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happiness

Work-Life Balance – What Really Makes Us Happy Might Surprise You

13/10/2021 by Marie

Work-Life Balance

Lis Ku, De Montfort University

Finding the right work-life balance is by no means a new issue in our society. But the tension between the two has been heightened by the pandemic, with workers increasingly dwelling over the nature of their work, its meaning and purpose, and how these affect their quality of life.

Studies suggest people are leaving or planning to leave their employers in record numbers in 2021 – a “great resignation” that appears to have been precipitated by these reflections. But if we’re all reconsidering where and how work slots into our lives, what should we be aiming at?

It’s easy to believe that if only we didn’t need to work, or we could work far fewer hours, we’d be happier, living a life of hedonic experiences in all their healthy and unhealthy forms. But this fails to explain why some retirees pick up freelance jobs and some lottery winners go straight back to work.

Striking the perfect work-life balance, if there is such a thing, isn’t necessarily about tinkering with when, where and how we work – it’s a question of why we work. And that means understanding sources of happiness that might not be so obvious to us, but which have crept into view over the course of the pandemic.

Attempts to find a better work-life balance are well merited. Work is consistently and positively related to our wellbeing and constitutes a large part of our identity. Ask yourself who you are, and very soon you’ll resort to describing what you do for work.

Our jobs can provide us with a sense of competence, which contributes to wellbeing. Researchers have demonstrated not only that labour leads to validation but that, when these feelings are threatened, we’re particularly drawn to activities that require effort – often some form of work – because these demonstrate our ability to shape our environment, confirming our identities as competent individuals.

Work even seems to makes us happier in circumstances when we’d rather opt for leisure. This was demonstrated by a series of clever experiments in which participants had the option to be idle (waiting in a room for 15 minutes for an experiment to start) or to be busy (walking for 15 minutes to another venue to participate in an experiment). Very few participants chose to be busy, unless they were forced to make the walk, or given a reason to (being told there was chocolate at the other venue).

Yet the researchers found that those who’d spent 15 minutes walking ended up significantly happier than those who’d spent 15 minutes waiting – no matter whether they’d had a choice or a chocolate or neither. In other words, busyness contributes to happiness even when you think you’d prefer to be idle. Animals seem to get this instinctively: in experiments, most would rather work for food than get it for free.

Eudaimonic Happiness

The idea that work, or putting effort into tasks, contributes to our general wellbeing is closely related to the psychological concept of eudaimonic happiness. This is the sort of happiness that we derive from optimal functioning and realising our potential. Research has shown that work and effort is central to eudaimonic happiness, explaining that satisfaction and pride you feel on completing a gruelling task.

On the other side of the work-life balance stands hedonic happiness, which is defined as the presence of positive feelings such as cheerfulness and the relative scarcity of negative feelings such as sadness or anger. We know that hedonic happiness offers empirical mental and physical health benefits, and that leisure is a great way to pursue hedonic happiness.

But even in the realm of leisure, our unconscious orientation towards busyness lurks in the background. A recent study has suggested that there really is such a thing as too much free time – and that our subjective wellbeing actually begins to drop if we have more than five hours of it in a day. Whiling away effortless days on the beach doesn’t seem to be the key to long-term happiness.

This might explain why some people prefer to expend significant effort during their leisure time. Researchers have likened this to compiling an experiential CV, sampling unique but potentially unpleasant or even painful experiences – at the extremes, this might be spending a night in an ice hotel, or joining an endurance desert race. People who take part in these forms of “leisure” typically talk about fulfilling personal goals, making progress and accumulating accomplishments – all features of eudaimonic happiness, not the hedonism we associate with leisure.

The Real Balance

This orientation sits well with a new concept in the field of wellbeing studies: that a rich and diverse experiential happiness is the third component of a “good life”, in addition to hedonic and eudaimonic happiness.

Across nine countries and tens of thousands of participants, researchers recently found that most people (over 50% in each country) would still prefer a happy life typified by hedonic happiness. But around a quarter prefer a meaningful life embodied by eudaimonic happiness, and a small but nevertheless significant amount of people (about 10-15% in each country) choose to pursue a rich and diverse experiential life.

Given these different approaches to life, perhaps the key to long-lasting wellbeing is to consider which lifestyle suits you best: hedonic, eudaimonic or experiential. Rather than pitching work against life, the real balance to strike post-pandemic is between these three sources of happiness.

Lis Ku, Senior Lecturer in Psychology, De Montfort University

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.


Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources! 

Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: Fulfillment, happiness, meaning, purpose, WorkLifeBalance

Making a Positive Portfolio (E87)

04/10/2021 by Marie

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about how to reinforce your happiness by making a positive portfolio highlighting positive emotions.

Show notes

Positive Portfolio – 10 emotions (according to Barbara Fredrickson)

  • Gratitude,
  • Serenity,
  • Interest,
  • Hope,
  • Pride,
  • Amusement,
  • Inspiration,
  • Awe,
  • Love, and
  • Joy.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background] 

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.  

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.  

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.  

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny. 

[Intro music fadeout] 

M: Hey, hey!

P: Hello happy people!

M: I’m happy today. Are you happy today?

P: I am happy today. I have one more day to reach before the end of term and then I have a week of no lectures. So, I’m feeling very positive.

M: Whoop, whoop!

P: Oh yeah, laugh.

M: I make an online purchase –

P: Oh!

M: – for my cats, a scratching post. So, it arrived yesterday and took it out of the box. I put it right next to where they love to hang out. And they have spent 24 hours non-stop… playing with the box.

P: Laughter! It’s like a two-year-old at Christmas.

M: Laugh, it is! Playing with the wrapping paper.

P: Laugh!

M: They’re enthralled, I even put a ball into the box and that just kicked off a whole other round of games.

P: Wow, laugh. What about the scratching post? Where did you put the scratch post? Laugh.

M: It’s just sitting next to the wall, hasn’t been touched. Laugh, unfortunately.

P: Hilarious.

M: But that is joy and play,

P: Mmm.

M: and they’re loving it.

P: Laugh.

M: So, that brings us to what we’re talking about today.

P: Which is…

M: Positive portfolios and how to make a positive portfolio. I am studying at the moment, it’s a year-long course at the Happiness Studies Academy and it’s run by Tal Ben Shahar, who’s the Harvard professor who wrote the book Happier.

M: And last week we covered off positive portfolios, the why, the science and what to do with it. And I just have to share this week –

P: Laugh.

M: – because I’ve gotten started on pulling it together, and it is such a simple thing that can bring so much emotion. I won’t say which ones yet, because we’ll get to that later.

P: Ok.

M: So much good and positive emotion into your life and either for yourself personally or with others. And it’s not something we do that much anymore. In a world of digital lives, we’re not creating tangible portfolios of things in the way that we used to.

P: Are you talking about scrapbooks?

M: …Yes. What was it that women used to make? Some mothers and grandmothers used to make boxes to give to their granddaughters for their wedding day.

P: Oh, the glory box?

M: Yes, Glory boxes!

P: Yes, yes. The glory box is a story.

M: It’s a box of emotions.

P: Ooh.

M: Yes.

P: I’m getting all sorts of images now. Like a little camphor box. My sister had a glory box. It was a camphor thing, and it was huge. All the treasures, all the generational treasures went into it so that when she married.

M: All the hand me downs, keepsakes, all that kind of stuff.

P: Mmm, yeah.

M: So, positive portfolios is what we’re talking about today. This idea came from James Pawelski and Alain de Botton, who are both pioneers in the field of happiness. And I’d actually read one of Alain’s books ages ago on philosophy, and one of the great things about Alain is he’s so well read.

P: Mmm.

M: And he brings together philosophy and psychology and sociology and history and brings them together in so many different and interesting ways. And we’ve got a couple of quotes here from James Pawelski, but really, what we’re talking about and what both of these positive psychology or happiness pioneers are talking about is positive portfolios, and all that is, is a bunch of things that you collect to reinforce an emotion.

P: It’s like picture books. You sort of go back over your picture books to remember events in your life.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: It’s why, before we had the digital age, I remember putting things into photo albums.

M: Yep.

P: And then you’d pull them out when you were having friends over for dinner and go, “let me take you through my trip to Italy.”

M & P: Laugh.

P: Bore everybody for hours, laugh.

M: And then you’d get a slide projector out.

P & M: Laughter!

P: Yes! Slide nights. We had slide nights. They were hilarious.

M: Or do you remember when you were little, burying a time capsule?

P: I never did that. They never got a chance to do that.

M: Things that were important to you.

P: Mmm, mmm. I like the idea, though, pulling something out of 50 years-time.

M: Of things that mattered to you then.

P: Mmm, mmm.

M: There were a couple of quotes you were going to share with us from James Pawelski.

P: There was. So, he’s talking about positive portfolio in the first one, and this one is that it’s a target for a group.

“Brainstorm what music, poems, pictures, letters, emails, cards, objects, and the like you could include in your portfolio. Place your portfolio in whatever binder, folder, or container works best given its contents.” [– James Pawelski]

P: So, that’s the instruction. But then he talks about the positive portfolio is intended to be a verbal, visual and auditory collection of materials conducive of a particular effective state. First, select what particular effective state you would like to practise. Be it Joy, Gratitude, Serenity, Interest, Hope, Pride, Amusement, Inspiration, Awe, or Love.

M: I love it. And those emotions that he’s mentioned there are from Barbara Fredrickson’s 10 big emotions. They’re the big things that are super cool. So, it’s saying again we’ll go again because we’re going to make you guys at home do this. And Pete and I both gotten started on doing this.

P: Laugh. Which is rather fun, I’ve got to say. I actually quite enjoyed this little task. Yeah, it did bring me a lot of joy to be honest. It was like, ‘Oh, this is kind of inspiring.’

M: I’ve loved it as well. So, what emotion did you pick, Pete?  

P: Well, I chose two, but I’m going to choose the one that I did have, which is love. So, a love portfolio.

M: So, the emotions you can pick, the 10 big emotions, according to Barbara Fredrickson, positive emotions, are:  

  • Gratitude,
  • Serenity,
  • Interest,
  • Hope,
  • Pride,
  • Amusement,
  • Inspiration,
  • Awe,
  • Love, and
  • Joy.

P: What’s interest, Marie? What would you put in that?

M: For me, it would be all of these books on positive psychology.

P: Laugh.

M: The practice of doing this podcast just shows my interest in this topic. I went on a bent a while ago with philosophy, which is where I first discovered Alain de Botton.

P: Mmm.

M: And then before that, I went on a classics… and so Jane Eyre and…

P: Oh, wow.

M: Everything that’s on the top 100 books you should read in your lifetime. I read the whole thing.

P: Like I said, you devour books.

M: Laugh, I do. Sometimes it’s been baking and learning how to do the fancy baking. Not so much since I found out I’m gluten intolerant and dairy intolerant because that really limits how much baking you can do.

P: It certainly does limit the baking you can do.

M: Laugh.

P: Yeah, gluten free flours doesn’t behave the same, I’m sorry. Laugh!

M: No, and neither does almond milk compared to normal milk.

P: Laugh, no.

M: Not the same at all. But there are so many things out there, and we talk about nowadays the importance of lifelong learning and having interest. And recently I’ve been really interested and looking into van life and tiny home.

P: Laugh!

M: So that’s been what’s on my YouTube video watching.

P: Ok, yeah, right.

M: So, look I’m one of those people that’s like ‘Ooh, something shiny!’

P: Laugh.

M: And off I go. And at the moment for you, I’d say a lot of what you’re probably finding interesting is through your studies.

P: Oh, completely. Yeah, I’m totally obsessed and a huge nerd. It’s ridiculous. I know everybody in my classes.

M & P: Laugh.

P: [Whispering class-mates] ‘Shut him up!’ Laugh.

M: It’s not about them. It’s all about you.

P: Laugh, I can be selfish? I did. I did make that choice this morning, so we were about to do our lecture and usually I try not to answer all the questions. And my lecturer sent me a private message, and he could see me mouthing the words. He said, ‘Peter, your muted.’

M: Laugh.

P: And I wrote back to say, ‘There’s a reason I’m muted, I don’t want to appear like a Hermione Granger.’

M & P: Laugh!

P: And he wrote back saying, ‘We love Hermione Granger’s!’ So, today I decided to be a Hermione Granger and just answer every single question as it came up, and we got through the lecture in an hour and a half that’s supposed to take two hours.

M & P: Laugh.

M: And you know what, everyone else in the room would have been like, ‘Woo hoo, 30 minutes back!

P: Laugh! There you go.

M & P: Laugh!

P: But we digress. Back to positive portfolios.

M: So, you picked love?

P: I did.

M: And I picked joy.

P: Mmm.

M: So, really keen to just share.

P: Share?

M: We’ve actually had some really great feedback from quite a few of our listeners who, I cannot thank you enough for bothering to listen to little Pete and me.

P & M: Laugh.

P: Always feels a bit embarrassing when people say ‘Oh, I love your podcast.’ And I’m like, ‘Oh, really?

M: Oh, shit. What am I going to say?

P: Laugh. We just chat.

M: Laugh, so this is time for us to share a little bit. So, I’m really keen to understand what your portfolio would look like. So, would you put it in a binder, or is it in a drive or a folder on your computer or is it a physical thing?

P: I think I would have to be a physical thing. Yeah, mine would have to be like a suitcase that you would unpack, and I put items out on a table so that everyone could sort of see what represented, what was representative for me, but also maybe bring their own meaning to it.

M: I love it. So, what would you put in your [love portfolio]?

P: All right. So, the first one, you’re going to laugh at, is massages.

M: Oh, we know that your love language is touch.

P: Laugh, yeah.

M: So, giving or receiving massage?

P: Both. I’ve always said this, and it’s very interesting now that I am studying a different degree and looking at doing a career change. There’s a lot of my long-term clients that are like, ‘are you still gonna massage when you’re a physio and I’m like, Yeah, I’m pretty sure I will, because I love that space. I love the intimacy of it. I love the investment in it. It’s the quiet space. And it’s a non-verbal activity, which I just adore because to me, the body doesn’t lie, laugh.

M: Hold on. So, when I come in and get a massage and just ramble the whole time, you’re like, ‘far out…’

P: Laugh.

M: ‘Shut up.’

P: Laugh, well, you listen to Disney in your massages, so that’s okay.

M & P: Laugh.

M: Okay, So massages in your love portfolio.

P: Definitely.

M: So, what else?

P: Cuddles on rugs, so rugs are a part of it because it’s textural. It’s like I have thick rugs in my house.

M: Tactile.

P: Yeah, very tactile. Big thick shag pile rugs and cuddles on rugs, there’s something about lying on the floor because you’re not incumbered by a defined space. You can roll everywhere, and you can be really physical, and you’re still on the rug. I mean, I have big rugs, so that kind of work for me.

M & P: Laugh.

P: Dinners or picnics, food. Food is very much a part of my love category.

M: You love cooking.

P: Yes, definitely. To cook and sit with a dinner with a loved one is very special. It’s there’s a, there’s a chemistry in it, there’s a visceral partaking of so many senses that are involved with dinners and so forth that I love.

M: So, make sure you keep an eye on your portfolio, so it doesn’t go mouldy.

P: Laugh. That’s all right, every time I open it, I have to cook a new dish that works for me.

