Unapologetically Marie

Writer, podcaster, mental health advocate

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Your 6 Step Social Media Detox (and why you Need one NOW)

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Spending too much time in self-isolation and feeling the negative effects? You need a social media detox!

Do the things you like instead of liking things others are doing!

Have you found yourself turning to social media to while away the long hours of Covid lockdown? Are you noticing some negative effects? If so, you may need a social media detox.

Even before Covid, social media was well ingrained in most societies around the world. In Australia, as of January 2019 there were 18 million active users of social media websites (69% of the population). Facebook is the most popular social media platform, with ~16 million monthly users of the website. In the U. S., about 70 percent of adults say they use Facebook and YouTube, while Instagram and Snapchat are growing in popularity among 18-24 year-olds.

Social media can be an important part of modern life, but unfortunately, the research also tells us that it can also be destructive to our mental wellbeing. Many studies have linked excessive social media use to increased depression, anxiety, loneliness, sleeplessness, and many other mental health issues.

So, what should you do if you feel that your social media use is not good for your mental health? What if you’re spending too much time on social media?

Start With Self-Reflection

To begin with, take the time for some self-reflection. Grab a notepad and each day for a week, reflect on your social media habits.

Evaluate how social media makes you feel and how it impacts your life.

Write down your thoughts for a week. After some reflection, if you identify any negative effects that your social media use has had on your life, then you might want to consider a social media break. Here are your next steps…

6 Steps For a Successful Social Media Detox

1. Find a social media detox buddy: You’re more likely to complete the detox (or any new habit for that matter) if you have a friend to do the detox with. Agree on how long you’ll detox for – maybe try a week to start with and set the start date. Set a date with your friend, and touch base with each other regularly to check in during your detox.

2. Stop using your phone as an alarm: Get a real alarm clock and leave your phone away from your bed. This should stop you reaching for it first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

3. Be OK with being bored: The goal here is to take back your time and mindfulness. This means replacing hours of endless scrolling with more fun, but mindful, activities. It also means being present and being ok with being bored in-between tasks, like ad breaks or while waiting for things to happen.

4. Delete your social media apps: If this makes you feel anxious remember that this is only temporary, you can always download them again at any time. If you just can’t delete them, try moving them to a different screen on your phone. If you want to take it one step further, also limit your news intake to no more than 30 minutes a day!

5. Change your lock–screen: The simple act of having to put in a new and long password will make you think every time you open your phone screen. That can be enough to stop you from mindlessly using social media apps.

6. Start a new project: It’s easier to not miss something if you have something else to grab your attention. So why not start a new project or course.

After Your Social Media Cleanse: How to Bring Social Media Back Into Your Life

At some point, you might wish to bring social media back into your life, which is fair enough, and it’s important to note that there’s nothing inherently wrong with spending time on social media. It’s only when it starts having negative impacts on your life that you should be worried.

When you do bring it back into your life, bring it back slowly and the most important thing is to use it with purpose and intention. This means deliberately setting aside specific timeboxed times in the day to look at your social media. Perhaps it’s on the bus to work or school, for 10-minutes at lunchtime, and for 30 minutes after dinner.

Also, it helps to remove all notifications from your apps. This will help you to not be tempted throughout the day as the phone pings at you.

Remember it’s about you having control over you phone, not your phone having control over you. If you can be mindful, it will help you to ensure you don’t slip back into mindless scrolling.

Good luck!

Related content: Listen to our Podcast: Social Media Detoxing (E15)

Don’t forget to subscribe for our monthly newsletter for more tips, freebies and subscriber-only content!

11 Ideas For Your Next Mental Health Day

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Mental Health day ideas

How To Ask For A Mental Health Day And What To Do When You Get One

Are you feeling stressed or burnout? Do you need to reset and unwind, but are you just too exhausted to think about mental health day ideas? Do you need some inspiration?

The month of May is Mental Health Awareness Month – an annual reminder that 1 in 5 people will face a mental health issue at some point in their lives. It shines a light on mental health and mental illness and raises awareness of the fact that many people struggle day to day with mental health issues. More than that, talking about it helps to normalise it, lessening the stigma and letting people know there is no shame and there is support.

This year, talking about mental health is even more poignant with many people currently experiencing heightened stress, anxiety and fears due to Coronavirus. Not only that but the impacts of the Coronavirus, such as losing your job or being isolated, can compound the issue by adding financial stress and/or deepening feelings of loneliness and guilt, among many others.

Then there are the essential workers and remote workers, the people we are depending on and who are working longer more stressful hours. Not having a job comes with its own stresses, but in today’s environment having a job can be just as stressful. And essential workers have been working at a heightened stress level for weeks now, just to get the job done. And many are starting to feel the effects of burnout. Even before the pandemic hit, the World Health Organization (WHO) estimated that one in four adults will experience burnout in their lives.

Signs You May Need a Mental Health Day

Burnout is a slow progressing state that you get to over time. It’s about working at an unsustainable pace for too long. It can leave you feeling physically and emotionally exhausted, as well as cynical and detached.

Symptoms of burnout include:

  • excessive stress,
  • insomnia,
  • fatigue,
  • sadness, anger or irritability,
  • defensiveness, cynicism or a negative outlook
  • alcohol or substance misuse,
  • high blood pressure, and
  • decreased immune function leading to an increase in illnesses, among others.

