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The Good and the Bad of Stress (E33)

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Happiness for Cynics

In this week’s episode, Marie and Pete discuss some studies on stress, uncovering that stress can be both good and bad, but it’s all in how you perceive it.

Transcript

M: You’re listening to the podcast Happiness for Cynics. I’m Marie Skelton, a writer and speaker on resilience and change.

P: And I am Peter Furness, a bringer of bingo, lover of lingo and a passer of Pinot Grigio.

M: Ew.

P: [Laugh] Yeah, ew… Each week we will bring to you the latest news and research in the world of positive psychology, otherwise known as happiness.

M: So if alcohol is no longer numbing your pain.

P: Or you want to laugh, love and live like a voracious beast.

M: Or you just want to know what all the fuss is about.

P: [Singing] Then this is the place to be.

M: Because this week we’re talking about…

P: Stress!

[Dun, Dun, Duunnnn!]

[Happy Intro Music]

M: Alright, we’re talking about stress, and in particular… and the reason we talk about stress is because it is the complete opposite of happiness, really.

P: Oh, is it?

M: Well, not the opposite. You’ve got all these negative things, and stress is one of them. And they really do impact your ability to be happy.

P: Yes, I’ll agree.

M: So that’s why we’re talking about happiness, ah we’re not talking about happiness-

P: Stress?

M: – we’re talking about stress. Yes, and there are two talks that have shaped my thinking for this episode. So, one of them is by Kell… One of them is by Kelly Mc. [Stumbling over words.]

P: [Laughter and clapping]

M: Damn it. This is just not happening. One of them is by Kelly McGonigal, and she’s a health psychologist, and her 2013 Ted Global Talk is called How to Make Stress Your Friend. And I highly recommend that one and the other one. And again, I just feel bad that I know I’m butchering these people’s name.

P: [Laugh.]

M: I don’t know any way around this.

P: Well unless you’re going to research linguistics. Then you’re just gonna, you know have a bash?

M: Yep. So, Madhumita Murgia is a journalist, editor and speaker with expertise in the fields of science, health and technology, and her 2015 Ted talk [How Stress Affects Your Brain] was all about how stress affects the brain. So..

P: Science, science, science.

M: Yes. Do you expect anything less from me Pete?

P: No definitely not.

M: So they’ve both got different ways of looking at stress in the brain and there’s two things I wanted to talk about. Madhumita talks about how stress isn’t always a bad thing. It could be handy for a burst of energy and focus like when you’re playing sport, there’s people cheering for you and it’s the final or when you’ve got a deadline looming at work and you’ve got to get this done right?

P: Yep.

M: And stress can be a real motivator. I don’t know if you’ve felt that.

P: It’s a lever. It’s a definite lever.

M: Yep.

P: It pushes you forward.

M: Absolutely. So stress can be a really good thing, right?

P: Mm Hmm.

M: Or have you ever had to speak in public? And you’re not quite comfortable speaking in public.

P: Yes.

M: Your capillaries open up, your heart beats faster and you just feel alive, right. So stress can be an amazingly good thing, right?

P: Yes.

M: But what Madhumita talks about is how, when it’s continuous, it actually begins to change your brain.

P: Ok, so our brain synapses and neurons change?

M: Yes. So if you are in a war zone, for instance, which is kind of the epitome of bad stress.

P: Well that’s the big end of it.

M: Right? Like, there is day to day first world, what you and I experience. And then there’s war. If you’re living in a war zone and you’re constantly worried about how to feed your family-  

P: How to survive.

M: – whether or not you’re going to live, whether or not you’ll be bombed with all of the horrible things that you and I can only guess at.

P: Yes.

M: That is a level of constant and deep stress, and that fundamentally changes the way your brain works. And there’s actually some really good research from a lot of the Holocaust survivors and people who lived through World War II.

P: I’m thinking World War II London straightaway, as soon as you said that.

M: About stress and how people react and how it changes the genetics and kids that were born from people who went through that level of stress. There is so much psychological, physiological and physical impact.

P: And change of behaviour, fundamental patterns that come about because you’ve lived through that experience.

M: Absolutely. There’s a great one that I’m thinking of from a physical point of view where people were starving, they were there, honestly, starving. They couldn’t get access to food. They were eating cardboard to just put something in their stomach and their children, children who are born around that time they were born with changes in their genes and make up that meant that they held onto any nutrient and any carbon and fat. And so they’ve all got obesity problems, so their parents were starving, and these people cannot lose weight. They cannot, because their bodies have been taught to hold on to everything.

P: Absolutely everything.

M: Yeah, and again the mind does the same sort of thing. So stress can be such a positive thing in short bursts, but when you experience it over a long period of time it can have the opposite effect.

P: Does it matter about the level of stress in terms of the perception of intensity? So you’re talking about the war zones and so forth, but are we talking about the day to day stuff.

M: Well, look I picked wars as an example, but the research and Madhumita is talking about what you and I experience as day to day stress.

P: So, first worlders?

M: Yeah, like commutes and crappy bosses, making rent and all of those day to day [stresses], making sure that you answer all the e-mails in your inbox in a time that is deemed socially acceptable. And all of that stuff is day to day pressure, and a lot of people have talked about burnout. And The World Health Organisation has definitely labeled that as a concern in the 21st century. But that level of stress is also having a negative impact on people’s brain.

P: Mm. OK. How much do we control that? How much can we take control of that interpretation of stress? Because I know where you’re heading with this. [Laugh]

M: I love that question, Pete. Why thank you.

P: [Laugh]

M: It’s like we discussed this episode beforehand.

[Laughter]

M: So, Kelly McGonigal, the person who was talking about beginning the episode she has done a whole bunch of research into how we need to start seeing stress as a good thing.

P: Exactly.

M: So she talks about a study which tracked 30,000 adults, that is a huge study. So when you normally talk about studies, there’s 100, 200, 500 maybe 1000 people that you’re looking at.

P: Yep, most study groups.

M: 30,000 adults in the United States, and they followed them for 8 years.

P: Wow.

M: Huge, huge study. And they started by asking people how much stress have you experienced in the last year? They also asked, do you believe that stress is harmful for your health? And then they use public death records to find out who died.

P: Oh, Wow.

M: Right? Let’s cut to the chase. If stress is going to impact your heart health your everything, your brain it’s going to change you at a fundamental level and lead to poor outcomes, we’re talking death here, right?

