Happiness Literacy (E80)

Happiness for Cynics

This week, Marie and Pete talk about your level of Happiness Literacy – how aware of your own happiness are you? 

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: So, we’re back Pete!

P: [Singing] Hi.

M: [Singing] Hi.

P: Laugh.

M: So, I have a question for you, as we are into week three of lockdown, which will tell you how long ago we recorded this.

P: Laugh.

M: ‘Cause who knows when we’ll be up to when we actually play this.

P: Is it week three?  I think it’s four.

M: Week four. Then my question is, Are you okay?

…

P: NOOOOO!!

M & P: Laugh!

P: I’M STRUGGLING! [Nervous laughter]

M: And I want to say that I am, too, and I’m not in lockdown. We talk about Sydney and Melbourne being in lockdown.

P: Yep.

M: And we’ve been very, very, very blessed in Australia that this is our second a few weeks of lockdown in Sydney.

P: Mmm, gosh yes.

M: And I’m actually up in Tamworth. But I think it’s worth acknowledging that we’ve all had our moments of… I’m going to call it instability.

P: Mmm.

M: I’m going to go there, laugh. Moments of irrationality.

P: Laughter! Moments of hurting?

M: Moments of feeling like crap.

P: Laugh.

M: Low resilience.

P: Laugh.

M: Manic.

P: Laugh.

M: Swings of emotion.

P: Laughter.

M: And that is okay. I think one of, I have no idea who said it. But one of my favourite quotes or mantras I have is that ‘No emotion is bad, only behaviours are bad.’

P: Oooh, I like that. Yeah, I like that a lot, I think that’s great.

M: Yeah, absolutely. And I think we talk so much about positivity and happiness on this podcast that when we were catching up before we got onto this recording, we both decided that we needed to be a bit vulnerable and share with the listeners that it’s not all about being happy all the time.

P: Mmm.

M: Sustainable happiness, which is what we strive for here, still has moments of low resilience and sadness and anger and fear and all those emotions which are neither positive nor negative. They’re just emotions, and that we feel low and sad and angry and all those things at various times, and that’s part of your spectrum of emotions of healthy emotions, even if you’re aiming for sustainable happiness. And you’ve got a great example of where it caught you off guard Pete, don’t you?

P: Yeah, laugh.

M: Will you share.

P: I’ve actually got two, I’ve got two. Yeah, Petey had a little, I call it my man period, laugh.

M: Don’t go there, you’re about to piss off a whole lot of people.

P: Laugh, I know. I believe you sisters, I’m with you.

M: Laugh!

P: I will survive.

M: Still don’t go there. You’re still digging, Pete. You’re still digging.

P & M: Laugh!

P: Yeah, I had a low week a couple of weeks ago, and I was catastrophizing a lot. I’d like to classify myself as a creative person, and the bad side of that is that you can get quite creative with your negative emotions and your negative projections, And I was getting really into them.

M: You can indulge them and feed them.

P: Oh, yeah, yeah.

M: And they don’t need indulging or feeding.

P: There’s a reason why Salvador Dali cut his ear off.

M: [Nervous laugh]

P: I’m there, I get it. Laugh.

So my first moment was I was just feeling really low, and I caught up with a friend because I thought, ‘no, no, no. It’s good to go out and see friends and do things.’ So we went for a lovely workout in one of the outdoor parks here in Sydney, and it was a beautiful, sunny day, it was lovely. And we were walking away from the exercise area because in Sydney we’re only allowed to exercise and then we have to go home. We were going for a quick coffee and my friend turned and said to me, Pete, are you okay?

P: I’m like, ‘I’m fine.’

M: [Fake laugh]

P: And he touched me, which was very non-covid because we were trying to be really covid aware. Um and he just put his hand on my forearm, and I went “I’M NOT OK!”

M & P: Laugh!!

M: Sorry, I laugh now only because you’re dramatizing it, not because my heart doesn’t go out to you.

P: Laugh! So, we sat down in the gutter. We were literally in front of some random garden. I’m like, “Can we have a seat?” And so, we sat down in the gutter and all it took was a good 15 minutes of my friend saying, “Okay, talk. Spill it.” And I spilled and I let it all out, and I had a little cry and expressed my emotions and so forth. And God, I felt better.

