Happiness for Cynics podcast
Join Marie and Pete as they discuss being your Best Possible Self and the exercise that may be your key to happiness.
Show notes
Want the science? Check out these studies
King, A. (2001). The health benefits of writing about life goals. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27, 798-807.
Layous, K., Nelson, S. K., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2013). What is the optimal way to deliver a positive activity intervention? The case of writing about one’s best possible selves. Journal of Happiness Studies, 14(2), 635-654.
Meevissen, Y., Alberts H., & Peters, M. (2011). Become more optimistic by imagining a best possible self: Effects of a two-week intervention. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry. 42, 371-378
Carrillo, A., Rubio-Aparicio, M., Molinari, G., Enrique, Á., Sánchez-Meca, J., & Baños, R. M. (2019). Effects of the Best Possible Self intervention: A systematic review and meta-analysis. PloS one, 14(9).
First Calendar
Who Made the First Calendar? Historians believe timekeeping goes as far back as the Neolithic period, but actual calendars weren’t around until the Bronze Age in 3100 BC. The Sumerians in Mesopotamia made the very first calendar, which divided a year into 12 lunar months, each consisting of 29 or 30 days.
Transcript
[Happy intro music -background]
M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.
P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.
M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.
P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.
[Intro music fadeout]
M: Happy New Year!
P: Happy 2022! Woo, woo, woot!
M: Laugh.
P: I’m sure there’s something numerical about 2022 that’s going to be fabulous really. 2-0-2-2. What is that? that’s 2 and two 2’s are 4 and it’s 6… but it’s all 2’s, tea for two?
M: Laugh, we’re starting the year on a high here.
P: Laugh. Tea for two, there we go, it’ll be teatime. Laugh.
M: I never asked, have you been drinking Pete? Laugh.
P: …Maybe. No, I haven’t. I’ve been working all day. I’ve had a very busy day, but that’s good for the new year.
M: Yes, it is.
P: Yes, in honour of the God Janice.
M: …Wah??
P: The New Year was started by Caesar in 45 B.C. It was the first New Year’s Day.
It was named January in honour of the God Janice, who has two heads, one looking forward and one looking backward.
M: Ahh…
P: Which is why New Year is such a great time to project and look forward to what is to come but also reflect and look back on what was.
[Starts talking in an ethereal prophetic voice]
And use that as a launching pad to launch yourself forward into your new domain and [voice better louder] New dominion as ruler of the world!
M & P: Laughter!
M: All right, on that note.
P: Laugh.
M: We are here today –
P: Still Laughing.
M: – to look forward.
P: Look forward. How cool it be, though, to go, “Meh, don’t like this calendar. I’m going to make a new one. Everybody, you gotta start on this. We could have 364 days.”
Everyone: “It doesn’t work.”
P: “Oh, all right, all right. I’ll do a quarter day every year.” Laugh.
M: That kind of was probably the first calendar that was built on a bit of science. Astronomy?
P: Mmm. I don’t know, but I’ll give it to you.
M: Well, it must have been, because they got it kind of right, didn’t they?
P: Yeah.
M: We’re just guessing here now.
P: Yeah.
M: We’re just having a conversation.
P: Yeah, but 45 B.C. that’s yeah… But apparently the New Year’s Day goes back 4000 years.
M: Oh.
P: So, there were, ancient Egyptians used to celebrate a New Year’s Day. So, it wasn’t the Romans.
M: Well, a lot of other cultures, non-Western cultures, have this idea of cyclic time and things happening around seasons. And obviously there was collecting of grains and seeds.
P: Harvesting.
M: …Well, harvesting kind of requires a little bit more organisation rather than just gathering.
P: Laugh, yeah.
M: But you would have an idea of the seasons, definitely.
P: Hmm.
M: So, that cyclical idea of time, I think –
P: – was always present in ancient cultures? Yes.
M: I think in some way, particularly in Eastern culture and the cultures that believe in reincarnation or the ecosystems and everything coming and going, but just being movements of energy.
P: So, the hippies had it right. The celestial dancers were onto something. Let’s get naked in the full moonlight.