P: Yep.

M: Okay. And what they found was people who experience a lot of stress in the previous year had a 43% increased risk of dying. But, here’s the but.

P: [Laugh]

M: That was only true for the people who also believed that stress is harmful for your health.

P: So stress can be beneficial?

M: Only if you believe it is.

P: It’s about our perception.

M: Absolutely. This is the key!

P: [Laugh]

M: Now, obviously, we’re talking about a sample of 30,000 US people in a normal period.

P: Yes.

M: Now, I still, there’s no science to back this up, but I still believe that war is a whole other, you know kettle of fish.

P: It is. But..

M: There’s so much for us to learn. We’re not in war time in Australia here, and America isn’t either. There’s no more happening in America, so in a lot of first world countries where this research would apply, well you could say that it should apply, the way that you perceive stress will have an impact on whether or not it is negative.

P: Absolutely.

M: Or positive.

P: Absolutely, couldn’t agree more.

M: Yep.

P: And it’s really funny that I came across this through the teachings of the Dalai Lama.

M: Oh, we’re back on this again.

[Laughter]

M: Tell me more.

P: This is a Buddhist doctrine. It’s this capacity for human intelligence and to develop determination and use it in a positive way. It’s how we perceive our reactions to events. It’s not necessarily the event itself that is negative. It’s our perception of it, and if we can change the way that we react, we are reactionary beings and if we react in a certain way, that predicates stress and that predicates a whole series of biological and physiological changes.

M: Yes.

P: But if we change that perception, if we flip that switch and find some sort of way to create a positivity around it, see it as an opportunity to change, interpret it as a lever for intelligence, for education, then perhaps we can flip the switch on stress. Oh my God! That’s a, that’s a sound bite!

M: We can flip the switch on stress. OK, we’ll be quoting you on that.

P: Done.

M: Yes, I couldn’t agree more. There’s one thing even before I tripped over all this positive psychology stuff and when I truly was the cynic that we portray in all of our advertising, which I always believed the worry-ings of no one. If something was going to happen, it was going to happen.

P: Yes.

M: Stressing about it and worrying about it didn’t serve anyone.

P: I couldn’t agree more. Worry doesn’t serve anybody.

M: Don’t worry about breaking the egg. You deal with the broken egg, if it happens, right?

P: Yep. Or you take steps to prevent the egg from breaking.

M: Absolutely. But really, you just keep cooking.

P: [Laugh]

M: If it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen right?

P: Yep.

M: And that has always been something that I’ve believed in. I maybe had too much of a lazy air.. and see what happens.

P: Approach?

M: Yeah, and nearly dying kind of makes you reassess how carefree you have been.

P: Yeah, true. But in some ways that that blissful, I’m going to say ignorance, but you’re going to say arrogance in that respect, it gives you a certain ability to deal with things in different way. If you’re not in a highly stressed, reactionary state, something bad happens and you’re like ‘Okay, all right, let’s go with this. Let’s see where this leads.’ You can actually deal.

M: ‘I can cope with it.’

P: Yeah. ‘I can cope with it.’

M: ‘I can cope.’ So, I think again, like we’ve spoken about in the past, it’s about feeling the pain and feeling the negative emotions that comes with bad things happen. But then, knowing that it’s a temporary state.

P: And understanding there’s a path out of it, if you can find it. And there are certain things that happen where the path is not obvious and we’re talking grief. We’re talking the loss of a loved one. You know you’re going to stay in that for a little while. We’ve talked about that before in other episodes.

M: But there is an out, and that’s not if you can find it, it’s when, when it happens.

and you might need help.

P: Definitely, and that’s the case of human nature we are reactionary beings and we react in a certain way. If we can control that reaction or look at the different possibilities of that reaction. Then perhaps we can lessen the effects of stress.

M: Absolutely yep, absolutely. So to circle back to that study. So they found that people who experienced a lot of stress but did not view stress as harmful were no more likely to die. I really want to circle back to that the physical effects of how you perceive the world.

P: Oh the world.

M: How you perceive being victimised, being not able to cope, being passive. It’s like seeing yourself as a leaf in the wind versus in control and..

P: Being able to ride the wind?

M: Right. That perception fundamentally changes you physically to the point that you do or don’t die.

P: I could see why it would change the way that your brain works, how your synapses work the access of pathways of thought processes and so forth.

M: For a cynic, this is such a big leap.

P: Yeah, right.

M: Such a big leap.

P: What is it that stops you from being able to make that jump?

M: How I perceive the world is going to make me die, younger or not. [Psht.]

P: You just don’t believe it? Fundamentally don’t believe it?

M: Well, yeah.

P: Wow.

M: It’s all.. yes.

P: [Laugh] and then it isn’t.

M: It isn’t the science shows [it]. 30,000 people over eight years, that’s huge.

P: That’s a decent study.

M: That is a good study, that is, yeah, that passes.

P: It’s not anecdotal.

M: Yep, and it’s not so qualitative that three people were interviewed in depth, over 8 years.

P: And there were these differentiating factors.

M: Yeah, absolutely. So, the lowest risk of dying of anyone in this study, including people who had little stress, was people who believe stress is positive. So this is actually the next big thing. So stress is bad, is what we’re saying. If you think it’s bad.

P: Yep. If you can[‘t] flip that switch.

M: If you think stress is good, it has no impact on you whatsoever, even if it’s prolonged, repeated year after year, ongoing stress.

P: And I’m thinking of a personal story here of my lovely adopted Nan McSweeney, who was 103 when she died. Dear old Nan McSweeney, she –

M: – Tell me her secret!

P: [Laugh]

M: 103! My grandma’s 95 and I’m cheering for her.

P: Yeah?

M: Yep.

P: So Nan McSweeney. She was a very devout Catholic woman. Incredibly devout, she was actually the last known survivor to have personally met Mother Mary MacKillop in Australia. So she had this amazing faith and she clung to it, and she let that drive her life in many ways so that when stress did come up think bad things happened. This wasn’t a wealthy woman. [She] wasn’t a woman who had an easy life. She was a cattle farmer in Glenn Innes for most of her life. She would give it up to God. She would give it up to a higher power and have her trust that I’m meant to endure, whatever the challenge is but I know I can come out the other side of it and it was one of things that she gave to me. Now I, I was an anti-religious person when I was young, 21 year old in college and having every Sunday dinner with Nan McSweeney.

