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Happy World Gratitude Day (E36)

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Happiness for Cynics

Happy World Gratitude Day!

In this week’s episode, Marie and Pete revisit the topic of gratitude and discuss some practical and fun ways to be more grateful in your life.

Transcript

M: You’re listening to the podcast happiness for cynics. I’m Marie Skelton, a writer and speaker focused on change and resilience.

P: And I am Peter Furness, keen recycler, blog writer and driver with the top down. Each week we bring to you the latest news and research in the world of positive psychology, otherwise known as happiness.

M: So if you’re feeling low.

P: Or if you’re only satisfied with life but not truly happy with it?

M: Or maybe you just want more.

P: More? Then this is the place to be.

M: And to take us one step further on our happiness journey today is World Gratitude Day.

P: Yay.

[Happy Intro Music]

M: So welcome back. It is soon to be World Gratitude Day.

P: Yay!

M: [Laugh] September 21st for those of you who aren’t keeping track of these things.

P: Which is everybody.

M: Yep. [Laugh]

P: I didn’t know that as-well, until yesterday.

M: So what better time to start a new, practice of gratitude and bring a little bit more happiness into your life?

P: Of course, it’s what we’re here for.

M: And I think that is the point though, it’s about starting a new practice, and so many of us just aren’t doing that.

P: Mmm.. Do the work people. But it’s true and we’ve talked about this before in different episodes of making actions, doing actions to actually support what is going on with happiness and the elements of happiness, and gratitude is a big one.

M: Now early on in our journey of discovering happiness. We did an episode on gratitude, and we dug into the science. So today’s not about the science, today’s about practical things that you can do in the gratitude realm to increase your happiness. But it wouldn’t be our show if we didn’t just quickly touch on the science. [Laugh]

P: Of-course Marie, [laugh]. Science Marie?

M: I’m going to do it in one sentence.

P: Impressive.

M: You ready? 3.. 2.. 1  The science is clear, 30 years of Positive Psychology research, a lot of it in the area of gratitude, has shown us that practicing gratitude makes you happier, less stressed, it leads to higher overall well-being and satisfaction with your life and better social relationships.

P: Done.

M: And still, so many of us don’t practice Gratitude as part of our weekly practices.

P: Yes, actually, having a tick list of your active gratitude for the week.

M: Absolutely.

P: How many of us do it? [Whispers] Very few.. [Laugh] Maybe some of us do, do it? Marie?

[Laughter]

M: I’ve been doing a whole lot of research into habits and habit making and actually looking at successful people and how they start their days in particular.

P: Mmm. Yes.

M: Some people are really good at the end of the day’s as well, but a lot of it’s about how you start your day and really it comes down to scheduling it.

P: Yeah.

M: You put stuff in your diary and you make it a part of your daily or weekly practices and that happens, if you don’t, it doesn’t happen.

P: It’s exactly the same as starting a new diet or doing an exercise regime you’ve got to schedule it in.

M: Yep.

P: So you never go ‘Oh, I just forgot.’ No you didn’t forget you just didn’t do.

M: Yep, yep.

P: It’s on you people. [Laugh]

M: And to make it happen, you’ve got to make it part of your schedule. You’ve gotta have a diary and you’ve gotta have things that you prioritise. And that means also, at times things that you de-prioritise in order for that to happen.

P: Yes, making space for [it].

M: Definitely. So Gratitude. Super important. Do it people!

P: [Laugh]

M: Because what the science shows is it just like with exercise, you can train your brain to be more positive.

P: Yes, I agree.

M: So, look the science shows it, I’m glad you agree Pete.

P: [Laugh]

M: Today we’re going to talk about some brain exercises.

P: Yipee! Get on your sweat pants and your eighties fluorescent G strings with the headbands.

M: [Laugh]

P: Here we go.

M: Alright, so the first brain exercise comes from Shawn Achor, who’s the American author and speaker known for his advocacy of positive psychology, particularly in the work place. He’s the author of ‘The Happiness Advantage’ and he founded Goodthink [Inc.]

D: Ooh, good title.

M: Definitely. So this one is the easy one. I challenge anyone to tell me that they can’t do this.

P: Ok, challenge me. I’m already accepting the challenge. Tell me what I’m doing?

M: Great.

P: Oh oh…

M: I’ll see you in 21 days.

P: Oh this is another Altruistic August thing.

M: [Laugh] That you didn’t do.

P: [Indignant voice] I did do!

M: Anyway, Shawn has proven that in just a two minute span of time for 21 days you could rewire your brain. What it does is it re-wires your brain to work more optimistically and successfully.

P: Ok.

M: So he’s taken this into every company that he’s worked with and companies, your traditional companies, have some of the biggest cynics, I think.

P: Yes, Corporate. Definitely.

M: Absolutely. Two minutes a day for 21 days. And he’s rewiring their brains to be more optimistic.

P: Ok.

M: So here’s what you do. It’s so simple.

Write down three new things that you’re grateful for, for 21 days in a row.

P: New things?

M: New things each day.

P: Okay, all right.

M: At the end of that, your brain actually starts to retain a pattern of scanning the world for not the negative, but the positive.

P: Yeah ok. This is the camera thing. Focus on what you want and take a picture and if you don’t just get rid of the negative and take another shot.

M: Yeah.

P: Yes, I like it. I like it.

M: So that’s it.

P: It’s re-programming.

