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The Neuroscience Behind why Your Brain may Need Time to Adjust to ‘Un-social Distancing’

15/09/2021 by Marie

Kareem Clark, Virginia Tech

With COVID-19 vaccines working and restrictions lifting across the country, it’s finally time for those now vaccinated who’ve been hunkered down at home to ditch the sweatpants and reemerge from their Netflix caves. But your brain may not be so eager to dive back into your former social life.

Social distancing measures proved essential for slowing COVID-19’s spread worldwide – preventing upward of an estimated 500 million cases. But, while necessary, 15 months away from each other has taken a toll on people’s mental health.

In a national survey last fall, 36% of adults in the U.S. – including 61% of young adults – reported feeling “serious loneliness” during the pandemic. Statistics like these suggest people would be itching to hit the social scene.

But if the idea of making small talk at a crowded happy hour sounds terrifying to you, you’re not alone. Nearly half of Americans reported feeling uneasy about returning to in-person interaction regardless of vaccination status.

So how can people be so lonely yet so nervous about refilling their social calendars?

Well, the brain is remarkably adaptable. And while we can’t know exactly what our brains have gone through over the last year, neuroscientists like me have some insight into how social isolation and resocialization affect the brain.

Social Homeostasis – the Need to Socialize

Humans have an evolutionarily hardwired need to socialize – though it may not feel like it when deciding between a dinner invite and rewatching “Schitt’s Creek.”

From insects to primates, maintaining social networks is critical for survival in the animal kingdom. Social groups provide mating prospects, cooperative hunting and protection from predators.

But social homeostasis – the right balance of social connections – must be met. Small social networks can’t deliver those benefits, while large ones increase competition for resources and mates. Because of this, human brains developed specialized circuitry to gauge our relationships and make the correct adjustments – much like a social thermostat.

Social homeostasis involves many brain regions, and at the center is the mesocorticolimbic circuit – or “reward system.” That same circuit motivates you to eat chocolate when you crave something sweet or swipe on Tinder when you crave … well, you get it.

And like those motivations, a recent study found that reducing social interaction causes social cravings – producing brain activity patterns similar to food deprivation.

So if people hunger for social connection like they hunger for food, what happens to the brain when you starve socially?

Your Brain on Social Isolation

Scientists can’t shove people into isolation and look inside their brains. Instead, researchers rely on lab animals to learn more about social brain wiring. Luckily, because social bonds are essential in the animal kingdom, these same brain circuits are found across species.

One prominent effect of social isolation is – you guessed it – increased anxiety and stress.

Many studies find that removing animals from their cage buddies increases anxiety-like behaviors and cortisol, the primary stress hormone. Human studies also support this, as people with small social circles have higher cortisol levels and other anxiety-related symptoms similar to socially deprived lab animals.

Evolutionarily this effect makes sense – animals that lose group protection must become hypervigilant to fend for themselves. And it doesn’t just occur in the wild. One study found that self-described “lonely” people are more vigilant of social threats like rejection or exclusion.

Another important region for social homeostasis is the hippocampus – the brain’s learning and memory center. Successful social circles require you to learn social behaviors – such as selflessness and cooperation – and recognize friends from foes. But your brain stores tremendous amounts of information and must remove unimportant connections. So, like most of your high school Spanish – if you don’t use it, you lose it.

Several animal studies show that even temporary adulthood isolation impairs both social memory – like recognizing a familiar face – and working memory – like recalling a recipe while cooking.

And isolated humans may be just as forgetful. Antarctic expeditioners had shrunken hippocampi after just 14 months of social isolation. Similarly, adults with small social circles are more likely to develop memory loss and cognitive decline later in life.

So, human beings might not be roaming the wild anymore, but social homeostasis is still critical to survival. Luckily, as adaptable as the brain is to isolation, the same may be true with resocialization.

