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happiness

New Study Shows Vegans are Happier Than Meat-eaters

09/06/2021 by Marie

Are Vegans Truly Happier Than Meat-eaters? Science Says Yes!

A new study by Tracking Happiness shows a connections between happiness and veganism – revealing that vegans are happier than others.

Researchers surveyed 11,537 people from the United States and asked them “If you look back at the last year of your life, how would you rate your happiness on a scale from 1 to 10?” The average happiness rating of all respondents was 6.90.

They then asked respondents to tell them whether they were vegan, vegetarian, pescatarian, or meat-eaters, and the results showed that vegans were the happiest at 7 percent higher happiness levels than meat-eaters, who scored the lowest average happiness rating.

“We’re not surprised by these findings at all. We know that the image of veganism is undergoing the most radical change in its history, while shedding some tired, old stereotypes. It’s no longer portrayed as an unusual lifestyle, it’s easy and accessible – you can walk into any supermarket and be greeted by a huge range of plant-based products or walk into any restaurant and be presented with an exciting vegan menu,” said Francine Jordan, spokesperson for the Vegan Society. “There has never been a better time to be vegan and it’s great to see that vegans are much happier too!”

Researchers also found that happier people also considered themselves more likely to turn vegan in the future. Out of the 8,988 meat-eaters in the survey, those who reported higher happiness ratings were more likely to adopt a 100 per cent plant-based diet in the future.

Here are the findings:

  • Vegans report higher happiness levels than meat-eaters (+7%).
  • Happier people are more likely to turn 100% vegan in the future.
  • Only 14% of our meat-eating respondents reported a negative bias towards vegans. Non-vegans aren’t nearly as opposed to veganism as the stereotypes suggest.
  • 32% of vegans & vegetarians state that their biggest driver is the environment.
  • Older people are less likely to ever adopt a vegan diet.
  • These observations – and many more – are covered in this in-depth analysis of our study.

Shifting Perceptions of Vegans

The study also looked at the shifting perceptions of society about vegans, finding that less than 15 per cent of people had a negative opinion of vegans and veganism in general. The average meat-eater in the survey thought positively about vegans (3.44 on a scale from 1 to 5).

This contradicts earlier research from a study titled ‘It ain’t easy eating greens‘ which found that only drug addicts face more hatred and prejudices than vegans. 

Carleigh Bodrug, Founder of Plant You, agrees with the new research, “The perception of vegans has definitely shifted to a more positive light in the last five years, in my experience,” she said.

“I personally believe this is because of education on the impact animal agriculture has on our precious earth, being one of the leading sources of greenhouse gas emissions and global warming. This, coupled with the introduction of more delicious plant-based products on the market, has made people more open to a discussion about reducing their animal product consumption.”

Read the full study results at Tracking Happiness.

 

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: happier, happiness, Meat-eater, resilience, Vegan, vegetarian

From Languishing to Flourishing (E70)

07/06/2021 by Marie

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about how to go from languishing to flourishing in our super busy, stressful and complicated world.

Show notes

During the podcast Pete talks about a segment he heard on Triple J by Dr. Karl Kruszelnicki.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: And we’re back.

P: Howdy, howdy, howdy!

M: Hi, hi!

P: Laugh. So, I’d like to start off the episode this week Marie with an acknowledgment of country.

M: Aww.

P: It’s reconciliation week this week in Australia, and for those of you who aren’t aware reconciliation week in Australia is about our shared history. Acknowledging our first Nations peoples, acknowledging the shared history that we have [and] addressing some of the issues that have come out of the acknowledgement that shared history in terms of the things that have happened and how we can move forward in a reconciliation format.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: If I could speak our native language, I’d do it but I’m not going to insult our first nations people by attempting that.

M: Laugh.

P: I was thinking about it in terms of a happiness scale, and this is one of those things that you can get involved with, which is going to bring more happiness and more joy into your life. This is an opportunity to go and do something and be involved in a community endeavour.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And we know, and we’ve talked about how volunteering your time and taking part in ethical actions can sometimes bring about good feelings. And those good feelings are sustainable. Going along to a local ceremony or going along to an event showing your support is one way of doing an ethical thing which is going to give you back tenfold in terms of what you put in.

M: Absolutely. And so I would like to pay my respects to elders past, present and emerging, and we live here in Sydney in the Eora nation. So, I did know that. Thank you for springing this on me!

P & M: Laughter.

M: But there are some great activities you can do, and the other thing we talked about is novelty and bringing novelty into your life.

P: Mmm.

M: We haven’t really explored our indigenous history. There are so many fabulous things you can do, particularly around Sydney here.

P: Mmm.

M: We did a wonderful tour through the rocks area and learned about how our ancestors ate and the fish and the ways that they communicated with other tribes that came through and to tell them what was poisonous and what was not.

P: Yep.

M: And learn about the plants and the agriculture and horticulture and all of that …culture.

P & M: Laugh!

M: Not my area of expertise, just throwing that out there!

P: Laugh.

M: Alright, and how they lived as well. And it was a fascinating walk-through modern-day Sydney with learning about past culture.

P: Mmm. There was a wonderful programme I heard this morning on JJJ which is a local youth National Broadcasting Channel, Radio Channel in Australia. Dr. Karl, who most people will know.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Karl Stefanovic.. not Stefanovic. What was his name?

M: Uh, I don’t know. Dr. Karl.

P: I can’t remember, laugh.

M: Does anyone even know their last name?

P: Laugh! Anyway they had a couple of First Nations People on the program this week and one of them was an astronomer who looks at the stars through an indigenous lens.

M: Aww, I love it.

P: And I though, oh that would be really cool, but unfortunately I had to go and do an exam.

M: Oh.

P: Listening to those sort of things or going and experiencing some of the fantastic performances and celebrations that are around and just choosing to be part of that.

M: Mmm.

P: It’s a good way to bring happiness and joy.

M: Absolutely, well thank you for bringing that up.

P: That’s alright, [Super excited voice] what are we talking about this week, Marie?

M: Laugh! We are talking about a really hot topic –

P: Oooh, I like a hot topic!

M: Yes, everyone’s talking about languishing,

P: Oh!

M: and what it is to languish.

P: Oh, I feel like I need to repose in a pool with a gin and tonic.

M: Mmm hmm.

M: So last year, or maybe the year before flourishing, flourishing and thriving were the buzzwords in positive psychology, particularly Arianna Huffington, launched her website Thrive and it’s all about living your best life.

P: Mmm. Now flourishing post covid or during covid we’re still in covid, let’s be honest and sorry for all you Melbourne people down there who are very much still in covid and in the lock down Flourishing is a word that’s come out in the last year to mean just kind of surviving, just living.

P: Oh, really!

M: Uh, not flourishing, languishing!

P: Oh, ok right. I was just gonna say [flourishing] has been dumbed down, laugh.

M: And really is reflected in the fact that in the past year, a lot of us have just been.

P: Existed.

M: You know, I am.

P: Yeah.

M: Yeah, exactly, exactly. So we’re talking about how to get from languishing to flourishing.

P: Flourishing! It just makes you want to sing “Laaaaaa.”

M: And I love that the study that we’re looking at today came from an Aussie!

P: Laugh! Oh, I’ve got to do this haven’t I?

M: You do and how do you pronounce Geraldine’s last name?

P: Geraldine Przybylko. She’s Polish by the look of it.

M: In Australia, yes.

P: So, Geraldine I hope I got that right.

M: Laugh. Ah, yep. It was too much for me, I say that with all the respect in the world.

P: Laugh.

M: Her and her colleagues have just published a new study in the journal of Positive Psychology, which suggests that happiness comes with practise, which we’ve said quite a few times on our show.

P: Yeah.

M: And that you’ve got to put work into being happy. So if you want to go from languishing to flourishing, you’ve got to put in the work.

P: Do the work people. It’s like wanting to play an instrument or be a good sports person and only reading the books or listening on the podcast not actually getting out practising.

P & M: Laughter!

M: And happiness is like that. You can’t just read a book about volleyball and not ever go into a gym and play.

P: Laugh.

M: And unfortunately, a lot of people are buying self-help books and are doing that reading and coming out all inspired, and they’re wondering why they’re not happy three week later.

P: Yeah.

M: So, this study is actually looking at what we need to do, to go from languishing to flourishing.

P: And they’re talking about the combination of two different aspects. One of positive psychology, but combined with lifestyle medicine.

M: Yes.

P: What is the lifestyle medicine Marie?

M: Things like eating well, getting enough sleep. All the things your doctor tells you to do.

P: Or your allied Health Professional?

M: Yes, and positive psychology adds in the positive affirmations.

P: The mental aspect of lifestyle medicine, would you say?

M: Yeah. Mental and emotional.

P: Hmm, ok.

M: Yeah. So, adding those two together in a 10 week program showed a 17% increase in happiness or moving from languishing to flourishing.

P: That’s higher than interest rates in the eighties!

M: Laugh, sure is.

P: Laugh.

M: And not only that, up to 12 weeks afterwards, people were still showing higher happiness levels.

P: So, it’s lasting change.

M: Yes.

P: Ah, ok.

M: It is 10 weeks will give you at least another 10 weeks after that of change.

P: Makes sense though, because in anything that you’re trying to do in terms of habit forming if you’re going to do 10 weeks, you’ve set the practise in motion and you’ve got the habit formed by 10 weeks.

M: Well, the interesting thing about this – I’d say yes, definitely – But they did 10 different things over 10 weeks.

P: Mmm.

M: So, they weren’t setting habits necessarily. So, they did 10 different things over 10 different weeks and combined all of those 10 things, added to people’s happiness or flourishing levels.

P: Oh! So how does one measure our flourishing level?

M: Well, why don’t you tell me?

P & M: Laugh.

P: Well, it’s funny because when I first read this, I went and put my cynic hat on.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: The flourishing scale… And the first thing that came into my mind was ‘how can you rate flourishing scale because it’s very subjective, like pain. My pain is different to your pain.’

M: They have a scale for pain too! And actually, Jo and Francis, when I was in hospital used to hold up the scale to me in the morning.

P: Laughter! But the nature of pain is very subjective, so in terms of comparing data, it’s very difficult.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So, what they’ve done to maybe get past that subjective measure is they’ve created 10 different measures of flourishing, they start with:

Most days I feel a sense of accomplishment from what I do.

M: That’s engagement with your life.

P: Ok yep, next one is:

In the past week I felt calm and peaceful.

M: Again, that’s a measure of not feeling manic and like a lot of people do in today’s day and age.

P: Mmm hmm.

I love learning new things.

M: This would go along with the growth mindset, which has been proven to make people happier than people who don’t have growth mindset. Yep, love it.

P: Yeah.

I generally feel that what I do in my life is valuable and worthwhile.

M: Purpose, yep purpose we know that one.

P: Laugh.

Always optimistic about my future.

M: Always is a strong word, isn’t it?

P: Laugh, yeah. Well, I don’t know anyone who’s always [optimistic].

M: We’re reading these on a scale right? So perhaps for this one a 7 is good.

P: Yeah.

Taking all things together, how happy would you say you are?

There are people in my life who really care about me.

M & P: Social connection, laugh.

P: We know you love that one, Muz.

When things go wrong in my life it generally does not take me a long time to get back to normal.

P: Resilience!

M: This is resilience, Pete!

P: Laugh. Geez, I’m getting good at this, I only went over this today.

M: Look at us, we know what we’re talking about!

P & M: Laughter!

P: [gunshot noises] Pew, pew, pew!

M: That’s a bit of a surprise, research that we’ve actually talked about!

P: Laughter, ok last two:

In general, I feel very positive about myself.

P: Projection.

M: There’s something Aussie and cynical in me that’s like ‘stop being so arrogant!’

P & M: Laugh.

P: And the last one:

In the past week, I had a lot of energy.

M: [Lack of energy] Is an early sign for depression. Just feeling really lacklustre and not feeling like wanting to do anything.

P: It’s one of the markers for leading to different conditions.

M: Interesting.

P: So, asking yourself those questions is a really good way to measure your flourishing. And I guess you would collate the points score together and measure it out of 100 see where you’re sitting. So, if you are 66 okay, my flourishing level is above average, above 50.

M: I don’t think that you would compare it average. I think the key point there is subjective happiness like you said before happiness is subjective. So, you start at 66 which is neither good nor bad.

P: Ok, yep.

M: And after the end, have you gone up?

P: Oh, ok.

M: You know, is your level at 88?

P: Just like a remedial exercise program, laugh.

M: And after 10 weeks if you continue and do another 10 weeks of it do you get more gain?

P: Aahhh, that would be interesting. Or to do it spasmodically. Spasmodically?

M: Laugh.

P: Periodically, like throughout year at different points or a three-monthly exercise. We can re-visit our goals once a year, maybe we could revisit our flourishing level once a quarter, when do your tax return, laugh.

M: And you know what, they say you can’t prove what you don’t measure.

P: Mmm, I agree.

M: And I think it needs to be something that we’re more systemic, systematic and put more attention towards.

P: And this is a really, easy tool to do that. It’s a really easy way to come up with a measurement without going ‘Oh, where do I rate myself today?’ This is just answering questions off the cuff.

M: Yep, absolutely. So, let’s move to the activities because that’s really where it’s interesting, I think.

P: Ok.

M: What can you put in practise that is going to tangibly improve your happiness levels? And these 10 things, so one a week is what they did, they had a daily challenge and a weekly challenge.

P: Ok.

M: So every day there was something little. And then over the week they had a lot more, like bigger things, that they needed to do. So, week one – really, really easy, Speak positively.

P: Ahh, yeah, the inner voice. Change the inner voice.

M: Yes, and now the first one, if you’re not someone who likes to look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re beautiful, wonderful, smart, and intelligent –

P: Laugh.

M: – this might make you breathe a sigh of relief; It is offering a genuine compliment. So once a day for a week offer a genuine compliment to someone else.

P: That’s pretty easy to do, yeah.

M: It is, as long as you focus on doing it, you remember to do it.

P: Yeah.

M: Put it in the diary, put a reminder in your phone, whatever it is and then make sure that you do it. And then the weekly challenge was memorize an inspirational text or saying.

P: I love that.

M: Absolutely and I love that, because when was the last time you actually sat down and memorised text?

P: All the time, laugh!

M: Memorized?

P: Yeah.

M: So, you can quote it back later?

P: Yeah.

M: I’m so 21st century brain, I consume so much and retain and remember so little, laugh.

P: Yeah, right-o ok.

M: To be really honest.

P: That’s possibly something I have done a lot of through my positive psychology training, remembering things that I can pull out of a hat or let inspire you.  

M: It’s about mindfulness in a way. It’s really connecting deeply with something in the moment that’s, that’s beautiful and ironic that I don’t do it more often, laugh.

P: It was also part of my blog, I used to always end with a quote.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So, I had that in there, that I had a weekly task of finding a quote. You do that.

M: I have a quote for my weekly newsletter, do I remember them?

