Happiness for Cynics podcast – season 1, episode 1
In our first episode, meet Marie and Pete and learn a little about what we mean by happiness and its history. Learn about why you too should be asking the question: what is happiness?
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Transcript
[Intro]
M; You’re listening to the podcast happiness for cynics. I’m Marie Skelton, a writer, speaker and change and resilience expert, and my co-host is Pete.
P: Hi there. I’m Peter Furness. I’m a remedial massage therapist, dance and movement practitioner, yoga loving global adventurer. Each week we will bring to you the latest news and research in the world of positive psychology, otherwise known as happiness.
M: You can find our podcast at HappinessForCynics.com or visit MarieSkelton.com for articles and resource on change and resiliency as well as happiness and finding balance in today’s busy world. The site talks about a lot of the same research we talked about here on the podcast and has some really practical tips for bringing joy and happiness into your life.
P: So let’s get into it. Cynics the world over. It’s time to suck it up and get happy!
[happy intro music]
P: Ah the happy music. Don’t you love it?
M: That’s going to be so annoying after the hundredth time.
P: Every time I hear it, I bop my head.
M: Well it does make me smile, that’s why we picked it.
P: Exactly. Okay, Welcome to Episode one. Today we’re talking generally about happiness.
M: I guess we should. That’s why we’re here, right?
P: But before we do that, why are we here and who are we? Marie?
M: I’m a cynic. It’s true. I’m naturally curious and generally positive. But I’m definitely a realist, and I have no time for fluff. It’s why I’ve spent my entire life quietly, scoffing at the headlines like ‘Five Ways to be your Best self’ or ‘why mindfulness is so important at work.’ But then, a couple of years ago, something happened that since made me question everything I thought I knew about living life. I had a motorbike accident a couple of years ago, and I nearly lost my life and my leg. And I’ve spent years recovering both physically and mentally, but something strange has happened along the way. I started reading those articles with the bubbling brooks and the five stones stacked on top of each other. And to be fair, I still haven’t really gotten on board with the whole Yogi movement. But the weird thing is that now I won’t automatically rule it out.
P: We’re getting to you see, It’s a Revolution!
M: It’s a cult
P: I, however, come from a much more creative background, dredged up in theatres and stages, school drama rooms and music halls. I even have a degree in dance performance, much to my mother’s despair. I’ve never worn a suit to work, so my background is perhaps a little more, shall we say, alternative?
M: Yes we shall.
P: My friends often referred to me as the universal, angel loving believer in the karmic gods. They would joke that Pete would always throw it up to the sky and let the angels guide me. Now, I’m sure that somewhere along the path of being a creative, dramatic thespionic devotee and performance artist, I also managed to pick up a belief that the world will throw what is right at you in the right moment. I’m probably more of an ethereal than a realist, in contrast to Marie, but believing in the ebbs and flows of energetic poles and some well reasoned, fatalistic surrender. But I’ll admit that over the years, a little bit of the dark side of logic has permeated my unicorn laden realm.
M: uh huh, each to their own.
P: [Laughter]
M: now, because I’m a cynic and still coming to terms with admitting I buy into all this New Age stuff, I also started studying it because that’s what cynics do. You know, to make sure it’s actually legit.
P: You need the statistics and the research. You don’t just go believing.
M: Yeah. No. I’m really not throwing anything up to angels. So the weird thing is, I never knew this was out there. Even though the field of positive psychology is still relatively young, there is a huge body of research out there! Absolutely massive. Which brings me to why we’re here. This stuff is real and cynics all over the world are missing out.
P: Too, right. Okay, So we’re here to talk about happiness, and when we talk about happiness, there are so many permeations of that word. We are here to talk about how to approach happiness and our own approach to what makes us happy.
M: I think what Pete’s trying to say is…
P: shut down!
M: We’ll present the research and case studies…
P: because it’s all about the research
M: Well, yes, with a heavy dose of cynicism from me and maybe even we’ll try some of these ideas out. If you want to follow along at home, I promise I won’t tell anyone, so you don’t feel silly.
P: And those people who are more like me, we’ll just go along because it’s fun.
M: So let me just start by saying I’m not buying it.
