Unapologetically Marie

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Fun Isn’t Only for Children – Here’s How to Make Your Life More Fun!

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What’s the Link Between Your Mental Health and Fun?

Who wouldn’t want more fun in their lives? As I write this, I am definitely on board in theory, yet I can’t remember the last time I specifically set aside time or put in effort to bring more fun into my life. That’s about to change!

I know, I know, this site is called Happiness for Cynics, so you’re maybe not quite on board yet. But as always, there’s great research that backs up the benefits of having fun in your life, like this study from the Martin Luther University in Germany, in which 533 participants did a week of exercises to boost participants’ playfulness. They found that you can actually stimulate and train people to be more playful, and this, in turn improves their mood and happiness levels.

So, what have you got to lose? Read on to explore how to have more fun in life and why it is so important to your happiness levels.

The Benefits of Having More Fun in Your Life

being silly

To find out more about the benefits of having fun, I spoke to Dr. Mike Rucker – a charter member of the International Positive Psychology Association (IPPA) and a member of the American Psychological Association – about having fun and improving people’s overall wellbeing.

According to Rucker, there are times when things are really bad, and you can understand why people wouldn’t be focussing on incorporating fun into their lives at that point. But there are also too many moments when things are kinda OK, yet we’re all just on the hedonic treadmill… just living life, getting on with getting on… but many of us as still not incorporating fun into our lives then either!

Yet we all have the power to increase our happiness levels, and according to Rucker, a great way to do that is to have some more fun.

One of the narratives that I like to talk about is productivity porn or hustle porn. We get caught up in this notion that we have to devote our lives to work and that should be our purpose. And we’re just not wired for that. Mike Rucker

In fact, Rucker says, “There’s a recent study that shows the more spontaneous we are, the more that we kind of look for the spices of life, that can lead to happiness.”

He also mentions that having deliberate fun allows people to circumvent the Hedonic treadmill if you do it mindfully. “A lot of things that we pursue are based on keeping up with the Joneses and things that we think are fun. But when we take a more mindful approach to it, fun, pure elation and really enjoying something, that is true to your soul, it ads gains to our life,” he says.

Rucker also warns about the trap of thinking you’re doing something for fun, that isn’t actually fun. “Often times what people think is leisure, like binge watching a show that they don’t really care about, can be replaced with something more meaningful. I want to be careful there, too, because it certainly is meaningful if (…) it’s something that you really enjoy,” he says. “A good litmus test for that is any sort of activity that if you went back to savour or relish it, would you remember what it was about. A lot of times if people are being honest with themselves, social media viewing or TV doesn’t fit in that category.”

So what’s the solution? It’s often as simple as taking a look at the existing acititives in your diary and thinking of them in news ways. For instance, are you being mindful and truly engaging with your kids when you take them to the park, or are you on your phone or planning the dinner menu?

Listen to my interview with Dr Mike Rucker.

How to Have More Fun in Life

having fun

It is easier to bring play into your life than you might realise. Let’s be really honest, we all know how to have more fun. It’s something we all grew up knowing as kids… we might have just forgotten to do it or devalued it over time. If that applies to you and it’s time to change that, but you’re stuck on how to get started, here’s how.

Just Google it. You can simply start with Google to find a lot of different ways to bring more play into life, but if you’re still wanting something more prescriptive, one of the ideas I love the most is a dance-off.

Have a dance-off. This is a great one to do with your family. Think back to the 60s, 70s, 80s etc, there have been some classic dances throughout the decades. All you need to do is name some different types of dances, and put them down on a piece of paper, pop them into a hat, and you have to do the dance and your friends and family have to guess what decade it’s from, or if you want to make it harder, ask them to name the dance. It’s really simple. Pretty soon you’ll have the whole family jiving and doing Gangnam style and the Macarena, and not only are you having a bit of fun, but you’re also doing a bit of exercise.

Other ideas. Other ways to look for more fun in life include finding opportunities for laughter (try board games or maybe sign up to a local laughter yoga workshop) and finding opportunities for novelty and being spontaneous (day trips and holidays are good prompts for novelty and can bring out our more playful side). If you’re still not sure how to get going, then check out this article by Dr Stephanie Sarkis on what might be holding you back.

And one final sense check… remember that what you might find fun might not be fun to someone else. When designing fun activities, make sure you ask the people involved what they want to do and what would interest them!

Want to learn more about how to have fun in life? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

Why Hobbies can Improve your Mental Health (E67)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about why hobbies can not only improve your mental health but they can also boost social skills and wellbeing.

Show notes

During the podcast Pete refers to Charlotte Hespe as being a chairwoman of the Royal Australian College of General Practitioners when in fact she is the Director. We apologise for this error.

We also apologise for the incorrect use of feminine pronouns when referring to Professor Alex Haslam in this podcast.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: And we’re back again.

P: Hello 😊

M: Hello 😊

P: How are we? How’s your work going, Muz?

M: Yeah, not too bad. How’s yours?

P: It’s, it’s bang in there, it’s back on the treadmill, you know, going hard going home. Actually I’m not going home.

M: Laugh! Just going hard?

P: Yeah, just going hard, two assignments due this week. So, bring on human anatomy and physiology, I’m already, laugh!

M: I’m kind of in a different head space where I’m trying to look after myself and have some downtime. I’ve just been running too fast for too long and I just need to add a bit of self-care into my week this week.

P: Oooh, lovely. Well, we’re very good at that.

M: Yes.

P: We’re good at prescribing that on here. I hope that we’re good at applying it?