M: All right, they don’t stay in the portfolio.

P: Laugh.

M: They get consumed and then logged in words.

P & M: Laugh!

P: Then there’s vistas, so, awe inspiring nature scenes, whether it be an ocean, a mountain. One thing that I’m really missing at the moment is going for a drive in the mountains, and I think that’s a real, that’s something that I would share with love and include in love simply because of the amazing depth of feeling that I get from being out in nature.

M: Would you have to share that with someone for it to fall in your love portfolio?

P: No, definitely not, it’s something that you can do solo that is still involved in love. Yeah, it’s definitely both.

M: Is it self-love? Is that what you’re talking about?

P: Yeah.

M: Freedom for yourself.

P: Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Going for solo drives is a is a bit of a passion of mine. And I’ve done it in Sydney with this lovely Royal Botanical Park, which is down south. And when I first bought my little red convertible, I drove down there with opera playing and the top was down and it was sunny, and I felt so ebullient. It was, it was like I was in a movie set.

M: Mmm.

P: It was so good. And that’s self-love for me. Real treats.

M: Love it.

P: Wine, of course.

M & P: Laugh.

P: More food. Me and my wines. I’ve actually yes, I’ve actually been rediscovering my passion for wine, and it’s, uh yeah, it’s I get inside wine, and I want to get involved with it. Try different things and the colours and the flavours and so forth.

M: Mmm.

P: Linen tablecloths. Again, it’s a textural thing.

M: That mean love?

P: Yeah, that means love for me, because I have the tablecloth, which is a damask tablecloth from my mother that was given to her by her mother when she was 18.

M: See, there’s the love.

P: Yeah, So that’s a love thing.

M: The meaning.

P: Definitely. Yeah. totally. And it’s funny that Mum, I don’t think she ever used it. It sat in the cupboard for years, and she gave it to me, and I used it straight away. I was like, Dinner party, let’s come over and, you know someone spills a red wine stain on it and I’m like, ‘Meh, that’s fine, that’s what bi-carb’s for.’ Laugh.

M: And that’s love. There’s a story behind it now. And you know what? Our parents and our parents, parents, had the good set and the not so good set.

P: Yes! I don’t get this! It doesn’t make sense.

M: It doesn’t make sense to us, because it all costs the same now. And it’s cheap as chips. But for them, you know, you don’t want the kids ruining your fine China when it costs… You know, you get one set for marriage, and that’s it.

P: Yeah. Yeah, I get that it’s precious but.

M: We’re the throwaway generation.

P: Yeah, alright we are.

M: Yeah.

P: But I think I think a good a good cracking of China on a good story because someone got so excited when they were talking about Shakespeare, and they threw the plate against the wall. Well, I think that’s a story, laugh.

M: Yeah, but it never happens that way. It’s that Bob put his elbow down on the edge of the plate and I went flying.

P& M: Laugh!

M: That’s the reality.

P: Laugh, there’s always a Bob.

M & P: Laugh!

M: Yep.

P: Maybe we have different dinner parties.

M & P: Laugh.

P: I have people throwing things at walls, laugh. I do remember a rather wonderful dinner party I hosted in Townsville in my first job. And it was a four-course roast dinner in Townsville, which is, you know, 45 degrees at the best of days.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And we had cigars and we were smoking and having red wine. And the three of us were getting into a bit of an animated discussion, and Avril stood up on the chair to make a point. So, then Benjamin stood up on the chair to make a point as well. And I went ‘Oh, bugger this, if you guys are getting up, I’m getting up.’ So, we all stood on chairs and battered out this argument.

M: Laugh, I was waiting for one of you to fall through the chair, but no?

P: No, completely fine. Laugh.

M: All right. Last one?

P: Sunsets.

M: Oh. I’m glad you said sunsets and not sunrises. Laugh.

P: No, Sunsets. Sunsets, yeah. There’s something very quietly reassuring about a sunset, yeah.

M: All right. I’m gonna fly through my joy portfolio.

P: Ok.

M: But mine includes Martinis.

P: Laugh!

M: And Veuve.

P: Ahh! I’m so glad you said that.

M: The songs that bring me joy, Carl Orff – Carmina Burana.

P: Ooh, oh! [panting]

M: It’s such powerful music.

P: I swear if I was allowed to…

M: And I Love Adiago for Strings as well.

P: Mmm.

M: Lately in the Club by Thomas Newsom, he’s a favourite amongst friends.

P: Mmm.

M: Into the Unknown by Indina Menzel.

P: Laugh!

M: Is also a favourite among friends at the moment.

P: Laugh.

M: For a very long time, Stuck in The Middle with You.

P: Yeah.

M: I used to play volleyball and was a middle blocker and hated it.

P: Laugh!

M: All the Lovers by Kylie Minogue, brings so many good dance memories.

P: Oh! Who doesn’t love Kylie?

M: I was playing that, as we joined today.

P: Laugh.

M: Be our Guest from Beauty & the Beast.

P: Yes!

M: Heaven by DJ Sammy.

P: Oh.

M: And Operation Blade – Public Domain.

P: I don’t know that one.

M: Definitely brings back memories from about 2000.

P: Wow.

M: And we were clubbing a lot at that point.

P: Laugh.

M: So, I’ve got quite a few quotes here as well that just brings me joy, so I’ll read a few of them.

“If you have good thoughts, they will shine out of your face like sunbeams, and you’ll always look lovely.” – Roald Dahl

P: Oh, that’s lovely. Oh, that’s good.

M: Okay,

“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” – Abraham Lincoln

P: Very true.

M: Yeah.

“When I was five years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I wrote down happy. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment. I told them they didn’t understand life.” – John Lennon

P: Laugh! Wow, that’s brilliant.

M: “We don’t laugh because we’re happy. We’re happy because we laugh. –

William James.

P: Mmm.

M: And,

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.” –

George Bernard Shaw.

P: Yeah, very much agree with that.

M: Immanuel Kant, just new things long before we did. Rules for happiness.

“Something to do, someone to love, something to hope for.” – [Immanuel Kant]

P: Mmm.

M: I think I’ll end with Maya Angelou.

“I laugh as much as I can and cry when I have to, without apology. I think that’s happy.”

P: Ooh, wow. Oh, that’s, that’s lovely.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Yeah.

M: I would include some memorabilia in my box, so I would actually go get one of those dollar shop boxes with a lid.

P: Laugh, yeah.

M: I’d have some photos from my days at George Mason on the volleyball team.

P: Aww.

M: Photos from World University Games and the opening ceremony which had hundreds of thousands of people.

P: Wow.

M: Which was amazing. Getting my black belt and getting my offer letter from Oxford University for Post Grad, that’s in there.

P: Wow.

M: And then photos. All of our overseas trips, our trips to Coffs Harbour, our gold medal at Good Neighbour.

P: Mmm. Laugh.

M: Pretty much any time I’ve been overseas, there are memories there that just bring me so much joy. And then I want to finish by recommending an artist, an Australian artist called Maree Davidson. And she creates amazing cartoon likes somewhat realistic, somewhat cartoon art of animals. So, she’s got a pair of donkeys here and some cute giraffes, and I’ve bought four pieces of artwork from her.

P: Laugh.

M: And they just, they’re slightly childish. But they’re just happy and joyful pieces of art.

P: Yeah.

M: And I love them.

P: Yeah, I love the rabbit.

M & P: Laugh.

M: And so, before we finish, we have this great idea that we’d love to challenge our readers to do.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And that Pete and I’ve been talking about. So, we’re in lockdown in Australia. But as soon as we’re out, we are going to start curating our own emotion museum exhibitions in our own homes and inviting our friends over to experience these emotions. And so, one of the things that I think is such shame is when people pull together or curate museum exhibitions, they tend to group their exhibitions around things like the period or the medium. It might be all sculptures. It might be all oil on canvas, etcetera, or it might be genre, so it could all be postmodern art.

P: Mmm.

M: And what I love about this is that you’re curating items around, an emotion that you want others to feel.

P: Mmm.

M: And I think we have just decided, and we’re gonna be inviting our friends as well, to pick some of these emotions out of a hat and bring friends over to experience that emotion in a way that is subjective and means something to you but that hopefully you can share with others and you can add music, you can add movies, you could add performances of any kind, artistic performances, as well as do something just as cheap as printing off some prints and hanging them up on the wall to help people feel these emotions.

P: Love it. Very immersive.

M: That’s what I love. As far as your own portfolio goes. If you pick one of those emotions or all 10 and create them, make sure that you go back to them over time and look at them again so that you can re-experience the emotion that goes with that. And it’s something that we’re doing less of nowadays, but it is very important.

P: Yes, tangible. Having something tangible to actually trigger those memories and reflect.

M: Yep, and it’s something that if you are in lockdown, you can still do.

P: Mmm.

M: So, on that note, we’re going to wrap up.

P: Laugh, homework people! Let us know how you go.

M: Do your homework!

P & M: Laugh!

M: And we might actually pay some photos of some of the things in both of our portfolios for everyone to see.

P: Yes.

M: All right. Thank you for joining us, and we’ll see you again next week.

P: Have a happy week.

[Happy exit music – background] 

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic. 

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out. 

M: Until next time. 

M & P: Choose happiness.  

[Exit music fadeout] 

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks! 

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: emotions, happiness, joy, love, PositivePortfolio

Breathing Your Way to Happiness (E86)

27/09/2021 by Marie

Happiness for Cynics podcast

In this episode, Marie and Pete discuss breathing your way to happiness, the science behind it and teach some simple breathing techniques. 

Show notes

Wim Hof – Breathing and Meditation

The Wim Hof method can be defined by its simple, easy-to-apply approach and its strong scientific foundation. It’s a practical way to become happier, healthier and stronger.

Diaphragmatic breathing – Medical News Today

  • Lie down on a flat surface with a pillow under the head and pillows beneath the knees. Pillows will help keep the body in a comfortable position.
  • Place one hand on the middle of the upper chest.
  • Place the other hand on the stomach, just beneath the rib cage but above the diaphragm.
  • To inhale, slowly breathe in through the nose, drawing the breath down toward the stomach. The stomach should push upward against the hand, while the chest remains still.
  • To exhale, tighten the abdominal muscles and let the stomach fall downward while exhaling through pursed lips. Again, the chest should remain still.

People should practice this breathing exercise for 5–10 minutes at a time, around three to four times each day.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

[Singing]

P: Da Dum Da Daaaa!

M: Da da da da, da dum da daaaa

P & M: Da da daaaa!

[End singing]

P: Oh wow. You went to the refrain straight away.

M & P: Laugh!

P: God bless John Williams. Is that John Williams? I think it’s John Williams. [Yes, it is]

M: I’ve got no idea.

P: Laugh!

M: I didn’t even realise what we were singing, I just know it. Star Wars? What are we doing?

P: That was Raiders of the lost Ark, laugh.

M: Oh, yeah. Okay. Alright. It was one of those things from deep within my childhood.

P: Laugh!

M: It just came flooding back to me and I was like, I don’t know why I know this, but I do. Laugh.

P: Someone today at our IT meeting said does anyone here remember Xena Warrior princess? I’m like a, duh, laugh!

M: I dressed up as her for Halloween.

P: Laugh!

M: Do I remember her, psht! I have photos.

P: Laugh.

M: So, I’ve decided on today’s episode that we’re not going to mention the C word.

P: Oh! Not the See you next Tuesday?

M: No, not that “See” word.

P: Laugh!

M: The C word that has taken over our entire life.

P: Exactly. I’m all for not saying it ever again.

M: Well, I do think there are times where you need to acknowledge that things aren’t okay. But I also think focusing on bad things too much can just make you get stuck in a rut.

P: I fully support this forward progression.

M: So, today we are going to talk about breathing your way to happiness.

P: Oh, you just stole my intro, Laugh.

M: And we’re not going to mention the C word.

P: Laugh!

M: We’re going to talk about breathing.

P: We’re going to talk about the B word, laugh.

M: The B word. Yes. Which as a cynic, and cynic is not the C word we were talking about.

P & M: Laughter.

M: As a cynic, breathing kind of seems a bit far-fetched.

P: I love that you brought this up Marie, because the way I was going to segway into this was actually talking about meditation.

M: Yep…

P: So, in a way, this is,

M: …

P: Uh okay, hold back. Just give me a second, laugh.

M: Go on. Change my mind, Peter.

P: Laugh, I have to explain this to our listeners. Sometimes Marie needs a bridal, laugh. You’ve just got to pull back a little bit and go ‘Okay, hang on. Let me have control here for a second.’ Laugh.

M: Or you could just join in?

P: Laughter!

M: I like to think it is passion and energy.

P: Oh, I support it, yeah.

M: And generally, people just come along for the ride, laugh.

P: True. True.

M: Laugh.

P: You get dragged along kicking and screaming. Both work! Laugh.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Anyway, moving on.

M: Breathing.

P: So, breathing. Well, it melds into meditation. And in the light of some of the episodes that we’ve done the last few weeks, this is this is an episode with a coping mechanism. So, we’re talking about things that you can actually do. And it got me thinking because I’ve recently been exposed to this, I actually realised that I’ve been using breath for a very long time –

M: Me too.

P: and breathing, actually –

M: Since I was born, I’ve been breathing.

P: Laugh, down Bessie!

M & P: Laughter.

P: Once again, bridal moment!

M: Laugh, sorry. As you were.

P: Laugh.

M: As you were saying, you’ve been breathing for a while?

P: Yes, I have been, but using breath, it was something that we did in my dance training. There was a lot of work around breathing, and we did a lot of Alexander technique and Feldenkrais technique and applied kinesiology, which is all about using the breath. These are terms that may not be familiar for a lot of people, but breathing was actually part of our training, if you like.

M: I think you might need to tone it down a bit, Peter.

P: Thanks, Marie. Laugh.

M: Laugh.

P: I’m pushing on here.

M: I love these episodes where I just get to jump in with snide comments or I prefer to call them witty comments.

P: Laugh, witty!?

M: When you’re trying to teach our listeners something.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: Anyway, a bunch of fancy names for breathing.

P: Yes. Alright, then meditation comes along, so we know that Marie isn’t a meditator I’m speaking out, I’m looking out into my room here as if I’m speaking to the audience.

M: Laugh.

P: I’m choosing to ignore the person on the computer screen.

M & P: Laughter.

P: Using my nonverbal communication skills here.

M: Laugh.

P: So, we know that breathing is part of meditation. That breath is something that people who meditate train a lot with, and there is science behind it. We’re about to explore that science. So, there is a link between breath and stress, and so there’s been a lot of work in this and as far back as the 1950s. There was a gentleman called Walter Hess who coined the term the trophotropic response.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Now this trophy trophotropic response is about the integration of breath and how it works with the brain and in particular the hypothalamus, which is our sort of brain centre. It takes information and processes and sends it out to different parts of the brain and coordinates how the brain responds to information that’s coming in and out. So, the messages that are coming in from sensory and messages are going out, which is action.

M: And that’s what regulates this [stumbling over the word] tropho-tropic response?

P: The trophotropic response talks about the influence of the breath on the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system.

M: You’re getting really techy.

