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Mental Health in an Unequal World (E88)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about inequality and equity and how it impacts our mental health.

Show notes

In this week’s episode, Marie and Pete talk about a great video which helps people to better understand privilege. Check it out.

Transcript

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.  

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.  

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.  

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny. 

[Intro music fadeout] 

P: Yeah. Hey, hey, It’s exciting. Oh, my Lord, this feels so weird. We’re back in the same room. Oh, my God. Like it’s been whole three months. I’m not saying you being able to be negative.

M: I love the way you’re saying that. That is making me think. “Oh, my God, Becky, look at her butt”

P: Yes, Romy and Michelle’s high school reunion! We’re back. We’re back together. It’s so nice to see you.

M: So nice to see you too. No one else can see us seeing each other.

P: I can see you see me. So that’s all good. It is so good. And next week. Sydney’s opening up So that’s good news for us. It’s huge news for us. We’ve been in a three month plus lockdown, our first real big one. So yes, you could feel the excitement. I’ve got clients coming through my door going, Oh my God, can you believe Monday’s coming?

M: Not only that, we’ve had beautiful spring weather. There’s just birds and it’s lovely. Yeah, absolutely.

P: So what are we talking about today?

M: Well, today we’re talking about World Mental Health Day and this is theme is mental health in an unequal world. So the 10th of October is World Mental Health Day. I wish you and your family good mental health on that day.

P: It’s wonderful that we’ve actually got a day for. I mean, there’s a day for everything these days, but a day…

M: And a month we’ve got a mental health month as well, and Australia does a different one to America and all around the world.

P: But we’re talking about mental health more, which I think is really valuable.

M: Absolutely.

P: And what I like about this one is that this particular focus on the inequality of mental health and how certain people have more access to mental health than others. And how we can redress that.

M: Well, not only that, it’s talking about inequality more broadly, so not just around mental health. It’s about how poverty, for instance, and there are a range of different groups out there who are still experiencing inequality today. And we talk about the huge progress we made in the 20th century when it comes to women’s rights, for instance. But even in the past year, we’ve seen with the #MeToo movement in America that there’s still so much that we need to do. We are still so far from having an equitable society. Um, and women’s rights is one of the most progressed. If you look at groups like people with disabilities or, um, LGBTQ rights around the world, there’s huge inequities, particularly if you look country to country. We are pretty blessed here in Australia, But even here there is still huge ingrained hatred and, uh, all the ISMs… racism, you know, homophobia, agism and all of those things that as a society we haven’t redressed.

P: We’re starting to redress them here in Australia. We’ve had a number of royal commissions lately in the last maybe decade, I would say that is redressing and bringing to light some of these issues, particularly in terms of elder care and disabled access, and people with disabilities. So it is the start of the conversation. But how does this impact on people’s access to health and to happiness?

M: Well, what we’re talking about here is a person feeling “less than,” right? So your experience as a non-binary or a transgender person, or as a woman in this world, or as a person of colour or a person with a disability is “less than” others around you… the majority. And therefore, we’ve spoken about this before, it’s looking at those around you and knowing that you have less than others because of the system you’re in, not because you’ve worked less hard or you’ve done something wrong, but the system is stacked against you. And so when you look at others around you and you find that you have less opportunity and less access to everything, including mental health resources, then your ability to be happy is impacted

P. Absolutely. How do you work against that? How do you find a way through?

M: Oh my goodness. That’s a big question isn’t it?

P: Yeah

M: look, what I love about positive psychology is that it started saying, let’s not only focus on the bad, let’s also focus on the good so that you’re painting reality. Right now, your reality is that if you are one of these people in one of these minority groups and that that minority group has historically and systemically been disadvantaged, then you are starting from behind the start line in life line, and that’s reality.

P: A wonderful video of the American coach who gets his class out on the football field. And everybody who answers yes to a question gets to take two steps forward and some kids never leave the start line [see video in show notes]. Some kids, yeah, and the kids who are at the front don’t see them. And so, at the end of this exercise, he asked the kids at the front to turn around and they look behind them and they see everybody else who are 100 metres behind them and starting from a lot further back. And they have to work all that much harder to get to the same start point. And it makes it relative that when you have privilege, how valuable that can be and the awareness of being able to go, “right, I have privilege because of the A, B, C and D. How do I address the imbalance?”

M: So that’s awareness, and that is gold. That’s really great exercise to help people understand privilege. However, if you are starting behind others, there is a reality to that. And that doesn’t mean give up.

P: No, definitely not.

M: It does mean you still have things to be thankful for, and there are still ways positive psychology can bring the good to your world. So you’ve got the things that you can’t change that are outside your sphere of influence, they are what they are. And many people have their own story, their own background, their own baggage… and some people have a lot more that they bring with them. And then there is still the hope and the inspiration that comes from people who, despite all the odds, are happy, positive, optimistic people. And that’s what the goal is.

P: You see this so much with certain cultures that have got things like generosity and gratefulness and mindfulness built into their cultural values that you see if anyone has been to Nepal. You see these people live simple lives. They live on the side of a mountain, and they are so happy and so generous, and they will give you the shirt off their back. And the joy that they emanate is because they value simplicity, um, and mindfulness and family and society. And all of these things that we know are proven to increase your mental well being and happiness subjective wellbeing levels.

M: And not only that, I think that the flip side is, you know, if you’ve been dealt a raw hand, there’s still things you can do to increase your happiness, right? We’ll pop it in the show notes that video about privilege. If you’ve been dealt a good hand, it’s still important to do all of these things that we talk about on the show because it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to be happy. As we’ve seen before, a lot of us are stuck in the rat race. We’re trying to get more and more and more, and we’re not focusing on mindfulness getting out into nature, being grateful all of those things. But also, if you do find that you’re living a life that is privileged and I definitely am, I’ll put my hand up to say that I’ve had a lot of advantages in life. Some of the things you can do is just to become an ally.

P: Yes, do something proactive and creative reflect on the community. How do you support your community? How do you contribute to your local community?

M: Next time you hear someone say something racist or sexist or homophobic or ageist or anything like that, what are you going to do? How can you help in a polite and respectful way to bring people forward on this journey so that we end up at a point of equity at some point in the near future? Hopefully, in our lifetime!

P: It doesn’t take much. It can just be about having that conversation. And it does have to be a respectful and dignified conversation because someone who has an opinion, you’re not going to change that opinion.

M: You might be able to..

P: but that should be the goal.

M: But sometimes people say things without realising the impact it has on others, and I’ve been pulled up, and I was mortified that I used a word that I didn’t realise had such a bad impact on a certain group. And I’ve never said – well, I think I might have said it once or twice accidentally since – but I’ve made a real effort never to say it again. Never deliberately. And that’s growth and that, you know, I thank the person who pulled me up on that and had an awkward conversation is an awkward conversation. And it’s not an easy one to have.

P: When you’re um, perhaps a colleague at work or something. Someone has been a more senior position. It’s difficult to go one sec. I need to talk about this. Yeah, absolutely. But that’s how you can be a really strong ally.

M: Absolutely. And then a lot of us who work for corporate will have various days through the year. There’s wear it Purple Day that we do in my organisation to support LGBT like we wear purple T shirts, make an effort on that day to find a purple T shirt or to find a scarf, or to find a way to show that you are supporting that community because it is such a simple thing for us who are in the privileged position and in the majority to just go, “I don’t have a purple T shirt.”

P:  This is what I like about these awareness days, like I love the one about hearing impairment like you don’t we take it for granted because we can all here. But when you come across someone that has a hearing impairment, how do you communicate? How do you work with that? How do you find make someone’s life easier? Who has that hearing impairment? I’ve been getting access to a lot of that in terms of a communication course that I’m doing through my studies at the moment. And it’s made me really self-reflect on how I interact with those people who are living with disabilities and providing equal access and also being respectful enough in terms of, um, not drawing attention to it, I’m not dismissing it in my daily interactions

M: It’s also about being flexible to accommodate it

P: absolutely hugely.

M: Find a way, call someone you know who can help you communicate. Go that little bit further or the extra mile to help that person feel included and help them belong. It’s huge. Another thing you can do is simply educate yourself.

P: That’s a huge one that can be uncomfortable as well.

M: Yeah, absolutely.

P: You’re putting yourself in that receptive position. For some people, it’s really difficult because some people believe, “But I’m not racist.” I’m a running gag with a friend of mine. You know, I’m always going on about the ‘bloody Asians.’ But I totally don’t agree with that, I have to have to quantify this. So I managed a volleyball club for many years and it was predominantly Asian. And so when I walked into that club, I boxed Asian people into one big pigeon hole. And then what I realised was that there was a difference between dealing with the Thai population, dealing with the Chinese population dealing with the Malaysians, and that all these different populations have their idiosyncrasies and intricacies. That was my education, and I had to take a big kick. Step back, really look at myself. So now it’s quite interesting, but when I say “the bloody Asians” it comes from a place of love. But if someone heard me, they probably wouldn’t

M: there is probably a whole other conversation about how you probably are encouraging other people.

P: My point exactly is that I’ve got to check myself when I do those sorts of things, because I might be coming from it from a place of love. And yet I’m supporting a stereotype and the negative by making light of the situation or making it into a gag.

M: Yeah, absolutely. So there are so many great videos. I watched a great one on Trans People the other day, 15-minute video on YouTube and learned about language and gender and sexual identity versus physical, what you’re born with and what you identify as and it was just. And I am heavily involved in the LGBT community, both at work and in volleyball circles, and it was still confusing me. So, I think the thing to ask yourself is, Do I have a friend who identifies as a minority group? And if you don’t go watch a video from that person’s perspective, that can be tough for some people. I also don’t have any indigenous friends, so that’s another area where I lack firsthand experience and so it’s important to go find someone who has lived experience with being in that minority group and watch a video about their experiences.

P: That’s a very relevant I was going to say, Australian, but I’m probably getting myself into trouble there. Um, I come from a very rural community. That was where I was brought up. And there’s a lot of calls about Australia being a racist country, which I believe that fundamentally it is.

M: I think some people are. I think it’s like that with every country.

P: Exactly This is my point is I come at it from my perspective that when you’re in those pockets where that that rhetoric is prevalent, and you wonder how many people in a minority group do these people associate with? So instead of discarding someone on the street or stereotype seeing them and judging them for who they are, put yourself in an uncomfortable position and go and spend some time there…

M: Yeah, or go online today, right? That’s very easy. So, you know, not every person who is in a minority wants to be a spokesperson for that minority group. They don’t necessarily… You don’t want to go approach the gay guy at work and be like, hey, because you’re gay, can you talk to me about the gay population?

P: Isn’t your crew happy now? It’s Mardi Gras.

M: I’m sure you’ve had that a lot, right? And just as you know, I often early in my career, was asked to represent grads. And you do a lot of work when you’re helping grads. When I was in a grad position, but also women and a lot of extra hours to represent women in and I was in tech. So women in tech, I was on committees and, you know, organising events and stuff. And it’s all done on top of your day job. So be really careful not to find that one person in your organisation or your sports group or whatever and put that extra burden on them. Really, the burden should be on you, and there are great online resources that don’t put a burden on anyone. There are people who have stood up and put themselves out there to help other people understand them in their community. So I highly recommend that.

M: So I do just want to say the theme for this year’s World Mental Health Day is mental health is an unequal world, and what they’re trying to do is highlight that inequality due to race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity and the lack of respect for human rights in many countries, including for people living with mental health conditions and physical health conditions and all of those differences, inequality can have impacts on our happiness levels. And we saw that earlier, we spoke about it this year in the World Happiness Report that came out in March. Yes, so if you remember, we talked about how one of the major findings from this year’s World Happiness Report was that – and that looks at 157 countries and the quality of lives as they’re being lived. And the report’s assembled by the Sustainable Development Solutions Network, which is made up of economists, psychologists and public health experts around the world – and one of the main findings this year is the assessment of how inequality affects wellbeing across the various countries. So essentially, researchers have found that people are happier when they live in populations with less inequality.

P: We’ve talked about this before in terms of Ted talk that we found where a an English scholar was explaining how inequality, wealth, inequality, impacts on social inequality and people’s access and experience of happiness and feelings of belonging and contentment. Yeah, right down to the financial aspects of it.

