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Stress Reduction Lessons from Marie Kondo

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Why everything in your home should have a purpose and how to find joy

Have you ever come home from a busy day at work and taken a look at the piles of laundry that need folding, the stacks of papers on the dining room table and the general clutter everywhere and felt your stress levels get even worse? All that clutter and stuff can just seem like a never-ending to-do list that bugs you every time you walk into the house.

Well, you’re not just imagining it, research shows that clutter and mess can really impact our stress levels. Which probably explains the international sensation Marie Kondo, who has helped millions of people tidy up and, in the process, find joy and reduce stress. So what lessons from Marie Kondo can we apply to our own lives?

Recently, I spoke to certified KonMari consultant and founder of Neatly Awesome, Pilar Llorente who is one of only eight certified Konmari consultants in Australia. She says that the things we hold on to often have a deeper meaning in our minds, and that’s why she uses a holistic approach to help clients get rid of clutter and chaos.

Controlling the Chaos

“All that physical clutter becomes mental clutter as well,” says Pilar. “So, if we have things in our homes that we don’t need, use or love, our minds are probably full of those things too.”

According to Pilar, it’s a problem that many people face, and it just snowballs until you feel that you are not in control of your stuff, which is stressful. But when you can go through your stuff and clean not just your physical space but also your mental space, and you focus on what’s really important, it can bring real calm and peace.

In fact, the best part of the Konmari method, according to Pilar is the spiritual and emotional outcomes.

“I remember I had a client, and we were going through the Komono stage [see below] and I said, ‘wow, you have lots and lots of plates.’ She said, ‘Those are for very important people (…) I don’t want to use them every day.’ But then she had a lot of plates that were a bit old and chipped, and I said ‘how would you feel about using your special dinnerware every day?’ And she said, ‘no no no, I’m scared that if use it every day, it may break and all those memories I have will be broken too.’ And I said, ‘the memories will always be there, you don’t need the actual object (…) Imagine if you used that dinnerware every single day, then every single day you will remember all those memories. And don’t you feel special enough to use these every day?’ And her eyes just lit up and she was like ‘OH! You are right!’”

Although there are many lessons from Marie Kondo outlined in her show and her books, here’s a look at 5 steps to get started on your decluttering journey.

Lessons from Marie Kondo: 5 steps to declutter your home and your mind

So, where do you begin when it comes to decluttering your home? There are consultants, like Pilar, who are trained to guide you through what can be a very emotional journey. Alternatively, if you want to go it alone, there are five areas Marie Kondo says you need to tackle.

STEP 1: Clothes

Start by putting all your clothes on the bed. Pick up each item one at a time, and if that item doesn’t bring you joy or have a very practical and critical purpose, you should put it into the “toss” pile.

STEP 2: Books

Next is books. Here the rule is simple: everything needs a home. If you have space for a huge book collection, that’s great. But if you don’t have a space for every book, then it’s time to make some tough calls and get rid of some.

STEP 3: Paper

Today, a lot of our paperwork is online, but many of us still have piles of old bills and paperwork laying around. Again, go through the lot. Shred old documents, and neatly file those you have to keep.

STEP 4: Komono

“Komono” means everything in your bathroom, kitchen, garage and miscellaneous items. This step is less about joy and more about practicality. Tip everything out into a pile and only keep the things you need and use.

STEP 5: Sentimental items

Last but not least are the sentimental items, which are the hardest to let go of, and why this step is last. By this point, you should have accustomed your mind to letting things go, so it’s a bit easier to let go of the Mother’s Day card you received when your kid was 6, and the movie ticket stub from your first date with your husband of 15 years. At this step, you should be deciding which items to display, which to store and which things can go.

Hopefully these lessons from Marie Kondo help you to get some control back in your life!

To hear the full interview, click here.

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Take Back Control of Your Clutter with Pilar Llorente (E6)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast –episode 6

International sensation Marie Kondo has helped millions of people tidy up and find joy. Today’s guest, Pilar Llorente from Neatly Awesome, is one of 8 Konmari consultants in Australia. She joins us to explain why Konmari is about so much more than your stuff.

Transcription

M: You’re listening to the podcast happiness for cynics. I’m Marie Skelton, a writer, speaker and change and resilience expert, and my co-host is Pete.

