resilience

Mental Health in an Unequal World (E88)

11/10/2021 by Marie

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about inequality and equity and how it impacts our mental health.

Show notes

In this week’s episode, Marie and Pete talk about a great video which helps people to better understand privilege. Check it out.

Transcript

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

P: Yeah. Hey, hey, It’s exciting. Oh, my Lord, this feels so weird. We’re back in the same room. Oh, my God. Like it’s been whole three months. I’m not saying you being able to be negative.

M: I love the way you’re saying that. That is making me think. “Oh, my God, Becky, look at her butt”

P: Yes, Romy and Michelle’s high school reunion! We’re back. We’re back together. It’s so nice to see you.

M: So nice to see you too. No one else can see us seeing each other.

P: I can see you see me. So that’s all good. It is so good. And next week. Sydney’s opening up So that’s good news for us. It’s huge news for us. We’ve been in a three month plus lockdown, our first real big one. So yes, you could feel the excitement. I’ve got clients coming through my door going, Oh my God, can you believe Monday’s coming?

M: Not only that, we’ve had beautiful spring weather. There’s just birds and it’s lovely. Yeah, absolutely.

P: So what are we talking about today?

M: Well, today we’re talking about World Mental Health Day and this is theme is mental health in an unequal world. So the 10th of October is World Mental Health Day. I wish you and your family good mental health on that day.

P: It’s wonderful that we’ve actually got a day for. I mean, there’s a day for everything these days, but a day…

M: And a month we’ve got a mental health month as well, and Australia does a different one to America and all around the world.

P: But we’re talking about mental health more, which I think is really valuable.

M: Absolutely.

P: And what I like about this one is that this particular focus on the inequality of mental health and how certain people have more access to mental health than others. And how we can redress that.

M: Well, not only that, it’s talking about inequality more broadly, so not just around mental health. It’s about how poverty, for instance, and there are a range of different groups out there who are still experiencing inequality today. And we talk about the huge progress we made in the 20th century when it comes to women’s rights, for instance. But even in the past year, we’ve seen with the #MeToo movement in America that there’s still so much that we need to do. We are still so far from having an equitable society. Um, and women’s rights is one of the most progressed. If you look at groups like people with disabilities or, um, LGBTQ rights around the world, there’s huge inequities, particularly if you look country to country. We are pretty blessed here in Australia, But even here there is still huge ingrained hatred and, uh, all the ISMs… racism, you know, homophobia, agism and all of those things that as a society we haven’t redressed.

P: We’re starting to redress them here in Australia. We’ve had a number of royal commissions lately in the last maybe decade, I would say that is redressing and bringing to light some of these issues, particularly in terms of elder care and disabled access, and people with disabilities. So it is the start of the conversation. But how does this impact on people’s access to health and to happiness?

M: Well, what we’re talking about here is a person feeling “less than,” right? So your experience as a non-binary or a transgender person, or as a woman in this world, or as a person of colour or a person with a disability is “less than” others around you… the majority. And therefore, we’ve spoken about this before, it’s looking at those around you and knowing that you have less than others because of the system you’re in, not because you’ve worked less hard or you’ve done something wrong, but the system is stacked against you. And so when you look at others around you and you find that you have less opportunity and less access to everything, including mental health resources, then your ability to be happy is impacted

P. Absolutely. How do you work against that? How do you find a way through?

M: Oh my goodness. That’s a big question isn’t it?

P: Yeah

M: look, what I love about positive psychology is that it started saying, let’s not only focus on the bad, let’s also focus on the good so that you’re painting reality. Right now, your reality is that if you are one of these people in one of these minority groups and that that minority group has historically and systemically been disadvantaged, then you are starting from behind the start line in life line, and that’s reality.

P: A wonderful video of the American coach who gets his class out on the football field. And everybody who answers yes to a question gets to take two steps forward and some kids never leave the start line [see video in show notes]. Some kids, yeah, and the kids who are at the front don’t see them. And so, at the end of this exercise, he asked the kids at the front to turn around and they look behind them and they see everybody else who are 100 metres behind them and starting from a lot further back. And they have to work all that much harder to get to the same start point. And it makes it relative that when you have privilege, how valuable that can be and the awareness of being able to go, “right, I have privilege because of the A, B, C and D. How do I address the imbalance?”

M: So that’s awareness, and that is gold. That’s really great exercise to help people understand privilege. However, if you are starting behind others, there is a reality to that. And that doesn’t mean give up.

P: No, definitely not.

M: It does mean you still have things to be thankful for, and there are still ways positive psychology can bring the good to your world. So you’ve got the things that you can’t change that are outside your sphere of influence, they are what they are. And many people have their own story, their own background, their own baggage… and some people have a lot more that they bring with them. And then there is still the hope and the inspiration that comes from people who, despite all the odds, are happy, positive, optimistic people. And that’s what the goal is.

P: You see this so much with certain cultures that have got things like generosity and gratefulness and mindfulness built into their cultural values that you see if anyone has been to Nepal. You see these people live simple lives. They live on the side of a mountain, and they are so happy and so generous, and they will give you the shirt off their back. And the joy that they emanate is because they value simplicity, um, and mindfulness and family and society. And all of these things that we know are proven to increase your mental well being and happiness subjective wellbeing levels.

M: And not only that, I think that the flip side is, you know, if you’ve been dealt a raw hand, there’s still things you can do to increase your happiness, right? We’ll pop it in the show notes that video about privilege. If you’ve been dealt a good hand, it’s still important to do all of these things that we talk about on the show because it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to be happy. As we’ve seen before, a lot of us are stuck in the rat race. We’re trying to get more and more and more, and we’re not focusing on mindfulness getting out into nature, being grateful all of those things. But also, if you do find that you’re living a life that is privileged and I definitely am, I’ll put my hand up to say that I’ve had a lot of advantages in life. Some of the things you can do is just to become an ally.

P: Yes, do something proactive and creative reflect on the community. How do you support your community? How do you contribute to your local community?

M: Next time you hear someone say something racist or sexist or homophobic or ageist or anything like that, what are you going to do? How can you help in a polite and respectful way to bring people forward on this journey so that we end up at a point of equity at some point in the near future? Hopefully, in our lifetime!

P: It doesn’t take much. It can just be about having that conversation. And it does have to be a respectful and dignified conversation because someone who has an opinion, you’re not going to change that opinion.

M: You might be able to..

P: but that should be the goal.

M: But sometimes people say things without realising the impact it has on others, and I’ve been pulled up, and I was mortified that I used a word that I didn’t realise had such a bad impact on a certain group. And I’ve never said – well, I think I might have said it once or twice accidentally since – but I’ve made a real effort never to say it again. Never deliberately. And that’s growth and that, you know, I thank the person who pulled me up on that and had an awkward conversation is an awkward conversation. And it’s not an easy one to have.

P: When you’re um, perhaps a colleague at work or something. Someone has been a more senior position. It’s difficult to go one sec. I need to talk about this. Yeah, absolutely. But that’s how you can be a really strong ally.

M: Absolutely. And then a lot of us who work for corporate will have various days through the year. There’s wear it Purple Day that we do in my organisation to support LGBT like we wear purple T shirts, make an effort on that day to find a purple T shirt or to find a scarf, or to find a way to show that you are supporting that community because it is such a simple thing for us who are in the privileged position and in the majority to just go, “I don’t have a purple T shirt.”

P: This is what I like about these awareness days, like I love the one about hearing impairment like you don’t we take it for granted because we can all here. But when you come across someone that has a hearing impairment, how do you communicate? How do you work with that? How do you find make someone’s life easier? Who has that hearing impairment? I’ve been getting access to a lot of that in terms of a communication course that I’m doing through my studies at the moment. And it’s made me really self-reflect on how I interact with those people who are living with disabilities and providing equal access and also being respectful enough in terms of, um, not drawing attention to it, I’m not dismissing it in my daily interactions

M: It’s also about being flexible to accommodate it

P: absolutely hugely.

M: Find a way, call someone you know who can help you communicate. Go that little bit further or the extra mile to help that person feel included and help them belong. It’s huge. Another thing you can do is simply educate yourself.

P: That’s a huge one that can be uncomfortable as well.

M: Yeah, absolutely.

P: You’re putting yourself in that receptive position. For some people, it’s really difficult because some people believe, “But I’m not racist.” I’m a running gag with a friend of mine. You know, I’m always going on about the ‘bloody Asians.’ But I totally don’t agree with that, I have to have to quantify this. So I managed a volleyball club for many years and it was predominantly Asian. And so when I walked into that club, I boxed Asian people into one big pigeon hole. And then what I realised was that there was a difference between dealing with the Thai population, dealing with the Chinese population dealing with the Malaysians, and that all these different populations have their idiosyncrasies and intricacies. That was my education, and I had to take a big kick. Step back, really look at myself. So now it’s quite interesting, but when I say “the bloody Asians” it comes from a place of love. But if someone heard me, they probably wouldn’t

M: there is probably a whole other conversation about how you probably are encouraging other people.

P: My point exactly is that I’ve got to check myself when I do those sorts of things, because I might be coming from it from a place of love. And yet I’m supporting a stereotype and the negative by making light of the situation or making it into a gag.

M: Yeah, absolutely. So there are so many great videos. I watched a great one on Trans People the other day, 15-minute video on YouTube and learned about language and gender and sexual identity versus physical, what you’re born with and what you identify as and it was just. And I am heavily involved in the LGBT community, both at work and in volleyball circles, and it was still confusing me. So, I think the thing to ask yourself is, Do I have a friend who identifies as a minority group? And if you don’t go watch a video from that person’s perspective, that can be tough for some people. I also don’t have any indigenous friends, so that’s another area where I lack firsthand experience and so it’s important to go find someone who has lived experience with being in that minority group and watch a video about their experiences.

P: That’s a very relevant I was going to say, Australian, but I’m probably getting myself into trouble there. Um, I come from a very rural community. That was where I was brought up. And there’s a lot of calls about Australia being a racist country, which I believe that fundamentally it is.

M: I think some people are. I think it’s like that with every country.

P: Exactly This is my point is I come at it from my perspective that when you’re in those pockets where that that rhetoric is prevalent, and you wonder how many people in a minority group do these people associate with? So instead of discarding someone on the street or stereotype seeing them and judging them for who they are, put yourself in an uncomfortable position and go and spend some time there…

M: Yeah, or go online today, right? That’s very easy. So, you know, not every person who is in a minority wants to be a spokesperson for that minority group. They don’t necessarily… You don’t want to go approach the gay guy at work and be like, hey, because you’re gay, can you talk to me about the gay population?

P: Isn’t your crew happy now? It’s Mardi Gras.

