also burnout and chronic stress, and anxiety, and it crosses all demographic categories.
I think that this forced isolation is going to teach us to have to explore boredom and get creative, which research shows both lead to increases in happiness. It will teach us how to unplug, and re-connect with family. It will help us to value the simpler things in life, and to slow down a bit. In short, it will bring us a lot of joy.
I was talking to a colleague this week who mentioned that she had been baking with her kids and they’d started a garden together and she had really loved spending the quality time with them. That normally would have been spent on driving to and from afterschool sports and activities and commuting to and from work and on the million acitivities we feel we have to do every day and week.
So, I’m hopeful for the future. If we can get through the next few months I think you’ll find we come out stronger and possibly even healthier (as long as you didn’t only horde cookies when you went shopping).
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