Unapologetically Marie

Writer, podcaster, mental health advocate

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Are your finances making you sick?

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Take Control of Your Finances and Kick That Financial Stress to the Curb

Many of us are experiencing financial stress, and it’s impacting our overall mental and physical health and wellbeing. Read on for some tips and resources to take back control.  

What is Financial Stress?

Financial wellbeing is critical for overall mental health and wellbeing. According to Thriving Wallet, we know that poor financial wellbeing impacts physical and psychological health, mood, work satisfaction, sleep and relationships.

However, even though nowadays we’re spending more time working, for the first time since 1930 we’re earning less relative income than those who came before us. We also have less financial security.  At the same time, in many countries, costs for necessities like food, healthcare, housing and education have skyrocketed.

Money is the #1 stress for people in the U.S.1

This lack of financial security is causing huge amounts of stress, and more than that, it’s impacting our wellbeing more broadly. A recent study in Canada looked at the importance of financial satisfaction for overall life satisfaction. They found that for financially stressed households, their financial stress overwhelmingly conditioned their overall sense of life satisfaction. 2 In short, they were less happy and satisfied with their lives.

What Financial Stress Looks Like

Those who earn the least in society are often living in a constant and overwhelming state of financial distress. The Salvation Army’s annual survey shows that the poorest people in Australia experience extreme housing stress, face multiple barriers to finding work and struggle to maintain a basic standard of living. At times, they are unable to feed themselves or their families, and most upsetting, children continue to be deprived of basic necessities due to the lack of economic resources. This financial hardship means that children miss out on educational opportunities and activities at school and many don’t have access to technology or the internet at home. This is despite respondents often saying that they would ‘go without’ so that their children did not have to do so.3

Meanwhile, around the world for the Millennial generation the wealth gap continues to increase, and many millennials have huge university debt, no prospects of ever buying a house, and they probably won’t be able to retire until they’re 75 years old.

According to Credit Swiss: “The Millennials (people who came of age after the turn of the century) have not been a lucky cohort. Not only were they hit at a vulnerable age by the global financial crisis, its associated recession and the poor job prospects that followed, but they have also been disadvantaged in many countries by high house prices, low interest rates, and rising student debt making it difficult for them to buy property or accumulate wealth.”4

When Things go Wrong

If you’ve had a sudden or unexpected change in your circumstances, like losing your job or having a health emergency that prevents you from working, and you’re experiencing financial stress, the sooner you start working with support groups, the better.

Often times, sticking your head in the sand and hoping it will all go away can make problems worse and things can snowball quickly. The key is to reach out to support organisations as early as possible. Organisations like The Salvation Army have people available to speak to you if you’re struggling.

Taking Control of Your Finances

Reading Resources

Thankfully, many people are starting to talk about financial stress and financial wellbeing, and there are a range of resources you can now access.

For a great read and to learn a bit about your spending and saving mindset, check out the classic book: Rich Dad, Poor Dad.

You can also download the Thriving Wallet research insights report / white paper, which has some good stats about the issue (you’re not alone!) as well as some practical micro-steps you can take.

Online Tools to Manage Financial Stress

The Commonwealth Bank has a range of resources for you to assess and then manage your situation. They believe there are 3 ways you should be looking at your overall financial wellbeing:

  1. Every day: Managing your day-to-day finances.
  2. Rainy day: Being ready for the unexpected.
  3. One Day: Making your one day goals a reality.

They also have some great free resources for things like making budgets (and how to make sure you stick to it!), ensuring you only spend within your budget, and learning how to pay off your debts. Although some things (like their customer app) require you to have a product with them, the site is still really valuable and for most resources you don’t get a hard-sell, which is nice.

NOTE: For full disclosure, I used to work at the Commonwealth Bank – which is why I know about their Financial Wellbeing site. But please note that I am not receiving any payment from them for this post, I just believe in the advice and resources they’re providing.

Dealing with Stress

Remember throughout it all that there are science-backed activities you can do to better manage your stress and build your resiliency. Check out the posts under the below topics for some ideas on how to manage your stress, or speak to a professional.

Community and Connection: Connecting with others and contributing to your community are proven to build emotional resiliency and make your life happier. It is so important not to neglect this part of your life, especially if it doesn’t come easily, like when work is really busy or if you’re a natural introvert.

Health and Wellbeing: Your health and wellbeing is critical to your happiness. Luckily, there is a wealth of information about how to make small changes to your life to make it healthier and improve your wellbeing.

Meaning and Purpose: Having a sense of meaning and purpose in life is critical to resiliency and living a happy life. You need it to thrive and flourish. It’s about having a reason to get out of bed in the morning, setting goals and having commitments. Some lucky people get that purpose through their job, but many of us get our purpose through other activities such as volunteering, learning or experiencing new things or caring for others.

References

  1. “The Thriving Wallet, research insights report/white paper.” Page 1. https://content.thriveglobal.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/Thriving-Wallet-Research-Insights-Report.pdf, accessed February 2020.
  2. Brzozowski, M. & Spotton Visano, B. J ““Havin’ Money’s Not Everything, Not Havin’ It Is”: The Importance of Financial Satisfaction for Life Satisfaction in Financially Stressed Households.” Happiness Stud (2020) 21: 573., https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-019-00091-0, accessed February 2020.
  3. The Salvation Army. “Feeling the Pinch: National Economic and Social Impact Survey, 2018.” https://apo.org.au/sites/default/files/resource-files/2018/11/apo-nid204626-1240541.pdf, accessed February 2020.
  4. Credit Suisse. “Global wealth databook 2019.” Page 141. https://www.credit-suisse.com/about-us/en/reports-research/global-wealth-report.html, accessed February 2020.

NOTE: This is not financial advice. It is intended to provide generalised, educational information. I do not know your financial situation or needs, and you should not rely on this information as financial product advice.

Balancing Work Pressures With Health and Fitness

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Dade Bailey, corporate leader and personal trainer, talks about the importance of balancing work and health

We all know we need to do exercise. There have been hundreds, probably thousands, of studies into the positive effects of regular exercise. It leads to better moods, decreased stress, more mental resilience, more confidence, more energy, and I could keep going on. So, there is no way I could have a site dedicated to happiness and mental health, and not cover exercise.

Unfortunately, when we get busy, exercise is often the first thing we drop!

That’s why this week I’m interviewing Dade Bailey, who has had a very successful career in the corporate world, but he also recently retrained as a personal trainer. I spoke to him about the importance of balancing the pressures of work with health and fitness, and how to bring a bit more balance into your life.

You’ve had a very successful career with some big Australian brands, but there’s more to you than your professional career… Let’s cut to the chase: you’re buff.

<Laughs> Nice, thanks. Yes I’m Okay. So yes, but it took a long time for me to get here.

How much time do you spend working out or doing exercise each week and what do you do?

On reflection looking back, I always wanted to get to this point of being able to look in the mirror and go, yeah, I look good. I feel great. I’ve got a healthy balance, and it took a very big mind shift to get there.

The gym I’ve been with for 14 years called Hiscoes in Surry Hills [Sydney], is such a great gym, I did a strength challenge with them that was the catalyst. They really gave me the understanding of how muscle groups work, how nutrition needs to work, how building good longevity strength really would help. And that helped me set my mindset to where I am now.

Now, I’m at the gym about four or five times a week for my own personal training. I do different things, that could be strength training, high intensity training, but also it could be just something for stress relief – like going to kick the crap out of a boxing bag, or just going to do some yoga for active recovery. I really love Pilates – Reformer Pilates – that’s really good. So, four to five times a week because rest is so important as well. You’ve got to be able to allow your body time to recover.

Is balance something that’s important to you?

I think being in the corporate world for such a long time, exercise is always my outlet and going to the gym in the morning sets me up for the day, to really start my day off well. So from a mental health point of view, it was like, I’m ready. I’m walking in the office ready to take on the day. I’m feeling good. I’ve got all these endorphins happening. It’s great. Fantastic.

However if my nutrition wasn’t balanced and I was then going to eat an egg and bacon sandwich every day, and not really balancing my food, I wasn’t really complimenting my training well. Then then looking at other parts of my life and ensuring I have a balance in those areas.

When I lead teams questions I’d ask ‘are you exercising? Are you eating right? Are you sleeping right? How’s home life?’ To see if their life is balanced, and if it wasn’t, they wouldn’t be able to bring their best selves to work. At the start of each week, I used to ask my team “How are you feeling out of 10 this week?” To gauge how balanced they are heading into the week and how I could support them better.

Additionally I included exercise at work, instead of just having a 1:1 in a room, we’d go and have a walk and talk to do some exercise at the same time. Or have team meeting, we’d get out the building, so you were getting away from your desk.