M: I’m sure you’ve had that a lot, right? And just as you know, I often early in my career, was asked to represent grads. And you do a lot of work when you’re helping grads. When I was in a grad position, but also women and a lot of extra hours to represent women in and I was in tech. So women in tech, I was on committees and, you know, organising events and stuff. And it’s all done on top of your day job. So be really careful not to find that one person in your organisation or your sports group or whatever and put that extra burden on them. Really, the burden should be on you, and there are great online resources that don’t put a burden on anyone. There are people who have stood up and put themselves out there to help other people understand them in their community. So I highly recommend that.

M: So I do just want to say the theme for this year’s World Mental Health Day is mental health is an unequal world, and what they’re trying to do is highlight that inequality due to race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity and the lack of respect for human rights in many countries, including for people living with mental health conditions and physical health conditions and all of those differences, inequality can have impacts on our happiness levels. And we saw that earlier, we spoke about it this year in the World Happiness Report that came out in March. Yes, so if you remember, we talked about how one of the major findings from this year’s World Happiness Report was that – and that looks at 157 countries and the quality of lives as they’re being lived. And the report’s assembled by the Sustainable Development Solutions Network, which is made up of economists, psychologists and public health experts around the world – and one of the main findings this year is the assessment of how inequality affects wellbeing across the various countries. So essentially, researchers have found that people are happier when they live in populations with less inequality.

P: We’ve talked about this before in terms of Ted talk that we found where a an English scholar was explaining how inequality, wealth, inequality, impacts on social inequality and people’s access and experience of happiness and feelings of belonging and contentment. Yeah, right down to the financial aspects of it.

M: So you’d find in a country like America, which has one of the highest, if not the highest, levels of income inequality, your top 1% (You can’t even wrap your head around how much they earn per hour or you can’t. And I’m not exaggerating. You can’t) versus someone who’s working 60 hours a week to put food on the table at $5 an hour and can’t afford a healthy meal. Can’t afford to feed their kids fruit and vegetables because it’s just not doable.

P: Yep, absolutely.

M: And so that’s the difference that, um, you’re seeing in America versus potentially a third… developing country. Urgh, I’m always going to go back and say, ‘Third World’ I need to stop myself… sorry, developing country that doesn’t have that income inequality because they’ve got less money overall, so that top 1% is far closer to the bottom 1%.

P: Exactly.

M: That society, even though they’re in a developing country and their access to clean water and fresh food, is just as, um poor, if not worse, because they’ve got less inequality within their society. It impacts less on their happiness.

P: Absolutely, and the science proves it if you can, if you can value those elements of human connection, sometimes that leads to better contentment

M: and stop comparing yourself to others. We’ve talked about social media as well, and how this is exacerbating that need to compare to people around you. And, you know, if you had a plan to get married and have kids by 30 and all your friends have and you still haven’t, it’s the comparison. If your friends have bigger houses, bigger incomes, nicer cars, sexier husbands… whatever, it is we naturally compare. So it’s dropping that comparison from our self talk and how we look at our lives… which is not an easy thing to do! But again, um, when you talk about inequality and inequity, something that compounds that is constantly focusing on it.

P: Yes, bring it back to you. Bring back to your goals and your ideals and your values

M: mmmm, and the positive psychology side. What can you control and what is good in your life of control? What is good and what’s important? A lot of the times you might be thinking, How come that person has a great car?

P: I don’t

M: But really, when you sit down, do you even want a nice car?

P: Exactly. Yeah, all right.

M: But we’re done for another week. So wishing everybody out there a happy mental Health day, World Mental Health Day and I highly encourage you to go out and watch YouTube video about a minority group if you don’t have a friend or family member who has that lived experience. And work on a way that you can speak up, will become a better ally or support one of these groups so that we can continue our fight against inequality.

P: Absolutely. Get involved in the community. Find it in the community. On that note until next time. Have a happy week.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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The Silver Lining of COVID-19 (E85)

20/09/2021 by Marie

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about the silver lining of COVID-19, what it has taught us and how it has made us stronger.

Show notes

We are not in the same boat

A poem about COVID-19

Live in the Future

During the podcast Marie talks about an article in the conversation that discusses Why living in the future, rather than in the past, is key to coping with lockdowns – new research

Transcript

Coming soon

Coping with Stress Through Music (84)

13/09/2021 by Marie

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about coping with stress through music and the surprising effects it has on our mental well-being.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

P: [Motherly voice] Hello Possums!

M: Hello! Laugh. Oh, that’s a cultural reference there Pete.

P: Laugh! For those people who aren’t Australian, in our listening audience, Google Dame Edna Everage and you’ll have a little laugh.

M: And look at the fabulous glasses!

P: Oh, yes. That was the Dame Edna of late. The Dame Edna the original was a very dowdy housewife. Yes, comedian character, created by Barry Humphries, 1950’s Melbourne housewife who came to stardom and was reinvented as a celebrity in the 1980’s.

M: It was probably my first ever interaction with a transgender or a man dressing as a lady.

P: Yeah, that character very much helped to normalise the experience for many Australians.

M: Mmm hmm. It was very progressive for that time.

P: It was, It was very brave of Barry Humphries to do that.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Very brave.

M: I’m sure he would have gotten a lot of hate mail. It would have been sent in the regular post. For those of you who remember what that is because it was a while ago.

P: Laugh, a letter? What exactly is a letter?

M: We are showing our age! Laugh. But I have some news today, Pete.

P: Ooh, some news.

M: Look what I got?

P: Oh, wow. Marie is holding up a wristwatch. Is that a…

M: A Fitbit.

P: Clickbit.

M: Fitbit. And now I will know how unfit I truly am.

P: Laugh. Are you lying on the couch eating crisps? Yes. Yes, I am.

M & P: Laugh.

P: And loving it!

M: So, I’m really hoping to rely on my Fitbit to do a bit better measurement of my overall wellbeing.

P: These things are amazing. I came across a client the other day who had a ring.

M: Yes. The Oura ring.

P: Awesome.

M: Yeah, they’re pretty cool.

P: So, he’s been monitoring his sleep, and you and I both appreciate how wonderful and fabulous sleep is and how we don’t get enough of it. We’ve talked about it before, see our podcast list.

Are You Getting Enough Sleep? (E54)

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And yeah, I was, I was intrigued. I was like, I’m going to get one of those, cause they look great.

M: If you want the ring, it doesn’t have as much functionality as I think, ah, what’s the Chinese one? [Xiaomi mi] So, there’s Fitbit, there’s the apple watch and then wewu [venu?] or something like that is another kind of Android one.

P: Yeah.

M: And then the ring does a few things more things, but is a lot more limited.

P: I kind of like that, though, because I don’t want to watch telling me to wake up and to go to the toilet and all that sort of stuff. Laugh, I’d rather listen to my body.

M: Just so that we’re clear my watch doesn’t tell me to go to the toilet.

P & M: Laugh.

M: That is not the functionality of a fit-watch.

P: Laugh.

M: Before we get sued.

P: It’s time for a bowl movement.

M & P: Laugh.

M: On that note. What are we talking about today, Pete?

P: Laugh. Well, we’re not talking about bowel movements, and we’re not talking about watches, but we are talking about music.

M: Oh! Dum dum dummmm!

P: Laugh, and how music can make you happy. Can music make you happy, Marie?

M: It’s not that direct.

P: Ooh, it never is.

M: My big, my big learning here. So, yes, it can help you relieve stress. And the reason I’m really keen to talk about this is because of a new study that came out. And I don’t know about you, Pete, but I am seeing so many more people around Australia experiencing stress and lowered mental resilience.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And high-strung emotions.

P: Yes, I would agree with you completely.

M: Laugh, it’s the most diplomatic way I can put all of that.

P: I’m seeing it clinically in my presentation of clients at work. Very acutely and oddly, the need for touch is also becoming quite obviously a need for a lot of people who are in Sydney because we are in an extended lockdown. So, yeah, definitely agree with you on that one. And the fractiousness of people is becoming a little bit more obvious. I think there’s a lack of patience. There’s a lack of, there’s chinks in the armour starting to show.

M: Yes, absolutely. And you know, just because there’s a chink one day doesn’t mean it’s there the next.

P: No.

M: I think we’ve called it the Corona Coaster before.

P: Oh.

M: The ups and downs.

P: Ooh, can we patent that?

M: Well, any woman who’s been through a normal menstrual cycle would know how ups and downs work.

P: Ew!

M & P: Laugh.

P: La, la, la, la.

M: I think the whole world is experiencing these in 24 hours cycles right now.

P: Laugh! Hey, I had my man period a couple of weeks ago. I can relate, laugh!

M: Was it the response to covid shop, is that it?

P: No, no, no, no, no, no. I just had a bit of an emotional moment in the park and had to sit down in a gutter and compose myself for a couple of hours. Laugh.

M: Look, exactly, and this is exactly what I’m talking about. And I just want to be really clear that we need to experience those emotions.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: But we also need to pick ourselves up and move forward through them and not get stuck in them.

P: Yeah, don’t unpack.

M: Well, do the opposite. Unpack it, experience it, feel it, talk to people, get help if you need to. But resilience is all about bouncing back and not getting stuck in that space.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And if you’re going down into that emotional place, it’s really worth looking at all the habits that you have and practises that you have in your life and whether or not they’ve been so disrupted that you’re leaving yourself without happiness and resilience cover right now.

P: Yeah, true.

M: So, if you can’t see your friends, that’s one of the pillars we’ve said. Or if you’re really just missing your friends and family and that face-to-face contact if all your hobbies and exercise, and all of that has just been stripped away from you. And, what’s the third pillar, Pete?

P: Laugh, p –

M: Purpose and meaning!

P: I was just about to say! Laugh.

M: Purpose and meaning. You know, if you’ve lost your job.

P: Yes.

M: And you’re just spending long hours watching Ellen and Oprah.

P: Laugh, or not even lost your job, but just at home and unable to work. This is the thing, a lot of people are at home and unable to go to work.

M: Exactly.

P: And it’s finding that purpose in your daily activities, waking up and going, ‘what do I do today?’

M: Mmm hmm. And so, if you haven’t replaced any of those things and even it’s just one of those pillars that’s been pulled away for the first time ever in Australia, we have so many of us in lockdown, so many in lockdown.

P: Mmm, it’s a new experience for us, isn’t it?

M: It’s a new experience for Australia and particularly new experience for our regional areas.

P: Yes, very much.

M: So, if you have had all these things stripped away from you and you are feeling a bit emotional, you are on the Corona coaster right now. What are going to do to replace some of those things? Because otherwise you run the risk of sinking further down that hole and entering depression potentially or increasing anxiety again, don’t watch too much news.

P: Yep, get those techniques out that we’ve talked about in our happiness literacy episode.

Happiness Literacy (E80)

M: Laugh.

P: If you’d like to go back and check that out. Getting my promotion on!

M: Laugh.

P: I’m dropping all the numbers here, [click, click] Laugh! But, no. Getting active and controlling what you can control and finding a purpose in something that you actually can do rather than seeing what you can’t do.

M: Yeah.

P: Flip the switch.

