How to Have a Happy Covid Christmas (E47)

This week Marie and Pete discuss how to make the most of a socially isolated Christmas with great ideas for a Happy Holiday. 

Happiness for Cynics podcast

Transcript

M: You’re listening to the podcast Happiness for Cynics I’m Marie Skelton, a writer and speaker on change and resilience.

P: And I’m Peter Furness a spreadsheet devotee, injury preventee and team-sport celebratory. That kind of worked. Each week we will bring to you the latest news and research in the world of positive psychology, otherwise known as happiness.

M: So if you’re feeling the pinch…

P: Of the yuletide Grinch…

M: Or maybe you just need some extra added Christmas fix…

P: Then this is the place to be!

M: And to take us one step further on our happiness journey –

P: [Laugh]

M: – not that Pete needs it I don’t think.

P: You didn’t realise what you were reading there did you?

M: No. I had no idea.

P: [Laugh!]

M: You changed it all!

[Laughter]

M: To take us one step further on our happiness journey today’s episode is all about how have a Happy Covid Christmas.

[Happy Intro Music]

P: [Humming out a Christmas Carol]

M: I don’t get it.

P: [Laugh] Really? I have to go into the second stanza? [Laugh]

M: Okay, so there are a lot of people, we have a lot of listeners from around the world, definitely quite a few in Australia, who I think are feeling a bit optimistic right now.

P: Oh we are. We’re ready to go. The borders are opening for Christmas, for us, which is a big thing.

M: Very big thing, but there are a lot of listeners out there who are still in isolation or lock down, or, you know any permutation of that, depending on they’re in.

P: Preparing for a second lockdown.

M: Yeah, and for Christmas, it’s kind of looking a bit depressing.

P: It’s not going to be easy.

M: Yeah. I know that when I was in States one year, a friend and I were travelling around and were in New York for Christmas and you forget that everything’s closed on Christmas day cause everyone’s doing stuff with their family.

P: [Laugh] Yes.

M: It’s probably most depressing Christmas I’ve ever had.

P: I had the same thing. I was in Dundee in Scotland, thinking ‘oh this will be great, I’m going to have a winter Christmas, it will be really nice’. Bloody awful! [Laugh!]

M: It really is. So a lot of people are looking at the possibility or the reality of spending Christmas, completely by themselves.

P: Hhmm.

M: Or with just them and one loved one or whoever is in their house, for the first time ever.

P: Which can be exciting and can be different if you choose to celebrate it. And I think that’s something that is really important. You have to choose to buy in on this one.

M: Yes, however, if you’re living by yourself, it’s tough.

P: It’s going to be tough.

M: Let’s acknowledge that.

P: Because you’re not going to be able to have people coming over, and I think that’s the fundamental one. I remember having a couple of Christmases in London, where the weather is terrible, let’s face it, it’s Christmas time, but we actually had a lovely [day]. We planned to be at home the whole day, actually for two days because London shuts down on Christmas Eve and it actually ended up being a really fun affair.

I mean, I was in the kitchen cooking, so I wasn’t happy space.

M: [Laugh]

P: We had four people in the house, and it was actually really lovely. So it was nice to have that experience on the back of my Dundee experience, which was me sitting in a red telephone box, ringing my family and crying because I wasn’t home for Christmas.

M: Aww..

P: I know I thought it was going to be wonderful, it really wasn’t.

[Laughter]

M: Yep, I know that feeling.

[Laughter]

M: So I think what I’m hearing from you is there is definitely a mindset thing to this. We need to go into Christmas this year knowing that it might not be what we’re used to.

P: Mmm.

M: That we’re going to make the best of it. But also, I think, allow yourself a bit of a cry, or allow yourself to feel lonely if… it is not what you want it to be and to feel disappointed and to acknowledge that change and potentially the pain or the crappiness of it.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: The point is not to dwell too long in it.

P: No.

M: And this episode is about talking about things that are able to help you maybe balance out those sad feelings that you might be feeling because Christmas this year won’t be what you would [have] hoped it would be.

P: Absolutely. Trying to find the positive way out of that negative encounter.

M: Yeah, balancing it a bit.

P: Mmm. There we go.

M: And so we were talking about quite a few things that you can do to bring yourself joy and happiness during the holidays.

P: Mmm.

M: And recently it was World Kindness Day and I wrote an article and did some research for that; and the research, we’ve definitely covered in previous episodes with the research about doing kind things for others and being generous to others is… [laugh]

P: There was a cat hair on my microphone!

[Laughter]

M: It kept tickling you.

P: I was like ‘what is going on?!’

[Laughter]

P: I couldn’t see it, I haven’t got my glasses on.

