Unapologetically Marie

Writer, podcaster, mental health advocate

Home » SelfCare

SelfCare

Self-Care, Are You Doing it Right? (E75)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about how self-care has become a buzzword with bad repercussions and ask the question, are you doing it right?

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!

P: Laugh.

M: It’s round one, Pete.

P: Oh dear, I don’t look forward to these ones and where Marie’s all, you know motivated to strip me bare of any –

M: Laugh!

P: – challenges that I might have. This is going to get ugly, folks.

M: Laugh. So Pete, you have the topic for today’s show.

P: I have the floor, laugh.

M: And I am in the other corner, laugh. It’s like high school debate team. I’m just arguing for the sake of the other argument. You know, sake of the other side.

P: As we know, in terms of competitiveness. We know that I’m a competitive person, but I am nothing compared to the onslaught that is Marie Skelton when she’s motivated.

M: Laugh.

P: So, gird your loins people! Laughter!

M: Yep.

P: Today, we are talking about, are you doing self-care, right?

M: No!

P: Laugh.

M: Or am I yes? Am I the affirmative?

P: Let, me put my argument forward first, Laugh.

M: Laugh, put your argument forward.

P: Ahh, pressure.

M & P: Laugh.

P: So, I’ve been doing some research on the social media. I came across this rather wonderful article by a woman called Brianna Wiest, and she’s in Philadelphia, and she is a self-awareness and self-understanding author. She’s written several books in the early 20-tens and early 2020’s, Essays That Will Change The Way You Think (2016),  The Mountain Is You (2020) and Ceremony (2021). It’s an interesting concept because she talks about self-care is often a very un-beautiful thing.

M: Mmm.

P: So, Marie and I are both proponents of the whole hygge concept that getting yourself into pyjamas, having a nice cup of tea, watching some Disney or something indulgent is really fantastic. We both agree on that, yep?

M: We even wrote a book on self-care Pete?

P & M: Laughter.

M: Why don’t we just go back a little bit further? Laugh.

P: Ok, we agree that things that are a little bit indulgent are good for us to do because they do contribute to our happiness, and it is good to reward yourself. Remember that phrase because we’re going to come back to that. It is good to reward yourself.

M: Hmm.

P: What I like about what Brianna is talking about is that there’s a certain part of self-care that is not the sitting in the bath having a chocolate cake frenzy and eating doughnuts. That’s not necessarily what you need to do to have self-care. Neither is it going on a shopping spree and spending lots of money on your credit card or indulging in over-eating snacks.

M: You’re really going hard on the doughnuts.

P: I’m going hard on it, yeah, but we’ve got to give you some fodder here Marie.

M: Laugh. Mmm hmm. So, she’s saying it’s not any of those things and it shouldn’t be any of those things?

P: It’s not the only part of self-care, and I’ll just paraphrase here. I’ll try and read out… try and surmise the article and what she talks about.

The opening statement is that self-care is making a spreadsheet of your debt and enforcing a morning routine, cooking yourself healthy meals and no longer just running from your problems and calling the distraction a solution? So, we agree on that. We’ve talked about that before. It’s about doing the hard work, putting things in place to make sure you address the issues rather than just going, ‘I’m going to tell myself to be happy.’

M: No, disagree. [Fail noise]

P: Ok.

M: Round One has started! Laugh.

P: Laugh, unpack this. Go for it, Muz!

M: I think that self-care is about listening to your body and your mind and your emotions and giving it what it needs and what it needs doesn’t have to be boring, hard, you know it, it’s framing it differently.

So doing your finances isn’t shitty and horrible. It’s, you know, looking after yourself. So, I think it’s a framing thing for me more than is it actually… like semantics, maybe we could argue.

P: Yeah, ok I’ll give you that.

M: I think that listening to your body and your emotions and all of that and going, I need to stop my diet and have five doughnuts –

P: Yep.

M: – and feel guilty about it and next time only have three.

P: Laugh.

M: And feel guilty about it next time, maybe have two when I’m needing that outlet that sugar rush or whatever it is on knowing that those adjustments and behaviour come sans-guilt and judgement and that we’re all growing and learning.

P: Yep.

M: I think that self-care is about when you’re feeling depleted in any way, as happens so often. Being kind to yourself and listening to what your body needs.

P: I definitely agree with the being kind to yourself.

M: Sometimes… The 1% means overindulgence, right? But the things you’re talking about is not. I wouldn’t say self-care is doing your finances, eating healthy, doing your exercise. That should be a day-to-day how we prioritise living.

P: I agree.

M: Not the stuff we do on top that we need to ask special permission from our bosses to leave early to go the gym… or any of the other things we shouldn’t be excusing all of those other behaviours as secondary to work or family, or you know, whatever else, your partner, it should be up there and just as important.

P: Yeah.

M: And this is the mind shift that I’m waiting to happen at the moment that all of those activities that make life worth living and make life happy and that are critical to our mental health should not be second class citizens in our schedule.

P: Yes, one of the other things she brings up is that becoming the person you know you want to and are meant to be.

M: Yep.

P: And someone who knows that salt baths and chocolate cake are ways to enjoy life but not escape from it.

M: Yes. It’s not escaping, it’s just going ‘Oh, I’ve had a crappy day, I got fired from my job and I don’t know how I’m gonna pay next month’s rent.’

P: Yep.

M: Life’s good apart from that, but today I’m eating the cake.

P: Yep, laugh.

M: And maybe having that extra glass of wine.

P: Yeah, true.

M: Yeah.

P: And this comes back to rewarding yourself and the way that we choose to reward ourselves. There is an escapism in having the doughnut, having the bath, having the red wine. And that’s, I guess my question is, is that self-care? Or is that just a momentary reprieve?

M: Again, If your definition like mine of self-care, is that it’s listening to what your body needs.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: Then it is self-care, I think. Because for me, eating well, not drinking too much, taking care of your finances, being physically active, journaling, doing gratitude, practicing love, all of that stuff is how you should live.

P: Mmm.

M: Self-care is above that, and beyond that, and amongst all of those ways that you should live there are… We’ve talked about negative affect and positive affect, and I think it’s when those spikes hit, where your up or down, where self-care comes in.

P: Yep.

M: I’ve been working on a project that today has finished!

P: Oh, congrats!

M: And for the last month I’ve been exhausted just trying to get to this day. But I’ve booked a holiday for the end of this month and that self-care for me. I need that time at the end of this month to unwind, decompress and during that time I’m not going off to theme parks and travelling the world. Not that any of those are options for me at the moment.

P & M: Laughter.

M: I intend on going somewhere really quiet where I can write and read.

P: Yeah, right.

M: And that’s self-care. That’s special.

P: It is. You’re right, you’re absolutely right as well Marie. I don’t want, I don’t want to sound like I’m saying don’t reward yourself because we know that reward is important.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And we’ve got people like Gretchen Rubin, I think she’s one of your mates, Muz.

M & P: Laugh!

M: I wish she was one of my mates! I’ve mentioned Gretchen before, that’s probably where you got that, laugh.

P: Yeah, laugh. She talks about the importance of reward, the importance of the little treat, the receiving of the surprise gift or watching a funny video gained in self-control.

“The secret of adulthood, give more to myself so I can ask more from myself.” [Gretchen Rubin]

M: Yes.

P: I like that quite from her.

M: So, self-care is looking after yourself so that you can give more, be more, do more, etc.

P: Mmm. And you want to keep going into those periods where you are working hard because you know that there’s a little reward in the end.

M: Or a big reward?

P: Big reward, yeah.