If you’ve noticed any of the above symptoms, you could be experiencing burnout. It may be time to ask your boss for a mental health day. If so, read on for some mental health day ideas.

How To Ask For Time Off

Even though conversations about mental health are slowly becoming normalised, it can still be hard to ask for time off to recharge. As much as we know that mental health is just as important as physical health, it is that much harder to ask for a day off when we’re stressed or overwhelmed compared to when we have the flu.

Before you have a conversation with your boss, therapist Julieann Ipsan says: “It is vital to assess if your company and work culture is open to the idea of mental health days. If asking and explaining details will ultimately create more stress, it’s better to take a sick day with no explanation of the mental health needs.”

If your company is OK with mental health days, but you’re still not ready to share your reasons with your boss, you can always say something like, “I’m not feeling well so I have to take a day off, but I’ll be back tomorrow.” This is completely acceptable, after all, you don’t want to create more stress by asking for a mental health day. When pressed for more information, you can simply say “Don’t worry, I am OK, but I really don’t feel up to sharing the details at the moment.”

Once you know that your boss and workplace are open to mental health days, and you are OK with opening up that dialogue, then a little bit of planning can help to smooth the way. If possible, try to take a day off when you will have a limited impact on others or where you can reschedule your meetings.

When you talk to your boss, explain the symptoms you’ve been experiencing, and the benefits of taking some time off to recharge. It could go something like this: “As you know, I’ve been under the pump and the stress is getting to be too much. I’ve not been sleeping well for a while now and I know I have been short-tempered lately. I’m also not doing my best work. I need to be better at looking after myself and I would like to take a mental health day on Thursday to recharge. I hope this helps me to improve my mood and productivity.”

The more people talk about this, and chart a course for others, the more we’ll all benefit from this open, supportive environment in the future. Remember, if you need additional help, reach out to a professional.

11 Mental Health Day Ideas

Once you get your day off, it can be easy to sleep in and just curl up on the couch with the remote. That would be a mistake. It’s time to give yourself what you’ve been missing over the past few weeks or months. This means a mix of quiet, mindful activities, a little bit of pampering, and a lot of rest.

Here are 11 mental health day ideas:

  1. Don’t set an alarm. Let your body tell you when it has had enough sleep.
  2. Put your phone on silent. You don’t want to get sucked into mindless news and social media scrolling, or even worse: work issues! If you absolutely have to be contactable, set aside a small amount of time in the morning and again in the evening to check your messages. Stick to those timeframes!
  3. Put on some music. Set the tone for the day by choosing a playlist or artist who makes you happy or relaxed.
  4. Make your favourite breakfast and eat it outside. The benefits of being outside are well documented. Mindfully enjoy your meal, sit quietly and feel the sun on your face.
  5. Do some light exercise. Go for a 30-min walk around a new part of your neighbourhood. See what you can find that you never knew existed. Be mindful and take notice of nature. Don’t do extreme exercise as it can add further stress to your body – today is about recharging not further depleting your body.
  6. Eat a healthy lunch. It’s time to reset any bad eating habits you’ve developed while stressed. Try a big bowl of salad with chicken or fish. If this feels like a punishment, try to think of it instead as caring for yourself, and then add some nuts and cheese!
  7. Fit in a pampering activity. Go get your nails done or get a massage. Whatever makes you feel like a million dollars.
  8. Make some commitments to change. If you’re in an unsustainable position at work, think about to talking to your boss to let them know explicitly that your situation is not sustainable and ask them to work with you on solutions, or propose some solution. It might take some time for things to change, so in the meantime, you should also commit to changing your own self-care behaviour to help you get through. Pick one thing you can do starting tomorrow. This could be committing to getting 8 hours of sleep, drinking enough water, packing healthy lunches, drinking less alcohol, or walking more each day (try getting off the train/bus one stop earlier).
  9. Set yourself up for the next day. Particularly if you’re going back to your stressful work the next day, you want to do what you can to ease the anxiety that will be building as you get closer to going back. Put your clothes out in the evening and pack a healthy lunch so it’s easy to grab and go.
  10. Wind down. If you’re an evening TV watcher, try changing your routine to read a paper book for a couple of hours before bed. Either way, before you go to sleep, take 20 minutes to do some light stretching, then sit calmly and think about 3 things you’re grateful for. Write them down in a book.
  11. Go to bed early. You don’t want to mess up your sleeping patterns, so don’t go to bed too early, but make sure you’re in bed with enough time to get 8 hours of sleep.

Related content: Read Moving On article Resiliency Is About Recharging And Self-Care, But Are You Doing It Wrong?

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Comment below! Tell me, what activities do you do on your mental health or self-care days?

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

5 Life Lessons They Should Teach At School

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There are some life lessons they should teach at school… then again, we probably wouldn’t listen.

Unfortunately for young people, some life lessons first require life experience, and even then, some deeply ingrained mindsets will only shift after a major shock to the system, like trauma or grief.

For me, true happiness only came after a major motorbike accident, which nearly took my life, and my leg, and left me battling depression. But before that, I had been pretty successful. I had a full life. I was satisfied with my accomplishments. Only now with hindsight would I say I wasn’t really happy.

My parents, my teachers, even my society had taught me to strive for success and accomplishment. And I was working hard at that. You see, according to them, striving only for happiness was a sure-fire way to end up homeless and on the streets with no prospects. Financial stability was the most important thing, and then you could worry about things like happiness afterward, if that’s what you really wanted.

