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Planning a Holiday (E57)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about the science behind planning holidays, and why you need to always have your next holiday planned. 

Show notes:

During the episode Pete briefly mentions a misadventure to Carcassonne while on holidays and says that they will come to it later in the episode. Unfortunately, they ran out of time to share this anecdote at this time.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: [Excited voice] Welcome back to Happiness for Cynics!

P: Laugh. She’s doing fist bumps people.

M: Laugh. So today we’re talking about why you need to plan your next holiday now.

P: Oh, that’s why you’re excited! We’re talking about your favourite thing to do.

M: Yes!

P: I’ve got to say it, if you’ve ever been on a holiday with Marie, she puts all my spreadsheets to shame.

M: Laugh.

P: Absolute shame.

M: Because, I buy into what we’re talking about today.

P: Oh, do you ever! Laugh.

M: It brings me so much joy to take trips and to explore the world.

P: See, I don’t think Covid would have affected you at all because you would have planned everything and then gone ‘Oh, ok I can’t go but I still get the benefit of actually planning one. Laugh.

M: Well, that is the first point that we’re going to discuss. There is benefit in planning a trip, and some of the research actually shows that just the act of planning your trip can bring as much joy if not more joy than the trip itself.

P: So we should actually plan our Covid holidays. And when they don’t happen, don’t be upset.

M: Or plan holidays that you know you will be able to do regardless what happens. So we went away over Christmas and the way that we planned that was we got a camper van for the first time ever.

P: Laugh.

M: Did something a little different and booked places to visit that were within our state.

P: Oh yeah.

M: So regardless of whether our borders shut or not… yeah. And a lot of people are actually rediscovering towns and cities within their own state.

P: Oh, yeah. The rural areas of New South Wales have had a huge influx. Like Mudgee is going off. For those of you who are our international listeners, Mudgee was a sleepy little town that I knew as a boy way back when had lots of birds and a soccer pitch from memory. Anyway, small little town in the central west of New South Wales. Central west? Or? Yeah, central west I think and it has changed, its turned itself around and become this Airbnb, wine, weekend away mecca.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And it doesn’t really good job, laugh. And this cute little provincial rural Australian town is doing so well.

M: So if you’re listening, why not plan a trip? To Mudgee.

P: There you go, I want to go. I told my client this afternoon I want to go on.

M: And the research is showing is, going to Mudgee would be great, I am sure, but planning the trip to go to Mudgee so getting online and everyone could do this nowadays.

P: Yep.

M: You don’t have to walk into a travel agent and ask them about Mudgee. You can go and Google or whatever your search engine is. And then look up what there is to do in the area.

P: Yeah.

M: So.

P: And then decide to go to Carcassonne on the way anyway. Laughter!

M: Wrong country.

P: The best laid plans can be adapted, that was my point of that one.

M: Yes, absolutely. So just because you’re planning doesn’t mean that there can be no room for spontaneity.

P: Absolutely.

M: And I would highly encourage room for spontaneity.

P: We did that. It was very fun, anyway, we’ll get to that. That’s a personal anecdote that we’ll do later.

M: One thing that is important when it comes to planning trips is to give yourself enough time to plan ahead.

P: I like this point, because this is thing, I used to be like ‘Oh, I’ll do it all on the plane when I go’.

M: Yes, and what that does is add stress. So not only are you getting on the plane going ‘Oh crap, I haven’t booked the hotel for the first night, I’ve got to do that and hopefully I can find a rental car, or how do I get to the city from the airport?’

P: Laugh.

M: All of that stuff that just makes you a little bit more stressed. If you plan it ahead of time, then things can run a lot more smoothly. And there is research that shows that poorly planned and stressful vacations eliminate the benefits of time away.

P: Oh!

M: So it’s not even worth taking the trip if you’re not going to plan it out ahead of time, and it’s just going to be stressful.

P: Really?! Okay… Personal experience tells me that that’s not necessarily true because there is a certain adventurousness in not planning and going I’m just going to fly by the seat of my pants and turn up in Scotland and see what happens.

M: Which is fine if it’s not stressful.

P: Okay, so that’s the trick.

M: That’s the trick. Would you show up in New Delhi –

P: Laugh.

M: – without plans?

P: Laugh, it could be adventurous?

M: It wouldn’t go so well.

P: The Amazing Race does it?

M & P: Laughter!

M: They’ve got a lot of support around them. And I would argue that it is very stressful still.

P: But I see what you’re saying here. But that also comes back to some of the other stuff that we’ve talked about in other episodes is that changing your mind set. So, if you’re going on an adventure holiday, where you’re going to challenge yourself not to plan anything.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: You have to choose not to get stressed about it and so if you end up sleeping in a ditch on the side of the road at 4 in the morning because you’ve gotten lost in the hire car, then you’ve kind of gotta go, ‘Oh, well, this’s an adventure.’

M: Says the white man.

P: Oh!! Really? Really?

M: As a female sleeping in a ditch in a foreign country is… I wouldn’t sleep.

P: Ok. Oh, alright.

M: Well actually, this is a really good point. And sorry, that was a bit harsh.

P: You just totally shut me down, laugh.

M: There was a study done in 2016, and Shawn Achor & Michelle Gielan, his wife, did a whole lot of research into the benefits of taking your vacation time, taking your holiday time. And they looked specifically at people who were, full time salaried employees who have no excuse not to take their holidays.

P: Yeah.

M: It’s given to you. You get your four weeks a year, and particularly in the States you can lose your holiday. It’s not a thing that you have as much in Australia, but they take it back if you don’t use it a lot of the time over there.

P: Oh, really!

M: And still, a lot of Americans were taking less and less time off. And so there was this idea that it would benefit you in your career to take less time off.

P: Yep.

M: You could do more, your boss doesn’t think you’re a slacker.

P: Is that an old world kind of opinion?

M: Pressure?

P: Is that an old school kind of thinking? 50s, 60s?

M: Well, the research that they did in 2016 debunked that.

P: Yeah, righto.

M: Absolutely debunked it, And America’s a strange case. So, in Europe they’re used to, having four to six weeks in Australia four weeks is pretty standard, I think New Zealand’s pretty similar.

P: Yeah.

M: In America, when I first started and joined a major multinational corporation, I had ten days, so two weeks.

P: Oh! Wow.

M: And after five years, you go up to 15 days, and after ten years you get to your full four weeks and you have to work up to that four weeks. And still a lot of Americans don’t take their full allocation of leave.

P: You hear of this a lot actually. Americans not buying into that whole time off aspect of work.

M: And they’re working longer hours too. The work culture in America is definitely going the opposite direction from the Nordic countries.

P: Mmm, interesting.

M: And even New Zealand and now Australia are even talking in a lot of companies about doing four day weeks. Whereas Americans are not doing 40 hour weeks, they’re doing 50 and 60 hour weeks.

P: Mmm.

M: And not taking their holidays.

P: Yeah, that’s not good for you long term, either.

M: No, absolutely.

This study back to the point we were talking about before, talked about the things that you need to get the most benefit out of your holiday.

P: Ok.

M: So firstly, planning ahead.

P: Yeah.

M: Two, creating social connections on the trip. So, it’s great if you could go with your family or friends.

P: Ok.

M: But if not, then do activities where you can meet other people. So group activities where you can be social.

P: Museum tours.

M: With other people? Sure. Don’t be 100% by yourself if you are travelling.

P: Yeah, well it was always nice to have a connection there that would meet for lunch or something, or that you’re meeting up with friends later on in the trip.

M: Yeah.

P: That was actually a really good way. And it’s something that I have actually maintained with my holiday planning is I’ll often go three days earlier, have my solo time and then catch up with the group.

M: The research shows that having some social time is beneficial.

P:  Communal time, social activity is beneficial, yeah.

M: Three go far away from your work. And I think this is a digital and physical requirement.

P & M: Laughter!

P: Yes, I agree. Don’t take the computer.

M: Yes. Turn off… well, no one has blackberries anymore.

P: Laugh. Showing your age Muz.

M: Don’t take your work phone with you if you can.

And the next one was a feeling of safety.

P: Huh.

M: And this goes back to you sleeping in a ditch which, when I was 18 I probably would have thought was fine. But now, with a little bit of hindsight, I can see the danger in me sleeping in a ditch.

P: Laugh, true.

M: So as long as you feel safe, then I do agree with you, go for it, add a little spontaneity. Don’t book some stuff. Give yourself the freedom to just explore without any set agenda.

P: And be reactive, yeah.

M: If you’re the kind of person that that doesn’t bring stress to. Or you know you can do it in safety.

P: So, know the kind of traveller you are.

M: Yeah.

P: OK, that makes sense. I like that.

M: And if it’s not going to impact your safety. So if you’re a female travelling by yourself, there’s a whole slew of other things you need to just be aware of, particularly in quite a few countries that aren’t comfortable with Australia.

P: True. I remember rescuing two twins from America in Italy once. These two girls got off the train – this’s the classic case, so I had not planned my accommodation. I actually, no I had. I planned my accommodation when I landed in umm… where was I going?

M: That place.

P: Northern Italy. Yeah, up the top, that area, laugh.

M: Milan?

P: Milan, there we go! And so I was planning my accommodation. I got there and the youth hostel was closed and I spent six hours in the winter walking around trying to find a room that I could afford, and you are my very basic Italian it was very, very difficult. Eventually, I found one on was so grateful and then went out for a bite to eat. I think I went out for Maccas of all things.

M: Laugh.

P: And as I was walking past the train station, these two young American girls had gotten off the train with their backpacks and they had no idea what they were doing and they had no accommodation. And so, me being the good old Ozzie went, That’s okay ‘I can speak Italian.’

M & P: Laughter.

P: And went door knocking with them –

M: Awwww.

P: – trying to find a motel that they could afford and they found one, which was great. But I see what you’re saying about safety that’s really important and I did look at these two American girls going, ‘Oh, dear, you’ve got less of an idea that what I’ve got.’ Laugh.

M: Mmm hmm.

So, the things [for planning a successful holiday] are:

  • You need to plan ahead;
  • You need to create social connections;
  • You need to go far from your work; and
  • You need to feel safe.

And if you do those four things, the 94% of vacations have a good return on investment in terms of your energy and outlook. When you return to work. As long as you plan the trip well in advance.

P: I like this point, can we expand on this a little bit? The investment in a holiday?

M: Yes.

P: It is an investment.

M: It is. It’s about taking time for you.

P: To re-energise and that’s coming from someone who did work for six years without a holiday.

M: Cray cray..

P: Yeah, and I didn’t realise it at the time, and it took my business coach, the lovely Wally Salinger, Ah, Wally, I miss you. Waking me up at 7 am with cups of tea when I haven’t woken up for our 7 am meeting yet. Umm, not every business coach gets that, but yes.

M: Laugh.

P: I just spent all these years just working, working because my came from that work ethic of you keep working, you don’t take holidays, you keep going because you think that it’s more beneficial and Wally and his partner decided to encourage me to take my first holiday and bought me my first three nights in Amsterdam for the accommodation and said, ‘You’re going, you’re finally investing in this and here’s your little prize’. So I had my three nights of accommodation in Amsterdam, but that trip, I came back full of beans. I came back with so much energy and clarity on I’d had the chance to step away from my work and got perspective on things.

I think that was the real advantage of the investment. So that then I came back and started planning yearly holidays. I was like, I’m gonna have a holiday in October and it was the best thing I could have done.

M: I am prone to burn out.

P & M: Laugh!

M: I’m not very good at saying no, and I take a lot on at work and I’m bit of a perfectionist.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And so, year after year, I get to my holiday and I am just frazzled and stressed and low on resilience.

P: Yep.

M: And I know these that these are things I’m still working on.

P & M: Laughter.

M: But every time I take a holiday, I come back with so much more clarity, so much more emotional resilience, so much more of an ability to plan and think strategically, and to get out of the weeds and get out of the emotion and be such a better employee and to actually like my job again.

P: Yeah, yeah.

M: So, we know that it makes sense to take time off work. It’s good for you. It’s good for your career progression, it’s good for your success at work. It lowers your stress, makes you happier at home and at work. But also in a time of a global pandemic and we started talking about this before. The act of planning a trip is so beneficial to your mental health.

P: Mmm.

M: So planning future travel, boosts your mood and your mindset. It’s about having hope and something to look forward to. It increases your happiness, and it can help fill a little bit of a void.

P: I think definitely filling the void is the thing because people feel that they aren’t in control of the immediate future because everything is on hold. But in the planning of it, it can be like a bit of an adventure. It’s like, OK, so we’ve got these perimeters. Let’s make a holiday with these restrictions.

M: Yep.

P: And this idea of only travelling 200 kilometres away, but let’s do it in a dinghy!

M & P: Laugh.

P: Or on a tricycle.

M: Why not?

P: Laugh, only carrying a backpack, whilst reciting Shakespeare.

M: Laugh. If that’s your jam, go for it.

P: It’s a choose your own adventure.

M: Absolutely. Get creative and you can do it as a joint social activity, you know, let the kids decide where they want to have a dinner one night.

P: Oh, that’s dangerous, that is dangerous. Laugh!

M: And plan it together so you can share the planning of the holiday as well.

P: So it’s important. I guess that’s the other point is to involve the social group. If you’re going away with the kids, let the kids be part of that planning because that will increase their anticipation and their ownership, and they get the benefit of the planning as well.

M: Absolutely and if you’re going with friends, there’s great tools, Airbnb allows you to share, Trip adviser, a lot of apps nowadays are really just built for sharing and doing things together.

P: They are, yeah.

M: Planning together, definitely. So there’s recent research. So, The study we were talking about before about the workplace was a 2016 study. But there is a 2021 study conducted by The Institute for Applied Positives Research, which found that 97% of respondents report that having a trip planned makes them happier.

P: Mmm.

M: And I think this is about having hope right?

P: Yeah.

M: It’s about having something to look forward to and something –

P: It’s a bit of a placebo effect.

M: Umm..

P: Because you’ve got something to look forward to, so therefore you get the benefit, even if it doesn’t happen.

M: Well, no then you’d be disappointed. So don’t plan for something that – we’re not going to Italy this year like, let’s be really honest.

P: Laugh.

M: But we can plan to do something within our state and have a high level of confidence that we’ll be able to do it.

P: I guess what I’m saying is that even in the planning of it and if you get together and have a few Italian themed dinners, if something happens and you don’t get to go to Italy, you can still go ‘Ah, we’ll just go up the road to the Italian restaurant again and speak Italian to them.’

M: Laugh.

P: That’ll be enough, and that could actually, you know, you still get the placebo effect in a way.

M: Sure, of the planning?

P: Yes.

M: But then you still get the disappointment. I would argue for maybe planning future trips but not booking anything.

P: Oh, yeah.

M: And then planning trips, planning for trips that you can most likely take.

P: True, losing money would be stressful and horrible and not fun.

M: Yeah, definitely. And I think it all comes down to a great concept that I heard from Tal Ben Shahar, who’s running the Happiness Academy course that I’m currently doing. And he was saying that ‘you’re only old when you look to the past more than to the future.’

P: Ahh, I’ve heard this idea, and I totally agree.

M: Absolutely.

P: You need to have some future progression and stop thinking back on things, back on the good old days and back on when I was 23 full of vigour.

M: And there is benefit to looking back.

P: There is, yeah, there definitely is. But you’ve got to balance that. It’s going to be a balancing with what’s to come and excitement about the future as well.

