Unapologetically Marie

Writer, podcaster, mental health advocate

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Need a wellbeing boost? Get out to volunteer! 

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The case for volunteering 

If you do one thing this year to boost your wellbeing, make it volunteering.  

National Volunteer Week is an opportunity to celebrate and thank people all around the world who dedicate their precious time and efforts to voluntary service. It’s also a great opportunity to remind you that volunteering can have a huge impact on your happiness levels!  

According to Dr Dawn Carr, author of 5 reasons why you should volunteer, volunteering has been shown to:  

  1. Connect you to others  
  1. Be good for your mind and body 
  1. Advance your career  
  1. Bring meaning and fulfilment to your life  
  1. Be good for society (of course!)  

Not only that but finding the right volunteering activity can also give you the benefits of other proven positive psychology activities such as finding purpose, being social, being generous and practicing kindness – which have all been shown to also improve mood, mental wellbeing, resilience, physical health and even longevity. 

So, kick back and celebrate National Volunteer Week with us by exploring the science behind volunteering, and find out how you can achieve a happier, healthier life. Read on! 

Related reading: Volunteering and Happiness: Why Volunteering is The Superfood of The Positive Psychology Movement 

What the science says about volunteering 

It’s what we do… we look at the science, so here are a bunch of studies about the benefits of volunteering that we think are pretty cool. Read on! 

A quick rundown of the major benefits 

It’s scientifically proven that you can find your own happiness by helping others. Studies suggest that helping others can increase your happiness and improve your health. A growing body of research indicates that volunteering provides not just social benefits but individual health benefits as well. Research from the UK found that volunteering was associated with a positive change in mental wellbeing, showing that people who volunteer become happier over time and those who volunteer more attract greater benefits from the experience. Additionally, economists Stephan Meier & Alois Stutzer released a study in 2004 which concluded that, “volunteering constitutes one of the most important pro-social activities and helping others is the way to higher individual wellbeing.” They found robust evidence that volunteers are more satisfied with their life than non-volunteers.   

Volunteering is the new black 

Released in March 2022, The World Happiness Report 2022 showed us that more than ever, people around the world are prioritising benevolence. This annual global study found remarkable worldwide growth during 2021 in all three acts of kindness monitored in the Gallup World Poll: helping strangers, volunteering and donations. All three measures were strongly up in every part of the world, reaching levels almost 25 per cent more than at pre-pandemic times. “This surge of benevolence, which was especially great for the helping of strangers, provides powerful evidence that people respond to help others in need, creating in the process more happiness for the beneficiaries, good examples for others to follow, and better lives for themselves,” says report co-author, John Helliwell. 

Volunteering brings us closer to others 

A study published in the Journal of Individual Differences, called “Selflessness and Feeling in Harmony with Others Coincides with Greater Happiness,” suggests there’s more to happiness than feeling satisfied with one’s life. The study found that experiencing the self as interdependent coincided with increased happiness through feeling greater harmony with others.  

Cause and effect –aren’t happier people just more likely to volunteer 

For decades there has been a lot of cynicism around positive psychology research. When the many benefits of volunteering started being reported upon, many people asked (and rightly so) whether volunteering really makes people happier, or was it simply a case of happier people being more likely to volunteer? Thankfully a study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies and aptly titled “Does Volunteering Make Us Happier, or Are Happier People More Likely to Volunteer? Addressing the Problem of Reverse Causality When Estimating the Wellbeing Impacts of Volunteering,” helps to answers this question. It turns out there is strong correlation and so we can say, without a doubt, on volunteering makes people happier. Not only that, but the study also showed the association between volunteering and subjective wellbeing, and its equivalent wellbeing value of £911 per volunteer per year on average to compensate for the wellbeing increase associated with volunteering. Also, according to another study, this time from Harvard, volunteering at least once a week yields improvements to wellbeing equivalent to your annual salary doubling!  

Volunteering gets you out of your own head 

Finally, we know that similar to when we experience awe, volunteering can take your focus away from your own self-reflection and help to stimulate contentment and inspiration. So, if you’re feeling down, or in a rut, try finding somewhere to volunteer your time. In the Journal of Happiness Studies, researchers Douglas A. Gentile, Dawn M. Sweet and Lanmiao He again found that doing good deeds through acts of charity or volunteer work can make you feel better and happier, and they also found that simply wishing someone well can have a similarly positive effect on our moods. In fact, even witnessing acts of kindness produces oxytocin, which aids in lowering blood pressure, and improves self-esteem, optimism and our overall heart-health.  

A 2018 study on workers in a Spanish Company saw those giving out acts of kindness were even happier and more content than those who received the acts. “Our results reveal that practicing everyday pro-sociality is both emotionally reinforcing and contagious inspiring kindness and generating hedonic rewards in others,” said researchers, J. Chancellor, S. Margolis, K, Jacobs Bao, S. Lyubomirsky in the American Psychological Association Journal. 

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Get a weekly dose of happiness by subscribing to the Happiness for Cynics podcast and email newsletter!  

Fighting the Loneliness Epidemic (E94)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about fighting the loneliness epidemic and discuss 12 silver linings of positive solitude.

Show notes

12 Silver Linings of Positive Solitude 

  1. Self-Connection 
  1. Autonomy 
  1. Self-Determined Motivation 
  1. Competence/Skill-Building 
  1. Self-Growth 
  1. Felt Efficacy 
  1. Self-Reliance 
  1. Freedom from Pressure 
  1. Self-Reflection 
  1. Appreciation of the Environment 
  1. Spirituality 
  1. Peaceful Mood 

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]  

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: Welcome back.

P: Hi hi hi!

M: And it’s another sunny day in Sydney.

P: Aaahhh… Beautiful, Lovely. It’s slightly windy, but you know, it’s good for the sailing ships.

M: Is it?

P: All those people are in the harbour that are sailing their yachts.

M: I guess…

P: Laugh.

M: Is really strong wind good?

P: Is it that strong?

M: I think it is pretty strong.

P: Palm trees are flowing everywhere… So, it is a bit strong.

M: Mmm.

P: Yeah.

M: Sailing is not my thing.

P: Laugh.

M: I’ve been sailing… once. And that was about it.

P & M: Laugh.

P: It’s a nice image to go with anyway. Somewhere, someone is enjoying the wind. Kite flyers will enjoy the wind.

M: There you go.

P: Yeah.

M: Unless there’s too much wind again.

P: Laugh.

M: Then that’s not good, cause a kite dive bombs.

P: I see images of Mary Poppins.

M: Laugh.

P: And being taken off by the wind.

M & P: Laugh.

M: We lost Mary!

P: Laugh, goodness me!

M & P: Laugh!

P: I’ve got something to share this week.

M: Oh!

P: A little tip for happiness.

M: Please do share.

P: Yeah. I was talking with a friend of mine, and she has a little happiness moment with her daughter every night, and it comes up with the Facebook reminder photos.

M: Aww. Yes.

P: So those little reminders that come back from your memory. So, she sits down with her daughter every night and goes, Okay, what are we remembering tonight? And an image will come up. And sometimes for Lucia, she doesn’t know Sandara’s pre-Lucia history. So, it’s a really nice way for Sandara to share with her daughter about ‘Oh, this is when I used to do this’ or ‘this is this person that I knew in this country’ and they have a really lovely little moment.

M: Aww.

P: And it’s their moment of appreciation and thankfulness for experiences.

M: I love it. There’s a great site launched recently, and it is about photos that bring you joy and happiness.

P: We talked about that once in an episode.

M: Yeah, we did a while ago. Every now and then I get an email and I go and have a squiz, you know, and it’s not only people posting photos of their pets, so there is more to it –

P: Laugh!

M: – than that, laugh. But again, photos and photo-taking we’ve discussed many times. There’s been lots of surveys and lots of research into the impacts of taking photos.

P: Mmm.

M: So, yeah, that’s a good one.

P: That’s a nice way to connect and it’s really easy.

M: Yep.

P: You can do it.

M: Yeah, and the benefit is to go back. So, now that everyone’s gone digital, we’re not pulling out the old photo albums and have people come around.

P: Yes, slide nights. Remember slide nights? Laugh.

M: Yep, laugh. Who can forget them.

P & M: Laugh!

P: Because we weren’t there when you went to Malta.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Laugh.

M: I think, you know, being able to pull your phone out and still take some [photos] through your trip or something definitely has benefits.

P: Mmm, definitely. And it’s one of the uses of social media, which I still subscribe to, even though I’m very anti- social media. When I when I take a trip, I do publish because it’s the way that a lot of my family see my trip.

M: Yep.

P: And they like to see it as well.

M: Plus, when you do publish, you get the reminders.

P: Exactly that’s, that’s very true.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So, it did make me think of that when I was talking to Sandara last week, so thank you for that, it was lovely.

M: All right. So, what are we talking about today?

P: Oh… What are we talking about today? I’ve forgotten already, laugh.

M: We’re talking about solitude and loneliness.

P: Laugh. That’s right. And positive solitude.

M: Yes. We’re talking about, one of the three pillars that we talk about, which is strong social connections, which has been proven time and time again to be one of the most influential factors in someone’s happiness.

P: It’s in the top three, isn’t it?

M: It is number one.

P: Oh, laugh.

