Unapologetically Marie

Writer, podcaster, mental health advocate

Home » happiness » Page 2

happiness

The World Happiness Report 2022 – happiness is about benevolence and trust  

by

About the World Happiness Report 2022 

On 19 July 2011, the General Assembly of the United Nations adopted Resolution 65/309, “Happiness: Towards a holistic approach to development.” This resolution called on national governments to “give more importance to happiness and wellbeing in determining how to achieve and measure social and economic development.” 

The following year, the first World Happiness Report was released. This year marks the 10th anniversary of the report, which is released every year around March 20th to align with International Day of Happiness celebrations.  

“A decade ago, governments around the world expressed the desire to put happiness at the heart of the global development agenda, and they adopted a UN General Assembly resolution for that purpose. The World Happiness Report grew out of that worldwide determination to find the path to greater global well-being. Now, at a time of pandemic and war, we need such an effort more than ever. And the lesson of the World Happiness Report over the years is that social support, generosity to one another, and honesty in government are crucial for well-being. World leaders should take heed. Politics should be directed as the great sages long ago insisted: to the well-being of the people, not the power of the rulers,” said report co-author Jeffrey Sachs about the origin and purpose of the report. 

The report uses global survey data to report how people evaluate their own lives in more than 150 countries worldwide. The report authors then assess the extent to which six key variables contribute to explaining life evaluations: GDP per capita, social support, healthy life expectancy, freedom, generosity and corruption. 

The World Happiness Report 2022 – benevolence and trust  

The World Happiness Report 2022 reveals a bright light in dark times. The pandemic brought not only pain and suffering but also an increase in social support and benevolence. As we battle the ills of disease and war, it is essential to remember the universal desire for happiness and the capacity of individuals to rally to each other’s support in times of great need. 

Past reports have looked at the links between people’s trust in government and institutions with happiness. The findings demonstrate that communities with high levels of trust are happier and more resilient in the face of a wide range of crises. 

This year’s report, which comes yet again in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, also focused on benevolence. “COVID-19 is the biggest health crisis we’ve seen in more than a century,” said co-author John Helliwell. “Now that we have two years of evidence, we are able to assess not just the importance of benevolence and trust, but to see how they have contributed to well-being during the pandemic.” 

A central finding in this year’s report continues to be the extent to which the quality of the social context, especially the extent to which people trust their governments and have trust in the benevolence of others, leads to higher happiness levels. This supported and maintained people’s happiness before and during the pandemic, and the report authors believe this will continue to support people’s happiness after the pandemic.  

Countries where people trusted their governments and each other experienced lower COVID-19 death tolls and set the stage for maintaining or rebuilding a sense of common purpose to deliver happier, healthier and more sustainable lives. This forward-looking part permits an optimistic tinge based on the remarkable growth in prosocial activities during 2021. 

“We found during 2021 remarkable worldwide growth in all three acts of kindness monitored in the Gallup World Poll. Helping strangers, volunteering, and donations in 2021 were strongly up in every part of the world, reaching levels almost 25% above their pre-pandemic prevalence. This surge of benevolence, which was especially great for the helping of strangers, provides powerful evidence that people respond to help others in need, creating in the process more happiness for the beneficiaries, good examples for others to follow, and better lives for themselves,” said Helliwell. 

The happiest countries in the world 

For the fifth year in a row, Finland took the number one spot as the happiest country in the world – significantly expanding its lead ahead of other countries in the top ten. Denmark was second and Iceland moved to third from fourth while Switzerland dropped to fourth. The list is rounded out by the Netherlands, Luxembourg, Sweden, Norway, Israel and New Zealand.  

  1. Finland (7.821) 
  1. Denmark (7.636) 
  1. Iceland (7.557) 
  1. Switzerland (7.512) 
  1. Netherlands (7.415) 
  1. Luxembourg (7.404) 
  1. Sweden (7.384) 
  1. Norway (7.365) 
  1. Israel (7.364) 
  1. New Zealand (7.200) 

The next five are Austria, Australia, Ireland, Germany and Canada. This marks a substantial fall for Canada, which was 5th ten years ago. Overall, the three countries with the biggest gains were Serbia, Bulgaria and Romania. The biggest losses were in Lebanon, Venezuela, and Afghanistan. 

Co-author Jan-Emmanuel De Neve said, “At the very bottom of the ranking we find societies that suffer from conflict and extreme poverty, notably we find that people in Afghanistan evaluate the quality of their own lives as merely 2.4 out of 10. This presents a stark reminder of the material and immaterial damage that war does to its many victims and the fundamental importance of peace and stability for human wellbeing.” 

Read the full report: World Happiness Report 2022 

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to the Happiness for Cynics podcast and our weekly email newsletter for regular updates and news!  

Please note that I may get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks! 

Three essential return to work resilience building activities

by

Want to keep your employees through the Great Attrition? Help them build resilience. 

work team

In a recent McKinsey article about the turmoil of returning to work post-Covid, army veteran Adria Horn makes a case for why the Great Attrition is happening – blaming it on the return to work, which she says is psychologically similar and just as unnerving as returning from war. 

“Coming back from deployment is hard. You’re expecting it to be great. You’re home again, this should be great! But the biggest feeling is that things are different. The kids are different. Your favourite restaurant closed, your pet died, and your softball team broke up. The couch your partner bought while you were away is great—but it’s not the couch you knew. Home isn’t normal, it isn’t as it was. Things don’t meet your expectations, and you seem to have lost control, so your return experience doesn’t feel good at all,” says Horn, who served five tours of duty overseas. 

For many people in the U.S. and the U.K. who have been asked to return to the office, this is how they’re also feeling, and according to Horn, this is the reason millions of people are leaving their jobs in droves. The big issue, however, is that many of them don’t know why they’re leaving and more than that, many employers don’t know either. As we all know, we can’t manage what we don’t understand.  

“People’s hopes and expectations are going unmet in ways that many don’t realize and can’t articulate. Being off balance that way puts people on edge; it throws them off-kilter,” said Horn. 

Addressing inequity 

Before we go into what employers can do to avoid losing all their best talent (if it’s not too late already), it’s worth mentioning that any return-to-work plan needs to be flexible and cater to unique employee needs – yes, we’re talking equity. 

Everyone’s experience of working from home was different. While some people enjoyed the quiet and convenience of working from a home office and not having to commute, others struggled with the distractions of overcrowded homes and uncomfortable multi-purpose workspaces (and everything in between). 

Covid shone a light on systemic inequity throughout society, both pre-Covid and during Covid. Women in particular have suffered burnout at increasing rates as they have tried to juggle family and work commitments. Not only that, but research shows that at work, “women senior leaders do more to help their employees navigate work–life challenges, relative to their male peers. Similarly, they spend that additional time helping manage workloads, and they’re 60 percent more likely to be focusing on emotional support.” 

But it’s not only women who experience inequity in their careers and work life, there’s also people of colour, people with disabilities, people who identify as LGBTQ+, and many more. These groups have historically faced discrimination and lower levels of representation in senior management. All of these groups also experienced similar, yet unique, challenges during Covid.  

If employers want to both retain and attract the best talent, they need to start by understanding that individuals have different needs. Some people are clamouring to come back into the office five days a week, while others will quit if they’re forced to return for even one day a week. Thankfully, we know from hundreds of employee surveys around the world that most employees sit somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, so it is possible to find an operating rhythm and standard, even while catering to individual needs.  

Covid has shepherded in a new age of work reform – one where employees have the power and expect more from their employers. Return to work policies and conversation must be employee centred, and companies that care only for profit or that don’t ‘walk the talk’ of their stated values will quickly lose the war for talent, if they haven’t already.  

Simply, this means asking individual employees “what would you prefer?” or “what do you need to perform at your best?” Without this approach, and as we have seen in the U.S. and U.K, employees will leave to find other companies which are willing to meet their needs. Period.  

Flexible return to work policies are the first step. The second steps is ensuring employees’ return to work meets their expectations. This takes effort and understanding from managers.  

Read on to uncover three essential return-to-work resilience building activities to help your team reconnect and build resilience. 

Three essential return-to-work resilience building activities  

Building resilience to avoid the Great Attrition

If there is one lesson the rest of the world can learn from the U.S. and U.K., it’s that we can’t wait to see what will happen when everyone returns to the office. To retain employees, we need to be proactive about building our office culture and manageing people’s expetations.  

As Horn pointed out, the problem is that people see ‘coming’back’ to work as a known thing. They feel it will be a return to normal, a known quantity, comfortable, safe. Yet employees will not be coming back to the same team, the same office and the same work as when they left. Everything has changed, and this disconnect will leave people feeling unease and off kilter, without knowing why. 

The reality is that employees will actually experience significant change, and we know that some will even be grieving what they’ve lost during her return to work (see the Kubler-Ross change curve). Good leaders will retain employees by putting in place interventions to negate the negative impacts of this change and help build employees’ resilience and wellbeing through this time. 

Here’s how… 

  1. Reconnect employees with meaning and purpose 

Reconnect your team members with their jobs by helping them connect with the meaning and purpose they get from their work. Help employees gain a renewed sense of passion for their work and the company. A simple way to do this is to focus on aligning character strengths with role tasks. Employees who know and apply their top character strengths in their work have better job satisfaction and wellbeing (Peterson & Seligman, 2004).  

Research also shows that using character strengths can help: 

  • Improve relationships 
  • Enhance health and overall wellbeing 
  • Buffer against, manage and overcome problems 

Additionally, research shows that employees who use four or more of their signature strengths have more positive work experiences and report their work is a calling in their life. 

ACTIVITY:  

  • STEP 1: Before the team comes back into the office, ask them to complete the free VIA Character Strengths survey.  
  • STEP 2: Once back in the office, book a ‘real-life’ meeting with the team and ask each team member to share their top character strengths and how they apply these in their job.  
  • STEP 3: Follow up with one-on-one meetings with your team members and if needed, explore opportunities for growth or stretch work that uses their top strengths.  
  1. Reconnect with the team 
work reconnect

The biggest employee benefit of a real office environment is being able to interact with people face-to-face. Yet as Adria Horn mentioned, for a while this will feel strange. The first step to building up that team environment and comradery is to acknowledge the weirdness. Let’s call a spade a spade. Some people will wear masks, some won’t. Some will still dial in to meetings from their desks, while others will find conference rooms to share. Some will want to hug colleagues, while others will bump elbows… it’s all going to be different, and that’s OK. 

Next, teams need to reconnect. Set aside dedicated time to get to know each other better and deeper over the first few months. Plan a variety of team activities for the whole team (don’t forget to make sure the activities are accessible to all – afterwork drinks might not work for parents, be mindful of food allergies when booking lunch, ensure any physical activities take into account everyone’s physical limitations, etc…). Make sure there is time for meaningful interaction. 

ACTIVITIES: 

  • Try learning something new as a team. You could watch and discuss a Ted Talk or take a LinkedIn Learning course and share notes.  
  • Check out these 5 Easy Resilience Activities for the Workplace or Google some team building activities. 
  • At the beginning of your team meetings, do a ‘round the grounds’ and ask your team to share their thoughts on various topics. You can pick anything, but here are some suggestions: What are you most proud of in the past year? What are you most looking forward to this year? In one word, how are you feeling today? Where is your favourite place to travel and why? What excites you the most about your work goals in the next year? What’s the one thing people don’t know about you? 
  1. Role model healthy mind and body habits 
role model

Change can be stressful, but people who prioritise healthy mind and body habits tend to cope better with change and stress than those who don’t. During times of change it’s especially important to support employees to find work-life balance. Yet ironically, when things get busy and life feels stressful, the first thing many people do is stop exercising, stop cooking healthy meals, stop sleeping enough hours each night… yet that is when these healthy habits are most important. 

