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Self-Care is Church for Non-Believers Pt 2 (E38)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

In this episode, we revisit the popular episode that was the inspiration for our new book: Self-Care is Church For Non-Believers. We explain how a decline in church attendance and an increase in overall scepticism mean that many of us no longer prioritise self-care activities. Yet, we need to prioritise strong self-care habits more than ever.

As the Dalai Lama said, “I believe the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness. Whether one believes in religion or not, whether one believes in that religion or this religion, we are all seeking something better in life. So, I think, the very motion of our life is towards happiness…”

Transcript

M: You’re listening to the podcast Happiness for Cynics, I’m Marie Skelton.

P: And I’m Peter Furness. And

M&P: We wrote a book!

P: [Laugh] But back to the Podcast. Each week we will bring to you the latest news and research in the world of positive psychology otherwise known as happiness.

M: So if you’re feeling low.

P: Or if you are only satisfied with life but not truly happy with it.

M: Or maybe you just want more!

P: Then this is the place to be!

M: And to take us one step further on our happiness journey, today’s episode is all about the premise behind our new book, Self-Care.

P: Aww.

[Happy Intro Music]

M: So Pete, it’s time to ditch the cynicism and buy in the Self-Care.

P: Woof.

M: [Laugh]

P: I love it when you’re aggressive.

M: [Laugh] So, this is the whole idea behind the podcast but also our book, which was a spin-off of one of our earlier episodes where we looked at Self-Care. And in the end we kind of came to the conclusion that it was something that a lot of people, who were following religions and going to church, were actually already being taught and doing but without knowing it. And a lot of people have been practicing the types of interventions that are scientifically proven to make them happier simply by going to church.

P: There we go. The church people had it right.

M: Now there’s a problem, because less and less people are going to church nowadays.

P: Oh, yes, yes. The decline in church attendance, the decay of our moral fibre’s, the politicians are weeping.

M: The Ministers, Priests.

P: Oh, I thought the politicians were, oh well.

[Laughter]

M: So that was conundrum number one. One thing that’s changing our society. And the second thing is, particularly in Australia, we’re all cynics.

P: Ah, I like this concept. Are Australians truly cynical.

M: We tend to be.

P: Mmm.

M: Australians, we’re a cynical bunch.

P: Yeah, we are cynical, it’s part of our humour. Part of our sarcasm and wit is to be a little bit cynical and not take anything too seriously.

M: Yep, absolutely and we’re well known for it as well.

P: Yep, yep. Very true. But are we cynical to the point of being detrimental to our own happiness?

M: I think that around the world, all people are. So whether or not you buy into Self-Care, a lot of people aren’t practising Self-Care, whether it’s because of cynicism or because life just gets in the way.

P: Mmm.

M: We are seeing a huge rise in loneliness, anxiety, stress and depression. And it’s getting even worse during Corona virus. So we need to do something. We need an intervention here.

P: Interesting. So we all need to be a little bit more aware of Self-Care and it may be a little bit more, shall we use the “I word”, indulgent?

M: No, don’t use the “I word”!

P: [Laugh]

M: And this is the second conundrum that we discuss in our book. So the first one is we’re not going to church as often, and that’s due to people not believing in God as much so that that makes sense, right? We’re not saying here at all that you need to believe in God or that you don’t. We’re completely agnostic on the religious front.

P: If God works for you, you go there.

M: Yep, absolutely.

P: Definitely.

M: What we are saying, though, is that if you’re not going to church and therefore doing a lot of these interventions that bring a more positive mindset and more happiness and Well-Being, then you need to do something else.

P: I think it comes down to being spiritual and again. This is a.. This is the cynical viewpoint that comes back about the minute you mentioned Spirituality in a conversation over this dinner table. A lot of people roll their eyes, and go ‘Oh, here we go, here come the angel stories and the crystals and all the dream catchers and all that sort of stuff. There’s this kind of assumption that Spirituality is an indulgence. [Silly voice] “It’s a cosmic energetic transference and trans-mutation.”

M: You might call it that. I would not call it that.

P: I’m not saying I call it that but this is the impression that you get and I’m usually the person at the dinner table starting to quote the Spirituality conversation, or lead the conversation in that direction. And I get this push back a lot from different people and the cynics of the world to come forth and go ‘Oh, that’s just bull shit.’

M: Yeah, I think it is. Yes.

P: [Laugh] And yet, and yet-

M: So back to Self-Care, which I do not call Spirituality.

P: No, I think there’s a link here. I think that if we look at, look at the fact of church attendance and the link between church attendance and what it does to all the Self-Care elements that we clocked.

M: Yep.

P: If you replace that church attendance with Spirituality, Spirituality has a huge factor of the same concept of giving you meditation, making you gracious, making you aware of these Self-Care elements that you put into your life doesn’t necessarily have to be religion.

M: Does it? Again, I’m not spiritual in anyway. So when you say spiritually, what do you replacing God with?

P: Oh, we’re taking, we’re taking religion out of the equation. We’re going with something a little bit more left of field. So we’re going with the people that might be pagans, for example, or practise energetic Healing Arts, those kind of, maybe even more Eastern practises that have gone into that realm of Crystal Reading and Tea Leaf Predicting, those sorts of things.

M: Well each to their own.

P: Exactly.

M: But I wouldn’t say that they cover off Awe, Gratitude, Service to Others, Meditation all of the things that a traditional church does.

P: I’m going to challenge you on that, Marie.

M: So Tea Leaf Reading is an activity in and of enough itself and I wouldn’t say that it teaches you all of those things that a traditional church would cover off.

P: Okay, I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree on that one, because I think it does. There’s a lot of, there’s giving of the self. There’s an investment of another person in Tea Leaf Reading for example, if you read your tea leaves, I’m offering you a space that is more reflective, I’m being gracious towards you. I’m giving you my energy.

M: Is that part of the teaching of a Tea Leaf Reader.

P: Well, I’m not a Tea Leaf Reader so I couldn’t necessarily say that.

M: Well there is the problem with your argument.

P: [Laugh] Well, I hope we get some Tea Leaf Readers writing in, right now.

[Laughter]

M: So, I guess what I’m calling out here is that the particular Spiritual vocations or activities that you’re calling out are very distinct and activities that don’t span the full spectrum that a normal church environment would. So you’re not being given morals and activities and that societal responsibility that comes with a traditional Christian or Muslim church type environment or, or any of the major religions which ask you to not only consider yourself and your own behaviours, but to consider society. Tea Leaf Reading doesn’t have that larger, holistic, life style impact, I would argue, and again back to the whole reason why we’re talking about all of this stuff. Religious or Spirituality, Religion or Spirituality aside, we need to stop calling these things indulgences. Or –

P: That’s what I meant.

M:  –crazy crackpot religious ideas, they’re not. They are science backed.

P: So, Self-Care is not an indulgence.

M: It’s not an indulgence, and it’s not for the weird spiritual or religious people. It is so important. And this year we’ve seen such a huge rise in mental health issues across the board, across every demographic all around the world, we’ve had changes to our society, and people aren’t coping.

P: You’ve got a couple of quotes there Marie from the Pew Research Centre and the Edelman Trust Barometer.

M: Or research, yeah definitely.

P: This is about the rise of employees losing their jobs, working mothers find it difficult to balance work and family life. In the World Health Organisation, noting that depression anxiety have an estimated cost to the global economy of $1 trillion a year in lost productivity.

M: It’s becoming an epidemic. Sorry lets, it is an epidemic.

P: Mmm.

M: World Economic Forum has done a lot of work on loneliness.

P: Mmm Hmm.

M: Burnout, last year was a hot topic. Stress and anxiety have been going up for years. Trending upwards we’re just not coping.

P: So we need to invest in Self-Care more on a personal level, everyone needs to address their own Self-Care.

M: Absolutely and we’ve got to stop thinking or isn’t as indulgent.

P: It’s necessary.

M: Why don’t we have an ability for kids who are feeling too stressed out to take a mental health day? Why can’t we give them control to go into a space at their school and say “I’m sorry, Nurse Smith, I just need to take a mental health day today.” Whatever you had on that day, you’ve got to catch it up later. Don’t get me wrong, you’re going to skip out on exams.

P: [Laugh]

M: Because kids can be.. [Laugh] .. a bit crafty.

P: [Laugh] I’m just imaging the line up around the block of the nurses office going ‘Yeah, I want a day off.’

[Laughter]

M: We have a maths test today.

P: You know they’d coordinate that, wouldn’t they? Like you’d be with you fellow classmates like ‘let’s have a mental health day here, the test won’t happen.’ [Laugh]

M: It will happen the next day, right. But again, it’s about giving them control and in particular, teenagers who treading that line between being told what to do 100% of their time and breaking free of that and doing everything as their own decisions and they’re learning to become independent. They need to be given some control over their mental health.

P: Yeah.

M: And kids as we mentioned last episode are really struggling with mental health and having control and understanding the feelings that they’re feeling, we just haven’t equipped them to deal with Corona virus or the world very well.

P: You were discussing with someone today in a private conversation we were having who’s been rolling out of programme of awareness and the GEM Principal to Educational institutions across Australia.

M: Yeah, absolutely so a great book called The Resilience Project from a guy called Hugh [van Cuylenburg] and his partner now who go around the country, but mostly they’re Melbourne based, go around the country and have been focusing primarily on schools but he’s also worked with Rugby… can’t remember if it’s League or Union.

P: [Laugh]

M: He even gave a talk to Cricket Australia. So he’s been working with elite athletes as well as students and their parents to help them understand three principles.

