Happiness for Cynics podcast
This week, Marie and Pete talk about the importance of finding your purpose – and it doesn’t have to have anything to do with your day job.
Show notes
The Rush Memory and Aging Project
During the Podcast Marie references the above study and sites that it started in 1979, however it started in September of 1997 and went through to April of 2005.
Exercise – Identify your strengths
Understanding your strengths. Spend some time thinking and answer the following questions about your strengths (this is not a time to be modest!):
• What is the best thing about you?
• What do you like most about yourself?
• What are you like when you are at your best?
• What, or who brings out the best in you?
• What is your most significant achievement?
• How have your strengths helped you in the past?
• How can your strengths help you in the future?
Once you have a good grasp on your strengths, commit to using them in a new way at least once a week.
Transcript
[Happy intro music -background]
M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.
M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.
P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.
M: We are back.
P: And this week we are talking about finding your purpose.
M: Solving the world issues here.
P: Oh, solving the world issues?
M: Well isn’t that purpose.
P: Well okay, that’s your interpretation, I’ve got a different one.
M: World Peace.
P: Laugh!
M: Isn’t that where we’re going with this.
P: It’s a very beauty pageant response, Marie.
M: Just to be clear, I’ve never been in a beauty pageant in my life.
P: Laugh!
M: There’s a reason I’m doing podcasts and not YouTube videos.
P: Oh, I didn’t realize that I needed to dress up here. I’m in my tracky-dacks and a t-shirt, laugh.
M: Yeah, I have been since the pandemic started.
P & M: Laughter
M: So, we’re in the same boat there.
P: Laugh.
M: But today we are talking about purpose.
P: What is a purpose? What’s your purpose? There’s a song cue in there but…Ok, I won’t go there.
M: Okay, we won’t go there.
[Purpose] is, well you can think of it like an overarching sense of what matters in your life.
P: Ok.
M: So, it’s the thing that gets you up in the morning or that gets you excited.
P: Well, I like the excited bit.
M: Yeah, so some people wake up in the mornings not grumpy.
P: What!
M: Laugh!
P: Who are these strange people?
M: I know!!
P & M: Laughter
M: It’s something that you strive towards or you enjoy doing.
P: True.
M: That brings passion and excitement to your life.
P: Is it a harbinger of passion or is passion part of purpose?
M: …Yes.
P & M: Laugh!
P: Well, I guess the question is if you have passion, do you automatically have purpose? Or does passion come out of the finding your purpose?
M: Bit of both, definitely the second one. But it’s pretty hard to be passionate about stuff you don’t care about. So, having that that meaning and that purpose.
P: It’s like the cherry on top scenario.
M: Not so much. You need to have purpose or meaning. You need to care about stuff to be passionate about it.
P: So, you need to have purpose first.
M: Yes.
P: To have passion.
M: Yes. They’re very interlinked. They’re, as always, is a whole lot of research –
P: Laugh.
M: – in particular when people say that they have purpose, they are happier.
P: Ok. Why?
M: Why?
P: Why?
M: Why a lot of things.
P & M: Laugh!
M: So, purposeful people are not only happier, but they live longer and healthier lives.
P: Mmm.
M: There’s a longitudinal study that found that a single standard deviation increase in purpose reduced the risk of dying by 15%.
P: Wow, that’s big. What’s a standard deviation of purpose?
M: I have to go look at the actual numbers, but, you know, if you go up by 1% or one number.
P: Ok.
M: So, reduce the risk of dying in the next decade by 15%. That’s big, and that holds regardless of age or the age at which people identify their purpose.
P: Oh, that’s interesting because we’ve talked before about retiring and the dangers of retiring and having nothing to get up for, interesting that that transcends age brackets. I find that’s very interesting.
M: Well, I think that the statistic that we’ve quoted before is that 40% of people who retire end up depressed within a year.
P: Mmm.
M: And a lot of the time it is because they’ve taken that purpose and meaning away.
P: Yes.
M: And not only that, they also, it’s a double whammy when you retire from work, you lose not only your purpose and meaning, but you also lose the social connections.
P: If you’ve only used social connections through your workplace identity, yeah.
M: And if you only had purpose through your work, and in our Western society –
P: Workplaces can be multi layered.
M: Oh, absolutely.
P: It’s like an onion.
M & P: Laughter!
M: Are we going to quote Shrek?
P: Yeah! Laugh.
M: All right, so looking in our capitalist Western society, most people equate purpose with work.
P: Mmm.
M: It’s really important to say that they are not mutually inclusive. They do not have to be the same thing. And in fact, very few of us are lucky enough to truly find that wake up in the morning singing, happy effect –
P: Laughter.