M: So you’d find in a country like America, which has one of the highest, if not the highest, levels of income inequality, your top 1% (You can’t even wrap your head around how much they earn per hour or you can’t. And I’m not exaggerating. You can’t) versus someone who’s working 60 hours a week to put food on the table at $5 an hour and can’t afford a healthy meal. Can’t afford to feed their kids fruit and vegetables because it’s just not doable.

P: Yep, absolutely.

M: And so that’s the difference that, um, you’re seeing in America versus potentially a third… developing country. Urgh, I’m always going to go back and say, ‘Third World’ I need to stop myself… sorry, developing country that doesn’t have that income inequality because they’ve got less money overall, so that top 1% is far closer to the bottom 1%.

P: Exactly.

M: That society, even though they’re in a developing country and their access to clean water and fresh food, is just as, um poor, if not worse, because they’ve got less inequality within their society. It impacts less on their happiness.

P: Absolutely, and the science proves it if you can, if you can value those elements of human connection, sometimes that leads to better contentment

M: and stop comparing yourself to others. We’ve talked about social media as well, and how this is exacerbating that need to compare to people around you. And, you know, if you had a plan to get married and have kids by 30 and all your friends have and you still haven’t, it’s the comparison. If your friends have bigger houses, bigger incomes, nicer cars, sexier husbands… whatever, it is we naturally compare. So it’s dropping that comparison from our self talk and how we look at our lives… which is not an easy thing to do! But again, um, when you talk about inequality and inequity, something that compounds that is constantly focusing on it.

P: Yes, bring it back to you. Bring back to your goals and your ideals and your values

M: mmmm, and the positive psychology side. What can you control and what is good in your life of control? What is good and what’s important? A lot of the times you might be thinking, How come that person has a great car?

P: I don’t

M: But really, when you sit down, do you even want a nice car?

P: Exactly. Yeah, all right.

M: But we’re done for another week. So wishing everybody out there a happy mental Health day, World Mental Health Day and I highly encourage you to go out and watch YouTube video about a minority group if you don’t have a friend or family member who has that lived experience. And work on a way that you can speak up, will become a better ally or support one of these groups so that we can continue our fight against inequality.

P: Absolutely. Get involved in the community. Find it in the community. On that note until next time. Have a happy week.

[Happy exit music – background] 

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic. 

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out. 

M: Until next time. 

M & P: Choose happiness.  

[Exit music fadeout] 

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks! 

Eating Fruits and Veggies Actually Makes You Happier!

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Eating Fruits And Veggies Makes You Happier

For our entire lives, organisations and people – from the World Health Organization to our mums – have told us we need to eat plenty of fruit and veggies and get exercise. So, it comes as no surprise that a new study has again found that fruits and veggies are good for our physical health.  

However, what might be news to you (well it was news to me!) is that eating fruits and veggies and getting exercise also make you happier with your life! Simply, they have positive mental health impacts too. 

The study, which was published in the Journal of Happiness Studies, has found that fruit and vegetable consumption and sports activity increase life satisfaction. The study looked at UK Understanding Society Data, which covers 40,000 UK households over time. Though the impacts varied for men and women, the results were positive and significant across income groups, gender, education, age groups and rural or urban dwelling. 

It’s fair to say that we’ve known for a while that eating well and doing exercise is good for us, and researchers have long known that there’s a positive correlation between lifestyle and wellbeing but showing a causal effect had not been proven until this latest study.  “One of the problems with such an analysis is the potential for reverse causality, which is rife in all studies of life satisfaction. In particular, it is possible that those who have better lifestyles may have greater life satisfaction, but it is also possible that those who are more satisfied with their lives will adopt better life styles,” they write in their report.  

This first of its kind research aimed to unpack the causation of how happiness, the consumption of fruit and vegetables and exercising are related – with researchers using an instrumental variable approach to filter out any effect from happiness to lifestyle.  

Their conclusions? Eating fruit and veggies and exercising make people happy and not the other way round. 

How Did They do it? 

The researchers focused specifically on the ability of individuals to delay gratification and focus on the long-term benefits of lifestyle decisions.  

“These instruments are particularly appropriate because the consumption of F&V and sports activity are often undertaken as investments in a healthier future rather than because they bring immediate pleasure. This implies that individuals who have the ability to delay gratification are better able to make these investments,” the researchers write. 

As a result, the study found that the ability to delay gratification is a good instrument for these two lifestyle variables. They controlled for any direct effect that delayed gratification may have on life satisfaction, and the results show clearly that investments in a physically healthy future (eating fruits and veggies and sports activity) are very effective in improving subjective wellbeing. 

So, How Much is Enough? 

Eating Fruits and Veggies Makes You Happier

A similar study in 2014 at the University of Queensland found that eating eight or more portions of fruit and vegetables a day can improve mental health. In the study of more than 12,000 Australian adults, researcher Dr Redzo Mujcic found participants were at their happiest when they ate five portions of fruit and four portions of vegetables each day. 

“The results showed that the optimal consumption bundle is around four serves of fruit and four serves of vegetables a day for most well-being measures, and that less than 25 per cent of Australian adults consume this quantity,” he said. 

So what’s the overall verdict? Consuming more fruits and vegetables may not only benefit your physical health in the long-run, but also your mental well-being right now. 

The Gut-Brain Connection

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Research Shows the Gut-Brain Connection is Key to Our State of Mind 

Our body, like the environment, is a diverse and complex ecosystem in which everything is inextricably connected. In the rush of our day to day lives, the truth is that that many of us take this for granted. We fail to recognise the cause and effect of our decisions and ignore the impact our actions have on our bodies and our lives. Yet increasingly, it is becoming apparent that if you want to achieve mental wellbeing or if you experience mental health issues, sticking your head in the sand is no longer an option. The latest research is showing that what we eat is tied to our mental health, impacting our behaviour, emotions and feelings.   

Some of you may have heard the stomach referred to as our “second brain.” This is backed by the latest research showing that what we eat has a direct impact on both our physiology and psychology, proving there is a direct correlation between food and our happiness. It is vital to understand that research done on this subject doesn’t mean that merely changing your diet will improve your mood. Research does suggest, however, that we need to understand the “gut-brain” connection and the misconceptions about where chemicals responsible for our mood emanate.  

Understanding our Hedonistic Tendencies 

We’ve all had bad days when all we want to do when we get home is order take-out and binge on wine, chips, ice-cream [insert your guilty pleasure here]. We all know that eating certain foods can provide instant gratification and help soothe the soul. And culturally, we are conditioned to use food as a treat for good behaviour and achievement – how often have you heard a frustrated parent say: “If you eat your dinner, you can have dessert.” Families celebrate around food, and ‘special’ food is reserved for special occasions. Yet in a world of low-priced junk-food and convenience shopping, many of us can find ourselves eating ‘special’ foods daily.  

For those who experience depression or struggle with mental wellness, eating what we want is only a temporary way to achieve satiation and create a fleeting sense of satisfaction. The fact is that the moment food is consumed and hits our body’s digestive system, a complex process begins that determines our deeper state of mind. And, when you include into the mix the proliferation of psychotropic drugs developed to treat mental illness, the result is a rise of misconceptions about how to find happiness.   

Common Misconceptions About Where Happiness Emanates 

Generally speaking, most people assume that our emotions and moods are the result of chemical reactions in the brain, which makes complete sense since psychiatrists and psychologists – and the pharmaceutical industry – have been touting this theory for centuries. Based largely on years of theoretical evidence, this is the reason why psychotropic drugs are often used to treat depression. However, a relatively new field of study is telling a completely different story about the root cause of depression, concluding that the gut is where the journey begins when it comes to our state of mind.  

One naturally occurring chemical in our body, serotonin, is primarily responsible for our emotions and happiness, among other things. It is a common misconception that this vital chemical messenger or neurotransmitter, exists in the brain. The fact is that 90 percent of the body’s serotonin is produced in the gut. In a study conducted by two University of California – Los Angeles biologists, Elaine Hsiao and Thomas Fund, it was found that specific gut bacterium detect and transport serotonin into bacterial cells, which than travel to the brain. Furthermore, Hsiao and Fund determined that when there is an imbalance in gut-bacterium, which is impacted directly by what we eat and anti-depressants, serotonin levels are significantly lowered. In layman’s terms, the study supports the premise directly connecting our diet and proper nutrition to our emotional wellbeing.  

As part of their study, when the researchers added a popular antidepressant, they found that bacterium transported significantly less serotonin. “Previous studies from our lab and others showed that specific bacteria promote serotonin levels in the gut,” said Fung. “Our new study tells us that certain gut bacteria can respond to serotonin and drugs that influence serotonin, like anti-depressants. There is a unique form of communication between bacteria and our own cells through molecules traditionally recognized as neurotransmitters.”  

When the team added a popular anti-depressant with bacterium, it resulted in lower levels of the transfer of serotonin to the brain.  The team’s research aligns with a growing number of studies reporting that antidepressants can alter gut microbiota.  

The Science Behind Food and Mood 

“We tend to separate our brain from the rest of our body, but good health means good holistic health – from head to toe,” said Dr. Gabriela Cora, a board-certified nutritional psychiatrist, recently said in a Medium article investigating the connection between diet and emotions. “Why wouldn’t we think eating well would also impact our mental health?” 

Our gastrointestinal tract is home to billions of bacteria – good and bad – that influence the production of neurotransmitters like serotonin as well as dopamine. The difference between the two is that while serotonin is generally associated with how one processes emotions, dopamine is linked more closely with pleasurable experiences and, conversely, when inhibited, results in low motivation, one of the key indicators of depression. Together, having an equilibrium in the levels of serotonin and dopamine has a direct impact on our piece of mind. Conversely, when one or both are out of sync, it can create an internal turmoil that wreaks havoc on our mental state.  

So, where and how does food come into play? Why is eating well so important? Eating healthy food (think the opposite of junk food) promotes the growth of good bacteria, which positively affects positive neurotransmitter production and sends constructive messages to the brain. According to Dr. Cora, “when you stick to a diet of healthy food, you’re setting yourself up for fewer mood fluctuations, an overall happier outlook, and an improved ability to focus.” 

There is no shortage of diets or food regimens from which to choose but few of them reference an impact on mental health. In general, most are focused on losing weight or on living a more balanced life, both of which are positive. One common denominator among a majority of these programs that does impact depression is removing the intake of excessive amounts of sugar and refined carbohydrates.  

Additionally, according to a Psychology Today article written by Dr. Mahmoud Ghannoum, Ph.D., there are numerous studies indicating that probiotics can reduce depression in a manner comparable to conventional prescription medications.  

Trust Your Gut 

It would be easy to relegate solving mental health issues solely to what you eat. Everyone is different and the degree to which one experienced depression or anxiety varies and involves numerous factors, both physiological and psychological. If you are struggling to find greater happiness, trust your gut and seek professional help if you feel it is necessary. It is equally important to take control of your own happiness. To do this, you can work to develop healthy habits and become more knowledgeable about proactive steps you can take on your own to become happier!  

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources! 

How Nature Affects Your Loneliness (E72)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk how nature affects your loneliness and why nature is so important for your mental health.

Show notes

During the podcast Pete references a study where findings indicated the need for both residential and non-residential areas in a city. It was incorrectly referenced to The Australian Institute of Health and Wellness and can be found in a University of NSW study through the following link.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: Hey, hey.

P: And we’re back.

M: We’re back.

P: Laugh, how’s your week been Marie?

M: Um… really, really good, but really exhausting.

P: Laugh.

M: You know, those days that you look back on and they’re so rewarding.

P: Ahh yeah. You can taste that pound of flesh.

M: Laugh.

P: Shakespeare had it right.

M: Absolutely, and this week I was organising a bunch of interviews with customers.

P: Mmm.

M: Tio hear their personal stories and we had some really vulnerable and authentic people come in and share their, their good and their bad.

P: Oh yeah.

M: And how large organisations have and haven’t supported them through those moments. And that’s things that all of this go through you know we’re all vulnerable at different times in our lives. And unfortunately, you can’t just read from a script when things are going on around you.

P: Nope, gotta relate.

M: So, I think a lot of this came out of the Royal Commission a few years ago in the banking and the insurance industries.