M: That is it. 21 days, two minutes, write down three things that you’re grateful for. And this is about teaching your brain to look for positive things. It could be. I am grateful for the clean air I’m breathing up here in Tamworth.

P: [Laugh] We all remember it was January this year, we were all wearing masks because of the bush fires and we’re there again. September is here, bushfire season is upon us again.

M: Yeah, I’m grateful for the majestic yet terrible and wild country we live in.

P: [Laugh]

M: But again, it’s about being grateful and noticing the little things that we, we take so much for granted.

P: Yeah. And it’s not until you don’t have it, you don’t realise how important it is.

M: So this is rewiring your brain to realise how important that is.

P: Oh completely, I’m very big on this. On taking those moments, and this comes back to mindfulness. So, driving down to the Royal National Park a couple of weekends ago and standing at Wattamolla Beach, I was so in awe of scenery and reminded myself, this is what you should be doing every month. Take an afternoon off, go for a walk in the park and find a spot where you could be inspired and just create awe and it’s so important. And that mindfulness each day, it could be when I’m sitting on the front balcony at 10 o’clock, because I’ve got a random half hour off, and soaking in the sunshine.

M: And stopping to feel that heat on your cheeks. It’s not just being in the sunshine. It’s appreciating that you are in the sunshine.

P: Yeah, definitely.

M: All right, so that was brain exercise number one. So simple yet so impactful. Number two is from the King, the founder of Positive Psychology, Martin Seligman and he calls this the Gratitude visit and this is so powerful.

P: Ok.

M: So this one takes a little bit more to do, but it is a one off, so you could do it once.

P: Is this is once a month, once a week?

M: Just, just a one off. You can do it once a year. That would be lovely to.

P: Ok.

M: So, Pete and listeners.

P: Oh oh. What, did I sign up for this?

M: Close your eyes. Sshh. Calm your mind Pete.

P: Oh, do I have to adopt the yoga lotus pose?

M: No just close your eyes. Now, if you’re a listener and you’re driving or running, don’t close your eyes.

P: [Laugh]

M: Stay with me Pete.

P: Sorry, focus, focus.

M: So if you’re running or driving then just listen intently. For the rest of you, close your eyes.

Okay. So, to start with, I want you to think back and remember someone who did something enormously important that has changed your life in a good way.

P: Okay.

M: They’ve got to be alive. Keep going till you find someone who’s impacted your life in a good way. Who’s still alive. Preferably someone that you’ve never properly thanked.

P: Okay, Got it.

M: Alright. Will you share with us, Pete?

P: Oh, yes. I will.

M: Yes. You can open your eyes.

P: So I’m thinking back to when I was 21 and it was my first job and a lovely young lady who was living in the house that I was being billeted at when I first flew up to Townsville in North Queensland. And.. we were having a party, and we were all in the pool, [it was] boiling hot. And she arrived late and introduced herself to me. And when I was trying to find a place to live, she was in real estate and so she helped me out with going to the real estate agent’s office and finding a home and we ended up becoming, we’ve ended up become lifelong friends, and I guess I have thanked her for other things. But I’ve never thanked her for the first couple of weeks where she basically taxied me around and helped me out. So, Sandra, I know you’re listening and –

M: – No, sshht.  So your assignment.

P: Oh, oh, sorry we’re not there.

M: I’m stopping you right there because you’re about to go into the next part of the assignment.

P: See I do this naturally.

[Laughter]

M: So for listeners at home and for Pete. You’ve now got someone who has impacted your life for the positive. Who is still alive.

P: Yep, yep.

M: Your assignment is to write a 300 word, testimonial to that person.

P: Oh, done. Easy. Got it.

M: Then you have to call them on the phone, ask if you can visit and don’t tell them why. Now they’re all the way out there. You don’t have to go all the way out in the world.

P: Okay.

M: So you could do this and just ask for a video call, particularly nowadays.

P: Ok. Righto

M: But it would definitely be far more powerful if you can see someone in person. Ask if you can visit and don’t tell them why. So you show up at the door or in today’s Covid world you videoconference them and you read them your testimonial. And according to Martin Seligman, everyone cries when this happens.

P: Yep. Especially if it’s in person.

M: Yes, exactly. That’s powerful, you know innately that’s powerful.

P: Yes. That’s right.

M: Okay, so here’s the good part. Apart from that just being such a feel good moment for you and the other person who’s receiving that message. The good part is, what Martin and his team have done is they’ve done this exercise with many people, and they’ve followed up with them afterwards and they test people one week later, a month later and three months later, three months later. Three months later, they’re both happier and less depressed.

P: Wow.

M: Both people, the giver and the receiver of the good message.

P: Oh, alright. I’m in, I’m down.

M: One simple thing, again it takes a little bit more time. But three months later, that powerful act has impacted.

P: And it would, especially if you’re there in person because you have taken time and effort to actually go and investigate and commit. That’s powerful, really powerful.

M: Yep.

P: Actions speak louder than words.

M: Absolutely. So that was my brain exercise Number two. It has three months worth of impact. The first one [only] 2 minutes for 21 days, don’t stop after 21 days, you can get into that habit and make it a habit, two minutes a day will rewire your brain to be more positive. And I actually know quite a few people who are true cynics.

P: [Laugh]

M: I call myself a cynic and I definitely did get really stuck in that corporate rat race through my twenties and think that that was just where I needed to be and where I was focusing my mental energy and efforts, but I have always been a bit positive.

P: [Laugh] You have.