Your Brain on Social Reconnection

Though only a few studies have explored the reversibility of the anxiety and stress associated with isolation, they suggest that resocialization repairs these effects.

One study, for example, found that formerly isolated marmosets first had higher stress and cortisol levels when resocialized but then quickly recovered. Adorably, the once-isolated animals even spent more time grooming their new buddies.

Social memory and cognitive function also seem to be highly adaptable.

Mouse and rat studies report that while animals cannot recognize a familiar friend immediately after short-term isolation, they quickly regain their memory after resocializing.

And there may be hope for people emerging from socially distanced lockdown as well. A recent Scottish study conducted during the COVID-19 pandemic found that residents had some cognitive decline during the harshest lockdown weeks but quickly recovered once restrictions eased.

Unfortunately, studies like these are still sparse. And while animal research is informative, it likely represents extreme scenarios since people weren’t in total isolation over the last year. Unlike mice stuck in cages, many in the U.S. had virtual game nights and Zoom birthday parties (lucky us).

So power through the nervous elevator chats and pesky brain fog, because “un-social distancing” should reset your social homeostasis very soon.

[Understand new developments in science, health and technology, each week. Subscribe to The Conversation’s science newsletter.]

Kareem Clark, Postdoctoral Associate in Neuroscience, Virginia Tech

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.


Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: mental health, neuroscience, social, social distrancing

How To Make Friends As An Adult

06/05/2020 by Marie

How to make friends as an adult: everything you need to know.

How to make friends

Have you ever wondered how to make friends as an adult? The simple truth is that making friends as an adult is not always easy!

But it used to be easy. Remember at school when we were kids and there were tens if not hundreds of kids that you could pick from to be friends with. If you didn’t really get along with one person, there was always someone else to get to know, or another group that was maybe more your style. Sure, there were fights and hurt feelings, sometimes you might have wanted to be friends with someone who didn’t want to be friends with you, but more often than not, there were still other options or choices. There truly were more fish in the sea, and once you found your fish, becoming friends was pretty quick and easy.

Unfortunately, life as an adult is just not that easy.

You see, what many of us don’t realise until it’s too late is that school is set up in a way to make it easy to get to know people well, to make friends quickly. But once we leave school, it’s nowhere near as easy to make friends quickly or to find friends with similar interests, and it can leave many of us wondering how to make friends as an adult.

This can be exacerbated if you’re particularly shy, or if you move interstate or overseas for work, or if you work for a company or small business with only a handful of people to interact with every day – leaving quite a few people in their 20s and 30s all of a sudden feeling a lonely. In fact, young adulthood in particular can be a lonely time, with more than 1 in 3 young adults aged 18-25 reporting problematic levels of loneliness according to a report last year from Swinburn University and VicHealth.

Even then, if none of those situations apply to you, you still need to watch out if you’re particularly independent or even just really busy, as it can be easy to accidentally neglect the relationships around you. Or through no fault of your own, your friends move away, one by one, to travel or pursue jobs opportunities or romantic interests, and before you know it, you might not have that many people you can call a ‘good’ friend.

Once we leave school, the number of opportunities diminish to interact deeply on a daily basis with a variety of people . This means that the choices are more limited, but also that we have to put in time and effort to maintain the relationships we have.

Why Having Good Friends Is Important

Connecting with others is proven to build emotional resiliency and make your life happier. Friends bring us laughter and good times and help us get through the bad times. They make us feel connected and help us build self-esteem. They can make us feel loved.

On the flip side, the Swinburn and VicHealth study found that higher levels of loneliness increased a person’s risk of developing depression by 12 per cent and social anxiety by 10 per cent.

It’s also shown that people with close social relationships fair better in old age. According to a recent study, “Social engagement and connectedness may simply be the single most powerful factors for cognitive performance in old age.” In short, staying involved in the community and having close social relationships is also critical to a longer life.