Thankfully, all that’s needed here is some proactive and visible role modelling from leaders. To build an office culture where work-life balance is valued, role-modelling work-life balance and healthy mind and body habits is critical, particularly in front of younger workers who often take the lead from their bosses. If you’re leaving work early on a Friday to see your kids’ school play, let your team know. If you start early on a Thursday so you can leave early for soccer league or go to the gym, tell the team. If you are feeling burnout lapping at your heels, tell your team, and then find a way to take a mental health day – this is being vulnerable and it’s good leadership. Most importantly, don’t just head out the door on these days, make sure you say something, otherwise it may go unnoticed.  

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and weekly email newsletter for regular updates and news!  

Please note that I may get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks! 

‘Do what you love’ could be contributing to the great resignation

by

“Do what you love,” is no longer just advice. 

High school students learn early on that their future careers should be passion-driven. Self-help books counsel job searchers to start with reflection on what they love. And Hollywood films teach people, in romantic fashion, to aspire to work that is intrinsically satisfying and expresses our authentic selves. 

Researchers call this way of thinking about work the passion paradigm, and studies show it has become pervasive in modern societies. The passion paradigm emerged in the 1960s. During this time, there was widespread questioning of social and cultural norms — especially among youth — which helped develop a new way of thinking about the role of work in human life. 

This trend was spearheaded by the scholarship of humanistic psychologist Abraham Maslow, who applied his theory of the “hierarchy of needs” to the modern workplace. In Eupsychian Management, Maslow argues that work should be thought of as a key source of personal growth and self-actualization. 

Maslow envisioned a world where individuals derive deep satisfaction from their working lives, and who treat their work as a sacred activity. Since early 2021, I have conducted interviews with over 90 professionals and managers in Toronto, to learn how they think about work. Although there are exceptions, what the data shows, in general, is that Maslow’s theory has increasingly become common. 

The downsides of the passion paradigm 

Because the rising popularity of the passion paradigm has coincided with both increasing economic inequality and a steep decline in the power of unions, it has attracted a host of criticism. 

Sociologist Lindsay DePalma contends that the passion paradigm encourages workers to romanticize their work while blinding them to the unequal distributions of power that characterize their working lives. In her book Work Won’t Love You Back, journalist Sarah Jaffe argues that loving your job is a bad idea because it is a recipe for (self)exploitation. 

Derek Thompson, a staff writer at The Atlantic, maintains that the passion paradigm has fuelled a new religion — “workism” — which is responsible for causing burnout and depression even among high-wage earners. These commentators rightly fear that the passion paradigm can (and does) lead workers to accept harmful working conditions, poor treatment from their employers and unrealistic expectations from themselves — basically to put up with what they shouldn’t. 

When people aspire to love their work, they may prioritize work at the expense of other important aspects of life — family, friends and hobbies. An overvaluation of work can lead people to see those who cannot work as lazy, stupid or undeserving of concern. 

And yet, despite these evident pitfalls, the passion paradigm can also have the opposite effects. In fact, I would argue that it is one cause of what has been dubbed the “Great Resignation.” 

The Great Resignation 

In August 2021, 4.3 million American workers quit their jobs, the highest ever recorded. And similar waves have hit the U.K.. In Canada it’s not clear whether the Great Resignation is taking place with equal intensity, but some studies show that Canadian workers are increasingly considering leaving or switching their jobs. There are many factors causing the Great Resignation. Among the most notable are wage subsidies which have given workers more freedom to choose the kind of work they want to do, the added work stress caused by the pandemic, the need to stay home with young children and the shift to remote work. 

However, I think another reason has to do with the expectations workers have around work — expectations which derive from the passion paradigm. 

The passion paradigm and the Great Resignation 

By disrupting people’s routines, the pandemic has reawakened in many the deep-seated desire for a job they actually enjoy — a desire that has long been suppressed. My interviews make it clear that many Canadian workers are looking at their jobs and asking themselves, “Is this really what I’m passionate about?” “Do I want to spend the majority of my waking hours doing this?” “Does my job bring me meaning?” 

And this isn’t just managers. The highest number of resignations in Canada have taken place within the accommodation and food service industries. And as a recent article in The Atlantic put it, “this level of quitting is really an expression of optimism that says, ‘We can do better.’” 

In a sense, the passion paradigm is paradoxically fuelling the demand for better, more satisfying, and more meaningful work. It is because workers expect more that they are no longer willing to put up with the status quo. The passion paradigm requires a strong safety net Of course, none of this could have happened without the government supports that reweighed the balance of power between workers and bosses. 

Since the 1980s, workers have had less and less power to negotiate. So, while the passion paradigm may have grown in popularity, it grew in economic conditions that were largely determined by employers, not employees. 

But in the wake of the pandemic this has slowly begun to change. Faced with labour shortages, employers are forced to take workers’ seriously when it comes to demands around pay, flexibility, autonomy and scheduling. They are receiving the message that “business as usual” is no longer acceptable — and, in some cases, they’re caving. 

The crucial takeaway is that the passion paradigm can fuel demands for better, more meaningful work, but this is only possible when it’s accompanied by a strong social safety net. 

Workers don’t need to stop loving their jobs. But they should ask whether their jobs are themselves loveable. And this is easier to do when you have real economic freedom.  

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and weekly email newsletter for regular updates and news!  

Prioritising happiness, interview with Tal Ben-Shahar

by

Interview with Tal Ben-Shahar, best selling author and founder of The Happiness Studies Academy and Potentialife

Tal Ben-Shahar is an author and lecturer.  He taught two of the largest classes in Harvard University’s history, “Positive Psychology” and “The Psychology of Leadership.”  His books have been translated into more than thirty languages, and have appeared on best-seller lists around the world.  His latest books are “Happiness Studies” and “Happier, No Matter What.”

Tal consults and lectures to executives in multi-national corporations, the general public, and at-risk populations.  The topics he lectures on include leadership, education, ethics, politics, happiness, self-esteem, resilience, goal setting, and mindfulness.  He is the co-founder and chief learning officer of The Happiness Studies Academy and Potentialife.

An avid sportsman, Tal won the U.S. Intercollegiate and Israeli National squash championships.  He obtained his PhD in Organizational Behavior and BA in Philosophy and Psychology from Harvard.

The wholebeing approach
Tal Ben-Shahar

Q: All the way back in 2007 when you published Happier, which went on to become a New York Times bestseller, in the preface you wrote, “People are sensing and have been sensing for a while that we’re in the midst of some sort of revolution, and they’re not sure why.” So that was almost 15 years ago. And unfortunately for many people, the study of positive psychology hasn’t revolutionised their lives, in fact it seems to have remained the world’s best kept secret. So, I’m wondering, why do you think the science of happiness and wellbeing hasn’t had a bigger impact on humanity yet?

A: Thank you Marie for the question because it is an important one. You know, when you look at change, the way it happens is usually that it’s slow, slow, slow and then very fast. In other words, at some point there is… it tips, as, as Malcolm Gladwell puts it, it hasn’t tipped yet for the science of happiness.

However, I think we’ve gone through at least a few of the slow, slow, slow, which gets us closer to the very fast. And unfortunately, it seems like things need to get worse before they get better. What the pandemic has done is it has made things worse in terms of mental health, whether it’s stress and anxiety, whether it’s depression and what we’re beginning to see. And I can certainly feel there is much more interest, whether it’s from politicians or teachers, parents, businesses, much more interest in the field. So, I suspect that we’re getting a lot closer to that tipping point.

Q: I hope so. As you can probably tell from the title of this podcast. I was a cynic for so many years. I saw the T-shirt slogans and I didn’t understand the science behind it, and it’s been revolutionary in my life, and I just I want to scream from the rooftops to everyone else. “This stuff matters and it makes a difference!” So, what do you think, as we’re reaching this tipping point, will need to happen in the next few years for us to pick up the speed of adoption?

A: Yes. So, the key is really to connect this field to tie it to science. You know, the self-help or New Age movement has been around for a long time. People are talking about, preaching about, the good life. That’s been going on for millennia.

The difference now is that we have a science of happiness. You know, it’s imperfect as every scientific endeavour is. But the nice thing, or the important thing rather, about science is that you get closer and closer to getting the results, the sought-after results, which, when it comes to positive psychology, it’s higher levels of wellbeing.

So, as long as we stay committed to the scientific pursuit of happiness, then the progress initially maybe a little bit slower than it could have been if we had reverted to the self-help, new age, relying on charisma and promises. So, we are going a little bit slower, but I think it’s a much healthier route to pursue.

Q: So, what do you think needs to change apart from awareness of the science. Are we talking changes at schools in organisations, you know, the systemic ways that we organise our countries and our governments that needs to change next? What’s the future of this movement look like?

A: As far as I’m concerned, the most important thing is education and for that to change, universities need to recognise the importance of the science of happiness. Schools need to recognise it, and governments need to recognise it, and politicians, because most of the schools are public schools and the curriculum is determined often by politicians or their aides. So, it’s all about education. You know, Janusz Korczak, the famed Polish educator, said almost 100 years ago, “If you want to reform the world, you must first change education.”

And it certainly applies to the science of happiness. Now how do we do that? I’ll share with you a quick anecdote when we created our program for schools and we tried to get schools to buy in and when I say buy in, I just meant they didn’t even have to pay for it, so it was just to give us the time, which was an hour or two to a week.

We had real difficulties doing that, because principals said, “you know, we don’t have time, you know, we need every minute.” We need it to do extra math classes or writing classes or… and so on. And it was really challenging. And then I ended up basically asking friends of mine to introduce it. You know, friends of mine who were school principals. And there were three of them and they introduced it in their schools. They knew the content, but more as a favour to me than anything else.

And we did research on these on these three schools and over 1000 students. And the results we found were remarkable. So, we saw levels of resilience went up. Happiness, of course, went up. Anxiety and depression went down and interestingly, not surprisingly, I must add for us, but interestingly, grades went up.

Now as soon as we showed that grades went up and we published this in a couple of the top educational journals, as soon as people read that we had a long, we have still, a long line of schools vying for the program. So, you know, it wasn’t about anxiety, depression, happiness, resilience. It was mostly about grades. And frankly, I don’t care. If this is why schools come, then that’s fine. If organisations introduce a program in happiness because it increases profits, that’s great. Whatever it takes. Just introduce this program.

Q: I have to admit, I recently finished the Happiness practitioner certificate at the Happiness Studies Academy. I particularly love how you teach modern Western hard science and fact, alongside philosophy, religion, history, Eastern thinking. In your course, everything is really anchored around what you call the SPIRE model. Could you tell our listeners a little bit more about SPIRE? In particular, starting with what the acronym stands for, and maybe some examples of how to put it in practise?

A: Yes. So, SPIRE, the acronym stands for the five elements of happiness.

  • The first, S is the spiritual wellbeing.
  • P is physical wellbeing.
  • I stands for intellectual wellbeing.
  • The R is relational wellbeing.
  • And finally, the E is emotional wellbeing.

So, spiritual, physical, intellectual, relational and emotional. All of them are important for happiness but we don’t need to focus on all of them all of the time. In fact, it would be near impossible to do so. But at different times either throughout the day or throughout the week, we need to spend some time at least cultivating all five.

So, Spiritual wellbeing. Of course, it can come from religion, and it does for many people. But spiritual wellbeing is about a sense of meaning and purpose, first and foremost. And you can find that in a church, synagogue, or a mosque. Or you can find it in important work that you do or spending time with your loved ones or saving the world or enhancing the wellbeing of one person. You know, this is about finding meaning and purpose, which is important for spiritual wellbeing, which is important for happiness.