M: But if you are wanting to look at the world more in a half glass full way, then that is a really great exercise, the first one to do.

P: And we can all get stuck in that as well. I mean as a supposedly positive person, as I’ve been called. [I was] called that this week, which was quite sweet. I still yell at  technology, I’m known to have a hissy fit when something’s not going right, and I’ll throw things, like I’ve broken the TV remote and then had to explain how I broke it to my housemate.

M: [Laugh]

P: And then I’m like ‘Ah yeah.. my bad.’

[Laughter]

P: So even if you are that happy person you can still do these exercises to remind yourself and to re- I think the refocusing, that camera thing- focusing on what is positive brings more positivity. It so works. It’s like seeing red cars.

M: [Laugh]

P: Say red car and then, all of a sudden all you see are red cars.

M: Yep. And I think that Covid has definitely made us get – Covid, and the media coverage that came with it- has definitely made us more attuned to the negative this year. So this is, this is a really good balancing act. So even for people who are positive and happy, I’ve seen a lot of them really come down from a positive into a neutral if not negative this year.

P: Yep.

M: Really good exercise for people who might be struggling this year with keeping a positive outlook.

P: Yep definitely. I mean, that’s a really nice segway into my contribution to the podcast.

M: Yes, so what have you got for us?

P: I’ve been looking at actions of gratitude. So there are so, so when you say gratitude people go ‘there’s so much choice of what to do, What’s the list? Give me a list. So I’ve gone through some of the known factors of gratitude that you can do.

Now there are big actions, as you’ve done in your two brain tasks. There are big, big actions that you could do what you could probably do once a week, once a month and this is a checklist. So if you haven’t had your act of gratitude for the week, this is a checklist you can go through and actually go ‘right, that’s what I’m going to do this month. That would be my one act of gratitude.’

So they’re things like giving a detailed example of appreciation;

Writing a positive review for someone

(which we all do these days with cafes, restaurants, headdresses, massage therapists.)

M: Well, here’s the thing, Pete. So having worked in public affairs, corporate affairs and looking at things like who leaves reviews and not.

You are so much more likely, I don’t know the stats off my head [21% more likely], but so much more likely and leave a negative review than a positive review.

P: Yes.

M: A negative review can significantly impact a business.

P: Hugely.

M: Hugely. So you’ve had a good experience with someone. Take the time to write them a review. Just three words, service was great or loved the food or whatever it is and pop down your stars into Google or whatever review app, makes such a difference to so many people.

P: And keeping that balance as well. I mean, I’ve written negative reviews because I’ve been so emotional after a bad experience.

M: Mm Hmm.

P: I think it’s important to then go ‘Right, where am I gonna put my positive review? Keep it balanced.

M: Yep, yep.

P: Because that’s important about that focus.

M: Yep.

P: Reminding yourself to focus on the positive.

Be an active listener.

M: Sorry?

P: Active listening, so really engaging with someone.

[Laughter]

M: It took you a while.

P: I was on a roll there.

M: What, sorry. Did you say something?

P: [Laugh] Active listening, it’s engaging with the person. So it’s not speaking over the top of them.

[Laughter]

P: Jumping in on their conversation, which we never do on the podcast.

[Laughter]

P: But really listening to what someone is saying, hearing their words and even waiting before you respond and thinking about what you’re going to respond with. That’s really important, and that’s about empathy as well and tapping into so many other [Positive Psychology aspects].

M: To build on that thinking about what you’re going to respond with after they’ve spoken, because you’re always thinking about what you’re going to say next. You’re not really actually listening.

P: That’s right, yeah.

Giving out compliments

Oddly enough we don’t do it all the time. You think ‘that was nice’ and walk away. Whereas if someone’s been really, really great getting to service, I think if someone’s giving you great service or if someone’s actually helped you out at the cash register in woolworths, give them a compliment. Train your brain to give those compliments. Sorry I’m clicking, I’m excited.

M: [Laugh] But also the better you know someone, the less likely you are to remember to tell them.

P: compliment them. Yes.

M: Tell them lovely, you don’t even have to believe these ones. Just is a really lovely thing to do.

P: Yeah.

M: “I love your earrings.” “Your hair looks pretty today”, you know “Nice shoes.” Whatever it is, you have got a beautiful smile.

P: Yep.

M: Actually, if you can stay away from the clothes that I just mentioned.

P: [Laugh]

M: That’s a bit empty isn’t it?

P: Not necessarily.

M: A little bit empty but still, still better than nothing, right?

P: Yeah.

Volunteering for unpleasant tasks.

Now, this is something that a lot of people won’t want to do. Taking the garbage out, cleaning the garbage bins. Oh, that’s a big one.

M: Well, when we talked about love language. I said that’s service to others.

P: Yes.

M: So this is what I do. I clean, I cook, I, you know, whatever it is. I hate doing it all.

P: [Laugh]

M: But it is my way of showing love to others.

P: That’s a weekly thing, if you can do one unpleasant task a week. You’re on the right path.

M: Yep.

P:

Hug someone.

M: Yay!

P: This is my love language, give someone a hug.

M: Happy to hug someone.

P: Go up and just throw you arms around someone randomly. That was actually a really funny thing when we went back to volleyball after Covid and our President of our Gay and Lesbian Volleyball Association released a press statement saying, ‘No hugging or kissing.’ It was like ‘what! Are you kidding!’ [Laugh]

M: Bloody Covid, actually hug someone in your household.

P: Yep. OK.

M: Yeah.

