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happiness

Go on, why not build your own wellbeing hub?

03/02/2022 by Marie

Let’s stop and think for a minute. What do you want?  

What do you want and hope for – for yourself, for your family and your community? What do you want for the future of our country? What does a good life mean to you?  

Maybe you want security in retirement and a bit of money left over to travel. Maybe you want to spend more time with your kids. Or maybe you want less stress and more time to relax.  

Many studies have asked parents what they want most for their kids – the overwhelming answer is always “happiness.” Not money, or a nice car, or big house. Just happiness. Yet, for as long as modern Western governments have existed, amassing wealth has been the primary measure that most countries have used to determine success and social progress. If Gross Domestic Product (GDP) increased year on year, our leaders have jovially patted themselves on the backs for a job well done. And while that worked for a while, with wellbeing increasing in line with GDP for most of the 20th century, at a certain point in a country’s economic development, the focus on GDP stops yielding as many benefits for its people.  

The recently released annual Herald/Age-Lateral Economics Wellbeing Index, shows Australians have suffered negative impacts to their wellbeing during the coronavirus crisis. These impacts are largely overlooked by traditional economic indicators, however the Herald/Age index looks at more than just GDP. It includes changes in education, health, work life, social inequality and environmental degradation. And the results for overall Australian wellbeing are not good, showing a decline in Australian’s wellbeing during the pandemic worth an estimated $13.3 billion. 

That’s $13.3 BILLION! It’s clear that the measure of GDP alone does not tell the full story of Australian wealth, for what is wealth if we don’t have the health to enjoy it? 

Sadly, these declines in health and wellbeing are not new. Our society needs a new way to achieve (and measure) wellbeing and social progress. To combat rising obesity and mental health issues, we need to prioritise wellbeing and provide easier access to wellbeing activities and initiatives for all Australian citizens. Quite simply, every Australian neighbourhood needs a wellbeing hub, so we can all achieve happier, healthier lives.  

What do we mean by “wellbeing”? 

Why you need a wellbeing hub in your community

Wellbeing is a multi-faceted concept which encompasses our mental, emotional and physical wellbeing. It includes: 

  • Meaning and purpose – having meaning and purpose in your life, which is often tied to a strong sense of identity and self. This is about having autonomy and agency to do the things you love and also having something to get you out of bed in the morning, and about having goals, plans and commitments. 
  • Community and connection – having strong relationships, building community and connection. Do you have a core group of people you can talk to and depend on? Are you building a wider community network, through activities like church or regular volunteering? 
  • Physical health – are you getting outside, exercising, eating well, sleeping well? 
  • Mental health – do you prioritise your mental health? Do you practice kindness and gratitude? Do you manage negative thoughts, and do you actively work on your resilience, stress and positive mental health? Do you have control over your emotions or seek help when needed? 

If you’re thinking you already don’t have enough time in your day/week/month, don’t fret. Thankfully there are many activities that bring all or some of the above elements together in one. 

Wellbeing is also about balance. It’s about investing in the above activities and outcomes so they can balance out the challenges. The more coins we put into our piggy bank when times are good, the better we weather challenges when times are bad. 

Charting a way forward: wellbeing hubs 

Early in the positive psychology movement, researchers discovered that happier and healthier people perform better at school, work and… well… life more broadly. In response to this research, many schools launched Wellbeing Hubs to teach and support students’ wellbeing.  

In Australia, for instance, the Australian Student Wellbeing Framework supports Australian schools to promote positive relationships and the wellbeing of students and educators within safe, inclusive and connected learning communities. The Framework was endorsed by Australia’s Ministers of Education and is based on evidence that demonstrates the strong association between safety, wellbeing and learning. To help achieve this goal, the Australian Government Department of Education, Skills and Employment provides school and teacher wellbeing resources, such as podcasts, lesson plans and information via their the Student Wellbeing Hub website.  

The site says: 

“Wellbeing is a multi-faceted concept involving much more than just physical health. It’s a combination of a person’s emotional, mental and social health and it also reflects how they feel about themselves and their life in general. Wellbeing is linked to improved academic achievement, enhanced mental health and responsible life choices. Helping students to feel connected and engaged in their learning, and collaborating effectively with parents, will enable students to develop the social and emotional skills to grow into happy, respectful, well-balanced and successful members of their school and wider community.” 

While schools are leading the way, unfortunately the rest of society has been slower to get on board. So what’s the answer for everyone else? Community wellbeing hubs. 

In 2013, father of positive psychology Dr. Martin Seligman spend a year in South Australia as the Thinker in Residence. During his time there, he challenged South Australia to position itself as a world-leading State of wellbeing. In response, the SA Government launched the ‘State of Wellbeing’ Change@SA 90 Day Project and resulting program of work, which aims to “provide all South Australians with the supports and resources they need to manage challenges, grasp opportunities, achieve their personal and collective goals, and flourish.” 

At the time, then Premier Jay Weatherill said the SA Government recognised the strong link between the wellbeing of its citizens and communities and the economic prosperity of the state. “Wellbeing is more than psychological health. Our government, non-government sectors and community are playing crucial roles in supporting a vast range of programs, policies, resources and facilities that contribute to personal, community and societal wellbeing,” he said. 

Not long after, Wellbeing SA partnered with the City of Playford and Naracoorte Lucindale Council to co-invest in local Wellbeing Hubs. These hubs deliver a range of wellbeing initiatives to support community physical, mental and social wellbeing. In Canberra, a Wellbeing Hub was recently launched by to Minister Stephen-Smith who helped plant seedlings for their Growing healthy kids program. The Wellbeing Hub – which has physical and virtual programs – supports locals to enjoy physical and mental health, have strong social connections, participate in their communities and feel safe. 

Around the world, wellbeing hubs are popping up to combat the challenges of the 21st century – bringing people together to build community, providing opportunities to find meaning, learn and grow, and encouraging active healthy lifestyles. With a $13.3 billion impact to our wellbeing due to Covid (and it’s impacts to our activity levels, loneliness and mental health), it’s time for these wellbeing hubs to be set up across the country. 

How will you get involved in making it happen? 


Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and weekly email newsletter for regular updates and news!  

Please note that I may get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks! 

Filed Under: Blog, Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: happiness, mentalhealth, resilience, wellbeing, wellbeinghub

Why every neighbourhood needs a wellbeing hub (E100)

01/02/2022 by Marie

Happiness for Cynics podcast

Join Marie and Pete as they celebrate Happiness for Cynics’ 100th episode by looking at wellbeing hubs and why your neighbourhood needs one. 

Show notes

Gross Domestic Product (GDP) vs. Herald/Age Lateral Economics (HALE) – Wellbeing index

The GDP in Australia was worth 1370.00 billion US dollars (1939.10 billion AU dollars) in 2021, according to official data from the World Bank. The gross domestic product (GDP) measures of national income and output for a given country’s economy. The gross domestic product (GDP) is equal to the total expenditures for all final goods and services produced within the country in a stipulated period of time. 

The Herald/Age Lateral Economics – Wellbeing index looks at changes in education, health, work-life, social inequality and environmental degradation. According to the HALE Wellbeing index Australians overall wellbeing has suffered a significant decline since the start of the pandemic and the financial value of this decline is estimated at 9.4 billion US dollars (13.3 billion AU dollars). That is approximately 0.7% of the GDP.

Thinker in Residence – Martin Seligman 2012-13 

Each Thinker is a world leader and exemplar in their field. They come and live and work in Adelaide for a period of time. The Thinker focuses on contemporary, complex challenges, recognised as important to the future of the state. 

Wellbeing hubs

Wellbeing SA is partnering with the City of Playford and Naracoorte Lucindale Council to co-invest in local Wellbeing Hubs, through which a range of targeted initiatives are being implemented to support community physical, mental and social wellbeing

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background] 

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t. 

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy. 

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life. 

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny. 

[Intro music fadeout] 

M: [Singing] Happy birthday to us,

P: Laugh!

M & P: [Both singing] Happy birthday to us,

P: Happy birthday, Happiness for Cynics,

M: Happy birthday to us!

P: We are on 100! Yay!

M: Whoop, 100 episodes.

P: Woo hoo, welcome, welcome, welcome! Who would have thought, gosh.

M: I know. It was really just, “want to do a podcast? On zoom?”

P: [Excited voice] “Sure!” Laugh. Does it mean I get to hang out with you? Sure, I’m in, laugh.

M: I was like, you’re kind of happy, this could be fun.

P: Laugh! Annoyingly so.

M: Happy and not a cynic. And now look at us.

P: I know.

M: I’m so not a cynic and you are.

P: Laugh. What have you done to me? Laugh.

M: I’d like to think that it is the act of going back to school that has made you appreciate sources and understanding quality information.

P: Mmm, yeah.

M: I’d also like to think that the shit show that’s going on in America has made us all questions sources.

P: Laugh. I hope they’re questioning sources; I really do. Laugh.

M: Questioning the reliability of sources.

P: Yes, yes, it’s great explanation of social media induced news and information and we need to have those filters on. And be really mindful of what we’re putting in and filter out the crap from the stuff that’s worth investigating.

M: Yep, and happiness is [worth investigating] as we know.

P: Laugh.

M: So, this is what really started as us exploring you know, what makes people happy, and noting that I tripped over a lot of this stuff because I never really believed in it.

P: Mmm, mmm.

M: And now look at us.

P: We’ve almost reversed. Laugh.

M: We talk about Amygdala’s.

P: Ha ha ha!

M: And what else have we talked about? We’ve talked about a lot of pretty scientific stuff.

P: We have. We brought the science.

M: Neuroscience.

P: Yes, yes. Even a little bit of vagal tone in vegus nerve stimulation.

M: Mmm hmm. That was the breathing stuff.

P: Yeah.

M: I still have no idea what you were on about that day.

P: Laugh! One day you will get there. One day I’ll explain it.

M: We were talking about the muscles and the ribs. Gotcha. That’s breathing right there.

P: Laugh.

M: And I was like, wha??? how does this all fit together?

P: Laugh.

M: But we got there. And I do ramble on about a whole lot of other stuff where you’re just like, “Mmm hmm, you just, you go girl.”

P: Laugh. I’m right behind you, cheer squad.

M: Laugh.

P: Right here. We all need our cheer squads.

M: We do, yes, we do. Build each other up.

P: Yes.

M: Not tear each other down.

P: And applaud the investigation. Applaud the moving forward and finding things out and going, “Sure there’s something to forest bathing. Sure, let’s investigate that.”

M: Mmm hmm. Unless you’re Josh Frydenberg (Treasurer of Australia) and then… I can’t say that on air.

P: Laugh!

M: But today, what we want to talk about is wellbeing hubs.

P: Now, this is a particular passion of yours, Marie. We’ve had many discussions about this. We’ve driven through industrial estates in the back of Sydney, looking at venues and these dilapidated housing places. And your first thought always goes, ‘that could be a happiness centre!’

M: Yes, yes! And you know it really is the next evolution out of the book that we wrote.

P: Mmm.

M: What was the name of the book we wrote?

P: Laugh!

M: Selfcare is Church for Non-Believers. You know, we used to all get together on a Sunday and create that community and talk about service and kindness to others.

P: Mmm mmm.

M: And really rally around the community that really brought people together.

P: Absolutely, yeah.

M: With fewer and fewer people going to church and believing in God. There isn’t that thing that brings people in a community together.

P: Yes.

M: I didn’t even know my neighbours. I live in a high rise, and the other day I got off on the lift and they were like, “Oh, no, this is our floor.” And I was like, “No, no, no, it’s mine, too.”

P: Laugh.

M: That’s a typical city persons story.

P: Yes, it is.

M: We need these wellbeing hubs to replace that community that we used to have.

P: Absolutely. These are the new churches. Is that what you’re saying?

M: Yep.

P: New old churches?

M: Yes.

P: Yeah. I like it.

M: The role the church played in society was so much more than just religion and bringing people together around religion.

P: Oh yeah, definitely. Community so much more important. And this is where the change happens as well, when you’ve got people bringing in new ideas and being supportive and creating those social connections.

