Happiness for Cynics podcast
This week, Marie and Pete discuss the myths behind swear words and how swearing can make you happier. No, really, it can!
Please be advised this podcast contains explicit language which may be offensive to some listeners. It is recommended for mature audiences only.
Transcript
M: Listeners should be advised that the following audio content contains explicit language which may be offensive to some people and is inappropriate for Children. The content within this podcast is intended for mature audiences only.
[Happy intro music -background]
M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.
P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.
M: So if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.
P: Plus, sometimes we’re kind of funny.
[Intro music fadeout]
P: Twat Pirate!
M: Nob Jockey!
P: Piss Wizard!
M: Wanker!
P: Tit Mate.
M: I’m out. Twat what?
P: Laugh. Nob Head, Nob Head!
P & M: Laughter!
M: Ass Monkey!
P: Laugh.
M: Fuck-Nugget!
P: Douchebag.
M: Oh there’s so many good ones.
P & M: Laughter.
M: Only if you say them while laughing, I normally I think… What is the swear word Pete that you use the most?
P: The swear word of choice? Laugh. Actually, it’s a combination. It’s what my mother used to say.
P & M: Laughter.
P: I can’t say it without laughing. Bitch and Bastard Buggery!
M: Ooh.
P: Laugh, Oh yeah.
M: Look, Australians really do a good job.
P: Yeah, we do.
M: Wanker is very English and Australian both, but I think just stock standard Shit or Fuck for me.
P: Laugh. Shit!
M: Laugh.
P: I do use Bitch quite a bit. Especially used a term of endearment for me.
P & M: Laughter.
P: Oi Bitch! Laugh.
M: Ok, that’s fair too. It makes you feel better.
P: Oh I’m tingling, I’m literally tingling.
M: To get it out. Laugh.
P: There’s, there’s something to be said for the value of cursing.
M: Definitely and I think the curse words Shit and Fuck that I tend to say are indicative of the fact that I’m not using them at people. I’m using them because of the situation generally.
P: Laugh.
M: So I will throw that out there because I do not agree with any kind of verbal or physical abuse.
P & M: Laughter.
P: Well, usually my abuse is taken out on inanimate objects. My classic one is when I used to be able to change bike tyres. I can’t change by tyres… so screwdrivers would end up in the neighbour’s yard.
M: Laugh.
P: You know the wheel would be tossed casually at the back of the garage, which is about 20 metres away. And that’s usually when the expletives would fly because I just couldn’t get the bloody tube off! Laugh, let alone get the new one in, laugh.
M: So we’re here today to talk about the benefits of that horrible behaviour!
P: There is so much science and research supporting SWEARING. You have free licence to swear people, laugh.
M: And for those of you who don’t believe us, there is currently just released a Netflix show called The History of Swearing With Nicolas Cage.
P: The trailer will have you laughing.
M: Absolutely, just google the trailer, it’s hilarious. So today we’re going to talk about… We’ve got six different areas of research that proves beyond a doubt –
P: Laugh.
M: – that you should let fly and swear more often in your life.
P: I know, where do we start?
M: I need to get over it. I did actually put my layer of judgement on at some point, I caught myself.
P: Ooh, oh!
M: In this little encounter that we’ve already had there is an element of allowing yourself to do this, and being ok with it too.
P: Permission?
M: Yeah.
P: Giving yourself permission to express your emotions.
M: Definitely.
P: Now that’s a big one for a lot of people. A lot of different ways. But we won’t side track it.
M: Yeah well, to express your emotions using swear words, because I don’t know about you, but Mom used to say SHI-vers when she stubbed her toe or something.
P: Laugh.
M: So we grew up in a household where swearing was not allowed, and I got a walloping the one time I did swear. One time… One.
P: Laugh.
M: You learn your lesson pretty fast.
P: True.
M: And it was something that uneducated people did because they didn’t have the proper –
P: Vocabulary to express themselves in other ways. I’ll actually go along with that.
M: It’s total Bullshit.
P: Well?
M: Bullshit! I’m calling it.
P: Colloquialisms and language development because swear words are now included in the Oxford Dictionary and they’re constantly being added, and languages do develop as we know, and I think swearing has become a language norm to be honest.
M: I love the idea, and again go back and look at that Netflix show, but I love the idea that this judgement of using swear words, comes from a rich elite who want to keep the poor down. So again, who determines what a swear word is?
P: Yeah, definitely.
M: And if the rich own the dictionaries and the newspapers, then they can say what words that evolve are good and bad. And generally, it’s the words that the poorer classes use that have been deemed bad or crass.
P: Unworthy.
M: Yeah, exactly.
P: To be included in academic circles.
M: Yeah.
P: That no longer is the case. Thank goodness, because we’re all the richer for it.