M: – from our jobs.
P: Very few, yes.
M: It is a luxury that very few of us have.
P: Yes.
M: And so, the question then is, if you’re not getting purpose from your job, how can you tailor your job or your workplace or your industry so that you get a little bit more purpose? But also, how can you do things outside of that 40 hour workweek that will bring you purpose?
P: Yeah, definitely.
M: So going back to just a few more stats here there is a Rush Memory and Aging project, which began in 1997, found that people with a sense of purpose were:
- 2.5 times more likely to be free of dementia, they were
- 22% less likely to exhibit risk factors for stroke, and
- 52% less likely to have experienced a stroke.
P: That’s a big number.
M: Yep.
P: The dementia one is an interesting one so purpose, I can see the relationship between that, because when you wake up with a purpose or if you if you find something that you have a goal or something to strive for, then you are involved in sort of a neurological activation.
M: Mmm hmm.
P: Let’s try –
M: Using your mind.
P: You’re using your mind a lot more and your resourcing things, you’re being creative, you’re having to solve problems still and the small amount of research that I’ve done on dementia is that things like sudoku just aren’t enough. Brain training concept in terms of keeping your mind active isn’t enough to way lay the onset of dementia and Parkinson’s disease and those neurological conditions. It needs to be something more and one of those is incorporating movement with your movement patterning, so things like dancing and sport come into it, co-ordination.
M: Social.
P: Yeah.
M: Adding a social layer in there as well. So, loneliness is a real – sitting is the new smoking, maybe loneliness is the new sitting.
P & M: Laugh.
M: But the negative health impacts of poor social connection are so wide and varied, including negative impacts on dementia. A lot of this stuff that we talk about on the podcast is so interlinked being able to find meaning, perhaps through volunteering at an organisation that has personal meaning for you and having the connections of the people that you volunteer with and bringing new friendships and relationships into your life and maybe walking there and back on the way.
P: Laugh. Yeah.
M: That’s one activity you can do yeah, and bring it all together into one.
P: Multi factorial purpose.
M: Laugh, definitely. So we’ve talked about individual purpose.
P: Ok.
M: There’s also a huge movement there has been for years and years with corporate and companies about giving people purpose in their jobs. Now this is a little bit harder, right, because if you work for I don’t know, a mining company?
P: Gosh.
M: A big bank?
P: Yep.
M: You know, the list goes on.
P: How do you find purpose within those big corporations?
M: Exactly. How can you find purpose if you don’t necessarily, if your values don’t align with the company’s purpose.
P: Mmm.
M: There is definitely good research that shows that you can have purpose around your role in what you do in your role, even if you don’t necessarily align with the companies’ values.
P: Mmm. Yep.
M: So, it’s not an all or nothing.
P: No, it’s fulfilling an aspect of it.
M: Yep.
P: So, it’s choosing a path and purpose.
M: You might be an accountant for a mining company, and you might not agree with mining. But you can still do your job to the best of your abilities and learn and grow and do your job well and find meaning from that.
P: Yes.
M: Now, obviously, being an accountant for a company that you agree with what they do would be even better.
P: Laugh.
M: And if you wake up one day and decide you want to start your own not for profit and help with world peace.
P: Laugh!
M: Or whatever it is that you decide, nothing is going to beat that.
P: No.
M: Right?
P: Yeah, of course.
M: As far as purpose.
P: Definitely.
M: But it is really important if you lead a team, if you’re a small business owner, if you have any people working for you and around you or if you’re part of a team, so I what people take responsibility here.
P: Oooh! Initiative.
M: Not just leave it to the manager.
P: Laugh.
M: It is really important that you look for the purpose that you get out of that job, which takes up so many hours in our week.
P: Ok.
M: Because it contributes to your employee experience, which is linked to higher levels of engagement, stronger organisational loyalty. So, people will stay with the team for longer, which is very valuable in today’s day and age, where people don’t stay for very long and it increases feelings of well-being. So again, if you can find purpose at work, it’s going to impact your personal well-being and happiness and resilience levels.
P: Mmm.
M: And so, people who find purpose at work that aligns with their values. They get more meaning from their roles, they’re more productive and they out-perform their peers. And for those companies out there who are thinking this is all a load of baloney, there’s a positive correlation between employees who are engaged and have purpose and revenue.
P: Oh! Money, money, money, money, money, laugh!
M: Mmm hmm.
