How to Make Your Happiness a Habit (E74)

Happiness for Cynics Podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about neuroplasticity, how to make your happiness a habit and the importance of repetition and practice.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

P: And we’re back.

M: We’re back.

P: Where do we go from here?

M: [Singing] Where do we go from here?

P: Laugh, how was your week Muz? How are you?

M: Well, we’re back in lock down, yay Sydney.

P: Oh. Yeah, I kind of like the fact that this is our time in our week where we devote an hour too investing in happiness, investing in all those things that we talk about, which is mindfulness, gratitude and purpose and all that sort of stuff. So, for us, this is a really valuable investment.

M: Absolutely and we talk about happiness habits, and I count this as one of my happiness habits.

P: Mmm.

M: So, during the research, we talk about these habits, and we talk about doing things like practising kindness and volunteering and gratitude and mindfulness and meditation and exercise and sleep and all of those wonderful things. And it just sounds like an exhausting laundry list of things that you have to do to stay happy.

P: Absolutely, laugh.

M: And what we don’t talk about-

P: It’s a big list.

M: Yeah.

M: – and what we don’t talk about is how to actually turn those activities or positive psychology interventions (PPIs) into habits or routine.

P: Is it an abbreviation?

M: PPIs, yes.

P: Oh, PPIs. I love it.

M: You see it in a lot in a lot of positive psychology stuff, it’s the activity that comes off the back of the research, Laugh.

P: Laugh.

M: But, how do you make it real?

P: Laugh.

M: And we’ve spoken about a lot of those things, but really, what most people, when it boils down to its struggle with is just doing it, making it a habit.

P: It’s a task, it’s a task. Yes, so habit, we know habit needs repetition.

M: Routine.

P: Routine.

M: Yep.

P: Ok.

M: And if you want to, I think we spoke last week or the week before, about if you want to be a good volleyballer, then you go practise. If you want to be a good piano player, you’ve gotta practise.

P: Yep.

M: You want to be happy.

P & M: You gotta practice.

M: Yep.

P: Absolutely, it’s a skill that you need to develop.

M: Yep, and a lot of us have never, never, ever develop those skills. How many of you out there and I will count myself in this group have set 10 New Year’s resolutions, and feeling all proud of yourself.

P & M: Laughter!

M: And three weeks later, you’re not doing any of them!

P: I never set New Year’s resolutions, I never thought they were a thing. I always thought they were just pathetic excuses of goals that you never wanted to achieve really.

M: Have you not set goals though?

P: I’ve set lots of goals. Yes, that’s a difference, though.

M: Ok.

P: I liken the New Year’s resolution to the people that go to the gym on the first day of the year. It’s like, ‘Hi, how are you? Haven’t seen you in 12 months. I’ll see you next year.’ Laugh. Because it doesn’t have enough leverage and when you set goals outside of specific huge events or massive celebrations. Goals need to have those, those parameters behind them. Those smart goals.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Where they’re sensible, they’re measurable, they’re actionable. They need to be thought through, and you need to commit to them, and that needs to be more than just a momentary inspiration.

M: So, a lot of people do put a lot of thought into their news resolutions.

P: Well, I’m sure they do.

M: And they do make smart goals, and they are things they want.

P: Mmm, But! Laugh.

M: But, there’s also a lot of research…

P: Laugh.

M: So, it doesn’t matter what time of year I would say.

P: Hmm. No, I agree.

M: So, if you’re out there listening to us and you would like to be happier, then the first step is to turn some of these ideas that we’ve been talking about these activities, or PPIs into habits. And in order to do that, the first thing that everyone needs to know is that you can change, and you can change your brain.

P: Mmm. I like it.

M: And today, we’re going to talk about neuroplasticity. In the last couple of decades, neuroplasticity has become a big thing, and it’s really informed what Carol Dweck has been a lot of time teaching -she’s a researcher- and studying, which is all about growth mindset and one of the coolest things about her research is that simply knowing that you can change is enough to help kick start you on your journey. So, a lot of people for a long time believed that you born the way you are, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

P: Mmm, mmm.