The thing that our parents, teachers and society failed to understand is that we only have one life and wasting it on trying to be successful first and happy later does not work. In her book, Top Five Regrets of The Dying, palliative nurse, Bronnie Ware, says among the top five regrets of the dying is “I wish that I had let myself be happier.” And you know what else is in the top five? “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”

What are we taught at school?

For a large portion of Westerners, we are not at war and our countries mostly enjoy social stability. We have some choice over of the job we do. That job brings us enough income to house, feed and clothe our families. We enjoy the company of our families, sometimes getting married, sometimes having children.

Even with the uncertainty that Coronavirus has brought, we truly are living in the best times in our human existence. We live in an age of abundance and technological advancement, where we can honestly hope to make it to the peak of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs – self-actualisation.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

The problem is we’ve been taught to strive and succeed, and once we have enough, many of us don’t know what to do. We take that success and stability and look to strive for more. More stuff. Bigger houses, nicer cars, fancier holidays.

Or worse, we look around at the stuff we’ve amassed, and wonder, was that all? Is this it? Where did I go wrong?! Cue mid-life crisis…

What we were never taught is that self-actualisation isn’t the last stop on the bus ride of life, and it isn’t the last item to check off on our ‘to do’ list before we get too old to enjoy it. It is the purpose of life itself. It should be deeply ingrained in all our thoughts and behaviours throughout life.

Happiness is a life lesson that should be taught at school!

Yet while we learn our times tables and the difference between adjectives and adverbs, not one teacher taught me the skills to live a happy life. To be fair, I don’t think they knew either.

The good news is that happiness and financial stability are not a dichotomy, we don’t have to choose one or the other. The science shows you can be both happy and have financial stability, achievement and success. In fact, that’s the secret, learning to balance both. 

So here are the life lessons they should teach at school.

5 Life Lessons They Should Teach At School

1. Happiness is a choice.

You can wake up every day and do some really simple things to improve your happiness. The science is very clear. The key is to decide you want to have happiness in your life and then prioritise it. Don’t know where to start? Try this science-backed  30-day happiness challenge.

2. Exercise isn’t a punishment, it’s part of your self-care routine.

The benefits of exercise to our physical and mental health cannot be overstated. Yet making time to go to the gym or play a sport is often seen as an indulgence or worse, a hassle. It’s the first thing that gets cut when budgets are tight or ditched when we have to stay late at work. It’s got to stop! Find an activity that you enjoy or just commit to walking more in your day-to-day life. Get off one stop too early, park at the back of the parking lot, take the stairs. It’s that simple.

3. Making good friends is hard, keeping them requires work.

The one thing people remember when they’re on their death beds is the people. The relationships. The love. The moments of shared love and laughs are the most important. Also, the studies are clear that having friends and people you can count on is important for your health, longevity and wellbeing. We need other people in our lives. But no one tells you that making new friends gets harder as we get older.

Jeffrey Hall, an associate professor at Kansas University, found that it takes, “roughly 50 hours of time together to move from mere acquaintance to casual friend, 90 hours to go from that stage to simple “friend” status and more than 200 hours before you can consider someone your close friend.” But when we’re not in a school environment, finding that time together becomes harder, so it takes longer and a lot more work. So, look after your old friendships, or develop new friends—but be prepared for it to take dedicated time and effort. Either way, having good friends will serve you in the long run.

4. Self-care isn’t indulgence, it’s critical to a long life.

The science is clear, looking after yourself both physically and mentally leads to a longer life. Eating well, getting eight hours of sleep, exercising, drinking water, reducing or managing stress and resting – all of these activities prolong our lives and improve the quality of our lives. Sometimes it’s the mental health care that can be the hardest to justify, but in today’s hectic world, it’s even more important than ever to know yourself and know when you need to breathe, or rest or remove yourself from a chronically stressful situation. So, make sure you have time for yourself and remember: you can’t care for others if you don’t care for yourself.

5. You can’t always do what you love for work, but you can always have something to do that you love.

The sad reality is that not all actors, artists, athletes or writers can get paid enough for their work to make a comfortable living. So, leverage your strengths to find work that interests you, or uses your strengths, even if you’re not passionate about it. But, make sure you dedicate time in your week for something that does inspire, motivate, light a fire or bring passion to your life. Even if you can only spare an hour per week, or a couple of hours per month, prioritise that time (put it in your diary and tell the family that’s your time) and protect it.

Similarly, if you haven’t yet found something that brings you passion, go looking for it. Sign up for new classes, try things that take you out of your comfort zone. Travel. Learn. Some things you won’t like, other things might stick, just be mindful and enjoy the journey along the way.

The key to happiness is to find a way to balance these activities around the things you have to do to meet your minimal needs. As Bronnie pointed out in her book Top Five Regrets of The Dying, and as many people who have gone before us realised all too late: while you’re working for safety, security, stability and a certain level of comfort, don’t forget to also be incorporating happiness into your life.

30-Day Happiness Challenge

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How to Rewire Your Brain to Bring More Happiness Into Your Life

We’re all living through unique and challenging times right now. To make matters worse, a lot of our stresses are completely out of our control.

But there are certain things that are 100 per cent within your control and you can do to build your resiliency and happiness.

Follow the 30-day Happiness Challenge and Rewire Your Brain to Bring More Happiness Into Your Life!

