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Embodied awareness – checking-in with your own body for signs of stress and trauma 

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What is embodied awareness? 

It’s easy when life is busy and stressful to get caught up in our heads, becoming stressed, worried or anxious. Yet, despite traditional Western medical thinking (which is slowly changing) our minds and bodies are inexorably connected. What impacts our minds also impacts our bodies, and vice-versa. Yet in our modern world, we can sometimes spend far too much time in our heads and not enough time connecting with our bodies. 

As many people who practice mindfulness or meditation have found, making time in your life to stop and focus can have many beneficial impacts on our lives, such as lowering levels of stress, improving heart function and blood pressure, calming the mind to reduce anxiety and increasing levels of happiness. Yet, we’re increasingly trained to identify the mental and emotional impacts of stress and low mental resilience… we’re surprisingly not so good at recognising the physical impacts. 

Have you ever had someone tell you to lower your shoulders, only to realise when you do that your shoulders were up around your ears? That’s embodied awareness – being aware of how your body is responding to stress. It’s likely that you were holding onto a lot of stress in your shoulders and neck, but you were so ‘in your head’ that you hadn’t checked in with the impact of that stress on your physical body. It’s about understanding and letting go of the physical stress and trauma. 

In this way, embodied awareness could be seen as a natural extension of the psychological intervention called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), in which a trained professional helps you to accept your thoughts (the good and the bad) rather than trying to change them. This intervention teaches people that it’s OK to feel what you feel, without judgement. It has been shown to help with first identifying and then processing thoughts and emotions. Through embodied awareness, you take this self-awareness one step further and reconnect with your body too, bringing awareness to both your body and mind.  

“As a process, Embodied Self Awareness respects the unity of our body-mind experience and endeavours to embrace our innate self-healing capacity. This transformative self-healing approach brings attention to how and where depression, anxiety, trauma, stress, and chronic health conditions are being experienced and maintained within the body-mind relationship, and how distress can be alleviated,” says Christina Manfredi, clinical psychotherapist and counsellor at Transpersonal and Shamanic Psychotherapy & Counselling Australia.  

Questions to help you reconnect with your body 

So, how do you do this? It’s important to remember that sometimes we all need extra help. If you need to see a professional, see a professional.  

If you’re comfortable managing a low level of stress, anxiety or trauma and want to understand how this is presenting in your physical body, simply asking yourself the right questions can help. The following 10 questions are adapted from embodied awareness expert Dr. Alan Fogel’s recent article in Psychology Today:  

  1. Are you aware of your own body sensations, stress or calm or emotional feelings during school, work, housekeeping, childcare, etc.? 
  1. What are your levels of muscle tension like? Do you grip the steering wheel tighter than necessary, stretch your neck forward when trying to read a computer screen, hold yourself rigidly at attention when other people are around, or clench your jaw? 
  1. Throughout the day, do you change your movement or posture to alleviate the tension in your body, or do you just keep going, moving, talking, working, and ignoring your body state? 
  1. When you feel tired or achy, do you know what happened to lead to this state? Can you feel what your body needs in these states? 
  1. Do you ever stop thinking and doing and just take time to feel yourself? 
  1. Do you practice/receive any type of leisure activity that calls for embodied self-awareness such as yoga, massage, bodywork, meditation, dance, arts and crafts, music, sports, etc.? Do you practice this with the intention to expand self-awareness and relaxation, or are you caught up in “doing” it, trying to achieve a goal, or thinking about something else the whole time? 
  1. Do you ever stop to smell the roses, engage in open-ended play with a child or a companion animal, indulge in prayer, walk in nature with all your senses alert, share non-demanding touch with someone you love, take a hot bath, or go to a spa with no agenda except to relax? 
  1. Do you ask for help when you need it, or think that you have to do it yourself? 
  1. If you ever suffered a serious injury, accident, were a crime, refugee, or abuse victim, been in a natural disaster or at war, suffered from racism sexual harassment or abuse, have you ever done trauma therapy to deal with the emotional aftermath? 
  1. Can you talk about your emotions easily, or do you push them aside? 

Why not take 10 minutes out of your day to truly read and answer the questions above? 

Additional reading: 

  • Albahari M. (2009).  Witness Consciousness: It’s Definition, Appearance and Reality Journal of Consciousness Studies, 16 (1), 62-84. 
  • Bainbridge Cohen, B. (2008). Sensing, Feeling, and Action: The Experiential Anatomy of Body-Mind Centering. Northampton, MA: Contract Editions. 
  • Fogel, A. (2009). The Psychophysiology of Self Awareness: Rediscovering the Lost Art of Body Sense. New York: Norton & Company. 

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and weekly email newsletter for regular updates and news!  

How to remain youthful and resilient despite stress (E103)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

Join Marie and Pete this week as they discuss a recent scientific article on how to remain youthful and resilient despite stress.

Show notes

Telomeres and telemerase

Telomeres, the specific DNA–protein structures found at both ends of each chromosome, protect genome from nucleolytic degradation, unnecessary recombination, repair, and interchromosomal fusion. Telomeres therefore play a vital role in preserving the information in our genome.

Telomerase is the enzyme responsible for maintenance of the length of telomeres by addition of guanine-rich repetitive sequences.

Good stress

During the podcast Marie and Pete discuss a great ted talk on good stress (eustress) by  Kelly McGonigal: How to Turn Stress Into an Advantage

Hayflick Limit

The Hayflick Limit is a concept that helps to explain the mechanisms behind cellular aging. The concept states that a normal human cell can only replicate and divide forty to sixty times before it cannot divide anymore, and will break down by programmed cell death or apoptosis.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background] 

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t. 

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy. 

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life. 

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny. 

[Intro music fadeout] 

M: Three! Two! One! Go!

P: A hoy, hoy.

M: A hoy, hoy.

P: And here we are.

M: Yeah.

P: We’re back and here for another week of happiness.

M: Yay! I need happiness tonight I’m feeling a bit flat.

P: Are you? Aww.

M: My day was so full of happiness, but I’m just over happy.

P: Laugh, this is the natural ebb to your flow. Laugh!

M: It is. I woke in a good mood, slept well, I played with the cats a little bit, made my coffee. Got straight to work which is unusual for me, I normally do some writing and stuff like that. I was just like, ready to tackle the day.

P: Here I go!

M: And then we popped out for a bit of sun in the pool.

P: We did, we had a little happiness date today. That was lovely.

M: We did.

P: Yeah.

M: And then I was just in the zone all afternoon and feeling really productive. And yeah, it was a good day, good day. And I think also summer does this to me because I get out more with friends, which is that social side of things. But also, I do more physically. I’m just out and about and moving more.

P: See I’m the opposite, I do more in winter. I know I’m weird. I’m much more motivated to do physical activity and the sporty. Laugh, don’t pull a face at me like that!

M & P: Laugh!

P: I just got, like, the most judgmental face you’ve ever seen from Marie Skelton folks, laugh.

M: It was confusion.

P: Yeah, no. I get really motivated for that in winter, which is odd as well. Like summer is like, ‘Oh, I just want to sit down.’

M: Nah, nah. I’m the opposite.

P: Really.

M: Anyway. So, I am at the moment just in a really positive mood, which is excellent.

P: But an exhausted positive.

M: Now I’m tired.

P: Laugh.

M: It’s like the kid who was on a sugar rush and is now like, “now I’m cranky.”

P: Laugh! And now is like, “I wanted it to last forever!”

M & P: Laugh.

M: So, what are we talking about today?

P: Well, good segway. We’re talking about being youthful today and remaining youthful. We’re talking about beauty, people. Hair, nails, lips. What’s the next one? I can’t remember the next one.

M: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

P: It’s in a song somewhere. There’s always a song. [Nails, Hair, Hips, Heels by Todrick Hall]

But now we’re looking at an article written by a Jolanta Burke and Padraic Dunne in the conversation, ‘How to remain youthful and resilient.’

M: And they’re both from RCSI University of Medicine and Health Sciences.

P: Mmm, scientists.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: We’re going to get sciency, laugh.

M: That’s why we’re here.

P & M: Laugh.

P: So, what? What’s people’s impressions of youthfulness?

M: Not dying!

P: Laugh!

Okay, but if someone was youthful, what characteristics would they have? What would they be doing?

M: Well, they wouldn’t have done what I did earlier today, which was wander around my house thinking, where did I put my glasses?

P: Laugh.

M: Where on earth did put glasses. And I told you before we got on this podcast that was just feeling particularly old, wandering around the house, squinting at things, looking for my glasses, to the point where I looked across the room was like, oh, is that my glasses? And as I got closer, I realised it was a spoon.

P: Laugh!

M: Not my glasses…

P: Laugh!

M: And that made me feel even more old because I think during covid a lot of people that I work with in particular, who have spent hours sitting at computers and a lot less time getting up to go to the bathroom or interacting with colleagues, et cetera. We really are spending a lot more uninterrupted time in front of screens, since covid.

P: Yeah, yeah.

M: A lot of people that I work with have noticed a decline in their eyesight.

P: Laugh.

M: So that’s making me feel a bit old.

P: Laugh.

M: The grey hairs.

P: Oh yeah.

M: The random hairs.

P: Laugh, in different places.

M: That starts in your thirties, I will say for any women out there, you know, the hair that springs up in a place that shouldn’t. You’re like, how did that get there?

P: Laugh.

M: Why is that there? So, you pluck it. And then, the wrinkles.

P: Okay, so these are all things that young people don’t have?

M: That’s the bucket for me. Yep.

Also, the aches in the muscles.

P: Laugh.

M: They have flexibility, young people.

P: Laugh.

M: There’s a lot that young people have that I’m missing.

P & M: Laugh.

P: Ok.

M: Stamina.

P: Laugh.

Ok, well let’s turn that frown upside down.

M: Healthy liver.

P: Laugh.

There is a way –

M: You asked!

P: Yeah, well I did. I opened Pandora’s box. I’ll give you that.

M: Laugh.

P: So, there is a way to… I guess what the authors are talking about here is there is a way to retain that youthfulness or that… it’s not all about the doldrums of feeling arthritic and grey hairs and wrinkles and so forth, but in our mental health, maintaining a youthful exuberance for life or a youthful perspective on buoyancy and resilience.

M: So definitely perspective and how you view yourself plays a factor. But what the article that we’re talking about today is about is about stress.

P: Mmm.

M: It’s about how stress can impact your DNA all the way down to your core. So, there’s good stress, which is:

P: Eustress.

M: And bad stress, which is:

P: Distress.

M: Yes.

P: As in dis – ease.

M: Yes. So, eustress and distress. And if you’re in a heightened state of distress for too long. So, if you work in a job like our healthcare workers right now have spent two years in a heightened state of stress.

P: Mmm, yep.

M: A lot of people have. People who are dealing with financial insecurity are just in a constant state of stress. So, we’re talking about prolonged amounts of distress, and that impacts you all way down to your DNA and can make you… die!

P & M: Laugh!

M: It can impact your longevity.

P: Absolutely.

M: Let’s not be so dramatic.

P: Laugh, well it is reasonably dramatic, and I guess this is what the science is behind, and this is what the movement of positive psychology is doing for us now. Is that we’re paying more heed to our mental health and so forth.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And this just proves that, those sort of situations where you are under emotional distress are just as bad as being under physical distress.

M: Yes.

P: And they have the same impact going down to our DNA at a cellular level that ages us or makes us less buoyant or less resilient.

M: Absolutely. So, studies, because we like studies, –

P: Laugh.

M: – have shown that people who aren’t good at managing their stress can increase their risk of dying prematurely by 43%.

P: Mmm hmm, yep.

M: So, you’re 43% more likely to die prematurely.

P: And this is partly –

M: 43%!

P: Laugh.

M: That’s huge.

P: It is, [almost] half. Yeah.

M: And so, these wonderful researchers have done a lot of research into the effects of stress on our DNA and we’re going to talk about a little bit of more scientific stuff Pete. So, I’m going to hand to you.

P: We’re gonna try. We’re going, we’re going to give this a go. It’s going to be really basic.

M: Laugh.

P: So basically, when we’re talking about DNA, there are these little things called telomeres, and they’re like little barriers that stop the DNA from replicating too much basically. Whenever we have cell damage it reorganises itself, we can do that around 60 times.

M: If you think of your DNA as the bracelet, the telomere as the bead on the end.

P: Okay, Yeah, we can go with that.

M: So, it’s a sequence of beads, right?

P: Yeah, we’ve got about 60 of them let’s say.

M: Yep.

P: And we can reproduce, and we could lose them. We lose a bead every time we [the cell] reproduce.

M: 60 reproductions?

P: Yeah, around there.

M: Before a cell dies.

P: That is called the Hayflick Limit.

M: Yes.

P: Of telomere reproduction.

M: Yes.

P: And if we have short telomeres, if we’ve only got a few beads left on the bracelet, these are the sorts of things that make us less resilient, less buoyant, getting grey hairs, getting wrinkles, showing the signs of ageing.

M: In the cell.

P: Yes.

So, there is a molecule in our DNA, which has telomerase, which can put beads back on the bracelet. So, we had this and these are things like our immune cells and if we didn’t have that our immune cells would die, and we wouldn’t be able to defend ourselves against bacteria or pathogens. So, these telomerases [stop, extend and may] reverse the ageing process. And there are things that we can do that increase that telomerase being active in our body. And these are a lot of things that we talk about with positive psychology.

M: So why don’t we all just drink telomerase every day?

P: Laugh, good question. I don’t think we’ve been able to bottle it, to be honest.

M & P: Laugh.

M: This is the elixir of life.

P: Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. The fountain of eternal youth. I guess that would, that would work if you can do that.

M: Sure. And look, it does sound like the solution to ageing. But telomerase does stop working properly when people reach about their eighties. So even immune cells, which produce a lot of telomerase, the molecule telomerase stop producing that and begin to age.

P: Yep.

M: So, my lovely grandma, shout out. She just turned 97.

P: Oh, wow.

M: She had shingles last year, and they said not to worry about getting the vaccine for shingles. She’s 97, it’s not going to make any difference.

P: No.