P: Oh Muz.. [Marie’s annoying nickname that stuck sometime around 1998]
M: I admit I’m more than a little bit sceptical, but I’m also curious. And surely the huge amount of real research out there can’t be wrong.
P: I’m a buyer Muz. I’m the one waiting for the doors to open at five AM on those Boxing day sales. I’m primed, shoulder pads ready to go, plucking my way through the bargain basement offerings of the happiness stock pile. I don’t know why, but one day I just decided to buy into happiness.
M: I think that’s why this will work. You’ve got the cynic and the buyer. So, we should probably start with a bit of history about happiness. From my side it’s going to be short history, you see, even though philosophers have been writing about happiness and meaning for centuries, psychologists have traditionally been more focused on the negative aspects of mental health. So it’s only been in the last couple of decades that researchers have put any time into studying what happy people are doing, rather than why people are sad.
P: Yeah, Eastern and Western philosophers have all debated and tort apart the search for happiness and what that indeed means to us, as in mankind, us. The concept of happiness being a thing to strive for is a relatively Western ideal.
M: So happiness is not momentary emotions like fun enthusiasm or pride. It’s not about being always cheery or without stress, anger, grief or sadness also not about having a continuous stream of positive emotional experience.
P: Unendingly happy people are so boring.
M: [Laughter]
M: It’s also really hard to attain, right? And in fact, as long as it doesn’t last too long, being sad or angry can be a positive thing and give your life more meaning and happiness afterwards.
P: Completely. Happiness is not about pleasure and hedonism. Unfortunately. Sadly, it’s not achieved by gratifying all of your desires or by having decadent, luxurious experiences. Happiness isn’t a tireless climb towards achievement or status, and it isn’t the result of getting everything perfect all the time.
M: Okay, so we know what happiness isn’t. But what is happiness? I think my favourite definition comes from the pioneer of scientific research on human happiness Sonja Lyubomirsky. She’s a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside, and she defines happiness as “the experience of joy, contentment or positive wellbeing, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful and worthwhile.”
P: It’s interesting because the origins of the word for happiness actually relate to the meaning of luck for cultures that had to endure plague, invading armies, famine or the wrath of others. Happiness was luck. Pure luck. There’s a great quote by English Buddhist monk Gelong Thubten that says, ‘the mind that seeks happiness is telling itself that it is unhappy.’ He would argue that happiness, fundamentally, is an emotional response to an outcome. It’s result reliant.
Academics, self-help Gurus, Monks all seem to agree that joy and well being are vital elements of happiness. The message is often that joy is the thing that we should seek, for out of joy comes happiness. If you can find joy in the doing, then you will achieve happiness. Wellbeing is a similar prerequisite for happiness, as when we are well and healthy, we are more disposed to enjoying free time with fulfilling actions that ultimately bring about contentment and meaning. So, short, what all the ancient wisdom warns us against is simply striving for happiness. It is an empirical irony in this way, unlike other goals, it cannot necessarily be attained simply by striving for it. It shouldn’t be the goal. It’s the added bonus. It’s like at the end of an Oprah Winfrey show “you get a car, you get a car!”
M: [Laughter] OK, free cars aside why bother with this hippy New Age happiness stuff? A lot of older generations were quite happy to suck it up in boring, unfulfilling jobs and mediocre lives without complaining the whole time. This all seems a bit indulgent don’t you think.
P: Not at all, Marie. Because Unhappy people die!!!
M; Okay, that’s true. Studies find that when you’re less happy, you’re more vulnerable to illness. You’re more vulnerable to different kinds of disease. You also take longer to recover from illness, and you actually have a compromised life expectancy. Researchers Dacher Keltner and Emiliana Simon-Thomas, who teach course called the Science of Happiness so that people who are happy in life have an easy time feeling good and recovering from adversity. They have close, supportive social connections, and they believe their presence in the world matters.
P: Absolutely, there’s a huge body of research out there that shows that happier people live longer, healthier lives. There’s a wonderful research project in Harvard University in Boston that was started in 1938. It followed 724 young men from diverse backgrounds. Their findings are so conclusive that happiness has a direct relation to your life expectancy and your quality of life, especially in your later years.