P: Ahh, interesting.

M: You know, despite companies in theory, trying to do the right thing and ensure a consistent level of service. You know, there are some things you just can’t script and we’re human, we’re messy.

P: Yep.

M: Life is messy.

P: Yeah, it is, very.

M: Yeah, but it was wonderful to just have those open and heart-warming and gut-wrenching discussions with people who were there to help us be better.

P: Yeah that’s doing the work, isn’t it?

M: Yeah. Yeah, kind of. Having a chat with people who are lovely, laugh.

P: It is but putting yourself in the vulnerable position and putting yourself in the receptive position as well.

M: Yeah.

P: Which relates directly to work that we do for our self-esteem and our well-being to create happiness and to ensure longevity and happiness.

M: Yep. Yes. Yeah, definitely. How about you? How was your week?

P: My week’s been lovely, laugh. The accelerator is off, sorry the pedal is off… the pedal? The foot! What am I going for here, Marie? Laugh!

M: You’re slowing things down.

P: See I’m trying to do a racing car reference and it’s just not working. I should just stick to fashion walking.

M & P: Laughter!

P: The foot is off the accelerator, shall we say, just slightly. So, I’ve had a very [good week] yeah. So, I said to a friend of mine who’s a professor of physiotherapy at Sydney University, ‘Should I be this relaxed?’ Laugh.

And he said, ‘Yeah if you’ve done the work, you should be Ok. I’m like ‘Ok, I’m good.’

M: Until the night before the exams.

P: Well, that’s what I said, ‘Call me next Tuesday.’

M & P: Laugh!

M: So, what are we talking about this week?

P: Ooh, we’re talking about green spaces! Laugh.

M: And loneliness.

P: And loneliness, yes. A new study out by a couple of Australians?

M: Yes. So, Thomas Astell-Burt from the University of Wollongong and Xiaoqi Feng from the University of New South Wales. I apologise if I have mispronounced your name… yet again.

P & M: Laugh!

M: And they’ve just recently released findings from a longitudinal study which was published in the International Journal of Epidemiology, which finds that adults in neighbourhoods were at least 30% of nearby land, was parks, reserves and woodlands had a 26%, so 1 in 4 percent lower odds of becoming lonely compared to their peers in areas of less than 10% green space.

P: This is very in vogue, this kind of investigation and this kind of study in terms of looking at how our liveable cities do better and how they have a social impact.

M: Absolutely, so there are so many different fields of study that are looking at green space. In one of our previous episodes on liveable cities, we looked at green space.

P: Mmm.

M: I think we talked about in Paris there is a big push to put green areas and walking areas along the Seine.

P: Yes.

M: Yes, a lot of big cities are doing it. London is greening a lot of their poorer neighbourhoods.

P: Yes.

M: So, they’re investing in poorer neighbourhoods and again this study was just saying 26% lower odds of becoming lonely compared to peers in areas of less than 10% green space and that 10% green space, that tends to be the slums and your low socio-economic areas of large cities.

P: Yeah, the poverty areas.

M: Yeah, yeah.

P: And we’ve talked about this before, but there was also a similar study done on the links between your health rate on your suburban location in Australia.

M: Yep.

P: And that was an ABC report that we’ve mentioned in a couple of episodes that it depends on which suburb you live in a city which actually comm predetermine your health outcomes and your literacy, your financial situation. Your access to the good things of life, really.

M: Yep, so this is one of those many things and you wouldn’t think just having parks.

P: Ahh, it’s so important.

M: Yep.

P: The built-in environment has actually a huge impact. We’ve actually studied in one of my subjects in this semester, The built-in environment and its impact on health. We don’t realise that the areas in which we live have a huge impact on how we interact, what we do, how were shuffled around in terms of pedestrianisation.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And what they… I think it was the Australian Institute of Health and Wellness [apologies it was UNSW]. In their study [they] published saying that cities need to be a mix of residential and non-residential, ideally because –

M: And not just residential and commercial and industrial, but residential and parkland.

P: Well, it also said there is a place for –

M: Socialising?

P: – commercial and industrial within the landscape, because if you have all residential, then you get too much density. So, the cross section of the area needs to include all elements that includes industrial.

M: Not necessarily industrial. So, I think there’s some really good work that was being done just outside of Washington D.C, where they were putting train stops and then building in your parking, first layer of commercial and then residential and building little zones where you don’t need a car for your area.

P: Mmm.

M: So, you can do everything you need to do day to day within walking distance. And if you have to go somewhere industrial, which in old times meant it would pollute your air, they put those as far away as possible.

P: Mmm.

M: So, they don’t put an airport right next to a residential area for instance. So, there is some industrial nowadays, but you don’t end up with a lot of higher chemicals and air pollution.

P: Yeah, white industrial vs. big plants and things like that.

M: Yes. So, anyway, this study is looking at the intersection of mental health and green spaces and loneliness in particular.

P: Why loneliness, Marie?

M: [dramatic pause] … Because you’ll die!

P & M: Laughter!

P: It’s a bit of a catchphrase now, isn’t it?

M: Laugh.

P: We talk about dying a lot here, laugh.

M: I know, everything makes you die these days.

P & M: Laugh!

M: So, in 2019 the World Economic Forum put out a lot of research and published a lot of research on loneliness. 2019 was loneliness, 2020 was burnout.

P: Mmm.

M: But these lifestyle and health, mental health and lifestyle conditions are becoming increasingly more common across all generations and around the world and across all cultures.

P: I think we’re becoming a little bit more aware of them as well. I think people are, I think people are more inclined to admit that they might feel lonely a little bit more. And we’re more aware that our mental health impacts our physical health. And so, our understanding of the impacts of psychological stress of psychological disorders we understand they’re things to be discussed. Whereas 50 years ago you didn’t discuss them, it was like you have a cup of tea, you get on with life.

M: I think loneliness is one of the last ones that still has such a stigma around it.

P: Mmm.

M: It’s not easy to say I have no friends.

P: Yeah true.

M: Or I want someone to love.

P: Mmm.

M: You know, and to admit that to yourself, let alone other people. And to be quite fair, admitting it to other people can backfire.

P: That’s true.

M: And even worse spiral.

P: Mmm.

M: So, the world economic forum said that 40% – and this, this really got me because whenever I think loneliness, I think of elderly people with mobility issues who live alone.

P: Yep, and you’d be right because that’s a –

M: Big, big, group that are lonely in general, but The World Economic Forum said that 40% of under 25 year-olds report feeling lonely.

P: That’s scary.

M: And to me, that is a sign of our times, because you could be standing in a room full of people, a crowded room and still feel lonely even though you’re not alone.

P: Yes.

M: And a lot of our youth have grown up using phones.

P: Mmm hmm, and they don’t have the social skills.

M: Exactly, yeah. So, there’s a lot of people who aren’t truly connecting, even though they’re standing in that crowded room or crowded Facebook or Instagram, laugh.

P: Yeah, but that’s the thing is that they don’t have the understanding or the know how to strike up a conversation. I remember feeling a little bit like that when I moved to Melbourne from being in the country, the first time I’d really lived in a big city. And I remember talking to some of my friends who were going to university at that time and I was always amazed at how this one guy Robbie, he could talk to anybody. He could just walk into a room and strike up a conversation. I’m like ‘How do you do it?!’

M & P: Laughter.

P: [How do] you have that confidence?

M: So, you went to… You grew up in a small town, didn’t you?

P: Mmm hmm, yeah.

M: I think that is really harmful to kids.

P: Laugh.

M: So, I went to a preschool that fed into a primary school that fed into high school that fed into college.

P: Yep.

M: And then we went to one of two universities in our city, laugh!

P: Yeah. So, you know everyone.

M: Yeah, and the class split [at university]. Whereas when I went overseas, that was the first time I actually had to make friends.

P: Mmm.

M: The first time we didn’t show up and have people – I might not have liked them too much, but I could always hang out with them, right?

P: Laugh.

M: But thankfully I went to a country where I was the novelty. So, the second opened my mouth, I had an accent, and people would go ‘oh, where are you from?’ It’s an opener.

P: It’s an icebreaker.

M: Yep, absolutely. But I’ve always thought that for small town kids it’s tough if you’ve never moved [or] had to start from scratch anywhere.

P: Mmm.

M: And the first time you’re doing that is when you go off to university or in your first job, you miss a lot of the growth that comes from those social interactions.

P: Yeah, yeah, I think there are also other advantages as well as disadvantages sometimes in that you get more social interaction in the country down. Perhaps this is an opportunity of meeting more people in a way, because in the city you cloister, you… Yeah, I can see the pros and cons of both sides.

M: Yeah.

P: Yeah.

M: I think when you’re older, it’s a bit different but when you’re younger. You’ve got your sports group’s and your music groups, school, church.

P: You’re constantly meeting people, definitely.

M: Yeah, definitely. But I do hear what you say when you’re an adult and you moved to a big city.

P: Yeah, and it’s challenging. And being thrown in the deep end is actually one of the best things you can do. You just jump in and go, ‘Right, here I go!’ Laugh.

M: So this study shows that the benefits of having more green area around you are even stronger for people who do live alone. And that’s really important because we’re living in this world of abundance.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: We’re, we’re spoiled, let’s be honest. Really, really honest, in Australia. Yep, you might not be able buy house, but the house that our parents could buy 100 years ago [maybe 200] was a hut on the master’s property, with no running water.

P: Yeah, laugh.

M: So it’s only maybe the last 50 years that homeownership looked the way it did.

P: Hmm.

M: It is changing again now, but we are also finding that a lot more people are living alone and choosing to live alone.

P: Mmm, yes. Yeah. That trend is definitely going up.

M: Yep. My mom wants to live… alone is the wrong word, but wants to be independent and have her own space.

P: Yeah.

M: And, you know, as do many other people. So there are more of us living by ourselves. But if you’re going to live by yourself, then you’ll be less lonely if you have more green space around you. And the reason the researchers think this is the case is that when you go and spend more time in parks and enjoying the outdoors and getting outside of your home, there’s more chances for light interaction but also deep interaction.

P: Mmm, I agree. It’s the cycle path phenomenon again. We know that cycle ways create social and community interaction.

M: Really? I didn’t know this one about cycle ways.

P: Remember when we did the liveable cities episodes?

Designing Happy Cities (E19)
Designing Happy Cities (E19)

P: Cycle paths are the new black remember?

P & M: Laugh.

M: Yes dear, yes dear.

P & M: Laugh.

P: It is the social aspect of cycle pathways; It creates a sense of community because you see people out on the streets. It’s like driving a convertible, I get this all the time now that I drive a convertible, people think they can talk to you.

M: We’re just going to leave that there. It’s red by the way.

P: It is.

M: Laugh.

P: Well, it’s really funny how people are, they feel like it’s an obligation, or they can have a conversation with you when you’re pulled up with the lights.

M: Laugh!

P: Sometimes not always a pleasant conversation. It’s like, what do you mean you want me to go there’s 16 cars in front of me dude, what do you want!

M: Laugh.

P: You can have these interactions with people because you’ve got an open top and they go ‘oh, I can talk to this person.’ Laugh.

M: It’s a really funny situation though, have you ever looked over and seen someone picking their nose in their car?

P: Totally, yeah.

M: Exactly. We’ve all seen it, right?

P: Laugh!

M: Or singing their heart out with no –

P: Yes! I love it, it’s great!

M: shame, no shame. But if they ever saw anyone watching them, they would stop straight away and feel embarrassed by it.

P: Yes, yes, true.

M: There’s something about having that roof on, that gives you this weird sense of privacy.

P: Laugh.

M: Anyway, we digress. Laugh.

P: The point being that if you’re out and about, you invite interaction whether you want it to or not, it’s there.

M: So, we will make you not be lonely, whether you want it or not!

P: Laugh! We’re enforcing this! I you want to go sit on the park bench bad luck I’m coming and sitting next to you, laugh!

M: Mmm hmm and have a conversation. So, look I thought that was interesting that it had such a huge impact on people who live alone. But there was also a really surprising finding from their study. So, the researchers found that more green space didn’t provide relief from loneliness.

P: Mmm, yeah.

M: So, if you’re already lonely, having more parks around doesn’t change anything.