P & M: No, laugh!

M: I love them in the moment.

P & M: Laugh.

M: But I don’t commit them to memory because it’s about going that next step.

P: Yep.

M: So, that was week one. Week two, this one’s for you, Pete.

P: Oh.

M: Move dynamically.

P: Woo hoo! Dance, dance, dance.

M: Yes.

P: Dance naked around the kitchen! It’s really fun! Just do it when your flatmate’s not coming home from volleyball.

M: Laugh, sorry Charlie.

P: Laugh!

M: So, for one week only, you’re going to really commit to some exercise. So, they say 30 minutes of moderate exercise or 10,000 steps.

P: Yeah.

M: Yeah, we do that every single day for one week. And then the weekly challenge is really quite easy. So on one of those days, do 20 minutes of guided resistance exercise, that’s like weights.

P: Yeah, Thera-bands, body-weight work, some gymnastics, handstands!

M: All right. Week three – Immerse in an uplifting natural environment.

P: Aahhh, forest bathing!

M: Get out into nature.

P: Forest bathing, it’s a thing.

M: 30 minutes a day. Essentially, what they’re asking is for 10 weeks, put 30 minutes aside to be happier.

P: Yes.

M: So 30 minutes a day, you know, out near a lake, the beach, the mountains.

P: Find a local park, there’s so many of them around in Sydney.

M: Yep or go to the beach. And then the weekly challenges to experience a sunrise.

P: Oooh, that’s a hard one.

M: It sure is.

P: Laugh! Mind you I’ve been getting up really early.

M: Eeuggh, sunrise early?

P: Yeah.

M: It’s the middle of winter.

P: Yeah, I know, it’s not hard ‘cause it’s later, laugh.

M: …Okay, all right. Week four – Immerse in a positive social environment.

P: Mmm.

M: So daily, do something intentional, to show you care.

P: Ok.

M: And weekly, this one’s a good one, forgive someone who’s hurt you.

P: Oh, that’s opening up a can of worms.

M: Yeah, and we’ve spoken about forgiveness before. Forgiveness is not about that person.

P: Mmm.

M: It’s about you letting go of things and your anger.

P: Yeah, and it’s not about you saying ‘I forgive you.’ It’s just the action and you don’t have to express it.

M: Yep.

P: I think that’s what people fear, ‘I simply can’t do it!’

M: No, no, no, you never have to talk to them again.

P: Yeah.

M: And you don’t have to approve of their behaviour, or anything like that. It’s about you.

P: Yeah.

M: Alright, week five – Look to the positive. So spend 15 minutes reflecting on three things that went well everyday.

P: Oooh.

M: That’s gratitude.

P: Yep.

M: We talked about that before and then weekly, write a letter of gratitude to someone and share it with them.

P: Aww.

M: Again, we’ve spoken about the power of that well.

P: Yep.

M: Week six – Eat nutritiously.

P: Yeah, we know this works.

M: Oh, this is my downfall.

P: Gasp!

M: Laugh! Eat eight servings of plant based food a day.

P: Yes.

M: it’s really… You’re not going to be hungry.

P: No.

M: Eight servings of plant-based food, unless your choosing lettuce each time.

P: Laugh, even lettuce will fill you up.

M: Absolutely. You know you can definitely feel full off that.

P: Yep.

M: And then the weekly challenge is to prepare a high fibre, plant based meal with one or more friends.

P: Yes!

M: Make it social.

P: Sook socially, it’s good fun.

M: It’s very, the weekly challenge is very 21st century, isn’t it?

P: Mmm.

M: Plant based, that wasn’t even a thing 20 years ago.

P: Yeah, definitely.

M: So, we’re definitely not only doing what’s better for our bodies, but being environmentally conscious about it.

P: Laugh.

M: Okay, Week seven – Rest – sleep.

P: Sleep, sleep more! So, many studies done about this.

M: Yes.

P: And it always comes up. If we don’t rest, we don’t regenerate.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And one hour sleep deprivation is enough to downgrade your immune system by 50%.

M: Look at you and your course knowledge.

P: Laugh.

M: Or stats, that you remember.

P: Laugh.

M: So, this is about committing to spending eight hours in bed without a device.

P: Mmm.

M: It doesn’t count if you’re watching cat videos.

P: The better way is to plug it into a wall socket away from you bed.

M: Yep.

P: Put it in another room and make your room device free.

M: Or go to bed early, and so I read on my device, I know it’s not good, and then I’ll put it away, but I’m very good at getting my eight hours of sleep. I’m a cranky –

P: Laugh!

M: – person if I don’t. And then the weekly challenge to add to that was to spend an evening by firelight.

P: Oh, oh, candle-light, does that work?

M: Yes.

P: Alright, that’s easy.

M: Alright, week eight, I’m loving seven and eight, these are right up my alley. Week eight is –

Rest – from stress.

P: Oh.

M: So your daily challenges is to spend 15 minutes in a quiet place, relaxing and being mindful of your surroundings.

P: Ah, a bit of meditation time.

M: Yes.

P: Go, sit under a tree, hear the birdies tweeting. Sit in church, go and sit in a church, you don’t have to pray. Churches are great for that, they’re wonderful places –

M: They’re really beautiful.  

P: – and they’re quite, great to sit in and be awed and inspired.

M: Yep. And then the weekly challenge for that one is to take a day off work and have a digital Sabbath.

P: Mmm.

M: So, so offline for 24 hours to recharge.

P: Yeah, escape.

M: So, I guess if you can, you know, go camping or find somewhere just quiet and away from all your stresses and be quiet for a day.

P: Mmm, mmm.

M: All right, keep going. Number nine is – Serving others. So, your daily challenge is to perform a random act of kindness.

P: Laughter! Done.

M: Mmm hmm. And your weekly challenge is to use your signature strength to perform an act of service, so I don’t think we’ve actually covered signature strengths yet.

P: Not yet.

M: But the VIA [Values In Action] signature strength test [The VIA Character Strengths Survey], so, that’s from Penn University in the States, it’s a really good way to just understand yourself better.

P: Hmm.

M: And the thinking used to be in the corporate world in the nineties and early two thousand’s that you wanted to understand your strengths and weaknesses and work on your weaknesses so that you were a well-rounded human-being.

P: Yeah, yeah,

M: The thinking nowadays is screw that –

P: Laugh.

M: if you’re not good at it don’t bother!

P: Laughter!

M: Unless it’s really holding you back.

P: Yeah.

M: And to really focus in on what your strengths are and double down on that.

P: Oh, ok.

M: If that’s what you’re good at, go do that!

P: Yeah.

M: And make sure that that’s part of your job.

P: Well, that taps into purpose as-well doesn’t it? And that concept of Ikigai, where you’re doing something you’re passionate about that you’re good at.

M: Passionate about, yeah. Because we’re normally not passionate about stuff that we don’t… that we’re not good at.

P: Mmm. Yeah, no, true.

M: So this is, again VIA strengths assessment, and you can go do that for free online and just get a better understanding what your strengths are.

P: Mmm.

M: And last one, week 10, the question is – What does it take to flourish? So your daily challenge is continue the challenges that you found to be helpful.

P: Ok.

M: And your weekly challenge is to continue the challenges that you found to be helpful.

P: Laughter!

M: It’s a bit of a cheat week, isn’t it? Laugh.

P: Yeah, it’s a week off. Laugh, ah we’ll give you a break!

M: So, I guess before we wrap up. The whole point of talking about this in today’s episode is to say that we talk about so many of these things every week, don’t we?

P: Mmm, yeah.

M: But just like exercising or learning an instrument, we can’t just talk about it and we can’t just listen to a podcast.

P: Mmm.

M: You’ve actually got to put this stuff into the practise.

P: Yep.

M: And if you do, this latest study here shows that you can improve your happiness or move away from languishing and more towards flourishing and loving life by up to 17%.

P: Yep, that’s a decent figure.

M: Sure is. Who wouldn’t want to be 17 percent happier?

P: Definitely.

M: I think Dan Harris, wrote a book 10% Happier.

So, this is like kicking you ass down, laugh.

P: Hey, we’re one up! Laugh! Throw that challenge glove down!

M & P: Laugh!

M: Absolutely, well on that note we’ll end for the week.

P: Enjoy your tasks people.

M: Wishing you a happy week.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: Flourishing, gratitude, happiness, kindness, purpose, Rest

Fun Isn’t Only for Children – Here’s How to Make Your Life More Fun!

02/06/2021 by Marie

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is pexels-adrienn-1524105.jpg

What’s the Link Between Your Mental Health and Fun?

Who wouldn’t want more fun in their lives? As I write this, I am definitely on board in theory, yet I can’t remember the last time I specifically set aside time or put in effort to bring more fun into my life. That’s about to change!

I know, I know, this site is called Happiness for Cynics, so you’re maybe not quite on board yet. But as always, there’s great research that backs up the benefits of having fun in your life, like this study from the Martin Luther University in Germany, in which 533 participants did a week of exercises to boost participants’ playfulness. They found that you can actually stimulate and train people to be more playful, and this, in turn improves their mood and happiness levels.

So, what have you got to lose? Read on to explore how to have more fun in life and why it is so important to your happiness levels.

The Benefits of Having More Fun in Your Life

being silly

To find out more about the benefits of having fun, I spoke to Dr. Mike Rucker – a charter member of the International Positive Psychology Association (IPPA) and a member of the American Psychological Association – about having fun and improving people’s overall wellbeing.

According to Rucker, there are times when things are really bad, and you can understand why people wouldn’t be focussing on incorporating fun into their lives at that point. But there are also too many moments when things are kinda OK, yet we’re all just on the hedonic treadmill… just living life, getting on with getting on… but many of us as still not incorporating fun into our lives then either!

Yet we all have the power to increase our happiness levels, and according to Rucker, a great way to do that is to have some more fun.

One of the narratives that I like to talk about is productivity porn or hustle porn. We get caught up in this notion that we have to devote our lives to work and that should be our purpose. And we’re just not wired for that. Mike Rucker

In fact, Rucker says, “There’s a recent study that shows the more spontaneous we are, the more that we kind of look for the spices of life, that can lead to happiness.”

He also mentions that having deliberate fun allows people to circumvent the Hedonic treadmill if you do it mindfully. “A lot of things that we pursue are based on keeping up with the Joneses and things that we think are fun. But when we take a more mindful approach to it, fun, pure elation and really enjoying something, that is true to your soul, it ads gains to our life,” he says.

Rucker also warns about the trap of thinking you’re doing something for fun, that isn’t actually fun. “Often times what people think is leisure, like binge watching a show that they don’t really care about, can be replaced with something more meaningful. I want to be careful there, too, because it certainly is meaningful if (…) it’s something that you really enjoy,” he says. “A good litmus test for that is any sort of activity that if you went back to savour or relish it, would you remember what it was about. A lot of times if people are being honest with themselves, social media viewing or TV doesn’t fit in that category.”

So what’s the solution? It’s often as simple as taking a look at the existing acititives in your diary and thinking of them in news ways. For instance, are you being mindful and truly engaging with your kids when you take them to the park, or are you on your phone or planning the dinner menu?

Listen to my interview with Dr Mike Rucker.

How to Have More Fun in Life

having fun

It is easier to bring play into your life than you might realise. Let’s be really honest, we all know how to have more fun. It’s something we all grew up knowing as kids… we might have just forgotten to do it or devalued it over time. If that applies to you and it’s time to change that, but you’re stuck on how to get started, here’s how.

Just Google it. You can simply start with Google to find a lot of different ways to bring more play into life, but if you’re still wanting something more prescriptive, one of the ideas I love the most is a dance-off.

Have a dance-off. This is a great one to do with your family. Think back to the 60s, 70s, 80s etc, there have been some classic dances throughout the decades. All you need to do is name some different types of dances, and put them down on a piece of paper, pop them into a hat, and you have to do the dance and your friends and family have to guess what decade it’s from, or if you want to make it harder, ask them to name the dance. It’s really simple. Pretty soon you’ll have the whole family jiving and doing Gangnam style and the Macarena, and not only are you having a bit of fun, but you’re also doing a bit of exercise.

Other ideas. Other ways to look for more fun in life include finding opportunities for laughter (try board games or maybe sign up to a local laughter yoga workshop) and finding opportunities for novelty and being spontaneous (day trips and holidays are good prompts for novelty and can bring out our more playful side). If you’re still not sure how to get going, then check out this article by Dr Stephanie Sarkis on what might be holding you back.

And one final sense check… remember that what you might find fun might not be fun to someone else. When designing fun activities, make sure you ask the people involved what they want to do and what would interest them!


Want to learn more about how to have fun in life? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: fun, happiness, play, resilience

Random Acts of Kindness (E69)

31/05/2021 by Marie

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about random acts of kindness, how they will make you happier, and challenge you to get involved.

Show notes

During the podcast Marie and Pete briefly discuss racism and Pete mentions that they will come back to the discussion later. Unfortunately they ran out of time this episode and will hopefully discuss this topic at another time. Please feel free to suggest podcast topics, post a question or even just leave a comment at www.marieskelton.com

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: And we’re back.

P: We’re back. Fun fact –

M: That we’re back?

P: No, no. I’ve got a fun fact for you.

M: Laugh! Ok, yes. What’s your fun fact?

P: Laughter lowers cortisol.

M: Stress hormone.

P: Yes.

M: Ohhh.

P: It came up in a lecture of mine this week. Laughter lowers cortisol and I’m like ‘oh! I know this!’ Laughter!

M: Should we do some laughter yoga now?

P: Exactly, laugh.

M: Though, I don’t know if you need it, you’re already laughing.

P: But, I thought it was really interesting that, you know, this came out a lecture. Laughter actually lowers your stress hormone. So, if you’re having a bad week, the best thing that you can do for immediate effect is to go out and get a laugh.

M: Yep.

P: However, that happens if it’s going out and doing something silly, like walking around the house naked or if it’s going to a comedy show, watching your favourite movie.

M: Or having a laugh in the mirror for 60 seconds like we practised the other week.

P: Oh yeah.

M: It’s so easy, so, so easy and I’ve been doing in the mornings –

P: Laugh.

M: – and it’s just so mind blowing to me that such a simple 60 second thing can make such an impact.

P: It makes such a difference and I think that it’s worth investing in. So, get out there and laugh people!

M: Laugh.

P: Enjoy.

M: So, I went through our stats on our [podcast].

P: Ooh!

M: Guess which episode is the most popular?

P: Snigger, oh ooh… Laugh, I don’t want to guess this!

M: Laugh! It’s the only explicit one that we’ve had.

P: Oh! Oh, the swearing!

M: The swearing!

P & M: Laughter!

P: You people are wrong! So wrong! Really? Swearing got a lot of hits?

M: Absolutely.

P: That’s funny.

M: Can Swearing Make You Happier. I think people are trying to justify their swearing, laugh!

P: I love it. So, someone actually asked me the other day when I was talking about the podcast, and they said ‘Oh, you do a podcast?’