That’s the GEM Principle:

  • Gratitude;
  • Empathy; and
  • Mindfulness.

And he has done thousands of talks over the last few years and has a great book, really good storyteller. So if you’re kind of not into this, you know, airy fairy, wishy washy,-

P: [Laugh]

M: -spiritual, religious, mumbo jumbo BS, whatever you want to call it, have a look at this book because he’s been teaching halfbacks and you know, these big, burly men about the importance of Gratitude, Empathy and Mindfulness and how to weave them into your day to day life. And he’s got some great stories about how he has really changed the trajectory of some of these guys lives from contemplating suicide to a year or two later truly understanding the value of life and how to be happy.

P: Mm. And that has a social implication as well, because when the individual is feeling empowered and centred and understanding and empathetic, that has a flow on affect to the rest of society. I mean, I’m thinking particularly in terms of sports stars. They have a huge influence over kids. Kids look up to them.

M: Mm hmm.

P: So if you’ve got a child that is looking up to their Rugby/Sports star and he comes out with ‘Yeah I practise Empathy, I practice Mindfulness’, the kids are going to lap that up and that really has a kick in effect in terms of getting children and getting school students to be aware of their emotional Well-Being and their Self-Care on. Maybe that’s where we need to be focusing more of this education is employing these ideas into daily interactions in schools so that it starts to permeate into society on a general level and so you know, we could be looking at 10 to 20 years from now, we’ll be having Mindfulness symposiums that are booked out; And everybody is aware of their 15 minutes of Self-Care per day.

M: I think that we’ve started that journey. So the great news is, we missed it, I missed the bandwagon.

P: [Laugh]

M: I think that a lot of kids today are hearing these messages. So I’ve got a really good friend whose kids do meditation in their school in Canberra. Obviously, Hugh has been doing a lot of work down in Melbourne, but he has also been travelling the country and talking to teachers and students all around the country and a lot of Australian education… Sorry schools got together back in 2012 I think and they started coming together. So I was just reading about Knox Grammar was one of the founding members.

P: That’s being a Sydney private school.

M: Yes, very prestigious, elite, Sydney Boys School and way back in 2012 they got together with a range of other schools around the country to start talking about positive education, which is positive psychology for kids. And they’ve found a drop in bullying and an increase in resiliency in these kids. And ultimately, when you’re talking about mental health, these are the skills we need to give our kids.

P: Absolutely. There’s that flow on effect, of directly, of what we’re talking about trying to get kids to understand it so that has that flow on effect.

M: So the kids are getting it, nowadays. They’re starting to. It’s not across every school in every state, and it’s not part of the curriculum. It is definitely an add on for a lot of schools. However, a lot of people have left school, the majority of the population aren’t in school and so people that are your age and my age, without mentioning age. We’ve missed the boat and a lot of us need to catch up on this stuff and change our mindset about it.

P: I think changing our mindset is the important message here. Self-Care is not indulgence.

M: Quite simply, we have to a better job of looking after ourselves and the Self-Care activities that we used to practise at church like Kindness, Service to Others and Gratitude are proven, scientifically proven to help.

P: There’s that science. [Laugh]

M: This book is not about religion. It is about saying that those activities that we used to do a church, if you’re no longer going to church, again no judgement, what are you doing to bring them into your life? And what habits?

P: What’s your process? Where’s your ceremony with your 10 minutes of each day or one hour of each week? What do you do that is Self-Care for you? That is conscious Self-Care. Not just going to the gym, not just spending some time on your own in the park.

M: Mm, Hmm.

P: It’s got to be dedicated real time that actually informs your conscious and subconscious mind.

M: Absolutely. And I think Stephen Covey talked about if you don’t prioritise it, then it’s not a priority. So this is about making Self-Care a priority, so schedule it in.

P: Yep.

M: If you put your work into, like if you’re holding 9 to 5 or 8 to 6 or whatever it is that you’re holding for work or whatever your work schedule is nights and weekends, et cetera, and you’re setting aside time to pick up groceries, you’re sitting aside time to commute, you’re setting aside time hopefully to exercise, hopefully getting your eight hours of sleep.

P: Yep, [laugh].

M: You know, look at your calendar and take a look at where you’re spending your time because a lot of people say ‘I don’t have time.’

P: Mmm, make time.

M: Don’t even make time. Look at where you’re spending your time, so I will challenge you. Anyone who says they don’t have time.

P: Ok, that’s fair.

M: And I would say that nine times out of ten you are still spending time in front of the TV, you’re spending time on social media and on your phone, and there are times where you could redirect 20 minutes here or there, 40 minutes in your week, away from another activity that you think is actually helping you to regenerate and to relax and whole other topic on social media detoxing and the rest of it, because it doesn’t. Mindlessly tuning out in from the TV and social media as we’ve seen, actually adds more cognitive load to brain. Where as going for a 20 minute walk in the sun at lunchtime is so good for you for a variety of reasons, and that is true Self-Care.

P: True.

M: So what this boils down to is, you know, habit making. So being aware of where you’re spending your time and making sure that you’re setting aside time to look after yourself and again a lot of this starts with just being aware of your own feelings. And if you have a morning routine of getting in some exercise and then you shower and have a good breakfast and off you go and you commute and have a salad for lunch and you come home and… Like if that’s your routine, but you wake up that day feeling like crap, you might decide that it’s okay not to go the gym that day.

P: Yep.

M: Be nice to yourself, or that evening might be take out night instead of Friday.

P: Yes.

M: Alright, because you’re just not feeling up to cooking. So be nice to yourself or the flip side of that is have a salad instead of something greasy.

P: [Laugh]

M: Be nice to yourself.

P: It’s all about the interpretation.

[Laughter]

M: Yeah, but whatever it is that you feel you need in the moment, find a way to give yourself what you need as well and Self-Care again is about being forgiving and flexible and understanding yourself better and giving your body and your mind what they need.

P: Mmm. I like that. It’s a nice point to wrap it up on.

M: I think so.

P: [Laugh]

M: Shall we wrap it up? Well, our book! It is now available on amazon.

P: Yay!!

M: We didn’t even talk about the book.

P: This covers a lot of what the book is about though.

M: Yep.

P: It’s our little handy, very small little book, Marie.

M: It is, it’s a pocket book.

P: You could read a book in an hour, talked about all this sort of stuff. And the little things that you can do and the elements to be considerate of when putting together your own Self-Care package.

M: Absolutely. And we’ve got some great tips in the back of every section. So do you remember what we cover in the book, Pete?

P: Yes, I do…

M: Can you open the book? [Laugh]

So we cover social Connection, practising Kindness, practising Gratitude, Service to Others, practising Mindfulness, practising Forgiveness and Experiencing Awe and amongst those things we talked about the science, we talk about easy things that you could do in any of those categories to bring them into your life. And all you need to do is pick one or two out of the book and just add them into your month add them into your calendar and plan for them.

P: Do a 10 minute session on Mindfulness.

M: Yep, absolutely.

P: Ten minute session on Awe, which is really easy.

M: Absolutely. So our book is available on Amazon. It is called Self-Care is Church for Non-Believers.

P: The little book of happiness. [Giggle]

M: And help us out if you can, and give us a review on Amazon or Good Reads, that would be a great help. All right, well, that’s it for today.

P: If you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like our podcast. You can find us at www.marieskelton.com, which is a site about balance, happiness and resilience, also send in questions and proposed topics for discussion.

M: And, if you like our little show, we would love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out or a comment or rating on our book would be helpful too.

P: Until next time.

M & P: Choose Happiness!

[Happy Exit Music]

Related content: Read Moving On article It’s Time to Ditch the Cynicism and buy Into Self-Care, listen to our podcast Self-Care is Church for Non-Believers (E17)

Go on: Smile for World Smile Day

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Faking it ‘til you Make it Might Actually be Good Advice

Next week we celebrate world smile day.

While I am not a fan of positivity for the sake of positivity, nor do I ever want to gloss over the more serious mental health issues that many people face, this day is a simple yet powerful reminder about how we can bring some happiness into our lives and the lives of others.

And, recent research has just proven what many already knew: smiling does make you happier.

Smiling Improves your Outlook and Mood

New research from the University of South Australia confirms that the act of smiling can trick your mind into being more positive.

In two scenarios, a smile was induced by participants holding a pen between their teeth, forcing their facial muscles to replicate the movement of a smile (see image). The results? The action of faking a smile generated more positive emotions.

Lead researcher and human and artificial cognition expert at UniSA, Dr Fernando Marmolejo-Ramos, says the finding has important insights for mental health.

“When your muscles say you’re happy, you’re more likely to see the world around you in a positive way,” he said. “In our research we found that when you forcefully practise smiling, it stimulates the amygdala – the emotional centre of the brain – which releases neurotransmitters to encourage an emotionally positive state.”

Dr. Marmolejo-Ramos believes this has interesting implications for mental health. “If we can trick the brain into perceiving stimuli as ‘happy’, then we can potentially use this mechanism to help boost mental health.”

Hold a pen between your teeth to fake a smile
Source: UniSA, Daniela A´ lvarez, 2020

Spreading Positive Vibes This World Smile Day

Nothing reminds us of our humanity and the rollercoaster of normal human emotions we deal with like a global pandemic. In fact, a term that really speaks to me is the ‘Corona-coaster.’ This is the rollercoaster of emotions, feelings and moods we’re all going through as this pandemic plays out.

But emotions are proven to be contagious. If someone is happy or angry around us, we inadvertently mirror their emotion. “Not only do we mimic the feelings of others, we actually start to feel them ourselves,” according to Sigil Barsade, professor at the University of Pennsylvania Wharton School of Business.