M: Laugh. So, what we’re talking about today really is a good time of year to be looking at. We’re talking about ‘Best Possible Self’, activity or exercise, and this is probably one of the most popular, or most prescribed or widely used positive psychology interventions.
P: Oh, what is it, Marie? What is it? What is it? What is it? Tell me. Tell me now!
M: Laugh. So, uh, okay. We’ll get there, we’ll get there. We’ve got 20 minutes.
P: I can’t handle the suspense!
M: Laugh. And so, the ‘Best Possible Self’. You can probably already kind of guess where we’re going with this. This is one of those topics that is really borderline for me, though.
P: Oh, oh we love that because you sort of sit there and get a little twinkle in your eye and you start twitching.
M: Laugh.
P: I can do this, really I can grr, grr, grr.
M: There are few things in my journey of self-discovery, when it comes to positive psychology, that I’m still really on the fence about.
P: Laugh.
M: So, meditation.
P: Yeah, we know. Laugh.
M: Mindfulness exercises and positive affirmations are probably three of the ones that we’ve discussed in the past that I’m like, eh?
P: So, is ‘Best Positive Self’ a positive affirmation? Or is this something slightly different?
M: It’s along the same lines as positive affirmations.
P: Mmm.
M: Definitely, mindset exercise and coming back to new year – new you. A lot of people are setting new year’s resolutions.
P: Yep
M: By this point in the year, a lot of people have given up on their new year’s resolutions.
P: Laugh! I’ll start again next week. It’s fine.
M: Laugh. And maybe you did set some new year’s resolutions that you haven’t been able to keep for a variety of reasons. A lot of us do that. And maybe you’re looking for something to replace that already in week three of January as we kick off our year.
P: Mmm.
M: And maybe ‘Best Possible Self’ is a new activity that you might be able to stick with.
P: Okay, okay, let’s dive in. What are we doing?
M: Essentially, it’s a mindset exercise, but it’s in writing.
P: Ok.
M: So, pretty much what we’re trying to do is increase optimism.
P: Oh, okay. Yep.
M: As a personality trait, optimism has been shown to increase well-being and leads to greater physical well-being and longevity.
P: Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, that’s been proven heaps. And it is so obvious. Happier people get better stuff.
M: Yep.
P & M: Laugh.
P: Scientific language there.
M: And they don’t die.
P & M: Laugh!
M: Okay, well, they do. Everybody dies.
P: They do, yep.
M: Taxes, they get taxed too, but they’re happy about it.
P: Laugh.
M: So… laugh.
M: So, optimists are people who look forward to the future and believe things will work out. So, there’s a great quote often attributed to [John] Lennon, which is,
“Everything will be OK in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”
P: Oh, I like that. Oh, that’s great, I’m going to put that on my wall. Laugh.
M: And it’s very much the mantra of optimists. So just because you’re an optimist doesn’t mean that you are practising toxic positivity.
P: Eeuggh, yeah.
M: It’s important to make this distinction, and a lot of people who don’t understand past the T-shirt slogan, like to throw this at psychologists and researchers.
P: Yep, yep.
M: But what we’re saying here is that it doesn’t mean that bad things don’t happen to optimists or that they don’t feel the appropriate negative feelings.
P: Mmm. When necessary, yeah.
M: Like sadness or frustration or anger, because that’s natural and healthy when things go wrong.
P: Yes.
M: Instead, optimists have a level of resilience that allows them to work through their feelings and move forward quickly.
P: Quickly being the operative word?
M: It allows them to move through and out the other side.
P: Mmm.
M: Now, sometimes some things take longer.
P: Mmm, yep. Major life events.
M: And some things will always impact you forever more. Definitely. People who are dealing with grief, a lot of them would say they’ll never be the same.
P: Yep.
M: And that’s fair and fine.
P: Mmm.
M: But people who are optimists will find a way to keep living and to work through that.
P: Yes.
M: And move forward often quicker, I won’t say quicker, but in a more constructive way. They won’t get stuck.
P: And it’s more than just looking for the positive, isn’t it? When you’re an optimist, it’s not about looking at the glass half full.