P: We are getting techy, I’m going for it with my study notes here. Sympathetic is the fight or flight response. So, when we are running away from the lion, we are in the sympathetic response. Our brain is going, ‘there’s a threat we need to run away. Let’s get all the blood and send it to the brain, because we need to activate the muscles. Let’s get all the blood and send it to the muscles because we need to perform running motions and get away. We need to elevate our adrenaline response because we need lots of energy to get moving to run away from the lion.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: The parasympathetic response is the opposite. It’s what happens when we sleep. It’s the rest and digest. So, when we rest were lying on the couch. We’re watching a movie. The blood doesn’t need to be out in our skeletal muscles. So, it goes internal. It goes to our digestive organs. It goes to our immune function. It goes to our defecation muscles down into our bladder and our urethra and things like that, so that we’ve got this resting and digesting.

In Eastern Medicine, they talk about it being descending Chi. So, the Chi goes from the outside, inwards into our organs. Are you with the mouse?

M: I feel like I’m having a science lesson. But how does this relate back to breathing? And what is trophotropic response again? Laugh.

P: Laugh. So, the trophotropic response is coined by Walter Hess to demonstrate an organism’s natural response to relaxation. What happens in our body when we relax, the science of relaxing.

M: And how does that relate to breathing?

P: So, what Walter talked about was looking at the ways that we could influence our relaxation. What do we do when we relax? What is the first thing you do when you finish work and you sit on the couch. What’ s one of the first things you do, Marie?

M: Scratch my ass?

P: Yep, then?

M & P: Laughter!

P: Grab a drink.

M & P: Laughter!

M: Hold on, I will sit with the vodka, generally.

P: Laugh!

M: Alright, I’ll play along, I’ll play along. Take a big, deep breath.

P: Take a big, deep breath. When we’ve finished a project, or we finished a block of study, or we finished an event. You take a big [long deep breath].

M: Mmm.

P: Now if we all just do that. If everyone takes a big breath and lets it out.

M: [Big breath]

P: What does that feel like?

M: [Whispers] Like a deep breath.

P: Notice your voice. It just went quiet. So, it brings us back to centre. If it takes us away from being this, ‘I’m on show and I’m gonna do this and that1,’ it’s like, Okay, let’s bring it all in internally. There were other scientists that explore this in the 1970s Schwartz, Davidson and Goleman and they looked at relaxation techniques which have a relation on cognitive and somatic components of anxiety. So, they’re looking particularly at anxiety and how relaxation techniques can influence what happens in our brain to downgrade anxiety.

M: What’s a somatic component of anxiety?

P: Somatic is movement basically. So, we’ve got cognitive, which is thinking.

M: Ok, yep.

P: And somatic, which is more movement, and this was coined by I’m going to get this wrong, Meryem Yilmaz, who is a Turkish PhD professor. She was talking about this and took this a step further when she was talking about exploring relaxation techniques with post-operative patients. So, patients who have gone in for operations.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Even pre-operative going into operations, using relaxation techniques and seeing how it affected their recovery from an operation. And she found that there was a positive correlation between breath and better recovery from operations. So, really, what you’ve said here is breath impacts, relaxation and relaxation can have impacts on anxiety both mental and physical, as well as pre and post-operative outcomes.

P: Yes.

M: Sorry. Not pre-operative outcomes as in… Okay, we get it though, laugh.

P: The intervention at the pre-operative stage.

M: Yep, helps with post[-operative] outcome.

P: Doing something pre-operatively helps with recovery, yeah. So, we’re talking about things that actually can help you with your health and bring you out of a situation in a better position. Agreed?

M: Got it.

P: Okay, so here comes the science.

M: But what’s the breathing, though?

P: Well, I’m so glad you asked this, Marie. Laugh.

M: I’ve been breathing since, you know, probably a few seconds after birth.

P: Laugh.

M: As has everyone else I know who’s alive.

P: Alright, I’m excited about this, I’m excited about this.

M: Laugh

P: So, if we actually go back to breathing and we look at the science, we’ve got a thing called tidal volume. So, tidal volume is the rate of oxygen and carbon dioxide that is exchanged in a single breath. Now, if we exercise and we breathe, what do we do?

M: When we’re exercising? Breathe.

P: Yeah.

M: You breathe faster.

P: Exactly. A lot of us take short, sharp breaths.

M: Yep, cause you’re trying to get oxygen in quickly.

P: Exactly. So, the other way that some of us will do when we’re exercising or we’re trying to breathe better is to breathe deeper. So we use forced inspiration to bring more oxygen into our lungs and then forced expiration to force more air out. Which do you think is more efficient?

M: Deeper versus shorter breaths.

P: Absolutely right. I’ve got some figures here.

Tidal volume is the amount of air that is exchanged on inhalation and exhalation. Okay?

So, according to percentage, 85% effective to slowly deep breathe as opposed to 40% on shallow and rapid breathing.

M: So, if you’re running or working really hard at the gym.

P: Yep.

M: Even though you might feel like you need to breathe faster and suck air in.

P: Yep.

M It is going to serve you better to slow that down as much as possible.

P: This is one of the things that we’ll come to later, and there’s a gentleman that we’ll talk about that’s actually trained in this. He’s trained his breath and training his body so that he can endure fitness by use of his breath, [and] he can make his oxygen/carbon dioxide transfer more efficient. Obviously, if you’re working at a high level, you need to breathe quickly and you need to expel air quicker. So, there is a certain point where your rate of breathing will increase.

M: Mmm.

P: If you’re under really heavy load and you’re going for it and half way through your marathon you’re having to go up a hill, you need to breathe quickly and you need to forcefully expire and inspire. We can’t change that. But if we look at the ways that we can actually control our breath, there are a couple of things that go on in the body. And the big one that is involved with a lot of research recently is this thing called the vagus nerve. Here we go with more science. I’m getting so scientific, I’m so proud of myself.

M: I know!

P & M: Laughter!

P: You created a monster, Marie! Laugh!

M: Accessible science, Pete.

P: Oh, oh.

M: Without the jargon, laugh.

P: Okay. So, one of the things that this deep breathing can do is it can stimulate the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve is our 10th cranial nerve. Okay, so when we’re talking about the vagus nerve and what it does essentially, if we can tap into the power of this vagus nerve, we can actually control how our body reacts to stress.

M: Ok.

P: And this is where the link with breathing comes in. So, if we can, when we are emotional and we’re suffering [from] stress and we’re running around and we’ve got things going on and I’ve got this deadline due and you start to get all hyper, you start to breathe really shallowly. One way that we can control that is to tap into our deep breathing which, according to the science, activates our vagus nerve, slows down our heart rate. We can use our breath to effectively calm our system.

M: Oh.

P: And there’s a gentleman who’s done this really well. And he’s well known in some of the extreme endurance athlete circles. Wim Hof, who is described as an endurance athlete and a Dutch philosopher.

M: Laugh, Dutch, I tell you, they’re all philosophers.

M & P: Laughter.

M: All those long, long winter nights.

P: Laugh, yeah. So, he’s known colloquially as the ICE MAN, because he goes and sits himself in the ice and snow and this is one of the ways that you can stimulate your vagus nerve. That and cold showers.

M: Hmm.

P: Yeah.

M: Again, another reason why this is just not for me.

M & P: Laughter.

P: But have you ever done that, when you come out of a really heavy volleyball tournament, and you’ve gone for a nice cold shower?

M: Look, we used to do ice baths when I was in college, and at the AIS. So yes, I know, really cold!

P: Laugh!

M: Not comfortable, you know, to the point where it’s painful, but I’ve never been a cold shower person. Never done it for me.

P: Yeah, so this guy has explored this whole idea of cold exposure and stimulation of the vagus nerve and says that this can actually ease yourself into stimulating your vagus nerve and calming your system down and creates better health and better understanding and better mental clarity after a very stressful event.

M: So, have a cold shower or breathe, and you’ll be able to reduce your stress. Is that kind of a summary of what we’re talking?

P: That’s pretty much it. Yeah.

M: Ok, I’m following. Laugh.

P: Laugh.

M: I got it. I got it!

P: Laugh! Took us a while to get there and lots of fancy words in between. I blame Marie.

M: I feel smarter.

P & M: Laugh.

M: Don’t ask me to repeat anything you just said.

P & M: Laugh.

M: But I feel smarter.

P: So, if any of our listeners want to go forth. I’ll get I’ll get this in the show notes. But you can look up Wim Hof and have a look at some of his stuff. They have been researching these claims in the last five years, and out of this research has come treatments for epilepsy. They insert, like a pacemaker into the vagus nerve, which stimulates the vagus nerve and helps people who suffer from epilepsy from having attacks. And they’re exploring this for other conditions, even down to Parkinson’s.

M: Interesting.

P: Yeah, so there is science behind this. So, the takeaway message is that if we can practise and be more aware of our breathing, we can actually breathe our way to better health and better happiness. And we did this a couple of weeks ago in one of our podcasts, where I asked everyone to do a little breathing exercise where we sat down and I asked everyone to take some belly breaths. Do you remember that one Marie?

M: Yeah. So, how much breathing do you have to do? How much like not normal breathing?

P: Laugh.

M: Visual… mindful breathing?

P: I’d have to look up some figures on that one, but it’s like anything. It’s about training, training the breath so that you can pull on this skill when you need it. So, if you feel like you’re just so pent up and you want to hit something because you’ve had a really bad day at work.

M: Because for some reason the idiots and my work are multiplying.

P & M: Laugh!

M: I don’t know if anyone else is experiencing this. Over time, there are more and more of them, I swear.

P: Laugh. We’re not naming Marie’s workplace in this episode.

M: Laugh.

P: Ugh, corporate. Corporate in general, laugh. So, if you’re dealing with annoying colleagues or just stress or you’ve got projects on or the C word is happening. If any of that’s going on, you can train yourself to recognise that and breathe in order to help reduce your stress response.

P: Definitely, yep. According to this, you can breathe your way out of it.

M: And does Ice Man, what’s his name? Wim Hoff. Talk about training yourself to breathe more deeply overall? Like, can you make this a subconscious behaviour? Can you train how you breathe in general?

P: Yes, yogis have been doing it for centuries.

M: So, yogis don’t only breathe deeply when they’re doing their exercises.

P: No, no they don’t.

M: They take that through their life. Do they breathe differently when they’re sleeping?

P: Laugh. Ooh, good question. That would be interesting. Well, it would be because there is a measurement of vagus nerve stimulation. So, you know, I would be interested to see the science behind it.

M: My watch tells me how deeply I sleep at night, how I breathe at night.

P: Aah!

M: It measures my breathing. I think there’s something, I think there’s different value in this. I know for myself that if I can tap into my breath when I’m involved in exercise, when I’m doing a particularly difficult workout. Sometimes I do tell myself, ‘control your breath, use your breath’ because that was, coming full circle, that was part of my training as a dancer, and it’s remarkable how it actually can. For me, it brings me very centred, and it makes me go. Yes, I can achieve this task that I’ve set for myself.

M: If I tried getting it in in volleyball. It would just be too much. There’s already so many things running through my head.

P & M: Laugh!

P: Which is why you’ve got to train it.

M: I think singing would be a great way…

P: Yeah, true.

M: You’re still thinking of a lot of things while you sing.

P: You are, which is why you need to train it so it happens naturally.

M: Yeah, yeah.

P: So, that’s the crux of it. And just as a finishing note, there is little exercise that you can do for this. A lot of people talk about belly breathing and how we should belly breathe and not chest breathe. We should breathe into our diaphragm, which is very true.

M: Yeah.

P: A lot of people associate belly breathing with blowing your belly out, and that’s actually not the best way to do belly breathing. The best way is to:

M: [whispers] I’m doing it right now.

P: Laugh. How do you feel, Marie?

M: Um… A little uncomfortable now!

P: Laugh.

M: But I think, yeah. I could do that.

P: I challenge you. I challenge you to try it and see how you go, laugh. There endeth the lesson.

M: Laugh. Thank you, Peter Furness.

P: Laugh.

M: Professor Furness.

P: Definitely not Professor!

M: It was a pleasure as always.

P & M: Laugh!

P: See what you’ve done?

M: Laugh!

P: Can’t take it back now. Laugh.

M: I’m still going to challenge you. Now you’ve gone the other way.

P: Laugh.

M: And I’m like… nah. Too much thinking, this is a podcast, Pete.

P: Where’s the gongs and incense and sarongs?

M & P: Laugh.

M: Exactly.

P: Laugh.

M: All right, well, I think we could all use a little bit of stress reduction in our lives at the moment. So, I will definitely be looking at breathing.

P: Yeah. Have a look at the website. See, if you can have a practise.

M: Okay. Will do, alright until next week.

P: Have a happy week.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: anxiety, Breathing, exercise, happiness, mentalhealth

The Silver Lining of COVID-19 (E85)

20/09/2021 by Marie

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about the silver lining of COVID-19, what it has taught us and how it has made us stronger.

Show notes

We are not in the same boat

A poem about COVID-19 

Live in the Future

During the podcast Marie talks about an article in the conversation that discusses Why living in the future, rather than in the past, is key to coping with lockdowns – new research 

Transcript

Coming soon

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: gratitude, happiness, mental health, resilience

Coping with Stress Through Music (84)

13/09/2021 by Marie

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about coping with stress through music and the surprising effects it has on our mental well-being.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

P: [Motherly voice] Hello Possums!

M: Hello! Laugh. Oh, that’s a cultural reference there Pete.

P: Laugh! For those people who aren’t Australian, in our listening audience, Google Dame Edna Everage and you’ll have a little laugh.

M: And look at the fabulous glasses!

P: Oh, yes. That was the Dame Edna of late. The Dame Edna the original was a very dowdy housewife. Yes, comedian character, created by Barry Humphries, 1950’s Melbourne housewife who came to stardom and was reinvented as a celebrity in the 1980’s.

M: It was probably my first ever interaction with a transgender or a man dressing as a lady.

P: Yeah, that character very much helped to normalise the experience for many Australians.

M: Mmm hmm. It was very progressive for that time.

P: It was, It was very brave of Barry Humphries to do that.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Very brave.

M: I’m sure he would have gotten a lot of hate mail. It would have been sent in the regular post. For those of you who remember what that is because it was a while ago.

P: Laugh, a letter? What exactly is a letter?

M: We are showing our age! Laugh. But I have some news today, Pete.

P: Ooh, some news.

M: Look what I got?

P: Oh, wow. Marie is holding up a wristwatch. Is that a…

M: A Fitbit.

P: Clickbit.

M: Fitbit. And now I will know how unfit I truly am.

P: Laugh. Are you lying on the couch eating crisps? Yes. Yes, I am.

M & P: Laugh.

P: And loving it!

M: So, I’m really hoping to rely on my Fitbit to do a bit better measurement of my overall wellbeing.

P: These things are amazing. I came across a client the other day who had a ring.

M: Yes. The Oura ring.

P: Awesome.

M: Yeah, they’re pretty cool.

P: So, he’s been monitoring his sleep, and you and I both appreciate how wonderful and fabulous sleep is and how we don’t get enough of it. We’ve talked about it before, see our podcast list.

Are You Getting Enough Sleep? (E54)

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And yeah, I was, I was intrigued. I was like, I’m going to get one of those, cause they look great.

