Unapologetically Marie

Writer, podcaster, mental health advocate

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Are your finances making you sick?

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Take Control of Your Finances and Kick That Financial Stress to the Curb

Many of us are experiencing financial stress, and it’s impacting our overall mental and physical health and wellbeing. Read on for some tips and resources to take back control.  

What is Financial Stress?

Financial wellbeing is critical for overall mental health and wellbeing. According to Thriving Wallet, we know that poor financial wellbeing impacts physical and psychological health, mood, work satisfaction, sleep and relationships.

However, even though nowadays we’re spending more time working, for the first time since 1930 we’re earning less relative income than those who came before us. We also have less financial security.  At the same time, in many countries, costs for necessities like food, healthcare, housing and education have skyrocketed.

Money is the #1 stress for people in the U.S.1

This lack of financial security is causing huge amounts of stress, and more than that, it’s impacting our wellbeing more broadly. A recent study in Canada looked at the importance of financial satisfaction for overall life satisfaction. They found that for financially stressed households, their financial stress overwhelmingly conditioned their overall sense of life satisfaction. 2 In short, they were less happy and satisfied with their lives.

What Financial Stress Looks Like

Those who earn the least in society are often living in a constant and overwhelming state of financial distress. The Salvation Army’s annual survey shows that the poorest people in Australia experience extreme housing stress, face multiple barriers to finding work and struggle to maintain a basic standard of living. At times, they are unable to feed themselves or their families, and most upsetting, children continue to be deprived of basic necessities due to the lack of economic resources. This financial hardship means that children miss out on educational opportunities and activities at school and many don’t have access to technology or the internet at home. This is despite respondents often saying that they would ‘go without’ so that their children did not have to do so.3

Meanwhile, around the world for the Millennial generation the wealth gap continues to increase, and many millennials have huge university debt, no prospects of ever buying a house, and they probably won’t be able to retire until they’re 75 years old.

According to Credit Swiss: “The Millennials (people who came of age after the turn of the century) have not been a lucky cohort. Not only were they hit at a vulnerable age by the global financial crisis, its associated recession and the poor job prospects that followed, but they have also been disadvantaged in many countries by high house prices, low interest rates, and rising student debt making it difficult for them to buy property or accumulate wealth.”4

When Things go Wrong

If you’ve had a sudden or unexpected change in your circumstances, like losing your job or having a health emergency that prevents you from working, and you’re experiencing financial stress, the sooner you start working with support groups, the better.

Often times, sticking your head in the sand and hoping it will all go away can make problems worse and things can snowball quickly. The key is to reach out to support organisations as early as possible. Organisations like The Salvation Army have people available to speak to you if you’re struggling.

Taking Control of Your Finances

Reading Resources

Thankfully, many people are starting to talk about financial stress and financial wellbeing, and there are a range of resources you can now access.

For a great read and to learn a bit about your spending and saving mindset, check out the classic book: Rich Dad, Poor Dad.

You can also download the Thriving Wallet research insights report / white paper, which has some good stats about the issue (you’re not alone!) as well as some practical micro-steps you can take.

Online Tools to Manage Financial Stress

The Commonwealth Bank has a range of resources for you to assess and then manage your situation. They believe there are 3 ways you should be looking at your overall financial wellbeing:

  1. Every day: Managing your day-to-day finances.
  2. Rainy day: Being ready for the unexpected.
  3. One Day: Making your one day goals a reality.

They also have some great free resources for things like making budgets (and how to make sure you stick to it!), ensuring you only spend within your budget, and learning how to pay off your debts. Although some things (like their customer app) require you to have a product with them, the site is still really valuable and for most resources you don’t get a hard-sell, which is nice.

NOTE: For full disclosure, I used to work at the Commonwealth Bank – which is why I know about their Financial Wellbeing site. But please note that I am not receiving any payment from them for this post, I just believe in the advice and resources they’re providing.

Dealing with Stress

Remember throughout it all that there are science-backed activities you can do to better manage your stress and build your resiliency. Check out the posts under the below topics for some ideas on how to manage your stress, or speak to a professional.

