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‘Do what you love’ could be contributing to the great resignation

17/03/2022 by Marie

“Do what you love,” is no longer just advice. 

High school students learn early on that their future careers should be passion-driven. Self-help books counsel job searchers to start with reflection on what they love. And Hollywood films teach people, in romantic fashion, to aspire to work that is intrinsically satisfying and expresses our authentic selves. 

Researchers call this way of thinking about work the passion paradigm, and studies show it has become pervasive in modern societies. The passion paradigm emerged in the 1960s. During this time, there was widespread questioning of social and cultural norms — especially among youth — which helped develop a new way of thinking about the role of work in human life. 

This trend was spearheaded by the scholarship of humanistic psychologist Abraham Maslow, who applied his theory of the “hierarchy of needs” to the modern workplace. In Eupsychian Management, Maslow argues that work should be thought of as a key source of personal growth and self-actualization. 

Maslow envisioned a world where individuals derive deep satisfaction from their working lives, and who treat their work as a sacred activity. Since early 2021, I have conducted interviews with over 90 professionals and managers in Toronto, to learn how they think about work. Although there are exceptions, what the data shows, in general, is that Maslow’s theory has increasingly become common. 

The downsides of the passion paradigm 

Because the rising popularity of the passion paradigm has coincided with both increasing economic inequality and a steep decline in the power of unions, it has attracted a host of criticism. 

Sociologist Lindsay DePalma contends that the passion paradigm encourages workers to romanticize their work while blinding them to the unequal distributions of power that characterize their working lives. In her book Work Won’t Love You Back, journalist Sarah Jaffe argues that loving your job is a bad idea because it is a recipe for (self)exploitation. 

Derek Thompson, a staff writer at The Atlantic, maintains that the passion paradigm has fuelled a new religion — “workism” — which is responsible for causing burnout and depression even among high-wage earners. These commentators rightly fear that the passion paradigm can (and does) lead workers to accept harmful working conditions, poor treatment from their employers and unrealistic expectations from themselves — basically to put up with what they shouldn’t. 

When people aspire to love their work, they may prioritize work at the expense of other important aspects of life — family, friends and hobbies. An overvaluation of work can lead people to see those who cannot work as lazy, stupid or undeserving of concern. 

And yet, despite these evident pitfalls, the passion paradigm can also have the opposite effects. In fact, I would argue that it is one cause of what has been dubbed the “Great Resignation.” 

The Great Resignation 

In August 2021, 4.3 million American workers quit their jobs, the highest ever recorded. And similar waves have hit the U.K.. In Canada it’s not clear whether the Great Resignation is taking place with equal intensity, but some studies show that Canadian workers are increasingly considering leaving or switching their jobs. There are many factors causing the Great Resignation. Among the most notable are wage subsidies which have given workers more freedom to choose the kind of work they want to do, the added work stress caused by the pandemic, the need to stay home with young children and the shift to remote work. 

However, I think another reason has to do with the expectations workers have around work — expectations which derive from the passion paradigm. 

The passion paradigm and the Great Resignation 

By disrupting people’s routines, the pandemic has reawakened in many the deep-seated desire for a job they actually enjoy — a desire that has long been suppressed. My interviews make it clear that many Canadian workers are looking at their jobs and asking themselves, “Is this really what I’m passionate about?” “Do I want to spend the majority of my waking hours doing this?” “Does my job bring me meaning?” 

And this isn’t just managers. The highest number of resignations in Canada have taken place within the accommodation and food service industries. And as a recent article in The Atlantic put it, “this level of quitting is really an expression of optimism that says, ‘We can do better.’” 

In a sense, the passion paradigm is paradoxically fuelling the demand for better, more satisfying, and more meaningful work. It is because workers expect more that they are no longer willing to put up with the status quo. The passion paradigm requires a strong safety net Of course, none of this could have happened without the government supports that reweighed the balance of power between workers and bosses. 

Since the 1980s, workers have had less and less power to negotiate. So, while the passion paradigm may have grown in popularity, it grew in economic conditions that were largely determined by employers, not employees. 

But in the wake of the pandemic this has slowly begun to change. Faced with labour shortages, employers are forced to take workers’ seriously when it comes to demands around pay, flexibility, autonomy and scheduling. They are receiving the message that “business as usual” is no longer acceptable — and, in some cases, they’re caving. 

The crucial takeaway is that the passion paradigm can fuel demands for better, more meaningful work, but this is only possible when it’s accompanied by a strong social safety net. 

Workers don’t need to stop loving their jobs. But they should ask whether their jobs are themselves loveable. And this is easier to do when you have real economic freedom.  


Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and weekly email newsletter for regular updates and news!  

Filed Under: Blog, Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: aspiration, Fulfilled, happiness, meaning, purpose, satisfaction, workplace

Want To Raise Successful Kids? Here’s What You Have To Know.

17/06/2020 by Marie

Why We Need To Teach Kids About Happiness, Not Achievement

Everyone wants their kids to grow up and be successful in life. If you grew up in my generation, that meant our parents valued academic achievement at any cost.

The story goes that good grades will get you into a good university, which will get you into a good job at a good company, where you will meet other good people and marry one of them, eventually having a good house, good car and good kids. Then you will be happy. The moral of the story is ‘work hard and you will be rewarded.’

Many mid-life crises have proven that this model is broken. Yet it hasn’t been until recently that we’ve had another model to replace it with. It turns out that kids need happiness to succeed in life, and our focus on academic success has actually been taking us away from success in life!

Thanks to the field of positive psychology, we now know that the key to success in life is happiness. Research shows that people who are often in positive moods and have happy emotions do better in life. They get better grades at school; they get better jobs; they are more resilient; they are more successful and they are even richer.

Why? As cognitive scientist Dr. Art Markman says, “Overall, when people are happy, they put in more effort to create a better future for themselves than when they are not happy.”

So, if you want your kids to be successful in life, first you have to teach your kids to be happy. Just like with adults, this means teaching kids to enjoy the process, to be curious, hopeful and optimistic. Here are some great activities you can do with your kids to help build these life skills.

6 Ideas To Teach Your Kids How To Be Happy

1. Go outside

The research on this one is really clear, spending time outside makes people happier, so teach your kids to be happy by loving the outdoors. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive, you can make family walks a habit during the week, take your kids to the park, walk the dog or go on a picnic, visit a lake or beach or a national park. Create a list of places and activities you can do as a family and let each member of the family choose an outing.  

2. Teach your kids a skill

This is especially good if it’s something that you are passionate about too. Teach them how to cook, garden, draw, sculpt or even change a tyre. Make sure you listen as much as you talk, ask questions about your kid’s thinking, ask them how they would do things. This is about learning to enjoy learning, about teaching your kids to have a growth mindset, which research shows impacts how you see the world and makes you more likely to thrive in life. So remember it’s not about actually mastering the skill (the end goal), instead focus on the process (the journey).

3. Create a photo album.

Together with the whole family, get out and about to take some photos together. Create an album of your favourite people, things and places. Make sure each family member has plenty of pages to contribute their photos. Place one photo per page and write under the photo why this photo is important to the family member who picked it. Watch this Greater Good Science Center video to see how this activity can create meaning and happiness in your kid’s lives.