And I was like ‘Yeah, yeah.’

‘Which episode should I listen to first?’

And I was like ‘…I’m really not sure.’

M: Laugh.

P: If you listen to the first episode, you get really bored, laugh.

M: Mmm.

P: But if you listen to the last episode, you go ‘these guys are crazy!’

M: Probably, I’d go from last to first.

P: Well, I actually said, our episode on self-care, Self-Care is Church for Non-Believers.

M: Aww.

P: I thought that was a good starting point.

M: Yeah, yep, yep, I think so. We finally relaxed at that point.

P: I said this, I said that if you listen to the first episode, we’re going to be very formal.

M: We might need to go re-record that one.

P: Well, actually, we would love to hear from our listeners and ask, What’s your favourite episode thus far? Let us know?

M: Yes.

P: Because sitting here on the bed as we do.

M & P: Laugh.

P: Sometimes we’re not clued in as to what the formula is and what works. But if there’s an episode that you’ve really enjoyed, we would love to hear from you and here what that episode got for you.

M: Yep. All right, we’re moving on to today’s episode,

P: Which is…

M: Random Acts of Kindness.

P: Aww!

M: Now we’ve spoken about kindness before.

P: Lots.

M: Yes. So, I’m going to skim over the science, which is that kindness works, be kind, right?

P: Laugh. Do it people, do it.

M: That is the science, laugh.

P: Yep.

M: And today we wanted to just go through all of the fabulous things that you could do and put a challenge out there.

P: Oooh!

M: Now, you’re busy, I’m busy, but we’re going to pick one each and report back next week.

P: We are?

M: That is the deal, yes.

P: You’re giving me homework!

M: We’re giving everyone homework.

P: I haven’t finished my PHS [Population, Health & Society] essay yet and it’s driving me crazy! I can’t.

M: This is more homework.

P & M: Laughter.

M: And the great thing about this, just like the laughter yoga for 60 seconds or the gratitude journaling, it’s a 60 second activity.

P: Oh, alright… I’m in.

M: But you can’t bail on this.

P: [Reluctantly] I’m in.

M: So, what we’re talking about is finding a way to be kind to others.

P: Awe… It’s a Cinderella moment.

M: It’s so simple. And I’m going to quote Amelia Earhart here.

P: Oooh.

M: Who said, “A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions and the roots spring up and make new trees.”

P: That’s so true.

M: Well, just like with laughter, which we said was contagious and has been shown to be contagious. Kindness is the same thing, and couldn’t we all use just that little bit more kindness in the world?

P: It’s the pay it forward principle.

M: Yes!

P: You know, taking something and pushing it forward to someone else. When you get a gift, pass it on.

M: And not because you should, but because it will make you feel good about yourself.

P: The science says so, laugh.

M: The science says, absolutely.

P: Listen to me? What have you done to me Marie?

M: Laugh. You know, you’re not scientific if you just say ‘the science says!’

P: Laugh!

M: So you can go back and listen to some of our previous episodes if you would like the science because it does exist.

P: Laugh.

M: It’s not just us saying the ‘science says so.’

P: It’s there somewhere, I don’t know, I just blast over that stuff.

M: Laugh.

P: Marie’s the one on the science, laugh.

M: Well, it is there definitely. But today we wanted to talk about random acts of kindness specifically and give everyone some ideas and maybe give ourselves some ideas for what we’re going to do in this upcoming week.

P: Mmm, OK. So how often would you have a random act of kindness in a week?

M: I think it’s a mindset.

P: Hmm.

M: I think that no one ever was hurt by giving too much kindness to others. And I think that lives could be saved by small acts of kindness being received.

P: Do you think we’ve lost the ability to be kind to each other in the current contemporary society? Ooh, that’s a deep question.

M: I don’t think that society prioritises [kindness] enough. It’s seen as a weakness just like happiness. So Shawn Achor’s book, it’s a great book about happiness at work, shows that what we thought about success is actually the opposite. So, you don’t – there we go, The Happiness Advantage.

M: Successful people aren’t happier, happy people are more successful.

P: Mmm.

M: And I think with kindness, it’s similar and the research shows that as well. Being kind to others is seen as a weakness, but people who mentor others and care for others make better leaders and generally do better. So if you bring people along with you rather than tearing them down in the work environment or a team environment, you’ll succeed more.

P: Yeah.

M: So, I think there’s a lot of misconceptions around kindness, and we maybe need to correct some of those.

P: Misconceptions in what way? Who doesn’t want to be kind?

M: I think that you can get very jaded with this very busy life that we live, and it becomes…

P: An effort to be kind?

M: No, not a priority.

P: Interesting.

M: We’ve become quite selfish, particularly in corporates which are quite cut throat at times.

P: Yep. Well, competitiveness breeds cutthroat.

M: Exactly. And the irony is that the more competitive you are, the more kind you should be. You shouldn’t be cutting kindness off your list of things to do in a day or a week. You should be adding it deliberately and scheduling it in.

P: Mmm.

M: That is my challenge.

P: I think this scheduling it is quite difficult because it is very easy to put on your blinkers. And we had this in an episode a couple of weeks ago, we talked about the taxi driver and the woman getting in, and she was exhausted and she was just over her day and she just wanted to get home. But she chose to engage with the taxi driver. Now, is that an act of kindness?

M: Mmm… That’s not being a dick.

P: Laugh! Well okay, yeah there is that as well, it is coming down to being a dick not being a dick.

M: Yep.

P: Choosing, choosing to actually engage with people and also see people for who they are.

M: It’s stopping to say ‘how are you?’ when a cashier says ‘Hi, how are you?’

P: Yeah, well you had an episode recently when you were on a call centre and you spoke to a lady in India.

M: Yes. So, you know, again, I was on a call trying to get my banking sorted or something. And I have to say those call centres and the rigmarole you go through just to click all the numbers and get to where you want to go –

P: Yeah.

M: – and you’re on hold.

P: Definitely.

M: It sets you up to be in a bad mood, by the time you actually talk to someone.

P: You do because you’re frustrated, because you’re sitting there for 25 minutes going ‘I could be doing so much more with my time!’

M: Absolutely, and lady got on the phone and she was efficient and good at what she did. And I could hear the accent. And I said to her, I hear an accent where you from? And I could hear the hesitation in her voice actually, because I’m sure based on that one question, I could go either way.

P: Mmm, she’s scared. Yeah, exactly.

M: Right, [some] people are racist.

P: That’s a point to come back to later in the episode, I think. Is that questioning of like, ‘do I let myself be exposed here?’

M: Yep. So, she said she was in Mumbai, and I said, ‘I am just so sorry for what is happening in your country right now. I am so blessed that we’re in Australia and that we have no cases, at the moment here, and I can’t even imagine how hard that would be for you right now.’

P: Mmm.

M: And you could hear the relief in her voice just from that one acknowledgement –

P: That one comment, yeah.

M: – that other people are doing it tough and, you know I felt bad.

P: Mmm.

M: So look, I’m not trying to put myself up on a pedestal because I behave like a dick too.

P & M: Laughter!

M: Being honest. We’re all human.

P: But it’s having the presence of mind to acknowledge a human when you’re engaging with them, because I think in society in general we’ve become so used to not engaging as humans, and we lost that ability to recognise that this is a person on the other end of the line.

M: Yeah, a lot of the time, it is simply about remembering to say thank you for something meaningful to people you interact with every day. So next time you talk to your boss, next time you talk to a colleague, what can you add into that conversation that’s going to make them feel happy and put a smile on their face?

P: Mmm, yep. I agree.

M: So simple. Less than 60 seconds, Pete.

P: Laugh!

M: To be kind!

P: Laugh.

M: Help someone else to feel good about their day and to bring joy to their day.

P: Which brings joy to your life. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. It brings you back so much more than what you give out. It’s five seconds of your moment, but it brings you back so much more goodness, in terms of all the all those lovely things that we like to exhibit with neurotransmitters.

M: The first way to be kind or random act of kindness that I think most people can do is to have a look through your house for what you could recycle or up-cycle and pop it on gum tree. Or give it to Vinnies or whatever charity organisation is in your area, for free.

P: I actually have had experiences with that with gum tree. I was selling a very old set of stereo speakers that my Mother gave to me.

M: Aww.

P: Which was, you know, there is old as I am. I remember Mum getting them, they were huge.

M: Were you 21?

P: [Indistinct noises] … I’ll come back to that one.

M: Laugh.

P: But this lovely bloke came around to pick them up and he was super keen. And when you sell something on gum tree, it’s a free for all, you know, you getting these random messages from people going ‘I love you, I love your family, I just want to buy your product.’

M & P: Laugh.

P: It’s like if you could bottle that you’d be a rich person. So, this guy turned up in his little is little Suzuki 121? or whatever it was and he got these massive speakers in there. And then he said ‘oh, you know, I was wondering if you could sell them for $5 cheaper?’ And I went ‘You know what dude, have-em, take-em, I don’t care. Just take em. And he was like ‘Oh, really?’ ‘Yeah, sure. Off you go, enjoy!’ Laugh.

M: And that would have made his day.

P: Exactly, and it was the reaction of his surprise that made me feel really good and so that fuelled me for a couple of days.

M: Yep, absolutely. And that is something that nearly every person can go do whether it’s clothes that don’t fit you anymore, items in the kitchen that you just don’t use, we’ve all got them.

P: Yeah, oh yeah! A George Foreman Grill, laugh.

M: Absolutely. A really, really easy way to, just make someone’s life that little bit easier. Or if you’re going to sell it on gum tree or Facebook marketplace or whatever, give away for free and you’re really going to help someone out. That’s my number one and I can say tick for the week because we did that this morning with our old washing machine.

P: Yay.

M: But I’m going to add more on for us this week.

P: OK, I’m going to throw in here. The one for me is to give to a homeless person.

M: Yes.

P: It’s so easy to walk past someone on the street and even easier now in the day of the non-cash society that we are –

M: Yes.

P: – where everything is done by card. To actually have some cash in your wallet and to give someone not just one or two dollars but to give them $10.

M: If you can afford $10 a quarter or a month, you know.

P: Yeah.

M: Put that aside as something that you’re going to give with no strings attached.

P: Yep.

M: No expectations.

P: It’s an honest, generous giving notion and when it happens spontaneously, I reckon the happiness level that you get from that is five-fold.

M: Absolutely.

P: It’s such a gorgeous gift to go ‘here, have this’ and to see the person’s reaction. It’s like giving presents at Christmas. It’s one thing to send something to someone. It’s another thing to watch them open it and watch the joy and the excitement that, for me, is really precious. And I think that when you actually do that, when you surprise someone by saying ‘I’m not going to give you a coin, I’m going to give you a note.’

M: Yep.

P: And I want you to take this and buy something nice for yourself.

M: Absolutely. We took a lady in the shop next to where she was asking for money and got her a sandwich and we asked,

‘Do you want it toasted?’

‘That would be great’, because it was a bit chilly and

‘Do you want to drink with that?’ and she was like,

‘Could I?’

P: Oh, wow.

M: And I said ‘Do you want dessert?’ Laugh, and just the look on her face. Like, if I couldn’t, couldn’t buy lunch, that would just, yeah I can’t imagine.

P: I think we can get a bit cynical about it as well in contemporary society, we think these people aren’t really poor. They’re not really homeless. They’re just pretending.

M: Or, you know, they brought it on themselves –

P: Oooh!

M: Or what have they done? They could get a job if they wanted to.

P: Yeah, yeah.

M: There’s so much judgement that can so easily creep into your heart.

P: And that’s the cynic, which is why we did this podcast.

M: Absolutely.

P: It’s drop that cynicism, actually see the person for who they are.

M: You don’t even have to, you can just give the 10 bucks and walk on and feel better.

P: True. Yeah, yeah ok.

M: Laugh. If that makes you uncomfortable.

P: See, I like the being uncomfortable.

M: Yep.

P: I think if it’s uncomfortable, it’s challenging. And there’s something… Nothing great comes from being comfortable. I’ve said this a lot in the last few months, that has been a really interesting one for me. No great achievement comes from being in a comfortable space.

M: Yep.

P: You need to challenge yourself. You need to push yourself to be better and that comes in being generous and being kind. You need to push yourself a little bit out of your comfort zone. So the next time the guy comes to your windscreen, to wash your windscreen. Think about that. It’s really easy to dismiss them and go ‘I haven’t got any change in my car anymore, I’m cash-less.’

M: Mmm hmm.

P: What else could you offer? What else could you provide?

M: If strangers are not your cup of tea. There are so many other ways that you can help-out people who are closer in your circle as well, like your neighbours.

P: Oh.

M: We often, don’t speak to our neighbours. I honestly, I’m not throwing rocks because I have no idea who my neighbours are.

P: Laugh.

M: I live in apartment block, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen most of them, we just don’t cross paths ever.

P: Yeah. It’s a very dense city experience.

M: Yes, absolutely. So, things like taking their garbage bins out. Or if you’ve got elderly neighbours and you’re mowing your lawn, you know, helping them out with theirs.

P: Mmm.

M: Things like that can make a really big difference to someone.

P: I’m going to give a shout out here, so I often refer to my Mum in a very negative light sometimes.

M: It’s family, if I ever said anything bad about your Mother, you’d deck me.

P: Laugh! I rip on her a bit. So here we go, my Mum, my Mum, is difficult to love, don’t get me wrong, she’s a hard nut. But there was a lady across the road and she was impaired, physically impaired with illness and Mum used to go out, go across the road, go to the woodpile and bring the wood to the back door –

M: Aww.

P: – so that she didn’t have to go down the stairs to get to the wood. And that sparked off a friendship that sparked off a relationship. And then it turned to Mum, getting the mail, bringing her groceries. All this sort of stuff that Mum just did out of the goodness of kindness. It was like ‘she can’t do it, so I’m going to help her out.’ And when this lovely lady passed away, Mum was like ‘oh’, Mum rang me and she said, ‘I lost my mate today.’ And whenever Mum says that to me, it’s a very poignant moment because, as I said, Mum’s a bit difficult to love sometimes.

M: Giggle.

P: But there’s this lovely generosity in there and when Mum decides to support you, you get supported.

And she said ‘Oh, I lost my mate today.’

And I said, ‘Oh Mum, I’m so sorry.’

And she goes, ‘Yeah, yeah, it was really tough, she got wheeled away and that was the last time that I saw her.’

Three months later, a brand-new television arrived on Mum’s doorstep. The daughters of this lady said, ‘you looked after our Nan – sorry the Grand-daughters – you looked after Nan in her final years and this was something that we bought for her, but we never got to give to her, so we thought you might like it.’

M: Aww. A random act of kindness.

P: Yeah, a random act of kindness and every time that Mum turns on the television to watch the footy, she thinks of her mate. That’s soul fulfilling.

M: Aww, what a lovely story!

P: It’s a brilliant story. You can have that much impact on someone’s life from a random act of kindness.