M: So, we’ve got three pillars. This is one of them, and it is number one out of the three.

P: Laugh.

M: And if you look at the Harvard Longitudinal Study and it showed, it’s the longest study of its kind, looking at how long people live, how healthfully they live and how happy they are over their lives and those with strong social connections beat everyone else hands down.

P: The quality of life in their senior years particularly, was so much stronger and better.

M: Yes, from a physical health point of view as well as mental health. So, being lonely, we’re back here again, Pete.

P: Laugh.

M: Being lonely kills.

P: Mmm, yes. It does people. People die.

M: So, we’re talking today about the social connection pillar and two studies that have come out recently. So, the first one is all about the silver linings of solitude, and it found that alone time during covid was a rewarding experience for many.

P: Mmm.

M: So, we’re actually delving into the nitty gritty of these statements. You know, relationships are important. It’s a very broad-brush statement.

P: Laugh.

M: So, we’re trying to deep dive today into how come so many people experienced positive outcomes from being socially isolated.

P: Laugh. It doesn’t seem like the right thing, does it?

M: It’s completely backwards.

P: Laugh.

M: And there are reasons, and the reasons are that solitude and loneliness are two very different things.

P: Mmm, yeah. It’s good to be very clear about that, because loneliness is debilitating in all forms.

M: Yep.

P: But I think that solitude has this positive aspect to it, which is what the study talks about.

M: Yep, and really, it’s talking about the difference between being alone and being lonely.

P: Mmm.

M: And you can be alone. And as an introvert, I gravitate towards activities I do by myself.

P: Yep.

M: And love that time. And I wouldn’t say I’m lonely during those times.

P: Yeah.

M: Because when I’m lonely, I go seek out people. And in fact there are almost two different sides of that spectrum for me. So, if I’m lonely, I’ll go seek out people. if I want alone time, I don’t want people.

P: Mmm. It is a balancing act. It’s really a seesaw because you need to have both in your life. And it’s not necessarily a bad thing to be lonely for a very short period of time. Because if it propels you forward to create more social connections and remember to keep those connections happening, that’s a really good outcome.

M: Mmm hmm. Yep.

P: But it’s that, as I said, it’s a short term, and alone time is brilliant. It’s like being bored. It leads to something creative. It leads to something else, it leads to finding solutions or investing in self-reflection or meditation, or something that you wouldn’t do if you were distracted by other people.

M: Yep, absolutely. So, the researchers call it positive solitude.

P: Mmm, I like that.

M: Yep. And so what they have found and what positive solitude studies in general have found, is that many people flourish when they’re alone and thrive on the autonomy of not being with others.

P: Laugh. Marie’s putting her hand up here.

M: Absolutely, so I am definitely happier being stuck in a corner, doing my work by myself and not being bothered by people.

P: Laugh.

M: I love all my colleagues, don’t get me wrong, but a day full of meetings is draining for me, whereas a few hours in the afternoon, uninterrupted by anyone where I get to deep dive into work and find flow.

P: Mmm.

M: That is what brings me joy and satisfaction. And a lot of people discovered that when they went into lockdown, they also found enjoyment out of doing activities by themselves.

P: Mmm. Well, it’s interesting with the study because she talks about the lack of commute time or the lack of enforced alone time. And I was interested in that aspect because for me being on a tube going to work, it’s not the same as having a half hour to myself on the balcony at home, different parameters of… concepts of time, I think.

M: I think… it is different, but I have found that being able to put headphones on, on a bus can give me that same me time.

P: Yeah, totally agree with you.

M: They are different, though, and again, I think the bus is a very short term or the tube, short term amount of time. But there is something lovely in the morning when you are communing with being able to put your headphones on and tune out the world and listen to your favourite podcast or show or whatever it is that you’re doing.

P: Yeah, I learnt that last year with my drive to Uni. I thought, ‘Oh my God, 45 minutes, I’m going to go ah!!!’ And then I actually learned to just chill out, laugh.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So, I’d put some queen on and put the top down and sing to my heart’s content.

M: Yep.

P: And that was really beneficial at 7:30 in the morning.

M: And again, there’s something lovely about that time and you can make it me time.

P: Yes.

M: Rather than a stressful commute.

P: Mmm, yep.

M: Yet again, I agree with you. It’ll never compare to just having 30 minutes at home by yourself because.

P: Yep.

M: Because you can’t really walk around in your underwear eating straight out of the peanut butter jar.

P: Laugh. Yeah.

M: On a bus!

P: Don’t laugh, people. You know it’s true. You all want to do it!

M & P: Laugh!

P: And I’m all for it. I’m all for those indulgences. I think that’s great. My poor housemate sometimes catches me in the middle of it.

M: Laugh. What this study found was for those with self-determined motivation, which has a lot to unpack. For those with self-determined motivation, solitude was a catalyst for self-growth and having more alone time gave them a chance to focus on skill building activities without interruption.

P: Mmm.

M: So, this is about the people who found motivation during lockdown, and a lot of people didn’t.

P: Yes.

M: And they floundered. But there was a subset of the population who found that during lockdown, they we’re motivated, and they experienced 12 different types of benefits to being in lockdown and having that alone time forced upon them.

P: Mmm, so does it come down to personality type?

M: Absolutely, yes.

P: Yeah, right. So, a certain personality type is more susceptible to loneliness, as opposed to –

M: Aah, I wouldn’t say that necessarily. To being motivated or demotivated by change.

P: Mmm.

M: To making the best of it into being optimistic and finding a way through versus being overcome by anxiety or the situation and not being proactive.

P: Mmm. I wonder if that’s trainable.

M: Optimism definitely is. And if I haven’t mentioned it before, I’ll mention it again. Down in Melbourne, Victor Perton has a great organisation called the Centre for Optimism. It’s a small membership fee, and they bring in experts from around the world and you can tune in on a lunchtime or an evening session. They’ve got great talks and it’s all about how to change the way you think.

P: That’s brilliant.

M: Yep.

P: So worthwhile, if I guess, if you are predetermined, predestined for that other side of loneliness then maybe that’s something to invest into.

M: Not so much loneliness, but optimism or not. And that optimism really dictates how you respond to what happens in your life.

P: Yeah, and we know that it’s our responses that determine our emotions.

M: Exactly, yeah. And so, if you shut down when lockdown happened for whatever valid reason, there was a lot going on, right?

P: Definitely, yeah.

M: So there’s no judgement at all there. But if, if you shut down as a result of lockdown and stopped reaching out to people and really just let the anxiety and the fear and the sadness overwhelm you, then that could lead to loneliness.

P: Yes, definitely. This is a technique that you can use to maybe interrupt that.

M: Absolutely. Whereas the optimists went, all right, how many fancy dress WebEx meetings can I set up?

P: Laugh!

M: How am I going to make sure that I get through this and I bring my friends through and my family through it, in a positive mental health space?

P: Mmm, mmm.

M: So, really I think the motivated individuals that they’re talking about here had 12 benefits and we won’t go into too much detail. But I will read out the 12 benefits.

P: Sure.

M: So, one is self-connection. So, connecting with yourself. Two [is] autonomy. So, really we’ve spoken a lot with meaning and purpose about the need for, and flow for autonomy and control at times.

P: Yep.

M: Three is self-determined motivation. So, it’s not me telling you, Pete, don’t be so lonely, talk to people?

P: Laugh! Cause that’s how it works.

M: Laugh.

P: Ok.

M: Sure.

P & M: Laugh.

M: And anyone who’s ever tried to tell a teenager to do something will know, it just doesn’t happen.

P: Laugh.

M: So, self-determined motivation is number three.

P: Yep.

M: Four is competence or skill building. I think, Udemy, which is an online learning platform, doubled their course –

P: Oh, really? Wow.

M: – their course sales when covid hit.

P: Gosh.

M: Five, self-growth, which is very closely tied to skill building but probably a bit more in the self-help category.

P: Yep.

M: Six is felt efficacy.

P: Oh, felt efficacy.

M: Yes. So again, there’s a lot in here about just being aware of yourself and your growth and your needs. And so, a lot of people have spent a lot of time understanding themselves better and knowing themselves better.

P: Knowing their strengths.

M: These people are efficient and feeling their efficacy.

P: Ok.

M: Self-reliance is number seven and again so great to build those skills and to do all those DIY projects –

P: Yeah.

M: – and learn how to make sour dough bread –

P: Laugh.

M: – and garden.

P: But know that you are okay on your own.

M: Yeah, number eight, this one was great for me, freedom from pressure.

P: Oh, that’s a lot to unpack.

M: I didn’t have to make excuses to not go out.

P: Laugh. Oh, yes. I’m feeling that today actually.

M & P: Laugh!

M: You’re coming up to exams, aren’t you?

P: Yeah, I had a little moment today, ‘I just want to go on my own! I need everyone to stop!’ Laugh.

M: Absolutely. So, number eight freedom from pressure.

P: Mmm.

M: Number nine, self-reflection. Again, you know, they’re all interlinked.

P: Yeah.

M: Ten, appreciation of the environment.

P: Oh, yes. That’s a big one.

M: Yep.

P: A lot of people found out things like, ‘Oh, there’s a park behind me that I can walk in because it’s the only thing I can do.’

