Happiness for Cynics
This week, Marie and Pete discuss the latest research on different types of rest, and pose the question are you getting the rest you need?
Show notes
Rest Quiz – What type of rest are you not getting?
Go to: https://www.drdaltonsmith.com/ and complete the free Rest Quiz on Dr Dalton’s website
- Physical rest
- Mental rest
- Sensory rest
- Creative rest
- Emotional rest
- Social rest
- Spiritual rest
Transcript
[Happy intro music -background]
M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.
M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.
P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.
P: Hi, hi, hi 😊
M: How’s this for country hospitality. I ran away from Sydney just before the latest lockdown and have joined my husband, who’s been working up in Tamworth, which is in regional New South Wales in Australia. And instead of knocking on our door during these covid times, I got a handwritten note from our local Mormon.
P: Yep.
M: Inviting me to join them.
P: I’ve heard of this! Laugh. I like it, I think it’s funny.
M: Country hospitality, laugh!
P: Exactly. Good on them for being adaptive. I think it’s great. I think we should take note.
M: Absolutely, a handwritten note and in beautiful cursive writing. I was like wow.
P: There we go.
M: Nice, laugh.
P: But we know that church is good for us because Self-care is church for non-believers.
M: Absolutely. The rituals that church provides, absolutely.
P: Or did provide, yes.
M: Yeah. Or does for those who attend, Yep.
P: But we’re not talking about church this week, what are we talking about this week, Marie?
M: Rest! I’m tired, Pete!
P: Laugh.
M: Always tired.
P: Have a rest and a lie down.
M: Ah, that’s a really good point. A while ago, if people said they were tired, maybe, you know, have a cup of tea and then go to bed.
P: Absolutely.
M: So really, sleep is the way that we have always thought to solve that question of tiredness.
P: Mmm.
M: But today we’re going to talk about how sleep alone isn’t enough.
P: Oh!
M: And there’s so much more to rest than maybe we’ve been led to believe in the past. And we’re really taking a lot of the tips and hints and research in today’s episode from Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith. She has just written a book called Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity.
P:That’s a New Age slogan right there, laugh!
M: It sure is.
P: Now Marie, having known you for a little while, I reckon if I had read that out to you about three years ago, you would have scoffed and walked off.
M: Yeah. What a waste of money. Why would I buy that?
P: Laugh!
M: I’m gonna take my $10 and by a martini, thank you.
P & M: Laughter!
P: How we have changed, laugh!
M: Absolutely.
P: So, what does Dr. Saundra have to say about rest?
M: She says that there are seven types of rest and that really between all seven. If you take care of all seven types of rest, that impacts how you show up in the world. It impacts how you get out of bed.
P: Mmm.
M: It impacts your mood throughout the day. It impacts whether or not you drop after lunch.
P: Oh, so true!
M: It impacts whether you’re tired at night. You know, the first one to go home after a good night out with friends, it impacts your happiness levels as well.
P: Mmm.
M: So, in impacts how you show up each and every day.
P: Yeah, What I like about this approach as well is that she’s not just looking as sleep as being the only factor that’s at play here. There are so many factors that affect our sleep.
M: Yeah.
P: And what I think this this premise does is it addresses some of those lifestyle characteristics that contribute ultimately to our sleep. We know that a one-hour loss in sleep results in a 30% drop in immune function. That’s my little catchphrase from some of the stuff that I’ve read. What I like, about what Dr. Saundra is talking about is there’s always other elements in there which we can address as rest.
M: Mmm hmm.
P: And changing our lifestyle habits, that really does have an impact on how we get to sleep in the positive.
M: It’s all interlinked, isn’t it?
P: Yeah, so much.
M: And so for me, with my medical history, I’ve had a long and bumpy ride with food allergies and food intolerances, and it is amazing to me how much my sleep quality is impacted by what I eat. Now that’s not everyone and that obviously we all have our own issues, and you know what you know, and you think it applies to other people.
P: Laugh.
M: When people have sleep issues, I’m like, Have you looked at your diet?
P & M: Laugh!
M: There are many reasons why we might not be getting a great night’s sleep. But for me back again and three years ago, I may not have been saying this either.
P: Laugh.
M: Mind and body are just so interlinked and everything is part of the same ecosystem. I’ve just written an article on my blog on gut health, actually, and how that your happiness.
P: Oh, yes. Yes.
M: So, I’ve got a great quote and then we’ll go into the seven types because I know everyone’s just wanting to know what seven types we’ve spoken about are.
P: Laugh.
M: So, a quote from Dr. Saundra, she says “Rest is not simply the cessation of activity, the core of rest has to be restorative.”
P: Oh.
M: And that really opens everything up to more than sleep, right?
P: Mmm, it does.