M: Every now and then, sometimes I’m just too busy to do it.

P & M: Laughter.

M: This week, I’m feeling my resilience slipping.

P: Oh, what’s your self-care go to?

M: … Netflix.

P & M: Laugh.

P: So, you’re a Hygge person?

M: Yes, yes, yes.

P: It’s good weather for that at the moment.

M: Yes, it’s been raining and miserable hasn’t it?

P: Yeah, it’s been a good day to get out your… I was going to say galoshes.

M: My Uggs! Yes.

P: Get your tracky pants and watch cartoons.

M: Yeah, definitely.

P: But that’s not going to talk about today. We won’t talk about Hygge, we’ve done that one.

M: What are we talking about today?

P: Oooh, today we’re talking about… what are we talking about?

M: Hobbies 😊

P: Laugh, hobbies, yes.

M: And we’re talking about hobbies and the importance of hobbies on our mental health.

P: Oh, how many people forget their hobbies when they get out of school? Most people forget, they go to university [and] they drop all their hobbies.

M: I think, because when we get busy, we forget that we need those other things to create balance in our life and to keep our resilience.

P: Mmm, absolutely.

M: And one of the best things that you can do when things get tough is double down on your hobbies and sports and those other things, self-care activities.

P: Yep.

M: To help create that balance and to help you through busy times. Unfortunately, though, when we get to university and it becomes exam time or you get to work and you’re in your twenties and you’re trying to –

P: Yeah, trying to cranked it up.

M: – make a career for yourself. We drop those things.

P: We, so shouldn’t.

M: And it actually hurts your mental health –

P: It does.

M: – rather than help you achieve those career goals or study goals.

P: It does, very much. So, take that afternoon off. Go and play that tennis game or play some basketball, and I don’t feel bad about it.

M: Mmm hmm, absolutely. And it’s even more important, you know, we talked about it, university and exam pressure and then work pressure, but we’re in the of a global pandemic.

P: Yep.

M: I don’t think anyone’s forgotten that. Laugh.

P: No, not recently.

M: But it has severely impacted many people’s mental health. And a lot of the reasons why we’re not coping is that we haven’t been able to participate in our traditional hobbies.

P: Activities.

M: But there are so many other hobbies that you could replace it with. That may not be a first choice.

P: True.

M: But it’s still just as interesting and just as beneficial to our mental health.

P: Absolutely. It was very funny when my father died and we were concerned about our mother and my sister actually stepped up and said, Mom, you’ve got to find a hobby. And mum wasn’t a hobby person like she did things because she had to or she was expected to.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: She was very, very good at them and she found orchids. She became the orchid whisperer. She invested [in it]. She joined the local orchid society. My mother doesn’t like people.

M: Laugh!

P: And yet, she went over the orchids society. Admittedly, there are a couple of people that she goes ‘oh I don’t like that person.’

M & P: Laugh.

P: But you know, she took on this role of orchids and she got right into it. Now she knows people all over the country with orchids.

M: Ohhh.

P: It’s a big thing, who would have thought.

M: And you know what? She’s probably getting so much joy out of that, and such good benefits from a mental health perspective.

P: She talks to them. She does, she talks them. So, I think it’s actually really good from a mental health perspective. People probably think she’s batty, but she’s actually having a good old conversation. Laugh!

M: Gardeners do talk to their plants, don’t they?

P: It works because apparently oxygen is really good for plants, you’re supposed to talk to your plants.

M: Laugh! That would be carbon dioxide if you’re talking to your plants.

P: Oh, I don’t know, I’m not a science person! …much.

M: Laugh, then go ahead and talk to your plants.

P & M: Laughter!

P: I’ll just keep that in mind for my anatomy exam, laugh.

M: So obviously, let’s not forget that in times of stress and pressure, it is really also really important to keep regular patterns of eating, sleeping, hygiene and exercise.

P: Oh, very much, yes.

M: The four.

  • So eat well,
  • Get your eight hours of sleep –

P: Seven.

M: – or seven or nine, whatever it is that you need, I need nine.

P: Oh wow.

M: Or I don’t function. So yeah, I need sleep, yep. Anyway,

  • Exercise, and
  • hygiene.

P: Mmm.

M: Keep, keep yourself in check. Laugh.

P: Pluck and wax, laugh.

M: Not necessarily. But there’s something to be said –

P: Brush your teeth and all that sort of stuff.

M: I’ve had so many conversations with people who have been going back into the office about how it’s actually nice to put a bit of lippy on.

P: Oh, ok.

M: And to do your hair and actually feel presentable and nice about yourself. Put on a pair of earrings or something.

P: There was that wonderful movement in the middle of the pandemic when they hit last year, people mowing their lawns in ball gowns.

M: Laugh! I missed that!

P: Did you! It was every Friday, it was where your ballgown day!

M: Oh!

P: And people were mowing lawns and doing the dishes in these full-on like debutante dresses. It was hilarious.

M: I have to go google that.

P: There are images of it, very funny, yeah. People posting on social media it was great. Laugh.

M: So, if you are having a difficult time and you’ve dropped your hobbies, the research is showing that having a hobby is linked to lower levels of depression, and it may even prevent depression for some, and one of the things that people who become depressed often do is they withdraw.

P: Yep.

M: So, they stop doing things that they love. So, it makes sense to me, I guess, that what the research is showing is a way of preventing depression is to add these things into your life.

P: Get active, mmm. Definitely. There is a whole movement about this in the health circles as well. About a social prescription.

M: Yes.