Another aspect of spiritual wellbeing is presence, being in the here and now. You know, if I pay attention to a tree that I walk by or to a person sitting across from me or to the fact that we’re alive and can, can hear or see or walk. These are all miracles if you think about it. You know, Albert Einstein once reportedly said, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” And being present certainly brings out the miraculous in our in our life. So that spiritual wellbeing is about purpose and presence.

Physical wellbeing is about nutrition and about exercise and sleep, and recovery in general. For example, regular physical exercise has the same effect on our psychological wellbeing as our most powerful psychiatric medication. Working in the same way, releasing norepinephrine, serotonin, dopamine, the feel-good chemicals in the brain. So, physical wellbeing is a very important part of overall happiness.

Intellectual wellbeing is about curiosity, about learning. You know that people who learn who are constantly asking questions or curious; are not just happier, they’re not just more successful, they also live longer. So, curiosity may kill the cat, but it does the opposite for us humans. Intellectual wellbeing is about deep learning, spending time, whether it’s reading a book, engaging in a text or observing and studying a work of art or walking in nature. Again, being present to it and exercising our rational faculty, our intellectual faculty and really learning about the world around us. So, that’s intellectual wellbeing.

Then there is Relational wellbeing. Number one predictor of happiness, quality time we spend with people we care about and who care about us. And that can be a romantic partner, it can be family, it can be friends, it can be colleagues at work. It actually doesn’t matter, as long as we have close, intimate, supportive relationships. Number one predictor of happiness.

Under relational wellbeing is kindness and generosity. One of the best ways to help ourselves, is to help others. Two sides of the same coin. You know, there’s a lot of talk around, you know, selfishness or selflessness. One is bad, the other is good. Well, I don’t buy either. What we need is not selfishness or selflessness. What we need is self-fullness, because when we help, others were also helping ourselves. When we help ourselves, we’re also indirectly helping others more likely to help others. So that’s relational wellbeing.

And finally, Emotional wellbeing is about embracing painful emotions, accepting them, giving them, giving ourselves the permission to be human. And why, Because of a paradox that if we reject or when we reject painful emotions, they simply intensify and grow stronger. And then it’s about embracing pleasurable emotions like gratitude, like joy, like love, like excitement.

And happiness is about all of these. And as I said earlier, we don’t need to do it all, all the time. But we do need to pay attention to all of them at different times.

A: Yeah, the key with happiness and that I always, even, you know today in online webinars with students, I emphasise with the students that how you define happiness is up to you. Meaning there are many ways, there isn’t one right way, and you need to find a definition that works for you. So, Seligman uses the PERMA model. You know, the P being Positive emotions, the E is for Engagement for being in the here and now for being in flow, R is for Relationships, M is for Meaning and A is for accomplishments or Achievements.

The SPIRE model. Visit the wholebeing institute to download your mini workbook.

Q: So, there are lots of different life satisfaction or wellbeing or happiness models out there. And probably the most famous is Martin Seligman’s PERMA model. I’m interested to know when it comes to SPIRE versus PERMA or other models, is it all just supporting the cause? Or are there differences in SPIRE and PERMA that you particularly wanted to focus in on that you think matter more or less?

And the key is to… First of all, obviously, they’re all valid and important elements of happiness and the SPIRE model that I came up with with my colleagues focuses on other things. For instance, PERMA doesn’t have the physical wellbeing element in it, which I think is critical for a happy life. You know, if I don’t exercise for more than two days. I feel it. I mean, I feel more anxious, you know, less calm. I feel like I’m not my best self. Far from it. We know that physical exercise effects our wellbeing. And also, when it comes to accomplishments and achievements, which is part of PERMA. I don’t see it as that important. In fact, it’s one of the biggest myths that people believe that the path to happiness lies in the achievement. Now, if you if you’re working towards something that is personally meaningful to you, where you’re finding you’re exercising your best self and your path to your purpose, that’s a different story. That’s not about the accomplishment or the achievement itself.

So, you know, we differ. We disagree. We’re still friends and supporting one another’s work. And I point out to my, to my students, you know if PERMA is more suitable for your temperament, by all means. If you want to, you know, create another model which will be, you know your own, then by all means [do that]. The key is to identify what’s important for us and then, more importantly, to cultivate that element.

Q: So, on that note, you taught hundreds of students at Harvard, so you’ve got firsthand experience with how people have implemented your teachings. Is there one thing that stands out above the rest that made the biggest impact in your student’s life? One intervention or area that you saw across the board came out on top more often. Even though everyone has a subjective understanding, and everyone is different. Is there something that stands above the rest?

There are a couple with your permission. So probably if I had to choose one, it would be what you mentioned earlier, which is the notion of the permission to be human. In other words, there are no good or bad emotions. There can be good or bad behaviour, but not emotions. Emotions are amoral. So, you know, feeling, experiencing envy towards my friend does not make me a bad or immoral person. If I act on that envy and hurt my friend, that’s a whole different story. And paradoxically, it’s when we accept and embrace painful emotions that we have most control over our behaviour. In other words, saying to myself, I should not experience envy not only intensifies that emotion, it’s also more likely to control me then similarly with fear. You know, experiencing fear doesn’t make me a coward. It simply makes me a human being. And courage is not about, not having fear, but about having the fear and then going ahead anyway. And then the paradox works in the same way here, when I reject fear when I say to myself, well, I shouldn’t be afraid, shouldn’t be anxious. The anxiety and the fear only intensify, and then they are more likely to impact my actions and rather induce lack of action. So, I think that’s the, that’s the main thing.

Other big ones would be the importance of physical exercise and physical exercise certainly during challenging times. And I would always ask my students, so when is the time you’re least likely to exercise? And inevitably they would say exam period, and I would emphasise and that this is the most important time to explode. Just like today, people say, “well, I’m not exercising because of lock down or because my favourite gym is closed.” And my response is, now is the most important time when their stress levels are at an all-time high.

And I’ll just say one more thing, which is more general. I talk a lot about, as you know, about emotions and the importance of permission to be human and about the importance of cultivating gratitude and love and the pleasurable emotions. And yet, I also emphasis that behaviour is more important than feelings, that what we do matters more than what we feel. In other words, it’s okay to experience fear, not the end of the world. It’s natural. It’s okay to experience envy. It’s okay to experience sadness and anxiety. We can still choose to act in a way that is most appropriate or most moral or most helpful and beneficial to us and the world. “So, behaviour trump’s emotions.”

Q: I think what I love most about that is it also addresses what the naysayers say about the toxic positivity movement. We’re really saying it’s okay to feel anger and pain and sadness and all of those, and in fact, it is encouraged and human to do so. And this model addresses that.

And it’s one of the central myths around happiness, namely, that a happy life is a life devoid of pain or frustration or disappointments. And in fact, the first step towards happiness is allowing in unhappiness.

Q: All right, so I think I know where this is going, but you might surprise me. So, I’ve asked what has been impactful in others. I’m interested to know what happiness habit you always personally prioritise in your week?

A: Yeah. You know, the happiness habit that I prioritise in my week is prioritising happiness. And what I mean by that is prioritising doing the things that contribute most to what I’ve come to call life’s ultimate currency, the currency of happiness. Specifically, it’s about, you know, first thing I do when I wake up in the morning, I meditate. I exercise three times a week during regular times and over the past year and a half have not been regular times. I do it five times a week. I put time aside for family and friends. And when I mean aside, it means that I disconnect from technology so that I can connect to people. I keep a journal, regularly. I do all the things that I teach, practise yoga, you know, three times a week. So, all these things I prioritise, and they help me then be a better version of myself, which is, you know, a kinder, more generous calmer version.

And, I said that behaviours trump emotions. I don’t always feel great. Just like anyone, anyone else. I feel anxiety, I feel, you know, fear, frustration, anger like everyone else. The difference, though, between you know, where I was 20, 30 years ago and today is that I realised that I first need to accept these emotions and then second ask, “What is the kind of person that I would like to be in the world?” and then act accordingly.

Q: I love that you said you practise what you teach. A lot of people don’t and again going back to this being a field where you’ve got to find what works for you. I think it was a real wake up moment when I read that Sonja Lyubomirsky doesn’t have her own gratitude journal even though she teaches about the importance of gratitude. Although I’m sure she practises gratitude in other ways.

A: She does it in other ways, and she’s very authentic about it. And she said, “Look, I saw the results in my studies. I personally cannot connect with it. I’ve tried.” And she has tried. I know that and she does other things, whether it’s meditation or she exercises regularly, she cultivates relationships in her life. Yeah, she gets an A for, for more than effort.

Q: I want to acknowledge no one is perfect and new habits are not easy to form. You do spend some time talking about forming new habits in your course and I’d love you to impart some final words of wisdom for someone who’s found a nugget in our discussion and would like to implement that in their lives for how they can successfully do that. What are your tips and helpful advice?

A: So, the first thing is to recognise that that many of the things that we know will make us happy are right in front of us. They’re accessible, and yet we don’t do them. Why? It’s because what I’ve come to call the rhetorical choices in our life.

So, if I if I said to you Marie, tell me, you have a choice, do you want to be grateful and appreciative of all the good things and the good people in your life? Or would you like to take them all for granted? Now it’s a rhetorical choice, you know, you and eight billion other people around the world, of course, would want to appreciate rather than take things for granted. And yet most people, most of the time, take the good things in their lives for granted.

So, we have a rhetorical choice here, and yet we choose unwisely. Why? Not because we don’t think it’s important, but because we forget, because we neglect, because we’re distracted and therefore the first thing we need to do is create reminders. Reminders can come in the form of a bracelet that I wear that will remind me to be appreciative or to be present in the here and now, rather than always distracted. Or to be kind and because we all want to be kind and generous, it’s a rhetorical choice to be so. And yet we forget, so we need a reminder. It could be a bracelet. It could be a screen saver. It could be a picture on the wall that symbolises the value that we want to incorporate or whatever it is. The first is reminder.

Then we need to think about repetition. It’s not enough to do something once or twice. We need to do it over and over again. If we want to have it become part of who we are, quite literally second nature, just like in sports. You want to become a better tennis player, you have to hit that ball, repetitively. The coach may need to remind you how to hit it, but after that you need to hit it over and over again. And after you repeat that action after you play that piano sonata, after you hit that ball, after you exercise gratitude repeatedly, then comes the ritual.

Ritual is, quite literally, neural pathways that have been formed and that make an activity automatic, habitual. But in order to do that, we need many repetitions, you know, whether it’s 30 repetitions or 21 repetitions or 80 repetitions. But we need repetition before it becomes second nature, whether it’s repetition of brushing our teeth before it became second nature, a ritual in our life, whether it’s the repetition of hitting a tennis ball before it becomes second nature, or whether it’s repeating, expressing gratitude or being kind.

So, we have the three R’s of change, first Reminders, then Repetition and finally Rituals.

Q: Thank you very much. Is there anything that you would like to add in that I haven’t asked you? I think we’ve covered quite a broad spectrum of happiness questions.

A: Yes, one thing. And that is to pick one thing or maximum two things from what you’ve heard, either in this podcast or elsewhere that you would like to introduce into your life, not more. Not over doing it. And pick that one or two things and create reminders around it. Repeat it often and much until it becomes a ritual. And only then you can move on to the second thing or the third thing that you want to introduce, gradually, slowly.

Want to hear more from Tal?

Visit:

Twitter: @TalBenShahar and @Potentialife

The wholebeing approach – Interview with Tal Ben-Shahar (E105)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

Join Marie this week as she interviews happiness advocate Tal Ben-Shahar who shares his insights on happiness and the wholebeing approach. 