M: And so, one of those things, and we talk about many things [like] getting exercise, you can do by watching your TV and pulling up a 10, 20, 30 minute exercise or yoga class or any of, meditation even. There’s plenty of things on there that you can do.

P: Mmm.

M: From a mindfulness perspective as well. And it’s all free. It’s just about making sure you introduce these new habits. So, pick one. And now we’re going to talk about music, laugh.

P: Laugh.

M: Back to where we started. So, we’ll talk about this study. The Max Planck Institute for Empirical Aesthetics.

P: I love that ‘empirical aesthetics.’

M: Laugh, it’s a bit of a mouthful.

P & M: Laugh.

M: They have recently done this study. It involved six countries on three continents during the first lockdown in April and May 2020.

P: 5,000 people.

M: Yep.

P: That’s a lot of people, that’s a big study.

M: Absolutely, so from Germany, France, Great Britain, India, Italy, and the U.S.

P: Mmm.

M: A big group of people that they studied, and they looked at whether music impacted their moods and their stress levels.

P: I’ll jump in here, and just go from the complete impassioned response, and music so affects every moment of my day. I’ve always been very affected by music, and I use music as a way of connecting with different elements of my day and in my treatments, and when I’m working out and when I’m having quiet time. There are specific types of music that I tap into, so this is very close to my heart. It’s something I’ve always done. Even as a kid.

M: I tend to agree, but I don’t rely on music a lot it’s not a big part of my life.

P: Right.

M: But, depending… So, my writing days are Friday’s.

P: Ahh, yes.

M: And there’s a very big variety of music.

P & M: Laugh.

M: Depending on what I want to be feeling at the time.

P: Laugh!

M: What this study found, which I thought was most interesting, was that music itself isn’t the coping aid.

P: Mmm.

M: But music related behaviour.

P: Laugh.

M: So, the way people have adapted their musical behaviours during the crisis.

P: Ok.

M: So, if you were feeling down or if I was feeling down, I would put my Disney playlist on.

P: Laugh!

M: And I may or may not, get the shower then and sing to my heart’s content.

P: Believe me people, I’ve heard it. It’s been broadcast.

M & P: Laugh.

M: So, for me that’s the way of actively trying to turn my mood around.

P: Mmm, and it so works.

M: Singing, smiling, thinking back to being a kid, really, just letting it all go.

P: Yep.

M: To help balance the negative emotions. That’s what we mean by a coping mechanism.

P: Mmm.

M: Now, if music was just playing in the background and there wasn’t that intentionality, that mindfulness behind it.

P: Yep.

M: Then it probably wouldn’t have the same effect.

P: Yes, I’d agree. You need to be engaging with it consciously.

M: Yes, picking the music to influence you.

P: Yeah, definitely.

M: There’s good news here, in that people who were experiencing increased negative emotions – so just what we were talking about before – were found to engage with music, primarily as a way to regulate depression, fear and stress.

P: Mmm.

M: And then people who reported more positive emotions overall were found to use music largely as a replacement for social interaction.

P: I like this idea of using music as a replacement, I think that’s again that’s a solution-based perspective. They’re going ‘What can I control? I can control how I feel by using music when I can’t see my friends or reminding me of my friends because of a certain musical interlude or a certain musical experience.

M: And then more than that, a lot of musical people went out and made music.

P: Ah, oh yes! Yes, go the creatives.

M: Absolutely, and they have gone viral in so many ways. So, the company I work for has a fabulous employee who also plays guitar and sings. And she created a ‘Corona sucks’ video.

P: Laugh!

M: Where she lamented all the things that we’re all experiencing that we’ve mentioned many times here before. You know, the stretchy pants and the extra five kilograms we’ve all put on.

P: Laugh.

M: The fact that our hair is twice as long as when we started. There’s some very interesting men with some pretty interesting haircuts.

P: Yep, laugh.

M: Or lack of haircuts. Or they’ve just taken to the razor and taken it all off.

P: Laugh, yeah I’ve seen that.

M: Yep, laugh.

P: I’ve seen some guys come in with some coifs going ‘I just want my barber to be open.’

M: Laugh, mmm.

P: And then you see the guys coming in, ‘Yeah, the wife got to me.’

M: Laugh. And they’ve got a number one.

P: Yep, all over. Laugh.

M: Laugh.

P: Bowler cut.

M: Yep.

P: Laugh.

M: So, a lot of people have been making music about our experiences, and again that really can bond people.

P: Mmm.

M: Help you to know that you’re not alone.

P: Absolutely. There’s a wonderful story of a mutual friend of ours Marie, fabulous Brazilian boy. When the first lockdown happened, he manages a hotel in Sydney and they were part of the… Oh, the words escaped me.

M: Group of quarantine hotels?

P: Yes, the group of quarantine hotels. And on the last night at the 14 day quarantine. So, night 13 our friend Lucas organised for a DJ to come into the courtyard and played all these disco tunes for the people who are in lockdown, who could I think they could open their windows slightly. And they were all kind of dancing around in the disco.

M: Laugh.

P: And I thought, ‘What a wonderful way to bring a group of people who can’t actually communicate or even speak to each other together.

M: They can’t leave their rooms.

P: Yeah, and give them a little celebration. And there was another video that went viral in Sydney of a Sydney drag queen –

M: Yes!

P: – who jumped out on the roof of her apartment building and set up a disco ball and a DJ and got someone to film her doing full drag in the summer sun whilst everyone else was locked up in their rooms, laugh! I thought it was rather fabulous!

M: And do you remember early on in Covid. So, this would have been March, April last year in Italy with people playing on their balconies?

P: Oh, yes! That was amazing. Yes.

M: Yeah.

P: That was incredible!

M: Power of music! Laugh.

P: It is so powerful. And it has such an ability to change your mood. Which is why I’m interested about your point Marie in terms of its not the music, that’s the solution, it’s the behaviour around it.

M: Yes, so again, I think it’s like everything we talk about. You’ve got to be mindful, right?

P: Mmm.

M: Right? So, just putting on a playlist in the background and reading a book and not really registering it, it just becomes background noise.

P: Yep.

M: If, even that same playlist the next day, if you put it on and decided, you’re just going to head bang to it around the lounge room.

P: Laughter!

M: Very different physical and mental response to those two scenarios.

P: Mmm, Ok. And that elevates your mood. It’s that physical response to the music, which is actually doing the things with the neurotransmitters and changing the brain waves and the connections.

M: Physical, physiological, psychological response, all of it together so you don’t have to jump up and down and head bang.

P: Laugh.

M: I don’t want people to hurt their necks, but you maybe sit and just meditate or something over the music. I learnt that the other day, meditation, it’s a thing.

P: Laugh! I’m actually more buying into the head banging thing, because for me, being a former dancer, I wasn’t a technician, I was a musical performer like music. Music and movement was the thing, and I could perform or dance to a certain piece of music in such a way that was completely different to something else. And for me, it is that physical response. It’s that buying into the, putting Julie Andrews on with the opening of The Sound of Music and throwing yourself into a pirouette and spinning out into the backyard, going ‘The hills are alive!’ You know, that laugh.

M: I would have gone with Queen.

P: Yeah, everyone has their, has their breakout song.

M: Queen!

P: Yeah, you do. You jump around, you make yourself physical and I think this is, this is definitely a key for it.

M: I don’t know anyone that can play Bohemian Rhapsody without screaming it from the roof tops.

P: Laugh!

M: And then when, when that guitar solo comes in, laugh!

P: That guitar moment, yeah.

M: The headbang! Yeah.

P: I blame Wayne’s World for that one. I don’t think anyone ever did the head banger before Wayne’s World.

M: Laugh.

P: If you can’t remember Wayne’s World kiddies, look it up. Laugh!

M: There you go. There’s another cultural reference for your Netflix watching, laugh.

P: There you go. I want to just jump in here Marie and mention that it’s not only during Covid that music has been used a coping mechanism. There’s a lot of references to music being used as a coping mechanism in other great trials of humankind. And, of course, one of those is the Holocaust from the Second World War in Nazi Germany.

M: Yes.

P: There was a lot of music being used by people in the concentration camps and people in Auschwitz and things like that to find emotional comfort and also to connect because they couldn’t speak to people in the other gulags. But they could hear them, and it was as simple as whistling. And there’s a story of one young boy who actually whistled along with the band, and it resulted in him getting less, less duties in the concentration camp.

So, there was this lovely connection. I’ve got a couple of quotes here,

‘Music gave us so much. To escape, even for a few moments to a “normal” world. Music allowed us a complete disconnect and emotionally escape from the horrors of the daily life.’

M: That’s so powerful.

P: It’s completely powerful.

M: What do I say after that? [Nervous laugh]

P: Yeah, and it’s momentous. And even after that, it’s that buying in. And again, it’s mindfulness because when you hear the strains of something beautiful. I mean, if anyone’s watched Schindler’s List that that haunting melody it can definitely suspend whatever moment you’re in. And if you can buy into that and choose to listen and disengaged for that 30 seconds that can provide that respite and it can even provide connection.

M: It can take you to another time and place. I think it was, was it a week ago?, two weeks ago? That I wrote to you and I was almost balling, laugh. This is again another Corona stress-filled moment.

P & M : Laugh.

M: Baby Mine came on my playlist.

P: Oh! Disney!

M: From Dumbo, and Dumbo was the movie that we had on VHS when I was little and it was what I watched probably 50 times.

P & M: Laugh.

M: But it was my sick movie, that and Annie, and I watched Dumbo a lot. And so, Baby Mine came on this playlist, laugh. And I got all teary and emotional.

P: Laugh!

M: Poor Dumbo, his mother behind bars.

P: Laugh. Yep, totally agree with that one.

M: And it really just took me back to being in my lounge room on my orange velvet couch.

P: Oh wow!

M: Yeah, yeah. We were out of the seventies. We held onto it a bit longer than we should have.

P: Laugh!

M: But comfy couch. It really just took me back to that place and time. So, I’m just sitting here in my first world home with my income and with my husband and cats. And that was such a wonderful experience of escapism for me as well.

P: Mmm.

M: That was meaningful, but yeah, absolutely there are people going through tougher times than us, definitely.

P: Yep.

M: And music has helped people who have been through probably one of the worst periods.

P: Mmm. And it can help you, I think. And that’s the thing if you are feeling like you’re struggling, maybe give music a go.

M: Well, I think again, as we’re saying, give something a go.

P: Mmm, mmm. Find something you can control and give it a shot. See how you feel, buy in.

M: Absolutely, buy in. We’re no longer cynics you know, you’ve kind of convinced me to buy in.

P: Laugh, yeah.

M: We might need to change the name of the show pretty soon, laugh.

P: No, because I think I have moved into the cynic world.

M & P: Laugh.

P: I had a little moment last night, where someone was talking about a certain esoteric absence and I was like, ‘what a crocker!’

M: Laugh!

P: I’m like ‘Oh dear. What has this show done to me? Laugh! I want science. I want studies, I want scientific evidence-based research! Laugh.’