P: Hi there. I’m Peter Furness. I’m a remedial massage therapist, dance and movement practitioner, yoga loving global adventurer. Each week we will bring to you the latest news and research in the world of positive psychology, otherwise known as happiness. Now, Marie, you’ve also got a blog on this topic, right?

M: Yes, you can find my podcast at happiness for cynics.com or visit marieskelton.com for articles and resources on change and resiliency as well as happiness and finding balance in today’s busy world. The site talks about a lot of the same research we talk about here on the podcast and has some really practical tips for bringing joy and happiness into your life.

P: So let’s get into it. Cynics the world over. It’s time to suck it up get happy.

[Happy music]

M: Today we’re going to talk about clutter and stress. Many of you would have heard about the international sensation Marie Kondo, who’s helped millions of people tidy up and find joy. I’m excited to welcome our guest today. Certified Konmari consultant Pilar Llorente is the founder of Neatly Awesome, based here in Sydney. She uses the Marie Kondo method, which is a holistic approach to help clients get rid of clutter and chaos in their life. You can find her site at neatlyawesome.com. So, Pilar, you’re one of only eight Konmari consultants in the whole of Australia. Can you tell me a little bit about what that means?

Pilar: Sure. So after reading the books, well, one day I came to my husband and I say I’m going to learn them for a week, so could you please to stay with the kids for a week. I chased… yeah I chased Marie Kondo to London to attend a seminar to be able to become a Konmari consultant. It was 110 people there from 33 different nationalities and it was really good. It was a great experience. It was very intense; and then I have to submit a lot of reports and photos with my clients and I’m very proud and honoured to say that I’m one of just eight Konmari consultants in Australia. So what I do is motivate my customers, my clients in their journey and I like to think about like I am the connector between their belongings and the hidden essence they represent.

M: And what kind of lessons do you teach then, what do you uncover or unhide?

Pilar: Well, the thing with clutter is that there is always something behind that, right and the method makes you confront your belongings and you really need to think and be really honest with yourself and think about why you bring that thing in your life and into your home in the first place. And in the end, you are able to understand the purpose that thing in your life. You are able to understand why it is difficult to let go or while you bring in the first place. So there is always an ‘unmask’ recently having every single thing in our home and that’s a very important part off the process is [to] learn all those lessons.

M: OK. So, can you tell me about what you do when you go into someone’s home? How does it work?

Pilar: Well the Konmari method, it’s basically we work by categories, not by locations, so we start with clothes and then books and then papers, komono [miscellaneous] and then we do the sentimental items. We discard those items that no longer spark joy in our life and we keep those things that really speak to our heart and those things with that we are letting go, we thank them for their services. And this is a deeply personal work and it requires confronting your past, in vision your future and taking action in the present. Okay, so the first thing I do when I get my clients is to understand why they want to do this process and it has to be a very powerful on good reason behind it. So, if you just want a clean home, it will not do because you need to be very clear, because that’s the thing that will help you when you encounter all those challenges, or when you feel that is just too much.

You think about that, about that way, and you will be able to get through that. So that could be something like, I want to spend this time cleaning and spend more time with my family with people with a person I love and it will take you through that. So after we are very clear in our vision way need to start going through every single thing in your home and you need to ask yourself ‘Does this spark joy to me?’

We need to try to keep this very positive. So it’s not about discard, discard and take to the rubbish bin, but it’s more about keeping the focus on the things you’ve really love and appreciate those things. So it’s like opposition training. Okay, so one of you wants to decide between the red top and the pink top and you decide, Okay I’ll take the red one. Then you do that for 50 or 100 items, and then you go to your books and then you think OK, this one, I have read just one page, this when I read a chapter, but I’m hook[ed] with the book. Or you think, Oh wow I didn’t even remember having this book in here and then you do this with every single thing in your home. So when you get to the sentimental items, which is the most difficult part and you find that great [item] or that person that you love, but it is no longer in your life. You will know the answer, would you keep it or would you let it go? Because the answer there would be in your heart.

M: Aahh… So there is method to the madness. You do the easy stuff first.

Pilar: [Laugh] Yes.