M: Yep. Or even just, you know, I actually sat down, and I really, am very lucky that I live in the house I live in. So, the environment that I’m in, I’m so grateful for.

P: What I have at my fingertips.

M: Yep.

P: Yeah.

M: Number eleven, spirituality. A lot of people reconnected with self and spirit and with their faith.

P: Yep.

M: And then twelve, peaceful mood.

P: Oh, that’s very generic.

M: Well, I think for me not feeling pulled in a million directions to do you really gave me a sense of calm.

P: Yeah. Well, everyone’s always saying, if only we had four more hours in the day.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Maybe you just need to be more selective to give yourself permission to give yourself more time?

M: Yeah, but then you’ve got the pressure to say yes and all of that stuff that gets added on.

P: Yeah.

M: So, I think people were freed from all of that extra expectation placed on them.

P: Yeah, obligation.

M: And they were just able to be –

P: More peaceful, yeah.  

M: Just able to be.

P: I wonder if that’s something that people are going to hold onto as we come on the other side of this.

M: I definitely [will].

P: Yeah, I think people make more of those conscious decisions.

M: To not do things.

P: To go, ‘No, I’m not going to buy… I’m not going to cover that up. I’m going to give myself that hour or hour and a half on my own.’

M: Well, I’ve actually gone into my calendar and put once a month for me time.

P: Yes!!

M: And a whole weekend, a whole weekend where I don’t commit to [anything].

P: Love it.

M: It’s not that I don’t love catching up with friends going out to dinner, going to theatre, but there comes a time where I’m like ‘I’m exhausted by this.’

P: I feel sometimes, I mean, this is the funny thing. You say all that and I’m like Marie’s always taking me places.

M & P: Laugh!

P: You’re always sending me invites.

M & P: Laugh!

P: And I’m supposed to be the extravert!

M & P: Laugh!

M: You’re just busy. All right, we’ll keep moving. So, obviously the people who did this study did realise that there is also a dark side to solitude.

P: Mmm.

M: So, we’ve talked about positive solitude.

P: Yep.

M: But a 14-year-old in the interviews mentioned quote, “I miss my friends and being able to interact with them.” And then a 37-year-old said, “For a long while I was fine, spending time by myself, as I’m a loner by nature. However, recently I felt very frustrated and angry that I don’t have any friends to call on.”

P: Yeah.

M: So, there is a real sharp edge that you can get to and fall off very quickly.

P: Yes.

P: And that’s the investment in those social connections.

M: Yes.

P: You have to keep them going. So, when the time comes where you do need to reach out, you have one or two there.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: That’s the important message people. And I know I’m banging; I’m getting excited people!

M & P: Laughter!

M: I’m going to have to tape your hands –

P: No!

M: – behind your back.

P: I want to move and be free and express myself, laugh.

M: All good. All right, So the second study is supporting very much the tried-and-true social connections are an important message that we –

P: Yes, this is the science.

M: Yes, the science.

P: We love this.

M: Laugh. So, there’s a recent study that took blood samples from older adults who have experienced social isolation, and they had higher levels of two biomarkers of inflammation. So, I’m going to try and pronounce them interleukin-6 and C-reactive protein.

P: Yes.

M: So, this was published in the Journal of American Geriatrics Society, and it looked at the negative long-term consequences of social isolation and the health of older people as they age.

P: Mmm.

M: And they looked at 4,648 Medicare beneficiaries aged 65 years and older. So, I think it’s, again we talk about the interlinking between mental health and physical health.

P: Yes.

M: And how in Western society we are only just waking up to how everything is connected. Mind and body, Eastern philosophy and Eastern medicine got there millennia before us.

P: Way back, laugh. 1000 years ago, they were there.

M: Yeah, so this is just another study that shows that loneliness and its impacts on our mental health has a physical impact on our bodies.

P: It predisposes us to inflammatory agents within our blood plasma interleukin-6 is a precursor to the C-reactive protein.

M: Oh, we’ve got him started.

P & M: Laugh!

P: It’s getting interesting, laugh! But these things are happening because of what’s going on with our mental capacity and our mental health.

M: Yeah.

P: They are the biomarkers that make us more disposed to experience inflammation and inflammation is such a big issue with so many people when they’re feeling low.

M: Yeah, the lead author, Thomas Cudjoe says,

“Our findings demonstrate an important association between social isolation and biological processes. This work is a step in the journey to disentangle the mechanisms by which social isolation leads to higher levels of morbidity and mortality.”

P: Totally linked. Yep.

M: Loneliness kills.

P: It does, people die.

M: Yep.

P: And we don’t say that lightly. It’s so true.

M: Absolutely, so this is the research showing why, as we get older building houses and homes that encourage social interaction.

P: Yes.

M: Rather than high rises where you never see your neighbours.

P: The density and all that sort of stuff.

M: All of those types of things for urban planning that we talk about and then investing in a lot of relationships and activities you can continue to do into your seventies, eighties and nineties.

P: Yep.

M: So important.

P: That sense of community and that supportive framework and parks and gardens.

M: And having an opportunity to meet new people on a regular basis, participating in your local RSL or whatever it is.

P: The Orchid society.

M: Absolutely and finding a way to make sure that once you can’t drive anymore that you can, you know that they’re accessible as well.

P: Yeah.

M: All of that is really important. And as our baby boomers start hitting retirement age or they’ve already started, I think we’re going to see huge changes in how our older generations get around and how they live.

P: And how they interact as well.

M: So that will be good for our generation for the X’s and everyone after millennials.

P: Yeah.

M: I think we’re going to see some big, big changes in healthcare.

P: And it’s good that you have organisations such as city councils and land councils that are recognising this. And they are investing in these in making cities more liveable, so important.

M: Yep, absolutely.

P: Mmm.

M: More liveable and more able to connect.

P: Yep. Because social connection is what? [Whispers] …Primary.

M: It kills people.

P: Laugh! Way to bring it down, Marie.

M: Wait. Without social interaction –

P: Okay.

M: – you die.

P: Laugh! And on that note!

M: That’s one for another episode. Thank you for joining us and have a happy week.

P: Chow.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]  

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How Nature Affects Your Loneliness (E72)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk how nature affects your loneliness and why nature is so important for your mental health.

Show notes

During the podcast Pete references a study where findings indicated the need for both residential and non-residential areas in a city. It was incorrectly referenced to The Australian Institute of Health and Wellness and can be found in a University of NSW study through the following link.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: Hey, hey.

P: And we’re back.

M: We’re back.

P: Laugh, how’s your week been Marie?

M: Um… really, really good, but really exhausting.

P: Laugh.

M: You know, those days that you look back on and they’re so rewarding.

P: Ahh yeah. You can taste that pound of flesh.

M: Laugh.

P: Shakespeare had it right.

M: Absolutely, and this week I was organising a bunch of interviews with customers.

P: Mmm.

M: Tio hear their personal stories and we had some really vulnerable and authentic people come in and share their, their good and their bad.

P: Oh yeah.

M: And how large organisations have and haven’t supported them through those moments. And that’s things that all of this go through you know we’re all vulnerable at different times in our lives. And unfortunately, you can’t just read from a script when things are going on around you.

P: Nope, gotta relate.

M: So, I think a lot of this came out of the Royal Commission a few years ago in the banking and the insurance industries.

P: Ahh, interesting.

M: You know, despite companies in theory, trying to do the right thing and ensure a consistent level of service. You know, there are some things you just can’t script and we’re human, we’re messy.

P: Yep.

M: Life is messy.

P: Yeah, it is, very.

M: Yeah, but it was wonderful to just have those open and heart-warming and gut-wrenching discussions with people who were there to help us be better.

P: Yeah that’s doing the work, isn’t it?

M: Yeah. Yeah, kind of. Having a chat with people who are lovely, laugh.

P: It is but putting yourself in the vulnerable position and putting yourself in the receptive position as well.

M: Yeah.

P: Which relates directly to work that we do for our self-esteem and our well-being to create happiness and to ensure longevity and happiness.

M: Yep. Yes. Yeah, definitely. How about you? How was your week?

P: My week’s been lovely, laugh. The accelerator is off, sorry the pedal is off… the pedal? The foot! What am I going for here, Marie? Laugh!

M: You’re slowing things down.

P: See I’m trying to do a racing car reference and it’s just not working. I should just stick to fashion walking.

M & P: Laughter!

P: The foot is off the accelerator, shall we say, just slightly. So, I’ve had a very [good week] yeah. So, I said to a friend of mine who’s a professor of physiotherapy at Sydney University, ‘Should I be this relaxed?’ Laugh.

And he said, ‘Yeah if you’ve done the work, you should be Ok. I’m like ‘Ok, I’m good.’

M: Until the night before the exams.

P: Well, that’s what I said, ‘Call me next Tuesday.’

M & P: Laugh!

M: So, what are we talking about this week?

P: Ooh, we’re talking about green spaces! Laugh.

M: And loneliness.

P: And loneliness, yes. A new study out by a couple of Australians?

M: Yes. So, Thomas Astell-Burt from the University of Wollongong and Xiaoqi Feng from the University of New South Wales. I apologise if I have mispronounced your name… yet again.

P & M: Laugh!