But when we’re not in a school environment, finding that time together becomes harder, so it takes longer and requires a lot more work. So, look after your old friendships, or develop new friends—but be prepared for it to take dedicated time and effort. Either way, having good friends will serve you in the long run.

Making friends as an adult isn’t always easy. Here are some tips on how to make friends as an adult and add some extra happiness to your life.

Friends beat family

So, if you find yourself in a new town, or you have moved on from old friendship groups, you can sometimes be left wondering how to make friends as an adult…

To start with, it’s important to note that it takes a significant amount of time to make good friends. In a study by University of Kansas professor Jeffrey Hall, he found that it takes about 50 hours to go from an acquaintance to casual friend. It takes another 90 hours or so to move to friend status and then an additional 200 hours to become close friends.

So, if you’re willing to put in the work, here are some ideas to get you started on building new friendships.

Starting out on making friends

So, how do you make friends as an adult? To start out, look for an activity that brings together a variety of people and encourages regular social interaction. It’s about doing activities together that gives you something to do while you slowly getting to know others. This helps with the awkwardness of just meeting people in a bar or approaching strangers at a party. You could try:

  1. Joining a class – ever wanted to learn to paint or do pottery? Classes give you a reason for seeing people every week. Once you suss out the people in the class whom you might want to be friends with, sit closer to them and have a bit of a chat on the way out of class. After a few classes, you can offer to carpool or grab a drink afterward for additional bonding.
  2. Volunteering – contributing to your community not only makes you feel good, but it can also be a great way to meet like-minded people. If you like animals, try volunteering at your local pound or pet rescue centre. If you want to help the environment, find a group of people who plant trees or clean up beaches or organise in other ways to make a difference.
  3. Join a sports team – this is an easy way to meet a variety of new people and often involves training and playing multiple times per week, upping the interactions and often speeding up bonding – particularly if you can play at a higher level.

Deepening the bonds of friendship

Once you have found someone you think you might want to be friends with and you’re into the ‘acquaintances’ stage, look for opportunities to do some deeper one-on-one activities.

  1. Go for a hike – This type of activity is quite forgiving of long periods of silence, in case you’re both still getting to know each other and the conversation isn’t quite flowing yet. You can focus on walking or you can chat as you go, either way you’ll be getting to know each other better as you go.
  2. Plan a short holiday together – divide the planning and work on it together, this is just as important as the trip away itself. The planning together is half the fun. So, take a trip to a local winery, or to the coast for the weekend, or somewhere you both decide would be fun, and fill your days exploring a new location.
  3. Invite a small group over for dinner – this can be a really easy way to bring different but new people together. Again, the focus can be on the food, and it’s a short, defined time if things aren’t going too well! After dinner, you could try some conversation starters (see below) if you’re a bit nervous about keeping the conversation going!

Keeping the friendship alive

I know, life gets busy, but keeping relationships takes work. Here are some tips to keep the relationship strong.

  1. Make an effort to see your friends at least once per month. During that time, make sure you’re spending quality time together – making time to talk to each other one on one. So if you go to the movies, or theatre or a show, make sure you also grab a drink afterward, or dinner beforehand.
  2. Don’t forget to pick up the phone and just have a chat every now and then.
  3. Use social media to share smaller moments you can bond over. See something that reminds you of something you shared? Send it to your friend with a short message.
  4. Remember birthdays and Christmas – even if it’s just by sending a card.
  5. Need some inspiration for things to do? Try some of these ideas to bring inspiration into your life.

BONUS: Fun Conversation Starters For Dinner Parties

  1. If someone was going to make a movie of your life, what actor would you choose to play you?
  2. What is the most boring sport ever?
  3. When making a cup of tea, do you put the milk in first or last? Why?
  4. If you could be invisible for one day, what would you do?
  5. Which two historical figures would produce the most amazing children?
  6. Who would you choose to rule the world and why?
  7. If you were forced to change your nationality, what nationality would you choose?