Now I’ve become a personal trainer and I know a lot more about the sciences behind it, so going back into the corporate world is really going to help me as a leader to help my team thrive, so they get the best out of their work and bringing their best selves to work.

A lot of people join gyms and go to one or two classes and never go back. How did you find that spark or that passion to begin with?

As I said before there was a challenge at the gym. It was an eight-week strength challenge and I’m like, you know what, for eight weeks, I will commit. This is a short amount of time. Really commit. And even by week four of the eight weeks, I was seeing so many different changes in my body, how I was sleeping, how I was motivating myself. I changed myself from not being a morning person to being a morning person.

That’s huge!

It’s huge. I never used to be able to get out of bed. I used to sleep in and just go to work, but now I wake up at like 5:30 in the morning, quite happily.

Okay, I need your secret. We’ll get to that in a second.

But I think for me, it was that you’ve got to be able to help yourself and that was the mindset thing. You are the only one who’s going to be accountable here. You’ve got personal trainers that will help you, use them to help build out a program but it’s also “Where’s your commitment in this?” And I had to make a commitment to myself.

The corporate world is relentless, and it’s nonstop. And you have to find those moments to find that balance.

A lot of us are spending long, long hours in corporate world, and it’s becoming harder and harder to say no. What advice would you give to people to make sure they can find the balance in their life to fit in exercise.

Just from a personal point of view, after 14 years of working in an organization of the scale and the complexity that I did, I was really burnt out. And I’ve taken the time out to do some of the things I wanted to do, like become a personal trainer, which is amazing.

The corporate world is relentless, and it’s nonstop. And you have to find those moments to find that balance. As a leader in an organization, it was making sure that people came to work and they had a balanced life outside of work was my priority, because if they were wandering in and they didn’t have that balance, they weren’t able to perform at work. So for me, them making sure that they could do work flexibly if they wanted or being able to prioritize going to the gym classes that they wanted, or “hey, there’s a yoga class at four.” Go for it. You can. I know you’ll work to make up the hours. It’s about not putting restrictions on or being stuck in the old way of working of, “I need to see you at your desk from nine to five, and you need to produce X amount of widgets.”

Instead it’s like, “Here are the outcomes that you need to achieve. I expect you’re an adult and you’re able to achieve them. I will give you accountability to do that, and you work how you want. Giving people that freedom enabled them to be able to bring more of themselves to work and they were honest with me going, “I’m going through a tough time with this happening at home.” Okay, cool, at least I’m aware. But at least that kind of relationship really helped people bring everything they can to the office, and I created teams that thrive. And that’s where I’m always very proud of those moments. Because for me, if I’m running a team and they’re not living their best life outside of work, they’re not going to enjoy coming to work every day.

Absolutely. So obviously we all wish we had a boss like you! Were there any points in your life where you had bosses that didn’t subscribe to this idea? And how did you deal with explaining that you need to take time for yourself in order to be better for the organization or for your boss?

I had a boss who was a micromanager, and he really pushed my buttons. In the end, I learned that to manage the micro manager, I had to manage back. Okay, you want to know everything I’m doing? Here is a task list. Here’s everything I’m doing. You want to see that I’ve done all these tasks? Awesome.

Instead of them controlling me, I had to take control of them. But I also gave them honest feedback. I’d ask, “Can I just ask why you need to know this level of detail?” And sometimes people are just afraid of the boss. So just ask the question, “What was this to achieve? What’s the outcome?” Because for me, that kind of open and honest communication doesn’t happen enough in the corporate world. People need to ask the question “why” a lot more.

Have there been any times since you first started including exercise in your life on a regular basis that you haven’t been able to exercise, and have you noticed any impacts on your mental health or resiliency?

Absolutely. When in high delivery times, if I don’t get sleep and I don’t get to the gym in the morning, I go straight to work, I can sense my productivity levels dropping. I’m wandering in, I don’t feel energized, it would take me about two hours to get going. And people are bombarding me with questions and I wasn’t firing on all cylinders!

So that’s why it becomes so important to make sure you find that time and make sure that it happens, saying ‘this is important to my balance and the reason for that is to avoid two hours of wasted time as I wander in.’ Make sure you have the conversation as to why it’s important with your leaders to go, ‘this is me, this is why I need to do this. This is going to be better for you.’ This could be not just exercise, it could be making sure you’re dropping the kids off or going to swim class with the kids or prioritising a doctors appointment. As long as they let me know, there were ways we could make it work.

One time I noticed it started to affect my mental health was when I was leading the one of the biggest, complex change programs to deliver IT experiences to the whole organisation. It was consuming so much of my time, I started see my drinking habits go up each day, I was working longer hours, I was getting to bed late and sleeping in and not getting to the gym.

So I actually did a checkpoint, a kind of ‘put me at the centre’ activity and what actually makes me happy overall. For me it was flexible working, meaningful work, getting to the gym, making sure I’ve got time for my nutrition and making sure I’ve got time with my friends. When I started to protect those parts of my personal life, I felt the balance returning. I ensured I could cook on a Sunday night for the food for the week, ensured I limited my drinking to weekends, had conversation with my boss to come in a bit later so I could fit in my gym in the morning.  I really had to look at and put myself under the microscope and go, what makes you happy on a day to day basis from the outside of work. And what is work affecting of those pillars? And make changes.

I think it’s such an irony that when we’re needed most at work, we let down all the other areas of our life that keep us healthy for work.

But it’s also the ability for a leader to see that in their people. And for me now coming into a personal training side, I think I’m rounding out my skills in a very different way. Because it will be a very much, “well, what makes you ‘you’ outside of work? Is it exercise? Is it nutrition? How are you balancing yourself out? And how as a leader can I help that outside work operate well? What blockers do I need to remove to help free that up so you come into this office skipping?”

Can I ask you since you have been training and doing your certifications, what are some tips for people who are just starting out on their exercise journey?

Ask questions of anyone working in that gym. I’ve had the same personal trainer since day dot (Hi Mac) and he’s just so full of knowledge, like how bodies work, how you sleep, how exercise affects your energy levels – there’s so much knowledge that they have! Learn from them and really ask questions. They want to be asked and if you have a question over motivation, programs, technique or what is best to achieve your fitness goals, ask them. And if they don’t know they’ll know someone who can [help].

A lot of people don’t do the gym because they have a fear that they may look silly, don’t know how to  use the equipment or may go “ahh no, they look really fit, I can’t join that class.” But everybody working at the gym is there to help you. And yes, there are some people in gyms that are all there posing in front of mirrors or at the other end of the spectrum where they’re like, “Oh, my God, you had an alcoholic beverage, the world is ending.” But remember most people are there to better themselves. You’re all there for the same reasons, you’re there for health or want to look better for your wedding that’s coming up, or something like that. And there are people in that gym, with so many skills to help you achieve that. Don’t be afraid.

I know I was! I think I first went to a gym when I was 13 or 14 and those machines looked so scary. I don’t know if you remember going, “Oh my gosh, how do these work?” So would you recommend maybe taking a class to get started versus going straight for the weights equipment?

A couple of things that I’d recommend: most gyms overall should have some kind of introduction assessment. They should do a fitness assessment with you as soon as you walk in. Let’s sit down and get a baseline, let’s do some measurements. Let’s make sure you can know what your goals are, what do you want to achieve. A good gym will sit down and help you design a program and not only help you design a program to help you start to achieve that, but also show you how to use that equipment.

Regarding your point on the machines looking scary, they are built to help you ensure you’re doing your form correctly. Most should have a little illustration on them as how to use it properly, if you don’t have the confidence to talk to someone at the gym to demonstrate it to you. Otherwise, ask one of the trainers because they honestly want you to use the gym, use it safely, have correct form and they want their product to be used and for you to get the best results.

Is there anything I haven’t asked you that you want to add before we go?

I think in summary it’s about finding balance overall. If you are completing exercise or want to start, then work with your gym on how to do that and remember your body needs fuel for that exercise. Complement this with great nutrition, getting the sleep you need sleep, ensure you have time for your own mental health and having time for enjoying life – you need to look at what factors of your life are really are important to you, see how you get balance across them and see how you protect them.

After all, we work to live, not live to work!

If you’re in Sydney, you can find Dade at Hiscoes gym in Surry Hills. Visit www.hiscoes.com.au.

What is a State of Flow and How to Find it

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What is a State of Flow?

Flow is a concept made famous by one of the pioneers of positive psychology Mihály Csíkszentmihályi. Being in a state of flow means you’re completely focused on the task at hand, to the point that you forget about yourself, about others and about the world around you. You might lose track of time, but it doesn’t matter because you are so engrossed in your activity, so happy in the moment.