M: So anyway, back to Josh Frydenberg, who I really want to trash on the show today.

P & M: Laugh!

P: Poor Josh.

M: So, this all came about out of a Sydney Morning Herald article, an opinion piece, which pretty much said a few weeks ago, our treasurer in Australia here, was patting himself on the back of the GDP growth in the midst of a pandemic.

P: Yeah. Mmm, well done you… whoo.

M: All the old white men standing around paying themselves on the back.

P: Laugh.

M: Anyway, went we’ve done our job as elected officials in this country. GDP went up a couple of percent. Wow we’re good, right.

P: Mmm, yeah.

M: But what they didn’t take into account and what The Sydney Morning Herald was looking at. So, there’s an annual Herald/Age Lateral Economics (HALE) wellbeing index.

P: That’s quite a mouthful.

M: It is. They need a better name. They really do.

P: They need an acronym or something, laugh.

M: So, you think the media would know –

P: The LEWI index? See there we go, I’m good.

M: There we go 😊

M: – about the index. So, this index, rather than just GDP, shows Australians have suffered negative impacts to the wellbeing during coronavirus.

P: Mmm.

M: So, unfortunately, these impacts are largely overlooked by traditional economic indicators like GDP, which is really singularly focused, right.

P: Very much so. Very narrow.

M: What I argue, and many other people argue around the world and many countries have already started implementing. Bhutan is probably the most famous.

P: Ahh.

M: So, they have G… Gross Domestic Happiness (GDH).

P: Oh my.

M: Yes, and there’s a range of measures that go into that. A couple of years ago, now, New Zealand launched their wellbeing plan.

P: Yeah, that was such a good thing, a defining moment.

M: Scotland, Germany, you know a few countries, [whispers] mostly women run countries –

P: Hmm, interesting.

M: – have realised that GDP is not the sole measure for whether or not you’re doing a good job when running a country.

P: It shouldn’t be the sole measure, no. The health and wellbeing of your people.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Uh-peoples as King George used to say.

M: Uh-peoples, yes, are the peoples happy?

P: Laugh, yeah. And that should be the focus that should be.

M: Yeah.

P: We should be putting measures in place where we can start to collect data around this sort of statistics so that we can then have measurable, quantifiable numbers that we can use in arguments.

M: Yes.

P: To say this approach is working, people’s happiness, people’s content. We’re getting better social commentaries or social engagement.

M: Health!

P: Oh, health is a huge one.

M: Mental health, and all of those measures have been going backwards over the last decade. And unless we do something differently, they’re going to continue getting worse. We’re going to have higher rates of suicides, higher rates of depression, anxiety, obesity, diabetes.

P: Yeah.

M: You name it, things are falling apart from the mental health perspective.

P: And they are linked. Like mental health is one of the biggest indicators for obesity in Australia.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And globally, it makes a big difference.

M: A lot of other countries are looking not only at GDP, but other measures to say whether or not… You know, on their report card at the end of the year when they pat themselves on the back.

P: Laugh, yeah.

M: It’s not only an A in economics, it’s an A in social sciences and all the other things.

P: Wealth distribution.

M: Yes, let’s not even talk about that.

P: Laugh!

M: This Herald/Age Lateral Economics Wellbeing Index looks at changes in education, health, work-life, social inequality and environmental degradation.

P: Mmm.

M: It doesn’t matter if you’re healthy and happy if you’ve got no world to live on.

P: Exactly.

M: And the results for overall Australian wellbeing are not good.

P: Mmm.

M: So, we’ve had a decline in the pandemic, and here’s… Let’s put some dollar values on it since we are talking GDP, a lot of time.

P: Ok, yep.

M: Worth $13.3 billion AU.

P: Sounds like a lot of money.

M: It’s a lot of money. You could fund a lot of wellbeing hubs with 13.3 billion dollars.

P: Yes, you could, definitely. Yeah.

M: Laugh.

P: Where does that sit, in terms of our, in terms of our GDP? As a percentage?

M: Oh, I should have looked into it.

P: Maybe I’ll look that one up. Leandra will look that up.

M & P: Laugh.

P: Thanks Lea.

M: So, 13.3 billion dollars is the value of the decline in our mental health since the pandemic started.

P: Mmm.

M: And we’re sitting around talking about how well we’re doing.

P: Yeah.

M: We’re not.

P: No.

M: We’re not. And look, to be fair, this is, this is kind of new. We’re a little behind the eight ball in Australia. As we’ve said, there’s other countries leading the way. But for the last 100 years there was a really good correlation between GDP, you know, in growth and financial security, and how prosperous and healthy population was.

P: Or contented the population was. The population was happy when we were earning money.

M: Not necessarily contentment, that didn’t factor in. But health measures and things like housing, water, electricity, etcetera go up as the country gets richer.

P: Yep.

M: And there’s a direct correlation to social impact and wellbeing impact when people start getting fresh water, right?

P: Yep.

M: When they have access to housing rather than living in slums.

P: Access to basic human rights.

M: So, there’s definitely a direct impact. When you’re talking poorer countries increase the GDP, you’ll increase your people’s basic access to what we think of basic human rights, right?

P: Well, they are. Water, sanitation, nutrition –

M: But we’re long past that in Australia, America, most European countries that haven’t been…

P: The developed nations.

M: Right? They have all been happily drinking water from a tap, pretty much getting their housing right, feeding their population in general etcetera.

P: Yep.

M: And so, for a while GDP has continued to grow, but we haven’t seen those increases in wellbeing in the population. And it’s because once you get to a certain point of development in your country, we need new measures then. So, I will give a little bit of slack to our government.

P: Laugh.

M: I think we’re very much a lucky country.

P: Sure.

M: But it’s time for change.

P: It’s time for new measures.

M: It’s time.

P: It’s time to look at other things. So, what are the other things that we do look at when we’re looking at wellbeing, Marie?

M: Well, maybe let’s talk about what is wellbeing? When we’re talking about wellbeing.

P: Ok.

M: So, wellbeing and happiness are a little bit different. So, it is definitely multifaceted, and it includes your mental, emotional and physical wellbeing.

P: Yep.

M: So, all three of those, and really it includes having meaning and purpose in your life. So that’s again, very closely tied to a sense of identity and self.

P: Yeah.

M: And factors into your emotional health.

P: Very clearly. If you can wake up and be excited for doing a job or a task or having something to wake up for huge amounts of physical impacts, with that.

M: Yep, and on top of that, if you can have autonomy and agency in those things, we talked about those before. It’s about also having something to get you out of bed in the morning again back to that lovely start that we always talk. About 40% of people who retire are depressed within a year.

P: Yes.

M: It’s something that gives you something to look forward to. Plan for, feel good about doing and achieving and accomplishing.

P: Yep.

M: So that’s the first one. Second, one community and connection again –

P: This is the social?

M: Yeah.

M: – and we’ve seen very much during Covid that a lot of people have been suffering from loneliness and social isolation.

P: Mmm.

M: The third, which I kind of bucket in with the fourth here as well, so physical health and mental health.

P: Mmm.

M: So, are you getting outside, exercising, eating well, sleeping well?

P: Yep.

M: And mental health? Do you prioritise mental health, are you practising kindness and gratitude? Do you manage your negative thoughts?

P: Mmm.

M: And do you actively work on your resilience, stress and positive mental health?

P: Yes.

M: Right, which is the bit that I didn’t know we had to do. I just thought happiness was a natural state.

P: Laugh! Well, I think this is what society has been prioritising a little bit more, and this has come from a lot of government led initiatives back in the 2000’s, with governments going we need to start thinking about wellbeing and having those ideas out there. New Zealand was the one that really jumped on top of it from my memory in terms of putting into policy. And that’s where Jacinda Ardern has been so proactive.

M: Mmm.

P: But these are the things that people of our mother’s generation didn’t consider. But we’re really lucky, as you said and we’re in the position where we don’t have to worry about clean running water and a roof over our heads, we can actually start considering things like resiliency, mental wellbeing, emotional intelligence.

M: Mmm hmm. What do we want out of life? Following your passions, not just trying to put food on the table.

P: Yeah.

M: Yeah, we are very privileged in that way.

P: Mmm.

M: So, that is what wellbeing encompasses. But it’s also about balance. It’s also about understanding that you need to put time into being happy and resilient and managing your mental health, your physical health, having meaning and purpose, contributing to community and connection with others. And the more that comes at you, redundancy, illness in the family, coronavirus.

P: Yep.

M: The more stresses that come at you, the more you gotta double down on those things, right?

P: Yeah, they’re more important.

M: To a certain point, when, unfortunately, your seesaw is going to get a bit out of balance. If, for instance, we have two years of Global Pandemic.

P: Mmm.

M: And maybe on top of that, if you’re in America two years of a global pandemic and a lot of political turmoil, right?

P: Yes.

M: And that will send anyone even if they’re doing the best they can to look after their physical and mental wellbeing and to reach out to people, etcetera, etcetera, that amount of change and…

P: Crises.

M: Crises will break even the most resilient person.

P: Absolutely.

M: So, wellbeing is about having the balance there and on any day we go through a lot of change and a lot of turmoil.

P: Yep.

M: And so, that’s why it’s so important nowadays compared to our parents’ generation to be putting the time in. But we’ve been through a tough couple of years, and another really good example of where you can’t help that balance is a war zone for instance.

P: Yeah.

M: When you’re just constantly in fright or flight.

P: Mmm, yeah.

M: So, that’s wellbeing. It’s about putting all the work in on those three to four things. But then also understanding that at any one point in your life things might throw that balance out of whack. And it’s about balancing the challenges with the good stuff.

P: Yep. So then, in terms of putting that into practise, this is the idea of the wellbeing hubs which is a particular passion of yours. And there was an article by Martin Seligman, our friend Martin.

M: Oh, not an article. He was a Thinker in Residence in South Australia in 2013. I love that job title.

P: Laugh! Thinker in Residence.

M: “I’m a Thinker in Residence.” Laugh.

P: Go South Australia for taking the initiative on that, to have a Thinker in Residence, to have a philosophical person up there.

M: And to have someone from the positive psychology field come and be a Thinker in Residence.

P: Yeah.

M: So, he came up with the idea of wellbeing hubs and look for many, many, many years, we have known that people are more successful in life when they practise these positive psychology interventions.

P: Yep, mmm hmm.

M: And activities, when they do the things that we talked about.

P: Yes.

M: That is our wellbeing activities, right? People are more successful. They contribute more in their jobs and to the economy.

P: Yeah.

M: And so, you want your GDP to go up?

P: You want people to be happy.

M: Right. Yeah.

P: A happy worker is a good worker. That’s a Chinese thing.

M: Very true. They’re very smart, Chinese. So many years ago, we worked out that it’s better to have happy people and our schools went okay, this is great. And all over Australia we are really quite advanced in the world with how we’ve implemented positive psychology into our curricula.

P: Like in our education?

M: Yes, we’re doing some really good things. So, I was online, and obviously South Australia took the Wellbeing hubs concept and they’ve got their kids and wellbeing programmes they’ve got resources, the Australian federal government has a bunch of resources and information. Podcasts for teachers, teacher guides, classroom activities, all of that kind of that kind of stuff to bring it into the classrooms, these concepts and ideas and to help train kids.

P: Ok.

M: But no one’s really doing much out there for everyone else.

P: So once you get out of school, it kind of falls away a little bit.

M: Like, we’ve had to do all our research here, you and me.

P: Yep.

M: And if you’re under 18 [great]. Where are people getting their information about how to live a good life? We missed the boat, right?

P: These new kids coming through great, good on you. A wonderful idea, yeah.

M: And in New South Wales there is a wellbeing framework for school kids as well. So, a lot of our state governments are on top of this, But that’s only 0- to 18-year-olds.

P: Yeah.

M: What about the rest of us?

P: Where does the rest of the population go to?

M: I’m glad you asked, Pete.

P: Laugh! Was that a nice little feed there, laugh. There you go, off you go.

M: My solution.

P & M: Laugh.

M: And Martin, Dr Martin Seligman’s solution is these wellbeing hubs.