P: Which goes to say that there’s another intervention that needs to happen there. So, we need to find another source of dealing with that issue rather than just putting parks in place. Parks won’t be enough. They’re good for creating –

M: They’re good for stopping [loneliness].

P: Yeah, they’re not, they’re not going to treat it. For people who are already suffering from loneliness, there needs to be further intervention that level.

M: Yep, one of the other things that we spoke about this year was birds. Do you remember that study?

P: Birds?

M: Have you got worms tonight Pete?

P: I’m trying to get comfortable with this new microphone and it’s hemming me into the couch.

M: Laugh.

P: I’m feeling attacked! Laugh!

M: Sorry we’re having audio issues tonight.

P: Laugh!

M: We’ve invested in super smick – smick?

P: Smick, shit, laugh.

M: Super schmick microphones and Pete’s squirming like a five-year-old who has to eat his peas and carrots.

P & M: Laugh.

P: I don’t like peas and carrots.

M: Anyway.

P: Birds.

M: Remember we spoke about birds.

P: Oh, yes, yes, yes.

M: How diversity in birds increases happiness as well, and I think it’s all interlinked if you’ve got more trees and park space, you know naturally you’ll have more birds.

P: Well, the other factor that comes into when they talk about city design and the built-in environment and how it affects us is walkability.

M: Yes.

P: So, the ability to actually walk somewhere and, not feel threatened for it to be well lit to have a consistent pathway of consistent pedestrianisation on your journey that has huge impacts on how we use the space on that is going to encourage people to get out of their homes and not jump in the car and drive to the mall or drive to the shopping centre.

M: Or drive to work?

P: Or drive to work.

M: This’s where I think America boomed and their cities sprawled.

P: Yes.

M: And they’ve built their cities for big freeways and car travel and kept their gas prices low. To enable everyone to have the dream of a home and a car.

P: Yes.

M: Right? And I think we know that London and Paris and Rome have infrastructure issues because they’re just such old, old cities.

P: Yeah. They weren’t designed that way.

M: It’s hard to put lifts in for people with physical disabilities when you’re underground is Swiss cheese and it might cause things to collapse.

P: Laugh.

M: Or all the buildings are heritage listed and the stairs are not only uneven but they’re warn down in the middle and all the rest, you know all of that stuff. But I think where America is really going to struggle is that they were built on that promise of being able to drive your car.

P: So, the accessibility of the city is not necessarily –

M: The walkability is not there.

P: Yeah, definitely.

M: In Canberra, which is one of the few or two I think fully designed cities. There’s another one [Brasilia] in South America somewhere that we have spoken about. But they designed local shops and then a suburb of residential area around it and then another local shops with residential around it. So that everyone could walk to the shops.

P: Mmm.

M: And the shops always had a kid’s playground next to it, and you know, it was designed as that being the middle of the residential hub, I guess it was the hub. But in the States, it wasn’t and that sprawl means that even if you just want to go from a butcher to the baker, it could be kilometres difference.

P: Yep, absolutely.

M: So that’s a real challenge, I think.

P: It is especially for our vulnerable populations such as children and elderly. They haven’t got the, you know, the children don’t have necessarily the access to transport. The elderly aren’t able to be mobile enough to get access to the transport.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So, they are left on the fringes. Yeah, you know, my mom only goes shopping once every fortnight, and she waits until that once a fortnight, partly because of that’s just the way that she likes to go.

M: Yep. And I think, unfortunately, technology has made it easy so that you don’t have to go to the bank can do it all from home.

P: Mmm.

M: But that means you’re not getting out.

P: You’re not interacting with people anymore; You’re interacting with technology.

M: Tech, yep. Or as we’ve all found through covid we’re interacting, but not in ways that are forming deep relationships.

P: Yes, the importance of touch.

M: Laugh, don’t go touching your banker!

P: Laugh!

M: But as we’ve mentioned before those small interactions even with your coffee guy.

P: Yep, vital. Yeah. I still miss my coffee, man. Alex, where are you? You’ve left me.

M: Laugh. And we’ll need to wrap up but I just want to say that Melbourne’s gone into lock down yet again.

P: Oh, so awful… Are people trying to escape?

M: It was crappy the first time, crappy the second time, third time like ‘come on!’, fourth time everyone’s kind of just over being positive.

P: It’s about building that resilience though.

M: It’s tough, It is really tough. And you know Sydney, it’ll happen again for us I’m sure and other cities and countries around the world haven’t come out [of lockdown].

P: Yeah, exactly.

M: So, one of the best things that has been shown to increase resilience and mental health in the pandemic is to go for a walk in nature. So, if you’ve got your parks and you’re allowed to, based on your lock down laws and a lot of countries let you do some exercise, it is one of the easiest things you can do.

P: Can I say it? Can I say it?

M: Do it! Laugh.

P: Forest Bathing! It’s a real thing!

M & P: Laughter!

M: If you have a forest near you or it’s within a kilometre area that you’re allowed to. Otherwise, a local park will do.

P & M: Laugh.

P: Two hours people, go and get two hours in nature. It’s good for your immune function. It’s good for your mental health, it’s good for everything. It’s good for your stress management.

M: All of it.

P: Yep.

M: All of the above.

P: Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick!

M: Yes, and it is good for your loneliness.

P: Mmm.

M: And on that note, we’ll finish up.

P: Have a happy week.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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Mental toughness can help you cope with challenging events like the pandemic – here’s how to cultivate it

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mental toughness

Dara Mojtahedi, University of Huddersfield

With the recent passing of the one-year mark since the COVID-19 pandemic began, the long-term effects have become more apparent. Not only has the virus taken over 2 million lives worldwide, it has also had a profoundly detrimental impact on the mental health of billions of people across the globe.

Research on Chinese citizens at the start of the pandemic found that symptoms of anxiety, depression and stress were common reactions to the pandemic. These effects were mirrored in other countries and increased over time.

For example, a more recent study in the US found that one in four adults reported symptoms of anxiety or depression – an increase from one in ten in 2019. For some, the increased levels of stress and anxiety have also been accompanied with poorer sleep and increased alcohol and substance use – exacerbating mental health problems further.

The rise in mental health problems during the pandemic cannot be attributed to a single factor. Instead, psychologists suggest these negative emotions are due to several different issues. Namely, health worries, fears of dying or a loved one getting ill, isolation, disrupted travel and social plans, along with media-information overload.

Research found that the psychological impact of the pandemic was greater among certain groups, such as women, students and people with pre-existing health problems. But our new research has also found that for some people, having certain personality traits seems to have offered some level of protection during these difficult times. Indeed, it seems that having “mental toughness” has helped many people to keep the adverse mental health effects of the pandemic at bay.

What is Mental Toughness?

Mental toughness is about more than just having resilience and control in difficult situations. It relates to a psychological frame of mind that endorses confidence and commitment to success. In his book Developing Mental Toughness, the psychologist Peter Clough describes mental toughness as a combination of the following:

  • The amount of control a person believes they have over their life and emotions;
  • How much commitment is placed upon achieving goals despite hardship;
  • Being able to see potential threats as opportunities for self-development;
  • Continuing to strive in changing environments;
  • The level of confidence a person has in succeeding despite setbacks.

Mental toughness levels are influenced by many different factors. While genetics are partly responsible, a person’s environment is also relevant. For example, both positive experiences while you’re young and mental toughness training programmes have been found to make people mentally tougher.

be strong

Holding it Together

Research shows that people who have these traits are less likely to have negative emotions in stressful situations and display greater coping skills. So our study wanted to build on these findings to discover how mental toughness has potentially helped people during the pandemic.

Overall we found that reports of depression, anxiety and stress symptoms were markedly higher than in pre-COVID times. Those who had lost their jobs or businesses during the pandemic reported significantly more symptoms of these afflictions.

Even those facing temporary furlough were more likely to report high levels of distress. This is because the psychological impact of unemployment goes far beyond financial instability. A job provides a sense of purpose – and brings a sense of control to people’s lives. Taking this away at a time when people are isolated with a limited sense of freedom can further diminish wellbeing.

Yet people who scored higher on our mental toughness questionnaire reported lower levels of depression, anxiety and stress. This is most likely because these people felt they had a greater sense of control over the situation – and were more capable of staying focused under stress and better equipped to mentally cope. Mentally tough people were also less likely to report depressive symptoms.

What You Can do

Research examining the effectiveness of mental toughness training is in its infancy. But research with Australian football players has shown the promising potential for using such training in boosting mental toughness.

For anyone wanting to improve their mental toughness, a good place to start is by simply identifying and affirming yourself with the skills and attitudes associated it – such as relaxation, positive thinking, goal setting and self-motivation. This could include daily affirmations, setting specific and achievable goals for a project or something you’re working towards and making sure you take time out of your day for meditation or deep breathing exercises.

Dara Mojtahedi, Lecturer in Psychology, University of Huddersfield

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

Want to learn more about mental toughness and the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

The Key to Resilience, According to Bestselling Author Hugh Van Cuylenberg

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What’s the Key to Resilience?

Want to know the key to resilience? Last year I interviewed best-selling author of The Resilience Project, Hugh Van Cuylenberg (listen to the podcast). We talked about his journey and experiences, and the amazing work he’s doing in Melbourne and around Australia to teach kids, athletes and corporate big-wigs how to be more resilient in today’s hectic world.

Hugh also shared the key to resilience, which is the premise behind what Hugh teaches and his book – a nifty little acronym called GEM, which stands for Gratitude, Empathy and Mindfulness.

Read on to find out how Hugh teaches people around Australia how we can use the GEM this info to achieve a happier, healthier life.

Click to buy the book

The GEM Principle

“I was living in India and I was volunteering in a school community. When I got there, I thought, ‘Oh my God, there’s no way I’m going to stay here (…) because I was thinking I can’t sleep on the floor here for two weeks. I can’t walk half an hour down to the river to get water every day. I’m not going to sit in the river for a bath, like that’s just not going to happen.”

“But I remember on my first day in the school, which I planned to be my second last day in the whole community, I met a kid who was nine years old and slept on the floor like everyone else. But I remember thinking to myself, ‘I have never in my life seen joy like this before. This kid’s the happiest person I’ve ever met. I’ve never seen anything like him. How incredible. How is it this kid’s so gleefully happy?’

I was living with the principal and I remember I went back to his little mud hut, and I (…) said, “No, I think I need to stay a bit longer.” And the reason I wanted to stay longer is I was thinking ‘What do these people do every day that makes them happy, what does this kid do that makes him happy?’

It wasn’t just this kid, it’s everyone right. Everyone was just so full of joy. I remember looking out the hole in this, well it wasn’t a window. It was like a hole in the mud brick wall at this school. I’m looking across thinking ‘there’s nothing here, there’s nothing in this village. Like I mean, there’s a beautiful view of the Himalayas, and that’s about it. I don’t know what these people are so full of joy.’ So I decide to stay there as long as it would take me to work out what it is those people do every day that makes them so happy.

And I ended up staying for three and a half months, and in three and a half months I saw three things. I mean, there were many things going on. I mean, they were surrounded by awe all the time. I watched what those people did. And every day they practiced Gratitude, Empathy, and Mindfulness.

Gratitude

“I would watch these kids in particular this boy stands out. And when he saw something he was grateful for, he would just stop and point it out to me, and he would try and say the word ‘this’ but couldn’t pronounce the ‘th’ so he’d say ‘dis’.”

“As people who’ve read the book will know, he’d say “Sir, dis! Dis, dis, dis,” you know, whether it was his shoes that were too small because he can’t afford to buy new shoes. But he was pointing at them saying “How lucky am I, I’ve got shoes on my feet. Some of the kids here don’t have shoes. How lucky am I?” Whether it was the rice he got for lunch every day, he only got rice every single day. Just rice. That’s it, from the school. But he couldn’t afford to bring lunch to school. So, the fact they got provided lunch. ‘Sir, dis, dis, dis. Look I get fed here every day. How lucky am I?’”

“Moments he loved. If he realised in a good moment, you know, he’d stop, and he would just point out the things he was really grateful to have like the things that were happening. He loved Bollywood dancing, so often I would walk past him, and he was doing a ridiculous, choreographed Bollywood dance, but he’d say “Sir, dis, dis, dis.” What he was saying was, ‘I’m so lucky I’m doing this right now.’ That’s actually a really, that was quite a life changing, I won’t say moment but a realisation for me. We need to get better at paying attention to the good stuff as it happens.”