[Laughter]

M: Alright, so the research in to helping others and doing kind things for others is extensive and just a couple of pieces of research to point to.

So there was one study which looked at the effects of kindness based on performing acts of kindness for others or for yourself. And the study, looked at how to measure the levels of psychological flourishing, including social well-being and emotional well-being of the participants.

And when the study was over, researchers found that those performing acts of kindness for others achieved higher levels of psychological flourishing than the group doing acts of kindness for themselves. So while it’s important to be compassionate to yourself and forgiving of yourself and to have those moments of sadness.

P: Mmm.

M: If you’re, you’re disappointed at what Christmas might look like this year. A great way to get out of that and to move forward from an emotional point of view is to focus on doing something kind for someone else.

P: I just can’t get over the fact that you have a psychological flourishing.

M: [Laugh]

P: [Misty voice] I’m seeing a flower opening as if it were extending itself into the springtime sunshine.

M: Maybe we can take this episode and make it about visualisation as well. [Misty voice] Visualise yourself opening like a flower.

P: [Misty voice] Psychological flourishing.

[Laughter]

P: I love it. It’s a new win term for me.

[Laughter]

P: But yes. I think you’re definitely right there Muz, it’s about trying to find some positive avenues to explore, and one of those is definitely with the kindness and how you can unlock, unlock the double doors of the horizon. That’s an opera reference. Not many of our listeners would get that but anyway. [Laugh]

M: Yeah, I get that.

[Laughter]

M: So I guess what we’re saying is be kind to yourself, absolutely particularly this Christmas. It’s going to be very different from what a lot of us had hoped for and a lot of us had expected or wanted.

P: Yep.

M: And that brings disappointment. So be nice to yourself and understand that a lot of people will be feeling disappointment and sadness at that and not being able to spend Christmas overseas or with their family.

P: Definitely.

M: Or any… whatever you see as a good Christmas.

P: Mmm.

M: But also a great way to move forward, and to make it something, make something… make lemons? Make lemonade out of lemons, is to take some time to think through some things that you could do for others. There are definitely a lot of people in need, this year. People who have lost their jobs. So food banks are a great way to give back.

P: Yes.

M: You can get your friends together and get some canned goods together and donate them or deliver them.

P: Yeah.

M: Or if you don’t want to leave home, there are some great ways you can crochet socks.

P: [Laugh]

M: And learn to knit, and knit teddy bears for kids in hospitals.

P: Mmm.

M: There’s all kinds of things you can do just need to jump on the internet and look for activities that you can do from home that can give to others. And another great one I just got a phone call today, actually, from the Red Cross in Australia here, saying that they’re short on plasma, so I’ll be going into donate this Friday.

P: I think in terms of Googling, Google ‘things my grandmother would do.’

M: [Laugh]

P: That’ll give you something that you could do, which would be an act of kindness. I throw this out as a challenge.

Google ‘What would my grandmother do?’ Find an act of kindness in there and see if you can perform it so it could be that you need to learn how to crochet.

M: Love it.

P: That’ll be interesting, [laugh].

M: I think one of the great things about Covid is that a lot of us have gone back to things that our grandparents would have done. We’re gardening, we’re playing puzzles.

P: Mmm, mm.

M: We’re really exploring a simpler life, and a quieter life.

P: I think, I think it’s the life of connection, so there’s a way of connecting with someone over a board game, for example, because you’re, you’re involved in action, which takes your concentration and your focus and that in itself we know takes your focus away from being self-reflective in a negative aspect. So if you are feeling a little bit precious and vulnerable then taking your focus and putting it somewhere else can help.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: With way laying those sorts of emotions. But it also does help to connect you with someone on the other side of the chess board, for example, because you’re spending, you can spend two hours on a chess game.

M: Absolutely. And the one I was talking about you this afternoon actually is gratitude. Practising gratitude is about teaching your mind to scan for the positive things in your day and in your life and it’s teaching your brain to recognise the good not only the bad, which we’re wired to do.

P: Yes, absolutely that’s a really important one that we’ve talked about before.

M: Yeah

P: And whether that’s writing it down in a journal or talking to someone that you have in your life on a daily basis and going. Let’s talk about what we’ve achieved today. What was the good thing that happened today?

M: Yes. So, as we were talking about earlier, for me and my husband we’re now doing that every evening, and it’s really strengthened our bond.

P: Mmm.

M: It’s taken us away from talking about what groceries need to be picked up.

P: [Laugh]

M: What chores need to be done.

P: Nag, nag, nag woman!

M: [Laugh]

P: That’s all I’m hearing from Francis right now [laugh].

M: So, not cool.