“Contrary to what we usually believe (…) the best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times—although such experiences can also be enjoyable, if we have worked hard to attain them. The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”

Mihály Csíkszentmihályi

There’s nothing better than spending a few hours in a state of flow to complete a task. The ability to focus on deep work and find distraction-free concentration can be hugely satisfying. It’s that feeling of having ticked a million things off your to-do list or finally sending your boss that huge presentation you’ve been working on.

Indeed, Csíkszentmihályi’s research has shown that people who experience a state of flow not only enjoy performing the task more, but they also have increased productivity and satisfaction, and reduced stress while increasing the quality of the output.

“Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It’s not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; it’s a day you’ve had everything to do and you’ve done it.”

Margaret Thatcher

So, how does the state of flow work?

There’s a part of the brain called the Default Mode Network (DMN) where all your autopilot activities happen – you know those times you leave work and before you know it you’re home and you think, “wow I don’t really remember how I got home.” That’s when the DMN is running the show.

As kids, everything is new and we’re constantly learning. As we get older, things become more ‘the same’ and as a result our brains don’t need to try as hard, instead operating in the DMN. But when we’re in a state of flow, just like when we’re experiencing awe, we move from the autopilot part of our brains to the learning and inspiration part.

“Dampening DMN activity may be key to giving us a sense of self-transcendence. Other studies have found decreased DMN activity when participants entered a flow state, during meditation, and when participants under the influence of psychedelics experienced “ego dissolution,” according to Summer Allen a Research/Writing Fellow with UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center.

In short, when we’re in a state of flow, we’re coming off autopilot and experiencing the world in a deeper and more meaningful way.

Three steps to put flow into practice

1. Get rid of technological distractions

To engage in truly deep work, you need to limit or eliminate interruptions and find a way to silence the change storm! So, turn off your phone, or put it on silent and leave it in another room (to stop you checking it!). If you’re working on your computer, be sure to turn off email notifications.

2. Get away from other people

From kids asking you questions, or the phone ringing, or the TV blaring, our busy lives can feel like one big interruption. Similarly, today’s modern office spaces are built to encourage collaboration, but often at the expense of deep work. So, let others around you know they’re not to disturb you for a set period of time and close the door. Or try to get out of the busy environment for a few hours, try the local library or a coffee shop with some noise cancelling headphones. If you’re at work, try to find a peaceful space alone, or if you’re one of the lucky few who can work from home, guard that privilege with your life!

3. Find a suitable task that you can immerse yourself in

One of the key requirements of the state of flow is that the task be sufficiently difficult, without being overwhelmingly difficult or unachievable. That perfect task will be completely subjective but it will often revolve around mastering a skill or task or completing a big task or project. Here are some activities that might inspire you.

Personally, I’ve been lucky to have the time to tackle quite a few projects that have given me flow lately. I recently launched a blog, and aside from writing, I’ve been reading and researching all about websites, web security, SEO and e-commerce and putting it all into practice. I’ve often looked up after a whole day of research and fiddling with my site to see the sun has gone down and my husband arrived home hours ago without me really registering it.

I hope you find your flow too.

Mihaly Csíkszentmihályi talks about flow at TED

Tell us. What activities do you do that help you to experienced flow?

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How to Practice Gratitude, and Why You Should do it

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How to Practice Gratitude

In today’s high stress, constantly changing world, it can be hard to work out what will make life easier and what is just more noise. Thankfully, practicing gratitude is not only science backed, but also really easy and cheap. Plus, if you practice gratitude you’ll be happier, less stressed and have higher overall wellbeing and satisfaction with your life and social relationships. Read on to learn how to practice gratitude and why it matters.

What is Gratitude?

The Oxford Dictionary defines gratitude as “the quality of being thankful, and readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.”

Gratitude is often mistaken as a sign of politeness—something that parents teach kids to impress other adults and prepare kids for more formal social experiences.

Actually, it is a much deeper human characteristic that fundamentally supports our capacity to work in social groups. It’s all about being collaborative and working well with others in harmony.  When we express gratitude, we affirm mutual dependence with others and convey interest in future collaboration. When others express gratitude to us, we are infused with purpose, motivation and common humanity. When we feel gratitude, we grow more attuned to what is good in life and connect that goodness to other people.

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.

Cicero, Roman orator and philosopher

Benefits of Practicing Gratitude

Now I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a sceptic. So, I really need some good science to make me take more time out of my week to do something that on the surface may seem a bit airy-fairy. So, here’s what a tiny sample of the studies show:

UC Berkeley’s Summer Allen writes that grateful people are happier, more satisfied, less materialistic and have better mental and physical health. 

Northeastern professor and author of Emotional Success, David DeSteno, has spent his life studying gratitude and his research shows that gratitude helps people have more self-control – which in turn helps them to achieve goals.

In fact, according to DeSteno, “People feeling grateful are more likely to help others who request assistance, to divide their profits in a more egalitarian way, to be loyal even at cost to themselves, to be less materialistic, and even to exercise as opposed to loafing.”

A study by Emmons & McCullough published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2003 showed that participants who kept a gratitude journal weekly for 10 weeks or daily for two weeks experienced more positive moods, optimism about the future, and better sleep.

Practicing Gratitude at Work

At work, practicing gratitude can be hugely beneficial as it helps to keep people out of their head, and in a positive frame of mind. This is particularly relevant in today’s corporate world, which is currently advocating for failing fast and sharing failures. While it’s important to analyse and learn from mistakes, focusing too much on failures can sometimes mean we think too much about what goes wrong and not enough about what goes right.

Additionally, with today’s increasing pace of change and constant striving to keep up with competitors, shifting markets and new trends, it can be easy to keep focusing on what’s next, then what’s next, then what’s next after that. Add to that a lot of the time, in today’s Agile organisations with a constant iteration mindset, it can feel like nothing is ever done, and therefore nothing is ever good enough.

But, practicing gratitude forces employees to stop and pay attention to the good things they’re accomplishing. It makes them appreciate the things they might otherwise take for granted. In that way, they start to become more attuned to the sources of pleasure around them—and the emotional tone of their work life can shift in profound ways.

Multiple studies back this up (see here and here). These studies have found that cultivating gratitude toward the workplace can help alleviate negative emotions and attitudes at work. Also, employees with higher levels of gratitude toward work are more likely to excel by going above and beyond their job tasks.

So, in short, cultivating a culture of gratitude in your organisation will improve performance and engagement, which leads to better retention.

How to Practice Gratitude and Make it a Habit

Here’s the best part of practicing gratitude. It’s really easy and cheap. You just need to get into the habit of doing it. You can pick any, or all of the below ideas and add them into your week. Here’s how to practice gratitude:

Journaling: Writing about what you’re grateful for is key. Research suggests translating thoughts into concrete language makes us more aware of them, deepening their emotional impact. Two or three times per week is enough, and it’s useful to reflect on smaller, more frequent things—such as a modest bit of help from a friend or colleague. You can simply pick up a notebook from the shops, or you can buy one of the hundreds of options online, like the ones below.

Write a thank you note: Summer Allen’s research shows that actually taking action and physically writing out letters of thanks to people is an even better way to harness the power of gratitude. So, when writing in your journal, keep an eye out for a person who has come up multiple times or has gone above and beyond.

Conversations: At the dinner table each night or on a certain day each week, start a conversation with your family or friends and take turns letting everyone know what you’re most grateful for that day or week. This has the added benefit of being a good conversation starter and helps to build stronger social bonds!

Volunteer: Not only is this the ultimate way to show gratitude, but research has shown that helping others through acts of charity or volunteer work can make you feel better and happier.

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Being Alone Can Make You Happier

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Introverts Rejoice – Being Alone Is Good For You

I’m an introvert. That’s not to say I’m not social or don’t have a lot of friends. It just means that I do everything in my power to find “me time.” I’m most wound-up after work, where I have been interacting with people all day in an open office environment. So, when I get home, the last thing I want to do is speak to people. Ideally, I would spend my entire evening alone with a book, or a TV show or a project. Every evening.

Introverts are energised from being alone. Extroverts are energised from being with people.

The problem is that between the pinging of my phone, expectations of friends and family, and realities of work and life, it’s a constant struggle. The world just isn’t built for introverts, and I feel the pressure to be present and available.

My story is not uncommon, estimates are that anywhere from 20-50 per cent of the population are introverts, or have some introverted tendencies or characteristics (if you prefer to think of introversion and extroversion on a sliding scale or spectrum).

The World Is Built For Social Interaction

It is well documented that social connection is important to happiness. Humans evolved from tight-knit families and hunter-gatherer groups, where being alone or separated from the group often led to death. In modern times, the importance of community remains.