Empathy

“What I saw with this community in India is these kids were so unbelievably kind. This kid particular, if he saw saw someone by themselves [he’d go] straight over to them “just checking you’re ok. Do you want to come play with us?”

“If someone wasn’t in school, he would swing past their mud hut after school and say ‘Hey, just checking in, are you ok?’”

Mindfulness

“And mindfulness, they practised it every single day. They had a half an hour meditation before school, every single day. It was optional, so no one had to be there. Yet every single child turned up for it, and I think essentially because they just got instinctively how good it was for them.”

Some Parting Advice from Hugh…

“The most simple thing to do, I think, in order to experience more joy and positive emotion, that’s what creates resilience. So that’s why I’m bring this up. But I think that the easiest thing to do a really practical one, is just to write down three things every day that went well for you. Not three things that have been life changing, not three things you’re grateful for because that’s impossible to keep that up every day and not get bored.”

“What are three things that went well for you today? Had a nice coffee. You saw the sunrise. Had a nice text message for a friend.”

“Whatever it is. If you do that every single day, you actually physically rewire your brain to start scanning the world for the positives. And that makes you a happier person. And it’s something you look forward to. Write it in a note pad next your bed, in a journal, on the shower screen door. However you want to do it, totally up to you. But what you’ll find is you’ll start to experience more moments of joy, and you’ll be more aware of them as they happen, which is a really nice starting point for all this stuff.”

About Hugh and the Key to Resilience

Hugh van Cuylenberg has been working in education for over 15 years. The highlight of his teaching career was the year he spent in the far north of India, volunteering and living at an underprivileged school in the Himalayas. It was here that he discovered resilience in its purest form.

Inspired by this experience, he returned to Melbourne and The Resilience Project was born. Having completed his post graduate studies looking at resilience and wellbeing, Hughes developed and facilitated programs for over 900 schools around Australia for the National Rugby League, The Australian Cricket Team, The Australian Netball Team, The Australian Women’s Soccer Team, The Jillaroos, 10 AFL teams, and he has presented to over 500 corporate groups. Hugh is also the best-selling author of The Resilience Project.

You can find Hugh and get more resilience tips at www.TheResilienceProject.com.

Hugh Van Cuylenberg
Hugh Van Cuylenberg

Want to learn more about the key to resilience and the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

10 Reasons Why 2021 Will be The Year of Better Mental Health

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better mental health

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 000 in Australia, or your local emergency services number.

We know mental health is an issue, but will we finally do anything about it in 2021?

We all know, and we’ve been saying it for long enough, 2020 was shit (s’cuse my language, but it was). Too many things that were simply out of control were impacting our lives – leaving us powerless to do much of anything except resolve to be kind to ourselves and others….

Actually, to be fair, that’s only if you’re self-aware enough to know how to respond to major change, or trauma or crises like what many of us went through last year. The sad truth is that so many people have never been taught how to assess their emotions, to step back and work out a logical (not emotional) way forward. They were never taught how to build resilience and what makes a good life, a happy life.

To be fair, neither was I. I grew up in an era when we still played bullrush and brandings in the playground. I still remember being the nominated person to change those clear plastic sheets on the projector in science class. We didn’t talk about emotions or bullying, and we didn’t have mobile phones or social media. I came from the suck-it-up era, which our grandmothers had instilled in us because they’d seen real depressions and war.

The world is just so different nowadays, and we’re not coping. Even pre-pandemic, and pre 2020 bushfires, and pre-Trump, and pre-Brexit, our mental health was on the decline. We’re not coping with this new world, but finally, after 2020, I think we’re starting to realise that this isn’t just fluff, it’s a problem.

So, check out the latest mental health stats from around the world and decide for yourself: will 2021 be the year of mental health?

1. Around the world, mental health issues are a problem

There are approximately one billion people around the world with a mental, neurodevelopment or substance use disorder – although mental health disorders remain largely underreported, so estimates vary and researchers disagree (Our world in data). But, even with some room for error, the numbers are quite simply staggering.

  • Four million, or 1 in 5, Australians are living with mental health conditions, including anxiety and depression.
  • In the U.S., the numbers are similar with recent stats showing also that 1 in 5 (20.6 per cent) of adults experienced mental illness in 2019 (51.5 million people). (NAMI)
  • Similarly, in any given year, 1 in 5 Canadians experiences a mental illness or addiction problem (CAMH)

2. Mental health and the elderly

The global population is ageing rapidly, with estimates that 1 in 5 people will be over 60 by 2050 – that’s 2 billion people. The most common mental and neurological disorders in this age group are dementia and depression, which affect approximately 5 per cent and 7 per cent of the world’s older population. With this demographic in particular, mental health problems are under-identified by health-care professionals and older people themselves, and the stigma surrounding these conditions makes people reluctant to seek help. (WHO)

In the U.K., depression affects around 22 per cent of men and 28 per cent of women aged 65 years and over, and it is estimated that 85 percent of older people with depression receive no help at all from the NHS. Research shows the five factors that affect the mental health and wellbeing of older people are: discrimination, participation in meaningful activities, relationships, physical health and poverty. (Mental Health Foundation)

Additionally, this group is particularly prone to social isolation and loneliness, which can cause poor mental health outcomes. Loneliness is a complicated issue that has gained increased visibility over recent years. In the U.S., about 28 percent of older adults, or 13.8 million people, live alone, but many of them are not lonely or socially isolated. At the same time, some people feel lonely despite being surrounded by family and friends. (NIH)

3. Mental health and teens

The World Economic Forum states that mental illness is the leading cause of disability and poor life outcomes for young people today, yet investment into mental health is insufficient worldwide. Most mental illness has its onset in adolescence and early adulthood with 75 per cent of mental illness presents by the age of 25 years. (World Economic Forum)

In Canada, 70 per cent of adults with mental health issues begin experiencing symptoms in adolescence, and teens aged 15 to 24 are more likely to experience mental illness and/or substance use disorders than any other age group. This is why the country is looking toward new models of care for their youth. (The Conversation)

In the U.S. 16.5% of U.S. youth aged 6-17 experienced a mental health disorder in 2016 (7.7 million people). Yet stats show that about 50 per cent of U.S. youth with a mental illness get any treatment. Additionally, In the U.S., suicide is the second leading cause of death among people aged 10-34 in the U.S. and overall, 46 per cent of people who die by suicide had a diagnosed mental health condition. (NAMI)

4. Mental health and gender

Most mental health disorders, such as depression, anxiety, bipolar and eating disorders, are more common in women than men. This pattern appears to hold true across most countries. Yet alcohol and substance abuse tend to be higher in men than women. While in Canada, as with many other countries, more than three quarters of suicides involve men, but women attempt suicide 3 to 4 times more often. (CAMH)

Unfortunately, during COVID, women are more at risk of financial insecurity. In a survey of more than 10,000 people in nearly 40 countries, 55 per cent of women reported a significant impact from COVID-19-related income loss, compared with 34 per cent of men, while 27 per cent of women experienced increased struggles with mental health issues, compared with 10 per cent of men. It’s becoming clear that the pandemic could have lasting impacts on the economic and mental well-being of those on low incomes. (World Economic Forum)

5. Mental health and finances

Unemployed people are less mentally and physically resilient than those in work according to a range of studies which have shown a strong correlation between unemployment, as well as job insecurity, and increased risk of depressive symptoms. (Our world in data)

Yet it’s a bit of a vicious cycle, with studies showing that people with a mental illness are much less likely to be employed, with unemployment rates are as high as 70-90 per cent for people with the most severe mental illnesses. Not only that, but people who have jobs but are in the lowest socio-economic groups are also at risk of increased mental health conditions. In Canada, people in the lowest income group are 3 to 4 times more likely than those in the highest income group to report poor to fair mental health. Additionally, studies in various Canadian cities indicate that between 23 per cent and 67 per cent of homeless people report having a mental illness. (CAMH)

6. Mental health and domestic violence

An Australian study analysed almost 500,000 police reports of domestic violence and found that mental health was an issue in both perpetrators and victims. A total of 16 per cent of the examined domestic violence events had at least one mention of a mental illness for either the perpetrator or the victim. In 76 per cent of cases, mental illness was mentioned for the perpetrator only, 17 per cent for the victim only, and 7 per cent for both victim and perpetrator. The researchers also found that mood affective disorders, which include depression or bipolar disorder, were the most common in both victims and perpetrators. (The Conversation)

7. Mental health and the LGBTIQ++ community

The prevalence of mental illness among U.S. adults who identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual is more than twice as high all other demographic groups bar one at 44.1 per cent (mixed/multi-racial follow at 31.7 per cent, with all other groups sitting at 22 per cent or below). On top of that, Lesbian, gay and bisexual youth are 4 times more likely to attempt suicide than straight youth, and transgender adults are nearly 12 times more likely to attempt suicide than the general population. (NAMI)

Sadly, the LGBTIQ++ community still faces abuse, bullying, homophobic or transphobic attitudes and a lack of inclusion in even the most liberal countries and this can and does have a serious impact on many in the community’s mental health.

8. Mental health impacts physical health

In Australia, a study in 2018 showed that people with mental health conditions are at greater risk of chronic physical disease and much greater risk of early death. In fact, having a mental health condition, such as anxiety or depression, increases the risk of every single major chronic disease. This includes heart disease, high blood pressure, arthritis, back pain, diabetes, asthma, bronchitis, emphysema and cancer. More than 2.4 million people have both a mental and at least one physical health condition. (The Conversation)

In Canada, they also found that mental and physical health are linked, showing that people with long-term medical conditions are more likely to experience mood disorders. On the other hand, people with mood disorders are at much higher risk of developing a long-term physical condition. (CAMH)

U.S. stats support these finding and show people with depression have a 40% higher risk of developing cardiovascular and metabolic diseases than the general population. (NAMI)

9. Mental health and Indigenous peoples

In Australia, stats show Aboriginal people are much more likely to suffer from depression or dementia than other Australians. More than 30 per cent of Aboriginal people suffer from some form of psychological distress (general population is 20 per cent). Additionally, about 12 per cent of Aboriginal people aged over 45 years have dementia, with Aboriginal people living in remote communities being 10 times more likely to develop dementia than people living in countries such as Africa, India or Indonesia. (Australia and New Zealand Mental Health Association)

In Canada, First Nations youth die by suicide about 5 to 6 times more often than non-Aboriginal youth. Suicide rates for Inuit youth are among the highest in the world, at 11 times the national average. (CAMH)

10. The economic impact of poor mental health

Research shows that out of all the non-communicable diseases, youth mental health problems present the most serious burden to GDP due to the lack of the return on investment in the individual and the duration of the problem. The report estimated that by 2030 mental illness would lead to losses to global output equivalent to US$16.1 trillion. (World Economic Forum and Harvard)

In Canada, the economic burden of mental illness is estimated at $51 billion per year. This includes health care costs, lost productivity, and reductions in health-related quality of life. And in any given week, at least 500,000 employed Canadians are unable to work due to mental health problems. (CAMH) Across the U.S. economy, serious mental illness causes $193.2 billion in lost earnings each year. (NAMI)

What’s next?

I share this information in the hope that we can have more open and honest conversations about mental health. I do not want to stigmatise people with mental health issues, instead I hope that we can potentially dispel myths about mental health and raise awareness about certain groups’ vulnerability. Mostly, I hope that we can start to take systemic and meaningful action that will make a real impact on these numbers.

Interventions and programs to help people develop mental wellbeing can benefit from WHO’s breakdown of potential adverse and protective factors for mental health, which are broken down into three categories:

  1. individual attributes and behaviours, such as genetics or personality traits;
  2. social and economic circumstances;
  3. environmental factors.

These factors often interact, compound or negate one another and should therefore not be considered as individual traits or exposures.