It’s called emotional contagion, and it means we can make others around us happier or sadder, more relaxed or more angry, simply by feeling those feelings ourselves.

This explains why watching endless hours of negative media about the pandemic put us all in bad moods.

On the flip side, this also means we not only have the tools to make ourselves feel more positive (faking a smile), we also have the tools to inoculate our family, friends and colleagues against the Corona-coaster: by spreading our good mood to others.

So, this World Smile Day, let’s make an effort to spread something good… a smile 😊

Related reading: Three Quick Ways to Improve Your Mood

What Makes a Happy Home?

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Study Shows a Happy Home Makes for a Happy Life

You might not think too much about whether you have a happy home, and that’s possibly impacting your happiness. Our homes shape how we feel about our day, ourselves and our lives more broadly. They are also closely tied to how happy we are overall in our lives.

Since we’re spending so much more time in our homes nowadays, I thought I’d look into some of the research and find out how we can change our homes to make our lives happier. Yet again, there is wealth of research across the fields of psychology, neuroscience and public health into how to design your home to make you happier.

And, in yet another surprise to me (because every positive psych article I research ends up surprising me) the Happiness Research Institute found that happiness with our home is almost three times as important to our overall happiness as our income. Who knew!?

“We have learned how we connect with our homes emotionally and what is truly important to achieve happiness in them,” said Meik Wiking, CEO of the Happiness Research Institute. “To paraphrase Winston Churchill: first we shape our homes and then our homes shape us. Homes are where we may not only live, but thrive.”

Wiking and the team at the Happiness Research Institute studied thousands of respondents across ten countries in Europe. They conducted hours and hours of quantitative and qualitative interviews, and found 73 per cent of people who are happy with their home are also happy in general.

“The most important factors are not where you live, how big your house is, or whether you rent or own,” said Véronique Laury, CEO of Kingfisher, which sponsored the study. “What matters most is having a home that gives you a feeling of safety, comfort, identity and pride. What matters is putting your stamp on your home.”

Do you feel happy about your home?

According to the research, there are five core emotions we tend to feel about our homes: pride, comfort, identity, safety and control.

Most important was pride, which accounts for 44 per cent of our feelings of happiness with our home. This is almost half of the emotional attachment to our homes! When the researchers delved deeper into this specific emotion, they found that 88 per cent of people who were proud of their homes were also happy with their homes; and the prouder they are, the happier they are.

But even though pride is the most important emotion when it comes to our homes, relatively few people actually feel it, according to the study.

Three ways to build pride in your home and have a happier home

The great news is that you can do something about this. This article would suck if you couldn’t. So, here are three things you can do to give yourself more pride in your home, and to help you have a happy home.

1. Pride through achievement

Set aside some time to do a full de-clutter and deep clean. Millions of people have bought Marie Kondo’s book and watched her Netflix series on how to declutter their homes.

According to Konmari consultant and founder of Neatly Awesome, Pilar Llorente that’s because we’ve come to realise “physical clutter becomes mental clutter as well.” In fact, the best part of the Konmari method, according to Pilar is the spiritual and emotional outcomes.

Check out this article for steps to declutter your home, and your mind.

2. Pride through redecorating

Nowadays, redecorating a room in your house doesn’t have to be hard or expensive. And it doesn’t have to be overwhelming anymore.

Start by visiting Google for ideas or visit Pinterest to collect images of looks you like. Remember the look you like has to match with the house you have, so go with accentuating what you have, rather than trying to make your house into something it isn’t.

Once you have some ideas, get to purchasing your items and decorating! Remember to keep receipts in case it doesn’t look how you pictured it in your mind.

If you’re tight on budget, don’t forget to check out your local opp shops. Or why not try Kmart and Target, which have both upped their home-deco games in recent years.

A cheap redecoration can still pack a punch. Think of picking a new fresh colour for throw pillows and a throw rug. Or you can change out your curtains, or paint an accent wall.

3. Pride through home improvement

This is the big one and it’s not for everyone. Many people just aren’t up for the disruption to their lives. Others underestimate their tiling, floor laying, plumbing or worse, electrical skills and end up making their place worse, not better. Thanks HGTV and all those home reno shows! By the way, just so we’re clear, you should never do your own electrical work. Ever.

However, if you can pay professionals to do the hard stuff (or all of it) and work out the easy stuff with YouTube videos, then this is worth doing. The Happiness Research Institute study found that 74 per cent of people who have an interest in and spend time doing home improvements are proud of their home.

That’s it. These are a few little things you can do if you’re wanting to make your home a happy home.

Also, there are a whole lot more elements to the research, if you’re interested in reading the full report, go here.

Related reading: Stress Reduction Lessons from Marie Kondo

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How to Build Your Resilience With Mindfulness and Meditation

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How to Take Control of Your Emotions During COVID – the Link Between Resilience and Meditation

The pandemic has had a negative impact on the mental health and resilience of many people around the world. It has brought uncertainty and fear that has understandably led to higher levels of anxiety, depression, stress and more low moods.

A recent Webster University study unsurprisingly showed that “Even the people who reported high subjective happiness and little stress and low moods were struggling during the lockdown.”

However, this study showed (yet again) that some people were weathering the pandemic better than others; and these people are practicing positive psychology interventions. Although participants who completed the positive psychology interventions did not report an increase in happiness levels, they were more likely to avoid the depression, anxiety and low moods that others felt due to the pandemic.

If you’re experiencing mild depression or low moods, and want to boost your resilience, then introducing positive psychology interventions — such as mindfulness and meditation — into your routine might be what you need.

NOTE: Studies show that positive psychology interventions can help you stay in a better mood and feel happier overall. However, positive psychology interventions will not replace professional support for people who have clinical issues.

What are Mindfulness and Meditation?

Let’s start at the beginning. There is a link between resilience and meditation and mindfulness, but what do they all mean?

Mindfulness is about slowing down, being present and having greater awareness and intention in the moment. Mindfulness is often confused with the practice of meditation – which is a deeper version of mindfulness. Meditation is more than a moment or state of mind, it’s an action that takes time and is more formal, often requiring sitting down for a length of time.

Both mindfulness and meditation are proven to reduce stress, and both focus on calming your mind down. They both teach us not to eliminate thoughts, but to recognise them. Give weight to them. Acknowledge them and finally to let them go. In fact, letting go is one of the hardest things for a mind to do, but it is also fundamental to the practice of mindfulness.

Both these practices have become far more mainstream in the last couple of decades. According to Bill Gates, “For years, I was a sceptic about meditation. Now I do it as often as I can—three times a week if time allows. At a time when we all could use a few minutes to de-stress and re-focus each day, this [Headspace app] is a great place to start.”

Yet, even today there remain a lot of sceptics (myself included!). So, here is the science…

Build Resilience With Meditation and Mindfulness

The research all supports the premise that you can build your resilience with mediations and mindfulness.

There is a large body of research from Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) programs at the University of Massachusetts. It shows that people who practice mindfulness increase the size and function of their pre-frontal cortex, the area of the brain where we do decision making and long-term planning. Quite simply, this means mindfulness is great for your brain. Increases in the density of grey matter lead to better mind agility and help with memory, attention skills and decision making.

Research has found that it only takes eight weeks of mindfulness meditation to boost your immune system. Additional physical health benefits include improved sleep quality, and mindful eating has been shown to help fight obesity. It is great at improving positive emotions, while reducing negative emotions and helping to fight stress, depression, anxiety and burnout.

If you’re still not convinced, then consider that the research is so overwhelmingly definitive that over the past decade, mindfulness has permeated the domain of the sceptic: the corporate office. Many ‘suits’ now use mindfulness to help deal with the day to day demands of today’s hectic office environment and prevent burnout.

Mindfulness is also now being taught in schools around the world to help kids improve their mental strength, resilience, emotional control and concentration. In 2019, England announced one of the largest trials in the world. They have up to 370 schools teaching techniques to promote good mental health, such as mindfulness exercises, relaxation techniques and breathing exercises. Recently studies have shown that learning to teach mindfulness to kids helps teachers reduce their own stress, which also benefits the kids.

Practicing Mindfulness and Meditation

There are countless ways to bring mindfulness or meditation into your life and build resilience. As with all things, it’s about finding the right fit for you. Here are some ways to practice mindfulness or meditation.

Being mindful is about stopping and being in the moment. You can do it in many ways, such as:

  • Mindful Eating: This has gained popularity with weight loss experts in recent years. It amounts to ensuring that you focus on and savour every mouthful of food. Put away all distractions during meals — no phone or TV — and take small bites of food, one at a time. Focus on the taste and texture of the food, and savour it.
  • Enjoy Nature: Go for a walk through your neighbourhood. Truly take the time to appreciate even the smallest blade of grass. Look all around you and explore your surroundings with fresh eyes. Sit on a bench and focus on the sights, sounds and smells around you.
  • Being Grateful: Every evening before bed, grab a notebook and write down three things you’re grateful for from the day. Spend time thinking about why you’re grateful and how it makes you feel.

As mentioned earlier, mediation is a bit more structured, but there are many types of meditation you can try, such as:

  • Breathing: This is the most well-known and focuses on taking deep breaths in and out.
  • Body Scanning: This is where you focus on each body part starting at the top and working your way down.
  • Loving-Kindness: This is where you focus on cultivating feelings of goodwill, kindness and compassion.

The Greater Good Science Center has a range of tips and resources to help you understand all the various practices and research and can help you find the right fit with the right benefits you’re after. Or you can take a look at the below apps or books to get you started on your mediation journey.

Top Meditation Apps for Beginners

If you’ve still got questions and aren’t sure where to start, then an app might be the best start for you.