M: There’s satisfaction in kicking these goals and getting stuff done.

P: Yeah. Susan Biali, who is also a medical doctor, also talks about reward and she talks about it in terms of the celebratory treats that will enhance us and not make us regret.

M: Mmm.

P: What Susan Biali talks about is that we need to choose our rewards carefully to make sure that they’re contributing and they’re not detracting. So, they’re not something that we’re going to regret later on and so that could be about having a reward that is proactive in terms of reinforcing what you’ve done.

M: So, there’s many models for happiness, but we’ve talked about relationships, purpose and meaning and healthy mind body. And I’ve been letting part of my healthy mind and body down recently, which is physical exercise.

P: Right.

M: I’ve been over indexing on a few other things, so now that we’re in lock down, I’ve got my treadmill and I’ve made myself a little deal.

P: Have you given your treadmill a name?

M & P: Laughter!

M: It does need a name, hey?

P: Laugh, Rupert?

M: I’m going to have to think about that, laugh. The way that I am motivating myself is that I can only watch Disney when I’m on the treadmill.

P: Laugh, [Clap].

M: So, I’m watching Raya the Dragon at the moment.

P: Oh! I really want to watch that too.

M: And if I want to get through it, I have to keep running, laugh.

P: Yep, like. There we go, that’s a great reward.

M & P: Laughter.

P: Oh, fantastic. Love it. The interesting thing about rewards as well is that, now Gretchen talks about this in her book as well, The Happiness Project, and she talks about the difficulties in setting rewards that may not be a good aspect, and one of the things she brings up is that the attainment of the goal and the reward marks a finishing line on the finishing line marks a stopping point.

So, you could have developed this wonderful habit of doing the treadmill. But then, if you reward yourself with something and you go, okay, well, that’s done never doing that again.

M: Then you break your own good habit. Oh, that’s a shame.

P: It’s a shame, but it’s something to keep in mind that you don’t want the reward to write you off because you want to keep that good habit going true?

M: Mostly depending on the habit. Yes, eventually, you’ll want to finish studying.

P: Yes, absolutely.

M: Laugh, for instance.

P: Yep, I agree.

M: I probably should not be aiming to finish running.

P: Laugh.

M: It’s a healthy habit I want to maintain.

P & M: Laugh.

M: Yep, so the other thing I’ve done for that. So, I take my lunch break and I make sure I take my lunch break and I’m not allowed to eat my lunch until I’ve done my run.

P: Oh, that’s good.

M: So, that’s the other reward.

P: Yeah.

M: And the great thing that many people before me have found, I’m not new to finding this is that the more I do it, the more I then choose healthy food options when I go to lunch, and you know –

P: Yeah, cause you’re reinforcing [healthy habits].

M: – it has flow on effect.

P: Yep definitely. There’s one other thing that Gretchen Rubin talks about in terms of rewards, and that’s the decision. So, reward requires a decision. I.e. Do I deserve this reward.

M: Mmm.

P: And every time we make that decision, there is the opportunity to make the wrong choice. There are too many loopholes to choose from. When you have that decision in place that we have an opt out if you like, it’s like, ‘well bugger it, I won’t go for a run, cause I don’t want to watch Disney anymore.’

M: Laugh.

P: You can fool yourself into making bad choices, even with a reward.

M: We are so good at fooling ourselves, aren’t we?

P: Yes, yes!

M: Damn human brains!

P: Laugh! So, when thinking about rewards and this comes back to the article by Brianna Wiest. What I like about it is, self-care is not just about giving yourself all the indulgences. There is a little bit of work in there, and there are sensible choices to make in terms of reward and pleasure and what to reinforce for good self-care.

M: Mmm.

P: And part of that as you were saying Marie, and I think we agree on this one is part of that self-care is looking after the body, looking after your relationships and having some purpose and that can be a little bit of hard work.

M: And if your day today is not balanced or you’re out of whack in some way, self-care is about understanding those things in your day to day enough.

P: Yes.

M: And listening to yourself enough to be able to identify when you need to change things. So, when you need to just go to bed earlier, that is self-care to me.

P: Yeah.

M: You know. For me it’s not the day to day, it is more the exceptions.

P: Mmm. There’s a quote here that I read from Brianna’s article,

“It is learning how to stop trying to “fix yourself” and start trying to take care of yourself.” – [Brianna Wiest]

M: Yes.

P: Now that’s diving a little bit deeper into addressing issues and so forth and trying to look at your lifestyle and go one of the bad influences. She also talks about the toxic nature – that may not be the best word to use – of this internal pressure of self-care. Like ‘Oh, I better be looking good, or I better do this, or I better do that.’

M: Everything is a to do list!

P: Yes!

M: We’ve talked about this before. All of this stuff that is meant to make us happier can just make people think, ‘holly molly how am I supposed to fit all this into my week.

P: Laugh, yeah.

M: Ahh, it can add more stress.

P: Absolutely.

M: Yeah.

P: And that’s, maybe that’s what she’s talking about in terms of the ugly side of it. There’s a little bit of stuff about being dishevelled and doing your ironing so that you can go to work the next day and look decent and presentable for a professional interaction.

M: No way! That is not self-care!

P: No?

M: Nope, round two. Here we go.

P & M: Laugh!

P: Elaborate, Marie?

M: That’s living life, doing your ironing that is life. Doing your finances –

P: Ok.

M: – doing your personal hygiene.

P: Laugh!

M: Physical exercise, eating well, sleeping well, all of that is life, I think, and it is a juggle and It’s not easy. I don’t want it to be a seen as self-care anymore. I want it to be seen as skills that we teach kids. I want them to know how to be mindful and practise meditation and calm their minds and turn off the busy noise of the 21st century.

P: Yep.

M: I want them to understand how to control their emotions and when not to control their emotions as well. I want people to understand that life is not just about working.

P: Mmm.

M: What a sad, sad thing for your life just to be about –

P: Oh, absolutely.

M: – getting a house with a picket fence and two point whatever children –

P: Two point four.

M: – and a partner and entering the rat race and staying there till you retire. And then, I don’t know, maybe while you still can you might get on a cruise once a year, right?

P: Laugh.

M: Like that’s not life. That’s not living, that’s not life. And that’s not how to have a satisfying life.

P: It’s the checklist approach, isn’t it? It’s the tick, tick.

M: It’s the capitalist approach.

P: Ahh. Ohh.

M: It’s the consumer, you know, and you want bigger and better things along the way.

P: Mmm, mmm.

M: Pretty much.

P: Yeah, consumer self-care.

M: No, that’s the consumer approach that you and I went through school learning maths and English and all of that in order to get a good job so that we could be contributing members of society. And that meant following that script.

P: Yep.

M: I think that we haven’t to date done a good enough job of also telling kids, here’s how you also get satisfaction out of your job and here’s how you get happiness out of your life along the way and those things don’t need to stop or disappear.

P: No.

M: But there’s so much more in there and they’re not add-ons. They are not the icing on the cake.

P: Mmm.

M: They’re essential pieces for our existential health.

P: Wow, wow! Laugh!

M: They’re essential pieces of life. It’s how to live life, and that’s what we haven’t taught people to date very well.

P: So, they’re part of the recipe?

M: Absolutely. We need to add them in, and we need to stop apologising for it.

P: Oooh!

M: We need to stop as I said before, feeling bad for being 10 minutes late to work because we got caught up at the gym finishing a set. And, you know, we’ve just added all this stress and we’re 10 minutes late and no one notices. Just stay 10 minutes late at the end, who cares?

P: Laugh.