M: So, as you get older things still do… We still have a shelf life, unfortunately, laugh.

P: Yeah, we do. There’s a used by date on all of us, laugh.

M: So unfortunately, there are things that we can do in our environment and as habits and behaviours that have the opposite effect from telomerase, which are things like smoking, drinking too much alcohol, being overweight and stress.

P: Yep.

M: And all of those things impact or are associated with telomere loss.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And telomerase not working as effectively.

P: Yep. If you’re losing beads at a high rate, no matter how many beads you put back on, you’re still losing beads.

M: Yeah, so the solution here is to manage your stress.

P: It is. And how do we do that, Marie?

M: Well, I’m glad you ask.

P: Laugh.

M: So, obviously adopting a healthy lifestyle. So, not only [are you] going to have a better quality of life, you’re going to have a longer life as well by doing a lot of things we talk about.

P: Yeah.

M: In particular, it’s worth noting that in today’s day and age, we are experiencing more low-level stress in our life and more high impact stress more often. We are more likely to divorce. We are more likely to move interstate or overseas. We are more likely to lose our jobs nowadays as well.

P: Yep.

M: And the list goes on and on. And then there’s that low level stuff like climate change, something that’s completely out of a lot of our control.

P: But ever present.

M: Always there… Political unrest right now. This whole debate about the media and who can say what and whether we can lie and how much lying is happening.

P: Access to information.

M: And how dumb our relatives are.

P: Laugh.

M: Anti-vaxxer’s and QAnon and all of that’s going on in the background and is just creating this high level of stress. And that’s what I think we’ve talked about before, I refer to it as the change storm. We’re just in the middle of this storm of stuff and what we can do and what we’re learning now and is critical in this new world is for us to be far more diligent about controlling what we allow to impact us. So, as we’ve discussed before, turning off your notifications on your social media, not being on every single social media channel and feeling that you have to participate on them all.

P: Gosh yes. I’ve been off social media for a long while, I feel so good. Laugh.

M: Really time blocking your use of things and being deliberate about it.

P: A client did that recently, shout out to Dimitry. We had a conversation about social media use, and he actually put a timer on his usage, and now he’s gone from six hours down to an hour and he’s loving it.

M: Yep.

P: He said, it’s just that constant information coming at me that I don’t need and processing of that information, that’s low-level stress.

M: Mmm hmm. Yep, absolutely. Particularly because a lot of it is talking about negative things in our environment that we have no control or influence over.

P: Mmm. And sensationalism.

M: Yep. You know, if you remember the watermelon and the orange and the M&M.

P & M: Laugh.

M: It’s the big stuff that you just no matter what you do, you can recycle, and you can do a whole lot of things. But really, it’s not going to change what happens in the news every day.

P: Mmm.

M: So, all of that is in our environment right now. So, listening to the news less.

P: Yep.

M: Controlling your social media, controlling how your technology that you use during the day, a lot of us spend a lot of time in meetings and on email and being contactable by people at work, really saying no and being okay to say no to a lot of these things in our lives as well as the other side that we talk about so controlling stress. It’s going to happen.

P: Mmm.

M: You could go live under a rock and stress would still find you nowadays.

P: Laugh.

M: Yeah, so it’s about then managing things when they do go bad as well.

P: It is, and in that way, and along those lines, let’s talk about eustress a little bit here. Let’s talk about the positive stress.

M: Yes.

P: Sometimes stress is good for us. We can take it and we can use it to actually benefit ourselves. And the authors talk about this in terms of the psychology of embracing stressful events, leading to matters that make us more resilient and resourceful, such as seeking out friends when we need help or creating resources within ourselves so that when stress comes at us, we have the tools to be able to deal with it a little bit more.

M: Yep. So, mindfulness is a great one.

P: Mmm.

M: So, when you can feel your heart racing or you’re not sleeping well at night, or there’s too much going on, and it’s just out of your control to fix it because you’ve got a deadline coming up or something like that, or, you know something is going wrong or bad in your life at that point. Deep breathing. I’m saying it, there you go.

P: Laugh.

M: Meditation has been proven. Yoga, Pilates, a lot of these lighter exercises or going for a walk, getting out in nature and getting some sun. Those kinds of things are really good for balancing out the negative stress.

P: Yeah.

M: And then, as you just said, then the good stress. So, we had spoken way back early on in our podcast episodes about Kelly McGonigal, who has a great Ted talk talking about good stress. So, if you google Kelly McGonigal and Good Stress and Ted X, you’ll find her.

P: It’s really worth a listen.

M: Yes, and she looks at how, studies actually that point to how we perceive stress. And if we see stress as good. Like if you’re gearing up for your grand final on sports day and you’re a bit nervous and a bit stressed, but you’re excited by that your body responds differently, and it’s exactly the same physiological response to that deadline at work.

P: Mmm.

M: But how we frame it in our minds and how we see it, is how our bodies react to it.

P: Yep definitely, and that actually has a link to telomerase in actually getting those beads back on the bracelet we can actually influence that response. And we can do that via intense exercise as well.

M: Yes.

P: So, it can be a good or it can be bad. It depends on how you frame it and how you use it.

M: Yep. So, Kelly McGonigal talks about a study where they tracked 30,000 adults in the US for eight years, and they started by asking people how much stress have you experienced in the last year?

And I don’t know anyone in the world today who hasn’t experienced higher than usual levels of stress over the last two years, right?

P: Mmm.

M: So, how much stress have you experienced in the last year? And they also asked, do you believe that stress is harmful for your health? And then they used public death records to find out who died.

P: Laugh. What a lovely thing to do a study about.

M: I love how blunt she is as well, right?

P: Laugh!

M: I think we’d be friends.

P & M: Laugh!

M: And so, people who experienced a lot of stress had that 43% increased risk of dying that the study that we’re looking at today mentions.

P: Yep.

M: But it was only truth people who also believe that stress is harmful for your health. So, really important thing to note there. If you’ve got high levels of stress, you don’t want to die. You want to live forever.

P: Laugh.

M: At least into your eighties, there’s two things you can do:

  • Reframe how you see that stress in your life.
  • And secondly, learn some of those techniques that are going to help you control the bad stress.

P: Yep.

M: And bad stress will happen. And there’s some things that you can’t refrain. Grief is probably one of… divorce again is one of the most stressful times, and they suck and they’re bad.

P: Yep. And getting through those and recognising the down in the negative. Getting through those is what we’re talking about.

M: Yep.

P: Read a book, play a computer game, go for a walk.

M: Play your favourite music in the morning.

P: Get through it.

M: Yep, put some put some habits in place that bring some joy into your life as well.

P: Use your tools, and then come to the other side and then you can… Then you can do the reinterpretation and reframing.

M: Well, if it’s appropriate. There’s some stuff that I acknowledge, you can’t refrain. It’s crap.

P: Laugh.

M: To use a PG word.

P: Laugh. So, there we go. If you want to be youthful and do well with your telomere length and have good ageing qualities. Be a model for long term, get into some distressing stuff.

  • Reframe,
  • meditate,
  • mindfulness.

And dance a little bit in your underwear.

M: Laugh. The cynic in me is like, I can’t believe we’re spouting this shit.

P: Laugh!

M: But it is science.

P: It is science, yep. Look it up.

M: That’s why we’re here.

P: Laugh!

M: It is all convincing me that one day I will need to do some meditation.

P & M: Laugh!

P: It’s alright, just run around in your underwear, and that’s just as good.

M: I can do that, laugh!

P: And on that note, laugh!

M: Have a happy week.

P: And stay cynical.

[Happy exit music – background] 

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic. 

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out. 

M: Until next time. 

M & P: Choose happiness. 

[Exit music fadeout] 

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and weekly email newsletter for regular updates and news!  

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‘Toxic positivity’: Why it is important to live with negative emotions

by

Andrée-Ann Labranche, Université du Québec à Montréal (UQAM)

It is almost impossible to go on Facebook or Instagram without seeing quotes or comments accompanied with motivational words such as, “Look on the bright side,” “Focus on the good things,” or “Be positive.”

If anything, the pandemic has exacerbated the phenomenon of “toxic positivity.” In Québec, the famous catchphrase, “It’s going to be OK,” is undoubtedly one of the best known examples of this.

Though well-intentioned, these phrases can end up creating more distress instead of helping. Why? Because they are examples of toxic positivity, a school of thought that operates on the principle that one should always have a positive attitude, even when things get difficult.

As a doctoral student in psychology, I am interested in internalized symptoms (depression, anxiety and social withdrawal) and externalized symptoms (delinquency, violent, oppositional/defensive, disruptive and impulsive behaviours). I believe it is important to focus on the negative consequences of “emotional invalidation” and to understand why we need to live with our negative emotions.

Emotional invalidation

When a person talks about what they are feeling, their main goal is usually to validate their emotions, to understand and accept the emotional experience. In contrast, emotional invalidation involves ignoring, denying, criticizing or rejecting another person’s feelings.

Several studies have looked at the effects of emotional invalidation. The conclusions are clear: it is very harmful to mental health. People who experience emotional invalidation are more likely to have depressive symptoms.

Emotional invalidation has many negative effects. A person who is regularly invalidated may have difficulty accepting, controlling and understanding their emotions.

What’s more, people who expect their emotions to be invalidated are less likely to exhibit psychological flexibility, which is the ability to tolerate difficult thoughts and emotions and to resist unnecessarily defending oneself.

The more psychological flexibility a person has, the more they are able to live with their emotions and to get through difficult situations. For example, in the aftermath of a breakup, a young man feels anger, sadness and confusion. His friend listens to him and validates him. The man then normalizes his conflicting feelings and understands that the feelings will not last forever.

In contrast, another man going through the same type of breakup doesn’t understand his feelings, feels ashamed and fears losing control of his emotions. His friend invalidates him and won’t listen to him. The man then tries to suppress his emotions, which creates anxiety and can even lead to depression.

These two examples, drawn from the study “Processes underlying depression: Risk aversion, emotional schemas, and psychological flexibility” by American psychologists and researchers Robert L. Leahy, Dennis Tirch and Poonam S. Melwani, are neither rare nor harmless. The avoidance reaction, which involved doing everything possible to avoid experiencing negative emotions, is often amplified by the people around us.

Some people are so affected by other people’s unhappiness that just seeing this sadness makes them unhappy. This is why they react by making positive comments. However, the ability to live with our emotions is essential. Suppressing or avoiding them does not solve anything. In fact, trying to avoid negative emotions at all costs does not bring about the desired effect — on the contrary, the emotions tend to return more often, and more intensely.

Being negative: A state of mind with ancient origins

Unfortunately, humans are not designed to be positive all the time. On the contrary, we are more likely to recall bad memories. This probably goes back to a time, ages ago, when our survival depended on our reflex to avoid danger. A person who ignored signs of danger, even once, could end up in a catastrophic or even deadly situation.

In this article, “Bad is stronger than good,” the authors, both psychologists, explain how in evolutionary history the organisms that were better at identifying danger were more likely to survive threats. So the most alert among human beings had a higher probability of passing on their genes. The result is that we are in some ways programmed to pay attention to potential sources of danger.

How the negativity bias manifests itself

This phenomenon is known as the negativity bias. Research has identified four manifestations of this bias that allow us to better understand it. One of these manifestations is linked to the vocabulary we use to describe negative events.

In a phenomenon called negative differentiation, it turns out that the vocabulary we have to describe negative events is much richer and more varied than the vocabulary used to describe positive events. In addition, negative stimuli are generally interpreted as more elaborate and differentiated than are positive ones.

The vocabulary used to describe physical pain is also much more complex than that used to describe physical pleasure. Another example: parents find it easier to judge their babies’ negative emotions than their positive emotions.

No more prefabricated sentences

Negative emotions are a product of human complexity and are as important as positive ones.

The next time someone confides in you about their emotions, if you don’t know what to say, opt for listening and emotional validation. Use expressions like, “It looks like you had a hard day,” or, “It was hard, wasn’t it?”

It’s worth noting that being positive is not always synonymous with toxic positivity — the goal of which is to reject and avoid everything negative and only see the positive side of things. An example of positive and validating language is, “It is normal to feel the way you do after such a serious event, let’s try to make sense of it.” Toxic positivity, on the other hand, sounds more like, “Stop seeing the negative side, think about the positive things instead.”

Finally, if you are unable to validate and listen, refer the person to a mental health professional who will know how to help them.

Andrée-Ann Labranche, Candidate au doctorat en psychologie, Université du Québec à Montréal (UQAM)

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and weekly email newsletter for regular updates and news!  

Coping with Stress Through Music (84)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about coping with stress through music and the surprising effects it has on our mental well-being.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

P: [Motherly voice] Hello Possums!

M: Hello! Laugh. Oh, that’s a cultural reference there Pete.

P: Laugh! For those people who aren’t Australian, in our listening audience, Google Dame Edna Everage and you’ll have a little laugh.

M: And look at the fabulous glasses!

P: Oh, yes. That was the Dame Edna of late. The Dame Edna the original was a very dowdy housewife. Yes, comedian character, created by Barry Humphries, 1950’s Melbourne housewife who came to stardom and was reinvented as a celebrity in the 1980’s.

M: It was probably my first ever interaction with a transgender or a man dressing as a lady.

P: Yeah, that character very much helped to normalise the experience for many Australians.

M: Mmm hmm. It was very progressive for that time.

P: It was, It was very brave of Barry Humphries to do that.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Very brave.

M: I’m sure he would have gotten a lot of hate mail. It would have been sent in the regular post. For those of you who remember what that is because it was a while ago.

P: Laugh, a letter? What exactly is a letter?

M: We are showing our age! Laugh. But I have some news today, Pete.

P: Ooh, some news.

M: Look what I got?

P: Oh, wow. Marie is holding up a wristwatch. Is that a…

M: A Fitbit.

P: Clickbit.

M: Fitbit. And now I will know how unfit I truly am.

P: Laugh. Are you lying on the couch eating crisps? Yes. Yes, I am.

M & P: Laugh.

P: And loving it!

M: So, I’m really hoping to rely on my Fitbit to do a bit better measurement of my overall wellbeing.