M: I love it, and soon we will be one Peter.

P: Laugh! Oh, youngling.

M & P: Laugh.

M: All right, well, I think we might wrap it up there for today. But we will also maybe finish our episode with a clip from one of Pete’s favourite songs.

P: [Gasp] Oh!

M: I’m not going to tell you what it is. But our producer Lea, will end our episode with that.

P: Laugh!

M: So, until next week.

P: I’m going to have to listen back now.

M & P: Laugh!

M: All right, bye everyone.

P: Have a happy week.

[Snippet from the song supercalifragilisticexpialidocious in Mary Poppins – Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke]

It’s supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious
If you say it loud enough, you’ll always sound precocious
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay

[start of fade out]

Because I was afraid to speak when I was just a lad
Me father gave me nose a tweak and told me I was bad
But then one day I learned a word that saved me achin’ nose
The biggest word you ever heard and this is how it goes

[faded out]

Is There a Happiness Equation? Here’s How We’re Trying to Find Out

18/08/2021 by Marie

Robb Rutledge, UCL

Most people would like to be happier. But it isn’t always easy to know how to achieve that goal. Is there an equation for happiness? Many formulas have been suggested. Get enough sleep. Exercise. Meditate. Help others. Spend time with friends and family. On average, all of these things are linked to happiness. But they don’t work for everyone.

Happiness is really complicated. It can change quickly and it’s different for everyone in ways that scientists don’t understand. In our ongoing research, we are trying to capture this subjectivity and get a more complete view of what happiness is.

Happiness surveys can only tell us so much, summarising with a few questions how people feel in general. We also don’t know what they were doing a few minutes earlier, even though we know it might be important for understanding their responses.

So we turned to smartphones, which billions of people are using almost constantly. People often believe that smartphones are bad for happiness, but many of us enjoy popular games including Candy Crush Saga, Fortnite and Among Us on our devices. How we feel can change quickly while we play games, providing an opportunity to gather detailed information about the complexities of happiness.

We recently launched a smartphone app, The Happiness Project, which anyone can download for free. In less than five minutes, you can play one of four games to learn about and contribute to happiness research. So far, thousands of people have played, answering the question “How happy are you right now?” over one million times.

Expectations

So far, we’ve managed to work out that expectations matter a lot. In 18,420 people playing a simple risky decision game on their phones, we showed that happiness depended not on how well they were doing, but whether they were doing better than expected.

Our research shows how high expectations can be a problem. Clearly, it’s not a good idea to tell a friend that they will love the gift you are about to give them. Lowering expectations at the last moment increases the probability of a positive surprise.

The problem with using this trick to hack your own happiness is that expectations about future events also influence happiness. If you make plans to catch up with a friend after work, you may be unhappy if they suddenly cancel. But expecting your friend to cancel won’t make you happy – you might be a little happier the whole day if you look forward to seeing them, even if there is some risk that things don’t work out.

Another reason that it’s hard to hack your happiness is that expectations are really important for decision making. If you always expect the worst, it’s difficult to make good choices. When things go better than expected, that’s information your brain can use to revise your expectations upward so you make even better choices in the future. Realistic expectations are generally best. In fact, we discovered that happiness is closely linked to learning about our environment.

There are times, such as on holiday, when lowering your expectations might not be a bad idea. After all, your expectations might be a bit unrealistic if you chose your holiday destination based on a friend’s rave review. You may enjoy yourself more if you don’t expect everything to go perfectly.

Tool Versus Goal

Another lesson from our smartphone games is that most events don’t affect happiness for long. This is referred to as the “hedonic treadmill”. You might think that there is something wrong with you if you don’t feel lasting happiness about a promotion, but time-limited joy is an adaptation that helps your brain adjust to your circumstances so you are ready to make your next move. In uncertain environments, including both games and real life, what happened minutes ago is often irrelevant to the task at hand.

Smartphone games can reveal how happiness works. Robb Rutledge, Author provided

The ephemeral nature of happiness means we might be better off thinking about happiness in a different way. Happiness is a tool, not a goal in itself. It can help us better understand what we care about, what we value. It can tell us whether things are going surprisingly well, which could motivate us to keep going at key moments. When our happiness drops, it may be a sign that we should try something new.

The pandemic has had a big impact on mental health. It’s never been more important to understand happiness and well-being. We don’t know why some people stay upset for longer than others. We don’t know why uncertainty is really stressful for some people but not others.

Our games aim to find out. Each of the four games focus on something that scientists know is important for happiness: uncertainty, thinking about the future, learning, and effort. In one game, you can use information about the future to make different decisions depending on whether things look good or bad. In another, you are a fisherman deciding how much effort to spend to increase your catch. By asking about happiness as you play these games, we can figure out the factors that matter for everyone.

The thousands of people playing the games in The Happiness Project will help scientists write the equations for happiness. There will never be one formula for happiness, but science can help explain the different factors that matter for happiness in each and every one of us.

Robb Rutledge, Honorary Associate Professor, UCL

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

Want to learn more about the happiness equation and the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my weekly newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

How To Deal With Stress

11/08/2021 by Marie

How to Deal With stress – Wherever it Comes From for you

According to recent studies on stress, 91% of Australians feel stressed about one or more aspects of their life. Around 450,000 workers in Britain believe work is making them sick, 86% of Chinese workers are stressed, and 77% of Americans experience stress which impacts their health.

It’s a worldwide problem. Without healthy coping mechanisms, it can even have a serious impact on our physical health:

A lower immune system and experiencing illness more often
Tension headaches and migraines
Insomnia, depression, and anxiety
High blood sugar, blood pressure, and an increase risk of heart attack
Tense muscles and a low sex drive (no one wants that!)

It’s a horrible feeling. Sometimes it feels like stressors will never go away, like stress is consuming your life, or there’s no clear solution to make things easier.

The good news?

From work to finances, relationships, and everyday anxiety, there are positive, constructive, and super effective ways to manage stress. In this blog, we share how to deal with stress – no matter where it comes from for you.

The Three Types of Stress: Acute, Episodic, and Chronic Stress

Before we jump into how to deal with stress, it’s important to understand the three different kinds of stress and determine what kind of stress you’ve been dealing with. Here’s a quick run-down:

Acute stress. This kind of stress is brief and often passes quickly. It is the most common kind of stress because it comes from reactive thinking – for example, you might be stressing about an upcoming event or deadline, certain situations, or demands from friends, family, and coworkers.

Stress is induced in the moment by negative thinking and can cause headaches, stomach aches, muscular pain, and moments of anxiety and depression.

While stress can come and go, it’s important to get the support you need in stressful times. If you find yourself becoming stressed more often, get in touch with your doctor or counsellor for support.
Episodic stress. This occurs for people who experience acute stress frequently. You might feel rushed or pressured and feel your life is too chaotic. There are two kinds of people who are more likely to experience “episodic stress”; Type A people who are competitive, aggressive, impatient, and even aggressive, and; the “Worrier” who lives with excessive negative thoughts and can forecast a catastrophe well ahead of time.

Episodic stress can cause concentration issues, anger, depression, memory loss, fatigue, relationship problems, a compromised immune system, and much more.

If you’re experiencing episodic stress, it’s time to step in and contact your doctor for mental health support and develop some constructive stress management techniques.

Chronic stress. This is the worst kind of stress possible. If chronic stress is left untreated, you can cause irreversible damage to your physical and mental health. People who have experienced abuse, poverty, unemployment, a dysfunctional family, substance abuse, or a broken marriage often experience chronic stress.

Chronic stress can lead to a feeling of hopelessness, can’t see an escape from the stress, and give up on looking for solutions. It can even be a change in the hardwiring of their neurobiology of the brain and body, so poor habits and negative thinking becomes ingrained in their bodies.

If you are experiencing chronic stress or know someone who might be, please seek professional help or call LifeLine on 13 11 14. You are not alone.

How to Cope With Workplace Stress

One of the biggest sources of stress reported worldwide is workplace stress. Some common stressors at work include:

Not getting paid enough
Working super long hours or unpaid overtime
A huge workload and seemingly not enough hours in the day
Unachievable, rolling deadlines
Low levels of recognition or appreciation
Few (or no) opportunities for career advancement
Unclear instructions and feeling stuck
Work isn’t engaging or challenging – it’s not your passion
There are conflicts with coworkers and an overall lack of support
Management is harsh and setting unachievable standards

The major problem with workplace stress is that it doesn’t just disappear when you go home. Workplace worries can follow you home, set up shop in your head, and refuse to pay rent.

These stressors can even end up starring in your dreams, leading to a bad night’s sleep, fatigue, and a feeling of dread about having to do it all again the next day.

Workplace stress can be hard to kick. A lot of people who don’t like their job end up with episodic stress, anger, frustration, and concentration problems. Luckily, there are a few easy things you can do to relieve stress in the workplace.

Here are a few ideas on how to deal with stress from work:

Take a minute for some breathing exercises in times of extreme stress. It’s important to make time for relaxation, no matter where you are. After a stressful phone call, conversation, or even after serving a frustrating customer, take a moment to close your eyes, take some long, deep breaths, and try to disconnect from the world for a moment. It really helps to refresh your mood.

If possible, take a walk around the block or get out for lunch. Being stuck in a stressful situation or environment can be distressing. If possible, get out of the office for 10 minutes to half an hour for some fresh air. Studies have shown people who have gotten fresh air perform 20% better and have higher levels of serotonin. Get outside on your lunch break and refresh.

Talk to your boss about what’s going on. If something is bothering you about your workplace or position, book a meeting with your boss to discuss it. Nothing will change if you never bring it up, so lean on your boss for support – they might be able to help improve the situation.

Avoid alcohol, smoking, and substance abuse after work. It can be tempting to pour a glass of wine after a long, depressing, or irritating day at work to “take the edge off.” However, there’s a real danger of turning to the short-term relief of alcohol or drugs into an addiction. The short-term might feel great, but the long-term effects can be counterproductive – it can even make things worse.

Take time to recharge. Nothing cures workplace stress like a holiday. If your coworkers, workplace, or boss have been bringing you down, make sure to save up some annual leave and take an extended break to refresh and reevaluate what you want from your career. It might be time to move on – or ask for more from your boss.

How to Deal With Financial Stress

Around 62% of people report feeling stressed about their finances – even more so since the COVID-19 lockdown and restrictions. A lot of people have had their shifts cut. Others have lost their jobs completely.

Sometimes, financial stress can come from simple unimportant things like purchasing “Secret Santa” presents around the holidays, or meeting the gift demands of family members. Other times, it can be more difficult. Sometimes, there’s not enough money to pay the rent.

Financial stress is tough! But here are some ideas to help deal with money worries and stress:

Track your spending. One day it’s payday, the next your bank account is tapped out. It can happen in a matter of 24 hours, so it’s important to keep track of spending and create a budget for your daily or weekly spending.