LevelAdverse FactorsProtective Factors
Individual attributesLow self-esteemSelf-esteem, confidence
Cognitive/emotional immaturityAbility to solve problems & manage stress or adversity
Difficulties in communicatingCommunication skills
Medical illness, substance usePhysical health, fitness
Social circumstancesLoneliness, bereavementSocial support of family & friends
Neglect, family conflictGood parenting/family interaction
Exposure to violence/abusePhysical security & safety
Low income & povertyEconomic security
Difficulties or failure at schoolScholastic achievement
Work stress, unemploymentSatisfaction & success at work
Environmental factorsPoor access to basic servicesEquality of access to basic services
Injustice & discriminationSocial justice, tolerance, integration
Social & gender inequalitiesSocial & gender equality
Exposure to war or disasterPhysical security & safety

Source: Our World in Data

Want to learn more about the science of happiness and how to look after your mental health? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

The Resilience Project – Interview with Hugh van Cuylenberg (E43)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

In this extended episode, Marie interviews best-selling author and founder of The Resilience Project, Hugh van Cuylenberg, about all thing’s resilience. Laugh with them as they delve into why Aussies are such cynics and learn how Hugh gets his message through to some of the world’s biggest cynics, from the meanest footie players to corporate hotshots. 

Transcript

M: You’re listening to the podcast Happiness for Cynics. I’m Marie Skelton and on today’s show we have a special guest.

Hugh van Cuylenberg has been working in education for over 15 years. The highlight of his teaching career was the year he spent in the far north of India, volunteering and living at an underprivileged school in the Himalayas. It was here that he discovered resilience in its purest form.

Inspired by this experience, he returned to Melbourne and The Resilience Project was born. Having completed his post graduate studies looking at resilience and wellbeing, Hughes developed and facilitated programmes for over 900 schools around Australia for the National Rugby League, The Australian Cricket Team, The Australian Netball Team, The Australian Women’s Soccer Team, The Jillaroos, 10 AFL teams, and he has presented to over 500 corporate groups. Hugh is also the best-selling author of The Resilience Project.

Hope you enjoy today’s show.

[Happy Intro Music]

M: So thank you for joining us today on the Happiness for Cynics podcast Hugh, I’m excited to have you on the show.

H: My pleasure, it’s an absolute pleasure.

M: So for those listeners who don’t know you or your background, would you mind sharing with us your personal story and what led you to dedicate your career to helping people find happiness and resilience?

H: Yeah, well, that’s a great question, because it kind of. There’s been a few moments in my life where things have happened that I guess have kind of led me to what I do now. And I think that’s pretty common for everyone. Like, we all can look back in our lives and pick out little moments that have had influence on the reason we are, you know, the reason we are the way we are and so often the really fascinating thing is that they’re things that at the time were incredibly painful or incredibly difficult. Or at the time we just thought, why is this happening to me? This is so unfair. I just wish this wasn’t happening. But so often they’re the things that actually get us through… Well, shape the kind of person we turned out to be.

So there’s an amazing lyric in the song, the song called ‘Let Go’ [by Frou Frou] by a group called I think It’s either Froo Froo or Frau Frau, I’ve never known. It’s in the Garden State album, it’s a wonderful, wonderful album. The Garden State Album and the lyric is ‘[cause] there’s beauty in the breakdown’. And I, I think about that often when chatting to people who are going through something really difficult, it’s often the kind of thing that will turn out to define them. And I kind of feel like that’s what sort of shaped, I suppose, my direction.

For me obviously, you know, being in mental health and talking about resilience my, my little sister Georgia, when she was 14 years old was diagnosed with a mental illness, Anorexia Nervosa, and that was a huge shock to the system for my family because we were a very, very happy family and everything was great and we never had any, anything difficult, really. Life was, well certainly I wasn’t aware of it when I was a child, life was perfect, really. And then my sister stopped eating when she was 14, I was 16 and my brother was 11. She just stopped eating and it was devastating. And it was when she was 18 years old, she was admitted to hospital because she’d dropped below crisis weight. She was not a short person. She was weighing in at 31 kilograms when she was admitted to hospital.

M: [Shocked noise]

H: And yeah. Oh, really devastating stuff. But I remember having a moment and I can’t remember where in that journey of her mental illness it was. But I remember very clearly having a moment of sitting at the dinner table and my dad, my dad was crying. And, you know, I think a lot of people who see their dad crying for the first time, it’s a pretty… it rocks you.

M: Mm hmm.

H: It wasn’t the first time I saw him cry, but the other time I’d seen him crying was when we lost, our dog passed away, Sammy, he was like, 17. So he’d been with us for a long time and Dad cried then and then a few years later, I saw him crying for my sister for how sick she was. And that’s when I remember having this very strong feeling of ‘Oh my God, my family is so unhappy.’ And that’s very foreign to us and I remember at that point … just thinking, ‘What is it that the people do to be happy, like what? Is there anything I could do to help Mom and Dad be happy?’

Or I mean, I felt like my sister’s mental illness was a bit beyond me, but I remember thinking, I reckon I could help my brother be happy, and I reckon I could help my mom and dad be happy. And that’s… but, I didn’t know. I was 18 and I had no idea what the answer was or um, I can’t remember how old I was, but I was in my teens. I remember thinking ‘I’ve got no idea what I should do to help. But gosh, I wonder what I could do?’

Anyway, it wasn’t until I was 28 years old that I was living… It wasn’t like every day I was walking around thinking, ‘What can I do to be happy? What can I do?’ And I sort of, I’d become a primary school teacher, thinking that I can help kids in primary schools by being a positive influence in their life but I had no idea. I actually went to a girls school to teach at a girls school and people often questioned why I did that thing. It’s a bit of a strange thing to do for a young male. There are no males teaching in girls schools or girls schools primary schools, [I was] the only one.

M: Mm Hmm.

H: And I’d go to all the other school association events, and it’s like, cross country athletics, and I was the only male teacher there in all the girl, all girls primary schools. But it was just because I’ve had this feeling like I could somehow have a positive influence on them. I could maybe stop them getting a mental illness, which is the most outrageous thing to think.

M: [Laugh]

H: But that’s what I was thinking. But yeah, I just remember having this kind of, I guess moment of..

Oh sorry. there was that, but then when you fast forward to when I was in India, 28 years old was living in India and I was volunteering in a school community. When I got there, I thought, ‘Oh my God, there’s no way I’m going to stay here.’ I’m meant to be here for two weeks, but I I’m embarrassed to admit to you now that I said to the principal on night one, “Oh I actually meant two nights, I just meant two nights.” because I was thinking ‘I can’t sleep on the floor, I can’t sleep on the floor here for two weeks.’

M: The culture shock is huge isn’t it?

H: It’s massive. Yeah. I’m thinking, ‘I can’t walk half an hour down to the river to get water every day. I’m not gonna sit in the river for a bath, like that’s just not going to happen.’ Um, but I remember on my first day in the school, which I planned to be my second last day in the whole community, I met a kid who was nine years old and slept on the floor like everyone else. But I remember thinking to myself, ‘I have never in my life seen joy like this before.’

M: Mm hmm.

H: ‘This kid’s the happiest person I’ve ever met. I’ve never seen anything like him. How incredible. How is it this kid’s so gleefully happy?’ And I remember I was living with the principal and I remember I went back to his little mud hut, and I was just, I said, “No, I think I need to stay a bit longer.” And the reason I wanted to stay longer is I was thinking ‘What do these people do every day that makes [them happy], what does this kid do that makes [him happy]?’

It wasn’t just this kid, it’s everyone right. Everyone is just so full of joy. I remember looking out the hole in this, well it wasn’t a window. It was like a hole in the mud brick wall at this school. I’m looking across thinking ‘there’s nothing here, there’s nothing in this village. Like I mean, there’s a beautiful view of the Himalayas, and that’s about it. I don’t know what these people are so full of joy.’ So I lived… I decide to stay there as long as it would take me to work out what it is those people do every day that makes them so happy.

And I ended up staying for three and a half months, and in three and a half months I saw three things. I mean, there were many things going on. I mean, they were surrounded by awe all the time.

M: Mm hmm.

H: There’s a beautiful book by Julia Baird ‘Phosphorescence’ where she talks about just being surrounded by awe is so, such a good thing for your mental health. So they were in the middle of the Himalayas. But I watched what those people did. And every day they practised:

Gratitude

Empathy, and

Mindfulness.

They’re the three things that were a daily practise. I joined in and it had a profound impact on me.

And I feel like I’ve moved away from your question a little bit here. I’ve just given my life story now.

M: [Amused voice] You’re answering my second question.

H: Oh.

M: So, so please keep going. [Laugh]

For our listeners who haven’t yet read your book, and I highly recommend it. Can you give us just a little bit of an overview on, on those three things and maybe how they came about through your time in India?

H: Yeah, so I guess. Sorry for skipping to it before.

M: [Laugh] Not at all.

H: So I guess. Are we acknowledging for this that this is the second time we’ve done this?

M: [Laugh] Sshh! [It’s a ] Secret that I didn’t record this properly somehow. [Laugh]

H: I think it’s a lovely example. One of the, one of the keys to experiencing more joy is to embrace your imperfections. And I think it’s a lovely thing to do.

M: [Laugh]

H: I think that my saying we forgot to record this the first time. [Laugh]

M: Yes. I am very grateful that you were gracious enough to do this all over again.

H: Not a problem, not a problem.

M: [We’ll] put it that way.

H: No, no not a problem. So yes. So the three things I saw them practise every day was gratitude, empathy and mindfulness. I would listen to them. I would watch these kids in particular this Boy I spoke about before stands out and like when he saw something he is grateful for, he would just stop and pointed out to me, and he would try and say the word ‘this’ but couldn’t pronounce the ‘th’ so he’d say ‘dis’. As people who’ve read the book will know. He’d say “Sir, dis! Dis, dis, dis,” you know, whether it was his shoes that were too small because he can’t afford to buy new shoes. But he was pointing at them saying “How lucky am I, I’ve got shoes on my feet. Some of the kids here don’t have shoes. How lucky am I?”

Whether it was the rice he got for lunch every day, he only got rice every single day. Just rice. That’s it, from the school. But he couldn’t afford to bring lunch to school. So the fact they got provided lunch. “Sir, dis, dis, dis.” Look I get fed here every day. How lucky am I? Moments he loved. If he realises in a good moment, you know, he’d stop and he would just point out the things he was really grateful to have like the things that were happening.

He loved Bollywood dancing, so often I would walk past him and he was doing a ridiculous, choreographed Bollywood dance, but he’d say “Sir, dis, dis, dis.” What he was saying was, ‘I’m so lucky I’m doing this right now.’ That’s actually a really, that was quite a life changing, I won’t say moment but a realisation for me. We need to get better  at paying attention to the good stuff as it happens.

Like for so many people around Australia right now who can think about the things they miss doing, due to Covid. I mean, for me here in Melbourne, I miss so much going to cafes and having lunch and coffee with my friends. But when you think back to the last time you were in a cafe having coffee with your friends your going ‘God the sun’s right in my eyes here or this table’s a bit wobbly or this coffee isn’t great. I should’ve ordered that meal.

We’ve just become so spoiled and we needed everything to be perfect in order to have a good time. And I think back to this kid Tsunsen who, if something was good, he would stop and he would just say “dis”. Now I’m not saying [to] everyone listening that every time you see something good, you should say this, but I think we’ve got to be better, and actually stop and absorbing the good stuff that happens and just say this right now is pretty special.

M: Mm hmm.

H: So that’s what I saw, him practising gratitude every day. He’s the kindest person I’ve ever seen. Like I’ve never seen someone who does more for other people. I went from teaching this school here where the kids had nothing and were so full of joy. And I actually went back to teaching at Gelong Grammar School, renowned for positive education and an incredible program that they’re doing now. I mean, it’s life changing for so many people and it’s been so influential in Australia and the world in education. But I had a real problem with, I found it more confronting being there where the kids had everything.

M: Mm hmm.

H: They’re the most privileged. We’re talking about the most privileged kids in the country. My gosh, I was… I only lasted there for about I think it was a term or two terms. I couldn’t handle the… how confronting it was, with kids who had everything were just… were so unhappy with everything they had. Like they needed everything, they needed the best things to be happy they needed this, they needed that and so on. So overindulged I suppose. Um, and I mean, all kids need, I just remember thinking I can’t be here. I need to be somewhere where the kids…

What I saw with this community in India is these kids were so unbelievably kind. This kid particular, if he saw, if they saw someone by themselves straight over to them “just checking you’re ok. Do you want to come play with us?” If someone wasn’t in school he would swing past their mud hut after school and say ‘Hey, just checking in, are you ok?’ Now, I’m not. I didn’t mean to draw a comparison to say that Gelong Grammar kids aren’t kind. That’s not the case at all. They’re very kind kids but I think that any school I went to would struggled to compare to what I’m seeing in this little village.