M: If you want the ring, it doesn’t have as much functionality as I think, ah, what’s the Chinese one? [Xiaomi mi] So, there’s Fitbit, there’s the apple watch and then wewu [venu?] or something like that is another kind of Android one.

P: Yeah.

M: And then the ring does a few things more things, but is a lot more limited.

P: I kind of like that, though, because I don’t want to watch telling me to wake up and to go to the toilet and all that sort of stuff. Laugh, I’d rather listen to my body.

M: Just so that we’re clear my watch doesn’t tell me to go to the toilet.

P & M: Laugh.

M: That is not the functionality of a fit-watch.

P: Laugh.

M: Before we get sued.

P: It’s time for a bowl movement.

M & P: Laugh.

M: On that note. What are we talking about today, Pete?

P: Laugh. Well, we’re not talking about bowel movements, and we’re not talking about watches, but we are talking about music.

M: Oh! Dum dum dummmm!

P: Laugh, and how music can make you happy. Can music make you happy, Marie?

M: It’s not that direct.

P: Ooh, it never is.

M: My big, my big learning here. So, yes, it can help you relieve stress. And the reason I’m really keen to talk about this is because of a new study that came out. And I don’t know about you, Pete, but I am seeing so many more people around Australia experiencing stress and lowered mental resilience.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And high-strung emotions.

P: Yes, I would agree with you completely.

M: Laugh, it’s the most diplomatic way I can put all of that.

P: I’m seeing it clinically in my presentation of clients at work. Very acutely and oddly, the need for touch is also becoming quite obviously a need for a lot of people who are in Sydney because we are in an extended lockdown. So, yeah, definitely agree with you on that one. And the fractiousness of people is becoming a little bit more obvious. I think there’s a lack of patience. There’s a lack of, there’s chinks in the armour starting to show.

M: Yes, absolutely. And you know, just because there’s a chink one day doesn’t mean it’s there the next.

P: No.

M: I think we’ve called it the Corona Coaster before.

P: Oh.

M: The ups and downs.

P: Ooh, can we patent that?

M: Well, any woman who’s been through a normal menstrual cycle would know how ups and downs work.

P: Ew!

M & P: Laugh.

P: La, la, la, la.

M: I think the whole world is experiencing these in 24 hours cycles right now.

P: Laugh! Hey, I had my man period a couple of weeks ago. I can relate, laugh!

M: Was it the response to covid shop, is that it?

P: No, no, no, no, no, no. I just had a bit of an emotional moment in the park and had to sit down in a gutter and compose myself for a couple of hours. Laugh.

M: Look, exactly, and this is exactly what I’m talking about. And I just want to be really clear that we need to experience those emotions.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: But we also need to pick ourselves up and move forward through them and not get stuck in them.

P: Yeah, don’t unpack.

M: Well, do the opposite. Unpack it, experience it, feel it, talk to people, get help if you need to. But resilience is all about bouncing back and not getting stuck in that space.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And if you’re going down into that emotional place, it’s really worth looking at all the habits that you have and practises that you have in your life and whether or not they’ve been so disrupted that you’re leaving yourself without happiness and resilience cover right now.

P: Yeah, true.

M: So, if you can’t see your friends, that’s one of the pillars we’ve said. Or if you’re really just missing your friends and family and that face-to-face contact if all your hobbies and exercise, and all of that has just been stripped away from you. And, what’s the third pillar, Pete?

P: Laugh, p –

M: Purpose and meaning!

P: I was just about to say! Laugh.

M: Purpose and meaning. You know, if you’ve lost your job.

P: Yes.

M: And you’re just spending long hours watching Ellen and Oprah.

P: Laugh, or not even lost your job, but just at home and unable to work. This is the thing, a lot of people are at home and unable to go to work.

M: Exactly.

P: And it’s finding that purpose in your daily activities, waking up and going, ‘what do I do today?’

M: Mmm hmm. And so, if you haven’t replaced any of those things and even it’s just one of those pillars that’s been pulled away for the first time ever in Australia, we have so many of us in lockdown, so many in lockdown.

P: Mmm, it’s a new experience for us, isn’t it?

M: It’s a new experience for Australia and particularly new experience for our regional areas.

P: Yes, very much.

M: So, if you have had all these things stripped away from you and you are feeling a bit emotional, you are on the Corona coaster right now. What are going to do to replace some of those things? Because otherwise you run the risk of sinking further down that hole and entering depression potentially or increasing anxiety again, don’t watch too much news.

P: Yep, get those techniques out that we’ve talked about in our happiness literacy episode.

Happiness Literacy (E80)

M: Laugh.

P: If you’d like to go back and check that out. Getting my promotion on!

M: Laugh.

P: I’m dropping all the numbers here, [click, click] Laugh! But, no. Getting active and controlling what you can control and finding a purpose in something that you actually can do rather than seeing what you can’t do.

M: Yeah.

P: Flip the switch.

M: And so, one of those things, and we talk about many things [like] getting exercise, you can do by watching your TV and pulling up a 10, 20, 30 minute exercise or yoga class or any of, meditation even. There’s plenty of things on there that you can do.

P: Mmm.

M: From a mindfulness perspective as well. And it’s all free. It’s just about making sure you introduce these new habits. So, pick one. And now we’re going to talk about music, laugh.

P: Laugh.

M: Back to where we started. So, we’ll talk about this study. The Max Planck Institute for Empirical Aesthetics.

P: I love that ‘empirical aesthetics.’

M: Laugh, it’s a bit of a mouthful.

P & M: Laugh.

M: They have recently done this study. It involved six countries on three continents during the first lockdown in April and May 2020.

P: 5,000 people.

M: Yep.

P: That’s a lot of people, that’s a big study.

M: Absolutely, so from Germany, France, Great Britain, India, Italy, and the U.S.

P: Mmm.

M: A big group of people that they studied, and they looked at whether music impacted their moods and their stress levels.

P: I’ll jump in here, and just go from the complete impassioned response, and music so affects every moment of my day. I’ve always been very affected by music, and I use music as a way of connecting with different elements of my day and in my treatments, and when I’m working out and when I’m having quiet time. There are specific types of music that I tap into, so this is very close to my heart. It’s something I’ve always done. Even as a kid.

M: I tend to agree, but I don’t rely on music a lot it’s not a big part of my life.

P: Right.

M: But, depending… So, my writing days are Friday’s.

P: Ahh, yes.

M: And there’s a very big variety of music.

P & M: Laugh.

M: Depending on what I want to be feeling at the time.

P: Laugh!

M: What this study found, which I thought was most interesting, was that music itself isn’t the coping aid.

P: Mmm.

M: But music related behaviour.

P: Laugh.

M: So, the way people have adapted their musical behaviours during the crisis.

P: Ok.

M: So, if you were feeling down or if I was feeling down, I would put my Disney playlist on.

P: Laugh!

M: And I may or may not, get the shower then and sing to my heart’s content.

P: Believe me people, I’ve heard it. It’s been broadcast.

M & P: Laugh.

M: So, for me that’s the way of actively trying to turn my mood around.

P: Mmm, and it so works.

M: Singing, smiling, thinking back to being a kid, really, just letting it all go.

P: Yep.

M: To help balance the negative emotions. That’s what we mean by a coping mechanism.

P: Mmm.

M: Now, if music was just playing in the background and there wasn’t that intentionality, that mindfulness behind it.

P: Yep.

M: Then it probably wouldn’t have the same effect.

P: Yes, I’d agree. You need to be engaging with it consciously.

M: Yes, picking the music to influence you.

P: Yeah, definitely.

M: There’s good news here, in that people who were experiencing increased negative emotions – so just what we were talking about before – were found to engage with music, primarily as a way to regulate depression, fear and stress.

P: Mmm.

M: And then people who reported more positive emotions overall were found to use music largely as a replacement for social interaction.

P: I like this idea of using music as a replacement, I think that’s again that’s a solution-based perspective. They’re going ‘What can I control? I can control how I feel by using music when I can’t see my friends or reminding me of my friends because of a certain musical interlude or a certain musical experience.

M: And then more than that, a lot of musical people went out and made music.

P: Ah, oh yes! Yes, go the creatives.

M: Absolutely, and they have gone viral in so many ways. So, the company I work for has a fabulous employee who also plays guitar and sings. And she created a ‘Corona sucks’ video.

P: Laugh!

M: Where she lamented all the things that we’re all experiencing that we’ve mentioned many times here before. You know, the stretchy pants and the extra five kilograms we’ve all put on.

P: Laugh.

M: The fact that our hair is twice as long as when we started. There’s some very interesting men with some pretty interesting haircuts.

P: Yep, laugh.

M: Or lack of haircuts. Or they’ve just taken to the razor and taken it all off.

P: Laugh, yeah I’ve seen that.

M: Yep, laugh.

P: I’ve seen some guys come in with some coifs going ‘I just want my barber to be open.’

M: Laugh, mmm.

P: And then you see the guys coming in, ‘Yeah, the wife got to me.’

M: Laugh. And they’ve got a number one.

P: Yep, all over. Laugh.

M: Laugh.

P: Bowler cut.

M: Yep.

P: Laugh.

M: So, a lot of people have been making music about our experiences, and again that really can bond people.

P: Mmm.

M: Help you to know that you’re not alone.

P: Absolutely. There’s a wonderful story of a mutual friend of ours Marie, fabulous Brazilian boy. When the first lockdown happened, he manages a hotel in Sydney and they were part of the… Oh, the words escaped me.

M: Group of quarantine hotels?

P: Yes, the group of quarantine hotels. And on the last night at the 14 day quarantine. So, night 13 our friend Lucas organised for a DJ to come into the courtyard and played all these disco tunes for the people who are in lockdown, who could I think they could open their windows slightly. And they were all kind of dancing around in the disco.

M: Laugh.

P: And I thought, ‘What a wonderful way to bring a group of people who can’t actually communicate or even speak to each other together.

M: They can’t leave their rooms.

P: Yeah, and give them a little celebration. And there was another video that went viral in Sydney of a Sydney drag queen –

M: Yes!

P: – who jumped out on the roof of her apartment building and set up a disco ball and a DJ and got someone to film her doing full drag in the summer sun whilst everyone else was locked up in their rooms, laugh! I thought it was rather fabulous!

M: And do you remember early on in Covid. So, this would have been March, April last year in Italy with people playing on their balconies?

P: Oh, yes! That was amazing. Yes.

M: Yeah.

P: That was incredible!

M: Power of music! Laugh.

P: It is so powerful. And it has such an ability to change your mood. Which is why I’m interested about your point Marie in terms of its not the music, that’s the solution, it’s the behaviour around it.

M: Yes, so again, I think it’s like everything we talk about. You’ve got to be mindful, right?

P: Mmm.

M: Right? So, just putting on a playlist in the background and reading a book and not really registering it, it just becomes background noise.

P: Yep.

M: If, even that same playlist the next day, if you put it on and decided, you’re just going to head bang to it around the lounge room.

P: Laughter!

M: Very different physical and mental response to those two scenarios.

P: Mmm, Ok. And that elevates your mood. It’s that physical response to the music, which is actually doing the things with the neurotransmitters and changing the brain waves and the connections.

M: Physical, physiological, psychological response, all of it together so you don’t have to jump up and down and head bang.

P: Laugh.

M: I don’t want people to hurt their necks, but you maybe sit and just meditate or something over the music. I learnt that the other day, meditation, it’s a thing.

P: Laugh! I’m actually more buying into the head banging thing, because for me, being a former dancer, I wasn’t a technician, I was a musical performer like music. Music and movement was the thing, and I could perform or dance to a certain piece of music in such a way that was completely different to something else. And for me, it is that physical response. It’s that buying into the, putting Julie Andrews on with the opening of The Sound of Music and throwing yourself into a pirouette and spinning out into the backyard, going ‘The hills are alive!’ You know, that laugh.

M: I would have gone with Queen.

P: Yeah, everyone has their, has their breakout song.

M: Queen!

P: Yeah, you do. You jump around, you make yourself physical and I think this is, this is definitely a key for it.

M: I don’t know anyone that can play Bohemian Rhapsody without screaming it from the roof tops.

P: Laugh!

M: And then when, when that guitar solo comes in, laugh!

P: That guitar moment, yeah.

M: The headbang! Yeah.

P: I blame Wayne’s World for that one. I don’t think anyone ever did the head banger before Wayne’s World.

M: Laugh.

P: If you can’t remember Wayne’s World kiddies, look it up. Laugh!

M: There you go. There’s another cultural reference for your Netflix watching, laugh.

P: There you go. I want to just jump in here Marie and mention that it’s not only during Covid that music has been used a coping mechanism. There’s a lot of references to music being used as a coping mechanism in other great trials of humankind. And, of course, one of those is the Holocaust from the Second World War in Nazi Germany.

M: Yes.

P: There was a lot of music being used by people in the concentration camps and people in Auschwitz and things like that to find emotional comfort and also to connect because they couldn’t speak to people in the other gulags. But they could hear them, and it was as simple as whistling. And there’s a story of one young boy who actually whistled along with the band, and it resulted in him getting less, less duties in the concentration camp.

So, there was this lovely connection. I’ve got a couple of quotes here,

‘Music gave us so much. To escape, even for a few moments to a “normal” world. Music allowed us a complete disconnect and emotionally escape from the horrors of the daily life.’

M: That’s so powerful.

P: It’s completely powerful.

M: What do I say after that? [Nervous laugh]

P: Yeah, and it’s momentous. And even after that, it’s that buying in. And again, it’s mindfulness because when you hear the strains of something beautiful. I mean, if anyone’s watched Schindler’s List that that haunting melody it can definitely suspend whatever moment you’re in. And if you can buy into that and choose to listen and disengaged for that 30 seconds that can provide that respite and it can even provide connection.

M: It can take you to another time and place. I think it was, was it a week ago?, two weeks ago? That I wrote to you and I was almost balling, laugh. This is again another Corona stress-filled moment.

P & M : Laugh.

M: Baby Mine came on my playlist.

P: Oh! Disney!

M: From Dumbo, and Dumbo was the movie that we had on VHS when I was little and it was what I watched probably 50 times.

P & M: Laugh.

M: But it was my sick movie, that and Annie, and I watched Dumbo a lot. And so, Baby Mine came on this playlist, laugh. And I got all teary and emotional.

P: Laugh!

M: Poor Dumbo, his mother behind bars.

P: Laugh. Yep, totally agree with that one.

M: And it really just took me back to being in my lounge room on my orange velvet couch.

P: Oh wow!

M: Yeah, yeah. We were out of the seventies. We held onto it a bit longer than we should have.

P: Laugh!

M: But comfy couch. It really just took me back to that place and time. So, I’m just sitting here in my first world home with my income and with my husband and cats. And that was such a wonderful experience of escapism for me as well.

P: Mmm.

M: That was meaningful, but yeah, absolutely there are people going through tougher times than us, definitely.

P: Yep.

M: And music has helped people who have been through probably one of the worst periods.

P: Mmm. And it can help you, I think. And that’s the thing if you are feeling like you’re struggling, maybe give music a go.

M: Well, I think again, as we’re saying, give something a go.

P: Mmm, mmm. Find something you can control and give it a shot. See how you feel, buy in.

M: Absolutely, buy in. We’re no longer cynics you know, you’ve kind of convinced me to buy in.

P: Laugh, yeah.