M: Yep. And unfortunately, so many people just cancelled all future plans. Birthdays were cancelled, Christmas was cancelled, travel was cancelled when the pandemic hit, everything was wiped off our calendars and we had no choice but to look back and all the things we used to be able to do.

P: True.

M: And it wasn’t with just pure nostalgia. It was nostalgia with a bit of bitterness, Laugh.

P: True, laugh. [Singing] ‘Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen.’

M & P: Laughter!

M: This is about balancing that. I think that’s perfect word, there Pete, balancing and giving ourselves a bit of hope for something to do in the future.

P: Mmm, I like that idea. Holiday is hope, it’s a double H.

M: Yep. Laugh, love it. Well on that note we’ll finish up.

P: Plan your next holiday and have some hope.

M: Yes, get out of here.

P: Laugh! Bye!

M: Bye.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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21 Happiness Ideas From Around the World

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We talk a lot about happiness on this site, but mostly what we’re talking about is what Western, English-speaking nations commonly understand happiness to be.

It’s also true that a lot of the research in this area and the studies I write about come from America, the U.K. and Australia. But the concept of happiness and people’s understanding of what it means to them varies greatly across different cultures and languages. As such, many of the below words do not translate into English very well. Sometimes, there is just no concept like it in English, other times, you might think it’s a simple enough translation, but there are layers of subtlety that mean so much more.

From the Danish practice of Hygge to the Japanese concept of Wabi-sabi, or the Russian zeal for Azart, how humans search for happiness and what brings them joy is clearly influenced by and reflected in their culture, environment and values.

Let’s take a look at these 21 happiness ideas from around the world and their meanings.

21 Happiness Ideas From Around the World

1. Hygge, Denmark

Hygge is all about coziness and comfort. It’s a warm fire and a good book, a games night with friends or family, a hot cup of cocoa or wearing a comfortable new jumper for the first time. It’s a subjective thing, but it’s always a feeling that warms the soul. Hygge has been a part of Danish and Norwegian culture for centuries and is a great way to make the best and reframe thinking about the best way to make it through those long, cold winters.

2. Sisu, Finland

The Finnish also have long winters and maybe that’s why they need sisu – a resilience and stoic determination in the face of adversity. Sisu is about overcoming challenges, taking action against all the odds and having grit. Sisu is something to have pride in, and is part of the Finnish national character.

3. Friluftsliv, Norway

The literal translation of Friluftsliv is “free air life,” but it means so much more than that to the people of Norway, who are an active outdoorsy group of people. To them, it means mindfully spending time in nature to become one with the natural world. Friluftsliv recognised the importance of being outdoors to our happiness, and is all about the sense of contentment, happiness and spiritual uplifting that nature provides.

4. Niksen, Netherlands

In today’s hectic world, we could all use a little bit more niksen – the art of doing nothing. This concept takes having a break to a whole new level. It’s about listening to your body and knowing when you need to recover and it’s a great idea for relieving stress. If you want to know more about the benefits of doing nothing, check out Manoush Zomorodi’s TedX talk on How boredom can lead to your most brilliant ideas.

5. Kalsarikannit, Finland

You know when you just can’t be bothered to go anywhere? Maybe you had a long week at work, or you’re just tired from overbooking yourself, well, don’t stress, instead practice a bit of kalsarikannit, and stay at home in your undies with a nice glass of shiraz. Kalsarikannit is literally translated to ‘pants drunk’ and is roughly translated to ‘drinking at home in your underwear with no intention of going out.’ Cheers to that!

6. Ohanami, Japan

Ohanami literally means “flower viewing” and it’s used to describe gathering to enjoy and appreciate cherry blossoms. In Japan, cherry blossom viewing is a centuries-old tradition that is grounded in the idea that nothing is permanent, not even beautiful flowers. This is also known as Hanami.

7. Wabi-sabi, Japan

Wabi-sabi derives from Buddhist teachings, and is another Japanese concept that centres on the idea of accepting and even celebrating imperfection, impermanence and incompleteness. It is the art of finding perfection in the imperfect. In today’s age of increasing social pressure due to pervasiveness of social media, a lot of us could use a little bit more wabi-sabi and self-compassion in our lives.

8. Shinrin-yoku, Japan

Shirin-yoku means bathing in the forest – which isn’t about actually bathing but is more about being completely surrounded and enveloped in the forest. This is about taking time to mindfully walk or sit in the forest and simply enjoy nature. You can read more in this article about why moving out of the city will make you happier.

9. Craic, Ireland

This Irish concept is all about having a good time with friends. It’s about loud conversations, joking, laughing and having fun – think of a good night at the pub. Craic has even been called an intrinsic part of the culture of sociability that distinguished the Irish workplace from those of other countries.

10. Entrückt, Germany

Being entrückt is about being lost in thought and in your own mind. It’s about forgetting everything around you and daydreaming, being absentminded or even meditative. It’s about being calm and quiet and enjoying time alone.

11. Estrenar, Spain

This is about using or wearing something for the first time. Think of the soft fluffiness of a new pair of sweatpants, or the whiteness of a new pair of socks, or the great feeling of wearing a new top on a night out with friends. Brings a smile to your face, doesn’t it?

12. Siesta, Spain

For those of us who are on the career treadmill or corporate ladder, the idea of taking a 2-hour break in the middle of the day for a siesta, or nap, may seem preposterous. But this practice has been proven to relieve stress and recharge your mind, leading to greater happiness and wellbeing. It might be time to talk to the boss.

13. Flâner, France

Flâner is to stroll or potter around. If you’re in a rush, it’s not flâner. Instead, this means to take your time leisurely walking and observing the world around you. It’s about having no purpose, and letting your feet take you where they will.

14. Lagom, Sweden

Lagom is the story of goldilocks in one word – it’s the Swedish mindset of approaching life with an “everything in moderation” mindset… in other words, not too much, not too little, but just right. There’s no English equivalent and in today’s consumerist society even the word ‘moderation’ can be seen as leaving you wanting more. Lagom is not that, it is truly the right amount, with a sprinkle of perfect, balance and simplicity in there too.

15. Meraki, Greece

Meraki is a labour of love, or the idea that you can bring others and yourself happiness by giving your undivided attention to a task, especially a creative or artistic one—like cooking. It’s about doing things with love leaving a part of you in that task.

16. Azart, Russia

The Russian word azark is all about taking life by the horns and finding passion and excitement – often from activities that would make many other cultures feel uncomfortable. Think about scary movies, or sky diving or rolling around in the snow after nice warm sauna. Azart is about exploring the zeal of life.

relaxing while watching the water

17. Keyif, Turkey

In Turkey, Keyif is all about practicing the art of quiet relaxation and living in the moment – like mindfulness. It’s about savouring the simple moments in life, spending some time alone and resetting.

18. Saudade, Brazil

Unlike many of the other happiness ideas from around the world, this concept is also a bit sad. Saudade is about a feeling of melancholy, longing and nostalgia for a happiness that once was or will never happen again. It’s a bitter-sweet memory that tugs at your heart-strings. Portuguese writer Manuel de Melo describes the concept as “a pleasure you suffer, an ailment you enjoy.”

19. Jayus, Indonesia

I love this one and I know a lot of people who embody this concept. In fact, I actually think the English translation for Jayus should be ‘dad joke.’ The actual meaning is a joke that is so unfunny, or told so badly, that you just have to laugh.

20. Ubuntu, South Africa

Ubuntu is practiced by the Bantu people across Africa. It’s a concept of common humanity and oneness. Think “I am because you are.” It acknowledges the power of togetherness and community.  During the memorial service for Nelson Mandela, Barack Obama said ubuntu described his greatest gift, “that there is a oneness to humanity; that we achieve ourselves by caring for those around us.”

21. Kafa, Bosnia

Although many people often meet for a coffee in Australia, the Bosnians have turned the concept of kafa into more of a ritual – that of regularly meeting a friend for a good long chat, over coffee. And as Cultural Atlas describes, in Bosnia, “Coffee (kafa) is usually served during a visit, usually three times. The first is the greeting coffee (dočekuša), the second is the talking coffee (razgovoruša or brbljavuša) and the final coffee is meant to signify the time when guests are expected to leave, known as ‘kandžija’ or ‘sikteruša’.”

Do you know any other happiness ideas from around the world? Let us know in the comments below!

 

Want to learn more about happiness ideas from around the world? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

Are You Getting Enough Sleep? (E54)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about how sleep affects your health and happiness. So, are you getting enough sleep?

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

P: Oh… We’re on? [Silly voice] Are we good to go? He he. Am I on? Hello?

M & P: Laughter.

M: You are on.

P: I shouldn’t be on, we should be sleeping. We need more sleep.

M: We do need more sleep.

P: Apparently we’re not sleeping enough.

M: Actually, I’m really good at sleep.

P: Laugh.

M: Ask anybody.

P: Me too. I don’t sleep [the same as] with everyone’s sleep patterns, but I like my sleep.

M: I love my sleep.

P: Laugh.

M: And I protect it and guard it. Obviously this is the one thing I’m not failing at in my life.

P: Laugh. Exhibit.

M: Absolutely. So why do we need more sleep, Pete?

P: Our sleep is so good for us. There’s so much that sleep does for us. It’s basically influences our physical and mental capacity and every aspect of our life. So if you’re not getting sleep, things don’t happen! Laugh.

M: Absolutely. And we’re increasingly not getting enough sleep.

P: We are, in the 1940’s, eight hours of sleep was the normal arrangement of sleep, and we were pretty good at getting that amount of sleep. That was the average amount that most Americans and Australians were getting. But in the contemporary 21st century, we’re getting less and less.

In 2016, 30% of U.S. citizens were not getting seven hours of sleep. And in Australia, according to a health line survey conducted in March 2019 32% of Australians are also not getting seven hours of sleep. So we’re losing, at least one hour there.

M: And there’s been over the last 10/20 years a whole lot of books by quacks, complete quacks that say you can operate on four hours or five hours a night.

P: No. It’s bullshit.

M: It is.

P: Do not believe it people. Laugh.

M: Just like the dieting fads, these sleep fads are really harmful for you.

P: Yep, they are.

M: And not only that, yet again, you will die!

P: Yeah, laugh. Pretty much and it won’t be pretty. There’s a, there’s a direct link between cardiovascular health and sleep, diabetes, pretension, asthma, flues and colds, cancers, heart attacks.

M: Heart attacks in women in particular and more weight issues, which then leads to diabetes.

P: That’s a pre morbidity indicator.

M: Yeah, absolutely. You get more cravings of sugars and fats because your energy levels drop if you’re not getting enough sleep. So what does your body do when it’s low on energy?

P: Go get more fuel.

M: Exactly, it craves all those bad foods.

M: Yes.

P: The sugars.

M: So if you are obese. One of the first things you should be looking at if you’re hoping to lose weight is your sleep.

P: Mmm. Make sure you get enough sleep.

M: Yep.

P: And that means eight hours, not seven.

M: For adults.

P: Yes.

M: And it is more for teenagers and more for children and even more for babies. And here’s the really scary thing, we’re not even letting our infants get the recommended amount of sleep a lot of the time.

P: Oh really?

M: Yes.

P: Oh, Ok.

M: So you would never, never, if you were told how much sleep your baby should get, want to deprive that child of sleep.

P: Very true.

M: Why do you do it to yourself? This is yet another example of where we’re so much harder on ourselves than we are on other people.

P: Yes.

M: You’d never deny someone else they’re asleep that they say they need.

P: No.

M: Then we do it to ourselves all the time.

P: And another myth about sleeping is, it’s not a bank.

M: Yeah.

P If you miss out on sleep. You can’t make it up by having a big sleep. That doesn’t work that way.

M: No, not at all.

P: So that myth debunked, laugh!

M: It’s a debunking episode today isn’t it?

P: Laugh.

M: The other thing is, it makes you look old. It’s like smoking or getting out in the sun. So, you know, you get the bags under your eyes it’s really bad for your skin.

P: Your cells don’t regenerate as much.

M: Yep.

P: Not getting enough sleep has a huge effect on our cellular damage and our organs. The ability for our organs to regenerate.

Dr. Pam Taub of the UC San Diego School of Medicine talks a lot about this. She’s been doing a lot of work with firefighters and people on shift work and working around why they are so prone to cardiovascular disease and cancer due to the disruption of their circadian rhythms and the interruption of natural sleeping patterns.

M: So moving toward 24/7 world is going to kill us.

P: And that’s one of things that has killed us, and that’s one of the big shifting factors is in the post industrialised era we have more ready access to food, and we are eating much longer during the day. Our ancestors used to eat when the sun was up. We’re now eating well into the evening and we’re eating first thing when we get up, we get up at six, we get a coffee, we grab some breakfast and then we go to the gym and then we’ll go to the work and we’ll have something at 11 o’clock so we’re eating for longer.

We’re not getting that downtime of 10 hours where we’re not putting food in our stomachs. That’s upsetting our circadian rhythms. And that, in turn, upsets our sleep patterns.

M: Mmm.

P: It’s one of the big indicators that I found in some of the reading that I’ve done and the other, the other issue that comes around with that is our access to light.

M: Yes.

P: And the fact that there’s light pollution. Professor Ian Hickey of the University of Sydney is a big critic of light pollution and its links to bipolar and mood disorders.

M: Interesting.

P: And he talks [about] cognitive disorders being much larger amongst the teenage population because of our addiction to devices. Kids are going to their rooms and they have their iPad and they have their phone and they’re staying up until two o’clock in the morning on Facebook, watching YouTube and things like that. That’s having a major issue and damaging effect to our brain retention and mood cognition. And he says that’s a big one for getting rid of the issues that make us not get enough sleep.

M: I have to say it is one of our ongoing marital arguments.

P: Aaahh.

M: That Francis and I have.

P: Laugh! I’m going to go out on a limb here, are you the one on the devices or is Francis?

M: No, no, no. Not devices, light. In the bedroom.

P: Oh, yes. Right.

M: So he wants absolute pitch black or he says he can’t sleep, whereas I want to wake naturally with light rather than in a pitch black room and I can’t tell whether it’s eight AM or two AM and wake to a blaring alarm in a pitch black room.

P: Yes.

M: That to me just gets me up and in the wrong frame of mind and, and often times waking up in the middle of a sleep cycle rather than coming out of a sleep cycle and waking naturally.

P: Yeah.

M: So there’s no, there’s no solution, for the two of us, right?

P: I’m on your bank there Marie, because the fact that sunlight coming in stimulates our body into melanin production and all those, those responses that need to happen it’s a, I’m a big one for waking up with the sunshine.

M: Yes. So I think for the rest of my life that I live with Francis, for better or worse, we will be arguing over how much light is in our room when we go to sleep in the evenings.

P: Laugh. Well, how much does light affect us? You’ve referenced a study in Germany here.

M: Oh, I love this study. I love all studies that I come across!

P: Laugh!

M: There’s something fascinating to me about studies in psychology. Most of them, some of them are just dry as anything and so boring.

P: Yeah, laugh.

M: But so many of them are just super cool.

P: Where do these people come up with these ideas?

M: I know, they’re great!

P: Laugh.

M: And another area that you have to look into if you find this stuff as fascinating as me is behavioural economics because that is some really trippy stuff.

P: Wow, Okay.

M: Where you think that people would do… So It’s stuff like you put a marshmallow in front of a kid and you say, “if you wait five minutes and don’t eat it I’ll give you another one.”

P: Laugh.

M: And then walk away. And a lot of kids will just go ‘meh’ and eat the marshmallow when if they’d only waited five minutes they could have had two.