M: Or perhaps you are born the way you are, you learn your behaviours and you are really set by your parents and your environment as you grow up. But once you hit maybe your late teens or early twenties, that’s it. That’s your personality, and that’s your behaviours and nothing can change.

P: Mmm.

M: And the research shows that that’s so not true. We can keep changing right up until the day we die if we put the right type of effort in.

P: I agree.

M: And just knowing that, just knowing that one thing that you can change is a huge mental shift for a lot of people and helps kick start them on their road to change.

P: There is a certain amount of truth in the fact that our brains are a lot more, inverted commas, “plastic” when we are younger. We do have the ability to take on new ideas and we’re much more open to it when we are younger. But there’s nothing to say that we can’t be more neuroplastic into our senior years.

In terms of long term health benefits, doing actions that challenge our brain coordination and interpretation is actually really healthy for us into senior years because it helps offset a lot of those dementia symptoms that come forward and the research that they’re doing in the health field is that doing things, particularly with multiple tasks. So, one of the best things for dementia is dancing because you’re –

M: Interpreting.

P: Well, yeah. You are. You’re interpreting music, but you’re also reinforcing it with bodily movement and you’re processing new co-ordinations. There are three big areas there and in terms of creating habits, having that flexibility. It marries right in in terms of trying to cement your habits in and create that plastic brain. If you’re investing in those activities that really challenge you continuously and not going ‘oh, I’m too old for this’, then you’re already setting yourself up for a change and for achievement.

M: Mmm hmm. And that’s the mindset that we were talking about there, that ‘I’m too old for this’ or ‘I can’t teach an old dog new tricks’.

P: Mmm. Don’t believe it.

M: Or ‘I’ve always been this way.’

P: Nah.

M: None of that is true. All of it goes out the window, and if that’s your internal monologue, you need to kick it to the curb now.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And we’re gonna talk neuroplasticity.

P: Oh, let’s go.

M: So, we’re going to help you understand how you can take control of your brain. Don’t think about that too hard.

P: Laugh, I’m thinking of saddle riding and reigns around a mouth.

M: Is it your brain that’s riding the saddle?

P: No, no, the brain’s in front.

M: On your brain, or under your brain?

P: So, I’m sitting on my brain.

M: Are you taking control of your brain?

P: Laugh.

M: This is what I’m saying, don’t think about it too hard.

P: Laugh.

M: Neuroplasticity refers to the ability of your brain to reorganise itself both physically and functionally throughout your life due to your environment, behaviour, thinking and emotions.

P: Mmm.

M: And I love the emotions bit there because a lot of people, myself included, have really turned their nose up at positive affirmations.

P: [Guilty giggle]

M: But what the research is showing and what this definition of neuroplasticity is really saying is you can reinforce a negative behaviour or emotion or way of thinking just as easily as you can reinforce a positive emotion, behaviour or way of thinking.

P: Yep.

M: So, if you have a preclusion to look for the negative or if you’re wired to look for the negative.

P: Well, we’re all hard wired to look for the negative, that’s a scientific fact.

M: Yep, yep. So, what are you doing to combat that?

P: Mmm.

M: And two people can look at the same situation and respond very differently.

P: Mmm.

M: So, you’re not hard wired to respond negatively.

P: No, exactly. It’s your interpretation, which is the same for stresses we mentioned before. It’s how you interpret stress.

M: So, in his book Soft-Wired: How the New Science of Brain Plasticity Can Change Your Life, Dr Michael Merzenich, who is a leading pioneer in Brain Plasticity research, has 10 core principles which are necessary for creating change. And when we say creating change, its rewiring your brain. And so, we’re going to talk through a few of them now.

P: Hmm.

M: The ones that actually speak to us and weren’t too techy, because neither of us are scientists.

P: Laugh.