M: It is. It’s about that resilience as well.
P: Yeah.
M: So, when things go bad, you know how to process it.
P: Yep.
M: So, that comes with a certain level of EQ or emotional intelligence,
P: Yes.
M: that is needed in order to move through that. So, the most optimistic person with no emotional intelligence would still probably hit a roadblock.
P: Yeah.
M: That’s where you bury things rather than process.
P: Yes, yes, yes.
M: But you need both. But with both the world is your oyster. All the research shows that you’re going to have a far more successful life. You’ll earn more, you’ll amass more wealth, which is not a measure of happiness. But who’s going to say no to more money.
P: Laugh, true. Is it because it enables you to do other things?
M: Exactly. You’ll have more friends, and deeper friendships with friends. You’re more likely to get married, have successful relationships. All of the stuff that we’ve discussed on this show.
P: Yeah.
M: So, optimism is worth striving for.
P: Mmm.
M: Now, what we’re talking about here with ‘Best Possible Self’ is a way to learn optimism.
P: Ooh. Get your study hats on people. Red pencils and blue biros out please.
M & P: Laugh.
M: [whispers] We don’t use red pens anymore, that’s seen as negative.
P: Oh, but aren’t we hardwired to focus on the negative? I confused!
M: We are. So, we want blue pen or… anyway, that’s a whole other thing.
P: Just give me a box of crayons, I’m ready.
M & P: Laugh.
M: So, the great news is that research has shown ever since, way back in 2001, there was a study by… King. Mr King.
P: Mr King, laugh.
M: Of ‘The health benefits of writing about life goals, personality and social psychology.’
P: Oh, okay.
M: So, all the way back in 2001, was probably one of the first articles about this. And since then, quite a few people, including our one of our favourites, Sonja Lyubomirsky, has looked into it.
P: Yes.
M: And all of them are finding that this ‘Best Possible Self’ exercise, which really focuses on increasing positive mindset and optimism, is beneficial and works.
P: Okay.
M: So.
P: Laugh, so do it people.
M & P: Laugh.
M: So, let’s dive into some of those studies. So, in one study researchers asked participants to write about their best self across three different dimensions. Personal, relational, and professional for five minutes a day over two weeks.
P: That’s, yeah.
M: Anyone can do that.
P: It’s surprisingly hard to do five minutes of that intense reflection. Like that’s challenging for a lot of people. It’s shining –
M: Even if it’s across three different areas?
P: Yeah.
M: It’s kind of like meditation, right? The first time you do, you might stare out the window for four minutes and go, aahhh!
P: Laugh.
M: And then have 60 seconds of really intense writing.
P: But it is a training exercise, and that’s why I think what they’re saying here is that it’s not enough to do it just once a week. It has to be consistent over two weeks to get these effects, yes?
M: Yep, but only five minutes a day. That’s so doable. The busiest of busy people can normally fit five minutes into their day. But the one thing I’d say do not forget to schedule in downtime and rest so important. And that doesn’t mean just eight hours of sleep.
P: Oh no, no, no, no. It’s like, you gotta have your hour of you time.
M: Yep. So, five minutes a day over two weeks. And then the researchers measured the effects on optimism and mood after one day, one week and two weeks. And the results showed that participants had significantly larger increases in optimism compared to the people who simply wrote about daily activities.
P: Ok.
M: And the best part is they saw that both after only one session and over two weeks. So, it only takes one session of writing and thinking about ‘what could my best future look like’ to have profound impacts on your day.
P: Mmm. It’s the same thing with self-talk. If you’re always going ‘Oh, the sky is grey, the cat is black, you know, the toilet’s not clean.’ Laugh.
M: Laugh.
P: You’re constantly reinforcing that, that down.
M: Eeyore.
P: The Eeyore moment, exactly. A.A. Milne had it right, laugh.
M: All right, so that was the first study. The second study, again there are many, many studies, and we’ll put a few of them in the show notes for you. If you’re interested in the real science, the hard science.
P: Laugh.
M: Which I hope some of you are, cause otherwise I’m talking to no one, laugh.