4. Plan a family holiday together

Research shows that planning a holiday can bring just as much joy as going on holidays. Get a map. Lay out the ground rules (budget, time away etc…) and pick a place that you can all visit together. Once the location is sorted, each family member should go away and identify one activity they’d like to do while away, and has to present back to the family in one-weeks’ time their activity, what it is and why they think it is a good idea. Bonus points for creativity and resourcefulness!

5. Find or create moments of awe in your life

Studies show that experiencing moments of awe makes us more generous and patient, and helps you deal with stress better. According to the Collins dictionary, “Awe is the feeling of respect and amazement that you have when you are faced with something wonderful and often rather frightening.” It’s a thrill or a moment of wonder. It’s rare and special, and because of that, it is imprinted in your memory forever. Some people find awe and wonder regularly, in the small and big things around them, while others only experience awe occasionally. It is different for every person. Here are some ideas for activities to bring awe into your life.

6. Volunteer together

Research has shown that volunteering is rewarding in and of itself, and helping others is a way to higher individual wellbeing. Giving to others activates an area of the brain linked with contentment and the reward cycle. So, performing selfless acts makes you happier. You could volunteer at a soup kitchen or teach your kids how to fundraise for a worthy cause, whether that’s making something to sell to the neighbours (bracelets or lemonade) or doing a charity fundraising walk together.

Related content: Read Moving On article 5 ways to teach kids resiliency and happiness

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going, at no additional cost to you. Thanks!


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Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: children, curiosity, education, happiness, happy, inspiration, Kids, mastery, resilience, resiliency, satisfaction, success

10 Best Personal Development Podcasts To Motivate And Inspire You

10/06/2020 by Marie

We’ve done the work to find the best personal development podcasts to help you bring more happiness and inspiration into your life.

Have you ever wondered why some people are happier than others? Or why some people seem to succeed at everything they try? Or how some people find the motivation to be constantly achieving their dreams?

It turns out you’re not alone, as the millions of listeners to the below podcasts can attest. If you need a bit of motivation, inspiration or happiness in your life, subscribe to the below 10 best personal development podcasts to motivate and inspire you.

10 Best Personal Development Podcasts to Motivate and Inspire You

#1 Happier

Happier is hosted by happiness and habits expert Gretchen Rubin and her sister Elizabeth Craft. With more than 95 million downloads, they’re definitely doing something right. In each episode, they share happiness hacks and advice that can easily be incorporated in your life. Gretchen shares a lot of the tips she’s learned over the years. She has also written about them in her bestselling books The Happiness Project, Better Than Before, and The Four Tendencies.

#2 Good Life Project

Good Life Project, hosted by Jonathan Fields, is about helping you to live a better life (as the name suggests). Every week, he shares inspirational, intimate and unfiltered conversations aimed at helping you on your quest to live a more meaningful, connected and vital life.

#3 Happiness for Cynics

Happiness for Cynics, hosted by best friends Marie and Pete, who have a lot of laughs as they present the latest research and case studies on happiness, with a heavy dose of cynicism. Marie (the cynic) and the always happy Pete are a lot of fun to listen to and really make you think about practical and research-backed ways you can lead a happier life.

#4 Design Your Dream Life

Design Your Dream Life, hosted by personal development blogger and life coach, Natalie Bacon. The podcast is for women who want to reignite their lives, who want more fulfilment, more money, and more freedom. Natalie shares lessons on how to master your mindset, emotions, self-love, relationships, problems, overwhelm. She also focuses on productivity, time management, goal setting and habits.

#5 The Life Coach School Podcast

The Life Coach School Podcast, hosted by Brooke Castillo, owner of the Life Coach School, where she trains and certifies life coaches. Her podcast focuses on learning to manage your brain and solve any problem in your life. It’s about helping you use your mind to make your dreams come true.

#6 Ten Percent Happier

10% Happier, hosted by ABC News Anchor Dan Harris, who famously has a panic attack on live TV while hosting Good Morning America. On 10% Happier, Dan interviews celebrities and academics on meditation and life. He looks for an answer to the question: Can you be an ambitious person and still strive for enlightenment?

#7 Tony Robbins

Tony Robbins is without a doubt one of the biggest names in personal development. His motivational podcast is a hub where he shares all of that amazing knowledge. In his podcast, Tony shares proven strategies and tactics for achieving massive results in your business, relationships, health, and finances. Tony has reached more than 50 million people from over 100 countries to create meaningful change in their lives.

#8 The School of Greatness

The School of Greatness is a wonderful podcast from the best-selling author and entrepreneur Lewis Howes. Since its launch in 2013, the podcast has grown to be one of the top-ranked business and self-development podcasts in iTunes. It regularly appears in the Top 50 and with more than 4 million downloads a month. Episodes range from interviews with incredible world-class game changers in entrepreneurship, health, athletics, mindset, and relationships, to solo rounds with the host, Lewis Howes and the 5 Minute Friday format.

#9 The Science of Happiness

The Science of Happiness, hosted by award-winning psychologist Dacher Keltner and co-produced by PRX and UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center. They look at what it takes to live a happier life and give listeners research-tested strategies that you can put into practice today.

#10 The Tim Ferris Show

The Tim Ferriss Show is often the #1 business podcast on all of Apple Podcasts. It has ranked #1 out of 500,000+ podcasts on many occasions and has now surpassed 400M downloads. In each episode, Tim deconstructs world-class performers from eclectic areas (investing, sports, business, art, etc.) to extract the tactics, tools, and routines you can use. This includes favourite books, morning routines, exercise habits, time-management tricks, and more.

Got a favourite podcast we didn’t include? Tell us about it in the comments!


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Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: best life, change, curiosity, education, happiness, happy, inspiration, mastery, podcast, resilience, resiliency, satisfaction

What You Didn’t Know About Practicing Kindness

03/06/2020 by Marie

What Is Practicing Kindness and Why Does It Matter?

Be kind… it’s something many of us have been told since we were little.

But did you know that being kind to others can have positive impacts on your life too? Not only that, there’s solid research behind the act of being kind. Here’s what you need to know.

What is Practicing Kindness?

Practicing kindness is about deliberately or intentionally finding moments or opportunities to be kind to others in your life.

“A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees.”

Amelia Earhart

But to be clear, being kind isn’t about always thinking of others over yourself, and it’s not about striving to be always kind. We’re all human, which means we all have bad days, and we all have negative emotions at times – being unkind will also happen. So, practising kindness isn’t about striving to be kind all the time, but it is about finding times to be kind to others.

The best part is that practising kindness actually improves your psychological health too, so you might even reduce your bad days or moments by doing it, and it’s as easy as scheduling it into your week.

The Science of Kindness

The research on kindness is quite definitive. The benefits that you get from being kind others are many and varied.

Performing acts of kindness releases the feel-good chemicals (oxytocin and serotonin), leading to increases happiness, energy, pleasure and creativity. Studies have even shown that being kind increases your lifespan.

At Oxford, researchers performed three studies and found that performing acts of kindness boosted wellbeing and positive social emotions. In fact, in the first study, people got benefits after only seven days of performing acts of kindness.