M: Absolutely, and you don’t even have to go to that length, you don’t even have to give money. You can do something as simple as learning the security guard’s name.

P: Yes.

M: Hi Bob, as you walk in the door.

P: Yep, makes a huge difference.

M: Absolutely, or the receptionist or people that work in your area there are a huge list of things that you can do on a fabulous website called…

P: Random Acts of Kindness

M: dot com!

P: Laugh.

M: It’ll be tough to remember that one, I’m sure.

And they have a lovely calendar, and what I love about their calendar is that they have so many ideas, things like leaving notes for people to find with beautiful messages.

P: Oh! I remember someone doing that for me not looking anywhere but right to my side for my 37th birthday.

M: Laugh, aww. Yep.

P: I still find them, laugh.

M: Or become a blood donor.

P: Yep.

M: That’s not going to cost you anything. Plus, they have really good snacks.

P & M: Laugh.

M: And they’re normally really lovely. So, there’s so many things. They’re all on this site, and in particular they’ve got a kindness calendar so you can kind of theme it. There’s things you can do with your family or your friends, and you’ll never be short of ideas for random acts of kindness.

P: Is that the challenge to this week, Marie? Are we all supposed to go in the calendar and find one act?

M: Absolutely.

P: Is that what we’re doing?

M: I think that is the challenge. Find and do?

P: Alright. So, we’ve got to action it. All right.

M: And as I said, it could be simple and free. Praise someone publicly for their work.

P: Oh, yeah.

M: Something that they’ve done. Go check out the Random Acts of Kindness dot com website, there are some great ideas on the site. Or just look for their calendar and scroll through. There are so many good ideas and they will make you feel better as well.

P: Mmm.

M: And if you really like this idea about spreading kindness and the site is all dedicated to spreading kindness throughout the world and making the world a kinder place, if you buy into that, then schedule it in, first of every month, do something that brings kindness because, as we know, if you don’t schedule it and prioritise that, you forget it, no matter how good it makes you feel, you’ll do it once and never again.

P: Yeah, the other way of doing that is to pop it on the fridge.

M: Yep. Although, I forget things [on the fridge], like I’ve got these gorgeous things that I’ve had in my fridge, and I never remember to look at them.

P: Laugh. Well, maybe put it on your mirror in the bathroom, something to remind you that you did a good thing.

M: Yep.

P: And acknowledge yourself for it because I think that’s actually the beauty of it is when you acknowledge it yourself.

M: Yep.

P: I think that’s where the magical lies.

M: Well actually, there’s some stuff in this calendar about being kind to yourself as well.

P: Oooh, that’s another episode.

M: All right, well, on that note, we should wrap up then, so be kind.

P: Ohhhh. It’s a Cinderella moment.

M: Laugh, until next week.

P: You didn’t do your cut off.

M: What cut off?

P: You didn’t do your cut off. What was the cut off? Not ‘be happy.’

M: Have a happy week?

P: That’s it.

M: Laugh. Alright, have a happy week, guys. Bye.

P: Laugh. Bye!

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: caring, gratitude, happiness, kind, kindness

Are You Blindly Riding the Hedonic Treadmill? (E68)

24/05/2021 by Marie

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about happiness set points and the hedonic treadmill and ask the question, are you blindly riding it?

Show notes

During the podcast Pete references a Ted talk about social inequality, please see attached below.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: Hi.

P: And we’re back.

M: We’re back.

P: Laugh!

M: Regular as clockwork.

P: Like the passing of the sands through the hourglass,

M & P: so are the days of our lives. Laughter!

P: Oh my god, I can’t believe I remembered that. How many years ago was that?

M: Oh dear. Laugh.

P: Hey, I’ve got a story, I got a share story. Can I share?

M: Yes, share your story.

P: So, with all this work that we have been doing around happiness and consciousness and mindfulness and all that sort of stuff. I had an event happen last week where I got a letter in the mail which was horrible.

M: Oh.

P: And it resulted in a bad, a bad lose for the week.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And I went to bed that night and I had nightmares that there was a Jaguar in my room and I woke up at 4 in the morning and I couldn’t get back to sleep. Obviously, I was stressed from this letter. I kind of went ‘oh no, what am I going to do? and I’m not sleeping well, and I thought this is a great opportunity for me to practise what I preach.’

M: Yes!

P: So, I got up in the morning and I had a PT appointment booked with my lovely trainer Alan and I was shattered, I was tired, I was like ‘oh I can’t do this’. But I got up and I went ‘No, I’m going to go and I trust Alan, he won’t push me if my body is not ready for it. So I got there and he said, ‘ooh you looked tired.’

M: Soft Laugh.

P: Yeah, I woke up at four a.m. and I couldn’t get back to sleep. And he went, ‘right.’ So we took the workout right back, but we did some stuff that was really challenging. And I walked out of that gym as I always do… feeling better than when I walked in.

M: Yep.

P: And I went straight home and I took action against this letter, straightaway.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: I rang up people, I got advice, it pushed me to be more proactive and if this had happened six months ago, I wouldn’t have taken those steps. I would have stayed in my little hole and buried my head in the sand and maybe not taken direct action. And I thought, this is really what we talk about.

M: Yes.

P: Taking control and doing the one step for one thing that you can take control of. For me, it was going and doing the exercise, even though I felt terrible. I was like ‘No, go and do it because you know that exercise brings about happy hormones, makes you more engaged and it gets you actioning things.

M: And not only that, you’re actually getting some social benefit out of it because you like your trainer.

P: Exactly.

M: You’ve been with him for a few years now.

P: Yeah, I have. Yeah, he’s fantastic. As I said, I always walk out of that place [feeling] better than when I walked in. So just a little tip, you know, even though you and I are the ones that are bringing all this stuff to our lovely listeners, we still have challenges.

M: Oh!

P: We still have things that screw up our day and present us with a aaahhhh! But we have the tools.

M: So, I was on a panel this week because it’s Mental Health Month.

P: Yay!

M: And one of the things that me and the other panellists talked about a fair bit was sleep.

P: Mmm.

M: And how it is the one thing that all of us have a bad night’s sleep every now and then, particularly those of us with pets or kids. It happens more often.

P & M: Laugh!

M: Not just angry or bad letters, but it’s one of those things that can really impact your happiness the next day.

P: Oh definitely.

M: It is just so common, and what I love about your story is that you recognised it.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: So, you’ve done enough self-assessment that you’re now understanding your triggers.

P: Yes.

M: And we all have triggers.

P: Yep.

M: My husband leaving his socks on the floor in the doorway. That’s one of my triggers. Laugh!

P: Constantly comes up on this show.

M: Laugh.

P: Every chance you get you remind us of that one, laugh.

M: Yep, being injured.

P: Yep.

M: So, I’ve just sports-wise, had a bad back for the last few weeks, have been struggling with that. Poor sleep, there’s a number of things for me that are my triggers and I’m now so much more aware of those triggers and therefore know to cut myself some slack.

P: That’s emotional first aid.

M: Absolutely, yep. So what are we talking about today?

P: I don’t want to say this ‘cause I’ll say it wrong.

M: Hedonic Treadmill.

P: Amygdala! Laugh. Nor-epinephrine!

M: Laugh! I think we had hedonistic treadmill written down some point.

P: We did! Because I remember thinking that sounds fun, laugh!

M: Instead of the hedonic treadmill. Laugh.

So, we are talking about… and I wanted to start, I love that we started with story. I was going to start with a quote, but we’ll get to the quote now and it is a famous Socrates quote and he once said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

P: [Reverent sound of awe] Aaahhhh…

M: So I have a question for you Pete.

P: Oh, Q&A.

M: Are you loving your life?

P: Yes, very easy to answer that question.

M: I would love for our listeners at home to really ask themselves that question and truthfully, answer it because for a lot of people myself included in my twenties and thirties.

P: Yep.

M: I was living life, I wasn’t loving life necessarily. And there’s this theory called the hedonic treadmill, which a lot of us in Western society will have been blindly following because we haven’t examined our life. We haven’t spent the time examining the scripts that our parents and society and school and government gave us.

P: Ah, yes.

M: And we live in a Western consumerist society that teaches us from a very young age that success and achievement is important.

P: Yes.

M: And so we spend a lot of our lives going after the next thing.

P: Mmm.

M: Good grades, a good school, good job, a good company, a promotion, a house, a bigger house, a McMansion –

P: Laugh!

M: – the list goes on and on. And there’s this unwritten understanding that that will make things good for you and maybe happy.

P: You’re ticking the boxes.

M: Yep.

P: You’re ticking all the boxes that are presented for the recipe that was handed down from your parents and from their parents –

M: – for what’s important.

P: Exactly.

M: Yep. Now the research shows us that is our society and how we’re generally programmed unless your parents had a different view, or you went to an alternative school. That’s the prevailing theory and way that our society is set up.

Now the hedonic treadmill is a theory that we have a tendency to quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness after major positive or negative events or life changes. So, if you get a promotion or a pay rise, your expectations and desires for, say a bigger house or a nicer car will rise accordingly, which results in no permanent gain in happiness.

P: Ok.

M: Similarly, if you get fired, for instance, you may be sad for a while, but then you’ll balance back out. And we talked the other day about your set point.

P: Yeah.

M: So, really what we’re saying here is that you’ve got a set point that you naturally and somewhat biologically sit at.

P: Yep.

M: On a scale of one to ten, you might sit at a six naturally, and if you get fired, then for a period time you might be a two or three or you might dip all the way to a one, but eventually you will come back to a six.

P: Personally I like to think of myself as a size eight.

M: Laugh! We’re not talking sizes.

P: Eight just fits me, laugh.

M: Well, actually, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned studying with the Happiness Studies Academy, and one of the things we do is regularly ask ourselves how we’re doing against – They have, a model with five elements, and you rate yourself against each of them.

P: Ah yeah.

M: I’m consistently high on those, generally I’m a nine.

P: I’m really good at four, one I’m shit on.

M: Laugh.

P: Although it’s going up lately. That’s good, Laugh.

M: Good. And, I think we tend to prefer some of them, for me, its intellectual.

P: Yeah, there are things that you’re drawn to, and they’re the ones that we might spend a bit more time on. And it’s, I love that exercise because it does highlight the fact that even if you’re just looking at that diagram or those five sections and you can say to yourself ‘yeah, number three’s a bit dodgy.’

M: Yes.

P: You know that you have to focus on that, or at least to devote a little bit more time to that. Or ask yourself the question. What am I doing to satisfy number three?

M: Yep, and to bring balance across all of them? Because we know that having that imbalance leads to a lot of issues.

P: Yep.

M: Yep, or put you at risk when those bad events happen, of not being able to bounce back or be more resilient?

P: Exactly, yeah. This is what I’m saying about my story is that I felt like I had more tools at my disposal. So, when I woke up at four I was like, ‘Oh, it’s going to be that night. It’s going to be, I’m not going to, yeah, I’m out, I’m done.’

M & P: Laugh.

P: Get comfortable with that and then make the adjustment. And then it was, it was the next morning and I’m like right. I’m going to get on top of this bang, bang, bang. I was much more active than I’ve ever been before, Yay Me 😊

M: And they say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

P: Are you calling me an old dog?

M: Laugh, I just did.

P: Laugh!

M: So, what this means when you look at it from the hedonic treadmill point of view is that chasing those material things might make you happier in the moment. But it’s not going to raise your set point. It’s not going to make your subjective well-being or your happiness levels higher overall.

P: This comes back to that example we had a few weeks ago about the guys in the New Zealand who got the promotion, and we’re working harder and longer and their perceived happiness was higher and you are all ‘Mmm, I’m not sure about that one, I challenge that.’ This is the same thing.

M: Exactly, yep.

P: Were they happier because of what they’re achieving? Or is it that they’re happier because that was what society had set for them with the goals that they wanted.

M: So, this is all saying the opposite of what that that study said, which is that you’ll only get a small hit to your happiness levels and then you come back to your base line a set point.

P: Mmm.

M: So chasing the success, the bigger house, you know, the unit, the house, the McMansion and the white picket fences and going up and up and up –

P: Yep.

M: – will make you feel so happy the day that you put the sold sticker on the board and you take your photo in front of your house.

P: Laugh!

M: And share it on Facebook with everyone, and you’ll be feeling on top of the world that day within a small amount of time, a tiny amount of time. That house just becomes your new normal, and you go back to your base happiness level.

P: That’s when you get the $200,000 reno.

M: Exactly, and then it’s more and more and more and for today’s kids, I really feel sorry for them because they’re so much more able to compare themselves against others because of social media. Again, we’ve spoken about that before as well that it makes it really hard to live and to take yourself out of those societal expectations, particularly when social connection is so important, particularly teens.

P: Yeah.

M: And to not buy into having the latest shoes and latest jeans and the latest –

P: Yes.

M: – and having a car. I Remember the kids who had cars. I was so jealous.

P: Me too, laugh!

M: Yep, absolutely so we know that there’s a number of things that make people happier. And the number one thing is social connection.

P: This is your big thing, this is your big platform? You love your social connections?

M: Well, it’s where all the research starts. Any model out there, whether you’re talking Martin Seligman or Tal Ben Shahar or any of the positive psychology bigwigs out there all have something about relationships or social connection. And we know about the Harvard study, the longest longitudinal study in the world, which comes out over and over again with strong social connections and blue zones.

P: Yep.

M: So not only does make you happier, you lived longer. You don’t die [early].

P: That’s coming out in the health research that’s coming out as well. It’s all about the bio-social model.

M: Yep.

P: Not just being medical model, but it’s about the social influences and the environment that which you live and the connections that you’ve got in the support mechanisms that are around you. And this is coming out with all the research that’s coming through on global health studies.

M: And why there is such a concern from World Health Organisation and so many of the other global and national bodies, medical bodies about loneliness in particular and old age.

P: They’re finally recognising that that’s a real factor in the situational influences, which comes down to environment under the international classification of functioning, which was one of the big shifts in health going on the moment.

M: Absolutely, so if you want to raise that set point going after the newest and the latest, and the achievement is not the way to do that.

P: What is the way, Marie?

M: Social Connection, number one.

P: Yep.

M: Purpose and Meaning, we’ve said before.

P: Yep.

M: Again, why people who retire are often depressed within a year, and why people who lose their jobs quickly get depressed. There are so many examples of when purpose and meaning are taken away or abruptly stop that people decline very quickly.

P: So, is that about asking the question a little bit earlier in your life cycle? Not waiting until you retire to go, ‘oh, what do I really want to do?’

M: I think it’s about having a growth mindset. That’s the latest [thing] that everyone’s talking about. So that your never not learning and growing there’s a great quote, I have no idea who said it.

P: Laugh.

M: And it was, “I play the violin, I do art, I play soccer, blah blah blah… and the person says ‘Oh my gosh, you are so accomplished.’ They said, no, no, no, I don’t do any of them well, but I do them all.”

P: Laugh.