M: So what you’re saying is this is the part where we all go wake up at five AM do yoga, drink green tea and are sickeningly happy, right?
P: [Laugh] Well we know not all of us aren’t morning exercise people. But it is about buying in Marie. When you go to a Tony Robbins presentation over two days over the weekend, you walk in on that first morning and you’re in an auditorium filled with thousands of people and you don’t see Tony first. Out comes the fluffer the dude who primes everybody before hand, he fluffs the crowd gets people out of their chairs. He gets them active he gets them physical. It’s like, How do we get you to the level that we need you so that when the dude walks out, you’re ready to receive his words and there are a lot of people who go to these presentations and they spend a heap of money and they’re standing there go[ing] “why am I jumping around like a Baptist preacher? Why am I doing this?” and the dude on stage is so encouraging. You’ve got to believe in this. You’ve got to buy in. If you don’t, you’re not going to get the benefit of the presentation.
So you do the first day and you come out going “Wow, that was amazing. That was really cool.” You come in the second day and you do the same thing, the fluffer comes out and he’s ready to get your pumped. But this time you’re ready for it. And you understand. I have to buy into this. I have to be a part of this process and jump around and clap my hands. Because I know that if I do that, I’m going to be ready and receptive to what magic is about to come at me from the stage.
M: Okay? So even though my entire body is fighting against jumping around in order to be receptive to your message, I’m here. We’re here. I’m in, and I’m really excited to see where this will take me, despite my cynicism. So I think it’s really interesting that a lot of people live their lives, live successful lives, but they’re not necessarily satisfied. And that’s really what I want this podcast to be about. How to be satisfied? And for me that means how can you be happy? So I’ve always looked at you, Pete, and seen a very happy person.
P: Oh dear [laughter]
M: Tell me, Are you happy?
P; That’s a huge question. Yeah, I like that question. Actually, we all have different moments of happiness. We have different moments of feeling good and feeling great. I think that for me I know that happiness is there when I’m walking down the street and I’ll smile at something innocuous. There’s a dog peeing up against a lamp post. I smile, I think, isn’t the world a wonderful place? I think that’s the perspective for me. When I’m in that happiness state, I can actually look at things and you look at two people holding hands, walking down the street like an old couple walking their dog and you go ‘Yeah, that’s pretty cool’, because you’re in that space where.., it’s that awareness of taking those things in and going the world is good I’m in a happy space, so I’m seeing happiness around me. It’s like when you go to buy a red car on all you see are red cars. All of a sudden your brain is switched on to see more red cars. So if you’re in that space where you’re relatively happy and going along with life and things are good, you start to notice the nice little subtle things that make you go. Yeah, that’s a good, good thing in the world. That’s a good egg.
M: It’s, it’s funny you say that, Yes. So all I can think is you’re talking about this is mindfulness. And there’s been so much discussion recently in the last decade or so about mindfulness and being mindful of being in the moment and to me, you’re talking about (and sorry. And also so much research about how mindfulness can help with happiness.)
P: Yes.
M: Right, but what you’re talking about there are moments of mindfulness. When you’ve stopped and you’re in the moment and you’re enjoying life, what it is. And it doesn’t have to be cakes and glitter and parties and Champagne, it can be an old couple holding hands.
P: Yeah, and you’re right it is mindfulness and I’ve done a bit of work on that and around that for many years because of my eastern philosophy reading. It wasn’t training, I didn’t go into a monastery and sit down and cross my legs for 20 hours. You know, I just read about it and I went I can do this. I can start journaling, and I can start making the most of moments and recognising those moments. So, yes, you’re right. There is a lot of mindfulness in there.
M: Yeah and a few years ago, I never would have had this conversation with you about mindfulness.
P: It comes to each of us in its own way. And I think that’s something you’ve got to understand with happiness. You can’t force it. You can’t just go I’m going to be instantly happy straightaway. It is a process. It takes time. It takes investment. It takes being open to it and then buying in as we said.
M: Yeah, yeah, and I think for me, my journey is different to yours in that I followed that path of success. That was what my parents instilled in me. Work hard at school, get a good job, get a house. You know, follow all the major milestones that everyone, society, just said you should. And it took a pretty significant event in my life for me to reassess my life, which had, until that point been successful.