Not only do you get the “helper high” from being kind, but these neurochemicals have also been found in many studies to help reduce depression, pain, anxiety and stress.

Feeling lazy? The great news is that it can be really easy, quick and cheap to get the benefits of kindness. You don’t need to go looking for over-the-top ways to show people how kind you are.

It’s true that research shows helping others through acts of charity or volunteer work can make you feel better and happier, but recent research also finds that simply wishing someone well can have a similarly positive effect on our moods. In fact, even witnessing acts of kindness produces oxytocin, which aids in lowering blood pressure, and improves self-esteem, optimism and our overall heart-health.

Ideas For Practising Kindness

So, what are some ideas for how to bring kindness into your week?

Praise Someone

Publicly acknowledge and praise someone for doing a good job or simply for being who they are. If you pick someone from your workplace, make sure you include their boss, and why not follow up with a handwritten card?

Can I help? Cards

Print off some cards with “Can I help” on them and a list of things you can help with around the house – from cooking and cleaning to gardening and handy-man repairs or grocery shopping or pet walking. Make sure to introduce yourself, including telling people why you’re doing this for free, and include your name and contact details. Then print of all the cards and drop them in mailboxes around your neighbourhood.

Mentor Someone

Mentoring is about more than giving someone advice and sharing knowledge. Mentors often develop close, reciprocal relationships with their mentees, who can bring a new or different perspective or ideas that can bring about self-reflection and growth for the mentor too. Aside from that, helping others can be really rewarding. On top of that, giving targeted support to an individual (rather than to a charity) has a better effect on your brain.

Donate Money

Consider a one-off donation or set aside some money each pay-check to donate to a reputable charity. There is something for everyone, from organisations that saves animals or protect the planet to research for diseases and social support. Make sure you do some research first to make sure your money is going where you think it is.

Give Your Coins

A few spare coins can make someone’s day, and be there difference between eating that day or getting a bed to sleep in. When you can, find someone on the street and give them your coins. When you do, make eye contact and smile. This small act can go a long way to helping a homeless person feel seen.

Stuck for kindness ideas? You can always download a Kindness Calendar from the Random Acts of Kindness website for some inspiration. For extra self-care points, why not complete the activities with a buddy or family member?

Related content: Read Moving On article 50 science-backed ways to be happier

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going, at no additional cost to you. Thanks!


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Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: happiness, inspiration, kind, kindness, practicing kindness, satisfaction

5 Best FREE Positive Psychology Online Courses

22/04/2020 by Marie

positive psychology theories book in library

Start your Journey to a Happier Life Today!

It’s no secret that happier people do better in life. They’re more likely to get and stay married, they are more likely to graduate from university, they have more friends, more money, and feel more confident, and they are even more physically healthy. And yes, you guessed it, that means they live longer too!

So, how can you learn to be happy? It’s simple, just sign up for one of the many life-changing free positive psychology courses below and start your journey to being happier.

Top 5 Free Positive Psychology Courses online

The Science of Well-Being (Coursera, 4.9 stars)

This is the free version of Yale’s most popular class ever. Professor Laurie Santos first taught this class in 2018 in response to concerning levels of student depression, anxiety, and stress. It became the most popular class in Yale’s history and garnered national and international media attention. Now, you can take it for free. You will learn skills of gratitude, happiness, mediation and savouring.

The Science of Happiness (EdX)

This 8-week course is run by the team at the University of Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center and was the first online course to teach positive psychology. Join the 409,000 student who have already learned the science-based principles and practices for a happy, meaningful life. You’ll learn what happiness really means and why it matters to you; how to increase your own happiness and foster happiness in others; why social connections, kindness, and community are key to happiness; which mental habits are most conducive to happiness and how mindfulness can help.

Develop Creative & Happy Mindset – Rise in Love with Life (Udemy, 4.8 stars)

Learn the positive habits to reignite your creative drive and happiness. Wake up awesome and live with passion. Learn about how to clarify your dreams, strengths and passions in life; develop a positive mindset and positive self-talk; be more happy and enthusiastic; and be more creatively engaged in your life.

A Life of Happiness and Fulfillment (Coursera, 4.8 stars)

One of the most popular courses on happiness with over 130, 000 students. The course is based on the award-winning class offered both at the Indian School of Business and at the McCombs School of Business at The University of Texas at Austin. Take this course to find out the answers to questions  like “why aren’t the smart and the successful as happy as they could—or should—be?” and ”What are the “7 Habits of the Highly Happy” and how can you implement them in your life?”

The Foundations of Happiness at Work (EdX)

Another great course from the team at the University of Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, this course explains what happiness at work looks like, why it matters, and how to cultivate it. Learn why happiness at work matters and how to increase it within yourself and across your organization.

And here’s one more, just because I can…

Returning to a State of Happiness (Udemy, 4.8 stars)

The state of happiness is your most natural state of being. Learn how to become as happy as a carefree child; what stops you from experiencing the state of happiness you know is possible; and how to find inner peace.


Best CHEAP Positive Psychology Courses Online

Free-Positive-Psychology-Course

But wait! If you didn’t see something you like in the above free Positive Psychology Courses, don’t fret! There are even more options that are not free, but really quite cheap.

Foundations of Positive Psychology Specialization (Coursera, 4.7 stars)

Run by one of the founding fathers of positive psychology, Dr. Martin E.P. Seligman, this five-course specialization provides you with the key theories and research in the field of positive psychology as well as opportunities for application.  Positive Psychology: Well-being for life. Master strategies and tools that enable individuals and organizations to thrive

Be Happier with Positive Psychology (Udemy)

The Science of psychology and happiness shows tested ways to increase your well-being and life satisfaction. Sign up as a new student and get 85% off this course, only $14.99

Certified Positive Psychology Practitioner [Accredited] (Udemy)

Psychology of Happiness: Learn about and Get Practical Tools to Become Happier and Even More Successful. Sign up as a new student and get 85% off this course, only $16.99

Certified Habits Life Coach Positive Psychology [Accredited] (Udemy)

Professional Life Coach Certification: Habits and Happiness Accredited Certification with 40 CPD/CE Educational Credits. Sign up as a new student and get 85% off this course, only $12.99 Not quite ready to sign up to a course but want to learn a bit more about how to be happy? Read these 50 science-backed activities you can incorporate into your life that are proven to help you be happy: How to be happy – 50 science-backed ways to improve your happiness.

Prefer to Read?

Here are some great positive psychology books to read.

Want more Happiness and Resiliency in Your Life?

Get my free resiliency workbook!

resiliency workbook

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Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: class, course, curiosity, education, happiness, happy, inspiration, learn, mastery, online, positive psychology, satisfaction, study

5 Life Lessons They Should Teach At School

15/04/2020 by Marie

There are some life lessons they should teach at school… then again, we probably wouldn’t listen.

Unfortunately for young people, some life lessons first require life experience, and even then, some deeply ingrained mindsets will only shift after a major shock to the system, like trauma or grief.

For me, true happiness only came after a major motorbike accident, which nearly took my life, and my leg, and left me battling depression. But before that, I had been pretty successful. I had a full life. I was satisfied with my accomplishments. Only now with hindsight would I say I wasn’t really happy.