M: And that is it, it’s about learning new things. So if you learn a new skill every year and never master any of them. That’s just as good as spending your whole life trying to master something else that you’re passionate about.

P: Something that you’re passionate about at any level is good, and curiosity.

M: Yes, so that’s where the passion and meaning comes from. What really excites you and how can you spend your time? It could be gardening. It could be so many things it could be raising your kids or your grandkids. But, it’s having something that really gets you excited.

P: Hmm.

M: And then the last one, again, Healthy Mind and Body habits.

P: Oh, yes.

M: So, if you didn’t have that habit the other day of going to the gym and that commitment as well, which is good to your PT, you might have skipped out.

P: Yeah, definitely. Would’ve been so easy to go ‘I’m not going this morning because I’m too tired’, but because there was that routine, if you like, yeah [I did go].

M: Mmm hmm.

P: I’ve even done it on other days as well, where I’ve woken up, and …I guess it’s a throwback to the days of being a dancer. You wake up, you do class. That’s the first thing you do every single morning. And no matter how bad you feel, even when you’ve been out partying and you go to in the first Port de bras and first position, oy vey! Laugh. You soon feel better because you’re moving your body around, and it is routine that actually helps you a lot with that. It’s not motivation it’s habit.

M: Absolutely. So, that’s why we talked about that last one being about habits, the healthy mind and body. So lastly, what are the steps to help get off that Hedonic treadmill?

P: Oooh.

M: How do we get off this treadmill of needing to succeed and wanting more, more, more, more.

P: So more handstands!

M: Handstands are great, I like handstands.

P: Laugh! Is it about throwing something into the mix that isn’t normal, is that how you do it?

M: I think the first step is listening to our podcast right now.

P: Ha, ha!

M: Understanding that you’re on that treadmill.

P: Oooh, the self-confession.

M: It’s what we said with Socrates, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” So if this podcast has helped you do one thing, it’s to maybe look at whether you’re on that treadmill. Are you looking, as soon as you’ve got one thing, at what’s next? What’s next? What’s next? And working longer hours and harder to get your promotion and buy a new car and to get you nice holiday because everyone else had a nice holiday.

P: Yeah, yeah. My name is Peter Furness and I’m a hedonist, laugh! [on the hedonic treadmill]

M: Well, there can be balance, right? We don’t have to give it all up?

P & M: Laughter!

M: I’m not advocating for you to go live in a cardboard box on the street.

P: Laugh. Well, it’s interesting that when I first read the title on being the hedonistic treadmill, I was like, ‘This is going to be fabulous, it’s all about doing what you want and going against the grain and being flamboyant and you know.

M: This is me!

P: Yeah, laugh. Like running naked through the forest, all that sort of stuff.

M: Laugh.

P: I didn’t realise it was a bad thing, laugh.

M: Yeah, no… you don’t want to be, it’s, it’s the rat race, really.

P: Yeah.

M: We’re really talking, we’re really having a go at the rat race and consumerism.

P: And being distracted by that as well. It’s easy to buy into other people’s goals.

M: Yes.

P: What your goals are not necessarily going to match with what my goals are.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Thankfully, they cross over a lot in terms of holidays and whatnot. But it’s recognising that… even your other half, even your significant other, if their goal is slightly different to yours, that’s okay, because as long as you both have passion involved, then somewhere the crossover can occur.

M: Yeah. And I think also understanding that generationally things change. For our grand parents who went through the Depression, securing your financial future was critical to survival.

P: Yeah.

M: In our world of over-abundance, it is not that important.

P: We also have more choice. Well, too much choice as we’ve talked about before.

M: Yep. And when we talk about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, our ability to secure our basic needs is so much easier in today’s society.

P: Yeah, and that’s getting better. The Global Burden of Disease study came out last year, – and I’m getting all this research is great!

M: Laugh.

P: The study revealed that from the years 2000 to 2010, we’ve done a really good job from the Millennium Statement, which was done in 2000 by the UN of reducing, poverty, reducing child malnourishment.

M: From the Global Sustainability Goals?

P: Yeah, that came from the same publication yeah. But we’ve done a really good job in there in terms of the SDI countries, the Social Demographic Index, basically the poorer nations, or what used to be called the underdeveloped nations or undeveloped nations. They’ve done a really good job in balancing out that inequality.

M: Yep, and you’ll find, there’s a great book by Hugh van Cuylenberg called The Resilience Project, and he went to India and then Nepal, and he spent some time in the Himalayas. And he said he met the poorest people he’s ever met. But they were also the happiest.

P: Mmm, yeah, yeah.

M: And, of course, they were poor but they had their basic needs met. So, just like we’re talking about here with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and you look at some high schools around Sydney, these kids that have it all –

P: Mmm hmm.

M: – and they’re nowhere near as happy as those kids in Nepal.

P: Yes, I have watched a wonderful Ted talk with a gentleman, I can’t remember his name, I have to put it in the notes. But he talks about the role of inequality in our society, and how that is damaging us and that we need to address that inequality and it is about happiness. In a sort of backwards loop, he talks about the health impacts, mainly of it coming through. But those top countries like America [U.S.], the amount of violence that is on the streets in America is hugely disproportionate when you look at other countries globally.

M: Mmm.

P: And he says that this is a direct result of lack of trust, of the lack of the fairness on how this is.

M: Yep.

P: It’s eroding our social fabric.

M: So, that is a great point as we start to wrap up.

So, the first thing you need to do to get off the hedonic treadmill is to understand that you’re on it.

The second thing is to stop comparing yourself to others. So even if you are in America [U.S.] and on minimum wage and life is not frickin fair. Being upset about it is not going to do you in your life any good.

P: Yeah, you’ve got to suck it up princess.

M: Unless you want to be miserable for your whole life; Then go for it, go be miserable. If you’ve got your basic needs met, you can put food on the table and you’re not under too much undue financial pressure, and a lot of people in the States are, and in Australia. But if you’ve got those basic needs met than constantly trying to keep up with the Joneses is only doing yourself a disservice.

P: Yep.

M: And so, when we talk about the hedonic treadmill that is the key to getting off it, stop comparing yourself to other people.

P: Find what’s true for you.

M: And then, lastly, re-focus on the things that will raise your set point.

  • The Social Connection;
  • Purpose and Meaning; and
  • Healthy mind and body habits.

P: And doing handstands.

M: Absolutely.

P: Laugh.

M: And on that note –

P: Handstand away, laugh!

M: Wishing you a happy week.

P: Still laughing!

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: happiness, health, meaning, MindandBody, purpose, SocialConnection

Mental toughness can help you cope with challenging events like the pandemic – here’s how to cultivate it

19/05/2021 by Marie

mental toughness

Dara Mojtahedi, University of Huddersfield

With the recent passing of the one-year mark since the COVID-19 pandemic began, the long-term effects have become more apparent. Not only has the virus taken over 2 million lives worldwide, it has also had a profoundly detrimental impact on the mental health of billions of people across the globe.

Research on Chinese citizens at the start of the pandemic found that symptoms of anxiety, depression and stress were common reactions to the pandemic. These effects were mirrored in other countries and increased over time.

For example, a more recent study in the US found that one in four adults reported symptoms of anxiety or depression – an increase from one in ten in 2019. For some, the increased levels of stress and anxiety have also been accompanied with poorer sleep and increased alcohol and substance use – exacerbating mental health problems further.

The rise in mental health problems during the pandemic cannot be attributed to a single factor. Instead, psychologists suggest these negative emotions are due to several different issues. Namely, health worries, fears of dying or a loved one getting ill, isolation, disrupted travel and social plans, along with media-information overload.

Research found that the psychological impact of the pandemic was greater among certain groups, such as women, students and people with pre-existing health problems. But our new research has also found that for some people, having certain personality traits seems to have offered some level of protection during these difficult times. Indeed, it seems that having “mental toughness” has helped many people to keep the adverse mental health effects of the pandemic at bay.

What is Mental Toughness?

Mental toughness is about more than just having resilience and control in difficult situations. It relates to a psychological frame of mind that endorses confidence and commitment to success. In his book Developing Mental Toughness, the psychologist Peter Clough describes mental toughness as a combination of the following:

  • The amount of control a person believes they have over their life and emotions;
  • How much commitment is placed upon achieving goals despite hardship;
  • Being able to see potential threats as opportunities for self-development;
  • Continuing to strive in changing environments;
  • The level of confidence a person has in succeeding despite setbacks.

Mental toughness levels are influenced by many different factors. While genetics are partly responsible, a person’s environment is also relevant. For example, both positive experiences while you’re young and mental toughness training programmes have been found to make people mentally tougher.

be strong

Holding it Together

Research shows that people who have these traits are less likely to have negative emotions in stressful situations and display greater coping skills. So our study wanted to build on these findings to discover how mental toughness has potentially helped people during the pandemic.

Overall we found that reports of depression, anxiety and stress symptoms were markedly higher than in pre-COVID times. Those who had lost their jobs or businesses during the pandemic reported significantly more symptoms of these afflictions.

Even those facing temporary furlough were more likely to report high levels of distress. This is because the psychological impact of unemployment goes far beyond financial instability. A job provides a sense of purpose – and brings a sense of control to people’s lives. Taking this away at a time when people are isolated with a limited sense of freedom can further diminish wellbeing.

Yet people who scored higher on our mental toughness questionnaire reported lower levels of depression, anxiety and stress. This is most likely because these people felt they had a greater sense of control over the situation – and were more capable of staying focused under stress and better equipped to mentally cope. Mentally tough people were also less likely to report depressive symptoms.

What You Can do

Research examining the effectiveness of mental toughness training is in its infancy. But research with Australian football players has shown the promising potential for using such training in boosting mental toughness.

For anyone wanting to improve their mental toughness, a good place to start is by simply identifying and affirming yourself with the skills and attitudes associated it – such as relaxation, positive thinking, goal setting and self-motivation. This could include daily affirmations, setting specific and achievable goals for a project or something you’re working towards and making sure you take time out of your day for meditation or deep breathing exercises.

Dara Mojtahedi, Lecturer in Psychology, University of Huddersfield

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.


Want to learn more about mental toughness and the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: happiness, Mental toughness, wellbeing

Take Control of Your Happiness This Mental Health Month

12/05/2021 by Marie

Why you Need to Take Control of Your Happiness

Feeling ‘meh’? Or just not sure what to be feeling at the moment? May is Mental Health Month, and it’s time to take control of your happiness and mental wellbeing.

A few years ago, I stopped to ask ‘why’ and it has changed my life. Why was working hard the ultimate goal? Why was achievement so valued by our capitalist society? Why was a busting my *ss for a corporate company which was just as likely to make me redundant in the next restructure as the next guy? Why?

Many people follow the script. They work hard through school, get into a “good” university, get good grades and head out into the workforce. They marry and have kids, get a mortgage and a house, get a promotion, or two, and then one day, they look around and think, “is this it?” You might also know this as the mid-life crisis.

But some people have found another way to live… one where your happiness is placed at the centre of your decision making. Let’s be clear, chasing happiness does not work, but by following the below steps, you can bring happiness, satisfaction and mental wellbeing into your life.

In this article, we explore how to take control of your happiness and mental wellbeing. Read on!

Get to Know Yourself

Over the last few decades, many studies have shown that journaling is a great tool to help you understand yourself better, unpack old issues and let them go, and give your mind the knowledge to understand how you see and react to the world around you. It has also been shown to increase happiness, help to reach goals and even have some positive physical health benefits.

And if you’re someone who is generally not comfortable opening up to people, studies show that journaling might be the most beneficial to you.

“When we put our thoughts and feelings down on paper, we’re not just transferring them—we’re also transforming them. Writing forces us to arrange our ideas into a sequence, one after another; over time, themes and patterns start to emerge; new insights and perspectives start to bubble up.”

Kira M. Newman, Greater Good Magazine.

To get started all you need is a notepad, and you need to get into the habit of doing it. Generally, you want to set a timer and just keep writing for at least 20 minutes. However, research suggests that even writing for a few minutes can be beneficial. You also want to start making this a practice. Try to write for four days a week, but as with all new habits, remember to forgive yourself if you fall short and just pick up where you left off (in other words, keep going!).

Research shows that what you write about and how you write it matters. You want to write about the things that are bothering you and try to work through your thoughts and emotions… but you also benefit from ending each entry with three things that went well that day or that you’re grateful for.

Once you’ve spent time looking at the past and present, try spending some time focused on the future too. Growth mindset theory says you’re never too old to learn more and keep growing – in fact, the research shows that people who are curious and commit to lifelong learning are happier. You can try finding your passion and purpose through the Japanese art of Ikigai, or you could explore your strengths. Or, you can subscribe to some podcasts or explore new ideas with Ted Talks, or even sign up for a new course.

Achievement is not the Path to Happiness

So, if constantly striving for success isn’t the path to happiness, what is? There are now decades of research into what makes people happy, and her research boils down into three broad foundations. Here’s how to take control of your happiness:

Find Meaning and Purpose. Happy people have meaning and purpose in their lives and this is often tied to a strong sense of identity and self. They have spent time understanding themselves, and know their strengths and their emotional baggage. This is also about having something to get you out of bed in the morning, and about having goals, plans and commitments. These people also tend to practice gratitude, which helps you retrain your brain to scan for the positives in life.

Community and Connection: Happy people have strong community and connection. They have a core group of people they can talk to and depend on. They also tend to have a wider community network, through activities like church, regular volunteering or actively practicing kindness. They find ways to laugh and play with their friends and family, and they also limit their social media activity, which is often not as social as we might think.

Health and Wellbeing: Happy people practice and prioritise positive habits for a healthy body and mind. It could be getting exercise by out into nature for walks, going to the gym, or playing on a sports team, or it could be meditation, drinking water, and making sure they get 8hrs of sleep. The activity itself is less important, the main point is that resilient people prioritise their preferred self-care habits, even when life gets busy.

Resources

Happiness is a skill that you can learn – you can take control of your happiness. However, it’s important to note that this article is written for people who have it within themselves to take control of their mental health and make changes to bring more joy and satisfaction into their lives. These are tips to help people who are generally in good mental health yet who are struggling with day-to-day, manageable issues like low-level stress, burnout and anxiety.

If you are experiencing more sever mental health issues, such as depression or a diagnosable mental condition, or if you are not coping, these activities will not treat your condition and they are unlikely to fix any underlying issues. Visit Psychology Today to look up a professional counsellor in your area.

If you need additional support, here are some amazing Australia-based organisations.

If you are in immediate danger, please call 000 right away.

Mental health, stress and crisis support

  • Lifeline, 24/7 13 11 14, www.Lifeline.org.au
  • Beyond Blue, 24/7, 1300 244 636, www.BeyondBlue.org.au

Sexual assault, family & domestic violence

  • 1800 RESPECT, 24/7, 1800 737 732, www.1800respect.org.au
  • Rape & Domestic Violence Services Australia, 24/7, 1800 211 028, www.rape-dvservices.org.au

Financial hardship

  • National Debt Helpline, Mon to Fri 9am to 5pm, 1800 007 007, www.ndh.org.au
  • Gambling Help Online, 24/7, 1800 858 858, www.gamblinghelponline.org.au

Legal aid

  • Each state and territory has its own Legal Aid Commission. Google “Legal Aid Australia.”