P: These things are amazing. I came across a client the other day who had a ring.

M: Yes. The Oura ring.

P: Awesome.

M: Yeah, they’re pretty cool.

P: So, he’s been monitoring his sleep, and you and I both appreciate how wonderful and fabulous sleep is and how we don’t get enough of it. We’ve talked about it before, see our podcast list.

Are You Getting Enough Sleep? (E54)

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And yeah, I was, I was intrigued. I was like, I’m going to get one of those, cause they look great.

M: If you want the ring, it doesn’t have as much functionality as I think, ah, what’s the Chinese one? [Xiaomi mi] So, there’s Fitbit, there’s the apple watch and then wewu [venu?] or something like that is another kind of Android one.

P: Yeah.

M: And then the ring does a few things more things, but is a lot more limited.

P: I kind of like that, though, because I don’t want to watch telling me to wake up and to go to the toilet and all that sort of stuff. Laugh, I’d rather listen to my body.

M: Just so that we’re clear my watch doesn’t tell me to go to the toilet.

P & M: Laugh.

M: That is not the functionality of a fit-watch.

P: Laugh.

M: Before we get sued.

P: It’s time for a bowl movement.

M & P: Laugh.

M: On that note. What are we talking about today, Pete?

P: Laugh. Well, we’re not talking about bowel movements, and we’re not talking about watches, but we are talking about music.

M: Oh! Dum dum dummmm!

P: Laugh, and how music can make you happy. Can music make you happy, Marie?

M: It’s not that direct.

P: Ooh, it never is.

M: My big, my big learning here. So, yes, it can help you relieve stress. And the reason I’m really keen to talk about this is because of a new study that came out. And I don’t know about you, Pete, but I am seeing so many more people around Australia experiencing stress and lowered mental resilience.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And high-strung emotions.

P: Yes, I would agree with you completely.

M: Laugh, it’s the most diplomatic way I can put all of that.

P: I’m seeing it clinically in my presentation of clients at work. Very acutely and oddly, the need for touch is also becoming quite obviously a need for a lot of people who are in Sydney because we are in an extended lockdown. So, yeah, definitely agree with you on that one. And the fractiousness of people is becoming a little bit more obvious. I think there’s a lack of patience. There’s a lack of, there’s chinks in the armour starting to show.

M: Yes, absolutely. And you know, just because there’s a chink one day doesn’t mean it’s there the next.

P: No.

M: I think we’ve called it the Corona Coaster before.

P: Oh.

M: The ups and downs.

P: Ooh, can we patent that?

M: Well, any woman who’s been through a normal menstrual cycle would know how ups and downs work.

P: Ew!

M & P: Laugh.

P: La, la, la, la.

M: I think the whole world is experiencing these in 24 hours cycles right now.

P: Laugh! Hey, I had my man period a couple of weeks ago. I can relate, laugh!

M: Was it the response to covid shop, is that it?

P: No, no, no, no, no, no. I just had a bit of an emotional moment in the park and had to sit down in a gutter and compose myself for a couple of hours. Laugh.

M: Look, exactly, and this is exactly what I’m talking about. And I just want to be really clear that we need to experience those emotions.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: But we also need to pick ourselves up and move forward through them and not get stuck in them.

P: Yeah, don’t unpack.

M: Well, do the opposite. Unpack it, experience it, feel it, talk to people, get help if you need to. But resilience is all about bouncing back and not getting stuck in that space.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And if you’re going down into that emotional place, it’s really worth looking at all the habits that you have and practises that you have in your life and whether or not they’ve been so disrupted that you’re leaving yourself without happiness and resilience cover right now.

P: Yeah, true.

M: So, if you can’t see your friends, that’s one of the pillars we’ve said. Or if you’re really just missing your friends and family and that face-to-face contact if all your hobbies and exercise, and all of that has just been stripped away from you. And, what’s the third pillar, Pete?

P: Laugh, p –

M: Purpose and meaning!

P: I was just about to say! Laugh.

M: Purpose and meaning. You know, if you’ve lost your job.

P: Yes.

M: And you’re just spending long hours watching Ellen and Oprah.

P: Laugh, or not even lost your job, but just at home and unable to work. This is the thing, a lot of people are at home and unable to go to work.

M: Exactly.

P: And it’s finding that purpose in your daily activities, waking up and going, ‘what do I do today?’

M: Mmm hmm. And so, if you haven’t replaced any of those things and even it’s just one of those pillars that’s been pulled away for the first time ever in Australia, we have so many of us in lockdown, so many in lockdown.

P: Mmm, it’s a new experience for us, isn’t it?

M: It’s a new experience for Australia and particularly new experience for our regional areas.

P: Yes, very much.

M: So, if you have had all these things stripped away from you and you are feeling a bit emotional, you are on the Corona coaster right now. What are going to do to replace some of those things? Because otherwise you run the risk of sinking further down that hole and entering depression potentially or increasing anxiety again, don’t watch too much news.

P: Yep, get those techniques out that we’ve talked about in our happiness literacy episode.

Happiness Literacy (E80)

M: Laugh.

P: If you’d like to go back and check that out. Getting my promotion on!

M: Laugh.

P: I’m dropping all the numbers here, [click, click] Laugh! But, no. Getting active and controlling what you can control and finding a purpose in something that you actually can do rather than seeing what you can’t do.

M: Yeah.

P: Flip the switch.

M: And so, one of those things, and we talk about many things [like] getting exercise, you can do by watching your TV and pulling up a 10, 20, 30 minute exercise or yoga class or any of, meditation even. There’s plenty of things on there that you can do.

P: Mmm.

M: From a mindfulness perspective as well. And it’s all free. It’s just about making sure you introduce these new habits. So, pick one. And now we’re going to talk about music, laugh.

P: Laugh.

M: Back to where we started. So, we’ll talk about this study. The Max Planck Institute for Empirical Aesthetics.

P: I love that ‘empirical aesthetics.’

M: Laugh, it’s a bit of a mouthful.

P & M: Laugh.

M: They have recently done this study. It involved six countries on three continents during the first lockdown in April and May 2020.

P: 5,000 people.

M: Yep.

P: That’s a lot of people, that’s a big study.

M: Absolutely, so from Germany, France, Great Britain, India, Italy, and the U.S.

P: Mmm.

M: A big group of people that they studied, and they looked at whether music impacted their moods and their stress levels.

P: I’ll jump in here, and just go from the complete impassioned response, and music so affects every moment of my day. I’ve always been very affected by music, and I use music as a way of connecting with different elements of my day and in my treatments, and when I’m working out and when I’m having quiet time. There are specific types of music that I tap into, so this is very close to my heart. It’s something I’ve always done. Even as a kid.

M: I tend to agree, but I don’t rely on music a lot it’s not a big part of my life.

P: Right.

M: But, depending… So, my writing days are Friday’s.

P: Ahh, yes.

M: And there’s a very big variety of music.

P & M: Laugh.

M: Depending on what I want to be feeling at the time.

P: Laugh!

M: What this study found, which I thought was most interesting, was that music itself isn’t the coping aid.

P: Mmm.

M: But music related behaviour.

P: Laugh.

M: So, the way people have adapted their musical behaviours during the crisis.

P: Ok.

M: So, if you were feeling down or if I was feeling down, I would put my Disney playlist on.

P: Laugh!

M: And I may or may not, get the shower then and sing to my heart’s content.

P: Believe me people, I’ve heard it. It’s been broadcast.

M & P: Laugh.

M: So, for me that’s the way of actively trying to turn my mood around.

P: Mmm, and it so works.

M: Singing, smiling, thinking back to being a kid, really, just letting it all go.

P: Yep.

M: To help balance the negative emotions. That’s what we mean by a coping mechanism.

P: Mmm.

M: Now, if music was just playing in the background and there wasn’t that intentionality, that mindfulness behind it.

P: Yep.

M: Then it probably wouldn’t have the same effect.

P: Yes, I’d agree. You need to be engaging with it consciously.

M: Yes, picking the music to influence you.

P: Yeah, definitely.

M: There’s good news here, in that people who were experiencing increased negative emotions – so just what we were talking about before – were found to engage with music, primarily as a way to regulate depression, fear and stress.

P: Mmm.

M: And then people who reported more positive emotions overall were found to use music largely as a replacement for social interaction.

P: I like this idea of using music as a replacement, I think that’s again that’s a solution-based perspective. They’re going ‘What can I control? I can control how I feel by using music when I can’t see my friends or reminding me of my friends because of a certain musical interlude or a certain musical experience.

M: And then more than that, a lot of musical people went out and made music.

P: Ah, oh yes! Yes, go the creatives.

M: Absolutely, and they have gone viral in so many ways. So, the company I work for has a fabulous employee who also plays guitar and sings. And she created a ‘Corona sucks’ video.

P: Laugh!

M: Where she lamented all the things that we’re all experiencing that we’ve mentioned many times here before. You know, the stretchy pants and the extra five kilograms we’ve all put on.

P: Laugh.

M: The fact that our hair is twice as long as when we started. There’s some very interesting men with some pretty interesting haircuts.

P: Yep, laugh.

M: Or lack of haircuts. Or they’ve just taken to the razor and taken it all off.

P: Laugh, yeah I’ve seen that.

M: Yep, laugh.

P: I’ve seen some guys come in with some coifs going ‘I just want my barber to be open.’

M: Laugh, mmm.

P: And then you see the guys coming in, ‘Yeah, the wife got to me.’

M: Laugh. And they’ve got a number one.

P: Yep, all over. Laugh.

M: Laugh.

P: Bowler cut.

M: Yep.

P: Laugh.

M: So, a lot of people have been making music about our experiences, and again that really can bond people.

P: Mmm.

M: Help you to know that you’re not alone.

P: Absolutely. There’s a wonderful story of a mutual friend of ours Marie, fabulous Brazilian boy. When the first lockdown happened, he manages a hotel in Sydney and they were part of the… Oh, the words escaped me.

M: Group of quarantine hotels?

P: Yes, the group of quarantine hotels. And on the last night at the 14 day quarantine. So, night 13 our friend Lucas organised for a DJ to come into the courtyard and played all these disco tunes for the people who are in lockdown, who could I think they could open their windows slightly. And they were all kind of dancing around in the disco.

M: Laugh.

P: And I thought, ‘What a wonderful way to bring a group of people who can’t actually communicate or even speak to each other together.

M: They can’t leave their rooms.

P: Yeah, and give them a little celebration. And there was another video that went viral in Sydney of a Sydney drag queen –

M: Yes!

P: – who jumped out on the roof of her apartment building and set up a disco ball and a DJ and got someone to film her doing full drag in the summer sun whilst everyone else was locked up in their rooms, laugh! I thought it was rather fabulous!

M: And do you remember early on in Covid. So, this would have been March, April last year in Italy with people playing on their balconies?

P: Oh, yes! That was amazing. Yes.

M: Yeah.

P: That was incredible!

M: Power of music! Laugh.

P: It is so powerful. And it has such an ability to change your mood. Which is why I’m interested about your point Marie in terms of its not the music, that’s the solution, it’s the behaviour around it.

M: Yes, so again, I think it’s like everything we talk about. You’ve got to be mindful, right?

P: Mmm.

M: Right? So, just putting on a playlist in the background and reading a book and not really registering it, it just becomes background noise.

P: Yep.

M: If, even that same playlist the next day, if you put it on and decided, you’re just going to head bang to it around the lounge room.

P: Laughter!

M: Very different physical and mental response to those two scenarios.

P: Mmm, Ok. And that elevates your mood. It’s that physical response to the music, which is actually doing the things with the neurotransmitters and changing the brain waves and the connections.

M: Physical, physiological, psychological response, all of it together so you don’t have to jump up and down and head bang.

P: Laugh.

M: I don’t want people to hurt their necks, but you maybe sit and just meditate or something over the music. I learnt that the other day, meditation, it’s a thing.

P: Laugh! I’m actually more buying into the head banging thing, because for me, being a former dancer, I wasn’t a technician, I was a musical performer like music. Music and movement was the thing, and I could perform or dance to a certain piece of music in such a way that was completely different to something else. And for me, it is that physical response. It’s that buying into the, putting Julie Andrews on with the opening of The Sound of Music and throwing yourself into a pirouette and spinning out into the backyard, going ‘The hills are alive!’ You know, that laugh.

M: I would have gone with Queen.

P: Yeah, everyone has their, has their breakout song.

M: Queen!

P: Yeah, you do. You jump around, you make yourself physical and I think this is, this is definitely a key for it.

M: I don’t know anyone that can play Bohemian Rhapsody without screaming it from the roof tops.

P: Laugh!

M: And then when, when that guitar solo comes in, laugh!

P: That guitar moment, yeah.

M: The headbang! Yeah.

P: I blame Wayne’s World for that one. I don’t think anyone ever did the head banger before Wayne’s World.

M: Laugh.

P: If you can’t remember Wayne’s World kiddies, look it up. Laugh!

M: There you go. There’s another cultural reference for your Netflix watching, laugh.

P: There you go. I want to just jump in here Marie and mention that it’s not only during Covid that music has been used a coping mechanism. There’s a lot of references to music being used as a coping mechanism in other great trials of humankind. And, of course, one of those is the Holocaust from the Second World War in Nazi Germany.

M: Yes.

P: There was a lot of music being used by people in the concentration camps and people in Auschwitz and things like that to find emotional comfort and also to connect because they couldn’t speak to people in the other gulags. But they could hear them, and it was as simple as whistling. And there’s a story of one young boy who actually whistled along with the band, and it resulted in him getting less, less duties in the concentration camp.

So, there was this lovely connection. I’ve got a couple of quotes here,

‘Music gave us so much. To escape, even for a few moments to a “normal” world. Music allowed us a complete disconnect and emotionally escape from the horrors of the daily life.’

M: That’s so powerful.

P: It’s completely powerful.

M: What do I say after that? [Nervous laugh]

P: Yeah, and it’s momentous. And even after that, it’s that buying in. And again, it’s mindfulness because when you hear the strains of something beautiful. I mean, if anyone’s watched Schindler’s List that that haunting melody it can definitely suspend whatever moment you’re in. And if you can buy into that and choose to listen and disengaged for that 30 seconds that can provide that respite and it can even provide connection.