My parents, my teachers, even my society had taught me to strive for success and accomplishment. And I was working hard at that. You see, according to them, striving only for happiness was a sure-fire way to end up homeless and on the streets with no prospects. Financial stability was the most important thing, and then you could worry about things like happiness afterward, if that’s what you really wanted.

The thing that our parents, teachers and society failed to understand is that we only have one life and wasting it on trying to be successful first and happy later does not work. In her book, Top Five Regrets of The Dying, palliative nurse, Bronnie Ware, says among the top five regrets of the dying is “I wish that I had let myself be happier.” And you know what else is in the top five? “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”

What are we taught at school?

For a large portion of Westerners, we are not at war and our countries mostly enjoy social stability. We have some choice over of the job we do. That job brings us enough income to house, feed and clothe our families. We enjoy the company of our families, sometimes getting married, sometimes having children.

Even with the uncertainty that Coronavirus has brought, we truly are living in the best times in our human existence. We live in an age of abundance and technological advancement, where we can honestly hope to make it to the peak of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs – self-actualisation.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

The problem is we’ve been taught to strive and succeed, and once we have enough, many of us don’t know what to do. We take that success and stability and look to strive for more. More stuff. Bigger houses, nicer cars, fancier holidays.

Or worse, we look around at the stuff we’ve amassed, and wonder, was that all? Is this it? Where did I go wrong?! Cue mid-life crisis…

What we were never taught is that self-actualisation isn’t the last stop on the bus ride of life, and it isn’t the last item to check off on our ‘to do’ list before we get too old to enjoy it. It is the purpose of life itself. It should be deeply ingrained in all our thoughts and behaviours throughout life.

Happiness is a life lesson that should be taught at school!

Yet while we learn our times tables and the difference between adjectives and adverbs, not one teacher taught me the skills to live a happy life. To be fair, I don’t think they knew either.

The good news is that happiness and financial stability are not a dichotomy, we don’t have to choose one or the other. The science shows you can be both happy and have financial stability, achievement and success. In fact, that’s the secret, learning to balance both. 

So here are the life lessons they should teach at school.

5 Life Lessons They Should Teach At School

1. Happiness is a choice.

You can wake up every day and do some really simple things to improve your happiness. The science is very clear. The key is to decide you want to have happiness in your life and then prioritise it. Don’t know where to start? Try this science-backed  30-day happiness challenge.

2. Exercise isn’t a punishment, it’s part of your self-care routine.

The benefits of exercise to our physical and mental health cannot be overstated. Yet making time to go to the gym or play a sport is often seen as an indulgence or worse, a hassle. It’s the first thing that gets cut when budgets are tight or ditched when we have to stay late at work. It’s got to stop! Find an activity that you enjoy or just commit to walking more in your day-to-day life. Get off one stop too early, park at the back of the parking lot, take the stairs. It’s that simple.

3. Making good friends is hard, keeping them requires work.

The one thing people remember when they’re on their death beds is the people. The relationships. The love. The moments of shared love and laughs are the most important. Also, the studies are clear that having friends and people you can count on is important for your health, longevity and wellbeing. We need other people in our lives. But no one tells you that making new friends gets harder as we get older.

Jeffrey Hall, an associate professor at Kansas University, found that it takes, “roughly 50 hours of time together to move from mere acquaintance to casual friend, 90 hours to go from that stage to simple “friend” status and more than 200 hours before you can consider someone your close friend.” But when we’re not in a school environment, finding that time together becomes harder, so it takes longer and a lot more work. So, look after your old friendships, or develop new friends—but be prepared for it to take dedicated time and effort. Either way, having good friends will serve you in the long run.

4. Self-care isn’t indulgence, it’s critical to a long life.

The science is clear, looking after yourself both physically and mentally leads to a longer life. Eating well, getting eight hours of sleep, exercising, drinking water, reducing or managing stress and resting – all of these activities prolong our lives and improve the quality of our lives. Sometimes it’s the mental health care that can be the hardest to justify, but in today’s hectic world, it’s even more important than ever to know yourself and know when you need to breathe, or rest or remove yourself from a chronically stressful situation. So, make sure you have time for yourself and remember: you can’t care for others if you don’t care for yourself.

5. You can’t always do what you love for work, but you can always have something to do that you love.

The sad reality is that not all actors, artists, athletes or writers can get paid enough for their work to make a comfortable living. So, leverage your strengths to find work that interests you, or uses your strengths, even if you’re not passionate about it. But, make sure you dedicate time in your week for something that does inspire, motivate, light a fire or bring passion to your life. Even if you can only spare an hour per week, or a couple of hours per month, prioritise that time (put it in your diary and tell the family that’s your time) and protect it.

Similarly, if you haven’t yet found something that brings you passion, go looking for it. Sign up for new classes, try things that take you out of your comfort zone. Travel. Learn. Some things you won’t like, other things might stick, just be mindful and enjoy the journey along the way.

The key to happiness is to find a way to balance these activities around the things you have to do to meet your minimal needs. As Bronnie pointed out in her book Top Five Regrets of The Dying, and as many people who have gone before us realised all too late: while you’re working for safety, security, stability and a certain level of comfort, don’t forget to also be incorporating happiness into your life.

Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: change, curiosity, education, happiness, happy, inspiration, life lessons, mastery, resilience, resiliency, satisfaction

30-Day Happiness Challenge

08/04/2020 by Marie

How to Rewire Your Brain to Bring More Happiness Into Your Life

We’re all living through unique and challenging times right now. To make matters worse, a lot of our stresses are completely out of our control.

But there are certain things that are 100 per cent within your control and you can do to build your resiliency and happiness.

Follow the 30-day Happiness Challenge and Rewire Your Brain to Bring More Happiness Into Your Life!

The challenge is divided into activities under the three resiliency and happiness foundations: purpose, social connection and healthy mind and body. If any activity doesn’t speak to you, try to replace it with a similar activity that motivated you.

Before you get started:

  • You’ve got to be all in! It’s only 30 days, and what if it works? Go on, commit and see where it will take you.
  • Prepare to set aside time each day to complete your activity in a mindful, distraction-free way.
  • Plan ahead. Take a look at the activities for the upcoming week so you can plan anything that needs planning. Set things up in your diary early to lock it in.
  • Do it with a friend! Find a friend to complete the challenge with, and you can hold each other accountable.
  • Need inspiration? Click on the links if you want more help, ideas or explanations.

Start the 30-day Happiness Challenge now!

Day 1 – Plan a dinner date with a friend or loved one

Day 2 – No sugar day

Day 3 – Start a gratitude journal

Day 4 – Set aside time to find flow

Day 5 – Call your Mum or a sibling for a chat

Day 6 – Go for a 30-minute walk with a friend or family

Day 7 – Rest and relax

Day 8 – Learn something new – try a podcast, book or Ted Talk

Day 9 – Organise a dinner party

Day 10 – Drink 8 glasses of water

Day 11 – Write in your gratitude journal

Day 12 – Bring awe into your life

Day 13 – Hug a pet, partner or friend

Day 14 – Go to bed 1 hour earlier

Day 15 – Sit outside in nature for 30 minutes

Day 16 – Write in your gratitude journal

Day 17 – Practice kindness or help a friend or neighbour

Day 18 – Get 30+ minutes of exercise

Day 19 – Write in your gratitude journal

Day 20 – Set aside time to find flow

Day 21 – Grab a drink or meal with a work colleague

Day 22 – No processed foods, only fresh foods

Day 23 – Take a social media detox. Turn off all notifications.