M: So, there’s a fine line here between saying, here’s what I read and getting science wrong.

P: Yep.

M: Which we don’t like to do.

P: Change is mostly limited to situations in which the brain is in the mood for it.

M: Yes.

P: Mmm, if you’re alert, on the ball, engaged, motivated, ready for action, the brain releases neurochemicals so neurotransmitters, which are necessary for changing pathways. If we’re not engaging –

M: This is so true.

P: Yeah, if you’re not motivated to do something, you’re not going to keep doing it.

M: And that is point number one about news resolutions. Many of us pick perhaps smart goals or other resolutions or goals that they believe others think they should be doing.

P: Mmm, yes.

M: Or society says you should do like going to the gym.

P: Yep.

M: Going to the gym is just not my cup of tea, right? And it means that, if that’s one of my goals, I’m never going to be motivated.

P: Absolutely.

M: And I’m already putting a roadblock in my path.

P: And that block will be strong.

M: And really my goal is to get fit or to be healthy, not to go to the gym.

P: Yes.

M: So it’s worth remembering. You know, if you’re looking at exercise, for instance, if you are not in the mood for that exercise –

P: [Failure noise]

M: It just won’t happen.

P: Change. Laugh.

M: You’ve got a right fit to change.

P: Yes, definitely.

M: Though with a lot of the other things we talk about generosity and volunteering or gratitude, journaling, you know that can look like a lot of different things; Some of it’s just vocal around the dinner table, some of its writing pages and pages in a notebook, meditation has many, many different forms.

P: Definitely.

M: Mindfulness can look very different to different people. It’s really about finding the right fit. This first step here.

P: Mmm.

M: So, you’ve got to find something that inspires our energises you or at least interests you.

P: Definitely.

M: You need to want to make change.

P: If it’s a task you won’t commit, and that flows nicely into the second point that you’re going to make Pete.

P: Laugh.

The harder you try, the more motivated the more alert you are and the better or worse the potential outcome, the bigger the brain change.

P: So, if you’re really engaged with something and it’s a focus goal, then your brain will actually make that change for you much more readily. If there’s an important reason that drives a change or the will to engage, then the brain will actually support all that and try and actually recruit more neurons or synapses or connections to actually bring that about.

M: Yeah, and look, I think you can really supercharge a change you’re trying to make by making it social that can make the activity enjoyable. And it’s one of the reasons why I fell in love with volleyball, not because it was better than netball, basketball or any other sport that I was playing that year, but because my best friend’s made the team.

P: Mmm.

M: And so, the four of us all got to go together and have a laugh and a hit and a giggle and got to socialise. And so, volleyball has become a huge part of my life, probably mostly because my friends were doing it to start with.

P: Laugh.

M: And because I was motivated to make the team, I think I picked it up quickly and it became probably like a Nile sized river down the middle of my brain, –

P: Laugh!

M: – with volleyball skills in it – 20 years later, laugh.

P: Volleyballers Collosum, there we go.

M: Laugh. Because I was motivated.

P: Mmm.

M: All right. Shall we move on to number three?

P: Sure.

The more something is practised, the more connections are changed.

M: Yes. So, again, this is that big Nile river running down the middle of my brain. It started off as a trickle of water and slowly over time that, that pipe has expanded and grown as I’ve reinforced the same skills but also added new skills into that, that same stream.

P: Mmm, yep. The repetition factor.

M: I’ve exhausted that metaphor, haven’t I?

P & M: Laughter!

P: I’m liking it. I’m getting a vision of it, I’ve got brain things going through my head already. But volleyballers collosum is now a thing.

M & P: Laugh!

M: All right, so the next one is:

The brain also strengthens its connections between teams of neurons.

P: I like this one. This is an interesting one.

M: So, this is about bringing separate moments of successive things together.

P: Mmm.

M: And putting everything in context, really.

P: Mmm.

M: Your brain is putting things together so that if I say the Pete one times one equals two… oh sorry.