Community and Connection: Connecting with others and contributing to your community are proven to build emotional resiliency and make your life happier. It is so important not to neglect this part of your life, especially if it doesn’t come easily, like when work is really busy or if you’re a natural introvert.

Health and Wellbeing: Your health and wellbeing is critical to your happiness. Luckily, there is a wealth of information about how to make small changes to your life to make it healthier and improve your wellbeing.

Meaning and Purpose: Having a sense of meaning and purpose in life is critical to resiliency and living a happy life. You need it to thrive and flourish. It’s about having a reason to get out of bed in the morning, setting goals and having commitments. Some lucky people get that purpose through their job, but many of us get our purpose through other activities such as volunteering, learning or experiencing new things or caring for others.

References

  1. “The Thriving Wallet, research insights report/white paper.” Page 1. https://content.thriveglobal.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/Thriving-Wallet-Research-Insights-Report.pdf, accessed February 2020.
  2. Brzozowski, M. & Spotton Visano, B. J ““Havin’ Money’s Not Everything, Not Havin’ It Is”: The Importance of Financial Satisfaction for Life Satisfaction in Financially Stressed Households.” Happiness Stud (2020) 21: 573., https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-019-00091-0, accessed February 2020.
  3. The Salvation Army. “Feeling the Pinch: National Economic and Social Impact Survey, 2018.” https://apo.org.au/sites/default/files/resource-files/2018/11/apo-nid204626-1240541.pdf, accessed February 2020.
  4. Credit Suisse. “Global wealth databook 2019.” Page 141. https://www.credit-suisse.com/about-us/en/reports-research/global-wealth-report.html, accessed February 2020.

NOTE: This is not financial advice. It is intended to provide generalised, educational information. I do not know your financial situation or needs, and you should not rely on this information as financial product advice.

Balancing Work Pressures With Health and Fitness

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Dade Bailey, corporate leader and personal trainer, talks about the importance of balancing work and health

We all know we need to do exercise. There have been hundreds, probably thousands, of studies into the positive effects of regular exercise. It leads to better moods, decreased stress, more mental resilience, more confidence, more energy, and I could keep going on. So, there is no way I could have a site dedicated to happiness and mental health, and not cover exercise.

Unfortunately, when we get busy, exercise is often the first thing we drop!

That’s why this week I’m interviewing Dade Bailey, who has had a very successful career in the corporate world, but he also recently retrained as a personal trainer. I spoke to him about the importance of balancing the pressures of work with health and fitness, and how to bring a bit more balance into your life.

You’ve had a very successful career with some big Australian brands, but there’s more to you than your professional career… Let’s cut to the chase: you’re buff.

<Laughs> Nice, thanks. Yes I’m Okay. So yes, but it took a long time for me to get here.

How much time do you spend working out or doing exercise each week and what do you do?

On reflection looking back, I always wanted to get to this point of being able to look in the mirror and go, yeah, I look good. I feel great. I’ve got a healthy balance, and it took a very big mind shift to get there.

The gym I’ve been with for 14 years called Hiscoes in Surry Hills [Sydney], is such a great gym, I did a strength challenge with them that was the catalyst. They really gave me the understanding of how muscle groups work, how nutrition needs to work, how building good longevity strength really would help. And that helped me set my mindset to where I am now.

Now, I’m at the gym about four or five times a week for my own personal training. I do different things, that could be strength training, high intensity training, but also it could be just something for stress relief – like going to kick the crap out of a boxing bag, or just going to do some yoga for active recovery. I really love Pilates – Reformer Pilates – that’s really good. So, four to five times a week because rest is so important as well. You’ve got to be able to allow your body time to recover.

Is balance something that’s important to you?

I think being in the corporate world for such a long time, exercise is always my outlet and going to the gym in the morning sets me up for the day, to really start my day off well. So from a mental health point of view, it was like, I’m ready. I’m walking in the office ready to take on the day. I’m feeling good. I’ve got all these endorphins happening. It’s great. Fantastic.