So it stands to reason that much of the design of modern western society is geared to supporting and rewarding positive social connection. In sports and at work, the happy, outgoing, positive and popular people are given leadership positions, and the quiet achievers are often overlooked. The world is an extrovert’s playground, from large school classrooms to group projects at university and now open office environments.

For an introvert — someone who craves a quiet place to think and work — being successful in this world can be tough. It’s a never-ending juggling act of showing up and ‘being seen’ while constantly searching for opportunities to get away to recharge by yourself or get some quiet time.

This isn’t to say that (most) introverts don’t want or need to be around people, it’s just that we need more balance between time with and time without other people. Extroverts and introverts are all social beings, it’s just the degrees of contact that vary. And the science backs that up. Be social we’re told, it’s the key to happiness and helps prevents loneliness.

Extroverts – Not Only Introverts – Should Seek Alone Time

But does it hold true then, that all our time should be spent on social pursuits? And that we should never be unsocial?

It turns out the answer is no, and we may have been overlooking the benefits to being alone. In fact, the research shows that the introvert’s constant search for ‘me time’ could be making them happier and more creative.

Russian researchers Martin Lynch, Sergey Ishanov and Dmitry Leontiev have investigated the phenomenon of positive solitude, where people choose to spend time alone for contemplation, reflection or creativity. They found that being alone leads to more positive emotions, like relaxation and calm, and having a greater sense of pleasure and meaning.

A study discussed in Medical News Today also confirms that individuals who have balance between social interaction and periods of chosen isolation are highly  creative. The study found that being too shy or avoiding people is not good for individuals, but simply choosing to spend time alone isn’t a bad thing, in fact quite the opposite.

According to lead researcher, University of Buffalo’s Julie Bowker, some individuals spend more time alone than others, but also regularly spend time socialising. This group of individuals “may get just enough peer interaction so that when they are alone, they are able to enjoy that solitude. They’re able to think creatively and develop new ideas — like an artist in a studio or the academic in his or her office.”

Finally, it’s worth pointing out that for me, being alone also gives me a chance to unwind from stress and re-balance. It’s my personal form of mediation, minus the meditation. Working from home one day a week has helped with my resiliency, allowing me to cope better with a busy and often stressful world around me. It’s the day I am most productive and feel the most satisfaction with what I achieve throughout the week.

Being Alone Is NOT Feeling Lonely

A quick sidebar… to be clear, being alone is not the same as feeling lonely.

Being alone is a deliberate choice to spend time away from others in contrast with the unpleasant experience of feeling lonely, which can be detrimental to your health.

Over the last decade, there has been an increased focus on the dangers of loneliness. Brigham Young University researchers showed that social isolation increases premature death by 50 per cent. Loneliness is also associated with increased blood pressure, cholesterol levels and depression, and decreased cognitive abilities and Alzheimer’s disease.

More than that, in our modern society we’re learning that loneliness is not just a problem for older generations – who are more prone to suffering from isolation – it has also become an area of concern for the young. The Young Australian Loneliness Survey showed that loneliness is common among adolescents and young adults, a significant proportion reported problematic levels of loneliness. This included one in six adolescents (aged 12–17) and more than one in three young adults (aged 18–25).

It’s clear there is a global loneliness problem that we need to look into solving. But, that’s for another time, and is not the topic of this article. So, back to being alone.

3 Steps To Being Alone (Not Lonely)

The research shows that being alone can make you happier and more creative. It is also a key factor in finding flow, which is again linked to happiness and satisfaction. And introverts have long used alone time to ensure positive mental health.

Why not book a date with yourself today? Here’s how…

  1. Schedule Alone Time

If your usual MO is all about filling every waking hour with family, friends and activities, being alone might feel a bit weird to start with. The first step is to schedule some “me time.” So, plan a date with yourself, block out your calendar and tell your family you are taking some time for you.

  1. Find an Activity That Works For You

There are many things that you can choose to do, the only limitation is that you do it alone and without interruptions. You could plan a self-care or pamper date with yourself – go to the spa, or get a massage, have a long bath. You could go to a coffee shop or space you enjoy and read a book for a few hours. Maybe you could sign up to learn meditation or yoga, or go for a walk in nature, or plan to do something awe-inspiring.

  1. Be Mindful With Your Alone Time

Once you’ve scheduled your “me time” you have to make sure you get the benefits! That means silencing or turning off your phone and setting expectations that you won’t be contactable. It also means being mindful during the experience. Make sure you stop to appreciate the moments and take the time to be with your thoughts.

Related content: Read Moving On article What is a State of Flow and How to Find it, listen to our Podcast: Being Alone Can Make you Happier (E7)

Do you have any tips for how to be alone? Let us know in the comments below.

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Awe-inspiring activities to bring wonder to your life

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Do you ever feel like you need to get out of your own head? Maybe you need some help to deal with daily stresses or building your mental wellbeing and resilience? have you tried including awe-inspiring activities in your life? Here’s how.

Reflecting on your awe-inspiring activities

I want you to stop and think about the last time you experienced awe. Maybe you were outdoors in nature or on a family holiday? For me, it was the moment I stepped out of the archway and saw the Taj Mahal in India. I remember the goose bumps traveling up my arms and the wave of feeling that brought a huge grin to my face as I stood in front of the most awe-inspiring proclamation of love on the planet (in my humble opinion).

That moment was 5 years ago, and I can still remember it. I can still feel it.

Moments of awe are like life’s exclamation marks, punctuating our lives in rare and special moments. According to the Collins dictionary, “Awe is the feeling of respect and amazement that you have when you are faced with something wonderful and often rather frightening.”

It’s a thrill or a moment of wonder. It’s rare, and special, and because of that it is imprinted in your memory forever. Often it makes you think – about life and all that life entails. Sometimes it even energises you to act, at least in the short term, and every now and then it can even bring about longer-term change.

Some people find awe and wonder regularly, in the small and big things around them, while others only experience awe occasionally. It is different for every person.

The importance of awe

Experiencing awe is about being engaged with the wonder of life.

When you’re moving through an uneventful day on autopilot, or your mind is just wandering, the default mode network (DMN) in our brains is running things. For the DMN, it’s just another day and there’s not much effort going into our activities. But as researchers in the Netherlands discovered, when we are fully immersed in experiencing awe, it switches on our brains so we engage more with our external world and less with ourselves.

That state of immersion in awe enhances your wellbeing, gives you more satisfaction in life, sharpens your brains, and makes you feel less impatient and more time rich, according to researchers. It also impacts your physical health, with studies by University of Toronto, University of Pittsburgh and University of California-Berkeley showing that experiencing awe reduced inflammation in the body. Researchers at UC Berkeley showed that positive emotions such as awe are linked to proinflammatory cytokines, which respond to infection, inflammation, and trauma, among other things.

Research also shows that awe leads to people being more generous, more prosocial and more willing to volunteer – maybe as a result of people feeling humbled by things much larger than themselves and having a greater appreciation for larger social context and concerns.

What brings you awe?

Thankfully you don’t have to travel all the way to the Taj Mahal, Grand Canyon or Great Barrier Reef to feel awe and wonder. Awe can be experienced as a part of everyday life, but it is different for everyone.

Some people experience awe in day-to-day interactions with their kids, or on their morning jog. For others a moving piece of music, a ballet performance or a place of worship will lead to awe. Some people don’t experience awe often and need to work to remind themselves to find moments to stop and smell the roses in a hectic life.

To identify things that might bring you awe, try to think back to the last time you had goose bumps or the last time you felt small compared to the vastness of time or a place around you.

Planning for awe-inspiring activities in your life

Once you have identified the types of activities and moments that are likely to bring you awe, amazement and wonder, schedule these activities into your life. Here are some awe-inspiring activities that might give you some inspiration.

Experience the awe of ballerinas dancing

Be inspired by someone

Find people whom you respect for doing and thinking amazing things. That could be dancers in a theatre, singers at a concert, athletes at a sports event, or thinkers at a local university lecture series. Alternatively, you could find someone who has an extraordinary story and read their biography or watch them talk.

Experience the awe of nature

Get out into nature

Find a nature park or body of water that you haven’t visited yet and take a day trip. When you get there, plan to spend some time in reflection and contemplate the beauty of the area you’re visiting. Find something that amazes you, relax and just sit and watch in silence. And even if you don’t experience awe, simply observing nature is proven to make you happier and improve your overall wellbeing. For inspiration, check out this Lonely Planet article on where to find the most beautiful lakes.

Experience the awe of history

Take a trip to somewhere with a long and proud history

Before you go, do some research into the area and history and the stories from the area. Read a book or watch a movie about that period – whatever you can do to connect with the vast history of the place and connect with the people and their stories. When you get there, visit a monument, museum or historical site and take the time to sit and reflect about the people and history around you.