M: It can take you to another time and place. I think it was, was it a week ago?, two weeks ago? That I wrote to you and I was almost balling, laugh. This is again another Corona stress-filled moment.

P & M : Laugh.

M: Baby Mine came on my playlist.

P: Oh! Disney!

M: From Dumbo, and Dumbo was the movie that we had on VHS when I was little and it was what I watched probably 50 times.

P & M: Laugh.

M: But it was my sick movie, that and Annie, and I watched Dumbo a lot. And so, Baby Mine came on this playlist, laugh. And I got all teary and emotional.

P: Laugh!

M: Poor Dumbo, his mother behind bars.

P: Laugh. Yep, totally agree with that one.

M: And it really just took me back to being in my lounge room on my orange velvet couch.

P: Oh wow!

M: Yeah, yeah. We were out of the seventies. We held onto it a bit longer than we should have.

P: Laugh!

M: But comfy couch. It really just took me back to that place and time. So, I’m just sitting here in my first world home with my income and with my husband and cats. And that was such a wonderful experience of escapism for me as well.

P: Mmm.

M: That was meaningful, but yeah, absolutely there are people going through tougher times than us, definitely.

P: Yep.

M: And music has helped people who have been through probably one of the worst periods.

P: Mmm. And it can help you, I think. And that’s the thing if you are feeling like you’re struggling, maybe give music a go.

M: Well, I think again, as we’re saying, give something a go.

P: Mmm, mmm. Find something you can control and give it a shot. See how you feel, buy in.

M: Absolutely, buy in. We’re no longer cynics you know, you’ve kind of convinced me to buy in.

P: Laugh, yeah.

M: We might need to change the name of the show pretty soon, laugh.

P: No, because I think I have moved into the cynic world.

M & P: Laugh.

P: I had a little moment last night, where someone was talking about a certain esoteric absence and I was like, ‘what a crocker!’

M: Laugh!

P: I’m like ‘Oh dear. What has this show done to me? Laugh! I want science. I want studies, I want scientific evidence-based research! Laugh.’

M: I love it, and soon we will be one Peter.

P: Laugh! Oh, youngling.

M & P: Laugh.

M: All right, well, I think we might wrap it up there for today. But we will also maybe finish our episode with a clip from one of Pete’s favourite songs.

P: [Gasp] Oh!

M: I’m not going to tell you what it is. But our producer Lea, will end our episode with that.

P: Laugh!

M: So, until next week.

P: I’m going to have to listen back now.

M & P: Laugh!

M: All right, bye everyone.

P: Have a happy week.

[Snippet from the song supercalifragilisticexpialidocious in Mary Poppins – Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke]

It’s supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious
If you say it loud enough, you’ll always sound precocious
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay

[start of fade out]

Because I was afraid to speak when I was just a lad
Me father gave me nose a tweak and told me I was bad
But then one day I learned a word that saved me achin’ nose
The biggest word you ever heard and this is how it goes

[faded out]

How To Deal With Stress

by

woman stressing over work

How to Deal With stress – Wherever it Comes From for you 

According to recent studies on stress, 91% of Australians feel stressed about one or more aspects of their life. Around 450,000 workers in Britain believe work is making them sick, 86% of Chinese workers are stressed, and 77% of Americans experience stress which impacts their health.  

It’s a worldwide problem. Without healthy coping mechanisms, it can even have a serious impact on our physical health: 

  • A lower immune system and experiencing illness more often 
  • Tension headaches and migraines 
  • Insomnia, depression, and anxiety 
  • High blood sugar, blood pressure, and an increase risk of heart attack 
  • Tense muscles and a low sex drive (no one wants that!) 

It’s a horrible feeling. Sometimes it feels like stressors will never go away, like stress is consuming your life, or there’s no clear solution to make things easier. 

The good news? 

From work to finances, relationships, and everyday anxiety, there are positive, constructive, and super effective ways to manage stress. In this blog, we share how to deal with stress – no matter where it comes from for you. 

The Three Types of Stress: Acute, Episodic, and Chronic Stress 

Before we jump into how to deal with stress, it’s important to understand the three different kinds of stress and determine what kind of stress you’ve been dealing with. Here’s a quick run-down:  

  • Acute stress. This kind of stress is brief and often passes quickly. It is the most common kind of stress because it comes from reactive thinking – for example, you might be stressing about an upcoming event or deadline, certain situations, or demands from friends, family, and coworkers.  
     
    Stress is induced in the moment by negative thinking and can cause headaches, stomach aches, muscular pain, and moments of anxiety and depression. 
     
    While stress can come and go, it’s important to get the support you need in stressful times. If you find yourself becoming stressed more often, get in touch with your doctor or counsellor for support. 
     
  • Episodic stress. This occurs for people who experience acute stress frequently. You might feel rushed or pressured and feel your life is too chaotic. There are two kinds of people who are more likely to experience “episodic stress”; Type A people who are competitive, aggressive, impatient, and even aggressive, and; the “Worrier” who lives with excessive negative thoughts and can forecast a catastrophe well ahead of time.  
     
    Episodic stress can cause concentration issues, anger, depression, memory loss, fatigue, relationship problems, a compromised immune system, and much more. 
     
    If you’re experiencing episodic stress, it’s time to step in and contact your doctor for mental health support and develop some constructive stress management techniques. 
     
  • Chronic stress. This is the worst kind of stress possible. If chronic stress is left untreated, you can cause irreversible damage to your physical and mental health. People who have experienced abuse, poverty, unemployment, a dysfunctional family, substance abuse, or a broken marriage often experience chronic stress. 
     
    Chronic stress can lead to a feeling of hopelessness, can’t see an escape from the stress, and give up on looking for solutions. It can even be a change in the hardwiring of their neurobiology of the brain and body, so poor habits and negative thinking becomes ingrained in their bodies.  
     
    If you are experiencing chronic stress or know someone who might be, please seek professional help or call LifeLine on 13 11 14. You are not alone. 

How to Cope With Workplace Stress 

One of the biggest sources of stress reported worldwide is workplace stress. Some common stressors at work include: 

  • Not getting paid enough 
  • Working super long hours or unpaid overtime 
  • A huge workload and seemingly not enough hours in the day 
  • Unachievable, rolling deadlines 
  • Low levels of recognition or appreciation 
  • Few (or no) opportunities for career advancement 
  • Unclear instructions and feeling stuck
  • Work isn’t engaging or challenging – it’s not your passion 
  • There are conflicts with coworkers and an overall lack of support 
  • Management is harsh and setting unachievable standards 

The major problem with workplace stress is that it doesn’t just disappear when you go home. Workplace worries can follow you home, set up shop in your head, and refuse to pay rent.  

These stressors can even end up starring in your dreams, leading to a bad night’s sleep, fatigue, and a feeling of dread about having to do it all again the next day. 

Workplace stress can be hard to kick. A lot of people who don’t like their job end up with episodic stress, anger, frustration, and concentration problems. Luckily, there are a few easy things you can do to relieve stress in the workplace. 

Here are a few ideas on how to deal with stress from work: 

  1. Take a minute for some breathing exercises in times of extreme stress. It’s important to make time for relaxation, no matter where you are. After a stressful phone call, conversation, or even after serving a frustrating customer, take a moment to close your eyes, take some long, deep breaths, and try to disconnect from the world for a moment. It really helps to refresh your mood. 
     
  1. If possible, take a walk around the block or get out for lunch. Being stuck in a stressful situation or environment can be distressing. If possible, get out of the office for 10 minutes to half an hour for some fresh air. Studies have shown people who have gotten fresh air perform 20% better and have higher levels of serotonin. Get outside on your lunch break and refresh. 
     
  1. Talk to your boss about what’s going on. If something is bothering you about your workplace or position, book a meeting with your boss to discuss it. Nothing will change if you never bring it up, so lean on your boss for support – they might be able to help improve the situation. 
     
  1. Avoid alcohol, smoking, and substance abuse after work. It can be tempting to pour a glass of wine after a long, depressing, or irritating day at work to “take the edge off.” However, there’s a real danger of turning to the short-term relief of alcohol or drugs into an addiction. The short-term might feel great, but the long-term effects can be counterproductive – it can even make things worse. 
     
  1. Take time to recharge. Nothing cures workplace stress like a holiday. If your coworkers, workplace, or boss have been bringing you down, make sure to save up some annual leave and take an extended break to refresh and reevaluate what you want from your career. It might be time to move on – or ask for more from your boss. 

How to Deal With Financial Stress 

Around 62% of people report feeling stressed about their finances – even more so since the COVID-19 lockdown and restrictions. A lot of people have had their shifts cut. Others have lost their jobs completely. 

Sometimes, financial stress can come from simple unimportant things like purchasing “Secret Santa” presents around the holidays, or meeting the gift demands of family members. Other times, it can be more difficult. Sometimes, there’s not enough money to pay the rent.  

Financial stress is tough! But here are some ideas to help deal with money worries and stress: 

  1. Track your spending. One day it’s payday, the next your bank account is tapped out. It can happen in a matter of 24 hours, so it’s important to keep track of spending and create a budget for your daily or weekly spending. 
     
  1. Determine what’s making you stressed and create a plan. What is it that’s causing stress? What’s costing too much? What expenses can you cut out for a better bottom line? Sit down and think about things you can eliminate from your weekly spending, like that $6 cup of coffee from the cafe down the street, or the sneaky cheeseburger you snag on the way home from work. Create a plan for cutting down costs and review it once a fortnight to see if it’s working. 
     
  1. Avoid temptation. If spending is a big problem for you, make sure to steer clear of shopping centres, fast food restaurants, bottle shops, and maybe even social media – online shopping ads are a major budget killer, so keep social scrolling to a minimum. 
     
  1. Take a minute to remember what’s important. I know it’s frustrating sticking to a budget, especially when you’ve been drooling over the latest Nikes online. However, it’s important to remember the important things – like spending time with friends, getting into your hobbies, and working on personal relationships. You don’t need material objects to be happy! 
     
  1. Set goals – and remember, progress takes time. The worst part of financial stress is that there’s no quick fix. Building up savings takes time – it won’t just happen overnight, unless you win the lottery (good luck). Keep in mind that Rome wasn’t built in a day, and you’ve got plenty of time to breathe, save, and get things back in order. 

Managing Stress and Anxiety in Everyday Life 

When you suffer from clinical depression and anxiety, it can be exceptionally hard to maintain stress. Even the little things can cause stress like loud noises, constant chatter at work, big crowds, running late, traffic, and more. Being too social can even cause stress and exhaustion.  

It’s easy to let these negative emotions overwhelm your mind and body on a daily basis. Here are some quick tips to help manage stress and anxiety: 

  1. Reach out and keep connected. On your bad days, make sure to reach out to someone close to you – a friend, a family member, or even a medical professional – and express how you’re feeling. Bottling up your negative thoughts and feelings can be harmful, so be sure to talk to someone about it. 
     
  1. Practice relaxation or meditation techniques. As I mentioned before, short breathing techniques can do wonders to relieve sudden bouts of anxiety. Find a quiet and comfortable spot at home, take a seat, close your eyes, and practice some deep, even breathing. Alternatively, keep your eyes open and identify three noises, three objects, and three colours around you. It will help keep your mind focused and relaxed. 
     
  1. Keep breathing. When you’re in the middle of a sensory overload, it feels almost impossible to calm down. However, it’s essential to keep breathing. Make it your mantra – “keep breathing” or “breathe in and breathe out” as you inhale through your nose for 3 – 5 seconds, then breathe out for as long as possible through your mouth. Again, this will keep you focused and help calm your heart. 
     
  1. Book in a workout every morning. Exercise pumps your body full of endorphins and makes you feel naturally happy. Book in a cardio session in the morning for an all day booster, or head to the gym after a long day to expel some stress, frustration, and energy on a punching bag. You’ll feel 10,000 x better, I promise! 
     
  1. Challenge your negative thinking. Depression and anxiety has a tendency to lie to you. It might think you’re weak or hopeless, but it’s simply not true. If these thoughts find themselves creeping into your brain, try looking at it another way – to quote Monty Python, “always look on the bright side of life.” Ask yourself for evidence. Ask yourself if you’d say these things to a friend. Cross-examine yourself, lawyer style. It’ll help cultivate more positive thinking and hopefully confidence! 

Coping with Family and Relationship Stress  

No one likes dealing with conflict – especially when it comes to friends, family members, and romantic partners. Most of the time, they’re part of your everyday life. When the norm is threatened, the fear of losing them starts to kick in – either fear or anger, frustration, and stress. 

Stressors can be external (like sudden unemployment) or internal (like a marriage breakdown). Here are a few examples of how to deal with family stress and relationship stress in a healthy, constructive way:  

  1. Recognise each other’s stress cues. Is something making you angry, short tempered, irritated, or stressed at home? There’s a good chance other people in your home are experiencing the same thing. It’s important to recognise when the other person is frustrated and know when to back down – ask them to do the same for you. 
     
  1. Turn to your own support system – or develop one ASAP. It’s essential to be open about your feelings, even if it’s with an outsider for the time being. For example, if you’re having troubles with your partner, you might turn to your friends for support. Alternatively, if it’s your friends bothering you, you might turn to a parent or partner. If you’re not ready to take the bull by the horns, make sure to vent and express your feelings with someone close to you. It can be very therapeutic! 
     
  1. Limit contact with toxic people. They say you can’t choose your family, or blood is thicker than water, blah blah blah… but that’s not quite true. You don’t have to continue torturing yourself and wasting your energy on toxic individuals. If you’re experiencing abuse, manipulation, and other poor treatment, attempt to limit your contact with this person. Again… It can be very therapeutic.  
     
  1. Conserve your energy for things you can control. There are some things you simply cannot change. It’s easy to get caught up worrying about the “what ifs” – for example, “what if Mum and Uncle Dave have a fight at the Christmas party?” – but it’s unnecessary stress. It’s important to let go of the “what ifs” and focus on the present. You can’t control Mum or Uncle Dave. Sometimes it’s okay to accept that something is not your problem or responsibility. 
     