P: Excellent.

Be gracious when you’re challenged.

Now, this is a hard one. When someone is challenging you, when someone is making a critique of you or giving you some feedback, which is not positive, be gracious with it. Understand where they’re coming from, again be an active listener. Try to, not take it personally, if you can. It’s a hard one.

M: Yeah, I’d say that if you’re in a good mental space, then that is where you should be aiming. If you’re not in a good mental space in your first gut reaction is defensiveness or being upset again it’s about just taking a breath and understanding. It’s not necessarily even about you of times.

P: Yeah, exactly.

M: Your reaction could be more, feeling triggered, rather than a true reaction.

P: And taking a moment to understand that is very important.

M: Yeah. So being gracious when challenged, I’d say Absolutely. We should be aiming for that when we’re in a good mental health space. Being forgiving of yourself if you’re not right now, because that’s we’re all, all over the place at the moment as well.

P: Yep. That’s fair.

A hand written note.

Writing a card, birthday card, get well card, leaving a card at someone’s door. All that sort of stuff. That’s a really easy one to do once a week.

M: Yeah.

P: If you feel like it, and it makes a big impact. We don’t receive things in the mail anymore. And it would make a lovely distract[ion], even if you come home and see something on the door. Someone saying I liked this about their day today.

Journal your Blessings.

P: Again, keeping a journal. This is a daily one. That’s a really good one, a really powerful one. So, if you haven’t got a journal, go buy one. And the big one:

Smile.

M: Smile.

P: Smile, pen between the teeth.

M: Can we, yeah, there’s one.

P: [Laugh]

M: Can we finish with that?

P: Okay.

M: So, I did message this to, I have a group chat going on ‘What’s app’ or ‘messenger’ or something, and I asked everyone to put a pen in their mouths and show their teeth for 30 seconds. So you put, like a dog with a bone.

P: [Laugh]

M: So sticking out the sides, not, not straight but going sideways. So it’s sticking out both sides of your mouth and put it really far back in your teeth and show your teeth, your front and your top teeth, but a pen. Do it and hold it there for 30 seconds. I asked everyone on the chat to send me their photos.

P: [Laugh]

M: Now, firstly, the photos were hilarious.

P: [Laugh] I was wearing my unicorn hat.

M: They were pretty, pretty, funny. Secondly, this is just such an easy trick. So because you’re cheeks are pulled back in the shape of a smile, your brain is tricked into releasing the feel good chemicals-

P: Oxytocin?

M: – because it thinks that you are happy because you’re smiling essentially. And what I found most interesting was who engaged with that request in the group and who didn’t.

P: Yes, Ah interesting.

M: Yes, anyway, I’m not going to psycho-analyse my friends on this show.

P: [Laugh]

M: But it was it was really telling and a great exercise to just give yourself a short, sharp, quick happiness boost.

P: And we were all wondering what was going to come back at us.

[Laughter]

P: It’s a good one to do.

M: Absolutely. All right. Well, we’re done for today. Thank you again. I would love if you could visit our site marieskelton.com and check out the book that we’re launching.

P: Oh, exciting!

M: Yes, a spin off from one of our favourite episodes, Self-care is Church for Non-Believers, and our book will be launched on Amazon. You can pre order it now. Yes. So look for Self-Care is Church from Non-Believers. Or go to our website, marieskelton.com and check out the book section to order it there.

P: Thanks and subscribe to this podcast if you like it and people, Choose Happiness.

[Happy Exit Music]

Related content: Read Moving On article Practicing Gratitude: Why and How You Should do it , listen to our Podcast: The Importance of Gratitude (E3)

Top 5 Speakers on Gratitude

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September 21 is World Gratitude Day, why not watch one of these top speakers on gratitude?

World Gratitude Day (September 21) is nearly upon us. So what better time to watch some of the world’s top speakers on gratitude, and maybe even start a new practice of gratitude and bring a little more happiness into your life.

The science is clear. Practicing gratitude makes you happier and less stressed. It leads to higher overall wellbeing and satisfaction with your life and social relationships. Yet many of us don’t make gratitude a part of our weekly practices.

To give you some inspiration, listen to these top speakers on gratitude. Learn not only why you should practice gratitude, but also get some tips on how you can easily introduce it into your daily routines.

Top Speakers on Gratitude

The new era of positive psychology

From the founder of positive psychology, Martin Seligman, comes a talk about how psychology has evolved over the past 30 years. He also delves into his mission to evolve the field of psychology — from focusing on those who are unwell to focusing on how to relatively untroubled people happier, more fulfilled and more productive. Seligman also provides a great gratitude exercise that leads to an increase in happiness for up to three months.

Want to be happy? Be grateful

Listen to Brother David Steindl-Rast talk about the one thing all humans have in common: we all want to be happy. The path to happiness is easy if you know how, be grateful. Steindl-Rast is an American Catholic Benedictine monk, author, and lecturer committed to exploring the interaction between spirituality and science.

Remember to say thank you

Watch counsellor and life coach, Laura Trice, in this short talk about the importance of praise, admiration and thank you, and having it be specific and genuine. Laura draw from her experience delivering a therapeutic program called Writing in Recovery. The program uses creative skills such as journaling and music to help people develop better self-awareness and set goals.

The happy secret to better work

Want a laugh while learning about gratitude? Then look no further than Shawn Achor – an American author and speaker known for his advocacy of positive psychology. He authored The Happiness Advantage and founded GoodThink, Inc. He also delivered lectures on positive psychology in the most popular class at Harvard.