M: Oh, it’s so cathartic. And you kind of come out the other side going now I feel so much better that I’m a bit embarrassed that I went there.

P: Exactly, you do!

M: Laugh.

P: You get that swing back of like, I really shouldn’t have [been], you know holding it in.

M: Laugh, that was a bit OTT (Over The Top) wasn’t it!

P & M: Laugh!

P: [Singing] Drama queen!

M: Laugh. Oh, but that breakdown in that moment, and particularly if you’ve got someone there who can listen and just let you get it out. No matter how insane it might sound at times or whatever. Or is not, right? It is all valid emotion.

P: Oh, absolutely. It’s so valid and it’s validating to actually go, ‘yeah, I’m feeling low.’

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So, if you are feeling low at this moment, for whatever reason, for those people who are, you know, going we’re all going through this whole covid nightmare. Put yourself in the path of being able to open up, and that means just go to an exercise area if that’s all you can do and hang out with a friend and put yourself in that path of intervention. And when it comes up, go there, dive deep, open up, unzip the heart of your thoracic cage and let it all come out!

M: Laugh! I was with you until the unzipping of the thoracic cage. I thought it was a Superman [reference].

P: Laugh.

M: People at home you can’t see that we’re on video.

P: Laugh.

M: Pete was opening the suit, the Clark Kent suit and Superman was flying out it felt like.

P: Yep, laugh! It’s more about being exposed and being vulnerable. It’s more about the image of unzipping the body down to the heart and having that beating pulsating organ and Cain saying, ‘Come at me world, take your best stab at me.’

M: And that organ we’re talking about is his heart.

P: Yeah, we’re not going there.

M & P: Laugh!

M: Just to make sure we’re all on the same page here. Laugh.

P: Yes, there we go. So, what was your vulnerable moment, Marie?

M: Look, So I wanted to do a… So, it’s tough when you’re in a different town and you haven’t found your tribe or your people yet. And that can be, I think, even more isolating than being stuck surrounded by your tribe but not able to see them because you’re in lockdown.

P: Yep.

M: So that’s difficult at times. But my, my breakdown, my tanty moment –

P: Laugh.

M: – came when, I gave myself a Bunning’s project. I was building a shelf above my treadmill so that I can do some walking meetings here.

P: Ooh, yeah.

M: And my wonderful husband was trying to help –

P: Laugh! Whoops!

M: – and because it was my project, I had a tanty and I was trying to build this lovely, beautiful, you know, and he’s very practical and pragmatic. He was nailing things in the front side –

P: Laugh!

M: – and it was ugly. I had a bit of a strop. So, that was my emotional outburst.

P: Laugh.

M: Bless him, he puts up with a lot my husband.

P: It’s the role you do, with your intimate people, you do. You put up with things, but you’re also there when it’s necessary.

M: Yeah, and I think again there are no incorrect or wrong emotions or bad emotions, only bad behaviours. So, you know, I think if you behave badly, it’s about apologising and acknowledging that everyone is human.

P: Yes.

M: And actually, today we’re here to talk about happiness literacy.

P: Ooh, we are.

M: And this leads right in. And we wanted to start today’s episode by acknowledging that a lot of people are going through tough times. A lot of people have been going consistently through tough times since March of last year around the world, and we have, I think we’ve seeing today about 50% of our audience is in the States.

P: Shout out to The States.

M: Yeah, and a lot of people in the UK, Germany and a few weeks ago were trending in Ireland as well. So, hi to everyone. Thank you for listening.

P: Laugh, it’s really nice that we have an international cohort. I feel a bit special about that.

M: Laugh.

P: It’s like ‘Oh wow!’ Laugh.

M: We want to acknowledge that what we’re experiencing here in Australia pales in comparison to what a lot of our listeners have been going through, and that doesn’t make anything less valid. But we talk about happiness, and today we’re going to talk about happiness literacy. And really for me, happiness literacy is about being able to put the words around what you’re feeling and understand what you need to do and how to action your emotions and to proactively take care of your well-being, your mental well-being.

P: Mmm. To me, it goes right along those lines of financial literacy, health literacy, understanding the system and being able to use it. And if we talk about happiness in terms of a system, there are lots of options out there for us to access happiness. If you know how to work it.