However if my nutrition wasn’t balanced and I was then going to eat an egg and bacon sandwich every day, and not really balancing my food, I wasn’t really complimenting my training well. Then then looking at other parts of my life and ensuring I have a balance in those areas.

When I lead teams questions I’d ask ‘are you exercising? Are you eating right? Are you sleeping right? How’s home life?’ To see if their life is balanced, and if it wasn’t, they wouldn’t be able to bring their best selves to work. At the start of each week, I used to ask my team “How are you feeling out of 10 this week?” To gauge how balanced they are heading into the week and how I could support them better.

Additionally I included exercise at work, instead of just having a 1:1 in a room, we’d go and have a walk and talk to do some exercise at the same time. Or have team meeting, we’d get out the building, so you were getting away from your desk.

Now I’ve become a personal trainer and I know a lot more about the sciences behind it, so going back into the corporate world is really going to help me as a leader to help my team thrive, so they get the best out of their work and bringing their best selves to work.

A lot of people join gyms and go to one or two classes and never go back. How did you find that spark or that passion to begin with?

As I said before there was a challenge at the gym. It was an eight-week strength challenge and I’m like, you know what, for eight weeks, I will commit. This is a short amount of time. Really commit. And even by week four of the eight weeks, I was seeing so many different changes in my body, how I was sleeping, how I was motivating myself. I changed myself from not being a morning person to being a morning person.

That’s huge!

It’s huge. I never used to be able to get out of bed. I used to sleep in and just go to work, but now I wake up at like 5:30 in the morning, quite happily.

Okay, I need your secret. We’ll get to that in a second.

But I think for me, it was that you’ve got to be able to help yourself and that was the mindset thing. You are the only one who’s going to be accountable here. You’ve got personal trainers that will help you, use them to help build out a program but it’s also “Where’s your commitment in this?” And I had to make a commitment to myself.

The corporate world is relentless, and it’s nonstop. And you have to find those moments to find that balance.

A lot of us are spending long, long hours in corporate world, and it’s becoming harder and harder to say no. What advice would you give to people to make sure they can find the balance in their life to fit in exercise.

Just from a personal point of view, after 14 years of working in an organization of the scale and the complexity that I did, I was really burnt out. And I’ve taken the time out to do some of the things I wanted to do, like become a personal trainer, which is amazing.

The corporate world is relentless, and it’s nonstop. And you have to find those moments to find that balance. As a leader in an organization, it was making sure that people came to work and they had a balanced life outside of work was my priority, because if they were wandering in and they didn’t have that balance, they weren’t able to perform at work. So for me, them making sure that they could do work flexibly if they wanted or being able to prioritize going to the gym classes that they wanted, or “hey, there’s a yoga class at four.” Go for it. You can. I know you’ll work to make up the hours. It’s about not putting restrictions on or being stuck in the old way of working of, “I need to see you at your desk from nine to five, and you need to produce X amount of widgets.”

Instead it’s like, “Here are the outcomes that you need to achieve. I expect you’re an adult and you’re able to achieve them. I will give you accountability to do that, and you work how you want. Giving people that freedom enabled them to be able to bring more of themselves to work and they were honest with me going, “I’m going through a tough time with this happening at home.” Okay, cool, at least I’m aware. But at least that kind of relationship really helped people bring everything they can to the office, and I created teams that thrive. And that’s where I’m always very proud of those moments. Because for me, if I’m running a team and they’re not living their best life outside of work, they’re not going to enjoy coming to work every day.

Absolutely. So obviously we all wish we had a boss like you! Were there any points in your life where you had bosses that didn’t subscribe to this idea? And how did you deal with explaining that you need to take time for yourself in order to be better for the organization or for your boss?

I had a boss who was a micromanager, and he really pushed my buttons. In the end, I learned that to manage the micro manager, I had to manage back. Okay, you want to know everything I’m doing? Here is a task list. Here’s everything I’m doing. You want to see that I’ve done all these tasks? Awesome.