Determine what’s making you stressed and create a plan. What is it that’s causing stress? What’s costing too much? What expenses can you cut out for a better bottom line? Sit down and think about things you can eliminate from your weekly spending, like that $6 cup of coffee from the cafe down the street, or the sneaky cheeseburger you snag on the way home from work. Create a plan for cutting down costs and review it once a fortnight to see if it’s working.

Avoid temptation. If spending is a big problem for you, make sure to steer clear of shopping centres, fast food restaurants, bottle shops, and maybe even social media – online shopping ads are a major budget killer, so keep social scrolling to a minimum.

Take a minute to remember what’s important. I know it’s frustrating sticking to a budget, especially when you’ve been drooling over the latest Nikes online. However, it’s important to remember the important things – like spending time with friends, getting into your hobbies, and working on personal relationships. You don’t need material objects to be happy!

Set goals – and remember, progress takes time. The worst part of financial stress is that there’s no quick fix. Building up savings takes time – it won’t just happen overnight, unless you win the lottery (good luck). Keep in mind that Rome wasn’t built in a day, and you’ve got plenty of time to breathe, save, and get things back in order.

Managing Stress and Anxiety in Everyday Life

When you suffer from clinical depression and anxiety, it can be exceptionally hard to maintain stress. Even the little things can cause stress like loud noises, constant chatter at work, big crowds, running late, traffic, and more. Being too social can even cause stress and exhaustion.

It’s easy to let these negative emotions overwhelm your mind and body on a daily basis. Here are some quick tips to help manage stress and anxiety:

Reach out and keep connected. On your bad days, make sure to reach out to someone close to you – a friend, a family member, or even a medical professional – and express how you’re feeling. Bottling up your negative thoughts and feelings can be harmful, so be sure to talk to someone about it.

Practice relaxation or meditation techniques. As I mentioned before, short breathing techniques can do wonders to relieve sudden bouts of anxiety. Find a quiet and comfortable spot at home, take a seat, close your eyes, and practice some deep, even breathing. Alternatively, keep your eyes open and identify three noises, three objects, and three colours around you. It will help keep your mind focused and relaxed.

Keep breathing. When you’re in the middle of a sensory overload, it feels almost impossible to calm down. However, it’s essential to keep breathing. Make it your mantra – “keep breathing” or “breathe in and breathe out” as you inhale through your nose for 3 – 5 seconds, then breathe out for as long as possible through your mouth. Again, this will keep you focused and help calm your heart.

Book in a workout every morning. Exercise pumps your body full of endorphins and makes you feel naturally happy. Book in a cardio session in the morning for an all day booster, or head to the gym after a long day to expel some stress, frustration, and energy on a punching bag. You’ll feel 10,000 x better, I promise!

Challenge your negative thinking. Depression and anxiety has a tendency to lie to you. It might think you’re weak or hopeless, but it’s simply not true. If these thoughts find themselves creeping into your brain, try looking at it another way – to quote Monty Python, “always look on the bright side of life.” Ask yourself for evidence. Ask yourself if you’d say these things to a friend. Cross-examine yourself, lawyer style. It’ll help cultivate more positive thinking and hopefully confidence!

Coping with Family and Relationship Stress

No one likes dealing with conflict – especially when it comes to friends, family members, and romantic partners. Most of the time, they’re part of your everyday life. When the norm is threatened, the fear of losing them starts to kick in – either fear or anger, frustration, and stress.

Stressors can be external (like sudden unemployment) or internal (like a marriage breakdown). Here are a few examples of how to deal with family stress and relationship stress in a healthy, constructive way:

Recognise each other’s stress cues. Is something making you angry, short tempered, irritated, or stressed at home? There’s a good chance other people in your home are experiencing the same thing. It’s important to recognise when the other person is frustrated and know when to back down – ask them to do the same for you.

Turn to your own support system – or develop one ASAP. It’s essential to be open about your feelings, even if it’s with an outsider for the time being. For example, if you’re having troubles with your partner, you might turn to your friends for support. Alternatively, if it’s your friends bothering you, you might turn to a parent or partner. If you’re not ready to take the bull by the horns, make sure to vent and express your feelings with someone close to you. It can be very therapeutic!

Limit contact with toxic people. They say you can’t choose your family, or blood is thicker than water, blah blah blah… but that’s not quite true. You don’t have to continue torturing yourself and wasting your energy on toxic individuals. If you’re experiencing abuse, manipulation, and other poor treatment, attempt to limit your contact with this person. Again… It can be very therapeutic.

Conserve your energy for things you can control. There are some things you simply cannot change. It’s easy to get caught up worrying about the “what ifs” – for example, “what if Mum and Uncle Dave have a fight at the Christmas party?” – but it’s unnecessary stress. It’s important to let go of the “what ifs” and focus on the present. You can’t control Mum or Uncle Dave. Sometimes it’s okay to accept that something is not your problem or responsibility.

Listen to each other. The key to all healthy, long lasting relationships is communication and listening to each other. Listening to your partner, friend, or family member will make them feel cared and help you gain more perspective over their feelings. Ask them to do the same for you – but take turns, no yelling over the top of each other!

No matter where you’re at with stress, it’s important to get professional help to balance things out

Whether you’re experiencing work stress, financial stress, or general everyday anxiety, it’s essential to seek support and professional help. Voice your concerns. Share your thoughts. Be heard. Talking about your problems is therapeutic and sometimes it helps to get an outsider’s perspective.

Take these tips on board, but make sure to seek professional help too!

In the meantime, make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics, or sign up to my email newsletter for regular tips, info, and advice in your inbox.

Are Strong Friendships the Answer to Your Covid Woes?

04/08/2021 by Marie

Why Strong Friendships are Even More Important Right Now

Whether you’re in lockdown for the first time or the fifth, or you’re hanging out for a holiday or just a break from the monotony, people all around the world are struggling with Covid and its impacts on our mental health. But there is a simple, science-backed solution to help you regain your resilience and bring happiness back into your life… reach out to your friends.

A good friend will support you through bad times, boost your confidence, keep your secrets and enrich your life for the better. It’s not about always being there but being there when it counts. They will teach you about yourself and challenge you to be the best version of yourself. They will laugh and cry with you and love you even at your worst. A good friend is not perfect, but hey, neither are you!

According to Lydia Denworth, author of Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life’s Fundamental Bond, a quality friendship must at a minimum have these three attributes:

It’s a stable, longstanding bond;
It’s positive; and
It’s cooperative—it’s helpful, reciprocal, I’m there for you, you’re there for me.

International Friendship Day

It has always been advantageous to forge strong, mutually beneficial relationships with others. Yet friendships are often overlooked and under-nurtured – particularly in today’s world where it’s easy to like a social media post and think you’ve had a meaningful interaction (FYI – you haven’t).

Every year, the world celebrates International Friendship Day on 30 July and this year (2021) marks the tenth anniversary. This day was created by the United Nations in the hopes of uniting people and bridging the gaps between race, gender, religion, and other factors that keep people apart. Governments, and other organisations worldwide are encouraged to use this day to promote friendship through listening, communication, expression of feelings and emotions and teaching the foundations of good friendships. Which begs the question, what can we doing to strengthen our friendships?

Today, with the constant influx of information coming at us from all sides, things are stressful enough. Add in Covid and more lockdowns and it is not a wonder that mental health issues are on the rise. So, what can you do to strengthen those friendships, be good role modals for younger generations and maintain your mental wellbeing during Covid, lockdowns and other tough times? Read on to find out!

3 Benefits of Strong Friendships

Friends Are Good for Your Physical Health

Having a strong circle of friends around you has been proven to decrease feelings of loneliness and also increases your longevity. According to a 2010 study by Live Science, people with strong social connections increased their odds of survival, over a certain time period, by 50 per cent. People with strong social support also have a reduced risk of many significant health problems including diabetes, stroke, high blood pressure and an unhealthy body mass index (BMI).

Friends Help Build Your Confidence

A good friend will cheer on your successes and encourage you to do your best. Everyone has self-doubts and insecurities every now and then and that’s why having supporting and loving friends can give you that boost when you need it. A friend can give you praise and reassurance to build your self-esteem and allow you to grow and in turn help others with their confidence issues.

Friends Help You Beat Stress

Stressful events are often a part of life, but the good news is research has shown how strong friendships can help you through. Having a good friend in times of high stress is invaluable to you both. You can listen, share, cry and commiserate together. You can be each other’s sounding board and try to work it out together. Knowing that you have someone around that has your back no matter what, can be all you need to beat that stress.

A 2019 study by Harvard Medical School, revealed that people who have close social connections, have reduced levels of Cortisol (stress hormone) release. Further study suggests that caring behaviours trigger the release of stress-reducing hormones such as Oxytocin, lowering blood pressure and strengthening the immune system.

Building Strong Friendships

A good friendship can do so much for us, but what can we do to strengthen those bonds and create new and rewarding friendships? Many of us were brought up with certain values like respect, kindness and honesty, but were we taught to value friendship? How did we miss such a vital life skill that can elevate so much in a person’s life? The good news is it’s never too late to forge a knew friendship, deepen an existing one or even rekindle an old one.

Here are some great ideas and activities you can do to help strengthen old friendships and create new ones:

Call, video chat or dare I say it, go old-school and catch-up in person with your friends. Let them know how important they are to you and how you appreciate their friendship.
Invite the neighbours or your work colleagues over for afternoon tea, a chat, drinks, or a barbeque. You never know where you’ll find your next best friend.
Get creative. A handmade gift speaks volumes, and your friends will appreciate the time and effort you put into making something for them.
Plan a special day or activity with your friend. It could be spending time at a spa, doing some retail therapy, or going for a walk in the park.
Send a card or letter to let someone know that you’re thinking about them. Sometimes a surprise on a random day can be that much more rewarding.
Bake or cook a meal for a friend or neighbour and drop it off, nothing says ‘I love you’ more than good food!
Google ‘Love Languages” with your friend and work out each other’s love languages. Then you can know how best to show your friend how much they mean to you.

Whether you’re celebrating International Friendship Day or just any day, remember that true friendship can last a lifetime and needs to be nurtured.

Listen to our podcast: All About the 5 Love Languages (E30)

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

Sphere of Control and Chaos! (E77)

26/07/2021 by Marie

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week Marie and Pete talk about your sphere of control and chaos, and how to focus on things you can control or should just let go.

Show notes

Exercise in letting go.

Write down all your worries and concerns that you have right now.
Put a mark next to each one for:
- within your control,
- within your influence, or
- out of your control.
Acknowledge where most of your worries and concerns are and think about whether you should be letting them take up that space in your brain.
Read aloud the worries/concerns that are outside of your control and notice how they make you feel. How does your body react to those issues and concerns that are outside of your control? Analise them and try to look at them differently or reframe them.
The next step is hard, you need to make the decision to let them go.
Imagine putting them in a balloon and having them float away, this is hard for people who have never done visualisation before but well worth the effort.
Make this an annual event with a close friend or family member.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: Hey, hey.