P: Two!

M: But that’s not how human behaviour works, right?

P: Laugh!

M: That’s the really simple behavioural economics, kind of.

P: In a nut shell.

M: Yep.

P: It’s a marshmallow.

M & P: Laughter.

M: But we do some really whack things, humans, that just go against our self-interest –

P: Laugh!

M: – all the time! Anyway.

P: Like not getting enough sleep, laugh.

M: Yep. Yes, laugh, back to what we were talking about.

P: Laugh. Reverse! Come on, reel it in!

M & P: Laughter!

M: So this study in the late sixties and early seventies in Germany, where they put a bunch of people into a bunker and they had no idea of the time. So, there was no natural light, no radios, no TVs, no clocks, nothing for weeks.

P: For weeks!?

M: For weeks!

P: Oh my god, those poor people.

M: And they watched. I think they just found a bunch of students, to be honest. They were happy to do some quiet study, laugh.

P: And get paid for you it.

M: And get paid, yeah. Which is, you know, pretty much every study is just students.

P & M: Laughter!

P: We know one of those, laugh.

M: Poor students.

P: Laugh, that’s why she can come to dinner every now and then.

M & P: Laughter.

M: So they then watched all of these people and saw how their bodies realigned to some kind of rhythm. And they did.

P: Mmm.

M: They reverted to their natural rhythm, so free from any external indicators of what they should be doing, their bodies went back to a natural rhythm of wakefulness and sleep.

P: Mmm.

M: Now there were, just as a side note, a few crazies out there who went to a 48 hour rhythm with their awake hours.

P: Oh, wow.

M: So this isn’t when we talk about “normal” I’ve got a quotes going for people at home.

P: Laugh.

M: And when we talk about “normal”, there are always exceptions. And there were in this study, some exceptions of people who went to a 48 hour body clock, and that was normal for them.

P: So did that mean that they were sleeping for longer periods and staying awake for longer periods?

M: Yes.

P: But their average amount of sleep across seven days would be the same as someone on a 24 hour cycle?

M: I didn’t look that closely, laugh.

P: Maybe you should see?

M: Ah, look at our show notes, I’ll see if I can find that, laugh. [Please see full study on sleep cycles here.]

P: All the reading of the research that I have done says that that would be the case, even though sleeping is not a bank. Like you can’t have one big, long sleep and make up your sleep. But you do need regular intervals of sleep/ wakefulness to keep those circadian rhythms happening.

M: And to do things like commit things to memory, long term memory.

P: Yes.

M: It’s so critical for making those connections and banking all of your data the end of the day.

P: Yeah.

M: I don’t think that, again I’ll have to look into it, but I highly doubt people are awake for 24 hours and then sleeping for a full 24 hours.

P: Yeah.

M: I’d say they’re probably at 36 of awake and then a good 12 hours sleep or something.

P: That would be interesting.

M: Or they may have been having naps throughout that time.

P: Ah, so does napping work?

M: Well, according to science, it does.

P: Okay.

M: Yep, but anyway, most people in the bunker study, the bunker sleep study, reverted to a 25 hour body clock.

P: Interesting.

M: So we’re an hour out from the day.

P: Mmm.

M: And I find that a little bit interesting. So when we’re out not in bunkers, laugh.

P: Laugh!

M: And have access to daylight to guide our activities. We, we go and follow and force our bodies to follow a 24 hour clock, generally with some small exceptions when we party too much at university and things like that.

P: Laugh.

M: But we force up what is into a 24 hour cycle. And that might actually be, not great for anyone, either.

P: I’m wondering if whether the weather, seasons, make a difference as well?

M: Mmm.

P: We tend sleep more during winter because it is darker.

M: Earlier, yep.

P: Whereas in summer, we’re out and we can’t sleep because it’s hot sometimes and the sun is up a lot longer, so again, that might be the 25 hour rhythm.

M: Well, remember when we were in Sweden?

P: Yeah, that was weird way absolutely.

M: And we came out of the restaurant and it was 11 o’clock at night and it was still light.

P & M: Laugh.

M: Yeah, and that really messed with us for a while. We were all so jet lagged, I would say.

P: Laugh. Well, it’s interesting you touched on the types of sleep because Dr Laura Jacobson, who’s the head of the Sleep and Cognition Laboratory of the Florey Institute of Neuroscience and Mental Health, that’s a mouthful, –

M: Laugh.

P: – in Melbourne in Australia, she says that getting quality of sleep is important. Everyone talks about REM sleep and that REM sleep is so important for what we need.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: It is important for our invention and our problem-solving capability. I think it was Isaac Newton who said that his theories came to him in a dream. Composers talk about it all the time, ‘oh the melody came to me in a vision when I was asleep.’ And that’s because REM sleep accesses those inventive areas of our brain.

M: It makes, it allows you to make the connections between the different parts of your brain, and that is where you get true creativity. So, it’s when the math part of your brain talks to the psychology part of your brain, and you’d never put those two together. And that’s why some of the greatest inventions were from people who had broad education and understood a little bit about everything.

P: Yeah, ‘cause they could link things together.

M: They could make those links, and they guaranteed, would not have made those links without the freedom, free of devices and free of people to let their minds wander and make connections, but also without some really good sleep.

P: Yep, who was the apple on the head dude?

M: Newton.

P: Newton, him, Yeah!

M: Laugh.

P: Sitting under a tree, apple hits him on the head. ‘Ah, I’ve come up with the theory of…

M: Relativity.

P: I was thinking that.

M: No, gravity.

P: Right, relativity was Einstein. Oh, we’re going all over the place here, I need more sleep! Laugh!

M: Gravity.

P & M: Laugh!

P: But, getting back to Dr Jacobson, she also talks about the importance of non-REM sleep and that we equally need that because that’s good for our learning and our memory retention and organising our memories into long term memory and short term memory. So, which would explain why, if you’re not getting quality sleep, it’s constantly being broken, and you’re not getting that natural swing between REM and non-REM sleep. You’re befuddled the next day, you can’t recall things, you can’t remember what the article said that you were reading 5 minutes ago.

M: What the thing was?

P: The theory of relativity versus gravity?

M & P: Laugh!

M: You know that thing, dooby whacker.

P: Laugh. So students who are pulling all-nighters before exams. You’re doing yourself a disservice?

M: Well, it is important, you know, to say that you can sustain it for short amounts of time. So if you are pulling an all-nighter before an exam – Oh, sorry. If you’re pulling an all-nighter to get a paper in.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: Then you can do that and not see the decline straight away. But the next day, after you’ve handed your paper in, you know, you’re going to feel it, right?

P: Yeah, you will feel it.

M: You’ll feel it.

P: This is what I’m finding with a lot of the research they’re saying, don’t fool yourself if you’re denying yourself sleep, it will hit you.

M: Absolutely.

P: There’s a there’s a compensation that has to happen. Same as if you’re going to not eat for 24 hours, you can’t go and exercise when you’re not eating.

M: Yep.

P: But you can, not eat for 24 hours and you won’t die. It’s actually good for you.

M: Ooohhh! In some situations.

P: Well, that another episode right there. We’re going to get side-tracked in a minute.

M: Uh, huh. You’ve got to be –

P: Laugh, I’m pro-fasting.

M: – really, you’ve got to be really careful. Fasting is not for everyone.

P: Yep, another episode.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Laugh.

M: So, back to napping though,

P: Yes.

M: There are definitely revitalising effects that come with napping.

P: Ok. ‘Cause I’m not a napper.

M: And – no me neither, I get really groggy.

P: I find it really frustrating.

M: Oh I can, I can, I just want a nap for three to four or five hours, laugh.

P: Which they say isn’t good for you.

M: Which means I can’t sleep at night.

P: Yeah.

M: So the ideal amount of time is about 90 minutes.

P: Oh, really?

M: But as short as 20.

P: Oh, Okay.

M: And here’s why a lot of people don’t do it because they can wake up in the middle of a sleep cycle and feel groggy and therefore not feel like they got any benefit from it there feeling worse than when they had when they went for the nap.

P: Right.

M: So the trick here is splashing water on your face and take a few steps to get your heart rate up again.

P: Ok.

M: And your brain will actually have had the benefits from that nap.

P: Oh.

M: So, it is worthwhile if you can get a nap in because you feel you need it.

P: Yep the power nap idea.

M: Always worthwhile to do it, even if you do wake yourself up in the middle of a sleep cycle, you’ve still let your brain have some downtime to recover, to put all those things into long term memory, etcetera, etcetera.

P: Yes, mmm.

M: So 20 to 90 minutes. And also, if you can’t do it during the day, which there’s no way I could fit a nap into my corporate life.

P: Laugh!

M: It’s just not happening.

P: Yep.

M: If you can’t do that, then a nap on the weekend is better than no nap. So if you only do a nap on Sundays.

P: A lot of people do that.

M: Yep. Do it.

P: Understood?

M: Absolutely.

P: So before we wrap up, how do we get better sleep if we’re not getting enough sleep?

M: There’s so many things that go into this.

P: Mmm. There are.

M: And, so many different things you should talk to your doctor about. And I’m gonna bring it back to me again.

P: Laugh.

M: Because it’s all about me, laugh. I suffered with bad sleep for a number of years because of my diet.

P: Ah, yes.

M: And it wasn’t because I was eating late. It was purely because I’ve had food allergies and intolerances for so many years, and it impacts my ability to sleep and stay asleep.

P: Understandable.

M: And everyone would tell me ‘you need more sleep’. And I was getting plenty of sleep. It wasn’t light, it wasn’t devices, it wasn’t all the usual things. So absolutely talk to your doctor of you having troubles with sleep because there are so many different things that can impact your sleep. But I think you’ve got three here, Pete, that we might end on that are the usual culprits, right?

P: Yes. So eating late, we’ve talked about it.

Don’t eat late.

Try to give yourself 10 hours without food, so don’t eat [late], especially don’t do what I do, which is a big meal before going to bed, it just keeps you up.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: I’m really bad at it because I finish work late. So don’t eat late.

Put down the devices, no light pollution.

Now that can also come down to keeping lights on in the bedroom, reading just before you go to bed. Which again I’m guilty of, having lots of light around you upsets your circadian rhythms and won’t allow you to rest.

M: Or having poor curtains or outside light.

P: Yep.

M: We have an apartment once that had a big spotlight.

P: Urrgghh.

M: And it used just come in out bedroom window.

P: That’s rough.

M: Most annoying thing in the world.

P: Yep, you want to get a BB-gun and take that thing out.

M & P: Laughter!

P: Last one.

Establish a routine that naturally brings you down.

P: So for me, one of the best things that I can do is to turn all my lights to really low and do some yoga. 20 minutes of yoga, not the big arches and the standing series, nice gentle on the floor, a couple of stretches with some soft music, if you need it, or no music at all. Decrease all the sensitivity of the sympathetic nervous system and naturally you’ll drift off to sleep really well.

M: I personally try to read for 10 minutes every night before bed, at least.

P: Which is fine because you’re resting and it’s fine to do that as long as you.

M: So no device and no white light

P: Yeah, no white light.

M: Definitely, come in here, turn the main lights off. Put the reading light on. Get into bed. 10 minutes often becomes 30 minutes or an hour but I’ll read and it’s –

P: – It’s your way to come down. It’s a good way to do it.

M: Yep.

P: Then you’re not like my mother with the woman’s weekly on your chest at 4am in the morning with glasses on.

M: Laugh!

P: Such a funny sight. You walk past and you’re like ‘Yeah, that’s good.’

And on that happy image, get more sleep people, it’s important!

M: Good night.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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10 Reasons Why 2021 Will be The Year of Better Mental Health

by

better mental health

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 000 in Australia, or your local emergency services number.

We know mental health is an issue, but will we finally do anything about it in 2021?

We all know, and we’ve been saying it for long enough, 2020 was shit (s’cuse my language, but it was). Too many things that were simply out of control were impacting our lives – leaving us powerless to do much of anything except resolve to be kind to ourselves and others….

Actually, to be fair, that’s only if you’re self-aware enough to know how to respond to major change, or trauma or crises like what many of us went through last year. The sad truth is that so many people have never been taught how to assess their emotions, to step back and work out a logical (not emotional) way forward. They were never taught how to build resilience and what makes a good life, a happy life.

To be fair, neither was I. I grew up in an era when we still played bullrush and brandings in the playground. I still remember being the nominated person to change those clear plastic sheets on the projector in science class. We didn’t talk about emotions or bullying, and we didn’t have mobile phones or social media. I came from the suck-it-up era, which our grandmothers had instilled in us because they’d seen real depressions and war.

The world is just so different nowadays, and we’re not coping. Even pre-pandemic, and pre 2020 bushfires, and pre-Trump, and pre-Brexit, our mental health was on the decline. We’re not coping with this new world, but finally, after 2020, I think we’re starting to realise that this isn’t just fluff, it’s a problem.

So, check out the latest mental health stats from around the world and decide for yourself: will 2021 be the year of mental health?

1. Around the world, mental health issues are a problem

There are approximately one billion people around the world with a mental, neurodevelopment or substance use disorder – although mental health disorders remain largely underreported, so estimates vary and researchers disagree (Our world in data). But, even with some room for error, the numbers are quite simply staggering.

