Unapologetically Marie

Writer, podcaster, mental health advocate

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How to make New Years’ resolutions you might actually keep

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Have you ever set New Year’s resolutions but after a few days, weeks or months, forgotten all about them or let them drop because they’re too hard to maintain? You’re not alone.

According to research by the University of Scranton, only eight per cent of people actually achieve their New Year’s goals, with 80 per cent failing to keep their New Year’s resolutions altogether.

With such depressing stats, you might be thinking about giving-up on the whole institution altogether, right? No!

Goals are really important for mental health

Research shows that people who are making progress toward or are achieving meaningful goals are happier. Whether they’re health and fitness goals, or family goals, or work goals, the key is to be making progress.

“Happy people have more self-esteem, sense of control, optimism, and a sense of purpose derived from having goals,” says Michael Argyle, author of The Psychology of Happiness.  

Setting goals you’ll keep

The first of January is only a random date in a calendar and there’s nothing that says you can’t set goals at any time of the year. But if you’re going to set New Year’s resolutions, you have to do the right thinking and planning before that day to set yourself up to succeed.

Here are some proven techniques you can implement to give yourself the best chance of succeeding…. And the best thing is that you can start this process at any time of year.

  1. Commit to your goals. If you want to succeed, you must have input and take ownership for achieving your goals. Write them down and even tell a few people around you, this helps you to truly commit to your goals and leads to greater motivation.
  2. Make them SMART goals. Being specific about what you want to achieve is critical. Your goals should be: specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely (SMART).  If your goal is to ‘lose weight’, instead try to define what that means, maybe it’s something like “I will only eat dessert on weekends and special occasions (birthdays or public holidays). On weekdays, I will make myself a cup of herbal tea to replace my mindless TV eating.”
  3. Plan for incremental change. It’s not realistic to expect to be a marathon runner overnight if your usual level of activity only involves walking to the car and back. But if you plan for incremental change, over time, who knows what might happen? Remember it’s better to do 10 minutes of exercise a couple of times per week, instead of starting with 60 minutes of exercise five times per week then quitting. Start with small incremental actions that will lead to larger change over time. Once you’ve mastered the small steps, add more complexity or challenge to give you motivation when things get boring or too easy.
  4. Aim for Goldilocks goals. Your goals shouldn’t be too easy or too hard. If your goal is too easy, you can easily lose motivation and give up. If it’s too hard or complex, it can be overwhelming. A goal that’s challenging but achievable is just right to keep you motivated throughout the year.
  5. Be forgiving. If your goal is to write 3,000 words per week for your new novel, but you don’t achieve your goal that week, then forgive yourself and catch that up at the end. Don’t add more work to your following week as it will only add more stress and might lead you to give up altogether.

It’s about the journey, not the outcome

Goals will help you to set a path, but remember it’s about the journey, not the outcome. Enjoy the challenge and set your mind to a task or activity, but remember to be mindful and enjoy the moments. Otherwise, you may end up setting and achieving goals and always waiting for the achievement of the goal to bring happiness, and the next one and the next one.

Remember that having goals allows you to enjoy the process and take satisfaction in daily or small accomplishments along the way, it’s not only about achieving the goal.

If you’re looking for some inspiration for goals to set next year to be happier, have a read of this article on Three Habits of Positive People, and don’t forget to share your SMART New Year’s resolutions in the comments below!

What’s coming up in 2020? 

In 2020, we’ve got a jam-packed editorial calendar of science-backed content on topics like ‘the power of being bored’ and ‘the importance of finding ‘flow.’’ There will be reviews of books and the top TedX talks in the positive psychology space, and we’ll be launching a new podcast called Happiness for Cynics!  

Don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss out!

Lessons From Navy SEAL David Goggins

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If you want inspiration – along with a kick in the butt – then look no further than retired Navy SEAL and endurance athlete David Goggins.

David recently wrote a book called Can’t Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds, which chronicles his amazing life and amazing willpower. If there’s one thing I learned from his life story, it’s that this guy is seriously driven… superhumanly driven… to be honest, somewhat insanely driven.

In Can’t Hurt Me, David Goggins reveals that most of us only tap into 40% of our capabilities (the 40% Rule), and he outlines a path that anyone can follow to push past pain, demolish fear and reach their full potential.

David takes “overachiever” to a whole new level, so I feel like there might be something to this. His mantra has helped him become the only man in history to complete elite training as a Navy SEAL, Army Ranger and Air Force Tactical Air Controller. As if that wasn’t enough, he then went on to set a world record in pull-ups and compete in numerous ultramarathons (FYI, these look nothing like your standard 5k charity runs).

Now, I’m realist and maybe somewhat of a cynic at heart, so I’ve never bought into the new age, touchie-feely self-improvement stuff before, but David’s honest, crazy and blunt approach was accessible and his achievements were so inspirational that I found myself sticking post-its to my bathroom mirror (gasp!).

So, here’s what I learned from the book:

1. Set Goals and Commit

I know, I know, everyone says to set goals… but David has a unique, no bullsh*t way of looking at this task. Sometimes in life we need some clarity (set goals) and often we need a little reminder (make them highly visible). So, as many have before, David advocates for an Accountability Mirror, where you post your goals, dreams and wants to your bathroom mirror. Where David’s approach differs from the rest is that he advocates for 100% honestly, and bluntness. 

“If you look in the mirror and see someone who is obviously overweight, that means you’re fucking fat! Own it! It’s okay to be unkind with yourself in these moments because we need thicker skin to improve in life,” says David.

Every day, look at that goal and make sure you are doing something to achieve it. This isn’t for everyone, but if you can’t give yourself a kick up the butt, will you ever change?

2. Sign up to Being Uncomfortable

To learn, change, grow or get stronger, you must be OK with discomfort. David asks readers to identify a few things that they don’t like or that make them uncomfortable, then go do them.

“It’s about moving the needle bit by bit and making those changes sustainable. That means digging down to the micro level and doing something that sucks every day. Even if it’s as simple as making your bed, doing the dishes…,” he says.

Find a way to step outside your comfort zone every day. Not only will you become a better, smarter, fitter person, but you will also feel more self-confidence and achievement in life in general.

“A lot of people in life are very successful but I think very few are fulfilled. Fulfillment comes when you know you tried your hardest and have given your absolute best when responding to life with “I must go on!” Stay hard!”

3. Define Your Identity

When you look in the mirror, who do you see? When you write your LinkedIn bio, what do you write? This is how you see yourself.

Is it what you want to see? Are you inspired by what you see?

If not, then re-write your story. Write down who you want to become: the faster runner in the field, the smartest student in the class, the best public speaker at the conference.

Then tell yourself that’s what you are, plot a path to achieve that goal and start moving to dial slowly in that direction. It will take time, adding more load on as you go to reset your baseline, but your new identity is what you need to fall back on when the going gets tough, when you get so tired that your mind wants you to stop (David calls this voice the Governor).

The fastest runner in the field, would not give up after losing a race. They would work harder. Decide what you want to be then make it happen!

Now this one was hard for me initially. After my accident, I didn’t know what I wanted. Nothing was appealing and everything was appealing all at once.

So, if you’re not sure what you want to be, start by identifying a few things that make you uncomfortable and work to achieve them. Success breeds more success, and before you know it, achievement will be a regular part of your life and you’ll have a clearer understanding of where you want to go – the key is to just get started on going somewhere.

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Related content: Read Moving On article The ‘No Excuses’ Beginners Exercise Plan , listen to our Podcast: Exercise Makes You Happy (E13)