P: Ok.

M: And essentially, they will do a lot of the same things that churches do, right? It is a space, a physical space, but also a virtual space where you can run programs and get people involved in their community.

P: And any number of diverse programs as well. It can be more than just a sporting thing or a sporting association or a knitting class or an orchid club.

M: Yeah, yeah, you can have pregnant yoga in the mornings and book club at lunch for the… anyone, anyone really, let’s be honest and…

P: Creative contemporary dance in the afternoon.

M: Mmm hmm, and then gardening in the evenings. So, whatever it is and it’s just a way to pull together a variety of activities that are all based in positive psychology research.

P: Yeah.

M: And not only give meaning, so whether you’re learning a new skill or you’re giving back or contributing or volunteering at the centre.

P: Yep.

M: Or doing something more meaningful, like teaching a class right?

P: Yep.

M: Or doing it with a group of friends or meeting new friends as you learn these new skills and then also, you know, wherever possible, building in physical health activities and elements to that as well.

P: It’s also a great screening tool as well, getting people who maybe are in social isolation for whatever reason, sometimes my personal choice.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: These are the people that miss out on engaging with other people who go, “oh, are you OK today? You’re looking a little bit lacklustre?”

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And that, that’s really important for health and mental health as well. The possibility that someone may not be processing a death in the family very well or not reaching out might be suffering from something that’s ill health, and they haven’t realised it until someone makes a comment about it. “Are you losing a little bit of weight? Have you been eating okay?”

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Or, “Have you been sleeping well?” And these are all factors that build into us being able to recognise and look out for each other, which then results in better health outcomes and wellbeing outcomes.

M: It’s a community. When you see someone every week for an hour, that’s all it is.

P: Yeah.

M: Then you look out for that person, you know, you start to build a relationship, and it’s not necessarily super awkward, like networking. Where you go just to talk, you’ve got something to do, and you can build relationships as you’ve seen [or heard] through our episode on making friends as adults.

P: Yes.

M: Yeah, it really helps to deepen those bonds.

P: Yeah.

M: As we know through volleyball.

P: Hugely.

M: All right, so wellbeing hubs. That’s my thing.

P: Laugh.

M: So, the good news is South Australia have partnered with the Playford and Na-ruh-coot (Naracoorte) Lucindale Council to co invest in some local wellbeing hubs.

P: Na-ruh-kawt (Naracoorte) for our Adelaide listeners.

M: Sorry about that.

P: Laugh.

M: Na-ruh-coot, na-ruh-kawt.

P: In Canberra, they recently launched a wellbeing hub. They got the minister out there to plant some seedlings, good photo op.

P: There we go. Shake some hands.

M: Yep.

P: Kiss some babies.

M: So, they’re starting to pop up now. My challenge to you out there is how will you get involved and make it happen, because I think around the country every neighbourhood should have a wellbeing hub.

P: Yeah, yeah. I think that would be good.

M: That, I think is the future. So –

P: As common as a library. Every suburb should have a library. Every suburb should have a wellbeing hub.

M: Absolutely, with programs to bring people together.

P: There we go.

M: All right, that’s it, we’ve had our rant.

P: Laugh!

M: 100th episode! Again, thank you so much for listening everybody. And we really appreciate hearing from you and knowing that you’re out there. So, thank you for your support. And hopefully we can make the next 100 just as interesting.

P: And in the meantime, stay happy,

M: and cynical 😊

[Happy exit music – background] 

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic. 

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out. 

M: Until next time. 

M & P: Choose happiness. 

[Exit music fadeout] 

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and weekly email newsletter for regular updates and news!  

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Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: happiness, mentalhealth, podcast, wellbeing, wellbeinghub

‘Toxic positivity’: Why it is important to live with negative emotions

27/01/2022 by Marie

Andrée-Ann Labranche, Université du Québec à Montréal (UQAM)

It is almost impossible to go on Facebook or Instagram without seeing quotes or comments accompanied with motivational words such as, “Look on the bright side,” “Focus on the good things,” or “Be positive.”

If anything, the pandemic has exacerbated the phenomenon of “toxic positivity.” In Québec, the famous catchphrase, “It’s going to be OK,” is undoubtedly one of the best known examples of this.

Though well-intentioned, these phrases can end up creating more distress instead of helping. Why? Because they are examples of toxic positivity, a school of thought that operates on the principle that one should always have a positive attitude, even when things get difficult.

As a doctoral student in psychology, I am interested in internalized symptoms (depression, anxiety and social withdrawal) and externalized symptoms (delinquency, violent, oppositional/defensive, disruptive and impulsive behaviours). I believe it is important to focus on the negative consequences of “emotional invalidation” and to understand why we need to live with our negative emotions.

Emotional invalidation

When a person talks about what they are feeling, their main goal is usually to validate their emotions, to understand and accept the emotional experience. In contrast, emotional invalidation involves ignoring, denying, criticizing or rejecting another person’s feelings.

Several studies have looked at the effects of emotional invalidation. The conclusions are clear: it is very harmful to mental health. People who experience emotional invalidation are more likely to have depressive symptoms.

Emotional invalidation has many negative effects. A person who is regularly invalidated may have difficulty accepting, controlling and understanding their emotions.

What’s more, people who expect their emotions to be invalidated are less likely to exhibit psychological flexibility, which is the ability to tolerate difficult thoughts and emotions and to resist unnecessarily defending oneself.

The more psychological flexibility a person has, the more they are able to live with their emotions and to get through difficult situations. For example, in the aftermath of a breakup, a young man feels anger, sadness and confusion. His friend listens to him and validates him. The man then normalizes his conflicting feelings and understands that the feelings will not last forever.

In contrast, another man going through the same type of breakup doesn’t understand his feelings, feels ashamed and fears losing control of his emotions. His friend invalidates him and won’t listen to him. The man then tries to suppress his emotions, which creates anxiety and can even lead to depression.

These two examples, drawn from the study “Processes underlying depression: Risk aversion, emotional schemas, and psychological flexibility” by American psychologists and researchers Robert L. Leahy, Dennis Tirch and Poonam S. Melwani, are neither rare nor harmless. The avoidance reaction, which involved doing everything possible to avoid experiencing negative emotions, is often amplified by the people around us.

Some people are so affected by other people’s unhappiness that just seeing this sadness makes them unhappy. This is why they react by making positive comments. However, the ability to live with our emotions is essential. Suppressing or avoiding them does not solve anything. In fact, trying to avoid negative emotions at all costs does not bring about the desired effect — on the contrary, the emotions tend to return more often, and more intensely.

Being negative: A state of mind with ancient origins

Unfortunately, humans are not designed to be positive all the time. On the contrary, we are more likely to recall bad memories. This probably goes back to a time, ages ago, when our survival depended on our reflex to avoid danger. A person who ignored signs of danger, even once, could end up in a catastrophic or even deadly situation.

In this article, “Bad is stronger than good,” the authors, both psychologists, explain how in evolutionary history the organisms that were better at identifying danger were more likely to survive threats. So the most alert among human beings had a higher probability of passing on their genes. The result is that we are in some ways programmed to pay attention to potential sources of danger.

How the negativity bias manifests itself

This phenomenon is known as the negativity bias. Research has identified four manifestations of this bias that allow us to better understand it. One of these manifestations is linked to the vocabulary we use to describe negative events.

In a phenomenon called negative differentiation, it turns out that the vocabulary we have to describe negative events is much richer and more varied than the vocabulary used to describe positive events. In addition, negative stimuli are generally interpreted as more elaborate and differentiated than are positive ones.

The vocabulary used to describe physical pain is also much more complex than that used to describe physical pleasure. Another example: parents find it easier to judge their babies’ negative emotions than their positive emotions.

No more prefabricated sentences

Negative emotions are a product of human complexity and are as important as positive ones.

The next time someone confides in you about their emotions, if you don’t know what to say, opt for listening and emotional validation. Use expressions like, “It looks like you had a hard day,” or, “It was hard, wasn’t it?”

It’s worth noting that being positive is not always synonymous with toxic positivity — the goal of which is to reject and avoid everything negative and only see the positive side of things. An example of positive and validating language is, “It is normal to feel the way you do after such a serious event, let’s try to make sense of it.” Toxic positivity, on the other hand, sounds more like, “Stop seeing the negative side, think about the positive things instead.”

Finally, if you are unable to validate and listen, refer the person to a mental health professional who will know how to help them.

Andrée-Ann Labranche, Candidate au doctorat en psychologie, Université du Québec à Montréal (UQAM)

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.


Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and weekly email newsletter for regular updates and news!  

Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: emotions, happiness, mentalhealth, resilience, stress

The Importance of Living with Negative Emotions (E99)

25/01/2022 by Marie

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Join Marie and Pete as they discuss toxic positivity and the importance of living with negative emotions.

Show notes

Men’s Shed

The modern Men’s Shed is an updated version of the shed in the backyard that has long been a part of Australian culture. Men’s Sheds are found in many cities and towns around Australia and continue to spring up internationally.

Most men have learned from our culture that they don’t talk about feelings and emotions many do not take an interest in their own health and well-being. Becoming a member of a Men’s Shed provides a safe and busy environment where men can find many of these things in an atmosphere of old-fashioned mateship. And, importantly, there is no pressure. Men can just come and have a yarn and a cuppa if that is all they’re looking for.

Dadirri – Deep listening  

The Aboriginal people of Australia have long practiced deep listening or dadirri, an almost spiritual skill, based on respect. Deep listening is inner, quiet, still awareness and waiting.  

“Australia needs to know that Dadirri can help you slow down, stop, and help you realise who you are, what you’re about, where you’re going, where you belong.” – Miriam Rose Ungunmerr-Baumann 

Transcription

[Happy intro music -background] 

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t. 

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy. 

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life. 

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny. 

[Intro music fadeout] 

P: Welcome back.

M: So?

P: Bright and bushy tailed.

M: So, what are we talking about today, Pete?

P: So, today is about living with negative emotions. Toxic positivity.

M: Not toxic positivity.

P: We’re talking about toxic positivity, but not enjoying toxic positivity. So, it’s the reverse.

M: We are being cynical of toxic positivity.

P: [Gasp] Cynics, yay! The cynic is back.

M: It’s even in the name.

P: Mmm.

M: Toxic.

P: Yes. Oddly enough, this came up in my lecture this week with my tutor.

M: Oh, nice.

P: Yes, and I felt very, very, very empowered by saying, you know the definition of toxic positivity is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

M & P: Laugh.

P: I thought I’d gotten the record when I pulled out the word thoraco-abdominal fascia.

M: Wrong podcast.

P: Laugh.

M: But what is toxic positivity then, Pete?

P: According to Andrée-Ann Labranche, who is a candidate of psychological doctorate at the University of Quebec in Montreal,

“Toxic positivity [words] are dismissive comments focused on happiness, and “all is well” that denies emotional validation.”

M: And I think this is really important because we speak so much about happiness, joy, subjective wellbeing, whatever you want to call it, and the power of that to really transform lives.

P: Mmm, oh yes. Empowering and getting in touch with it and doing all the work to encourage it and be aware of it.

M: And personally, it has changed me. It’s the flourish and thrive argument. We’ve spoken about that as well.

P: Mmm.

M: The difference between just having life happen to you and taking life by the balls –

P: Laugh!

M: – and running with it and loving life.

P: Yeah.

M: And with that kind of rhetoric, people looking in from the outside can often think, ‘Well, my life’s going… I’m going through divorce, retirement, redundancy, big life changes and things aren’t good.’

P: Mmm.

M: Grief.

P: Yes. ‘And I just can’t be happy right now.’

M: Yeah.

P: [Whispers] But that’s okay.

M: Well, we’re here to say that’s okay, but a lot of the slogans on the T-shirts and the really short, sharp, ‘nine ways to be happier’ articles that don’t go into the science or only present one-sided view of positivity can create this environment of toxic positivity.

P: Which is really negative for you and really creates trauma and depression and anxiety. And really debilitating emotions come about because of that.

M: Absolutely, and really something that a lot of men’s groups are finding –

P: Mmm, yes.