P: [Whispers] Don’t trust us, we don’t know what we’re talking about. Laugh.
M: So, the second study was led by Sonja Lyubomirsky.
P: Ah, Sonja, we love her.
M: And this one lasted four weeks, and they played with a variety of factors to see what might increase optimism even more, or what might detract from the exercise. So, a couple of things they did… So, not surprisingly, in the study it supported previous research that validated the ‘Best Possible Self’ exercise. It significantly boosted affect, positive affect, and flow. And, of course, flow is something we’ve also spoken about before.
P: Yep.
M: But sitting down and writing is a great way to finding flow.
P: Accessing that really beautiful spot where everything just happens.
M: Yep, so additionally, though, they found… They got some people to do this exercise online and other people to do it in person.
P: Online, as in writing it down online.
M: Yes.
P: Oh, okay.
M: And we’ve spoken before about the difference between handwriting and typing.
P: Yes.
M: What they found for this exercise was there’s no difference in results when completing the exercise online versus in person.
P: Oh! That means there’s no excuses.
M: No excuses. And then the other thing they looked at was how pre-positioning the exercise might impact on outcome. So, students who were at a testimonial about the benefits of ‘Best Possible Self’ had the best gains and well-being compared to those who read neutral information about a control task. They say –
P: Setting them up for success?
M: – the results lend legitimacy to online self-administered happiness, increasing activities and highlight the importance of participants belief in the efficacy of such activities for optimal results. So, you can’t come in being a sceptic –
P: Mmm, yeah.
M: – for all you cynics, you’ve got to understand the science, understand why this impacts your brain and how in a way we say you’re tricking your brain. But really, what you’re doing is retraining.
P: I think training is a better word. Yeah, I like that word when you’re talking about changing things up.
M: And when you understand that that’s how this works and that there is science behind it, and you go do it yourself then you see the benefits.
P: Mmm, yeah. The brain is easily… it’s not easily manipulated, but we can manipulate it.
M: Yes.
P: We can project. And that projection factor. It’s not hippie nonsense and poppycock.
M: We can adjust.
P: Yeah.
M: We can adjust for that negative bias.
P: Yeah, definitely. It’s looking for the red car when you buy a red car and all of a sudden you see red cars, you put it out there in front of you and I think that’s the underlying principle of this.
M: Mmm hmm.
P: If you actually write it down, what your best possible self is when someone says to you, “What do you want to be?” You’re like, “I want to be a fireman!” because you thought about it. You’ve imagined it. You’ve imagined yourself in that outfit with the great calendar and the puppy dog and yeah, the big truck that goes ‘Beep, beep!’ Who doesn’t want to be a fireman?
M: Be a fireman? Or be with a fireman?
P: Laugh.
M: Alright, so how do we do the Best Possible Self?
P: Oh, here we go. Now we’ve got to the work people.
M: You’ve got to do the work. The good news is it’s really simple. All you need is a pen and a paper or a journal.
P: Ok.
M: And I’m going to bump it up to about 10 to 15 minutes.
P: Oh! Quelle dommage.
M: For just two weeks. So, the Lyubomirsky study, was a four week study and they went, I think, all the way up to 15 minutes.
P: Ok.
M: The first study we mentioned was five minutes for two weeks. I’m going to kind of go somewhere in between, two weeks and say, let’s put some time, 10 minutes, put 10 minutes into it.
P: Ok.
M: So, simple exercise with profound impacts. Find somewhere quiet or peaceful to sit and write continuously about your imagined, best possible future. You want to let all ideas come freely, Don’t sensor anything.
P: Mmm.
M: And don’t even worry about grammar or spelling. Just let it all out.
P: Yes, I bought it.
M: You wanna. You wanna let that flow find you.
P: Yep.
M: So, the first thing to do is step one, block sometime in your diary or calendar to dedicate to this activity over the period you’re going to do it. Lock it in so it happens.
P: Mmm.
M: If you don’t have the alarm going off or the reminder reminding you, it won’t become a habit and you’ll forget.
P: You’ll forget.
M: Plain and simple.
P: Yep.