Coronavirus / COVID-19

  • National Coronavirus Helpline, 24/7, 1800 020 080, www.health.gov.au

LGBTIQ support

  • QLife, 7 days 3pm – midnight, 1800 184 527, www.Qlife.org.au

Veterans & Their Families

  • Open Arms, 24/7, 1800 011 046, www.OpenArms.gov.au

Men & Their Families

  • MensLine, 24/7, 1300 789 978, www.MensLine.org.au

Kids

  • Kids Helpline, 24/7, 1800 55 1800, https://kidshelpline.com.au

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics or sign up to my weekly newsletter for the latest happiness news & resilience resources!

Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: happiness, mental health, mental health month, resilience, Take Control

Finding Your Purpose (E66)

10/05/2021 by Marie

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about the importance of finding your purpose – and it doesn’t have to have anything to do with your day job. 

Show notes

The Rush Memory and Aging Project

During the Podcast Marie references the above study and sites that it started in 1979, however it started in September of 1997 and went through to April of 2005.

Exercise – Identify your strengths 

Understanding your strengths. Spend some time thinking and answer the following questions about your strengths (this is not a time to be modest!): 

• What is the best thing about you? 

• What do you like most about yourself? 

• What are you like when you are at your best? 

• What, or who brings out the best in you? 

• What is your most significant achievement? 

• How have your strengths helped you in the past? 

• How can your strengths help you in the future? 

Once you have a good grasp on your strengths, commit to using them in a new way at least once a week. 

IKIGAI (Venn Diagram example)

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: We are back.

P: And this week we are talking about finding your purpose.

M: Solving the world issues here.

P: Oh, solving the world issues?

M: Well isn’t that purpose.

P: Well okay, that’s your interpretation, I’ve got a different one.

M: World Peace.

P: Laugh!

M: Isn’t that where we’re going with this.

P: It’s a very beauty pageant response, Marie.

M & P: Laughter

M: Just to be clear, I’ve never been in a beauty pageant in my life.

P: Laugh!

M: There’s a reason I’m doing podcasts and not YouTube videos.

P & M: Laughter

P: Oh, I didn’t realize that I needed to dress up here. I’m in my tracky-dacks and a t-shirt, laugh.

M: Yeah, I have been since the pandemic started.

P & M: Laughter

M: So, we’re in the same boat there.

P: Laugh.

M: But today we are talking about purpose.

P: What is a purpose? What’s your purpose? There’s a song cue in there but…Ok, I won’t go there.

M: Okay, we won’t go there.

[Purpose] is, well you can think of it like an overarching sense of what matters in your life.

P: Ok.

M: So, it’s the thing that gets you up in the morning or that gets you excited.

P: Well, I like the excited bit.

M: Yeah, so some people wake up in the mornings not grumpy.

P: What!

M: Laugh!

P: Who are these strange people?

M: I know!!

P & M: Laughter

M: It’s something that you strive towards or you enjoy doing.

P: True.

M: That brings passion and excitement to your life.

P: Is it a harbinger of passion or is passion part of purpose?

M: …Yes.

P & M: Laugh!

P: Well, I guess the question is if you have passion, do you automatically have purpose? Or does passion come out of the finding your purpose?

M: Bit of both, definitely the second one. But it’s pretty hard to be passionate about stuff you don’t care about. So, having that that meaning and that purpose.

P: It’s like the cherry on top scenario.

M: Not so much. You need to have purpose or meaning. You need to care about stuff to be passionate about it.

P: So, you need to have purpose first.

M: Yes.

P: To have passion.

M: Yes. They’re very interlinked. They’re, as always, is a whole lot of research –

P: Laugh.

M: – in particular when people say that they have purpose, they are happier.

P: Ok. Why?

M: Why?

P: Why?

M: Why a lot of things.

P & M: Laugh!

M: So, purposeful people are not only happier, but they live longer and healthier lives.

P: Mmm.

M: There’s a longitudinal study that found that a single standard deviation increase in purpose reduced the risk of dying by 15%.

P: Wow, that’s big. What’s a standard deviation of purpose?

M: I have to go look at the actual numbers, but, you know, if you go up by 1% or one number.

P: Ok.

M: So, reduce the risk of dying in the next decade by 15%. That’s big, and that holds regardless of age or the age at which people identify their purpose.

P: Oh, that’s interesting because we’ve talked before about retiring and the dangers of retiring and having nothing to get up for, interesting that that transcends age brackets. I find that’s very interesting.

M: Well, I think that the statistic that we’ve quoted before is that 40% of people who retire end up depressed within a year.

P: Mmm.

M: And a lot of the time it is because they’ve taken that purpose and meaning away.

P: Yes.

M: And not only that, they also, it’s a double whammy when you retire from work, you lose not only your purpose and meaning, but you also lose the social connections.

P: If you’ve only used social connections through your workplace identity, yeah.

M: And if you only had purpose through your work, and in our Western society –

P: Workplaces can be multi layered.

M: Oh, absolutely.

P: It’s like an onion.

M & P: Laughter!

M: Are we going to quote Shrek?

P: Yeah! Laugh.

M: All right, so looking in our capitalist Western society, most people equate purpose with work.

P: Mmm.

M: It’s really important to say that they are not mutually inclusive. They do not have to be the same thing. And in fact, very few of us are lucky enough to truly find that wake up in the morning singing, happy effect –

P: Laughter.

M: – from our jobs.

P: Very few, yes.

M: It is a luxury that very few of us have.

P: Yes.

M: And so, the question then is, if you’re not getting purpose from your job, how can you tailor your job or your workplace or your industry so that you get a little bit more purpose? But also, how can you do things outside of that 40 hour workweek that will bring you purpose?

P: Yeah, definitely.

M: So going back to just a few more stats here there is a Rush Memory and Aging project, which began in 1997, found that people with a sense of purpose were:

  • 2.5 times more likely to be free of dementia, they were
  • 22% less likely to exhibit risk factors for stroke, and
  • 52% less likely to have experienced a stroke.

P: That’s a big number.

M: Yep.

P: The dementia one is an interesting one so purpose, I can see the relationship between that, because when you wake up with a purpose or if you if you find something that you have a goal or something to strive for, then you are involved in sort of a neurological activation.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Let’s try  –

M: Using your mind.

P: You’re using your mind a lot more and your resourcing things, you’re being creative, you’re having to solve problems still and the small amount of research that I’ve done on dementia is that things like sudoku just aren’t enough. Brain training concept in terms of keeping your mind active isn’t enough to way lay the onset of dementia and Parkinson’s disease and those neurological conditions. It needs to be something more and one of those is incorporating movement with your movement patterning, so things like dancing and sport come into it, co-ordination.

M: Social.

P: Yeah.

M: Adding a social layer in there as well. So, loneliness is a real – sitting is the new smoking, maybe loneliness is the new sitting.

P & M: Laugh.

M: But the negative health impacts of poor social connection are so wide and varied, including negative impacts on dementia. A lot of this stuff that we talk about on the podcast is so interlinked being able to find meaning, perhaps through volunteering at an organisation that has personal meaning for you and having the connections of the people that you volunteer with and bringing new friendships and relationships into your life and maybe walking there and back on the way.

P: Laugh. Yeah.

M: That’s one activity you can do yeah, and bring it all together into one.

P: Multi factorial purpose.

M: Laugh, definitely. So we’ve talked about individual purpose.

P: Ok.

M: There’s also a huge movement there has been for years and years with corporate and companies about giving people purpose in their jobs. Now this is a little bit harder, right, because if you work for I don’t know, a mining company?

P: Gosh.

M: A big bank?

P: Yep.

M: You know, the list goes on.

P: How do you find purpose within those big corporations?

M: Exactly. How can you find purpose if you don’t necessarily, if your values don’t align with the company’s purpose.

P: Mmm.

M: There is definitely good research that shows that you can have purpose around your role in what you do in your role, even if you don’t necessarily align with the companies’ values.

P: Mmm. Yep.

M: So, it’s not an all or nothing.

P: No, it’s fulfilling an aspect of it.

M: Yep.

P: So, it’s choosing a path and purpose.

M: You might be an accountant for a mining company, and you might not agree with mining. But you can still do your job to the best of your abilities and learn and grow and do your job well and find meaning from that.

P: Yes.

M: Now, obviously, being an accountant for a company that you agree with what they do would be even better.

P: Laugh.

M: And if you wake up one day and decide you want to start your own not for profit and help with world peace.

P: Laugh!

M: Or whatever it is that you decide, nothing is going to beat that.

P: No.

M: Right?

P: Yeah, of course.

M: As far as purpose.

P: Definitely.

M: But it is really important if you lead a team, if you’re a small business owner, if you have any people working for you and around you or if you’re part of a team, so I what people take responsibility here.

P: Oooh! Initiative.

M: Not just leave it to the manager.

P: Laugh.

M: It is really important that you look for the purpose that you get out of that job, which takes up so many hours in our week.

P: Ok.

M: Because it contributes to your employee experience, which is linked to higher levels of engagement, stronger organisational loyalty. So, people will stay with the team for longer, which is very valuable in today’s day and age, where people don’t stay for very long and it increases feelings of well-being. So again, if you can find purpose at work, it’s going to impact your personal well-being and happiness and resilience levels.

P: Mmm.

M: And so, people who find purpose at work that aligns with their values. They get more meaning from their roles, they’re more productive and they out-perform their peers. And for those companies out there who are thinking this is all a load of baloney, there’s a positive correlation between employees who are engaged and have purpose and revenue.

P: Oh! Money, money, money, money, money, laugh!

M: Mmm hmm.

P: A bottom line, there it is folks. On that concept of finding purpose. When you when you first mentioned to me that we were doing purpose today, the first place I went to was small matters of purpose. So a lot of people think of purpose being this big, overarching statement that you live your life by. You should have it plastered on your bedroom wall. So you see it when you wake up. It should be this massive statement that is like, you know Martin Luther King or something like that.

M: I believe in world peace!

P: There we go. Boom! But purpose doesn’t have to be that grand. It can be really small, and it can be tiny. And I reference Rebecca Teasdale, who is an executive coach in America, on she read an article in one of her publications on recognising the small moments of purpose. And it was all about a conversation that she had in a cab after she gotten home from an overseas trip. She was exhausted, she was tired. The cab driver started to engage her, she immediately went to [thinking] ‘oh, don’t talk to me, I’m exhausted, I’m tired, I just want my space.’ But she chose to engage back, and she said the conversation was very interesting because it made her realise that those small interactions can sometimes be enough purpose for the day.

M: Yes.

P: So, don’t dismiss the retail assistant, don’t dismiss the train driver or the bus driver. Those small moments can be your purpose in terms of trying to engage with 10 people that you don’t know in a day, and that can be a big enough purpose for you to bring about the same feelings that you’re talking about with those grand sweeping ideals that we live by.

M: So you’re talking about engaging with those people when they ask, What do you do?

P: Yes, or the opportunity to engage in a cab, for example, instead of retreating into your own headspace, which we all need to do sometimes don’t get me wrong.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: There is an opportunity to grab those small one to two minute interactions and make them a win for yourself if you can recognise those wins that also can lead to other, bigger, grander purpose statements. Again, it’s like a practise session you’re practising finding the purpose in each interaction, which needs to find a purpose in a day, finding a purpose in a month, finding a purpose in life.

M: Okay, all right.

P: It’s a tool.

M: Nice. So, I had a couple of other exercises that I thought I could run you through.

P: Sure.

M: These are great exercises.

P: You always say that.

M & P: Laughter!

P: And I sit there going ‘do I have my cynic hat on now?’

M: Laugh! No, these are science backed exercises.

P: You know I don’t like audience participation.

M & P: Laugh!

M: So, if you are in the audience, maybe get a pen and paper or definitely have a look at the transcript, because these will be in there.

P: Laugh.

M: So the first thing, and this is big at the moment. This is what a lot of Positive Psychologists and Neuroscientists and HR Professionals are all looking at, and it’s about identifying your strengths.

P: Oh, ok. Laugh.

M: So the logic used to be that you should understand your strengths and your weaknesses.

P: Yes, I remember that being talked about.

M: Mmm hmm. And every person who’s ever done any training for an interview has been told, ‘what are your weaknesses? Make sure you know what your weakness are.’

P: Tell me about your weakness? What don’t you do well? ‘Nothing! I’m Fabulous!’

M & P: Laughter.

M: So that the current thinking is that you shouldn’t be spending all this time on making your weaknesses better so that you’re completely well rounded and perfect. It’s just not do-able. It’s not possible.

P: Embrace your flaws.

M: Well, understand your flaws, and maybe if it truly is holding you back, do a bit of work there. But more importantly, if you want to find your purpose, focus on your strengths.

P: Because they will lead you.

M: Because that’s what you’re good at and what you’re good at, aligns with what you want to do, then double down on that.

P: Ok.

M: So, the current thinking is focus on your strengths. Obviously, being aware is still very important. But spend some time thinking and answering some of the following questions about your strengths.

P: Ooh! Is this like a ten second thing?

M: This is not a time to be modest, and no it is not a ten second thing.

P: Ok.

M: So, sit down with a pen, I’ll ask you a couple, Pete. So, –

P: I’m ready, go.

M: What is the best thing about you?

P: … crickets, laugh.

M: Your sense of humour, great. Next –

P: Laughter! Did you just answer for me.

M: Laugh!

P: Marie, can I answer? Marie? Marie!

M & P: Laugh!

M:  – What is your most significant achievement?

P: Oooh, a career where I started like –

M: You’re a professional dancer, just for everyone listening at home who didn’t have that cryptic [insight].

P: You dropped the D word. Laugh. – where I was behind the eight ball from the start.

M: A successful career, as a professional Dancer.

P: Okay.

M: So, I won’t go into all of them, because as great as you are, Pete, you don’t need to spend the last half of our podcast talking about how fabulous you are.

P: Laugh!

M: But the rest of the questions:

  • What is the best thing about you?
  • What do you like most about yourself?
  • What are you like when you’re at your best?
  • What or who brings out the best in you?
  • What is your most significant achievement?
  • How have your strengths helped you in the past?
  • How can your strengths help you in the future?

P: I did an essay on that [last one]!

M: And once you’ve sat down and really thought through this and really been not modest, firstly.

P: Mmm.

M: But also truthful.

P: Yep.

M: And once you’ve got a good grasp of your strengths, then the trick is to commit to using them in a new way at least once a week.

P: Oh! a new way?

M: Mmm hmm. So, whether you’re good with people and so you decide to have that conversation with the taxi driver.

P: Ok, yeah.

M: Or to attend more networking events, or to mentor someone, or coach them.