Day 24 – Learn something new – try a podcast, book or Ted Talk

Day 25 – Plan your next holiday with family or a friend

Day 26 – Do 30-minutes of stretching

Day 27 – Write in your gratitude journal

Day 28 – Practice positive solitude

Day 29 – Practice kindness or help a friend or neighbour

Day 30 – Go for a 30-minute walk with a friend or family

Follow our 30-day happiness challenge to bring more happiness into your life today!

Tell us in the comments what activities do you do that help you to bring happiness into your life!


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Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: body, challenge, connection, exercise, gratitude, happiness, happiness challenge, health, inspiration, meaning, mind, motivation, purpose, resilience, resiliency, satisfaction, social, wellbeing

Stress Reduction Lessons from Marie Kondo

01/04/2020 by Marie

Why everything in your home should have a purpose and how to find joy

Have you ever come home from a busy day at work and taken a look at the piles of laundry that need folding, the stacks of papers on the dining room table and the general clutter everywhere and felt your stress levels get even worse? All that clutter and stuff can just seem like a never-ending to-do list that bugs you every time you walk into the house.

Well, you’re not just imagining it, research shows that clutter and mess can really impact our stress levels. Which probably explains the international sensation Marie Kondo, who has helped millions of people tidy up and, in the process, find joy and reduce stress. So what lessons from Marie Kondo can we apply to our own lives?

Recently, I spoke to certified KonMari consultant and founder of Neatly Awesome, Pilar Llorente who is one of only eight certified Konmari consultants in Australia. She says that the things we hold on to often have a deeper meaning in our minds, and that’s why she uses a holistic approach to help clients get rid of clutter and chaos.

Controlling the Chaos

“All that physical clutter becomes mental clutter as well,” says Pilar. “So, if we have things in our homes that we don’t need, use or love, our minds are probably full of those things too.”

According to Pilar, it’s a problem that many people face, and it just snowballs until you feel that you are not in control of your stuff, which is stressful. But when you can go through your stuff and clean not just your physical space but also your mental space, and you focus on what’s really important, it can bring real calm and peace.

In fact, the best part of the Konmari method, according to Pilar is the spiritual and emotional outcomes.

“I remember I had a client, and we were going through the Komono stage [see below] and I said, ‘wow, you have lots and lots of plates.’ She said, ‘Those are for very important people (…) I don’t want to use them every day.’ But then she had a lot of plates that were a bit old and chipped, and I said ‘how would you feel about using your special dinnerware every day?’ And she said, ‘no no no, I’m scared that if use it every day, it may break and all those memories I have will be broken too.’ And I said, ‘the memories will always be there, you don’t need the actual object (…) Imagine if you used that dinnerware every single day, then every single day you will remember all those memories. And don’t you feel special enough to use these every day?’ And her eyes just lit up and she was like ‘OH! You are right!’”

Although there are many lessons from Marie Kondo outlined in her show and her books, here’s a look at 5 steps to get started on your decluttering journey.

Lessons from Marie Kondo: 5 steps to declutter your home and your mind

So, where do you begin when it comes to decluttering your home? There are consultants, like Pilar, who are trained to guide you through what can be a very emotional journey. Alternatively, if you want to go it alone, there are five areas Marie Kondo says you need to tackle.

STEP 1: Clothes

Start by putting all your clothes on the bed. Pick up each item one at a time, and if that item doesn’t bring you joy or have a very practical and critical purpose, you should put it into the “toss” pile.

STEP 2: Books

Next is books. Here the rule is simple: everything needs a home. If you have space for a huge book collection, that’s great. But if you don’t have a space for every book, then it’s time to make some tough calls and get rid of some.

STEP 3: Paper

Today, a lot of our paperwork is online, but many of us still have piles of old bills and paperwork laying around. Again, go through the lot. Shred old documents, and neatly file those you have to keep.

STEP 4: Komono

“Komono” means everything in your bathroom, kitchen, garage and miscellaneous items. This step is less about joy and more about practicality. Tip everything out into a pile and only keep the things you need and use.

STEP 5: Sentimental items

Last but not least are the sentimental items, which are the hardest to let go of, and why this step is last. By this point, you should have accustomed your mind to letting things go, so it’s a bit easier to let go of the Mother’s Day card you received when your kid was 6, and the movie ticket stub from your first date with your husband of 15 years. At this step, you should be deciding which items to display, which to store and which things can go.

Hopefully these lessons from Marie Kondo help you to get some control back in your life!

To hear the full interview, click here.


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Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: change, chaos, clutter, curiosity, happiness, inspiration, joy, Konmari, Marie Kondo, mess, resilience, resiliency, satisfaction, stress, tidy

3 Steps to Take Back Control of Your Emotions

25/03/2020 by Marie

Is COVID-19 making you stressed, anxious or lonely? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered.

Since December 2019, the world has watched as COVID-19 spread from a local marketplace in the province of Wuhan, China to cover every corner of the world.

It has impacted us all. Many of us have cancelled future travel plans or been worried about how to get home from current holiday travel. Others have lost their jobs or been stood down from work, often with no idea of when, or if, they’ll go back to work. Many people are struggling with the isolation of having to work from home and following social distancing rules. And we’re all still scratching our heads about the toilet paper.

And that doesn’t even take into account the people who have caught the virus, whose lives have been turned upside down at best, and who are at risk of dying at worst.

We’ve seen the best in humans and the worst in humans (again, fighting over toilet paper? Really people, get it together!) and the only thing we can say is yes, these are most definitely unprecedented times.

The worst part is that all of it is out of our control. All of it except how we respond – that is 100 per cent within your control.

So, if you’re sick of being at the mercy of the latest fatalistic news broadcast, it’s time to take back control of your emotions! Here are three areas you can focus on to take back control of your emotions during these stressful times.

Remember, as author Stephen Covey said, “The key is not to prioritise what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.”So, if you want to be happier or reduce stress, anxiety and negative emotions, pick a few of the below research-backed options that work for you, and schedule them into your diary to make them habits.

3 steps to taking back control of your emotions during difficult times

Practice Self care

Your health and wellbeing are critical to your happiness. Luckily, there is a wealth of information about how to make small changes to your life to make it healthier and improve your wellbeing. Start by practicing self care to take back control of your emotions:

  • Get outside in the sun and/or into nature, studies shows that spending time by the sea makes people happier. Also just being outdoors makes you happier — preferably in a non-urban environment, but hey, we’ll take what we can get! Studies show that time outside in nature, especially among trees, significantly reduces stress and anxiety, improves your mood and energy, and boosts your immunity!
  • Do some light exercise, like going for an evening walk, or just get outside with a pet or your kids. If you’re working from home, be especially conscious of not sitting for too long, which has been associated with increased mortality!
  • Drink plenty of water and get 8-hours of sleep
  • Hug your partner/ significant other, or spend 5 minutes cuddling with a pet
  • Practice self-compassion. Give yourself a break! Constantly aiming to be better is exhausting and focusing on what’s ‘wrong’ or needs improvement can lead to negative self-talk. So, make sure you balance things out with some self-love and positive talk.