  • Four million, or 1 in 5, Australians are living with mental health conditions, including anxiety and depression.
  • In the U.S., the numbers are similar with recent stats showing also that 1 in 5 (20.6 per cent) of adults experienced mental illness in 2019 (51.5 million people). (NAMI)
  • Similarly, in any given year, 1 in 5 Canadians experiences a mental illness or addiction problem (CAMH)

2. Mental health and the elderly

The global population is ageing rapidly, with estimates that 1 in 5 people will be over 60 by 2050 – that’s 2 billion people. The most common mental and neurological disorders in this age group are dementia and depression, which affect approximately 5 per cent and 7 per cent of the world’s older population. With this demographic in particular, mental health problems are under-identified by health-care professionals and older people themselves, and the stigma surrounding these conditions makes people reluctant to seek help. (WHO)

In the U.K., depression affects around 22 per cent of men and 28 per cent of women aged 65 years and over, and it is estimated that 85 percent of older people with depression receive no help at all from the NHS. Research shows the five factors that affect the mental health and wellbeing of older people are: discrimination, participation in meaningful activities, relationships, physical health and poverty. (Mental Health Foundation)

Additionally, this group is particularly prone to social isolation and loneliness, which can cause poor mental health outcomes. Loneliness is a complicated issue that has gained increased visibility over recent years. In the U.S., about 28 percent of older adults, or 13.8 million people, live alone, but many of them are not lonely or socially isolated. At the same time, some people feel lonely despite being surrounded by family and friends. (NIH)

3. Mental health and teens

The World Economic Forum states that mental illness is the leading cause of disability and poor life outcomes for young people today, yet investment into mental health is insufficient worldwide. Most mental illness has its onset in adolescence and early adulthood with 75 per cent of mental illness presents by the age of 25 years. (World Economic Forum)

In Canada, 70 per cent of adults with mental health issues begin experiencing symptoms in adolescence, and teens aged 15 to 24 are more likely to experience mental illness and/or substance use disorders than any other age group. This is why the country is looking toward new models of care for their youth. (The Conversation)

In the U.S. 16.5% of U.S. youth aged 6-17 experienced a mental health disorder in 2016 (7.7 million people). Yet stats show that about 50 per cent of U.S. youth with a mental illness get any treatment. Additionally, In the U.S., suicide is the second leading cause of death among people aged 10-34 in the U.S. and overall, 46 per cent of people who die by suicide had a diagnosed mental health condition. (NAMI)

4. Mental health and gender

Most mental health disorders, such as depression, anxiety, bipolar and eating disorders, are more common in women than men. This pattern appears to hold true across most countries. Yet alcohol and substance abuse tend to be higher in men than women. While in Canada, as with many other countries, more than three quarters of suicides involve men, but women attempt suicide 3 to 4 times more often. (CAMH)

Unfortunately, during COVID, women are more at risk of financial insecurity. In a survey of more than 10,000 people in nearly 40 countries, 55 per cent of women reported a significant impact from COVID-19-related income loss, compared with 34 per cent of men, while 27 per cent of women experienced increased struggles with mental health issues, compared with 10 per cent of men. It’s becoming clear that the pandemic could have lasting impacts on the economic and mental well-being of those on low incomes. (World Economic Forum)

5. Mental health and finances

Unemployed people are less mentally and physically resilient than those in work according to a range of studies which have shown a strong correlation between unemployment, as well as job insecurity, and increased risk of depressive symptoms. (Our world in data)

Yet it’s a bit of a vicious cycle, with studies showing that people with a mental illness are much less likely to be employed, with unemployment rates are as high as 70-90 per cent for people with the most severe mental illnesses. Not only that, but people who have jobs but are in the lowest socio-economic groups are also at risk of increased mental health conditions. In Canada, people in the lowest income group are 3 to 4 times more likely than those in the highest income group to report poor to fair mental health. Additionally, studies in various Canadian cities indicate that between 23 per cent and 67 per cent of homeless people report having a mental illness. (CAMH)

6. Mental health and domestic violence

An Australian study analysed almost 500,000 police reports of domestic violence and found that mental health was an issue in both perpetrators and victims. A total of 16 per cent of the examined domestic violence events had at least one mention of a mental illness for either the perpetrator or the victim. In 76 per cent of cases, mental illness was mentioned for the perpetrator only, 17 per cent for the victim only, and 7 per cent for both victim and perpetrator. The researchers also found that mood affective disorders, which include depression or bipolar disorder, were the most common in both victims and perpetrators. (The Conversation)

7. Mental health and the LGBTIQ++ community

The prevalence of mental illness among U.S. adults who identify as lesbian, gay or bisexual is more than twice as high all other demographic groups bar one at 44.1 per cent (mixed/multi-racial follow at 31.7 per cent, with all other groups sitting at 22 per cent or below). On top of that, Lesbian, gay and bisexual youth are 4 times more likely to attempt suicide than straight youth, and transgender adults are nearly 12 times more likely to attempt suicide than the general population. (NAMI)

Sadly, the LGBTIQ++ community still faces abuse, bullying, homophobic or transphobic attitudes and a lack of inclusion in even the most liberal countries and this can and does have a serious impact on many in the community’s mental health.

8. Mental health impacts physical health

In Australia, a study in 2018 showed that people with mental health conditions are at greater risk of chronic physical disease and much greater risk of early death. In fact, having a mental health condition, such as anxiety or depression, increases the risk of every single major chronic disease. This includes heart disease, high blood pressure, arthritis, back pain, diabetes, asthma, bronchitis, emphysema and cancer. More than 2.4 million people have both a mental and at least one physical health condition. (The Conversation)

In Canada, they also found that mental and physical health are linked, showing that people with long-term medical conditions are more likely to experience mood disorders. On the other hand, people with mood disorders are at much higher risk of developing a long-term physical condition. (CAMH)

U.S. stats support these finding and show people with depression have a 40% higher risk of developing cardiovascular and metabolic diseases than the general population. (NAMI)

9. Mental health and Indigenous peoples

In Australia, stats show Aboriginal people are much more likely to suffer from depression or dementia than other Australians. More than 30 per cent of Aboriginal people suffer from some form of psychological distress (general population is 20 per cent). Additionally, about 12 per cent of Aboriginal people aged over 45 years have dementia, with Aboriginal people living in remote communities being 10 times more likely to develop dementia than people living in countries such as Africa, India or Indonesia. (Australia and New Zealand Mental Health Association)

In Canada, First Nations youth die by suicide about 5 to 6 times more often than non-Aboriginal youth. Suicide rates for Inuit youth are among the highest in the world, at 11 times the national average. (CAMH)

10. The economic impact of poor mental health

Research shows that out of all the non-communicable diseases, youth mental health problems present the most serious burden to GDP due to the lack of the return on investment in the individual and the duration of the problem. The report estimated that by 2030 mental illness would lead to losses to global output equivalent to US$16.1 trillion. (World Economic Forum and Harvard)

In Canada, the economic burden of mental illness is estimated at $51 billion per year. This includes health care costs, lost productivity, and reductions in health-related quality of life. And in any given week, at least 500,000 employed Canadians are unable to work due to mental health problems. (CAMH) Across the U.S. economy, serious mental illness causes $193.2 billion in lost earnings each year. (NAMI)

What’s next?

I share this information in the hope that we can have more open and honest conversations about mental health. I do not want to stigmatise people with mental health issues, instead I hope that we can potentially dispel myths about mental health and raise awareness about certain groups’ vulnerability. Mostly, I hope that we can start to take systemic and meaningful action that will make a real impact on these numbers.

Interventions and programs to help people develop mental wellbeing can benefit from WHO’s breakdown of potential adverse and protective factors for mental health, which are broken down into three categories:

  1. individual attributes and behaviours, such as genetics or personality traits;
  2. social and economic circumstances;
  3. environmental factors.

These factors often interact, compound or negate one another and should therefore not be considered as individual traits or exposures.

LevelAdverse FactorsProtective Factors
Individual attributesLow self-esteemSelf-esteem, confidence
Cognitive/emotional immaturityAbility to solve problems & manage stress or adversity
Difficulties in communicatingCommunication skills
Medical illness, substance usePhysical health, fitness
Social circumstancesLoneliness, bereavementSocial support of family & friends
Neglect, family conflictGood parenting/family interaction
Exposure to violence/abusePhysical security & safety
Low income & povertyEconomic security
Difficulties or failure at schoolScholastic achievement
Work stress, unemploymentSatisfaction & success at work
Environmental factorsPoor access to basic servicesEquality of access to basic services
Injustice & discriminationSocial justice, tolerance, integration
Social & gender inequalitiesSocial & gender equality
Exposure to war or disasterPhysical security & safety

Source: Our World in Data

Want to learn more about the science of happiness and how to look after your mental health? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

What’s the Link Between Money and Happiness? Let’s Sort This out Once and for all.

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money and happiness

Money Does buy Happiness

A new study suggests that the more money you have the happier you get. Period. This contradicts previous studies which have suggested that there is a plateau at $75,000. Instead, researcher Matthew Killingsworth, a senior fellow at Penn’s Wharton School who studies human happiness, says his study shows that money does influence happiness and there is no dollar value at which it stops influencing a person’s wellbeing.

Through the app ‘Track Your Happiness,’ Killingsworth collected data from 33,391 employed, 18- to 65-year-olds in the United States. This provided in-the-moment snapshots of feelings during daily life which people recorded at a few randomised times each day. “This process provided repeated snapshots of people’s lives, which collectively gives us a composite image, a stop-motion movie of their lives,” he says.

Previous studies have shown that after a certain income level, there is no measurable rise in happiness. However, contrary to earlier research, this study showed no tapering off of happiness levels at higher levels of income.

Instead, the study found that people who have higher incomes are happier. This is due in part to having more of a sense of control over life, and probably also having less financial stress in life overall. “When you have more money, you have more choices about how to live your life. You can likely see this in the pandemic. People living pay check to pay check who lose their job might need to take the first available job to stay afloat, even if it’s one they dislike. People with a financial cushion can wait for one that’s a better fit. Across decisions big and small, having more money gives a person more choices and a greater sense of autonomy.”

But even though the latest research shows that having more money makes you happier, it’s not the only factor in what make you happy. In fact, the research is still showing that if you focus only on the money, you still won’t be happy. It’s only a means to an end. There are still many unhappy people with plenty of money.

Killingsworth warns of getting stuck on the hedonic treadmill and only chasing success and money. His research shows that income is only moderately linked to happiness.

“Although money might be good for happiness, I found that people who equated money and success were less happy than those who didn’t. I also found that people who earned more money worked longer hours and felt more pressed for time,” he said. “If anything, people probably overemphasize money when they think about how well their life is going,” said Killingsworth. “

It seems, as always, that nothing is ever simple! Let’s look at the other factors and research into money and happiness.

It’s all in Your Head: Comparison and Perception

comparison

Theodore Roosevelt called comparison “the thief of joy.” Yet, in today’s day and age, it’s hard not to compare ourselves to others. With social media feeds constantly reminding us of celebrities’ “perfect” lives, it’s not only hard to keep up but also hard to feel like we’re measuring up.

Yet social comparison theory suggests that we are all biologically wired to try to understand ourselves and how we fit within the world around us. This means it’s perfectly normal to look at everyone around you and think that some people are prettier, smarter, richer, happier, have more friends, better health or better jobs. The problem is that focusing on those who have more can lead to negative feelings, such as envy, poor self-esteem or unhappiness.

Research published in 2020 in the Psychological Bulletin, by researchers at Yale School of Management and Singapore Management University, suggests that it’s not so much about how much you earn, but how you perceive your earnings and standing in society compared to those around you. Instead, researchers suggest that income does not adequately capture the influence of money on happiness, and they now want to test the idea that happiness is more dependent on what people think they have compared to others.

These findings were backed up by a different study published in 2020 by the American Psychological Association that showed that there is a growing class divide in happiness in the U.S. The researchers found a link between socioeconomic status (including income, education, and occupational prestige) and happiness. Over 40 years, the happiness levels of rich individuals have been consistent, whereas the happiness levels of poorer individuals have slowly declined. Researcher Jean Twenge said the decrease in happiness among lower-income people may be a result of rising inequality, increasing real estate values and decreased ability to pay for education.

Read: Turns Out Money Does Buy You Happiness, Study Finds

The simple lesson here is to stop comparing your life to others and instead focus on the activities that can bring you happiness. It’s easier said than done, I know, but half the battle is being aware of your behaviour.

Money Does Matter at Work

Although having a lot of money won’t make you happy in and of itself, a recent study of 2,000 people in Belgium shows that it’s the main factor in our happiness at work. Human resources company Acerta found that 53 per cent of Belgians said having a good salary was key to their happiness at work, while 39 per cent wanted good work-life balance and 35 per cent said job security were important.

In support of the uPenn study, Acerta also found that 84 per cent of people surveyed want their pay to be flexible, in the form of a budget that allows them to make their own choices about pay and possible benefits. This again points to the idea that it’s not so much the money that matters, but the choice and control that it enables.

When Money Can’t buy Happiness

online shopping

If all the above research stands the test of time, then it’s fair to say that you should be spending your money on experiences you can get excited about planning or enjoy and share with others – not fancy cars, bigger houses and flashy clothes.

Yet, despite all that research, there is one group for which getting material things does lead to better happiness levels: children. In a recent study, children 3-12-years-old found more happiness from material things than from experiences. This is because kids at this age are still developing their memory, so having a Barbie doll or a toy truck to play with over the year brings them more joy over time than an outing with the family, for instance, which they can easily forget.

However, the researchers note, “As children age, the happiness they derive from experiences increases, to the point that older adolescents derive more happiness from experiences than from material goods, consistent with adult findings.” So don’t go putting down that deposit on a McMansion just yet!

Read: 5 Cheap Ways to Live a Happy Life

Relationships Still win

Having a decent income plays a small factor in our happiness, more because of what it enables rather than because chasing and earning money will make you happy. So, if money isn’t the answer, then what is?

Simple. Good relationships.

Time and time again, research shows that having good relationships, with lovers, family and friends – or any combination of the three – is absolutely critical to our happiness levels. Yet, chasing money can lead us away from time with loved ones.

“When people base their self-worth on financial success, they experience feelings of pressure and a lack of autonomy, which are associated with negative social outcomes,” says Lora Park, who co-authored a recent study into money and loneliness.

“Feeling that pressure to achieve financial goals means we’re putting ourselves to work at the cost of spending time with loved ones, and it’s that lack of time spent with people close to us that’s associated with feeling lonely and disconnected,” said Deborah Ward, who led the research team.

In the end, nothing is black and white, but a lot of it is common sense if you think about it. And that’s the key. You have to think about it. Reflect.

When was the last time you felt at peace, content or happy? What brings you joy?

It’s guaranteed to fit into three foundations:

  1. spending time with people;
  2. doing activities you enjoy and that bring you purpose and meaning; and
  3. looking after yourself – from getting enough sleep, and eating well, to getting outside and doing some exercise, or getting a massage.

 

Want to learn more about the money and happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

Happy Words from around the World (E52)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about happy words and concepts from countries all around the world and why they are so important for us all. 

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

P: So Marie, this week we’re talking about non English happiness, laugh.

M: [Incredulous voice] Non-English happiness? No, non -Western.

P: Non-Western.

M: Well, no, no, there is Western in there. We are talking about words from other cultures and other countries that have connotations of happiness that we don’t have in our language in the English language.

P: Yes. So it just goes to show that happiness is not all science and laboratories and people in white lab coats doing fabulous experiments. It is also cultural, and there’s lots of cultural references for happiness and the best thing about this stuff, is that a lot of these words can’t be translated.

M: Yes.

P: They are what they are, and they stand in their own entity and we should hearken to them, hearken to them. Well, that’s a good one, Hearken to thy Happiness.

M: …Okay.

P: You love it when I get creative.

M: I love it when you make up words.

P: Hearken is a word.

M: Not in that context it’s not, laugh.

P: Hearken to thy happiness, I like it. I’m going with.

M: All right, we’ll go with it.

P & M: Laughter

M: Alright. So what I do love about these words that we’re going to talk about today is that they are just so closely tied to a lot of stereotypes for how we see these countries and their cultures.

P: That is true, laugh.

M: So they really are a great way to better understand other people from around the world and what makes them happy.

P: What happiness is to a Danish person might not be the same to a Chinese person nor a Japanese person.

M: Mm hmm.

P: There are lots of little ways that you can celebrate it.

M: Absolutely. So shall we get started?

P: Yes.

M: We’ll get started with one that we’ve already covered, which we know and love.

P: Laugh, Hoo-geh [Hygge].

M: Laugh.

P: Which I think is wrong [pronunciation].

M: Which is actually Hee-geh [Hygge] from Denmark. And this is all about cosiness and comfort. It’s a warm fire and a good book.

P: Hot chocolate.

M: Mmm hot cocoa, wearing a comfortable new jumper for the first time and just snuggling under a blanket fires.

P: Soft blankets and fires.

M: Yes, absolutely. And it’s part of Danish and Norwegian culture and has been for centuries. And it’s just a great way to reframe those long, cold winters that they have over there.

P: Oh, yeah. It’s a great idea. You’re going to be locked in for hours anyway, so why not enjoy it?

M: Exactly. And you could look at the winters and think, you know, the sun sets really early and it’s really freezing. And I can’t do all this stuff. Or you could look at it in a great, positive way and find ways to be cosy and enjoy that cosiness, either by yourself or with friends. So it is very subjective from what I’m reading and understanding. But really it’s cosiness and comfort, Hygge.

P: I like that. Yes I’m in.

M: Yes.

P: Next one is from Finland, so same area, but slightly different country. See-soo [Sisu], is that right?

M: Sure.

P: Okay.