The challenge is divided into activities under the three resiliency and happiness foundations: purpose, social connection and healthy mind and body. If any activity doesn’t speak to you, try to replace it with a similar activity that motivated you.

Before you get started:

  • You’ve got to be all in! It’s only 30 days, and what if it works? Go on, commit and see where it will take you.
  • Prepare to set aside time each day to complete your activity in a mindful, distraction-free way.
  • Plan ahead. Take a look at the activities for the upcoming week so you can plan anything that needs planning. Set things up in your diary early to lock it in.
  • Do it with a friend! Find a friend to complete the challenge with, and you can hold each other accountable.
  • Need inspiration? Click on the links if you want more help, ideas or explanations.

Start the 30-day Happiness Challenge now!

Day 1 – Plan a dinner date with a friend or loved one

Day 2 – No sugar day

Day 3 – Start a gratitude journal

Day 4 – Set aside time to find flow

Day 5 – Call your Mum or a sibling for a chat

Day 6 – Go for a 30-minute walk with a friend or family

Day 7 – Rest and relax

Day 8 – Learn something new – try a podcast, book or Ted Talk

Day 9 – Organise a dinner party

Day 10 – Drink 8 glasses of water

Day 11 – Write in your gratitude journal

Day 12 – Bring awe into your life

Day 13 – Hug a pet, partner or friend

Day 14 – Go to bed 1 hour earlier

Day 15 – Sit outside in nature for 30 minutes

Day 16 – Write in your gratitude journal

Day 17 – Practice kindness or help a friend or neighbour

Day 18 – Get 30+ minutes of exercise

Day 19 – Write in your gratitude journal

Day 20 – Set aside time to find flow

Day 21 – Grab a drink or meal with a work colleague

Day 22 – No processed foods, only fresh foods

Day 23 – Take a social media detox. Turn off all notifications.

Day 24 – Learn something new – try a podcast, book or Ted Talk

Day 25 – Plan your next holiday with family or a friend

Day 26 – Do 30-minutes of stretching

Day 27 – Write in your gratitude journal

Day 28 – Practice positive solitude

Day 29 – Practice kindness or help a friend or neighbour

Day 30 – Go for a 30-minute walk with a friend or family

Follow our 30-day happiness challenge to bring more happiness into your life today!

Tell us in the comments what activities do you do that help you to bring happiness into your life!

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Thriving in the Change Storm

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Thriving in the Change Storm

How to Build Resilience and Happiness

Are you struggling to cope with all the changes that are happening in the world today? Are you wondering about surviving self-isolation? Or how to cope after losing your job or being ‘stood down’ due to Coronavirus?

Have you ever looked at other people and wondered how they seem to move through life without a worry in the world? How are they so happy, and so resilient, when your life feels like it’s falling apart? Why are they surviving self-isolation just fine, while you hate it?

Are you wondering ‘What’s the secret to reducing stress in my life and building resilience?’

The good news is that there’s no secret. There are some easy things you can do to become more resilient, even in today’s crazy, hectic world.

And here’s the best news, along the way you may also reduce your levels of stress and bring happiness and balance in your life!

Get your free guide and workbook to build a happier and more resilient life!

Get your free guide and workbook now!

Your FREE Step-by-Step Guide to Building Mental Strength

The first step to making change in your life is understanding why we do the things we do. Read our guide and do the activities to understand yourself better, then learn what makes some people more resilient than others and how you can make some simple changes in your life to build resiliency.

This research-backed advice will lead to decreased stress, and help you live a happier and more resilient life.

resiliency workbook

Surviving self-isolation? Coping with change? Job loss? We’re all going through the same Change Storm, but no matter what you’re dealing with, this free workbook will help you build a more resilient life!

Simply input your email address and we’ll send you your free copy now!

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Why Should you Listen to me?

Hi, I’m Marie, and change and resiliency are my jam.

I started my career in journalism, working with The Canberra Times and USA Today, before working in public affairs and advising top executives in times of crisis for some of the world’s largest tech and financial services companies, both in Australia and abroad.

I also had a successful volleyball career, representing Australia as a junior and senior, and earning a scholarship to a Division 1 college in Virginia, America, and captaining the NSW Women’s Volleyball team in the Australian Volleyball League.

I thought I had resiliency down pat, but then I had a motorbike accident that nearly took my life and my leg, and my world fell apart. So I began researching how people cope with major life changes to find out why some people are really good at dealing with whatever life throws at them, while others struggle. I have conducted interviews with people all over the world who have been through major change in their lives to find those answers. I am now a mental health advocate and like to share my findings and tools with people around the world.

P.S. That’s you!

Stress Reduction Lessons from Marie Kondo

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Why everything in your home should have a purpose and how to find joy

Have you ever come home from a busy day at work and taken a look at the piles of laundry that need folding, the stacks of papers on the dining room table and the general clutter everywhere and felt your stress levels get even worse? All that clutter and stuff can just seem like a never-ending to-do list that bugs you every time you walk into the house.

Well, you’re not just imagining it, research shows that clutter and mess can really impact our stress levels. Which probably explains the international sensation Marie Kondo, who has helped millions of people tidy up and, in the process, find joy and reduce stress. So what lessons from Marie Kondo can we apply to our own lives?