P: Yeah and within that success you were happy because you were ticking the boxes.
M: Well no, I wasn’t that’s the whole point. So there’s definitely something to be said for those moments of achieving success. I mean, they’re great who doesn’t want to win? Right?
P: [Laughter]
M: But since the accident and since I’ve started exploring a lot of these positive psychology concepts, and Eastern and Western philosophy now, ideals and ideas; I can say that I’m that person stopping the street and going aww when the old couple across the road are together holding each other’s hand, you know, and I’m such a happier, more relaxed, less stressed person than I was and I 100% credit that to nearly dying. Let’s be really honest. It’s the ‘ah ha’ moment that on a lot of people, a lot of people who go through significant trauma have that ‘ah ha’ moment and reassess how they live their lives.
P: Definitely
M: But it’s such a shame and such a waste that it takes that to happen to, I don’t know, the 1 to 5 to 10% of the population, I’m making up numbers here, for them to reassess their lives and go surely there’s more to life than having a house and a job, a stressful job at that. There is so much more out there and again that’s why I think this podcast is so important. I don’t want people to have to nearly die to realise that this mortal life.
P: It is about talking about it and having the conversations with people and I think that’s where I was maybe a little bit lucky in terms of the world that I lived in in my creative, artistic world is that you come up against those people so much more often than you wouldn’t know corporate environment. There’s more. There’s Mohe. There’s more need for cynicism in a corporate environment in the arts world, it’s the opposite. So I think maybe that’s where I was fortunate in my experiences up until that point. So it allowed me freely to explore that a little bit more.
M: But on that you don’t need to be a cynic to be in a corporate environment. You can be happy and you can be happy go lucky even and a little bit carefree and still get your job done well.
P: Yep, I would agree with you there.
M: And that’s where my balance was off before and I hope that just by debunking a lot of the weird, hippie, new age ways that we often talk about this. We talk in platitudes, you know, be positive and all that which really turns a lot of people off. Australians in particular we are so cynical, so so cynical.
P: [Laughter]
M: So, I hope that by us having a good balance and a bit of a laugh between us, we can help some people to realise that there’s so much more life. And you’ve only got one life.
P: Make the most of it while you’ve got it.
M: Be happy.
P: [Laughter] Damn it! [sarcastic tone]
All right. I do just want to say before we go that we are launching this podcast on International Happiness Day, 20th March.
P: Yay
M: So thank you for your listening today, we’re very aware that there is a lot going on in the world today with the Corona virus or Covid 19. And it’s making a lot of people particularly anxious, and for the right reasons, so be kind to each other. Try and have a bit of a laugh.
P: Be part of a community, not part of the self.
M: Yeah, definitely.
P: It’s time to be mindful of others as well as looking out for yourself.
M: And definitely as part of the research that I’ve been doing from my book one of the recurring themes that comes up with people who are resilient and happy in their lives is those social bonds and social relationships. So I know this might sound a bit weird to the millennials out there. The rest of you, you’ll remember the day when you used to pick up the phone and make a phone call with it. So I’m asking you all out there to pick up the phone, particularly if you’ve got elderly relatives or friends who are self-isolating. Pick up the phone. Have a chat with someone today. That’s my challenge to you all.
P: Call your Grandma.
M: Yeah, exactly. Call Mom. Call you Grandma. Have a bit of a chat. It could be just five minutes but take the step to just keep those relationships going because it could be a very lonely time in general in today’s world, but particularly if we’re self-isolating with all that’s going on with the corona virus.
P: Very true
M: Yeah, not a good time to be sad.
Alright, We’ve gone over time for our first episode already. [Laughter]
P: Oops, that’s probably me..
M: So Pete before we go, our listeners, I’m sure hooked already. That’s really arrogant, I’m going to take that back.
P: [Laughter]
M: But do let us know. Can you give us just a really brief heads up for what people can expect in future episodes? So what are we going to cover?
P: Lots of different topics.
We’re going to talk about Awe and inspiration and how important is to be inspired by things. Take the time out for that. We’re going to talk about mindfulness because it’s part of one of the pillars of happiness. And we’ll talk about joy. We’re even going to talk about meditation.