Related content: Read Moving On article How to make cooking fun again

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Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: community, connection, social

The Importance of Being Social (E14)

20/04/2020 by Marie

Happiness for Cynics podcast – episode 14

Human beings are social animals, which is why forced isolation is driving so many of us up the walls. We discuss the science behind why we need to be social, and how best to be social, and offer some tips to keep your sanity in today’s locked down world.

Transcript

M: You’re listening to the podcast happiness for cynics. I’m Marie Skelton, a writer and speaker, focused on change and resiliency. My co-host is Peter.  

P: Hi I’m Peter Furness and I’m a roof gardening, garage exercising, sometimes carpenter of strange door frames. Each week we will bring to you the latest news of research in the world of positive psychology. Otherwise, known as happiness.  

M: You can visit us at www.marieskelton.com and on that site you can send us ideas for people to interview or topics to cover or just tell us we’re wrong! [laughs] So today’s podcast… what are we talking about today, Pete?  

P: We’re talking about socialising and isolation.  

M: Sounds like a plan. Cue music.  

[Happy music] 

P: Happy music, it just it still makes us laugh. You said it wouldn’t, but it does.  

M: It does. I hate and love it at the same time. Okay. All right. Well, Pete, today we’re talking about being social and particularly in light of coronavirus and being socially isolated for a lot of us. I think this is going to be a great conversation because of our personalities the introvert and extrovert, we’re on almost polar opposite ends.  

P: Almost. There’s a bit of each of each of us in the other.  

M: Definitely. And they say about introverts and extraverts that you’re never 100% one or 0% the other. There’s a mix in there. It’s a good mixed drink. 

P: Yeah, but you’re loving the isolation. You’re getting in there, you’re in a happy space.  

M: I’m thriving. Yeah, definitely. I am finding my passion in delving into creative pursuits and not being bothered by pesky people.  

P: Haha, Pesky people almost sounds like a tongue twister. It’s actually my first quote for today is “solitude is not negative for everyone.”  

M: Absolutely love it.  

P: It is a balancing act though it’s, even for introverts, there’s the whole thing about how much social isolation is too much and people in the research that I’ve done, and the people have read, they have talked about even introverts can have too much isolation and too much alone time. And that’s kind of the space that I think I’m going to dive into a little bit today, is how to find the right balance with social isolation.  

M: I absolutely agree. I think the other distinction here is being alone is very different from being lonely, and that for me is the line that you cross. You can thrive while being alone, but at some point if you’re alone too much, you may become lonely, and that’s a really dangerous place to be. And I think we mentioned that we did talk about the benefits of being alone in one of our previous episodes.

So just to give us the same the same grounding. In order for our species to survive, we needed to be social. And it’s a uniquely human trait. To have the ability to be compassionate and to care.  

P: Yes, definitely. It’s one of our really important mechanisms that our species has used to survive because we inherently care about the other person and we’ve got that pack mentality.

M: Yeah 

P: Shultz, Opie and Atkinson from Oxford University and we’ve got the University of St Andrews in Fyfe in the UK that have all done studies that prove this, and they talk about the way that communication was needed for our primates to survive, and also that communication was invented to go beyond the geographical. So we started using language. We started using symbols and hieroglyphics and all that sort of stuff to communicate, even though we couldn’t be next to somebody. So that’s been one of the chief aspects that has allowed us as a species to evolve.  

M: Yeah, absolutely. And along the way, as we’ve evolved, we’ve become craftier and craftier at designing tools to enable us to communicate. And one of the, I think the ironies of all of this is that face to face communication, time and time again has been proven to be the deepest and most beneficial form of communication. And all these tools that we’ve designed lately are actually taking us away from what is essentially the best way to communicate. So, writing on people’s Facebook, Twitter feeds, etcetera… all these other social media channels, email, even telephone. All of that is not ever as good as face to face communication.  

P: And there’s a reason scientifically for it Marie.