Recently, I spoke to certified KonMari consultant and founder of Neatly Awesome, Pilar Llorente who is one of only eight certified Konmari consultants in Australia. She says that the things we hold on to often have a deeper meaning in our minds, and that’s why she uses a holistic approach to help clients get rid of clutter and chaos.

Controlling the Chaos

“All that physical clutter becomes mental clutter as well,” says Pilar. “So, if we have things in our homes that we don’t need, use or love, our minds are probably full of those things too.”

According to Pilar, it’s a problem that many people face, and it just snowballs until you feel that you are not in control of your stuff, which is stressful. But when you can go through your stuff and clean not just your physical space but also your mental space, and you focus on what’s really important, it can bring real calm and peace.

In fact, the best part of the Konmari method, according to Pilar is the spiritual and emotional outcomes.

“I remember I had a client, and we were going through the Komono stage [see below] and I said, ‘wow, you have lots and lots of plates.’ She said, ‘Those are for very important people (…) I don’t want to use them every day.’ But then she had a lot of plates that were a bit old and chipped, and I said ‘how would you feel about using your special dinnerware every day?’ And she said, ‘no no no, I’m scared that if use it every day, it may break and all those memories I have will be broken too.’ And I said, ‘the memories will always be there, you don’t need the actual object (…) Imagine if you used that dinnerware every single day, then every single day you will remember all those memories. And don’t you feel special enough to use these every day?’ And her eyes just lit up and she was like ‘OH! You are right!’”

Although there are many lessons from Marie Kondo outlined in her show and her books, here’s a look at 5 steps to get started on your decluttering journey.

Lessons from Marie Kondo: 5 steps to declutter your home and your mind

So, where do you begin when it comes to decluttering your home? There are consultants, like Pilar, who are trained to guide you through what can be a very emotional journey. Alternatively, if you want to go it alone, there are five areas Marie Kondo says you need to tackle.

STEP 1: Clothes

Start by putting all your clothes on the bed. Pick up each item one at a time, and if that item doesn’t bring you joy or have a very practical and critical purpose, you should put it into the “toss” pile.

STEP 2: Books

Next is books. Here the rule is simple: everything needs a home. If you have space for a huge book collection, that’s great. But if you don’t have a space for every book, then it’s time to make some tough calls and get rid of some.

STEP 3: Paper

Today, a lot of our paperwork is online, but many of us still have piles of old bills and paperwork laying around. Again, go through the lot. Shred old documents, and neatly file those you have to keep.

STEP 4: Komono

“Komono” means everything in your bathroom, kitchen, garage and miscellaneous items. This step is less about joy and more about practicality. Tip everything out into a pile and only keep the things you need and use.

STEP 5: Sentimental items

Last but not least are the sentimental items, which are the hardest to let go of, and why this step is last. By this point, you should have accustomed your mind to letting things go, so it’s a bit easier to let go of the Mother’s Day card you received when your kid was 6, and the movie ticket stub from your first date with your husband of 15 years. At this step, you should be deciding which items to display, which to store and which things can go.

Hopefully these lessons from Marie Kondo help you to get some control back in your life!

To hear the full interview, click here.

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Where are you on the Coronavirus Change Curve?

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This week I was interviewed for a podcast on resiliency. I wrote down some notes before the interview, which ended up going a bit off script, so I had all this content and nothing to do with it… hence the following article which is now a Q&A with myself! So, if you want to know about the Coronavirus Change Curve and how to maintain your resiliency during this unique time in our human history, read on.

Having resiliency… what does that mean?

Simply put, resiliency is our ability to bounce back when things go wrong or are bad.

It doesn’t mean that resilient people don’t cry or get angry or feel pain – it’s really important not to bury those emotions, when things are bad; you’ve got to process them. It does mean that resilient people process quicker, they’re less likely to get overwhelmed by those feelings and get stuck there, so they move on faster.

How are Balance and Happiness Related to Resiliency?

I’ve been interviewing people all around the world to understand why some people are resilient, and others not. Or why we’re resilient one day, and not the next. My research is showing that there are 3 things that resilient people have:

  1. Firstly, they have close social bonds, this means they have three or more close people they feel they can depend on.
  2. Secondly, they have purpose or meaning, so they have long term goals and a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
  3. Thirdly, they prioritise their own physical and mental wellbeing. Now this differs person to person – it could be going for hikes, or extreme gym workouts, getting 8-hours of sleep and drinking lot of water – there’s no right answer, except that they have built and always maintain those good habits, particularly when things get busy or stressful.

So back to the original question… There is such a wealth of research now in the positive psychology space on how to be happy, and it turns out that those 3 pillars are so integral to happiness as well.

The last one is balance – which gets a bit of a bad wrap as a new age catchword. But essentially, my research is showing that you can’t only do one or two out of the three foundations, you have to have balance across the three, which is a bit of a wake-up call for a lot of people. You are just as much in danger if you’re a workaholic as if you’re unemployed!

Coronavirus Has Put Many of us in a Danger Zone

As I just mentioned, balance is key, and a lot of us are out of balance right now, which means a lot of people are in a danger zone right now – they’re not in a good place for resiliency and they’re at risk of feeling out of control emotions, or being overwhelmed by emotions or even of depression, particularly the longer they’re out of balance.