M: Ahh. No. I’d say it’s still the case.
P: I’d challenge that, I think that, I think that especially the Oxford and the Webster dictionaries are very good at clocking colloquialisms and words that are developing and the cultural uses and actually including them in academic text.
M: I would never walk into my corporate career and say Tit bag, dick weasel, ass hat, douchebag.
P: Yeah, ok. I get what you’re saying.
M: Never use those words.
P: True, true.
M: Laugh.
P: My poor clients I swear at them all the time.
P & M: Laughter.
M: That’s alright, they’re swearing at you too.
P: Laugh, well we’ll come to that, pain tolerance.
M: Laugh.
P: Alright. Swearing is an effective way of communicating.
M: I love this idea. So we just talked about the judgement in a societal context that all of this is happening within. But the research shows that it is an effective way of communicating, and it can increase the effectiveness and persuasiveness of an argument.
P: Mmm.
M: So particularly if you’re in a corporate environment within the appropriate settings of course, adding a swear word in can show that you have feeling about a certain topic as well, rather than just a[n] unbiased argument that you’re putting forward to people that you actually care and that can be more persuasive.
P: Interesting, that it’s a care factor. I care about this so much that I’m going to swear in the use of it. It shows, it shows passion, it shows engagement, which is interesting because you couldn’t do that in a news conference. Could you imagine the Prime Minister saying ‘Yeah, piss off!’
P & M: Laughter.
P: You know that’s exactly what he wants to say to some people who are asking him questions.
M: Well, I think that was some of the draw of Trump.
P: Yeah.
M: As well as the horror of Trump is that a leader for the first time was using these words that had been taboo, had been again, not what a cultured person does.
P: Yes.
M: And I think this might actually be one of the good things that comes out of Trump’s presidency. Is that language wise we can be a bit more inclusive.
P: Yeah, that’d be good.
M: Oh, my goodness. I never thought I’d [say that!]
P: Laugh!
M: I’m showing my political stripes. I try not to be political on this show.
P&M: Laughter.
M: [Sigh] Anyway…
P: What I will pull up about the communication, though, is that by using swearing, sometimes we prevent resorting to a physical altercation.
M: Which is always what you want.
P: Yeah, exactly. And you can imagine this in certain circumstances of, say, two alpha males having an argument. And, you know, basically butting their chests and beating, beating their chest in a very primitive way by using swear words, you can actually have an engaging conversation without resorting to ‘I’m going to thump the living daylights out of you.’
M: Again, never appropriate. All right, so:
1. It’s an effective way of communicating.
2. Number two, it might mean you’re more honest.
P: Ooh, this is conjecture?
M: It is not conjecture; it is science.
P: Oh, sorry. Where’s the study? Where’s the research?
M: Laugh. The research is that a recent study found that people who swear often lie less and have higher levels of integrity.
P: Oh, do explain?
M: So it all comes down to being comfortable expressing the truth and, you know, ties into a person’s truthfulness. So the study found a positive relationship between those who curse and their honesty levels.
P: Wow.
M: And again, I think that if you’re comfortable swearing, you’re not putting on a mask. You are standing up in a society that often looks at swearing as a bad thing and saying, I don’t care about that judgement, perhaps know that it’s not appropriate, some might not know, and yet I’m going to say it because it’s my truth.
P: Ok, yeah.
M: And those people are more truthful. So this just kind of make sense to me. It’s logical.
P: Yeah, righto. I’ll go with that. I wouldn’t have made that jump, but definitely.
M: Look, it is a jump. That’s not what was written in this study, but that’s my assumption. So, there’s definitely a positive relationship, but we’ve taken it a little bit further.
P: Laugh. Alright, let’s move on to the next one:
3. Improving your pain tolerance.
M: Well this is a no brainer!
P: Laugh! Does it make… Does your pain tolerance increase when you swear? Science says yes, almost 50%.
M: So let loose!
P: Laugh.
M: So next time you stub your toe, or you have to go get a massage from Pete.
P: Laugh!
M: Let rip!
P: I love it when my clients say, ‘oh d$^& f%$#!’ and I say you can make all the noises that you want, and they come out with the swear words and I’m like ‘there you go.’
P & M: Laughter.
P: So, Dr Richard Stephens at Keele University in the UK showed that swearing can help you become more persuasive and increase your pain tolerance. They do the ice water test of putting your hand in a bucket of ice water and seeing how long you can hold your hand in there. One control group weren’t allowed to swear one control group were allowed to swear and they saw results of up to 50% more time being able to be endured in the ice bath if you were allowed to swear.
M: I think we need to pass this on to Lamaze classes.
P: Laugh.
M: Breath and swear.
P: Laugh.
M: Big, deep breath in and swear.