M: [Laugh]

P: I’ve got some information here that talks about face to face interaction by Susan Pinker, she talks about stimulating neurotransmitters primarily it’s oxytocin, which is the big one that’s concerned with the reward and pleasure and then we’ve also got dopamine and serotonin, which are also secreted during that face on face interaction. [Laugh] Now you could say that face time and zooming –

M: [Laughing] Hold on, hold on –

P: What, what, what, what?

M: You just said face on face.

P: Face on face interaction. It means you’re looking at someone.

M: No, face on face is like ‘I got to second base’.

P: [Laugh] it’s, okay… I’ve lost my train of thought now.  

M: I’ll pick up, then I’ll keep going with that. So, apart from all the feel-good chemicals in there, there are a raft of benefits, so face to face communication is the best. The other ways that we communicate and bond with other people are still valid in the absence of face to face. So before you all run screaming for your… bedroom – like you can’t go far right now with COVID-19 wherever it is that you run to, to hide in your house – because you’re there alone and we’ve just told you face to face is the best way to communicate. There are still other ways that you can communicate and still get the benefits, but they just won’t be as strong. And that’s probably a lot of what people are missing right now, particularly the extroverts who thrive off those positive chemicals

P: I’ve got some statistics here that from Professor Matthew Lieberman at the University of California in Los Angeles. He talks about the fact that that social motivation, social contact helps to improve memory formation and memory recall in your brain. So it’s keeps your neuro plasticity going, which is a huge aspect which we’ll talk about later in terms of the Super Ages, the people who are over eighty and all that cognitive, behavioural stuff that goes on. So being social and having a social conscience actually really triggers all that sort of stuff. And the other big one that he, he talks about is the neurodegenerative diseases. So it protects the brain from falling into that space where you’re not using certain pathways, you’re not using your links and they can die. If we’re not using all that, as we age as well, it becomes more important and I’ll talk about that more when we get down to that section.

M: What section? Let’s talk about it now.

P: Oh, okay. So super ageists, people over 80, they have, the ones who do really well have a really good quality of life. There’s one thing that they have identified with the research that they all have and that’s close friendships, and it’s funny that they liken this to teenagers. When we’re teenagers we have lots of really good friends and we’re hanging out, we’re going to the mall. We’re doing all this sort of stuff and they say that the Super Ages, who have those kinds of friendships into that later years actually have the behavioural cognition of teenagers.

M: Yep

P: So their brains are like teenagers. The contact with fellow ages provides a support for when times are tough. So when you are going through a bad time, or you are having issues with financial issues or personal relationships or just not feeling great, if you’re with a closely bonded group, people pick up on that. It only takes one person to go. Do you need a cup of tea Beryl? Maybe an iced vovo?

M: [Laugh] I love that you switch into 80 year old country Australian lady.

P: [Laugh] everybody had 90 year old Beryl or Aunty Esme.

M: [Laugh] Esme, we all watched ‘A Country Practice’.

P: [Laugh] Yeah, exactly.

M: What I love about the Super Ages and for those of you who may not be familiar with the term of super agers, Pete mentioned is over 80 and they are living a good life, free of major health concerns. So the main ones, the big ones, are any of the degenerative neuro[logical] or brain diseases.

P: Dementia and Alzheimer’s.

M: And Diabetes is another disease that can severely impact your wellbeing later in life. And I think it’s great, there’s a community and a concept that came out of this community in Japan called Ikigai, and if you haven’t looked up Ikigai it is a great way to do a bit of self-reflection about what’s important to you in life in general, and to help find your purpose and passions so Ikigai all about finding a purpose and passion. And they’ve got this group of super ages in Japan who were not only over 80 they’re all over 100.