Re-live your awe-inspiring moments, like getting married

Re-live your awe-inspiring moments

Simply reliving your moments of awe can have a positive impact on your wellbeing. Sit down and have a look through photos of old trips you’ve taken, or the birth of your child. Actually watch that video of your wedding! Or even better write a journal entry about any one of these moments.

Start an awe-inspiring journal

Start an awe-inspiring playlist, album or journal

Researchers have shown that even reading about or watching awe-inspiring things can have a positive impact on your wellbeing. Now it’s true that this may not lead to as intense feelings of awe, but it still does have a positive impact. So why not start a journal of all the things that inspire you and bring you awe? You can paste your own photos or cut images from magazines or printed from articles online. Alternatively, you can create a playlist of music or movies that inspire awe in you. A great resource is Berkeley’s Awe video exercise, or take a look through the beautiful photos and videos at LonelyPlanet.com!

Make time for awe in your life

The research on awe is pretty conclusive: experiencing awe is powerful and comes with many benefits.

Remember, when you get there, don’t forget to be present and take the time to appreciate the moment and all its AWEsomeness. While there are still benefits to passively experiencing awe-inspiring activities, studies show you get even greater benefits when you’re mindful while experiencing moments of awe.

So, if you need to get out of your own head, deal with daily stressors or build your mental wellbeing and resilience, find a way to include awe-inspiring activities in your life.

Related reading: 3 ways to bring inspiration into your daily life

Comment below! What makes you feel awe?

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OPINION: The future of work is failing to meet expectations

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We were promised a four-day workweek and exciting creative work. Instead, we got burnout.

Let’s back this up. In the 80s, we fought long and hard against a system and way of living, called Communism, which was meant to be doom for us all.

Instead, we were fighting for a capitalist society that promised to keep delivering better outcomes for each new generation. It wasn’t hard to imagine. Post WWII, most things had been getting better and easier for everyone in these modern capitalist societies — we were just fighting for more of the same.

If we stayed the course, advances in society and steady increased in GDP would lead to wealthy nations which would provide better-quality and better access to healthcare and education. With our better health and higher education degrees, we’d be intellectually challenged in creative ways and meaningful pursuits at work, and from 55-years-old we’d retire but continue to contribute to our families and societies in ways that were less about financial reward and more about finding our passions.

More recently, they said opt-in to the Fourth Industrial Revolution. Like the previous revolutions, we could expect great change, but great benefits. These technological advances would help us reach that utopian end-point sooner. No more poverty or sickness, and we’d all be happy.

The Jetsons and Star Trek showed us that technology would make our lives and work easier. Automated flying cars would cut commute times, lengthy overseas holidays of self-discovery and wonder would be affordable to all, and all the mundane jobs would be done by robots so we could pursue creative careers that challenged us and gave our lives purpose. Rosie the robot maid would also do all our mundane household chores. Of course, we would also heed the danger stories, and design technology that was accessible, fair and benefitted all.

The reality is, quite frankly, the opposite.

More stress, less time, more pressures

We’re now smack bang in the middle of that Fourth Industrial Revolution, bringing together the physical, digital and biological to create exponentially growing and seemingly unending change in our lives, and it’s exhausting. We’re all burning out.

In 2019, the world finally stood up and took notice of the burnout problem. In May, the World Health Organization (WHO) added burnout to its list of globally recognised diseases, then later re-labelled it as an “occupational phenomenon” caused by chronic stress in the workplace. WHO estimates that one in five children or teenagers and one in four adults will experience burnout in their lives. This was further supported by the World Economic Forum labelling burnout a “mental health pandemic” and saying it was the new “21st century disease.”

Deloitte weighed in on our ‘always on’ work culture and a Gallup study showed that there is a global epidemic of burned-out workers who are experiencing (1) mistreatment, (2) unmanageable workloads, (3) a lack of role clarity, (4) a lack of support from their management, and (5) unreasonable time pressures.

Burnout means we’re constantly feeling busy, under pressure and like we have no time. We feel harassed by our technology and social media feeds always pinging. We feel the need to reply to work emails on our phones at 8pm or on Sunday mornings, just to keep up with our other colleagues who may actually be in the office at that time… and our bosses are answering emails then anyway. This is burnout.

We bought in, we played ball, and in exchange we got burnout. But surely we’re living better lives, right? 

Not really. 

For a lot of people, things haven’t gotten any better. Technological gains and efficiencies have benefitted not individuals but corporations, which are constantly striving to be more efficient, nimble and agile so they can fend off the next round of innovative start-ups. 

We’re spending more time working, in increasingly demanding and stressful jobs with blurred work-life boundaries, and yet for the first time since 1930, we’re earning less relative income than those who came before us and we have less financial security.

We also no longer have job security. Instead we’re constantly on alert, waiting for the tap on the shoulder that signals we should clear out our desks along with 10% of our teammates — yet we’re told we’re not loyal anymore, and we’re “lucky” if we’re chosen to stay to work twice as hard once everyone else has left. (check out Daniel H. Pink’s classic-but-still-relevant book Free Agent Nation for more about the changing world of work).

Even though Millennials and Gen-Xers are the most highly educated generations, everything is changing so fast that we’re constantly being asked to get skills, then re-skill and re-skill again to remain relevant in the workforce. Yet, companies know that you might not stay and they might make your role redundant anyway, so they’ve all but done away with costly in-house training and we’re now asked to sort out all that extra accreditation in our own time and with our own money.

Meanwhile, the wealth gap continues to increase, many of us have huge university debt, no prospects of ever buying a house, and we won’t be able to retire until we’re 75.

This is not the future we were promised.

We’re running really fast. Who knows where, but we’re running, we’re busy, and that’s all that matters. Right?

No! This always-on, high pressure rat-race is making us sick. Burnout is proof that we can’t run the corporate hamster wheel and navigate the rotating door of mass layoffs and climb the ladder of education all at once. We just can’t do it all.

We need to fight burnout and to do that we need to regain the control and balance in our lives. We need more time for our families and friends, and more time to exercise and look after ourselves, or just more time to simply relax.

Why can’t we have that four-day workweek we were promised?

So, it’s not a cure, but seriously, why can’t we have a four-day work week? 

No, I’m not talking about cramming 40-hours of work into four days and being paid less for the privilege. I’m talking about delivering on that promise that greater technological efficiency means workers see some benefits: getting to work less hours each week or getting more time off for instance. 

We could do five 6-hour days a week, or four 8-hour days a week — I don’t mind, either is OK with me. 

Recent news stories applauded Finland’s prime minister, Sanna Marin, for wanting to introduce a 4-day work week. “I believe people deserve to spend more time with their families, loved ones, hobbies and other aspects of life, such as culture,” Marin, 34, is quoted as saying in August last year before she took office. 

Unfortunately, the Finnish Government couldn’t have run faster from these news stories, quickly clarifying that introducing a 4-day workweek was “not on the Finnish Government agenda.” The message was clear, although this is a nice idea, no one in power would seriously consider this. Gasp, think of the economy! 

But here’s the thing, some companies have trialled these systems (working less) and have actually shown that employees end up being even more productive! It’s a win-win, and a no-brainer.

So, there is some hope for change, we just all have to move to New Zealand where Perpetual Guardian recently made a 4-day workweek available to its employees after a successful trial, as reported by Smart Company. Perpetual Guardian employees can opt-in for a weekly rest day while still receiving their normal salaries as long as they continue to meet their productivity objectives. And just to be clear, the trial showed that employees who embarked on the reduced workhours option were more productive and reported lower levels of stress.

According to New Europe, Sweden has also been trialling a reduced hour workweek: “In Sweden, where the 6-hour-day has already been in place since 2015, the results showed that employees were happier, wealthier and more productive as they were still fully paid and customers were more satisfied.”

Now I know that this is a small sample, and not all industries or job types will be suited to reduced work hours, but it is true that for some circumstances and some jobs, this can be made to work, both for the employer and employee — and it just might help to make a small difference to the burnout epidemic that is sweeping the world.

Plus burned-out employees are leaving corporations in droves anyway, costing organisation a while lot of money, so surely we have to try something, and why not a four-day workweek?

OK? Good.

So, now can we get back to delivering on that promise?

Unfortunately, while a four-day workweek is a nice start and possibly something that might shift the dial a little bit in the fight against burnout, it certainly isn’t a cure.

So, where do we go from here? How can we make capitalism deliver on its promise? You remember, the promise of a better life for individuals, not just stable GDP growth and bigger corporate profits. 

One thing is for sure, our current democratic, capitalist approach is coming apart at the seams, in fact the world has just gone a bit crazy lately (dare I say it? … Trump and Brexit, what the heck?). Has anyone stopped to consider that maybe it’s because the current system is not delivering on that promise of a better future for our children and our children’s children?