P: Laugh. They say that it’s a very similar effect to drugs like morphine. It helps to calm your system down and has that effect of decreasing the stimulation in the nervous system.
M: I wonder if you can over swear so that your body becomes… you know just like with morphine.
P: Laugh.
M: If you take too much, you’ve got to have more.
P: Laugh.
M: So the science behind that is that it triggers the flight or fight stress response. So it is a trigger to your mind, to release all of those chemicals that help you deal with pain.
P: Yep, neurotransmitters and so forth.
M: Yeah, yeah, but I do wonder whether, if you do it all the time it kind of dampens the effect or something.
P: Well, that that would stand to reason because too much of the fight or flight response and too much of those neurochemicals does desensitise the nerve synapses so good point there.
M: So do swear, but selectively when it comes to pain.
P: Well, I think it’s like anything. If you use something too much, it loses its potency. So if you’re using Shit in every sentence, then when you’re really when you’re really emotional Shit just doesn’t cut it anymore, you’ve got to go to another level or you get a different word.
M: Such as?
P: Fuck!
P & M: Laughter.
P: Pussy!
M: I love that that’s the word you go for.
P: Mole! Laugh, that’s one of my favourites actually.
M: Laugh, which reminds me for all those Australians out there of the comedy company and Kylie Mole.
P: Yeah, Kylie Mole.
M: She goes, she goes, she just goes.
P & M: Laughter.
P: Alright, moving on.
4. Does it make you perform better during exercise?
M: This is really topical because so many of our sports stars in Australia have been receiving fines for swearing.
P: Yep.
M: Because everything’s miked up and you can see every angle of everything.
P: Yeah.
M: We’re asking them to, again, apply standards that swearing is not appropriate and to not swear.
P: But that’s shown to be ineffective. Research in 2017 suggests that swearing could affect the outcome of your workout. So if you’re in a long tennis match and you see those people, you know, those tennis stars, think of the Nick Kyrgios’s and the explosions. We’ve always had that John McEnroe, Andre Agassi before he did his mindfulness work was a huge lout on the tennis court, but it was effective.
M: It was effective, or ineffective?
P: Yeah, it was. It can sustain, sustain their workouts and sustain their levels of intensity.
M: And look, let’s be honest when it comes to elite athletes, you’re not there to play in a mindful, meditative state. You’re there to compete, and that takes a whole different compeTitive mindset. That is not about being nice.
P: No.
M: And curbing your language. It is –
P: It is bringing your passion.
M: – just short of kill or be killed, right? You are there to win.
P: Yeah.
M: And I think swearing is a natural extension of that if you’re really in that frame of mind.
P: Yeah, I agree. Taking on a slightly different stance, I really like this. A Yoga instructor and movement facilitator, Lindsey Istace who’s 24 in Canada invented Rage Yoga.
M: Yes!
P: Laugh. I love this!
M: I love the juxtaposition of that.
P: Laugh, and it’s this whole idea of being in the yoga class and being all meditative and quiet and finding your breath inside the [angry voice] ‘downward dogs three-legged extension!’ Laugh, and its hard yakka (work).
So Lindsay found that she was in a really bad break up and she went in to do a work out and she started swearing and she had an awesome response and her whole body was tingling. Said it really helped her overcome the issues that she was facing and get her emotions out.
So she started introducing a class encouraging people post work to come into a yoga class, do the yoga workout, but within that to swear and to swear loudly to curse and it took on a real momentum and that even has become now a thing of come in, do some swear yoga and then have a beer afterwards.
M: Oh, I love it.
P: So it’s that whole social connection in bonding and it’s allowing you to, if you’ve had a Shit day at work, come in yell and scream and get it out and then talk about it afterwards because your emotions are out for everyone to see and you’re exposed and you’re vulnerable, which the perfect time to be open and honest about how you’re feeling.
M: And also what I love about this is that you’re doing it with others. So you’re never alone.
P: Exactly, you’re supported.
M: Yep.
P: And if you’ve got a class situation, then usually you’ve got people [you know] within that class. Who doesn’t go to the same gym class because the people there make it fun.
M: I love it.
P: Yep, brilliant stuff.
M: So the moral of that is, we need to find some new words maybe that people don’t think of as swear words?
P: Laugh!
M: Because words are just words because humans say their words, so you can let that level of energy come out of your mouth and be vocalised without getting fined thousands of dollars.
P: True.
M: Laugh.
P: Yes, that’s one technique. I’ll agree with that. Fire truck works well for me, laugh.
M: Yeah okay, I like it.
P: Firetruck!
M: I have to say frustration is part of volleyball, that we both play.
P: Oh yeah.
M: It’s a game that’s built on errors, right?
P: Laugh.
M: And you know how good it can be. And even after 20 years of playing the sport, it’s like woah.