[Laughter]

M: Right?! And they’re all great, like they’re just killing it, right. And they’ve got these great cultural norms in that town that mean that their society is so tight knit and they all look after each other. And it’s all about the social aspect.  And when you look at super ages in, they call them blue zones around the world. So where are the pockets of the people that are living good lives later in life? There are definitely things to be said for not smoking, not consuming too much alcohol. Having good diets, doing exercise but all of those things vary except –

P: The one constant.

M: The one constant is your social connections and the depth of social connections. It’s really fascinating.

P: There’s another doctor who studied at an island in Greece, Dr. Archelle Georgiou and she studied Super Ages in Greece, who had a very strong family ties and spent the majority of their time with family, so um, and I think this is something that there’s also very indicative in Asian cultures is that grandma lives with the kids. So there’s Mom and Dad, there’s kids but Grandma and Grandpa are there as well and there’s a real family unit and you see it as well in other cultures, like the Italian culture and the Greek culture. Nonna and Nonno, they’re always around and there’s a really sense of commitment to that generational gap and being a part of each other’s lives. And I think that ultimately that helps, that helps create that sense of community and that sense of support. So again, reaching out to those people who are who are older is really vital because everybody benefits.

M: Yeah, I think the sad thing about what you’ve said there is that a lot of Western countries started off that way, too. But as our social safety systems have evolved, it has enabled our older people to remain independent for longer, and I don’t think that, that’s necessarily helping them. So when you have the pension and you can stay in your home, even though your significant other may have passed away. You can stay there by yourself because you could afford to. Then it really can lead to isolation. Being lonely is such an epidemic right now around the world, and they’re saying a lot of the reasons people are lonely is because we’ve actually progressed so much in society that we can be. We’re choosing it without realising the negative impact.

P: Definitely.

M: And it’s really something that people have grown up learning to covet and cherish, [it] is the ability to have your own space.

P: Yeah.

M: But just like you were saying before Pete, if you’re an introvert, you need to be careful. Well, if you live alone, you also need to be really careful.

P: Yeah, I’m going to cut in there, Marie, because there’s a there’s a couple of tips in there for people that can actually monitor their alone time. And this comes from psychology today in the States and its basically checking in and asking yourself a couple of couple of really easy questions. And the first one is how does alone time make you feel on a scale of 1 to 10. Do you feel great when you’re alone or do you feel slightly depressed, or not even depressed that just a little bit sad when you’re alone? If you’re checking that in on daily basis, if you’ve got two weeks of social isolation. If you’ve just come off a ship or something and you’re on your own that first week, you like, ‘yeah, I’m good. I’m watching … series, you know, having a great time, I’m ordering pizza, it’s really good.’ And then, towards the end of that second week your rating might be down to the down to the twos and the threes because you’re starting to crave a little bit of contact. And I think that’s a really good, easy way of checking in with yourself and just going. ‘How does being alone make me feel today?’

P: The other one that they talk about is having a weekly quota of social time. So this is a really interesting one for introverts, because for some introverts, it’s really difficult to clock up two hours of community social time for the extroverts they’re in there at [Click, click, click] six or seven.

M: Pete’s clicking his fingers if you’re wondering what that sound is. Remember it’s a podcast Pete [laugh].

P: Oh, I thought we were recording.

M: But I think a really good point there, though, is that for introverts. A lot of them thrive in one to one conversation, and that is their comfort zone. And that’s where they get their really solid social interaction.

P: And that’s still social time. It’s still valid.

M: And we’re not… We’re not having wild parties right now because we’ve tried it on Zoom and we just end up talking over each other and it doesn’t work. But I think, I think it’s, it’s important to point out that introverts won’t shy away from one on one conversations that often. They actually quite enjoy them and are drawn to those so that could actually suit the way that introverts enjoy communicating.

P: Okay, yeah, I’ll definitely give you that. I still think that the idea of having a quota of hours that you’ve got to clock, I think it’s a good recognition, like if you’re easily clocking [click, click, click] three or four hours a week, there’s me clicking again.

[Laughter]

P: It’s the inner dance teacher in me, ‘5,6,7,8.’