Gratitude works!: The science and practice of saying thanks

Listen to the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude. Professor of psychology at UC, Davis, Robert Emmons explains how gratitude can heal, energize and change human lives. In this extensive (1-hour) talk, he discusses recent research and deep dives into how gratitude can change your life.

Maybe watching these top speakers on gratitude isn’t your thing. Why not check out this article instead: Practicing Gratitude: Why and How You Should do it

Don’t forget to subscribe for our monthly newsletter for more tips, freebies and subscriber-only content!

The Importance of Gratitude (E3)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast – season 1, episode 3

Who knew? Practicing gratitude can actually make you happier. We take a look at some of the latest research into why gratitude makes you happy and how you can bring more gratitude into your life.  

Want more on gratitude? Check out our article on Why and How You Should Practice Gratitude or download our gratitude infographic.

Subscribe so you don’t miss out! We’re working on new episodes as we speak. Check back here, or subscribe to be find out when we launch new episodes.

Transcription

M: You’re listening to the podcast happiness for cynics. I’m Marie Skelton, a writer and change and transformation specialist, and my co-host is Peter Furness. Peter.

P: Hi there. I’m Peter Furness, and I’m a remedial therapist, ex professional dancer and happiness aficionado. Each week we will bring to you the latest news of research in the world of positive psychology, otherwise known as happiness. Now, Marie, you’ve also got a blog on this topic, right?

M: Yes, and you can find me at MarieSkelton.com. And it’s a site about major life changes and transitions and how to cope with them. The site uses a lot of the same research we talk about here on the podcast and has some really practical tips for bringing joy and happiness into your life. You can also find me on Twitter at Marie Skelton. So on to today’s episode, which is all about gratitude.

[Happy intro music]

M: So, Peter, why gratitude?

P: Gratitude make us more in tune to our social groups. Gratitude encourages us to be more happy. It covets more feelings of wanting to engage and be generous and all those lovely feel good fuzzies that you should be getting and if we can focus on gratitude it brings about the other elements that end up making us more happy.

M: For me in particular, I had a pretty bad accident a few years ago, as you know, and I’ve found myself being more grateful for what I do have. Maybe that’s growing up a little bit as well [Laughter], I’m out of my terror teenage years. But being more grateful has allowed me to find a bit more inner peace and is just a far more healthy mental state to be in/

P: it brings your focus in as well. It narrows your focus when you can identify the things that you’re grateful about. You realise how much you have, as opposed to looking at the things that you don’t have. You know, it’s about that, that shift in mentality that makes you go ‘Oh, I’ve got some good stuff going on here.’

M: Absolutely. And let’s be honest, we live in Sydney which, you know, is one of the top 10 most liveable cities in the world. Year after year after year, always better than Melbourne, by the way. [Laughter]

P: I apologise to our Victoria listeners.

M: I don’t [Laugh]

P: I am an ex Melbourne-ite, and I always get a little bridled when someone mentions that, so go Melbourne.

M: You chose Sydney, just saying.

[Laughter]

M: but you know, and we’re both very blessed with the careers that we have and the income that they provide us, our ability to even partake in the careers that we’ve chosen. Then there’s so many things to be grateful for in our lives. I guess the question is, so many other people are in similar situations to us, and yet they’re not feeling grateful and they’re not practicing gratefulness. So maybe we start with what is gratitude.

P: What is gratitude?

M: I think you had an Oxford dictionary quote for us Pete.

P: I do, we’re amazingly in sync here because I’ve been doing some writing and reading on this for myself towards the end of last year. So according to the Oxford Dictionary, gratitude is with the quality of being thankful, readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness. And I guess something that’s worth pointing out is that polite.. gratitude is often mistaken as a sign of politeness. Sorry, for everyone listening at home.

[Laughter]

P: There’s a cat crawling over Marie’s shoulder.

M: I wish you could see [Laugh] we are sitting in my lounge room which is doubling as our sound studio and the cat has decided to sit on my shoulder.

P: She was doing a very good job there remaining poised as a cat perched on her head.

M: I’m grateful for my cat, I’m grateful for my cat..

OK. So gratitude, thank you for that excellent Oxford Dictionary quote there, Peter. But it’s also worth noting that gratitude can be mistaken as being polite, something that parents teach their kids in order to be better respected in society. And we’re not talking about that.

P: No, we’re talking about conscious gratitude. So actually spending time being grateful for the things that you do have and investing in that this is something that ah, a lot of religious doctrines have done and being someone who’s more interested in Buddhism in the eastern forms of religion it’s something that is very much in the practice of religion and that is identifying the things that you can be grateful for no matter how small that creates a sense of thankfulness, which then leads into kindness and compassion and all those other lovely elements that lead to a happiness state.

M: And I’m not religious by any means, but it is also similar to Christian praying.

P: Yes, definitely.

M: So at night you spend time thanking God for what you have and for people

P: and it’s a focus thing and you’re drawing focus to the things and you’re recognising. And this is what some of the research talks about is actively recognising, either by writing it down or saying it out loud. What am I grateful for? What are the good things in my life? Just by making that switch? Sometimes that can create a good generator of happiness is a good word to use?

M: Yeah, I’ll give it to you.

[Laughter]

I’m just not allowed to say begets apparently.

[Laughter]

M: It’s pompous

P: It’s Stephen Fry!

M: OK, he’s got a lovely English accent so he can get away with it.