M: We might need to change the name of the show pretty soon, laugh.

P: No, because I think I have moved into the cynic world.

M & P: Laugh.

P: I had a little moment last night, where someone was talking about a certain esoteric absence and I was like, ‘what a crocker!’

M: Laugh!

P: I’m like ‘Oh dear. What has this show done to me? Laugh! I want science. I want studies, I want scientific evidence-based research! Laugh.’

M: I love it, and soon we will be one Peter.

P: Laugh! Oh, youngling.

M & P: Laugh.

M: All right, well, I think we might wrap it up there for today. But we will also maybe finish our episode with a clip from one of Pete’s favourite songs.

P: [Gasp] Oh!

M: I’m not going to tell you what it is. But our producer Lea, will end our episode with that.

P: Laugh!

M: So, until next week.

P: I’m going to have to listen back now.

M & P: Laugh!

M: All right, bye everyone.

P: Have a happy week.

[Snippet from the song supercalifragilisticexpialidocious in Mary Poppins – Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke]

It’s supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious
If you say it loud enough, you’ll always sound precocious
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay

[start of fade out]

Because I was afraid to speak when I was just a lad
Me father gave me nose a tweak and told me I was bad
But then one day I learned a word that saved me achin’ nose
The biggest word you ever heard and this is how it goes

[faded out]

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: happiness, music, resilience, stress

11 Must-Read Books on Happiness

08/09/2021 by Marie

Must Read Books on Happiness

From the best books based on the science of happiness to top happiness books with the most inspirational and powerful personal journeys, here are the top 11 must-read books on happiness.  

Searching for the Perfect Book on Happiness? 

Are you looking for must-read books about happiness? Or maybe you’re searching for something different to dive into in 2021. If ever there was a time to find happiness, this would be it. Financial stress, loneliness and depression are all on the rise. Add to that the ever-increasing pressures of our modern world, social media, and general information overload it’s no wonder that burnout is also increasing.  

So, where can you turn to find your happiness? In this article, we explore the 11 all-time, must-read, best-selling books on happiness. These books not only look at different aspects of human happiness but will explain and teach you the skills needed to find your happiness. So, with a little bit of knowledge and some small changes, we can all achieve a happier, healthier life.   

Books Based on the Science of Happiness  

1. The Art of Happiness – the Dalai Lama & Howard C. Cutler 

“The very motion of our life is towards happiness.” – Dalai Lama

A beloved classic – the original book on happiness, with new material from His Holiness the Dalai Lama. Nearly every time you see him, he’s laughing, or at least smiling. And he makes everyone else around him feel like smiling. He’s the Dalai Lama, the spiritual and temporal leader of Tibet, a Nobel Prize winner, and a hugely sought-after speaker and statesman. Why is he so popular? Even after spending only a few minutes in his presence, you can’t help feeling happier. 

The Art of Happiness is the ultimate happiness book. Through conversations, stories, and meditations, the Dalai Lama shows us how to defeat day-to-day anxiety, insecurity, anger, and discouragement. He explores many facets of everyday life, including relationships, loss, and the pursuit of wealth, to illustrate how to ride through life’s obstacles on a deep and abiding source of inner peace.  

Based on 2,500 years of Buddhist meditations, mixed with a healthy dose of common sense, The Art of Happiness is a book that crosses the boundaries of traditions to help readers with difficulties common to all human beings. This book has touched countless lives and uplifted spirits around the world. 

2. Authentic Happiness – Martin Seligman  

An international bestseller, Authentic Happiness launched the revolutionary new science of Positive Psychology—and sparked a debate on the nature of real happiness. According to esteemed psychologist and bestselling author Martin Seligman, happiness is not the result of good genes or luck. Real, lasting happiness comes from focusing on one’s personal strengths rather than weaknesses—and working with them to improve all aspects of one’s life.  

Using practical exercises, brief tests, and a dynamic website program, Seligman shows readers how to identify their highest virtues and use them in ways they haven’t yet considered. Accessible and proven, Authentic Happiness is the most powerful work of popular psychology in years. 

3. The Happiness Advantage – 7 Principles that Fuel Success and Performance at Work. – Shawn Achor  

“Happiness is a Choice, happiness spreads, and happiness is an advantage.”  – Shawn Achor 

We’ve been taught that if we work hard, we will be successful, and then we’ll be happy. If we can just find that great job, get a raise, lose those five pounds, happiness will follow. But recent discoveries in the field of positive psychology have shown that this formula is actually backward: happiness fuels success, not the other way around. 

When we are positive, our brains become more engaged, creative, motivated, energetic, resilient, and productive. This discovery has been repeatedly supported by research in psychology and neuroscience, management studies, and the bottom lines of organizations around the world. 

Shawn Achor, who spent over a decade living, researching, and lecturing at Harvard University, draws on his own research—including one of the largest studies of happiness and potential at Harvard and at large companies like UBS and KPMG—to share strategies for how to fix this broken formula in The Happiness Advantage.  

Using case studies from his work with thousands of Fortune 500 executives in 42 countries, Achor explains how we can reprogram our brains to become more positive, and ultimately more successful at work. A must-read for everyone trying to excel in a world of increasing workloads, stress, and negativity, The Happiness Advantage at its core is about how to reap the benefits of a happier and more positive mind-set to achieve the extraordinary in our work and in our lives. 

4. Stumbling on Happiness – Daniel Gilbert

“What makes humans different from every other animal is that they think about the future.” – Daniel Gilbert 

Bringing to life scientific research in psychology, cognitive neuroscience, philosophy, and behavioural economics, this bestselling book reveals what scientists have discovered about the uniquely human ability to imagine the future, and about our capacity to predict how much we will like it when we get there. 

In this brilliant, witty, and accessible book, renowned Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert describes the foibles of imagination and illusions of foresight that cause each of us to misconceive our tomorrows and misestimate our satisfactions. With great insight and accessible writing, Gilbert explains why we seem to know so little about the hearts and minds of the people we are about to become.

5. The How of Happiness – Sonja Lyubomirsky

“You can change your personal capacity for happiness.” – Sonja Lyubomirsky

Drawing on her own ground-breaking research with thousands of men and women, research psychologist and University of California professor of psychology Sonja Lyubomirsky has pioneered a detailed yet easy-to-follow plan to increase happiness in our day-to-day lives — in the short term and over the long term. 

The How of Happiness is a different kind of happiness book, one that offers a comprehensive guide to understanding what happiness is, and isn’t, and what can be done to bring us all closer to the happy life we envision for ourselves. Using more than a dozen uniquely formulated happiness-increasing strategies, The How of Happiness offers a new and potentially life-changing way to understand our innate potential for joy and happiness as well as our ability to sustain it in our lives. 

 

6. Happier – Tal Ben-Shahar  

“This fine book shimmers with a rare brand of good sense that is imbedded in scientific knowledge about how to increase happiness. It is easy to see how this is the backbone of the most popular course at Harvard today.” – Martin E. P. Seligman, author of Authentic Happiness

Can you learn to be happy? YES . . . according to the teacher of Harvard University’s most popular and life-changing course. One out of every five Harvard students has lined up to hear Tal Ben-Shahar’s insightful and inspiring lectures on that ever-elusive state: Happiness. 

Grounded in the revolutionary “positive psychology” movement, Ben-Shahar ingeniously combines scientific studies, scholarly research, self-help advice, and spiritual enlightenment. He weaves them together into a set of principles that you can apply to your daily life. Once you open your heart and mind to Happier ’s thoughts, you will feel more fulfilled, more connected . . . and, yes, happier. 

7. The Power of Now – Eckhart Tolle 

This book has been translated into 30 languages and sold millions of copies worldwide. Eckhart says he receives millions of letters from people who say the book has transformed their lives – including Oprah Winfrey, Meg Ryan and Cher. Yet, in true cynic style, Eckhart admits that many people still simply don’t get it, in fact, Time Magazine wrote: “But the book, awash in spiritual mumbo jumbo (“The good news is that you can free yourself from your mind”), will be unhelpful for those looking for practical advice.”  

Cynics aside, this book has become a classic for all those looking to find joy in life. To make the journey into the Now, Tolle says we need to leave our analytical mind and its false created self, the ego, behind. Through Tolle’s book, we learn to move rapidly into a significantly higher altitude where we breathe a lighter air. We become connected to the indestructible essence of our Being, “The eternal, ever present One Life beyond the myriad forms of life that are subject to birth and death.”   

Although the journey is challenging, Eckhart Tolle uses simple language and an easy question and answer format to guide us. A word-of-mouth phenomenon since its first publication, The Power of Now is one of those rare books with the power to create an experience in readers, one that can radically change their lives for the better.  

Happiness Books with Powerful Personal Journeys  

8. The Happiness Project – Gretchen Rubin

One rainy afternoon, while riding a city bus, Gretchen Rubin asked herself, “What do I want from life, anyway?” She answered, “I want to be happy”—yet she spent no time thinking about her happiness.

In a flash, she decided to dedicate a year to a happiness project. The result? One of the most thoughtful and engaging works on happiness to have emerged from the recent explosion of interest in the subject. 

The Happiness Project synthesizes the wisdom of the ages with current scientific research, as Rubin brings readers along on her year to greater happiness. In fact, Rubin’s “happiness project” no longer describes just a book or a blog; it’s a movement. Happiness Project groups, where people meet to discuss their happiness projects, have sprung up across America—and across the world. Rights have been sold in more than 35 countries. Hundreds of book groups have discussed the book; professors, teachers, psychiatrists, and clergy assign it. The book has spent more than two years on the New York Times bestseller lists, and The Happiness Project was even an answer on the game-show Jeopardy! 

9. 10% Happier – Dan Harris 

“I wrote a memoir about a fidgety, sceptical newsman who reluctantly becomes a meditator to deal with his issues – and in the process of publishing it, I occasionally, to my embarrassment, found myself failing to practice what I preach. I was kind of like a dog that soils the rug, and the universe kept shoving my face into it.” 

In 2014, Dan Harris published his memoir 10% Happier. The book—which describes his reluctant embrace of meditation after a drug problem, an on-air freak-out, and an unplanned “spiritual” journey—became an instant bestseller and Dan, to his own surprise, became a public evangelist for mindfulness.  

10% Happier is a spiritual book written for – and by – someone who would otherwise never read a spiritual book. It is both a deadly serious and seriously funny look at mindfulness and meditation as the next big public health revolution. 

10. Eat, Pray, Love – Elizabeth Gilbert  

Eat, Pray, Love is a journey around the world, a quest for spiritual enlightenment, and a story for anyone who has battled with divorce, depression, and heartbreak. 

It’s 3 a.m., and Elizabeth Gilbert is sobbing on the bathroom floor. She’s in her 30s, she has a husband, a house, they’re trying for a baby – and she doesn’t want any of it. A bitter divorce and a turbulent love affair later, she emerges battered and bewildered, and realises it is time to pursue her own journey in search of three things she has been missing: pleasure, devotion, and balance. 

So, she travels to Rome, where she learns Italian from handsome, brown-eyed identical twins and gains 25 pounds; to an ashram in India, where she finds that enlightenment entails getting up in the middle of the night to scrub the temple floor; and to Bali, where a toothless medicine man of indeterminate age offers her a new path to peace: simply sit still and smile. And slowly, happiness begins to creep up on her… 

11. The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World – the Dalai Lama & Archbishop Desmond Tutu

An instant New York Times bestseller. Two spiritual giants. Five days. One timeless question. Nobel Peace Prize Laureates His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu have survived more than fifty years of exile and the soul-crushing violence of oppression. Despite their hardships—or, as they would say, because of them—they are two of the most joyful people on the planet. 

In April 2015, Archbishop Tutu travelled to the Dalai Lama’s home in Dharamsala, India, to celebrate His Holiness’s eightieth birthday and to create what they hoped would be a gift for others. They looked back on their long lives to answer a single burning question: How do we find joy in the face of life’s inevitable suffering? 
 
They traded intimate stories, teased each other continually, and shared their spiritual practices. By the end of a week filled with laughter and punctuated with tears, these two global heroes had stared into the abyss and despair of our time and revealed how to live a life brimming with joy. 
 
This book offers us a rare opportunity to experience their astonishing and unprecedented week together, from the first embrace to the final good-bye. In this unique collaboration, they offer us the reflection of real lives filled with pain and turmoil in the midst of which they have been able to discover a level of peace, of courage, and of joy to which we can all aspire in our own lives. 

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources! 

Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: Books, happiness, HappyLife, learning

The Power of WOOP-ing (E83)

06/09/2021 by Marie

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about the powerful new strategy for wish fulfilment, devised by a German-American Psychologist, called WOOP. 

Show notes

WOOP – Dr Gabriele Oettingen

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

P: Howdy. Howdy. Howdy.

M: Hi, hi!

P: Hi.

M: I’ve never said “hi, hi!” in my life. Why is that becoming my thing.

P & M: Laugh.

M: [Singing] Hi ho, hi ho,

P: Laughter! We’ve gone Disney, laugh.

M: [Singing] it’s off to work we go.

P: Laugh.

M: Today we’re talking about the power of WOOP-ing

P: Whoop, whoop! What is WOOP-ing?

M: Whoop, whoop! Laugh.

P: I don’t know anything about this one. So, this is all Marie, laugh.

M: All right, so today we’re talking about German American psychologist Gabrielee Oettingen’s strategy for wish or goal fulfilment. And it’s called WOOP. And the reason we’re talking about wish or goal fulfilment is that we understand that you’ve joined our show to talk about happiness.

P: Laugh.

M: And so, you have a want or a need to be happy or happier and that maybe there’s some change that needs to happen. And in order for you to make those changes in your life to perhaps find time to bring meditation into your weekly habits or to do more exercise or to start a journaling practise.

P: Ok.

M: Or gratitude practise, all of the many things to actually change is hard. It really is hard.

P: Laugh.

M: And as we’ve mentioned before, I nearly died. And that is the only reason I have flipped from being such a cynic for this stuff to buying in wholeheartedly. Right?

P: Mmm.

M: And you shouldn’t have to die –

P: Except for meditating, laugh.

M: Except for meditation, yeah.

P: Laugh.

M: It’s a step too far.

P: Laugh.

M: Shh. However, you shouldn’t have to die or have to have a huge –

P: Life changing moment, yeah.

M: – traumatic experience in order to make change. So, this is us coming in and trying to give you the tools to help you make change, to be happier in your life.

P: So this is the, getting down and working people.

M: Doing the hard yards.

P: Yeah, he he he. Is this where we launch into: Hi ho, Hi ho! It’s off to work, we go!

M: [Singing] Hi ho, Hi ho, it’s off to work, we go!

P: Laugh! You can’t see, but Marie is doing some very deep shoulder action. Laughter!

M: Got my pickaxe over my shoulder.

P: Laugh!

M: So, WOOP. W-O-O-P.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: Is yet another acronym that we’re throwing your way.

P: Laugh.

M: It is a motivational strategy, so it uses visualisation. Don’t hang up on us now.

P: Laugh.

M: Stick with us.

P: We just lost all the cynics, “visualisation? I’m out of here, bye!” Laugh!

M: Here’s the thing for all you cynics. Don’t knock it till you try it, is what I’m going to say.

P: Ooh! Laugh.