M: A lot of the time, obviously there are some places where it matters. If you’re 10 minutes late.

P: Yeah.

M: But we need to stop apologising for wanting to go see a kid’s theatre production or anything, going to get a massage and taking a long lunch.

P: Mmm.

M: If you’ve got the flexibility in your work to do that.

P: Mmm.

M: That is, that is living and it is a valuable and needed part of life and it’s not an add-on it’s not tack-on and I don’t think that it should be self-care. I think self-care is when all of that is just a bit out of whack or out of balance, and you need to take extra care.

P: Right. I like that, I definitely agree with that point.

M: Hold on, we’re not meant to be agreeing. Laugh.

P: I know, but damn it, we just, we always get to this point, Laugh!

M: This is the problem when you have two besties on a podcast.

P: Laugh!

So, I was meant to be having a relatively free week this week, and next week I was supposed to be going on a holiday, my one-week holiday for my 12 months of the year, I was going to go up to Byron and have a little week off.

M: [Singsong voice] Someone sounds a little bitter, laugh.

P: Oh, I’m not bitter… much. Laugh.

M: Right? Who wouldn’t be bitter? Let’s be really clear here, this sucks.

P: Laugh.

M: You’re in lock down.

P: Yes.

M: It’s not happening.

P: I was sort of looking at my diary going well, I’m not allowed to go to Byron, I’m not allowed to leave my house. I’m not allowed to even go to the gym. Which brings me a lot of pleasure and a lot of enjoyment.

M: Oh.

P: I’m not allowed to go for a drive in my car. It was so sunny the other day and I was in my car driving to work, which I was allowed to do because apparently, I’m essential services. And I just had the top down and I had music on, and it was sunny. And I just wanted to keep going. I just wanted to drive to the mountains like I had his utter urge. And I couldn’t do it.

M: And it’s winter, so you can’t even tend your rooftop garden, laugh.

P: Laugh, true. Well, I could have on that day because it was sunny. It was a momentary burst of sunshine.

M: It is Sydney.

P: Yeah.

M: Which isn’t really winter.

P: Yeah, we get like six weeks of winter. The point was that I looked at my diary for next week and, well, I can’t do any of the lovely things that I was going to do for myself. So, I may as well just open up my diary for work because I’m allowed to work. And I thought, oh my god this is horrible.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Like the one thing that I’m allowed to do is to actually work. So, Tuesday and Monday every week we’re really busy and I realised that I’d actually booked myself entirely out with work obligations because there was nothing left that I could do, and I thought ‘I don’t want this.’

M: You need to do nothing every now and then too.

P: Exactly, yeah. And it was a really realisation that me the free spirit is all I’m about, you know, all the buying into all this stuff on doing it naturally and I was really confronted with it with the lock down experience.

M: Lock down just makes us question everything, doesn’t it?

P: It does. It definitely does and that can be a helpful thing.

M: And healthy.

P: And questioning, re-questioning, re-prioritising, finding yourself.

M: “The unexamined life is not worth living.” – [Socrates]

P: Oh, who said that?

M: I have no idea, I can’t remember.

P: Laugh!

M: I’m so bad.

P: Laugh!

So, one thing before we wrap up here, I want to also address the idea that self-care means being the hero of your own life, not the victim.

M: Yes. No one likes a… Wait, I’m taking that back. That’s horrible.

P: Laugh! This is, again what Brianna was talking about was that it means rewiring what you have until your everyday life isn’t something you need therapy to recover from.

I think this is super important and this aligns exactly with what you’re saying Muz.

M: No.

P: Oh, oh. It doesn’t?

M: Because she’s still going with the idea that self-care is the add-on, still go on it’s a valid point.

P: Oh, no. I don’t know. I don’t think she is, because I think she’s talking about building a life, building the recipe that has parts of the self-care paradigm in its such as doing your exercises, eating well all that sort of stuff, indulging in a small reward at the end of a project. Treating yourself to a theatre experience, for example, when you’ve had six weeks of really tough work obligations.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: But it’s also about taking care of things so that you don’t need therapy from your own lifestyle. If you’re pushing hard and going for those tick list items, and it’s creating drama and creating stress, that is just so all-encompassing that you need to take a week off of the end of it because you enforced this on yourself. That’s not helpful.

M: I think it’s reality though.

P: To a certain degree.

M: To a certain degree, yes. There is a line, absolutely. If you’re a serial over-committer then assess your life and take something out.

P: Yep.

M: Look at what you can find or change or whatever. Find?

P: She actually mentioned that as well.

M: 21st century living is not smooth, it’s not linear are and it’s not predictable. And there will always be times where a well-oiled machine will break down.

P: True.

M: Just like your story for next week, right?

P: Mmm.

M: You could not have predicted a lock down.

P: Yeah, yeah absolutely.

M: You had planned for a healthy mental break from your studies. And it’s not happening. And you know, you’ve had to go through a little bit of self-exploration to work out what to do instead that is going to set you up for success next semester. Again you still need that break.

P: Yeah. So, to wrap it up, sometimes we need to be a bit more mindful of the things that were involving in our day to day life. We need to build that recipe that includes those elements of the self-care, whatever they want to be, and that in finding our ways of rewarding ourselves, we need to be mindful of the types of rewards. Make sure your rewards will invigorate rather than burn you out or be detrimental to your life.

M: Oh, I like that. We’re going to end there.

P: I got an agreement! Yes! I scored! One for Petey! Laugh!

M: On that note I’m going to wish you a happy week ahead and we’ll see you then.

P: Laugh, bye.

M: Bye.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

Emotional First Aid (E65)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about recognising emotional trauma and how to apply emotional first aid to your psychological cuts and bruises.

Show notes

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: And we’re back!

P: Hi, hi, hi!

M: Hey.

P: Muz, how ya doing?

M: I am a bit frantic and frazzled this week.

P: Oh.

M: So I have, in response, upped up my physical exercise, I’ve been on the treadmill and just making sure I’m getting enough sleep. It’s just a busy time at work and with everything else. I’ve kind of got two jobs that I’m juggling.

P: Mmm, yes.

M: So, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

P: Laugh.

M: I’m just so grateful to have such a full and satisfying life. But it’s just a bit busy at the moment. How about you?

P: I’m good, I’m good. I’m pumped and ready to go. I excited about this week’s episode because –

M: Because this one’s all you, isn’t it Pete?

P: It is.

M: What are we talking about?

P: Well, I led with that question. I was hoping you were going to say something else along the lines of, you know, my body’s a bit sore and I could go, ‘Oh, that’s great, I can fix that!’

M: Laugh.

P: Because I’m a sports therapist and I know what to do with broken bodies, But you brought up a really interesting point because you sAid frantic and frazzled and we’re talking about emotional First Aid this week. And when someone comes to you and says ‘I’m frantic, I’m frazzled’, it’s like …crickets.

M: Laugh, mmm hmm.

P: That not good, what are we doing for Sunday dinner?

M & P: Laughter.

P: Let’s move on, laugh.

M: Yep.

P: And the reason that we do this is because not many of us know how to deal with emotions or apply the First Aid for emotional First Aid.

M: And this is such an important topic. I Don’t know why it’s taken us a whole year to get to this. But we are encouraging people to do self-analysis and to understand their emotions and their triggers and emotional baggage and to work through it, whether by journaling or by talking to other people. Yet as a society, there are so many people out there who just freak out. They don’t know what to when someone says, ‘you know, I’m not doing so well.’