M: So, lock it into your diary and set a reminder on your phone. Secondly, decide how you want to organise what you want to write about. So you could try, like Lyubomirsky’s study, four different areas, which are social, health, academic and career.
P: Mmm hmm.
M: Some people may not have a career. There might be students. Some people may not have an academic life, they’re just working.
P: Yep, it could be anything.
M: Yeah.
P: It could be losing weight. It could be eating better.
M: Well, social and health would probably cover those as well. So, find what works for you. The three from the first study were personal, relational and professional.
P: Ok.
M: So, group what you’re going to write about so that you can consistently right about these things over time and dig into them. Or you can come up with your own dimensions, as you mentioned. All right, so group them and then sit somewhere quiet, distraction free and set your time of 10 to 15 minutes. So, what you want to do is write about your realistic, best possible future self for each category.
P: Ok.
M: So, imagine that you’re happy and have all that you want in your social category, right? So, what does it look like to have the friends and the family that you want to have the interactions that you want to have? You’ve worked hard, opportunities have presented themselves and you’ve taken them.
P: Mmm.
M: So, you’ve achieved all that you imagined possible. So, think about the steps that would be needed to get there. How you would feel making that positive progress.
P: These are good things to write down on a white board or something, so that if you are finding yourself stuck in this righting moment, you’ve got those little prompts to platform launch you into more writing. If you’re getting stuck, that might be a really good idea.
M: Just remember to be specific as you can. Who would be there with you? What would you be doing? How would you be doing it? What would you see? Hear? Taste, Smell?
P: Yep.
M: Be descriptive and imaginative. And really put yourself into a day in the life of your best possible future self. And it might change over time. So, what you write about on day one may not be the future that you land on.
P: Mmm. That’ll be interesting to see.
M: But you want to be as specific and imaginative and descriptive as possible. Now, you then repeat the exercise the next day and the next and the next, and stick with it for at least two weeks. That’s it.
P: Okay.
M: Before we go, though, two things I just want to call out about what we just spoke about. The first one was a realistic, best possible self. So, you might be tempted to write about a future in which you win the lottery or marry your already married high school sweetheart.
P: Laugh.
M: Well, that ain’t going to happen, right?
P & M: Laugh.
M: So be careful to be realistic about your best possible future self. If you spend too much time wanting something that simply cannot happen. Then that can often have the opposite effect. It can have a negative mental health impact.
P: Yeah, right. Cause it’s unattainable.
M: It’s wishing.
P: And then [you think], ‘I’ll never be good enough.’ Yeah, and all that negativity comes back.
M: You know, ‘I wish I had gone to university. Maybe my life would be better.’ That type of thinking is not going to help you in the slightest. And in fact, it’s going to make you feel worse.
P: Yeah, yeah.
M: So, realism, realistic expectations and realistic, best possible future self is really important. And then the second thing is focusing on the future. So again, just like before, you don’t want to be thinking, ‘I wish I’d gone to university. My life would have been so much better if I had.’ You want to be thinking about the future. So, another trap is to spend too much time worrying about what you did or didn’t do in the past.
P: Yeah.
M: That will prevent your best possible future self from being realised. Again, where are you now? Where could you get to in the future? And then it’s about setting the goal so that hopefully at some stage you start actually taking steps to get there.
P: Towards it, yeah. Projection.
M: Mmm hmm. Yeah, so that’s it. Be realistic. Focus on the future and then paint your life the way you think it.
P: Laugh. [Singing] You can paint with all the colours of the wind. Laugh.
M: And hopefully then you realise your best possible future self. And don’t forget to do it every year or two because our goals and dreams and wants change over time.
P: True, yeah. I like it, I’m all enthused now. I think I’m gonna get my ‘Best Possible Self’, my BPS book.
M: Good topic for the 1st…
P: Kick off 2022.
M: Definitely and we have some great guests coming up as well on the show. So, changing the format a little this year.
P: Woo hoo!
M: Yes. So, I hope you tune in, share it with your friends and we’ll see you next week.
P: Have a happy week
[Happy exit music – background]
M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.
P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.
M: Until next time.
M & P: Choose happiness.
[Exit music fadeout]
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