M: S-i-s-u.  

P: So, the Finnish, they also have huge winters. And that’s why they need Sisu. It’s a resilience and stoic determination in the face of adversity.

M: Yes, its strength, its grit and it’s about overcoming challenges and taking action against all the odds. So, it’s something to have pride in and again it’s part of the Finish national character. So just like in Australia, we take great pride in people like Bob Hawke, who can scull a yard glass, laugh.

P: Laugh! What an achievement.

M: In Finland it’s all about this grit, Sisu and having this ability to overcome adversity.

P: Mmm, stick it out and get through the tough area and come out the other side, conquer it.

M: My Grandma would love this. She lived through the Great Depression, and then she definitely, that generation, have Sisu.

P: Yes, yes, definitely.  

M: Yep.

P: Ooh the next one… laugh.

M: Free-luft-sliv [Friluftsliv]

P: Free-luths-live? Laugh.

M: From Norway.

P: Don’t say that one when you’ve had a few drinks.

P & M: Laughter.

P: You might say a bad word.

M: Laugh. So this one literally translates to ‘free air life’. But it means so much more and a lot of the Nordic countries, Denmark, Finland, Norway, Sweden, all of those countries that have winters that we just can’t fathom. I almost think they’re crazy for doing it, but they love their outdoor sports. Even in winter.

P: It’s funny isn’t it? It’s 42 degrees below Celsius, let’s go out and play hockey. Laugh!

M: Exactly, laugh. And so Friluftsliv in Norway is a freer life, but it means more about being active and outdoorsy. So it’s about mindfully spending time in nature and being one with the natural world.

P: Not letting the winter or the weather disparage you from being active outside.

M: That, too. Definitely. I think the weather doesn’t necessarily factor in. It’s a year round thing, and it’s about understanding the importance. And we’ve spoken about this before. The importance of connecting with nature and the outdoors.

P: Yeah, okay.

M: Yeah, so it’s all about that spiritually uplifting that nature provides whether or not your freezing your butt off or sweating your balls off.

P & M: Laughter

M: It’s about being outdoors.

P: Finding a way to enjoy it and interacting.

M: Yeah, and living the free air life.

P: Ohhh…

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Right, off to the Netherlands, Niksen.

M: Niksen!

P: Niksen.

M: Oh, we’ve just had five days of this, haven’t we Pete?

P: Laugh. Yeah pretty much.

M: Five days of Niksen, the art of doing nothing. Laugh.

P: Ahh… It’s brilliant. But doing nothing with people that do your kind of nothing that’s also really important.

M: Doing nothing with friends is better.

P: But your friends have to do your kind of nothing.

M: Yeah, absolutely.

P: Kinda has to match, because my kind of nothing may not necessarily be your kind of nothing and then we’d just be butting of heads.

M: Yeah, that would be lame. So, in the Netherlands Niksen is the art of doing nothing, and it’s about taking a break. It’s about knowing when your body needs to recover and this is so important in today’s day and age.

P: Mmm, so important. Talk about this a lot with my work. It is okay to take a day off.

M: Mm hmm.

P: A day off work, a day off cooking, a day off training, a day of being a mum. Like kids “Get your own meals, I’m taking a day off.”

M: Absolutely. And there’s a great Ted X talk by Manoush Zomorodi, and she talks about how boredom can lead to the most brilliant ideas.

P: I love that concept.

M: Yep, absolutely. And look, that’s kind of along the same idea here in that you need to give your body and your mind time to do nothing. And that’s no screen time, no places that you’ve got to be, rushing and let your stress levels come down and in today’s day and world, with all the things that we’re trying to fit into our days, don’t let this be yet another tick box thing that you have to do right.

P: Mmm.

M: But you need to make sure you recover from all of that stress and stress can be a good thing as long as you’re not always in it.

P: There’s also a lot of research that talks about the value of this in accessing your creativity on your sub consciousness. Allowing your subconscious to come to the floor allows the creative responses and sometimes a problem that you’ve been trying to solve for ages and ages pops into being because you’re doing nothing. Isaac Newton, apple on the head.

M: Mm hmm.

P & M: Laughter.

M: Or it hits you on the head.

P: Laugh. Okay, we’re staying up north.

M: Sweden.

P: Sweden, Lagom.

M: This is something… I’m not quite sure I’m down with.

P: Laugh. A measured response.

M: It’s a mindset of everything in moderation. Look, I would say that this is really good advice, but I tend to do the opposite, laugh.

P: Well… I guess that’s the thing is that if you’re someone that does do the opposite that maybe this is a concept that you can bring into being three months out of the year?

M: …Maybe, maybe. Maybe one.

P: Laugh. We’ll talk about it later. Re-finding that moderation, perhaps, and riding that crest on the wave for a little bit and then going off on your merry way and doing the crazy things like walking up Machu Pichu on having rocks hurled at you.

M: Well, yes, that was a whole different thing, but I’m definitely more of a go hard, go fast, rest. Go hard, go fast, rest.

P: Yeah, I can see how that would work. Alright Japan.

M: Yes.

P: Ohanami.

Gathering to enjoy and appreciate cherry blossom, sakura, so amazing. It’s just the most blissful experience. I did this in Tokyo when I was on tour, and what struck me was the silent, reverent nature of it.

So it’s in downtown Tokyo. And yet everyone is just quietly walking under this canopy of white cherry blossoms that was incredibly visually stunning. But the moment wasn’t lost on anyone, it created that whole idea that we talk about a lot of mindfulness, being in the moment, like it was so easy because the softest little sound of the petal was what you could hear.

M: The sound of a petal?

P: Yes.

M: That’s very quiet.

P: But it has a noise. So it’s not like you’re It’s not like you’re all being in a church and stuff, but there is this sort of dulling of everything, and everyone goes in with it, and it’s quite mesmeric. If you haven’t done it, I say do it once in your life if you can.

M: Ok, nice. We definitely had a very different cherry blossom experience in D.C. But equally as beautiful.

P: Yeah, right.

M: Just not as beautiful or as quiet. Tourist area.

P: Oh, laugh. I was struck be the quietness and how everyone was… yes, reverential.

M: I think, actually, back to what we were saying before it’s again indicative of the different cultures.

P: Mmm. Ah yes, very true.

M: Yes, so Japan actually have a word for this. Where as that word doesn’t exist in the English language. So maybe that’s why the experience is different when you see the cherry blossoms in Washington.

P: Maybe.

M: Mmm hmm. Alright what’s next?

P: Staying in Japan, Wabi-sabi!

M: Wabi-sabi. I like this one.

P: Scream it out, Wabi-sabi! Laugh. See what people do.

M: Love it and I love this idea.

P: I love this too.

M: The Japanese just… It’s a beautiful concept, I think so it’s about imperfection and impermanence and incompleteness. And being a traditionally Buddhist country, accepting the transience of life and embracing things in their most natural state leads to contentment.

P: Mmm.

M: So this could be about appreciating the beauty in chipped pottery or an ageing face or fleeting cherry blossoms.

P: Laugh. Well, there’s another reference in there for the Japanese, for the cracked pottery. It is the art of Kintsugi, which is where they actually fill the cracks with gold and that is again, it’s a very Buddhist concept in that even the imperfections of life should be celebrated.

M: Mm hmm.

P: I love that concept. I think that’s very Japanese as well.

M: I think we’ve spoken about this before, but I love that idea of smile lines in someone’s face, and I’ve always been drawn to those beautiful photos of real close ups of elderly people, you know, with huge grins that take up their faces and crinkly eyes.

P: Yep.

M: And that’s always just been something that draws me in. But I love it so Wabi-sabi is that.

P: Staying in Japan. I read about this one.

M: Mm hmm.

P: Shinrin-yoku, forest bathing!

M: Yes.

P: It’s scientific! Laugh. It’s been around for ages, but in since the 1980’s, Japan’s actually been spending money on investing in this and actually governments are giving forest people… Forest people, what do you call them?

M: City people –

P: Laugh.

M: – prescriptions to go walk in the forest.

P: Yes.

M: It’s actually a clinically proven or scientifically proven way to decrease stress and anxiety, and so it’s being prescribed. So it’s a wonder drug.

P: Yep. It is, and what it actually does is there’s an oil that is given off by forests and nature and when we spend time in forests. And they say, apparently the time is two hours minimum. It’s a good two hours, it’s not like a quick walk in the park, it’s a two hour soaking and that allows us to actually breathe in some of these oils that are exerted, and it actually boosts our immune system.

M: Definitely. I’m not saying two hours isn’t a good way to do that, and I’m not sure about the oils, but there’s definitely science at 15 minutes walking in a forest is enough to decrease your blood pressure, stress levels and anxiety levels.

P: Yep.

M: Just 15 minutes of walking in the forest is enough and back to what we’re saying earlier just being outside in the outdoors can have such benefits for your happiness levels.

P: It does, yep.

M: Free air life of Norway or the Shinrin-yoku of Japan. Definitely.

P: I mean, there’s a hole heap of scientific research, if more people are more interested in this at Oxford University they’re also investigating into this with the research there about forest bathing and its being prescribed in the UK as well. It’s also taken off in Canada and in the US, and I think Australia as well.

M: Hmm, there you go. All right, next. Back to Ireland.

P: I can’t do an Irish accent.

M: Laugh.

P: We’re talking about crack! Laugh.

M: Craic. So this one’s C-r-a-i-c and this is so Irish to me.

P & M: Laughter.

M: So it is about fun and good times, and it’s having a laugh and sharing stories, sometimes at the pub with your mates. What is more Irish than that?

P: Very true.

M: I love that one, and then next one is in Entrückt, which is German.

And that is about being enraptured and absent. Being in your own mind. It’s about being lost in your own thoughts.

P: Ok.

M: So I guess it could go to that meditative empty or it could be full. But it’s about being lost in your own mind.

P: Ok, all right.

M: Which is a lovely way to be, I think, and it’s lovely that they have a word for that. So it could be when you’re writing or reading or just daydreaming.

P: Is it flow?

M: It can be flow, absolutely. Could be when you’re doing the dishes or when you’re writing as well. And it’s more about being less hurried and just allowing that to be.

P: Mmm.

M: And also can lead to a bit more creativity and calm, less anxiety, less stress. So I really do like that idea as well. Being a writer, as well.

P: Laugh.

M: All right, what’s next?

P: Spanish, Estrenar. I hope I said that right? Laugh.

M: Sounds about right.

P: To use or wear something for the first time.

M: Oh I love that feeling.

P: Now we have a friend who does this. Anyone who’s got any Venezuelan friends out there, apparently, this is a thing to wear new items of clothing on… is it New year’s day or New Year’s Eve?

M: I think they do it New year’s eve to ring in the new year though.

P: Yeah, so it’s a tradition that you have, along with jumping seven waves and eating 12 grapes or something.

M: What?

P: Yeah, yeah. It’s our South American friends who have to go to the ocean and jump over seven waves on the first day of the year.

M: Oh. As you do. Each to there own.

P: Laugh. Anyway, this is about Estrenar, wearing new things. And I remember this when I played tennis. Whenever I had new tennis socks or new shoes or something. I always played better. Gives you confidence.

M: Oh, see once you win in a pair of undies, that’s your lucky undies.

P: Ewww.

M: You wear them all over.

P: Laugh!

M: But there is something for me just so nice about putting on new pair of sweats with the warm, fleecy fuzziness.

P: Yep, ok.

M: Love it.

P: Yeah, yeah, I get that.

M: So for me that’s Estrenar, wearing something for the first time. That’s just fluffy and comfy.

P: Yeah, they also talk about you can apply it to something like a new cherished possession. We’ve talked about this in terms of cars.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Every time I jump in my little car, I have a little smile on my face. “Good morning, darling.”

M: Aww.

P & M: Laughter.

P: That’s Estrenar, the allowing it to imbue you with a sense of happiness or a sense of contentious and confidence.

M: All right, we might tip to Greece and go with Meraki, and I love this one too.

P: Ooh, food!

M: Anyone who has had Greek neighbours or friends or family or Italian as well, this is all about the joy that you put into [cooking], it’s a labour of love and for Italians and Greeks, what better way to show your love than to cook for your family?

P: Yeah, definitely. Always wanted to be in the kitchen with someone’s Nona and say “Just cook with me and I’ll learn”. Laugh.

M: Mm hmm, yeah, so it’s about giving yourself to your task and deriving happiness for yourself, but also creating something that could bring happiness for others.

P: Yep.

M: So, Meraki, like that one.

P: Off to Russia Azart, the Russian word Azart is all about finding joy or excitement from making yourself uncomfortable.

Crazy Russians, laugh! It’s about jumping in the snow after a sauna.

M: Absolutely, and again, I keep seeing these words, and they’re just so typical of these countries.

P: Laugh!

M: Crazy Russians going from sauna right into the snow.

P: No, no, it’s the birch twigging?

M: Birch twigs.

P: That’s a crazy one, beaten to death with birch twigs after being in a sauna.

M: Laugh.

P: [Whispers] Very Catholic.

M: Really, this is about making yourself uncomfortable. So, you know, it could be about knowing that scary movies scare the bejesus out of you and watching it anyway or going skydiving or, you know, the birch twigs, laugh.

P: Challenging yourself.

M: Making yourself front up.

P: Yeah, putting yourself in a potential situation, I guess. Which brings up your adrenaline, that sort of stuff. Wakes you spirit up.

M: Yeah, exactly. And that’s the happiness or the good part about it. It’s not just being uncomfortable, [it’s] actually doing it and finding excitement and joy out of that.

P: Alright off to Turkey, Keyif.

M: Yes!

P: Taking time every day to savour the simple moments of life.

M: Yes. So it’s the pursuit of a moment of idle pleasure.

P: Oh, I love idle pleasures. Simple pleasures.

M: Mmm hmm. Yep, Absolutely. And then in Brazil, we’ve got…

P: Why do I have to do this one?

M: Laugh.

P: All of our Brazilian volleyballers are going to scream at me here, Saudade.

M: Yep. Well, sau-da-je.

P: Oh, it’s got the G thing, that’s right. Yes, you’re right. Sorry, Anderson.

M: And this one is happy but sad. I think we’ve all been here, so it’s a feeling of melancholy or longing or nostalgia for a happiness that once was and can never be again. So if anyone has lost a loved one or can look back with fondness on moments in their life, that can’t happen again.

P: Yep.

M: For me that that might be my university days. I just loved being university. I’ll never be there again.

P: Laugh.

M: But, boy, were they great. Oh, and this next one’s great, too.

P: Jayus from Indonesia. Ha, Dad joke.

M: Dad joke.

P: It’s a joke that’s unfunny, literally.

M: Laugh! Or told so badly –

P: – that you have to laugh. We’ve all had one of those experiences.

M: Laugh, Hey.

P: What?

M: It’s what horses eat.

P: [Pity laugh] Oh dear, that wasn’t told well.

M: Because you were meant to say “Hey”. That’s why. But that was one of my dad’s favourites.

P: Laugh. And the last one from South Africa, Ubuntu.

M: Yes, so this is about a common humanity and oneness. It’s, I am because you are. It’s about understanding that we live as part of a society. So as much as you can be an individual with individual rights and individual wants none of that matters if you don’t have the society to help you to achieve those things.

P: Mmm.

M: And it acknowledges that we are all part of the whole.

P: I take this a little bit more individually. It very much resonates with me with a yoga practise that I have, in I see the light in you that is also in me. It’s that recognition of common humanity.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And how that if I could do that with every single person that I see then that brings about that humanitarian aspect. I think it’s wonderful, it was mentioned in a Barack Obama speech.