M: Which is exactly what we’ve been saying.
P: Yeah.
M: All right, so we’ll start with the first one physical rest.
P: Mmm, you need to take a break. This one applies to me actually.
M: This one is the one that we’re probably going to spend the least amount of time on is the most self-evident. There are two types of physical rest. One is passive, which is sleep.
P: Yep. Easy.
M: Right? Lay down, sleep, physical rest, tick.
P: Yep.
M: The other is an active physical rest, and this includes things like yoga or stretching or light walking. It’s just resetting your body. Gentle, rhythmic, you could probably put swimming in there maybe, gentle physical activity that is not exciting your system.
P: Mmm, downgrading.
M: Exactly, exactly.
P: She actually does list massage therapy in her Ted talk on this subject, So that’s a big tick for me! Laugh. Come get a massage, people!
M: I will do A massage over an hour of yoga any day.
P: Laugh. Ahh… good if we could get massages though… sigh.
M: Yeah. Laugh.
P: Laugh, Ok. Moving on the second type of rest is mental rest, and she talks about irritable and forgetful people, people who find it difficult concentrating at work. All these sorts of people just can’t seem to turn themselves off. What she says is, the good news is you don’t have to go on a vacation or quickly job to be able to do this. Scheduling short breaks into your day are vital. This I have to definitely put my hand up having been the person that you know works from eight o’clock in the morning, through to seven o’clock without a lunch break.
M: [Judgemental tone] Mmm hmm.
P: Laugh, this is me. Making sure that you’ve got some time where you stop and rejuvenate. Allow your energy levels to re-jig and to get some, some focus back to get some ingestion going on. Slow yourself down.
M: Slow your brain down.
P: It really helps. Yeah, it really helps.
M: Yeah, and this is also more difficult in today’s society because we are pulled in so many different directions. If you’re not sitting at a computer all day, you’ll definitely nowadays have a phone and we say we know we should turn off notifications, but so many of us don’t.
P: Yep.
M: And even when you do, you know that that little red dots sitting there after lunch.
P: Laugh!
M: You know it’s there, even though you haven’t heard a ping or buzz at you.
P: Yep, laugh.
M: So, it’s really also mental rest is about mindfulness and stopping and taking a big, deep breath. And just letting your mind wander for a bit, doing the dishes without any TV or music on and just focus on doing the dishes.
P: Mmm.
M: Or, you know, washing your hair.
P: Mmm.
M: There’s many activities during the day that we add unnecessary noise into. And our mind is just being bombarded with stuff and noise and sensory input.
P: Information overload.
M: Yeah, let your mind focus on one task or on no task.
P: This is where the cup of tea comes in really well. Having a cup of tea is the old English way of stopping.
M: Mmm hmm.
P: You stop for a cup of tea and you sit in the office, in your backyard, I sit on my balcony when the sun’s out and I have a cup of tea and it makes you stop, lovely.
M: So, this fits well into number three, which is sensory rest.
P: Mmm.
M: So, you’ve got mental rest, that’s really stopping your mind from having to think.
P: Yep.
M: But just as important. And this one really made me look at my habits.
P: Yeah.
M: I would finish a long day at work. So, I get up, I try and get some exercise in then do some writing or you know, editing the podcast or blog writing.
P: Mmm.
M: All of that kind of stuff and then I start a 10-hour workday.
P: Yeah, woah.
M: And so, at the end of the day, all I want to do is crash in front of the TV, and that doesn’t take into account the fact that you can overload on sensory input.
P: Yeah.
M: So, at the end of the day, what my brain needed was a book, or for me to have a shower and wash my hair or for me to do something that was really not going to continue to overload me from a sensory perspective.
P: Yeah, I was going to say that that sensory stimulation is coming in through your eyes, like that light pollution that we talked about before.
M: And it is. So, you sit yourself down in front of the TV and your brain is like, Oh, gosh more.
P: Again!
M: So, while you might be sort of zoning out in front of it, your brain is still processing all of those images and noises.
P: Yep.
M: Plus, you know, the dog wants to be let out for a walk and is scratching at the door, and your kids are not going to bed. And you know your husband’s asking when dinner will be ready.
P: Mmm hmm.
M: Like all of this stuff, the life stuff that adds to sensory input. And it’s really important to find some time away from all of that sensory input and get your sensory rest.
P: Yep, schedule it.
M: And then find the time. So, just to be clear, that’s no devices, no noise, no screens and no people, either. No demands on your mind.
P: Oh really? Oh.
M: This is really about shutting down, and meditation would be great, just going into the garden or just somewhere that you can really reduce your five senses.
P: Mmm.
M: Reduce the assault on those five senses and just take some quiet time. And it could be 20 minutes once a week if that’s all you can manage.
P: Yep.