For instance:

  • If you’ve lost your job, aside from financial stress that brings, for most people that means you’ve lost your purpose or meaning, and sometimes your identity too. And the statistics show that a 1 in 5 people who lose their jobs become depressed if they don’t get another job within 6 months.
  • If you’re self-isolating, particularly if you live alone, that means you may have lost your social connections. And again, the statistics paint a grim picture, in fact, the World Economic Forum had labelled loneliness an epidemic. So, we’ve got more people living alone than ever before in human history, and supposedly loneliness is as toxic as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
  • Lastly, you’ve got a whole lot of lucky people who kept their jobs but they’re now adjusting to working from home 100 per cent of the time. And one of the common traps I’m seeing is that people are spending hours sitting at their computers, and they’re not moving. And we all now know that sedentary lifestyles and sitting for long times is really bad for you – it even increases your chances of cardiovascular disease and cancer.

3 Tips to Re-gain Your Balance

It’s time for the good news. I’m sick of all the doom and gloom! Here are some really practical things you can do to boost your resiliency through all this.

  • If you don’t have a job, you need to set a long term goal and work towards it. Think of things you can master, like a new language or new instrument, launch a new website, or complete a good DIY project that will take a few days, or start a new course on one of the many free online learning platforms, like EdX which has courses from some of the top universities in the world. Try to think of long-term activities that will make you feel proud when you’ve accomplished them.
  • If you’re at home alone, make a point to video chat with someone every day, and just a side point, mindless scrolling on social media is not connecting with people, in fact it has the opposite effect.
  • And if you are now working from home, make a deal with yourself that you will stand and walk for every phone call or video conference – people are being far more accepting now.

The Coronavirus Change Curve

We’re all just getting used to a new normal, so during this time of change it’s really important to keep focused on those three resiliency foundations: close social bonds, meaning and purpose, and healthy mind and body. If you don’t look after yourself first, you can’t look after others.

Also, it’s worth pointing out that we’re all going through change right now, and it’s leading to both positive and negative emotions, which are normal.

Perhaps the best way to understand what we’re all going through is to look at the change curve, which was originally created by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in 1969 to describe the stages of grief. Today, we use this same model to show the stages that people go through when they experience any crisis or major change.

Here’s a look at the Coronavirus Change Curve.

Coronavirus Change Curve

The first step to moving on is to understand your own journey. It’s worth poiting out here that not everyone goes through each stage, and some people spend longer in one stage than in others, while others skip some stages altogether.

In Australia, as a society, we seem to be moving onto sadness at the moment, and maybe even some acceptance. But, we’re living in an uncertain and extremely volatile world at the moment, so it’s possible that other events, such as an economic downturn, would take us back to the beginning of the curve again.

What stage do you think you’re in?

What will the future look like after Coronavirus?

Once we get through the uncertainty of the Coronavirus Change Curve and this new world we’re adjusting to, I’m really hopeful for the future.

I truly think we’re going to learn a lot of really good lessons from the next few months. You see for too long we’ve been fighting against the Change Storm. We’ve been too busy, too stressed, and it’s overwhelming and it’s been making us sick. I mentioned loneliness before, but there’s also burnout and chronic stress, and anxiety, and it crosses all demographic categories.

I think that this forced isolation is going to teach us to have to explore boredom and get creative, which research shows both lead to increases in happiness. It will teach us how to unplug, and re-connect with family. It will help us to value the simpler things in life, and to slow down a bit. In short, it will bring us a lot of joy.

I was talking to a colleague this week who mentioned that she had been baking with her kids and they’d started a garden together and she had really loved spending the quality time with them. That normally would have been spent on driving to and from afterschool sports and activities and commuting to and from work and on the million acitivities we feel we have to do every day and week.

So, I’m hopeful for the future. If we can get through the next few months I think you’ll find we come out stronger and possibly even healthier (as long as you didn’t only horde cookies when you went shopping).

3 Steps to Take Back Control of Your Emotions

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Is COVID-19 making you stressed, anxious or lonely? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered.

Since December 2019, the world has watched as COVID-19 spread from a local marketplace in the province of Wuhan, China to cover every corner of the world.

It has impacted us all. Many of us have cancelled future travel plans or been worried about how to get home from current holiday travel. Others have lost their jobs or been stood down from work, often with no idea of when, or if, they’ll go back to work. Many people are struggling with the isolation of having to work from home and following social distancing rules. And we’re all still scratching our heads about the toilet paper.

And that doesn’t even take into account the people who have caught the virus, whose lives have been turned upside down at best, and who are at risk of dying at worst.

We’ve seen the best in humans and the worst in humans (again, fighting over toilet paper? Really people, get it together!) and the only thing we can say is yes, these are most definitely unprecedented times.

The worst part is that all of it is out of our control. All of it except how we respond – that is 100 per cent within your control.

So, if you’re sick of being at the mercy of the latest fatalistic news broadcast, it’s time to take back control of your emotions! Here are three areas you can focus on to take back control of your emotions during these stressful times.

Remember, as author Stephen Covey said, “The key is not to prioritise what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.”So, if you want to be happier or reduce stress, anxiety and negative emotions, pick a few of the below research-backed options that work for you, and schedule them into your diary to make them habits.