M: Yes.

P: For the funeral service for Nelson Mandela?

M: Yes, at the memorial service. So he said that Nelson Mandela’s greatest gift was that there is a oneness to humanity that we achieve ourselves by caring for those around us.

P: And that is a lovely way to wrap up this episode.

M: Sure is.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going, at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

5 Cheap Ways to Live a Happy Life

by

How to Live a Happy Life

Need some more pep in your step or want to find more happiness in 2021? There’s a lot of advice out there about how to live a happier life, but a lot of it can be cost prohibitive. From year-long courses and counselling, to changing where you live or work, and planning holidays or starting new projects… it can all add up. So, what if you want to make some changes this year, but you’re on a budget?

Well, the good news is that happiness isn’t about material things. In fact, according to research from the University of Illinois Chicago about what Christmas gifts makes people happiest, it turns out that giving (and receiving) gifts that we can experience (live through) instead of material things makes us happier.

The research does show the easiest way to make gains in your happiness and how to live a happy life: plan to create meaningful experiences or share time with people you care about this year – and you can do that for very little money!

Here are our 5 cheap ways for how to live a happy life. Read on!

1. Make a Garden

do some gardening

There’s a reason why many doctors and therapists recommend gardening to people. By helping you to create life yourself and watching it grow into something beautiful, gardening can bring immense peace and happiness into your daily life.

Lots of people will say that they love gardening because of the outcome of it, the fresh vegetables or pretty flowers. However, many people don’t realize the positive psychological effect it has on your mind and body while you’re cultivating those plants.

According to Project Happiness, scientists say that working with soil is beneficial to your health and happiness. Soil bacterium are microscopic bacteria that enter your system when you touch soil – and they generate the feel good hormones: serotonin and dopamine.

You also get vitamin D, and although we’re warned by society to stay out of the sun, it is actually detrimental to our health if we don’t get enough of it. Sunlight allows us to stay happy and healthy while soaking in Vitamin D, which is essential for our bodies. So slap on some sunscreen and get to planting!

Seeing something you’ve worked hard on finally come to fruition is a positive experience no matter what it is you’re working on. And there’s nothing better than seeing your garden sprout beautiful flowers or fresh fruits and vegetables. 

2. Go on a Walk in Nature

walk in nature

If you live in a big city, as most of us do, chances are walking in nature is something you don’t do enough. But finding the time to walk in nature regularly can change your life in numerous ways.

The benefits are endless:

  • Improved sleep. The exercise you’ll be getting will improve sleeping quality and increase the time you spend asleep. This gentle exercise can affect your body’s natural melatonin production, creating a healthier sleep schedule all around.
  • Increases “feel good’ hormones. Along with the increased melatonin, walking in nature will release other healthy endorphins, giving you a natural high. These endorphins will decrease pain, therefore increasing positivity and a healthy well-being. 
  • Increased creativity. Being on a walk engages your body in a low-level activity, but it doesn’t take much mental energy effort. This allows your mind to wander, daydream and make new connections and think of new ideas. 
  • It allows you to unplug. Our world today is full of technology and social media that lowers serotonin and productivity. Going on a walk allows you to put away the smart phone and unplug for a while without the temptation. 
  • Increased Intake of vitamin D. Much like gardening, going for nature walks will also increase your Vitamin D intake, giving your body a hormone boost to improve your mood. 
  • Decreased stress. Cortisol is the stress hormone. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious or stressed you will tend to have more cortisol in your body which can contribute to a wide range of unpleasant symptoms. Walking in nature can help to lower levels of cortisol in your body, in fact, a review of 24 Shinrin-yoku (forest bathing) studies confirmed that simply looking at forest landscapes reduces cortisol by about 13 per cent, while walking in the woods decreases it nearly 16 per cent.
  • Grounds you back to what is important. Just taking the time to be in nature can help you feel more connected to the earth and its positive effects on our bodies. Even the color green alone has been shown to lower heart rate and increase calmness. 
  • It encourages you to breathe. Our bodies breathe involuntarily, but in our day-to-day lives we rarely stop to really allow ourselves to breathe. Walking in nature encourages deep, rhythmic breathing which encourages your body to relax and feel calmer. 
  • Increases your energy levels. It’s important to breathe fresh air away from toxins in urban areas. Walking among nature will help you breathe in pure, fresh air, resulting in you feeling invigorated and energized. On top of this, if you can make it a daily exercise or walking routine it will increase your productivity and energy in general. 

3. Learn Something New

learn something new

According to global consulting firm McKinsey & Company, “studies show that workers who maintain their ability to learn outpace other professionals. The people who will thrive in the 21st century will be those who embrace lifelong learning and continually increase their knowledge, skills, and competencies.”

The best part about the research on adult learning is that it’s not only the acquisition of new skills and competencies that benefit these workers. The mindset that drives people to be curious and want to learn more is also a great buffer against criticism and failure. People who have a growth mindset see failure as a part of their development journey. Learning also fuels our creativity, making us feel more productive and happier.

And, it turns out that developing a growth mindset and lifelong learning habits are skills that will benefit you well into retirement too. A recent study showed that people who keep their mind sharp in retirement tend to live longer.

According to Psycologies.co.uk, there is evidence to suggest that adult learning has the most positive impact on self-esteem and self-efficacy when the learning provided meets the needs of the learner, and when the learner is at a stage in their life when they are ready and receptive to benefit from it. So you have to find something that sparks your interest, not something you think you ‘should’ do.

A cheap way to learn something new is to create a new podcast list or create a playlist on Ted Talks. If you want to learn more about how to live a happy life, you could also check out the 5 Best FREE Positive Psychology Online Courses or these Top 5 Speakers on Gratitude.

4. Start Journaling

journaling

Do you feel emotionally stuck? Or are you going through a tough time right now? Are you curious about seeing a counsellor or feel you need to speak to a professional, but just can’t afford one?

Why not try journaling?

“When we put our thoughts and feelings down on paper, we’re not just transferring them—we’re also transforming them. Writing forces us to arrange our ideas into a sequence, one after another; over time, themes and patterns start to emerge; new insights and perspectives start to bubble up,” said Kira M. Newman on Greater Good Magazine.

Are you someone who is generally not comfortable opening up to people? Studies show that journaling might be the most beneficial to you.

To get started all you need is a notepad, and you need to get into the habit of doing it, here’s how:

Generally, you want to set a timer and just keep writing for at least 20 minutes. However, research suggests that even writing for a few minutes can be beneficial. You also want to start making this a practice. Try to write for four days a week, but as with all new habits, remember to forgive yourself if you fall short and just pick up where you left off (i.e. keep going!).

**If you’re going through a tough time and need to speak to a professional, the above information might not be suitable for you – in Australia, you can call Lifeline on 13 11 14 for free if you need to speak to someone. **

5. Practice Gratitude

practicing gratitude leads to a happier life

One of the easiest and cheapest ways for how to live a happy life is practicing gratitude — and it’s fully science backed. In fact, all it takes is a few minutes a day or per week. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, showed that participants who kept a gratitude journal weekly for 10 weeks or daily for two weeks experienced benefits.

These benefits included more positive moods, optimism about the future, less stress and better sleep. Gratitude also leads to higher overall wellbeing and satisfaction with your life and social relationships. Why? We’re biologically wired to look out for the bad things in life (don’t want that lion to eat us, ya know?!) so we need to balance the scales and train out brains to see the good things too. And the more you train your brain to see what you do have, the more you’ll see and appreciate the good in others and in your own life.

The research suggests that writing about what you’re grateful for is key. Translating your thoughts into concrete language makes you more aware of them, deepening their emotional impact. It’s useful to reflect on smaller, more frequent things—such as a modest bit of help from a friend or colleague. You can simply pick up a notebook from the shops and get to writing.

Not all is lost if writing isn’t your thing, I have personally found that sharing what I’m grateful for with my husband every night has had huge impacts on both of us and has also brought us closer. Instead of asking what we’re grateful for which started becoming hard not to repeat things every night, we instead ask, “tell me 3 things that went well today.”

Related reading: How to Practice Gratitude, and Why You Should do it

All of these ideas and tips are proven to cheap ways for how to live a happy life. Why not get started on your happiness journey today?!

Want to learn more about how to life a happy life? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

Can Swearing Make You Happier? (E51)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete discuss the myths behind swear words and how swearing can make you happier. No, really, it can!

Please be advised this podcast contains explicit language which may be offensive to some listeners. It is recommended for mature audiences only.

Transcript

M: Listeners should be advised that the following audio content contains explicit language which may be offensive to some people and is inappropriate for Children. The content within this podcast is intended for mature audiences only.

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

P: Twat Pirate!

M: Nob Jockey!

P: Piss Wizard!

M: Wanker!

P: Tit Mate.

M: I’m out. Twat what?

P: Laugh. Nob Head, Nob Head!

P & M: Laughter!

M: Ass Monkey!

P: Laugh.

M: Fuck-Nugget!

P: Douchebag.

P & M: Laughter.

M: Oh there’s so many good ones.

P & M: Laughter.

M: Only if you say them while laughing, I normally I think… What is the swear word Pete that you use the most?

P: The swear word of choice? Laugh. Actually, it’s a combination. It’s what my mother used to say.

P & M: Laughter.

P: I can’t say it without laughing. Bitch and Bastard Buggery!

M: Ooh.

P: Laugh, Oh yeah.

M: Look, Australians really do a good job.

P: Yeah, we do.

M: Wanker is very English and Australian both, but I think just stock standard Shit or Fuck for me.

P: Laugh. Shit!

M: Laugh.

P: I do use Bitch quite a bit. Especially used a term of endearment for me.

P & M: Laughter.

P: Oi Bitch! Laugh.

M: Ok, that’s fair too. It makes you feel better.

P: Oh I’m tingling, I’m literally tingling.

M: To get it out. Laugh.

P: There’s, there’s something to be said for the value of cursing.

M: Definitely and I think the curse words Shit and Fuck that I tend to say are indicative of the fact that I’m not using them at people. I’m using them because of the situation generally.

P: Laugh.

M: So I will throw that out there because I do not agree with any kind of verbal or physical abuse.

P & M: Laughter.

P: Well, usually my abuse is taken out on inanimate objects. My classic one is when I used to be able to change bike tyres. I can’t change by tyres… so screwdrivers would end up in the neighbour’s yard.

M: Laugh.

P: You know the wheel would be tossed casually at the back of the garage, which is about 20 metres away. And that’s usually when the expletives would fly because I just couldn’t get the bloody tube off! Laugh, let alone get the new one in, laugh.

M: So we’re here today to talk about the benefits of that horrible behaviour!

P: There is so much science and research supporting SWEARING. You have free licence to swear people, laugh.

M: And for those of you who don’t believe us, there is currently just released a Netflix show called The History of Swearing With Nicolas Cage.

P: The trailer will have you laughing.

M: Absolutely, just google the trailer, it’s hilarious. So today we’re going to talk about… We’ve got six different areas of research that proves beyond a doubt –

P: Laugh.

M: – that you should let fly and swear more often in your life.

P: I know, where do we start?

M: I need to get over it. I did actually put my layer of judgement on at some point, I caught myself.

P: Ooh, oh!

M: In this little encounter that we’ve already had there is an element of allowing yourself to do this, and being ok with it too.

P: Permission?

M: Yeah.

P: Giving yourself permission to express your emotions.

M: Definitely.

P: Now that’s a big one for a lot of people. A lot of different ways. But we won’t side track it.

M: Yeah well, to express your emotions using swear words, because I don’t know about you, but Mom used to say SHI-vers when she stubbed her toe or something.

P: Laugh.

M: So we grew up in a household where swearing was not allowed, and I got a walloping the one time I did swear. One time… One.

P: Laugh.

M: You learn your lesson pretty fast.

P: True.

M: And it was something that uneducated people did because they didn’t have the proper –

P: Vocabulary to express themselves in other ways. I’ll actually go along with that.

M: It’s total Bullshit.

P: Well?

M: Bullshit! I’m calling it.

P: Colloquialisms and language development because swear words are now included in the Oxford Dictionary and they’re constantly being added, and languages do develop as we know, and I think swearing has become a language norm to be honest.

M: I love the idea, and again go back and look at that Netflix show, but I love the idea that this judgement of using swear words, comes from a rich elite who want to keep the poor down. So again, who determines what a swear word is?

P: Yeah, definitely.

M: And if the rich own the dictionaries and the newspapers, then they can say what words that evolve are good and bad. And generally, it’s the words that the poorer classes use that have been deemed bad or crass.

P: Unworthy.

M: Yeah, exactly.

P: To be included in academic circles.

M: Yeah.

P: That no longer is the case. Thank goodness, because we’re all the richer for it.

M: Ahh. No. I’d say it’s still the case.

P: I’d challenge that, I think that, I think that especially the Oxford and the Webster dictionaries are very good at clocking colloquialisms and words that are developing and the cultural uses and actually including them in academic text.

M: I would never walk into my corporate career and say Tit bag, dick weasel, ass hat, douchebag.

P: Yeah, ok. I get what you’re saying.

M: Never use those words.

P: True, true.

M: Laugh.

P: My poor clients I swear at them all the time.

P & M: Laughter.

M: That’s alright, they’re swearing at you too.

P: Laugh, well we’ll come to that, pain tolerance.

M: Laugh.

P: Alright. Swearing is an effective way of communicating.

M: I love this idea. So we just talked about the judgement in a societal context that all of this is happening within. But the research shows that it is an effective way of communicating, and it can increase the effectiveness and persuasiveness of an argument.

P: Mmm.

M: So particularly if you’re in a corporate environment within the appropriate settings of course, adding a swear word in can show that you have feeling about a certain topic as well, rather than just a[n] unbiased argument that you’re putting forward to people that you actually care and that can be more persuasive.

P: Interesting, that it’s a care factor. I care about this so much that I’m going to swear in the use of it. It shows, it shows passion, it shows engagement, which is interesting because you couldn’t do that in a news conference. Could you imagine the Prime Minister saying ‘Yeah, piss off!’

P & M: Laughter.

P: You know that’s exactly what he wants to say to some people who are asking him questions.

M: Well, I think that was some of the draw of Trump.

P: Yeah.

M: As well as the horror of Trump is that a leader for the first time was using these words that had been taboo, had been again, not what a cultured person does.

P: Yes.

M: And I think this might actually be one of the good things that comes out of Trump’s presidency. Is that language wise we can be a bit more inclusive.

P: Yeah, that’d be good.

M: Oh, my goodness. I never thought I’d [say that!]

P: Laugh!

M: I’m showing my political stripes. I try not to be political on this show.

P&M: Laughter.

M: [Sigh] Anyway…

P: What I will pull up about the communication, though, is that by using swearing, sometimes we prevent resorting to a physical altercation.

M: Which is always what you want.

P: Yeah, exactly. And you can imagine this in certain circumstances of, say, two alpha males having an argument. And, you know, basically butting their chests and beating, beating their chest in a very primitive way by using swear words, you can actually have an engaging conversation without resorting to ‘I’m going to thump the living daylights out of you.’

M: Again, never appropriate. All right, so:

1. It’s an effective way of communicating.

2. Number two, it might mean you’re more honest.

P: Ooh, this is conjecture?

M: It is not conjecture; it is science.

P: Oh, sorry. Where’s the study? Where’s the research?

M: Laugh. The research is that a recent study found that people who swear often lie less and have higher levels of integrity.