P: Laugh.

M: One times one equals one, one times two equals two. You know that the next thing in that sequence is one times three equals three.

P: Yes, exactly.

M: Right. So, your brain through repetition in primary school whenever it was that we learned our times tables has put those sequences together.

P: Yes, and it strengthens, and it reinforces them so that you automatically go down the list and do the same actions. And to use your volleyball metaphor. When you serve the ball, you run into a certain position on the court because that’s where you stand for defence.

M: When you get into a car, for anyone who drives a manual, you put your foot on the clutch.

P: Yeah, there you go.

M: Like when you first got into a car is a learner that wasn’t just what you did.

P: Yes.

M: But you know that that will be the next step in a series of things, and then you put it into neutral or potentially you put it into first gear or reverse, and you’ve got your foot on the clutch and you turn the key.

P: Yep.

M: That series of things go together in your brain and the more you strengthen all those individual things, and the more you do those in a series, the more your brain puts them all together in context around each other.

P: And creates a little team of events and team of sequences.

M: And flow, so it’s a continuous flow from one to the next.

P: Ahh.

M: So, you don’t actually have to think about putting your series of activities together, they just flow on into the next.

P: Yes.

M: All right, moving on. Oh, this is the sad one.

P: Laugh.

M: So, we’ve been talking about how if you want to start a habit, you need to do something that has a good fit for you and your personality and what you like. You also need to repeat it over time, and the science behind this is, it varies, some people say 21 days for a habit to sink in. Probably 30 days is a good starting point, I would say just to make it really stick.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And you want to make a small change that is really easy. You’d almost have to trip over yourself not to do it. So, you know, we talked about people who put their running shoes next to their bed in the morning, so they just put their feet in and off they go for their run.

P: Yeah.

M: Or, you know, eating healthy, putting all the junk food at the back of the cupboard and bringing all the healthy food forward. So, it’s easier to eat healthfully.

P: Laugh, sure.

M: So, you want to remove those barriers. You want to do something over and over and keep growing and building those connections that river. More water flowing through that channel so that you’re building that habit, because the next one that we have here is:

Initial changes are temporary.

P: This goes back to the New Year’s Resolution thing.

M & P: Laugh.

M: If you don’t create that habit and put in the time and effort to do it for at least you know, 30 days –

P: Yeah.

M: – Your brain will forget.

P: I always like the comparison of rolling a stone up a hill or down a hill. It’s really difficult to get the stone to move, especially if it’s a big stone, so it’s this big goal that you want. It’s really hard to generate that first effort, to get it moving, but then it gets moving and you can follow on, and then it takes on its own kinetic energy, and it’s like, ‘Yeah, I’m riding the wave.’

M: Down the hill. Not up, laugh.

P: Yeah. Oh, it could be up, laugh.

M: Ohh! No, that just get’s harder doesn’t it.

P: Yeah, laugh.

M: Also, what’s going on in your brain is that initial changes, small changes, if you don’t repeat them, they get put into your short-term memory. You don’t start to build those stronger neural pathways. So, if you do something once it’s forgotten, you do something two days in a row. You might have a little tiny bit of that kinetic energy you’re talking about Peter.

P: Yep.

M: Little neural pathway starting to build, but it’s still in your short-term memory. You do it a third day and a fourth day and a fifth day. Now you starting to build enough of a neural pathway, and you need to keep going for up to 30 days for it to slip into your long-term memory and to really strengthen that neural pathway.

P: Yep.

M: If you don’t make it that far, you’re not going to make it.

P: Very true.

M: 30 days. If you’re going to do it, just commit for those 30 days to start with. But again, find the right fit first and then get your 30 days in. Now this also goes for breaking the bad habit. So, if you want to go for a run every morning, but you like to snooze –

P: Laugh.

M: – and you’ve been snoozing for 10 years.

P: Yep.

M: You’ve got to do 10 years of not snoozing to break that habit. Well, probably not. But you need to do at least 30 days to start to rewire your brain away from that other habit.

