COVID-19 Check-in (E11)

Happiness for Cynics podcast – Episode 11

Welcome back to Season 2! What crazy times we’re living in! Pete and Marie have a COVID-19 check-in and a chat about their own happiness levels, share how they’re staying happy and what they’re seeing around them.

Things we Referenced in This Episode

Need a laugh? Watch the Poor Jennifer video (below).

Or call up a friend on Messenger and have a good laugh at each other as you try the filters!

For purpose and something meaningful to fill empty hours: take a look at the free online courses at Udemy and EdX.

To connect , make sure you do a COVID-19 check-in with your friends and family regularly via video (if you can). You can use Whatsapp or Facebook Messenger.

To stay fit and healthy, here’s a 20-minute beginners workout that killed me the other day. It’s not for beginners, I swear! But if you are after a true beginners work-out try this one.

Save a business: We also do a call out to Glebe Point Diner, in Sydney, who are doing take-away food at the moment. Support them if you can, their food is awesome and service is amazing!

Transcript

M: You’re listening to the podcast happiness for cynics. I’m Marie Skelton, a writer and change and transformation expert, and my co-host is Peter Furness.

P: Hi there, I’m Peter Furness. I’m a wanna-be lunchtime guru, fantasy dragon lover and all around thrill seeker with insular tendencies. Each week we will bring you the latest news and research in the world of positive psychology, otherwise known as happiness.

M: Yes, you can find us both at MarieSkelton.com. The site uses a lot of the same research we talk about here on the podcast. So if you want to follow up with anything was spoken about head on over there. So, on to today’s episode.

[Happy music]

M: So can we get the audio right this time?

P: We just did a whole take without any audio from Marie. [laughing]

M: Haha, these are the crazy Covid times we’re living in. So, this episode is a bit of a check in, it’s a Covid-19 sucks party. Yay!

P: Yay! Happy hands, jazz hands!

M: Which is how supposedly we’re all going to greet each other in the future. There will be no more touching.

P: Well, I love…. the musical theatre people have been doing this for decades. We’ve been greeting each other with jazz hands. We can’t kiss So we’ve got to do jazz hands.

M: I love it, I’m all down with jazz hands as the new way to great people moving forward. So Covid-19. So today we’re going to do things a little bit differently, something a little bit different and do a bit of a check in. And well, let’s just start with the check in the rest can be a secret.

P: Absolutely. How are you?

M: You beat me, you got in there. OK, well I’m doing really well. I’m into the end of week two of working from home. I’ve got a great employer who got us quick smart, all set up and locked and loaded to work from home. And my leaders have been checking in with us. We’ve had great communication from my employer.

Good reassurance that our jobs are safe for now. You know, as much as you can reassure anyone in these crazy times and I am a bit of an introvert, so I’m loving being at home, and I am going straight from working to… working on my podcast and then working on my blog, and I’m just like a pig in mud. Really. Yeah.

P: Happy space.

M: Yeah, and look for me, I know that many people are not happy. I’m definitely keeping an eye on my colleagues and family and friends.

P: I think that’s the thing is making sure that you do check in. I’ve actually gone back to thinking about social media, and it’s funny for me because I’m not working at the moment. I’m on the other side of the scale. I’m having to find things and find routines and all that sort of stuff. Part of that for me has been a bit of ah, maybe a bit of a dedication to going, right, let’s check in with people. Let’s reach out using social media and just go, Hey, you’re living on your own, You okay?

And I’ve been trying to do that with individuals each day and possibly people that I haven’t spoken into for a while. And I’m like, No, I’ve got to reach out and just check. I know a lot of people who are working from home, but they also live alone on. That’s a dangerous spot to be in at this point in time, when we are cut off from people we’re cut off from affection, we’re cut off from… even if we are introverts, being in a gym where you’re around people, being at the shops where you’re around people, going to the park where you’re around people, that isn’t happening.