P: And we’re back.

M: And we’re back.

P: (High voice) Hi Muz, how are you?

M: I am good. How are you?

P: I did sound like Mickey Mouse there. [Mickey Mouse voice] Hi Muz, how are you? Woo hoo!

M & P: Laugh!

M: I’m going back to the, like the thirties, the real original Mickey Mouse.

P: Yeah, the really high pitched Mickey Mouse.

M: My mind is on the steam train. [Steam boat!]

P: Yeah.

M: [Failed attempt at whistling] …

P: I’m going to let that go.

M & P: Laughter!

M: And how are you?

P: I’m going crazy, laugh.

M: Obviously. You’re in week three of lockdown, aren’t you? It only took two and a half weeks.

P: [Horror movie voice] The walls are bleeding.

M & P: Laugh!

P: I am going slightly so crazy. It’s not good for my mental health, laugh.

M: So, so far in lockdown. Because even though I’m up in Tamworth, I have been locked down because I was in Sydney within the last two weeks. So, been locked down up here. I have started growing four plants that I can’t pronounce, and I have no idea what I’m growing.

P: Laugh!

M: I have made rock cakes.

P: Oh, wow.

M: Which really brought back memories from being a child.

P: CWA recess lollies.

M: Right? They even had actual CWA jam on them, thank you very much.

P: Oh! Wow, wow.

M: It had a handwritten note with when it was made.

P: Ohh. My mum does that, ohh.

M: Laugh.

P: Memories, there so good.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Anyway! Getting onto the story.

M: We are talking about spheres of control –

P: And chaos!

M: Bah, Bow..

P: Ha, ha, ha! Chaos theory! [Extremely high-pitched voice] Everything is vibrating at very high frequencies.

M: We’re absolutely not talking chaos theory. That would be biting off way more than we could chew, laugh.

P: Yeah, laugh. Existential scientists would be raiding my house.

M: Mmm hmm. Yeah. I picture like the crew of Big Bang theory-

P: Yeah, pretty much.

M: – going “you’re wrong!”

P: Very much. But we’re not talking about that, we’re talking about the sphere of control. What is this supposed, sphere of control that you talk about, Marie? Enlighten me.

M: So, if you imagine an M&M-

P: Mmm, num num num.

M: – in the middle, so the smallest.

P: Ok.

M: And that is what you can control in the world.

P: Ok, yep.

M: And then you have an orange.

P: Wow…

M: The M&M is in the middle of the orange, right?

P: Ok.

M: This is a really bad analogy.

P: Laugh!

M: So, what you can control is the M&M, the orange is what you can influence.

P: Oh.

M: And then the orange is in a watermelon.

P: Woah!

M: And the watermelon represents everything else outside of your control and influence.

P: Oh, my lord. Are they all inside each other like a turducken?

M: Yes, like a turducken.

P: Ahh. Got it.

M: Yes. Now, where crazy things us humans.

P: Laugh.

M: And unfortunately, we are wired to worry. We’ve talked about wired for negativity wired to look out for us and our kind. And we have this nasty habit if it’s left unchecked of worrying and being anxious about things that are in the watermelon…

P & M: Laugh.

M: That are outside of our control and influence.

P: [Life coach/instructional voice] Be the watermelon. No! don’t be the watermelon.

M: Don’t be the watermelon. Leave the watermelon alone.

P: Laugh.

M: Yeah. What you should, in a controlled and measured way, worry and be anxious about is what you can control.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And I would argue that you should get through your worry and anxious phase quickly into action rather than dwelling in a negative mind space.

P: Yep.

M: What you can again spend time worrying about is the orange, what you can influence. But again, you need to give up a little bit of control there and understand that you may be able to influence things in that sphere, but they still may not go your way.

P: Oh.

M: And there’s nothing you can do about that sometimes.

P: Ok, all right, all right.

M: Everything else. Don’t worry about it. Let it go!

P: [Singing] Let it go, let it go…

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Laugh.

M: Now, that is far easier said than done.

P & M: Laugh!

M: For myself included.

P: So, it’s be the M&M. Don’t be the watermelon.

M: Yes.

P: And try to recognise the orange.

M: I really need to work on my stories before –

P: No, I like it. It’s working for me, it’s animated.

M: – we go on air.

P & M: Laugh!

M: So really, what we’re talking about is something that, if left unchecked, can lead to people having high anxiety and worrying unnecessarily. And if any of you have ever known someone who worries all the time, it can take over your life.

P: Definitely, that obsession over… and again, obsessions are one of the elements that are outside of your control.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: They’re unattainable. Why do we spend so much time worrying about it when we actually have no control over what it can do?

M: Yep, and not only that, if you’re worrying about all of those things, you can’t control your probably not moving through the concerns of issues that you can control and getting to the point where you actually just take some action and drive it to a conclusion that’s satisfying for you.

P: So, is this a case of distraction? Are we being distracted by our external worries or things outside of our immediate control?

M: It can be that. It can be distraction. There is always the procrastinator amongst us, laugh.

P: Yes, yes. Laugh.

M: So, it could be that. But a lot of people are not good with uncertainty.

P: Ahh.

M: And so, the fear of what could go wrong stops them from taking any action.

P: That’s beyond risk takers?

M: Absolutely. Generally, risk takers and just move forward.

P: Yep.

M: That’s a very big generalisation there.

P: Laugh.

M: But it’s the people who worry and who are anxious that we’re talking about here.

P: Hmm.

M: And day to day, if you’re on a healthy mental health spectrum, people worry and they get anxious all the time. But they move through it quickly and they don’t dwell. And they tend to have enough self-understanding to know when to let some worry go and just go ‘Meh, what are you going to do about it.’

P: Yeah.

M: You know covid, ‘what are you going to do about it.’

P: Mmm, yep.

M: Covid has been paralysing for some people.

P: Mmm, definitely.

M: Yeah. So, we do have an exercise you can do –

P: Ooh, audience participation. Yay.

M: – if you find yourself too tied to that watermelon.

P: Laugh. I love the watermelon analogy. You’ve got to keep that in, that’s brilliant, laugh.

M: Oh dear.

P: I can just see a big room full of people with a watermelon and an orange and an M&M just going, “What the?”

M: Laugh!

P: Where are we going with this? And then you’ve got to start stuffing things inside each other, it’s gonna get messy. It’s gonna be awesome.

M: Laugh. Oh, dear. All right. Well, the exercise.

P: Laugh.

M: So, if you find that you are anxious just as a rule.

P: Yep.

M: Or that you’re feeling a lot of anxiety or worry at this particular point because we can definitely have triggers or things in our life, periods of our life where we’re more anxious or worried than others.

P: Yes, I agree.

M: Particularly if there’s a lot of change happening around you. This is a great little exercise. So, the first thing you want to do is get a pen and paper and write down all the things in your work and personal and different lives, all of your life, laugh.

P: Laugh, ok.

M: All the things in your life that are crappy or that are not going well or that you’re not happy with.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: So, for me right now, if I had to do this thing on my list would be: I’m not getting enough exercise.

P: Yep.

M: I’m feeling tired from work a lot of the time, you know, and so on and so forth.

P: Ok.

M: And so, you write them all down and then next to them. You’re going to write M&M, orange or watermelon.

P: Laugh!

M: In my control –

P: Still laughing.

M: Within my control. [M&M]

P: Okay,

M: Within my influence; [Orange]

or Outside of my control and influence. [Watermelon]

P: Can we just digress a little bit there Marie, and can we define the difference between control and influence?

M: Sure. So, I can control what time I wake up in the morning.

P: Yeah.

M: 100% control over that.

P: Ok.

M: I can. Some people may not be able to.

P: Yep, ok.

M: I can’t control how high my rent is. I can potentially influence it by having a conversation and seeing if someone can reduce my rent because I’ve lost my job during covid.

P: Ok, yeah.

M: So, I could influence that possibly.

P: Mmm yeah.

M: There are steps I can take.

P: Yeah.

M: Or I could move house.

P: Ok.

M: I cannot at all – The watermelon is covid a great example.

P: Yep.

M: I can’t control that, outside of my control and influence. Can’t do anything about it.

P: Yeah, yeah.

M: All right. The influence is a bit, it’s the one in between, the grey area, where you may be able to do a whole range of things that still don’t lead to any change in situation.

P: Mmm hmm. Yep, ok.

M: All right, so you are going to write your list, and then you’re going to mark next to it control, influence or outside of control and influence, and have a quick look at what the majority of your complaints and issues fall into.

P: Ok, yeah.

M: So, that’s a good just first step to see whether your anxiety or complaints or annoyances or things that are… it’s like having a million thorns stuck in your hand just getting to you in your brain.

P: Yep.

M: Whether you should actually be letting them take up that space in your brain.

P: Right.

M: The complaints that are outside of your control read them out loud and notice how they make you feel.

P: Oh, that’s a good one.

M: And if you’ve ever done meditation, this will line up quite nicely.

P: What are your feeling when you say them?

M: Yeah.

P: Tap into that feeling.

M: Are your shoulders tight? Do you breathe differently?

P: Hmm.

M: How does your body react to those issues and concerns that are outside of your control.

P: Yes.

M: And really get to know them. Have a look at them, and are there any of them that you can look at differently? Reframe.

P: Be honest in assessing.

M: Mmm hmm. Yep. And once you’ve had a look through them and really looked under the covers at what they are and how they make you feel.

P: Ok,

M: The big work is, can you let them go?

P: Oh! …How do you do that? Laugh.

M: Once your rational brain has written them down, identified them, you’ve acknowledged the way they make you feel, but you know that they’re outside of your control. Can you let any of them go?

P: Mmm.

M: A great way to do this is with a bit of visualisation.

P: I like this one.

M: Yeah. What you can do is picture in your brain that you’re putting your concern, so covid, into a balloon. Blow up your balloon, you pop it in there and you let it go… You don’t blow it up sorry, you’ve got helium, sorry.

P: Laugh.

M: You let it go up and watch it float away and disappear.

P: Ahh. It’s like the Disney movie Tangled. When they do the lights, they send them all up into the sky.

M: Yes, yes, the Chinese lights.

P: And there’s a festival in Thailand, isn’t there where they do that as well? With, um, with I’m not sure if I’m quoting the right one is the Lantern Festival? [Magical Lanterns Festival in Thailand]

M: They definitely do it in Vietnam.

P: Oh, sorry Vietnam. My apologies.

M: I have a feeling it might be part of quite a few different cultures.

P: Mmm, mmm. It’s a lovely image because it’s a real releasing and letting it go. It’s like going into it into a big paddock and screaming stuff out to get it out of your body. I like the peaceful image of a balloon and, you know, writing things on a piece of paper and then watching it waft off into the nether lands and saying goodbye to my lost long lost obsession.

M & P: Laughter!