P: And they talk about being the third tier of health. And it’s actually UK invention that’s been around in the UK for a while, and we’re kind of picking the ball up here in Australia. We’re starting to do it. GP’s are starting to push for it a lot more, and it has come out of a Brigham Young University report, which is about Loneliness and Social Isolation and the Risk Factors for Mortality. And this was done in 2015 and it quotes figures ranging from 30% in the UK to 50% in the U.S. of people who lack social contact, having higher rates of mortality than those who have good social interaction.

M: Oh.

P: Now the part of social prescription is getting people in touch with local community groups; that can be debate teams, orchid society’s, –

M: Laugh.

P: the local dance classes and getting people, [actually] prescribing them memberships to these organisations so they go and join, its like ‘you will go and you will be social!’

M: Laugh.

P: Can you imagine your GP saying that to you in the middle of the medical university. But the research shows that it’s actually really beneficial. It creates positive interactions. It’s a co design for non-clinical medical prescription. Black Dog Institute in Australia is very much for it.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: They’re very much about promoting it. It came about in the NHS [National Health Service] in the UK around the 1990’s in the Bromley by Bow Centre was one of the first ones in East London. And it was a non-medical referral system, the idea being that social connectedness became a community-based operation in an effort to prevent issues being a strain on the public health system. So the NHS in England, was saying, ‘We can’t deal with the influx, let’s bring in the community organisations.’

M: And this is so aligned to the positive psychology movement which says it is cheaper to have people proactively take care of their happiness and well-being rather than to fix it once it’s broken.

P: Exactly, it saves so much money in the health system going into mental health disease prevention, definitely.

M: And all that we’ve learned in the last 30 to 40 years with the positive psychology movement shows that you can take control of your happiness and your well-being, and you can influence it. So, having a hobby is such an easy way to safeguard against all of the crap that’s going on in the world today.

P: Laugh! Absolutely, yeah.

M: And whether it was to combat loneliness, like the studies that you’re showing or to keep your mind active and engaged in to help find purpose –

P: Yes.

M: – like we discussed last week, and meaning in your life; Or to help keep your mind active as you age and find a hobby that can, you know, make you grow and learn and continue –

P: Gives you tasks and new skills.

M: Yep, goal and achievement.

P: That that’s a really big way of offsetting… ageing diseases?

M: Dementia and Alzheimer’s.

P: Yes, neurological diseases.

M: Yep.

P: Sorry, I got my terminology mixed up.

M & P: Laugh.

M: Absolutely. So, having a hobby or being social, or if you can combine the two, we always talk about how they nearly always intersect. All of these activities it can be a real tangible way to avoid, they call it anhedonia, which is when people get depressed and they stop finding joy in things that they like. So, it’s a symptom of poor mental health. So, it’s about turning that around.

P: That’s a really easy measurement to check in with yourself, isn’t it?

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Am I still finding joy in decorating cakes or cooking the evening meal? Like if you did find joy in that, that’s a bit of a that’s a bit of a warning signal, isn’t it? It’s a bit of red flag.

M: Absolutely, and we all get bored.

P: Yeah.

M: Novelty is such a powerful thing. But if you do something day in, day out for years on end, of course you’re going to get bored if it eventually, unless you’re still growing in that activity and mastering a skill.

P: Yeah.

M: You know, cake decorating might be great for five years, but you might want to move on to playing tennis after that.

P: True, it’s a different skill base, maybe.

M: Or if you’re like me, just trying to keep a plant alive for more than a month.

P: Laugh!

M: So what hobbies do you have Pete?

P: What hobbies do I have?

M: Mmm.

P: Well, interestingly enough my blog, it turned into a hobby, so the blog was started as a business venture. It was started as a business development tool and for client engagement and all that sort of stuff. it turned into a hobby, I actually started enjoying reading about science and articles and then researching things in my basic understanding or way. And really, it kind of led me to going back to Uni.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Because I decided, Hey, I’m actually learning this stuff, maybe I should take it a step further and do the next formal bit, which is going into formal training again.

M: Getting a degree, getting that piece of paper.

P: Yeah.

M: It’s funny how you spend so much time trying to get that piece of paper.

P: Laugh.

M: And then you never look at it again.

P: True.

M & P: Laughter!

P: The achievement is always there, you can look at it and go ‘ahhh’ [positive sigh]

M: It’s about the journey as we know.

P: Yes.

M: About the journey of learning.

P: Yes.

M: Absolutely.

P: My other hobby is cooking. I love cooking, like I love making a meal for myself, a 10:30 at night, if that’s the time that I’ve gotten home.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Known to do a roast at that hour.

M: Yes, you have. I like them.

P: Laugh!

M: For me its writing and teaching.

P: Teachings a great one.

M: Yep.

P: Teaching brings so much joy and so much goodness because it ticks so many of the happiness boxes.

M: Mmm hmm. Yeah, absolutely. And so, the reason that hobbies are so good for our brain is that it effects the reward system in the brain.

P: Ooh yes.

M: Yes.

P: The limbic system.

M: So when we take part in a hobby that we enjoy, all the chemical messengers in the brain are released. So, dopamine, which helps us feel pleasure; All the feel good chemicals that make us want to do the hobby again and feel motivated to do so.

P: Mmm.

M: So this is why and I think we’ve spoken about the book Atomic Habits by James Clear.

P: Yep.

M: He talks about if you want to get more fit, find activities that you actually enjoy –

P: Oh, gosh yes.

M: Where maybe going to the gym isn’t your thing. But you really love having a chat with the neighbour. Have your chat with the neighbour as you walk around the block three times.