M: – over the last 10, 20 years, we’ve discussed this as well, is… Men’s Health, I know there’s a lot of articles now about mental health.

P: It’s so in the current mode of thought, because of the [high] rates of suicide for men.

M: Absolutely. So, I know that one in five people experience mental health issues in any one year. What we do know also is that when men attempt suicide when women attempt suicide, men are more successful.

P: Yeah.

M: So, what we’re saying here is that it is impossible to live in a world where everything is happy.

P: Those things are just annoying, aren’t they?

M: Laugh.

P: These really happy people, I’m just like, “Can I pinch you on the arm or something? Just give you something to deal with.” Laugh.

M: And things go wrong constantly. And it’s all well and good when things are going well and life is happy and you’ve got a lot to be grateful for.

P: Yep.

M: But that is not sustainable.

P: Mmm.

M: There is no way to avoid pain and trauma and grief and at the same time experience happiness. You could go crawl into a hole and do nothing, but you’ll experience no joy as well as no pain.

P: Mmm. This is what Labranche is talking about. She’s talking about owning your negative emotions and confronting them and giving them space.

M: Yes.

P: Actually going, it is permissible for you to feel low to feel down, and that’s really important because that emotional validation is so vital for us. If we don’t get these negative emotions, she says in the article, they keep coming back and they come back with more velocity and more intensity.

M: Absolutely. It’s like spending on a credit card, you keep making transactions and eventually you’ve got to pay the bill.

P: Yes, yes! Oh, I like that analogy.

M: Eventually, you know someone’s going to come knocking on your door and the time will come. You pay it, or you do the work, and you feel the pain and you do the processing, and you do the self-growth or it comes out in really unhealthy ways, like anger and violence.

P: Oh yes. Labranche talks about that being the externalised symptoms of delinquency, violence, defensiveness, disrupted miss and impulsive behaviours.

M: And a lot of that comes from perhaps being around a toxic positivity environment where people haven’t felt that they could be sad or angry or mad, or also where they don’t have the tools, the language.

P: Mmm.

M: Or society hasn’t allowed them, particular again with men, to feel that they can have a cry or that they can have a vent to a friend and a lot of the times they’re told to suck it up.

P: Yep.

M: We’ve really got that culture, that Aussie bloke culture here in Australia. But there are similar, similar pressures, societal pressures with a lot of Western men.

P: Mmm.

M: Now there are some other cultures around the world where men are encouraged to have tantrums and cry and throw plates and show their emotion and again there’s a difference between a negative emotions and negative behaviours.

P: Yes.

M: We’re not at all condoning violence, but to show that emotion and that is seen as a sign of strength.

P: Mmm, yeah

M: Our country is not like that.

P: I think it’s changing.

M: It is.

P: I do think the conversation is changing in Australia. We are an inheritor of the British stiff upper lip.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: I think that there’s a lot more conversations, a lot more awareness about it now, anyway. And there are things like the Men’s Shed, for example, which is encouraging that conversation and encouraging that safe space for emotional expression and for emotional intelligence to come forward.

M: Absolutely. Before the show, when we were doing our research, we were talking about what happens when people approach life with a toxic positivity mindset.

P: Mmm.

M: So, the reason you want positivity to balance out negativity is that we are wired and hardwired to look for the negative. If we finish a project, what do we do? We call them PIR’s, in the corporate world, you go and look at everything that went wrong so you can not do it again next time.

P: Laugh.

M: It’s continuous improvement.

P: Yeah.

M: You finish a sports game and the coach says, “All right, here’s what we didn’t get right this time. That’s what we’re going to work on in the gym next week.”

P: Mmm.

M: We mess something up and we berate ourselves and we think, ‘Why didn’t I do X, Y and Z,’ so that is natural evolutionary, biological hard wiring in us. The people who are better at looking out for the dangers around them lived, right?

P: We’re hard wired to see the negative.

M: And so also adding in the positive isn’t about over indexing on the positive and not seeing the negative. It’s about balancing out what we’re naturally doing with the negative.

P: Yeah, and giving space to both.

M: Yep.

P: That’s the, that’s the good part.

M: Balancing it, balancing it.

P: For sure.

M: And when it becomes toxic is when it becomes the only thing.

P: Mmm.

M: Just like only being negative, only being positive and not allowing yourself or others to have space to experience those negative feelings –

P: I did some work around this. Sorry, sorry about cutting you off there. I did some work around this with a therapist a few years back, and I found it very difficult to give voice to that negative… that, that sort of negative area. Sorry for the positive side of the negative.

M: Mmm hmm. The silver lining?

P: Yeah, it was It was really difficult. And I remember being in the corner of the room and actually physically I was like that little black spot, it needs a voice you need to give it a voice. And I was like, “I can’t allow it to come out.” So, it took a lot of work and a lot of imagery and physical-isation to actually even acknowledge that.

M: Yeah.

P: And I think that, that’s something that maybe a lot of people do struggle with is going, “No, there is something, there is something in the negative that you’re allowed to actually express.”

M: Yep.

P: And get it out there and talk to a friend to talk to a trusted one. Talk to a loved one about it.

M: Or find a psychologist.

P: Yes.

M: Or psychiatrist you can talk to.

P: Yeah.

M: All right. So, the reason that toxic positivity, you know, it’s at the wrong end of the spectrum there. You want to be in the middle with a good mix of positive and negative emotions and experiences. You want to be able to look at the negative emotions and find the positive out of them and look at the positive and in a way to better yourself in the situation.

P: Mmm.

M: Also, be able to pull back and have a look at things that didn’t go right or could have been done better so that we can learn.

P: To help you move forward.

M: Yep. And that’s, that’s not going to change. Let’s be honest.

P: Laugh.

M: But where toxic positivity can be really harmful is when someone comes to you and wants to express negativity, something that’s gone wrong, whether it’s grief or shame, or any raft of negative emotions, and we emotionally invalidate what they’re saying.

P: Yeah, yeah. That’s the, “Oh, can’t you just be happy?”

M: Yes.

P: “Can’t you look at the positive? Can’t you see what you’ve got that’s brilliant?

M: Mmm hmm. “That’s really sad, but I’m sure it won’t be that bad.”

P: Yeah, that’s what we don’t want to do.

M: “What do you want for dinner?”

P: Laugh. “Let’s have a cup of tea.”

M & P: Laugh.

M: Yep.

P: That’s definitely what we don’t want to happen. So, if you’re dealing with someone who has that need or desire to express some negativity, the first thing you need to do is to acknowledge it.

M: Validate their emotions. You don’t also have to understand their emotions. So, if it’s real for them, it’s real.

P: Exactly.

M: And so, we teach a lot of this in my company. Actually, if someone is going through a tough time, even if it wouldn’t even rate on your scale of tough to not tough, even if it’s not even on there. If they’re not coping, if they’re having a hard time, then they’re going through something that requires validation.

P: Yes.

M: And requires, you know, the person on the other end to stop and listen.

P: Yeah.

M: So, there’s some great examples from a study by American psychologists, and they looked at two examples. So, one in the aftermath of a breakup. A young man feels anger, sadness and confusion. His friend listens to him and validates him. The man then normalises his conflicting feelings and understands the feelings will not last forever.

P: Hmm.

M: So, amongst that he would also not feel alone as well, which is really important.

P: Mmm.

M: In contrast, we look at another man who is going through the same type of breakup and doesn’t understand his feelings, feels ashamed and fears losing control of his emotions. His friends invalidate him and won’t listen to him. The man then tries to suppress his emotions, which creates anxiety and can even lead to depression.

P: Yeah, definitely.

M: And as hard as it is to rock up to your mates at the pub after a few beers and ball your eyes out and be like, “I just don’t know why she left me. She was the love of my life, and I feel bad, or I messed up or it was all her fault.”

P: Laugh.

M: Whatever it is, being able to have some friends listen and go, “that sucks, mate. Yeah, I’m on your side. She was horrid, I never liked her in the first place.”

P: Laugh.

M: “Let me buy you another drink.”

P & M: Laugh.

P: Having friends who will do that for you and let you vent and process.

P: Yeah.

M: Process as well, is so important to healing.

P: Yeah.

M: The other thing we want to talk about was avoidance reaction.

P: Well, that’s the whole thing of doing everything possible to avoid negative emotions. Like the minute you feel something you go “La la la la, I’m going to go with the here and jump up and down and pretend to be a unicorn, and everything will be fine!”

M: [High pitched, shrill voice] Fine! It’s the word fine, isn’t it? I’m fine!

P: Laugh, yes. We know what that stands for? Did we maybe want to look that up because I don’t know if we’re allowed to say that on air, laugh… F’d up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional.

M: Mmm hmm. Fine. Okay, fine. Just fine.

P: Laugh! And this is this is this is where those negative emotions, if we don’t address them and don’t give them the space they do return more often and with greater intensity. And the Labranche talks about that in the article that we read for this week, it really is important to give those negative emotions space. It’s like the universe just keeps going, “Oh, you didn’t learn the lesson? Here it is again.”

M: Laugh.

P: “And here it is again.” “And here it is AGAIN!” Laugh.

M: So, I’ve been reading this book called Reasons to Stay Alive, and it is that macabre I will say.

P: Mmm.

M: It is also based on the science behind the idea of talking about suicide, depression and anxiety and how if done right and sensitively, it can actually help people to not commit suicide. So, opening up these conversations there’s another great Netflix series called 13 Reasons Why.

P: Ahh.

M: Where the main protagonist kills herself and leaves behind a range of tapes for the people in her life to listen to.

P: Wow.

M: Yep, and when done sensitively and with the appropriate disclaimers and next steps of people who may be struggling, it’s really important to broach these conversations in appropriate ways. So, the books by Matt Haig, his a famous author, and he’s written a bunch of other stuff. But he has struggled through his life since his twenties with anxiety and depression, and I just love this quote of his. So, he says, “You need to feel life’s terror to feel it’s wonder.”

P: Oh. Mmm. It’s like experiencing both sides of the seesaw.

M: Absolutely. So, he talks about depression and anxiety through his book and what that means to him acknowledging fully that that means something completely different to other people, everyone experiences that differently. But he also talks about how you don’t appreciate the sun rise until you’ve thought about ending it all.

P: Mmm.

M: You don’t appreciate toast and coffee on the porch with your wife until you’ve been so low that you thought you couldn’t go on. So, there is something about that negative emotion that can have a silver lining.

P: Yep.

M: It can, once you get through it, make the life on the other side that much more meaningful and precious. And again, definitely with me since the accident.

P: Mmm.

M: Just feel that there’s so much in this world, in this life, to explore and that brings joy and satisfaction and laughs and happiness and all of that, that we’ll never get through it all in a lifetime.

P: Yeah.

M: And so, every second spent pursuing it is a blessing.

P: I’m with you there.

M: Yeah. Alright, we’re starting to run out of time, so we might just skip into negativity bias.

P: Yes, it’s the vocabulary for negative experiences, so many words that we have for… We have more words in our vocabulary… It’s so much easier to describe negative experiences than it is to describe positive experiences, so it’s easier to go negative. It’s easy to look for something that confirms your negative belief.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Sometimes they said, this is about reframing it’s about “Okay, well, maybe I need to do that for my positive experiences as well”, learning to recognise the positive experience, but then dive a little bit deeper into it and go, “Okay, well, was I happy or was I elated? Was I euphoric?” It’s giving that little bit more of a descriptive label, if you like, so that you actually spend some time dwelling on how –

M: Good?

P: – bloody fabulous it was! Laugh.

M: And again, negative bias is another scientific word which just pretty much says what we spoke about earlier this episode. We are geared to notice the negative and dwell on the negative.

P: Mmm, yep.

M: So, we have a bias towards negative. If you’re not proactively looking for that silver lining or being grateful, practising gratitude is a great way to be re-wiring the brain for the positive. Such a simple exercise to add the balance back in, then your natural evolutionary self, the… is it the limbic? Which part of your brain?

P: That’s the emotional brain, yep.

