Unapologetically Marie

Writer, podcaster, mental health advocate

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Are Strong Friendships the Answer to Your Covid Woes?

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Why Strong Friendships are Even More Important Right Now

Whether you’re in lockdown for the first time or the fifth, or you’re hanging out for a holiday or just a break from the monotony, people all around the world are struggling with Covid and its impacts on our mental health. But there is a simple, science-backed solution to help you regain your resilience and bring happiness back into your life… reach out to your friends. 

A good friend will support you through bad times, boost your confidence, keep your secrets and enrich your life for the better. It’s not about always being there but being there when it counts. They will teach you about yourself and challenge you to be the best version of yourself. They will laugh and cry with you and love you even at your worst. A good friend is not perfect, but hey, neither are you! 

According to Lydia Denworth, author of Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life’s Fundamental Bond, a quality friendship must at a minimum have these three attributes: 

  • It’s a stable, longstanding bond;  
  • It’s positive; and  
  • It’s cooperative—it’s helpful, reciprocal, I’m there for you, you’re there for me. 

International Friendship Day

It has always been advantageous to forge strong, mutually beneficial relationships with others. Yet friendships are often overlooked and under-nurtured – particularly in today’s world where it’s easy to like a social media post and think you’ve had a meaningful interaction (FYI – you haven’t).  

Every year, the world celebrates International Friendship Day on 30 July and this year (2021) marks the tenth anniversary. This day was created by the United Nations in the hopes of uniting people and bridging the gaps between race, gender, religion, and other factors that keep people apart. Governments, and other organisations worldwide are encouraged to use this day to promote friendship through listening, communication, expression of feelings and emotions and teaching the foundations of good friendships. Which begs the question, what can we doing to strengthen our friendships? 

Today, with the constant influx of information coming at us from all sides, things are stressful enough. Add in Covid and more lockdowns and it is not a wonder that mental health issues are on the rise. So, what can you do to strengthen those friendships, be good role modals for younger generations and maintain your mental wellbeing during Covid, lockdowns and other tough times? Read on to find out! 

3 Benefits of Strong Friendships 

Friends Are Good for Your Physical Health 

Having a strong circle of friends around you has been proven to decrease feelings of loneliness and also increases your longevity. According to a 2010 study by Live Science, people with strong social connections increased their odds of survival, over a certain time period, by 50 per cent. People with strong social support also have a reduced risk of many significant health problems including diabetes, stroke, high blood pressure and an unhealthy body mass index (BMI). 

Friends Help Build Your Confidence 

A good friend will cheer on your successes and encourage you to do your best. Everyone has self-doubts and insecurities every now and then and that’s why having supporting and loving friends can give you that boost when you need it. A friend can give you praise and reassurance to build your self-esteem and allow you to grow and in turn help others with their confidence issues. 

Friends Help You Beat Stress 

Stressful events are often a part of life, but the good news is research has shown how strong friendships can help you through. Having a good friend in times of high stress is invaluable to you both. You can listen, share, cry and commiserate together. You can be each other’s sounding board and try to work it out together. Knowing that you have someone around that has your back no matter what, can be all you need to beat that stress. 

A 2019 study by Harvard Medical School, revealed that people who have close social connections, have reduced levels of Cortisol (stress hormone) release. Further study suggests that caring behaviours trigger the release of stress-reducing hormones such as Oxytocin, lowering blood pressure and strengthening the immune system.  

Building Strong Friendships 

A good friendship can do so much for us, but what can we do to strengthen those bonds and create new and rewarding friendships? Many of us were brought up with certain values like respect, kindness and honesty, but were we taught to value friendship? How did we miss such a vital life skill that can elevate so much in a person’s life? The good news is it’s never too late to forge a knew friendship, deepen an existing one or even rekindle an old one.  