P: Yep.

M: And that’s going to actually make you want to do it. So, finding that thing, that hobby or that activity that you actually enjoy, don’t force it because you just won’t do it.

P: Exactly.

P: I’ve seen that firsthand with clients. When you give them exercises and they’re like ‘I’m not going to do that.’

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So, you’ve got to be creative. It’s like, Ok you got a baby, I want you to roll around on the floor with Bubs for 10 minutes a day.

M: Yep.

P: Get down and up off the floor. It’s being creative with that and I think that’s really important is finding that blend.

M: The other thing to remember is that getting started can be one of the hardest things when it comes to a hobby taking that first step and if you can just make yourself get there, then those chemicals will kick in that keep you going. But it’s getting yourself there in the first place. That can be really hard sometimes.

P: It’s hard to get going when you haven’t for so long.

M: Yep, absolutely. Or just, you know, to get up the motivation to just go to the gym or something. Again, going back to the more you can do to make it an activity that you enjoy, the more likely it is you’ll actually do it in the first place.

P: Laugh.

M: And then, of course, physical hobbies. If you have a hobby that can improve your fitness, there are so many benefits there, so many another thing, especially as you get older. We talked about cognitive functions, so playing a musical instrument can improve your memory and also artistic hobbies and board games and reading things that engage your brain in a certain way. They, again, can prevent dementia later in life.

P: There’s some interesting research supporting that dance is actually one of the best ways to assist with reducing the onset of dementia because you are using your brain in a way that actually includes movement. But you’re also interpreting music now that’s accessing the hind brain have got non-dominant side and that coordination of processing movement with the body. Plus, applying it to musical interpretation triggers more synapses. It triggers more involvement of the brain. And so that’s why dancing is so good because you’re using two different motor unit systems.

M: So, I guess that would be dancing in a structured way where you’re learning patterns and learning new ways of dancing.

P: Yes, yes. It is the learning of the patterns, unfortunately. Improving and going off on the dance floor. Still good, maybe not as good as learning some salsa or some waltzing or some contemporary dancing.

M: I learned the Pride of Erin, laugh.

P: Oh, yeah. You can turn the Pride of Erin into a 100 metre sprint. My sister did it at her deb[utante] ball, it was hilarious.

M: Laugh. I did mine at the deb ball as well. Does anyone ever learn the Pride of Erin any other time in their life?

P: I can still remember 1 2 3 kick, back 2 3 kick, 1 2 3 turn around, back 2 3.

M: Yes!

P: There we go! Laugh. My education wasn’t wasted, laugh.

So, just for all those cynics out there, this is an opinion and a way forward that is being supported by the medical practitioners. We’ve got Charlotte Hespe, chairwoman of the Royal Australian College of General Practitioners. She’s out there calling for the conversation to go forward with social prescribing and getting people being more social, to prevent mental health and physical health from becoming an issue and a strain on the public health system.

M: Mmm.

P: This is also supported by Professor Alex Haslam, who is leading Australia’s investigation into the social indicators in relation to health. She thinks, I can quote her saying that all the research shows that “a lack of social integration and support are the most important determinants of mortality, we found that people tend to see them as among the least important.”

So, if you’re cynical about this line of reasoning, don’t be because the science says it’s not right.

M: And otherwise, you’ll die!

P: You will die! Laugh.

M: Which is what we always circle back to.

P: You, shall not pass!

M: So really, again it comes back to, you know, the three foundations that we keep talking about:

  • Strong social connections;
  • Finding purpose and meaning; and
  • Healthy mind and body.

And really, a hobby can satisfy all three of those and bring all of the science together.

P: Really and it’s fun. Hobbies are meant to be fun. I challenge people to go back to a hobby they haven’t done for 20 years, if they can. If your hobby was rock climbing, maybe you can’t do that. If you’re a 75 year old person.

M: I challenge that!

P: Ok.

M: Do it safely.

P: Laugh. But how many of us have gone back to a hobby? I went back to volleyball after 17 years of not playing, maybe there’s something that we could challenge our listeners to do. Try and find a hobby that you did as a kid. It could be, choose your own adventure. Remember those? They were fun, laugh.

M: You know what I found the other day? You know those murder mysteries where you host a dinner party and you’ve got to work out who done it?

P: Laugh, yes.

M: I actually bought one at the hobby shop the other day.

P: Oh, they’re fun. I think I did one recently to be honest and it was, it was really fun. Yeah, it’s good.

M: Absolutely.

P: It’s play acting and that’s social. But you could, you could even do that in covid time.

M: Absolutely. And I think that that is the point to come full circle back to the fact that we’re in a global pandemic. And it’s time to re-engage with hobbies that you might have enjoyed in the past, or try new ones as a way to balance out the negative mental health impacts of the pandemic.

P: Yeah, I couldn’t agree more.

M: Definitely.

P: Get out there and find, find those old things that you used to enjoy, do it!

M: Or new things.

P: Yes. Say yes, you know the whole concept about saying yes?

M: Maybe we need to just have a week of saying yes?

P: Yeah, that could be a way of doing it. You never know what you’re going to get yourself into.

M: Absolutely. Or just go to Google and Google hobbies, there’s so many interesting things out there and find the weirdest and wackiest one.

P: Laugh!

M: And give it a go.

P: That could be dangerous, laugh.

M: Or find a buddy and go through a list together of 10 new hobbies that you’re going to try this year.

P: 10! Oh my lord, laugh.

M: You don’t have to commit to a whole year of doing it. You just have to try.