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background] 

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t. 

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy. 

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life. 

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny. 

[Intro music fadeout] 

Marie: Welcome back to our show, I am so excited about our guest. Tal Ben-Shahar is an author and lecturer.  He taught two of the largest classes in Harvard University’s history, “Positive Psychology” and “The Psychology of Leadership.”  His books have been translated into more than thirty languages, and have appeared on best-seller lists around the world.  His latest books are “Happiness Studies” and “Happier, No Matter What.” 

Tal consults and lectures to executives in multi-national corporations, the general public, and at-risk populations.  The topics he lectures on include leadership, education, ethics, politics, happiness, self-esteem, resilience, goal setting, and mindfulness.  He is the co-founder and chief learning officer of The Happiness Studies Academy and Potentialife. 

An avid sportsman, Tal won the U.S. Intercollegiate and Israeli National squash championships.  He obtained his PhD in Organizational Behaviour and BA in Philosophy and Psychology from Harvard. 

Tal Ben-Shahar: Hi.

Marie: Hello. How are you?

Tal Ben-Shahar: I’m doing okay, thank you. How are you?

Marie: Good. Thank you so much for joining us on the Happiness for Cynics podcast. We’ll get right into it. I’ve been a fan, a huge fan of your work, and you’ve definitely been instrumental in the positive psychology movement and all the way back in 2007 when you published Happier, which went on to become a New York Times bestseller. In the preface you wrote,

“People are sensing and have been sensing for a while that we’re in the midst of some sort of revolution, and they’re not sure why.” [Happier – Tal Ben-Shahar]

So that was almost 15 years ago. And unfortunately for many people, the study of positive psychology hasn’t revolutionised their lives, and it seems to have remained the world’s best kept secret. So, I’m wondering, why do you think the science of happiness and wellbeing hasn’t had a bigger impact on humanity yet?

Tal Ben-Shahar: Thank you, Marie. First of all, for having me here, and second for the question because it is an important one. You know, when you look at change, the way it happens is usually that it’s slow, slow, slow and then very fast. In other words, at some point there is… it tips, as, as Malcolm Gladwell puts it, it hasn’t tipped yet for the science of happiness.

However, I think we’ve gone through at least a few of the slow, slow, slow, which gets us closer to the very fast. And unfortunately, it seems like things need to get worse before they get better. And what the pandemic has done is it has made things worse in terms of mental health, whether it’s stress and anxiety, whether it’s depression and what we’re beginning to see. And I can certainly feel, there is much more interest, whether it’s from politicians or teachers, parents, businesses, much more interest in the field. So, I suspect that we’re getting a lot closer to that tipping point.

Marie: I hope so. As you can probably tell from the title of this podcast. I was a cynic for so many years. I saw the T-shirt slogans and I didn’t understand the science behind it, and it’s been revolutionary in my life, and I just I want to scream from the rooftops to everyone else. “This stuff matters and it makes a difference!”

So, what do you think, as we’re reaching this tipping point, will need to happen in the next few years for us to pick up the speed of adoption and buy in from people?

Tal Ben-Shahar: Yes. So, the key is really to connect this field to tie it to science. You know, the self-help or New Age movement has been around for a long time. People are talking about, preaching about, the good life. That’s been going on for millennia.

The difference now is that we have a… we really have a science of happiness. You know, it’s imperfect as every scientific endeavour is. But the nice thing or the important thing rather about science is that you get closer and closer to, to getting the results, the sought-after results, which, when it comes to positive psychology, it’s higher levels of wellbeing.

So, as long as we stay committed to the scientific pursuit of happiness, then the progress initially maybe a little bit slower than it could have been if we had reverted to the self-help, new age, relying on charisma and promises. So, we are going a little bit slower, but I think it’s a much healthier route to pursue.

Marie: So, what do you think needs to change apart from awareness of the science. Are we talking changes at schools in organisations, you know, the systemic ways that we organise our countries and our governments that needs to change next? What’s the future of this movement look like?

Tal Ben-Shahar: As far as I’m concerned, the most important thing is education and for that to change, universities need to recognise the importance of the science of happiness. Schools need to recognise it, and governments need to recognise it, [and] politicians, because most of the schools are public schools and the curriculum is determined often by politicians or their aides. So, it’s all about educational. You know, Janusz Korczak, the famed Polish educator, said almost 100 years ago,

“If you want to reform the world, you must first change education.” [– Janusz Korczak]

And it certainly applies to the science of happiness. Now how do we do that? I’ll share with you a quick anecdote when we created our program for schools and we tried to get schools to buy in and when I say buy in, I just meant they didn’t even have to pay for it, so it was just to give us the time, which was an hour or two to a week.

We had real difficulties doing that, because Principles said you know, we don’t have time, you know, we need every minute. We need it to do extra math classes or writing classes or… and so on. And it was really challenging. And then I ended up, you know, basically asking friends of mine to introduce it. You know, friends of mine who were school Principals. And there were three of them and they introduced it in their schools. You know more, I mean, they liked the content. They knew the content, but more as a favour to me than anything else.

Marie: Mmm hmm.

Tal Ben Shahar: But there was… This was enough for us to actually do research. And we did research on these on these three schools and over 1000 students. And what we found, the results we found were remarkable. So, we saw levels of resilience went up. Happiness, of course, went up. Anxiety and depression went down and interestingly, not surprisingly, I must add for us. But interestingly, grades went up.

Now as soon as we showed that grades went up and we published this in a couple of the top educational journals, as soon as people read that we had a long, we have still, a long line of schools vying for the program.

Marie: Mmm hmm. Yes.

Tal Ben-Shahar: So, you know, it wasn’t about anxiety, depression, happiness, resilience. It was mostly about grades. And frankly, I don’t care.

Marie: Mmm hmm.

Tal Ben-Shahar: If this is why schools come, then that’s fine. If organisations introduce a program in happiness because it increases profits, that’s great. Whatever it takes. Just introduce this program.

Marie: Sure. All right, I have to admit, I recently finished the Happiness practitioner certificate at the Happiness Studies Academy, and I am a huge fan and I particularly love how you teach modern Western hard science and fact, alongside philosophy, religion, history, Eastern thinking. And the whole time was taking your course, I was thinking, I’m really getting an arts degree here, not just a social science psychology degree. But in your course, everything is really anchored around what you call the SPIRE model.

So, I wonder if you could tell our listeners a little bit more about SPIRE? In particular, starting with what the acronym stands for, and maybe some examples of how to put it in practise.

Tal Ben Shahar: Yes. So, SPIRE, the acronym stands for the Five elements of happiness.

  • The first, S is the spiritual wellbeing.
  • P is physical wellbeing.
  • I stands for intellectual wellbeing.
  • The R is relational wellbeing.
  • And finally, the E is emotional wellbeing.

So, spiritual, physical, intellectual, relational and emotional. All of them are important for happiness but we don’t need to focus on all of them all of the time. In fact, it would be near impossible to do so. But at different times either throughout the day or throughout the week, we need to spend some time at least cultivating all five.

So, Spiritual wellbeing. Of course, it can come from religion, and it does for many people. But spiritual wellbeing is about a sense of meaning and purpose, first and foremost. And you can find that in a church, synagogue, or a mosque. Or you can find it in important work that you do or spending time with your loved ones or saving the world or enhancing the wellbeing of one person. You know, this is about finding meaning and purpose, which is important for spiritual wellbeing, which is important for happiness.

Another aspect of spiritual wellbeing is presence, being in the here and now. You know, if I pay attention to a tree that I walk by or to a person sitting across from me or to the fact that we’re alive and can, can hear or see or walk. These are all miracles if you think about it. You know, Albert Einstein once reportedly said that,

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” [– Albert Einstein]

And being present, uh, certainly brings out the miraculous in our in our life. So that spiritual wellbeing is about purpose and presence.

Physical wellbeing is about nutrition and about exercise and sleep, and recovery in general. For example, regular physical exercise has the same effect on our psychological wellbeing as our most powerful psychiatric medication. Working in the same way, releasing norepinephrine, serotonin, dopamine, the feel-good chemicals in the brain. So, physical wellbeing is a very important part of overall happiness.

Intellectual wellbeing is about curiosity, about learning. You know that people who learn who are constantly asking questions or curious; are not just happier, they’re not just more successful, they also live longer. So, curiosity may kill the cat, but it does the opposite for us humans.

Under intellectual wellbeing is about deep learning, spending time, whether it’s reading a book, engaging in a text or observing and studying a work of art or walking in nature. Again, being present to it and exercising our rational faculty, our intellectual faculty and really learning about the world around us. So, [that’s] intellectual wellbeing.

Then there is, under Relational wellbeing. Number one predictor of happiness, quality time we spend with people we care about and who care about us. And that can be a romantic partner, it can be family, it can be friends, it can be colleagues at work. It actually doesn’t matter, as long as we have close, intimate, supportive relationships. Number one predictor of happiness.

Under relational wellbeing is kindness and generosity. One of the best ways to help ourselves, is to help others. Two sides of the same coin. You know, there’s a lot of talk around, you know, selfishness or selflessness. One is bad, the other is good. Well, I don’t buy either. What we need is not selfishness or selflessness. What we need is self-fullness, because when we help, others were also helping ourselves. When we help ourselves, we’re also indirectly helping others more likely to help others. So that’s relational wellbeing.

And finally, Emotional wellbeing is about embracing painful emotions, accepting them, giving them, giving ourselves the permission to be human. And why, Because of a paradox that if we reject or when we reject painful emotions, they simply intensify and grow stronger. And then it’s about embracing pleasurable emotions like gratitude, like joy, like love, like excitement.

And happiness is about all of these. And as I said earlier, we don’t need to do it all, all the time. But we do need to pay attention to all of them at different times.

Marie: I love E [Emotional wellbeing]. It came late in the course because it’s the last one, but something that really stuck with me that you said, was that,

“There are no bad emotions, only bad behaviours.” [– Tal Ben-Shahar]

And I’ve said that too many people and discussed the learnings, which I think is part of the I [Intellectual] of SPIRE, is taking what you’ve learned and having those deep discussions with others is part of my joy of learning. And when I’ve mentioned that to people, it’s one thing that they really stop, and they take it in, and they think about it. And there were so many nuggets throughout the year and my friends have gone, “Oh, that’s really deep.” They have prompted some wonderful discussions as well.

So, there are lots of different life satisfaction or wellbeing or happiness models out there. And probably the most famous is Martin Seligman’s PERMA model. I’m interested to know when it comes to SPIRE versus PERMA or other models. Is it all just supporting the cause? Or are there differences in SPIRE and PERMA that you particularly wanted to focus in on that you think matter more or less?

Tal Ben Shahar: Yeah, the key with happiness and that I always, even, you know today in a in online weapons are with students. I emphasise with the students that how you define happiness is up to you, meaning there are many ways there isn’t one right way, and you need to find a definition that works for you. So, Seligman uses the PERMA model. You know, the P being Positive emotions, the E is for Engagement for being in the here and now for being in flow, R is for Relationships, M is for Meaning and A is for accomplishments or Achievements.

And the key is to… First of all, obviously, they’re all valid and important elements of happiness and the SPIRE model that I came up with, with my colleagues focuses on other things. For instance, PERMA doesn’t have the physical wellbeing element in it, which I think is critical for a happy life. You know, if I don’t exercise for more than two days. I feel it.

Marie: Mmm hmm.