M: So, the reason that I was really interested to talk to you is that our podcast is about happiness. And there’s a lot going on in the world today and a lot of stress that people are feeling in general. And I’ve recently read an article that says that clutter and mess can really impact our stress levels. Have you noticed, while working with your customers, whether stress has gotten better or if anyone has anyone said anything to you about stress levels after they’ve worked with you?

Pilar: Oh, yes, definitely. So thing is that all that physical clutter becomes mental clutter as well. So if we have things in our home that we don’t need, use or love, our minds are probably full of those things too, right. And this method is about the idea that everything has a purpose and when you think about that, you can see the big picture. Okay. When I first started doing this method it was because big things that were established were taking a big role in my life and I spent too much time worrying about those things. But then, because part of the process is the gratitude power, when you are able to feel this gratitude to things it kind of re wires your brain and you can focus on the joy on what you love. So for example, the morning I can see that some of my clients they rush in the morning, it’s really bad, so there are things on the floor, everything is a mess, you can see all the laundry that you won’t be able to do today and probably not tomorrow and you start worrying and then your kids are yelling “Where is my backpack, where is my homework!”

[Laughter]

Pilar: All that stress is building and building and then you are late and then you are in front of your closet thinking ‘Oh gosh, I have nothing to wear today’, so you end up putting [on] something that doesn’t fit you, you don’t feel comfortable with that. And then you run to the bath[room] stuff and you are already late. You are already all sweaty. So you go from the bath[room] thinking. ‘Oh, wow I already have a fight with my husband. Everything is a big mess.’ And you get to work and then in your desk, you see all those papers, you just procrastinate and you think ‘I will never be able to go through these things.’

So it’s like a big snow ball that grows and grows until you feel like you are not in control of your life or your stuff and this is very stressful. But when you are able to go through this method and then your space is clicking not just the physical space but your mental space. You can start focusing really on what’s really important and you will be able to concentrate on really do a stuff because your mind is in the right state to do this.

M: This is great. It’s like a little intervention if you’re feeling too stressed or too overwhelmed with busy lives. It is a great way that you can get some, I think you said it perfectly, some control over a small thing in your life which can become so big, but it also has flow on effects to your mind and your wellbeing. Magic.

[Laughter]

M: Okay, Can you tell me about one of your success stories. Can you tell us a client’s story? Feel free to give them a fake name. But can you, can you think of someone that you’ve worked with, where they came from, and maybe what the outcomes of working with you have been?

Pilar: Okay, so I think the impact of the method is more in a spiritual and emotional level, OK. And because those prostrations teach us about ourselves. And is not about anymore hiding things using storage, but really confronting this stuff. So most of my clients get to those points of ‘Oh wow, this is powerful.’ I remember having a client we were doing the Konmari cat -the komono category, sorry, and we were going through all the dinnerware and she has lots and lots of plates. And I say, what do you have like so many plates here? She say ‘Okay, those are very important, people, when people come to my place and they’re very special, I don’t want to use them every day’ and then she has like lots plates that they were like, a bit old and chipped and, and I say, OK, I say how you feel about using your special dinnerware every day and she say ‘No, no, no, no, no. I’m scared that if I use it every day it may break and you know all those memories I have it would be broken too. And then I think No, no, no. The memories will always be there. You don’t need the actual object to remember those beautiful feelings when you used a dinnerware. How about instead of keeping that for special occasions, Imagine if you use that dinnerware every single day, every single day you will remember all those memories, those precious moments and when you say this is just for special people, it get me thinking. Don’t you feel special enough to use this every single day and her eyes they just light up and she was ‘oh you are right, I will use every single day!’

M: [Laugh]

Pilar: So it’s that change in your in your perspective of things on what is really important and to give you that power. That decision power of thinking to think ‘Ok, I bring this into my life with this purpose, so I’m going to use for that purpose.

M: Yep. Okay, so you seem so passionate about this.

Pilar: Thank you.

M: How did you get involved in it? What made you buy a ticket to London and go halfway around the world?

Pilar: Um, I have to be honest. I have never been a particularly organised person and I used to blame everybody for it. So back in Colombia used to blame my sister for it. Then I got married and everything was my poor husband fault. And then when I have my kids, it was very easy to blame it on them because they could not defend their selves, right? So everything was their fault and then, when I read the book, I discovered that the problem was not them. The problem was my relationship with my belongings and how I didn’t appreciated them enough, um… and then I realised also that I used to blame people for my mess. I was blaming people as well for the things I have failed at or getting it to do. And that was very powerful. So when I did the Konmari process at home, I have real changes in my life. I remember my husband saying ‘Women what is happening to you?’