M: The ah… fight or flight old school. Amygdala. [pronounced uh-mig-dar-la]

P: Laugh! Amygdala. [pronounced uh-mig-duh-luh] Laugh!

M: We will forever disagree on this.

P: Laugh.

M: But if you’re not taking control of those centres of the brain or balancing them out and letting them run rampant through your head. Then you will most likely be in that negative area forever.

P: Yeah, yeah so true. So, filter your negativity bias, get some positivity bias in there every now and then as well.

M: Yep. All right, so we had to tips to finish up. So, tip number one. When people come to you and they’re going through bad times, it might feel like you’re helping them to help them see the positive. But really, what you need to do is take a breath, validate what they’re saying. Yes, I hear you. Yes, I understand that sounds tough, sad, etcetera. And also listen.

P: Mmm.

M: Rather than jumping straight into solving motion, which is where my head goes, just sit and listen and let them know it’s all right and you’re there.

P: There’s a thing you can reference called deep listening, and it actually dates back to traditional aboriginal culture. But yeah, that ability to listen in Western society particularly, we don’t listen well. We are not good with silence. Asian cultures are better at it.

M: It just feels so awkward, doesn’t it?

P: That’s the thing. It is awkward for us. So, it’s a little tip.

M: And then the next thing is for you. You and me, is to learn to recognise negative feelings and talk about them, obviously in an appropriate way. I see a lot of people who are struggling with this part of their lives who post rants on Facebook, and that’s a place that’s going to make you more lonely.

P: Yep.

M: People don’t respond or know what to do with a lot of those posts.

P: Yeah.

M: But reach out to someone. Reach out to someone and go have a coffee with them and let them know what’s going on your life and again just ask them just to listen, right.

P: Mmm.

M: There will be time for solving stuff later or working out a plan forward later. But to begin with, you need someone who can listen or pay a professional. And then eventually, though, you do want to stop just talking over and over and over and over about the negative thing and start taking steps to –

P: – Action something.

M: Yeah, to bring some of that positivity back in and to start balancing that out, but only when you’re ready.

P: Yeah, mmm.

M: Alright and on that note,

P: have a happy week.

M: And stay cynical.

P: Laugh!

[Happy exit music – background] 

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic. 

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out. 

M: Until next time. 

M & P: Choose happiness. 

[Exit music fadeout] 

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Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: happiness, mentalhealth, resilience, ToxicPositivity

How to change your mindset with this simple Best Possible Self exercise

20/01/2022 by Marie

What is the Best Possible Self Exercise? 

When I first started exploring the world of positive psychology, I admit I was a huge cynic. I didn’t understand the science behind the bright t-shirt slogans that yelled “Choose Happiness!” and I railed against ‘toxic positivity’ and perceived band aid solutions to deep mental health issues.  

Years later, after interviewing dozens of global experts and reading countless peer-reviewed research articles, after studying and gaining certifications, and after podcasting and writing on the topic of happiness every week, I admit there are some topics that still make me sceptical. Granted, the list is quite short now, and although these truly are scientifically proven to increase life satisfaction, when it comes to meditation, mindset exercises and positive affirmations, they’re just not for me.  

Having said that, as an author and blogger, I cannot deny the power of writing or journaling. Writing helped me to not only recover from depression and trauma. It also helped me discover the power of positive psychology and a love of life. That’s why I’m happy to be exploring the Best Possible Self exercise this week, one of the most widely used Positive Psychology Interventions – even though it really boils down to being a mindset exercise but in long-form writing. But as with all topics on this site, it is science-backed and has been proven to help people be more optimistic and achieve a happier, healthier life. So, read on! 

What’s the Science? 

Time and time again, the personality trait of optimism has been shown to increase wellbeing, leading to greater physical wellbeing and even longevity. Optimists are happy people, who look forward to the future, and believe things will work out. That’s not to say that bad things don’t happen to them or that they don’t feel the appropriate negative feelings – like sadness, frustration or anger – because that is a natural and healthy response when things go wrong. Instead, optimists have a level of resilience that allows them to work through their feelings and move forward quickly. 

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” – John Lennon 

So, if optimism has so many benefits, then wouldn’t it be great if you could learn it? Well, you can. All it takes is the Best Possible Self exercise, which many researchers have studied and determined it can positively impact people’s mindset and increase optimism – leading to higher levels of mental and physical wellbeing. 

In one study, researchers asked participants to write about their best self across personal, relational, and professional dimensions for five minutes a day, over two weeks. They then measured the effects on optimism and mood after one day, one week and two weeks. The results showed that participants had significantly larger increases in optimism compared to people who simply wrote about daily activities, both after only one session and over two weeks.  

A second study, led by Sonja Lyubomirsky and colleagues, lasted four weeks and played with some factors to see what might detract from or amplify the results. Not surprisingly, the study supported previous research validating that the BPS exercise significantly boosted positive affect and flow. Additionally, they found that there was no difference in results when completing the exercise online versus in-person. However, students who read a testimonial about the benefits of BPS had the best gains in wellbeing compared to those who read neutral information or completed a control task. “The results lend legitimacy to online self-administered happiness-increasing activities and highlight the importance of participants’ beliefs in the efficacy of such activities for optimum results,” said the researchers.  

Convinced? Let’s get started! 

How to do the Best Possible Self Exercise 

Time: 10-15 mins per day for 2 weeks 

What you need: Pen and paper or journal 

This is a simple exercise that can have profound impacts. All you need to do is set aside 10-15 minutes a day for two weeks. Find somewhere quiet or peaceful to sit and write continuously about your imagined best possible future. Let all ideas come freely, don’t sensor anything… even bad grammar or spelling. Let it all out on paper. 

STEP 1: Block some time in your diary or calendar to dedicate to this activity over a 2-week period (or more). Lock it in so it happens! 

STEP 2: Decide how to organise what you want to write about. You can try social, health, academic and career, or personal, relational, and professional, or come up with your own dimensions.  

STEP 3: Sit somewhere quiet and distraction free. Set a timer for 10-15 minutes. 

STEP 4: Write on paper about your realistic best possible future self for each category. Imagine that you are happy and have all you want. You have worked hard, opportunities have presented themselves, and you have taken them. You have achieved all that you imagined possible. Think about the steps that would be needed to get there, and how you would feel making that positive progress. When painting your ideal future, be as specific as you can. Who would be there with you? What would you be doing? How would you do it? What would you see, hear, taste, smell? Be descriptive and imaginative and really put yourself into a day in the life of your best possible future self. 

STEP 5: Repeat the exercise the next day, and the next, and the next. Stick with it for at least 2 weeks.  

Before you go: Final Words of Caution 

Be realistic: You may be tempted to write about a future in which you win the lottery or marry your (already married) high-school sweetheart. Be careful to be realistic about your best possible future self. If you spend too much time wanting something that simply cannot happen, then it can often have negative mental health impacts. 

Focus on the future: Similarly, make sure you stay focused on the future. Another trap is to spend too much time worrying about what you did or didn’t do in the past that will prevent your best possible future self from being realised.   

That’s it. Happy writing! 


Want to make happiness a habit in your life? Simply subscribe to the Happiness for Cynics podcast and my email newsletter for your weekly dose of happiness!   


Want the science? Check out these studies 

King, A. (2001). The health benefits of writing about life goals. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27, 798-807.  

Layous, K., Nelson, S. K., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2013). What is the optimal way to deliver a positive activity intervention? The case of writing about one’s best possible selves. Journal of Happiness Studies, 14(2), 635-654.  

Meevissen, Y., Alberts H., & Peters, M. (2011). Become more optimistic by imagining a best possible self: Effects of a two-week intervention. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry. 42, 371-378 

Carrillo, A., Rubio-Aparicio, M., Molinari, G., Enrique, Á., Sánchez-Meca, J., & Baños, R. M. (2019). Effects of the Best Possible Self intervention: A systematic review and meta-analysis. PloS one, 14(9). 

Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: BestPossibleSelf, flow, happiness, inspiration, mentalhealth, Optimism

How to be Your Best Possible Self (E98)

18/01/2022 by Marie

Happiness for Cynics podcast

Join Marie and Pete as they discuss being your Best Possible Self and the exercise that may be your key to happiness.

Show notes

Want the science? Check out these studies 

King, A. (2001). The health benefits of writing about life goals. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27, 798-807.  

Layous, K., Nelson, S. K., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2013). What is the optimal way to deliver a positive activity intervention? The case of writing about one’s best possible selves. Journal of Happiness Studies, 14(2), 635-654.  

Meevissen, Y., Alberts H., & Peters, M. (2011). Become more optimistic by imagining a best possible self: Effects of a two-week intervention. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry. 42, 371-378 

Carrillo, A., Rubio-Aparicio, M., Molinari, G., Enrique, Á., Sánchez-Meca, J., & Baños, R. M. (2019). Effects of the Best Possible Self intervention: A systematic review and meta-analysis. PloS one, 14(9). 

First Calendar

Who Made the First Calendar? Historians believe timekeeping goes as far back as the Neolithic period, but actual calendars weren’t around until the Bronze Age in 3100 BC. The Sumerians in Mesopotamia made the very first calendar, which divided a year into 12 lunar months, each consisting of 29 or 30 days.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background] 

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t. 

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy. 

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life. 

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny. 

[Intro music fadeout] 

M: Happy New Year!

P: Happy 2022! Woo, woo, woot!

M: Laugh.

P: I’m sure there’s something numerical about 2022 that’s going to be fabulous really. 2-0-2-2. What is that? that’s 2 and two 2’s are 4 and it’s 6… but it’s all 2’s, tea for two?

M: Laugh, we’re starting the year on a high here.

P: Laugh. Tea for two, there we go, it’ll be teatime. Laugh.

M: I never asked, have you been drinking Pete? Laugh.

P: …Maybe. No, I haven’t. I’ve been working all day. I’ve had a very busy day, but that’s good for the new year.

M: Yes, it is.

P: Yes, in honour of the God Janice.

M: …Wah??

P: The New Year was started by Caesar in 45 B.C. It was the first New Year’s Day.

It was named January in honour of the God Janice, who has two heads, one looking forward and one looking backward.

M: Ahh…

P: Which is why New Year is such a great time to project and look forward to what is to come but also reflect and look back on what was.

[Starts talking in an ethereal prophetic voice]

And use that as a launching pad to launch yourself forward into your new domain and [voice better louder] New dominion as ruler of the world!

M & P: Laughter!

M: All right, on that note.

P: Laugh.

M: We are here today –

P: Still Laughing.

M: – to look forward.

P: Look forward. How cool it be, though, to go, “Meh, don’t like this calendar. I’m going to make a new one. Everybody, you gotta start on this. We could have 364 days.”

Everyone: “It doesn’t work.”

P: “Oh, all right, all right. I’ll do a quarter day every year.” Laugh.

M: That kind of was probably the first calendar that was built on a bit of science. Astronomy?

P: Mmm. I don’t know, but I’ll give it to you.

M: Well, it must have been, because they got it kind of right, didn’t they?

P: Yeah.

M: We’re just guessing here now.

P: Yeah.

M: We’re just having a conversation.

P: Yeah, but 45 B.C. that’s yeah… But apparently the New Year’s Day goes back 4000 years.

M: Oh.

P: So, there were, ancient Egyptians used to celebrate a New Year’s Day. So, it wasn’t the Romans.

M: Well, a lot of other cultures, non-Western cultures, have this idea of cyclic time and things happening around seasons. And obviously there was collecting of grains and seeds.

P: Harvesting.

M: …Well, harvesting kind of requires a little bit more organisation rather than just gathering.

P: Laugh, yeah.

M: But you would have an idea of the seasons, definitely.

P: Hmm.

M: So, that cyclical idea of time, I think –

P: – was always present in ancient cultures? Yes.

M: I think in some way, particularly in Eastern culture and the cultures that believe in reincarnation or the ecosystems and everything coming and going, but just being movements of energy.

P: So, the hippies had it right. The celestial dancers were onto something. Let’s get naked in the full moonlight.

M: Laugh. So, what we’re talking about today really is a good time of year to be looking at. We’re talking about ‘Best Possible Self’, activity or exercise, and this is probably one of the most popular, or most prescribed or widely used positive psychology interventions.