Tal Ben-Shahar: I mean, I feel more anxious, you know, less calm. You know, I feel like I’m not my best self. Far from it. We know that physical exercise effects our wellbeing. And also, when it comes to accomplishments and achievements, which is part of PERMA. I don’t see it as that important. In fact, it’s one of the biggest myths that people believe that the path to happiness lies in the achievement. Now, if you if you’re working towards something that is personally meaningful to you, where you’re finding you’re exercising your best self and your path to your purpose, that’s a different story. That’s not about the accomplishment or the achievement itself.

So, you know, we differ. We disagree. We’re still friends and supporting one another’s work. And I point out to my, to my students, you know if PERMA is more suitable for your temperament, by all means. If you want to, you know, create another model which will be, you know your own, then by all means [do that]. The key is to identify what’s important for us and then, more importantly, to cultivate that element.

Marie: So, on that note, you taught hundreds of students at Harvard, so you’ve got firsthand experience with how people have implemented your teachings. Is there one thing that stands out above the rest that made the biggest impact in your student’s life? One intervention or area that you saw across the board came out on top more often. Even though everyone has a subjective understanding, and everyone is different. Is there something that stands above the rest?

Tal Ben-Shahar: There are a couple with your permission.

Marie: Mmm hmm. Of course.

Tal Ben Shahar: So probably if I had to choose one, it would be what you mentioned earlier, which is the notion of the permission to be human. In other words, there are no good or bad emotions. There can be good or bad behaviour, but not emotions. Emotions are amoral.

So, you know, feeling, experiencing envy towards my friend does not make me a bad or immoral person. If I act on that envy and hurt my friend, that’s a whole different story.

Marie: Mmm hmm.

Tal Ben-Shahar: And paradoxically, it’s when we accept and embrace painful emotions that we have most control over our behaviour. In other words, saying to myself, I should not experience envy not only intensifies that emotion, it’s also more likely to control me then similarly with fear. You know, experiencing fear doesn’t make me a coward. It simply makes me a human being. And courage is not about, not having fear, but about having the fear and then going ahead anyway. And then the paradox works in the same way here, when I reject fear when I say to myself, well, I shouldn’t be afraid, shouldn’t be anxious. The anxiety and the fear only intensify, and then they are more likely to impact my actions and rather induce lack of action.

Marie: Mmm hmm.

Tal Ben-Shahar: So, I think that’s the, that’s the main thing. Other big ones would be the importance of physical exercise and physical exercise certainly during challenging times. And I would always ask my students, so when is the time you’re least likely to exercise? And inevitably they would say exam period, and I would emphasise and that this is the most important time to explode. Just like today, people say, “well, I’m not exercising because of lock down or because my favourite gym is closed.” And my response is, now is the most important time when their stress levels are at an all-time high.

And I’ll just say one more thing, which is more general. I talk a lot about, as you know, about emotions and the importance of permission to be human and about the importance of cultivating gratitude and love and the pleasurable emotions. And yet, I also emphasis that behaviour is more important than feelings, that what we do matters more than what we feel. In other words, it’s okay to experience fear, not the end of the world. It’s natural. It’s okay to experience envy. It’s okay to experience sadness and anxiety. We can still choose to act in a way that is most appropriate or most moral or most helpful and beneficial to us and the world.

“So, behaviour trump’s emotions.”

Marie: I think what I love most about that is it also addresses what the naysayers say about the toxic positivity movement. We’re really saying it’s okay to feel anger and pain and sadness and all of those, and in fact, it is encouraged and human to do so. And this model addresses that.

Tal Ben-Shahar: And it’s one of the central myths around happiness, namely, that a happy life is a life devoid of pain or frustration or disappointments. And in fact, the first step towards happiness is allowing in unhappiness.

Marie: All right, so I think I know where this is going, but you might surprise me. So, I’ve asked what has been impactful in others. I’m interested to know what happiness habit you always personally prioritise in your week.

Tal Ben-Shahar: Yeah. You know, the happiness habit that I prioritise in my week is prioritising happiness. And what I mean by that is prioritising doing the things that contribute most to what I’ve come to call life’s ultimate currency, the currency of happiness. Specifically, it’s about, you know, first thing I do when I wake up in the morning, I meditate. I exercise three times a week during regular times and over the past year and a half have not been regular times. I do it five times a week. I put time aside for family and friends. And when I mean aside, it means that I disconnect from technology so that I can connect to people. You know, I keep a journal, regularly. You know, I do all the things that I teach, practise yoga, you know, three times a week. So, all these things I prioritise, and they help me then be a better version of myself, which is, you know, a kinder, more generous calmer version.

And, you know, I said that behaviours trump emotions. I don’t always feel great. Just like anyone, anyone else. I feel anxiety, I feel, you know, fear, frustration, anger like everyone else. The difference, though, between you know, where I was 20, 30 years ago and today is that I realised that I first need to accept these emotions and then second ask, “What is the kind of person that I would like to be in the world?” and then act accordingly.

Marie: I love that You said you practise what you teach. A lot of people don’t and again going back to this being a field where you’ve got to find what works for you. I think it was a real wake up moment when I read that Sonja Lyubomirsky doesn’t have her own gratitude journal, laugh, even though she teaches about the importance of gratitude.

Tal Ben-Shahar: Laugh.

Marie: I’m sure she practises gratitude in other ways.

Tal Ben-Shahar: She does it in other ways, and she’s very authentic about it. And she said, “Look, I saw the results in my studies. I personally cannot connect with it. I’ve tried.” And she has tried. I know that and she does other things, whether it’s meditation or she exercises regularly, she cultivates relationships in her life. Yeah, she gets an A for, for more than effort.

M: Laugh. Okay, so before we go, I want to acknowledge no one is perfect and new habits are not easy to form. So, I do want to. We normally end on what are your recommendations for introducing a new happiness habit? Or what’s the one piece of advice? But you do spend some time talking about forming new habits in your course and I’d love you to in part some final words of wisdom for someone who’s found a nugget in our discussion and would like to implement that in their lives for how they can successfully do that. What are your tips and helpful advice?

Tal Ben-Shahar: So, the first thing is to recognise that that many of the things that we know will make us happy, are right in front of us. They’re accessible, and yet we don’t do them. Why? It’s because what I’ve come to call the rhetorical choices in our life.

So, if I if I said to you Marie, tell me, you have a choice, do you want to be grateful and appreciative of all the good things and the good people in your life? or do you or would you like to take them all for granted? Now it’s a rhetorical choice, you know, you and eight billion other people around the world, of course, I want to appreciate rather than take things for granted. And yet, and yet most people, most of the time, take the good things in their lives for granted.

So, we have a rhetorical choice here, and yet we choose unwisely. Why? Not because we don’t think it’s important, but because we forget, because we neglect, because we’re distracted and therefore the first step in introducing change. Based on many of the changes that we know, we want to introduce many of the choices that we know we want to make.

The first thing we need to do is create reminders and reminders can come in the form of a bracelet that I wear that will remind me to be appreciative or to be present in the here and now, rather than always distracted. Or to be kind and because we all want to be kind and generous, it’s a rhetorical choice to be so. And yet we forget, so we need a reminder. It could be a bracelet. It could be a screen saver. It could be a picture on the wall that symbolises the value that we want to incorporate or whatever it is. The first is reminder.

Then we need to think about repetition. It’s not enough to do something once or twice. We need to do it over and over again. If we want to have it become part of who we are, quite literally second nature, just like in sports. You want to become a better tennis player. you have to hit that ball, repetitively. The Coach may need to remind you how to hit it, but after that you need to hit it over and over again. And after you repeat that action after you play that Piano sonata after you hit that ball after you exercise gratitude repeatedly, then comes the ritual.

Ritual is, quite literally, neural pathways that have been formed and that make an activity automatic, habitual. But in order to do that, we need many repetitions, you know, whether it’s 30 repetitions or 21 repetitions or 80 repetitions. But we need repetition before it becomes second nature, whether it’s repetition of brushing our teeth before it became second nature, a ritual in our life, whether it’s the repetition of hitting a tennis ball before it becomes second nature, or whether it’s repeating, expressing gratitude or being kind.

So, we have the three R’s of change, first Reminders, then Repetition and finally Rituals.

Marie: Thank you very much. Is there anything that you would like to add in that I haven’t asked you? I think we’ve covered quite a broad spectrum of happiness questions.

Tal Ben-Shahar: Yes, one thing. And that is to pick one thing or maximum two things from what you’ve heard, either in this podcast or elsewhere that you would like to introduce into your life, not more. Not over doing it. And pick that one or two things and create reminders around it. Repeat it often and much until it becomes a ritual. And only then you can move on to the second thing or the third thing that you want to introduce, gradually, slowly.

Marie: Perfect. Well, thank you so much for your time and for talking to our listeners. It’s been truly a pleasure. And I know that you have a very busy schedule full of happiness habits, so really appreciate. And I’m grateful for the time that you spent with us today.

T: Thank you, Marie.

M: Thank you.

[Happy exit music – background] 

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic. 

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out. 

M: Until next time. 

M & P: Choose happiness. 

[Exit music fadeout] 

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and weekly email newsletter for regular updates and news!  

Please note that I may get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks! 

How to build a positive mindset 

by

Do you stay awake at night replaying conversations? Do you find yourself ruminating over things people said to you? Or perhaps you worry about the future, thinking about all the ways something might go wrong? 

If so, you’re not alone. Over the past few decades, around the world there’s been an increase in levels of anxiety. The world has changed dramatically, and it can be overwhelming and worrying. 

But the research is showing that you can combat these thoughts by taking more control over your mindset. If your natural inclination is to ruminate and think of all the negatives, you can balance these thoughts by proactively thinking positive thoughts throughout the day. You can train your brain to think more positively! 

There is a raft of health benefits to building a positive mindset.  

You’ll live healthier and longer: Optimists tend to live healthier lives and have a lower risk of chronic diseases like diabetes and heart disease than pessimists. On the flip side, pessimists tend to have shorter telomeres, which means they age faster. “Cells with shorter telomeres circulate and release large amounts of inflammatory proteins that contribute to inflammation, which is a mechanism of aging,” says Aoife O’Donovan, Ph.D., a professor at University of California, San Francisco.  

You’ll be less stressed: People who have positive mindsets cope with the day-to-day turmoil of life better. They are also less anxious and less likely to suffer from depression.  

You’ll be more successful: Compared to pessimists, optimists are more successful in school, at work and in athletics. They are also more successful in their marriages and tend to have more friends and more supportive relationships. 

So how can you build a positive mindset? 

  1. Get good sleep  

Is there a link between poor mental health and sleep? Could getting a bad night’s sleep really be as bad as smoking? Does driving tired really put you in as much danger as driving drunk? According to the latest science, yes! Not only that, but not getting a good night’s sleep can significantly impact your happiness levels and your ability to cope with anything life throws at you – which let’s face it, has been a lot in 2020. In an increasingly hyperconnected world, in which many companies now expect their employees to be on call and to answer emails 24/7, Global consulting firm McKinsey argues that sleep is an important organizational topic that requires specific and urgent attention.  

  1. Limit social media 

Have you found yourself turning to social media to while away the long hours of Covid lockdown? Are you noticing some negative effects? If so, you may need a social media detox. Even before Covid, social media was well ingrained in most societies around the world. In Australia, as of January 2019 there were 18 million active users of social media websites (69% of the population). Facebook is the most popular social media platform, with ~16 million monthly users of the website. In the U. S., about 70 percent of adults say they use Facebook and YouTube, while Instagram and Snapchat are growing in popularity among 18–24-year-olds. Social media can be an important part of modern life, but unfortunately, the research also tells us that it can also be destructive to our mental wellbeing. Many studies have linked excessive social media use to increased depression, anxiety, loneliness, sleeplessness, and many other mental health issues. 