[Laughter]

Pilar: And then he’s like, suddenly you’re a very confident woman that just want to try everything and do everything and I say yes because I have the mental space to think and dream about big things. So that’s why I decided to do this because I cannot keep this to myself. I want to share the joy of living and this feeling of lightness and freedom when you are able to go through this process.

M: Wow, that’s really powerful. That’s something else that I imagine was pretty powerful. I see a photo of you with Marie Kondo. Did you meet her and get to? I know that she doesn’t speak English very well, but maybe through a translator did you did you get to speak to her while you were on your course?

Pilar: Yes. The first time she came into the room, it was amazing. She’s quite small, I’m not that tall and I look like a giant next to her, but she has this presence and this energy and when she came into the room, everything was so peaceful. Some people was crying. I tried not to cry –

M: [Laugh]

Pilar: -but she started speaking in Japanese and it was another person translated to any of it. But I swear I felt like she was talking directly to me just to me, because of the power of the, of the method of her voice and what she preaches. So it was a great experience and because everybody there was, like in the same page. It was an unbelievable experience. She’s very sweet, she is.

M: All right, so we’re, we’re just wrapping up with time here. But before you go, you’re based in Sydney, and you do take, are you looking for new clients?

Pilar: Of course. Yes. I love to help as many people as I can, so yes.

M: Okay, so we’ll leave your website address in a way for people to contact you at the end of the podcast, and we’ll also put it on our website. But before you do go, can you leave our listeners just with a little taste, maybe three little tips that can help them get some control over the clutter in their lives.

Pilar: Of course.

So the 1st one I think, is the folding. I think the folding is very important because when you fold things with the Konmari method, you can see everything you have. Everything will be a glance. So because we tend to use the clothes that are at the front or at the top of the pile. But when they are just there, you will be able to use all your clothes and that’s the first tip.

The 2nd one is definitely act in your intuition. Follow your intuition and things will begin to connect and it will bring greater things into your life.

The 3rd one is honour all those things that you are saying goodbye to, so keep up with the lessons, stay sure. So next time you see a size six dress that is 70% off, go back to that time where you found the dress and you hold in your hands and you say ‘Dress, thank you so much for showing me I’m not a size six, but more of a size 10 or 12 and now you can go and serve someone that we look amazing in this dress and you will remember that and that would be very powerful in your buying decisions. So organised clutter is still clutter so we need to get rid of all those things.

M: Yes, absolutely very wise words. Thank you very much for your time and for talking to our listeners and we’ll definitely put your contact details at the end of our podcast so people can reach out to you.

Pilar: Thank you very much. Thank you.

M: Thank you.

Thanks for joining us today. If you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast. And if you’re in Sydney and need a bit of a de-clutter yourself, you can find contact details for Pilar on her site at neatlyawesome.com

Thanks until next time.

Meet besties Marie and Pete

Marie and Pete

Marie Skelton is an Australian writer, speaker, and change and resiliency expert. She started her career in journalism before working in public affairs and then specialising in organisational and culture change for some of the world’s largest tech and financial services companies, both in Australia and the U.S. She also played volleyball for Australia and on scholarship at a D1 university in the U.S. and she captained the NSW Women’s Volleyball team in the Australian Volleyball League.

Following a motorbike accident that nearly took her life, and leg, she began researching change and resiliency to find out how people cope with major life changes and why some people are really good at dealing with whatever life throws at them, while others struggle. She is passionate about mental health and writes about how to cope with today’s Change Storm and maintain mental wellness.  

Marie and Pete

Peter Furness is just plain awesome. He loves unicorns and champagne. Pete is the owner of Max Remedial, and a qualified remedial therapist and has worked all over the world with professional athletes, dancers, sporting organisations and medical professionals. Peter’s practice is influenced by his interest in Eastern philosophy and he works closely with Chinese and Ayurvedic practitioners, approaching the body from the principles of ancient medicine.

Peter has practiced Asstanga Yoga for 20 years and combines these principles with his approach to health.

Peter was also an award-winning contemporary dancer in Australia and in the UK.