M: You still are. Both of us. Both of us are. That’s the premise behind our book, Self-Care is Church for Non-Believers.

P: [Laugh]

M: You can buy it from October.

P: [Laugh] Available on iTunes!

M: No, not iTunes. Amazon. Available on Amazon.

P: [Laugh] Getting back to the point. She had this wonderful resilience of like, ‘oh well, on we go’ and that reminds me of the attitude of the blitz in London and why the English are so stoic and they still to this day, they believe that a cup of tea will solve every problem.

M: It does.

P: It does because there’s a certain –

M: If you believe then it does.

P: There’s a control. There’s an element of control there. ‘I’ll make a cup of tea, we’ll sit down and we’ll talk about it’ and everyone buys into that. Imagine you’ve had this massive argument with your husband and you’re ready to kill each other. The French don’t do it, they actually go through it with knives and pistols and things and then have sex afterwards but that’s all fine.

M: Oh, South Americans, that’s a whole different.

P: Oh, yeah, whole other thing. But the British they go ‘I’m going to make a pot of tea’, and it’s this weird, wonderful sort of ‘I can control the tea’ and we’re going to sit down and we’ll have tea and through the tea we’ll find a solution because we’ll take that moment and there’s a belief in the process that I have control over one little element.

M: It’s all in how you perceive. And in a way, I think it’s kind of a shame that we’ve had such a good run.

P: Yeah, we’re victims of, victims of our own opulence.

M: Since WWII.

P: Yes.

M: Because we don’t have resilience. We don’t and we’re then tripping over normal, everyday life.

P: Influences.

M: People have injuries and disappointments and things that happened in their life that aren’t how they planned or wanted and we’re so not equipped for it.

P: Thrown by it.

M: So not equipped to deal with that, because where we’ve given this false sense of control over life nowadays.

P: Yes and then we go see them with their hands going ‘Oh, I can’t control anything!’

M: Yeah, absolutely. And there’s a few really good books, Homo Deus [by Yuval Noah Harari], and what is it? Guns… [Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies by Jared Diamond]. Anyway, [books] that show that there’s this false sense that we can control the randomness of life nowadays that we all have.

P: Yeah.

M: And so it really takes by surprise when it’s not actually something we can control.

P: But that’s the whole point and that’s what I go back to the ancient teachings are like it’s not about control.

M: Yes.

P: It’s about you have to give yourself over to these elements and go with them. But learn to find some control in the elements that you can. So you know a Buddhist monk would go to their meditation or a Catholic would go to their prayer. An English mum would go to her pot of tea. I cook.

M: And in the 21st century you would argue meditation and mindfulness have a place to combat stress when against too much?

P: Absolutely, Yeah, definitely.

M: Yeah, and I haven’t really bought into the meditation stuff.

P: We keep pushing this point.

M: Yeah, yeah. So maybe one day I’ll tip over the edge.

P: I’m going to sit you down and chain you up.

M: For me, it’s exercise.

P: Oh, yep.

M: I just need a good exercise, like a 30 minute run or a gym session and it re-centres me and I sleep well that night as a result. Like if I’m mentally stressed the physical exhortation balances me out.

P: That also comes down to a physiological [response], because it’s getting rid of your cortisol levels. It’s using up your adrenaline that’s in your body. It’s helping to dissipate those switched on elements and take you to a place of more calm. ‘OK, now I can switch off let go’, which is the essence of meditation.

M: Yep, what-evs. Right, we’re out of time.

P: [Laugh] Here we go with that one. We’ve got English tea parties.

[Laughter]

M: Okay, so stress is good but bad is the –

P: – it’s all about your perception. How you perceive stress is the key.

M: Look, I think that a lot of this again I’m going to summarise a lot of what we’ve talked about, we’re up to Episode 30 something or other and again what I keep learning from this fabulous science of positive psychology is that I have so much control.

P: Yes, we do have control.

M: We do have control.

P: We have the tools we need to wake up and use them.

M: Yep and sometimes you might want to burrow down and just let the emotion rule.

P: Yep, I agree.

M: But then again, you don’t have to always be in that place, right?

P: No.

M: You’ve got control over whether you choose –

P: Take action people.

M: – Choose happiness. I hate to say it cause it’s a T shirt slogan. But there’s so much behind that.

P: I agree.

M: Yeah.

P: That’s why we say it.

M: Yep. All right, So..

P: if you like this podcast, then please subscribe and like us on your favourite platform and remember that we have all our information on www.marieskelton.com. Org?

M: .com Pete obviously doesn’t go there ever…

P: It’s written in the website browser thingy that I click and goes ‘Yes, straight to’.

[Laughter]

P: Where we publish all our research and articles and links from our podcast episodes.

M: Thank you for joining us.

P: Choose Happiness.

[Happy Exit Music]

Related content: Read Moving On article How to Build Your Resilience With Mindfulness and Meditation, listen to our Podcast: The Power of Meditation (E9)

Stress Reduction Lessons from Marie Kondo

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Why everything in your home should have a purpose and how to find joy

Have you ever come home from a busy day at work and taken a look at the piles of laundry that need folding, the stacks of papers on the dining room table and the general clutter everywhere and felt your stress levels get even worse? All that clutter and stuff can just seem like a never-ending to-do list that bugs you every time you walk into the house.

Well, you’re not just imagining it, research shows that clutter and mess can really impact our stress levels. Which probably explains the international sensation Marie Kondo, who has helped millions of people tidy up and, in the process, find joy and reduce stress. So what lessons from Marie Kondo can we apply to our own lives?

Recently, I spoke to certified KonMari consultant and founder of Neatly Awesome, Pilar Llorente who is one of only eight certified Konmari consultants in Australia. She says that the things we hold on to often have a deeper meaning in our minds, and that’s why she uses a holistic approach to help clients get rid of clutter and chaos.

Controlling the Chaos

“All that physical clutter becomes mental clutter as well,” says Pilar. “So, if we have things in our homes that we don’t need, use or love, our minds are probably full of those things too.”

According to Pilar, it’s a problem that many people face, and it just snowballs until you feel that you are not in control of your stuff, which is stressful. But when you can go through your stuff and clean not just your physical space but also your mental space, and you focus on what’s really important, it can bring real calm and peace.