M: So many years I knocked it, but I didn’t really try it.

P: So many times, laugh!

M: Mmm hmm. So, WOOP is a motivational strategy.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: Which uses visualisation techniques to help people develop good habits and break out of harmful ones.

P: Breaking habits is hard for anyone. And who doesn’t make a New Year’s resolution and go yes, this year I’m going to do this. And what a lot of people miss is they miss the step of breaking the bad habit and investing in a new habit. That’s hard, Yaka.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: It’s not easy. And so, this is a straight lift of a technique that you can apply to try and make that new habit.

M: Yeah, and to make it stick. And we’ve talked about neural pathways before. When you’re creating new habits, you’re also concurrently breaking other habits, whether they’re not necessarily bad habits.

P: Yep.

M: But you’re replacing one way of doing things with another way of doing things, and it takes time to build that neural pathway. So this is a great technique that you can use to help build that. And, for instance, when I started doing gratitude as a daily practise, I would forget all the time.

P & M: Laugh!

M: It just wasn’t something that was part of my routine. And now it is.

P: Mmm.

M: And now to the point that my husband goes, “You haven’t done the gratitude yet.” Laugh.

P: Oh, wow! Even Francis is buying.

M: I know! He is, laugh.

P: Wow! Nice.

M: Laugh. Okay, so this WOOP or WOOP-ing technique or motivational strategy is developed by someone that we just need to dedicate just a minute to because Pete and I both found this kind of cool.

P: Laugh!

M: So, she is a German American psychologist, and her name is Gabriele Oettingen.  She’s a professor of psychology at New York University and the University of Hamburg, And…

P: She’s a princess!

M: A German Princess! How cool is that?

P: A German Princess, I said before, I want to play that part of when I walk into my next high society class/ social function.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: [Upper-class refined voice] “I’m a professor of psychology, and I’m a Princess.”

M: Mmm hmm. A German Princess, thank you very much.

P: Laugh!

M: So I’m going to dust off my high school German.

P: Ooh.

M: And try and read you her full name. So, it is Princess Gabriele zu Oettingen-Oettingen and Oettingen-Spielberg.

P: Why do they have so many names?

M: I think, many cultures unlike ours, keep a hold of the previous generations last name and hyphenate. It looks like that’s probably what they’ve done here.

P: Well, she’s… The lineage goes back to 1141, that’s huge.

M: One of the oldest existing families in Bavaria.

P: Yeah, that’s amazing.

M: So, Gabriele’s father was the ninth Prince of Oettingen-Oettingen and Oettingen-Spielberg.

P: Sorry, I’m laughing [Muppet voice] ‘Oettingen-Oettingen hygge.’

M: Hygge, laugh. Different countries, by the way. So, we’ve spent our one minute on the lovely Princess and Dr Gabriele zu Oettingen-Oettingen and Oettingen-Spielberg.

P: Laugh.

M: And now let’s get into WOOP. So, so this is, and this sounds really kind of cool and a bit sexual.

P: Laugh!

M: It is a fantasy realisation theory.

P: Oh. Well you got me at fantasy.

M: What we mean by that is wish realisation theory.

P: Oh, yeah. Got it.

M: Now there’s nothing, there’s nothing sexual really about that.

P: No, not at all sexual. I’m all into dragons and you know –

M: – Oh! fantasy.

P: Yeah.

M: Laugh!

P: You know, taking a ring and wandering off to the New Zealand mountains with unicorns and all sorts of mythical creatures.

M: So, what… We’re going to go with Dr Gabriele, So they don’t have to say the whole name every single time.

P: Laugh.

M: What Dr Gabriele has found through her research is that mentally contrasting future and present realities, i.e. what could be with what is, changes cognition, emotion and behaviour.

P: Ooh.

M: So, the cognitive and motivational processes are what is responsible for making WOOP work. So, you go through the process. We talked about how it’s a visualisation technique.

P: Yep.

M: But you go through the steps and you visualise and you do what you need to do, and your brain actually changes along with you. So, this is the first part of putting those new neural pathways into practise.

P: Mmm, I like this. I like this idea.

M: So WOOP involves, in case you couldn’t guess, four steps! Because it’s a four letter acronym!

P: Laugh.

M: And WOOP is about finding a Wish…

P: That’s the W. [Singing] A dream is a wish, your heart makes…

M: Exactly. That was such a throw, Pete.

P: Sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I was like ‘Why did she stop talking?’

M: Laugh! I was like, come on, we’re talking about a wish here.

P & M: Laugh.

M: Okay, So WOOP is about finding Wish, envisioning the Outcome, finding the Obstacles and formulating a Plan. So:

  • Wish,
  • Outcome,
  • Obstacles,
  • Plan.

P: WOOP.

M: It’s a type of psychological strategy that is well known and known as MCII or Mental Contrasting with Implementation Intentions.

P: Wow, is that just a fancy way of saying projection?

M: Mmm…

P: I’m sure it’s more complicated…

M: Contrasting with a real delivery or implementation focus.

P: Mmm.

M: Well, what is? What could be? And how do I get there? How do I bridge the gap?

P: Mmm OK.

M: And it is very similar to what a lot of change management professionals do in a corporate setting.

P: It is? Ahh.

M: What is the current state today? What is the future state we want to get to? How do we get from A to B? Yeah. So, WOOP has a website.

woopmylife.org

P: Laugh, I like that.

M: Yep.

P: Whoop my life!

M: [Singing] Whoop, there it is.

P: Laugh.

M: I had to go there, laugh. And they currently have about 60,000 visits a month on their website and 77,000 WOOP app downloads and a book.

P: Wow!

M: So you can go spend a whole lot of time looking more deeply into all of this, But we’re going to cover at a high level how WOOP works now so that you can maybe start to put in practise off the back of this episode.

P: Laugh.

M: So, firstly, you need to set aside about 15 to 20 minutes by yourself in a quiet place. Next you need to have your goal.

  1. Your wish, your W in the Woop. So, it needs to be feasible.

M: So, you being a Princess, Pete, not feasible.

P: Oh, Come on! I can walk in heels, laugh.

M: Not feasible, laugh.

P: Oh, boo! Laugh!

M: You being a transvestite, feasible.

P & M: Laugh!

M: Pop those heels on and strut honey strut.

P: Laugh. As I do, laugh.

M: So, you might decide that you want to introduce meditation into your week three times a week.

P: Done!

M: That might be feasible, but it could also be challenging.

P: Yes.

M: Given that you’re working from home in Covid and you have young kids around you.

P: Sure.

M: That could be the challenge, finding time to get away and hide from the Children.

P: Yeah, for sure.

M: So, what you need to do is identify your wish and make sure it’s feasible but challenging and the next you need to, and this is where the visualisation comes in, so sit quietly.

  • You’re going to identify and vividly imagine the best Outcomes [wOop].

P: So, projecting that image of me doing meditation in a space in the place and actually seeing it?

M: And not only that, not only that, what that will give you.

P: Ok. Oh, the outcome, of course.

M: Why is meditation the thing that you picked? Why is exercise the thing you picked? Why is gratitude thing that you picked? So, what are you ultimately trying to get to? If it’s exercise, it might be decreasing stress and getting that six pack, right?

P: Laugh.

M: Let’s visualise what it is that you want as an end goal of not only doing the activity but the end result.

P: Ok, yeah.

M: The wish.

P: Got it.

M: Okay, so sit there and spend a good five minutes, it’s only five minutes of your entire life.

P: Laugh.

M: But spend the five minutes actually, visualising that, how will you feel. You know, if you can add any of your senses in there, what will it look like?

How will it smell? Taste? What are the tangible things that you’ll be able to experience if you achieve that wish and the outcomes?

P: Yep.

M: Next,

  • You’re going to search for the central Obstacles in you [woOp].

P: Ok.

M: I love that it’s Obstacles In You!

P: Mmm, that’s very telling.

M: That really helps you understand. And we just spent some time talking about control, spheres of control.

P: Yep.

M: What can you control and remove as barriers to your success?

P: Yeah, yep.

M: What is in the way, in you?

P: Mmm and not externalising it. It’s not about the kids running around. It’s like, why are you choosing not to give yourself time? Why are you choosing to dismiss this important aspect of your life? Very important self-reflection.

M: Absolutely. So, after identifying the central or the top few inner obstacles.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: You need to then go back to the imagination and visualisation. So, I want you to visually imagine it occurring. So, asking your husband after he’s been home for half an hour and has decompressed himself. If you can leave the house for 30 minutes.

P: Hmm.

M: And going to your local park and sitting on a bench and doing your meditation for 20 minutes in silence there.

P: Cool. Like it.

M: Or, you know, again we’re going with that example.

P: Laugh.

M: But whatever it is you need, visualise and vividly imagine all the steps that are needed to remove those barriers. Write down those specific actions, those things. So again, just reinforce those things that you need to do to get over the obstacles that you see might be in your way.

P: Ok.

M: And then

  • Finally, we’re going to form a Plan [wooP], and the form of this plan is, ‘if I do this obstacle, then I will get closer to the goal.’

M: So, it’s the action to overcome the obstacle. So if I talk to my husband tonight about needing a 30 minute time out in the evenings, after being home all day with the kids.

P: Yep.

M: And if I make sure that I can get to the park before you know eight PM at night, whatever it is that works within your schedule, then I’m going to be able to sit down for 20 minutes and meditate and feel happier and more relaxed and less stressed and able to enjoy the rest of my week with my kids and my family.

P: Mmm, yeah. It’s an interesting, slightly different approach in that it’s actually naming the obstacles.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And I think this is the big difference about this approach is spending some time looking at not only what you want and what you desire, but what’s in the way. What is going to stop you from achieving this? And Doctor Pulkit Sharma is a contemporary psychologist, and he says that this approach makes sense when we’re simply talking about positive thinking, that in itself cannot accomplish much at the base level of thoughts.

M: Mmm.

P: Whereas Dr Gabriele’s approach tells you to focus on the obstacles, it takes fantasy into action that turns into reality.

M: Absolutely.

P: Very proactive.

M: This is making it real and really breaking it down. So, you know what steps need to be taken.

P: Mmm.

M: And if you’re talking about a wish that is a real departure from your comfort zone or what you’ve done in the past and might be a challenge for other people around you. It might take some time to work through these challenges, but at least you’ve got them there and you understand your path to success.

P: It’s a very practical approach, isn’t it? It’s taking that, when you first started talking about you were talking about fantasy and visualisation… But when you actually look at the technique, this is looking at the hard yards ass of this. Excuse me for swearing, but it’s looking at the tangible things that we need to change. That’s incredibly practical.

M: Yep, absolutely.

P: So, this should suit all out cynics out there and get them on board because it is something they can really focus on.

M: And on the topic of practical, it’s so important, and Dr Gabriele talks about making sure that it’s within your realm of control. So again, being a size six by Christmas is just not going to happen for me.

P: Yep. Okay.

M: Just not going to happen. I’m over 40 now.

P: Laugh.

M: I’ve said it and I have other things going on in my life as well, and I like food, and that’s a challenge.

P: Yep.

M: That’s one of my many challenge.

P: Yeah, laugh.

M: And even if I was to exercise and eat well between now and Christmas, being a size six is highly unlikely without doing some real damage to myself quite frankly.

P: Yeah, and being dangerous.

M: Yeah, and so it’s really out of my control. And aiming for that only does more harm than good.

P: Mmm.

M: She’s really clear to say, don’t use WOOP for wishes that are outside your control.

P: Ok.

M: Or outside your sphere of influence, which we’ve spoken about recently as well. So, the team that has done experiments around this WOOP technique has found that putting future outcomes against the obstacle tweaks are non-conscious brain circuits.

P: Ooh.

M: So, there’s a lot going on around this technique that’s backed by science and how our brains work as well. It’s not just, you know, the next coach, business coach or leadership coach who’s come up with an acronym.

P: Laugh, yeah.

M: There’s real science behind a lot of this stuff. The team said they did a lot of questioning on how mental contrasting works and the research shows that focusing on both the desired future and the obstacle in yourself is helpful to get engaged and to get out of that passivity and hopelessness.

P: Mmm.

M: So, it’s really about, as you said, getting started on making the change rather than just thinking about it.

P: Mmm hmm, yeah.

M: So, focusing on the desired future provides a direction to act, and focusing on the obstacle provides the energy to act.

P: There’s no point going into a battle if you don’t know the opposition. It’s about doing your homework before… I’m thinking Gladiator, walking into an arena and not knowing that there’s going to be three lions coming at you means that you’re not prepared. So, identifying the obstacle.

M: Yeah, but more than that, knowing that there’s three lions and then knowing how to kill each of them.

P: Yeah, exactly.

M: Right?

P: It’s very practical, yeah.

M: Absolutely. Okay, the WOOP technique just to start summarising… You’ve got a few good quotes actually here, Pete, that you wanted to throw in from people who have been using the whoop technique.

P: I talked about Dr Sharma before, and I’ll go back to Dr Gabriele herself, “The obstacles we think most impede us from fulfilling our wishes can help us realise them. WOOP instructs us to dream our future dreams (first) but (then) to imagine what obstacles in our psyche prevent us from achieving them”.

A WOOP user, Kamakshi Sinha, sorry for butchering that name, says that this has really helped her identify doable wishes, even though she can identify the hurdles in the if and then plan, she has a tangible approach to that. And again, Dr Sharma concurs, saying these approaches need intrinsic motivation in his 17 years of experience most approaches depend on you to change, so it is not a magical power or formula. It needs burning desire!

M: Come on, you just said magical, and you didn’t go Disney?

P: Laugh, I was on a roll and I’m on a time constraint here!

M: Laugh.

P: If I keep going it could be another 20 minutes here. Laugh!

M: All right, well, we are coming to the end here, so that’s a really good place to end. You’ve got to want to change.

P: Yeah.

M: But this is really about breaking it down into practical steps that you can take and then couple that with the research in neuroscience about changing behaviour. You’ve then got to stick with it. And as we’ve said, easy to say, not so easy to do.

P: Laugh.

M: We’ve all set New Year’s resolutions that –

P: Failed miserably.

M: -we’ve forgotten about very quickly. Laugh.

P: Yeah.

M: Moving on, laugh.

P: So, if you have been that sort of person and you haven’t had some tangible tools to actually deal with it. This is one of them that you can actually try.

M: Yeah, and then that next really tangible step that you can do is pop these into your diary.

P: Mmm.

M: So, that’s the final piece of advice that I’ll throw in there. It’s not part of WOOP, but it’s definitely part of a lot of the science of change and making change and personal change. So, once you’ve done all of your visualisation, you’ve worked out your Wish, your Outcome, your Obstacles and you formulated your Plan. Pop the steps into your diary and you’re more likely to do them.

P: Sounds good.

M: And on that note, we’ll leave it there until next week.

P: Go and be a German princess.

M: Please do.

P & M: Laughter.

M: See you next week.

P: Bye.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: fulfilment, goal, happiness, wish

Are You Really Happy?

01/09/2021 by Marie

Are You Really Happy

Could You Honestly Say You Are Truly Happy in Life? 