Now, I’m not overly political, and I’m sure I don’t have all the answers, but I do know that I’ve experienced the corporate hamster wheel and the burnout that went with it, and I’m looking for change. 

I see some hope in New Zealand, where Prime Minister, Jacinda Ardern, announced that her government was launching a “different approach for Government decision-making all together” by delivering a Wellbeing Budget rather than the traditional budget focused solely on growing GDP. Here’s how Ardern put it during a speech in New York:

“Traditionally, success or failure in politics has been measured in purely economic terms. Growth, GDP, your trade deficit and the level of debt you carry. On those terms, you would call New Zealand relatively successful. But in the last few years the deficiency of such measures has become stark. So, we are establishing brand new measure of national achievement that goes beyond growth.”

“While at a global level economic growth has been unprecedented, the distribution of benefits has been uneven at the level of individuals and communities. …. But we also need to do better at lifting the incomes of New Zealanders and sharing the gains of economic growth.”

Ardern then goes on to outline other measures of success for her government that are focused on relieving poverty, ensuring equality, improving the environment, and supporting accessibility to education for all.

Who would have thought!? This is a government focused not only on making sure the country gets richer (GDP), but more than that, focused on making sure that its people have better wellbeing outcomes.

Is this the capitalist model that actually delivers the promised utopia, or at least moves us in the right direction? 

Only time will tell.

In the meantime, I’m serious about that four-day workweek. Let’s talk!

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Is Your Mindset Holding Back Your Growth and Happiness?

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The International Day of Education is the Perfect Time to Discuss the Importance of Developing a Growth Mindset

Have you ever given up because something was too hard, or avoided taking on a challenge altogether just in case you failed?  Maybe you’ve been frustrated at yourself for not being smarter, or resented others for succeeding at things that seemed to come naturally or easily to them?

Don’t worry, this is normal (and typical) ‘Fixed Mindset’ behaviour, and it’s something you can change.

Source: WikiMedia Commons

January 24 is the International Day of Education, and what better time to review recent research and thinking into how we learn? Since I went to school a lot has changed. Teachers can’t smoke in classrooms, kids don’t have to volunteer to change the projector slides, and computers are in the kids’ pockets not in a ‘Mac lab’ that you visit once a week to learn typing… just to name a few.

Since the 90s, there have also been a number of advances in our understanding of how we learn. One of the biggest developments in education and psychology is the work Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck pioneered in Fixed vs. Growth Mindset.

Dweck has spent her career creating a body of research and evidence that shows we aren’t born smart or dumb. Instead, in her 2006 book ‘Mindset: The New Psychology of Success’ she argues that we how we view our ability to learn and handle challenges is directly linked to how well we learn.

Here’s how Dweck described it in an interview with Harvard Business review (HBR):

“A fixed mindset is when people believe their basic qualities, their intelligence, their talents, their abilities, are just fixed traits. They have a certain amount, and that’s that. But other people have a growth mindset. They believe that even basic talents and abilities can be developed over time through experience, mentorship, and so on. And these are the people who go for it. They’re not always worried about how smart they are, how they’ll look, what a mistake will mean. They challenge themselves and grow.”

Learning is a Journey

The research into Growth Mindset shows our success at school, and even in life, is tied to our mindset, and if you have a growth mindset, you can grow your brain’s capacity to learn and to solve problems. Therefore, intelligence is not fixed, and if you believe in learning as a journey, you can grow your intelligence.

In her studies, Dweck found that some kids saw challenges as opportunities to learn, even seeing their failures as good – the more they failed, the more they learned. So, they were psyched for more challenges. However, other kids saw challenges in the exact opposite way, rather than working harder to try to improve, they gave up or didn’t try.

The good news is that further studies showed that is was possible to change people’s mindsets, and therefore impact their results at school – with some experiments showing huge turnarounds in class grades from the bottom to the top of the district or state in only a year.

Here are two such examples:

Listen to Carol Dweck talk about how ‘the power of yet’ can change kids’ mindsets.

Growth Mindset is for Adults Too

There have been many other studies in growth mindset that show the benefits for adults in professional settings. In fact, in recent years the term “life-long learning” has started making its way into corporate vernacular – aligning up with the need for employees to stay up-to-date with rapidly changing workplaces, industries and societies.

According to global consulting firm McKinsey & Company, “studies show that workers who maintain their ability to learn outpace other professionals. The people who will thrive in the 21st century will be those who embrace lifelong learning and continually increase their knowledge, skills, and competencies.”

It’s worth remembering that it’s not just the acquisition of new skills and competencies that benefit these workers. The mindset that drives people to be curious and want to learn more is also a great buffer against criticism and failure. People who have a growth mindset see failure as a part of their development journey. So, it’s not just the new skills or knowledge, but also the mindset, that helps people with a growth mindset succeed.

It turns out that developing a growth mindset and lifelong learning habits are skills that will benefit you well into retirement too. A recent study showed that people who keep their mind sharp in retirement tend to live longer.

How to Develop a Growth Mindset

If you think you need help to change your current mindset, or want to know more about this research, MinsetWorks.com is a great online resource.

Check out Mindset Works’ free assessment to identify areas in which you can work toward a growth mindset.

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How to Move on From Job Burnout

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Feeling Stressed, Overwhelmed, Angry or Frustrated? Like 1 in 4 Others, You Could be Experiencing Job Burnout.

A few years ago, I experienced job burnout.

I had a good job with a well-respected brand, and I was killing it – regularly receiving awards and praise. I pride myself on my can-do attitude, and I was often the person called upon to get stuff done, the more important and immediate the task the more likely it was to come to me. I felt appreciated and important, and I was relishing it. Life was good.

Then it wasn’t.

I started getting colds and flus all the time, but I never felt that I could take the time to fully recover. There was just too much to do! I put on weight, mostly because I didn’t have time to cook or prepare meals, and I had stopped playing sports because I was just too tired after work.

I felt like I was always racing against impossible deadlines, forcing me to work into the evening or weekends. I’d always chosen to work late before – almost feeling proud of the extra hours I was putting in to get the job done well – now I felt cornered into it. I’d lost control and always felt snowed under. I noticed I was always stressed. In fact, it became my new answer when I’d walk into the office in the morning.

“How are you?” my colleagues would ask while not looking up from their computers.

“Oh you know, a bit stressed, but OK,” I would answer as I started up my laptop, brushing it off but also secretly hoping someone would say, “oh really, how can I help?”

They never did.

Most concerning to me, I was exhausted but couldn’t sleep. Not since my university days had I lay in bed awake stressing about all the things I had to get done the next day. The difference was that at university, I knew there was an end to exam week. It was a couple of weeks of intense prep and sitting the exams, then it was all over (with a holiday to follow!). But this just wasn’t ending, and it was getting worse. I tried writing my to-do list for the next day before bed, I tried deep breathing to calm my mind, I tried over-the-counter sleeping tablets. Nothing was working.

So, I jumped ship.

I was offered another job in another team, and it was the circuit breaker I needed. I got lucky, but not everyone has such a convenient alternative waiting for them when things get too tough.

2019: The Year of Burnout

2019 was the year that the world stood up and took notice of this problem.

It started when the World Health Organization (WHO) added burnout to its list of globally recognized diseases, estimating that one in five children or teenagers and one in four adults will experience burnout in their lives.

This was supported later in the year by the World Economic Forum labelling burnout a “mental health pandemic” and then later re-labelled it as an “occupational phenomenon” caused by chronic stress.

Understandably, there was also increased discussion of stress-management, resiliency and workplace engagement as a result.

Workaholics Beware

Job burnout happens after prolonged job-related stress, and it can affect your mental and physical health. According to the Mayo Clinic, job burnout can include the following risk factors that you should look out for:

  • identifying strongly with work
  • lacking balance between your work life and your personal life
  • having a high workload, including overtime work
  • trying to be everything to everyone, or trying to do everything
  • working in a helping profession, such as health care
  • feeling you have little or no control over your work
  • having a monotonous job

Unfortunately, society today rewards people who put in the extra hours – the people who are first to arrive and last to leave. Also, now that many people have a work phone, the lines between work and home have blurred, meaning we’re only a phone vibration away from that latest email your boss sends at 10pm because he’s also trying to catch up.

If you’re a high achiever or simply passionate about what you do, you are at higher risk of burnout. And if you’re a workaholic, then watch out!

Job Burnout Symptoms

Burnout is a slow progressing state that you get to over time which can leave you feeling physically and emotionally exhausted as well as cynical and detached. Symptoms of burnout include excessive stress, insomnia, fatigue, sadness, anger or irritability, alcohol or substance misuse, high blood pressure, and decreased immune function leading to an increase in illnesses, among others.