  1. Spend time with positive people 

In a recent New York Times article, researcher stated that people laugh five times as often when they’re with others as when they’re alone. Peak happiness lies mostly in collective activity. Not only that, but researchers have also found that the use and appreciation of humour is positive for overall wellbeing and psychological health. Humour is observed in all cultures and at all ages. But only in recent decades has experimental psychology respected it as an essential, fundamental human behaviour. According to positivity strategist Paul Osincup, “Humour is the new mindfulness.” You can actually train your brain to see and experience humour more often. So go on, have a laugh with some positive people. 

  1. Don’t suppress negative emotions 

One of the biggest misconceptions about the positive psychology movement is that people should always aim to be happy and negative emotions are to be avoided.  

This is a load of rubbish. Firstly, only being happy is impossible. Secondly, trying to suppress negative emotions can be really detrimental for mental health. The reality of life is that it’s messy, and even the people who are the happiest, most joyful and most fulfilled experience appropriate negative emotions when the situation calls for it.  

The key is to process negative events and emotions in a healthy way so you can move forward. So how can you process your emotions when times are tough? Simple, start a practice of journaling. Over the last few decades, many studies have shown that journaling is a great tool to help you understand yourself better, unpack old issues and let them go, and give your mind the knowledge to understand how you see and react to the world around you. It has also been shown to increase happiness, help to reach goals and even have some positive physical health benefits. And if you’re someone who is generally not comfortable opening up to people, studies show that journaling might be the most beneficial to you. 

“When we put our thoughts and feelings down on paper, we’re not just transferring them—we’re also transforming them. Writing forces us to arrange our ideas into a sequence, one after another; over time, themes and patterns start to emerge; new insights and perspectives start to bubble up,” according to Kira M. Newman, Greater Good Magazine. 

  1. Movement and exercise 

There’s a whole lot of research into the physiological and physical health benefits of exercise, but exercise can also it can make us happier. It is great for our mood and our mental state. Exercising released dopamine (DA), noradrenaline (NE), and serotonin (5-HT) – the happy drugs! They’re the things that make us feel joyful and they’re present when we exercise. They increase in their production when we move our bodies and do exercise.  

  1. Learn something new 

As Einstein famously said: “The important thing is to never stop questioning.” Learning something new is an essential part of creating a happy environment for yourself and a great way to start your day in a happy mood. Our brains develop more and release happy chemicals when we learn something new or stimulate them with exciting information. This doesn’t have to be a complicated or expensive happiness habit; it can just include watching a Ted Talk during breakfast or listening to a podcast on your way to work. This type of habit will put you in a happy mood just by stimulating your brain and getting your gears turning. Multiple studies and research suggest that consistent curiosity goes hand in hand with happiness.   

  1. Get outdoors 

It’s easy to forget how the little things – like taking a walk – can have such a huge impact on our mental health and make us happier. Studies show that brain structure and mood improve when we spend time outdoors. This has positive implications for concentration, memory and overall psychological wellbeing. Also, getting outdoors means getting natural light, which may be key to improving mood and reducing insomnia. A recent study showed more time spent outside in natural light was associated with improved mood, better sleep quality, and ease of waking. 

 

  1. Practice gratitude 

The science is clear. Practicing gratitude makes you happier and less stressed. It leads to higher overall wellbeing and satisfaction with your life and social relationships. Yet many of us don’t make gratitude a part of our weekly practices.  And it can be really simple, research suggests that expressing gratitude by texting may be just as beneficial as an in-person show of appreciation.  

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynicsand weekly email newsletter for regular updates and news! 

Please note that I may get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks! 

What makes you optimistic? – Interview with Victor Perton (E102)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week Marie interviews Victor Perton the founder of The Centre for Optimism, who asks the question, what makes you optimistic? 

Show notes

The Centre for Optimism – Victor Perton (Founder and Chief Optimism Officer)

We ask “what makes you optimistic?”

We believe the times call for realistic and infectiously optimistic leaders. We are a movement supporting realistic and infectiously optimistic leaders to be beacons in the fog of pessimism and cynicism. We believe the leader is the person in your mirror.

Transcript

M: Thanks for joining us on Happiness for Cynics. Today I’m here with Victor Person, who is the Chief Optimism Officer at the Centre for Optimism. The offspring of stateless refugees from the Baltics, Victor’s early working years were spent in the law, politics and public policy, culminating in 18 years in the Victorian Parliament. 

After politics, Victor worked as Commissioner to the Americas working across North and South America on Foreign Direct Investment and Export Promotion.  This was followed by service as Senior Advisor to the Australian G20 Presidency. 

Returning to Melbourne, Victor was surprised by the negativity around Australian leadership and increasing levels of anxiety and depression in our community.   

This led to the founding of The Australian Leadership Project and, after a eureka moment at the Global Integrity Summit 2017, the founding of its offspring, The Centre for Optimism, which has grown through COVID with 5000 members in 82 countries. 

Today Victor’s work centres on asking people the question “What makes you Optimistic? 

M: Well, I will start by saying welcome to Happiness for Cynics. Welcome to the show and it is such a pleasure to have you here. I’ve been watching from up in Sydney and wondering why all the great positive psychologists and optimist leaders and happiness leaders are all down in Melbourne. What’s going on down there, Victor?

V: It’s because people dress in black.

M: Laugh.

V: Tommy Hilfiger said ‘If only Melbourne women would put a little dash of yellow or orange on, doesn’t matter whether it’s earrings or a necklace. So, we’re so surrounded by black and whenever I go to Sydney, I’m amazed on the streets, you know, ladies wearing white suits and white dresses. And I think that’s the difference between Sydney and Melbourne, you’ve got that warmer climate, the humidity. We’ve got to find the happiness in a colder climate.

M: Mmm hmm. Well, it’s definitely working. Maybe we need a bit more black and we can borrow some of the Melbourne experts you have there. So, thank you for joining us. I’d like to start by digging a little bit into your journey if you’re willing to share and letting the snow how you became a proponent of optimism and what led you personally to this life philosophy?

V: Yeah, sure. So, it really… when I’m waxing lyrical, um, it really goes back three or four generations. So, my parents were refugees from Latvia and Lithuania.

And I’m a stereotype, if you actually have a look at all of the research, the most optimistic people in any country are the refugees and the Children of refugees.

And there was a University of Melbourne study that reported a couple of years ago that said that the kids of refugees in Australia 90% of them felt they belonged. 88% of them were confident about their future profession, compared to 55% of native-born Children.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: So, I’m that stereotype. And if I go back to that generation of my grandparents. My grandfather, he was a soldier in World War One, he had gone to Saint Petersburg in 1905, he helped to build a country. And in 1940 he was captured by the Soviets and tortured to death. My grandmother was sent to the gulag with her daughter and, you know, 12 years in the gulag, and then when you come back from the gulag, you’re black marked, people don’t like you.

M: Mmm.

V: But in 1987 she said to me, come over I’m going to the first rally of … and she said, “Look, I’m going to outlive communism.”

M: Laugh.

V: And you know this woman, a woman who’s been in the gulag. She’s in a walking frame. But she took part in the million hands across Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia and in 1991 of course, she not only lived to see the end of communism but celebrated the end of communism. So, she was a great example to me, almost in some senses, that we go to [Viktor] Frankl’s, Man’s Search for Meaning.

M: Mmm.

V: You know, she’s almost the stereotype. And then my other grandparents, you know, my grandfather had gone through the Depression, had built a business [and in] 1940 everything [was] seized by the Soviets, arrives in Australia, working in a factory, but never complained.

M: No.

V: Never complained. And then my father died when I was pretty young. My mother worked three jobs. She died in October last year, teaching yoga for 51 years.

M: Wow.

V: And again, you know, always the optimist, always lifting other people. And a week before she died, she said to me, “Victor, you’ve done lots of interesting things in your life, but this asking people what makes them optimistic, you’ve never done anything more important.”

So, on this personal journey, I was in politics for 18 years, and in 2006 I could just feel Australian politics becoming ever more negative.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: And it just wasn’t filling me full of joy anymore. So, I quit. And then out of the blue, the other side of politics asked me to go to America as Trade Investment Commissioner, working across North and South America. And everywhere I went, there was this astonishing positive stereotype of Australians and Australian leadership, and our work was made easier by that one chairman of a major corporation who said to me, “Victor, you Aussies remind me of the Americans of 100 years ago. Nothing is impossible.”

M: Mmm hmm.

V: The truck driver who would hear your accent on Route 66 would say, “Oh my God, I love that Fosters of yours!”

M: Laugh.

V: And so, you know, the work was easy, you know, through that positive stereotype. And then after that, I worked on the Australian presidency of the G 20.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: And at that super elite level of Presidents, Prime Ministers, Finance Ministers, Central Bank Governors, it was exactly the same. You know, this complete trust in us as Australians and then I came back to Melbourne in 2015 and I know I had changed, you know, from living in San Francisco. Flowers and what was left in my hair –

M: Laugh.

V: – and dancing in the street as the Mamas and the Papas would recommend. But something had also changed in Australia, and I was astonished by the negativity of language. You know, you say, “How are you?” and 65% of people say not bad or not too bad. And we never say Oh my God, what’s wrong?

M: Mmm hmm.

V: It’s a sort of negative take and the news had moved from 50-50 good/bad, to 95% bad. You know, this 24 by seven assault on the brain. And then when you ask people about leadership in a country where real incomes have grown 30%, we’re a peaceful country, a healthy country, this scoffing about leadership –

M: Mmm hmm.

V: – just astonished me and I, you know, scoffing about political leadership, you do it. And even in China and North Korea, people have got jokes about politicians. But here was this deeper antipathy towards leadership.

M: Yep.

V: So, we started the Australian Leadership Project and we interviewed 2500 people on the qualities of Australian leadership and the science, and our research showed that the three qualities are:

  • Egalitarianism,
  • Self-effacing humour, and
  • No bullshit.

Plain speaking.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: Now when you and I think of our circles, we know hundreds of people like that.

M: Absolutely.

V: We could probably walk down Pitt Street, Sydney or Collins Street, Melbourne and still be hitting 50% of people with those qualities.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: So, at the end of the project, I was still left bewildered at why people were so negative. And then I was fortunate enough to be on the final panel of the Global Integrity Summit in 2017.

And my eureka moment came. It’s actually not so much the leadership, it’s the fog of pessimism.

M: Yeah.

V: Hence my pursuit. And you know, your listeners can’t see the posters behind me, but they are light houses.

I realised what we needed to foster, were beacons of optimism in the fog of pessimism.

That’s a long answer to a simple question, but I often say to people it goes back four generations of, of suffering, of resilience and coming through at the end because of it.

M: I will never, ever stop a long answer that is as engaging as what you just gave us. So, thank you and thank you for sharing your history as well as optimistic as you’ve made it. There’s a lot of hard times in there as well. So, I think there’s a lot to be said for people who’ve grown up in Australia and who haven’t had those hard times and who are still struggling for ways to be thankful and find optimism versus when we talk about post traumatic growth as well as being a good catalyst for finding happiness and optimism.

V: Marie, I did a radio interview during Covid, and the journalist said, you know, “Australian business has never had it this tough.” And I said, “Give me a break!”

M: Laugh.

V: Thinking about Australian business, people have lost their business in bushfires, people have lost their business in floods. All the refugees, you know, whether they’re Iraqi or Somali, who lost their businesses blown up.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: You know there’s lots of people and we need to tap their wisdom, tap their experience because they have then come to Australia, and they’ve built the country.

M: Mmm hmm. Absolutely.

So, is it just leaders that need this kick up the butt with optimism or is it all Australians? I know you focus on leaders but do all of us need to really take a step back?

V: This was a great debate with my mother and me for almost 30 years.