Look After Others

It’s been said that helping others is the most selfish act you can do. That’s because the benefits of helping others are so vast. Try some of the below activities to bring more joy and satisfaction into your life, and take back control of your emotions.

  • Kindness increases happiness, energy, the love hormone (oxytocin), pleasure and it even increases your lifespan. It’s also really easy to practice and has recently started a global movement you can get involved in #RandomActsOfKindness
  • Practice loving kindness. Research has shown that helping others through acts of charity or volunteer work can make you feel better and happier, but more recent research finds that simply wishing someone well may have a similarly positive effect on our moods.
  • Research has shown that volunteering is rewarding in and of itself, and helping others is a way to higher individual wellbeing.

Be Social

No seriously! Social distancing doesn’t mean not being social, it means maintaining physical distance from others. In other words, don’t stop seeing people! The fastest road to feeling sad and lonely is to stop seeing and speaking to people. Humans are genetically wired to be social animals. So, to take back control of your emotions, make sure you take the time to be social. All you need is one close friendship; as this recent study shows, to take back control of your emotions.

What activities are OK in COVID-19 times? According to multiple sources, as long as you follow these general hygiene guidelines, you can do the following activities:

  • Avoid close contact, such as shaking hands, hugging, and kissing.
  • Wash hands often or use a hand sanitizer when soap and water are not available, and don’t touch your face.
  • Avoid surfaces that are touched often, such as doorknobs, handrails, and playground equipment.
  • Don’t go out if you feel unwell.

If you keep the above guidance in mind, the following activities will keep you connected during this time of uncertainty.

  • Call or video conference a friend or family members. Keep a special eye on people who are living alone and can’t go out.
  • Go for a walk with people in your household, or a friend but remember no contact! Many national parks are still open, and fresh air and exercise are still so important for mental health.
  • Visit a quiet beach. Although many beaches have been closed recently (most notably Bondi Beach was closed over the weekend), it’s the crowds not the activities that are the concern. If you live near a quiet beach, make an effort to meet someone for a walk.
  • Organise a virtual dinner party! If you want to go all out, pick a fancy-dress theme and send an email invite. Get everyone to download Zoom before the night. Put on some tunes in the background, BYO dinner and drinks, and dial in to the party.

Remember, Coronavirus is extremely contagious, can live in the air for hours and on some surfaces for days, and can easily be spread by droplets from someone’s cough. Keep your distance from others outside your household and wash your hands regularly.

NOTE: Advice is changing all the time, and differs in different countries, check your government website for the latest information and guidance.

Tell us your stories! What are you doing to keep sane during COVID-19?


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Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: change, Coronavirus, covid-19, happiness, inspiration, resilience, resiliency, satisfaction, stress

What is Happiness? (E1)

15/03/2020 by Marie

Happiness for Cynics podcast – season 1, episode 1

In our first episode, meet Marie and Pete and learn a little about what we mean by happiness and its history. Learn about why you too should be asking the question: what is happiness?

Subscribe so you don’t miss out! We’re working on new episodes as we speak! Don’t miss out!


Transcript

[Intro]

M; You’re listening to the podcast happiness for cynics. I’m Marie Skelton, a writer, speaker and change and resilience expert, and my co-host is Pete.

P: Hi there. I’m Peter Furness. I’m a remedial massage therapist, dance and movement practitioner, yoga loving global adventurer. Each week we will bring to you the latest news and research in the world of positive psychology, otherwise known as happiness.

M: You can find our podcast at HappinessForCynics.com or visit MarieSkelton.com for articles and resource on change and resiliency as well as happiness and finding balance in today’s busy world. The site talks about a lot of the same research we talked about here on the podcast and has some really practical tips for bringing joy and happiness into your life.

P: So let’s get into it. Cynics the world over. It’s time to suck it up and get happy!

[happy intro music]

P: Ah the happy music. Don’t you love it?

M: That’s going to be so annoying after the hundredth time.

P: Every time I hear it, I bop my head.

M: Well it does make me smile, that’s why we picked it.

P: Exactly. Okay, Welcome to Episode one. Today we’re talking generally about happiness.

M: I guess we should. That’s why we’re here, right?

P: But before we do that, why are we here and who are we? Marie?

M: I’m a cynic. It’s true. I’m naturally curious and generally positive. But I’m definitely a realist, and I have no time for fluff. It’s why I’ve spent my entire life quietly, scoffing at the headlines like ‘Five Ways to be your Best self’ or ‘why mindfulness is so important at work.’ But then, a couple of years ago, something happened that since made me question everything I thought I knew about living life. I had a motorbike accident a couple of years ago, and I nearly lost my life and my leg. And I’ve spent years recovering both physically and mentally, but something strange has happened along the way. I started reading those articles with the bubbling brooks and the five stones stacked on top of each other. And to be fair, I still haven’t really gotten on board with the whole Yogi movement. But the weird thing is that now I won’t automatically rule it out.

P: We’re getting to you see, It’s a Revolution!

M: It’s a cult

P: I, however, come from a much more creative background, dredged up in theatres and stages, school drama rooms and music halls. I even have a degree in dance performance, much to my mother’s despair. I’ve never worn a suit to work, so my background is perhaps a little more, shall we say, alternative?

M: Yes we shall.

P: My friends often referred to me as the universal, angel loving believer in the karmic gods. They would joke that Pete would always throw it up to the sky and let the angels guide me. Now, I’m sure that somewhere along the path of being a creative, dramatic thespionic devotee and performance artist, I also managed to pick up a belief that the world will throw what is right at you in the right moment. I’m probably more of an ethereal than a realist, in contrast to Marie, but believing in the ebbs and flows of energetic poles and some well reasoned, fatalistic surrender. But I’ll admit that over the years, a little bit of the dark side of logic has permeated my unicorn laden realm.

M: uh huh, each to their own.

P: [Laughter]

M: now, because I’m a cynic and still coming to terms with admitting I buy into all this New Age stuff, I also started studying it because that’s what cynics do. You know, to make sure it’s actually legit.

P: You need the statistics and the research. You don’t just go believing.

M: Yeah. No. I’m really not throwing anything up to angels. So the weird thing is, I never knew this was out there. Even though the field of positive psychology is still relatively young, there is a huge body of research out there! Absolutely massive. Which brings me to why we’re here. This stuff is real and cynics all over the world are missing out.

P: Too, right. Okay, So we’re here to talk about happiness, and when we talk about happiness, there are so many permeations of that word. We are here to talk about how to approach happiness and our own approach to what makes us happy.

M: I think what Pete’s trying to say is…

P: shut down!

M: We’ll present the research and case studies…

P: because it’s all about the research

M: Well, yes, with a heavy dose of cynicism from me and maybe even we’ll try some of these ideas out. If you want to follow along at home, I promise I won’t tell anyone, so you don’t feel silly.