M: It doesn’t have to be daily, but do you find time to, to shut down all that sensory input sometimes.
P: I like it.
M: Number four, Pete?
P: Number four, creative rest. Ah hah, creative rest is about happiness. It’s about having fun! It’s a little bit of activation, in a way. Creative rest is about taking inspiration, finding awe, so remembering the first time that you walked and saw a cliff face into the ocean. For me I’ve got images of Southern Italy with my niece and doing a trek and getting to this nunnery that looked out over this blue, blue ocean. That is creative rest.
M: Mmm.
P: That is inspiring awe and wonder and allowing yourself to take in some beauty and revel in that moment.
M: The easiest way to get this is to just get out into nature, isn’t it?
P: Yeah, she talks about that a lot, and she says that’s not the only way. But it’s the easiest, the easiest way because it makes you stop. It makes you breathe. It makes you pause because you’re in front of this incredible scenery.
M: Mmm hmm.
P: And what Dr Saundra talks about as well is having that in your daily life as well. So, if you’re around on your desk having those images up and around you make a big impact. I was doing some work recently on all the supportive things that go towards making a therapeutic environment; and being a health care professional, I was sort of being informed about all these elements, and there’s a reason why you put images of greenery and rocks.
M: And Buddhism candles!
P: And Buddhism candles, laugh, in your space because that placebo effect is scientific. It has a scientific reaction on someone’s receptiveness to a treatment or therapy. So that’s another way of gaining some creative rest.
M: I remember the first apartment I ever had or rented, and I decided I was going to use red and black.
P: Laugh.
M: You know, it was cool, it was funky. I decorated with red and black, and it was aggressive.
P: Laugh!
M: I think it lasted about two days, and I was like, not happening, you know, coming back into that space.
P: Aaahhh!
M: Laugh, a murder scene had gone on in there, right.
P & M: Laugh!
M: It was just palpable the way it made you feel because it was so aggressive in its colour scheme.
P: Mmm.
M: I 100% agree with you, Pete.
P: Laugh.
M: It’s so important to get it right.
P: You know a really nice thing? Get a pot plant. Put a pot part in your workspace. It can be really small, a tiny little one, a little succulent that you don’t need to take too much care of pop it on your desk and have two and rotate them between the sun. Really good way to bring in some green.
M: I have a plant here with me in my study. And the only reason it’s here is because this is where I spend my days and otherwise the cats eat them.
P & M: Laughter!
M: So, it’s the only way I can have a plant, keeping it with me during the day so I can keep an eye on it. Laugh!
P: So the cats don’t eat it! Laugh.
M: And then at night, I close the door to my study and the plants get closed in there too.
P: Laugh. Funny.
M: So recently, as part of my certificate in happiness studies, we did a week studying meditation, and one of the –
P: Ha, ha, ha.
M: – Yes, I know you’re laughing at me because I’m still a cynic when it comes to meditation, it’s just not my jam.
P: Laugh.
M: But one of the ways you can meditate. And this is actually something that does come from studying this stuff is actually getting a deeper understanding of all the different types of meditation, and one of them is music meditation.
P: Yep.
M: And so, to this creative rest category here. A great way to get rest, creative rest, is to put on a track of music and close your eyes, sit down and really listen to it in a deep and meaningful way that you haven’t before.
P: Yep, really engage with it.
M: Yep, and that’s just a three minute exercise. And it’s part meditation, so you’re getting a bit of mental rest in there, but you’re also getting a bit of creative rest. And it’s amazing when you do it, how much you can reinterpret a song or a piece of music that you’ve known your whole life and hear new things that you’ve never noticed before.
P: Music without lyrics actually works really well for that, because it is that depriving of the senses. So going in like a violin piece or a piano piece.
M: Mmm hmm.
P: It’s really easy to engage, and it’s a type of meditation. We talked about this in a meditation episode, right in the very beginning I think it was, Marie.
M: I wasn’t listening back then.
P: Laughter!
M: That was your show, laugh.
P: Delete, laugh. Anyway.
M: I did it cause Pete wanted to do an episode on meditation and I was like ‘why?’
P: Laugh!
M: And I have to say for everyone out there listening, meditation has so much research, so much research into the benefits for you, particularly in today’s day and age, which is, you know, as we just said, such a sensory overload kind of world. So, it is not that I am arguing against the validity of it as a way to increase your health and wellness. What I’m saying is, it just doesn’t work for me. I haven’t really found my type of meditation.
P: You’ll get there, oh budding grasshopper.
M: Laugh.
P: Emotional rest.
M: Yes, number five, emotional rest. Find a good friend. Well, you know, a therapist.
P: Laugh.
M: Find a good friend or therapist, be authentic and vulnerable with and let your guard down.
P: Mmm.