P: Okay, alright. Ten new hobbies for a year, let’s start them now.

M: All right. Deal.

P: On that note, we’ll see you next year.

M & P: Laugh!

M: And… That’s the end of our podcasting.

P: Laugh!

M: All right, Have a happy week everybody, we’ll see you next time 😊

P: Bye 😊

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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Try a Little Playfulness if Your Family’s Pandemic Routine Needs a Reset

by

Heather McLaughlin, Concordia University and Bonnie Harnden, Concordia University

Many of us were hopeful that 2021 would be the start of a new beginning. However, with lockdowns and grim warnings about new strains of COVID-19, society was quickly reminded that the marathon is far from over.

As creative arts therapists working in the pandemic, we commonly hear how deeply disconnection and loneliness are affecting people. To sustain ourselves through the months ahead, we believe people need to intentionally work to find creative ways to connect more, no matter what the distance is.

We invite you to think of how to tend to your own connection needs while also thinking about those in your community. All of us will need tremendous energy for the emotional work ahead.

For those who have lost loved ones during the pandemic, there is profound grief, compounded by losses and disappointments of missed funerals or death rituals. Many are dealing with grief for missed milestones and family and community celebrations, lost opportunities, missing financial, employment or personal supports and community and personal connections. There’s also the everyday loss of grounding routines and relationships, and ongoing fear. We will all need energy for so much recovery.

Our hope is to inspire you to intentionally bring a little playfulness and creativity to help light up your connections and perhaps find ways they can be more sustaining. In turn, these tiny adjustments of intention may help preserve health.

Centering Intentions, Values

Start by clarifying what constitutes your intentions or values.

For example, just because you have a weekly call with friends or family on the calendar, it doesn’t necessarily mean it will fulfil the need for connection. Psychologist Stephen Hayes proposes clarifying your values so they can inform the actions you commit to. Setting an intention to feel connected, and grounded in personal values, may be more successful.

If the goal is to connect, but calls are leaving you cold, perhaps it’s time to switch from a video conference or a distanced walk.

As many of us have may have “Zoom fatigue,” web conferences can be transformed into a game night or a crafting party.

A playful off-screen option is a scavenger hunt. These might help with cross-generational connections or with those who have less to talk about.

Antidote to Failed Connection: Playfulness

As therapists, we witness many moments of failed connection: values collide, people’s abilities and limitations are not considered. Old hurts get activated, moments to repair are missed and bids for connection flop.

During stressful relationship moments, it’s easy to quickly climb the nervous system ladder, jumping from a state of relative calm into fight, flight or freeze, and interact with each other badly. Neuropsychiatrist Daniel Siegel calls this “flipping our lids,” and his Wheel of Awareness meditation tool can help with this.

Instead of “flipping our lids,” we can use playfulness.

One day when Bonnie’s son was three, she to had to rush him to daycare. After packing him into his jacket and adjusting the car seat, she reached back to pick him up and found him in that limp posture of protest small children take when they don’t want to do something.

Rather than just stuffing him into the car, she relied on a helpful parenting approach of empathizing with him first: “You were happy playing with your toys. You’re sad we have to go.” Then, as she was newly training as a play therapist and learning about how parents can connect with their children’s feelings and help coach their children through difficult emotions, she had an idea: her son was obsessed with giant machines so she decided to become a backhoe loader. Her arms became shovels and she loaded him into the car while he laughed with joy.

Grumpy Pandemic Walks

Moments of playful connection like this can invite feelings of gratitude, which in turn have so many positive benefits in relationships. It can really take an extra effort to find a playful impulse, as the fear and constrictions are wearing.

Heather had found her necessary daily walks becoming a chore, as she lives in a densely populated neighbourhood where distancing is a sport. After noticing she and her son were getting grumpy on these walks, she set an intention to tune their attention to the little bits of neighbourhood beauty and magic: a tiny painted mouse door, little free libraries and a giant snow dragon!

In many ways, people’s social capital is being depleted as collective fatigue of the pandemic wears on many people’s moods and social graces. At the same time, these little artifacts are examples of ways people creatively show generosity and ways of connecting.

It’s not all About Self-care

While we recommend ways to bring playfulness, humour, fondness, flexibility and creativity into the mix, we also acknowledge that accessing these may be hard. Some self-compassion and self-care may be needed first.

Reflecting on values and intention may help you consider what you need for self-care. Finding resources like guided meditations and creative activities can help.

We recognize the notion of self-care can require resources that aren’t distributed equally in society or can obscure the social or political roots of marginalization that can impact well-being. Self-care has also been commercialized into a massive industry that can perpetuate feelings of not being or having enough.

And marginalized groups have been hardest hit by the mental health impacts of the pandemic.

The word compassion, on the other hand, has a root meaning “to suffer together.” Is it possible to allow both the helpful and limited aspects of notions of self-care, and a sense of compassion or empathy for suffering, to shape responses? All of us might resolve to make extra efforts to invite, connect and to offer patience and forgiveness for imperfect moments.

We are all going to need some extra kindness on this road ahead, so hopefully a little fun can help smooth the path!

Heather McLaughlin, Lecturer, Creative Arts Therapies Department, Concordia University and Bonnie Harnden, Professor, Creative Arts Therapies Department, Concordia University

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

The Conversation

Check out our related podcast: Why you Need to Play More (E39)

The Importance of Having Fun In Your Life with Dr Mike Rucker (E27)

by

Happiness for Cynics

In this week’s episode, we talk to Dr Mike Rucker about the importance of having fun in your life and how it improves your overall wellbeing.