P: The change is in the winds though Marie, it is changing. We’re moving away for a biological biomedical health model. We’re now looking at the socio ecological model of health and that means we now GP’s pharmacists, all these health professionals are now taking into account social issues, people’s emotions. It has become a change and a shift and 100 years ago, this change and shift happened around physical health. All of a sudden we became aware that we have to take care of ourselves.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: We have to eat well. We have to, not imbibe in too much rich food otherwise we get gout and that brought about a 50% increase in life expectancy. This is 100 years ago and the person that will be referencing today, who is Dr Guy Winch, he talks about that at the moment we’re on a different bent in that were becoming aware of our emotional health.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And people are now becoming more okay with the terminology around psychological health, mental well-being, understanding social equity and all these sorts of terms that 20 years ago, 40 years ago maybe we didn’t even know about. But now it’s so much more in our faces that’s being promoted so much more because this stuff has an impact on our mortality. If we don’t address this stuff, we die! Laugh!

M: We were saying that around here, don’t we?

P: We do! Laugh. We say it a lot.

M: It’s actually really topical because this month, May, is Mental Health Awareness Month in Australia, and I’m talking on a panel at my corporate gig in a week’s time. So I think I agree with you 100%. We are having these discussions in the corporate setting, as well, which is where a huge portion of our population work, not all of them by any means, but a large portion.

P: Yeah.

M: And corporate are also changing their language and driving change around this. They’re talking to older generations and men, people who traditionally have shunned a lot of this talk because they were tougher.

P: Yeah, it wasn’t accepted. It wasn’t encouraged in our society, for men, particularly to be in touch with their emotions. That’s out the window, now. That’s gone. The tough male model is gone, thank goodness.

M: Well… a lot of it.

P: Yeah.

M: We’re opening up the conversation. I think there’s still a long way to go, yeah.

P: The expectation, though there is now that boys are allowed to cry.

M: Yeah.

P: And that, that’s a good thing because, yes, it’s good to express our emotions. I’m referencing a very interesting psychologist this week from America, Guy Winch. Who some of you may know from his very famous Ted talk on emotional First Aid. He was interviewed as one of one of the First speakers for Being a Better Human, which is a new Ted talk series which is coming out. And his talk on emotional First Aid that he also go to Google was voted as one of the most popular Ted talks ever.

M: Hmm.

P: So reasonably well known. He’s published two books, one that we’re looking at today is his book on emotional thirst Aid, which is entitled The Practical Strategies for Treating Failure, Rejection, Guilt and other everyday Psychological Injuries.

M: So is that –

P: Do you have any psychological injuries?

M: Oh my gosh yes! Who doesn’t?

P: Laugh.

M: My psychological damage is giving me a crick my neck. Seriously.

P: [Silly voice] Ay, I got such a crick in my neck, it is such a sunder!

M & P: Laughter!

M: I’ve even got a bag, thank you from Life School, which says emotional baggage.

P & M: Laughter!

P: But it’s true we all have emotional baggage.

M: And you’ve got to open it up and dig around in there sometimes –

P: Absolutely.

M: – because otherwise it drives you and drives your behaviours and reactions without you even realising it.

P: Exactly and when you listen to this guy’s talk, it’s amazing how much it drives. So we could take a few examples today. So let’s work through the main –

M: Well, before you get started. What do you mean by emotional First Aid?

P: Emotional First Aid is knowing how to apply a Band Aid to a psychological trauma. So if you’ve had a bad day at work and your boss has pulled you into a meeting and sAid that presentation that you gave last week was substandard, you didn’t address this, you didn’t address that, I’m really disappointed in your performance. I think you need to go away and actually have a think about this again before you present it again to the national forum on next week and for God’s sake, do a better job this time. How would that make you feel?

M: Didn’t even get a shit sandwich.

P: Laugh!

M: Just went straight for the kill. I’d be looking for a new boss of that’s how they do feedback.

P: Laugh!

M: But I’d also be feeling pretty crappy.

P & M: Laugh!

M: Now in the real world, corporate leaders are taught to compliment, deliver the hard stuff and then finish it with a compliment.

P: Yeah, I missed that one. I come from the art’s, it’s just cutthroat, Laugh. ‘That plier was shit, do it again!’

M & P: Laughter!

P: So, with those sorts of traumas, that’s as bad as a wound, that’s an emotional wound. So, your ego’s taken a hit, your self-esteem has taken a hit and you’re feeling pretty low. How do you address that?

M: How do you personally address it for you? Or how do you help friends and family and colleagues?

P: Let’s take the, let’s take the personal straight away because it is up to us to look after our own health.

M: Yep.

P: And, if I cut my finger when I was cooking, I’d know to wash it, put some Dettol on it and put a Band Aid on it because I don’t want it to get to get infected. We should have that same understanding when we have an emotional wound. So, if someone tells us we’re crap, we should have immediate steps in place that we know that was a hit to my ego. So now I need to go and do some self-esteem work, however minor or free it is, or do something that’s good for myself. Rather than going and finding a bowl of ice cream and eating it all in one go, opening up the wine bottle –

M: [Longing Sigh] Oh…

P: – or going and doing some retail therapy.

M: Can we do both?

P: Laugh. That’s the point. These things are not emotional Band Aids. They don’t help the injury, they waylay it.

M: No, but if you feel good in the moment, laugh!

P: They smother it. They push it down and Guy Winch –

M: Are they part of a holistic strategy, you know, multi-pronged attack, laugh!

P: No, no. I’m going to say no.

M: Darn it, alright.

P & M: Laughter!

P: Because they just suppress the issue. So high carb – sugar rush. So it releases endorphins in your system and you don’t think about the injury. Alcohol suppresses all the all the emotions. The problem with alcohol and Doctor Winch uses this example is it’s going to come back up.

M: Laugh.

P: They’re going to vomit that alcohol back up. So, it’s really important that we have more fundamentally beneficial First Aid approaches when we have a psychological trauma.

Let’s take something like failure.

So failure is a psychological wound.

M: Yes.

P: When you fail at something, you’re not feeling good.

M: I never fail.

P: Oohhh…?

M & P: Laughter!

M: I just don’t do things that I’m going to fail at.

P & M: Laugh!

M: That’s why. No, I lie, I lie. I’ve had some shocking failures in my life.

P: Yeah, and you’ve gotta bounce back from those. So what we’re talking about here is the way that failure registers with us the mind tricks us into not being able to function and do the simplest tasks. Things like going and doing the washing, going to the fridge and getting the milk out of the fridge and you drop it and it falls on the floor and you end up in a puddle of a mess because you’ve had a hard day.

M: Laugh.

P: Those sort of simple tasks we can’t do when we have failure because our cognition and our ability to just coordinate is impacted by our emotion. The mind is a hard thing to change once it’s been convinced that it’s a failure. So, if someone says your shit, then it’s really hard to actually bring yourself up going ‘No, I’m not’; unless you’ve got really good self-esteem in the first place, it’s really hard to go ‘No, I’m not shit, I have these qualities, and I can do this, and this, and this, and this, and that’s going to make you feel better and that is an emotional Band Aid.

M: I’ve actually seen people with failure, baggage and the huge impact can have on their happiness levels.

P: Definitely.

M: They’re going to operate in society and at the smallest challenges they run away rather than step up and learn or grow or fight.

P: Mmm, yep.

M: And it’s such a limiting thing to carry around in your emotional baggage.

P: Absolutely, definitely and it doesn’t have to be a big failure. It can be a small failure if can happened when you were a teenager.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: That informs so much of your developmental understanding. And this in a psychological wound, so we have to know how to take that up and take care of it and let it heal. So there are different things that we can do.

M: Also, failure is part of life, right?