P: [Laugh]

M: So, so not cool. [Laugh]

P: Can I just say for the record that Francis and I do have a relationship outside of Marie and my relationship. [Laugh]

M: But ours is number one, just so we’re clear.

P: Yes.

[Laughter]

M: Yeah, so again it is a great thing that you can do with a friend or a family member is to ask ‘what went well today?’ It gets really tough, and there’s a million articles out there about things that you can be grateful for because people end up saying the same things over and over and over again. But if you reframe the question to ‘what went well today?’, then you’ll never run out of things.

P: Mmm.

M: [Be]cause there’s always something that is a positive and that you can, or would be grateful for.

P: Mmm.

M: And when you talk about that with someone else, it’s really amazing how it opens up the conversation again. You end up bonding more, and it’s not about the chores and the to do list.

P: Mmm.

M: It’s about things that happened in your day that you can share with other people.

P: Yeah right.

M: And again, if you’re looking at a Christmas where you won’t be around the people you love or you can’t be close to the people you love physically, this is a great way to start doing something once a week, where you can bond virtually, from the phone or through What’s App and messenger and all the rest of it, to have a deeper level conversation with the people you love.

P: Mmm. One thing that I’m gonna throw out there as well is what you’re planning to do for Christmas? So if you don’t have a plan, this Christmas make one.

M: Absolutely.

P: Plan to have a day, even if it is cooking a meal for yourself that you eat whilst you’re zooming with someone else, one of your family members or the person that you want to be with. But plan that lunch plan that dinner plan that morning connection that you’re going to give and get the supplies, cook yourself a little backed ham or something, something small and invest some time into the doings that you would normally do -the doings? Is that good English? Yeah that’s good English.

[Laughter]

P: The actions you might normally partake in if [it were a non-Covid Christmas]. For me and my family it’s always a shared lunch. So if I’m in isolation in this year, I would zoom, but I would make sure I had a glass of wine in front of me with a table that was half full of three different meats.

M: [Laugh].

P: Thank you my darling sister. [Laugh] And a little bit of dessert, whether that be a piece of ice cream or an icy pole or something, and I’m going to zoom my family whilst I enjoy that meal.

M: Treat yourself, make it special.

P: Yeah.

M: So again, we did mention the study before, which said that treating others or being kind of others brings more emotional ..flourishing

P: [Laugh]

M: than treating yourself. But that’s not to say that having self-compassion and looking after yourself and being kind to yourself doesn’t bring many, many benefits.

P: Mmm.

M: So there’s a great study from University of Texas at Austin. Shout out, cause that’s my husbands university.

P: Aww.

M: Yep. And it shows that when you’re kind to yourself, some of the benefits, a better life satisfaction, greater interconnectedness with other people, more curiosity and higher levels of happiness.

P: Hmm.

M: So definitely over that period, make sure that you’re eating well, getting enough sleep and getting some exercise. But treat yourself to something a little bit special on Christmas Day. Give yourself something to look forward to.

P: Mmm. Plan it, that’s the thing.

M: Plan something to look forward to that’s a bit special.

P: Yeah.

M: And just because you’re doing it only for yourself doesn’t mean you can’t spoil yourself.

P: Too many people take that in, like I have this rather fabulous friend and we were talking about glassware. You’ve got your posh silver and you’ve got your good crockery and you’ve got your glassware.

M: Do you?

P: Well, maybe.

M: Maybe in the 18^th century yeah.

P: [Laugh] This’s a recollection maybe of an older generation they put in the cupboard and they save it for that special time. Bugger it! Get it out now! Get it out for yourself!

M: Mmm.

P: Get that for you on your solo date with yourself and get out the good crockery, or get out the good crystal and have that glass of wine in your best crystal glass and celebrate the fact that you’re looking after and cherishing yourself by having the good stuff.

M: Yeah, some nice bath salts.

P: OK.

M: Or whatever it is that you enjoy doing, put some time aside to read a book or to watch your favourite movie, whatever it is that you want to do, that is a bit of a treat and plan it now, so you can look forward to it until it comes on the 25th.

P: Yep.

M: Yes, and that is something that I think a lot of people also again have been struggling with during Covid is all of our holidays and plans all of a sudden just got wiped off our calendars and we didn’t have something to look forward to.

P: We didn’t replace it with something else.

M: Exactly. So there is still a lot that you can do that isn’t a holiday overseas.

P: Mmm, yep.

M: It could be going for a walk in the park. It could be planting a garden. It could be.. there are so many things you could do at home. Or that you’re allowed to do in isolation, depending on the country you’re in, that you can look forward to doing. And that don’t need you to go to a tropical island somewhere or on a plane.

P: Yeah.