And mindfulness, they practised it every single day. They had a half an hour meditation before school, every single day. It was optional, so no one had to be there. Yet every single child turned up for it, and I think essentially because they just got instinctively how good it was for them.

M: Yep. I’m really keen to circle back. So you mentioned the pain of experiencing along with your sister what she was going through and that pain of your family and definitely Happiness for Cynics, the podcast has come out of me being quite cynical and really quite privileged as well as everyone is in Australia. Let me just say.

H: Yeah

M: But then going through trauma, I’m interested to know is there any hope for people who want to be happy? But I don’t feel like we should have to put them through trauma or pain to get that change to happen or with your work with kids who have everything and really are privileged. Do you really need to… short circuit something in their lives to make them rethink the way they’re living and truly appreciate things?

H: The two ways we address that, and no you don’t have to go through, I mean, it’s often the case, right? It’s often the case that, you have lived this yourself.

M: Mm hmm.

H: It takes trauma. It takes something difficult to think that ‘I need to make some changes’ or for a lot of people [who] are going through Covid, especially in Melbourne. People are saying ‘Well, you know what? This is the time to make some serious changes.’ And a lot of people have done that, and so a lot of people will be better off when we get through this.

M: Mm Hmm.

H: And we had zero cases today, which is very exciting.

M: Yep.

H: But when we get through this, people will be, there will be a lot of people who are better off emotionally and spiritually because they’ve made some changes that they never would have made.

M: Yep.

H: So for me there are a lot of things I wouldn’t have done if it wasn’t for Covid, like, I’ve stopped watching television at night now and I go into our front room, and I have this routine that I do every night, which, it sounds weird, but like I’ll do a certain amount of push-ups, 10 minutes of core, stability, strengthening stuff. Then I do this, [laugh], like I’m a sprinter and I’ve got terrible hamstrings. So I do this, like hamstring exercise every night, and it takes about half an hour, half an hour of exercise, I drink lots of water. While I’m in there I have a green tea, I have the lights dimmed and I listen to like meditation or like yoga music.

M: Mm hmm

H: And then I go out, I have really healthy food afterwards. Pretty much go to bed. I have some like yogurt and nuts and muesli and stuff like that and I don’t turn the television on and I listen to really calming music and I go to bed. That’s so much healthier than what I was doing before. I was like watching television, have a couple of beers on the couch watching telly.

M: Mm hmm.

H: If I can’t find something on television, I’ll just find something else, I’ll watch just whatever it takes. So that’s me, like who’s in a pretty good place for making some changes. I know some people have made some pretty drastic changes, but that’s not answering your question at all. So I’ll come back to your question, Marie. Sorry.

M: [Laugh]

H: So the reason. So the way I feel like we have been reasonably successful in impacting people’s lives who haven’t gone through something traumatic or didn’t feel like they needed to. There’s two ways:

Number one is modelling.

So I think the most powerful influence anyone’s behaviours to model the behaviours. So I think modelling how powerful that stuff can be has a huge influence and parents out there listening, going ‘Hey, but how does my kids don’t want to hear this stuff? How do I tell my kids?’ You model this stuff to your kids, do this stuff yourself, and you watch what happens when, you know, if your kids or you might be thinking my kids and teenagers, they hate this stuff. They’re watching you right now, like kids are watching to see how we respond to a crisis. So the values that you are modelling now will have a big impact on the kind of person they decide to be when it’s time for them to grow up and be a normal human being. And they’re trying to work out. How do I show up in the world? Well, the way you’re acting now is going to have a big impact on that and what you’re modelling.

And the second way that we I believe we have an impact on people who potentially, you know, thinking ‘I don’t know this stuff. I’m fine. Or I’m not going though anything traumatic. I’m going OK.’

[Number two] I think the way we get through to people is just with stories.

So we don’t get up and say, this is the definition of gratitude, this is the definition of… This’s why you should practise… We just tell stories about people who have gone through this stuff. People who practise it, the impact it’s had on them. Storytelling, we love stories, like people remember stories, we remember stories. We don’t remember stats, statistics, definitions, we remember stories and storytelling is you know, it’s the currency of so many, you know. You do to the pub with your friends, your currency is storytelling. You’re involved in sporting club, you know your currency is storytelling, so that’s what we listen to it. That’s what we love. And so using stories to engage people on this journey is, I think, a really powerful tool.

M: So would you say that was your secret or the way to get the change in the attention of footie player as well, I just I have this image of you standing in front of rooms of these big, competitive mean footy players and them rolling their eyes at you. And obviously, you know in the book that they went in that way to a lot of the sessions that you held for them. But they’ve asked you to come back-

H: Yeah

M: -again and again. And there’s been so many life changing stories off the back of it.

H: You know, it’s amazing.

M: Is it the story telling? is that it? Is that the secret?

H: Yeah, well for the book. I just wrote all the stories out and Penguin Random House my publishers were just so happy with it. But then we had to go the players and say are you happy with this? And like, 90% of them said no. So there’s only a few left of them in the book, but one that’s left in the book is a beauty. It’s Nick Riewoldt, a legend from St. Kilda football club and he’s a friend now and I love him dearly. He’s a great person and I’ve always looked up to him immensely. I remember the first time I turned up to St. Kilda Footy Club. I was sitting down as the players were walking in, I was sitting next to the guy who organised the talk from the club and Nick went up to him and said,

“I don’t have to be here for this do I?”

And the well-being officer said “I would love it if you were.”

And he said “Mate, I don’t have time and I’d rather spend time on the massage table or see the physio.”

And he said “No, it’s compulsory.”

“I don’t want to do this.”

And then the guy said, by the way, this is Hugh here, he’s doing the talk.

“No offence mate. I don’t need to hear this stuff.”

Or words to that effect.

M: Mm hmm.

H: He was very, he was polite but he was also quite blunt. And they said “No, you have to stay.” And I remember two, maybe five. No it would have been five minutes in. I remember looking up and I saw him, he was in the back row and he had tears and his face, streaming down his face and his hat over his face and he couldn’t look up. And after a while he looked up and teammates would just pat him on the back during the talk. And it was, like, it was storytelling, like he was so engaged and the story is quite emotional, but the other thing that is so important is, with these guys is humour. They have to laugh if they’re not laughing they don’t want to be there.

And there’s nothing more rewarding and exciting than a room full of 45 very manly men, like this uproarious laughter you get when you… There’s a few go to gags or stories that I’ve got that get them every single time. There was one club I was at and they didn’t laugh at all. It was unbelievably awkward. So I had this big pause for laughter.

M: [Laugh]

H: Ahh… No one’s laughing here.

M: That was akward.

H: But yeah, it’s great. You just, so what I do with these men, well this for everyone’s first session. For the first five minutes, I was trying to get people to laugh. I think, you know, laughter is the most… Not saying I have an incredible sense of humour I just know some funny stories that happened to me and sense of humour is a super power, making people laugh is a super power.

M: Mm hmm.

H: If they’re laughing for the first time, it means they want to be there, they’re happy being there. You resonate with them, they kind of like you and go, ‘Yeah, I like this person, I’m happy to hear them and what he’s got to say. But you see it happening the first time, I see them going for it. And it’s not just, I had a group of magistrate, um judges from magistrates, like just the other, like on Friday, and I could see their [faces], like it was on zoom. But I could see the look on their faces of like, ‘how long is this going on for? I can’t believe I’m sitting here.’ And five minutes in I could see them going, because all of them are facing side on like pretending, they’re all like typing, pretending they were listening.

M: Ha, ha ha.

H: They were going [pretending] And five minutes in they were all leaning forward, they closed computer screens or whatever it is and they’re in and all I’ve done, I hadn’t talked about well-being, I hadn’t talked about happiness, hadn’t talked about gratitude and mindfulness you save that part ‘til you’ve got them. Like, a sense of humour. Laugh, laughter and storytelling is everything. I listen to lots of people talk about this stuff, these topics. A lot of people, a lot of people out there talking about this stuff, which is fantastic, the more the merrier. The ones I enjoy listening to most of the ones who make me laugh and the ones who tell a good story.

M: Do you think that is an Australian trait? Are we cynics by nature? And that’s why it’s that little bit harder to get engagement or is this worldwide that there is a resistance to a lot of this positive psychology, science and understanding?

H: No, I think it’s fair to say it’s quite an Australian thing. I go to New Zealand and even in New Zealand just across the, the… What is it?

M: Tasman.

H: Tasman, thanks.

M: [Laugh]

H: Across the beach to New Zealand. People were just in, I start talking, I don’t need to win people over. In America, oh my god, I was in America and I did, I was speaking to a college football team and I did my whole thing of, it’s such an Australian presentation like it’s really self-deprecating the first five minutes as well. I’m really self, I put myself down heaps. Australians don’t like thinking someone is like above them on a pedestal.

But the very fact that I’ve got a microphone that puts you on a pedestal and I try and get rid of that straight away. I’m just, like, ‘no I’m just like you guys.’

M: Mm hmm.

H: There’s like 80 people in an American football team. So I walk in there, they’re listening to hip hop music and dancing as I walked in, I was like, woah, these guys are pumped and I started speaking and I’m doing this putting myself down and saying I was terrible at sport, I can’t relate to you guys, you’re unbelievable blah, blah, blah. This guy stood up and goes “Hey, man, believe in yourself. You can do it!”

M: [Laugh] That would never happen here.

H: Yeah. In my head I’m like, nah I do believe in what I’m doing now. “I’m fine” I said. And then I said “guys try and model failure. I’ll probably stuff up that many times” and this guy goes, “Man, come on. Confidence is a blessing. You’ve gotta be confident in your ability.” And I was like, ‘Oh my God, this is not gonna work here’

M: [Laugh]

H: And it just didn’t work in the States because my style is so self-deprecating and I try to be so humble and like, ‘Hey, I’m not being anyone else, I’m just like you’, didn’t work in America.

M: Mm hmm.

H: So, I think it is a really Australian thing, like I have to spend the first five minutes of… huh it’s probably more males as well.

M: Mm hmm.

H: Like a group I worked with called Mecca, Mecca cosmetics. All females, oh they were wonderful like, I don’t have to prove myself to anyone. They were just like ‘we’ll hear what you have to say.’ But if I get a group of males, the first five minutes is like I’ve got to impress them and make them realise have to listen to me otherwise we’re not getting anywhere here. So in my experience of speaking overseas, you know, like in India, oh they love it, like absolutely love it.

M: Yep.

H: So, yeah, I think Australians are naturally a lot more cynical. I don’t know why we’re like that. I don’t know what it is, but we’re definitely more cynical here.

M: So look, I’m just going to point out and just leave this here that also men’s mental health is probably a lot worse and we’re coming to realise that men’s mental health is a really significant problem and suicide rates with men are much higher than women have been for quite a while. So just going to leave that there?

H: Yes.

M: I’m not implying causation or anything like that.

[Laughter]

H: It’s a fascinating one, like I’ll never forget this presentation I did up in a country town called Clermont, Claremont, I think it’s about four hours west of Townsville. It’s a mainly a beef cattle farming land, and I mean the suicide rates have been horrendous. And the pharmacist, a lovely guy, he is the local pharmacist he organised for me to go and speak in the community. And I said, “How are you going to get all these men to come?” Because there had been all those suicides for men and he said, “We’ll have it at the pub and we’ll call it like I don’t know, Jugs and Jocks night. I’ll provide all the jugs [of beer] if they come, they’re allowed of a jug free if they turn up and we’ll just wear jocks. And I said “Look, man, I’m not doing that.”

M: [Laugh]

H: A part of the thing didn’t work. He wore jocks and everything else, All the old blokes were like I’m not doing that. So every else wore their pants, except for him. But they got a free jug at the pub and a free meal if they came along and he said, and he said, “Oh, I’m inviting a bloke along who’s mates with Billy Slater and he’s mates with Johnathan Thurston, and he wants to tell us a few yarns and I was like, This is really fascinating. I got there, there’s 250 men there and he couldn’t believe it he was so pumped.