In fact, the best part of the Konmari method, according to Pilar is the spiritual and emotional outcomes.

“I remember I had a client, and we were going through the Komono stage [see below] and I said, ‘wow, you have lots and lots of plates.’ She said, ‘Those are for very important people (…) I don’t want to use them every day.’ But then she had a lot of plates that were a bit old and chipped, and I said ‘how would you feel about using your special dinnerware every day?’ And she said, ‘no no no, I’m scared that if use it every day, it may break and all those memories I have will be broken too.’ And I said, ‘the memories will always be there, you don’t need the actual object (…) Imagine if you used that dinnerware every single day, then every single day you will remember all those memories. And don’t you feel special enough to use these every day?’ And her eyes just lit up and she was like ‘OH! You are right!’”

Although there are many lessons from Marie Kondo outlined in her show and her books, here’s a look at 5 steps to get started on your decluttering journey.

Lessons from Marie Kondo: 5 steps to declutter your home and your mind

So, where do you begin when it comes to decluttering your home? There are consultants, like Pilar, who are trained to guide you through what can be a very emotional journey. Alternatively, if you want to go it alone, there are five areas Marie Kondo says you need to tackle.

STEP 1: Clothes

Start by putting all your clothes on the bed. Pick up each item one at a time, and if that item doesn’t bring you joy or have a very practical and critical purpose, you should put it into the “toss” pile.

STEP 2: Books

Next is books. Here the rule is simple: everything needs a home. If you have space for a huge book collection, that’s great. But if you don’t have a space for every book, then it’s time to make some tough calls and get rid of some.

STEP 3: Paper

Today, a lot of our paperwork is online, but many of us still have piles of old bills and paperwork laying around. Again, go through the lot. Shred old documents, and neatly file those you have to keep.

STEP 4: Komono

“Komono” means everything in your bathroom, kitchen, garage and miscellaneous items. This step is less about joy and more about practicality. Tip everything out into a pile and only keep the things you need and use.

STEP 5: Sentimental items

Last but not least are the sentimental items, which are the hardest to let go of, and why this step is last. By this point, you should have accustomed your mind to letting things go, so it’s a bit easier to let go of the Mother’s Day card you received when your kid was 6, and the movie ticket stub from your first date with your husband of 15 years. At this step, you should be deciding which items to display, which to store and which things can go.

Hopefully these lessons from Marie Kondo help you to get some control back in your life!

To hear the full interview, click here.

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3 Steps to Take Back Control of Your Emotions

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Is COVID-19 making you stressed, anxious or lonely? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered.

Since December 2019, the world has watched as COVID-19 spread from a local marketplace in the province of Wuhan, China to cover every corner of the world.

It has impacted us all. Many of us have cancelled future travel plans or been worried about how to get home from current holiday travel. Others have lost their jobs or been stood down from work, often with no idea of when, or if, they’ll go back to work. Many people are struggling with the isolation of having to work from home and following social distancing rules. And we’re all still scratching our heads about the toilet paper.

And that doesn’t even take into account the people who have caught the virus, whose lives have been turned upside down at best, and who are at risk of dying at worst.

We’ve seen the best in humans and the worst in humans (again, fighting over toilet paper? Really people, get it together!) and the only thing we can say is yes, these are most definitely unprecedented times.

The worst part is that all of it is out of our control. All of it except how we respond – that is 100 per cent within your control.

So, if you’re sick of being at the mercy of the latest fatalistic news broadcast, it’s time to take back control of your emotions! Here are three areas you can focus on to take back control of your emotions during these stressful times.

Remember, as author Stephen Covey said, “The key is not to prioritise what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.”So, if you want to be happier or reduce stress, anxiety and negative emotions, pick a few of the below research-backed options that work for you, and schedule them into your diary to make them habits.

3 steps to taking back control of your emotions during difficult times

Practice Self care

Your health and wellbeing are critical to your happiness. Luckily, there is a wealth of information about how to make small changes to your life to make it healthier and improve your wellbeing. Start by practicing self care to take back control of your emotions:

  • Get outside in the sun and/or into nature, studies shows that spending time by the sea makes people happier. Also just being outdoors makes you happier — preferably in a non-urban environment, but hey, we’ll take what we can get! Studies show that time outside in nature, especially among trees, significantly reduces stress and anxiety, improves your mood and energy, and boosts your immunity!
  • Do some light exercise, like going for an evening walk, or just get outside with a pet or your kids. If you’re working from home, be especially conscious of not sitting for too long, which has been associated with increased mortality!
  • Drink plenty of water and get 8-hours of sleep
  • Hug your partner/ significant other, or spend 5 minutes cuddling with a pet
  • Practice self-compassion. Give yourself a break! Constantly aiming to be better is exhausting and focusing on what’s ‘wrong’ or needs improvement can lead to negative self-talk. So, make sure you balance things out with some self-love and positive talk.

Look After Others

It’s been said that helping others is the most selfish act you can do. That’s because the benefits of helping others are so vast. Try some of the below activities to bring more joy and satisfaction into your life, and take back control of your emotions.

  • Kindness increases happiness, energy, the love hormone (oxytocin), pleasure and it even increases your lifespan. It’s also really easy to practice and has recently started a global movement you can get involved in #RandomActsOfKindness
  • Practice loving kindness. Research has shown that helping others through acts of charity or volunteer work can make you feel better and happier, but more recent research finds that simply wishing someone well may have a similarly positive effect on our moods.
  • Research has shown that volunteering is rewarding in and of itself, and helping others is a way to higher individual wellbeing.

Be Social

No seriously! Social distancing doesn’t mean not being social, it means maintaining physical distance from others. In other words, don’t stop seeing people! The fastest road to feeling sad and lonely is to stop seeing and speaking to people. Humans are genetically wired to be social animals. So, to take back control of your emotions, make sure you take the time to be social. All you need is one close friendship; as this recent study shows, to take back control of your emotions.

What activities are OK in COVID-19 times? According to multiple sources, as long as you follow these general hygiene guidelines, you can do the following activities:

  • Avoid close contact, such as shaking hands, hugging, and kissing.
  • Wash hands often or use a hand sanitizer when soap and water are not available, and don’t touch your face.
  • Avoid surfaces that are touched often, such as doorknobs, handrails, and playground equipment.
  • Don’t go out if you feel unwell.