So connectedness and social connectedness, as we’ve talked about in season one, is really important for our happiness. We are social creatures, and social beings, and we need that to be able to generate a lot of stuff that we need to be content and joyful and wellbeing

M: …and happy. Absolutely. And more than that, what keeps people happy is the deep relationships. And that’s why, as you said, it’s so important to pick up the phone, particularly if you’ve got video conferencing or a video chat functionality. WhatsApp have it now, Messenger has it, most phones you can call video to video.

P: We had a hilarious time yesterday. Peter finally figured out how to put the little effects on his face when he’s doing video chats! I think a conversation that could have taken two minutes went for 20!! Because who doesn’t need a laugh right now?

M: Absolutely, we do. We all need a little laughter, but we do need that… going back to that social connection… we do need that social connection and you need to maintain relationships, and it’s harder to do it over distance.

P: It’s different. It’s not necessarily harder.

M: We’ll agree to disagree on this one.

P: I think it’s a different interaction, but you can still maintain the connection in the relationship it’s just a different way of doing it.

M: Absolutely.

P: And we are lucky in this day and age that we do have videoconferencing because that visual reference is actually really important. You can’t tell context by someone’s delivery over text. Over the phone it’s still pretty good, but we’ve all been on that period where a text message in misinterpreted. It’s so easy to misinterpret just plain text. So videoconferencing, seeing someone space, and when you ask someone, how are you? And they’re like, “Oh, I’m fine.” It’s like damn it, I can’t actually tell that because I can’t say see you. So, we are fortunate in this stone age that we’ve got that facility because that was a really important part of maintaining those connections, and having that visual stimuli and being able to see someone and say yeah they’re fine, I saw them yesterday.

M: Absolutely, and you mentioned social media and I think the trick there is not to confuse being on social media with connecting with people. There’s a mindfulness to this, so using social media as a tool to connect with other people — for instance, the messenger functionality on Facebook – and using that to make a phone call with video is a very different thing from mindlessly scrolling for five hours on end because you’ve got nothing better to do. So, the mindless scrolling, the research is really clear on this, it is so bad for your mental health. And so I think the next thing that you need to be aware of apart from maintaining those social bonds, is what you do with your time.

P; This is where I’m struggling a little bit.

M: We’ve spoken about purpose before, and again, and I don’t know many of you may or may not have seen some of the videos on my site. And I talk about the change storm and how to deal with this constantly changing world that we live in. And there’s three things: one is that social connection, and the second is you’ve got to have purpose and meaning, and that just means something that you do that gives your day some structure and that you can enjoy the journey of doing it. You know? And setting goals.

P: yep, finding that routine. It’s waking up and going right, I’ve got to get a schedule in place, and I have no idea what I’m going to achieve that there’s going to be four things I’m going to write down. So, I’ve taken to writing things down on my pantry in chalk yeah, as they pop into my head as I’m having that morning cup of tea, it’s like, right, I’m going to do the crawl space today. I’m going to clean up the backyard. I’m going to write a blog. So, it’s having that little bit of routine that anchors us, and that gives us amazing clarity of mind, and it actually improves our mental health. There’s a lot of research out there that actually supports this. Look at me quoting research and getting scientific, you’ve changed me Marie.

M: I do want to caution, though that doing your to do list is going… is not going to help you in the long run. So as important as it is to catch up on all those chores that you’ve been wanting to do umm, and they are filling time in your day… You are on the squeakiest chair today.

P: It’s leather. It’s very pretty [laugh]

M: We’re just out of our element right now!

P: Yeah, everything is changing.

M: But some really good things, so firstly, set some goals and then work to achieve them, so anything you can do in a day is probably not going to give you the fulfilment that you need in the longer term and at the moment, the world.. we don’t know whether this is going to be a few weeks, just not very likely it looks like or a few months or a lot of months. So you mentioned Pete that you found in your crawl out cleaning activity you’re learning French, and I see here it’s actually a VHS video

P: Oh dear, I thought it was a CD. No it’s CD.

M: Of no, it’s just a VHS size.

P: I did. I don’t know where it has been for all these years, but there it is. And so there’s my next six weeks. Is getting my French up to speed?