M: Mm hmm

H: I could hear them all going “What the f? Who’s he going to talk? What’s he talking about?” And so I realised I had about… and they’ve been drinking for about an hour when I got up there, 250 men, a crowded pub and I thought, ‘I reckon I’ve got two minutes to get these blokes, when they realised what I’m talking about here it’s going to be over.’ And all I did was put myself down for the first two minutes and tell a story about a massive stuff up when I was doing this job is and they were in. And they loved it, and it was just, the feedback we got was just… We get invited back there every year to speak to them again. These men who have never, ever talked about this stuff before, and I had men hanging around for hours. I was there till one in the morning, with men just saying, like they couldn’t actually talk like they’d try.

M: Mm hmm.

H: Not, not because they’d been drinking, because the topic was so foreign to them.

M: Yep.

H: But it was so raw, like depression was just through the roof, and these men saying “oh, mate I am…” Typically might just want to say something like just we said before that depression and sh*t and they’d start crying and they’d be like “Ah, I can’t talk about it,” and sort of walk off.

M: Yep

H: But we actually, can’t actually even talk about it in some communities, and it’s too hard like, but we feel it. We feel it deeply. And um.

M: Yep.

H: That was one of the greatest programs I’ve ever been a part of. We just as men, we find it so foreign.

M: Yeah, even just having the words, I think there’s a great study that was released last week in Melbourne. I’ll have to find it and put it in our show notes. So there’s some university people that have done work in primary schools to give the students the words to communicate their feelings.

H: That’s amazing, amazing yeah.

M: Yeah, and they’ve had some great, so positive psychology interventions, they’ve had some great results there with just people or with the kids just being able to vocalise what’s happening a lot easier.

H: Yeah, absolutely.

M: Even before Covid we we’re seeing rises in anxiety, stress, depression, loneliness, burn out, every year it feels like there’s a new syndrome or disease that that we’re adding to the laundry list of things.

H: Mmm.

M: What steps do you think we need to take in Australia to start to reverse the trend?

H: Whatever we can do to get to kids at a young age, to teach them preventative skills rather than sitting at the other end going okay, well, let’s have things in place for people and they become depressed or they become anxious or suicidal. There’s some… We need to put more money into prevention and whatever we can do to provide emotionally engaging programs for kids that teach them how to deal with stuff when, when things go wrong, basically. And I, I think any program that teaches kids how to deal with stuff when things go wrong. Any programme that teaches kids that they are worthy as they are. I mean, one of the issues with schooling system, we had a podcast recently we had a guy on called Will  McMahon, who’s won half of Will and Woody, the radio duo, incredible radio duo.

M: Mm hmm.

H: And he went to a private school and he was saying it’s just destroyed him going to private school because he has so hard wired in his head that to be happy, he has to be successful and to be successful has to achieve heaps. And this model has just undone him because he feels like he’s always chasing [success]. He will succeed in something that is going to succeed in something else because at school it was like everything you did you’re rewarded with like these badges on your blazer and like different groups you were captains of and you had to be achieving, and if you achieved, you got your name on the walls and everything’s about achievement, he said, “it’s the undoing of me and all my friends, like we all are still chasing those achievements to be happy. Yet even when we achieve them, we realise we’re not happy.

M: Mm hmm.

H: So I think any program that teaches kids that they are worthy as they are, they don’t have to be the smartest person, the richest person, the funniest, the best sports person, most… Programs that teach kids that you are worthy as you are right now. You’re worthy -when I say worthy, I mean worthy of love and worthy of belonging as you are right now, they’re vital. Any program that teach kids that things will go wrong in your life but when they do hear some things you can do. I think that’s I think that’s where we’ve got to start.

But gosh, you’re right. Trends are going the wrong way. So what we’re doing right now is not working for the masses.

M: So for those of us who are well and truly out of school, [laugh].

H: Mm hhm.

M: Can I ask you to maybe leave us with one tip or one piece of advice? Something tangible that people can do in their lives to bring more happiness or resilience?

H: I would… The most simple thing to do, I think, in order to experience more joy and positive emotion, that’s what creates resilience. So that’s why I’m bring this up. But I think that the easiest thing to do a really practical one, is just to write down three things every day that went well for you. Not three things that have been life changing, not three things you’re grateful for because that’s impossible to keep that up every day and not get bored.

What are three things that went well for you today?

Had a nice coffee.

You saw the sunrise.

Had a nice text message for a friend.

Whatever it is. If you do that every single day, you actually physically rewire your brain to start scanning the world for the positives. And that makes you a happier person. And it’s something you look forward to. Write it in a note pad next your bed, in a journal, on the shower screen door. However you want to do it, totally up to you. But what you’ll find is you’ll start to experience more moments of joy, and you’ll be more aware of them as they happen, which is a really nice starting point for all this stuff.

M: Great. On that note thank you so much for your time. How can people find out more about you and your book?

H: So just if you type in the Resilience Project, I think the first thing that comes up is actually the book. You can order the book online via our website, but there’s also it’s in all book stores around the country, and the audio book is, I actually did, I narrated the audiobook myself, because I felt like they were my stories so it had to be me. It took a very long time, it was very difficult to do so please go and check that out cause it took so long to do it.

M: [Laugh]

H: But that seemed to be a popular version of consuming the book, the audio book. But if you like reading it’s in all good bookstores and probably not good ones as well-

[Laughter]

H: -all around the country at the moment, so yes, that’s probably the best way to do it. Any other stuff on the resilience project, just go to the website and it’s all, it’s all there. I’m just checking. I should have checked at the start, I was checking you’ve pressed the record button? It say’s record on the top here.

M: [Laugh]

H: I think we’re good.

M: It is flashing, [laugh], we won’t be doing a take three, I promise.

[Laughter]

M: Well, thank you so much for your time, a second time [laugh].

H: Pleasure, absolute pleasure.

M: And have a good day.

H: You too, Marie. Thank you so much, bye.

[Happy Exit Music]

Related content: Read Happiness for Cynics article Words That Can Change Your Mindset, listen to our Podcast Why You Need to Develop Your Emotional Literacy (E42)

It’s Time to Ditch the Cynicism and buy Into Self-Care

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New book explores why we don’t buy into self care and how to navigate the anxiety and stress of day-to-day life and a global pandemic

Self-care is church for non-believers

From the creators of the podcast “Happiness for Cynics” and just in time for World Mental Health Day, comes a little book of happiness: “Self-Care is Church for Non-Believers” (eBook ISBN: 978-0-6489180-0-4)

A decline in church attendance and an increase in overall scepticism mean that many Australians don’t practice self-care activities. Yet, we need to prioritise strong self-care habits more than ever.

Around the world, we’re seeing a rise in loneliness, anxiety, stress and depression:

  • The Pew Research Center estimated that 52 per cent of working fathers and 60 per cent of working mothers found it somewhat or very difficult to balance work and family life.
  • The 2020 Edelman Trust Barometer revealed that 83 per cent of employees feared losing their job, attributing it to the gig economy, a looming recession, a lack of skills, cheaper foreign competitors, immigrants who will work for less, automation, or jobs being moved to other countries.
  • The World Health Organization noted that depression and anxiety have an estimated cost to the global economy of $1 trillion per year in lost productivity.

Even worse, since the pandemic hit, there has been a dramatic increase in stress, anxiety and overall poor mental health across Australia. We need to buy into self care!

“Quite simply, we have to do a better job of looking after ourselves, and the self-care activities we used to practice at church like kindness, service to others, and practising gratitude are proven to help,” says co-author Marie Skelton. “People who no longer go to church are often neglecting the habits that lead to resilience, happiness and mental wellbeing.”

Let’s be clear. This is not a book about religion. As the Dalai Lama said, “I believe the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness. Whether one believes in religion or not, whether one believes in that religion or this religion, we are all seeking something better in life. So, I think, the very motion of our life is towards happiness…”

This book is for people who are looking for more… more happiness, more satisfaction, more contentment. Or maybe they’re looking for less… less stress, less pressure, less anxiety. It’s a book for the cynics and the sceptic, those who need to reassess their habits, and buy into self care.

“Australians are sceptics and cynics by nature, which means self-care has often been seen as self-indulgent or just fluff. However, the self-care interventions we discuss in the book are science-backed and proven to help build resilience,” says co-author Peter Furness. “It’s time we opened up the conversation and start prioritising our own mental health. This isn’t fluff, it’s science.”

In their funny, and light-hearted way, authors Marie Skelton and Peter Furness break down misconceptions, discuss the science, and show readers the path to a happier and more fulfilling life.

About the Authors

Marie and Pete

Marie Skelton is an Australian writer, speaker, and change and resiliency expert, currently living in Sydney. She started her career in journalism before working in public affairs and then specialising in organisational and culture change for some of the world’s largest tech and financial services companies, both in Australia and the U.S. Marie played volleyball for Australia and on scholarship in America, but following a motorbike accident overseas that nearly took her life, and leg, she began researching change and resiliency to find out how people cope with major life changes and why some people are resilient while others struggle. She is passionate about mental health and writes about happiness, resiliency and maintaining mental wellbeing at www.MarieSkelton.com. 

Peter Furness is the owner of Max Remedial and a qualified remedial therapist. He has worked all over the world with professional athletes, dancers, sporting organisations and medical professionals. Peter is now settled in sunny Sydney. His practice is influenced by his interest in Eastern philosophy and he works closely with Western, Chinese and Ayurvedic practitioners, approaching the body from the principles of classical medicine alongside Western-based science. Peter has practiced Ashtanga yoga for 20 years, currently trains in movement and gymnastics and combines these principles with his approach to health. Peter was also an award-winning contemporary dancer in Australia and in the UK. 

Go on: Smile for World Smile Day

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Faking it ‘til you Make it Might Actually be Good Advice

Next week we celebrate world smile day.

While I am not a fan of positivity for the sake of positivity, nor do I ever want to gloss over the more serious mental health issues that many people face, this day is a simple yet powerful reminder about how we can bring some happiness into our lives and the lives of others.

And, recent research has just proven what many already knew: smiling does make you happier.

Smiling Improves your Outlook and Mood

New research from the University of South Australia confirms that the act of smiling can trick your mind into being more positive.

In two scenarios, a smile was induced by participants holding a pen between their teeth, forcing their facial muscles to replicate the movement of a smile (see image). The results? The action of faking a smile generated more positive emotions.

Lead researcher and human and artificial cognition expert at UniSA, Dr Fernando Marmolejo-Ramos, says the finding has important insights for mental health.

“When your muscles say you’re happy, you’re more likely to see the world around you in a positive way,” he said. “In our research we found that when you forcefully practise smiling, it stimulates the amygdala – the emotional centre of the brain – which releases neurotransmitters to encourage an emotionally positive state.”

Dr. Marmolejo-Ramos believes this has interesting implications for mental health. “If we can trick the brain into perceiving stimuli as ‘happy’, then we can potentially use this mechanism to help boost mental health.”

Hold a pen between your teeth to fake a smile
Source: UniSA, Daniela A´ lvarez, 2020

Spreading Positive Vibes This World Smile Day

Nothing reminds us of our humanity and the rollercoaster of normal human emotions we deal with like a global pandemic. In fact, a term that really speaks to me is the ‘Corona-coaster.’ This is the rollercoaster of emotions, feelings and moods we’re all going through as this pandemic plays out.

But emotions are proven to be contagious. If someone is happy or angry around us, we inadvertently mirror their emotion. “Not only do we mimic the feelings of others, we actually start to feel them ourselves,” according to Sigil Barsade, professor at the University of Pennsylvania Wharton School of Business.

It’s called emotional contagion, and it means we can make others around us happier or sadder, more relaxed or more angry, simply by feeling those feelings ourselves.

This explains why watching endless hours of negative media about the pandemic put us all in bad moods.

On the flip side, this also means we not only have the tools to make ourselves feel more positive (faking a smile), we also have the tools to inoculate our family, friends and colleagues against the Corona-coaster: by spreading our good mood to others.

So, this World Smile Day, let’s make an effort to spread something good… a smile 😊

Related reading: Three Quick Ways to Improve Your Mood