M: Your anxiety or something that was keeping you up at night.

P: Yes.

M: Yeah, and there’s power in writing these things down.

P: Yeah. I was just about to say the exact same thing Muz, because there’s so much power in that.

M: If Pete can do it?

P: Yeah, laugh.

M: Yeah, again if you’re prone to anxiety and worry, sit down with the pen and paper is the first step.

P: Mmm.

M: Really just labelling it, understanding it, mucking in and getting dirty and feeling it and putting a name on it.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: All of that stuff is really valuable to then being able to let it go and understanding the subconscious reaction that was maybe happening in your brain. Making it conscious and letting your rational brain throw it away.

P: Yeah.

M: And go “Actually, that’s really silly, I can’t do anything about that.”

P: Not necessary.

M: Can’t do anything about Covid.

P: Yeah. So, find your path through.

M: Now there’s a few things in there –

P: I’m going to jump in.

M: Yeah, I was going to throw to you, laugh.

P: Yeah, laugh. See we’re in sync tonight Muz.

M: Laugh.

P: I’m going to jump in because I came across this wonderful little concept and this is to do with the sphere of influence. So, this is the orange section of the Watermelon M&M and Orange scenario, and this is the concept of Sisu and Sisu actually comes from the Finnish culture in Scandinavia, and it’s described as stoic determination.

M: Mmm.

P: Now, apparently, the Finns take this as a bit of a national pride in terms of being able to display this quality in moments of great, great trial or great adversity. There isn’t actually an English equivalent for sisu, but they say the word gutsy invokes the same sort of character. So, it’s that stoic determination. It’s standing in the face of great adversity and taking action.

M: Mmm.

P: And this action may not actually be the best step, but it’s a step. It’s a step forward. So even by taking this action and adhering to it, you may continue to fail. It may still not bring about the right result.

M: You’re not selling it for me, Pete.

P: Hang on.

M: Laugh.

P: Go with me here. Come with here.

M: Laugh, alright. Alright, I’m with you, the orange, go!

P: Laugh, but it’s that idea of taking action and taking a step. And with that step comes refinement. So, you go ‘okay well, that didn’t work, but let’s change it slightly, let’s approach it from a slightly different perspective.’ And it’s actually taking control by doing actions and steps. Eventually, you reach that point where you’ve taken the right step that brings you out of the sphere of orange and into the sphere of M&M.

M: Laugh.

P: Was that nicely tied up?

M: It’s not out of the sphere of Orange into M&M. Because you still can’t change their external factors? What you are getting out of, is that place of anxiety because you’re shifting from the purely emotional, primordial, gutsy reaction to a controlled, rational thinking, proactive action, and that really can get you out of that anxious space.

P: Yes, definitely.

M: That reactionary space, yep.

P: And again because you’re taking a level of control.

M: Yes.

P: And that’s the most important part of that, that concept.

M: I love it. Sisu.

P: Sisu. Yes. Not to be confused with the character out of Raya and The Last Dragon, which Marie and I both watched this week, and loved.

M: Laugh. Mmm hmm.

P: Who was also called Sisu. [The last dragon – Sisudatu. Nicknamed Sisu]

M: Good movie, you should watch it.

P: Yeah.

M: Even if you’re not five.

P & M: Laugh.

P: There was another reading that I did around this subject, which was done by John Leland, who’s a journalist in America, and he’s written a book called Happiness Is a Choice You Make, and he talks about framing and how you can frame different ideas. And for me, this was the glass half full/ half empty scenario. Marie, you don’t look quite on board with that analogy, but you sort of understand where we’re going with this idea-

M: Oh, definitely.

P: – of looking, looking at issues in a certain light and trying to find instead of trying to find the positive or negative, find the element that you can control.

M: Yep.

P: So, there’s got to be one element in the issue, and there are lots of elements that you may not have any influence over. But there’ll be one that you do or one that you can actually exert some control on. So reframing that idea and looking at a problem in a slightly more creative or lateral way than being linear could possibly bring about a different approach, which again gives you a sense of control, gives you a sense of action, which reinforces your process of addressing it as opposed to being stuck in a circle of anxiety.

M: Yeah, absolutely. And we’ve spoken before about reinforcing neural pathways.

P: Mmm.

M: So for all of those people who are experiencing high levels of anxiety, particularly with covid, which absolutely not judging.

P: Mmm.

M: It is completely fair to be experiencing high levels of anxiety right now.

P: Yeah.

M: If you are experiencing high levels of anxiety and you let that run rampant, what you’re doing is reinforcing anxiety as a way to cope with life in general.

P: Yeah.

M: So, covid may move on.

P: Mmm.

M: We may get herd immunity with vaccines. Borders may reopen, you might win lotto. Everything will be great. And what you’ve done is reinforced that neural pathway that makes you go to anxiety as your default.

P: Yep, exactly.

M: So, for every time that you’ve gone to anxiety as your default reaction over the last year or over your life or over a period in your life, you’ve got to do the exact same amount of work on the flip side to get yourself out of there. And reframing, as you said Peter, glass half full glass or half empty –

P: Mmm.

M: – that reframing is a great way to start to break or build that new neural pathway.

P: And it is breaking that other habit. It’s finding an intervention that actually works against that negative habit.

M: Yep. And if that habit has been reinforced for a very long time. You have got to put just as much work in, unfortunately.

P: Yep, totally agree.

M: I’m going to take 10 days, 20 days, 30 days. It will take just as long to make that new neural pathway the stronger and more dominant one.

P: Yep, unfortunately. Laugh, nothing’s ever easy.

M: [Exasperated voice] Nothing is ever easy.

P: Laugh.

M: Unless you’re a dragon called Sisu.

P: Laugh! You could have a dragon called Sisu, that makes a difference. I’d do that, laugh.

M: I’d do that.

P: So, we’ve got homework Marie?

M: Homework?

P: Yeah. Didn’t you have homework for us?

M: We went through the –

P: Oh ok.

M: We’ve done the homework.

P: So, we’ve done the homework. We’re going out. We’re writing out our issues. We’re addressing the M&M and the Orange.

M: Labelling them.

P: Labelling them, putting them in a balloon and floating them up in the air, laugh.

M: Before you do that, though. Really look at how they make you feel. Say them out loud and identify the ones to let go.

P: It’s going to be ridiculous for some people who have never done visualisation or that kind of action before. You’re going to feel stupid. And yes, it’s good for you.

M: Let me just say as the cynic on this show, you wouldn’t catch me dead doing these.

P: Laugh, that’s it.

M: There is a scientific theory behind this, but there’s no chance in hell that I would be doing it.

P: Laugh.

M: I would be stubborn and dig my heels in and be a cranky old fart until I died before I was visualising stuff in balloons. I have to throw that out there.

P: We’re so doing it. I’m coming to Tamworth and we’re doing it. I’m so going to come and make you do this and we’re going to make this an annual thing. We’re going to have a balloon night once every year.

M: Although, a visualisation of balloons because releasing actual balloons is bad for the environment and animals choke on them.

P: It is, yeah.

M: Alright.

P: On that note, folks imagine balloons have fun, fun with it, and we hope you’re all going well and staying strong and safe during this time.

M: And that you have a happy and safe week, we’ll see you next time.

P: Bye.

[Happy exit music – background]

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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New Study Shows Vegans are Happier Than Meat-eaters

09/06/2021 by Marie

Are Vegans Truly Happier Than Meat-eaters? Science Says Yes!

A new study by Tracking Happiness shows a connections between happiness and veganism – revealing that vegans are happier than others.

Researchers surveyed 11,537 people from the United States and asked them “If you look back at the last year of your life, how would you rate your happiness on a scale from 1 to 10?” The average happiness rating of all respondents was 6.90.

They then asked respondents to tell them whether they were vegan, vegetarian, pescatarian, or meat-eaters, and the results showed that vegans were the happiest at 7 percent higher happiness levels than meat-eaters, who scored the lowest average happiness rating.

“We’re not surprised by these findings at all. We know that the image of veganism is undergoing the most radical change in its history, while shedding some tired, old stereotypes. It’s no longer portrayed as an unusual lifestyle, it’s easy and accessible – you can walk into any supermarket and be greeted by a huge range of plant-based products or walk into any restaurant and be presented with an exciting vegan menu,” said Francine Jordan, spokesperson for the Vegan Society. “There has never been a better time to be vegan and it’s great to see that vegans are much happier too!”

Researchers also found that happier people also considered themselves more likely to turn vegan in the future. Out of the 8,988 meat-eaters in the survey, those who reported higher happiness ratings were more likely to adopt a 100 per cent plant-based diet in the future.

Here are the findings:

Vegans report higher happiness levels than meat-eaters (+7%).
Happier people are more likely to turn 100% vegan in the future.
Only 14% of our meat-eating respondents reported a negative bias towards vegans. Non-vegans aren’t nearly as opposed to veganism as the stereotypes suggest.
32% of vegans & vegetarians state that their biggest driver is the environment.
Older people are less likely to ever adopt a vegan diet.
These observations – and many more – are covered in this in-depth analysis of our study.

Shifting Perceptions of Vegans

The study also looked at the shifting perceptions of society about vegans, finding that less than 15 per cent of people had a negative opinion of vegans and veganism in general. The average meat-eater in the survey thought positively about vegans (3.44 on a scale from 1 to 5).

This contradicts earlier research from a study titled ‘It ain’t easy eating greens‘ which found that only drug addicts face more hatred and prejudices than vegans.

Carleigh Bodrug, Founder of Plant You, agrees with the new research, “The perception of vegans has definitely shifted to a more positive light in the last five years, in my experience,” she said.

“I personally believe this is because of education on the impact animal agriculture has on our precious earth, being one of the leading sources of greenhouse gas emissions and global warming. This, coupled with the introduction of more delicious plant-based products on the market, has made people more open to a discussion about reducing their animal product consumption.”

Read the full study results at Tracking Happiness.

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

Fun Isn’t Only for Children – Here’s How to Make Your Life More Fun!

02/06/2021 by Marie

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is pexels-adrienn-1524105.jpg

What’s the Link Between Your Mental Health and Fun?

Who wouldn’t want more fun in their lives? As I write this, I am definitely on board in theory, yet I can’t remember the last time I specifically set aside time or put in effort to bring more fun into my life. That’s about to change!

I know, I know, this site is called Happiness for Cynics, so you’re maybe not quite on board yet. But as always, there’s great research that backs up the benefits of having fun in your life, like this study from the Martin Luther University in Germany, in which 533 participants did a week of exercises to boost participants’ playfulness. They found that you can actually stimulate and train people to be more playful, and this, in turn improves their mood and happiness levels.

So, what have you got to lose? Read on to explore how to have more fun in life and why it is so important to your happiness levels.

The Benefits of Having More Fun in Your Life

To find out more about the benefits of having fun, I spoke to Dr. Mike Rucker – a charter member of the International Positive Psychology Association (IPPA) and a member of the American Psychological Association – about having fun and improving people’s overall wellbeing.