If you’re experiencing any of these job burnout symptoms, you’ll definitely want to get that checked out by a professional (talk to your doctor). If you’re not experiencing these symptoms, but are nodding along to those risk factors, you might want to reassess your current behaviours.

The Ideal State

A Yale university study recently examined engagement levels in 1000 employees and found that 2 out of 5 were engaged and had positive emotions about their work and workplace. Another 2 out of 5 were disengaged, so they were at higher risk of leaving the company. The last group, 1 out of 5, were engaged but burned-out – reporting high levels of interest, stress, and frustration. Surprisingly, people in this group had a higher turnover rate than those who were disengaged. To extrapolate, high performing talent is coming into organisations, burning themselves out, then moving on.

It stands to reason for both employers and employees that the ideal state for workers is to be highly engaged, but not to the point of job burnout. Workers need challenging work, sure, but they also need support to achieve that work. In short, managers need to stop asking one person to do more than one person’s worth of work for long or indefinite periods. And employees need to stop treating constant overtime as a reasonable request. Also, if asked to do a short-term stint of long nights and weekends, the worker needs time off afterward to re-balance. As Shawn Achor and Michelle Gielan wrote in Harvard Business review, “resilience is about how you recharge, not how you endure.”

Balance. That Old Chestnut.

While recovering is important in high stress jobs, it’s also important to put time and thought into how not to get stressed in the first place. And you guessed it, it’s all about balance.

There are three focus areas you should be aiming to find balance across. With small but powerful changes in these areas, you can keep some balance in your life and stop your job from leading you to job burnout.

When we experience job burnout, we let our job (the purpose and meaning circle) take over, often to the detriment of our relationships and health
  1. Put Work In Its Place – It Is One Part Of a Balanced Life

Remember, work is only one part of a balanced, happy life. Many studies have shown that we need to have purpose or meaning in our lives, and in today’s day and age we generally get that from our jobs. In fact, because our jobs take up so much of our times nowadays, they often become the main thing that gives us purpose and they often are inextricably linked to our sense of identity. What we do is very often how we introduce ourselves to others, and how we see our place in the world. So, yes jobs are important, but they’re not everything, and like with nearly all things in life, it’s about balance.

You need balance between what brings you meaning and purpose, and also between the other aspects of your life: your social connections and your mental and physical health.

You may only aim for balance between each of the three areas, whereas some people may also aim for balance within the three focus areas as well. This means aiming to have multiple things that give their life meaning, such as being a banker and a little league coach and a father/husband, or as we’re seeing more and more in today’s gig economy, you might be a freelance writer, a speaker and a change consultant.

If you have one job you’re passionate about, but your job has recently taken over your life (the red circle is the only or largest circle), then you should start by learning to say “no” while you are getting yourself back onto your feet. Talk to your boss about needing to find balance between work and personal life and agree that you won’t take on new tasks or responsibilities for a while until you can get back to a manageable workload. Also, take back your out-of-office life by agreeing on times you can turn off your work phone or silence alerts outside of work hours – then do it!

  1. Prioritise Your Mental and Physical Health

One of the first things that goes when we get busy is our physical health. With this one, start small if you want to make long-term change – the easiest way to fail at change is to try to do too much all at once. So, here’s some good news. Studies show that as little as one-hour of exercise per week, regardless of intensity, can show benefits. So, why not sign up for a 6pm gym class or sports league once per week. Tell your colleagues and boss so they can support you to leave on time that day. You could also find ways to get outside during your workday. Try walking meetings, or you could actually take your lunchbreak (gasp!), and when you do, find a park to sit in and eat lunch. Lastly, why not go for a hike with friends or family on the weekends – the benefits of being in nature are many.

Mental health is just as important as physical health, and they’re both intrinsically tied. There is a lot of information out there, such as be mindful, grateful, kind and generous. But if you’re recovering from burnout, or trying to, you may wish to focus on resting and recovering – also now known as self-care. So, take your holidays, get enough sleep, have long baths, Netflix to your heart’s content. Whatever it is that helps you unwind, make it a priority in 2020. Here’s some additional inspiration if you need it. Like with all things, you don’t want to overdo it (it’s all about balance!), but when things get busy it’s easy to forget we need to rest and recover too.

  1. Prioritise Relationships Outside of Work

What do people remember on their deathbeds? The people in their lives and the experiences they shared with them. Make sure you are prioritising your relationships outside of work, both at home and with friends. Find time to do activities with your friends and family, preferably face-to-face, such as taking holidays, going for walks, or having meals together. The benefits of having strong social connections are endless, and include living longer, being happier and being more resilient to illness, just to name a few. The great news is that you can roll #2 and #3 together sometimes for a double whammy.

If you don’t have many close friends and would like to have more, just remember, you need to invest the time. There is no quick fix here. The latest science shows that it takes about 200 hours to become a close friend with someone. So, try looking for a class or long-term activity that you can commit to that could help ease the awkward period between acquaintances and friends.

Why not make 2020 the year of balance? And if all else fails, you can just jump ship, like I did, and start again!

“Work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls—family, health, friends, integrity—are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered.”

Gary Keller

Dealing with Burnout

Remember throughout it all that there are science-backed activities you can do to better manage your stress and build your resiliency. Check out the posts under the below topics for some ideas on how to manage your stress, or speak to a professional.

Community and Connection: Connecting with others and contributing to your community are proven to build emotional resiliency and make your life happier. It is so important not to neglect this part of your life, especially if it doesn’t come easily, like when work is really busy or if you’re a natural introvert.

Health and Wellbeing: Your health and wellbeing is critical to your happiness. Luckily, there is a wealth of information about how to make small changes to your life to make it healthier and improve your wellbeing.

Meaning and Purpose: Having a sense of meaning and purpose in life is critical to resiliency and living a happy life. You need it to thrive and flourish. It’s about having a reason to get out of bed in the morning, setting goals and having commitments. Some lucky people get that purpose through their job, but many of us get our purpose through other activities such as volunteering, learning or experiencing new things or caring for others.

Related content: Read Moving On article Stress Reduction Lessons from Marie Kondo, listen to our Podcast: The Importance of Having Fun In Your Life – Interview (E27)

How to be happy – 50 science-backed ways to improve your happiness

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Are you looking for some ideas or inspiration to help reduce anxiety, build resiliency, cope with the stresses of modern life or lift your mood?

Positive Psychology is a fairly new sub-field within the study of psychology. It is the study of happiness and looks at how people can live a more fulfilling, satisfying and meaningful life. There has been an explosion of research over the past couple of decades, and one thing is absolutely obvious: you can practice happiness.

Happiness is not about being in a constant state of joy, or about being on a constant high all the time. It’s about positivity and mental wellbeing. It’s enjoying the good times and being able to bounce back from the bad times. It’s grieving when we need to grieve and being resilient when we need resilience.

Take a read below of the top 50 science-backed activities you can incorporate into your life that are proven to help you be happy. Try one or try them all. Try them once or make them a part of your daily, weekly or monthly habits.

But remember, as author Stephen Covey said, “The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” So, if you want to be happier or reduce stress, anxiety and negative emotions, pick a few of the below options that work for you, and schedule them into your weekly planner.

50 tips for how to be happy

1. Get a pet or interact with animals

The research shows that interacting with pets increased cortisol levels, making you happier.

2. Build a growth mindset

Having a growth mindset means you never stop learning. Now research shows that it also impacts how you see the world and makes you more likely to thrive in life.

3. Practice smiling

Science shows that once you smile, feedback loops go back to the brain which reinforce feelings of joy and happiness.

4. Be authentic to yourself and your truth

Humanistic psychologists have shown that as their clients become more authentic, they become happier and their psychological wellbeing increases.

5. Reduce your commute time

There are many changes you can make to your life to impact your happiness levels, and one of them is moving closer to work or finding a way to reduce your commute time. It turns out that having a bigger house doesn’t make up for having a longer commute.

6. Plan a holiday

Holidays are great, we all know that — take them whenever you can. But did you know that the biggest boost in your happiness comes not from the vacation itself, but from the act of planning the vacation?

7. Take your lunchbreak and get outside in the sun

A recent study shows that spending time by the sea makes people happier. It also showed that just being outdoors makes you happier — preferably in a non-urban environment, but hey, we’ll take what we can get!

8. Make time for family

There is substantial research into the benefits of close social bonds, but this study looks at the economic impact of having a happy marriage, and a good social life. The results? Good relationships and social bonds not only make you happier, they also make you richer!

9. Meditate

There are many types of meditation, and they all help with happiness. Research shows that participants report feeling more positive emotions and more energetic.