All right, so let’s maybe talk about some of the benefits and some of the studies and stuff. So, what are the benefits of being grateful?

P: Well, studies show that practicing gratitude leads to being more honest, patient, having more self-control and that then helps you to achieve goals, achieve the things that you’re aiming to get out of life.

M: I think you mentioned this before. One of the other important things is that particularly for perfectionists there is a tendency to concentrate on learning from mistakes and that’s a really noble and valid thing to do. Don’t get me wrong, but sometimes it can make us focus too much on what goes wrong and not enough on what’s going right in our lives.

P: Definitely, there’s some stuff out there from… [Laugh] I can’t remember the guy’s name [Laughter] I’ll have to come back to that one.

M: It doesn’t exist if you can’t reference it.

[Laughter]

P: Yes, it is great to learn from mistakes. It is great to learn what you’ve done wrong, but it is also brilliant to hone your focus on the things that you do right and that is to… Ahh it was Matthew McConaughey. It was Matthew McConaughey’s speech at ah… I think it was the University of Texas [actually University of Houston]. One of the 13 rules he made for a simple life and he talks about are honing your successes. So breaking down your successes and going this is why it worked. Because in the same way that it’s good to learn from the mistakes. If you know what works, you can implement that again the next time.

Matthew McConaughey’s address to graduating students at Houston University

M: Yep, so it’s about paying attention to the good things so that we don’t take them for granted. And in that way it makes us more attuned to the sources of pleasure and good people and things in our lives.

P: Yes, which we will then seek out further and use more in the future.

M: Yep. Okay, so give me the proof.

P: [Laugh] It’s always about proof, this is the science in you.

M: [Laugh] This all sounds really nice. Gratitude makes you rich and smart and beautiful and all the rest of it.

P: It does make you beautiful there is a link that gratitude defies age. I’m going to go to my book here [Laugh].

M: Alright well, while you’re looking through your book.

P: Flipping through my book posthumously ‘Kindness slows ageing.’ There we go.

M: Nice. Okay. So I’m going to actually reference real research here, Not just Peter’s musings in his book. So a study by Emmons and McCullough to publish in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2003 nearly 20 years ago now showed that participants who kept a Gratitude Journal weekly for 10 weeks or daily for two weeks experienced more gratitude obviously, they also experienced positive moods, optimism about the future and better sleep.

And there’s also study and I’m going to apologise to these wonderful researchers but I’m about to butcher your names. There’s a study by Mϋce Idili, Erdil, Akgϋn and Keskin in 2015 which, from the cultivating gratitude towards the workplace, can help alleviate negative emotions and attitudes at work. So really worth focusing in on this if you’re in HR or if you’re a manager of people. So it found that employees with high levels of gratitude towards work are more likely to excel by going above and beyond in their job tasks. So there’s a real productivity benefit. To cultivating a grateful workplace that will impact your bottom line. That’s stats for me Pete. ROI can’t beat that.

P: [Laugh] We all have a little bit of statistical data. In contribution to that, I’m going to talk about Northeastern University professor David DeSteno, whose comes up a lot in a lot of the research in terms of studies that he’s done. He has proven that not only does gratitude increase kindness, it helps people succeed in their goals. So talking about how gratitude can make you more focused can bring you more into a positive light, which then helps you actually achieve more.

I’ll also talk about U. C Berkeley’s Summer Allen, Ph.D. She writes in ‘The Science of Gratitude’, which is a white paper that she published, that grateful people are happier, more satisfied, less materialistic and have better mental and physical health. And, we’ll talk about that in the context of what we can actually do for gratitude later on.

M: That’s fascinating, isn’t it? There’s so much research coming out now that links mental habits and mental health to physical health.

P: It’s the new what they call the wellness perspective. People are becoming much more conscious about what can they do in their daily life to create lasting change.

M: Yep. Okay, so we’ve got studies, and that’s, that’s just four that we’ve mentioned plus Peter’s scribble, So five.

[Laughter]

M: and look all you have to do is Google gratitude and gratitude studies, gratitude research. There is so much out there that shows that practicing gratefulness has huge repercussions for your life.

P: Definitely, I’m going to say this, although I’m not sure if Marie’s going to let me do it. It’s a compounding interest of influence.

M: [Laughter]

P: Gratitude creates things that have their own energy and it brings about things like kindness and positivity. So it’s a real key to unlocking barriers that we might have that we don’t even know that we’ve got and I’ll reference a personal story here, that when I was a young Arts University student down in Melbourne, the world was so bleak and dark and difficult, dancing my little heart out and putting all my emotion into these dark pieces and it wasn’t until I actually left Australia about 10 years later and I moved to London and I made a conscious decision to stop being so bloody miserable. Life is okay. You know, I was earning a career and so forth in my chosen profession and again coming back to that point, you were saying earlier about the opportunity that we’ve got to pursue careers that we choose and to actually make a living out of them. So I turned my mental focus around and started concentrating more on what I had as opposed to what I didn’t have or what was good as opposed to what was negative about the day and living in London as those of you who have lived in London in the middle of winter, it’s a desperate place to live

M: Yeah, I lived in D. C.

P: It’s hard. Yeah, that lack of sunlight. It’s the constant drizzle. It’s the greyness.

M: It’s the cold! Everything’s cold!

