find balance

Happiness for Cynics podcast

There have been hundreds, probably thousands, of studies into the positive effects of regular exercise, so there’s no way we could do a podcast on happiness and not cover exercise. This week, our guest, Dade Bailey, talks about the importance of exercise to your happiness and resiliency and offers some tips for how to speak to your boss about having balance.

Transcription

You’re listening to the podcast happiness for cynics. I’m Marie Skelton. I’m a change and resilience writer and speaker. You can find me at www.marieskelton.com. My co host is Peter Furness, and today he has the day off because we have a fabulous guest with us. So on to today’s episode, which is all about exercise.

[intro music]

M: Today we’re going to talk about exercise. There have been hundreds, probably thousands, of studies into the positive effects of regular exercise. It leads to better moods, decreased stress, more mental resilience, more confidence, more energy and I could keep going on. But in short, there is no way we could do a podcast on happiness and not cover exercise. So this week I’m excited to welcome our guest today, Dade Bailey, who has had a very successful career in the corporate world but who also recently retrained as a personal trainer.

So you’ve had a very successful career with some big Australian brands?

DB: Absolutely.

M: But there’s more to you than your professional career. So let’s cut to the chase. You’re buff. [Hehe]  

DB: Right, thanks.

[Laughter]

DB: Yes. Okay. So, yes, it took a long time for me to get there.

M: So can you just start with telling me and listeners, how much time do you spend working out or doing exercise each week? And what do you do?

DB: Well, look, I think for me, just given a bit of reflection is that I always wanted to get to this point of being able to look in the mirror and go ‘Yeah I look good, I feel great, I’ve got a healthy balance and it took a very big mind shift to get there. I thought by throwing myself into the gym left, right and centre without kind of understanding how my body works was massive [and] I’d achieve those results. And it wasn’t, never got the results that I thought I was going to get. For me, I did the gym I’ve been with 14 years called Hiscoes in Surrey Hills. Such a great gym. But I did like a challenge with them. They really gave me the understanding of how muscle groups were, how nutrition needs to work, how building good longevity strength really would help. And that would kind of help me set my mindset to where I got to. So I didn’t need to train stupidly, all the time. I had to really think around, well how do I make sure my body is recovering? How am I making sure I’m doing the right kind of exercises to get maximum strength, not kicking it out for, like, two hours in a gym. [Doing] 45 minutes each times that it really was researching that kind of structure and really diving into that helped me then continue to get better and improve my form, improve my physique in a very healthy way.

M: So tell me, weekly, what do you do now?

DB: Weekly now, because I now work at a gym as well as a personal trainer I’m there a lot, which I did not realize how much more exercise you do what because you’re working with clients all the time, which is always good. But from my own personal point of view, I’m there about four or five times a week for my own personal training. But that’s a variety of different things that could be any kind of conditional strength training, that could be some high intensity training, but also it could be just something like some stress relief of like going to kick the crap out of boxing bag, or just going to do some yoga for active recovery. I really love Pilates – reformer Pilates – so that’s really good. So four to five times a week because rest is so important as well. You’ve got to be able to allow your body just to be able to relax and also from a mental health point of view it helps really clarify, like you’ve done your exercise, take a break. And that really brings it home for me is like you do need to rest take that time.

M: I think there’s a few things you said in there. Firstly, right off the bat, you mentioned balance and how you use this to balance your corporate life.

DB: Absolutely.

M: Secondly, you mentioned food, and what you’re eating and putting in your body. And then thirdly, you mentioned mental health there. How do you find those different elements work together for you? Or are they important that you’re considering, you know, the food you put in your body, the exercise you doing your mental health and balancing all of that?