Instead of them controlling me, I had to take control of them. But I also gave them honest feedback. I’d ask, “Can I just ask why you need to know this level of detail?” And sometimes people are just afraid of the boss. So just ask the question, “What was this to achieve? What’s the outcome?” Because for me, that kind of open and honest communication doesn’t happen enough in the corporate world. People need to ask the question “why” a lot more.

Have there been any times since you first started including exercise in your life on a regular basis that you haven’t been able to exercise, and have you noticed any impacts on your mental health or resiliency?

Absolutely. When in high delivery times, if I don’t get sleep and I don’t get to the gym in the morning, I go straight to work, I can sense my productivity levels dropping. I’m wandering in, I don’t feel energized, it would take me about two hours to get going. And people are bombarding me with questions and I wasn’t firing on all cylinders!

So that’s why it becomes so important to make sure you find that time and make sure that it happens, saying ‘this is important to my balance and the reason for that is to avoid two hours of wasted time as I wander in.’ Make sure you have the conversation as to why it’s important with your leaders to go, ‘this is me, this is why I need to do this. This is going to be better for you.’ This could be not just exercise, it could be making sure you’re dropping the kids off or going to swim class with the kids or prioritising a doctors appointment. As long as they let me know, there were ways we could make it work.

One time I noticed it started to affect my mental health was when I was leading the one of the biggest, complex change programs to deliver IT experiences to the whole organisation. It was consuming so much of my time, I started see my drinking habits go up each day, I was working longer hours, I was getting to bed late and sleeping in and not getting to the gym.

So I actually did a checkpoint, a kind of ‘put me at the centre’ activity and what actually makes me happy overall. For me it was flexible working, meaningful work, getting to the gym, making sure I’ve got time for my nutrition and making sure I’ve got time with my friends. When I started to protect those parts of my personal life, I felt the balance returning. I ensured I could cook on a Sunday night for the food for the week, ensured I limited my drinking to weekends, had conversation with my boss to come in a bit later so I could fit in my gym in the morning.  I really had to look at and put myself under the microscope and go, what makes you happy on a day to day basis from the outside of work. And what is work affecting of those pillars? And make changes.

I think it’s such an irony that when we’re needed most at work, we let down all the other areas of our life that keep us healthy for work.

But it’s also the ability for a leader to see that in their people. And for me now coming into a personal training side, I think I’m rounding out my skills in a very different way. Because it will be a very much, “well, what makes you ‘you’ outside of work? Is it exercise? Is it nutrition? How are you balancing yourself out? And how as a leader can I help that outside work operate well? What blockers do I need to remove to help free that up so you come into this office skipping?”

Can I ask you since you have been training and doing your certifications, what are some tips for people who are just starting out on their exercise journey?

Ask questions of anyone working in that gym. I’ve had the same personal trainer since day dot (Hi Mac) and he’s just so full of knowledge, like how bodies work, how you sleep, how exercise affects your energy levels – there’s so much knowledge that they have! Learn from them and really ask questions. They want to be asked and if you have a question over motivation, programs, technique or what is best to achieve your fitness goals, ask them. And if they don’t know they’ll know someone who can [help].

A lot of people don’t do the gym because they have a fear that they may look silly, don’t know how to  use the equipment or may go “ahh no, they look really fit, I can’t join that class.” But everybody working at the gym is there to help you. And yes, there are some people in gyms that are all there posing in front of mirrors or at the other end of the spectrum where they’re like, “Oh, my God, you had an alcoholic beverage, the world is ending.” But remember most people are there to better themselves. You’re all there for the same reasons, you’re there for health or want to look better for your wedding that’s coming up, or something like that. And there are people in that gym, with so many skills to help you achieve that. Don’t be afraid.

I know I was! I think I first went to a gym when I was 13 or 14 and those machines looked so scary. I don’t know if you remember going, “Oh my gosh, how do these work?” So would you recommend maybe taking a class to get started versus going straight for the weights equipment?

A couple of things that I’d recommend: most gyms overall should have some kind of introduction assessment. They should do a fitness assessment with you as soon as you walk in. Let’s sit down and get a baseline, let’s do some measurements. Let’s make sure you can know what your goals are, what do you want to achieve. A good gym will sit down and help you design a program and not only help you design a program to help you start to achieve that, but also show you how to use that equipment.