M: Yeah, that was a big one for me. I don’t know about all that.
P: We are going to be meditating and ohm-ing and doing singing bowls and bells, people so get ready.
M: We also have some great interviews with people, amazing people to bring to you.
P: Inspiring people.
M: Yeah, So don’t forget to subscribe so that you can stay abreast of all our future episodes and thank you for joining us.
P: Thanks for coming along, look forward to seeing you again. Bye M: Bye
Meet besties Marie and Pete
Marie Skelton is an Australian writer, speaker, and change and resiliency expert. She started her career in journalism before working in public affairs and then specialising in organisational and culture change for some of the world’s largest tech and financial services companies, both in Australia and the U.S. She also played volleyball for Australia and on scholarship at a D1 university in the U.S. and she captained the NSW Women’s Volleyball team in the Australian Volleyball League.
Following a motorbike accident that nearly took her life, and leg, she began researching change and resiliency to find out how people cope with major life changes and why some people are really good at dealing with whatever life throws at them, while others struggle. She is passionate about mental health and writes about how to cope with today’s Change Storm and maintain mental wellness.
Peter Furness is just plain awesome. He loves unicorns and champagne. Pete is the owner of Max Remedial, and a qualified remedial therapist and has worked all over the world with professional athletes, dancers, sporting organisations and medical professionals. Peter’s practice is influenced by his interest in Eastern philosophy and he works closely with Chinese and Ayurvedic practitioners, approaching the body from the principles of ancient medicine.
Peter has practiced Asstanga Yoga for 20 years and combines these principles with his approach to health.
Peter was also an award-winning contemporary dancer in Australia and in the UK.
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Based on my research, after a in foreclosure home is available at a bidding, it is common with the borrower to be able to still have some sort ofthat remaining balance on the bank loan. There are many loan providers who make an effort to have all fees and liens cleared by the up coming buyer. Having said that, depending on certain programs, polices, and state regulations there may be quite a few loans that aren’t easily solved through the transfer of lending options. Therefore, the responsibility still rests on the borrower that has received his or her property in foreclosure process. Thanks for sharing your notions on this blog.
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Thanks for your post made here. One thing I’d like to say is that most professional domains consider the Bachelor’s Degree like thejust like the entry level requirement for an online diploma. Though Associate College diplomas are a great way to begin with, completing the Bachelors uncovers many doorways to various occupations, there are numerous online Bachelor Diploma Programs available coming from institutions like The University of Phoenix, Intercontinental University Online and Kaplan. Another thing is that many brick and mortar institutions provide Online variations of their qualifications but normally for a drastically higher cost than the institutions that specialize in online course plans.
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One more thing. I really believe that there are lots of travel insurance web sites of respectable companies that permit you to enter holiday details and obtain you the estimates. You can also purchase an international travel insurance policy on internet by using your own credit card. All you have to do would be to enter all travel details and you can start to see the plans side-by-side. Only find the program that suits your allowance and needs after which it use your bank credit card to buy them. Travel insurance on the internet is a good way to check for a respectable company with regard to international holiday insurance. Thanks for discussing your ideas.
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Thanks for your publication. One other thing is that individual states in the United states of america have their unique laws that affect property owners, which makes it very hard for the our elected representatives to come up with a brand new set of recommendations concerning foreclosures on people. The problem is that every state has own laws and regulations which may have interaction in an adverse manner in terms of foreclosure procedures.
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I have discovered some considerations through your website post. One other subject I would like to convey is that there are various games on the market designed especially for toddler age small children. They contain pattern recognition, colors, animals, and patterns. These typically focus on familiarization instead of memorization. This keeps children and kids engaged without experiencing like they are learning. Thanks
One more thing I would like to say is that instead of trying to suit all your online degree classes on days that you end work (since the majority people are exhausted when they return home), try to arrange most of your classes on the saturdays and sundays and only 1 or 2 courses on weekdays, even if it means taking some time away from your weekend. This is beneficial because on the saturdays and sundays, you will be extra rested and also concentrated with school work. Thanks a lot for the different points I have realized from your blog site.