M: And they’ve just recently released findings from a longitudinal study which was published in the International Journal of Epidemiology, which finds that adults in neighbourhoods were at least 30% of nearby land, was parks, reserves and woodlands had a 26%, so 1 in 4 percent lower odds of becoming lonely compared to their peers in areas of less than 10% green space.

P: This is very in vogue, this kind of investigation and this kind of study in terms of looking at how our liveable cities do better and how they have a social impact.

M: Absolutely, so there are so many different fields of study that are looking at green space. In one of our previous episodes on liveable cities, we looked at green space.

P: Mmm.

M: I think we talked about in Paris there is a big push to put green areas and walking areas along the Seine.

P: Yes.

M: Yes, a lot of big cities are doing it. London is greening a lot of their poorer neighbourhoods.

P: Yes.

M: So, they’re investing in poorer neighbourhoods and again this study was just saying 26% lower odds of becoming lonely compared to peers in areas of less than 10% green space and that 10% green space, that tends to be the slums and your low socio-economic areas of large cities.

P: Yeah, the poverty areas.

M: Yeah, yeah.

P: And we’ve talked about this before, but there was also a similar study done on the links between your health rate on your suburban location in Australia.

M: Yep.

P: And that was an ABC report that we’ve mentioned in a couple of episodes that it depends on which suburb you live in a city which actually comm predetermine your health outcomes and your literacy, your financial situation. Your access to the good things of life, really.

M: Yep, so this is one of those many things and you wouldn’t think just having parks.

P: Ahh, it’s so important.

M: Yep.

P: The built-in environment has actually a huge impact. We’ve actually studied in one of my subjects in this semester, The built-in environment and its impact on health. We don’t realise that the areas in which we live have a huge impact on how we interact, what we do, how were shuffled around in terms of pedestrianisation.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And what they… I think it was the Australian Institute of Health and Wellness [apologies it was UNSW]. In their study [they] published saying that cities need to be a mix of residential and non-residential, ideally because –

M: And not just residential and commercial and industrial, but residential and parkland.

P: Well, it also said there is a place for –

M: Socialising?

P: – commercial and industrial within the landscape, because if you have all residential, then you get too much density. So, the cross section of the area needs to include all elements that includes industrial.

M: Not necessarily industrial. So, I think there’s some really good work that was being done just outside of Washington D.C, where they were putting train stops and then building in your parking, first layer of commercial and then residential and building little zones where you don’t need a car for your area.

P: Mmm.

M: So, you can do everything you need to do day to day within walking distance. And if you have to go somewhere industrial, which in old times meant it would pollute your air, they put those as far away as possible.

P: Mmm.

M: So, they don’t put an airport right next to a residential area for instance. So, there is some industrial nowadays, but you don’t end up with a lot of higher chemicals and air pollution.

P: Yeah, white industrial vs. big plants and things like that.

M: Yes. So, anyway, this study is looking at the intersection of mental health and green spaces and loneliness in particular.

P: Why loneliness, Marie?

M: [dramatic pause] … Because you’ll die!

P & M: Laughter!

P: It’s a bit of a catchphrase now, isn’t it?

M: Laugh.

P: We talk about dying a lot here, laugh.

M: I know, everything makes you die these days.

P & M: Laugh!

M: So, in 2019 the World Economic Forum put out a lot of research and published a lot of research on loneliness. 2019 was loneliness, 2020 was burnout.

P: Mmm.

M: But these lifestyle and health, mental health and lifestyle conditions are becoming increasingly more common across all generations and around the world and across all cultures.

P: I think we’re becoming a little bit more aware of them as well. I think people are, I think people are more inclined to admit that they might feel lonely a little bit more. And we’re more aware that our mental health impacts our physical health. And so, our understanding of the impacts of psychological stress of psychological disorders we understand they’re things to be discussed. Whereas 50 years ago you didn’t discuss them, it was like you have a cup of tea, you get on with life.

M: I think loneliness is one of the last ones that still has such a stigma around it.

P: Mmm.

M: It’s not easy to say I have no friends.

P: Yeah true.

M: Or I want someone to love.

P: Mmm.

M: You know, and to admit that to yourself, let alone other people. And to be quite fair, admitting it to other people can backfire.

P: That’s true.

M: And even worse spiral.

P: Mmm.

M: So, the world economic forum said that 40% – and this, this really got me because whenever I think loneliness, I think of elderly people with mobility issues who live alone.

P: Yep, and you’d be right because that’s a –

M: Big, big, group that are lonely in general, but The World Economic Forum said that 40% of under 25 year-olds report feeling lonely.

P: That’s scary.

M: And to me, that is a sign of our times, because you could be standing in a room full of people, a crowded room and still feel lonely even though you’re not alone.

P: Yes.

M: And a lot of our youth have grown up using phones.

P: Mmm hmm, and they don’t have the social skills.

M: Exactly, yeah. So, there’s a lot of people who aren’t truly connecting, even though they’re standing in that crowded room or crowded Facebook or Instagram, laugh.

P: Yeah, but that’s the thing is that they don’t have the understanding or the know how to strike up a conversation. I remember feeling a little bit like that when I moved to Melbourne from being in the country, the first time I’d really lived in a big city. And I remember talking to some of my friends who were going to university at that time and I was always amazed at how this one guy Robbie, he could talk to anybody. He could just walk into a room and strike up a conversation. I’m like ‘How do you do it?!’

M & P: Laughter.

P: [How do] you have that confidence?

M: So, you went to… You grew up in a small town, didn’t you?

P: Mmm hmm, yeah.

M: I think that is really harmful to kids.

P: Laugh.

M: So, I went to a preschool that fed into a primary school that fed into high school that fed into college.

P: Yep.

M: And then we went to one of two universities in our city, laugh!

P: Yeah. So, you know everyone.

M: Yeah, and the class split [at university]. Whereas when I went overseas, that was the first time I actually had to make friends.

P: Mmm.

M: The first time we didn’t show up and have people – I might not have liked them too much, but I could always hang out with them, right?

P: Laugh.

M: But thankfully I went to a country where I was the novelty. So, the second opened my mouth, I had an accent, and people would go ‘oh, where are you from?’ It’s an opener.

P: It’s an icebreaker.

M: Yep, absolutely. But I’ve always thought that for small town kids it’s tough if you’ve never moved [or] had to start from scratch anywhere.

P: Mmm.

M: And the first time you’re doing that is when you go off to university or in your first job, you miss a lot of the growth that comes from those social interactions.

P: Yeah, yeah, I think there are also other advantages as well as disadvantages sometimes in that you get more social interaction in the country down. Perhaps this is an opportunity of meeting more people in a way, because in the city you cloister, you… Yeah, I can see the pros and cons of both sides.

M: Yeah.

P: Yeah.

M: I think when you’re older, it’s a bit different but when you’re younger. You’ve got your sports group’s and your music groups, school, church.

P: You’re constantly meeting people, definitely.

M: Yeah, definitely. But I do hear what you say when you’re an adult and you moved to a big city.

P: Yeah, and it’s challenging. And being thrown in the deep end is actually one of the best things you can do. You just jump in and go, ‘Right, here I go!’ Laugh.

M: So this study shows that the benefits of having more green area around you are even stronger for people who do live alone. And that’s really important because we’re living in this world of abundance.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: We’re, we’re spoiled, let’s be honest. Really, really honest, in Australia. Yep, you might not be able buy house, but the house that our parents could buy 100 years ago [maybe 200] was a hut on the master’s property, with no running water.

P: Yeah, laugh.

M: So it’s only maybe the last 50 years that homeownership looked the way it did.

P: Hmm.

M: It is changing again now, but we are also finding that a lot more people are living alone and choosing to live alone.

P: Mmm, yes. Yeah. That trend is definitely going up.

M: Yep. My mom wants to live… alone is the wrong word, but wants to be independent and have her own space.

P: Yeah.

M: And, you know, as do many other people. So there are more of us living by ourselves. But if you’re going to live by yourself, then you’ll be less lonely if you have more green space around you. And the reason the researchers think this is the case is that when you go and spend more time in parks and enjoying the outdoors and getting outside of your home, there’s more chances for light interaction but also deep interaction.

P: Mmm, I agree. It’s the cycle path phenomenon again. We know that cycle ways create social and community interaction.

M: Really? I didn’t know this one about cycle ways.

P: Remember when we did the liveable cities episodes?

Designing Happy Cities (E19)
Designing Happy Cities (E19)

P: Cycle paths are the new black remember?

P & M: Laugh.

M: Yes dear, yes dear.

P & M: Laugh.

P: It is the social aspect of cycle pathways; It creates a sense of community because you see people out on the streets. It’s like driving a convertible, I get this all the time now that I drive a convertible, people think they can talk to you.

M: We’re just going to leave that there. It’s red by the way.

P: It is.

M: Laugh.

P: Well, it’s really funny how people are, they feel like it’s an obligation, or they can have a conversation with you when you’re pulled up with the lights.

M: Laugh!

P: Sometimes not always a pleasant conversation. It’s like, what do you mean you want me to go there’s 16 cars in front of me dude, what do you want!

M: Laugh.

P: You can have these interactions with people because you’ve got an open top and they go ‘oh, I can talk to this person.’ Laugh.

M: It’s a really funny situation though, have you ever looked over and seen someone picking their nose in their car?

P: Totally, yeah.

M: Exactly. We’ve all seen it, right?