M; Yeah, and that is a perfect goal to dive into, to have flow when you’re learning, and to feel accomplishment along the way. Then there’s some great resource is online for anyone, Udemy, or EdX, ed e-d-x. They’ve all got free online courses run by some of the top universities in the world, so you can study and a great one I’m going to go back to is University of Berkeley, sorry University of California, Berkeley. Their psychology department run a happiness course, and also, if you Google it, Yale’s most attended course is a course on happiness as well. I don’t know which platform that’s on, but you could probably Google that too. And take a course on happiness, for free.

P: This’s the time to be doing those sorts of things, and I like what you’re talking about there Marie in terms of the to do list, along with long term goals. So it’s okay, to go “well, I’m going to clean the backyard.” That’s a short-term goal, and that’s still good to occupy your time because you’re writing it down and it is an item that you can put in. But with those longer-term goals, it’s almost like you need to mix your day up a little bit with short stuff on. Then there’s got to be some long-term goals in there that are plugging away at something that is a bit more long-term that’s going to sustain you.

M; And let’s be honest. If you can’t get to painting the bathroom like your wife’s been nagging you to do for us 10 years now, you never will. She’s gonna have to give up on

P; Let it go [singing frozen]

M: Weeding the garden. Whatever your thing is that you know you should do, but you just never get around to it. If you’re not going to do it during Covid-19 it is never happening. And you should look at how to outsource that.

P: Know when you are beaten.

M: There are many people who will do that stuff for you. [laughing] Yeah, I think, I think it’s a really good call out, having purpose and also having those deep social bonds. And the third thing that — if you can’t tell, I’m writing a book and researching this right now — but the third thing is self care. And one of the things that a lot of people who are working from home have been doing is realising that they can spend from morning to night sitting at their computer. Yep, they’re not getting up for lunch a lot of the time, or they get their lunch and come straight back to their desks and they’re spending huge amounts… like 10 hours at a time sitting at their computer.

And we need to be just a bit more mindful about looking after ourselves right now. Look, emotionally. It is top of mind, but physically, are you getting enough sleep? Are you doing a bit of exercise? There’s some great YouTube videos that you can put on your TV, You can do your yoga downward dog stuff like Pete does, whatever. Or a full cardio workout and a lot of the gyms are streaming.

P: So many of the personal trainers and gyms are streaming their content and it’s valuable information. I got to Wednesday this week after spending pretty much this week in isolation. I’ve been going into work occasionally for necessary purposes, but really I’m in kind of isolation mode and realise that it was so easy to not do my normal exercise. To not go and play some volleyball, which I adore. To not be swinging off the rings or the chin up bar because I couldn’t get into my training studio. However, on Wednesday I made the conscious choice and said, No, I’m going to do it, and I found myself procrastinating. I could just clean that knob on that door one more time with the Diggers vanilla methylated spirits. Or maybe I should just cook… and I was like, “no, go on, get changed.”

M: Diggers, what?

P: It’s really pretty. It’s really nice and smelling.

M: Whatevs [laughs]

P: So I went an got changed on. That was, that was the lever. I had to get out of my casual clothes and into my work out gear. That change made me go down and do my little routine that I’m normally used to doing for my warm up downstairs on my little rug. Great, awesome did it. And I bought a pair of gymnastic rings about six months ago with the full intention of setting them up somewhere. That’s where they were. And it was that right? I got them out of the packet.

M: See!? One of those things that you probably would have never done if it hadn’t been for Covid-19.

P: Possibly it was the lever, though. It actually because I committed to doing something and even though I didn’t have any hand weights or kettlebells, I found two LPG gas bottles on it worked a treat.

M: See, I am, as I said at the end of week two, and every morning I get up, I put my gym gear on. Then I sit at my computer for 14 hours. [laughter] Until today I finally went and put that YouTube video on it, and I found this great video. It was number one on YouTube, 20 minute work out. I thought I’d just do 20 minutes now and then I might do it again at lunchtime because really, it is so, so unhealthy to spend that much time sitting, and I’m so aware of it. And today I did do quite a few more meetings standing up and standing up and  stretching. So I turned the video off and had a bit of a cheeky move on the spot and get everything moving again.