  1. Listen to each other. The key to all healthy, long lasting relationships is communication and listening to each other. Listening to your partner, friend, or family member will make them feel cared and help you gain more perspective over their feelings. Ask them to do the same for you – but take turns, no yelling over the top of each other! 

No matter where you’re at with stress, it’s important to get professional help to balance things out 

Whether you’re experiencing work stress, financial stress, or general everyday anxiety, it’s essential to seek support and professional help. Voice your concerns. Share your thoughts. Be heard. Talking about your problems is therapeutic and sometimes it helps to get an outsider’s perspective. 

Take these tips on board, but make sure to seek professional help too! 

In the meantime, make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics, or sign up to my email newsletter for regular tips, info, and advice in your inbox.  

Sphere of Control and Chaos! (E77)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week Marie and Pete talk about your sphere of control and chaos, and how to focus on things you can control or should just let go. 

Show notes

Sphere of Control

Exercise in letting go.

  • Write down all your worries and concerns that you have right now.
  • Put a mark next to each one for:  
    • within your control,
    • within your influence, or
    • out of your control.
  • Acknowledge where most of your worries and concerns are and think about whether you should be letting them take up that space in your brain.
  • Read aloud the worries/concerns that are outside of your control and notice how they make you feel. How does your body react to those issues and concerns that are outside of your control? Analise them and try to look at them differently or reframe them.
  • The next step is hard, you need to make the decision to let them go.
  • Imagine putting them in a balloon and having them float away, this is hard for people who have never done visualisation before but well worth the effort.
  • Make this an annual event with a close friend or family member.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: Hey, hey.

P: And we’re back.

M: And we’re back.

P: (High voice) Hi Muz, how are you?

M: I am good. How are you?

P: I did sound like Mickey Mouse there. [Mickey Mouse voice] Hi Muz, how are you? Woo hoo!

M & P: Laugh!

M: I’m going back to the, like the thirties, the real original Mickey Mouse.

P: Yeah, the really high pitched Mickey Mouse.

M: My mind is on the steam train. [Steam boat!]

P: Yeah.

M: [Failed attempt at whistling] …

P: I’m going to let that go.

M & P: Laughter!

M: And how are you?

P: I’m going crazy, laugh.

M: Obviously. You’re in week three of lockdown, aren’t you? It only took two and a half weeks.

P: [Horror movie voice] The walls are bleeding.

M & P: Laugh!

P: I am going slightly so crazy. It’s not good for my mental health, laugh.

M: So, so far in lockdown. Because even though I’m up in Tamworth, I have been locked down because I was in Sydney within the last two weeks. So, been locked down up here. I have started growing four plants that I can’t pronounce, and I have no idea what I’m growing.

P: Laugh!

M: I have made rock cakes.

P: Oh, wow.

M: Which really brought back memories from being a child.

P: CWA recess lollies.

M: Right? They even had actual CWA jam on them, thank you very much.

P: Oh! Wow, wow.

M: It had a handwritten note with when it was made.

P: Ohh. My mum does that, ohh.

M: Laugh.

P: Memories, there so good.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Anyway! Getting onto the story.

M: We are talking about spheres of control –

P: And chaos!

M: Bah, Bow..

P: Ha, ha, ha! Chaos theory! [Extremely high-pitched voice] Everything is vibrating at very high frequencies.

M: We’re absolutely not talking chaos theory. That would be biting off way more than we could chew, laugh.

P: Yeah, laugh. Existential scientists would be raiding my house.

M: Mmm hmm. Yeah. I picture like the crew of Big Bang theory-

P: Yeah, pretty much.

M: – going “you’re wrong!”

P: Very much. But we’re not talking about that, we’re talking about the sphere of control. What is this supposed, sphere of control that you talk about, Marie? Enlighten me.

M: So, if you imagine an M&M-

P: Mmm, num num num.

M: – in the middle, so the smallest.

P: Ok.

M: And that is what you can control in the world.

P: Ok, yep.

M: And then you have an orange.

P: Wow…

M: The M&M is in the middle of the orange, right?

P: Ok.

M: This is a really bad analogy.

P: Laugh!

M: So, what you can control is the M&M, the orange is what you can influence.

P: Oh.

M: And then the orange is in a watermelon.

P: Woah!

M: And the watermelon represents everything else outside of your control and influence.

P: Oh, my lord. Are they all inside each other like a turducken?

M: Yes, like a turducken.

P: Ahh. Got it.

M: Yes. Now, where crazy things us humans.

P: Laugh.

M: And unfortunately, we are wired to worry. We’ve talked about wired for negativity wired to look out for us and our kind. And we have this nasty habit if it’s left unchecked of worrying and being anxious about things that are in the watermelon…

P & M: Laugh.

M: That are outside of our control and influence.

P: [Life coach/instructional voice] Be the watermelon. No! don’t be the watermelon.

M: Don’t be the watermelon. Leave the watermelon alone.

P: Laugh.

M: Yeah. What you should, in a controlled and measured way, worry and be anxious about is what you can control.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And I would argue that you should get through your worry and anxious phase quickly into action rather than dwelling in a negative mind space.

P: Yep.

M: What you can again spend time worrying about is the orange, what you can influence. But again, you need to give up a little bit of control there and understand that you may be able to influence things in that sphere, but they still may not go your way.

P: Oh.

M: And there’s nothing you can do about that sometimes.

P: Ok, all right, all right.

M: Everything else. Don’t worry about it. Let it go!

P: [Singing] Let it go, let it go…

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Laugh.

M: Now, that is far easier said than done.

P & M: Laugh!

M: For myself included.

P: So, it’s be the M&M. Don’t be the watermelon.

M: Yes.

P: And try to recognise the orange.

M: I really need to work on my stories before –

P: No, I like it. It’s working for me, it’s animated.

M: – we go on air.

P & M: Laugh!

M: So really, what we’re talking about is something that, if left unchecked, can lead to people having high anxiety and worrying unnecessarily. And if any of you have ever known someone who worries all the time, it can take over your life.

P: Definitely, that obsession over… and again, obsessions are one of the elements that are outside of your control.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: They’re unattainable. Why do we spend so much time worrying about it when we actually have no control over what it can do?

M: Yep, and not only that, if you’re worrying about all of those things, you can’t control your probably not moving through the concerns of issues that you can control and getting to the point where you actually just take some action and drive it to a conclusion that’s satisfying for you.

P: So, is this a case of distraction? Are we being distracted by our external worries or things outside of our immediate control?

M: It can be that. It can be distraction. There is always the procrastinator amongst us, laugh.

P: Yes, yes. Laugh.

M: So, it could be that. But a lot of people are not good with uncertainty.

P: Ahh.

M: And so, the fear of what could go wrong stops them from taking any action.

P: That’s beyond risk takers?

M: Absolutely. Generally, risk takers and just move forward.

P: Yep.

M: That’s a very big generalisation there.

P: Laugh.

M: But it’s the people who worry and who are anxious that we’re talking about here.

P: Hmm.

M: And day to day, if you’re on a healthy mental health spectrum, people worry and they get anxious all the time. But they move through it quickly and they don’t dwell. And they tend to have enough self-understanding to know when to let some worry go and just go ‘Meh, what are you going to do about it.’

P: Yeah.

M: You know covid, ‘what are you going to do about it.’

P: Mmm, yep.

M: Covid has been paralysing for some people.

P: Mmm, definitely.

M: Yeah. So, we do have an exercise you can do –

P: Ooh, audience participation. Yay.

M: – if you find yourself too tied to that watermelon.

P: Laugh. I love the watermelon analogy. You’ve got to keep that in, that’s brilliant, laugh.

M: Oh dear.

P: I can just see a big room full of people with a watermelon and an orange and an M&M just going, “What the?”

M: Laugh!

P: Where are we going with this? And then you’ve got to start stuffing things inside each other, it’s gonna get messy. It’s gonna be awesome.

M: Laugh. Oh, dear. All right. Well, the exercise.

P: Laugh.

M: So, if you find that you are anxious just as a rule.

P: Yep.

M: Or that you’re feeling a lot of anxiety or worry at this particular point because we can definitely have triggers or things in our life, periods of our life where we’re more anxious or worried than others.

P: Yes, I agree.

M: Particularly if there’s a lot of change happening around you. This is a great little exercise. So, the first thing you want to do is get a pen and paper and write down all the things in your work and personal and different lives, all of your life, laugh.

P: Laugh, ok.

M: All the things in your life that are crappy or that are not going well or that you’re not happy with.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: So, for me right now, if I had to do this thing on my list would be: I’m not getting enough exercise.

P: Yep.

M: I’m feeling tired from work a lot of the time, you know, and so on and so forth.

P: Ok.

M: And so, you write them all down and then next to them. You’re going to write M&M, orange or watermelon.

P: Laugh!

M: In my control –

P: Still laughing.

M: Within my control. [M&M]

P: Okay,

M: Within my influence; [Orange]

or Outside of my control and influence. [Watermelon]

P: Can we just digress a little bit there Marie, and can we define the difference between control and influence?

M: Sure. So, I can control what time I wake up in the morning.

P: Yeah.

M: 100% control over that.

P: Ok.

M: I can. Some people may not be able to.

P: Yep, ok.

M: I can’t control how high my rent is. I can potentially influence it by having a conversation and seeing if someone can reduce my rent because I’ve lost my job during covid.

P: Ok, yeah.

M: So, I could influence that possibly.

P: Mmm yeah.

M: There are steps I can take.

P: Yeah.

M: Or I could move house.

P: Ok.

M: I cannot at all – The watermelon is covid a great example.

P: Yep.

M: I can’t control that, outside of my control and influence. Can’t do anything about it.

P: Yeah, yeah.

M: All right. The influence is a bit, it’s the one in between, the grey area, where you may be able to do a whole range of things that still don’t lead to any change in situation.

P: Mmm hmm. Yep, ok.

M: All right, so you are going to write your list, and then you’re going to mark next to it control, influence or outside of control and influence, and have a quick look at what the majority of your complaints and issues fall into.

P: Ok, yeah.

M: So, that’s a good just first step to see whether your anxiety or complaints or annoyances or things that are… it’s like having a million thorns stuck in your hand just getting to you in your brain.

P: Yep.

M: Whether you should actually be letting them take up that space in your brain.

P: Right.

M: The complaints that are outside of your control read them out loud and notice how they make you feel.

P: Oh, that’s a good one.

M: And if you’ve ever done meditation, this will line up quite nicely.

P: What are your feeling when you say them?

M: Yeah.

P: Tap into that feeling.

M: Are your shoulders tight? Do you breathe differently?

P: Hmm.

M: How does your body react to those issues and concerns that are outside of your control.

P: Yes.

M: And really get to know them. Have a look at them, and are there any of them that you can look at differently? Reframe.

P: Be honest in assessing.

M: Mmm hmm. Yep. And once you’ve had a look through them and really looked under the covers at what they are and how they make you feel.

P: Ok,

M: The big work is, can you let them go?

P: Oh! …How do you do that? Laugh.

M: Once your rational brain has written them down, identified them, you’ve acknowledged the way they make you feel, but you know that they’re outside of your control. Can you let any of them go?

P: Mmm.

M: A great way to do this is with a bit of visualisation.

P: I like this one.

M: Yeah. What you can do is picture in your brain that you’re putting your concern, so covid, into a balloon. Blow up your balloon, you pop it in there and you let it go… You don’t blow it up sorry, you’ve got helium, sorry.

P: Laugh.

M: You let it go up and watch it float away and disappear.

P: Ahh. It’s like the Disney movie Tangled. When they do the lights, they send them all up into the sky.

M: Yes, yes, the Chinese lights.

P: And there’s a festival in Thailand, isn’t there where they do that as well? With, um, with I’m not sure if I’m quoting the right one is the Lantern Festival? [Magical Lanterns Festival in Thailand]

M: They definitely do it in Vietnam.

P: Oh, sorry Vietnam. My apologies.

M: I have a feeling it might be part of quite a few different cultures.

P: Mmm, mmm. It’s a lovely image because it’s a real releasing and letting it go. It’s like going into it into a big paddock and screaming stuff out to get it out of your body. I like the peaceful image of a balloon and, you know, writing things on a piece of paper and then watching it waft off into the nether lands and saying goodbye to my lost long lost obsession.

M & P: Laughter!

M: Your anxiety or something that was keeping you up at night.

P: Yes.

M: Yeah, and there’s power in writing these things down.

P: Yeah. I was just about to say the exact same thing Muz, because there’s so much power in that.

M: If Pete can do it?

P: Yeah, laugh.

M: Yeah, again if you’re prone to anxiety and worry, sit down with the pen and paper is the first step.

P: Mmm.

M: Really just labelling it, understanding it, mucking in and getting dirty and feeling it and putting a name on it.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: All of that stuff is really valuable to then being able to let it go and understanding the subconscious reaction that was maybe happening in your brain. Making it conscious and letting your rational brain throw it away.

P: Yeah.

M: And go “Actually, that’s really silly, I can’t do anything about that.”

P: Not necessary.

M: Can’t do anything about Covid.

P: Yeah. So, find your path through.

M: Now there’s a few things in there –

P: I’m going to jump in.

M: Yeah, I was going to throw to you, laugh.

P: Yeah, laugh. See we’re in sync tonight Muz.

M: Laugh.

P: I’m going to jump in because I came across this wonderful little concept and this is to do with the sphere of influence. So, this is the orange section of the Watermelon M&M and Orange scenario, and this is the concept of Sisu and Sisu actually comes from the Finnish culture in Scandinavia, and it’s described as stoic determination.

M: Mmm.

P: Now, apparently, the Finns take this as a bit of a national pride in terms of being able to display this quality in moments of great, great trial or great adversity. There isn’t actually an English equivalent for sisu, but they say the word gutsy invokes the same sort of character. So, it’s that stoic determination. It’s standing in the face of great adversity and taking action.

M: Mmm.