P: Laugh!

M: Or singing their heart out with no –

P: Yes! I love it, it’s great!

M: shame, no shame. But if they ever saw anyone watching them, they would stop straight away and feel embarrassed by it.

P: Yes, yes, true.

M: There’s something about having that roof on, that gives you this weird sense of privacy.

P: Laugh.

M: Anyway, we digress. Laugh.

P: The point being that if you’re out and about, you invite interaction whether you want it to or not, it’s there.

M: So, we will make you not be lonely, whether you want it or not!

P: Laugh! We’re enforcing this! I you want to go sit on the park bench bad luck I’m coming and sitting next to you, laugh!

M: Mmm hmm and have a conversation. So, look I thought that was interesting that it had such a huge impact on people who live alone. But there was also a really surprising finding from their study. So, the researchers found that more green space didn’t provide relief from loneliness.

P: Mmm, yeah.

M: So, if you’re already lonely, having more parks around doesn’t change anything.

P: Which goes to say that there’s another intervention that needs to happen there. So, we need to find another source of dealing with that issue rather than just putting parks in place. Parks won’t be enough. They’re good for creating –

M: They’re good for stopping [loneliness].

P: Yeah, they’re not, they’re not going to treat it. For people who are already suffering from loneliness, there needs to be further intervention that level.

M: Yep, one of the other things that we spoke about this year was birds. Do you remember that study?

P: Birds?

M: Have you got worms tonight Pete?

P: I’m trying to get comfortable with this new microphone and it’s hemming me into the couch.

M: Laugh.

P: I’m feeling attacked! Laugh!

M: Sorry we’re having audio issues tonight.

P: Laugh!

M: We’ve invested in super smick – smick?

P: Smick, shit, laugh.

M: Super schmick microphones and Pete’s squirming like a five-year-old who has to eat his peas and carrots.

P & M: Laugh.

P: I don’t like peas and carrots.

M: Anyway.

P: Birds.

M: Remember we spoke about birds.

P: Oh, yes, yes, yes.

M: How diversity in birds increases happiness as well, and I think it’s all interlinked if you’ve got more trees and park space, you know naturally you’ll have more birds.

P: Well, the other factor that comes into when they talk about city design and the built-in environment and how it affects us is walkability.

M: Yes.

P: So, the ability to actually walk somewhere and, not feel threatened for it to be well lit to have a consistent pathway of consistent pedestrianisation on your journey that has huge impacts on how we use the space on that is going to encourage people to get out of their homes and not jump in the car and drive to the mall or drive to the shopping centre.

M: Or drive to work?

P: Or drive to work.

M: This’s where I think America boomed and their cities sprawled.

P: Yes.

M: And they’ve built their cities for big freeways and car travel and kept their gas prices low. To enable everyone to have the dream of a home and a car.

P: Yes.

M: Right? And I think we know that London and Paris and Rome have infrastructure issues because they’re just such old, old cities.

P: Yeah. They weren’t designed that way.

M: It’s hard to put lifts in for people with physical disabilities when you’re underground is Swiss cheese and it might cause things to collapse.

P: Laugh.

M: Or all the buildings are heritage listed and the stairs are not only uneven but they’re warn down in the middle and all the rest, you know all of that stuff. But I think where America is really going to struggle is that they were built on that promise of being able to drive your car.

P: So, the accessibility of the city is not necessarily –

M: The walkability is not there.

P: Yeah, definitely.

M: In Canberra, which is one of the few or two I think fully designed cities. There’s another one [Brasilia] in South America somewhere that we have spoken about. But they designed local shops and then a suburb of residential area around it and then another local shops with residential around it. So that everyone could walk to the shops.

P: Mmm.

M: And the shops always had a kid’s playground next to it, and you know, it was designed as that being the middle of the residential hub, I guess it was the hub. But in the States, it wasn’t and that sprawl means that even if you just want to go from a butcher to the baker, it could be kilometres difference.

P: Yep, absolutely.

M: So that’s a real challenge, I think.

P: It is especially for our vulnerable populations such as children and elderly. They haven’t got the, you know, the children don’t have necessarily the access to transport. The elderly aren’t able to be mobile enough to get access to the transport.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So, they are left on the fringes. Yeah, you know, my mom only goes shopping once every fortnight, and she waits until that once a fortnight, partly because of that’s just the way that she likes to go.

M: Yep. And I think, unfortunately, technology has made it easy so that you don’t have to go to the bank can do it all from home.

P: Mmm.

M: But that means you’re not getting out.

P: You’re not interacting with people anymore; You’re interacting with technology.

M: Tech, yep. Or as we’ve all found through covid we’re interacting, but not in ways that are forming deep relationships.

P: Yes, the importance of touch.

M: Laugh, don’t go touching your banker!

P: Laugh!

M: But as we’ve mentioned before those small interactions even with your coffee guy.

P: Yep, vital. Yeah. I still miss my coffee, man. Alex, where are you? You’ve left me.

M: Laugh. And we’ll need to wrap up but I just want to say that Melbourne’s gone into lock down yet again.

P: Oh, so awful… Are people trying to escape?

M: It was crappy the first time, crappy the second time, third time like ‘come on!’, fourth time everyone’s kind of just over being positive.

P: It’s about building that resilience though.

M: It’s tough, It is really tough. And you know Sydney, it’ll happen again for us I’m sure and other cities and countries around the world haven’t come out [of lockdown].

P: Yeah, exactly.

M: So, one of the best things that has been shown to increase resilience and mental health in the pandemic is to go for a walk in nature. So, if you’ve got your parks and you’re allowed to, based on your lock down laws and a lot of countries let you do some exercise, it is one of the easiest things you can do.

P: Can I say it? Can I say it?

M: Do it! Laugh.

P: Forest Bathing! It’s a real thing!

M & P: Laughter!

M: If you have a forest near you or it’s within a kilometre area that you’re allowed to. Otherwise, a local park will do.

P & M: Laugh.

P: Two hours people, go and get two hours in nature. It’s good for your immune function. It’s good for your mental health, it’s good for everything. It’s good for your stress management.

M: All of it.

P: Yep.

M: All of the above.

P: Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick!

M: Yes, and it is good for your loneliness.

P: Mmm.

M: And on that note, we’ll finish up.

P: Have a happy week.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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Fighting the Loneliness Epidemic (E41)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete discuss the global rise in loneliness levels, what is contributing to the increase and what we can all do to build stronger relationships.

Site discussed during the podcast: Examining Emotional Literacy Development Using a Brief On-Line Positive Psychology Intervention with Primary School Children  Jacqueline Francis *, Tan-Chyuan Chin and Dianne Vella-Brodrick Centre for Positive Psychology, University of Melbourne, Parkville, VIC 3010, Australia; tanchyuan.chin@unimelb.edu.au (T.-C.C.); dianne.Vella-Brodrick@unimelb.edu.au (D.V.-B.) * Correspondence: jacqui.francis@unimelb.edu.au Received: 14 September 2020; Accepted: 15 October 2020; Published: 19 October 2020 

Transcript

M: You’re listening to the podcast Happiness for Cynics. I’m Marie Skelton, a writer and speaker on change and resilience.

P: And I’m Peter Furness, a pop up cycle user, smartphone and techno abuser and generic loose cannon on a Sunday boozer. Each week we will bring to you the latest news and research in the world of positive psychology, otherwise known as happiness.

M: So if you’re feeling low.

P: Or if you’re only satisfied with life but not truly happy with it.

M: Or maybe you just want more.

P: Then this is the place to be!

M: And to take us one step further on our happiness journey, today’s episode is all about the loneliness epidemic.

[Happy Intro Music]

M: What is does Eeyore say?

P: I’m depressed?

M: Woe is me.

P: Oh well, oh well.

M: [Laugh]

P: I’ll just take another walk.

M: Someone like that. I feel like that’s what sums up my idea what our episode today should be about. [Laugh]

P: All right, let’s go with that. So we’re doing, we’re doing a Winnie the Pooh thing?

M: [Laugh]

P: Okay, so Marie the loneliness epidemic, is it all about Eeyore?

M: I think that’s a result of being lonely. And it is an epidemic, isn’t it, Pete?

P: Yes. Now I’ve got to admit, when I first heard about this, I was the cynical one my cynical hat went on. I was like ‘what, people aren’t lonely, how can they be lonely? Everything’s grand, everything’s wonderful and all this stuff about teenagers being lonely, oh pish posh, pish posh. But, turns out I was wrong.

M: Ha, ha. You’re wrong.

[Laughter]

P: No, There’s definitely a loneliness epidemic, definitely something that is becoming more important. And I think one of the one of the big indicators for me from the research that I did was that loneliness is actually a higher indicator of mortality than obesity and smoking right now.

M: What?

P: Yeah, according.

M: For real?

P: Yeah, according to a study done by the Australian Psychology Society in collaboration with Swinburne University in Victoria, the loneliness epidemic is becoming a bigger indicator of mortality than obesity and smoking in Australia as of 2018.

M: Wow. Well, I knew it was a problem. It’s really been, it’s been a hot topic. So burnout was big, loneliness just before that. This is a global problem, like many of the things that we talk about that crosses all demographics. There are some differences, though, right Pete?