[More laughter]

P: Sorry, if you’re clocking that quota time easily, then obviously it is working for you. But if you’re not, if you’re only managing 30 minutes of social time a week, that’s an indication that you might need to look at other ways to try and make yourself a little more social you’re in that danger area of possibly falling in too much alone time.

M: So I love what you said about clocking it. I’ll just snap my fingers. [click, click]

P: [Laugh]

M: Clocking the time that you feel you need, but how much you need? I wouldn’t quantify that because I think everyone differs.

P: OK

M: And I think you could go an entire week loving your life and being left alone by the world and not need to see anyone. And the next week you might need to talk to someone every day.

P: OK, I’ll give you that. I’ll agree with that one.

M: Woohoo. Yeah, that’s a win that’s the first time in season.

[Laughter]

P: Oh, come on. You’ve had a few wins. I’ve let you have a few ones.

M: We do tend to not agree a lot though, don’t we?

P: We agree surprisingly well on a lot of this stuff actually.

M: Yeah, we do.

P: It’s a little bit concerning [laugh].

M: So what I do love as far as tips so obviously face to face is better. So the next best thing while in self-isolation is to do video chatting. And obviously we’re doing too much because you, you know, working from home in an office type of role where you’re having meetings, then you might want to scale that back in your after-hours time. But for everyone else, we should be trying to make eye contact with people and see facial expressions and bond Pete, just like what we’re doing now.

P: [Laugh] I’ve read something recently about, talk to your neighbours, that sense of doing that whole thing and talking to your neighbour, which I think in a city like Sydney, we’ve kind of, especially in the city, we’ve lost that. We don’t talk to our neighbours much anymore.

M: No, because they could be crazy! That’s what happens when you move to the big city Pete. Only the crazies actually talk to you, which is why everyone else doesn’t talk.

P: Oh, no, I’m not going to give you that one. I’m not going to give you that one. It takes for one person to actually say something, and it could be that you’re putting your head over your neighbour’s back fence to tell them to turn the bloody workout music down. That’s fine.

M: I’m trying to find my neighbour, I’m in apartment block and I was trying to find my neighbour the other day who was playing music, that I wanted them to turn up and I was like ‘this is awesome, where are you?’

[Laughter]

P: And that’s what I’m saying, I love some things that I’ve seen. There was a wonderful Facebook video of Joyce Mayne, who’s a very butch drag queen here in Sydney. And she was on the rooftop of her apartment building in Potts Point and she had a stereo system blasting, and she had someone filming and she got into full drag. And she did a full Robin take off of dancing on my own on her rooftop, and everybody stuck their heads out the windows and watched and clapped and that’s, and that’s face on face.

[Laugh]

P: It’s face to face time.

M: It went from drag show to…

[Laughter]

P: But that’s what I mean, those sorts of interactions are every bit as vital, and it is about that thing of recognising the person that you actually do see so it can be your neighbour going ‘Yeah, I saw the cat the other day, how’s she doing?

M: So I have heard of some really good things that people can do while they’re on video chats. So if you’re getting bored with just calling friends, I’ve got some tips and ideas. Virtual coffees, so we’ve been doing those with colleagues at work, so you’re going to grab a coffee anyway. You’ll just cheque in, have a bit of a chat. No work conversations allowed.

P: It’s the old fashion, smoko.

M: Yeah it is or water cooler conversations because they’ve stopped, right? Yes. So the gossip mill has just died in all these corporate [environments].

P: [Laugh] Oh, dear. Beryl’s not going to be happy about that.

M: No. And then the one I love is quarantinis.

P: Oh, that sounds fun.

M: We should schedule one of those for later in the week Pete.

P: Oh dear, that could be dangerous.

M: And then the last one is fitness classes or fitness with friends. Or just seeing what your local gyms doing a lot of gyms and personal trainers and now during classes online. And there is still some social interaction with that. If you do it with someone else, you know, you’re more likely to do it. It keeps you more motivated and the benefits of the exercise are improved or increased.