Headspace: Headspace is a guided meditation and mindfulness app for stress, anxiety, sleep, focus, fitness, and more. The app provides hundreds of guided meditations, on several different topics, with new topics every day. The app also features sleep sounds; tutorial animations; a meditation progress tracker; and exercises that are designed for children.

Calm: This leading app for meditation and sleep promises better sleep, lower stress, and less anxiety. The app provides guided sessions on topics ranging from calming anxiety to gratitude to mindfulness at work—as well as sleep sounds, nature sounds, and breathing exercises.

10% Happier: The Ten Percent Happier app helps you discover guided meditations and practical teachings you can carry anywhere. Designed specifically for sceptics, this app has expert teachers walk you through the basics, one breath at a time

Great Books on Meditation

The Headspace Guide to Meditation and Mindfulness, by Andy Puddicombe. Andy’s book and the app he created, Headspace, are what made Bill Gates a convert. Andy is a former Buddhist monk and his book offers lots of helpful metaphors to explain potentially tricky concepts in meditation.

10% Happier, by Dan Harris. After a panic attack on live TV, ABC news anchor Dan Harris had to make some changes. Harris recounts his journey from sceptic to meditator in his #1 New York Times bestselling book.

Remember that a positive psychology intervention is only going to work if it’s the right fit for you, so why not find something that works for you and give it a go!

Related reading: The Secret to Surviving Isolation

Don’t forget to subscribe for our monthly newsletter for more tips, freebies and subscriber-only content!

Whoda Thought it… Money Can Buy Happiness (E31)

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Happiness for Cynics

This week, Pete and Marie discuss a recent study which has thrown the age-old adage “Money can’t buy you happiness” on its head. Could it be true that money can buy happiness?!

Transcript

M: You’re listening to the podcast happiness for cynics. I’m Marie Skelton, a writer and speaker on resilience.

P:  And I’m Peter Furness, A believer in bubbles, a coercer of caper-isms and a doyen of decadence. Each week we will bring to you the latest news and research in the world of positive psychology, otherwise known as happiness.

M: So if you’re feeling low.

P: Or if you’re only satisfied with life but not truly happy with it.

M: Or maybe you just want more?

P: More! Then this is the place to be.

M: This week we’re discussing a recent news story, which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Money Does Buy Happiness.

P: Insert snide comment here.

[Happy Intro Music]

M: Okay, so this week we’re talking about a new study which was reported on, I first saw it in Washington Post, and it has thrown the age old adage ‘Money Can’t Buy Happiness’ on its head.

P: Cobble wash. I don’t believe it for a second.

M: I knew you’d love this one.

P: Folks, you are about to see Peter and Marie be at opposite ends of the scale.

M: [Laugh] I’m, just reporting on the news, people.

P: Yeah, yeah, you and your science.

M: So pretty much it’s not good news for the growing lower class who are being left behind due to the ever increasing wealth gap. So the study by researchers Jean and again, I’m going to mispronounce names. Oh and by the way-

P: Hoo-geh [hygge].

[Laughter]

M: – it turns out our episode a couple of weeks ago where we did, there was a disclaimer, wasn’t there Pete?

P: We did. We did say that we weren’t owning the fact that we could pronounce it correctly.

M: Yes, and the Danish have done it again and tricked us.

P: [Laugh]

M: So I have a colleague from Denmark who corrected me. It’s not ‘hoo-geh’, it’s ‘hee-geh’.

P: I still like ‘hoo-geh’.

M: [Laugh]

P: Hoooo-geh!

M: [Laugh]

P: It just makes you laugh, common. Go with me on this?

M: So anyway, this research again, apologies if I miss-pronounce your name.

This research by Jean [M] Twenge and A. Bell Cooper was published in July this … [year] by the American Psychological Association, and it shows that there’s a growing class divide in happiness in the US. So, looking at findings in a general social survey, Twenge and Cooper found a positive correlation between socio-economic status (so that’s income, education and occupational prestige) and happiness. And the positive correlation has grown steadily since the seventies, all the way til today.

P: So are they saying that with the increase in income, you have more ability to feel happiness?

M: No the self-reported happiness. People are happier when they’re earning more.

P: Okay. I’m with you on..

M: As their socio-economic status rises, so do their happiness levels.

P: Does this come back to Maslow’s Hierarchy Of Needs, which we mentioned before?

M: No.

P: No?

M: No.

P: Damnit, I thought I was onto something there.

M: We could go down that route, if you really want it. [Laugh]

P: Does it mean that money gives you a certain freedom to be able to look beyond the necessities and then focus on happiness. Is that what they’re saying?

M: Look, I think you could… hhmm, the study doesn’t say that, but I would definitely say that’s worth exploring.

P: Right.

M: And I think that previous studies have definitely shown that there comes a point where your basic needs are met. So that is Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. So your basic needs are met and that frees you to focus on larger things like happiness.

P: This study is talking about the definite link between income or socio-economic status and the ability of happiness.

M: And happiness, not even the ability of happiness, just happiness.

P: Ok, I’m on board.

M: Yep.

P: I’m just going to put my glasses on.

M: So there you go, that was our episode. Thank you for joining us.

P: [Laughter] Oh, no. I have so many more questions here.

[Laughter]

M: So I think the really interesting thing here is that previous studies had shown that there was little link between happiness and income.

P: Okay.

M: So this is new. This is different and what we’d seen in previous incomes is that after a certain point, after your base needs are met, which many believe is about $75,000 a year, US. So after those basic needs are met, then your happiness levels don’t increase in proportion to increases in salary.

P: Oh, okay, okay.

M: So that’s what previous studies have shown.

P: Have talked about, right?

M: This study is actually saying nah. It’s all gobbledygook. Throw that out. Actually, your happiness continues to increase as you continue to earn more.

P: To a certain point or is that an exponential graph growth?

M: They’re saying it is tied and correlates the whole way through.

P: Alright, okay.

M: Keep earning more, you will be more happy.

P: Okay. All right. Let’s, let’s go forward with this. I’ve got a lot of, you know, ancient texts that might challenge you. [Laugh]

M: So I think it’s worth saying that there’s a lot that, they possibly, a lot of fringe cases that we don’t know about.

So the general social survey covers quite a few people, but obviously there’s so many different elements to this and facets to this that we could explore, and that’s what today’s episode is a little bit about. But to go back to the studies.

They say that over 40 years, the happiness levels of high wealth individuals have been consistent, whereas the happiness levels of poorer individuals have slowly declined, according to the research.

So in an interview with The Washington Post, Twenge said that the link between income and happiness is stronger now than in previous decades, so something has shifted in the last 20/30 years.

P: Hhmm. Okay.

M: Also the decrease in happiness among lower income people may be a result of rising inequality, increasing real estate values and decreased ability to pay for education.

So it’s not necessarily that the people getting more are getting happier. It’s that the people who are in the bottom income brackets are feeling less happy.

P: I would go, I would go with that. Yes, I’ll agree with that one.

M: There you go, point proven and again ‘Thankyou for joining us.’ [Laugh]

P: Hang on now, back it up Buttercup.

M: Alright, what have you got to say about this Pete?

P: I can see the reasons why the lower socio-economic status would pre-destine you to being more challenge to experiencing happiness. But is this buying into consumerism. Is it buying into the fact that we need to have materialistic things around us to be happy? Or are we talking about, I’m thinking of discarding the socio norms and discarding the house, the car, the 2. 4 Children with the dog and all that sort of stuff, having the latest television and all that sort of thing and coming back to those really basic needs of happiness that we have and finding value and joy in the small things, celebrating the small victories, finding joy in the fact that I am celebrating the fact that I can walk down the street on a sunny day.

M: All of those things that you teach people to be grateful for when you practise gratitude is what you’re getting at. And absolutely I think that’s the good news here. So if you’re not earning 75,000 year and you are living week to week and at times you wonder how you’re going to pay bills or rent etcetera. That doesn’t mean you can’t be happy.

P: Which is kind of the point that I’m getting to in a roundabout way. I don’t want listens to feel that they can’t access happiness if they’re not earning 75K a week. Because then that for me buys into the whole concept of ‘you need to focus on earning more money’, which doesn’t buy in.

M: Damn it, that was one of my tips.

P: Aagghh [Spluttering incoherently]  

M: [Laugh] We haven’t gotten to that part yet.

P: My bad. Back it up, sorry.

M: [Laugh] Make more money. Look, I absolutely agree, however. I’m going to caveat this, there is a lot of research into what makes people happy, and:

  • Having happy things in your life is one thing that increases your happiness level;
  • Getting married;
  • Getting a promotion;
  • Having good friends around; [and]
  • All those kinds of things.

Positive affect is what they call it.

P: Yes.

M: Those things increase your happiness level.

Negative affect:

So you know, not having negative health impacts, not crashing your car. Not all of those bad things that can happen in life, and they can impact your happiness levels.

P: Mm hhmm.

M: And then the third bucket. So good things happening. Bad things not happening. They both impact your happiness levels.

The third piece is really, it’s the everything else bucket, and it’s, some people argue that there’s a bit of nature versus nurture, so are you predisposed to being more optimistic than pessimistic or more of a realist, that kind of thing.

P: Okay.

M: And also, how have you been conditioned to view the world? Are you, again, just more of a happy person by nature? All of that in there. And one of the arguments in there that’s being explored recently, particularly in positive psychology, is this idea of comparing our lot in life to others. And it is –

P: Mmm. This is the whole Facebook thing.

M: Yeah, yep, that’s part of it, definitely. But if you look around at everyone else in your community and you think you’ve got it worse off than everyone else, it is really hard to be happy.