If you keep the above guidance in mind, the following activities will keep you connected during this time of uncertainty.

  • Call or video conference a friend or family members. Keep a special eye on people who are living alone and can’t go out.
  • Go for a walk with people in your household, or a friend but remember no contact! Many national parks are still open, and fresh air and exercise are still so important for mental health.
  • Visit a quiet beach. Although many beaches have been closed recently (most notably Bondi Beach was closed over the weekend), it’s the crowds not the activities that are the concern. If you live near a quiet beach, make an effort to meet someone for a walk.
  • Organise a virtual dinner party! If you want to go all out, pick a fancy-dress theme and send an email invite. Get everyone to download Zoom before the night. Put on some tunes in the background, BYO dinner and drinks, and dial in to the party.

Remember, Coronavirus is extremely contagious, can live in the air for hours and on some surfaces for days, and can easily be spread by droplets from someone’s cough. Keep your distance from others outside your household and wash your hands regularly.

NOTE: Advice is changing all the time, and differs in different countries, check your government website for the latest information and guidance.

Tell us your stories! What are you doing to keep sane during COVID-19?

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Are your finances making you sick?

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Take Control of Your Finances and Kick That Financial Stress to the Curb

Many of us are experiencing financial stress, and it’s impacting our overall mental and physical health and wellbeing. Read on for some tips and resources to take back control.  

What is Financial Stress?

Financial wellbeing is critical for overall mental health and wellbeing. According to Thriving Wallet, we know that poor financial wellbeing impacts physical and psychological health, mood, work satisfaction, sleep and relationships.

However, even though nowadays we’re spending more time working, for the first time since 1930 we’re earning less relative income than those who came before us. We also have less financial security.  At the same time, in many countries, costs for necessities like food, healthcare, housing and education have skyrocketed.

Money is the #1 stress for people in the U.S.1

This lack of financial security is causing huge amounts of stress, and more than that, it’s impacting our wellbeing more broadly. A recent study in Canada looked at the importance of financial satisfaction for overall life satisfaction. They found that for financially stressed households, their financial stress overwhelmingly conditioned their overall sense of life satisfaction. 2 In short, they were less happy and satisfied with their lives.

What Financial Stress Looks Like

Those who earn the least in society are often living in a constant and overwhelming state of financial distress. The Salvation Army’s annual survey shows that the poorest people in Australia experience extreme housing stress, face multiple barriers to finding work and struggle to maintain a basic standard of living. At times, they are unable to feed themselves or their families, and most upsetting, children continue to be deprived of basic necessities due to the lack of economic resources. This financial hardship means that children miss out on educational opportunities and activities at school and many don’t have access to technology or the internet at home. This is despite respondents often saying that they would ‘go without’ so that their children did not have to do so.3

Meanwhile, around the world for the Millennial generation the wealth gap continues to increase, and many millennials have huge university debt, no prospects of ever buying a house, and they probably won’t be able to retire until they’re 75 years old.

According to Credit Swiss: “The Millennials (people who came of age after the turn of the century) have not been a lucky cohort. Not only were they hit at a vulnerable age by the global financial crisis, its associated recession and the poor job prospects that followed, but they have also been disadvantaged in many countries by high house prices, low interest rates, and rising student debt making it difficult for them to buy property or accumulate wealth.”4

When Things go Wrong

If you’ve had a sudden or unexpected change in your circumstances, like losing your job or having a health emergency that prevents you from working, and you’re experiencing financial stress, the sooner you start working with support groups, the better.

Often times, sticking your head in the sand and hoping it will all go away can make problems worse and things can snowball quickly. The key is to reach out to support organisations as early as possible. Organisations like The Salvation Army have people available to speak to you if you’re struggling.

Taking Control of Your Finances

Reading Resources

Thankfully, many people are starting to talk about financial stress and financial wellbeing, and there are a range of resources you can now access.

For a great read and to learn a bit about your spending and saving mindset, check out the classic book: Rich Dad, Poor Dad.

You can also download the Thriving Wallet research insights report / white paper, which has some good stats about the issue (you’re not alone!) as well as some practical micro-steps you can take.

Online Tools to Manage Financial Stress

The Commonwealth Bank has a range of resources for you to assess and then manage your situation. They believe there are 3 ways you should be looking at your overall financial wellbeing:

  1. Every day: Managing your day-to-day finances.
  2. Rainy day: Being ready for the unexpected.
  3. One Day: Making your one day goals a reality.

They also have some great free resources for things like making budgets (and how to make sure you stick to it!), ensuring you only spend within your budget, and learning how to pay off your debts. Although some things (like their customer app) require you to have a product with them, the site is still really valuable and for most resources you don’t get a hard-sell, which is nice.

NOTE: For full disclosure, I used to work at the Commonwealth Bank – which is why I know about their Financial Wellbeing site. But please note that I am not receiving any payment from them for this post, I just believe in the advice and resources they’re providing.

Dealing with Stress

Remember throughout it all that there are science-backed activities you can do to better manage your stress and build your resiliency. Check out the posts under the below topics for some ideas on how to manage your stress, or speak to a professional.

Community and Connection: Connecting with others and contributing to your community are proven to build emotional resiliency and make your life happier. It is so important not to neglect this part of your life, especially if it doesn’t come easily, like when work is really busy or if you’re a natural introvert.

Health and Wellbeing: Your health and wellbeing is critical to your happiness. Luckily, there is a wealth of information about how to make small changes to your life to make it healthier and improve your wellbeing.

Meaning and Purpose: Having a sense of meaning and purpose in life is critical to resiliency and living a happy life. You need it to thrive and flourish. It’s about having a reason to get out of bed in the morning, setting goals and having commitments. Some lucky people get that purpose through their job, but many of us get our purpose through other activities such as volunteering, learning or experiencing new things or caring for others.

References

  1. “The Thriving Wallet, research insights report/white paper.” Page 1. https://content.thriveglobal.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/Thriving-Wallet-Research-Insights-Report.pdf, accessed February 2020.
  2. Brzozowski, M. & Spotton Visano, B. J ““Havin’ Money’s Not Everything, Not Havin’ It Is”: The Importance of Financial Satisfaction for Life Satisfaction in Financially Stressed Households.” Happiness Stud (2020) 21: 573., https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-019-00091-0, accessed February 2020.
  3. The Salvation Army. “Feeling the Pinch: National Economic and Social Impact Survey, 2018.” https://apo.org.au/sites/default/files/resource-files/2018/11/apo-nid204626-1240541.pdf, accessed February 2020.
  4. Credit Suisse. “Global wealth databook 2019.” Page 141. https://www.credit-suisse.com/about-us/en/reports-research/global-wealth-report.html, accessed February 2020.