P: It is.

M: Let’s be really honest. So when kids experience failure, it’s about helping them to develop the tools to pick themselves up and try again, rather than trying to stop them from experiencing that failure because experiencing it is still so important.

P: Yes, so much.

M: And we found with the latest generation of parents who stereotypically have over parented and tried to protect their kids. And they’ve gone in and fought with the teacher who gave them the B, so they could get an A.

P: Mmm, yeah.

M: And all of those things, have had arguments with the coach who benched them, and these kids have never learned to fail.

P: Exactly.

M: And they hit the real world.

P: And they can’t cope.

M: Parents can’t go in to bat for them to get the promotion, laugh.

P: Absolutely, definitely.

M: And they buckle at the first sign of any pressure because they’re not used to stepping up in the face of that.

P: Yeah, I’ve got a great example from when I was doing my study when I was a massage therapist and I knew my nutrition lecturer really well. We were friends. We were colleagues. And we went out for dinner one night and she said,

‘Oh, so we have the test on Monday, are you ready?

And I’m like ‘No! I haven’t been able to study!’

And she goes ‘That’s ok. I’ll just throw you a question. Why don’t we eat meat when we’re unwell?’

And I just sat there going ‘I don’t know!

M: Laugh!’

P: And Kirsty looked at me and said ‘It’s okay Pete, it’s alright.’ She said it’s because we don’t want iron in our system because that’s what the bacteria feeds off when we’re ill. We don’t want iron in our system.

M: I just learned something?

P: Exactly. And do you know what? I have never forgotten that conversation since 15 years ago. So now whenever it comes up I’m like ‘ah, we don’t eat meat when we’re sick!’

M & P: Laugh!  

P: It’s stuck in my brain.

M: I’m betting the science has changed since then, now we have to eat meat, laugh.

P: Oh, I’m sticking with it because I had an emotional response.

M: Yep.

P: And It triggered a memory in me, and it happened a couple weeks ago in uni. I’ve got the same thing, I got something wrong. I will now always know that DALY always stands for disability-adjusted life years.

M: Laugh.

P: So it’s there, you had those emotional responses, they are a step to learning. Let’s take one more example.

Let’s look at something which is really fun, ruminating.

The brooder, we all know a brooder, don’t we?

M: We need to redefine your definition of fun.

P: Laugh! A person who sits there and creates and thinks some things through endlessly. This is a real risk of psychological trauma because it puts you in that cycle again, and it doesn’t let you come up with any solutions again that’s not exercising the right kind of brain waves that allows you to achieve tasks that affects your work ethic and affects your achievement scales, it affects your self-worth. Because you’re not seeing any positivity coming out of a situation, you start fantasising. You start creating situations that are never going to happen. You know ‘the FBI are going to come from a chimney at night and gag me and take me away because I didn’t put the toilet seat down.

M: Are you fantasising? Or ruminating? Laugh!

P: Well, that’s the thing. One thing leads to another. That’s a serious example, though.

M: I think in a way we’ve covered this in the past with conversations about gratitude and how we’re actually wired to see the negative. The person who noticed the tiger that was stalking them was more likely to live than the guy who was skipping through the daisy field oblivious to the, you know, the threat, right? So, we’re wired, biologically wired to look for the negative, and that can really lead down a really bad path if you don’t stop it.

P: Yeah.

M: And so a really great way again to counter act that, is to bring a gratitude practise into your daily life.

P: Definitely.

M: It is so simple and easy. And it helps you to scan your environment for positives.

P: Mmm.

M: And balance that out, and might even to a certain degree, depending on what your brooding or ruminating on might even short circuit a lot of that behaviour and retrain your brain to not ruminate.

P: Science says you are right, Marie.

M & P: Laugh!

M: How about that, laugh.

P: Dr Winch talks about it in terms of adaptive versus maladaptive, so self-reflection can be maladaptive. When you become a ruminator and your self-reflecting and you go down that negative cycle and you keep looking for the negatives that’s maladaptive reasoning and that has powerful affect because it leads to alcoholism, eating disorders, increased cortisol and cardiovascular disease, so the science says, I’m not going to quote any studies because we’re running out of time. He calls it picking at emotional scabs.

You’re not letting something heal because you keep driving a knife into the wounds going ‘Yeah, let’s put this knife in deeper and see how deep it can go.’ Whereas adaptive reasoning is exactly what you’re talking about, Marie. It’s taking some time to be positive and do some real work around, trying to bring yourself up and bring yourself out of that brooding, only seeing the negative cycle.

M: There’s a great course that life line used to run called Accidental Counsellor, which I took last year, actually, and it teaches people who may be caught off guard who are not mental health professionals how to have conversations and support friends, colleagues, people at work, customers even who’ve come out with, you know, some really tough, tough disclosures at times.

P: Yeah

M: And if you’re not prepared for it or equipped, what do you say? How do you support that person and give them what they need? But then, also on the flip side, how do you not give them too much advice or coaching because you’re not the professional, right?

P: Exactly.

M: And one of the great things that we learned in that session was that you can be there for someone too much.

P: Hmm.

M: If you’re letting them talk too much, and they’re in that ruminating space, and all they’re doing is just reinforcing the negative. There comes a time where, you know, as the friend who’s supporting you need to say, ‘enough’s enough, this isn’t working. This is ruminating.’

P: This is brooding and it’s not beneficial.

M: I’m supporting you.

P: Yeah, and I’m enabling you to do more of it. Someone has to come in at some point and cut that that process off. Otherwise, we get so many health risks coming forward.

M: Yeah, so it’s not just with yourself, but with friends who may be going through a tough time. You can listen and listen and listen. And that is the number one recommendation out of this course for how to help people who are going through tough times. Listen.

P: Yeah.

M: Sit and listen and validate what they’re feeling, but there comes a point where you need to stop listening and move them to a professional or even extricate yourself out in the right way.

P: And you can do that on yourself as well, you can, listen, listen and listen to yourself talk, but there comes a point where you going ‘Right, enough’s enough. Let’s take, take some action. And if that action is going getting some professional help then that’s great, because getting that is a positive step we’re taking action.

M: Yep.

P: I know we’re pushed for time,

but I do want to mention one more, rejection.

This is a psychological trauma, which a lot of people go through, it can be rejection from a job. It can rejection from a lover. It could be rejection from a date. I mean, who hasn’t gone on a date and have someone get up in the first ten minutes and say ‘Sorry, I’m out.’ It’s like, Oh my God, I feel terrible. [Sad laugh]

M: Is that common?

P: Not if you’re married. Laugh.

M: Well, I’ve been married for 15 years. [actually, 9 years this December]

P & M: Laughter!

P: Online dating. We have so much interaction on an online sphere, and then you go and meet the person and you realise, oh my God, they’re completely not who I thought they were and I actually have nothing in common with this person.

M: Mmm.

P: So people will back out in five minutes flat.

M: Which I think is fine, but you can deliver that message in a more sensitive way, laugh.

P: Absolutely. So, let’s look at that feeling of rejection.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Now, it’s interesting. The science behind this was done using a ball game. So, I’m number one, Marie you’re number two, let’s make Francis number three. I throw the ball to you, you throw the ball to Francis, and Francis throws the ball to me.

Then halfway through this, we keep doing it, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la; And then all of a sudden, Francis throws the ball back to you, and then you throw to Francis and Francis throws it back to you. Then all of a sudden, I’m standing there going ‘no one’s throwing me the ball’. That’s going to make me feel rejected. It’s going to make me feel ostracised.

M: Piggy in the middle!