M: Laugh.

V: Because I, in all my speeches, I tell people to go and graffiti their mirror. So, everyone who is listening if you use red lipstick, it’s really ideal. If you can borrow red lipstick, it’s good, but if not a marker pen, go and write on the mirror at work in the toilet, mens/ladies, ‘The leader looks like the person in your mirror.’

So that’s my philosophy that everyone’s got to lead at some point now. Now my mother’s view was always, you know, sort of to be a good leader, you need good followers. Where, as I say, it’s everyone. And it’s one of the really interesting parts of the research. You know, when you use the word leader in Australia, it’s often a ‘them’.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: The word boss actually, is more resonant here. If you want to ask people about leadership at work, using the word leadership actually doesn’t seem to resonate in Australia as it does in the United States or Canada, you know where a lot of these books are written, leadership and self-leadership. Here, there’s a nuance of language, where leadership is them, not us. So, for me, the Centre for Optimism came out of the Australian leadership project, and someone who put it really well for me was Dominic Barton, who was then the head of McKinsey and now the Canadian ambassador to China had to negotiate the release of the Canadian hostages who were being held for the Huawei executive. And he said to me,

“Every great leader I have ever met is infectiously optimistic. But it’s not the big man or woman standing at the front of the stage. It’s the person who can unlock the optimism in the team from the youngest to the oldest from the least experienced to the most experienced.” [Dominic Barton]

V: I was actually in Sydney, I was having a coffee by circular key at six in the morning, and, you know, there’s not so much company and there was this other bloke reading the paper on the table next to me. You know, I’m a bit chatty and garrulous, so he wasn’t reading his paper three minutes later.

M: Laugh.

V: But he was from Singapore, and we got talking about the impact of optimism and he said, “Look, every Monday morning, I give my sales team a rev up speech, and by Monday afternoon it seems to have worn off”, and I said to him, “Have you ever asked them what makes them optimistic?”

M: Mmm hmm.

V: And in fact, he took it on board. And every month now, the start of the sales meeting on the first day of the month is, ‘what makes you optimistic?’ And the funny little nuance. I did an event for Saint Ives Rotary a couple of days before we recorded this on the North Shore of Sydney, and there was a scientist there who talked about his experience, and he had been a teacher, and when he left teaching, he moved into an educational institution helping salespeople. And it was that classic Seligman sorry where he was actually driven nuts by the optimistic belief of the salesman.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: But he said the more optimistic the salesman was, the more they kept confounding him by being right.

M: Laugh.

V: When they come back, having met the unrealistic sales figures they’ve given them at the beginning of the month. So, for me, it is everyone.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: But it’s complicated, and particularly in Australian language, where leadership is sort of them and oftentimes conflated with political leadership.

M: Yeah.

V: So, if you ask people, what do Australians want of their leaders? I’ve really got to give an explanation that says, well, I’m actually thinking of your boss or your manager rather than the Prime Minister.

M: Mmm hmm. You’ve touched on language differences in Australia. Are there any other differences from a cultural point of view in Australia when it comes to optimism? You know, I talk about how we’re optimistically cynical as a bunch, laugh. I won’t say that we’re necessarily not optimistic, but we are a cynical bunch, and we like to have a bit of a gripe at times. And you know, we have that tall poppy syndrome that everyone talks about as well. Is there anything that is stopping us as a country from being more optimistic?

V: Well, it’s actually going backwards, we’re actually regressing. It’s a bit like our maths results. We’re actually regressing. So, in a country that has so much so if you have measured optimism in Australia, both optimism for self and optimism for country. Twenty years ago, in 2000, Australia and our sister country, New Zealand, were the two most optimistic countries in the Western world. Today we are down around the middle. It’s actually going backwards, and there’s some really concerning statistics around. We were talking earlier about mental illness.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: The Victorian Royal Commission into Mental Health Treatment, published a statistic that showed that we have doubled the rate of medicated anxiety and depression since 2016. Now if that’s happening in Victoria, it’s happening in New South Wales as well. Now, are doctors prescribing medication for the ordinary anxieties of life. You know, grief, loss of job, the teenagers are driving me nuts, or the teenager is being driven nuts.

M: Laugh.

V:  So, are we medicating stuff? So, if we look at that that deeper Australian culture, if we look in the colonial period and you know that the settlement you know, the choice of people who came here originally were the prisoners and the political prisoners. So, what mindset did they have? Look, if there’s one thing they brought with them it was humour.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: Laconic humour, which I often refer to as self-effacing. But there’s a friend of mine runs a company called, John Cole runs Team Leadership in Washington. He says Australian humour is so dry that Americans don’t even understand you’re telling a joke.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: You know, they think you’re having a go at them or you’re having a go at yourself and “Oh, my God, what’s wrong with you that you can tell this joke against you?”

M: Laugh.

V: So Australian humour, similar to New Zealand humour, but there’s a uniqueness about it. We have not… On the verge of doing a project on Aboriginal optimism because when you think, you know, living 30,000, 40,000, however many years it was in this tough land.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: You know, tasting new foods, adapting to new foods and alike. You know, there must have been a lot of optimism in the Aboriginal community as they settled this land. And so too for the Europeans and the Asians who came here post 1788, a lot of adaption. And so, my mother describes it, you know, they came here as refugees, you know, and, you know, they were ribbed mercilessly. My father’s original surname was Petronitis, right?

M: Mmm hmm.

V: Of course, he got ribbed mercilessly about peritonitis.

M: Laugh.

V: And ultimately, you know, before I was born, changed the name to Perton.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: But again, it was an affection, you know, people actually liked it. So, you know, those Australian characteristics of egalitarianism and plain speaking and dry humour, as you call it, is very attractive to people.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: And you know. I came back and I was a bit bewildered by the negativity of language, much of which is, I think, to be blamed on the news. You know, we just get this 24 by seven assault on our well-being by being told we’re hopeless.

M: Mmm hmm. Social media is just an echo chamber for that as well, unfortunately.

I’m really keen to understand, we’ve talked about immigrants and resilient Aussies, and we do talk about resilience quite a bit as well and bonding Australians together. But do you think that maybe we’ve had it too good for the last few decades? Is that why we’re losing that self-effacing humour or that resilience? Or that… the optimism? Is that perhaps part of it? Life has become too easy.

V: Yeah, and there’s some really interesting work that’s been done by UNICEF and others and even the Dalai Lama. I was fortunate to be in an audience with him seven weeks ago. This younger generation, these teenagers may be the most resilient generation since World War II, because I’ve actually been locked up.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: They’ve actually been under threat from a disease that threatened to wipe out hundreds of thousands of people. So, those kids may in fact be the most resilient for a long time. And you know, I had someone talking to me yesterday about this problem that in Australian business and American business that from really 1990 onwards you were in constant growth.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: You could write a budget and you would always hit it.

M: Yep.

V: Because the country was getting there. What was interesting was, I’m sorry, that person was talking about America [USA], because America got hit by the GFC in 2008. But Australia didn’t.

M: Yep, we didn’t.

V: And the extraordinary thing was, you know, the Australian media talking about the GFC as if it was something terrible. But in fact, Australia never stopped growing. So yes, so we’ve had it too easy. And this notion that there’s always something wrong, there’s nothing wrong with being self-critical.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be better. But when everything the government does, or everything a corporation does, is analysed for the bad news. The zeitgeist of our contemporary news services is as pessimistic and miserable.

M: Yep, yep.

V: You look at the Australian News services now, you know, if there’s a good news story, it runs once. Remember recently there was a debate about, ‘we’ve stopped flights from India because of the Covid outbreak in India’, and it was just out of control. And they interviewed the head of the Indian community in Melbourne.

M: Yep.

V: And they said, what do you think? And she said, “Well, make sense to me! –

M: Laugh.

V: – if India is going through, you know, an absolute plague of covid, and we can’t work out who’s got it. I’d stop the flights too.” Well, of course, that interview never got repeated.

M: Well, the poor journalist was like, ‘Oh, this isn’t news anymore.’ Laugh.

V: Yeah! Well, they managed to find other people who said that the government was stupid –

M: Mmm hmm.

V: – and this was racist and xenophobic, and those are the people that ran.

M: Yep.

V: Rather than the logical leader of the Indian community who said, “Makes sense to me as an Indian Australia.”

M: So, we’ve talked about all the negativity out there and how that is obviously linked to Australia’s decrease in optimism. The answer, it seems, is that we all need to bring a bit more optimism into our lives, and we all need to be asking the question and leading when it comes to optimism. But what do you say to people who are afraid of or fight against toxic positivity?

V: Every time I see an article on toxic positivity, it’s someone trying to sell the negativity industry.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: You know, it’s actually a nonsense term. The only person I think who really gets it is David Kessler, and I’ll quote him exactly.

“Toxic positivity is positivity, given in the wrong way in the wrong dose at the wrong time.” [- David Kessler]

V: So, three factors.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: Right? And, you know and so, for instance, the Centre for Optimism.

The science says, look, what really benefits your health? What really benefits your leadership? What should underpin strategy, innovation and resilience is realistic and infectiously optimistic leadership.

So, for most of the population, positive thinking does work, and that’s why we have a project on grief and optimism. But one of our members, it is a mother whose son was killed in a car crash.

M: Yeah.

V: Another member at the Centre for Optimism is a woman who has conducted hundreds of funerals as the celebrant. And so, when we do our guide to grief and optimism, we say, look, you know the optimist when they’re comforting someone listens.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: You know. And if the person says something positive, you help to reinforce it. If they say something negative, you listen to it. And there’s a brilliant book which has inspired lots of other authors in the last couple of years, and I recommend to all of your readers is Hans Rosling’s, Factfulness.

M: I haven’t read that one. It’s not on my bookshelf.

V: It’s F-a-c-t-f-u-l-n-e-s-s, and he’s really interesting. So, when he writes about journalists, he says, don’t be angry at journalists for writing negatively or pessimistically. It’s their lens. It’s their world frame, you know, they are sent out to catch a story that’s a gotcha.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: If it’s a prime minister or, you know, if it’s a drug scandal at a football club, you know it’s not the good stuff. And if I summarise his position, he says, most of us have a worldview that’s based on what our Grade four teacher taught us. So, when we think of world hunger, or we think of Ireland for instance, we did and hour of optimism on Ireland recently.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: And you know, when I think of Ireland, you know, I think of the land that sent away millions of migrants to America and Australia from the potato famine or British colonial rule. And yet you know that Ireland is now number two on the United Nations Development Index. Right?

M: Laugh.

V: But it’s this red hot, high tech, egalitarian society, you know, we’re average lifespans have increased, you know, 30 years and absolutely fantastic country. But, you know, my stereotype of Ireland is still, you know, the Irish nuns.

M: Laugh.

V: You know, who left Ireland to come to Australia to teach us and the other person who really I love on this is Steven Pinker.

M: Yep.

V: The head of Psychology at Harvard, and I don’t remember what it was in his book, Enlightenment [Now], or one of his interviews. But he said, “Anyone who remembers a wonderful past has got a really short memory.”

M: Laugh

V: You know, you go back 100 years, and you look at infant mortality rates and, you know, women dying in childbirth and people even in Melbourne and Sydney, dying of cholera and waterborne diseases. And even we did an event the other day for Central Africa. Even if you look at the advances in Central Africa, all we see on the Australian News is someone being blown up or, you know, girls or boys being kidnapped from a school. But in fact, you know there are great centres of innovation and new tech in Lagos and Nairobi and great things happening.

M: Not everything is like the Simpsons portrays it, right?