NOTE: This is not financial advice. It is intended to provide generalised, educational information. I do not know your financial situation or needs, and you should not rely on this information as financial product advice.

OPINION: The future of work is failing to meet expectations

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We were promised a four-day workweek and exciting creative work. Instead, we got burnout.

Let’s back this up. In the 80s, we fought long and hard against a system and way of living, called Communism, which was meant to be doom for us all.

Instead, we were fighting for a capitalist society that promised to keep delivering better outcomes for each new generation. It wasn’t hard to imagine. Post WWII, most things had been getting better and easier for everyone in these modern capitalist societies — we were just fighting for more of the same.

If we stayed the course, advances in society and steady increased in GDP would lead to wealthy nations which would provide better-quality and better access to healthcare and education. With our better health and higher education degrees, we’d be intellectually challenged in creative ways and meaningful pursuits at work, and from 55-years-old we’d retire but continue to contribute to our families and societies in ways that were less about financial reward and more about finding our passions.

More recently, they said opt-in to the Fourth Industrial Revolution. Like the previous revolutions, we could expect great change, but great benefits. These technological advances would help us reach that utopian end-point sooner. No more poverty or sickness, and we’d all be happy.

The Jetsons and Star Trek showed us that technology would make our lives and work easier. Automated flying cars would cut commute times, lengthy overseas holidays of self-discovery and wonder would be affordable to all, and all the mundane jobs would be done by robots so we could pursue creative careers that challenged us and gave our lives purpose. Rosie the robot maid would also do all our mundane household chores. Of course, we would also heed the danger stories, and design technology that was accessible, fair and benefitted all.

The reality is, quite frankly, the opposite.

More stress, less time, more pressures

We’re now smack bang in the middle of that Fourth Industrial Revolution, bringing together the physical, digital and biological to create exponentially growing and seemingly unending change in our lives, and it’s exhausting. We’re all burning out.

In 2019, the world finally stood up and took notice of the burnout problem. In May, the World Health Organization (WHO) added burnout to its list of globally recognised diseases, then later re-labelled it as an “occupational phenomenon” caused by chronic stress in the workplace. WHO estimates that one in five children or teenagers and one in four adults will experience burnout in their lives. This was further supported by the World Economic Forum labelling burnout a “mental health pandemic” and saying it was the new “21st century disease.”

Deloitte weighed in on our ‘always on’ work culture and a Gallup study showed that there is a global epidemic of burned-out workers who are experiencing (1) mistreatment, (2) unmanageable workloads, (3) a lack of role clarity, (4) a lack of support from their management, and (5) unreasonable time pressures.

Burnout means we’re constantly feeling busy, under pressure and like we have no time. We feel harassed by our technology and social media feeds always pinging. We feel the need to reply to work emails on our phones at 8pm or on Sunday mornings, just to keep up with our other colleagues who may actually be in the office at that time… and our bosses are answering emails then anyway. This is burnout.

We bought in, we played ball, and in exchange we got burnout. But surely we’re living better lives, right? 

Not really. 

For a lot of people, things haven’t gotten any better. Technological gains and efficiencies have benefitted not individuals but corporations, which are constantly striving to be more efficient, nimble and agile so they can fend off the next round of innovative start-ups. 

We’re spending more time working, in increasingly demanding and stressful jobs with blurred work-life boundaries, and yet for the first time since 1930, we’re earning less relative income than those who came before us and we have less financial security.

We also no longer have job security. Instead we’re constantly on alert, waiting for the tap on the shoulder that signals we should clear out our desks along with 10% of our teammates — yet we’re told we’re not loyal anymore, and we’re “lucky” if we’re chosen to stay to work twice as hard once everyone else has left. (check out Daniel H. Pink’s classic-but-still-relevant book Free Agent Nation for more about the changing world of work).

Even though Millennials and Gen-Xers are the most highly educated generations, everything is changing so fast that we’re constantly being asked to get skills, then re-skill and re-skill again to remain relevant in the workforce. Yet, companies know that you might not stay and they might make your role redundant anyway, so they’ve all but done away with costly in-house training and we’re now asked to sort out all that extra accreditation in our own time and with our own money.

Meanwhile, the wealth gap continues to increase, many of us have huge university debt, no prospects of ever buying a house, and we won’t be able to retire until we’re 75.

This is not the future we were promised.

We’re running really fast. Who knows where, but we’re running, we’re busy, and that’s all that matters. Right?

No! This always-on, high pressure rat-race is making us sick. Burnout is proof that we can’t run the corporate hamster wheel and navigate the rotating door of mass layoffs and climb the ladder of education all at once. We just can’t do it all.

We need to fight burnout and to do that we need to regain the control and balance in our lives. We need more time for our families and friends, and more time to exercise and look after ourselves, or just more time to simply relax.

Why can’t we have that four-day workweek we were promised?

So, it’s not a cure, but seriously, why can’t we have a four-day work week? 

No, I’m not talking about cramming 40-hours of work into four days and being paid less for the privilege. I’m talking about delivering on that promise that greater technological efficiency means workers see some benefits: getting to work less hours each week or getting more time off for instance. 

We could do five 6-hour days a week, or four 8-hour days a week — I don’t mind, either is OK with me. 

Recent news stories applauded Finland’s prime minister, Sanna Marin, for wanting to introduce a 4-day work week. “I believe people deserve to spend more time with their families, loved ones, hobbies and other aspects of life, such as culture,” Marin, 34, is quoted as saying in August last year before she took office. 

Unfortunately, the Finnish Government couldn’t have run faster from these news stories, quickly clarifying that introducing a 4-day workweek was “not on the Finnish Government agenda.” The message was clear, although this is a nice idea, no one in power would seriously consider this. Gasp, think of the economy! 

But here’s the thing, some companies have trialled these systems (working less) and have actually shown that employees end up being even more productive! It’s a win-win, and a no-brainer.