P: And this action may not actually be the best step, but it’s a step. It’s a step forward. So even by taking this action and adhering to it, you may continue to fail. It may still not bring about the right result.

M: You’re not selling it for me, Pete.

P: Hang on.

M: Laugh.

P: Go with me here. Come with here.

M: Laugh, alright. Alright, I’m with you, the orange, go!

P: Laugh, but it’s that idea of taking action and taking a step. And with that step comes refinement. So, you go ‘okay well, that didn’t work, but let’s change it slightly, let’s approach it from a slightly different perspective.’ And it’s actually taking control by doing actions and steps. Eventually, you reach that point where you’ve taken the right step that brings you out of the sphere of orange and into the sphere of M&M.

M: Laugh.

P: Was that nicely tied up?

M: It’s not out of the sphere of Orange into M&M. Because you still can’t change their external factors? What you are getting out of, is that place of anxiety because you’re shifting from the purely emotional, primordial, gutsy reaction to a controlled, rational thinking, proactive action, and that really can get you out of that anxious space.

P: Yes, definitely.

M: That reactionary space, yep.

P: And again because you’re taking a level of control.

M: Yes.

P: And that’s the most important part of that, that concept.

M: I love it. Sisu.

P: Sisu. Yes. Not to be confused with the character out of Raya and The Last Dragon, which Marie and I both watched this week, and loved.

M: Laugh. Mmm hmm.

P: Who was also called Sisu. [The last dragon – Sisudatu. Nicknamed Sisu]

M: Good movie, you should watch it.

P: Yeah.

M: Even if you’re not five.

P & M: Laugh.

P: There was another reading that I did around this subject, which was done by John Leland, who’s a journalist in America, and he’s written a book called Happiness Is a Choice You Make, and he talks about framing and how you can frame different ideas. And for me, this was the glass half full/ half empty scenario. Marie, you don’t look quite on board with that analogy, but you sort of understand where we’re going with this idea-

M: Oh, definitely.

P: – of looking, looking at issues in a certain light and trying to find instead of trying to find the positive or negative, find the element that you can control.

M: Yep.

P: So, there’s got to be one element in the issue, and there are lots of elements that you may not have any influence over. But there’ll be one that you do or one that you can actually exert some control on. So reframing that idea and looking at a problem in a slightly more creative or lateral way than being linear could possibly bring about a different approach, which again gives you a sense of control, gives you a sense of action, which reinforces your process of addressing it as opposed to being stuck in a circle of anxiety.

M: Yeah, absolutely. And we’ve spoken before about reinforcing neural pathways.

P: Mmm.

M: So for all of those people who are experiencing high levels of anxiety, particularly with covid, which absolutely not judging.

P: Mmm.

M: It is completely fair to be experiencing high levels of anxiety right now.

P: Yeah.

M: If you are experiencing high levels of anxiety and you let that run rampant, what you’re doing is reinforcing anxiety as a way to cope with life in general.

P: Yeah.

M: So, covid may move on.

P: Mmm.

M: We may get herd immunity with vaccines. Borders may reopen, you might win lotto. Everything will be great. And what you’ve done is reinforced that neural pathway that makes you go to anxiety as your default.

P: Yep, exactly.

M: So, for every time that you’ve gone to anxiety as your default reaction over the last year or over your life or over a period in your life, you’ve got to do the exact same amount of work on the flip side to get yourself out of there. And reframing, as you said Peter, glass half full glass or half empty –

P: Mmm.

M: – that reframing is a great way to start to break or build that new neural pathway.

P: And it is breaking that other habit. It’s finding an intervention that actually works against that negative habit.

M: Yep. And if that habit has been reinforced for a very long time. You have got to put just as much work in, unfortunately.

P: Yep, totally agree.

M: I’m going to take 10 days, 20 days, 30 days. It will take just as long to make that new neural pathway the stronger and more dominant one.

P: Yep, unfortunately. Laugh, nothing’s ever easy.

M: [Exasperated voice] Nothing is ever easy.

P: Laugh.

M: Unless you’re a dragon called Sisu.

P: Laugh! You could have a dragon called Sisu, that makes a difference. I’d do that, laugh.

M: I’d do that.

P: So, we’ve got homework Marie?

M: Homework?

P: Yeah. Didn’t you have homework for us?

M: We went through the –

P: Oh ok.

M: We’ve done the homework.

P: So, we’ve done the homework. We’re going out. We’re writing out our issues. We’re addressing the M&M and the Orange.

M: Labelling them.

P: Labelling them, putting them in a balloon and floating them up in the air, laugh.

M: Before you do that, though. Really look at how they make you feel. Say them out loud and identify the ones to let go.

P: It’s going to be ridiculous for some people who have never done visualisation or that kind of action before. You’re going to feel stupid. And yes, it’s good for you.

M: Let me just say as the cynic on this show, you wouldn’t catch me dead doing these.

P: Laugh, that’s it.

M: There is a scientific theory behind this, but there’s no chance in hell that I would be doing it.

P: Laugh.

M: I would be stubborn and dig my heels in and be a cranky old fart until I died before I was visualising stuff in balloons. I have to throw that out there.

P: We’re so doing it. I’m coming to Tamworth and we’re doing it. I’m so going to come and make you do this and we’re going to make this an annual thing. We’re going to have a balloon night once every year.

M: Although, a visualisation of balloons because releasing actual balloons is bad for the environment and animals choke on them.

P: It is, yeah.

M: Alright.

P: On that note, folks imagine balloons have fun, fun with it, and we hope you’re all going well and staying strong and safe during this time.

M: And that you have a happy and safe week, we’ll see you next time.  

P: Bye.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

COVID’s Mental Health Fallout Will Last a Long Time. Here’s How we’re Targeting Pandemic Depression and Anxiety

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Source: Pexels

Richard Bryant, UNSW

Although Australia is now largely COVID-free, the repercussions of the pandemic are ongoing.

As the pandemic enters its second year, many people will be continuing to suffer with poor mental health, or facing new mental health challenges.

The effects of recurrent lockdowns, fears about the effectiveness of the vaccines, restricted movement within and beyond Australia, and the bleak economic outlook are taking their toll on psychological well-being.

Now is the time to think about sustainable, evidence-based mental health programs that will serve Australians as we confront the mental fallout of the pandemic in 2021 and beyond.

The evidence is in

We now have incontrovertible evidence mental health has deteriorated during the pandemic. Large studies that assessed people’s mental health before and during COVID-19 have reported marked increases in anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress since the pandemic began.

Although many experts predicted people with pre-existing mental disorders would be most vulnerable, we’ve seen even greater increases in psychological distress among those without a history of mental illness.

Unemployment and financial stress have exacerbated psychological problems during the pandemic. The major concern is that the increase in mental health problems will persist for years because of the economic downturn facing most nations.

Importantly, suicide rates increase during economic downturns. One study showed each 1% increase in unemployment was associated with a 1% increase in suicides.

The impact of unemployment and financial hardship on mental health is relevant for many Australians, as fears of reduced support from the JobSeeker and JobKeeper schemes loom. Although the government this week announced the JobSeeker payment will go up, welfare groups have warned it’s still not enough.

So what can we do?

The question now facing many nations is how to manage the unprecedented number of people who may need mental health assistance. There are several challenges.

First, lockdowns, social isolation, and fear of infection impede the traditional form of receiving mental health care in clinics. These obstacles might now be greater in other countries with higher infection rates, but we’ve certainly seen these challenges in Australia over the past year.

Second, many people who have developed mental health conditions during the pandemic would never have had reason to seek help before, which can impede their motivation and ability to access care.

Third, many people experiencing distress will not have a clinical mental disorder, and in this sense, don’t require therapy. Instead, they need new skills to help them cope.

Since the pandemic began, there’s been widespread promotion of smartphone mental health apps as a remedy for our growing mental health problems.

While these programs often work well in controlled trials, in reality most people don’t download health apps, and even fewer continue using them. Further, most people who do use health apps are richer, younger, and often in very good health.

Evidence does suggest apps can play a role in delivering mental health programs, but they don’t represent the panacea to the current mental health crisis. We need to develop more effective programs that can be scaled up and delivered in an affordable manner.

One approach

Man experiencing COVID mental health fallout
Source: Pexels

A few years ago, the World Health Organization and the University of New South Wales (UNSW) jointly developed a mental health treatment program.

The program consisted of face-to-face group sessions teaching people affected by adversity new skills to manage stress more effectively. It has been shown to reduce anxiety and mood problems in multiple trials.

My team at UNSW has adapted this program during COVID-19 to specifically address the mental health needs of people affected by the pandemic. A clinical psychologist leads weekly sessions via video-conferencing over six weeks, with four participants in each group. The sessions cover skills to manage low mood, stress and worries resulting from the pandemic.

Typically, mental health programs have attempted to reduce negative mood and stress by using strategies that target problem areas. A newer approach, which we use in this program, focuses on boosting positive mood, and giving people strategies to optimally experience positive events and pleasure when faced with difficulties.

In controlled trials this strategy has effectively improved mental health outcomes, even more than a traditional program.

Trialling this tailored program around Australia in recent months, we’ve found it effectively improves mood and reduces stress. Although we haven’t yet published our results in a peer-reviewed journal, our preliminary data suggest the program results in a 20% greater reduction in depression than a control treatment (where we give participants resources with strategies to manage stress and mood).

This raises the possibility agencies could provide simple but effective programs like these to people anywhere in Australia. Delivering a program by video-conferencing means it can reach people in remote areas, and those not wishing to attend clinics.

One of the common patterns we’ve seen in previous disasters and pandemics is that once the immediate threat has passed, governments and agencies often neglect the longer-term mental health toll.

Now is the time to plan for the delivery of sustainable, evidence-based mental health programs.

Australians experiencing distress related to the pandemic can express interest in participating in the trial program here.

If this article has raised issues for you, or if you’re concerned about someone you know, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

Richard Bryant, Professor & Director of Traumatic Stress Clinic, UNSW

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

Are you feeling COVID’s mental health fallout? Sign up to my email newsletter for more tips and advice for reducing stress.

Signs Of Burnout At Work

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signs of burnout at work

5 Signs of Burnout at Work and How to Gracefully Bounce Back

Feeling stressed, tired, unmotivated, and irritable at work?

You might be suffering from work burnout.

It’s a common condition – so common, in fact, that it is now considered a diagnosable medical condition. The World Health Organization (WHO) added burnout to its International Classification of Diseases in 2019.

According to recent statistics, 23 per cent of workers report work burnout either “very often” or “always”, and 44 per cent of workers report feeling burnt out “sometimes.” This is a shockingly high amount of employees who are experiencing an extreme amount of work stress.

If work is starting to get the best of you (and not in a good way), these numbers prove you’re not alone. It’s incredibly common – which means it’s crucial to recognise the signs of burnout at work and act before it gets out of hand.

In this article, we’ll explore the definition of work burnout, the signs and symptoms of the condition, and some constructive things you can do to ease these negative feelings (and hopefully replace them with happy ones!)

Job Burnout Definition

Work burnout is a form of work-related stress which can cause both physical and emotional exhaustion.

The term was coined in 1974 in Herbert Fredenberger’s book Burnout: The High Cost of High Achievement. He defined burnout as “the extinction of motivation or incentive, especially where one’s devotion to a cause or relationship fails to produce the desired results.”

In the International Classification of Diseases, WHO described burnout as:

“A syndrome conceptualized as resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed. It is characterized by three dimensions: 1) feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion;  2) increased mental distance from one’s job, or feelings of negativism or cynicism related to one’s job; and 3) reduced professional efficacy. Burnout refers specifically to phenomena in the occupational context and should not be applied to describe experiences in other areas of life.”

Some common causes of burnout include:

  • Lack of control over your schedule, deadlines, and workload.
  • Unclear work expectations and limited resources to make life easier.
  • No work life balance and no time or energy for friends, family, exercise, and hobbies.
  • Lack of social support and workplace isolation.
  • Concentrating too hard for too long and long periods of high activity.
  • Dysfunctional workplace dynamics, bullying, and micromanaging.
  • Expecting too much from yourself and experiencing a constant sense of failure.

The result? An overwhelming sense of self doubt, a lack of motivation, hating work, and a negative or cynical response to workplace situations. The urge to call in sick can also be much higher – you desperately need a break, but it feels like you can’t take time off or you might lose your job and source of income.

The longer you endure work burnout symptoms, the worse it will get. It’s crucial to recognise the signs of burnout at work and take action before things get out of control.

Here are some of the most common signs of burnout at work – read them, recognise them, and reach out for help!

#1. Frustration and Irritability

holding up an angry sign
Image: Unsplash

One of the most common signs of burnout at work is anger, sarcasm, and cynicism. No one likes their schedule to be packed with work – as the work piles up and personal time becomes scarce, it’s not surprising that people start to feel tired and stressed.

Stress mixed with exhaustion can manifest itself into a temperamental mood – even the little things seem irritating, like a coworker asking for help or interrupting your sense of concentration.

As the frustration builds, you might even start emotionally distancing yourself from your coworkers, skipping out on social events, and responding to workplace situations with cynicism. For example, a coworker might ask you to do something for them, and you might think it’s not worth doing, or it’s stupid.

Maintaining a negative outlook at work can get you on hot water – so it’s essential to recognise the cause of your frustration and get some help.

#2. Spending More Time Working but Getting Less Done

woman working at her laptop
Image: Unsplash

Naturally, if you’re feeling frustrated about work, you’ll have less motivation to get things done or even show up to work at all. Alternatively, you might struggle to concentrate because you’re feeling so stressed and worn out. You might find yourself spending a lot of time on a task – more than usual – but not getting everything done, or the quality of your work is much lower than usual.

Frustration and cynicism tends to get in the way of productivity – interest in the task at hand is down, or non-existent.

#3. More Mistakes and Decreased Efficiency

broken plate at a restaurant
Image: Unsplash

Finding it hard to concentrate or stay motivated at work? There’s a good chance mistakes are going to be made – if you work in an office setting, you might forget to file paperwork or make important calls. In a restaurant, you could drop a plate, forget an order, or deliver a meal to the wrong table.