DB: I think being in the corporate world for such a long time, exercise is always my outlet from a personal point of view, and going to the gym either in the morning set me up for the day to really start my day off well, so from a mental health point of view, it was like, ‘I’m up, I’m ready, I’m walking in the office ready to take on the day. I’m feeling good. I’ve got all these endorphins happening. It’s great. Fantastic. But then also if I was then going to eat an egg and bacon sandwich every day, and not really balancing out the food, I wasn’t really complimenting my training as well. So what really started to interest me which everyone needs to find entertaining in the gym when I was doing my diets and those kind of things was that it was actually bringing a really nice balance. But I could see in others as well around, “Are you exercising?”  “No, I don’t exercise.” It’s like, well how, how do you bring your best self to work every day if you’re not really looking after internal? And that’s a lot of nutrition. Are you eating right? Are you sleeping, right? So for me all three really compliment looking after a team. And when I worked with the teams with that I was able and honoured to be able to lead within the organization, it was also instead of just having a meeting, let’s go and have a walk and talk. Let’s do some exercise at the same time. Hey, let’s go and have a nice healthy lunch and have our one-on-one or let’s and it’s really bringing that experience I’ve been able to do which is now fortunate I’ve become a personal trainer and I know a lot more about the sciences behind it. I think me going back into the corporate world is really going to help me as a leader to help my team thrive, get the best out of their work, and also make sure that they are… because if they’re outside eating crap, and they’re not exercising, are they bring their best selves? Probably not because of the balances that they have.

M: Sure. Okay, can you help us understand how you first got involved or how you found that passion? A lot of people join gyms and never go back or go to one or two classes and never go back. And we hear all the stories and a lot of us, me included, have signed up for gyms and really wasted our money. How did you find that spark or that passion to begin with?

DB: Part of me, it’s the stubbornness within. I think for me, though, I’ve always expected for me somebody to ring my doorbell and go, “Hey, here’s the abs that you wanted.”

[Laughter]

M: Wouldn’t that be great?! Sign me up.

DB: Wouldn’t that be great. Order them online, they just arrive. And I’m like, do you know what, there was a challenge at the gym it was an eight week strength challenge and I’m like, you know what, for eight weeks, I will commit. And it was just like this is a short amount of time and really commit and for me it was the go, really just see what you can do and what it will help and do that. And even by week four of the eight week, I was seeing so many different changes in my body, how I was sleeping, how I was motivating myself. I changed myself from not being a morning person to being a morning person, which was just…

M: That’s huge.

DB: It’s huge. Like, I never used to be out of bed. I used to wake up and just go to work, but now I wake up at like 5:30 in the morning, quite happily.

M: What?! Okay, I need your secret.  [Laughter] We’ll get to that in a second. 

DB: But I think for me, it was the, you’ve got to be able to help yourself and that was the mindset thing. It’s like you’re the only one who’s going to be accountable here. Nobody’s gonna, like you can, you’ve got personal trainers that will help you, but it’s also “Where’s your commitment in this?” And I had to owe that to myself. If I think longevity, I need to do more for me now than I ever needed to do. And I’ve got to think of my life in the future and understanding the body so much more has really helped me kind of think, okay, I’m sore today, I’ve done some workout, how, how do I recover from that? So it’s really helped me think around that because the physicality of it also affects your mental health as well. So if you’re not feeling fine all the time, it really affects how your day progresses.

M: Yeah. So a lot of us are spending long, long hours in the corporate world, right. And last year, in particular, the world’s started to take notice of burnout. So World Health Organization called it a global epidemic, and it’s becoming harder and harder to say, no, in the corporate world. How do you… What advice would you give to people to make sure they can find the balance in their life? To fit in exercise

DB: Yeah, I think just from a personal point of view, after 14 years of working in an organization that the scale and the complexity that I did, I was really, I was burnt out. And I’ve taken the time out, to do some of the things I wanted to do, like become a personal trainer, which is amazing. But the corporate world is relentless, and it’s nonstop. And you have to find those moments to find that balance. For me, as a leader in an organization, it was making sure that people came to work and they had a balanced life outside of work was my priority, because if they were wandering in and they didn’t have that balance, they weren’t able to perform at work. So for me, them, making sure that they could do work flexibly if they wanted or being able to prioritize going to the gym classes that they wanted, or Hey, there’s a yoga class at four. Go to it. You can. I know you’ll work to make up the hours, not putting restrictions on the old way of working of, “I need to see you at your desk from nine to five, and you need to produce X amount of widgets.” It’s like: here are the outcomes that you need to achieve. I expect that you’re an adult and you’re able to achieve them. I will give you like, accountability to do that. And yeah, of course, we’ll talk about how’s the kids “Oh, well I need to do this and this, “you work how you want.” And by giving people that freedom enabled them to be able to bring more of themselves to work and they were honest with me going, “I’m going through a tough time with this happening at home.” Okay, cool, at least I’m aware. But at least that kind of relationship really helped people bring everything they can to the office, and I, I created teams that thrived. And that’s where I’m always very proud of those moments. Because for me, if I’m running a team and they’re not living their best life outside of work, they’re not going to enjoy coming to work every day.