P: Yeah, I’m finding with some of the studies that you’ve mentioned, Marie. I’ve got a couple of different figures and statistics down in here, and I do think, but I think the overall message is the same is that this’s a big indicator of what’s going on not only affects our mortality it affects our health, it affects our physical being as well as our mental well-being and the way that we live and the way that we interact. So this is all pre-pandemic Covid. Pandemic Covid has actually; I don’t know why I’m saying pandemic Covid, it should actually be Covid pandemic but anyway, we’re going reverse today.

[Laughter]

P: Pandemic Covid has changed the ball game a lot on brought this perhaps a little bit more to the floor. But we’re talking 2018 and 2017 and ‘15 in the UK they’ve been clocking the fact that loneliness isn’t big social problem and it’s causing a lot problems in terms of our health and the way that we work and who we are.

M: Yeah, and so the stereotype that it’s only in quotes “old people” is, is really false. It’s not just the elderly who are lonely. In fact, young Australians are reporting such a huge uptick in their loneliness, and it’s not necessarily that they don’t have people around them and that they don’t have family and they don’t have friends-

P: Yes.

M: -at school. It might just be that they’re not getting what they need or their relationships they have aren’t meeting their needs, and that could be because they’re too superficial, which is a another whole episode as well. But we have a lot of Facebook friends nowadays and social media friends that are very superficial, and you can feel that you’re connecting and you’re just not, right?

P: Yes.

M: And what that does is that it leaves a lot of people feeling unsupported and disconnected, and they feel lonely, even though they might have a lot of people around them. So I think that in particular really applies to the younger generations vs the older generations, who we’ve known for quite a while have a higher incidence of mobility issues and at times lose their licences and their ability to get out and into society and have those strong relationships.

P: I do agree, to a certain point. There’s some interesting stats in the study that I found though that are saying that in Australia in 2018 the over 65 were dealing really well. The two brackets that Swinburne University in the Australian Psychological Society clocked as the most lonely are the 18 to 26 year old’s and the 56 to 64 year old’s. The 65 year old’s and up are doing really well. [Laugh]

M: Well, they were until Covid, Yes.

P: Ah well that might be the changing.

M: Yeah, yeah. And then everything has just gotten really bad, social isolation says it all right? and social distancing. And I know there’s been a lot of discussion about terminology and being really clear that social distancing doesn’t mean not having relationships and connection. But the long and the short of the isolation is that we’re having to rely on technology to have relationships a lot more often, and that’s just nowhere near as good as face to face communication for a sense of connection.

P: And we’re not as good at it. Yeah, we’re not as good at it, apparently. So some of the things that have come out in terms of dealing with loneliness from some of the studies that I’ve done are talking about the way that we use social skills and this will apply definitely 18 to 25 year old age bracket is that we’re not developing our social skills sufficiently in our teenage years to take us through to that next stage where we get off the devices we get off the zoom calls on, and we actually interact on a one on one or a group basis on. And I think that that is where went falling short slightly for our young people and we’re not giving them the social skills to deal with going out there and making those true friendships that you talked about earlier Marie.

M: And it’s also about having a level of emotional maturity and understanding and an ability to reflect and to have tough conversations with people and to be uncomfortable.

P: Yeah.

M: And there’s a whole lot in there. And there’s research that came out today actually, in Victoria, I have to go find the study, and I’ll post it in our show notes. But they have done some research with some schools and Victoria to help kids with positive psychology interventions. And it was all focused around giving them the language to talk about their emotions and their well-being.

P: Aah, interesting.

M: And they’ve found that being able to vocalise what’s going on really helps people to- sorry – helps kids, to have better mental health outcomes. So it’s impacting their relationships, their connection with others. So I will put that in the show notes. But I think that if you’re spending all your time on social media in your teens, back to your point, in your, your younger years and you’re connecting with a device rather than a person, you can quite easily miss the lessons that we used to learn in the playground.

P: Very true, very true.

M: You know, if you don’t keep Sally’s secret, then you’ll be ostracised from the group for sharing, you know?

P: [Laugh]

M: That kind of thing, so you learned to keep secrets.

P: Good old Sally.

[Laughter]

P: All right, so one of the things that I found with the research that I did was that loneliness actually affects our health. And I guess this relates to regular what we’re talking to here in terms of the happiness. Loneliness, we know is not good for us, but it actually affects our physical health. And some of the points that have come up with the studies from big health that I saw and from the Australian Psychological Society is that loneliness affects our physical health.

Now there’s a lot of research out there about how it affects our mental health and how we have less social interaction, fewer positive emotions, we’re less likely to be resilient. But there’s a physical impact, things like headaches, stomach problems and one of the most interesting, we have a worsening sensation of physical pain if we’re lonely, that goes a lot back to our central nervous system and the way that our body and our brain interprets pain. But even things like greater difficulty with vision and communication. These are, these are real physical factors, these physical symptoms from an emotional condition.

M: Again going back to, you teaching me about these old Eastern philosophies and theories of mind and body.

P: [Laugh]

M: It is yet another example of how so intertwined our mind and bodies are. And I think you’re fooling yourself if you think-

P: That’s not very cynical today, Marie.

M: [Laugh] You’re fooling yourself if you think that they’re not connected nowadays, and there is centuries of Eastern thinking and research into this. But there is also Western science that now packs it up well for the cynics out there.

[Laughter]

P: Ok, so if we’re going to move on a little bit more about loneliness and how loneliness relates to us. I do want to talk about the ways the we can avoid loneliness. And if we’re talking about the kind of contacts that we have between relationships, we’ve got maybe three main ones.

One of them is:

The Family contact.

One of them is:

Our Friends.

And the other one that I want to talk about it is:

Our Neighbours.

P: Now Marie, as an Australian do you think Australians have good neighbour contact?

M: Our neighbour let us jump his fence the other day when we got locked out of our own home.

[Laughter]

P: Okay, now I like this. I like this idea. I want to ask what you were doing to be locked out?

M: No, we… I said have you got the keys? And he said yes. And he said, Have you got the keys? And I said yes. And this is what happens when you have been married and together for 15 years. You don’t actually listen to what your partner is saying to you. You just say yes.

[Laughter]

M: So we both left the house without keys. Just pulled the door shut behind us. So back to that relationship advice you’re about to give us Pete, listening is so important.

P: Contact between neighbours is a form of actually combating Loneliness and in Australia, our neighbour contact is not good. We have been shown to have less neighbour contact amongst our society than ever before and it depends on how many neighbours we do have. And the odd thing is that in the survey, the people who listed that they have no immediate neighbours actually have more contact with their neighbours than anybody. So if you live in the middle of the Outback and the nearest neighbour is 24 K’s away, you’ve got more contact with that neighbour than people in the city do.

M: Wow, I think the thing is though, that neighbour is also the closest possible friend that you could have. Whereas if you’re in the city, you’ve got thousands of people who could be friends in your immediate area.

P: Very true. This is fair, when we look at the big health study. It does talk about that in terms of proximity of people.

[Laughter]

M: I will say, though, having moved from Sydney to Tamworth recently that people in country towns are just that much friendlier and that much more open to new relationships, that much more welcoming and gracious of new people into their community. And I don’t know how to solve that because, having lived overseas, and I’m sure you’ve found it too coming from the country and living in many large cities Pete.

P: Mm, Hmm.

M: That cities are just so much harder to find a foothold in when it comes to friends and friendships and close relationships.

P: It is, and I think that the proximity of people to your living space makes you react in a certain way. Having lived in big cities and moved into smaller cities as well. In my time when you’ve got space around you, you’re more likely to reach out to the person that is closest to you. I think if you’re in a densely populated area, you’re more inclined to bunker down and hunker in and not necessarily connect with your neighbours because your space is private.

M: Hhmm. Maybe.

P: The science supports this Marie. I come back this up with figures. [Laugh]

M: It’s not the figures I’m doubting it’s your rationale for why.

P: Ok, all right. So if we look at the rates of how many neighbours you have, so people who list that they’ve got two neighbours or three to four or five to eight. The proportion of Australians with neighbours that they hear from at least once a month goes down after you list two neighbours, so if you’ve got three to four neighbours.

If you live in an apartment block, the figure is 15.9%. If you live with two neighbours, one on either side of you in a suburban house, 21. 1% if you have no neighbours, 30.4%. So that’s telling that living in an apartment doesn’t give you contact with your neighbours.

M: I agree but not because I want to hunker down. So having now, living in a house, I see my neighbours more often and I’ve had conversations with them and I’ve popped over the road to go say hi and introduce myself. Whereas I went an entire three years in my apartment block and only saw two of my neighbours on the floor so there’s ten apartments, I only saw two of them in that three year period, I only crossed paths with them twice.

And that’s the difference to me and both times I stopped and had a chat and actually with one of the people, they ended up looking after our cat when we went on holidays. But we had to have that crossing of paths in order for that relationship to start developing, and it just wasn’t happening. And I think that that is one of the downsides to the way that we live nowadays that has changed. That is leading to this loneliness epidemic. More and more people are living alone, but also more and more people are living in cities around the world, and there’s going to be a huge increase in mega cities over the next 20 to 30 years, so between now and 2050 and that means you’ve got to have high density housing.