M: Yep, or if you’ve got the base knowledge, you’ve got to have a base level of knowledge.

P: Definitely.

M: And unfortunately, we’ve spoken about this before, you don’t get that base level of knowledge from school, generally. Nowadays, there’s a little bit more education on what makes us mentally healthy.

P: Yep.

M: But mental health is still stigmatised in many parts of the world and is still associated with a lot of shame a lot of the time for many people. So, we’re on a learning curve here and many people who aren’t in school right now and who are grown, grown ass adults like us.

P: Laugh.

M: don’t have base levels of happiness literacy the way that we might have financial literacy or health literacy.

P: Mmm. Yeah, no I agree. Yeah, and they’re very much linked. So, I’ll reference a study here that I came across by Erik Angner at the University of Alabama in Birmingham, along with Miller, Ray, Saag and Allison, who asked 383 people who were aged 50 and older if they can read and answer questions on medical forms without assistance.

He then asked them to rate their level of happiness. And the findings in the research study indicated that personal control impacts on your ability to be more happy. Ergo, feeling in control – which can be undermined by poor health literacy or knowing about how to fill out a form, have access to the tasks – links to higher happiness scorers.

M: Could being more educated, link to higher happiness?

P: Yep, it could, because you have more control.

M: It’s a bit of a leap but I think it’s a fairly –

P: The leap is proven because you have a level of control.

M: Well, we haven’t proven education. Well, anyway, sidebar. I’m not getting into semantics.

P: Laugh!

M: Yeah. So really what we’re saying here is educate yourself and you will, by default, open yourself up to more happiness.

P: Yes, I agree to quote another study, Dan Buettner from the National Geographic, he’s a National Geographic Fellow, has written a book on the lessons from the world’s happiest people. And one of his main points is that literacy means you grow up making informed decisions. So, whether it’s financial, whether it’s health, whether it’s happiness, if you’re literate about happiness and the study of happiness and the study of mental health, you’re going to make better decisions about it, he cites –

M: So listen to our podcast, people!

P & M: Laughter!

P: Ooh nice! Now available on itunes.

M & P: Laugh!

M: Sorry… back to what you were saying Pete.

P: Oh no. You totally interrupted my flow! Laugh.

M: This add was proudly brought to you by Marie and her Martini.

P: Laugh! Out of a jam jar.

M: Laugh, yes. This is the definition of sadness people.

P: Laugh.

M: Marie drinking a martini out of a jam jar.

P: Laugh.

M: We’re in Tamworth where we don’t have all of our kitchen items.

P: It shows that you can still have access to your things just by being creative.

M: Laugh. Jam jar it is.

P: Finding a solution, there we go.

M: Minimalism.

P: Okay, so we’re talking about literacy making meaning that you make informed decisions.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And he cites this in terms of reference to female education. So, in areas such as Denmark and Costa Rica, which are incidentally some of the happiest countries in the world, he cites that female education is a top indicator for informed decisions. Ergo, happiness. Denmark and Costa Rica were the first to educate the daughters of lower socioeconomic farmers who passed on education to their children, and this led to a re-investment in health literacy. So, these girls grew up knowing about what to access and how to access knowledge, and that gave them a sense of control.

M: I think the other thing to bring into that research is that Denmark, along with a lot of other very happy countries like Finland, which always tops or for the last four years, has topped the world happiness report, have high levels of equality and so educating women.

P: Mmm.

M: And getting started on that earlier and giving them right to vote and all the rest of it leads to higher levels of equality rather than inequality which has been shown to lead to less happiness. So, in countries like America, there are real problems at the moment due to inequality, the top 1% owning far more than the next 80% or something along those lines.

P: Mmm.

M: The inequality in their society is staggering compared to a lot of countries like Australia, New Zealand and European, Western European countries.

P: I’d even, I’d even go further there Marie because Australia is actually number five on the list of wealth inequality, and we pale in comparison to some of the other countries, such as Sweden and Japan, that actually –

M: We do, however, we’ve got a strong social network, which means that our bottom poorest are still not as poor as those in America for instance. So again… like and Asia and many countries, not all of Asia but many countries. So, inequality is also a really good indicator of overall country happiness.

P: Mmm, mmm.

M: Well, which is made up of individuals. But also, I would argue that New Zealand and a lot of the Nordic countries have higher representation of women in their politics in their representative roles. Yeah, so again, back to women being more educated and the early you get started on educating women in your society, the sooner they get up into those representative roles.

P: Well, Buettner talks about that in terms of education, generally. Getting access to education.

M: Power to the women!

P: Laugh.

M: One day we’ll rule the world, Pete.

P: Laugh. Am I included in that? Do I flip my wig now?

M: Oh, no, I’m not going to go there. I’m not going to bash the men.

P: Ok.

M: Love. Love, everyone.

P: Laugh. So if we take happiness literacy along with the lines of emotional literacy. So, we’ve talked about emotional literacy and having your emotional toolkit understanding emotional first aid. That was one of our episodes that we’ve talked about previously. If you want to have a look looking up.

Emotional First Aid (E65)

P: Christine Carter, who is from the Greater Good Magazine in America.

M: Oh, they’re great, Berkely. Really good resources there.

P: Yeah, yeah, yeah. She talks about teaching happiness and happiness as a skill that can be taught to kids. And so, getting into this education aspect of getting children understanding what it means to be happy. Positive emotions of presents, ice cream, partying, playing are all fabulous but also drawing pleasure in those moments of the past, such as gratitude, appreciation and also projecting these as well in the future as in terms of optimism, confidence, even faith, which I thought was an interesting one.

M: And I’m going to side car there, talking about understanding positive emotions in the future and say that one of the reasons why people are struggling with lockdowns around the world is that we’ve had all of our hope and planning and things that we’re looking forward to ripped away from us.

P: Yes.

M: I think in the last week alone, I’ve had to theatre ticket refunds and a wineries trip cancelled, right?

P: Yep.

M: And so, we’ve got nothing to look forward to at the moment.

P: Yeah, mmm.

M: Now, that doesn’t mean that you can’t plan for some great activities in lockdown. And actually, if you are struggling in lockdown at the moment, then my happiness literacy tip for you.

P: Laugh.

M: You need to plan something that you know you will be able to do, whether or not you come out of lockdown.

P: Yeah.

M: Plan a little mini tea party in your lounge room with your flatmate. Or plan a WebEx dress up party with a few friends.

P: Yep.

M: Or do something that you can do and plan it and enjoy the planning process. Cook a three-course dinner for you.

P: Mmm. Yeah.

M: Whatever it is that you can get excited behind, do a movie marathon that you’re going to do in your pyjamas all day Saturday with ice cream and chocolate, whatever it is, because we need to be kind to ourselves and not judge about all that chocolate and ice cream.

P: Laugh! …champagne.

M: Laugh, but plan is the key here, and that is one of the big reasons why we’re struggling right now. There are many.

P: Mmm.

M: Don’t get me wrong. There’s financial insecurity for a lot of people as well, layered on top of the social isolation, which is really harmful to people’s mental health. But also having something to plan for and looking forward to is a really good tip to help recalibrate this manic emotion that a lot of us are feeling.

P: Mmm, it’s hard going on to something that you can control. If you’ve got something that you’re planning for, it gives you a sense of control. You can’t control the cancelling of the winery trip.

M: Mmm.

P: You can’t control the government saying, ‘No, you’re not allowed to leave your house or see your intimate partner.’ You cannot control that, so find something that you can control and that is having a dress up party, perhaps with all your workmates or your friends and going right ‘The theme is eighties funk, and everybody has to wear MC Hammer pants.’ People will get into it, they’ll contribute, and that gives you a sense of control which we know from all the stuff we talked about before gives you an access to happiness.

M: Yep, absolutely. All right. We are out of time yet again. But be vulnerable people. Let your emotions out.

P: Yes.

M: Feel your emotions and take action. Take action to plan some happiness activities that can balance out the bad things that are going on right now.

P: Take back control.

M: And that will show your emotional and your happiness literacy by putting in place some of the stuff that we talked about on this show.

P: Fabulous, lovely note to end on. Have a great happy week.

M: Have a happy week, bye everyone.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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