Regarding your point on the machines looking scary, they are built to help you ensure you’re doing your form correctly. Most should have a little illustration on them as how to use it properly, if you don’t have the confidence to talk to someone at the gym to demonstrate it to you. Otherwise, ask one of the trainers because they honestly want you to use the gym, use it safely, have correct form and they want their product to be used and for you to get the best results.

Is there anything I haven’t asked you that you want to add before we go?

I think in summary it’s about finding balance overall. If you are completing exercise or want to start, then work with your gym on how to do that and remember your body needs fuel for that exercise. Complement this with great nutrition, getting the sleep you need sleep, ensure you have time for your own mental health and having time for enjoying life – you need to look at what factors of your life are really are important to you, see how you get balance across them and see how you protect them.

After all, we work to live, not live to work!

If you’re in Sydney, you can find Dade at Hiscoes gym in Surry Hills. Visit www.hiscoes.com.au.

How to Practice Gratitude, and Why You Should do it

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How to Practice Gratitude

In today’s high stress, constantly changing world, it can be hard to work out what will make life easier and what is just more noise. Thankfully, practicing gratitude is not only science backed, but also really easy and cheap. Plus, if you practice gratitude you’ll be happier, less stressed and have higher overall wellbeing and satisfaction with your life and social relationships. Read on to learn how to practice gratitude and why it matters.

What is Gratitude?

The Oxford Dictionary defines gratitude as “the quality of being thankful, and readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.”

Gratitude is often mistaken as a sign of politeness—something that parents teach kids to impress other adults and prepare kids for more formal social experiences.

Actually, it is a much deeper human characteristic that fundamentally supports our capacity to work in social groups. It’s all about being collaborative and working well with others in harmony.  When we express gratitude, we affirm mutual dependence with others and convey interest in future collaboration. When others express gratitude to us, we are infused with purpose, motivation and common humanity. When we feel gratitude, we grow more attuned to what is good in life and connect that goodness to other people.

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.

Cicero, Roman orator and philosopher

Benefits of Practicing Gratitude

Now I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a sceptic. So, I really need some good science to make me take more time out of my week to do something that on the surface may seem a bit airy-fairy. So, here’s what a tiny sample of the studies show:

UC Berkeley’s Summer Allen writes that grateful people are happier, more satisfied, less materialistic and have better mental and physical health. 

Northeastern professor and author of Emotional Success, David DeSteno, has spent his life studying gratitude and his research shows that gratitude helps people have more self-control – which in turn helps them to achieve goals.

In fact, according to DeSteno, “People feeling grateful are more likely to help others who request assistance, to divide their profits in a more egalitarian way, to be loyal even at cost to themselves, to be less materialistic, and even to exercise as opposed to loafing.”

A study by Emmons & McCullough published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2003 showed that participants who kept a gratitude journal weekly for 10 weeks or daily for two weeks experienced more positive moods, optimism about the future, and better sleep.

Practicing Gratitude at Work

At work, practicing gratitude can be hugely beneficial as it helps to keep people out of their head, and in a positive frame of mind. This is particularly relevant in today’s corporate world, which is currently advocating for failing fast and sharing failures. While it’s important to analyse and learn from mistakes, focusing too much on failures can sometimes mean we think too much about what goes wrong and not enough about what goes right.

Additionally, with today’s increasing pace of change and constant striving to keep up with competitors, shifting markets and new trends, it can be easy to keep focusing on what’s next, then what’s next, then what’s next after that. Add to that a lot of the time, in today’s Agile organisations with a constant iteration mindset, it can feel like nothing is ever done, and therefore nothing is ever good enough.

But, practicing gratitude forces employees to stop and pay attention to the good things they’re accomplishing. It makes them appreciate the things they might otherwise take for granted. In that way, they start to become more attuned to the sources of pleasure around them—and the emotional tone of their work life can shift in profound ways.