And there’s been some really good work, again in the Scandinavian countries that they’ve got their xxxx together, where they’re designing different types of apartment buildings so that you have your personal space, your bedroom and a small receiving area like a small lounge room and then in the middle of the floor you’ve got big, open communal congregating and cooking spaces so you can sit and eat.

P: And I think this is the way forward it’s the design of our cities it’s the design of the way we live that is going to encourage the decrease in loneliness. And the stuff that I’ve come across as well talks about that in terms of the building of the community relationships. How to effectively manage loneliness to make people feel connected to their community. And this is where the big health study he talks about that in creating shared common interests and meaningful connections, walkable suburbs, community interaction and gardens and recreational parks, access to public transport, all those sorts of things. And that brings me back to my earlier point about apartment living faces more challenges for loneliness rather than those who live in suburban areas.

M: Mmm.

P: So if you live in an apartment block, you actually have to do a little bit more work to make sure that that loneliness endemic-epidemic doesn’t affect you in the same way. I think it’s, I think you’re right, it’s easier to make those connections in the country where you don’t have the density of population. A walk across the road does happen. You see your neighbour’s a little bit more because you might be in the backyard together. In the apartment buildings that doesn’t happen because they don’t have that structure of communal gathering or proximity that allows that private/public space. I’m getting a little bit confused there with my, um, with my references. So that might be another episode.

M: [Laugh] Another really cute story and I think that there’s so much negativity out there in the news, so I’m always really keen to share lovely positive news stories. There’s a great story from the UK from, from Frome in the UK, whether they connected an old folks home with a primary school and each group is getting ready to exchange happiness boxes and they’re going to come and share what makes them happy. So they’ve partnered on elderly person with a young person and they’re preparing their stuff. So they’re preparing little boxes and they’ll all meet and exchange boxes with their assigned person and share what makes them happy. And so one of the ladies has actually knitted a garment for every single kid in the class.

P: [Laugh]

M: And she said she loves knitting, but she loves it more when she can actually knit for someone else. But again, this is making those connections and they’re going to be solid connections. So these types the projects I just love, love this news story. [Laugh]

P: It’s great. I’ve got a similar one that’s actually a bit more local in Australia. It’s an Australian initiative called the Men’s Shed.

M: Yes.

P: It was a. You heard about this?

M: So my grandfather did Man Shed until he unfortunately, had dementia. So until it was just too much for him. Dementia and heavy machinery don’t go well together, sidebar for you kids. So he used to go with his brother every Tuesday morning and it is such a great Mental Health resource for older men.

P: Yes.

M: And also, the local Tamworth Men’s Shed were having a sale, their annual sale to raise money when we moved out here to Tamworth. So we went out there and they got me. I bought a whole bunch of stuff I didn’t need. But they were so lovely.

[Laughter]

P: The CEO David Helmers talks about this and saying that whilst they’re repairing items for the community and having sales, I’ll quote in here. “The most important thing is the men getting together, building those relationships, that brotherhood that exists in the sheds. They’re finding new friendships, but most importantly they’re finding meaningful purpose.”

M: Yes, friendship and purpose, two things that we’ve discussed many times.

P: The two really important aspects of that [quote].

M: Yes. Well, I think on that note we are over time again. We finish every episode with the same sentence of me saying “we’re over time again Pete.”

[Laughter]

M: But we might wrap it up on that beautiful quote. But Men Shed. If you do have some elderly man in your family and you’re worried about their loneliness levels, it is a great initiative, and I’m glad you brought it up Pete. So it might be worth checking it out. They’re all around Australia.

P: Excellent. That’s a good indicator for all of us to get out there and find that kind of community groups that might foster that sort of relationship building and it’s hard when you’re feeling lonely, I think, to drag yourself out and put yourself in the in the non, non comfort space. If I have one tip for listeners, I would say ‘say yes’ and follow up with action.

M: I’m going to add one tip in there, too, because I always have to have the last word.

[Laughter]

M: I will say if you’re not feeling particularly social because you are feeling lonely, then one of the best ways to get yourself out there and develop friendships coincidentally, is to put yourself at the service of others. So go spend a couple of hours a week volunteering.

P: Yes.

M: And there’s so many organisations that could use your, your time right now if you’ve got two hours; and you’ll be surprised how much giving others comes back to you.

P: Can’t agree more, can’t agree more. I would never have found you Marie if I hadn’t volunteered at the Volleyball Club, look at that.

M: [Laugh] It sucks you in doesn’t it?

P: Yeah [Laugh]

M: Anyway, thank you for joining us today if you want to hear more please subscribe and like this podcast as always, you can find us at marieskelton.com and you can send in questions or proposed topics there if you’d like.

P: If you like our tiny little show, Happiness for Cynics Podcast, we’d love a comment or a rating to helps us out.

M: Yes, that would make us happy.

P: [Laugh] Until next time.

M & P: Choose Happiness

[Happy Exit Music]

Related content: Read Happiness for Cynics article How To Make Friends As An Adult, listen to our Podcast The Importance of Being Social (E14)

3 Common Pitfalls of Working From Home

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The Common Pitfalls of Working From Home

1. There Are no Boundaries

When we start doing our work at home, it can become harder to see the boundaries between work and home. It’s all too easy to just check a few emails when you get up. Before you know it, it’s mid-morning and you haven’t had breakfast and you’re still in your PJs. Or even worse, you get to the evening and realise you’ve worked a 12 hour day without really moving!

Try: Set start and finish times for your work day, and stick by them. Plan activities immediately before and after your work hours so you have an excuse to not be online.

2. You’re Not Set up For Success

I have seen a huge increase in meetings since my office moved to virtual working, and I’m sometimes asked to attend 8-hours or more of meetings each day! This means I can struggle to find time to pee let alone to eat or move. That’s not healthy and it’s not sustainable.

Try: I’ve had to set up my work calendar to block my lunchbreak, and two 15-minute breaks so I’m not on calls all day. And I made a point now of not movig them for anyone! Be OK with saying “can we make that a 15 minute call instead of 30?” or “no, that will have to wait until tomorrow.”

3. You Forget to Move

Have you cut out nearly all incidental movement from your day? When we worked in offices, we used to walk to and from the car park or bus/train stop. We would pop downstairs for a coffee mid-morning and head out to the shops for lunch. Now that we’re working from home and self-isolating, we’re spending huge amounts of time sitting — which is as bad as smoking 15 cigarettes a day!

Try: Pick a few meetings throughout the day with close teammates or where you only have to listen (not write). Turn off your video and stand up for the entire call. If you can, stretch and march on the spot during that call.

Maintaining Your Balance

If you’re new to working from home it’s easy to fall into these 3 common pitfalls of working from home. But the key to maintaining your happiness and mental wellbeing is to find balance across three foundations: meaning and purpose; community and connection and healthy mind and body.

It’s a stressful and anxious enough time right now without introducing new bad habits into your weekly schedule, but unfortunately, recent changes in our working environments coupled with self-isolation have changed the balance many of us had established in our lives.

Here’s what you need to look out for:

Meaning and purpose: if you have your job, you will probably find that this foundation is still quite strong and no extra effort is required here.

Community and Connection: if you’re self-isolating, then you need to be mindful about reaching out to people and connecting. Try scheduling in video calls with a different friend or family member each weeknight.

Healthy Mind and Body: if you’re working from home all day every day and self-isolating, you need to be more mindful of getting enough exercise.

Luckily, it’s easy enough to set yourself up in a new routine and find balance. For some extra help with how to plan your day to avoid these common pitfalls of working from home, you set up your calendar like I do below.

Notice I schedule a lot of extra exercise and movement times into my day right now, and I’m prioritising calling my friends and family each evening while I’m on a walk.

I also am making sure I stand-up during work calls and march on the spot or stretch when I can.

Common Pitfalls of Working From Home

NOTES:

Life happens, and I don’t always get to everything I mean to in a day. I have no time for guilt, so when that happens, I just try again the next day. Nobody is perfect, but setting the right intentions is half the battle!

To keep things interesting, I am searching YouTube for “HIIT workout at home” and “work-out for beginners” or “workout at home.” I then vary my lunchtime workouts between the high intensity interval training (HIIT) classes and something lighter like Pilates or a lower intensity workout, like this one.

5 Steps to Surviving Self Isolation and Working From Home

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How to Avoid Loneliness and Maintain Resiliency During Corona Virus Self Isolation

Have you been asked to work from home indefinitely? Are you wondering how you’re going to survive self isolation? Due to the Corona virus, around the world, wherever possible and practical, workers are being told to work from home for the indefinite future.

Overall, this should be good news with workers generally valuing the flexibility that technology has enabled, particularly if they have childcare commitments and long commute times. Other benefits of working from home include greater working time autonomy, better work–life balance and higher productivity.

But current research also shows that working from home can have negative consequences, leading to decreased wellbeing and mental health. And while introverts might be cheering with joy, for people who get their energy from others, and who love the daily interaction with their colleagues, enforced isolation can feel like jail time.

With the Corona virus leading to more people self-isolating or working from home, not only once or twice a week, but every work day for an indefinite period, it’s important to understand the possible risks and give ourselves the best chance of making it through the next few weeks (and months!?). Here’s what you need to know and your steps to surviving self isolation.