M: And really, there’s still so much more research. I was just reading another piece of research that was in an article today on psychology today again saying that close relationships are so important and there’s so many reasons why and this is one of them.
P: Mmm.
M: Emotional rest, if you are constantly wearing a mask, you cannot let go or be the true you.
P: No authenticity.
M: Yeah, and sometimes it’s dangerous for you to be the real you. The environment you’re in would not allow that.
P: Yep.
M: Other times it’s emotional or mental barriers and scarring from, you know, growing up. There’s a lot that can play into this. So, we’re not saying that you have to all of a sudden come out or be authentic, but it’s worth understanding that that lack of authenticity in your life has a huge impact on your mental well-being.
P: Mmm.
M: We did also do an episode on this before, Pete.
P: Laugh, yeah.
M: And really, if you can keep searching for your tribe, the people that you can find who you can be authentic around.
P: Mmm.
M: People like Pete.
P & M: Laugh.
M: Who love you for who you are.
P: Aww, stop it I’m going to cry.
M: Aww.
P & M: Laugh.
M: Then that provides so much emotional support and so many benefits outside of rest, which is what we’re talking about now. But so many benefits in so many different ways.
P: Yep, definitely.
M: So keep searching for your tribe if you haven’t yet found those people and make sure you spend the time because it takes a good 2 to 3 years to make that deep friendship and time and effort over time to do that.
P: Yep, mmm.
M: So don’t give up too early on people either. But keep looking, because the benefits when you find your tribe are amazing.
M: Number six-
P: Last one.
M: – is social rest.
P: Oh, missed that one.
M: And this one is big for me.
P: Mmm.
M: So if you’re an introvert. Social rest is so important and you’ll crave it and fight for it and hopefully protect it as much as you can, fight for it. And this is really about getting away from negative people and spending time with people who renew your energy rather than take it. And in a work environment, when things are stressful, a lot of the time we can spend 40 hours a week or more around people that we’d rather not prefer to spend time with, and oftentimes around people who are negative.
P: Yeah, it’s a hard one, but it’s really important.
M: All right. Now you can take us to the end.
P: Now I can do the last one.
M: Number seven.
P: I can drive it through the end, I’m the finisher. Spiritual rest, the ability to connect beyond physical and mental and feel a deep sense of belonging, love, acceptance and purpose. It just rounds it out so beautifully.
M: [vomit noise]
P: Laugh! Marie just threw up a little bit in her mouth.
M: Laugh, eeuggh.
P: It’s about finding something bigger than you, and we talked about this again about in terms of awe and inspiration. It’s finding a process of connecting with something that’s beyond. That takes your focus out of your issues, your life, Mrs. Blogs down the road who keeps throwing her rubbish in your flower bed or whatever, and looking for some awe and inspiration on a different level perhaps.
M: Is that happening to you? Someone throwing their garbage in your flower bed? Laugh.
P: No, I was actually thinking about my mother, laugh.
M: Is she throwing rubbish in someone’s flower bed?
P: No, someone’s been throwing rubbish in hers.
M: Oh dear!
P: And apparently some in the rose bushes. Apparently or alleged, laugh.
M: Geez, and she’s out in the country!
P: Yeah, she’s not far from you.
M & P: Laugh.
P: Anyway.
M: So spiritual rest, I think for me I get from helping others.
P: Mmm, interesting.
M: That, for me is a really easy one to tick off. I get that good, warm and fuzzy feeling, when I go donate blood. Or if I coach volleyball or you know there’s a whole range of things for me that make me feel I’m giving back to society and people around me and to my community, and that’s really important to me.
P: Mmm.
M: And again, it doesn’t have to be religious. A lot of people jump straight to religion, and that’s what turns them off, exploring this element of rest.
P: Mmm.
M: So, there are other ways that you can feel connected to community or to nature or the world around you. It’s just about finding what works for you.
P: Oh, lovely. So, it’s not all about sleep? Laugh!
M: No. So, physical, mental, sensory, creative, emotional, social and spiritual. And we’ll finish up by letting you know that Dr Dalton-Smith Saundra Dalton-Smith has a free rest quiz on her website that you can complete.
P: Ooh, homework! Yay.
M: Laugh.
P: Audience participation, yippee!
M: And if you do the quiz, you can get a bunch of feedback into areas that you might be able to improve on. So, her website is Dr Dalton-Smith, d r d a l t o n s m I t h . com. Really simple. I think I’ve got some rest I need to maybe address in my hectic life at the moment.
P: Laugh, we could probably all do that. So, get some rest people.
M: And stay happy. We’ll see you in a week.
P: Bye.
[Happy exit music – background]
M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.
P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.
M: Until next time.
M & P: Choose happiness.
[Exit music fadeout]
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