P: A bottom line, there it is folks. On that concept of finding purpose. When you when you first mentioned to me that we were doing purpose today, the first place I went to was small matters of purpose. So a lot of people think of purpose being this big, overarching statement that you live your life by. You should have it plastered on your bedroom wall. So you see it when you wake up. It should be this massive statement that is like, you know Martin Luther King or something like that.
M: I believe in world peace!
P: There we go. Boom! But purpose doesn’t have to be that grand. It can be really small, and it can be tiny. And I reference Rebecca Teasdale, who is an executive coach in America, on she read an article in one of her publications on recognising the small moments of purpose. And it was all about a conversation that she had in a cab after she gotten home from an overseas trip. She was exhausted, she was tired. The cab driver started to engage her, she immediately went to [thinking] ‘oh, don’t talk to me, I’m exhausted, I’m tired, I just want my space.’ But she chose to engage back, and she said the conversation was very interesting because it made her realise that those small interactions can sometimes be enough purpose for the day.
M: Yes.
P: So, don’t dismiss the retail assistant, don’t dismiss the train driver or the bus driver. Those small moments can be your purpose in terms of trying to engage with 10 people that you don’t know in a day, and that can be a big enough purpose for you to bring about the same feelings that you’re talking about with those grand sweeping ideals that we live by.
M: So you’re talking about engaging with those people when they ask, What do you do?
P: Yes, or the opportunity to engage in a cab, for example, instead of retreating into your own headspace, which we all need to do sometimes don’t get me wrong.
M: Mmm hmm.
P: There is an opportunity to grab those small one to two minute interactions and make them a win for yourself if you can recognise those wins that also can lead to other, bigger, grander purpose statements. Again, it’s like a practise session you’re practising finding the purpose in each interaction, which needs to find a purpose in a day, finding a purpose in a month, finding a purpose in life.
M: Okay, all right.
P: It’s a tool.
M: Nice. So, I had a couple of other exercises that I thought I could run you through.
P: Sure.
M: These are great exercises.
P: You always say that.
M & P: Laughter!
P: And I sit there going ‘do I have my cynic hat on now?’
M: Laugh! No, these are science backed exercises.
P: You know I don’t like audience participation.
M & P: Laugh!
M: So, if you are in the audience, maybe get a pen and paper or definitely have a look at the transcript, because these will be in there.
P: Laugh.
M: So the first thing, and this is big at the moment. This is what a lot of Positive Psychologists and Neuroscientists and HR Professionals are all looking at, and it’s about identifying your strengths.
P: Oh, ok. Laugh.
M: So the logic used to be that you should understand your strengths and your weaknesses.
P: Yes, I remember that being talked about.
M: Mmm hmm. And every person who’s ever done any training for an interview has been told, ‘what are your weaknesses? Make sure you know what your weakness are.’
P: Tell me about your weakness? What don’t you do well? ‘Nothing! I’m Fabulous!’
M & P: Laughter.
M: So that the current thinking is that you shouldn’t be spending all this time on making your weaknesses better so that you’re completely well rounded and perfect. It’s just not do-able. It’s not possible.
P: Embrace your flaws.
M: Well, understand your flaws, and maybe if it truly is holding you back, do a bit of work there. But more importantly, if you want to find your purpose, focus on your strengths.
P: Because they will lead you.
M: Because that’s what you’re good at and what you’re good at, aligns with what you want to do, then double down on that.
P: Ok.
M: So, the current thinking is focus on your strengths. Obviously, being aware is still very important. But spend some time thinking and answering some of the following questions about your strengths.
P: Ooh! Is this like a ten second thing?
M: This is not a time to be modest, and no it is not a ten second thing.
P: Ok.
M: So, sit down with a pen, I’ll ask you a couple, Pete. So, –
P: I’m ready, go.
M: What is the best thing about you?
P: … crickets, laugh.
M: Your sense of humour, great. Next –
P: Laughter! Did you just answer for me.
M: Laugh!
P: Marie, can I answer? Marie? Marie!
M & P: Laugh!
M: – What is your most significant achievement?
P: Oooh, a career where I started like –
M: You’re a professional dancer, just for everyone listening at home who didn’t have that cryptic [insight].
P: You dropped the D word. Laugh. – where I was behind the eight ball from the start.
M: A successful career, as a professional Dancer.
P: Okay.
M: So, I won’t go into all of them, because as great as you are, Pete, you don’t need to spend the last half of our podcast talking about how fabulous you are.
P: Laugh!
M: But the rest of the questions:
- What is the best thing about you?
- What do you like most about yourself?
- What are you like when you’re at your best?
- What or who brings out the best in you?
- What is your most significant achievement?
- How have your strengths helped you in the past?
- How can your strengths help you in the future?
P: I did an essay on that [last one]!