P: Laugh.
M: Even after years and years of playing sport. Things still just don’t happen the way they’re meant to.
P: Laugh. We’ve all had those moments play with Laurent or Claire swearing in French all the time.
M: Laugh.
P: That wasn’t just one word, that was a whole sentence of profanities in French, laugh!
M: So I played at George Mason University and we had a no swearing policy on our team. Except for Zuma, I’ll call her out, she was from Puerto Rico and she used to swear like a sailor!
P: Laugh.
M: But because it was all in Portuguese. No one said anything. No one said anything. And it was like ‘that is so unfair’!
P: Laugh.
M: Why does she get to swear and I don’t?
P: Laugh. Oh dear… Alright-
M: Alright.
P: – moving on to the next one.
5. Swearing may give you a sense of calm.
Don’t meditate, swear.
M: I’m down with that.
P: Laugh.
M: Meditation does nothing for me.
P: Ahh, you haven’t given it a good shot.
M: Yeah, okay. I don’t want to.
P: Laugh.
M: That’s the cynic in me. We all know this. I’d prefer to go swear.
P: Okay, so what does swearing do for us?
M: What does swearing do for us?
P: Laugh! Increases our circulation. It elevates our endorphins and via this creates an overall sense of calm and control.
M: And well-being.
P: So it’s that post swearing state that you’re getting to, really.
M: And if you want to look into the benefits of swearing on your sense of calm so if you have stress, anxiety, etcetera. And let’s be honest in today’s world, who doesn’t? There is a writer and psychiatrist based in Oxford, England, called Neel Burton, who wrote Heaven and Hell: The Psychology the of Emotions.
P: Hmm.
M: So check out that book as well, if you don’t want to take our word for it.
P: Laugh. There’s another one that I came across Jason Headley, who’s a writer and director who lives in San Francisco and he’s created, Fuck that: An Honest Meditation.
M: I love that we’re getting more and more into just saying Fuck and Shit and damn and everything else.
P: Laugh.
M: As we go along in this podcast.
P & M: Laugh.
M: We’ve opened the doors Pete.
P: [Singing] Let it go, let it go.
M: Laugh, and we’re back with Disney.
P: I always go back to Disney.
M: Laugh, always. Alright in the last couple of minutes, we’re going to talk about my favourite research.
P: Laugh!
M: Which says that:
6. Swearing is a sign of intelligence.
P: Which totally is against everything that has been perceived about swearing since Victorian England.
M: Absolutely, absolutely so. Studies have suggested that fluency in swear words is associated with possessing a larger vocabulary in general, not a smaller vocabulary.
P: That’s really interesting.
M: So researchers who’ve studied swearing also say that the habit may be linked with a higher IQ.
P: Well, we should have an Olympics of swearing.
M: I struggle, the second I go outside my comfort zone of Shit and Fuck I’m out of words.
P: Laugh!
M: And for those of you who listened, well obviously, if you’re here with us right now and you listen to the beginning of this podcast, those words were all written on paper.
P: Laugh!
M: They weren’t coming, freely flowing out of my brain.
P & M: Laughter!
P: Which I think comes back to that ability to be able to use different words and have power behind them on them or tools you have in your toolbox that the more fun you can have with it and the more effective it becomes.
M: Mmm.
P: So again if Mole just isn’t cutting it and you need to go to Tit Bag or Cheese Nozzle.
M: Laugh.
P: You’re assigning power to those words and having that vocabulary. You might not pull out Cheese Nozzle quite as much as you pull out Mole. But when you do, you know that it’s an elevated sense of expression, so you’re giving it more power, which allows you to tap into that. All those neurochemicals and all those effects that we’ve just mentioned because you have a selection of different levels of swear that you can employ.
M: And you’ll be smarter for it.
P & M: Laughter!
P: Fair enough, so if nothing else, you’ve got the IQ. All right, we’ll wrap up on that one. So aah…
M: What are we going to leave you with?
P: Laugh!
M: Have a Fucking great day.
P: Laugh! Piss off! Laugh!
[Happy exit music – background]
M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.
P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.
M: Until next time.
M & P: Choose happiness.
[Exit music fadeout]
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I have realized that over the course of constructing a relationship with real estate managers, you’ll be able to get them to understand that, in every single real estate deal, a commission rate is paid. In the end, FSBO sellers will not “save” the commission rate. Rather, they fight to earn the commission through doing a good agent’s work. In accomplishing this, they commit their money and also time to accomplish, as best they can, the tasks of an adviser. Those responsibilities include getting known the home through marketing, offering the home to prospective buyers, making a sense of buyer urgency in order to induce an offer, making arrangement for home inspections, controlling qualification checks with the loan company, supervising fixes, and aiding the closing of the deal.
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