5 Steps to Surviving Self Isolation and Working From Home

1. Manage clear work-life boundaries

When working from home, it’s easy to blur the lines between work hours and home time. This explains why a United Nations report1 found that 25 percent of office workers reported high stress levels compared to 41 per cent of remote workers. Workers who work from home can easily check their emails while making breakfast, or in the evenings after putting the kids down, but the research shows that ‘always on’ mentality can take a toll on your mental health and stress levels. So set your work hours, and only work during those hours.

2. Make an extra effort to speak to co-workers – social media won’t cut it

While you might appreciate the increase in productivity that comes with not being interrupted by your colleagues, you might also come to miss the small interactions and socialising that come with the office environment. Quite simply, spending all day every day at home can get lonely.

A recent study by health insurer Cigna found that three in five Americans (61 per cent) reporting that they were lonely. The study also revealed that heavy social media users were significantly more likely to feel alone, isolated, left out and without companionship.2 During this time of isolation, it’s important to maintain relationships and social interactions, particularly if you’re an extrovert, to avoid becoming lonely. When it comes to maintaining and building relationships with your colleagues, email, messaging apps and social media just won’t cut it. Instead, make an effort to speak to your colleagues on the phone, or even better via video conference. While you’re at it, call your mum (and any elderly relatives who might be at stuck at home) too.

3. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should increase your unpaid hours

If you’re stuck at home and can’t go out, you might be thinking you may as well just do some extra hours of work. The United Nations report1 from 2017 showed that it’s actually not uncommon for people who work from home to start working longer hours than needed. From Japan and the US to Argentina, India and Spain, work-from-home workers tend to work longer hours over and above regular working hours compared to office-based workers. Don’t do it! Set your hours and stick to them (See point # 1)

4. Don’t forget to exercise

If you’re not leaving your home, you may also not be getting your regular exercise. Even if you’re not a gym junkie, the incidental exercise you get from walking to the train or bus, walking across the road for a morning coffee, going to meetings or walking outside for our lunch break are all important. The benefits of exercise and movement to our mental health cannot be overstated, and it doesn’t take much to get your blood flowing. Set an alarm to remind you to get up from your chair and do some simple stretches and exercises a few times a day. Even better, why not replace your usual commute time with this beginners 20-minute at home exercise plan?

5. Do something for you

Are you stuck at home by yourself all day and night? Why not turn self-isolation into an opportunity to focus on you. Being alone – when done right – can have positive mental health benefits. The research shows that prioritising ‘me time’ makes people happier and more creative. Russian researchers investigated the phenomenon of positive solitude, where people choose to spend time alone for contemplation, reflection or creativity. They found that being alone leads to more positive emotions, like relaxation and calm, and having a greater sense of pleasure and meaning. So, dust off that DIY or art project you’ve been meaning to tackle or check out these 3-steps to being alone.

The key to surviving self isolation is to find creative ways to maintain your physical and mental health habits and social bonds. Don’t forget to make it fun!

And one final tip for mental health during these unprecedented times: limit your news consumption and only read or watch reputable sources. It doesn’t help anxiety levels to over-consume overhyped and sometimes downright alarmist news about the Corona virus.

References

  1. Eurofound and the International Labour Office (2017), Working anytime, anywhere: The effects on the world of work, Publications Office of the European Union, Luxembourg, and the International Labour Office, Geneva.
  2. Cigna. “Cigna Takes Action To Combat The Rise Of Loneliness And Improve Mental Wellness In America.” Cigna Press Release. 23 January 2020. https://www.cigna.com/newsroom/news-releases/2020/cigna-takes-action-to-combat-the-rise-of-loneliness-and-improve-mental-wellness-in-america, accessed February 2020.

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Being Alone Can Make You Happier

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Introverts Rejoice – Being Alone Is Good For You

I’m an introvert. That’s not to say I’m not social or don’t have a lot of friends. It just means that I do everything in my power to find “me time.” I’m most wound-up after work, where I have been interacting with people all day in an open office environment. So, when I get home, the last thing I want to do is speak to people. Ideally, I would spend my entire evening alone with a book, or a TV show or a project. Every evening.

Introverts are energised from being alone. Extroverts are energised from being with people.

The problem is that between the pinging of my phone, expectations of friends and family, and realities of work and life, it’s a constant struggle. The world just isn’t built for introverts, and I feel the pressure to be present and available.

My story is not uncommon, estimates are that anywhere from 20-50 per cent of the population are introverts, or have some introverted tendencies or characteristics (if you prefer to think of introversion and extroversion on a sliding scale or spectrum).

The World Is Built For Social Interaction

It is well documented that social connection is important to happiness. Humans evolved from tight-knit families and hunter-gatherer groups, where being alone or separated from the group often led to death. In modern times, the importance of community remains.

So it stands to reason that much of the design of modern western society is geared to supporting and rewarding positive social connection. In sports and at work, the happy, outgoing, positive and popular people are given leadership positions, and the quiet achievers are often overlooked. The world is an extrovert’s playground, from large school classrooms to group projects at university and now open office environments.

For an introvert — someone who craves a quiet place to think and work — being successful in this world can be tough. It’s a never-ending juggling act of showing up and ‘being seen’ while constantly searching for opportunities to get away to recharge by yourself or get some quiet time.

This isn’t to say that (most) introverts don’t want or need to be around people, it’s just that we need more balance between time with and time without other people. Extroverts and introverts are all social beings, it’s just the degrees of contact that vary. And the science backs that up. Be social we’re told, it’s the key to happiness and helps prevents loneliness.

Extroverts – Not Only Introverts – Should Seek Alone Time

But does it hold true then, that all our time should be spent on social pursuits? And that we should never be unsocial?

It turns out the answer is no, and we may have been overlooking the benefits to being alone. In fact, the research shows that the introvert’s constant search for ‘me time’ could be making them happier and more creative.

Russian researchers Martin Lynch, Sergey Ishanov and Dmitry Leontiev have investigated the phenomenon of positive solitude, where people choose to spend time alone for contemplation, reflection or creativity. They found that being alone leads to more positive emotions, like relaxation and calm, and having a greater sense of pleasure and meaning.

A study discussed in Medical News Today also confirms that individuals who have balance between social interaction and periods of chosen isolation are highly  creative. The study found that being too shy or avoiding people is not good for individuals, but simply choosing to spend time alone isn’t a bad thing, in fact quite the opposite.

According to lead researcher, University of Buffalo’s Julie Bowker, some individuals spend more time alone than others, but also regularly spend time socialising. This group of individuals “may get just enough peer interaction so that when they are alone, they are able to enjoy that solitude. They’re able to think creatively and develop new ideas — like an artist in a studio or the academic in his or her office.”

Finally, it’s worth pointing out that for me, being alone also gives me a chance to unwind from stress and re-balance. It’s my personal form of mediation, minus the meditation. Working from home one day a week has helped with my resiliency, allowing me to cope better with a busy and often stressful world around me. It’s the day I am most productive and feel the most satisfaction with what I achieve throughout the week.

Being Alone Is NOT Feeling Lonely

A quick sidebar… to be clear, being alone is not the same as feeling lonely.

Being alone is a deliberate choice to spend time away from others in contrast with the unpleasant experience of feeling lonely, which can be detrimental to your health.

Over the last decade, there has been an increased focus on the dangers of loneliness. Brigham Young University researchers showed that social isolation increases premature death by 50 per cent. Loneliness is also associated with increased blood pressure, cholesterol levels and depression, and decreased cognitive abilities and Alzheimer’s disease.

More than that, in our modern society we’re learning that loneliness is not just a problem for older generations – who are more prone to suffering from isolation – it has also become an area of concern for the young. The Young Australian Loneliness Survey showed that loneliness is common among adolescents and young adults, a significant proportion reported problematic levels of loneliness. This included one in six adolescents (aged 12–17) and more than one in three young adults (aged 18–25).

It’s clear there is a global loneliness problem that we need to look into solving. But, that’s for another time, and is not the topic of this article. So, back to being alone.

3 Steps To Being Alone (Not Lonely)

The research shows that being alone can make you happier and more creative. It is also a key factor in finding flow, which is again linked to happiness and satisfaction. And introverts have long used alone time to ensure positive mental health.

Why not book a date with yourself today? Here’s how…

  1. Schedule Alone Time

If your usual MO is all about filling every waking hour with family, friends and activities, being alone might feel a bit weird to start with. The first step is to schedule some “me time.” So, plan a date with yourself, block out your calendar and tell your family you are taking some time for you.

  1. Find an Activity That Works For You

There are many things that you can choose to do, the only limitation is that you do it alone and without interruptions. You could plan a self-care or pamper date with yourself – go to the spa, or get a massage, have a long bath. You could go to a coffee shop or space you enjoy and read a book for a few hours. Maybe you could sign up to learn meditation or yoga, or go for a walk in nature, or plan to do something awe-inspiring.

  1. Be Mindful With Your Alone Time

Once you’ve scheduled your “me time” you have to make sure you get the benefits! That means silencing or turning off your phone and setting expectations that you won’t be contactable. It also means being mindful during the experience. Make sure you stop to appreciate the moments and take the time to be with your thoughts.

Related content: Read Moving On article What is a State of Flow and How to Find it, listen to our Podcast: Being Alone Can Make you Happier (E7)

Do you have any tips for how to be alone? Let us know in the comments below.

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