P: And those people who are more like me, we’ll just go along because it’s fun.

M: So let me just start by saying I’m not buying it.

P: Oh Muz.. [Marie’s annoying nickname that stuck sometime around 1998]

M: I admit I’m more than a little bit sceptical, but I’m also curious. And surely the huge amount of real research out there can’t be wrong.

P: I’m a buyer Muz. I’m the one waiting for the doors to open at five AM on those Boxing day sales. I’m primed, shoulder pads ready to go, plucking my way through the bargain basement offerings of the happiness stock pile. I don’t know why, but one day I just decided to buy into happiness.

M: I think that’s why this will work. You’ve got the cynic and the buyer. So, we should probably start with a bit of history about happiness. From my side it’s going to be short history, you see, even though philosophers have been writing about happiness and meaning for centuries, psychologists have traditionally been more focused on the negative aspects of mental health. So it’s only been in the last couple of decades that researchers have put any time into studying what happy people are doing, rather than why people are sad.

P: Yeah, Eastern and Western philosophers have all debated and tort apart the search for happiness and what that indeed means to us, as in mankind, us. The concept of happiness being a thing to strive for is a relatively Western ideal.

M: So happiness is not momentary emotions like fun enthusiasm or pride. It’s not about being always cheery or without stress, anger, grief or sadness also not about having a continuous stream of positive emotional experience.

P: Unendingly happy people are so boring.

M: [Laughter]

M: It’s also really hard to attain, right? And in fact, as long as it doesn’t last too long, being sad or angry can be a positive thing and give your life more meaning and happiness afterwards.

P: Completely. Happiness is not about pleasure and hedonism. Unfortunately. Sadly, it’s not achieved by gratifying all of your desires or by having decadent, luxurious experiences. Happiness isn’t a tireless climb towards achievement or status, and it isn’t the result of getting everything perfect all the time.

M: Okay, so we know what happiness isn’t. But what is happiness? I think my favourite definition comes from the pioneer of scientific research on human happiness Sonja Lyubomirsky. She’s a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside, and she defines happiness as “the experience of joy, contentment or positive wellbeing, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful and worthwhile.”

P: It’s interesting because the origins of the word for happiness actually relate to the meaning of luck for cultures that had to endure plague, invading armies, famine or the wrath of others. Happiness was luck. Pure luck. There’s a great quote by English Buddhist monk Gelong Thubten that says, ‘the mind that seeks happiness is telling itself that it is unhappy.’ He would argue that happiness, fundamentally, is an emotional response to an outcome. It’s result reliant.

Academics, self-help Gurus, Monks all seem to agree that joy and well being are vital elements of happiness. The message is often that joy is the thing that we should seek, for out of joy comes happiness. If you can find joy in the doing, then you will achieve happiness. Wellbeing is a similar prerequisite for happiness, as when we are well and healthy, we are more disposed to enjoying free time with fulfilling actions that ultimately bring about contentment and meaning. So, short, what all the ancient wisdom warns us against is simply striving for happiness. It is an empirical irony in this way, unlike other goals, it cannot necessarily be attained simply by striving for it. It shouldn’t be the goal. It’s the added bonus. It’s like at the end of an Oprah Winfrey show “you get a car, you get a car!”

M: [Laughter] OK, free cars aside why bother with this hippy New Age happiness stuff? A lot of older generations were quite happy to suck it up in boring, unfulfilling jobs and mediocre lives without complaining the whole time. This all seems a bit indulgent don’t you think.

P: Not at all, Marie. Because Unhappy people die!!!

M; Okay, that’s true. Studies find that when you’re less happy, you’re more vulnerable to illness. You’re more vulnerable to different kinds of disease. You also take longer to recover from illness, and you actually have a compromised life expectancy. Researchers Dacher Keltner and Emiliana Simon-Thomas, who teach course called the Science of Happiness so that people who are happy in life have an easy time feeling good and recovering from adversity. They have close, supportive social connections, and they believe their presence in the world matters.

P: Absolutely, there’s a huge body of research out there that shows that happier people live longer, healthier lives. There’s a wonderful research project in Harvard University in Boston that was started in 1938. It followed 724 young men from diverse backgrounds. Their findings are so conclusive that happiness has a direct relation to your life expectancy and your quality of life, especially in your later years.

M: So what you’re saying is this is the part where we all go wake up at five AM do yoga, drink green tea and are sickeningly happy, right?

P: [Laugh] Well we know not all of us aren’t morning exercise people. But it is about buying in Marie. When you go to a Tony Robbins presentation over two days over the weekend, you walk in on that first morning and you’re in an auditorium filled with thousands of people and you don’t see Tony first. Out comes the fluffer the dude who primes everybody before hand, he fluffs the crowd gets people out of their chairs. He gets them active he gets them physical. It’s like, How do we get you to the level that we need you so that when the dude walks out, you’re ready to receive his words and there are a lot of people who go to these presentations and they spend a heap of money and they’re standing there go[ing] “why am I jumping around like a Baptist preacher? Why am I doing this?” and the dude on stage is so encouraging. You’ve got to believe in this. You’ve got to buy in. If you don’t, you’re not going to get the benefit of the presentation.

So you do the first day and you come out going “Wow, that was amazing. That was really cool.” You come in the second day and you do the same thing, the fluffer comes out and he’s ready to get your pumped. But this time you’re ready for it. And you understand. I have to buy into this. I have to be a part of this process and jump around and clap my hands. Because I know that if I do that, I’m going to be ready and receptive to what magic is about to come at me from the stage.

M: Okay? So even though my entire body is fighting against jumping around in order to be receptive to your message, I’m here. We’re here. I’m in, and I’m really excited to see where this will take me, despite my cynicism. So I think it’s really interesting that a lot of people live their lives, live successful lives, but they’re not necessarily satisfied. And that’s really what I want this podcast to be about. How to be satisfied? And for me that means how can you be happy? So I’ve always looked at you, Pete, and seen a very happy person.

P: Oh dear [laughter]

M: Tell me, Are you happy?

P; That’s a huge question. Yeah, I like that question. Actually, we all have different moments of happiness. We have different moments of feeling good and feeling great. I think that for me I know that happiness is there when I’m walking down the street and I’ll smile at something innocuous. There’s a dog peeing up against a lamp post. I smile, I think, isn’t the world a wonderful place? I think that’s the perspective for me. When I’m in that happiness state, I can actually look at things and you look at two people holding hands, walking down the street like an old couple walking their dog and you go ‘Yeah, that’s pretty cool’, because you’re in that space where.., it’s that awareness of taking those things in and going the world is good I’m in a happy space, so I’m seeing happiness around me. It’s like when you go to buy a red car on all you see are red cars. All of a sudden your brain is switched on to see more red cars. So if you’re in that space where you’re relatively happy and going along with life and things are good, you start to notice the nice little subtle things that make you go. Yeah, that’s a good, good thing in the world. That’s a good egg.

M: It’s, it’s funny you say that, Yes. So all I can think is you’re talking about this is mindfulness. And there’s been so much discussion recently in the last decade or so about mindfulness and being mindful of being in the moment and to me, you’re talking about (and sorry. And also so much research about how mindfulness can help with happiness.)