Work burnout can have a serious impact on your overall performance – and even the security of your job. If you’re stressed, overwhelmed, and becoming prone to making mistakes, it’s time to reach out and talk to your boss about taking a break.

#4. Headaches and Fatigue

burned out man with headache
Image: Unsplash

Tension headaches are a common sign of burnout at work. These headaches are characterised by dull pain, tightness, or pressure around your forehead, the back of your head, and even your neck. Sometimes it can feel like a clamp squeezing your head – needless to say, it’s unpleasant!

Work burnout causes headaches for a couple of reasons. For one, you’re probably not getting enough rest – your schedule is packed and you’re probably thinking about work even when you’re trying to go to sleep!

Second, the stress might be causing tightened muscles in the back of your neck and scalp. The constant strain is bound to give you a throbbing headache. While headaches can be treated with off-the-shelf painkillers, stress can’t. It’s important to nip your headaches in the bud and address your work stress.

#5. Self Medicating With Alcohol, Smoking or Substances

burned out man drinking alone at a bar
Image: Unsplash

When work has got you feeling stressed, worn out, and even depressed, it might be tempting to pour yourself a drink when you get home from work, or sit outside and smoke cigarettes (among other things). It’s incredibly common – in fact, around 71% of all Americans who abuse drugs and alcohol are employed.

Substance abuse provides a temporary high or “relief” from the stress – it’s a short term fix, but it’s not worth the time (or the money). Quite often, the “come down” is worse than the negative feelings you were trying to drown out in the first place.

Alcohol, for example, affects happiness chemicals in your brain like serotonin and dopamine. While you get a boost of happiness while you’re drinking, your brain will need to catch up the next morning. Your brain will be deficient in happiness chemicals leaving you feeling hopeless and depressed.

Substance abuse is a vicious circle. If you’re struggling with substance abuse and self medicating, please get in touch with your doctor, counsellor, or even a helpline like Beyond Blue or even Lifeline on 13 11 14.

How to Ease the Symptoms of Feeling Burnt Out at Work

While burnout sounds like a permanent condition or “disease”, it’s 100% reversible. There are a few simple things you can try to ease your work stress, refresh your mind, and make positive steps towards work satisfaction.

  • Talk to your boss about how you’re feeling and work towards creating a positive work environment. If they’re supportive, they will work with you to solve the problem – whether it’s reducing your workload, providing stress management training, or making changes to the workplace to make employees feel safe, relaxed, and welcome.
  • Reframe the way you look at work. When you’re suffering from work burnout, it can be hard to see the positive side of things. At one point, there must have been something you liked about your job. Think about your workplace or role and write down the things you like, even if it’s having a coffee with your coworkers. This will help ease the negative feelings you associate with work.
  • Practice mindfulness while at work. Taking a moment to be mindful at work can help you de-stress in a matter of minutes. Practice some mindfulness exercises like staying present in the moment, count your senses (like three noises around you), or focus on your breathing. If your mind starts to wander, gently bring yourself back to the moment and focus on yourself.
  • Consider changing jobs, positions, or even going back to school. Love your job? This step is not for you. This is for all the people who hate their work and have never, ever felt satisfaction from their role. It might be time to start looking for other jobs or even re-training and chasing what you really want to do in life. Consider your passion and purpose in life – it could be a golden opportunity to move on.
  • Set up some self care strategies like regular exercise, healthy eating, new hobbies, and putting your emails away after work. It can be difficult to find time for yourself when you’ve got a massive workload. However, it’s the “me” activities that bring fun and happiness to your life! Make sure to schedule in time for working out, experimenting with healthy new foods and diets, seeing friends, and enjoying your hobbies. Plus, disconnect from your work emails (if you have them). You’re not getting paid after hours!
  • Take regular breaks at work – and make them non-negotiable. A huge contributor to work burnout is working through your break. Maybe you’re too stressed to eat, or you’re too busy to stop and take a second for yourself. You need to take breaks, have some food, and unwind – even if it’s just half an hour. Set break times and stick to them.
  • Take a week off to recharge. It’s not a 100% effective solution – you will still have to go back to work, unless you decide to resign. However, it can be good to take some time off and focus on yourself rather than the daily grind. Consider booking a holiday – even if it’s just camping somewhere closeby.

Feeling burnt out at work? Sign up to my email newsletter for more tips and advice for reducing stress in the workplace.

How Job Insecurity Is Impacting Your Happiness (E44)

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Happiness for Cynics Podcast

This week, Marie and Pete discuss why workers around the world no longer have job security, how that can impact happiness levels and what you can do about it.

Transcript

M: You’re listening to the podcast Happiness for Cynics. I’m Marie Skelton, a writer and speaker on change and resilience.

P: And I’m Peter Furness, a road tripper, trashy pop listening, bed loving zealot. Each week we will bring to you the latest news and research in the world of positive psychology, otherwise known as happiness.

M: So if you’re feeling low.

P: Or only satisfied with life, but not truly happy.

M: Or maybe you just want more.

P: Then this is the place to be.

M: And to take us one step further on our happiness journey. Today’s episode is all about how job insecurity is impacting your happiness.

[Happy Intro Music]

M: I think this is a big one.

P: Yes, this is a big one, I think you might be taking this one Marie. This is right up your alley.

M: Yeah, definitely. So I spent a lot of time in a previous life working with an innovation and emerging technology team and looking at macro changes in our society and lives. And job insecurity is really the result of a lot of large changes that are happening around the world right now that are impacting individuals. So it’s easy to talk about these big changes, but the, the result and the impact is that we’re a lot less secure in our jobs nowadays than previous generations.

P: That’s a fact that. That’s what I was getting when I was doing a lot of research about this. Is it that job security, is it a thing of the past? Have we lost job security or is it just low at the moment and it will resurface?

M: No.

P: It will rise like the phoenix.

M: [Laugh] No, it’s a thing of the past. Look, there are a few people out there who might be deluding themselves into thinking that they have job security and it is, it is just the smoke and mirrors of companies who are holding on to [a] past that no longer exists.

P: So this is a change in format for corporate, especially in that job security no longer is offered on the table. You could be gone in a moments, notice with redundancies or change in circumstances. We can’t expect job security anymore.

M: Absolutely, and it’s not that the corporate’s have all of a sudden gotten mean.

P: [Laugh] What do you mean gotten mean?

M: [Laugh]

P: I thought they already were.

M: I mean if you want to take a positive capitalist view of what’s going on from a corporate perspective, the original life expectancy of a corporate has dropped significantly. I think it’s about 15 years, and it’s just a reflection of how quickly the times are changing now. So the Fortune 500 companies used to quite often last for 100 years, or more. That just doesn’t happen today. And there’s a few companies that still have that long history, and they’re the ones that have been able to innovate and stave off all of the new competitors in their markets.

P: Right.

M: But it’s getting increasingly hard to be one of those big behemoth companies that lasts a hundred years and those companies now need to not only innovate but change at a really rapid pace, and in order to do that, they’re constantly needing to do new things and to move on from the old.

P: Right.

M: Which means no, no one person’s role is ever the same two, three, four years later.

P: So the days of staying with the company for 30 years are gone?

M: Unless you can re-imagine your role. And the problem we have right now in corporates is that they’ve stopped investing in their employees as much in general is a rule because they know that employees are, rightly so, they’re less loyal back.

P: Yep.

M: Because corporates are being less loyal to them.

P: [Laugh]

M: And what we haven’t yet solved in this space is who is going to train employees so that they can roll with the changes rather than just be kicked out every time there’s a change.

P: Right.

M: And how are we going to re-imagine our HR functions so that we can prepare our employees to take the next job, and the next job, and the next job, rather than firing them or making them redundant every time there is a shift, which happens more and more often nowadays.

P: Hhmm.

M: So from a corporate employees perspective, right now is a constant revolving door of people in and out of an organisation. And there is just this never-ending uncertainty and fear in the corporate person’s life just like a storm cloud over them. You never know when the next restructure’s going to happen, and they’re all really disruptive as well. It just takes time to get through them.

So there’s that constant change, and it can feel really unsettling as a baseline in your life. You go to your work, you work your 40, 50, 60 hours a week, whatever it is, and there’s that constant knowledge that you might not have a job next week or that there is just more change and you don’t have any control over that.

P: Right OK, so the big thing that I’m getting from that hole, that change and that emotion is there’s a fear. Would that be fair to say that there is now a fear of the job security? And so do we look at how to deal with fear? Is that going to negate the effects of job security on our lives?

M: I think there is fear, but it’s uncertainty. What we can do is a lot of the things that we talk about on the podcast, and we’ll get to some team tips later.

P: OK.

M: But before we do that, I also want to talk about low wage workers or blue collar workers. Or um.

P: That was my next question.

M: [Laugh]

P: We’ve talked about Corporate. How do we talk about the, the family greengrocer who’s had the shop on the road for the last 60 years?

M: Have they? Do they still exist Pete?

P: Well, I go to one. Yes, [Laugh].

M: They’re few and far between though to be honest.

P: They are, that’s a fair point. Sometimes I feel like there is a little bit of a, a push back to those days of supporting local.

M: Mm hmm.

P: And especially now, supporting local businesses and the small fry in the, in the big palette of workplace options. You know, dealing with your local people. You’re local barman and your local restaurant, your local butcher, for example. Let’s take that example. So, if we’re talking about blue collar work, how do we negotiate this environment for them?

M: Yeah, Look I think there has been a snap back to supporting fresh food and produce in Australia in particular.

P: Yep.

M: Having said that, there is still very much a, almost a duopoly you know, the Coles and Woolworths, big supermarket chains, definitely still have a huge share of the market, so.

P: Oh, completely.

M: Yeah, yes. So that still exists. But having said that, for a lot of low wage workers, the problem is not only the insecurity of jobs because entire industries are arriving, bubbling, collapsing. So if you look at the dot com bubble, designers, Web writers, all the rest of it, all of that came and went really quickly. And that’s moved on to something else and a million other things. So that is happening for small businesses. Not so much your green grocers and your butchers, but.

P: Not so much the service industries either, I imagine, as well.

M: Depending on the service.

P: There’s still a need for their service.  

M: Depending on the service. So you look at a mechanic. Nowadays, a car will tell the mechanic what’s wrong before they person pulls in right, because it’s done It’s diagnostics cheque.

P: True.

M: And the mechanic knows that he/she’s got to have a certain amount of electronic, engineering kind of skills to deal with the car. So even that industry is changing very rapidly, so there’s a lot of change going on. But more than that, what I want to get to with low wage workers is that most of them are not earning a liveable income.

P: This is appalling.

M: So, we’re talking about students, young people and part time parents who are not earning a lot of money.

P: Yep.

M: But more than that, we’re talking about primary wage earners, not earning a liveable income for them and their families.

P: Yep.

M: So they’re at work, full time and what they earn puts them below the poverty line.

P: Yes.

M: So in Australia, research by the Centre for Social Impact, conducted for NAB National Australia Bank, found that two million Australians experience severe or high financial stress. So that’s about 8% of the population.

P: Wow.

M: And more to that, so about 40% are living with some level of financial worry. So these are people who don’t know what to say that their kids at Christmas.

P: Yeah.

M: They’re worried that the car might break down and they’ll have to put a payment on a credit card that they won’t know how to pay back. They’re worried that the next dental visit is not going to be payable right?

P: Yep.

M: And they’re working full time jobs and a great example of this, and this is happening all around the world. A great example is a story that I found about a family called, Ross Timmins and his family. And they were on the popular TV show ‘Rich House, Poor House’ and it lets rich families and poor families swap lives for a week. Have you seen it?

P: Oh wow, No. [Laugh] I don’t know what that is.

[Laughter]

M: So it grabs a rich family and a poor family.

P: [Talking over Marie] ?

M: Yeah, absolutely. And they switch. They switch lives for a week. And despite,

P: Wow.

M: despite Ross working six days a week and up to 90 hours a week on a shipyard.

P: Woah.

M: And his wife working part time while looking after the kids, the Timmins family is in the poorest 10% of the country.

P: Mmm…

M: And during the week they lived in the rich family life, Sarah, the wife, said it was just so nice not to worry about the cost of everything. When we got to the middle of the week, I realised I hadn’t worried about money at all over the previous few days. It was a real mental break. We call the holiday for the Children, but in one way it was for us as well.

P: Yeah, yeah. That constant worry, it does have an impact on your on your whole mental state and that has a direct physical impact on your stress levels, your cortisol levels, how much inflammation is in your body, acidity in the stomach, all that sort of stuff. There’s a real, there’s so much documentary evidence out there that supports how much stress-

M: Mm hmm.

P: -and constant stress in terms of concern and worry impacts on our physicality.

M: Yes, absolutely. And that’s why I wanted to say, for corporate workers, generally, they’re, they’re just dealing with that uncertainty. For low wage workers, for blue collar workers, for up to 40% of our population, they’re not only dealing with the insecurity, but they live week to week financially, and they’ve got that cloud of financial worry hanging over as well.

P: Yeah, it’s the wealth gap issue we’re seeing in other countries around the world, which hasn’t necessarily hit us here in Australia. I, I assume, you might have a different opinion on that Marie.

M: No, we’re just the same as America and the U. K. A lot of developed countries have got the same the same issue,

P: Yeah, right.

M: So the 1% exist in all these countries. And the distribution of wealth has not been particularly equal over the last few decades.

P: Yeah, right.

M: And so I guess this is why we’ve been arguing for a while now or looking into what’s happening in their happiness and positive psychology space when it comes to countries that are looking at well-being as a measure instead of GDP.

P: And putting social structures in place to support that as well. So at least you can enjoy the space from which you are living, a little bit more easily.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Yeah.

M: Definitely. And then the last group before we move into what you could do about this, the last group to call out and the last macro trend to talk about is self-employed workers and the gig economy.

P: Ooh, that’s me!

M: Yes, valid point.

P: [Laugh]

M: And a lot more right now we’re seeing people you know, these are the mompreneurs.

P: Ooh.

M: Or you know, IT workers who jump from.

P: I haven’t heard that one before.