And I really need to be a lot better at doing that. Anyway, I turned on this 20 minutes YouTube video this morning and made it to 10 minutes, and I was like Jesus Christ! This is not for beginners! [laughter] It’s crazy, two weeks and I just lost all my fitness.

P: Well, it’s not hard to do and this is the thing we have to move. We are meant to move and people who are spending 10 and 14 hours of your computer, you’re not helping yourselves. We need to move, you know, because your productivity goes through the floor. If we’re not taking breaks for lunch, if we’re not having that 11 o’clock morning coffee where you walk away from the computer and you sit down in the backyard and look at the birds and look at the clouds and all that sort of stuff, it stops your brain from going into a wire tracking it gives you fresh stimulus. It accesses different parts of your brain. Which means the brain is more turned on, it’s more receptive to other stuff. You’re walking away from an issue, you’re coming back and looking at it with fresh eyes. New thoughts are going to pop up because your brain waves are firing in different lobes of your brain. Exercise and movement is another part of that. Making sure that you keep the neuro plasticity by using your physical self.

M: [whispers “I think Pete’s on a bit of a rant”] Keep going hun.

P: [Laughs] I’ve been doing this for years!

[laughter]

P: Should I stop now?

M; Mmmm, maybe. Pete says do exercise everyone.

P: Move people. People get up and move even if it is being like Chinese Revolutionary Army and standing up on doing star jumps and being silly and swinging your arms in the air, just do it makes a world of difference.

M; Oh, we should all have a dance party.

P: Hey I’m all for the dance parties. Yep.

M: So I did read that in the UK there was some DJs that we’re doing some dance parties from their lounge rooms, and everyone was going to dial in. Love it. So, we’ve only got a few minutes left. What are your thoughts for how this might change humanity? I think this is such a defining time in our generation, and it’s the implications just like World War One, World War two. And I’m not saying that war is on the same level as a pandemic. But…

P:  it’s a serious of change, though. That’s the thing that changes the way the view things because you have a relative experience speaking with my mom today. My mom’s a war baby and good old mom. She’s like, You know, it’s just like the end of the Second World War and I’m like, Well, yeah, but remember Mum we haven’t had that experience. And she was like, you kids have had it too good and was like, “no, we’ve just had it. And we’ve gotten used to this comfort level of of having access. Now we have a relative point of reference, and I think that will be the thing that changes a lot of people. People are going to realise what’s important. I think your priority will change

M: we might be grateful!

P: There’s a lot of positive change that could come from this.

M: I am such a firm believer…. Look, I’ve always said I’m a cynic, but I’m also very positive, if you can’t tell. So you know, I like to have a joke, and it’s probably my sense of humour that I like to throw a bit of shade at people. But I think this is going to help us to refocus on what’s important in life.

P: Definitely.

M: And I think that we were getting to such a point where we were letting the stressed of life run our lives, we were being reactive and responsive.

P: Yes I agree with you.

M: with work pressures, family pressures, keeping up with the Joneses, keeping up with the latest technolog, FOMO, , et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And now I had a great conversation with a colleague today who was saying, You know, I went to this, um, baking with my kids and then we went and did some gardening, and it was such good bonding time. And normally she was saying she would have spent all that time running around and taking them swimming and getting to and from work and all the rest of it. And I think it’s coming back to basics, and it’s all the stuff that we’ve been talking about Pete! It’s calling your mom. It is finding something that you can take pleasure in and that you contribute to…

P: it’s mindfulness

M: It’s self care. Mindfulness, kindness to others looking after your body physically, so drinking water, getting sleep, doing exercise, eating right. Like all of those wonderful things that we’ve been talking about. We’re finally returning to that. So if you take Covid out, we’re all going to be super happy. And there’ll be no need for a podcast.