Multiple studies back this up (see here and here). These studies have found that cultivating gratitude toward the workplace can help alleviate negative emotions and attitudes at work. Also, employees with higher levels of gratitude toward work are more likely to excel by going above and beyond their job tasks.

So, in short, cultivating a culture of gratitude in your organisation will improve performance and engagement, which leads to better retention.

How to Practice Gratitude and Make it a Habit

Here’s the best part of practicing gratitude. It’s really easy and cheap. You just need to get into the habit of doing it. You can pick any, or all of the below ideas and add them into your week. Here’s how to practice gratitude:

Journaling: Writing about what you’re grateful for is key. Research suggests translating thoughts into concrete language makes us more aware of them, deepening their emotional impact. Two or three times per week is enough, and it’s useful to reflect on smaller, more frequent things—such as a modest bit of help from a friend or colleague. You can simply pick up a notebook from the shops, or you can buy one of the hundreds of options online, like the ones below.

Write a thank you note: Summer Allen’s research shows that actually taking action and physically writing out letters of thanks to people is an even better way to harness the power of gratitude. So, when writing in your journal, keep an eye out for a person who has come up multiple times or has gone above and beyond.

Conversations: At the dinner table each night or on a certain day each week, start a conversation with your family or friends and take turns letting everyone know what you’re most grateful for that day or week. This has the added benefit of being a good conversation starter and helps to build stronger social bonds!

Volunteer: Not only is this the ultimate way to show gratitude, but research has shown that helping others through acts of charity or volunteer work can make you feel better and happier.

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3 Habits of Positive People

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Robert Collier, one of America’s original self-help authors who believed happiness and abundance were achievable by everyone, once famously said “Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.”

What if positivity was the same, and all you had to do was repeat the same few habits and you could be a happy person?

Well, the research shows that’s exactly how it works. You can train your brain to be more positive and happier! Here’s the science backed way to do it.

1. Practice Being Grateful, Every Day

Write down 3 things you’re grateful for each day.

“In just a two-minute span of time, done for 21 days in a row, we can actually rewire your brain, allowing your brain to work more optimistically and more successfully,” says psychologist and CEO of Good Think Inc., Shawn Achor, in his Ted Talk The Happy Secret to Better Work.

Shawn and his team have worked with a whole lot of companies, and by the time they’ve finished this simple exercise people’s brains are starting to retain a pattern of scanning the world for the positive first, not the negative. If that doesn’t work for you, try making it a habit to talk to your family each night about one positive experience you’ve had that day – this allows your brain to relive it. 2.

2. Exercise Regularly

This one is tried and true. We’ve heard it all our lives, do exercise, it’s good for you in so, so, so many ways.

There are a whole lot of YouTube videos for 10- and 20-minutes exercise sessions you can do before work or bed each day. Make sure you start small and work your way up. Remember it’s better to do a bit somewhat regularly, rather than a lot all at once then quit.

If you’ve never really been into exercise in the past, I recommend starting in your lounge room, with a 10-minute exercise like this one for beginners or for a more intense cardio workout try this session from Brookes. Try doing this three times per week for a month, then try making this a regular pre- or post-work habit and doing it five times a week. After a few months, or when it becomes too easy, move to a 15-minute session.

3. Make it a Habit to be Nice

And finally, be nice. If you make being nice or kind a habit, you become more positive and see more niceness in others’ actions and around you.

On top of that, according to Dr. Ritchie Davidson at the University of Wisconsin, being nice makes you nicer too! “It’s kind of like weight training, we found that people can actually build up their compassion ‘muscle’ and respond to others’ suffering with care and a desire to help,” says Ritchie.

Check out these other studies that show the benefits of being nice. There are so many easy and free things you can do to be nice, such as writing an email to thank a colleague for a job well done, or leaving positive comments on a blog or online article. For more inspiration and resources, visit https://www.randomactsofkindness.org.

The research is conclusive and shows you can train your brain just like you train your body. Life’s too short to not be happy with it, why not put these 3 things into practice today?

Related content: Read Moving On article TED’s top 11 positive psychology talks

Tell me what you do to stay positive in the comments below!

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