Picture this. You finish up a manic period of work and dash to the airport to catch a flight for your annual holiday – seven days at a 5-star all-inclusive resort. The food is excellent, and the drinks keep flowing. You’re with your partner or best friend, wandering up and down white sand beaches, splashing in the crystal blue and turquoise waters of the ocean. You get massages and even head out for several spectacular day trips. Too soon, your time comes to an end, although you sneak in a few free drinks on the flight back to hold on to the holiday vibes for a little bit longer. 

How do you feel upon your return? Hopefully relaxed, maybe a bit zen, and more than anything happy? Maybe you bound into work on Monday morning, keen to pick up your work and chat to your colleagues about your trip. But what happens on day two or three? How about after five days or two weeks? As your tan and holiday glow begin to fade, most likely you begin to feel like your normal old self again. Most likely, you return to your normal happiness levels. 

What is the Happiness Set Point? 

Psychologists would say that you are returning to your happiness set point – a psychological concept which describes how our happiness goes up and down in response to good and bad events in our lives, but that in between those highs and lows, we each return to our own base level. This is how happy you are on a day-to-day basis. As Dr. Robert Puff explains, even if you win the lottery, your feelings of happiness will soar sky-high and then return to the same normal level they are at most of the time for you. On the flip side, in his book The Resilience Project, Hugh van Cuylenburg describes his time teaching poor kids in India, “I met a kid who was nine years old and slept on the floor like everyone else. But I remember thinking to myself, ‘I have never in my life seen joy like this before. This kid’s the happiest person I’ve ever met. I’ve never seen anything like him. How incredible. How is it this kid’s so gleefully happy?’” As Puff points out, this is because long-term happiness comes from your internal environment and not the external world. 

The average person will spend most of their time in the in between moments – not riding the highs and lows. So having a higher happiness set point is critical to living a happy life overall. It’s the difference between looking back on your life and thinking, “yes, I was truly happy in life,” or only being able to say, “there were some moments of happiness in my life.” 

We all know people who have low happiness set points: they’re the ones who are natural pessimists… the Debbie Downers of the world. Maybe you are naturally wired to be more negative or more pessimistic than most. What can you do if you sit at a four out of ten, verses say a seven out of ten? Can you raise your happiness and satisfaction levels so you are consistently happier, day in and day out? Can you raise your happiness set point?  

Thankfully the answer is yes. You can become a happier person – if not, this site wouldn’t exist!  

In 2005, researchers Sonja Lyubomirsky, Kennon M. Sheldon, and David Schkade proposed a simple pie graph which showed that there were three primary factors that influence a person’s happiness levels. They showed a person’s happiness set point is influenced by three major factors: a genetically determined set point for happiness, happiness-relevant circumstantial factors, and happiness-relevant activities and practices.  

In short, the graph shows that 50 per cent of our happiness is determined by our genetics, so it’s out of our control. Also, and 10 per cent is determined by our life circumstances, which can often be influenced but are also sometimes out of our control. Finally, 40 per cent of our happiness levels are determined by our activities. These are completely within our control and this means that what you choose to do and spend your time on can impact your happiness levels. 

Although this graph has been criticised by many (including the authors) for oversimplifying happiness, positive psychologists still tend to agree that whether it’s 15 per cent or 40 per cent that’s within our control, we still have some control. Many researchers since then have showed that introducing happiness interventions under the ‘intentional activity” category can sustainably increase happiness. 

What this means is that even though you can’t change all the determinants of happiness, you may never move from a 4 to an 8 on a happiness scale, but you might move from a 4 to a 6 – which is worth the effort in my book.  

Happiness can be successfully pursued. For some happiness may feel like a natural state, but for others it is not easy, for many people it is hard won. The key lies in our habits and behaviours. Puff writes that if you eat fast food multiple times per week and spend most of your time watching Netflix and scrolling through social media, you shouldn’t expect to feel any increase in your happiness levels.  

Happiness for no Good Reason 

To achieve that sustained happiness, it’s important not to focus on the external ‘stuff’ that many people mistake for drivers of happiness, such as getting promoted, losing 5 kilos or finding Mr or Mrs Right. Instead, we need to focus internally. Happiness comes from within.  

In her book Happy for No Reason, Marci Shimoff describes it as bringing happiness to the external environment rather than trying to suck the happiness from the outer environment. So, no matter what’s happening around us, maybe we’ve had a good day, maybe we’ve had a bad day, in the end, it doesn’t matter as our underlying and prevailing feelings are ones of happiness and peace. Regardless of whether you get promoted or find Mr Right, you’re happy anyway. 

To find that sustained happiness, we need to prioritise those intentional activities that positively impact our happiness levels. The person who is consistently happier than their happiness set point – the person who is just happy for no good reason – often is happy because of good habits. 

Neuroscientists who study the brain show that we start to form new neural pathways in the brain as we form new habits that increase our happiness level. As we continue to build our new happy habits those neural pathways get stronger and stronger, at the same time, the neural pathways for the old negative habits get weaker.  

Getting started on Your Happiness Journey 

So how do you get started on creating happiness habits? There are many models for happiness from Dr. Martin Seligman’s PERMA model to Dr. Tal Ben Shahar’s SPIRE model and more. In short, they all show that happier people prioritise activities in the following three broad categories: 

Meaning and Purpose: Firstly, they have meaning and purpose in their lives and this is often tied to a strong sense of identity and self. This is about having something to get you out of bed in the morning, and about having goals, plans and commitments. 

Community and Connection: Secondly, they have strong community and connection. They have a core group of people they can talk to and depend on. They also tend to have a wider community network, through activities like church, regular volunteering and practicing kindness. 

Health and Wellbeing: Thirdly, they practice and prioritise positive habits for a healthy body and mind. It could be getting out into nature for walks, going to the gym, or playing on a sports team, or it could be meditation, drinking water, and making sure they get 8hrs of sleep. The activity itself is less important, the main point is that resilient people prioritise their preferred self-care habits, even when life gets busy. 

Why not Start with Introducing a Gratitude Practice into Your Week? 

A really easy and scientifically proven activity which can start to change those neural pathways for the better is practicing gratitude. We’re all wired to look for the negative, it’s evolutionary. After all, the person who focused on the pretty flower over the stalking lion wouldn’t have lived long enough to pass on their genes. However, as stalking lions are no longer a priority in 21st century life, practicing gratitude can help you change that wiring. 

Gratitude works by helping you to find the good in your day and focus on that, rather than always or only focusing on the bad. It only takes a minute a day, but it balances out the things that went wrong that day, the negative news, the anger on social media and everything else that it just life nowadays.  

Also, it is really easy to do: A 2003 study by Emmons & McCullough showed that keeping a gratitude journal weekly for only 10 weeks, or daily for only two weeks, led to more positive moods, optimism about the future, and better sleep. 

So why not get started today? What have you got to lose? 


Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources! 

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: gratitude, happiness, HappinessSetPoint, meaning

Are You Getting the Rest You Need? (E82)

30/08/2021 by Marie

Happiness for Cynics

This week, Marie and Pete discuss the latest research on different types of rest, and pose the question are you getting the rest you need?

Show notes

Rest Quiz – What type of rest are you not getting?

Go to: https://www.drdaltonsmith.com/ and complete the free Rest Quiz on Dr Dalton’s website

  1. Physical rest 
  2. Mental rest 
  3. Sensory rest 
  4. Creative rest 
  5. Emotional rest 
  6. Social rest 
  7. Spiritual rest 

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

P: Hi, hi, hi 😊

M: How’s this for country hospitality. I ran away from Sydney just before the latest lockdown and have joined my husband, who’s been working up in Tamworth, which is in regional New South Wales in Australia. And instead of knocking on our door during these covid times, I got a handwritten note from our local Mormon.

P: Yep.

M: Inviting me to join them.

P: I’ve heard of this! Laugh. I like it, I think it’s funny.

M: Country hospitality, laugh!

P: Exactly. Good on them for being adaptive. I think it’s great. I think we should take note.

M: Absolutely, a handwritten note and in beautiful cursive writing. I was like wow.

P: There we go.

M: Nice, laugh.

P: But we know that church is good for us because Self-care is church for non-believers.

M: Absolutely. The rituals that church provides, absolutely.

P: Or did provide, yes.

M: Yeah. Or does for those who attend, Yep.

P: But we’re not talking about church this week, what are we talking about this week, Marie?

M: Rest! I’m tired, Pete!

P: Laugh.

M: Always tired.

P: Have a rest and a lie down.

M: Ah, that’s a really good point. A while ago, if people said they were tired, maybe, you know, have a cup of tea and then go to bed.

P: Absolutely.

M: So really, sleep is the way that we have always thought to solve that question of tiredness.

P: Mmm.

M: But today we’re going to talk about how sleep alone isn’t enough.

P: Oh!

M: And there’s so much more to rest than maybe we’ve been led to believe in the past. And we’re really taking a lot of the tips and hints and research in today’s episode from Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith. She has just written a book called Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity.

P:That’s a New Age slogan right there, laugh!

M: It sure is.

P: Now Marie, having known you for a little while, I reckon if I had read that out to you about three years ago, you would have scoffed and walked off.

M: Yeah. What a waste of money. Why would I buy that?

P: Laugh!

M: I’m gonna take my $10 and by a martini, thank you.

P & M: Laughter!

P: How we have changed, laugh!

M: Absolutely.

P: So, what does Dr. Saundra have to say about rest?

M: She says that there are seven types of rest and that really between all seven. If you take care of all seven types of rest, that impacts how you show up in the world. It impacts how you get out of bed.

P: Mmm.

M: It impacts your mood throughout the day. It impacts whether or not you drop after lunch.

P: Oh, so true!

M: It impacts whether you’re tired at night. You know, the first one to go home after a good night out with friends, it impacts your happiness levels as well.

P: Mmm.

M: So, in impacts how you show up each and every day.

P: Yeah, What I like about this approach as well is that she’s not just looking as sleep as being the only factor that’s at play here. There are so many factors that affect our sleep.

M: Yeah.

P: And what I think this this premise does is it addresses some of those lifestyle characteristics that contribute ultimately to our sleep. We know that a one-hour loss in sleep results in a 30% drop in immune function. That’s my little catchphrase from some of the stuff that I’ve read. What I like, about what Dr. Saundra is talking about is there’s always other elements in there which we can address as rest.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And changing our lifestyle habits, that really does have an impact on how we get to sleep in the positive.

M: It’s all interlinked, isn’t it?

P: Yeah, so much.

M: And so for me, with my medical history, I’ve had a long and bumpy ride with food allergies and food intolerances, and it is amazing to me how much my sleep quality is impacted by what I eat. Now that’s not everyone and that obviously we all have our own issues, and you know what you know, and you think it applies to other people.

P: Laugh.

M: When people have sleep issues, I’m like, Have you looked at your diet?

P & M: Laugh!

M: There are many reasons why we might not be getting a great night’s sleep. But for me back again and three years ago, I may not have been saying this either.

P: Laugh.

M: Mind and body are just so interlinked and everything is part of the same ecosystem. I’ve just written an article on my blog on gut health, actually, and how that your happiness.

P: Oh, yes. Yes.

M: So, I’ve got a great quote and then we’ll go into the seven types because I know everyone’s just wanting to know what seven types we’ve spoken about are.

P: Laugh.

M: So, a quote from Dr. Saundra, she says “Rest is not simply the cessation of activity, the core of rest has to be restorative.”

P: Oh.

M: And that really opens everything up to more than sleep, right?

P: Mmm, it does.

M: Which is exactly what we’ve been saying.

P: Yeah.

M: All right, so we’ll start with the first one physical rest.

P: Mmm, you need to take a break. This one applies to me actually.

M: This one is the one that we’re probably going to spend the least amount of time on is the most self-evident. There are two types of physical rest. One is passive, which is sleep.

P: Yep. Easy.

M: Right? Lay down, sleep, physical rest, tick.

P: Yep.

M: The other is an active physical rest, and this includes things like yoga or stretching or light walking. It’s just resetting your body. Gentle, rhythmic, you could probably put swimming in there maybe, gentle physical activity that is not exciting your system.

P: Mmm, downgrading.

M: Exactly, exactly.

P: She actually does list massage therapy in her Ted talk on this subject, So that’s a big tick for me! Laugh. Come get a massage, people!

M: I will do A massage over an hour of yoga any day.

P: Laugh. Ahh… good if we could get massages though… sigh.

M: Yeah. Laugh.

P: Laugh, Ok. Moving on the second type of rest is mental rest, and she talks about irritable and forgetful people, people who find it difficult concentrating at work. All these sorts of people just can’t seem to turn themselves off. What she says is, the good news is you don’t have to go on a vacation or quickly job to be able to do this. Scheduling short breaks into your day are vital. This I have to definitely put my hand up having been the person that you know works from eight o’clock in the morning, through to seven o’clock without a lunch break.

M: [Judgemental tone] Mmm hmm.

P: Laugh, this is me. Making sure that you’ve got some time where you stop and rejuvenate. Allow your energy levels to re-jig and to get some, some focus back to get some ingestion going on. Slow yourself down.

M: Slow your brain down.

P: It really helps. Yeah, it really helps.

M: Yeah, and this is also more difficult in today’s society because we are pulled in so many different directions. If you’re not sitting at a computer all day, you’ll definitely nowadays have a phone and we say we know we should turn off notifications, but so many of us don’t.

P: Yep.

M: And even when you do, you know that that little red dots sitting there after lunch.

P: Laugh!

M: You know it’s there, even though you haven’t heard a ping or buzz at you.

P: Yep, laugh.

M: So, it’s really also mental rest is about mindfulness and stopping and taking a big, deep breath. And just letting your mind wander for a bit, doing the dishes without any TV or music on and just focus on doing the dishes.

P: Mmm.

M: Or, you know, washing your hair.

P: Mmm.

M: There’s many activities during the day that we add unnecessary noise into. And our mind is just being bombarded with stuff and noise and sensory input.

P: Information overload.

M: Yeah, let your mind focus on one task or on no task.

P: This is where the cup of tea comes in really well. Having a cup of tea is the old English way of stopping.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: You stop for a cup of tea and you sit in the office, in your backyard, I sit on my balcony when the sun’s out and I have a cup of tea and it makes you stop, lovely.

M: So, this fits well into number three, which is sensory rest.

P: Mmm.

M: So, you’ve got mental rest, that’s really stopping your mind from having to think.

P: Yep.

M: But just as important. And this one really made me look at my habits.

P: Yeah.

M: I would finish a long day at work. So, I get up, I try and get some exercise in then do some writing or you know, editing the podcast or blog writing.

P: Mmm.

M: All of that kind of stuff and then I start a 10-hour workday.

P: Yeah, woah.

M: And so, at the end of the day, all I want to do is crash in front of the TV, and that doesn’t take into account the fact that you can overload on sensory input.

P: Yeah.

M: So, at the end of the day, what my brain needed was a book, or for me to have a shower and wash my hair or for me to do something that was really not going to continue to overload me from a sensory perspective.

P: Yeah, I was going to say that that sensory stimulation is coming in through your eyes, like that light pollution that we talked about before.

M: And it is. So, you sit yourself down in front of the TV and your brain is like, Oh, gosh more.

P: Again!

M: So, while you might be sort of zoning out in front of it, your brain is still processing all of those images and noises.

P: Yep.