[laughter]

P: A little reminder, maybe, a little reminder to look at the things. You missed one thing in there was which for me is really important from this result is a sense of community.  And that we are realising that the community in which we live is actually important to us.

M: I said social.

P: You did. I want to throw community out there because it’s a little bit more specific in terms of the people you have around you. When you have that happiness point, you need to reach out. And who’s that community? So it might not be the community you’re living, it might not be your neighbours, but it’s the person who lives down there down the hill and up the other stairs…

M: Oh that’s me!

P: That’s you [laughter].

M; I live down the hill and up the stairs. [laughter].

P: That’s the person that you reach out to you when you’re going. Oh, I feel like a coffee with someone.

M: I’ll make a coffee in my kitchen. You make a coffee in yours, and we’ll put funny face filters on ourselves.

P: Haha, yeah, so that sense of community, I think, is what one thing, is the one thing that will come out of this for a lot of people, and holding that community close, which is really important and vital. And as we know from the research, it helps with happiness.

M; Oh, absolutely. I’ve decided to make it my mission. If anyone’s in Glebe in Sydney, there’s a great restaurant called Glebe Point Diner, and I’ve made it my mission to make sure that they don’t go out of business during these tough times. So they’re doing take away now. call them up.

P: I think everyone’s get their favourite coffee shop for their favourite restaurant. Support them, they need it. A lot of people need that support, and it’s really important, even if you’re not going in. And I went past my coffee boys the other day. I didn’t need a coffee. I was already dialled up from my own coffee at home, but I spent five minutes talking to them, they’re my community, and they’ve been my community for 12 years.

M; Yeah. So I’m going to look after the other thing. I just wrote a post on this this week. There are a lot of animals being returned to shelters right now. So if you’re in a position to foster, you don’t even have to adopt. But if you happen to fall in love and keep him forever, then you know, every pet deserves a forever home…

P:  even if, even if your husband makes you promise that you’re never going to pick up another stray cat?

[laughter]

M: It was in my vows, part of my vows to my husband, and I don’t think he would have taken me otherwise. No more strays. But if you can help out, the benefits as far as higher oxytocin levels, just benefits are through the roof. Also, having dogs is good for excise because you walk them.

P: Absolutely

M:  So from a mental health point of view, cats and dogs are all fabulous and then exercise. So if you’re struggling with those things right now, particularly if you do live alone

P: Foster a pet for six weeks!

M: Consider helping out. A lot of people are in financial stress, and you know. Unfortunately, that means they’ve got to ask for help from a shelter because those pets right now have nowhere to go. All right. Well, that was a really depressing way to finish. Do you have a joke? Something we can laugh at?

P: I’m terrible with jokes. I can’t do jokes, I come up with bad ones and dad ones. I’m horrible. I say go Disney, get some Disney. Do something childlike, go and dance around. I think we were talking before about the YouTube video featuring Jennifer.

M: Yes! Jennifer, go watch the Jennifer video. I’m sorry, Jennifer. I’m sure you’re lovely.

P: I think Jennifer’s gonna benefit from this.

M: For those of you who would like to know, there are a good 8 to 10 people on a video conference call and someone’s talking. And Jennifer is one of the participants, and she stands up and obviously thinks her video isn’t on and takes a laptop into the bathroom with her and pulls her pants down. You can’t see anything for you pervs out there, pulls her pants down and everyone you see their eyes they’re just in shock

P: [laughter] No one would say anything.

M: And the person who’s talking stops talking, and it’s at that point that Jennifer looks over and realises she’s on video.

P: Hey, I’m all for nudity. I think what’s wrong with a little bit of ass every now and then?

[silence]

P: It’s how I say hello to people. You’re in my inner circle if I strip off in front of you.

M: It’s true.

P: Marie know it. Most of my volleyball team a knows it as well.

M: It’s a bit of a problem.

P: Really?

M: No, I’m ok with it though.

P: On that happy note….

M: Yes, we will let you go. Stay safe, everyone, and we will see you next week.

P: Stay happy folks.