So, there is some hope for change, we just all have to move to New Zealand where Perpetual Guardian recently made a 4-day workweek available to its employees after a successful trial, as reported by Smart Company. Perpetual Guardian employees can opt-in for a weekly rest day while still receiving their normal salaries as long as they continue to meet their productivity objectives. And just to be clear, the trial showed that employees who embarked on the reduced workhours option were more productive and reported lower levels of stress.

According to New Europe, Sweden has also been trialling a reduced hour workweek: “In Sweden, where the 6-hour-day has already been in place since 2015, the results showed that employees were happier, wealthier and more productive as they were still fully paid and customers were more satisfied.”

Now I know that this is a small sample, and not all industries or job types will be suited to reduced work hours, but it is true that for some circumstances and some jobs, this can be made to work, both for the employer and employee — and it just might help to make a small difference to the burnout epidemic that is sweeping the world.

Plus burned-out employees are leaving corporations in droves anyway, costing organisation a while lot of money, so surely we have to try something, and why not a four-day workweek?

OK? Good.

So, now can we get back to delivering on that promise?

Unfortunately, while a four-day workweek is a nice start and possibly something that might shift the dial a little bit in the fight against burnout, it certainly isn’t a cure.

So, where do we go from here? How can we make capitalism deliver on its promise? You remember, the promise of a better life for individuals, not just stable GDP growth and bigger corporate profits. 

One thing is for sure, our current democratic, capitalist approach is coming apart at the seams, in fact the world has just gone a bit crazy lately (dare I say it? … Trump and Brexit, what the heck?). Has anyone stopped to consider that maybe it’s because the current system is not delivering on that promise of a better future for our children and our children’s children?

Now, I’m not overly political, and I’m sure I don’t have all the answers, but I do know that I’ve experienced the corporate hamster wheel and the burnout that went with it, and I’m looking for change. 

I see some hope in New Zealand, where Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, announced that her government was launching a “different approach for Government decision-making all together” by delivering a Wellbeing Budget rather than the traditional budget focused solely on growing GDP. Here’s how Ardern put it during a speech in New York:

“Traditionally, success or failure in politics has been measured in purely economic terms. Growth, GDP, your trade deficit and the level of debt you carry. On those terms, you would call New Zealand relatively successful. But in the last few years the deficiency of such measures has become stark. So, we are establishing brand new measure of national achievement that goes beyond growth.”

“While at a global level economic growth has been unprecedented, the distribution of benefits has been uneven at the level of individuals and communities. …. But we also need to do better at lifting the incomes of New Zealanders and sharing the gains of economic growth.”

Ardern then goes on to outline other measures of success for her government that are focused on relieving poverty, ensuring equality, improving the environment, and supporting accessibility to education for all.

Who would have thought!? This is a government focused not only on making sure the country gets richer (GDP), but more than that, focused on making sure that its people have better wellbeing outcomes.

Is this the capitalist model that actually delivers the promised utopia, or at least moves us in the right direction? 

Only time will tell.

In the meantime, I’m serious about that four-day workweek. Let’s talk!

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How to Move on From Job Burnout

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Feeling Stressed, Overwhelmed, Angry or Frustrated? Like 1 in 4 Others, You Could be Experiencing Job Burnout.

A few years ago, I experienced job burnout.

I had a good job with a well-respected brand, and I was killing it – regularly receiving awards and praise. I pride myself on my can-do attitude, and I was often the person called upon to get stuff done, the more important and immediate the task the more likely it was to come to me. I felt appreciated and important, and I was relishing it. Life was good.

Then it wasn’t.

I started getting colds and flus all the time, but I never felt that I could take the time to fully recover. There was just too much to do! I put on weight, mostly because I didn’t have time to cook or prepare meals, and I had stopped playing sports because I was just too tired after work.

I felt like I was always racing against impossible deadlines, forcing me to work into the evening or weekends. I’d always chosen to work late before – almost feeling proud of the extra hours I was putting in to get the job done well – now I felt cornered into it. I’d lost control and always felt snowed under. I noticed I was always stressed. In fact, it became my new answer when I’d walk into the office in the morning.

“How are you?” my colleagues would ask while not looking up from their computers.

“Oh you know, a bit stressed, but OK,” I would answer as I started up my laptop, brushing it off but also secretly hoping someone would say, “oh really, how can I help?”

They never did.

Most concerning to me, I was exhausted but couldn’t sleep. Not since my university days had I lay in bed awake stressing about all the things I had to get done the next day. The difference was that at university, I knew there was an end to exam week. It was a couple of weeks of intense prep and sitting the exams, then it was all over (with a holiday to follow!). But this just wasn’t ending, and it was getting worse. I tried writing my to-do list for the next day before bed, I tried deep breathing to calm my mind, I tried over-the-counter sleeping tablets. Nothing was working.

So, I jumped ship.

I was offered another job in another team, and it was the circuit breaker I needed. I got lucky, but not everyone has such a convenient alternative waiting for them when things get too tough.

2019: The Year of Burnout

2019 was the year that the world stood up and took notice of this problem.

It started when the World Health Organization (WHO) added burnout to its list of globally recognized diseases, estimating that one in five children or teenagers and one in four adults will experience burnout in their lives.

This was supported later in the year by the World Economic Forum labelling burnout a “mental health pandemic” and then later re-labelled it as an “occupational phenomenon” caused by chronic stress.

Understandably, there was also increased discussion of stress-management, resiliency and workplace engagement as a result.

Workaholics Beware

Job burnout happens after prolonged job-related stress, and it can affect your mental and physical health. According to the Mayo Clinic, job burnout can include the following risk factors that you should look out for:

  • identifying strongly with work
  • lacking balance between your work life and your personal life
  • having a high workload, including overtime work
  • trying to be everything to everyone, or trying to do everything
  • working in a helping profession, such as health care
  • feeling you have little or no control over your work
  • having a monotonous job

Unfortunately, society today rewards people who put in the extra hours – the people who are first to arrive and last to leave. Also, now that many people have a work phone, the lines between work and home have blurred, meaning we’re only a phone vibration away from that latest email your boss sends at 10pm because he’s also trying to catch up.

If you’re a high achiever or simply passionate about what you do, you are at higher risk of burnout. And if you’re a workaholic, then watch out!

Job Burnout Symptoms

Burnout is a slow progressing state that you get to over time which can leave you feeling physically and emotionally exhausted as well as cynical and detached. Symptoms of burnout include excessive stress, insomnia, fatigue, sadness, anger or irritability, alcohol or substance misuse, high blood pressure, and decreased immune function leading to an increase in illnesses, among others.