P: Okay.

M: And we’re wired and biologically set up to compare ourselves with others, and that impacts our perception of our lives and that is a huge driving factor in our happiness levels.

P: Oh, I’ve so got a quote for you. [Laugh]

M: So, I am going to say that even though I agree with you that there is so much you can do, if you’re not earning a lot of money and you’re struggling financially, to make yourself happy. It is not easy, if you compare your life to others and you see-

P: I agree, comparing is not the way, is not the route to happiness because that’s an external measurement that you’re focusing on. It’s not an internal balance. I will quote this it comes from His Holiness, the Dalai Lama. “Happy people focus on their inner growth. Unhappy people blame the outer world.” I like that because for me, that’s a real fundamental perspective of if you want to buy into happiness, then look at your internal self. Look at yourself. Don’t think about the bad things that happen to you or the bad external things that you have no control over, the elements that you can’t control. If you’re blaming that for your lack of happiness, you’re not doing the right work. You’re not looking at the perspective in the right way.

M: I kind of agree with that and then I kind of don’t.

P: Is this part of your cynical side coming out do you think?

M: No, no, this is me fully buying into the positive psychology thing. The reason I don’t is that I think one of the other amazing Dalai Lama quotes. It’s not a quote, but because I don’t read that crap-

P: Oh!! [Hyperventilating.]

M: like you do. But one of the ideas that he is famous for is that if you want to bring happiness to yourself, focus on others and I think that’s also a beautiful-

P: Ah, yes.

M: Yeah, and, and, and look, they’re not that diametrically opposed.

P: No, they’re not actually.

M: But I am. I’m such a firm believer that helping others is your path to happiness for anyone who’s having problems.

P: I agree with you but.. definitely.

M: I don’t think we’re disagreeing.

P: No, not at all but we’re looking at it in different context.

M: Yeah a different context.

P: I guess I’m coming at the point of if you’re looking at money being a precursor to your happiness.

M: You’ll never be happy.

P: Exactly. It’s like it comes back to that basic episode we did, don’t search for happiness because it’s not something you can, you can achieve.

M: Yep

P: It comes as a result of other things.

M: Yep.

P: We’re getting very esoteric here, maybe.

M: Well, no. I think that’s the whole point of an episode about money and happiness.

P: Mmm. Okay, so let’s look at more of the research, perhaps, and the justification behind this. You’re saying $75,000 is the base measurement?

M: Yep. You’re sad if you’re earning 60? what did I say? 75?

P: 75K.

M:  $74, 999 but you happy of your earning $75, 001.

[Laughter]

P: So look..

M: I think also this doesn’t take into account stress and stress can be a huge, It could be one of those negative affect elements that I was talking about.

P: That people earning a 100K are more stressed than people who are earning 60K?

M: No. Absolutely not. Stress again can be very much how you perceive it and how you react to external as well.

P: Yes, definitely.

M: However, if you have a family of four on 75 K in New York City, that money doesn’t go far-

P: Or in Sydney.

M: Or in Sydney, and that constant financial stress that you carry around day in, day out about how to educate your kids, put food on the table, pay the bills, the minimum, is going to wear on you, wear you down.

P: And I absolutely agree.

M: And so I think there’s stress when you’re a low income earner that doesn’t come with the higher income earners, necessarily.

P: Yes.

M: Now you can always overspend and spend too much and, you know, get too big a mortgage for you to manage, and you can still be financially stressed when you’re earning more. But there is definitely a financial stress of living in the lower socio economic groups.

P: I’m on board with you there.

M: That again, that doesn’t mean that you can’t implement real tactics to manage stress better to do some really good solid budgeting and mindfulness and all of those fabulous things that help you deal with stress, acknowledge it, work it out, label it and manage your stress.

P: Address the problem as opposed to not addressing it.

M: Yep, and there will be bad months and bad pay weeks and all the rest of it, unexpected bills.

But you can manage that and still work on being happy and take the kids to the park on a Saturday morning, which is a free activity rather than to Luna Park.

P: Yep.

M: Yep, where you didn’t see them for the day anyway because they were running off on rides. So I still think that it is very possible to own your own happiness. If you’re in the lower socioeconomic groups, there is just a little bit more stacked against you at times.

P: I find that an interesting perspective because my whole being recoils at the fact that I have to achieve a certain income to be able to achieve happiness. And I guess that comes from my own personal experience of being for want of a better term a down and outer in London and going okay, it’s a really expensive city, and I’ve got to make this work for me, and yet it was the most fabulous city for me at that time, and I wasn’t earning a lot of money, I was struggling to pay rent and so forth. But damn it was fun! [Laugh]

M: I did the same thing. I when I was on scholarship in the States, I spent my food money for the semester on a trip to Paris.

P: [Laugh] And then ate McDonald’s chips for the next three months?

M: 2 minute noodles, pasta… yeah.

P: And the joy that you can get out of that.

I think this is the thing, it’s about balance. It’s about, I wouldn’t like our listens to fall into the trap of thinking that they have to achieve a certain financial goal before they can even buy into happiness. I think that’s the wrong message. I’m gonna put that out there.

M: I agree.

P: But your, the research is saying…

M: The research is saying that, you know, that there is a reality to it –

P: There’s a correlation between earning more money and actually being able to experience happiness, at a more cognitive –

M: And just being happier.

P: Being happier.

M: Just being happier.

P: Mmm. My whole body recoils at that statement.

M: So if you’re financially stressed it would chip away your happiness levels. So I think it makes sense to me, perfect sense to me.

P: Well?

M: So on your bottom 10% it would be chipping away your ability to be happy.

P: Yeah… I don’t agree.

M: If you’re financially stressed? So you weren’t?

P: No. I get the financially stressed aspect of it but there comes over a certain resiliency. And maybe it’s my angel loving ways and the belief in the universe providing me with what I need. And, you know, the struggle is my goal and my gateway to a higher self and all this sort of stuff. To, even though you are in a financial stress is to take joy and to take time to appreciate the small victories and the small aspect of like, yeah, I’m having a coffee with my partner in the morning in the sunshine on the balcony and that can still bring about an amazing amount of joy. If you have your perspective and if you have the want to see temerity, then won’t it be the right word? The perspective to be able to recognise those small little joys and still celebrate them, even though you are financially stressed.

M: Yep, I agree. But without the financial stress, you would be happier more often without trying.

P: O..kay? Alright, I’ll give you that.

M: It’s like, yep. I Think we’re saying the same thing.

P: Essentially yeah, it just recoils me.

M: If you’ve got a rain cloud always hanging over your head. You can enjoy looking at the flowers in the rain, –

P: You can put your galoshes on and jump in the puddles.

M: – but eventually you go, ‘I’m really cold and I’m wet and this sucks right now’, and you pull up your socks and you get out that again tomorrow. But it’s still there. It’s always there.

P: Yeah, that’s true. Yeah, Ok. I’ll give you that.

M: Woo hoo, one win for Marie.

P: [Laugh]

M: So, apart from ‘make more money’, do you have any other tips for listeners, Pete? As the eternal optimist.

P: [Lots of Laughter] You got me to laugh so much. Oh, that’s funny. Happiness on a budget? Is that what we’re calling this?

Own the small stuff.

I think it is about mindfulness and a bit about clarity of going ‘What is it that’s going to make me joyful? And if that is walking in the sunshine when it’s sunny and walking down to the lake or the park and standing there and rejoicing in the joy off the moment, I think it’s really about experiencing the moment that for me is a great, solid to hold on to even if you are in a financial situation or you are under a budget conscious level.

Celebrate the small wins.

When you have a small win celebrate it, pat yourself on the back, buying yourself a $2 bottle of wine to celebrate a little victory, that’s great.

M: Does that exist any more?

P: In France maybe?

M: We used to get passion pop for $3.

P: [Laugh] The Coolabah goon bag.

M: I’m not going back there. I would just become a teetotaller if that’s my option.

P: I’m going to drop a story here. I love you, my darling sister and my brother in law. But this is fabulous. They were, they were financially hard up when they had their first child and they were sitting on the couch on a Friday night. And I think it was my brother in law who put his hand down the side of the couch and found a $10 note.

M: Woo, score!

P: And they bought potatoes. They bought a bag of potatoes and that was dinner, and it was the best dinner for them because it was roast potatoes.

M: Everyone likes a roast potato.

P: So that’s a celebration, a celebration and they celebrated that.  I’ve heard Cath talk about this, you know that was their, that was their moment, they found $10 yes! Let’s have butter on potatoes!

That’s a small win and recognising that, owning that and celebrating that together, I think that’s really important.

M: Yeah true, very true. All right. Well, we do need to wrap up. That is the end of today’s podcast. I think the conclusion is money does and doesn’t buy you happiness.

P: It’s about your perspective people, don’t think you need 75K to be happy. You don’t. That’s what I’m going to say. [Laugh]

M: Yeah, I will give you that.  

P: Thumbs up to the research.

M: All right, so [Ba bow – gameshow failure noise] to this latest study.

[Laughter]

M: All right. Well, thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast.

P: And remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, the site about how to find balance, happiness and resilience in your life, including some really practical tips and resource is to get you started on your happiness journey. Until next time.

M: Stay happy.

P: Choose Happiness. [Whispers] For 75K.

[Happy Exit Music]

Related content: Read Moving On article Turns Out Money Does Buy You Happiness, Study Finds, listen to our Podcast: What is Happiness? (E1)

The Secret to Surviving Isolation

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Who are the Ones Surviving the Corona-coaster of Emotions?