P: Oh, what is it, Marie? What is it? What is it? What is it? Tell me. Tell me now!

M: Laugh. So, uh, okay. We’ll get there, we’ll get there. We’ve got 20 minutes.

P: I can’t handle the suspense!

M: Laugh. And so, the ‘Best Possible Self’. You can probably already kind of guess where we’re going with this. This is one of those topics that is really borderline for me, though.

P: Oh, oh we love that because you sort of sit there and get a little twinkle in your eye and you start twitching.

M: Laugh.

P: I can do this, really I can grr, grr, grr.

M: There are few things in my journey of self-discovery, when it comes to positive psychology, that I’m still really on the fence about.

P: Laugh.

M: So, meditation.

P: Yeah, we know. Laugh.

M: Mindfulness exercises and positive affirmations are probably three of the ones that we’ve discussed in the past that I’m like, eh?

P: So, is ‘Best Positive Self’ a positive affirmation? Or is this something slightly different?

M: It’s along the same lines as positive affirmations.

P: Mmm.

M: Definitely, mindset exercise and coming back to new year – new you. A lot of people are setting new year’s resolutions.

P: Yep

M: By this point in the year, a lot of people have given up on their new year’s resolutions.

P: Laugh! I’ll start again next week. It’s fine.

M: Laugh. And maybe you did set some new year’s resolutions that you haven’t been able to keep for a variety of reasons. A lot of us do that. And maybe you’re looking for something to replace that already in week three of January as we kick off our year.

P: Mmm.

M: And maybe ‘Best Possible Self’ is a new activity that you might be able to stick with.

P: Okay, okay, let’s dive in. What are we doing?

M: Essentially, it’s a mindset exercise, but it’s in writing.

P: Ok.

M: So, pretty much what we’re trying to do is increase optimism.

P: Oh, okay. Yep.

M: As a personality trait, optimism has been shown to increase well-being and leads to greater physical well-being and longevity.

P: Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, that’s been proven heaps. And it is so obvious. Happier people get better stuff.

M: Yep.

P & M: Laugh.

P: Scientific language there.

M: And they don’t die.

P & M: Laugh!

M: Okay, well, they do. Everybody dies.

P: They do, yep.

M: Taxes, they get taxed too, but they’re happy about it.

P: Laugh.

M: So… laugh.

M: So, optimists are people who look forward to the future and believe things will work out. So, there’s a great quote often attributed to [John] Lennon, which is,

“Everything will be OK in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”

P: Oh, I like that. Oh, that’s great, I’m going to put that on my wall. Laugh.

M: And it’s very much the mantra of optimists. So just because you’re an optimist doesn’t mean that you are practising toxic positivity.

P: Eeuggh, yeah.

M: It’s important to make this distinction, and a lot of people who don’t understand past the T-shirt slogan, like to throw this at psychologists and researchers.

P: Yep, yep.

M: But what we’re saying here is that it doesn’t mean that bad things don’t happen to optimists or that they don’t feel the appropriate negative feelings.

P: Mmm. When necessary, yeah.

M: Like sadness or frustration or anger, because that’s natural and healthy when things go wrong.

P: Yes.

M: Instead, optimists have a level of resilience that allows them to work through their feelings and move forward quickly.

P: Quickly being the operative word?

M: It allows them to move through and out the other side.

P: Mmm.

M: Now, sometimes some things take longer.

P: Mmm, yep. Major life events.

M: And some things will always impact you forever more. Definitely. People who are dealing with grief, a lot of them would say they’ll never be the same.

P: Yep.

M: And that’s fair and fine.

P: Mmm.

M: But people who are optimists will find a way to keep living and to work through that.

P: Yes.

M: And move forward often quicker, I won’t say quicker, but in a more constructive way. They won’t get stuck.

P: And it’s more than just looking for the positive, isn’t it? When you’re an optimist, it’s not about looking at the glass half full.

M: It is. It’s about that resilience as well.

P: Yeah.

M: So, when things go bad, you know how to process it.

P: Yep.

M: So, that comes with a certain level of EQ or emotional intelligence,

P: Yes.

M: that is needed in order to move through that. So, the most optimistic person with no emotional intelligence would still probably hit a roadblock.

P: Yeah.

M: That’s where you bury things rather than process.

P: Yes, yes, yes.

M: But you need both. But with both the world is your oyster. All the research shows that you’re going to have a far more successful life. You’ll earn more, you’ll amass more wealth, which is not a measure of happiness. But who’s going to say no to more money.

P: Laugh, true. Is it because it enables you to do other things?

M: Exactly. You’ll have more friends, and deeper friendships with friends. You’re more likely to get married, have successful relationships. All of the stuff that we’ve discussed on this show.

P: Yeah.

M: So, optimism is worth striving for.

P: Mmm.

M: Now, what we’re talking about here with ‘Best Possible Self’ is a way to learn optimism.

P: Ooh. Get your study hats on people. Red pencils and blue biros out please.

M & P: Laugh.

M: [whispers] We don’t use red pens anymore, that’s seen as negative.

P: Oh, but aren’t we hardwired to focus on the negative? I confused!

M: We are. So, we want blue pen or… anyway, that’s a whole other thing.

P: Just give me a box of crayons, I’m ready.

M & P: Laugh.

M: So, the great news is that research has shown ever since, way back in 2001, there was a study by… King. Mr King.

P: Mr King, laugh.

M: Of ‘The health benefits of writing about life goals, personality and social psychology.’

P: Oh, okay.

M: So, all the way back in 2001, was probably one of the first articles about this. And since then, quite a few people, including our one of our favourites, Sonja Lyubomirsky, has looked into it.

P: Yes.

M: And all of them are finding that this ‘Best Possible Self’ exercise, which really focuses on increasing positive mindset and optimism, is beneficial and works.

P: Okay.

M: So.

P: Laugh, so do it people.

M & P: Laugh.

M: So, let’s dive into some of those studies. So, in one study researchers asked participants to write about their best self across three different dimensions. Personal, relational, and professional for five minutes a day over two weeks.

P: That’s, yeah.

M: Anyone can do that.

P: It’s surprisingly hard to do five minutes of that intense reflection. Like that’s challenging for a lot of people. It’s shining –

M: Even if it’s across three different areas?

P: Yeah.

M: It’s kind of like meditation, right? The first time you do, you might stare out the window for four minutes and go, aahhh!

P: Laugh.

M: And then have 60 seconds of really intense writing.

P: But it is a training exercise, and that’s why I think what they’re saying here is that it’s not enough to do it just once a week. It has to be consistent over two weeks to get these effects, yes?

M: Yep, but only five minutes a day. That’s so doable. The busiest of busy people can normally fit five minutes into their day. But the one thing I’d say do not forget to schedule in downtime and rest so important. And that doesn’t mean just eight hours of sleep.

P: Oh no, no, no, no. It’s like, you gotta have your hour of you time.

M: Yep. So, five minutes a day over two weeks. And then the researchers measured the effects on optimism and mood after one day, one week and two weeks. And the results showed that participants had significantly larger increases in optimism compared to the people who simply wrote about daily activities.

P: Ok.

M: And the best part is they saw that both after only one session and over two weeks. So, it only takes one session of writing and thinking about ‘what could my best future look like’ to have profound impacts on your day.

P: Mmm. It’s the same thing with self-talk. If you’re always going ‘Oh, the sky is grey, the cat is black, you know, the toilet’s not clean.’ Laugh.

M: Laugh.

P: You’re constantly reinforcing that, that down.

M: Eeyore.

P: The Eeyore moment, exactly. A.A. Milne had it right, laugh.

M: All right, so that was the first study. The second study, again there are many, many studies, and we’ll put a few of them in the show notes for you. If you’re interested in the real science, the hard science.

P: Laugh.

M: Which I hope some of you are, cause otherwise I’m talking to no one, laugh.

P: [Whispers] Don’t trust us, we don’t know what we’re talking about. Laugh.

M: So, the second study was led by Sonja Lyubomirsky.

P: Ah, Sonja, we love her.

M: And this one lasted four weeks, and they played with a variety of factors to see what might increase optimism even more, or what might detract from the exercise. So, a couple of things they did… So, not surprisingly, in the study it supported previous research that validated the ‘Best Possible Self’ exercise. It significantly boosted affect, positive affect, and flow. And, of course, flow is something we’ve also spoken about before.

P: Yep.

M: But sitting down and writing is a great way to finding flow.

P: Accessing that really beautiful spot where everything just happens.

M: Yep, so additionally, though, they found… They got some people to do this exercise online and other people to do it in person.

P: Online, as in writing it down online.

M: Yes.

P: Oh, okay.

M: And we’ve spoken before about the difference between handwriting and typing.

P: Yes.

M: What they found for this exercise was there’s no difference in results when completing the exercise online versus in person.

P: Oh! That means there’s no excuses.

M: No excuses. And then the other thing they looked at was how pre-positioning the exercise might impact on outcome. So, students who were at a testimonial about the benefits of ‘Best Possible Self’ had the best gains and well-being compared to those who read neutral information about a control task. They say –

P: Setting them up for success?

M: – the results lend legitimacy to online self-administered happiness, increasing activities and highlight the importance of participants belief in the efficacy of such activities for optimal results. So, you can’t come in being a sceptic –

P: Mmm, yeah.

M: – for all you cynics, you’ve got to understand the science, understand why this impacts your brain and how in a way we say you’re tricking your brain. But really, what you’re doing is retraining.

P: I think training is a better word. Yeah, I like that word when you’re talking about changing things up.

M: And when you understand that that’s how this works and that there is science behind it, and you go do it yourself then you see the benefits.

P: Mmm, yeah. The brain is easily… it’s not easily manipulated, but we can manipulate it.

M: Yes.

P: We can project. And that projection factor. It’s not hippie nonsense and poppycock.

M: We can adjust.

P: Yeah.

M: We can adjust for that negative bias.

P: Yeah, definitely. It’s looking for the red car when you buy a red car and all of a sudden you see red cars, you put it out there in front of you and I think that’s the underlying principle of this.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: If you actually write it down, what your best possible self is when someone says to you, “What do you want to be?” You’re like, “I want to be a fireman!” because you thought about it. You’ve imagined it. You’ve imagined yourself in that outfit with the great calendar and the puppy dog and yeah, the big truck that goes ‘Beep, beep!’ Who doesn’t want to be a fireman?

M: Be a fireman? Or be with a fireman?

P: Laugh.

M: Alright, so how do we do the Best Possible Self?

P: Oh, here we go. Now we’ve got to the work people.

M: You’ve got to do the work. The good news is it’s really simple. All you need is a pen and a paper or a journal.

P: Ok.

M: And I’m going to bump it up to about 10 to 15 minutes.

P: Oh! Quelle dommage.

M: For just two weeks. So, the Lyubomirsky study, was a four week study and they went, I think, all the way up to 15 minutes.

P: Ok.

M: The first study we mentioned was five minutes for two weeks. I’m going to kind of go somewhere in between, two weeks and say, let’s put some time, 10 minutes, put 10 minutes into it.

P: Ok.

M: So, simple exercise with profound impacts. Find somewhere quiet or peaceful to sit and write continuously about your imagined, best possible future. You want to let all ideas come freely, Don’t sensor anything.

P: Mmm.

M: And don’t even worry about grammar or spelling. Just let it all out.

P: Yes, I bought it.

M: You wanna. You wanna let that flow find you.

P: Yep.

M: So, the first thing to do is step one, block sometime in your diary or calendar to dedicate to this activity over the period you’re going to do it. Lock it in so it happens.

P: Mmm.

M: If you don’t have the alarm going off or the reminder reminding you, it won’t become a habit and you’ll forget.

P: You’ll forget.

M: Plain and simple.

P: Yep.

M: So, lock it into your diary and set a reminder on your phone. Secondly, decide how you want to organise what you want to write about. So you could try, like Lyubomirsky’s study, four different areas, which are social, health, academic and career.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: Some people may not have a career. There might be students. Some people may not have an academic life, they’re just working.