If you’re experiencing any of these job burnout symptoms, you’ll definitely want to get that checked out by a professional (talk to your doctor). If you’re not experiencing these symptoms, but are nodding along to those risk factors, you might want to reassess your current behaviours.

The Ideal State

A Yale university study recently examined engagement levels in 1000 employees and found that 2 out of 5 were engaged and had positive emotions about their work and workplace. Another 2 out of 5 were disengaged, so they were at higher risk of leaving the company. The last group, 1 out of 5, were engaged but burned-out – reporting high levels of interest, stress, and frustration. Surprisingly, people in this group had a higher turnover rate than those who were disengaged. To extrapolate, high performing talent is coming into organisations, burning themselves out, then moving on.

It stands to reason for both employers and employees that the ideal state for workers is to be highly engaged, but not to the point of job burnout. Workers need challenging work, sure, but they also need support to achieve that work. In short, managers need to stop asking one person to do more than one person’s worth of work for long or indefinite periods. And employees need to stop treating constant overtime as a reasonable request. Also, if asked to do a short-term stint of long nights and weekends, the worker needs time off afterward to re-balance. As Shawn Achor and Michelle Gielan wrote in Harvard Business review, “resilience is about how you recharge, not how you endure.”

Balance. That Old Chestnut.

While recovering is important in high stress jobs, it’s also important to put time and thought into how not to get stressed in the first place. And you guessed it, it’s all about balance.

There are three focus areas you should be aiming to find balance across. With small but powerful changes in these areas, you can keep some balance in your life and stop your job from leading you to job burnout.

When we experience job burnout, we let our job (the purpose and meaning circle) take over, often to the detriment of our relationships and health
  1. Put Work In Its Place – It Is One Part Of a Balanced Life

Remember, work is only one part of a balanced, happy life. Many studies have shown that we need to have purpose or meaning in our lives, and in today’s day and age we generally get that from our jobs. In fact, because our jobs take up so much of our times nowadays, they often become the main thing that gives us purpose and they often are inextricably linked to our sense of identity. What we do is very often how we introduce ourselves to others, and how we see our place in the world. So, yes jobs are important, but they’re not everything, and like with nearly all things in life, it’s about balance.

You need balance between what brings you meaning and purpose, and also between the other aspects of your life: your social connections and your mental and physical health.

You may only aim for balance between each of the three areas, whereas some people may also aim for balance within the three focus areas as well. This means aiming to have multiple things that give their life meaning, such as being a banker and a little league coach and a father/husband, or as we’re seeing more and more in today’s gig economy, you might be a freelance writer, a speaker and a change consultant.

If you have one job you’re passionate about, but your job has recently taken over your life (the red circle is the only or largest circle), then you should start by learning to say “no” while you are getting yourself back onto your feet. Talk to your boss about needing to find balance between work and personal life and agree that you won’t take on new tasks or responsibilities for a while until you can get back to a manageable workload. Also, take back your out-of-office life by agreeing on times you can turn off your work phone or silence alerts outside of work hours – then do it!

  1. Prioritise Your Mental and Physical Health

One of the first things that goes when we get busy is our physical health. With this one, start small if you want to make long-term change – the easiest way to fail at change is to try to do too much all at once. So, here’s some good news. Studies show that as little as one-hour of exercise per week, regardless of intensity, can show benefits. So, why not sign up for a 6pm gym class or sports league once per week. Tell your colleagues and boss so they can support you to leave on time that day. You could also find ways to get outside during your workday. Try walking meetings, or you could actually take your lunchbreak (gasp!), and when you do, find a park to sit in and eat lunch. Lastly, why not go for a hike with friends or family on the weekends – the benefits of being in nature are many.

Mental health is just as important as physical health, and they’re both intrinsically tied. There is a lot of information out there, such as be mindful, grateful, kind and generous. But if you’re recovering from burnout, or trying to, you may wish to focus on resting and recovering – also now known as self-care. So, take your holidays, get enough sleep, have long baths, Netflix to your heart’s content. Whatever it is that helps you unwind, make it a priority in 2020. Here’s some additional inspiration if you need it. Like with all things, you don’t want to overdo it (it’s all about balance!), but when things get busy it’s easy to forget we need to rest and recover too.

  1. Prioritise Relationships Outside of Work

What do people remember on their deathbeds? The people in their lives and the experiences they shared with them. Make sure you are prioritising your relationships outside of work, both at home and with friends. Find time to do activities with your friends and family, preferably face-to-face, such as taking holidays, going for walks, or having meals together. The benefits of having strong social connections are endless, and include living longer, being happier and being more resilient to illness, just to name a few. The great news is that you can roll #2 and #3 together sometimes for a double whammy.

If you don’t have many close friends and would like to have more, just remember, you need to invest the time. There is no quick fix here. The latest science shows that it takes about 200 hours to become a close friend with someone. So, try looking for a class or long-term activity that you can commit to that could help ease the awkward period between acquaintances and friends.

Why not make 2020 the year of balance? And if all else fails, you can just jump ship, like I did, and start again!

“Work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls—family, health, friends, integrity—are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered.”

Gary Keller

Dealing with Burnout

Remember throughout it all that there are science-backed activities you can do to better manage your stress and build your resiliency. Check out the posts under the below topics for some ideas on how to manage your stress, or speak to a professional.

Community and Connection: Connecting with others and contributing to your community are proven to build emotional resiliency and make your life happier. It is so important not to neglect this part of your life, especially if it doesn’t come easily, like when work is really busy or if you’re a natural introvert.

Health and Wellbeing: Your health and wellbeing is critical to your happiness. Luckily, there is a wealth of information about how to make small changes to your life to make it healthier and improve your wellbeing.

Meaning and Purpose: Having a sense of meaning and purpose in life is critical to resiliency and living a happy life. You need it to thrive and flourish. It’s about having a reason to get out of bed in the morning, setting goals and having commitments. Some lucky people get that purpose through their job, but many of us get our purpose through other activities such as volunteering, learning or experiencing new things or caring for others.

Related content: Read Moving On article Stress Reduction Lessons from Marie Kondo, listen to our Podcast: The Importance of Having Fun In Your Life – Interview (E27)