3 steps to taking back control of your emotions during difficult times

Practice Self care

Your health and wellbeing are critical to your happiness. Luckily, there is a wealth of information about how to make small changes to your life to make it healthier and improve your wellbeing. Start by practicing self care to take back control of your emotions:

  • Get outside in the sun and/or into nature, studies shows that spending time by the sea makes people happier. Also just being outdoors makes you happier — preferably in a non-urban environment, but hey, we’ll take what we can get! Studies show that time outside in nature, especially among trees, significantly reduces stress and anxiety, improves your mood and energy, and boosts your immunity!
  • Do some light exercise, like going for an evening walk, or just get outside with a pet or your kids. If you’re working from home, be especially conscious of not sitting for too long, which has been associated with increased mortality!
  • Drink plenty of water and get 8-hours of sleep
  • Hug your partner/ significant other, or spend 5 minutes cuddling with a pet
  • Practice self-compassion. Give yourself a break! Constantly aiming to be better is exhausting and focusing on what’s ‘wrong’ or needs improvement can lead to negative self-talk. So, make sure you balance things out with some self-love and positive talk.

Look After Others

It’s been said that helping others is the most selfish act you can do. That’s because the benefits of helping others are so vast. Try some of the below activities to bring more joy and satisfaction into your life, and take back control of your emotions.

  • Kindness increases happiness, energy, the love hormone (oxytocin), pleasure and it even increases your lifespan. It’s also really easy to practice and has recently started a global movement you can get involved in #RandomActsOfKindness
  • Practice loving kindness. Research has shown that helping others through acts of charity or volunteer work can make you feel better and happier, but more recent research finds that simply wishing someone well may have a similarly positive effect on our moods.
  • Research has shown that volunteering is rewarding in and of itself, and helping others is a way to higher individual wellbeing.

Be Social

No seriously! Social distancing doesn’t mean not being social, it means maintaining physical distance from others. In other words, don’t stop seeing people! The fastest road to feeling sad and lonely is to stop seeing and speaking to people. Humans are genetically wired to be social animals. So, to take back control of your emotions, make sure you take the time to be social. All you need is one close friendship; as this recent study shows, to take back control of your emotions.

What activities are OK in COVID-19 times? According to multiple sources, as long as you follow these general hygiene guidelines, you can do the following activities:

  • Avoid close contact, such as shaking hands, hugging, and kissing.
  • Wash hands often or use a hand sanitizer when soap and water are not available, and don’t touch your face.
  • Avoid surfaces that are touched often, such as doorknobs, handrails, and playground equipment.
  • Don’t go out if you feel unwell.

If you keep the above guidance in mind, the following activities will keep you connected during this time of uncertainty.

  • Call or video conference a friend or family members. Keep a special eye on people who are living alone and can’t go out.
  • Go for a walk with people in your household, or a friend but remember no contact! Many national parks are still open, and fresh air and exercise are still so important for mental health.
  • Visit a quiet beach. Although many beaches have been closed recently (most notably Bondi Beach was closed over the weekend), it’s the crowds not the activities that are the concern. If you live near a quiet beach, make an effort to meet someone for a walk.
  • Organise a virtual dinner party! If you want to go all out, pick a fancy-dress theme and send an email invite. Get everyone to download Zoom before the night. Put on some tunes in the background, BYO dinner and drinks, and dial in to the party.

Remember, Coronavirus is extremely contagious, can live in the air for hours and on some surfaces for days, and can easily be spread by droplets from someone’s cough. Keep your distance from others outside your household and wash your hands regularly.

NOTE: Advice is changing all the time, and differs in different countries, check your government website for the latest information and guidance.

Tell us your stories! What are you doing to keep sane during COVID-19?

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Coronavirus Making You Feel a Bit Low? Consider Adopting a Pet

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The Research is Clear: Pets Make You Happier and Benefit Your Mental Health

Research shows that interacting with pets increases cortisol levels, making you happier.

Here’s 3 ways you can find a new best friend and gain some resiliency during the Coronavirus pandemic.

1. Rescue or Adopt a Pet

Many studies have shown that pets make you happier, in fact simply petting a cat or dog reduces the stress hormone cortisol. All it takes is 10 minutes a day to lower your stress levels and increase positive emotions. Studies show that owning a dog reduces a person’s risk of premature death by up to a third!

Another study showed that having a dog has been proven to increase physical health too — after all you have to take them for walks! A study that examined data from almost 34,000 people has found that as little as one-hour of exercise per week, regardless of intensity, can help to prevent depression. So, get out there walk your dog or play with them in the park or backyard for just an hour and you can reap the benefits!

NOTE: generally, going for walks is still OK if you’re shut-in to help slow the spread of COVID-19 (keep 2 metres away from other walkers) but they’re generally not allowed if you’re officially quarantined because you’re high risk. Check with your local authorities to be sure.

2. Be Kind and Foster a Pet

If you can’t commit to rescuing and owning a pet full-time, you might be able to help out by fostering a pet for the short-term.

Unfortunately, in times of stress and when people are pinched financially, vets and charities often see a rise in dumped or surrendered animals. When people don’t know if or when they’ll get another pay check, it’s often hard to keep a pet, and many are returned to shelters.

Research shows giving to others activates an area of the brain linked with contentment and the reward cycle. So, performing selfless acts makes you happier. Being kind also increases happiness, energy, the love hormone (oxytocin), pleasure and it even increases your lifespan. It’s also really easy to practice and has recently started a global movement you can get involved in #RandomActsOfKindness

3. Volunteer to Walk Your Neighbours’ Dogs

You might not be able to take on a pet at your home right now, but many people are in need of help at the moment too, particularly if they’re quarantined at home. So why not put up a sign in your apartment lobby or local shops or do a mail drop around your street offering to walk your neighbours’ dogs.