P: It’s hard yakka, so to turn your focus around in that perspective, during that time, I found that to be very empowering and it made me appreciate so much more of what was going on and actually got me more active in my own life and going out there and seeking things and finding things so that when I woke up and didn’t have work, I’d be ‘that’s okay. I’ve got this this, this and this and this to do and I’d be very forthright in going out and going into the city and doing more classes or going and meeting people and seeing what opportunities were out there.

M: So that’s a great Segway into the next question I have for you. How do you practice gratitude? So what did you do to shift your mindset?

P: Well, it was interesting because one of the things that Summer Allen talks about from UC Berkeley is journaling. And for me, this came about in the form of a journal. I managed to get one of my old journals from when I was a student and looked at it at went ‘Oh my God, this is a book of sadness.’ [Laugh]

M: But actually, you were journaling the bad stuff.

P: Yeah, completely.

M: And so when you decided you’re going to shift to your mindset to being more grateful, did you start journaling about that? Or did you just stop the negative journaling?

P: No. I consciously started journaling about positive. So at the end of every entry, I made it commitment to myself that I was going to find one positive thing in the day on that was what I would end on and I found myself doing that generally throughout the entries, there’s no longer was I writing about the negative, the negative washed off. I let it go, whereas it was the positive stuff that I was focusing on.

M: Well, that actually aligns with what the research shows. So the research suggests that translating your thoughts into concrete language can make us more aware of them, and it deepens there emotional impact. So, it also shows you don’t need to journal every day but journaling two or three times per week using that time to reflect, particularly on the smaller, more frequent things. So, someone holding the door open for you or stopping the lift from going when you get into work in the morning.

You know those people who press the buttons?

[Laughter]

M: We can see you!

P: Waiting at the traffic light and continuously hitting that button. Yes I’m sure the computer chip received your information. Pushing it harder won’t make a difference.

M: [Laugh] Yes, anyway, so we ah focus on the good, not the bad. [Laugh look at us focusing on the bad] but people who hold the lift for you or hold a door opened for you, or who offer you some of this snack at lunch or say thank you in an email or those little things they’re worth taking time to notice.

P: Definitely.

M: Writing them down, again only two or three times a week. Is all it actually takes. And then there’s a whole lot of other stuff you can do to take it further. Things like writing an email to a colleague to say thank you or writing a letter to someone. Oh penmanship it’s a lost art.

P: E mail or pen. It doesn’t matter. This is something that Allen also talks about. It’s one of her primary two gratitude interventions, and whilst journaling is one. It’s this identification of people that have helped you to achieve that is the other and writing that down or physically putting that into practise. So saying this person did this for me and acknowledging it. You don’t necessarily have to send the email or the letter, but writing it down helps you to identify it and that again becomes a good feeling vibration that permeates everything else because you start identifying more positive things.

M: Send the bloody letter [Laughter] if you’ve written the letter, send the letter.

P: [Laugh] It comes back to, you know, people sending little gifts. Or you sending something to your client because they’ve been good to you for the year. Having just had Christmas, that’s something that a lot of people may have forgotten. I remember as a kid Mom used to always give the garbage man a six pack. She would, she would wait out there at six o’clock in the morning for these garbage-men to make sure that they got their six pack of beer and she gave one to the Post[-man]. She would give one to the Milk man. It’s those little things that matter.

M: You know what I think that, having lived in the States for eight years, it’s something I noticed over there. Americans have got gratefulness and gratitude down pat. They’ve got Thanksgiving, which is a four day holiday centred around thanking people for what you have and they have a tipping culture, which has a whole raft of other issues that we don’t need to go into. But a culture of saying thanks above and beyond and..

P: identifying it.

M: exactly. So you always send your kids off with a Christmas present for the teachers at the end of the year, we never really did that in Australia at my school, and some kids might have had a different experience. Thanking the garbage-man or the, the people that provides services to you on a regular basis for their time and their commitment it’s such a powerful thing that is really not part of our culture in Australia as much as it was over in the States, and I think that’s what made it stand out to me. But it’s such a beautiful thing that it’s one of those things that is such a selfish thing. Be grateful people because the benefits to you

P: come back

M: absolutely. And the best part about all of this stuff is when your doctor sits you down and says you need to quit smoking. You need to stop drinking. You’ve got to go exercise three times a week, if he says ‘Go be grateful.’ It’s the easiest bloody thing in the world, and it’s cheap as well, it’s pretty much free. If you do it certain ways.

P: You can buy in. [Laughter] Go on Marie, buy in, buy in.

M: I’m buying this one because it’s such a no brainer. It’s simple and easy. It is so easy. You don’t have to journal. You have to write it down. That’s just what the research says really solidifies it for you. But you could just take time every evening before you go to bed to think about the good things that have happened that day and be grateful for them.

P: It’s a wonderful way to get yourself a good night’s sleep as well.

M: Yeah. There you go. All right. So that’s all we had time for today, Peter.

P: Awe, so quick.

M: So if you were listening to us I want to thank you for joining us again today. If you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe. And like this podcast.

P: And there are a range of additional resource is on your site aren’t there Marie.

M: Why, thank you, Peter. Yes, there are. [Laugh] Yeah there are. So there’s a whole lot of articles and links to a lot of the research that we talk about. Again you can visit Marieskelton.com for more articles and research on happiness.

Meet besties Marie and Pete

Marie and Pete

Marie Skelton is an Australian writer, speaker, and change and resiliency expert. She started her career in journalism before working in public affairs and then specialising in organisational and culture change for some of the world’s largest tech and financial services companies, both in Australia and the U.S. She also played volleyball for Australia and on scholarship at a D1 university in the U.S. and she captained the NSW Women’s Volleyball team in the Australian Volleyball League.