P: Oh, do explain?

M: So it all comes down to being comfortable expressing the truth and, you know, ties into a person’s truthfulness. So the study found a positive relationship between those who curse and their honesty levels.

P: Wow.

M: And again, I think that if you’re comfortable swearing, you’re not putting on a mask. You are standing up in a society that often looks at swearing as a bad thing and saying, I don’t care about that judgement, perhaps know that it’s not appropriate, some might not know, and yet I’m going to say it because it’s my truth.

P: Ok, yeah.

M: And those people are more truthful. So this just kind of make sense to me. It’s logical.

P: Yeah, righto. I’ll go with that. I wouldn’t have made that jump, but definitely.

M: Look, it is a jump. That’s not what was written in this study, but that’s my assumption. So, there’s definitely a positive relationship, but we’ve taken it a little bit further.

P: Laugh. Alright, let’s move on to the next one:

3. Improving your pain tolerance.

M: Well this is a no brainer!

P: Laugh! Does it make… Does your pain tolerance increase when you swear? Science says yes, almost 50%.

M: So let loose!

P: Laugh.

M: So next time you stub your toe, or you have to go get a massage from Pete.

P: Laugh!

M: Let rip!

P: I love it when my clients say, ‘oh d$^& f%$#!’ and I say you can make all the noises that you want, and they come out with the swear words and I’m like ‘there you go.’

P & M: Laughter.

P: So, Dr Richard Stephens at Keele University in the UK showed that swearing can help you become more persuasive and increase your pain tolerance. They do the ice water test of putting your hand in a bucket of ice water and seeing how long you can hold your hand in there. One control group weren’t allowed to swear one control group were allowed to swear and they saw results of up to 50% more time being able to be endured in the ice bath if you were allowed to swear.

M: I think we need to pass this on to Lamaze classes.

P: Laugh.

M: Breath and swear.

P: Laugh.

M: Big, deep breath in and swear.

P: Laugh. They say that it’s a very similar effect to drugs like morphine. It helps to calm your system down and has that effect of decreasing the stimulation in the nervous system.

M: I wonder if you can over swear so that your body becomes… you know just like with morphine.

P: Laugh.

M: If you take too much, you’ve got to have more.

P: Laugh.

M: So the science behind that is that it triggers the flight or fight stress response. So it is a trigger to your mind, to release all of those chemicals that help you deal with pain.

P: Yep, neurotransmitters and so forth.

M: Yeah, yeah, but I do wonder whether, if you do it all the time it kind of dampens the effect or something.

P: Well, that that would stand to reason because too much of the fight or flight response and too much of those neurochemicals does desensitise the nerve synapses so good point there.

M: So do swear, but selectively when it comes to pain.

P: Well, I think it’s like anything. If you use something too much, it loses its potency. So if you’re using Shit in every sentence, then when you’re really when you’re really emotional Shit just doesn’t cut it anymore, you’ve got to go to another level or you get a different word.

M: Such as?

P: Fuck!

P & M: Laughter.

P: Pussy!

M: I love that that’s the word you go for.

P: Mole! Laugh, that’s one of my favourites actually.

M: Laugh, which reminds me for all those Australians out there of the comedy company and Kylie Mole.

P: Yeah, Kylie Mole.

M: She goes, she goes, she just goes.

P & M: Laughter.

P: Alright, moving on.

4. Does it make you perform better during exercise?

M: This is really topical because so many of our sports stars in Australia have been receiving fines for swearing.

P: Yep.

M: Because everything’s miked up and you can see every angle of everything.

P: Yeah.

M: We’re asking them to, again, apply standards that swearing is not appropriate and to not swear.

P: But that’s shown to be ineffective. Research in 2017 suggests that swearing could affect the outcome of your workout. So if you’re in a long tennis match and you see those people, you know, those tennis stars, think of the Nick Kyrgios’s and the explosions. We’ve always had that John McEnroe, Andre Agassi before he did his mindfulness work was a huge lout on the tennis court, but it was effective.

M: It was effective, or ineffective?

P: Yeah, it was. It can sustain, sustain their workouts and sustain their levels of intensity.

M: And look, let’s be honest when it comes to elite athletes, you’re not there to play in a mindful, meditative state. You’re there to compete, and that takes a whole different compeTitive mindset. That is not about being nice.

P: No.

M: And curbing your language. It is –

P: It is bringing your passion.

M: – just short of kill or be killed, right? You are there to win.

P: Yeah.

M: And I think swearing is a natural extension of that if you’re really in that frame of mind.

P: Yeah, I agree. Taking on a slightly different stance, I really like this. A Yoga instructor and movement facilitator, Lindsey Istace who’s 24 in Canada invented Rage Yoga.

M: Yes!

P: Laugh. I love this!

M: I love the juxtaposition of  that.

P: Laugh, and it’s this whole idea of being in the yoga class and being all meditative and quiet and finding your breath inside the [angry voice] ‘downward dogs three-legged extension!’ Laugh, and its hard yakka (work).

So Lindsay found that she was in a really bad break up and she went in to do a work out and she started swearing and she had an awesome response and her whole body was tingling. Said it really helped her overcome the issues that she was facing and get her emotions out.

So she started introducing a class encouraging people post work to come into a yoga class, do the yoga workout, but within that to swear and to swear loudly to curse and it took on a real momentum and that even has become now a thing of come in, do some swear yoga and then have a beer afterwards.

M: Oh, I love it.

P: So it’s that whole social connection in bonding and it’s allowing you to, if you’ve had a Shit day at work, come in yell and scream and get it out and then talk about it afterwards because your emotions are out for everyone to see and you’re exposed and you’re vulnerable, which the perfect time to be open and honest about how you’re feeling.

M: And also what I love about this is that you’re doing it with others. So you’re never alone.

P: Exactly, you’re supported.

M: Yep.

P: And if you’ve got a class situation, then usually you’ve got people [you know] within that class. Who doesn’t go to the same gym class because the people there make it fun.

M: I love it.

P: Yep, brilliant stuff.

M: So the moral of that is, we need to find some new words maybe that people don’t think of as swear words?

P: Laugh!

M: Because words are just words because humans say their words, so you can let that level of energy come out of your mouth and be vocalised without getting fined thousands of dollars.

P: True.

M: Laugh.

P: Yes, that’s one technique. I’ll agree with that. Fire truck works well for me, laugh.

M: Yeah okay, I like it.

P: Firetruck!

M: I have to say frustration is part of volleyball, that we both play.

P: Oh yeah.

M: It’s a game that’s built on errors, right?

P: Laugh.

M: And you know how good it can be. And even after 20 years of playing the sport, it’s like woah.

P: Laugh.

M: Even after years and years of playing sport. Things still just don’t happen the way they’re meant to.

P: Laugh. We’ve all had those moments play with Laurent or Claire swearing in French all the time.

M: Laugh.

P: That wasn’t just one word, that was a whole sentence of profanities in French, laugh!

M: So I played at George Mason University and we had a no swearing policy on our team. Except for Zuma, I’ll call her out, she was from Puerto Rico and she used to swear like a sailor!

P: Laugh.

M: But because it was all in Portuguese. No one said anything. No one said anything. And it was like ‘that is so unfair’!

P: Laugh.

M: Why does she get to swear and I don’t?

P: Laugh. Oh dear… Alright-  

M: Alright.

P: – moving on to the next one.

5. Swearing may give you a sense of calm.

Don’t meditate, swear.

M: I’m down with that.

P: Laugh.

M: Meditation does nothing for me.

P: Ahh, you haven’t given it a good shot.

M: Yeah, okay. I don’t want to.

P: Laugh.

M: That’s the cynic in me. We all know this. I’d prefer to go swear.

P: Okay, so what does swearing do for us?

M: What does swearing do for us?

P: Laugh! Increases our circulation. It elevates our endorphins and via this creates an overall sense of calm and control.

M: And well-being.

P: So it’s that post swearing state that you’re getting to, really.

M: And if you want to look into the benefits of swearing on your sense of calm so if you have stress, anxiety, etcetera. And let’s be honest in today’s world, who doesn’t? There is a writer and psychiatrist based in Oxford, England, called Neel Burton, who wrote Heaven and Hell: The Psychology the of Emotions.

P: Hmm.

M: So check out that book as well, if you don’t want to take our word for it.

P: Laugh. There’s another one that I came across Jason Headley, who’s a writer and director who lives in San Francisco and he’s created, Fuck that: An Honest Meditation.

M: I love that we’re getting more and more into just saying Fuck and Shit and damn and everything else.

P: Laugh.

M: As we go along in this podcast.

P & M: Laugh.

M: We’ve opened the doors Pete.

P: [Singing] Let it go, let it go.

M: Laugh, and we’re back with Disney.

P: I always go back to Disney.

M: Laugh, always. Alright in the last couple of minutes, we’re going to talk about my favourite research.

P: Laugh!

M: Which says that:

6. Swearing is a sign of intelligence.

P: Which totally is against everything that has been perceived about swearing since Victorian England.

M: Absolutely, absolutely so. Studies have suggested that fluency in swear words is associated with possessing a larger vocabulary in general, not a smaller vocabulary.

P: That’s really interesting.

M: So researchers who’ve studied swearing also say that the habit may be linked with a higher IQ.

P: Well, we should have an Olympics of swearing.

M: I struggle, the second I go outside my comfort zone of Shit and Fuck I’m out of words.

P: Laugh!

M: And for those of you who listened, well obviously, if you’re here with us right now and you listen to the beginning of this podcast, those words were all written on paper.

P: Laugh!

M: They weren’t coming, freely flowing out of  my brain.

P & M: Laughter!

P: Which I think comes back to that ability to be able to use different words and have power behind them on them or tools you have in your toolbox that the more fun you can have with it and the more effective it becomes.

M: Mmm.

P: So again if Mole just isn’t cutting it and you need to go to Tit Bag or Cheese Nozzle.

M: Laugh.

P: You’re assigning power to those words and having that vocabulary. You might not pull out Cheese Nozzle quite as much as you pull out Mole. But when you do, you know that it’s an elevated sense of expression, so you’re giving it more power, which allows you to tap into that. All those neurochemicals and all those effects that we’ve just mentioned because you have a selection of different levels of swear that you can employ.

M: And you’ll be smarter for it.

P & M: Laughter!

P: Fair enough, so if nothing else, you’ve got the IQ. All right, we’ll wrap up on that one. So aah…

M: What are we going to leave you with?

P: Laugh!

M: Have a Fucking great day.

P: Laugh! Piss off! Laugh!

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

To Make it Through Covid, Start Looking Forward

by

Want to be more positive? Start looking forward

If there’s one thing I love about this time of year, it’s the hope that comes with a fresh start. Even the often cynical and negative news cycle gets a positivity boost in December and January. There’s been a flurry of articles (see here and here) on how to have a more hopeful and positive year – given that 2020 was a sh*tshow – and now new research from the University of Surrey shows that there is power in having hope and looking forward.

In the study, which was published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, participants were surveyed and then randomly assigned to one of four groups. Group one completed interventions focused on nostalgia (looking at the past). Group two focused on gratitude (looking at the present). The third group focused on their best possible self (looking to the future). Following the intervention, each participant was measured on their wellbeing and positive feelings.

Results showed that the group who focused on the future (group three) had higher positive feelings. Groups two and three also had higher social connectedness than the nostalgia group (group one). The researchers concluded that focusing on the present or future during lockdown is more effective for wellbeing than focusing on the past, which alongside trait characteristics predict well-being under lockdown. As for those traits that amplified the effects of looking forward, the researchers noted that those people who had better relationships, greater emotion regulation, and more social interactions were faring better in lockdown.

So why not gift yourself some hope this new year? Here’s how to easily look forward.

Book a holiday

To start with, it’s important to be realistic about what’s doable in the middle of a volatile COVID-19 environment. My advice: don’t go booking overseas holidays or even interstate holidays. Instead, look for some natural wonders or unvisited cities or towns a bit closer to home and plan to visit and explore the area.

Make sure when you’re planning you next holiday that you enjoy the planning period too. Research shows that biggest boost in your happiness can come not from the vacation itself, but from the act of planning the vacation!

Plan a get together

Whether you plan to have a special family dinner or invite friends over for a board game (within any local lockdown rules of course), you will benefit from planning an evening and you’ll benefit from the social contact.

Researchers have found that having a family meal benefits your kids’ mental and physical health. And if you have a games night, don’t forget to let lose and have a laugh at yourself. Studies show people who make fun of themselves are in fact happier and better socially adjusted – which were some of the characteristics that predicted wellbeing during lockdown!

Get out into nature

Researchers have found that simply going for a leisurely walk can improve mood and boost subjective well-being, particularly for adults who are normally sedentary. Plus, you’ll get the added benefit of being outside in nature, which has also been shown to help people feel better.

So why not plan to go for a trip somewhere new and hike in the mountains or a walk along the beach this weekend?

Don’t’ forget once you’ve planned your activities and completed them to make sure you have other activities lines up that you can continue to look forward to! In fact, that’s a new year’s resolution I can get behind, always having something in my diary to look forward to, and if not, get to planning something!

Want to learn more about the science of happiness and how to be more positive? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

The Happiness Paradox (E50)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

In this week’s episode Marie and Pete discuss the Happiness Paradox and why so many of us struggle in the pursuit of happiness. 

Transcript

Show notes: At ~ 10 minutes Pete references a 2010 study, Motivating Goal-Directed Behavior Through Introspective Self-Talk: The Role of the Interrogative Form of Simple Future Tense, conducted at the University of Illinois, the authors of this study are: Senay, Albarracin and Noguchi.

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: And we’re back.

P: Hi… Laugh.

M: Hey, I love that we start every episode by laughing at each other, pretty much.

P&M: Laughter.

P: Well we found out very early in the episodes really, because we did the first one and it was… so bad.

M: I know, we need to go back and rerecord the first one.

P: I knew we would…

M: Laugh.

P: And then you were like ‘we need to make each other laugh somehow.’

M: We need to be less robotic, eeuggh. Live and learn. So today we’re talking about:

P: The Happiness Paradox.

M: [Singing] Ta da.

P: [Singing] Ta da. Explain what that is Marie.

M: Okay, so.

P: Strap yourselves in people.

P & M: Laughter.

P: Get comfy.

M: So, research suggests-

P: Oh! Research, laugh.

M: – research suggests a surprising, paradoxical effect.

P: Ooh.

M: A happiness paradox.

P: Mmm.

M: And it is that the more people pursue positive emotions, the less likely they are to experience positive outcomes.

P: [Singing] So true.

M: So the more you chase happiness, the less likely you are to get it.

P: The further away you are.

M: Yes, so the happiness paradox is something that a lot of people in positive psychology would know about and that’s what we’re going to talk about today.

P: Ok.

M: So let’s dig into maybe what that is and how it presents a little bit more.

P: Yeah, sure.

M: So it is saying or thinking things like, I’ll be happier when.

P: Mmm.

M: I’ll be happier when I have a red sports car.

P: Laugh …Well.

Laughter

P: I was very happy when I got my red sports car.

P & M: Laughter.

M: Or I’ll be happier when I have a better place to live in when I can get a place of my own or have a newer a car or a promotion or a better job, or more money. Or insert something you want, normally a consumerist driven, capitalist society-

P: Laugh, wow, just wow.

M: -inspired thing, rather than state of being or anything like that.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: So insert that here and the problem is that what we’re really saying when we say ‘I’ll be happier when’ what we’re really saying is that I’m not going to be happy now, but when that happens, I will be happy.