They’re out there… the resilient. The ones who are not only surviving but thriving during isolation. So, who are they and what can we learn from the people who are thriving during isolation?

For many of us, emotions are running high as people around Australia face a second lock-down and more forced isolation. This time around, it’s really dealt a blow to a lot of people’s psyches. We thought we were about to step off the Corona-coaster, it looked like it was rolling back to the start. We dared to hope. Despite all the ups and downs, the good times and the scary times, we made it through. But 2020 had other ideas. And instead, we’re all strapped in for a second ride that no one wanted to take. Here we go again.

Not only that, but the rhetoric has shifted recently too adding more stress and worry to our daily lives. It didn’t take long to move from an unprecedented unified front between State and Federal governments to the usual blame game. Media commentators and talk-back radio soon followed with far more negative talk and frustrations being vented this time around. People are mad and they’re not holding back this time.

It’s like everyone forgot to take their afternoon nap, and all that “community-first” good behaviour has gone out the window. Whereas before, everyone held their tongue, now they feel justified in having a tanty. And who can blame anyone? We’re all just tired and fed-up.

The Resilient

Yet despite it all, there are some, a special few, who are doing just fine. For them, this is just another day in 2020, filled with hope and promise. They haven’t had bad days or bad weeks. They haven’t felt periods of mild depression or moments of anger and tears. In fact, rather than feeling an increase in anxiety or loneliness, they’re feeling more grateful, more positive and more satisfied with their lives. They’re happy.

These are the resilient ones.

It’s not that the resilient don’t feel any frustration, worry, anxiety or any of the other negative emotions that are completely normal in the midst of a global pandemic (what’s normal in this situation anyway!?). No. It’s just that these resilient people have found a way to power through with barely a bump on their emotional rollercoaster, and certainly not the 90-degree climbs and falls everyone else is experiencing.

So, what are these people doing differently to the rest of us? What’s the secret?

Who are the Ones Surviving and Thriving in Isolation?

Researchers from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill’s Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology Lab have been looking into who is fairing best during these unprecedented times.

In their research, they found a group of people who are coping better than most, and even better, they’ve worked out what activities these people do to help them be positive and resilient. It’s worth mentioning again that these people aren’t perfect, they feel negative emotions too, they’re just not paralysed by their emotions and they bounce back faster.

The Secret to Surviving Isolation

So, what are the commonalities among this group of resilient people? What are the things they’re doing that lead to these positive emotions and keep the negative ones at bay?

The research shows that exercise, hobbies and self-care activities like meditation, kindness, gratitude and prayer are among the most common ways to maintain resilience during COVID.

“So the more stressed, anxious, lonely or depressed you are, the more it matters that you take time to exercise and care for yourself. We have found it useful to put repeating events in our calendars. That way, we’ve always got blocks of time dedicated to these things, and also reminders,” say researchers Barbara Fredrickson and Michael M. Prinzing.

On the flip side, the one thing that hurts your resiliency: scrolling through social media. The researchers showed that passively browsing and scrolling through social media is one of the worst things you can do – I’m sure in part due to all that negativity that we mentioned earlier.

Lastly, the research showed that people who spend more time actively interacting with others experience more positive and fewer negative emotions. So, doing the activities with someone is a double whammy. Or, if you can’t (isolation means isolation after all) then make sure you’re proactively making time to speak to people on the phone or on video chat. Text messages just won’t cut it.

Related reading:

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Are you Making These 3 Happiness Mistakes?

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Could you be Subconsciously Hurting Your Happiness Levels With These 3 Happiness Mistakes?

Arguably, everyone wants to be happy. Yet it’s not something we teach in school or around the dinner table. There’s no easy fix and no pill (that’s legal or sustainable anyway). But, don’t fret, there is good news. The relatively new field of positive psychology teaches us that it’s possible to positively affect your own happiness through self-care habits and a positive mindset.

But what if you’re doing all that and you’re still not happy, what if you’re accidentally sabotaging your own happiness? Check out these three happiness mistakes you’re making that could be hurting your happiness levels.

Three Common Happiness Mistakes

1. Comparing Yourself to Others

There’s an idea called social comparison theory that goes something like this: we are all biologically wired to try to understand ourselves and how we fit within the world around us.

How this plays out in real life is that you might feel that others around you are less successful, less accomplished, less pretty or they have fewer friends. On the flip side, you might be thinking everyone around you is prettier, smarter, richer, happier, has more friends, better health or better jobs.

Making comparisons to others is natural and normal, but the problem occurs when you compare up. This can lead to negative feelings, such as envy, poor self-esteem or unhappiness – which is the opposite of what you want to feel if you’re trying to be happier.

In the 21st century, the biggest and easiest trap is comparing your life to others’ lives on social media. A friend’s one moment of happiness can become a trigger for everything that is missing in your life. It’s a trap many of us have fallen into, thinking that others’ perfect-looking Insta lives are an actual representation of their real lives, and then feeling like our lives don’t match up.

The simple lesson here is to stop comparing your life to others. It’s easier said than done, I know, but half the battle is being aware of your behaviour. Remember, you have different values and have made different choices from other people (and that one Facebook moment you’re coveting because you think is perfect probably wasn’t so good anyway!).

A great tip to remember: if you see something on social media that makes you feel ‘less than,’ just stop and think about what matters to you. Then use that as motivation and to provide hope. Set or reaffirm your goals, then get to work on a project or tasks to meet those goals.

2. Spending too Much Time on Social Media

Social media can bring us together. It helps people to feel connected and share in laughs and good times. However, many, many studies, including this recent one, have found that passively scrolling through social media can have negative effects on people. In fact, for this reason, I wrote about how to do a social media detox not too long ago.

The simple truth is that social connection is really important to our happiness levels. This means interacting with people – real people – particularly in a face to face setting. This doesn’t mean mindlessly watching other people’s posts or reading random articles on social media.

You might feel like you’re being social – it’s called ‘social media’ after all – but it’s a lie. Scrolling through social media is something else altogether. In fact, if you’re intending on being social, even text messages and emails won’t cut it.

So, even though it’s more effort to get off the couch at the end of a busy day, make sure you schedule in some time to see and interact with real people – even if it’s at a 1.5m distance. Put down your phone and grab a drink after work, meet someone for coffee in the park, or jump on a video call with friends from out of state. Your happiness levels will thank you for it.

3. Not Prioritising Your Happiness

Another classic happiness mistake many people make is when work or family life gets really busy, they skip a gym session or cancel plans with friends. Yet, a recent study showed that the most resilient people during COVID have been those who practice self-care activities such as meditation, exercise and prayer. These people have weathered the storm and been the most positive and upbeat.

The irony is that we need our resiliency and happiness the most during times of stress, yet we cut out the activities that bring us resiliency and happiness in a misguided attempt to reduce our stress levels. It’s time to stop!

So, when things get busy and you’re stressing out, make sure that you push back on the right things, not the wrong things. Or if you just have to pitch in during a particularly busy time of year, make sure it doesn’t become a habit (a few weeks max!) and that you negotiate for some time off or shorter work weeks following the busy period.

Remember, you get one life on this planet, and it goes quickly… why would you want to be unhappy for it if you could choose otherwise? Take control and stop doing these happiness mistakes today!

Related reading: Why You Need A Social Media Detox Now

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5 Ways to Overcome the COVID Blues

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Sick of the COVID Uncertainty and Emotional Roller-Coaster?

Since COVID, nothing is certain, and it’s thrown a lot of us through a loop. For some of us, our emotions are all over the place, up some days and really low the next. For others, we’re just sick of it all and we’re just not feeling like being happy right now. Others are feeling sad, or even angry.

These mood changes are completely normal reactions to change. But you might be wondering why some people seem to be unaffected by all this uncertainty and change.

A lot of the time, those people who are thriving through COVID are the resilient ones, and resiliency is all about habits. It’s about setting up good habits when things are going well, so they maintain your physical and mental health (your resilience) for when things are going bad.

I’m sure I can hear you thinking, “well that’s all well and good, but what if things are crappy now but I never quite got around to setting up habits before?”

The good news is that although you might be feeling low now (or just going through a roller coaster of COVID emotions), there’s never a wrong time to start some good health habits — habits that can help you overcome the COVID blues.

These proven habits are all science-backed and will have a positive impact on your overall mood. Over time, these also help build resiliency, so you’re better equipped to cope with the uncertainty that goes with this new post-COVID world or anything else that 2020 decides to throw our way.

Here Are 5 Ways to Overcome the COVID Blues

You don’t have to practice all of these, just picking a couple that you can work on making into habits in your daily or weekly schedule will give you a huge boost.

1. Start a new hobby or develop a passion

Look for something to get deeply involved in or an activity for you to accomplish over time. Psychologist Mihaly Csíkszentmihályi’s research shows that people who experience a state of flow not only enjoy performing the task more, but they also have increased productivity and satisfaction, and reduced stress while increasing the quality of the output. And now that you’re all grown up, you don’t have to stick with anything if you don’t like it. So, try a social soccer league or learn the piano and the banjo at the same time. Or take a pottery or painting class or learn how to code. And throw them all out if they don’t spark that passion and try something else!

2. Sleep

Sleep and mood are so closely intertwined. We all know that when we get a bad night’s sleep, we can be grumpy the next day. But regularly get sub-optimal sleep also chips away at mood and resilience. So whether you are regularly getting less than 8 hours of sleep, or you go to bed and wake up at different times every night, the impacts are all adding up. The science is clear: the effects of regular, consistent good sleep are hugely beneficial to our happiness and well-being. If you want to focus on your sleep habits, a great app to try is the Sleep Cycle app. Sleep Cycle tracks and analyses your sleep phases, waking you up at the optimal time to help you feel well-rested and ready to tackle the day. It also provides some great insight into how you’re sleeping so you can make improvements.