P: Laugh! As a piggy though, I’m active cause I’m trying to catch the ball. This, I’m not even involved in the ball game anymore because you guys have decided to keep it between the two of you.

M: Yep.

P: So what they did was they took some MRI scans of the person who was feeling these feelings of rejection. What they found was the pathways, the neural pathways that activated during the feelings of rejected mimic the pain pathways that we experience when we are in physical pain.

The reason behind this, when we were running around in tribes, as nomads we needed to make sure that we were part of the clan. Otherwise, we died. Literally, we could not survive as a solo human being in the wild because something would eat us or we wouldn’t be able to get enough food.

So the body developed this in our evolutionary history. This process to let us know something is wrong. We’re going to make you feel pain because you need to get involved with the group again.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And that’s a lever, that’s creating something that makes us go back to the group. And it’s really important because it can be as simple as a ball game and it can leave someone feeling out. And if we don’t act on that, if we don’t know to recognise that as ‘I’m being excluded, somehow I have to find a way to connect back in with the group’, then we are left feeling ostracised and it results in trauma such as cardiovascular disease, increased cortisol levels, all those things that we’ve talked about in terms of chronic illness and inflammatory responses which have a physical impact on our body.

M: There’s a great book called The 10 Types of Human by Dexter Dias, and he talks about this study [similar to above], and it was actually done on the beach with people playing Frisbee.

P: Laugh.

M: They talk about how this relates to other animals that are social and pack animals as well, there’s some great stories in there. But it is a biological and physiological response about rejection.

P: Yep, definitely. We don’t like it, it’s not just humans, it’s other animals as well.

M: Yep.  

P: But we don’t like it, and it’s not good for us. So, learning to identify that and applying the processes of being able to go, that’s an emotional wound, let’s address it, helps to keep us healthy and better and living longer.

M: So you’ve got a few others here, loneliness and guilt, and we’re out of time. But to wrap up the conversation, I guess, on emotional First Aid, what we’ve done is talked about some of the things that can really lead us down a path of lifelong injuries, mental injuries that we carry with us and into our relationships and everything we do and really what you’re saying here Pete, if I can maybe parrot it back, is that we need to be better at identifying that and short circuiting that.

P: Absolutely.

M: Exploring it, picking at it, but not too much.

P: Yep, laugh. Don’t pick the scab.

M: Yep, laugh.

P: This goes into something that we can talk about later, which is this whole idea we came up with of emotional literacy like we have health literacy, there’s happiness, literacy, there’s emotional literacy. We need to know it and it’s identifying those markers and going ‘ah, this is loneliness, this is what we do for loneliness.’ We need to be better at that. And maybe we can talk about this in another episode about the tips behind how we can address that.

M: Yep.

P: Maybe that’s a different episode that we can do.

M: Sounds good, all right. On that note, we’ll definitely put Guy Winches Ted talk in our show notes for everyone.

P: Yeah.

M: And I’m going to go have a read of that because I haven’t yet, laugh.

P: Yeah, it’s really interesting, he presents it in a really interesting way with some great anecdotes and stories.

M: Love it. All right, well, that’s all we have time for this week. We’ll see you next week.

P: Till next time.

M: Bye.

P: Bye.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going, at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

Laughter is the Best Medicine (E64)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about why laughter is the best medicine and try out a laughter yoga exercise you can do at home.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: All right Pete, welcome back.

P: Hi!

M: Hi, so today we are talking about laughter!

P: Mmm, the joys of laughter, it’s fun! Laugh!

M: Just waiting for you to laugh, I’m like ‘he’ll laugh!’

P: There’s nothing better than a good belly laugh I say.

M: So true, where your cheeks hurt.

P: Yep.

M: Your belly hurts but you keep laughing.

P: Yep.

M: I’m just massaging my cheeks at the moment while talking to you, laugh!

P: Your zygomatic bones, laugh.

M: [Sigh] We’re going to hear a lot more about this as you continue your degree aren’t we?

P: Laugh! I’m going to get very specific and very technical about my anatomy.

M: And I’m gonna pay you out for it.

P: Yes, you will and you’re allowed to.

M: Alright. So, last week I did some education as well, and I intended a lunchtime webinar by the Centre for Optimism, they’re based out of the Melbourne.

P: Oh.

M: Victor Perton, who is ‘that Optimism Man’ runs the centre down there and they’re doing some fabulous stuff. So if you are an optimist already, and want to find your tribe.

P: Laugh.

M: Or maybe you want to be more optimistic, I highly recommend signing up and getting access to all of their resources, but also their lunchtime webinars and morning panel discussions and night-time workshops and all the other fab stuff that they run. So, I went to a talk with a panel of experts and it was about laughter, optimism, resilience and well-being. A real focus on laughter though.

P: OK.

M: And I am still buzzing!

P: Laughter!

M: Loved it, loved it and really, for me, it kind of reminded me that laughter is just so powerful.

P: It so is, yeah.

M: And I’ve even run a laughter workshops at Commonwealth Bank ages ago. So I’ve done laughter yoga workshops but I’d just for gotten.

P: Laugh. Well you can, I mean, the thing is that if you… Like anything, if you’re not flexing a muscle, it’s not, it’s not staying awake.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Things atrophy if we don’t use them, and I really think that this comes down to a lot of the happiness work that we do. If you fall off the happiness bandwagon and those regular things that you’re involved in, you’ve got to get the momentum rolling again and often that’s the point where people choose that it’s all too hard.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: It’s too hard to be positive, it’s too hard to be optimistic. It is [hard], but once you get it going, it’s really easy to ride that curve. I had a similar situation a couple of weeks ago [with] my new position in my new job; where I, I had a huge day planned, I walked in it’s 7:30 in the morning and I’m not a morning person, everybody knows that.

M: Mmm hmm, laugh.

P: People having 8am massages! Really people, come on, get with! Laugh.

M & P: Laughter!

P: This is an evening activity! Laugh.

So, I sort of walked into work well, straight out the back, and then my boss came up to me about halfway through the day and went ‘hello, are you ok?’ and I went ‘yeah, I’m fine why? I’ve got things to do and places to be.’ And I’d forgotten that in the moment, it’s important to recognise people, be friendly, wake yourself up and use those tools of being positive and kind and all those lovely things that come with momentum. And once you start doing it; It’s like if you start the day that way, it carries throughout the day.

M: Absolutely.

P: I’m a big believer in that and that’s why the first things that you do when you get up out of bed should be something that’s actually really enjoyable or that makes you have a giggle. Put on an episode of Disney it first thing in the morning and see what it does to your mood swings for the day, laugh.

M: Well, I have something if you can’t watch a feature film before you leave the house –

P: Laugh!

M: – that might be a little bit more practical for people who are struggling to get more optimism, laugh.

P: [Singing] The hills are alive…

M & P: Laughter.

M: Or I’ve actually got quite a few friends who Monday morning, listen to our podcast and that’s their weekly reminder to prioritise happiness, which is lovely. Thank you guys.

P: Scares me a little bit when they say to me ‘keep going’ and I’m like ‘why!?’ Laugh.

M: The question is, are they laughing with us or at us?

P: Hopefully with us.

M & P: Laughter!

P: Right, so back to the point.

M: So, I’ve known for a while about the power of laughter to moost… moost your bood?

P: Moost your bood, I like that. Moost your Bood!

M: Boost your mood.

P: Laughter.

M: And it’s a no brainer, it is such a no brainer. You laugh, you feel good.

P: Yeah.

M: I don’t have to be a scientist to know that. But there is a science behind it, and it’s pretty definitive science.