P: Mmm.

M: And so, we’re delaying our opportunities for happiness in the moment and it doesn’t give us permission to be happy now. It’s always you want to do that and then you’ll be happy.

P: Yes.

M: And lo and behold, you get a promotion or a fancy house, and you might be happy for a short amount of time, because that’s cool, right?

P: Yep.

M: But often. Well always you won’t be happy forever. Because it’s just a thing, right? So and then you set another goal and you work towards that because surely you’ll be happy then?

P: Laugh.

M: Right?

P: [Pretend yelling voice] ‘But when I get there, I’m not happy!’

M: Pretty much. So you might have a small spike [in happiness] I’m not saying that getting a promotion won’t make you happy.

P: No, no, no.

M: If you wanted it.

P: It makes you feel glad, excited, positive.

M: Yeah, definitely. But it’s not a sustained happiness.

P: It’s not a key to a long term happiness.

M: Absolutely.

P: It’s a peak and a trough.

M: Yep, absolutely.

P: I love the graphic example of this is where you’ve got peaks and troughs and then you’ve got a hyperbolic curve. So the investment in exercises of long term happiness, so doing some daily meditation on doing is an act of kindness or gratitude and so forth that creates that hyperbolic curve, which is constant. So the peaks and the troughs can come within that, but that curvature of doing those long term happiness exercises helps to balance that out. So you don’t have the emotional swings, and you’ve got this underlying current that drives through at a more median level.

M: You have no idea how I’m representing that in my head right now.

P: Laugh. It’s a visual representation.

M: I think I just drew a picture of a cat.

P: [Laugh]

M: With spikey ears.

P: Ok. Laugh. I’ll try that again sometime. Moving on…

[Laughter]

M: But, I think I know where you’re going.

P: Yes.

M: Laugh.

P: So if you’re going up and down all the time, it’s hard work. If you’re constantly going up a mountain, down a mountain, up the mountain, down the mountain, it’s hard work.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Now, if you’ve got a bridge that goes between those mountain peaks, the climb is more sustained and it creates a longer, more balance effect. A measurement of happiness or exertion.

M: Nah..

P: Still not there? Ok. Alright I give up, laugh!

M: No, I see what you’re saying.

P: Laugh.

M: I guess where I’m at is I believe that sustained long term happiness keeps you above neutral.

P: Yeah.

M: You know, above… If you have happiness is on a scale of 0 to 10. You’re going to have shit, things that happen in you’re life.

P: Oh, yeah.

M: And you’re going to have good things. And they’re your spikes.

P: Yes.

M: And some of them you can avoid through your own behaviour and some of them just happen, good and bad.

P: And you’ve got to deal with them.

M: Yep. But you want to be. You want your engine revving above neutral and that’s your long term sustained.

P: I should have done the engine rev example.

M: Yes!

P: Laugh.

M: You want, you want your… So you don’t want to be sitting at zero and having peaks up to 10 and troughs down to zero, every now and then, you want to be sitting at two or three, which is a really good quality high level of… Sorry I said up to 10 didn’t I?

P: Yes.

M: So I’ve stuffed that up already.

P: Laugh!

M: If 0 is neutral then 5 is excellent and minus 5 is bad. You want to be sitting at two or three on a regular constant basis.

P: Yes, there we go.

M: And that’s your starting point for peaks that go up to five and troughs that at times might go to minus 5. But if you’re in a good mental state, are more likely to only go to zero.

P: It also makes you a bit more resilient.

M: Oh, absolutely.

P: So when those troughs do happen, you bounce back a little bit more because you’ve got the tools.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And I’m stopping clicking, sorry. I get it looked at when I click, laugh.

M: And the weird this is you probably hear this every second episode.

P: Laugh!

M: Yet I’ve listened back to our podcasts and half the time you can’t even hear the clicks.

P: See!

M: So it’s an imaginary thing that we are talking about.

P: Laugh! Anyway, getting back to the podcast.

Laughter.

P: It’s that resiliency that comes from having that base level of happiness and that base level, which you’ve  got to work hard to get.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Don’t get me wrong people. You’ve got to do the work people all the time. That allows you to bounce back from those troughs, really well and possibly or maybe a little bit quicker than someone who isn’t on that 2,3 level.

M: Yep, definitely. And that’s really the definition of resiliency it’s how quickly you bounce back. So this lays the foundation and the groundwork for bouncing back quickly when things so to shit.

P: Yes, I like it.

M: Which is my word of the day, obviously. Shit, shit, shit.

P: Laugh.

M: So what is the problem with this happiness paradox and chasing happiness? There’s kind of three things that we’re talking about here.

1. So the problem, the first one is that we’re often not good at predicting what will make us happy.

P: Yes, laugh.

M: So the car, the house, the bigger house.

P: Mmm.

M: You might get the bigger house and then spend all you Saturday mornings cleaning it.

P: [Exasperated voice] Oh Yes…

P & M: Laughter.

M: Right? Or that car just very quickly becomes yet another car.

P: Or you have to tune it up, send it to the mechanic every six months because you want it to be maintained.

M: Absolutely. Or the big house comes with a really long commute.

P: Mmm, yes.

M: So we are really bad at predicting the things that will make us happy. So that’s the first thing.

2. Secondly, we are really good at setting super high standards that we just can’t achieve.

P: Hmm.

M: And so we say ‘I want to be a general manager of my company by the time I’m 30.’ A lot of millennials –

P: Yep, yep.

M: – are saying this and realising the harsh reality that we’re looking at and going ‘no, it takes 30 years to get there. Anyway I’m not going to dis millennials…

P: Laugh. [Whispers] They’ll come for you.

M: Laugh. [Panicked voice] Ok, I take it back, I take it back.

P & M: Laughter

P: They’re all around us, laugh.

M: But we set goals like I wanna be GM by 30. And then when it doesn’t happen instead of actually being something that you can be happy about. Proud of [what you have achieved], it actually becomes a source of negative emotion.

P: Discontent, yeah.

M: Yeah.

3. And then the third thing is that when we’re focused on getting to a goal, we can often forget to enjoy the journey.

P: Absolutely, oh sooo normal.

M: Absolutely. So that’s why the happiness paradox exists and sort of what it’s made up of. And we’re all so guilty of doing this.

P: Laugh! Very much, laugh.

M: So, I’ll throw to you now Pete. What can people do to get off that… treadmill? I’ll call it a treadmill.

P: I’ll bring in some research here.

M: Ooh!

P: A 2010 study conducted by Senay, Alvarez [Albarracin] and Noguchi from the University of Illinois.

M: Are you sure you said that right?

P: No, but I went with it, and I was confident!

M: Laugh!

P: So therefore, in my brain I’m telling myself I said it right and I’m just blasting on through. Laugh!

M: We will make sure the spelling is right in our show notes.

P & M: Laughter.

P: They talk about interrogative self-talk and how we can put ourselves into a hole by the sorts of thoughts that are going through our head. And when that comes down to being goal oriented, when you don’t get the promotion or you don’t achieve that goal, it’s this negative internalisation that just goes [whispers] ‘I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough’ and it eats away at you. And that doesn’t allow you to celebrate the small victories that you might have had along the way.

M: Yes.

P: So you didn’t get the GM role. But you developed a whole heap of skills which are going to make you much more employable to another industry. And you might change industries in five years time and find that you’ve already skilled up. But you forget to celebrate those small moments.

M: Yep.

P: And having that ability to recognise things that contribute to our change and advance us further along the path and those micro celebrations are really important.

M: Mmm.

P: That’s that base level of happiness.

M: It’s what we’re saying about enjoying the journey, not waiting to be happy at the end, but enjoying the process of learning on your path to may or may not be a GM by 30.

P: Yeah. One of my favourite monks Gelong Thubten from the UK talks about a saying ‘happiness is not a destination, it is a journey.’

M: Yeah, I’ve seen that on a T-Shirt somewhere, I’m sure.

P: It’s so true. A lot of people go, ‘oh it’s all new age crap.’

M: [Laugh]

P: It’s not new age crap. It’s, it’s a fundamental truth. When you start looking into this stuff, it becomes so prevalent and just believable.

M: Yep.

P: I think we mentioned him in our first episode when we first with our whole paradigm around what is happiness?

M: Mmm hmm, yep.

P: All these sorts of thoughts came out.

M: Well talking about this, again it’s like going back to that first episode when we first started looking into all of this research and before my blog and before the accident, I had followed life’s script. I was doing what society expected of me, which was to succeed at life.

P: Yep.

M: And I look back now and I feel like I’ve come out of a fog for 30… 20 something years –

P: Laugh.

M: – of my life.

P & M: Laughter.

M: I was following the script and I was succeeding and I wasn’t happy. And I did get happiness from the successes along the way from the promotions and the good grades at school and the extracurricular activities and the marriage and all of that stuff that your meant to do.

P: Yep.

M: But they were tick boxes and there were very superficial levels of happiness that were gained from that.

P: We are tick box oriented, especially in western society.

M: Absolutely.

P: It’s reinforced on us. We’re taught to be goal oriented, which is positive.

M: Right from the first day you went to school.

P: Yeah, yeah absolutely. And that’s fine but It’s not the be all and end all.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So sometimes it’s about the process of learning and understanding of what you experience along the way, and I think that that’s the change that’s going in the world at the moment. I feel with positive psychology we’re much more aware of enjoying the journey, taking part in the fun things as well as not just being ‘I’m gonna sit in my room and study for 20 years so that I get this accolade.’

M: Or be that single focused and as we’ve discussed many times before, the way to get your engine revving at a 2 or a 3 is cultivating those strong social relationships.

P: Definitely.

M: And that’s really undervalued in our society, spending time with family and friends.

P: Yep, older generations.

M: It’s the first things you cut when things get busy and to make sure you’re looking after your mental and physical well-being. And again those are the things that get cut when things get busy and three, finding meaning and purpose in your life. And a lot of people are really disillusioned with their jobs because they assume that would give them meaning and purpose.

P: Yes. Goal oriented.

M: And they don’t. Yeah exactly.

P: I’ve got the job that I have my dreams. Why am I not happy?

M: Yep.

P: You’ve got to have some fundamental beliefs in there too people.

M: Yep.

P: You’ve got to have some other things running through the river. Oh, that was a good one!

P & M: Laughter!

M: Are you peeing in the river?

P: No, I was thinking of the fishies!

P & M: Laughter!

P: Oh, I was on a good one there!

P & M: Laughter!

P: Shut down again.

M: Love it. So, really what we’re saying is you’ve got to get off the treadmill by making a decision. I have decided to become happier now.

P: This happened to me in London. I think I’ve mentioned it before, it’s the journal moment where I was journaling all my worries and my ‘I’m frustrated with this blah, blah, blah.’ And then I read it back one year and I went ‘Oh my God, I’m depressed!’

M: Laugh.

P: This is horrible! I started using journaling-  

M: Stressed or melodramatic?

P: I! …yeah.

M: Laugh.

P: Clutch my pearls ‘How dare you!’

P & M: Laughter!

P: So I made a conscious choice to start writing down positive stuff. What happened today that was good.

M: Yeah.

P: And that was the switch that flipped, and then all of a sudden, my brain was starting to notice things that were good, and I started looking for them. It’s the red car principle. You’re going to buy a red car. Then all of a sudden, all you see are red cars. It’s the same thing.

M: Absolutely. For me, as you know, it was nearly dying.

P: Yeah.

M: Nearly dying made me go ‘surely there’s more to this life.’

P: Yeah, Laugh.

M: And I stumbled across all of this research and was just baffled that no one had taught me any of this before. I’d been missing all these life lessons and by blogging and podcasting. It has become such an integral part of my life, and I’m happy.

P: Yeah, it’s good.

M: It makes such a big difference.

P: I agree, I agree.

M: So these podcasts, and I know that we’ve had people write to me and mention these podcasts are a great way for them to keep in mind weekly all of the positive psychology activities and thinking that can positively impact their weeks and their lives as well.

P: Yeah. Keeps you honest.

M: Definitely. So you’ve got to take the jump.

P: Ha ha, buy in!

M: Take the happiness jump!

P: Laugh.

M: So by being in that old paradigm that so many western societies, still! It’s western capitalist societies still push, you’re delaying your happiness.

P: Yeah.

M: And the last thing you want to do is be on your death bed and think ‘I succeeded, ticked all the boxes.’

P: ‘Is that the entire journey?’ Yeah.

M: ‘But really is that it?’

P: And it can be as simple as celebrating dinner with your family.

M: Yep.

P: It’s ‘Oh the family’s home, let’s have a dinner together. Let’s sit down and be next to each other.’ And those small activities that you do do, catching up with your mates once a week on a Sunday for a pub lunch. They’re important connections to keep going.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So, when you do get busy or you are pushing for a goal-oriented task, don’t forget the small stuff.

M: Yeah, give yourself permission to prioritise that stuff, and as we mentioned before it’s stuff that you cancel first, but it’s the stuff you need the most when you are under the pump at work, you need to make sure you make time for the gym and that you still see your friends; Because that will make you stronger and more resilient to make it through that tough time at work.

P: It takes your focus away from the thing that’s causing you grief.

M: Yep.

P: It separates your… We know the saying. ‘volleyball is its own bubble.’

M: Oh, absolutely.

P: Laugh. Have a crap day? Go and play some sport.

M: Yeah.

P: Go and do something that’s motor skill oriented. It will take your mind off your concern at the moment.

M: Particularly if you can hit things hard.

P: Laugh! Preferably not the other players.

M: We do not condone violence, laugh.

P: Hey, a good 6 pack is a good 6 pack.

M: Laugh. Ok we only condone sport endorsed violence.

P: Laugh!

M: So, another couple of things that are really good for getting off that treadmill and that ‘I’ll be happier when’ way of thinking is gratitude. So as we’ve mentioned on other shows, gratitude is about retraining your brain to notice the positive.

P: Mmm.

M: And a really simple, simple way is, to particularly if you’ve got a partner or significant other or a housemate every night just swap stories of what went well today.

P: Hmm. It’s huge, I understand as well with my husband, we do that. How was your day? Grunt. What was good about it?

M: Exactly and I love the way you say ‘what was good?’ Because if you say what are you grateful for? We run out of ideas.

P: Laugh.

M: [sarcastic tone] I’m grateful for the clean air.

P: Laugh.

M: And like it becomes really a tick box exercise, right?

P: Yeah, yes.

M: But if you say what went well? It’s easy to always find something that went well.

P: Absolutely.

M: And that’s, that’s practising gratitude. And the other one is mindfulness.

P: [Softly singing] Aaaahhhh.

M: Stopping to turn your phone off or to enjoy the moment you’re in, whether you’re standing at a bus stop, having dinner with your family or catching up with a friend or just taking some time before your workday to enjoy the sun on your face.A

P: Watering the herb garden.

M: Yep.

P: Standing in the garden, watering in the sunshine and go ‘Oh, it’s going to be a nice day.’

M: But actively, actively committing to being there in the moment.

P: Yep.

M: Definitely. All right, well, that was the happiness paradox.

P: Hope that was interesting for everyone, Laugh.

M: I’m still picturing the cat with the spikey ears.

P: Laugh! It was an image! I still like my river reference, I thought that was more, more pertinent anyway, I’ll come up with better analogies next time I promise.

M: I’m seeing people upstream peeing into the river.

P: Laugh.

M: And merging and melding into one…

P: And on that note!

P & M: Laughter.

M: Thanks for joining us.

P: Laugh!

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]