According to Rucker, there are times when things are really bad, and you can understand why people wouldn’t be focussing on incorporating fun into their lives at that point. But there are also too many moments when things are kinda OK, yet we’re all just on the hedonic treadmill… just living life, getting on with getting on… but many of us as still not incorporating fun into our lives then either!

Yet we all have the power to increase our happiness levels, and according to Rucker, a great way to do that is to have some more fun.

One of the narratives that I like to talk about is productivity porn or hustle porn. We get caught up in this notion that we have to devote our lives to work and that should be our purpose. And we’re just not wired for that. Mike Rucker

In fact, Rucker says, “There’s a recent study that shows the more spontaneous we are, the more that we kind of look for the spices of life, that can lead to happiness.”

He also mentions that having deliberate fun allows people to circumvent the Hedonic treadmill if you do it mindfully. “A lot of things that we pursue are based on keeping up with the Joneses and things that we think are fun. But when we take a more mindful approach to it, fun, pure elation and really enjoying something, that is true to your soul, it ads gains to our life,” he says.

Rucker also warns about the trap of thinking you’re doing something for fun, that isn’t actually fun. “Often times what people think is leisure, like binge watching a show that they don’t really care about, can be replaced with something more meaningful. I want to be careful there, too, because it certainly is meaningful if (…) it’s something that you really enjoy,” he says. “A good litmus test for that is any sort of activity that if you went back to savour or relish it, would you remember what it was about. A lot of times if people are being honest with themselves, social media viewing or TV doesn’t fit in that category.”

So what’s the solution? It’s often as simple as taking a look at the existing acititives in your diary and thinking of them in news ways. For instance, are you being mindful and truly engaging with your kids when you take them to the park, or are you on your phone or planning the dinner menu?

Listen to my interview with Dr Mike Rucker.

How to Have More Fun in Life

It is easier to bring play into your life than you might realise. Let’s be really honest, we all know how to have more fun. It’s something we all grew up knowing as kids… we might have just forgotten to do it or devalued it over time. If that applies to you and it’s time to change that, but you’re stuck on how to get started, here’s how.

Just Google it. You can simply start with Google to find a lot of different ways to bring more play into life, but if you’re still wanting something more prescriptive, one of the ideas I love the most is a dance-off.

Have a dance-off. This is a great one to do with your family. Think back to the 60s, 70s, 80s etc, there have been some classic dances throughout the decades. All you need to do is name some different types of dances, and put them down on a piece of paper, pop them into a hat, and you have to do the dance and your friends and family have to guess what decade it’s from, or if you want to make it harder, ask them to name the dance. It’s really simple. Pretty soon you’ll have the whole family jiving and doing Gangnam style and the Macarena, and not only are you having a bit of fun, but you’re also doing a bit of exercise.

Other ideas. Other ways to look for more fun in life include finding opportunities for laughter (try board games or maybe sign up to a local laughter yoga workshop) and finding opportunities for novelty and being spontaneous (day trips and holidays are good prompts for novelty and can bring out our more playful side). If you’re still not sure how to get going, then check out this article by Dr Stephanie Sarkis on what might be holding you back.

And one final sense check… remember that what you might find fun might not be fun to someone else. When designing fun activities, make sure you ask the people involved what they want to do and what would interest them!

**Want to learn more about how to have fun in life? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!**

Take Control of Your Happiness This Mental Health Month

12/05/2021 by Marie

Why you Need to Take Control of Your Happiness

Feeling ‘meh’? Or just not sure what to be feeling at the moment? May is Mental Health Month, and it’s time to take control of your happiness and mental wellbeing.

A few years ago, I stopped to ask ‘why’ and it has changed my life. Why was working hard the ultimate goal? Why was achievement so valued by our capitalist society? Why was a busting my *ss for a corporate company which was just as likely to make me redundant in the next restructure as the next guy? Why?

Many people follow the script. They work hard through school, get into a “good” university, get good grades and head out into the workforce. They marry and have kids, get a mortgage and a house, get a promotion, or two, and then one day, they look around and think, “is this it?” You might also know this as the mid-life crisis.

But some people have found another way to live… one where your happiness is placed at the centre of your decision making. Let’s be clear, chasing happiness does not work, but by following the below steps, you can bring happiness, satisfaction and mental wellbeing into your life.

In this article, we explore how to take control of your happiness and mental wellbeing. Read on!

Get to Know Yourself

Over the last few decades, many studies have shown that journaling is a great tool to help you understand yourself better, unpack old issues and let them go, and give your mind the knowledge to understand how you see and react to the world around you. It has also been shown to increase happiness, help to reach goals and even have some positive physical health benefits.

And if you’re someone who is generally not comfortable opening up to people, studies show that journaling might be the most beneficial to you.

“When we put our thoughts and feelings down on paper, we’re not just transferring them—we’re also transforming them. Writing forces us to arrange our ideas into a sequence, one after another; over time, themes and patterns start to emerge; new insights and perspectives start to bubble up.”
Kira M. Newman, Greater Good Magazine.

To get started all you need is a notepad, and you need to get into the habit of doing it. Generally, you want to set a timer and just keep writing for at least 20 minutes. However, research suggests that even writing for a few minutes can be beneficial. You also want to start making this a practice. Try to write for four days a week, but as with all new habits, remember to forgive yourself if you fall short and just pick up where you left off (in other words, keep going!).

Research shows that what you write about and how you write it matters. You want to write about the things that are bothering you and try to work through your thoughts and emotions… but you also benefit from ending each entry with three things that went well that day or that you’re grateful for.

Once you’ve spent time looking at the past and present, try spending some time focused on the future too. Growth mindset theory says you’re never too old to learn more and keep growing – in fact, the research shows that people who are curious and commit to lifelong learning are happier. You can try finding your passion and purpose through the Japanese art of Ikigai, or you could explore your strengths. Or, you can subscribe to some podcasts or explore new ideas with Ted Talks, or even sign up for a new course.

Achievement is not the Path to Happiness

So, if constantly striving for success isn’t the path to happiness, what is? There are now decades of research into what makes people happy, and her research boils down into three broad foundations. Here’s how to take control of your happiness:

Find Meaning and Purpose. Happy people have meaning and purpose in their lives and this is often tied to a strong sense of identity and self. They have spent time understanding themselves, and know their strengths and their emotional baggage. This is also about having something to get you out of bed in the morning, and about having goals, plans and commitments. These people also tend to practice gratitude, which helps you retrain your brain to scan for the positives in life.

Community and Connection: Happy people have strong community and connection. They have a core group of people they can talk to and depend on. They also tend to have a wider community network, through activities like church, regular volunteering or actively practicing kindness. They find ways to laugh and play with their friends and family, and they also limit their social media activity, which is often not as social as we might think.

Health and Wellbeing: Happy people practice and prioritise positive habits for a healthy body and mind. It could be getting exercise by out into nature for walks, going to the gym, or playing on a sports team, or it could be meditation, drinking water, and making sure they get 8hrs of sleep. The activity itself is less important, the main point is that resilient people prioritise their preferred self-care habits, even when life gets busy.

Resources

Happiness is a skill that you can learn – you can take control of your happiness. However, it’s important to note that this article is written for people who have it within themselves to take control of their mental health and make changes to bring more joy and satisfaction into their lives. These are tips to help people who are generally in good mental health yet who are struggling with day-to-day, manageable issues like low-level stress, burnout and anxiety.

If you are experiencing more sever mental health issues, such as depression or a diagnosable mental condition, or if you are not coping, these activities will not treat your condition and they are unlikely to fix any underlying issues. Visit Psychology Today to look up a professional counsellor in your area.

If you need additional support, here are some amazing Australia-based organisations.

If you are in immediate danger, please call 000 right away.

Mental health, stress and crisis support

Lifeline, 24/7 13 11 14, www.Lifeline.org.au
Beyond Blue, 24/7, 1300 244 636, www.BeyondBlue.org.au

Sexual assault, family & domestic violence

1800 RESPECT, 24/7, 1800 737 732, www.1800respect.org.au
Rape & Domestic Violence Services Australia, 24/7, 1800 211 028, www.rape-dvservices.org.au

Financial hardship

National Debt Helpline, Mon to Fri 9am to 5pm, 1800 007 007, www.ndh.org.au
Gambling Help Online, 24/7, 1800 858 858, www.gamblinghelponline.org.au

Legal aid

Each state and territory has its own Legal Aid Commission. Google “Legal Aid Australia.”

Coronavirus / COVID-19

National Coronavirus Helpline, 24/7, 1800 020 080, www.health.gov.au

LGBTIQ support

QLife, 7 days 3pm – midnight, 1800 184 527, www.Qlife.org.au

Veterans & Their Families

Open Arms, 24/7, 1800 011 046, www.OpenArms.gov.au

Men & Their Families

MensLine, 24/7, 1300 789 978, www.MensLine.org.au

Kids

Kids Helpline, 24/7, 1800 55 1800, https://kidshelpline.com.au

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics or sign up to my weekly newsletter for the latest happiness news & resilience resources!

resilience

Happiness for Cynics podcast

Show notes

Transcript

Happiness for Cynics podcast

Show notes

We are not in the same boat

Live in the Future

Transcript

Happiness for Cynics podcast

Transcript

‘Music gave us so much. To escape, even for a few moments to a “normal” world. Music allowed us a complete disconnect and emotionally escape from the horrors of the daily life.’

Expectations

Tool Versus Goal

Want to learn more about the happiness equation and the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my weekly newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

How to Deal With stress – Wherever it Comes From for you

The Three Types of Stress: Acute, Episodic, and Chronic Stress

How to Cope With Workplace Stress

How to Deal With Financial Stress

Managing Stress and Anxiety in Everyday Life

Coping with Family and Relationship Stress

In the meantime, make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics, or sign up to my email newsletter for regular tips, info, and advice in your inbox.

Why Strong Friendships are Even More Important Right Now

International Friendship Day

3 Benefits of Strong Friendships

Friends Are Good for Your Physical Health

Friends Help Build Your Confidence

Friends Help You Beat Stress

Building Strong Friendships

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

Happiness for Cynics podcast

Show notes

Exercise in letting go.

Transcript

Are Vegans Truly Happier Than Meat-eaters? Science Says Yes!

Here are the findings:

Shifting Perceptions of Vegans

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

What’s the Link Between Your Mental Health and Fun?

The Benefits of Having More Fun in Your Life

How to Have More Fun in Life

Want to learn more about how to have fun in life? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

Why you Need to Take Control of Your Happiness

Get to Know Yourself

Achievement is not the Path to Happiness

Resources

If you are in immediate danger, please call 000 right away.

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics or sign up to my weekly newsletter for the latest happiness news & resilience resources!

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About Marie

Podcast: Happiness for Cynics

Book: Self-care is church for non-believers

**Want to learn more about how to have fun in life? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!**