3. Exercise

Getting just 20 minutes of exercise in your day can boost your mood, and it doesn’t have to be a gruelling marathon run or embarrassing gym class rope climb that leaves you feeling useless. Yes, you can actually enjoy doing exercise! Grab a loved one or put on headphones and call a friend while you do a brisk walk around the neighbourhood. You get brownie points for getting a bit of sun while you’re out too.

4. Offer to help someone else

Performing acts of kindness releases the feel-good chemicals (oxytocin and serotonin), leading to increased happiness, energy, pleasure and creativity. Studies have even shown that being kind increases your lifespan. So reach out to an organisation that you believe in or with which you might have a good skill match and spend some time giving back.

5. Start a gratitude journal

UC Berkeley’s Summer Allen writes that grateful people are happier, more satisfied, less materialistic and have better mental and physical health.  And it doesn’t have to be hard. One study showed that participants who kept a gratitude journal weekly for 10 weeks or daily for two weeks experienced more positive moods, optimism about the future, and better sleep.

Share your tips below for how you overcome the COVID blues!

Related reading: Practicing Gratitude: Why and How You Should do it

The Importance of Having Fun In Your Life with Dr Mike Rucker (E27)

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Happiness for Cynics

In this week’s episode, we talk to Dr Mike Rucker about the importance of having fun in your life and how it improves your overall wellbeing.

One of the narratives that I like to talk about is productivity porn or hustle porn. We get caught up in this notion that we have to devote our lives to work and that should be our purpose. And we’re just not wired for that.

Mike Rucker

About Dr Mike Rucker

Mike Rucker is a thought leader in the field of health and wellness, specifically regarding tactics to attract and motivate people towards healthier behaviours. He has worked with Universal Studios, Sony, Red Bull, and Better Homes and Gardens Real Estate, among others.

In 2016, he was named one of the top 50 influencers in digital health by Onalytica. He has a Ph.D., is a charter member of the International Positive Psychology Association, and a member of the American Psychological Association.

Find Mike at:

Keep an eye out in 2021 for Mike’s new book!

Transcript

M: You’re listening to the Podcast Happiness for Cynics. Each week we will bring you the latest news and research in the world of Positive Psychology otherwise known as happiness. I’m Marie Skelton a writer and speaker focused on change and resilience my co-host Pete is a bundle of joy but he’s off doing something fabulous I’m sure because today’s episode is all about bringing fun into your life and to discuss that we went straight to the source with an interview with Dr. Mike Rucker who has the coolest title ever, he is a fun expert. So, let’s get to this.

[Intro Music]

M: Mike Rucker is a thought leader in the field of health and wellness, specifically regarding tactics to attract and motivate people towards healthier behaviours. In 2016 he was named one of the Top 50 influencers in Digital Health by Onalytica. He has a PhD, is a Charter member of the International Positive Psychology Association (IPPA) and a member of the American Psychological Association. He’s worked with Universal Studios, Sony, Red Bull and Better Homes and Gardens Real Estate, among others. And although he’s passionate about many more things than I can fit into this short bio; today he joins us to talk about having fun and improving people’s overall well-being. Thanks, Mike, for joining us on happiness for cynics. I’m so excited to have you on the show.

Mike: Thanks so much for having me.

M: So, I’m keen to start by asking you how you got involved in studying the science of fun.

Mike: So… so as you mentioned in the bio at the onset of the positive psych movement, I mean, I guess, Csikszentmihalyi and flow and all of that kind of thing predated the IPPA. But when Marty Seligman’s book Authentic Happiness came out, that was really the onset of, you know, popular psychology, becoming popular, Sorry excuse me positive psychology, becoming popular.

Mike: And I was caught up in that movement. So I became a Charter member of the IPPA and study diligently Seligman, Csikszentmihalyi and others and a lot of the things that you discuss on your podcast, things like gratitude and kindness and so you know, I have been practising those tools for quite some time, but in 2016 kind of a trifecta of bad news came my way. I’ve been a lifelong runner and found out that I was going to need a hip replacement. My little brother unexpectedly passed away from a pulmonary embolism and then my wife got a job offer that was going to take us out of state. So that kind of uprooted us from family and friends. And so a lot of what I had learned, you know, taking gratitude and things of that nature just weren’t working, you know, I was really trying to use mindset and the other things too and I found that there were a few things right, so I had used them for so long that it kind of, you know, they weren’t effective.

And then two, especially with the passing of my brother. I didn’t necessarily want to be happy. I didn’t feel like, you know, happiness was the right thing for me. It wasn’t part of my identity in that moment, but and I was also in the throws of finishing my dissertation. So, like any good academic went to the literature and started seeing if there was anything that I had missed and what I did find was a big research gap in this idea of fun and the fact that we have agency in any given moment to, you know, add positive valance, positive emotion to an experience, even if we’re not necessarily feeling like we want to be happy in that moment, so those two can co-exist or can exist separately.

Obviously you add enough indexing of fun experiences, and it tends to pull you out of despair, which is great. But I think the reason that I like looking at it as a separate construct from happiness is that it points to the fact that we have agency in any given moment to enjoy ourselves and find enjoyment. Even if you’re dealing with a loss or divorce or, you know, stress somewhere you don’t necessarily need to identify as happy to go and have fun. And then another thing I like about it in the context of positive psychology is that it’s action oriented.

I think happiness, you know, we’ve quantified it to some degree in psychology and so therefore we kind of use it as a measure, right? And we know from things like the Hedonic treadmill and Perceptual adaptation that a lot of our happiness is kind of based on circumstance, where we are in life and our comparison to our… socioeconomic class. Where fun really transcends a lot of that, but certainly people can use resource is to have fun if they have a lot of money. But often times, especially with children, we’ll see that completely transcend socioeconomic classes. Two puppies don’t really need to know each other to start playing. Two children, you know on the playground, don’t need to know each other’s background in the context, you know, to enjoy kicking the ball around. And as we grow older, we lose sight of that because we’re such victims to the judgement habit.

One of the things. One of the interventions that I like to talk about. I can’t take credit for it. It’s from IDL[?]. But it’s this idea where you take a bunch of people in a room and you have them pair up with strangers and you have them do caricatures of each other, which is a really fun assignment, right? Like everyone in the video, you can see is smiling and enjoying themselves, and then you’re asked to share that with your partner. And then you see this anxiety and fear almost instantly, right and no one cares, like there was no assumption that you are an artist, right? But this idea that now you’re going to be judged by someone that you don’t know. Even though the assignment was completely fun and whimsical sucks it out. And so if you practise having fun you can start to get some of that back. You can realise that you’re not being judged as much as you think you are. And so I have just really taken a liking to it. Not as making it overtly important, but something that we don’t think about enough.

M: Absolutely. I’d say that as an adult where, I don’t know, from childhood where we’re trained that growing up involves taking fun out of our lives and becoming serious. And so I find this idea fascinating. So happy to be talking to you about it.  

So what does the science say about what fun can do in our lives?

Mike: So, I think there’s a whole host of things, right? So we know that in fact, there’s a recent study that shows the more spontaneous we are, the more that we kind of look for the spices of life can lead to happiness. Another thing about having a deliberate fun is I think you are able to circumvent the Hedonic treadmill if you do it mindfully, right. A lot of things that we pursue are based on keeping up with the Joneses and things that we think are fun or we’re kidding ourselves. But when we take a more mindful approach to it, fun, pure elation and really enjoying something that is true to your soul is [it] ads gains to our life like episodically we have these indexes that we can relish were sort of chasing happiness.

I think we’re starting to see more of that it can lead to negative outcomes because what happens is especially if you’re doing it in the context of a clinical setting. You take these assessments like the PERMA or whatever it is and it says ‘Oh, you know, you’re not where you want to be’, and so that then becomes part of your identity, right? As soon as you get the results, you’re like, ‘Oh, I’m not happy’ where fun is so immersive that, you know, almost anybody can do it. And so in that context, that’s why I believe it’s important.

M: So can I can paraphrase and correct me if I’m wrong here.

Mike: Yes.

M: You can’t chase happiness, but you can chase fun and fun will bring you happiness, at least in the short term.

Mike: Yeah, and I would be careful because chasing happiness can lead to escapism. And there’s good escapism and there’s bad, right? And so you know, bad is coping and certainly, you know, we all need to cope and so having a bit of fun, It’s not necessarily chasing it, but there are people. I have interviewed a gentleman by the name of Chip Conly and he’s, are you familiar?

M: No, not with Chip. I’ll have to look him up.

Mike: He might be more U.S. centric, but he, he’s an entrepreneur by trade, he started a hotel chain called Joie de Vivre. But he’s also he either is or was on the governing body of Burning Man. And so we talked about this idea, folks that chase festivals. I’m sure you have the same phenomenon in Australia. And so that really is chasing fun, right? And that can lead to, you know some really bad things. And so the idea is that that fun is all encompassing like a lot of times when I have these discussions, especially because some of my earlier work, you know, I have blogged things like optimise fun, things of that nature, which when I find the time, I’ll rewrite because the idea there wasn’t necessarily to say that we should have a life full of fun. It was that we’re facing, you know, burnout at rates that we’ve never seen before, right? The World Health Organisation has now categorised it as a global epidemic. And after Covid, who even knows, right? Because that was in 2019. So, like, you know, we know people are losing their asses right now.