M: Absolutely. So obviously we all wish we had a boss like you. Were there any points in your life where you had bosses that didn’t subscribe to this idea? And how did you deal with explaining that you need to take time for yourself in order to be better for the organization or for your boss?

DB: There’s a few, there’s an example that comes up straight away where I had a boss who was very micromanagement. And it really pushed my buttons. And in the end, I was like to manage the micro manager I had to manage back. Okay, you want to know everything I’m doing? Here is a task list. Here’s everything I’m doing. You want to see that I’ve done all these tasks? Awesome. So for me, it was taking back because instead of them controlling me, I had to take control of them. But also give them honest feedback. And I’m like, can I just ask why you need to know this level of detail? And sometimes people are just a bit afraid of the boss.  And ask. Well, why don’t you just ask the question, what’s this to achieve? What’s the outcome? Because for me, that kind of open and honest communication doesn’t happen enough in the corporate world. We’re living in a world where, oh no I’ve been told to do this so I’ve got to do it. And people need to ask the question “why” a lot more.

M: Yep

DB: Why? Why are we doing this? I need to ask the silly question, because I need to believe in anything that I’m doing. And working with bosses in that way, it’s like, you tell me a vision and how this is going to happen. I’ll believe you, I will follow you as a leader. If you don’t sell me as to the why we’re doing something, I’m not going to be giving it 100%. And I think for me, in some of the areas I was in, I had to really ask, why are we doing this? Why do you want me to be passionate about it? And I know you sometimes you get told you have to do it. But that for me, doesn’t give me motivation to do my job. Yeah. And I’m very much around I need a purpose.

M: Yeah. And I think the research shows most of us do. Okay, so, have there been any times since you first started including exercise in your life on a regular basis that you haven’t been able to exercise, and have there been any ties to – or have you noticed any ties to – your mental health and your resiliency?

DB: Absolutely. When in high delivery times, if I don’t get sleep and I don’t get to the gym in the morning and I go straight to work. I can sense my productivity levels. I’m wandering in, I don’t feel energized wandering in, it takes me about two hours to get going. And people are bombarding me with questions over there. And it is peaks and troughs, especially when you’re in delivery mode. But it’s being able to make sure you find that time and make sure that you are saying no, this is important. And the reason for that is that I won’t have two hours of wasted time as I wander in. And making sure you have the conversation as to why it’s important with your leaders to go, this is me, this is why I need to do this. This is going to be better for you. But also making sure my team had exactly the same kind of opportunities to go not it’s a priority for you. If this is what makes you happy if it’s making sure you’re dropping the kids off or going to swim class with the kids. I make sure that that time is available because for me, that is how you make effective teams,  

M: mm hhmm.

DB: because you’re balancing that out. But for me, I could tell from a mental health point of view that when I was at one of the biggest complex change programs I was leading to deliver IT experiences to the whole organization, it was consuming so much of my time. I then started to see my drinking habits go up, that then made me sleep more, and made me not get up in the morning, that made me not get to the gym. So I will have to go to a checkpoint on myself and go “hang on what’s happening here? How you’re going to get control?” And it was that… I actually did a kind of put me at the centre and what actually makes me happy overall, like bringing things back to me. Me is flexible working, … gym work, making sure I’ve got nutrition, making sure I’ve got balanced kind of time for with my friends, and how what’s disappeared from that. How do I get it back? And most of it was like, well, I’m allowing work to take over my personal gym time, I can’t have that happen. I’m not getting an hour to do my nutrition like I cook on a Sunday night, Sunday for the food for the week, why are you not doing that? Like that sets you up for the week. But instead, you’re actually going to work, you’re eating crap food, because it’s not what actually you want, but it’s convenient. So I really had to look at and put myself under the microscope and go, what makes you happy on a day to day basis from the outside of work. And what is work affecting of those pillars?