One of the narratives that I like to talk about is productivity porn or hustle porn. We get caught up in this notion that we have to devote our lives to work and that should be our purpose. And we’re just not wired for that.

Mike Rucker

About Dr Mike Rucker

Mike Rucker is a thought leader in the field of health and wellness, specifically regarding tactics to attract and motivate people towards healthier behaviours. He has worked with Universal Studios, Sony, Red Bull, and Better Homes and Gardens Real Estate, among others.

In 2016, he was named one of the top 50 influencers in digital health by Onalytica. He has a Ph.D., is a charter member of the International Positive Psychology Association, and a member of the American Psychological Association.

Find Mike at:

Keep an eye out in 2021 for Mike’s new book!

Transcript

M: You’re listening to the Podcast Happiness for Cynics. Each week we will bring you the latest news and research in the world of Positive Psychology otherwise known as happiness. I’m Marie Skelton a writer and speaker focused on change and resilience my co-host Pete is a bundle of joy but he’s off doing something fabulous I’m sure because today’s episode is all about bringing fun into your life and to discuss that we went straight to the source with an interview with Dr. Mike Rucker who has the coolest title ever, he is a fun expert. So, let’s get to this.

[Intro Music]

M: Mike Rucker is a thought leader in the field of health and wellness, specifically regarding tactics to attract and motivate people towards healthier behaviours. In 2016 he was named one of the Top 50 influencers in Digital Health by Onalytica. He has a PhD, is a Charter member of the International Positive Psychology Association (IPPA) and a member of the American Psychological Association. He’s worked with Universal Studios, Sony, Red Bull and Better Homes and Gardens Real Estate, among others. And although he’s passionate about many more things than I can fit into this short bio; today he joins us to talk about having fun and improving people’s overall well-being. Thanks, Mike, for joining us on happiness for cynics. I’m so excited to have you on the show.

Mike: Thanks so much for having me.

M: So, I’m keen to start by asking you how you got involved in studying the science of fun.

Mike: So… so as you mentioned in the bio at the onset of the positive psych movement, I mean, I guess, Csikszentmihalyi and flow and all of that kind of thing predated the IPPA. But when Marty Seligman’s book Authentic Happiness came out, that was really the onset of, you know, popular psychology, becoming popular, Sorry excuse me positive psychology, becoming popular.

Mike: And I was caught up in that movement. So I became a Charter member of the IPPA and study diligently Seligman, Csikszentmihalyi and others and a lot of the things that you discuss on your podcast, things like gratitude and kindness and so you know, I have been practising those tools for quite some time, but in 2016 kind of a trifecta of bad news came my way. I’ve been a lifelong runner and found out that I was going to need a hip replacement. My little brother unexpectedly passed away from a pulmonary embolism and then my wife got a job offer that was going to take us out of state. So that kind of uprooted us from family and friends. And so a lot of what I had learned, you know, taking gratitude and things of that nature just weren’t working, you know, I was really trying to use mindset and the other things too and I found that there were a few things right, so I had used them for so long that it kind of, you know, they weren’t effective.

And then two, especially with the passing of my brother. I didn’t necessarily want to be happy. I didn’t feel like, you know, happiness was the right thing for me. It wasn’t part of my identity in that moment, but and I was also in the throws of finishing my dissertation. So, like any good academic went to the literature and started seeing if there was anything that I had missed and what I did find was a big research gap in this idea of fun and the fact that we have agency in any given moment to, you know, add positive valance, positive emotion to an experience, even if we’re not necessarily feeling like we want to be happy in that moment, so those two can co-exist or can exist separately.

Obviously you add enough indexing of fun experiences, and it tends to pull you out of despair, which is great. But I think the reason that I like looking at it as a separate construct from happiness is that it points to the fact that we have agency in any given moment to enjoy ourselves and find enjoyment. Even if you’re dealing with a loss or divorce or, you know, stress somewhere you don’t necessarily need to identify as happy to go and have fun. And then another thing I like about it in the context of positive psychology is that it’s action oriented.

I think happiness, you know, we’ve quantified it to some degree in psychology and so therefore we kind of use it as a measure, right? And we know from things like the Hedonic treadmill and Perceptual adaptation that a lot of our happiness is kind of based on circumstance, where we are in life and our comparison to our… socioeconomic class. Where fun really transcends a lot of that, but certainly people can use resource is to have fun if they have a lot of money. But often times, especially with children, we’ll see that completely transcend socioeconomic classes. Two puppies don’t really need to know each other to start playing. Two children, you know on the playground, don’t need to know each other’s background in the context, you know, to enjoy kicking the ball around. And as we grow older, we lose sight of that because we’re such victims to the judgement habit.

One of the things. One of the interventions that I like to talk about. I can’t take credit for it. It’s from IDL[?]. But it’s this idea where you take a bunch of people in a room and you have them pair up with strangers and you have them do caricatures of each other, which is a really fun assignment, right? Like everyone in the video, you can see is smiling and enjoying themselves, and then you’re asked to share that with your partner. And then you see this anxiety and fear almost instantly, right and no one cares, like there was no assumption that you are an artist, right? But this idea that now you’re going to be judged by someone that you don’t know. Even though the assignment was completely fun and whimsical sucks it out. And so if you practise having fun you can start to get some of that back. You can realise that you’re not being judged as much as you think you are. And so I have just really taken a liking to it. Not as making it overtly important, but something that we don’t think about enough.