P: Yep, it could be anything.

M: Yeah.

P: It could be losing weight. It could be eating better.

M: Well, social and health would probably cover those as well. So, find what works for you. The three from the first study were personal, relational and professional.

P: Ok.

M: So, group what you’re going to write about so that you can consistently right about these things over time and dig into them. Or you can come up with your own dimensions, as you mentioned. All right, so group them and then sit somewhere quiet, distraction free and set your time of 10 to 15 minutes. So, what you want to do is write about your realistic, best possible future self for each category.

P: Ok.

M: So, imagine that you’re happy and have all that you want in your social category, right? So, what does it look like to have the friends and the family that you want to have the interactions that you want to have? You’ve worked hard, opportunities have presented themselves and you’ve taken them.

P: Mmm.

M: So, you’ve achieved all that you imagined possible. So, think about the steps that would be needed to get there. How you would feel making that positive progress.

P: These are good things to write down on a white board or something, so that if you are finding yourself stuck in this righting moment, you’ve got those little prompts to platform launch you into more writing. If you’re getting stuck, that might be a really good idea.

M: Just remember to be specific as you can. Who would be there with you? What would you be doing? How would you be doing it? What would you see? Hear? Taste, Smell?

P: Yep.

M: Be descriptive and imaginative. And really put yourself into a day in the life of your best possible future self. And it might change over time. So, what you write about on day one may not be the future that you land on.

P: Mmm. That’ll be interesting to see.

M: But you want to be as specific and imaginative and descriptive as possible. Now, you then repeat the exercise the next day and the next and the next, and stick with it for at least two weeks. That’s it.

P: Okay.

M: Before we go, though, two things I just want to call out about what we just spoke about. The first one was a realistic, best possible self. So, you might be tempted to write about a future in which you win the lottery or marry your already married high school sweetheart.

P: Laugh.

M: Well, that ain’t going to happen, right?

P & M: Laugh.

M: So be careful to be realistic about your best possible future self. If you spend too much time wanting something that simply cannot happen. Then that can often have the opposite effect. It can have a negative mental health impact.

P: Yeah, right. Cause it’s unattainable.

M: It’s wishing.

P: And then [you think], ‘I’ll never be good enough.’ Yeah, and all that negativity comes back.

M: You know, ‘I wish I had gone to university. Maybe my life would be better.’ That type of thinking is not going to help you in the slightest. And in fact, it’s going to make you feel worse.

P: Yeah, yeah.

M: So, realism, realistic expectations and realistic, best possible future self is really important. And then the second thing is focusing on the future. So again, just like before, you don’t want to be thinking, ‘I wish I’d gone to university. My life would have been so much better if I had.’ You want to be thinking about the future. So, another trap is to spend too much time worrying about what you did or didn’t do in the past.

P: Yeah.

M: That will prevent your best possible future self from being realised. Again, where are you now? Where could you get to in the future? And then it’s about setting the goal so that hopefully at some stage you start actually taking steps to get there.

P: Towards it, yeah. Projection.

M: Mmm hmm. Yeah, so that’s it. Be realistic. Focus on the future and then paint your life the way you think it.

P: Laugh. [Singing] You can paint with all the colours of the wind. Laugh.

M: And hopefully then you realise your best possible future self. And don’t forget to do it every year or two because our goals and dreams and wants change over time.

P: True, yeah. I like it, I’m all enthused now. I think I’m gonna get my ‘Best Possible Self’, my BPS book.

M: Good topic for the 1st…

P: Kick off 2022.

M: Definitely and we have some great guests coming up as well on the show. So, changing the format a little this year.

P: Woo hoo!

M: Yes. So, I hope you tune in, share it with your friends and we’ll see you next week.

P: Have a happy week

[Happy exit music – background] 

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic. 

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out. 

M: Until next time. 

M & P: Choose happiness. 

[Exit music fadeout] 

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Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: happiness, inspiration, mentalhealth, wellbeing

Top Positive Psychology Research in 2021

13/01/2022 by Marie

The Positive Psychology world suffered two great losses this year, first with Edward Diener who passed away in April and then Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in October. Diener, otherwise known as Dr. Happiness, was recognized as a leader in measuring what he called “subjective well-being.” Csikszentmihalyi was a pioneer in the Positive Psychology space and introduced the concept of flow theory in the 1970’s. These losses were great but the legacies that these two larger than life figures left behind will live on in the Positive Psychology world for years to come. 

In what was a tough year all around, there was still plenty of hope and great research into how to live a happy life, which not only helped many of us to cope with an unprecedented global crisis, but also learn more about ourselves and what’s truly important in life.  

What we Have Learnt from the Pandemic 

COVID-19’s Impact on Mental Health Hasn’t Been All Bad (Psychology Today). The COVID-19 pandemic has caused mental distress, but it has also strengthened people’s mental health in many ways. New research shows how the crisis has increased mental health through three main processes. 

A Once-in-a-Lifetime Chance to Start Over (The Atlantic). It’s time to prepare for a new and better normal than your pre-pandemic life. 

Stumbling into the Next Stage of Your Pandemic Life (Greater Good Magazine). A therapist explores the psychology of coming back from the big pandemic pause. 

How to Make Your Post-Pandemic Happiness Last (GQ). Human happiness is surprisingly resistant to change—even to positive shifts. So as the pandemic wanes in the U.S., is it possible to make these good feelings stay? 

The 9 Silver Linings of the COVID-19 Pandemic (Psychology Today). Researchers found that the average sentiment of participants’ responses was positive when describing the pandemic’s silver linings. The results of the study may help people better heal from this crisis and be better prepared to respond to potential future crises. 

Research Suggests Positive Forward-Thinking Safeguards Mental Health During Lockdowns (Mental Health Today). We all might feel nostalgic for a time when we weren’t confined to our homes or had rules imposed upon us in public spaces; however new research from the University of Surrey suggests that if we forget about 2020 or even our current lockdown state in 2021 and look forward to the future, our mental wellbeing will presently be more resilient. 

Plan to Find Happiness 

Frequent travel could make you 7% happier (Science Daily). People dreaming of travel post-COVID-19 now have some scientific data to support their wanderlust. A new study shows frequent travellers are happier with their lives than people who don’t travel at all. 

How Trip Planning and Happiness Are Directly Correlated (Psychology Today). Research reveals that planning future travel may boost mood and mindset. 

What Is Transformational Travel? Holidaying With A Purpose Is The New Switching Off (Bazaar). Explore how the power of trips taken with consciousness can emanate positivity, personal growth, and mental wellness for all. 

Be Curious and Learn 

Learning Boosts Happiness, New Study Suggests (Sci News). New research from University College London suggests that how we learn about the world around us can be more important for how we feel than rewards we receive directly. 

Curiosity and Happiness Go Hand in Hand (The Philadelphia Inquirer). As Einstein said: The important thing is to never stop questioning. Research suggests that consistent curiosity goes hand in hand with happiness.  

Happiness can be Learned Through Meditation, Philosophy and Training (Medical Xpress). Is it possible to learn to be happier? Well, it seems it is—at least according to a scientific study coordinated by the University of Trento and carried out in collaboration with Sapienza University of Rome, now published in Frontiers in Psychology. 

The Wonder Stuff: What I Learned About Happiness from a Month of ‘Awe Walks’ (The Guardian). Feeling down? You need to experience more awe, psychologists say. So, I set off every day to explore my local area, leaving my phone behind. 

Green is Good 

Green Space Around Primary Schools May Improve Students’ Academic Performance (The Conversation). Greenery around primary schools may improve students’ academic performance, while traffic pollution may be detrimental, our study shows.  

Spending Time Outdoors Has a Positive Effect on Our Brains (Neuroscience News). Brain structure and mood improve when people spend time outdoors. This has positive implications for concentration, memory, and overall psychological wellbeing. 

The Built Environment Impacts Our Health and Happiness More Than We Know (Arch Daily). The built environment is directly linked with happiness and well-being, and too often urban environments fail to put people at ease. 

Nature-Based Activities Can Improve Mood and Reduce Anxiety (Neuroscience News). Participating in nature-based activities including exercise, gardening, and conservation, helps improve mood and reduce anxiety for those with mental health problems. 

Birds and Bees ‘Secret Weapons’ to Raising Happiness Levels (Belfast Telegraph). Studies show that increasing people’s connection with nature boosts happiness. 

Embrace your Inner DJ 

20 Surprising, Science-Backed Health Benefits of Music (USA Today). Research suggests that music not only helps us cope with pain — it can also benefit our physical and mental health in numerous other ways. Read on to learn how listening to tunes can ramp up your health. 

The Unsung Secret to Stability and Happiness During The Pandemic (ZDNet). It’s been a hard year, but at least many people have found a reliable way to reduce stress and increase happiness. Netflix is great and exercise is important, but music, it turns out, has made a positive difference in the lives of many during an often-bleak and perpetually uncertain pandemic year. 

Coping With COVID-19 Stress Through Music (Neuroscience News). Study reports people who experienced an increase in negative emotion during lockdown listened to music to relieve feelings of depression, stress, and fear. Those with a more positive state of mind turned to music as a replacement for social interaction. 

Work for Meaning, Purpose and Happiness  

The ‘Great Realization’ has Inspired People to Seek Happiness in Their Jobs and Careers (Forbes). A study of work happiness commissioned by Indeed, the large job aggregation site, and conducted by Forrester, delved into how we feel about our jobs and careers. 

Why Work Is More Than Just a Job (Psychology Today). We have been conditioned to think of work primarily as a source of income. The truth is, our job can have a powerful effect on our psychological well-being. Acknowledging the benefits of work can help us better shape our careers. 

The Great Resignation is Here: How to Find Purpose in The Next Stage of Your Career (Forbes). By now, you’ve likely heard about the Great Resignation. Due to the pandemic, changes in work-life balance, childcare and other factors, an estimated 40% of the global workforce is considering changing jobs in 2021. Anecdotal evidence and data suggest that it has much to do with our values and feeling aligned with our purpose. 

How Self-Determination Can Boost Satisfaction at Work (Psychology Today). Self-Determination Theory provides a framework for understanding changes in work motivation. Motivation often decreases when core psychological needs have not been met. Work structures that support autonomy, competence, and relatedness can facilitate motivation and productivity. 

Get the Best Sleep 

The Organizational Cost of Insufficient Sleep (McKinsey). In an increasingly hyperconnected world, in which many companies now expect their employees to be on call and to answer emails 24/7, sleep is an important organizational topic that requires specific and urgent attention. 

Mindfulness Training Helps Kids Sleep Better (Stanford Medicine). At-risk children gained more than an hour of sleep per night after participating in a mindfulness curriculum at their elementary schools, a study from the Stanford University School of Medicine found.  

Natural Light May be Key to Improving Mood and Reducing Insomnia (Neuroscience News). More time spent outside in natural light was associated with improved mood, better sleep quality, and ease of waking. 

Laugh! 

How Laughing at Yourself Can Be Good for Your Well-Being (Psychology Today). Laughing at oneself is healthy when it is not motivated by self-demeaning drives. People who engage in excessive self-defeating humour may be trying to hide underlying emotional problems. Self-directed laughter can remind us of our humanness and promote positive interpersonal interactions. 

Laugh more, live better (McKinsey & Company). Naomi Bagdonas and Connor Diemand-Yauman, lecturers at Stanford’s Graduate School of Business, hilariously explore the power at the intersection of humour, business, and leadership. It’s no joke. 

Seriously Funny: Humour is a Character Strength (Neuroscience News). Researchers say the use and appreciation of humour is positive for overall wellbeing and psychological health. Humour is observed in all cultures and at all ages. But only in recent decades has experimental psychology respected it as an essential, fundamental human behaviour. 

A Little Laughter Decreases Stress and Improves Productivity (Forbes). Paul Osincup is a positivity strategist and his mission is to create workplace happiness. He does this with his humorous and inspirational style of teaching and speaking. According to Osincup, “Humour is the new mindfulness.” You can actually train your brain to see and experience humour more often. 