Research shows that helping others through acts of charity or volunteer work can make you feel better and happier. But more recent research finds that simply wishing someone well may have a similarly positive effect on our moods. So, whip around your block or neighbourhood (keeping your social distancing) or even better send around some emails and offer to help out.

Remember while you’re walking your neighbours’ dogs to be sure to stop and smell the roses, or at least notice them. Research says that observing nature — wherever you may be — will make you feel happier and improve your overall wellbeing.

Want some other science-backed tips to bring happiness into your life, read How to be happy – 50 science-backed ways to improve your happiness

5 Steps to Surviving Self Isolation and Working From Home

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How to Avoid Loneliness and Maintain Resiliency During Corona Virus Self Isolation

Have you been asked to work from home indefinitely? Are you wondering how you’re going to survive self isolation? Due to the Corona virus, around the world, wherever possible and practical, workers are being told to work from home for the indefinite future.

Overall, this should be good news with workers generally valuing the flexibility that technology has enabled, particularly if they have childcare commitments and long commute times. Other benefits of working from home include greater working time autonomy, better work–life balance and higher productivity.

But current research also shows that working from home can have negative consequences, leading to decreased wellbeing and mental health. And while introverts might be cheering with joy, for people who get their energy from others, and who love the daily interaction with their colleagues, enforced isolation can feel like jail time.

With the Corona virus leading to more people self-isolating or working from home, not only once or twice a week, but every work day for an indefinite period, it’s important to understand the possible risks and give ourselves the best chance of making it through the next few weeks (and months!?). Here’s what you need to know and your steps to surviving self isolation.

5 Steps to Surviving Self Isolation and Working From Home

1. Manage clear work-life boundaries

When working from home, it’s easy to blur the lines between work hours and home time. This explains why a United Nations report1 found that 25 percent of office workers reported high stress levels compared to 41 per cent of remote workers. Workers who work from home can easily check their emails while making breakfast, or in the evenings after putting the kids down, but the research shows that ‘always on’ mentality can take a toll on your mental health and stress levels. So set your work hours, and only work during those hours.

2. Make an extra effort to speak to co-workers – social media won’t cut it

While you might appreciate the increase in productivity that comes with not being interrupted by your colleagues, you might also come to miss the small interactions and socialising that come with the office environment. Quite simply, spending all day every day at home can get lonely.

A recent study by health insurer Cigna found that three in five Americans (61 per cent) reporting that they were lonely. The study also revealed that heavy social media users were significantly more likely to feel alone, isolated, left out and without companionship.2 During this time of isolation, it’s important to maintain relationships and social interactions, particularly if you’re an extrovert, to avoid becoming lonely. When it comes to maintaining and building relationships with your colleagues, email, messaging apps and social media just won’t cut it. Instead, make an effort to speak to your colleagues on the phone, or even better via video conference. While you’re at it, call your mum (and any elderly relatives who might be at stuck at home) too.

3. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should increase your unpaid hours

If you’re stuck at home and can’t go out, you might be thinking you may as well just do some extra hours of work. The United Nations report1 from 2017 showed that it’s actually not uncommon for people who work from home to start working longer hours than needed. From Japan and the US to Argentina, India and Spain, work-from-home workers tend to work longer hours over and above regular working hours compared to office-based workers. Don’t do it! Set your hours and stick to them (See point # 1)

4. Don’t forget to exercise

If you’re not leaving your home, you may also not be getting your regular exercise. Even if you’re not a gym junkie, the incidental exercise you get from walking to the train or bus, walking across the road for a morning coffee, going to meetings or walking outside for our lunch break are all important. The benefits of exercise and movement to our mental health cannot be overstated, and it doesn’t take much to get your blood flowing. Set an alarm to remind you to get up from your chair and do some simple stretches and exercises a few times a day. Even better, why not replace your usual commute time with this beginners 20-minute at home exercise plan?

5. Do something for you

Are you stuck at home by yourself all day and night? Why not turn self-isolation into an opportunity to focus on you. Being alone – when done right – can have positive mental health benefits. The research shows that prioritising ‘me time’ makes people happier and more creative. Russian researchers investigated the phenomenon of positive solitude, where people choose to spend time alone for contemplation, reflection or creativity. They found that being alone leads to more positive emotions, like relaxation and calm, and having a greater sense of pleasure and meaning. So, dust off that DIY or art project you’ve been meaning to tackle or check out these 3-steps to being alone.

The key to surviving self isolation is to find creative ways to maintain your physical and mental health habits and social bonds. Don’t forget to make it fun!

And one final tip for mental health during these unprecedented times: limit your news consumption and only read or watch reputable sources. It doesn’t help anxiety levels to over-consume overhyped and sometimes downright alarmist news about the Corona virus.

References

  1. Eurofound and the International Labour Office (2017), Working anytime, anywhere: The effects on the world of work, Publications Office of the European Union, Luxembourg, and the International Labour Office, Geneva.
  2. Cigna. “Cigna Takes Action To Combat The Rise Of Loneliness And Improve Mental Wellness In America.” Cigna Press Release. 23 January 2020. https://www.cigna.com/newsroom/news-releases/2020/cigna-takes-action-to-combat-the-rise-of-loneliness-and-improve-mental-wellness-in-america, accessed February 2020.

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