M: So it’s the mum, mum bloggers who are selling training courses on their blog, or the, the more traditional IT workers who jump from contract to contract or temp workers, small business owners, uber drivers and students who make jewellery and sell it on eBay.

P: Yeah.

M: Designers who sell editing services through new marketplaces online that have been enabled, like fibre and air tasker and all of those great places where you sell services.

P: Yep.

M: So this is a new and booming area and way back in 2001, Dan Pink, Daniel H. Pink wrote a book which is still so relevant, called Free Agent Nation, which started talking about this. And the reason that this is good is that people get their flexibility. They have ownership, they have agency, and they can really create a career that works for them. If they want to work at midnight because they look after the kids in the morning, they can do that.

P: Yep

M: And it looks very much like a lot of corporate people right now. They’re all working from home with track pants on and kids running around in the background.

P: Grabbing an hour after they’ve put the kids in for tea, having an hour on the computer to do some work. Yeah, definitely.

M: Yeah, looks like that. The problem, though that we’re finding is that there comes a whole lot of insecurity there because we don’t have the social structures, the government support and safety nets in place with these employees.

P: Yeah, mmm.

M: And corporate employees come from a long and proud unionised –

P: Yes.

M: – background in history that ensures that they get certain rights that have been built into law in a lot of countries.

P: Mm hmm.

M: Gig economy workers are so new that a lot of governments haven’t worked out how to give from the same safety nets and rights that corporate or full time employees tend to enjoy.

P: Definitely.

M: So again, you can be fired or just not paid. And how do you go chase someone in the World Wide Web?

P: Mmm.

M: To get paid for things, so there’s a lot of uncertainty that comes out of that way of working as well.

P: Yeah absolutely, there’s a lot more risk involved in terms of having to negotiate the fear in the field. And I know that companies that you do use online I mean, I use Stripe and I use PayPal. Paypal I feel is a very strong one in that they are there to protect the consumer so that if, if, if goods don’t arrive or that if funds aren’t received, you can actually prevent payments or there’s a recompense. And so I think that those kind of companies actually do provide an important service in this new gig economy, as it were.

M: Yep, but there is so much more. So a corporation can’t fire you without giving you notice. But if you’re a gig economy worker, people could just-

P: Not pay you.

M: -pull your contract, exactly. Yeah, pull your contract within 24 hours.

P: Yeah.

M: So there’s, there’s still a bit of work to be done with most governments around the world. I don’t know that anyone’s really nailed this to give the gig economy and self-employed workers similar or enough of a safety net.

P: Yep.

M: So that they can go do what they do.

P: Sure.

M: And to give them a bit more certainty and security.

P: Mmm, mm. So in the last few minutes, let’s look at what things that we might be able to do to try and way lay this uncertainty that surrounds us in the new economy. Marie, you’ve got some, you’ve got a little pre-empt that you wanted to say on this one.

[Laughter]

M: Sure, look, I think it’s worth acknowledging that some people are doing it tough and it is not about us minimising that at all and the advice is if you’re struggling, please talk to a professional. Same –

P: Reach out.

M: – if we’ve triggered anything in this discussion and you’re not, you’re not coping again please do reach out to a professional and.

P: I think that’s really important because that’s actually taking a little bit of control. And in place of fear and in place of the uncertainty. I feel like the most important thing is, is that you do trying to find something that you can control, find one element that you can control and target that on by reaching out to someone and going up to someone say I’m not coping and I need assistance that’s actually taking control It’s a really positive, proactive step towards being, a step towards getting away from that uncertainty.

M: Absolutely. And then I think the second thing before we get into your broader tips is just remember to not overextend yourself financially. There’s a great book called Rich Dad, Poor Dad that talks about what rich people do and they don’t buy mansions and they don’t buy flashy cars.

P: Mmm, yeah.

M: And they don’t buy a lot of the things that society pressures us –

P: Yeah.

M: – into feeling we need to be a happy and successful.

P: Yeah, definitely. The whole. what would you buy if you won the lottery thing. Actually not much, don’t change.

M: Exactly, and a lot of happy people would buy nothing, so I think it’s just a really good general lesson. It is not financial advice. I have not taken your particular circumstances into account, just so we’re clear here.

P: [Laughter]

M: But I think it’s a really good point because there is so much uncertainty nowadays that having a really overstretched-

P: -financial situation is difficult at times.

M: Exactly. Yeah. Aside from that, Pete, there are some things you wanted to talk about for how we can maybe balance some of the negative with some positive-

P: Yeah.

M: – things that can help to maybe give you an umbrella as you’re standing underneath that financial entropic security cloud.

P: Yeah, absolutely. Look, this is, this comes from the mind tools website skills for [careers] and they really do talk about what’s the, the best way to respond it’s rather general advice, really, But it talks about controlling how you respond so in your circumstances where you are finding yourself feeling very uncertain. Try to get a hold on that emotional responsibility. Taking proactive steps like [those] we’ve already mentioned.

Getting value [for] yourself and giving value to your company or to your employer so that, that in turn, would reciprocate good feelings and a little bit more investment in parts of your employer or your company as such in going ‘well, this person’s really trying here. So let’s try and find a, a situation that we can either transfer them into or develop them further so that they stay with us.’

Looking for lateral transfers within your organisation, department transfers or even a different branch sometimes a change is as good as a holiday, as they say, so that helps to also up skill your communications and keep you relevant across more, more elements of the industry or the organisation with which you work, but within that as well, it’s also about valuing yourself and not allowing yourself to be taken advantage of.

Setting strong personal boundaries is a really important point, and in the same vein of being flexible and being broadly minded, assert yourself. Make sure that you’re not taken advantage of or manipulated for a bad negative outcome for yourself. Your outcome is just as important as the company’s outcome.

And keeping your technical skills up, making sure that the technical skills are there but also your communication and interpersonal skills, which I believe are called soft skills Marie.

M: [Laugh] Yes, we all know about soft skills in the corporate world.

P: I didn’t know about any. I mean, I don’t speak to client’s I stick them on a bed and they shut up.

[Laughter]

P: My interpersonal skills are probably through my elbows, more than anything, so [laugh] I need to look at that a little more laterally.

M: So I think a lot of those tips are really valuable. Show your value in an organisation is just a no brainer. But the one that I do want to reiterate here is to be taking control of your career and constantly looking for what’s next and how you can expand your skills and your interests and keep looking for the next opportunity. So keeping an open mind when things come along.

P: Yes.

M: And, they say nowadays, every 18 months you should be moving to a new team and growing and learning through that. So don’t move just because we say you should move. It’s about seeing things that interest you and taking a leap of faith and following the work. Yep, and that way it’s in your hands and your control.

P: Yeah.

M: You’re constantly updating your skills with new activities, and it makes you far more employable if not if, but when you’re made redundant.

P: Mmm.

M: Because it will happen.

P: Sure, yeah. I guess that’s the one thing we can rely on, that certainty is out there, it’s going to happen at one point.

M: Yep.

P: On that note. Let’s wind that up for this week. Thanks for joining us today. If you’d like to hear more please remember to subscribe and like our podcast. You can find us at www.marieskelton.com, a site about change, balance, happiness and resilience. You can also send in questions or propose a topic.

M: And if you like our little show, we would love for you to leave comment or a rating to help us out.

P: It would make us super happy.

M: Until next time…

P: Choose happiness 😊

[Happy Exit Music]

Related content: Read Happiness for Cynics article 5 Easy Resilience Activities for the Workplace , listen to our Podcast Wellbeing and Your Environment with Lee Chambers (E21)

5 Easy Resilience Activities for the Workplace

by

If you’re looking for easy resilience activities for the workplace, or inspiration to help your employees be happier and more resilient, you’ve come to the right place.

In today’s hectic world, cultivating a resilient work culture is critical to engaging employees and maintaining job satisfaction and happiness. Resilience has been a hot topic in corporations around the world for a while now, but nothing could have prepared us for COVID-19 or its impacts on our mental health.

As a result of COVID, we’re experiencing more change and uncertainty this year than ever before with huge shifts in how, when and where entire companies, industries and even societies work. In fact, the only thing that hasn’t changed, is that work – and life for that matter – is still really stressful. Making resilience activities for the workplace just as important as ever (if not more so).

Here are 5 resilience activities for the workplace to help you and your teams beat stress, be more productive and be happier.

5 Resilience Activities for the Workplace

1. Gratitude

When we practice gratitude, we grow more attuned to what is good in life and connect that goodness to other people. It’s a great way to train the mind to scan the environment for the positive. Particularly in a corporate workplace, where recent agile practices and ways of working stress the importance of constant improvement, it can feel like nothing is ever good enough. Practicing gratitude helps people to balance out the negative and according to Northeastern professor and author of Emotional Success, David DeSteno, it also helps people achieve goals.

Not only that but practicing gratitude at work is particularly great for team unity and bonding. When colleagues express gratitude for each other, it can boost collaboration and team harmony. Expressing gratitude also affirms mutual dependence with others and conveys interest in future collaboration. When others express gratitude to us, we are infused with purpose, motivation and common humanity.

Gratitude activity: Spend the first 5 minutes of each team meeting with a round of sharing what or who you’re grateful for. Take turns to go around the circle. Make this a regular recurring team activity and watch the team become closer to each other over time and more positive and proactive!

2 & 3. Self-care

We all suffer from good intentions from time to time. Sometimes, we intend to do more exercise or eat healthier. We say we’ll spend more quality time with family or more time looking after ourselves. Sometimes we’re good at self-care, sometimes, not so much. But one thing we mostly do, rain or shine, is show up to work… so why not combine them both? Here are two ideas for how to build resilience by bringing more self-care into the workplace.

Gift of Time activity: If you run a regular team meeting or lead a team, this little gem only takes one hour out of everyone’s week and is a once off activity – but it sure packs a punch for team moral. At an upcoming meeting, wait until everyone is on the call or in the room, then cancel the meeting. Give everyone the gift of time: an hour back in their day. But there’s a condition. Your team has an hour to do whatever they want as long as it involves self-care. They can go for a walk outside, sit down and eat a relaxing lunch. Play with the kids, do some stretching or exercise. Go get a massage or bake something… but absolutely no work, housework or life admin tasks are allowed!

While they’re away for the hour, ask them to take a photo of themselves doing their activity. Then they should share it with the group (via email or chat groups) when they’re back at their desk. At the next meeting, open the meeting by asking everyone to quickly share what they did with their gift of time.

Me Time activity: I’m stealing this idea from my current employer: Me Time. It’s really a very simple idea that encourages people to put aside time each day to prioritise their mental health – particularly during the pandemic. Every day, employees are encouraged to take the time to go for a walk, enjoy their lunch, do some yoga, walk the dog, get a massage, play with the kids… whatever activity brings happiness and health.

While you might be thinking, “isn’t that just a lunchbreak?” The sad truth is that many, many people are in a habit of skipping lunchbreaks or only eating their lunch at their desks. This can have huge detrimental effects on your physical and mental health. So this initiative is about creating the movement and the conversations that make it not only OK, but expected that everyone take some time throughout the day to re-set and unwind.

4. Mindfulness

Many studies have shown that it’s really important to start our days off well. Rather than reaching for their phones as they get out of bed, the most productive and satisfied people get a few things done before they get lost in the demands of their technological devices for the day.

The same thinking applies when we get to work. If you want to be productive and feel satisfied at the end of the day, it’s best to get straight into doing something meaningful without distraction before opening your emails. It’s about being mindful and deliberate about how you spend your time and what you dedicate your attention to.

According to Mark Murphy in Forbes, “A tech-support outsourcing firm assessed people graduating from their training program. One group of trainees completed the training and started taking tech-support calls for a full eight hours a day.”

“A second group spent seven-plus hours taking calls but then were also given 15 minutes at the end of the day to pause and reflect on what they had learned. When both groups were tested a month later, those who had 15 minutes each day to pause and reflect scored 40% higher than those who worked straight through the day. In other words, pausing and reflecting made people smarter and more effective at their job.”

Mindfulness activity: So how do you make your days less stressful and more successful? As Murphy says, in the morning you need to take some time when you first get into the office to write down: “What are the one or two things that I need to achieve today in order for this to be a successful day?” Then at the end of the day, you need to assess your day and your productivity. Write down two lessons from the day such as: “when I check emails, I don’t get my priority items completed” or “when I take a lunch-break, I am more focused in the afternoon.”

5. Building deeper (virtual) connections

Connecting with others is proven to build emotional resiliency and make your life happier. Friends bring us laughter and good times and help us get through the bad times. They make us feel connected and help us build self-esteem. On the flip side, a Swinburn and VicHealth study found that higher levels of loneliness increased a person’s risk of developing depression by 12 per cent and social anxiety by 10 per cent. And this year in particular, many of us have struggled with the impacts of social isolation and physical distancing.

At work, many of us have only crossed paths in virtual chatrooms and Zoom meetings, where we’re focused on finding an answer to a work question or discussing the week’s tasks. In short, 2020 has seen the death of networking and friendly banter.

So, how can we build deeper connections and support networks in a virtual world to help us be more resilient?

Virtual connection activities: In a previous job, my team and I were fortunate to complete BlackCard training – cultural capability training which enables people and organisations to work effectively with members of the Aboriginal community (and I couldn’t recommend it more highly!). One of the great things we learned during our training is that when Aboriginal people introduce themselves, they often refer to their background, their land or their country. This is compared to the usual networking question of “so, what do you do?”

Our team loved the idea of focusing more on our background, not our work lives. So, once we got back to the office, we got to know each other better by taking turns (re)introduce ourselves to our teammates and telling them about where we were born and raised and where we now lived. We also covered where our parents and grandparents had been born, raised and now lived.

From then on, we also started making sure that in any new team or meeting, we went through the exercise with our new teammates and colleagues. We found this was a great way to not only share our knowledge of what we’d learned about our Australian culture, but also a great way to get to know new teammates a bit better.

This is a great activity that any team (new or established) can do to get to know each other better.

Comment below! Tell us your resilience activities for the workplace!

Related content: Read Moving On article 11 Ideas For Your Next Mental Health Day, listen to our Podcast: Self-Care is Church for Non-Believers (E17)

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