P: Yep.

M: The bad habit that you have been reinforcing and that neural pathway that is huge and start building the other one for the good habit.

P: Mmm, definitely.

M: And a lot of us are fighting the bad habit as well as trying to build the new habit.

P: Well, I guess you don’t even have to qualify it as bad or good habits they’re just habits. So, if you want to break a habit, you have to interrupt it for with a different habit. So again, that 30 day window is what you need to reinforce.

M: All right, next one:

Memory guides and controls most learning.

P: Mmm.

M: So again, as we’re talking about short term and long term memory, you want to be building those neural pathways and trying to get your skills and that habit or that routine into your long term memory. And that’s where it becomes really a lot easier and almost uncomfortable not to do it. So, if you always go to the gym on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and one Friday, you get stuck at work. It’s almost going to feel uncomfortable not to have made it to the gym that day. If that is your habit and your routine.

P: It’s an interesting one, isn’t it? Because it is that whole thing of ‘dammit, I’ve created this habit and now I’ve got to stick to it because now it feels weird when I don’t do it.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: As a recovering smoker Marie, was that something that you found when you first gave up smoking the action of actually reaching for a cigarette? Or when you were involved in certain…

M: Oh, the amount of lolly pops I went through the first time I tried to smoke and the pen lids that I chewed.

P: Laugh.

M: And yeah, to be honest, a lot of it was the environment. So, if I had a cup of tea or coffee I was screwed.

P: Laugh.

M: I was craving for it, you would not believe. There were certain times of the day or situations. An alcoholic drink –

P: Mmm.

M: – used to be a trigger as well, a lot of them were environmental triggers and that habit that physical habit rather than the nicotine craving that kicked it off.

P: Mmm.

M: Obviously the nicotine craving follows.

P: Yeah.

M: Got my wine, laugh.

P & M: Laughter.

M: Just don’t have my ciggy.

P: But it flows nicely into the next point, which is about:

Movement of learning, providing moments of opportunity for the brain to stabilise.

P: So, what this is talking about is cutting out the noise and paring back those things that trigger us to create an action or create a habit. So, if you’re trying to create a new habit or new action that you do and you keep getting distracted by the alcoholic beverage or the cigarettes –

M: The phone.

P: The phone. Yeah, yeah there we go.

M: The phone! Let’s turn our phones off so we can actually focus. Sorry, side bar – keep going Pete.

P: Laugh.

Each time your brain strengthens a connection to advance your mastery of a skill, it weakens other connections of neurons [that weren’t used at that moment].

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So, not only are you reinforcing a good habit or the new habit? You’re actually taking that bad habit and going ‘no, sit back in the corner, sit back in the corner.’

M: It’s a two-way street –

P: There we go.

M: – Neuroplasticity.

P: Ah ha, nice Segway. Laugh!

M: All right, there’s ten [nine] things there, again, the book is called Soft-Wired: How the New Science of Brain Plasticity Can Change Your Life. We’ve only gone through a few of the different things there. But really, this was our attempt to start to take our conversation from ‘we all know the things we should do’ to actually, ‘what are you doing?’

P: Yep.

M: So, this is my challenge. What can you put into your diary as a habit? A happiness habit that you want to prioritise in your life.

P: Mmm.

M: And again. Laughter Yoga, 60 seconds. Gratitude at the dinner table, a really good way to just bond with your family and friends. There are so many things that you can fit in really easily that don’t have to be going to the gym for an hour three times a week.

P: Yes, definitely.

M: Which is also good for you.

P: Laugh.

M: But, you know, choosing healthier meals more regularly. Things like that that you can schedule in, and one of the easiest ways to do it is to actually put it in your diary as time set aside for being kind to your team at work.

P: Mmm.

M: Or things like that, or as a regular reminder. And on that note, we might wrap up. We’re well over time.

P: Laugh. Enjoy your new habits people.

M: Have a happy week.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

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