  • Firstly, it can increase your wellbeing.
  • It helps to reduce stress.

One of the big ones for all you corporate people or you people starting your massage day at eight in the morning.

P: Laugh.

M: And going is stressed, one of the greatest ways to break that stress cycle is to have a good laugh.

P: Yep, I agree.

M: And the Mayo Clinic in the U. S. Has a huge range of research and riding on the positive effects of laughter and stress reduction.

  • It decreases your heart rate and your blood pressure; and
  • it can also relieve muscle tension.

P: Absolutely shaking, vibration.

M: Mmm hmm, and on that note, for those of you who know they should do more movement and exercise in their day. Did you know that a very big belly laugh is actually exercise?

P: Laugh! Ok, yeah alright I’ll give you that one.

M & P: Laugh.

M: Now, it might not be as good as a million other different exercises.

P: Laugh.

M: But it’s still exercise! Laugh. You could count that in your week.

P: Alright, Alright, like that could be 10 steps, laugh.

M: So [laughing] also has a range of other physical benefits, like:

  • Helping to improve your immune system, which helps you to fight illness.

One of the people on the panel is Roz Ben-Moshe, who is a lecturer and researcher at La Trobe University in Melbourne. She actually wrote a book called ‘Laughing at Cancer, How to Heal with Love, Laughter and Mindfulness’.

P: Oh, I like that.

M: She discovered laughter when she was going through cancer treatment, and I’m not saying that you would replace modern science and medicine with laughter.

P: Mmm.

M: I’m saying, in addition to that.

P: It’s not about replacing; it’s about using with that.

M: Yep, it’s a complimentary technique that can help you get through not only the physical, but the mental part of dealing with cancer.

P: Sure, absolutely.

M: There’s real scientific study that shows that laughter can be so beneficial.

P: Fundamentally, laughter releases dopamine. It’s one of our happy drugs.

M: Mmm.

P: And that’s a big one for keeping the other neurotransmitters going as well. Dopamine, it’s a big precursor to so much other stuff. So fundamentally, at that neuro transmitter-chemical level laughter has a benefit.

M: So, [laughter] is:

  • Releasing endorphins.

P: Mmm.

M: So that again, as we said, we know you’re happier when you’re laughing.

P: Mmm.

M: But you might not realise it also has long term impacts on your happiness. So not just the short term, in the moment, I’m laughing right now and therefor I’m happier.

P: Yep.

M: There’s also longer-term impacts to your happiness. The other piece here is if you laugh with people, then it strengthens bonds. It makes you closer and trust other people. So, in a corporate environment or a work environment, particularly for new teams that are just forming, introducing ways to laugh together as a team will bond your team a lot faster and create more trust between your team members.

P: Mmm, interesting.

M: And the teams that laugh together, trust more.

P: I like that idea.

M: Not just for crazy yogi’s, because we’re gonna talk about laughter yoga in a second.

P: Laugh.

M: So, going back to that idea, though of long term happiness. We’ve spoken before Pete about you’re happiness set point, it’s that point where you tend to come back to after good events and bad events. You just come back to this base level of happiness.

P: Mmm.

M: And some people are born a little bit happier and with higher set points. Some people are grumpier.

P: Laugh.

M: And they were born that way and they have a lower set point.

P: Laugh.

M: But laughter and deliberate, habitual laughter exercises has been shown to increase your set point. So, you’re not stuck with where you are right now.

P: Mmm, we can always contribute to our base level of happiness that’s for sure.

M: Yeah.

P: That’s what it comes down to a lot of interpretation and doing some of the mindfulness work that we’ve talked about out. Definitely, it’s a plus you know, you want your base point to be higher because we don’t want to negate the ebbs and flows as we talked about before, emotions and meant to take us down they’re meant to take us up, but we want that curve to be to be there and riding that wave. But we do want to come back to that point where there were slightly more than being just bland.

M: Yep.

P: Yep.

M: We’re only here for a short time. I want it to be a good time too.

P: Yeah, yeah, exactly.

M: Yeah. All right, are you up for it, Pete?

P: I’m always up for yoga. I’m rather impressed that you’re about to teach me yoga. I’m really intrigued by how this is gonna go.

M: So, I’m going to start by saying that laughter yoga is the new craze that has really gained steam over the past couple of decades. It’s not that new, actually.

P: Laugh.

M: And all it means is people meet and they come together to laugh together often in a park or an open space.

P: Ok.

M: That’s it. Simple.

P: Alright.

M: Doesn’t necessarily involve folding yourself into a variety of pretzel like poses.

P: But I can do that.

M & P: Laughter.

M: So, for all of you like my husband, who can barely tie his shoes.

P: Laugh!

M: You don’t need to worry about your flexibility in order to do laughter yoga. The yoga part here is more of a nod to the breathing side –

P: Oh ok.

M: – than the movement side. Having said that, you can take it in that direction and combine the two.

P: I’ve done a lot of that too, with movement therapy with happiness.

M: Yes.

P: That’s yes, incredibly powerful, actually and that can really shift emotions and psyches and in a really amazingly positive way.

M: Yes, so I would love to walk you through three exercises that I think people can take to their office, to their workplace.

P: Ok.

M: Remember, when you’re doing this, it’s worth reminding people about the actual benefits and the scientific benefits if you’re trying to get them to opt in.

P: Yep.

M: And secondly, if you are taking it to your work, it’s really important not to pressure anyone or force them to participate and make it an opt in because –

P: Laugh! I force people to exercise every day! I’m putting them on yoga mats and saying ‘do this!’ And then they forget them.

M: Laugh. They’re paying you to do that. They’re not necessarily paying you tell them to do laughter yoga in the office.

P: Laugh, true.

M: But it is, [laughter] is uncomfortable for some people to share with others, and they do feel self-conscious about their laughs and about letting go.

P: Mmm.

M: So, some people may be uncomfortable and would prefer not to participate. It’s just worth remembering that so you should do it within close proximity of them so that they see how much fun you’re having and want to opt in next time.

P & M: Laughter.

P: There we go, lead by example.

M: Now it’s also worth remembering in these exercises that often you need to start with fake laughter at the beginning –

P: This is where a lot of people find it difficult.

M: – and after a while, it becomes authentic.

P: It’s the fake laugh. It’s putting the laugh on, and I was going to come to that afterwards. It’s the fake it ‘til you make it concept, and it’s a hard space to do when you’re feeling crap.

M: Mmm.

P: And when people say, you know, you’ve got to laugh it off. It does actually work because you’ll start doing the fake laugh. Then all of a sudden a giggle will come.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And that’s an amazingly empowering way of changing your situation.

M: Okay, So the first exercise we’re going to do is about starting your day right.

So, maybe could have used this on Wednesday.

P: Laugh.

So this is a quick 60 second exercise that you can add to your morning routine to start your day in a happy mood and set the tone for the rest of the day.

P: All right.

M: So, it’s a great starting place, this one for people who are a bit reluctant to be vulnerable in front of other people. You can do this by yourself in the shower or… I was going to say while brushing your teeth or eating breakfast but…

P: That might be a bit messy, laugh.

P & M: Laughter!

P: Avocado on toast spewed in front of the entire bus stop.

M: Laugh. No.

All right, so I’m just going to grab the clock on my phone and go to the stopwatch. And what we’re going to do is you grab your phone, we start the timer, and for the first 10 seconds, you laugh out loud. You don’t have to feel it, you just have to vocalise ‘Ha, ha, ha.’

P: Ok.

M: And then you do that a few times, it’ll roll from there.

P: Ok.