M: So there are some things, some ideas that we do have to be kind to others.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: If that’s the way you want to go and the best one after the year that America has had.

P: Mmm. Gosh.

M: Is to spread some kindness and positivity on social media.

P: Oh, do a positive post.

M: More than that. Jump on. And instead of just liking your friends posts actually comment on them.

P: Okay, that’s a simple thing.

M: Congratulations. What a great achievement. I love this photo. You’re looking hot, babe.

[Laughter]

M: Get on there and actually spend an hour just spreading some love and joy and kindness.

P: And then check in with yourself and note how good you feel,

M: Absolutely.

P: If you spend an hour on that, that’s going to give you some amazing crazy positive neurochemicals going around.

M: Yep.

P: [Laugh]

M: Definitely. So that’s something really simple and free that you can do.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: Another great one if you’re in a country that tips is, leave a larger than normal tip or even if you’re in a country that doesn’t tip.

P: Exactly.

M: It’s Christmas time. And a lot of the people who work in retail and restaurant hospitality there on minimum wage and an extra five or ten dollars can go a really long way.

P: Yep.

M: I like this one as well, I used to do this when I’d go on holidays away from my husband I’d leave post it notes around, that he’d discover.

P: [Laugh]

M: Fold them up in his underwear.

[Laughter]

M: Or in the bathroom, behind the mirror or something.

P: [Laugh]

M: Just little things.

P: Yeah.

M: Just little things to bring a smile to someone’s day.

P: I like it.

M: Definitely.

P: The one that I think is really great is writing a letter.

M: Yes.

P: Spend fifteen minutes writing an actual physical letter, get a note card or a blank card and actually write out to someone. To one person that you really appreciate in your life or has given you some really positive vibes or positive experiences in your life and write to them saying how much they’re appreciated. You don’t need to put it in a Christmas card. It doesn’t need to be a festive thing and then challenge them to pass that on to one other person, the pay it forward principle.

M: I like it. On the pay it forward principle. If you’re ever going to a drive through, another great one is to pay for the people behind your order.

P: Oh, wow, that’s cool.

M: Yeah.

P: I like that. [Laugh]

M: So you can do that in the States. They have a lot of coffee shops that [do] drive through so you can just buy a coffee for someone. But wouldn’t it be great to rock up and hear someone had paid for your meal?

P: That’s, that’s very nice. Yeah, that’s good.

M: Yeah, so there’s a whole range of little things you can do, some of them free, some of them cheap.

P: Mmm.

M: And some of them are just donating your time, and you can do a lot of them from your home. So if you’re worried about getting out of your home and catching Covid, then there’s a lot of things that you can do to take control of the your mental well-being and balance out the bad with the good.

P: Mmm.

M: And it’s just a case of putting aside time to do it.

P: Yeah, I’d agree with that.

M: And a lot of the time, that’s what we don’t do.

P: Yeah, mmm.

M: That’s what we don’t do. So I’m challenging anyone out there who is seeing the train coming their way.

P: [Laugh]

M: I know that if I was in a country right now, where we were in isolation and lock down over Christmas, I would be banging my head against a wall.

P: Yeah.

M: I would be having to combat that with some positive things. So, it, it’s just about planning for it.

P: Yep.

M: Planning to look after your own mental well-being and to balance out the bad with the good.

P: Yep.

M: ‘Cause we all go through bad things sometimes.

P: Definitely, yep.

M: Everybody hurts, sometimes.

P: [Laugh] And on that note.

M: R.E.M.

[Laughter]

P: Have you been listening to 80’s classics all day?

[Laughter]

P: I think there we’ll wrap it up for that one. That sounds like a good finishing point.

M: I do however want to wish for anyone who celebrates Christmas a Merry Christmas.

P: Of course.

M: And a Happy New Year and a Happy Holidays for anyone who is not celebrating Christmas.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And hoping that everyone out there who is dealing with isolation and lock down is looking after themselves and finding ways to bring joy and positive experiences into their lives to balance out what has been a really tough year.

P: Absolutely. Celebrate your little achievements no matter how small they are.

M: Yes.

P: Ok, thanks for joining us today. For more information, please remember to subscribe and like our podcast, you can find all our information on www.marieskelton.com a site about balance, happiness and resilience. You could also leave questions or propose a topic.

M: And if you like our show, we would love it if you could leave a comment or rating to help us out.

P: That would be our Christmas present from you.

M: Aww. Until next time…

P: Choose happiness.

[Happy Exit Music]

Related content: Read Happiness for Cynics article 5 Ways to Overcome the COVID Blues, listen to our Podcast Is it Even Possible to be Happy During COVID? (E34)