Following a motorbike accident that nearly took her life, and leg, she began researching change and resiliency to find out how people cope with major life changes and why some people are really good at dealing with whatever life throws at them, while others struggle. She is passionate about mental health and writes about how to cope with today’s Change Storm and maintain mental wellness.  

Marie and Pete

Peter Furness is just plain awesome. He loves unicorns and champagne. Pete is the owner of Max Remedial, and a qualified remedial therapist and has worked all over the world with professional athletes, dancers, sporting organisations and medical professionals. Peter’s practice is influenced by his interest in Eastern philosophy and he works closely with Chinese and Ayurvedic practitioners, approaching the body from the principles of ancient medicine.

Peter has practiced Asstanga Yoga for 20 years and combines these principles with his approach to health.

Peter was also an award-winning contemporary dancer in Australia and in the UK. 

How to Practice Gratitude, and Why You Should do it

by

How to Practice Gratitude

In today’s high stress, constantly changing world, it can be hard to work out what will make life easier and what is just more noise. Thankfully, practicing gratitude is not only science backed, but also really easy and cheap. Plus, if you practice gratitude you’ll be happier, less stressed and have higher overall wellbeing and satisfaction with your life and social relationships. Read on to learn how to practice gratitude and why it matters.

What is Gratitude?

The Oxford Dictionary defines gratitude as “the quality of being thankful, and readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.”

Gratitude is often mistaken as a sign of politeness—something that parents teach kids to impress other adults and prepare kids for more formal social experiences.

Actually, it is a much deeper human characteristic that fundamentally supports our capacity to work in social groups. It’s all about being collaborative and working well with others in harmony.  When we express gratitude, we affirm mutual dependence with others and convey interest in future collaboration. When others express gratitude to us, we are infused with purpose, motivation and common humanity. When we feel gratitude, we grow more attuned to what is good in life and connect that goodness to other people.

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.

Cicero, Roman orator and philosopher

Benefits of Practicing Gratitude

Now I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a sceptic. So, I really need some good science to make me take more time out of my week to do something that on the surface may seem a bit airy-fairy. So, here’s what a tiny sample of the studies show:

UC Berkeley’s Summer Allen writes that grateful people are happier, more satisfied, less materialistic and have better mental and physical health. 

Northeastern professor and author of Emotional Success, David DeSteno, has spent his life studying gratitude and his research shows that gratitude helps people have more self-control – which in turn helps them to achieve goals.

In fact, according to DeSteno, “People feeling grateful are more likely to help others who request assistance, to divide their profits in a more egalitarian way, to be loyal even at cost to themselves, to be less materialistic, and even to exercise as opposed to loafing.”

A study by Emmons & McCullough published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2003 showed that participants who kept a gratitude journal weekly for 10 weeks or daily for two weeks experienced more positive moods, optimism about the future, and better sleep.

Practicing Gratitude at Work

At work, practicing gratitude can be hugely beneficial as it helps to keep people out of their head, and in a positive frame of mind. This is particularly relevant in today’s corporate world, which is currently advocating for failing fast and sharing failures. While it’s important to analyse and learn from mistakes, focusing too much on failures can sometimes mean we think too much about what goes wrong and not enough about what goes right.

Additionally, with today’s increasing pace of change and constant striving to keep up with competitors, shifting markets and new trends, it can be easy to keep focusing on what’s next, then what’s next, then what’s next after that. Add to that a lot of the time, in today’s Agile organisations with a constant iteration mindset, it can feel like nothing is ever done, and therefore nothing is ever good enough.

But, practicing gratitude forces employees to stop and pay attention to the good things they’re accomplishing. It makes them appreciate the things they might otherwise take for granted. In that way, they start to become more attuned to the sources of pleasure around them—and the emotional tone of their work life can shift in profound ways.

Multiple studies back this up (see here and here). These studies have found that cultivating gratitude toward the workplace can help alleviate negative emotions and attitudes at work. Also, employees with higher levels of gratitude toward work are more likely to excel by going above and beyond their job tasks.

So, in short, cultivating a culture of gratitude in your organisation will improve performance and engagement, which leads to better retention.

How to Practice Gratitude and Make it a Habit

Here’s the best part of practicing gratitude. It’s really easy and cheap. You just need to get into the habit of doing it. You can pick any, or all of the below ideas and add them into your week. Here’s how to practice gratitude:

Journaling: Writing about what you’re grateful for is key. Research suggests translating thoughts into concrete language makes us more aware of them, deepening their emotional impact. Two or three times per week is enough, and it’s useful to reflect on smaller, more frequent things—such as a modest bit of help from a friend or colleague. You can simply pick up a notebook from the shops, or you can buy one of the hundreds of options online, like the ones below.

Write a thank you note: Summer Allen’s research shows that actually taking action and physically writing out letters of thanks to people is an even better way to harness the power of gratitude. So, when writing in your journal, keep an eye out for a person who has come up multiple times or has gone above and beyond.

Conversations: At the dinner table each night or on a certain day each week, start a conversation with your family or friends and take turns letting everyone know what you’re most grateful for that day or week. This has the added benefit of being a good conversation starter and helps to build stronger social bonds!

Volunteer: Not only is this the ultimate way to show gratitude, but research has shown that helping others through acts of charity or volunteer work can make you feel better and happier.

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