P: Yes.

M: Right, but what you’re talking about there are moments of mindfulness. When you’ve stopped and you’re in the moment and you’re enjoying life, what it is. And it doesn’t have to be cakes and glitter and parties and Champagne, it can be an old couple holding hands.

P: Yeah, and you’re right it is mindfulness and I’ve done a bit of work on that and around that for many years because of my eastern philosophy reading. It wasn’t training, I didn’t go into a monastery and sit down and cross my legs for 20 hours. You know, I just read about it and I went I can do this. I can start journaling, and I can start making the most of moments and recognising those moments. So, yes, you’re right. There is a lot of mindfulness in there.

M: Yeah and a few years ago, I never would have had this conversation with you about mindfulness.

P: It comes to each of us in its own way. And I think that’s something you’ve got to understand with happiness. You can’t force it. You can’t just go I’m going to be instantly happy straightaway. It is a process. It takes time. It takes investment. It takes being open to it and then buying in as we said.

M: Yeah, yeah, and I think for me, my journey is different to yours in that I followed that path of success. That was what my parents instilled in me. Work hard at school, get a good job, get a house. You know, follow all the major milestones that everyone, society, just said you should. And it took a pretty significant event in my life for me to reassess my life, which had, until that point been successful.

P: Yeah and within that success you were happy because you were ticking the boxes.

M: Well no, I wasn’t that’s the whole point. So there’s definitely something to be said for those moments of achieving success. I mean, they’re great who doesn’t want to win? Right?

P: [Laughter]

M: But since the accident and since I’ve started exploring a lot of these positive psychology concepts, and Eastern and Western philosophy now, ideals and ideas; I can say that I’m that person stopping the street and going aww when the old couple across the road are together holding each other’s hand, you know, and I’m such a happier, more relaxed, less stressed person than I was and I 100% credit that to nearly dying. Let’s be really honest. It’s the ‘ah ha’ moment that on a lot of people, a lot of people who go through significant trauma have that ‘ah ha’ moment and reassess how they live their lives.

P: Definitely

M: But it’s such a shame and such a waste that it takes that to happen to, I don’t know, the 1 to 5 to 10% of the population, I’m making up numbers here, for them to reassess their lives and go surely there’s more to life than having a house and a job, a stressful job at that. There is so much more out there and again that’s why I think this podcast is so important. I don’t want people to have to nearly die to realise that this mortal life.

P: It is about talking about it and having the conversations with people and I think that’s where I was maybe a little bit lucky in terms of the world that I lived in in my creative, artistic world is that you come up against those people so much more often than you wouldn’t know corporate environment. There’s more. There’s Mohe. There’s more need for cynicism in a corporate environment in the arts world, it’s the opposite. So I think maybe that’s where I was fortunate in my experiences up until that point. So it allowed me freely to explore that a little bit more.

M: But on that you don’t need to be a cynic to be in a corporate environment. You can be happy and you can be happy go lucky even and a little bit carefree and still get your job done well.

P: Yep, I would agree with you there.

M: And that’s where my balance was off before and I hope that just by debunking a lot of the weird, hippie, new age ways that we often talk about this. We talk in platitudes, you know, be positive and all that which really turns a lot of people off. Australians in particular we are so cynical, so so cynical.

P: [Laughter]

M: So, I hope that by us having a good balance and a bit of a laugh between us, we can help some people to realise that there’s so much more life. And you’ve only got one life.

P: Make the most of it while you’ve got it.

M: Be happy.

P: [Laughter] Damn it! [sarcastic tone]

All right. I do just want to say before we go that we are launching this podcast on International Happiness Day, 20th March.

P: Yay

M: So thank you for your listening today, we’re very aware that there is a lot going on in the world today with the Corona virus or Covid 19. And it’s making a lot of people particularly anxious, and for the right reasons, so be kind to each other. Try and have a bit of a laugh.

P: Be part of a community, not part of the self.

M: Yeah, definitely.

P: It’s time to be mindful of others as well as looking out for yourself.

M: And definitely as part of the research that I’ve been doing from my book one of the recurring themes that comes up with people who are resilient and happy in their lives is those social bonds and social relationships. So I know this might sound a bit weird to the millennials out there. The rest of you, you’ll remember the day when you used to pick up the phone and make a phone call with it. So I’m asking you all out there to pick up the phone, particularly if you’ve got elderly relatives or friends who are self-isolating. Pick up the phone. Have a chat with someone today. That’s my challenge to you all.

P: Call your Grandma.

M: Yeah, exactly. Call Mom. Call you Grandma. Have a bit of a chat. It could be just five minutes but take the step to just keep those relationships going because it could be a very lonely time in general in today’s world, but particularly if we’re self-isolating with all that’s going on with the corona virus.

P: Very true

M: Yeah, not a good time to be sad.

Alright, We’ve gone over time for our first episode already. [Laughter]

P: Oops, that’s probably me..

M: So Pete before we go, our listeners, I’m sure hooked already. That’s really arrogant, I’m going to take that back.

P: [Laughter]

M: But do let us know. Can you give us just a really brief heads up for what people can expect in future episodes? So what are we going to cover?

P: Lots of different topics.

We’re going to talk about Awe and inspiration and how important is to be inspired by things. Take the time out for that. We’re going to talk about mindfulness because it’s part of one of the pillars of happiness. And we’ll talk about joy. We’re even going to talk about meditation.

M: Yeah, that was a big one for me. I don’t know about all that.

P: We are going to be meditating and ohm-ing and doing singing bowls and bells, people so get ready.

M: We also have some great interviews with people, amazing people to bring to you.

P: Inspiring people.

M: Yeah, So don’t forget to subscribe so that you can stay abreast of all our future episodes and thank you for joining us.

P: Thanks for coming along, look forward to seeing you again. Bye M: Bye


Meet besties Marie and Pete

Marie and Pete

Marie Skelton is an Australian writer, speaker, and change and resiliency expert. She started her career in journalism before working in public affairs and then specialising in organisational and culture change for some of the world’s largest tech and financial services companies, both in Australia and the U.S. She also played volleyball for Australia and on scholarship at a D1 university in the U.S. and she captained the NSW Women’s Volleyball team in the Australian Volleyball League.

Following a motorbike accident that nearly took her life, and leg, she began researching change and resiliency to find out how people cope with major life changes and why some people are really good at dealing with whatever life throws at them, while others struggle. She is passionate about mental health and writes about how to cope with today’s Change Storm and maintain mental wellness.  

Marie and Pete

Peter Furness is just plain awesome. He loves unicorns and champagne. Pete is the owner of Max Remedial, and a qualified remedial therapist and has worked all over the world with professional athletes, dancers, sporting organisations and medical professionals. Peter’s practice is influenced by his interest in Eastern philosophy and he works closely with Chinese and Ayurvedic practitioners, approaching the body from the principles of ancient medicine.

Peter has practiced Asstanga Yoga for 20 years and combines these principles with his approach to health.

Peter was also an award-winning contemporary dancer in Australia and in the UK. 

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: happiness, happiness for cynics, happy, podcast, satisfaction

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