[Laughter]

Mike:  So, idea is you know, to add it [fun] back into your lives to loop back to something that you said a lot of us as adults have moved away from it because social norms or especially one of the narratives that I like to talk about is productivity, porn or hustle porn. You know, we get caught up in this notion that, you know, we have to devote our lives to work and that should be our purpose. And we’re just not wired for that. We need downtime and leisure.

It’s extremely important, I think in oceana you guys take it a little bit better than us. I remember I did a stint at Christ Church at Lincoln University and you could actually major in leisure which I thought was awesome.

M: Ha ha.

Mike: But, you know, I think everywhere, certainly here in the U.S. But I think everywhere we’re just finding that people aren’t using their paid time off. They have a sense of duty. So they think, especially folks in my age range that are caught in what it was called the sandwich generation. Or you have kids and you have to look, look after your parents that, you know people will feel guilty even if they are engaging in a night out, which is just not right.

So you know you have 168 hours in a week, and I think if you can’t find one or two where you’re actually finding pleasure out of that, that’s meaningful to you, that isn’t [good], You know at the sake of, you know like playing with your children and then kind of, you know, even though that could be fun, I think a lot of people are doing it out of a sense of duty and are on their phone really the whole time. So they think they’re playing with their kids, but if they look at it critically, they’re not really having fun there. Half of their brain is at work and the other half is treating that hour as obligation yet they’ll kind of log it in their brain as play.

M: Yep. Or it, it’s another list item that you’ve got to check off in the week, you know. It becomes a stress to have fun.

Mike: Yeah

M: So what are some tips then for listeners for how to introduce more fun into their lives? How do you do it? So it’s not just another thing that you’ve got to add into your week and another expert telling us ‘here’s something else you need to do to make your life more full and meaningful.’

Mike: Yeah, I’m glad you asked that question because… I’m writing a book right now called The Fun Habit. It’s coming out next year, and I think in the original manuscript you were exactly right. Like we realised, I’m working with a development editor, and it was, this is just, a lot of these tactics are giving people just another thing to do and that certainly was implied. And so we’re reworking it because you’re right. If it’s a burden than it’s the scenario with childcare. It’s the same thing.

So what I suggest is you know 168 hours isn’t a lot right to really be mindful on any given week. And so I suggest taking a look, doing a really general time audit, you don’t have to be completely thorough but investigating in one week’s time, what you’re doing and kind of logging it within four different categories.

I call it the PLAY model, so it’s:

  • Pleasing;
  • Living;
  • Agonising; Or
  • Yielding.

And without going too deep into it, you can often find those opportunities where you think that you’re having fun but changing things up just a little bit. You can actually enjoy yourself. So in the scenario with the child you commit to that hour and that you might do something using self-determination theory, where you both have some autonomy on what it is, right. So both the child and the adult will agree because, it’s funny I talk about it in the book, but sometimes if you don’t do that extra step and you  do it, something that the adult thinks the child will have fun that could backfire. I did that one time. I took my daughter to a lantern festival. It was kind of a father daughter date, and I really wanted to sort of be this reflective spiritual experience. And she really just wanted to light as many lanterns off as possible, right?

M: [Laugh]

Mike: So that’s where I failed at my own advice, because I was looking to have fun. But I didn’t. It wasn’t really inclusionary. It was more prescriptive, right? So, but you can also do that. I don’t want this to all be parent centric. I think, you know, let’s say you’re a single individual. If it could be making sure that you sit down at lunch and use that opportunity to reconnect with a friend or whatever it is.

But often times what people think you know is leisure, like binge watching a show that they don’t really care about can be replaced with something more meaningful. And so I want to be careful there, too, because it certainly is meaningful if you’re watching it with, you know, it’s something that you really enjoy on. You can think back on it, but a good litmus test for that is, you know, any sort of activity that if you went back to savour or relish it, would you remember what it was about? You know, a lot of times if people are being honest with themselves. You know, social media viewing or TV doesn’t fit in that category. A lot of times it does. I always like to preface it because I’ll get emails that say ‘Why are you demonising media?’ And I don’t think that’s the case. I think a lot of people do have fun, you know, engaging with content and things of that nature. But a lot of us do it to kind of placate to you know, to distract us from other things.

M: And I think again it comes back to mindful viewing and being mindful about what you choose to spend your time on.

Mike: Or if you’re in the company of a good partner, you know, enjoying that time you might not remember the show but you’ll remember that you guys laughed and drank wine and whatever it is, you know.

M: Yeah, definitely. So your acronym there and again I don’t want to give away the book. We want our readers to actually go and buy the book. The acronym you used was PLAY to take that a little bit further and move away from the acronym. How are play and fun interlinked? Or are they? Have you done any research into how they’re tied?

Mike: Yes, they’re definitely different. And so, but obviously they come up right, because you’re going to have fun doing a whole gambit of different things and not necessarily playing, but play therapy, engaging in various types of play. [Dr] Stuart Brown is kind of a godfather of that I’m not sure if you’re familiar with his work.

But because even that, you know, since it’s not really my expertise but reading his book, you know the amount of ways that you can slice and dice play. I found fascinating, right?

There’s child play.

There’s, you know, improv[ization] play.

There’s sport play;

So, you know play, you could fill up a few of these podcasts with just what play is because we often just think about it as being childlike with either other adults or with kids. But play as sort of a, you know, construct. Wellbeing is multifaceted, but fun can be, you can enjoy things outside of place, so that’s where the two are delineated.

M: Okay, great. So you mentioned your book. Is there anything else that you can give our listeners a sneak peek about, about what the book is about or the dust cover overview?

Mike: Sure. Well, it’s really just a comprehensive look at fun the way we described it, I think reintroducing folks to the fact that they do have some agency. And then one of the things that we didn’t really talk about, but I think is important is this idea of time affluence, right? You know, we talked about affluence and, you know, personal brand and money, especially in you know, the context of the Internet, right?

Everyone is always trying to sell you the next hustle, but time affluence is something that’s really important and people take for granted right, because often times, especially if you go back and do that time audit, you’ll realise that you’re giving away a lot of your time that you don’t really need to, you know, one of things that we talked about in the book certainly is things like email where just a couple of strategies there, you know, and I don’t go too deep into productivity, but there are a lot of things that you think are yielding some sort of output and it ends up just really making yourself believe that you’re busy and it’s not really contributing, so those are opportunities that you could put on pause or potentially take away from your day to day and implement better uses of time.

M: Great. I’m looking forward to seeing it come out. Now you have such an impressive bio and such a broad sweep of experience, and I know that you’re also heavily involved in the health and tech or health-tech and product design areas. Do you know of any apps that you could recommend to help adults bring more fun or play into their lives?

Mike: So there are a couple, I don’t have any that I’m affiliated with. I play with them all the time as you alluded to, right. So the one that my kids are having just a great time with right now is called Marco Polo, are you familiar with it?

M: No and look I’m really personally interested in the answer to this question as well. So Marco Polo?

Mike: Yeah, it’s a way where you can kind of, it’s similar to TikTok, but more personal, where you do something silly and then you kind of send it over to your friend and they can respond. So it’s a great way, especially during Covid for family members that are whimsical or silly to sort of, you know, just like the Marco Polo game kind of bounce stuff back and forth. So that’s a great one for having fun. And then the one that I’ve been enjoying right now is out of Duke [Behavioural Economics Lab] called Fabulous and it’s a habit changing app. So it’s a little outside the bounds of fun, per se, but it has a bunch of really cool sort of interventions and one of the you know, it’s got to slick UI [User Interface], I’m having a lot of fun with it [laugh].

M: Thank you so much. So thank you for all of your time. We’re almost at the 20 minute mark. But before we go, how can people find out a bit more about you? And where should we look out for your book?

Mike: Thank you for this Opportunity.

So my website’s michaelrucker.com

And then I’m also on all the social channels on Instagram under the wonder of fun. And on Twitter under perform better.

It’s kind of an old handle, but I didn’t decide not to switch it up yet, He he.

M: Sure, no worries. And where will you be launching your book?

Mike: Yes. So it got picked up by Simon and Schuster and they’re looking for a cue for 2021 pub date. So in about a year and a half it should come out.

M: No worries. Okay, we’ll keep an eye out for it then. Thank you so much for your time. I really appreciate you talking to us.

Mike: This was great. Thank you for having me.

[Exit Music]

Related content: Read Moving On article Resiliency Is About Recharging And Self-Care, But Are You Doing It Wrong?, listen to our Podcast: Self-Care is Church for Non-Believers (E17)

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Turns Out Money Does Buy You Happiness, Study Finds

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A new study has thrown the age-old adage “Money can’t buy you happiness” on its head. And it’s not good news for the growing lower class who are being left behind due to the ever-increasing wealth gap.

The study, by researchers Jean M. Twenge and A. Bell Cooper, was published this month by the American Psychological Association. It shows that there is a growing class divide in happiness in the U.S.

By looking at findings in the General Social Survey (N = 44,198), Twenge and Cooper found a positive correlation between socioeconomic status (including income, education, and occupational prestige) and happiness, which grew steadily stronger between the 1970s and 2010s.

Previous studies have shown that after a certain income level, there is no measurable rise in happiness. However, contrary to earlier research, this study showed no tapering off of happiness levels at higher levels of income.

Over 40 years, the happiness levels of high wealth individuals have been consistent, whereas the happiness levels of poorer individuals have slowly declined, according to the research.

In an interview with The Washington Post, Twenge said the link between income and happiness is stronger now than in previous decades. Also, the decrease in happiness among lower-income people may be a result of rising inequality, increasing real estate values and decreased ability to pay for education.

Related reading: