Getting to Know Your Strengths (E71)

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about getting to know your strengths and why it’s so beneficial to your overall happiness.

Show notes

The VIA Character Strengths Survey

https://www.viacharacter.org

Get to know your greatest strengths.

Why take the survey?

The VIA (Values In Action) Survey is the only free, scientific survey of character strengths in the world. Take this simple, 15 minute character test and discover your greatest strengths. Research shows that knowing and using your character strengths can help you:

• Increase happiness and well-being
• Find meaning and purpose
• Boost relationships
• Manage stress and health
• Accomplish goals

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: And we’re back!

P: Howdy, howdy, howdy!

M: Hi, hi, hi 😊

P: Laugh!

M: I think we’re going to have a catchphrase on our hands if we’re not careful.

P: Well, I can’t claim mine. It’s from Toy Story. “Howdy, howdy, howdy.” It’s the Sheriff.

M: Love it. Yeah, I’m sure that Disney doesn’t have really strong rights, laugh.

P: No, not at all. Laugh!

M: Laugh, great we’re going to get a cease and desist letter from Disney because we said “hello.”

P: Laugh. No, the helicopters are going to start circling around and Disney Characters/Figurines are going to start jumping onto the balcony.

M: I’d be ok with that.

P: Yeah, I know. It would be fine.

M: Maybe not.

M & P: Laughter!

M: So, today we’re talking about getting to know your strengths.

P: Grrr, I’m strong. Grrr!

M: Good, and do you know how strong you are? That’s the question.

P: I can squat 125kg.

M: Ok… We’re going down the wrong path.

P: Laugh.

M: So last week we talked about the VIA Character Strength Assessment.

P: Yes, from Penn State University, Philadelphia.

M: Yes, well done. I don’t know that Penn State University is actually in Philly?

P: It is.

M: Really?

P: Yeah, I went to the campus.

M: Mmm… Been to, what’s it called? …Another university in Philadelphia.

P & M: Laugh!

M: Played volleyball against them and Lindsay transferred from there, and she’s going to kill me for not remembering her old uni.

P: Laugh.

M: But she left them and came to us at George Mason in Virginia, so… we know who’s best.

P & M: Laugh!

M: But anyway, we are talking about getting to know your strengths. And the reason we are focusing on the VIA Survey of Character Strengths is that it is a free self- assessment, it takes less than 15 minutes.

P: Oh.

M: And it provides a wealth of actionable tips and information so that you can understand the best qualities and double down on them.

P: Now you were talking before about the shift of going away from working on your weaknesses to just embracing your strengths.

M: Absolutely. So, it used to be that you would tell employees, you know “here are the things you’re bad at, and here are the things you’re good at” and now we’ll put a development plan together to be better at the things that you’re bad at.

P: Mmm. That’s funny because we know what we’re bad at. Our bodies are hardwired evolutionary to focus on the negative.

M: Yes.

P: As a survival mode it is more important to know what you don’t have or don’t do or cannot be, because you will be able to then negate the lion that’s pacing behind you rather than focusing on ‘oh, I can run away from the lion or…’ We are hardwired to know what our weaknesses are.

M: I don’t know, as long as you can run faster than the person behind you.

P: Laugh! What sort of character trait does that say about you, Marie?

M & P: Laughter.

M: But, no. If you’re talking life or death?

P: Survival.

M: You don’t get any more cutthroat than that.

P: It’s almost like when you go to swim at the beach, as long as there’s someone out further than me a shark won’t get me.

M & P: Laughter!

M: I don’t know, they come in pretty close nowadays.

P: Laugh.

M: So, the thinking is to be for you to spend your time working on the things that you’re not good at, which is just horrible.

P: Laugh, no one wants to do that.

M: Who wants to spend 40 years of your adult life focusing on being a better communicator, when what you want to do is work with numbers on spreadsheets.

P: Laugh.

M: Right?

P: True.

M: You know, if you’re an introvert, you don’t give two hoots about Jane’s weekend with her Dad and Father’s Day presents.

P: Laugh!

M: Like, who gives a crap.

P: Laugh.

M: Right? Or the opposite. Who wants to have to be good at understanding the economics of the business when they’ve got no interest in doing that, they just want to be in marketing.

P: I’m putting my hand up there.

M: Laugh.

P: That’s so me, I just want to push people.

M & P: Laugh.

P: That’s essentially what it is, laugh.

M: So, you’ll be happy to know if you join corporate right now the thinking is that you should be doubling down on what you’re good at.

P: Mmm.

M: Obviously, if you want to achieve something and to do that you’ve got weaknesses. You might need to work on that, but you’re choosing that, right?

P: You’re choosing to focus on your weaknesses? Or your choosing?

M: Well, if you want to be the CEO, you need to be a good communicator. And if you’re not a good communicator and you want to be a CEO, you can’t just be a numbers man.

P: Yeah.

M: You can’t be the finance guy and not have that rounded experience.

P: Sure.

M: So, you can stay the finance guy, in the sweet spot and not push yourself and stretch yourself. Or you can the knowledge that you’re gonna be doing some stuff that you’re not good at. You might never be good at it, you just need to keep plugging away.

P: Mmm.

M: And I’ve actually worked for quite a few senior leaders who know that they’re not good at communicating.

P: Mmm.

M: And the sign of a good leader is that they keep trying. They know what they should keep trying.

P: Laugh.

M: There are other leaders who wipe their hands of it because they know they’re not good.

P: Righto, ok. They make no acknowledgement that they can improve?

M: Yeah, pretty much. You know, ‘I’m not good at that, I’m just not going to do any videos.’

P: Yeah, right.

M: Well, that’s how some of your people want to hear from you.

P: Yes, exactly.

M: So you don’t get to just walk away from things you’re not good at if you choose that type of career.

P: Mmm.

M: Yeah.

P: It also comes in to putting yourself out there, in discomfort. We learn from discomfort.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: You learn.

M: You grow.

P: Yeah, you grow, it’s that growth phase and it’s not necessarily pleasant. But it is a worthy investment.

M: If that’s what you want.

P: Yeah, choosing. Choosing whether to do it is vital and you don’t want to do it all the time, that’s for sure.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: That’s why I think this model is interesting, pursuing your strengths.

M: And again, you know, I think if that’s what you want. I think a lot of people don’t, I think a lot of people are really happy doing their specialty.

P: Yeah.

M: And they’ve found their niche and they’ve found their passion and so they can outsource the other stuff or they find other people to do the other things, or they decide they don’t want to leave “their world” so they don’t need to keep moving up.

P: Mmm.

M: They don’t need to stretch themselves in that way because they love what they do. And you can stretch yourselves outside of work.

P: True.

M: You could learn how to… do cooking classes –

P: Laugh.

M: – or do something completely random to stretch yourself in that way and keep that growth mindset.

P: Yeah.

M: So, the VIA survey of character strengths is free. Over 15 million people have taken it and is a fully scientific survey.

P: Oh, it must be right then, it’s scientific. Laugh.

M: Well Penn State’s a pretty big name to throw around isn’t it.

P: Laugh, yes.

M: And really the reason you want to understand your strengths, or your personality better is so that you can improve your well-being so that you can make sure that what you’re doing aligns to what your strengths are, and there is alignment in your purpose and meaning.

P: Well, that’s bringing together a couple of concepts.

M: Such as?

P: Well, we’re talking about purpose, we’re talking about well-being talking about personality strengths.

M: Yep.

P: So we’re kind of tying those up a little bit.

M: And even then, strengthening relationships as well. Knowing yourself is so important for living a happy life.

P: Yes, I’ll give you that, yeah definitely.

M: And when you know yourself, you can get to know others better as well.

P: Mmm.

M: I can’t remember any course or learning that I’ve done where I had an “Ah Ha” moment that I didn’t also then look to apply those “Ah Ha” moments to other people around me.

P: Laughter! Hey, I experienced this come over here!  

M: If I am this, and I do this. Like the Myers-Briggs, there are so many people who walk around… So I’m an INTJ [Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging], but it really helps me to look at other people and go ‘[frustrated sound] I can label you.’

P: Laugh!

M: I know we don’t get along because you’re a Blah, blah, blah.

P: Laugh. Is that a little like astrology?

M: Knowing other people?

P: You’re a Leo, we’re not supposed to get along.

M: Oh, oh yeah. Pretty much, going all the way back to how we’re wired.

P: Evolutionarily?

M: That’s the word I was looking for, human beings categorise. It’s our way of knowing good from bad and safe, from not safe and in and out.

P: Yep, essentially yes.

M: Right from the word go, babies recognise their family versus strangers, right?

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And, what’s safe and what’s not.

P: Yep.

M: So learning more about yourself. It’s natural that we then go label.

P & M: Laugh.

M: Which is not something that anyone should ever do.

P: Laugh. Come on… Just don’t express it.

M: Laugh.

P: It’s fine to do it, just don’t tell anyone.

M: Laugh. As long as you’ve got that self-awareness, go to town.

P: Laugh!

M: Just don’t tell anyone! And go walk through your family and go “[frustrated noises] Ahh!” Or whatever.

P: Laugh!

M: And this is why, actually, when I did the Myer-Briggs testing, I came home and I’m like ‘Francis, I finally know why we never agree on holidays!’

P: Laugh.

M: And it was really useful to have that conversation.

P: Ok.

M: So, when I’m on holidays, I want to see and explore and be inspired by stuff.

P: Yeah.

M: And Francis is just, [he] wants to do nothing.

P: Yeah,

M: Just having that realisation that we both have different expectations from holidays has meant that we can broker that difference better and make sure that we both get what we need out of holidays we take together.

P: Alright, yeah. Right, I mean I’ve never been one for taking personality tests or doing screening exams or anything like that. So, I know nothing about this, I just float along in my lovely little naive unknowing way, laugh.

M: Well, the website is really easy to find. It is viacharacter.org.

P: Ok.

M: And I last did this character strengths profile at the beginning of the 2020 just before covid.

P: Ah, right.

M: The other thing that’s really interesting to me is that we change over time as well.

P: Oh, ok. Is there like a ten-year, five-year, sort of timeframe?

M: Well, look if you suffered a traumatic event tomorrow, the person you are today would be different from the person you are tomorrow.

P: Yep.

M: You also could just hit a rut and not change it all for a very long time.

P: Mmm.

M: So, it’s very subjective, but people change over time. And so, your profile and your strengths profile.

P: Could change.

M: Could change as well over time. So, it’s www.viacharacter.org.

M: I’m happy to share, I guess.

P: Oooh, here we go. We get a little insight into Marie, laugh.

M: So, we’ll go my top five, which, in case you couldn’t tell, really paint me as a bit of an optimist.

P & M: Laughter!

M: My number one is honesty, and that comes from courage.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: Number two is humour from transcendence.

P: Yeah.

M: Number three is hope again in the transcendence bucket. Number four is curiosity, which is in wisdom and creativity under wisdom. Number six was love of learning as well in wisdom.

P: Well, we know that as-well, yeah.

M: So, these strengths align up to… my top three there were transcendence, courage and wisdom. And so, wisdom is definitely a strong strength of mine because I had three on my top six there that were lined up to that one.

P: Oh, right. Oh, I see.

M: You do get a full report.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: Again, you could pay thousands to go get people to do this kind of assessment for you.

P: Yes.

M: Myer-Briggs was something that I did previously through an organisation and that costs, you know, a decent chunk of money at times.

P: Yeah, right-o.

M: So, again, this is fully free. Which is, you know, why I’m really happy to talk about it.

P: Give it a bit of a plug.

M: Yeah. So, for me, for honesty, for instance, that’s about speaking the truth, but more broadly, presenting oneself in a genuine way and acting in a sincere way.

P: Mmm.

M: So being without pretence and taking responsibility of one’s feelings and actions.

P: Ooh, that’s a good one. Taking responsibility for your feelings. Some people are a little bit distant on that one.

M: I kind of feel… yeah.

P: It’s a big ask, I think. It’s a big, it’s a big topic if you’ve never really thought about it, it’s about really owning what you experience and, not necessarily to the detriment of others, really targeting essentials about yourself.

M: I think where this, really you know, where the rubber hits the road on this for me is when other people don’t live up to that expectation.

P: Yeah, yeah. Well, that’s obviously a value clash as well, especially if that’s you top one.

M: That’s my top one, yeah. When other people play politics or beat around the bush it just drives me batty.

P: Laugh.

M: So, my number two is humour. Humour and hope, two and three both transcendent. So, liking to laugh and tease bringing smiles to other people, seeing the light side and making not necessarily telling jokes.

P: Oh ok.

M: And then hope is about expecting the best in the future and working to achieve it and believing that a good future is something that can be brought about. And I have to say a lot of people look at the current outlook for our environment in our world and are just um… unfortunately beaten down.

P: Yeah.

M: And I, time and time again, think that we’ll sort our shit out.

P: I think you’ve got to have that fundamental want and desire in there. It’s one thing to throw your hands up and walk away from the issue, but to persist with it and to try and come up with small ways that you can contribute to a solution. Being a solution-based person.

M: Yeah.

P: Being a solver of questions as opposed to just asking more questions. I guess, yeah. That’s what I’m trying to say there, finding a solution.

M: I think also just having hope that a solution will be found.

P: Yes true, things like climate change, it’s a massive, huge, magnanimous beast of an issue.

M: Mmm hmm. So many different facets.

P: Exactly and I can’t, sitting here in my little house, in the middle of a town. I can’t imagine how one little thing that I do has an impact. Though, it has an impact for me and that’s really reassuring. So, when I make the decision to not drive the car and take the bicycle. I’m feeling good about myself in that way, and I can tick that little box for myself for the day.

M: Yep.

P: And that’s really reassuring. And don’t discount that as a personal investment.

M: Absolutely and then, just to give a bit more flavour for people of what they can expect. So, curiosity is about taking an interest in ongoing experience for its own sake. So, finding topics and subjects fascinating, exploring and discovering.

P: Oooh, hang out in a library.

M: Yeah, in anything. So, walking around a new city or a town, any exploring.

P: Mmm.

M: A new book, whether that’s fiction or non-fiction, it is just being interested in experiences for their own sake.

P: Hmm.

M: Creativity is thinking of novel and productive ways to conceptualise and do things, and that includes artistic achievement but isn’t limited to it.

P: Hmm.

M: And I’d say I’m not very artistic, but I would say I’m creative.

P: Yeah, it’s a nice difference to clock that one.

M: Mmm, it is. And then last one, love of learning for me, not last one it’s number six on a very long list. Love of learning, so, mastering new skills, topics and bodies of knowledge, which is really this journey we’re on right now is understanding positive psychology and happiness and how to live life.

P: Mmm.

M: And then it is also related to strength of curiosity but goes beyond it to describe the tendency to add systemically to what one knows.

P: That’s a big sentence, laugh.

M: Yes, and probably explains why I never have any time, and I’m always signing up for new courses.

P: Laugh, you are!

M: And taking more courses.

P: You finish one and you’re already signed up for the next one.

M & P: Laugh!

M: Now, there are a whole range, and I’ll just read some of the other things: fairness, perspective, social intelligence, leadership, gratitude, kindness, bravery, zest, judgement, forgiveness, teamwork, appreciation of beauty and excellence, self-regulation, love, spirituality, perseverance, humility and prudence.

P: Oooh.

M: Prudence is last on my list of 24.

P: Laugh!

M: Possibly explains why I got on that motorbike while I was overseas.

P & M: Laughter!

M: Being careful about one’s choices, not taking undue risks, not saying or doing things that might later be regretted.

P: Hmm.

M: Prudence is definitely not my forte.

P: Yeah, I’ll agree with you on that one. So, once you’ve got this big list as you said, you’ve taken the top six. What are the sort of things you can do with this tool? How do you move forward?

M: Well, the next step that you probably want to take and again go to the site, and it will give you a full understanding of not only our strengths but what to do next. But I should be looking for, well, again looking at how this impacts my relationships with the people around me.

P: Ok.

M: So, understanding.

P: Do you have to apply it to a certain element in your life?

M: Again, it’s not enough to just read a book.

P: Yeah.

M: You’ve got to apply it –

P: Yep.

M: – if you want to see change and growth and so understanding that honesty is my number one… so it would be great to do this with a partner or a best friend and to understand what your differences are and to have a conversation with those people around you.

P: Ooh.

M: So, as you mentioned, honesty is my number one. But Pete, it may not be yours, and you might find my openness confronting.

P: Yep.

M: It might make you feel vulnerable or attacked or like I’m expecting you to be just a as honest as well.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And it’s good for me to know that so that I could dial it back a little bit, as well when people aren’t the same.

P: And not matching you?

M: Yeah.

P: Ok.

M: And that also just helps to strengthen relationships. So, this would be a great thing to do with your significant other as well.

P: Mmm.

M: When you’re getting to know, getting to know someone.

P: Mmm. Maybe not bring it out on the first date.

M: Maybe not.

P: Laugh!

M: Sunday night, kind of you know, let’s sit down after dinner and you know both complete our things and then let’s have a chat about the results.

P: Oh, that could open up a big can of worms.

M: It definitely could.

P: Laughter.

M: If you’re ready for that, but it would strengthen your relationship as well.

P: Absolutely, yeah. That honesty. And again, that uncomfortable space creates growth.

M: And then the other thing for me is looking at my job, if I’m spending 40, 50, 60 hours a week.

P: Oh, yeah.

M: Does my job give me an opportunity to use my honesty, humour, hope, curiosity, creativity and love of learning?

P: Yeah, right. That’s a good one.

M: Or at least some things in my top ten. And I have to say I’m pretty lucky that my day job is definitely meeting all of those strengths of mine.

P: Hmm.

M: It’s giving me the opportunity to display those strengths.

P: Nice.

M: And all of the side gigs that I’ve got going on are pretty much… I don’t know, I feel like you could be a bit more humorous Pete.

P: Laugh!

M: Apart from that.

P: Is it about making jokes? Or doing jokes?

M: Laugh. Exactly.

P: Or being the butt of jokes?

M & P: Laugh!

M: You know, life’s pretty good, you know.

P: Yeah.

M: Against these strengths.

P: It’s a nice check in. It it’s a nice way to have a check in, and I think that my take away from it is that it’s another tool that you can use to check in and do a little bit of measuring.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: We were talking about that last week, having things to measure by and then maybe taking it again in three months’ time and seeing where you’re sitting, whether it’s consistent. I like the idea of measuring this against your, against your investments. So your job, you’re your second job if you have one, your passion, are they matching with your strengths?

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And if they’re not, maybe you need to reconsider those.

M: If they’re not, it might be holding you back in languishing and stopping you from flourishing.

P: Oh, what a nice way to round-off the episode.

M: Absolutely.

P: Laugh.

M: I hope you have a happy week.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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