M: And once you’ve sat down and really thought through this and really been not modest, firstly.
P: Mmm.
M: But also truthful.
P: Yep.
M: And once you’ve got a good grasp of your strengths, then the trick is to commit to using them in a new way at least once a week.
P: Oh! a new way?
M: Mmm hmm. So, whether you’re good with people and so you decide to have that conversation with the taxi driver.
P: Ok, yeah.
M: Or to attend more networking events, or to mentor someone, or coach them.
P: Yeah.
M: There’s a whole lot of ways that you can use those people skills, if that’s what your strength is –
P: Yeah.
M: – in different and new ways, and to keep flexing that muscle, if that’s what you’re good at, double down on it and really become excellent at it.
P: Hmm. I like it, that kind of narrows into what I was saying before about using the small moments and using the small exercises.
M: Yeah.
P: As you were saying, flexing the muscle, doubling down on the skills. I like that. Finding your own way is challenging.
M: Mmm hmm.
P: Sometimes it’s difficult to come up with new ways to use a skill set.
M: Yes.
P: That can be some creative thinking right there.
M: Which is good, a bit of creative thinking never hurt anyone.
P: Yes.
M: All right, so the second way to find your purpose and there are a million ways to find your purpose. But if you think back to all of those vocation surveys that you did in high school. [Unenthused voice] I got gardener…
P & M: Laugh!
M: Yep. You can tell how much that suits me.
P: That’s funny! I’ve seen your herb garden.
M: I kill everything, laugh.
P: Laugh!
M: So anyway, if you want to take this a little step further. We have spoken before about the Japanese [art of] Ikigai.
P: Ah Yes.
M: Do you want to talk us through Ikigai, Pete?
P: Oh, oh. The art of Ikigai, the art of finding your purpose. Yeah, so Ikigai is all about a little place in Okinawa which is an island off the end of Japan, which is one of the blue zones of the world.
M: Yes it is.
P: With the centenarians, people who live with longest and have a great quality of life. And you have this whole concept of the practise of finding the reason for being and finding that reason for getting out of bed in the morning. And it’s about living a fulfilling and happy life and each day contributes to that fulfilment. So if your job is to sweep the floor of the house or the porch, that is what you wake up for. And that is one of the first things you go for. What you do it so well and you commit to it and you give it your all, and you even apply your, your, your best to being better at it in the future, even if it is a domestic task, you see how excited I am about sweeping the front porch!?
M: Yes.
P: And this is what these people believe in, they believe in finding the passion and purpose.
M: Well, finding the passion, yes.
P: Finding the passion in what you’re doing and committing to that and investing in it.
There is a lovely story of a makeup company that had make-up brushes and they had a little Japanese Lady. And this company was known for the quality of their make-up brushes and a guy came over from America, and he wanted to meet the manufacturer and they said, ‘Oh, we have one department for the makeup brushes’ and he took him out the back into this small little room in the back of the factory, and there was a Japanese woman, and she handmade the makeup brushes, every single hair.
That was her role. She loved it. She did that job for years, and that was the application because it was her passion to make the best brush each time she did.
M: That is a beautiful story, and I hope we can all find our makeup brush. But just to circle back on, how to find your Ikigai and what it is. So Ikigai is about, if you’ve ever looked at a Venn diagram and different things and how they intersect, it’s about identifying:
- what you love;
- what you’re good at;
- what the world needs; and
- what you could be paid for.
M: And the intersection between those four things is your Ikigai. And that could be for you making makeup brushes. It could be helping kids with cancer. It could be… world peace.
P & M: Laugh!
M: We’ll finish on that note.
P: That old nugget.
M: Laugh. But whatever it is for you. So, what you love, what you’re good at, what the world needs and what you can be paid for. And the intersection of those things is where your Ikigai is.
P: Nice.
M: All right. So that is another way. One of many, many ways that you can find purpose in life and again finding that purpose. And for some people it’s coaching little league on the weekends or giving back to their community in various ways. Volunteering is often a really good way to find that purpose and that meaning and get those social connections.
P: Mmm.
M: So, if you’re maybe not finding the meaning and purpose in your day job, look at some volunteering opportunities.
P: Look at something else.
M: Look at what has brought you joy and passion and what you’re good at and find a way to get involved in that outside of your work.
P: Ok, nice.
M: All right.
P: Enjoy finding your purpose people.
M: And living longer and happier. And on that note, we’ll see you next week.
P: Laugh. Bye 😊
M: Bye 😊
[Happy exit music – background]
M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.
P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.
M: Until next time.
M & P: Choose happiness!
[Exit music fadeout]
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