M: Absolutely. I’d say that as an adult where, I don’t know, from childhood where we’re trained that growing up involves taking fun out of our lives and becoming serious. And so I find this idea fascinating. So happy to be talking to you about it.  

So what does the science say about what fun can do in our lives?

Mike: So, I think there’s a whole host of things, right? So we know that in fact, there’s a recent study that shows the more spontaneous we are, the more that we kind of look for the spices of life can lead to happiness. Another thing about having a deliberate fun is I think you are able to circumvent the Hedonic treadmill if you do it mindfully, right. A lot of things that we pursue are based on keeping up with the Joneses and things that we think are fun or we’re kidding ourselves. But when we take a more mindful approach to it, fun, pure elation and really enjoying something that is true to your soul is [it] ads gains to our life like episodically we have these indexes that we can relish were sort of chasing happiness.

I think we’re starting to see more of that it can lead to negative outcomes because what happens is especially if you’re doing it in the context of a clinical setting. You take these assessments like the PERMA or whatever it is and it says ‘Oh, you know, you’re not where you want to be’, and so that then becomes part of your identity, right? As soon as you get the results, you’re like, ‘Oh, I’m not happy’ where fun is so immersive that, you know, almost anybody can do it. And so in that context, that’s why I believe it’s important.

M: So can I can paraphrase and correct me if I’m wrong here.

Mike: Yes.

M: You can’t chase happiness, but you can chase fun and fun will bring you happiness, at least in the short term.

Mike: Yeah, and I would be careful because chasing happiness can lead to escapism. And there’s good escapism and there’s bad, right? And so you know, bad is coping and certainly, you know, we all need to cope and so having a bit of fun, It’s not necessarily chasing it, but there are people. I have interviewed a gentleman by the name of Chip Conly and he’s, are you familiar?

M: No, not with Chip. I’ll have to look him up.

Mike: He might be more U.S. centric, but he, he’s an entrepreneur by trade, he started a hotel chain called Joie de Vivre. But he’s also he either is or was on the governing body of Burning Man. And so we talked about this idea, folks that chase festivals. I’m sure you have the same phenomenon in Australia. And so that really is chasing fun, right? And that can lead to, you know some really bad things. And so the idea is that that fun is all encompassing like a lot of times when I have these discussions, especially because some of my earlier work, you know, I have blogged things like optimise fun, things of that nature, which when I find the time, I’ll rewrite because the idea there wasn’t necessarily to say that we should have a life full of fun. It was that we’re facing, you know, burnout at rates that we’ve never seen before, right? The World Health Organisation has now categorised it as a global epidemic. And after Covid, who even knows, right? Because that was in 2019. So, like, you know, we know people are losing their asses right now.

[Laughter]

Mike:  So, idea is you know, to add it [fun] back into your lives to loop back to something that you said a lot of us as adults have moved away from it because social norms or especially one of the narratives that I like to talk about is productivity, porn or hustle porn. You know, we get caught up in this notion that, you know, we have to devote our lives to work and that should be our purpose. And we’re just not wired for that. We need downtime and leisure.

It’s extremely important, I think in oceana you guys take it a little bit better than us. I remember I did a stint at Christ Church at Lincoln University and you could actually major in leisure which I thought was awesome.

M: Ha ha.

Mike: But, you know, I think everywhere, certainly here in the U.S. But I think everywhere we’re just finding that people aren’t using their paid time off. They have a sense of duty. So they think, especially folks in my age range that are caught in what it was called the sandwich generation. Or you have kids and you have to look, look after your parents that, you know people will feel guilty even if they are engaging in a night out, which is just not right.

So you know you have 168 hours in a week, and I think if you can’t find one or two where you’re actually finding pleasure out of that, that’s meaningful to you, that isn’t [good], You know at the sake of, you know like playing with your children and then kind of, you know, even though that could be fun, I think a lot of people are doing it out of a sense of duty and are on their phone really the whole time. So they think they’re playing with their kids, but if they look at it critically, they’re not really having fun there. Half of their brain is at work and the other half is treating that hour as obligation yet they’ll kind of log it in their brain as play.

M: Yep. Or it, it’s another list item that you’ve got to check off in the week, you know. It becomes a stress to have fun.

Mike: Yeah

M: So what are some tips then for listeners for how to introduce more fun into their lives? How do you do it? So it’s not just another thing that you’ve got to add into your week and another expert telling us ‘here’s something else you need to do to make your life more full and meaningful.’

Mike: Yeah, I’m glad you asked that question because… I’m writing a book right now called The Fun Habit. It’s coming out next year, and I think in the original manuscript you were exactly right. Like we realised, I’m working with a development editor, and it was, this is just, a lot of these tactics are giving people just another thing to do and that certainly was implied. And so we’re reworking it because you’re right. If it’s a burden than it’s the scenario with childcare. It’s the same thing.

So what I suggest is you know 168 hours isn’t a lot right to really be mindful on any given week. And so I suggest taking a look, doing a really general time audit, you don’t have to be completely thorough but investigating in one week’s time, what you’re doing and kind of logging it within four different categories.

I call it the PLAY model, so it’s:

  • Pleasing;
  • Living;
  • Agonising; Or
  • Yielding.

And without going too deep into it, you can often find those opportunities where you think that you’re having fun but changing things up just a little bit. You can actually enjoy yourself. So in the scenario with the child you commit to that hour and that you might do something using self-determination theory, where you both have some autonomy on what it is, right. So both the child and the adult will agree because, it’s funny I talk about it in the book, but sometimes if you don’t do that extra step and you  do it, something that the adult thinks the child will have fun that could backfire. I did that one time. I took my daughter to a lantern festival. It was kind of a father daughter date, and I really wanted to sort of be this reflective spiritual experience. And she really just wanted to light as many lanterns off as possible, right?