M: Plus, you know, the dog wants to be let out for a walk and is scratching at the door, and your kids are not going to bed. And you know your husband’s asking when dinner will be ready.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: Like all of this stuff, the life stuff that adds to sensory input. And it’s really important to find some time away from all of that sensory input and get your sensory rest.

P: Yep, schedule it.

M: And then find the time. So, just to be clear, that’s no devices, no noise, no screens and no people, either. No demands on your mind.

P: Oh really? Oh.

M: This is really about shutting down, and meditation would be great, just going into the garden or just somewhere that you can really reduce your five senses.

P: Mmm.

M: Reduce the assault on those five senses and just take some quiet time. And it could be 20 minutes once a week if that’s all you can manage.

P: Yep.

M: It doesn’t have to be daily, but do you find time to, to shut down all that sensory input sometimes.

P: I like it.

M: Number four, Pete?

P: Number four, creative rest. Ah hah, creative rest is about happiness. It’s about having fun! It’s a little bit of activation, in a way. Creative rest is about taking inspiration, finding awe, so remembering the first time that you walked and saw a cliff face into the ocean. For me I’ve got images of Southern Italy with my niece and doing a trek and getting to this nunnery that looked out over this blue, blue ocean. That is creative rest.

M: Mmm.

P: That is inspiring awe and wonder and allowing yourself to take in some beauty and revel in that moment.

M: The easiest way to get this is to just get out into nature, isn’t it?

P: Yeah, she talks about that a lot, and she says that’s not the only way. But it’s the easiest, the easiest way because it makes you stop. It makes you breathe. It makes you pause because you’re in front of this incredible scenery.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And what Dr Saundra talks about as well is having that in your daily life as well. So, if you’re around on your desk having those images up and around you make a big impact. I was doing some work recently on all the supportive things that go towards making a therapeutic environment; and being a health care professional, I was sort of being informed about all these elements, and there’s a reason why you put images of greenery and rocks.

M: And Buddhism candles!

P: And Buddhism candles, laugh, in your space because that placebo effect is scientific. It has a scientific reaction on someone’s receptiveness to a treatment or therapy. So that’s another way of gaining some creative rest.

M: I remember the first apartment I ever had or rented, and I decided I was going to use red and black.

P: Laugh.

M: You know, it was cool, it was funky. I decorated with red and black, and it was aggressive.

P: Laugh!

M: I think it lasted about two days, and I was like, not happening, you know, coming back into that space.

P: Aaahhh!

M: Laugh, a murder scene had gone on in there, right.

P & M: Laugh!

M: It was just palpable the way it made you feel because it was so aggressive in its colour scheme.

P: Mmm.

M: I 100% agree with you, Pete.

P: Laugh.

M: It’s so important to get it right.

P: You know a really nice thing? Get a pot plant. Put a pot part in your workspace. It can be really small, a tiny little one, a little succulent that you don’t need to take too much care of pop it on your desk and have two and rotate them between the sun. Really good way to bring in some green.

M: I have a plant here with me in my study. And the only reason it’s here is because this is where I spend my days and otherwise the cats eat them.

P & M: Laughter!

M: So, it’s the only way I can have a plant, keeping it with me during the day so I can keep an eye on it. Laugh!

P: So the cats don’t eat it! Laugh.

M: And then at night, I close the door to my study and the plants get closed in there too.

P: Laugh. Funny.

M: So recently, as part of my certificate in happiness studies, we did a week studying meditation, and one of the –

P: Ha, ha, ha.

M: – Yes, I know you’re laughing at me because I’m still a cynic when it comes to meditation, it’s just not my jam.

P: Laugh.

M: But one of the ways you can meditate. And this is actually something that does come from studying this stuff is actually getting a deeper understanding of all the different types of meditation, and one of them is music meditation.

P: Yep.

M: And so, to this creative rest category here. A great way to get rest, creative rest, is to put on a track of music and close your eyes, sit down and really listen to it in a deep and meaningful way that you haven’t before.

P: Yep, really engage with it.

M: Yep, and that’s just a three minute exercise. And it’s part meditation, so you’re getting a bit of mental rest in there, but you’re also getting a bit of creative rest. And it’s amazing when you do it, how much you can reinterpret a song or a piece of music that you’ve known your whole life and hear new things that you’ve never noticed before.

P: Music without lyrics actually works really well for that, because it is that depriving of the senses. So going in like a violin piece or a piano piece.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: It’s really easy to engage, and it’s a type of meditation. We talked about this in a meditation episode, right in the very beginning I think it was, Marie.

M: I wasn’t listening back then.

P: Laughter!

M: That was your show, laugh.

P: Delete, laugh. Anyway.

M: I did it cause Pete wanted to do an episode on meditation and I was like ‘why?’

P: Laugh!

M: And I have to say for everyone out there listening, meditation has so much research, so much research into the benefits for you, particularly in today’s day and age, which is, you know, as we just said, such a sensory overload kind of world. So, it is not that I am arguing against the validity of it as a way to increase your health and wellness. What I’m saying is, it just doesn’t work for me. I haven’t really found my type of meditation.

P: You’ll get there, oh budding grasshopper.

M: Laugh.

P: Emotional rest.

M: Yes, number five, emotional rest. Find a good friend. Well, you know, a therapist.

P: Laugh.

M: Find a good friend or therapist, be authentic and vulnerable with and let your guard down.

P: Mmm.

M: And really, there’s still so much more research. I was just reading another piece of research that was in an article today on psychology today again saying that close relationships are so important and there’s so many reasons why and this is one of them.

P: Mmm.

M: Emotional rest, if you are constantly wearing a mask, you cannot let go or be the true you.

P: No authenticity.

M: Yeah, and sometimes it’s dangerous for you to be the real you. The environment you’re in would not allow that.

P: Yep.

M: Other times it’s emotional or mental barriers and scarring from, you know, growing up. There’s a lot that can play into this. So, we’re not saying that you have to all of a sudden come out or be authentic, but it’s worth understanding that that lack of authenticity in your life has a huge impact on your mental well-being.

P: Mmm.

M: We did also do an episode on this before, Pete.

P: Laugh, yeah.

M: And really, if you can keep searching for your tribe, the people that you can find who you can be authentic around.

P: Mmm.

M: People like Pete.

P & M: Laugh.

M: Who love you for who you are.

P: Aww, stop it I’m going to cry.

M: Aww.

P & M: Laugh.

M: Then that provides so much emotional support and so many benefits outside of rest, which is what we’re talking about now. But so many benefits in so many different ways.

P: Yep, definitely.

M: So keep searching for your tribe if you haven’t yet found those people and make sure you spend the time because it takes a good 2 to 3 years to make that deep friendship and time and effort over time to do that.

P: Yep, mmm.

M: So don’t give up too early on people either. But keep looking, because the benefits when you find your tribe are amazing.

M: Number six-

P: Last one.

M: – is social rest.

P: Oh, missed that one.

M: And this one is big for me.

P: Mmm.

M: So if you’re an introvert. Social rest is so important and you’ll crave it and fight for it and hopefully protect it as much as you can, fight for it. And this is really about getting away from negative people and spending time with people who renew your energy rather than take it. And in a work environment, when things are stressful, a lot of the time we can spend 40 hours a week or more around people that we’d rather not prefer to spend time with, and oftentimes around people who are negative.

P: Yeah, it’s a hard one, but it’s really important.

M: All right. Now you can take us to the end.

P: Now I can do the last one.

M: Number seven.

P: I can drive it through the end, I’m the finisher. Spiritual rest, the ability to connect beyond physical and mental and feel a deep sense of belonging, love, acceptance and purpose. It just rounds it out so beautifully.

M: [vomit noise]

P: Laugh! Marie just threw up a little bit in her mouth.

M: Laugh, eeuggh.

P: It’s about finding something bigger than you, and we talked about this again about in terms of awe and inspiration. It’s finding a process of connecting with something that’s beyond. That takes your focus out of your issues, your life, Mrs. Blogs down the road who keeps throwing her rubbish in your flower bed or whatever, and looking for some awe and inspiration on a different level perhaps.

M: Is that happening to you? Someone throwing their garbage in your flower bed? Laugh.

P: No, I was actually thinking about my mother, laugh.

M: Is she throwing rubbish in someone’s flower bed?

P: No, someone’s been throwing rubbish in hers.

M: Oh dear!

P: And apparently some in the rose bushes. Apparently or alleged, laugh.

M: Geez, and she’s out in the country!

P: Yeah, she’s not far from you.

M & P: Laugh.

P: Anyway.

M: So spiritual rest, I think for me I get from helping others.

P: Mmm, interesting.

M: That, for me is a really easy one to tick off. I get that good, warm and fuzzy feeling, when I go donate blood. Or if I coach volleyball or you know there’s a whole range of things for me that make me feel I’m giving back to society and people around me and to my community, and that’s really important to me.

P: Mmm.

M: And again, it doesn’t have to be religious. A lot of people jump straight to religion, and that’s what turns them off, exploring this element of rest.

P: Mmm.

M: So, there are other ways that you can feel connected to community or to nature or the world around you. It’s just about finding what works for you.

P: Oh, lovely. So, it’s not all about sleep? Laugh!

M: No. So, physical, mental, sensory, creative, emotional, social and spiritual. And we’ll finish up by letting you know that Dr Dalton-Smith Saundra Dalton-Smith has a free rest quiz on her website that you can complete.

P: Ooh, homework! Yay.

M: Laugh.  

P: Audience participation, yippee!

M: And if you do the quiz, you can get a bunch of feedback into areas that you might be able to improve on. So, her website is Dr Dalton-Smith, d r d a l t o n s m I t h . com. Really simple. I think I’ve got some rest I need to maybe address in my hectic life at the moment.

P: Laugh, we could probably all do that. So, get some rest people.

M: And stay happy. We’ll see you in a week.

P: Bye.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: emotionalhealth, happiness, mentalhealth, Rest

5 Ways to Trick Your Brain Into Feeling More Optimistic

25/08/2021 by Marie

Feel More Optimistic

Do you need to feel more optimistic? Are you struggling to keep your head up and stay positive? 

Recent times have made it more challenging than ever before to remain optimistic. Many of us are dealing with financial insecurity and loneliness and isolation from family and friends. Our usual go-tos for fixing a low mood have also been taken from us so we can’t visit our favorite hang-out spots. The closure of places like movie theatres, museums, gyms (or whatever floats your boat) have made it all the more challenging to find moments of joy or even just sanity. Life is tough enough in lockdown without having to also give up on the moments that could normally provide inspiration, optimism or simply make us feel human again.  

But there are ways, tricks, and tools we can use to experience joy in our lives and make ourselves feel more fulfilled. In shirt, there are ways to trick your brain into feeling more optimistic.  

Let’s look at some science-backed ways to trick your brain into feeling more optimistic: 

1. Invest in Your Social Connections 

Gone are the days of large social gatherings or dinner parties with friends and family. Yes, we can see our family and visit some people from time to time depending on where we live and provided we follow local guidelines. But we can’t quite interact with others the way that we used to. So what do we do? 

Well, thankfully, we have tools at our disposal like Zoom, Whatsapp or Facebook Messenger that allow us to meet virtually. While it’s not quite the same, we can still get that face-to-face time that we all love and cherish, and that is proven to increase our happiness levels. Not to mention the fact that seeing others’ faces and reading each other’s body language is an important part of communication. It’s been commonly said that up to 90% of our communication is non-verbal.  

What if you don’t have a computer or can’t get access to the internet? Well, there is always the good old-fashioned phone. At least we can hear each other’s voices and engage in some playful banter and laughter.  

What about texting? According to researchers at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, texting does not deliver the same kind of powerful positive emotional reactions we may have been expecting. So, while the odd text here and there is good for corresponding about quick little things like appointments and so on, it is not all that helpful for building relationships and trying to be a more optimistic person. 

Don’t forget that scheduling these chats is important. If you don’t prioritise it and lock it in, it just won’t happen. 

2. Limit Social Media and the News 

While there can be positive bits of news that get posted to social media, like birthdays or other life milestones, social media and the news media are generally more focused on what’s going wrong, not what’s going right. Plus, half the stuff on social media isn’t even true anyway. Researchers have found that casually scrolling through social media often does nothing to encourage positive emotions, in fact it can make you more prone to anxiety and depression. 

And although, generally speaking, well-known mainstream news sources are diligent about fact-checking their work, that doesn’t make a true negative story feel more positive. Now that’s not to say that you should completely ignore current events altogether, but the science shows that limiting your exposure to the news and social media can help to reduce anxiety and depression. If you’ve been watching a lot of news lately, then perhaps consider taking a “news holiday.” 

3. Mindfulness and Meditation 

You could look at mindfulness and meditation as a form of self-care for the brain. Research has shown that practicing any kind of self-care is especially important for people who feel lonely or anxious. I could probably write a whole article or even a thesis on meditation, so I won’t go too far in-depth on meditation. But essentially, it involves finding a quiet place to sit (or sometimes other positions are useful) and practice repeating a mantra or listening to a guided meditation that involves stretching or breath-work. One of the first pioneers on the study of meditation, Dr. Herbert Benson, has suggested that at its most basic level, meditation relieves stress. And while some people may find it difficult to quiet their mind, regular practice can make things easier. 

When it comes to mindfulness, being mindful really just means being aware and staying in the present moment. Being aware of your thoughts and feelings is important when trying to manage your emotions. Awareness itself is a bit different from actual thoughts. As Dr. Deepak Chopra put it in a recent documentary, “Mindfulness is a terrible word because when you are practicing mindfulness, you’re not using your mind. Awareness of a thought is not a thought.”  

Being aware and present is key, and it can go a long way to helping us feel more optimistic. 

P.S. I did write that article though, so you can read more about mindfulness and mediation. 

4. Exercise and Sleep 

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention exercise and sleep, as they help so much when it comes to positive emotions. Just think about how you feel in the morning when you haven’t slept well.  

Exercise and sleep also go hand in hand, and it is often easier to fall asleep when you’ve had some good exercise. Access to things like the gym or swimming pools has been impossible for most as of late, but even just a simple jog, walk, or bike ride can work wonders for your body. You can also check out the huge range of HIIT workouts, yoga sessions, and aerobics classes now available for free on YouTube. 

5. Get on the Gratitude and Kindness Bandwagon 

This may seem like a simple concept to some but it can be more challenging for others. Fredrickson and Prinzing, authors of this University of North Carolina study, say that doing good deeds for others elicits positive emotions. Helping people can be difficult during these trying times, but there are always ways to help others without breaking the rules. Try baking a dish or making care package and leaving it on your friend’s doorstep when you go for a walk. You can also donate blood (provided all health guidelines are followed) to help you feel more positive and connected to society. 

Or, why not try practicing gratitude. Practicing gratitude makes you happier and less stressed, and it leads to higher overall wellbeing and satisfaction with your life and social relationships. Gratitude is the secret that many resilient and happy people have been practicing for years – including self-help guru Tony Robins, who has promoted the benefits of gratitude for years in his seminars. 

As you can see, optimism is not just something we are simply born with. There are healthy habits, practices, and tips that we can adopt to trick our brains into feeling more optimistic. You don’t have to do all of these things all the time, but pick one and try to incorporate it as much as possible into your daily life and see how it works wonders for your mental health and optimism. 


Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources! 

Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: connection, Feeling, happiness, Optimistic

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