M: Think of a like an acting class with really bad acting.

P & M: Laughter!

M: So, it doesn’t have to be authentic.

P: Ok.

M: So once we’ve done 10 seconds of ha, ha, ha’s, we’re going to breathe deeply for the next 10 seconds, so that’s probably two deep breaths over 10 seconds. And then we’re going to do those two steps two more times, and that will be 60 seconds.

P: Ok.

M: So that’s it. That’s it. It’s that simple. All right, so we’re going to do it now, we’re going to start timing.

P: Audience participation, I love it!

M: Can you see my phone, Pete.

P: Yes, I can.

M: Okay. All right. Ready?

P: Yeah.

P & M: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…. (10 sec)

M: Take a big deep breath. (10 sec) And I do hope that everyone at home is following along. I really encourage you to.

P: Laugh.

M: Look at that smile on your face, Pete. All right, we’re up again.

P & M: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…. (10 sec)

M: Deep breaths. (10 sec) Last one.

P & M: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…. (10 sec)

M: Alright and deep breaths. (10 sec)

That was a bit quick those breaths and I probably wouldn’t do that normally, I don’t want you to hyperventilate.

P: Laugh.

M: But that is it. That is it. That is all the we’re talking about. And if you’re not laughing at us right now on this podcast, I don’t know what else I can do for you, I’m sorry.

P: Laughter! This’s part of the attraction of morning radio. I think a lot of people use morning talk show radio to try and have a bit of a giggle in their commute to work or first thing in the morning. It’s really important that people try and access their happiness in those first hours when you’re up, because it does set the tone for the day.

M: Mmm.

P: And who doesn’t love driving along and you hear someone say something really stupid and it makes you giggle in the car on your own and then you have that you have a better morning.

M: You do and honestly, my cheeks a kind of sore because I can’t get this silly grin on my face right now.

P & M: Laugh!

M: But that’s it. And if you do that every morning for, I think, what did we say recently? 21 days to make a habit.

P: Yep.

M: 60 seconds is all that takes, and it can really change your mindset and just put you in a great mood for the day.

P: Yeah, it is a bit of a trial, and you’ve got to get, you’ve got to be consistent with it. Like anything, it’s like exercise. You’ve got to be consistent to get the benefits. So if you feel stupid and ridiculous or feel like throwing a small, fluffy animal out the window because you’re feeling so stupid and that’s fine, keep going, keep trying because it will kick in.

M: Yes, absolutely. And again, it doesn’t have to be authentic to start with. Neither of us were laughing authentically to start with.

P: Nah.

M: There were giggles in there, definitely from both of us. And then we went a bit silly. And then we came back, and then we had a real laugh, and then we didn’t. But your body doesn’t know the difference and that’s –

P: Exactly! Yes, you’re tricking your body into the reaction.

M: Yes! All right. So, I’ll quickly go through the last two exercises that I want to leave you with.

So the second one is about bonding with friends and family.

So, as I mentioned before, one of the great things about laughter is sharing it with others. Episode eight we talked about how laughter is contagious.

P: Yes, we did.

M: So, laughing with other people makes it more intense and helps bring people closer together. So, it’s a great team building exercise. So, if you want to grab some colleagues or friends or your partner or the whole family and convince them to join in this short exercise, you will be creating stronger bonds with the people around you.

P: Mmm.

M: To start with you get everyone into a circle and you take a deep breath in and out. Repeat that a few times just to get everyone in a different mood and mind set and then moving around the circle, you’re going to join up with a person and then there’s three simple steps.

  1. You will either hold their hands or, if you’re in a more formal environment, shake their hand, so handshake
  2. and you’re going to keep doing that while looking them in the eye
  3. and laugh for 10 seconds.

P: Laugh!

M: That’s it. So once everyone has had 10 seconds of laughter with their partner, you find another partner and you repeat steps 1 to 3. You keep doing it until everyone has shared a laugh with everyone else in the group. The eye contact is a bit confronting for some people –

P: Yeah, very.

M: – but it’s really important for that bond.

P: Breaking through that uncomfortable silence and that sort of space of going ‘well, I need to be vulnerable here.’

M: Yes.

P: It’s an important part of it, because then you can let go, you can let go of it all.

M: Absolutely, so you’ll need someone to be the timekeeper, and you’ll need to keep everyone on track with instructions on when to move on. But once everyone’s done one round, you can get playful with it. So this is where it gets a bit more fun and exciting. So once it runs on a roll and they know what they’re doing, you can throw in a Santa round.

P: Laugh!

M: Everyone has to laugh like Santa. Or you could throw in a feeling or an emotion, so maybe cheeky laughing.

P: Okay, yep. Righto.

M: Or you could do an around the world round. German laughing, French laughing, Russian laughing.

P: Laugh!

M: Or simply throw in a good snort.

P: Yep, that always works.

M: Yes, so you can have a bit of a play with it and see where people go. And again, it’s kind of like an acting class. Some people really get into it, and that will carry the mood for a lot of people.

P: Laugh.

M: Others will be a bit more reluctant, but if they’re participating, they’re going to get the benefits anyway.

P: Yep.

M: And so the last one and I know we’re really short on time. So, I’ll fly through this last one.

This is about really letting go.

P: Ok.

M: There’s a little bit more movement in this one, so it’s a good exercise, either groups or individuals, so you could do this at work with your family or by yourself.

  • So you start by smiling and slowly move into a giggle then a chuckle and then finish with a really big belly laugh.
  • Even hold your belly and really get into that belly laugh so you’re slowly increasing the intensity and volume as you go.
  • And once you’ve had a really loud big belly laugh for good 10 seconds or so, bring it back down, stage by stage to a smile, and to get a good benefit from that one.
  • You should repeat it a few times, but you can also add movement.

So if you start crouched or small or seated, depending on your mobility as you get louder and get more volume and intensity to your laugh, you come up until your arms are up in the air.

P: Laugh.

M: Your head is tilted back, and you’re standing like a star fish.

P: Laugh.

M: You’re really opening up your body and being big in presence as well as laughter.

P: There’s also a thing about letting the vibration go into certain cavities of your body. So, if you can actually feel the laugh and this is where the visualisation comes into this. I’ve felt this before in classes where you feel visualisation, so you laugh from your toes and you let the laugh reflect your toes so little tiny laugh and you wiggle your toes and then you move it up into your calves and into your knees, and by the time you get to your chest or your belly, it’s big, it’s boisterous, it’s loud. It’s got some volume.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: It’s an acting thing that you do, a warm-up actually, but it is very [beneficial] that visualisation of small spaces and echoing and filling the space with the vibration of the sound is a really good way of doing that same exercise as well.

M: Well, absolutely. And you can take these really simple exercises and create a million different permutations.

P: Mmm.

M: And if these aren’t talking to you, then just Google it.

P: Yeah.

M: Love Google. There’s so much out there that you can learn. Now there is definitely the whole physical side with laughter yoga that this can go to, but it’s like yoga, there are so many different variations of it –

P: Yep, sure.

M: – that it can go in any type of direction. The point is to have a good laugh.

P: Nice. What a nice idea, who doesn’t want that?

M: Absolutely. And now that we’ve had a bit of a laugh, as well, hopefully everyone listening at home had a laugh with us.

P: Laugh.

M: Or at us, either way, laugh.

P: Doesn’t matter.

M: Either way, hopefully you are listening to this in the morning, and it’s going to make your day a little bit brighter.

P: Laugh. On that note, enjoy your day folks and have a good laugh.

M: Bye.

P: Chow.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going, at no additional cost to you. Thanks!