M: I think it’s such an irony that when we’re needed most at work, we let down all the other areas of our life that keep us healthy for work.

DB: But it’s also the ability for a leader to see that in their people. And for me now coming into a personal training side is I think I’m rounding out my skills in a very different way. Because it will be a very much well what makes you, you outside of work? Is it exercise? Is it nutrition? How are you balancing yourself out? And how as a leader, can I help that outside work operate well? What blockers do I need to remove to help free that up so you come into this office skipping?

M: Yeah, absolutely. So can I ask you since you have been training and doing your certifications, what are some tips that you can leave for listeners who are just starting out on their exercise journey?

DB: Ask questions of anyone in that gym. There are such… there’s so much knowledge… even though I’ve been going to this gym…. I’ve had the same personal trainer since day dot and he’s just so full of knowledge over how bodies work, how you sleep, how there’s so much knowledge that they have. Learn from them and really ask questions. They want to be asked and if you have a question over I don’t know how to find some motivation or I don’t know what I should be doing, ask them because if they don’t know, they’ll know somebody who can help you.

M: Yep

DB: Don’t be afraid to ask in any kind of exercises moment say, I don’t know how to do this, please help me. A lot of people don’t do stuff because they have a fear that they may look silly or in front of other people they may go “oh no, they look really fit.” Everybody’s there to help you. And yes, there are some people in gyms that are all there posing in front of mirrors or at the other end of the spectrum where they’re like, “Oh, my God, you had an alcoholic beverage, the world is ending.” But it’s more, use the facilities and everyone’s there to better themselves. You’re all there for the same reasons, you’re there for health reasons, or want to look better for your wedding that’s coming up, or something like that. And there are people in that gym, with so many skills to bear to help you achieve that. Don’t be afraid.

M: Yeah. For someone who’s new to a gym. I know when I was I think I first went to a gym when I was 13 or 14 and those machines look bloody scary. Right, when you first walk in… I don’t know if you remember going, “Oh my gosh, how do these work?” and we’ve all seen the YouTube videos of people not using them well. So would you recommend maybe taking a class to get started versus going straight for the weights equipment? 

DB: So a couple of things that I’d recommend: most gyms overall should have some kind of, as you join a gym, some kind of introductory, they should do a fitness assessment with you as soon as you walk in. Like how are you setting off as a baseline? Let’s do some measurements. Let’s do some weights and height [measurements]. Let’s make sure you can know what your goals are, what do you want to achieve, and then any good gym will sit down and help you design a program and not only help you design a program to help you start to achieve that, but also show you how to use that equipment. And the other point is, is that there are the free weights where a lot of experienced people use the free weights and the dumbbells and things like that. But there’s the ones where the machines that what we call the pin machines, they are built to help you ensure you’re doing your form correctly, they always have a little illustration on them as how to do it properly. If you’re not.. don’t have the confidence to talk to someone, so just have a read of that it will tell you exactly what to do. And it will really make sure your form is correct. And if you don’t know how to, if you look at a machine and go “I have no idea,” just go and ask reception or asked one of the trainers because they honestly want you to use the gym to its maximum ability and they want their product to be used and for you to get the best results.

M: Is there anything I haven’t asked you that you want to add before we go?

DB: I think in summary it’s finding balance overall. I think you can go to an extreme, like you can go right I’m going to just like throw everything at exercise, but you’ve got to also remember, your body needs fuel for that exercise. And if you’re not complementing it with the great nutrition and you’re not complementing it with great sleep, and you’re not coping it with a mental of going outside and enjoying life, you need to look at where your factors of your life you really are important to you, and then see how you get balanced across them. Because sometimes people put too much on one thing, “I’m going to go on a massive restrictive diet, which will make me unhappy.” And it’s like, well, those diets that fad diets when actually just if you’ve really focused on true nutrition, and good exercise, it brings balance in itself.

Marie: Okay, thank you for your time.

DB: Awesome. Thank you.

M: Thanks for joining us today. If you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and if you’re in Sydney you can find Dade at Hiscoes gym in Surrey Hills. Just go to his hiscoes.com.au that’s h-i-s-c-o-e-s-dot-com-dot-a-u. Until next time, bye

[Happy exit music]

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