10. Eat lots of fruit and vegies

There is increasing research linking a healthy body to a healthy mind, including this study that showed eating more fruit and vegies led to an increase in motivation and vitality.

11. Discover your purpose or meaning

This one is a no-brainer. Many, many studies have shown that having purpose or meaning is key to happiness. But how do you find your purpose? Check out this article for some inspiration.

12. Do some gardening and plant a tree

Not only does being around trees increase our mental wellbeing, it also has a positive impact on our immune system! Who knew?

13. Practice self-compassion

Give yourself a break! Constantly aiming to be better is exhausting and focusing on what’s ‘wrong’ or needs improvement can lead to negative self-talk. So make sure you balance things out with some self-love and positive talk, or even better, work to stop judging yourself altogether.

14. Be social

Humans are genetically wired to be social animals, after all there is strength in numbers! So make sure you take the time to be social, even if you’re busy or introverted. You could meet a friend for coffee or organise a group to have dinner.

15. Buy some happiness

Let’s be clear: money doesn’t buy happiness (as long as you have enough to cover your basic needs). But you can use money to pay someone else to do the things you don’t like and free up some time for you to do things that will bring you joy.

16. Cut down on sugar

I’m so sad to see this one on the list, but not only is sugar bad for our waistlines, it may also increase our long-term risk of mental health disorders according to this study. Best to limit sugar to special occasions if you can.

17. Find happy people to be around

Sometimes we need to protect ourselves and cut toxic relationships out of our lives. But, have you stopped to consider the impact your partner’s happiness has on your life? Research shows that people with happier partners live longer! A thought worth considering when you’re dating. If that ship has sailed, then why not do something nice for your partner to bring a smile to their face once you’ve finished reading this article?

18. Find time for your close friends

Life gets busy, we know, but it’s important to keep your relationships strong, particularly as you age. This recent study shows that having just one strong friendship is enough to stave off mental decline as we age.

19. Find or create moments of awe in your life

Studies show that experiencing moments of awe makes us moregenerous and patient, and helps you deal with stress better.

20. Prioritise positivity

This is a tried and tested hypothesis and it’s true: how you see the world impacts your mental wellbeing. Or put another way, your beliefs affect your emotional experiences. Why not try this little trick to bring some more positivity into your life?

21. Have a family meal

We know that being social is important, so family mealtime is a no brainer, we have to eat so why not do it together? But what you may not know is that eating together benefits your kids’ mental and physical health. So, try to prioritise at least one family meal per day where you put phones and distractions away and be present with each other!

22. Have a laugh at yourself

You might think that people who are self-deprecating have lower self-esteem, but this study shows it’s the opposite, and people who make fun of themselves are in fact happier and better socially adjusted.

23. Learn to forgive your mistakes and accept yourself

It’s one thing to practice positive self-talk, but why not take it even further and forgive yourself altogether and accept your faults. In this study, acceptance was the habit that was most strongly linked to life satisfaction.

24. Try yoga

Yoga is a mind-body practice that has risen in popularity over recent decades, and it has also recently been proven to help people with depression.

25. Get creative

Find a passion and get creative, you could try writing, dancing, acting, cooking, painting or any number of other creative pursuits. No matter what you choose, one thing is sure, being creative helps people deal with trauma and is helpful to both physical and mental wellbeing.

26. Have (a little bit of) chocolate

Studies into how eating chocolate impacts mood showed either an improvement in mood or a reduction of negative mood.

27. Get a dog

Having a dog has been proven to increase physical health — after all you have to take them for walks. But dogs are also good for mental health too. Studies show that owning a dog reduces a person’s risk of premature death by up to a third!

28. Be kind

Kindness increases happiness, energy, the love hormone (oxytocin), pleasure and it even increases your lifespan. It’s also really easy to practice and has recently started a global movement you can get involved in #RandomActsOfKindness

29. Attend a spiritual retreat

A study showed that people who attend spiritual retreats report greater psychological well-being and show retreats may increase levels of “feel-good” hormones in the brain.

30. Build your work friendships

Positive and warm relationships at work can make us feel happier and healthier, while also increasing productivity.

31. Take a break or limit overuse of social media

We’ve all heard the doomsday reports on the negative effects of social media. It turns out the key to social media is to be active in your use (not passive). When used actively to build or maintain social ties, social media can be a positive force, but beware of passively scrolling through feeds for hours — this can lead to liking yourself less and feeling envy. Also taking a week off can boosts well-being too. In the end, the research says to use social media wisely, deliberately and sparingly.

32. Take a moment to look at nature

On your way to work? Popping into the shops? Wherever you are, be sure to stop and smell the roses, or at least notice them. Research says that observing nature — wherever you may be — will make you feel happier.

33. Cook a new recipe for dinner

Cooking is a form of self-care and cooking for others is a way of nurturing people and sharing a meal is a great way to create deeper social bonds.

34. Practice loving kindness

Research has shown that helping others through acts of charity or volunteer work can make you feel better and happier, but more recent research finds that simply wishing someone well may have a similarly positive effect on our moods.

35. Get active

A study that examined data from almost 34,000 people has found that as little as one-hour of exercise per week, regardless of intensity, can help to prevent depression. So, get out there and something, anything, for just an hour and you can reap the benefits!

36. Give up smoking

Sorry smokers, I know it feels like everyone is ganging up on you, and I don’t have good news for you either. Research shows that giving up smoking is linked to greater happiness and elevated mood.

37. Get enough consistent sleep

Recent research has suggested sleep should be considered a major public health concern, and shows that the effects of a good night’s sleep are as beneficial for our happiness and well-being as winning the lottery might be!

38. Play some happy music

Music has not only been proven to help people with anxiety and depression, but it is also a major key to happiness, alleviating pain, keeping your brain healthy and improving mood.

39. Take control over your life

Developing greater control over your life can help you make important life decisions and feel less overwhelmed, stuck and lost. Read on for 7 ways to take control of your life.

40. Go for a hike in the mountains or a walk along the beach

Researchers have found that simply going for a leisurely walk can improve mood and boost subjective well-being, particularly for adults who are normally sedentary.

41. Go outside

The findings are in: the more green space in the neighbourhood, the happier people report feeling. Quite simply, if you want to feel better, just go outside.

42. Be generous

Research shows giving to others activates an area of the brain linked with contentment and the reward cycle. So, performing selfless acts makes you happier.

43. Get a cat

You either love ’em or hate ’em, but the benefits are clear, cats make our lives happier and healthier.

44. Join a choir or sing with friends

Music helps to synchronise our bodies and our brains, making it the perfect social glue. Participants in a sing-along reported feeling closer and more connected because of the experience of singing together.

45. Do some volunteer work

Research has shown that volunteering is rewarding in and of itself, and helping others is a way to higher individual wellbeing.

46. Set some goals and work to achieve them

Research shows that people who are making progress toward or are achieving meaningful goals are happier. Whether they’re health and fitness goals, or family goals, or work goals, the key is to be making progress.

47. Practice gratitude

In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships. One tip that has shown results is to keep a gratitude journal.

48. Forgive others

Forgiving others is a great way to let go of negativity. Follow this guide to work through the 9 steps to forgiving someone.

49. Have sex with someone you love

A number of studies have shown that sex is a key ingredient of a happy marriage — producing and ‘afterglow’ that can last up to two days.

50. Chasing happiness can have the opposite effect!

Beware chasing happiness for the sake of happiness. The above tips are all great activities you can pursue that have been proven to increase happiness and/or decrease negative moods and feelings. But it’s worth pointing out in our last tip that simply chasing happiness is not the way to find it.

Conclusion

The research shows that you can’t chase happiness, but you can fill your life with new and novel experiences, preferably shared with friends and family, that bring meaning to your life and the lives of others. If you can find the balance between the activities that you choose, and those you must do (often your day job), you might just succeed in finding happiness.

Ever wondered how to be happy? Are you looking for a few ideas or some inspiration to help reduce anxiety, cope with the stresses of modern life, or lift your mood? Here are 50 science-backed activities you can incorporate into your life that are proven to help you be happy.

Try one or try them all, try them once or make them a part of your daily, weekly or monthly habits.

But remember, as author Stephen Covey said, “The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.”

So, if you want to be happier or reduce stress, anxiety and negative emotions, pick a few of the below options that work for you, and schedule them into your diary to make them habits.

“Work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls—family, health, friends, integrity—are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered.”

Gary Keller

Share your tips for a happier life below! We’d love to hear them.

Don’t miss out! In 2020, we’ve got a jam-packed editorial calendar of science-backed content on topics like ‘the power of being bored’ and ‘the importance of finding ‘flow.’’ There will be reviews of books, research and talks in the positive psychology space, and we’ll be launching a new podcast called Happiness for Cynics. Don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss out!