P: I’m not a big fan of the Simpsons. I’m a simpler man. I’m a more you know, Mister Ed. And you know, my favourite book is still The Magic Far Away Tree, and The Enchanted Wood by Enid Blyton and kids should be studying humour to laugh, shouldn’t they?

M: Yeah.

V: They should be studying poetry, to love beautiful poetry. But we’ve now got… Critical analysis has almost replaced the Bible as the font for education.

M: I will throw in. There is another Melbourne based group called Future Crunch that I am such a fan of who tell the happy news. And I make sure that they’re part of my news cycle on a regular basis because they pull together for those out there who don’t know them. They pull together the best news around the world, the progress that we’re making and is so heart-warming to put that against the normal news that we read and see that we are making huge strides in so many areas of human rights and the environment, and that it’s not all doom and gloom.

V: Yeah, but everyone can do that. I mean, we had a Future Crunch of great friends of ours, and we’ve had them on our show. But everyone can be a Future Crunch.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: You know, if there’s something good happening in your workplace or in your neighbourhood, you don’t need to wait for the newspaper to publish it, take a photo or do a two-minute interview of the person.

We went out to a town called Kaniva, in the West Wimmera. And it’s a town that’s got so many things running against it, you know, it’s a highway town. They’ve had the shutdowns. They’ve been stuck with South Australian refugees who can’t get across the border, the last bank branch is closing, because there was no highway traffic. The favourite cafe is closing. But you know, Marie, I went door knocking in that town, and I asked people, what makes you optimistic? And they ended up getting kids to do little videos, two-minute videos of what makes them optimistic about Kaniva.

And then we were going to have a town dinner and I was to be the guest speaker and, of course, what happened in the soviet socialist state of Victoria. We got locked down. I couldn’t go and be the guest speaker. So, I said, “Well, I trust you guys. You do it.”

M: Mmm hmm.

V: And they had 12 locals as the guest speaker, and at the end of the dinner they declared themselves to be the most optimistic town in Australia.

M: I love that story, I really do.

V: Every person out there listening, make this your homework today, so I’ll jump ahead of your last question. So, I’ll give you another hint, Marie, because you’re an expert on this. But what I would love everyone to think about is change your greeting for one day. If it works, change it for a week.

So, in Australia, you say “Hello, how are you?” Or “G’day how are you?” 65% of people will say, “not bad…” or “not too bad.”

M: Laugh.

V: And of course, we never say ‘Oh my God, what’s wrong?’

M: Mmm hmm.

V: We just ignore it, you know, it’s a wasted question. Wasted answer. So, we’ve done this in prisons. We’ve done this in all sorts of organisations. Today, I’d like you to say, “G’day, what’s been the best thing in your day?” or if it’s Friday, “What’s been the best thing in your week?” or Monday, “What was the best thing on your weekend?”

Now your language will get it right. That’s my language, but it works. The other day I was in the supermarket. I have a beautiful orange mask Marie, that says, “what makes you optimistic?” And the lady behind the checkout counter said, what do you do? And I said I run the Centre for Optimism. And I said, why don’t you try this for the day?

M: Mmm hmm.

V: Well, she looked a bit doubtful, and I said, well, let’s try it with the people behind us. So, there was a mother and a daughter about 10 or so and I said, Look, we’re just experimenting, tell us what’s the best thing in your day so far? And the girl said, I got 82 for my test and the mother lit up and the other two queues lit up and the other check out people lit up. And then the teller I said, well, what was the test?

M: Mmm hmm.

V: And in fact, I actually heard the business coach of the All Blacks in a radio interview say, “Well, I’ve been plagiarising Victor Perton for the last year.”

M: Laugh.

V: And that’s exactly what he’d been plagiarising that every one of his customers knows that when he comes in, he doesn’t want to hear a tale of woe to start with. He wants to hear a story of hope and optimism and opportunity, and Disney has got some great research on this Marie, Disney, Coke, Nike. All of the customer research they’re doing shows that people are yearning for stories of hope and optimism.

So, when we come back to who’s the leader and who’s got to change? As Gandhi said, the only person I can change is myself. So, for each and every one of your listeners, just for the rest of today or tomorrow, get rid of ‘how are you?’ and try ‘what’s the best thing in your day?’ Now, the first time you ask it, people will stare at you.

M: Laugh!

V: Because it’s so out of sync, and it’s like an Australian trying to order at McDonald’s in Louisiana. You know, you look like them, but they don’t understand what you’re saying.

M: Laugh.

V: So, you might have to repeat it. You know, ‘what was the best thing in your day’ or modified a little, but 80% of the time people will then share a little story of hope and optimism with you. And it might be ‘I had a beautiful breakfast’, or ‘my daughter made me a cup of tea’ or ‘God isn’t the sunshine beautiful.’ And the interesting thing Marie, coming back to that toxic positivity stuff is, in fact, if something’s wrong, if they say f-ing nothing, then you know there’s a question you need to ask them to help them with their well-being and for you to do the right thing.

M: Yeah.

I will if you’ll permit me, ask you one last question. Which is what has made you optimistic this week? Since it is a Friday.

V: So, this week. Yesterday I was at the University of Melbourne working with the staff of one of the Colleges.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: And going around the circle and asking each and every one of them, ‘what makes you optimistic?’ As you can imagine, there was one beautiful psychologist there who said, “Oh, this is a very difficult question.”

M: Laugh.

V: And we went through this, and it was just beautiful. And then the night before that, the Saint Ives Rotary meeting. And you know, there was one 85-year-old guy and he just lit up and he said, “Oh, Victor. You’ve made me more optimistic with the scientific evidence you’ve given me on the value of optimism. I’m 85, I now know I’ve got another at least seven years of optimistic living.

M: Laugh.

V: So, for me, it’s asking that question. What makes you optimistic? And I ask at least one person every day, whether it’s a President or a Prime Minister or women digging ditches in India.

M: Yeah.

V: And so, if your listeners want to do something that they will find quite interesting is, you know when you’re lying on the pillow tonight next to your partner or you’re at the dinner table, ask them what makes them optimistic, and they may stare at you at first, so you might have to define it for them.

M: Mmm hmm.

V: So, optimism is a belief that good things will happen and that things will work out in the end. And, of course, if your relative is a John Lennon fan, you can say John Lennon said,

“If it hasn’t worked out, it’s not the end.” [- John Lennon]

M: Mmm hmm.

V: But optimism is not, everything is rosy, everything is fantastic. Optimism is belief that things will work out in the end. And Marie, for those of you, are for your listeners who are students of history. There’s this wonderful Woman who lived through the black plague called Mother Julian of Norwich and she was an English mystic. And her book is said to be the oldest surviving book in English by a woman, called the Revelations. But in it is a famous phrase, ‘All shall be well, all shall be well, all manner of things shall be well.’

V: And that has spawned poetry and music. So, if there’s one thing people remember from this rich conversation, Marie is:

All shall be well, all shall be well, all manner of things shall be well.

M: I think that’s the perfect end to this fabulous conversation. Thank you so much for your time, Victor. 

V: Thanks, Marie.

[Happy exit music – background] 

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic. 

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out. 

M: Until next time. 

M & P: Choose happiness. 

[Exit music fadeout] 

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks! 

What are the best ways to improve your wellbeing and happiness?

by

What is the best way to build personal wellbeing and happiness?

Let’s not bury the lead here: the latest research shows that it is possible to build your own wellbeing… but there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. 

Researchers at the South Australian Health and Medical Research Institute (SAHMRI) and Flinders University have conducted the largest ever meta-analysis of wellbeing studies from around the world to answer the question, ‘What’s the best way to build personal wellbeing?’.  

Their analysis included 400+ clinical trials involving more than 50,000 participants. Researchers divided people into three main groups, those in generally good health, those with physical illness and those with mental illness. 

“During stressful and uncertain periods in our lives, pro-actively working on our mental health is crucial to help mitigate the risk of mental and physical illness,” said Joep Van Agteren, co-lead at the SAHMRI Wellbeing and Resilience Centre. “Our research suggests there are numerous psychological approaches people should experiment with to determine what works for them.” 

However, all the interventions share a common need for consistent and prolonged practice for them to be effective in improving wellbeing. “Just trying something once or twice isn’t enough to have a measurable impact,” said co-author Matthew Iasiello from SAHMRI. “Regardless of what method people are trying out, they need to stick at it for weeks and months at a time for it to have a real effect.”  

6 Ways to improve your wellbeing 

So, what did the research show can make an impact on wellbeing? 

The study shows that in addition to seeking out professional help when distressed, there are many practical steps people can take to improve their wellbeing and prevent mental health problems. 

“Implementing such interventions can be done safely for individuals on their own or in a group format, either in person or online,” said Professor Michael Kyrios from the Órama Institute for Mental Health and Wellbeing at Flinders University. “It is therefore potentially a cost-effective addition to current referral pathways and treatment methods.” 

Here are the six proven ways to improve wellbeing: 

  1. Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness, using techniques such as meditation and conscious breathing, was found to be effective at increasing wellbeing for all participants 
  1. Meaning: Working on your sense of purpose* 
  1. Kindness: Performing small acts of kindness* 
  1. Gratitude: Keeping a gratitude journal*  
  1. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT): this was proven to be beneficial for many people with mental illness 
  1. Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT): this was most useful for those in generally good health 

*Important note: these were all shown to be effective in combination, but not individually. 

Researchers believe these results highlight the need for a change of tactics in how society cares for people’s wellbeing, whether they’re living with a mental illness or not. 

“We need to take everyone’s wellbeing seriously and ensure we’re taking the necessary steps to improve mental and physical health so we can prevent future complications for ourselves and keep healthcare costs down,” Prof Kyrios said. 

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and weekly email newsletter for regular updates and news!  

Ways to improve your wellbeing and happiness (E101)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

Join Marie and Pete this week as they discuss a recent study that shows the best ways to improve your wellbeing and happiness.

Show notes

During the podcast, Marie and Pete discuss a few cartoons but are unsure of some of the details. Here is some information on those topics.

Mighty Mouse (1942)

Mighty Mouse is an American animated anthropomorphic superhero mouse who was originally called Super Mouse, and made his debut in the 1942 short The Mouse of Tomorrow. The name was changed to Mighty Mouse in his eighth film, 1944’s The Wreck of the Hesperus. He also appeared in the British nursery comic Bimbo circa 1968, in what appear to be brand new stories created for the pre-school readers of that title.

Roger Ramjet (1965)

Roger Ramjet was an animated children’s comedy series created in the United States and first running in 1965, but frequently in syndication since. Starring Roger Ramjet and the American Eagle Squadron, the show was known for its crude animation as well as its references to popular culture.

Wacky Races (1968)

This cartoon was referenced but not named during the podcast with mentions of Penelope Pitstop and Dick (not Dan) Dastardly and his dog Muttley.

Wacky Races is an American animated television series produced by Hanna-Barbera Productions for Saturday mornings. The series features 11 different cars racing against each other in various road rallies throughout North America, with all of the drivers hoping to win the title of the “World’s Wackiest Racer”.
Racers:

  1. Dick Dastardly and Muttley in the Mean Machine
  2. Penelope Pitstop in the Compact Pussycat
  3. The Slag Brothers in the Boulder Mobile
  4. Lazy Luke and Blubber Bear in the Arkansas Chuggabug
  5. Professor Pat Pending in the Convert-a-Car
  6. The Gruesome Twosome in the Creepy Coupe
  7. Sergeant Blast and Private Meekly in the Army Surplus Special
  8. The Ant Hill Mob in the Bulletproof Bomb
  9. Rufus Ruffcut and Sawtooth in the Buzzwagon
  10. The Red Max in the Crimson Haybaler
  11. Peter Perfect in the Turbo Terrific

Transcript

Coming soon