Viewing Memes Online Increases Positive Emotions, Helps Cope with Pandemic (Penn State). Viewing memes online may increase positive emotions which can help improve one’s confidence in the ability to cope with life during a pandemic. The recently published study also showed that people who viewed memes with COVID-19-related captions reported lower levels of COVID-related stress than did those who saw a non-COVID caption. 

Share the Love! 

There’s a Specific Kind of Joy We’ve Been Missing (The New York Times). Research has found that people laugh five times as often when they’re with others as when they’re alone. Peak happiness lies mostly in collective activity. 

Hard Times Make for Stronger Bonds and Greater Happiness: Here’s Why That Matters (Forbes). You’ve heard it before: Going through hard times is one of the things that can create bonds between people. In fact, the more difficult the experience, the more bonding that may occur. And a global pandemic certainly qualifies as a condition for strengthening bonds.  

Getting Beyond Small Talk: People Enjoy Deep Conversations with Strangers (NeuroScience News). People overestimate feelings of awkwardness when talking to strangers and underestimate the enjoyment of deep, meaningful conversations with those we have just met. 

Selflessness and Feeling in Harmony with Others Coincides with Greater Happiness (PsyPost). A study published in the Journal of Individual Differences suggests there’s more to happiness than feeling satisfied with one’s life. The study found that experiencing the self as interdependent coincided with increased happiness through feeling greater harmony with others. 

Why we Missed Hugs (The Conversation). Similar to regular hunger, touch hunger serves as an alert that something important is missing – in this case, the sense of security, intimacy, and care that comes with tactile contact. 

Express Yourself 

Twirl to Happiness: Does Dance Therapy Hold Promise for Treating Anxiety and Depression? (Economic Times). Researchers understand that the majority of our daily communication is nonverbal, and traumatic memories are encoded, or stored, in nonverbal parts of the brain. 

What is it That Makes Baking Such a Soothing, Evocative Pastime? (Happiful). So, what it is that makes baking such an effective mindfulness tool, and how can we harness this to support our mental health? With help from a counsellor, and the people who have explored this connection for themselves, we’re asking the rising question: what happens when you add baking into the wellbeing mix? 

How you Decorate Your Home can Impact your Happiness (Women’s Health). Google partnered with the Arts & Mind Lab at Johns Hopkins University to explore the impact of sensory input on our minds and bodies. They designed three different rooms, and participants wore bands to track their physiological responses as they moved through each room. 

Why Doing Something Different Can Boost Well-Being (Psychology Today). A neuroscience-based method to improve happiness. Experiential diversity—going to new or different places and doing different things—can boost well-being, research suggests. 

The Benefits of Texting Your Gratitude (Psychology Today). Research suggests that expressing gratitude by texting may be just as beneficial as an in-person show of appreciation. 

Art for Happiness – How Culture can Keep us Healthy and Sane (Mostly) (Evening Standard). The Wellcome Collection is exploring happiness in its new dual exhibitions, but what role can museums and culture play in maintaining our mental health? 


Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!  

Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: happiness, meaning, mentalhealth, mindfulness, purpose, resilience

Happiness Ted Talks to Watch These Holidays

15/12/2021 by Marie

What Are The 7 Top Happiness Ted Talks to Watch These Holidays? 

One of the things I love about life today is the easy access to inspiring ideas and content. We now have millions of experts, researchers and professionals at our fingertips, publishing content on the internet, just a click away. 

By far, one of the best curators of engaging talks and content is TED, and when it comes to the topic of happiness, they do not disappoint. TED has featured many of the great positive psychology superstars over the years (check out these top 11 positive psychology talks of all time), and they continue to publish new content on happiness from psychologists, journalists and monks among others. 

But like many of these amazing platforms, it’s easy to get drawn down a rabbit hole of random content. That’s why we’re pulled together this list for you – to keep you focused on the best and most recent inspiration, research and knowledge on happiness. So, if you want to start 2022 with a fresh and happy new outlook, these are the top happiness Ted Talks to watch these holidays. 

Top Happiness Ted Talks to Watch These Holidays 

3 Rules for Better Work-Life Balance, Ashley Whillans, 5:07 

Have you answered a work email during an important family event? Or taken a call from your boss while on vacation? According to behavioural scientist and Harvard Business School professor Ashley Whillans, “always-on” work culture is not only ruining our personal well-being — but our work, as well. She shares which bad habits are stopping us from getting what we need out of our free time and three practical steps for setting boundaries that stick.  

What’s your Happiness Score?, Dominic Price, 14:37 

How do you rediscover a happier, more purpose-driven (and less productivity-obsessed) self in the wake of the pandemic? Quiz yourself alongside work futurist Dominic Price as he lays out a simple yet insightful four-part guide to assessing your life in ways that can help you reconnect with what’s really important. 

How to be your best self in times of crisis, Susan David, 45:54 

“Life’s beauty is inseparable from its fragility,” says psychologist Susan David. In a special virtual conversation, she shares wisdom on how to build resilience, courage and joy in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic. Responding to listeners’ questions from across the globe, she offers ways to talk to your children about their emotions, keep focus during the crisis and help those working on the front lines. 

Helping others makes us happier – but it matters how we do it, Elizabeth Dunn, 14:20 

Research shows that helping others makes us happier. But in her ground-breaking work on generosity and joy, social psychologist Elizabeth Dunn found that there’s a catch: it matters how we help. Learn how we can make a greater impact — and boost our own happiness along the way — if we make one key shift in how we help others. “Let’s stop thinking about giving as just this moral obligation and start thinking of it as a source of pleasure,” Dunn says. 

The lies our culture tells us about what matters – and a better way to live, David Brooks, 14:45 

Our society is in the midst of a social crisis, says op-ed columnist and author David Brooks: we’re trapped in a valley of isolation and fragmentation. How do we find our way out? Based on his travels across the United States — and his meetings with a range of exceptional people known as “weavers” — Brooks lays out his vision for a cultural revolution that empowers us all to lead lives of greater meaning, purpose and joy. 

How to turn off work thoughts during your free time, Guy Winch, 12:20 

Feeling burned out? You may be spending too much time ruminating about your job, says psychologist Guy Winch. Learn how to stop worrying about tomorrow’s tasks or stewing over office tensions with three simple techniques aimed at helping you truly relax and recharge after work. 

This is what makes employees happy at work, Michael C. Bush, 3:59 

There are three billion working people on this planet, and only 40 percent of them report being happy at work. Michael C. Bush shares his insights into what makes workers unhappy — and how companies can benefit their bottom lines by fostering satisfaction. 

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!  

Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: happiness, mentalhealth, positivity, wellbeing

Talking to Strangers (E97)

13/12/2021 by Marie

Happiness for Cynics

On today’s episode Marie and Pete discuss talking to strangers and the surprising mental health benefits of sharing a deep and meaningful conversation. 

Transcript

Coming soon

Filed Under: Podcast Tagged With: connection, Conversation, happiness, mentalhealth

How to Avoid ‘Toxic Positivity’ and Take the Less Direct Route to Happiness

08/12/2021 by Marie

How to Avoid Toxic Positivity

Brock Bastian, The University of Melbourne and Ashley Humphrey, Federation University Australia

The term “toxic positivity” has received a good deal of attention lately. Coming off the back of the “positivity movement” we are beginning to recognise while feeling happy is a good thing, overemphasising the importance of a positive attitude can backfire, ironically leading to more unhappiness.

Yes, research shows happier people tend to live longer, be healthier and enjoy more successful lives. And “very happy people” have more of these benefits relative to only averagely happy people. But pursued in certain ways, happiness or positivity can become toxic.

Our research, published in The Journal of Positive Psychology and involving almost 500 people, was inspired by these apparently inconsistent findings – pursuing happiness may be both good and bad for our well-being. We aimed to uncover a key ingredient that turns positivity toxic.


Read more: The rise of pop-psychology: can it make your life better, or is it all snake-oil?


Expecting the Best, Feeling Worse

Some studies have shown that when people place a high value on their own happiness it can lead to less happiness, especially in contexts where they most expect to feel happy.

This tendency to expect happiness and then to feel disappointed or to blame oneself for not feeling happy enough, has been linked to greater depressive symptoms and deficits in well-being.

As the line to a cartoon by Randy Glasbergen depicting a patient confessing to his psychologist puts it:

I am very, very happy. But I want to be very, very, very happy, and that is why I’m miserable.

However, researchers have also observed when people prioritise behaviours that maximise the likelihood of their future happiness – rather than attempting to directly increase their levels of happiness “in the moment” – they are more likely to experience improvements (rather than deficits) in their levels of well-being.

This may mean engaging in activities that provide a sense of achievement or purpose, such as volunteering time or completing difficult tasks, or constructing daily routines that support well-being.

This work suggests pursuing happiness indirectly, rather than making it the main focus, could turn our search for positivity from toxic to tonic.


Read more: Coronavirus: tiny moments of pleasure really can help us through this stressful time


Valuing Happiness vs. Prioritising Positivity

We wanted to find out what it was about making happiness a focal goal that backfires.

To gain a better understanding, we measured these two approaches to finding happiness: valuing happiness versus prioritising positivity.

People who valued happiness agreed with statements such as “I am concerned about my happiness even when I feel happy” or “If I don’t feel happy, maybe there is something wrong with me”.

People who prioritised positivity agreed with statements such as “I structure my day to maximise my happiness” or “I look for and nurture my positive emotions”.

We also included a measure of the extent to which people feel uncomfortable with their negative emotional experiences. To do this, we asked for responses to statements like: “I see myself as failing in life when feeling depressed or anxious” or “I like myself less when I feel depressed or anxious”.

People who expected to feel happy (scoring high on valuing happiness), also tended to see their negative emotional states as a sign of failure in life and lacked acceptance of these emotional experiences. This discomfort with negative emotions partly explained why they had lower levels of well-being.

On the other hand, people who pursued happiness indirectly (scoring high on prioritising positivity), did not see their negative emotional states this way. They were more accepting of low feelings and did not see them as a sign they were failing in life.

What this shows is when people believe they need to maintain high levels of positivity or happiness all the time to make their lives worthwhile, or to be valued by others, they react poorly to their negative emotions. They struggle with these feelings or try to avoid them, rather than accept them as a normal part of life.

Pursuing happiness indirectly does not lead to this same reaction. Feeling down or stressed is not inconsistent with finding happiness.


Read more: Here comes the sun: how the weather affects our mood


What Makes Positivity Toxic?

So, it appears the key ingredient in toxic positivity is not positivity itself, after all. Rather, it is how a person’s attitude to happiness leads them to respond to negative experiences in life.

The prospect of experiencing pain, failure, loss, or disappointment in life is unavoidable. There are times we are going to feel depressed, anxious, fearful, or lonely. This is a fact. What matters is how we respond to these experiences. Do we lean into them and accept them for what they are, or do we try to avoid and escape from them?


Read more: Why bad moods are good for you: the surprising benefits of sadness


If we are aiming to be happy all the time then we might feel tough times are interrupting our goal. But if we simply put a priority on positivity, we are less concerned by these feelings – we see them as an ingredient in the good life and part of the overall journey.

Rather than always trying to “turn a frown upside down”, we are more willing to sit with our low or uncomfortable emotions and understand that doing so will, in the long run, make us happy.

Learning to respond rather than react to these emotions is a key enabler of our happiness.

Our reaction to discomfort is often to get away and to reduce the pain. This might mean we employ ineffective emotion regulation strategies such as avoiding or suppressing unpleasant feelings.

If we do, we fail to engage with the insights an unpleasant experiences bring. Responding well to these experiences means getting “discomfortable” – being comfortable with our discomfort. Then we can be willing to feel what we feel and get curious about why those feeling are there. Taking this response allows us to increase our understanding, see our choices, and make better decisions.

As the saying goes: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional”.

Brock Bastian, Professor, Melbourne School of Psychological Sciences, The University of Melbourne and Ashley Humphrey, Lecturer in Psychology, Federation University Australia

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.


Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources! 

Filed Under: Finding Happiness & Resiliency Tagged With: happiness, mentalhealth, ToxicPositivity

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