P: Definitely, yeah. Science says so and it’s all about the science Marie.

M: Science says!

[Laughter]

M: And before we go, the one thing that we didn’t say being social is critical for your happiness. We didn’t come..  

P: Oh.

M: Why are we here Pete? What’s the name of our podcast?

P: [Laugh] Well, it’s sort of inherent, really. I mean, we could talk for hours about that. We probably have over several different episodes to be honest.

M: Yep and I think we might call it an episode. Thank you for joining us and visit us.

P: Done! Done and dusted.

M: Please join us @marieskelton.com to find all of our podcast episodes and accompanying research. Until next time.

P: Stay happy people.

[Happy exit music] 

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: connection, podcast, social

30-Day Happiness Challenge

08/04/2020 by Marie

How to Rewire Your Brain to Bring More Happiness Into Your Life

We’re all living through unique and challenging times right now. To make matters worse, a lot of our stresses are completely out of our control.

But there are certain things that are 100 per cent within your control and you can do to build your resiliency and happiness.

Follow the 30-day Happiness Challenge and Rewire Your Brain to Bring More Happiness Into Your Life!

The challenge is divided into activities under the three resiliency and happiness foundations: purpose, social connection and healthy mind and body. If any activity doesn’t speak to you, try to replace it with a similar activity that motivated you.

Before you get started:

  • You’ve got to be all in! It’s only 30 days, and what if it works? Go on, commit and see where it will take you.
  • Prepare to set aside time each day to complete your activity in a mindful, distraction-free way.
  • Plan ahead. Take a look at the activities for the upcoming week so you can plan anything that needs planning. Set things up in your diary early to lock it in.
  • Do it with a friend! Find a friend to complete the challenge with, and you can hold each other accountable.
  • Need inspiration? Click on the links if you want more help, ideas or explanations.

Start the 30-day Happiness Challenge now!

Day 1 – Plan a dinner date with a friend or loved one

Day 2 – No sugar day

Day 3 – Start a gratitude journal

Day 4 – Set aside time to find flow

Day 5 – Call your Mum or a sibling for a chat

Day 6 – Go for a 30-minute walk with a friend or family

Day 7 – Rest and relax

Day 8 – Learn something new – try a podcast, book or Ted Talk

Day 9 – Organise a dinner party

Day 10 – Drink 8 glasses of water

Day 11 – Write in your gratitude journal

Day 12 – Bring awe into your life

Day 13 – Hug a pet, partner or friend

Day 14 – Go to bed 1 hour earlier

Day 15 – Sit outside in nature for 30 minutes

Day 16 – Write in your gratitude journal

Day 17 – Practice kindness or help a friend or neighbour

Day 18 – Get 30+ minutes of exercise

Day 19 – Write in your gratitude journal

Day 20 – Set aside time to find flow

Day 21 – Grab a drink or meal with a work colleague

Day 22 – No processed foods, only fresh foods

Day 23 – Take a social media detox. Turn off all notifications.

Day 24 – Learn something new – try a podcast, book or Ted Talk

Day 25 – Plan your next holiday with family or a friend

Day 26 – Do 30-minutes of stretching

Day 27 – Write in your gratitude journal

Day 28 – Practice positive solitude

Day 29 – Practice kindness or help a friend or neighbour

Day 30 – Go for a 30-minute walk with a friend or family

Follow our 30-day happiness challenge to bring more happiness into your life today!

Tell us in the comments what activities do you do that help you to bring happiness into your life!


Don’t forget to subscribe for our monthly newsletter for more tips, freebies and subscriber only content!

Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: body, challenge, connection, exercise, gratitude, happiness, happiness challenge, health, inspiration, meaning, mind, motivation, purpose, resilience, resiliency, satisfaction, social, wellbeing

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