Thanks for discussing your ideas. I would also like to say that video games have been at any time evolving. Modern technology and revolutions have made it simpler to create genuine and active games. These kind of entertainment video games were not really sensible when the concept was first being tried. Just like other styles of technological innovation, video games also have had to develop by way of many ages. This is testimony towards the fast growth and development of video games.
In the grand pattern of things you’ll get a B+ with regard to effort and hard work. Where exactly you misplaced me personally was in all the facts. You know, it is said, details make or break the argument.. And that could not be more true here. Having said that, let me tell you precisely what did work. Your text is highly convincing and this is most likely why I am making the effort in order to opine. I do not really make it a regular habit of doing that. 2nd, although I can certainly notice the jumps in reasoning you make, I am not sure of how you appear to unite the details that produce your conclusion. For now I shall yield to your point however wish in the future you connect your dots much better.
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I do agree with all the ideas you’ve presented in your post. They are really convincing and will certainly work. Still, the posts are too short for beginners. Could you please extend them a bit from next time? Thanks for the post.
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I have taken notice that in unwanted cameras, specialized receptors help to {focus|concentrate|maintain focus|target|a**** automatically. The actual sensors of some surveillance cameras change in contrast, while others work with a beam with infra-red (IR) light, especially in low light. Higher specification cameras oftentimes use a mixture of both techniques and probably have Face Priority AF where the dslr camera can ‘See’ a new face while focusing only in that. Thank you for sharing your thinking on this weblog.
Thanks for this article. I might also like to mention that it can end up being hard when you’re in school and simply starting out to initiate a long credit rating. There are many scholars who are just trying to make it through and have an extended or favourable credit history can be a difficult issue to have.
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Thanks for giving your ideas. Something is that pupils have an alternative between federal student loan plus a private education loan where it is easier to choose student loan debt consolidation than with the federal student loan.
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I have learned several important things as a result of your post. I would also like to state that there can be situation in which you will make application for a loan and do not need a co-signer such as a National Student Aid Loan. But when you are getting a loan through a common bank or investment company then you need to be able to have a co-signer ready to help you. The lenders can base their own decision on a few issues but the biggest will be your credit worthiness. There are some loan providers that will additionally look at your job history and make a decision based on that but in almost all cases it will hinge on your ranking.
Thanks for your article. It is extremely unfortunate that over the last 10 years, the travel industry has already been able to to handle terrorism, SARS, tsunamis, flu virus, swine flu, along with the first ever entire global tough economy. Through it the industry has proven to be robust, resilient and dynamic, getting new methods to deal with adversity. There are continually fresh challenges and the possiblility to which the marketplace must once more adapt and respond.
Thanks for the suggestions you have shared here. Another thing I would like to say is that laptop memory specifications generally go up along with other breakthroughs in the technological innovation. For instance, as soon as new generations of cpus are introduced to the market, there’s usually a related increase in the size and style preferences of both laptop memory in addition to hard drive room. This is because software program operated through these processors will inevitably rise in power to take advantage of the new technology.
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It is indeed my belief that mesothelioma is definitely the most dangerous cancer. It contains unusual properties. The more I actually look at it the greater I am confident it does not behave like a real solid human cancer. In the event that mesothelioma is actually a rogue virus-like infection, therefore there is the chance for developing a vaccine in addition to offering vaccination for asbestos open people who are vulnerable to high risk connected with developing long term asbestos relevant malignancies. Thanks for revealing your ideas on this important ailment.
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Thanks for helping me to achieve new ideas about pc’s. I also have the belief that one of the best ways to maintain your notebook computer in perfect condition is by using a hard plastic-type material case, and also shell, that will fit over the top of the computer. These kinds of protective gear are usually model distinct since they are made to fit perfectly across the natural housing. You can buy these directly from the vendor, or via third party places if they are intended for your laptop, however not all laptop can have a covering on the market. Once again, thanks for your suggestions.
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I love that this podcast covers what happiness is. It is different for everyone, and I know I am probably happier listening to trap music than pop, haha. I love the different areas that was covered in the podcast. Thanks for sharing!
Nancy ♥ exquisitely.me
Thanks so much for the comment and support Nancy! We’ve had a great launch, but it’s nice to hear that people are listening!