M: [Laugh]

Mike: So that’s where I failed at my own advice, because I was looking to have fun. But I didn’t. It wasn’t really inclusionary. It was more prescriptive, right? So, but you can also do that. I don’t want this to all be parent centric. I think, you know, let’s say you’re a single individual. If it could be making sure that you sit down at lunch and use that opportunity to reconnect with a friend or whatever it is.

But often times what people think you know is leisure, like binge watching a show that they don’t really care about can be replaced with something more meaningful. And so I want to be careful there, too, because it certainly is meaningful if you’re watching it with, you know, it’s something that you really enjoy on. You can think back on it, but a good litmus test for that is, you know, any sort of activity that if you went back to savour or relish it, would you remember what it was about? You know, a lot of times if people are being honest with themselves. You know, social media viewing or TV doesn’t fit in that category. A lot of times it does. I always like to preface it because I’ll get emails that say ‘Why are you demonising media?’ And I don’t think that’s the case. I think a lot of people do have fun, you know, engaging with content and things of that nature. But a lot of us do it to kind of placate to you know, to distract us from other things.

M: And I think again it comes back to mindful viewing and being mindful about what you choose to spend your time on.

Mike: Or if you’re in the company of a good partner, you know, enjoying that time you might not remember the show but you’ll remember that you guys laughed and drank wine and whatever it is, you know.

M: Yeah, definitely. So your acronym there and again I don’t want to give away the book. We want our readers to actually go and buy the book. The acronym you used was PLAY to take that a little bit further and move away from the acronym. How are play and fun interlinked? Or are they? Have you done any research into how they’re tied?

Mike: Yes, they’re definitely different. And so, but obviously they come up right, because you’re going to have fun doing a whole gambit of different things and not necessarily playing, but play therapy, engaging in various types of play. [Dr] Stuart Brown is kind of a godfather of that I’m not sure if you’re familiar with his work.

But because even that, you know, since it’s not really my expertise but reading his book, you know the amount of ways that you can slice and dice play. I found fascinating, right?

There’s child play.

There’s, you know, improv[ization] play.

There’s sport play;

So, you know play, you could fill up a few of these podcasts with just what play is because we often just think about it as being childlike with either other adults or with kids. But play as sort of a, you know, construct. Wellbeing is multifaceted, but fun can be, you can enjoy things outside of place, so that’s where the two are delineated.

M: Okay, great. So you mentioned your book. Is there anything else that you can give our listeners a sneak peek about, about what the book is about or the dust cover overview?

Mike: Sure. Well, it’s really just a comprehensive look at fun the way we described it, I think reintroducing folks to the fact that they do have some agency. And then one of the things that we didn’t really talk about, but I think is important is this idea of time affluence, right? You know, we talked about affluence and, you know, personal brand and money, especially in you know, the context of the Internet, right?

Everyone is always trying to sell you the next hustle, but time affluence is something that’s really important and people take for granted right, because often times, especially if you go back and do that time audit, you’ll realise that you’re giving away a lot of your time that you don’t really need to, you know, one of things that we talked about in the book certainly is things like email where just a couple of strategies there, you know, and I don’t go too deep into productivity, but there are a lot of things that you think are yielding some sort of output and it ends up just really making yourself believe that you’re busy and it’s not really contributing, so those are opportunities that you could put on pause or potentially take away from your day to day and implement better uses of time.

M: Great. I’m looking forward to seeing it come out. Now you have such an impressive bio and such a broad sweep of experience, and I know that you’re also heavily involved in the health and tech or health-tech and product design areas. Do you know of any apps that you could recommend to help adults bring more fun or play into their lives?

Mike: So there are a couple, I don’t have any that I’m affiliated with. I play with them all the time as you alluded to, right. So the one that my kids are having just a great time with right now is called Marco Polo, are you familiar with it?

M: No and look I’m really personally interested in the answer to this question as well. So Marco Polo?

Mike: Yeah, it’s a way where you can kind of, it’s similar to TikTok, but more personal, where you do something silly and then you kind of send it over to your friend and they can respond. So it’s a great way, especially during Covid for family members that are whimsical or silly to sort of, you know, just like the Marco Polo game kind of bounce stuff back and forth. So that’s a great one for having fun. And then the one that I’ve been enjoying right now is out of Duke [Behavioural Economics Lab] called Fabulous and it’s a habit changing app. So it’s a little outside the bounds of fun, per se, but it has a bunch of really cool sort of interventions and one of the you know, it’s got to slick UI [User Interface], I’m having a lot of fun with it [laugh].

M: Thank you so much. So thank you for all of your time. We’re almost at the 20 minute mark. But before we go, how can people find out a bit more about you? And where should we look out for your book?

Mike: Thank you for this Opportunity.

So my website’s michaelrucker.com

And then I’m also on all the social channels on Instagram under the wonder of fun. And on Twitter under perform better.

It’s kind of an old handle, but I didn’t decide not to switch it up yet, He he.

M: Sure, no worries. And where will you be launching your book?

Mike: Yes. So it got picked up by Simon and Schuster and they’re looking for a cue for 2021 pub date. So in about a year and a half it should come out.

M: No worries. Okay, we’ll keep an eye out for it then. Thank you so much for your time. I really appreciate you talking to us.

Mike: This was great. Thank you for having me.

[Exit Music]

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