P: Yeah.

M: There’s a whole lot of ways that you can use those people skills, if that’s what your strength is –

P: Yeah.

M: – in different and new ways, and to keep flexing that muscle, if that’s what you’re good at, double down on it and really become excellent at it.

P: Hmm. I like it, that kind of narrows into what I was saying before about using the small moments and using the small exercises.

M: Yeah.

P: As you were saying, flexing the muscle, doubling down on the skills. I like that. Finding your own way is challenging.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Sometimes it’s difficult to come up with new ways to use a skill set.

M: Yes.

P: That can be some creative thinking right there.

M: Which is good, a bit of creative thinking never hurt anyone.

P: Yes.

M: All right, so the second way to find your purpose and there are a million ways to find your purpose. But if you think back to all of those vocation surveys that you did in high school. [Unenthused voice] I got gardener…

P & M: Laugh!

M: Yep. You can tell how much that suits me.

P: That’s funny! I’ve seen your herb garden.

M: I kill everything, laugh.

P: Laugh!

M: So anyway, if you want to take this a little step further. We have spoken before about the Japanese [art of] Ikigai.

P: Ah Yes.

M: Do you want to talk us through Ikigai, Pete?

P: Oh, oh. The art of Ikigai, the art of finding your purpose. Yeah, so Ikigai is all about a little place in Okinawa which is an island off the end of Japan, which is one of the blue zones of the world.

M: Yes it is.

P: With the centenarians, people who live with longest and have a great quality of life. And you have this whole concept of the practise of finding the reason for being and finding that reason for getting out of bed in the morning. And it’s about living a fulfilling and happy life and each day contributes to that fulfilment. So if your job is to sweep the floor of the house or the porch, that is what you wake up for. And that is one of the first things you go for. What you do it so well and you commit to it and you give it your all, and you even apply your, your, your best to being better at it in the future, even if it is a domestic task, you see how excited I am about sweeping the front porch!?

M: Yes.

P: And this is what these people believe in, they believe in finding the passion and purpose.

M: Well, finding the passion, yes.

P: Finding the passion in what you’re doing and committing to that and investing in it.

There is a lovely story of a makeup company that had make-up brushes and they had a little Japanese Lady. And this company was known for the quality of their make-up brushes and a guy came over from America, and he wanted to meet the manufacturer and they said, ‘Oh, we have one department for the makeup brushes’ and he took him out the back into this small little room in the back of the factory, and there was a Japanese woman, and she handmade the makeup brushes, every single hair.

That was her role. She loved it. She did that job for years, and that was the application because it was her passion to make the best brush each time she did.

M: That is a beautiful story, and I hope we can all find our makeup brush. But just to circle back on, how to find your Ikigai and what it is. So Ikigai is about, if you’ve ever looked at a Venn diagram and different things and how they intersect, it’s about identifying:

  • what you love;
  • what you’re good at;
  • what the world needs; and
  • what you could be paid for.

M: And the intersection between those four things is your Ikigai. And that could be for you making makeup brushes. It could be helping kids with cancer. It could be… world peace.

P & M: Laugh!

M: We’ll finish on that note.

P: That old nugget.

M: Laugh. But whatever it is for you. So, what you love, what you’re good at, what the world needs and what you can be paid for. And the intersection of those things is where your Ikigai is.

P: Nice.

M: All right. So that is another way. One of many, many ways that you can find purpose in life and again finding that purpose. And for some people it’s coaching little league on the weekends or giving back to their community in various ways. Volunteering is often a really good way to find that purpose and that meaning and get those social connections.

P: Mmm.

M: So, if you’re maybe not finding the meaning and purpose in your day job, look at some volunteering opportunities.

P: Look at something else.

M: Look at what has brought you joy and passion and what you’re good at and find a way to get involved in that outside of your work.

P: Ok, nice.

M: All right.

P: Enjoy finding your purpose people.

M: And living longer and happier. And on that note, we’ll see you next week.

P: Laugh. Bye 😊

M: Bye 😊

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness!

[Exit music fadeout]

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going, at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: happiness, Ikigai, meaning, purpose, volunteering

Significantly Boost Your Happiness With 3 Daily Habits Under 10 Minutes

05/05/2021 by Marie

Can you boost your happiness?

boost your happiness

Ever wanted to boost your happiness? Well you can! Everyone has a set point for happiness – where our natural happiness levels sit. Some people are just a bit happier than others, while others are just a bit more negative than others. But with just a tiny bit of time and some consistent effort, research is showing that some very easy habits can help to increase our happiness set point.

In this article, we explore 3 daily habits you can bring into your life that only take 10 minutes or less to significantly boost your happiness levels. Read on!

Make Gratitude a Habit

gratitude journaling

We’re all wired to scan our environment for bad things. Afterall, the ancestor who failed to see the lion stalking them from the bushes wouldn’t survive long enough to care about fine art or mastering their chosen profession. But where does that leave the modern-day man or woman?

We may no longer have to worry about lions, but in today’s day and age there are even more things we have to worry about. There’s all the day-to-day stresses of our job, if we’re lucky to have one – and even if we do have a job, who knows how long we’ll keep it. Then there’s keeping up with friends, which costs money and is a killer for our self-esteem – trying to save enough to buy a house, worrying about having enough for retirement, but not worrying too much because you might forget to live for today. Engaging with friends on social media, and being interesting enough, pretty enough… heck, just having enough friends to engage with. Watching enough TV to keep up to date with what everyone else is talking about, but not too much because we all know sitting is the new smoking.

I could go on… and on. Today’s modern (capitalist) world is designed to keep us fretting – and coming back for more – so that it can seem like we’re constantly anxious, stressed, frustrated or worried about something.

That’s where gratitude comes in. Practicing gratitude is super simple, really quick and can completely rewire your brain. By spending just a few minutes everyday on writing down 3 things that you’re grateful for (or I prefer to write down three things that went well), you are teaching your brain to balance out all those negative thoughts with some positive ones. Over time, your brain literally rewires itself to see more of the good things in life. So, your brain will stop to smell the flowers, so to speak. This helps to build resilience against the all bad things that happen in life and all those negative emotions and day-to-day stressors.

If writing down things that you’re grateful for isn’t your jam, you can also get huge benefits from thanking others – and so do they! Simply make it a daily habit to give a heartfelt thanks to someone every day. Whether they’re your partner, or family member or colleague, spreading thanks will cheer up the people around you and come back to you in positive vibes!

Not sold yet? A recent study showed that saying thanks in the right way can also strengthen your social bonds. When it came to thanking our loved ones, the key was to focus on how responsive they were to your needs. According to the researchers, saying something like: “I wouldn’t have made it to the meeting on time if you didn’t drop me off at the office today,” tended to produce the most positive response from a partner.

Related reading: Top 5 Speakers on Gratitude

Get Your Heart Pumping

exercise at home

Most of us know we need to exercise more. We also know how important exercise is to our health and happiness, but so many of us hate it, or just simply can’t find the motivation to do it. Whether you’re too busy, or unmotivated, or kinda motivated but just not when it counts, one of the easiest ways to make something stick is to make it so quick and easy that it’s almost harder not to do it.

In his bestselling book, Atomic Habits, James Clear advocates for 10 steps to make habits stick. Among them are three that really resonate when it comes to finding a way to fit exercise into your day.

Build a system for getting 1 per cent better every day. That’s it! Only 1 per cent! You don’t need to climb Kilimanjaro on your first attempt, heck you don’t even have to go to the gym. In fact, recent research has shown that simply doing 10 minutes of high intensity interval training (HIIT) can have significant benefits. A HIIT workout is super intense and is about getting your heart rate up quickly and working really hard for a short amount of time. There are plenty of 10-minute HIIT workouts on YouTube you can easily do in your living room for free.

Design your environment to make success easier. One of the hardest things about starting a new exercise routine is actually starting it. Whether you’re going to do a HIIT workout, or a 10-minute fast walk around your neighbourhood, just getting to that first workout can be insurmountable. So, make it as easy as possible to get going. For the first few weeks, why not select the HIIT workout you want to try the night before and set it up on the TV and go to bed in your gym clothes with your gym shoes next to the bed. Or organise to meet a friend for that walk, so you have to cancel (which is a hassle) if you aren’t feeling like it. Anything you can do to make it easier to do the activity than not will help you to do it.

Make tiny, easy changes that deliver big results. Again, don’t go for it all at once. Go easy on yourself. Start with twice a week, or even once a week. And if you don’t hit your target, forgive yourself, BUT KEEP GOING the next week. This will happen at some point, so be prepared and know that you’ll still keep pushing forward. Only once your habit has become second nature should you even attempt to add more time to your workout or do it more often in your week. You don’t want to scare yourself off!

Bring Some Laughter Into Your Day

Laughter is natures wonder drug. It makes you feel happier, not only in the moment, but also in the long-term; it also helps to dull pain. It lowers blood pressure and reduce stress. The list goes on and on – see  The Mayo Clinic for a range of research and writing on the positive effects of laughter for stress reduction.

But did you know that you can really easily and simply add it into your day in only 60-second!?

Grab your phone and start the timer. For the first 10 seconds, laugh out loud. You don’t have to feel it, you just need to vocalise ‘ha-ha-ha’ a few times. Think of it like an acting class with really bad acting. It doesn’t have to be authentic laughter to begin with, just do it.

Once you’ve done 10-seconds of ‘ha-ha-has,’ breathe deeply for the next 10-seconds. Repeat these two steps two more times and you’re done. That’s it! It really couldn’t be more simple! The key to this exercise is to commit to doing it every morning for a couple of weeks (at least). What have you got to lose?

Related reading: Yep, laughter really is the best medicine

Want to learn more about how to boost your happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & happiness and resilience resources!

Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: habits, happier, happiness, happy, resilience

Emotional First Aid (E65)

03/05/2021 by Marie

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about recognising emotional trauma and how to apply emotional first aid to your psychological cuts and bruises.

Show notes

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: And we’re back!

P: Hi, hi, hi!

M: Hey.

P: Muz, how ya doing?

M: I am a bit frantic and frazzled this week.

P: Oh.

M: So I have, in response, upped up my physical exercise, I’ve been on the treadmill and just making sure I’m getting enough sleep. It’s just a busy time at work and with everything else. I’ve kind of got two jobs that I’m juggling.

P: Mmm, yes.

M: So, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

P: Laugh.

M: I’m just so grateful to have such a full and satisfying life. But it’s just a bit busy at the moment. How about you?

P: I’m good, I’m good. I’m pumped and ready to go. I excited about this week’s episode because –

M: Because this one’s all you, isn’t it Pete?

P: It is.

M: What are we talking about?

P: Well, I led with that question. I was hoping you were going to say something else along the lines of, you know, my body’s a bit sore and I could go, ‘Oh, that’s great, I can fix that!’

M: Laugh.

P: Because I’m a sports therapist and I know what to do with broken bodies, But you brought up a really interesting point because you sAid frantic and frazzled and we’re talking about emotional First Aid this week. And when someone comes to you and says ‘I’m frantic, I’m frazzled’, it’s like …crickets.

M: Laugh, mmm hmm.

P: That not good, what are we doing for Sunday dinner?

M & P: Laughter.

P: Let’s move on, laugh.

M: Yep.

P: And the reason that we do this is because not many of us know how to deal with emotions or apply the First Aid for emotional First Aid.

M: And this is such an important topic. I Don’t know why it’s taken us a whole year to get to this. But we are encouraging people to do self-analysis and to understand their emotions and their triggers and emotional baggage and to work through it, whether by journaling or by talking to other people. Yet as a society, there are so many people out there who just freak out. They don’t know what to when someone says, ‘you know, I’m not doing so well.’

P: The change is in the winds though Marie, it is changing. We’re moving away for a biological biomedical health model. We’re now looking at the socio ecological model of health and that means we now GP’s pharmacists, all these health professionals are now taking into account social issues, people’s emotions. It has become a change and a shift and 100 years ago, this change and shift happened around physical health. All of a sudden we became aware that we have to take care of ourselves.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: We have to eat well. We have to, not imbibe in too much rich food otherwise we get gout and that brought about a 50% increase in life expectancy. This is 100 years ago and the person that will be referencing today, who is Dr Guy Winch, he talks about that at the moment we’re on a different bent in that were becoming aware of our emotional health.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And people are now becoming more okay with the terminology around psychological health, mental well-being, understanding social equity and all these sorts of terms that 20 years ago, 40 years ago maybe we didn’t even know about. But now it’s so much more in our faces that’s being promoted so much more because this stuff has an impact on our mortality. If we don’t address this stuff, we die! Laugh!

M: We were saying that around here, don’t we?

P: We do! Laugh. We say it a lot.

M: It’s actually really topical because this month, May, is Mental Health Awareness Month in Australia, and I’m talking on a panel at my corporate gig in a week’s time. So I think I agree with you 100%. We are having these discussions in the corporate setting, as well, which is where a huge portion of our population work, not all of them by any means, but a large portion.

P: Yeah.

M: And corporate are also changing their language and driving change around this. They’re talking to older generations and men, people who traditionally have shunned a lot of this talk because they were tougher.

P: Yeah, it wasn’t accepted. It wasn’t encouraged in our society, for men, particularly to be in touch with their emotions. That’s out the window, now. That’s gone. The tough male model is gone, thank goodness.

M: Well… a lot of it.

P: Yeah.

M: We’re opening up the conversation. I think there’s still a long way to go, yeah.

P: The expectation, though there is now that boys are allowed to cry.

M: Yeah.

P: And that, that’s a good thing because, yes, it’s good to express our emotions. I’m referencing a very interesting psychologist this week from America, Guy Winch. Who some of you may know from his very famous Ted talk on emotional First Aid. He was interviewed as one of one of the First speakers for Being a Better Human, which is a new Ted talk series which is coming out. And his talk on emotional First Aid that he also go to Google was voted as one of the most popular Ted talks ever.

M: Hmm.

P: So reasonably well known. He’s published two books, one that we’re looking at today is his book on emotional thirst Aid, which is entitled The Practical Strategies for Treating Failure, Rejection, Guilt and other everyday Psychological Injuries.

M: So is that –

P: Do you have any psychological injuries?

M: Oh my gosh yes! Who doesn’t?

P: Laugh.

M: My psychological damage is giving me a crick my neck. Seriously.

P: [Silly voice] Ay, I got such a crick in my neck, it is such a sunder!

M & P: Laughter!

M: I’ve even got a bag, thank you from Life School, which says emotional baggage.

P & M: Laughter!

P: But it’s true we all have emotional baggage.

M: And you’ve got to open it up and dig around in there sometimes –

P: Absolutely.

M: – because otherwise it drives you and drives your behaviours and reactions without you even realising it.

P: Exactly and when you listen to this guy’s talk, it’s amazing how much it drives. So we could take a few examples today. So let’s work through the main –

M: Well, before you get started. What do you mean by emotional First Aid?