Here are some great ideas and activities you can do to help strengthen old friendships and create new ones: 

  • Call, video chat or dare I say it, go old-school and catch-up in person with your friends. Let them know how important they are to you and how you appreciate their friendship. 
  • Invite the neighbours or your work colleagues over for afternoon tea, a chat, drinks, or a barbeque. You never know where you’ll find your next best friend. 
  • Get creative. A handmade gift speaks volumes, and your friends will appreciate the time and effort you put into making something for them. 
  • Plan a special day or activity with your friend. It could be spending time at a spa, doing some retail therapy, or going for a walk in the park.  
  • Send a card or letter to let someone know that you’re thinking about them. Sometimes a surprise on a random day can be that much more rewarding. 
  • Bake or cook a meal for a friend or neighbour and drop it off, nothing says ‘I love you’ more than good food! 
  • Google ‘Love Languages” with your friend and work out each other’s love languages. Then you can know how best to show your friend how much they mean to you. 

Whether you’re celebrating International Friendship Day or just any day, remember that true friendship can last a lifetime and needs to be nurtured.  

Listen to our podcast: All About the 5 Love Languages (E30) 

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!  

How Caregivers Can Stay Resilient

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There’s a special place in heaven for caregivers.

With an ageing population, caregiving is something that more and more of us will have to step into at some time in our lives. It’s an often-thankless role, involving putting one’s own needs aside, neglecting oneself even, to focus solely on the care and comfort of a loved one.

Who is Caring for the Caregivers?

Looking after others, particularly if they’re approaching the end of their lives, can be the hardest thing a person can go through. Yet, all the focus is often on the person who is sick.

The simple fact is that the psychological, social and health impacts of caring for others can take its toll on even the most resilient and positive of people, and more often than not, the role of caregiver also ends with devastating heartache.

When I was in hospital following a motorbike accident, my husband took time off work and was constantly by my side for weeks. He eventually had to go back to work, or risk losing his job, but he continued to visit me every evening as soon as he could and would stay until the nurses told him to leave for the night.

After leaving the hospital, he would go home and start the household chores, which had suddenly all fallen to him. He’d cook and prepare meals for the week, he’d do the laundry, clean the house, pay the bills, feed the cat and take her to the vet for vaccinations. He lived among a pile of boxes for months, as we had only just bought our first apartment and hadn’t yet moved in when the accident happened.

His life revolved around me… my doctors visits, my surgeries, my recovery. But in some ways, he was lucky, because he could escape the banality of my hospital room and the stress of the situation and go to work for 9 hours a day. He got a small reprieve every day – granted it was only work – but many don’t. Still, it was hard on him, I could see it.

The good news is that research shows us that caregivers who practice positive emotion skills benefit greatly, with increases in positive moods and ultimately less depression.

Caring for the Caregivers

Researcher Judith Moskowitz explains that building moments of positivity into caregivers’ weeks can help to cope with the stressors of caregiving and can build your resiliency to deal with what’s going on in your life.

“We’re really clear in this intervention—or we try to be—that this is not about pretending like things aren’t bad or difficult, or that you’re not distressed or stressed. It’s about understanding that you can experience positive emotion alongside the negative. The negative is what it is; it should be acknowledged and addressed if it’s at high levels that are unsustainable,” said Judith in an interview with Greater Good Magazine.

Here are three types of interventions, backed by Judith and her team’s research, that you can take to help bring more positivity and resilience into your life as a caregiver:

  1. Being thankful: Take the time every day to notice the positive things you have in your life. Every evening before bed, write down 2-3 things that you are thankful for and, over time, watch your outlook on life change.
  2. Mindfulness: Adapted from Buddhist practices, everyday mindfulness is about being self-aware and accepting of our thoughts. It is proven to reduce stress and can help to make you feel better. There are plenty of resources online to help you develop mindfulness practices.
  3. Goal setting: Make sure you set some goals outside of the immediate needs of caregiving and work to achieve them. Having goals and something to work towards give additional meaning to your life and is critical for This could be as simple as planning and going on a picnic or a weekend getaway, or you could focus on developing or mastering a skill.

So, please, take the time to look after yourselves too caregivers! And if you think you don’t have time to dedicate to yourself, then let me leave you with the most important takeaway from Judith’s research: people who were happier were better caregivers.

Related content: Read Moving On article Resiliency Is About Recharging And Self-Care, But Are You Doing It Wrong? , listen to our Podcast: Positive Affirmations (E29)

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