P: Emotional First Aid is knowing how to apply a Band Aid to a psychological trauma. So if you’ve had a bad day at work and your boss has pulled you into a meeting and sAid that presentation that you gave last week was substandard, you didn’t address this, you didn’t address that, I’m really disappointed in your performance. I think you need to go away and actually have a think about this again before you present it again to the national forum on next week and for God’s sake, do a better job this time. How would that make you feel?

M: Didn’t even get a shit sandwich.

P: Laugh!

M: Just went straight for the kill. I’d be looking for a new boss of that’s how they do feedback.

P: Laugh!

M: But I’d also be feeling pretty crappy.

P & M: Laugh!

M: Now in the real world, corporate leaders are taught to compliment, deliver the hard stuff and then finish it with a compliment.

P: Yeah, I missed that one. I come from the art’s, it’s just cutthroat, Laugh. ‘That plier was shit, do it again!’

M & P: Laughter!

P: So, with those sorts of traumas, that’s as bad as a wound, that’s an emotional wound. So, your ego’s taken a hit, your self-esteem has taken a hit and you’re feeling pretty low. How do you address that?

M: How do you personally address it for you? Or how do you help friends and family and colleagues?

P: Let’s take the, let’s take the personal straight away because it is up to us to look after our own health.

M: Yep.

P: And, if I cut my finger when I was cooking, I’d know to wash it, put some Dettol on it and put a Band Aid on it because I don’t want it to get to get infected. We should have that same understanding when we have an emotional wound. So, if someone tells us we’re crap, we should have immediate steps in place that we know that was a hit to my ego. So now I need to go and do some self-esteem work, however minor or free it is, or do something that’s good for myself. Rather than going and finding a bowl of ice cream and eating it all in one go, opening up the wine bottle –

M: [Longing Sigh] Oh…

P: – or going and doing some retail therapy.

M: Can we do both?

P: Laugh. That’s the point. These things are not emotional Band Aids. They don’t help the injury, they waylay it.

M: No, but if you feel good in the moment, laugh!

P: They smother it. They push it down and Guy Winch –

M: Are they part of a holistic strategy, you know, multi-pronged attack, laugh!

P: No, no. I’m going to say no.

M: Darn it, alright.

P & M: Laughter!

P: Because they just suppress the issue. So high carb – sugar rush. So it releases endorphins in your system and you don’t think about the injury. Alcohol suppresses all the all the emotions. The problem with alcohol and Doctor Winch uses this example is it’s going to come back up.

M: Laugh.

P: They’re going to vomit that alcohol back up. So, it’s really important that we have more fundamentally beneficial First Aid approaches when we have a psychological trauma.

Let’s take something like failure.

So failure is a psychological wound.

M: Yes.

P: When you fail at something, you’re not feeling good.

M: I never fail.

P: Oohhh…?

M & P: Laughter!

M: I just don’t do things that I’m going to fail at.

P & M: Laugh!

M: That’s why. No, I lie, I lie. I’ve had some shocking failures in my life.

P: Yeah, and you’ve gotta bounce back from those. So what we’re talking about here is the way that failure registers with us the mind tricks us into not being able to function and do the simplest tasks. Things like going and doing the washing, going to the fridge and getting the milk out of the fridge and you drop it and it falls on the floor and you end up in a puddle of a mess because you’ve had a hard day.

M: Laugh.

P: Those sort of simple tasks we can’t do when we have failure because our cognition and our ability to just coordinate is impacted by our emotion. The mind is a hard thing to change once it’s been convinced that it’s a failure. So, if someone says your shit, then it’s really hard to actually bring yourself up going ‘No, I’m not’; unless you’ve got really good self-esteem in the first place, it’s really hard to go ‘No, I’m not shit, I have these qualities, and I can do this, and this, and this, and this, and that’s going to make you feel better and that is an emotional Band Aid.

M: I’ve actually seen people with failure, baggage and the huge impact can have on their happiness levels.

P: Definitely.

M: They’re going to operate in society and at the smallest challenges they run away rather than step up and learn or grow or fight.

P: Mmm, yep.

M: And it’s such a limiting thing to carry around in your emotional baggage.

P: Absolutely, definitely and it doesn’t have to be a big failure. It can be a small failure if can happened when you were a teenager.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: That informs so much of your developmental understanding. And this in a psychological wound, so we have to know how to take that up and take care of it and let it heal. So there are different things that we can do.

M: Also, failure is part of life, right?

P: It is.

M: Let’s be really honest. So when kids experience failure, it’s about helping them to develop the tools to pick themselves up and try again, rather than trying to stop them from experiencing that failure because experiencing it is still so important.

P: Yes, so much.

M: And we found with the latest generation of parents who stereotypically have over parented and tried to protect their kids. And they’ve gone in and fought with the teacher who gave them the B, so they could get an A.

P: Mmm, yeah.

M: And all of those things, have had arguments with the coach who benched them, and these kids have never learned to fail.

P: Exactly.

M: And they hit the real world.

P: And they can’t cope.

M: Parents can’t go in to bat for them to get the promotion, laugh.

P: Absolutely, definitely.

M: And they buckle at the first sign of any pressure because they’re not used to stepping up in the face of that.

P: Yeah, I’ve got a great example from when I was doing my study when I was a massage therapist and I knew my nutrition lecturer really well. We were friends. We were colleagues. And we went out for dinner one night and she said,

‘Oh, so we have the test on Monday, are you ready?

And I’m like ‘No! I haven’t been able to study!’

And she goes ‘That’s ok. I’ll just throw you a question. Why don’t we eat meat when we’re unwell?’

And I just sat there going ‘I don’t know!

M: Laugh!’

P: And Kirsty looked at me and said ‘It’s okay Pete, it’s alright.’ She said it’s because we don’t want iron in our system because that’s what the bacteria feeds off when we’re ill. We don’t want iron in our system.

M: I just learned something?

P: Exactly. And do you know what? I have never forgotten that conversation since 15 years ago. So now whenever it comes up I’m like ‘ah, we don’t eat meat when we’re sick!’

M & P: Laugh!  

P: It’s stuck in my brain.

M: I’m betting the science has changed since then, now we have to eat meat, laugh.

P: Oh, I’m sticking with it because I had an emotional response.

M: Yep.

P: And It triggered a memory in me, and it happened a couple weeks ago in uni. I’ve got the same thing, I got something wrong. I will now always know that DALY always stands for disability-adjusted life years.

M: Laugh.

P: So it’s there, you had those emotional responses, they are a step to learning. Let’s take one more example.

Let’s look at something which is really fun, ruminating.

The brooder, we all know a brooder, don’t we?

M: We need to redefine your definition of fun.

P: Laugh! A person who sits there and creates and thinks some things through endlessly. This is a real risk of psychological trauma because it puts you in that cycle again, and it doesn’t let you come up with any solutions again that’s not exercising the right kind of brain waves that allows you to achieve tasks that affects your work ethic and affects your achievement scales, it affects your self-worth. Because you’re not seeing any positivity coming out of a situation, you start fantasising. You start creating situations that are never going to happen. You know ‘the FBI are going to come from a chimney at night and gag me and take me away because I didn’t put the toilet seat down.

M: Are you fantasising? Or ruminating? Laugh!

P: Well, that’s the thing. One thing leads to another. That’s a serious example, though.

M: I think in a way we’ve covered this in the past with conversations about gratitude and how we’re actually wired to see the negative. The person who noticed the tiger that was stalking them was more likely to live than the guy who was skipping through the daisy field oblivious to the, you know, the threat, right? So, we’re wired, biologically wired to look for the negative, and that can really lead down a really bad path if you don’t stop it.

P: Yeah.

M: And so a really great way again to counter act that, is to bring a gratitude practise into your daily life.

P: Definitely.

M: It is so simple and easy. And it helps you to scan your environment for positives.

P: Mmm.

M: And balance that out, and might even to a certain degree, depending on what your brooding or ruminating on might even short circuit a lot of that behaviour and retrain your brain to not ruminate.

P: Science says you are right, Marie.

M & P: Laugh!

M: How about that, laugh.

P: Dr Winch talks about it in terms of adaptive versus maladaptive, so self-reflection can be maladaptive. When you become a ruminator and your self-reflecting and you go down that negative cycle and you keep looking for the negatives that’s maladaptive reasoning and that has powerful affect because it leads to alcoholism, eating disorders, increased cortisol and cardiovascular disease, so the science says, I’m not going to quote any studies because we’re running out of time. He calls it picking at emotional scabs.

You’re not letting something heal because you keep driving a knife into the wounds going ‘Yeah, let’s put this knife in deeper and see how deep it can go.’ Whereas adaptive reasoning is exactly what you’re talking about, Marie. It’s taking some time to be positive and do some real work around, trying to bring yourself up and bring yourself out of that brooding, only seeing the negative cycle.

M: There’s a great course that life line used to run called Accidental Counsellor, which I took last year, actually, and it teaches people who may be caught off guard who are not mental health professionals how to have conversations and support friends, colleagues, people at work, customers even who’ve come out with, you know, some really tough, tough disclosures at times.

P: Yeah

M: And if you’re not prepared for it or equipped, what do you say? How do you support that person and give them what they need? But then, also on the flip side, how do you not give them too much advice or coaching because you’re not the professional, right?

P: Exactly.

M: And one of the great things that we learned in that session was that you can be there for someone too much.

P: Hmm.

M: If you’re letting them talk too much, and they’re in that ruminating space, and all they’re doing is just reinforcing the negative. There comes a time where, you know, as the friend who’s supporting you need to say, ‘enough’s enough, this isn’t working. This is ruminating.’

P: This is brooding and it’s not beneficial.

M: I’m supporting you.

P: Yeah, and I’m enabling you to do more of it. Someone has to come in at some point and cut that that process off. Otherwise, we get so many health risks coming forward.

M: Yeah, so it’s not just with yourself, but with friends who may be going through a tough time. You can listen and listen and listen. And that is the number one recommendation out of this course for how to help people who are going through tough times. Listen.

P: Yeah.

M: Sit and listen and validate what they’re feeling, but there comes a point where you need to stop listening and move them to a professional or even extricate yourself out in the right way.

P: And you can do that on yourself as well, you can, listen, listen and listen to yourself talk, but there comes a point where you going ‘Right, enough’s enough. Let’s take, take some action. And if that action is going getting some professional help then that’s great, because getting that is a positive step we’re taking action.

M: Yep.

P: I know we’re pushed for time,

but I do want to mention one more, rejection.

This is a psychological trauma, which a lot of people go through, it can be rejection from a job. It can rejection from a lover. It could be rejection from a date. I mean, who hasn’t gone on a date and have someone get up in the first ten minutes and say ‘Sorry, I’m out.’ It’s like, Oh my God, I feel terrible. [Sad laugh]

M: Is that common?

P: Not if you’re married. Laugh.

M: Well, I’ve been married for 15 years. [actually, 9 years this December]

P & M: Laughter!

P: Online dating. We have so much interaction on an online sphere, and then you go and meet the person and you realise, oh my God, they’re completely not who I thought they were and I actually have nothing in common with this person.

M: Mmm.

P: So people will back out in five minutes flat.

M: Which I think is fine, but you can deliver that message in a more sensitive way, laugh.

P: Absolutely. So, let’s look at that feeling of rejection.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Now, it’s interesting. The science behind this was done using a ball game. So, I’m number one, Marie you’re number two, let’s make Francis number three. I throw the ball to you, you throw the ball to Francis, and Francis throws the ball to me.

Then halfway through this, we keep doing it, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la; And then all of a sudden, Francis throws the ball back to you, and then you throw to Francis and Francis throws it back to you. Then all of a sudden, I’m standing there going ‘no one’s throwing me the ball’. That’s going to make me feel rejected. It’s going to make me feel ostracised.

M: Piggy in the middle!

P: Laugh! As a piggy though, I’m active cause I’m trying to catch the ball. This, I’m not even involved in the ball game anymore because you guys have decided to keep it between the two of you.

M: Yep.

P: So what they did was they took some MRI scans of the person who was feeling these feelings of rejection. What they found was the pathways, the neural pathways that activated during the feelings of rejected mimic the pain pathways that we experience when we are in physical pain.

The reason behind this, when we were running around in tribes, as nomads we needed to make sure that we were part of the clan. Otherwise, we died. Literally, we could not survive as a solo human being in the wild because something would eat us or we wouldn’t be able to get enough food.

So the body developed this in our evolutionary history. This process to let us know something is wrong. We’re going to make you feel pain because you need to get involved with the group again.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And that’s a lever, that’s creating something that makes us go back to the group. And it’s really important because it can be as simple as a ball game and it can leave someone feeling out. And if we don’t act on that, if we don’t know to recognise that as ‘I’m being excluded, somehow I have to find a way to connect back in with the group’, then we are left feeling ostracised and it results in trauma such as cardiovascular disease, increased cortisol levels, all those things that we’ve talked about in terms of chronic illness and inflammatory responses which have a physical impact on our body.

M: There’s a great book called The 10 Types of Human by Dexter Dias, and he talks about this study [similar to above], and it was actually done on the beach with people playing Frisbee.

P: Laugh.

M: They talk about how this relates to other animals that are social and pack animals as well, there’s some great stories in there. But it is a biological and physiological response about rejection.

P: Yep, definitely. We don’t like it, it’s not just humans, it’s other animals as well.

M: Yep.  

P: But we don’t like it, and it’s not good for us. So, learning to identify that and applying the processes of being able to go, that’s an emotional wound, let’s address it, helps to keep us healthy and better and living longer.

M: So you’ve got a few others here, loneliness and guilt, and we’re out of time. But to wrap up the conversation, I guess, on emotional First Aid, what we’ve done is talked about some of the things that can really lead us down a path of lifelong injuries, mental injuries that we carry with us and into our relationships and everything we do and really what you’re saying here Pete, if I can maybe parrot it back, is that we need to be better at identifying that and short circuiting that.

P: Absolutely.

M: Exploring it, picking at it, but not too much.

P: Yep, laugh. Don’t pick the scab.

M: Yep, laugh.

P: This goes into something that we can talk about later, which is this whole idea we came up with of emotional literacy like we have health literacy, there’s happiness, literacy, there’s emotional literacy. We need to know it and it’s identifying those markers and going ‘ah, this is loneliness, this is what we do for loneliness.’ We need to be better at that. And maybe we can talk about this in another episode about the tips behind how we can address that.

M: Yep.

P: Maybe that’s a different episode that we can do.

M: Sounds good, all right. On that note, we’ll definitely put Guy Winches Ted talk in our show notes for everyone.

P: Yeah.

M: And I’m going to go have a read of that because I haven’t yet, laugh.

P: Yeah, it’s really interesting, he presents it in a really interesting way with some great anecdotes and stories.

M: Love it. All right, well, that’s all we have time for this week. We’ll see you next week.

P: Till next time.

M: Bye.

P: Bye.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: emotionalhealth, happiness, health, mentalhealth, SelfCare

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