How Caregivers Can Stay Resilient

There’s a special place in heaven for caregivers.

With an ageing population, caregiving is something that more and more of us will have to step into at some time in our lives. It’s an often-thankless role, involving putting one’s own needs aside, neglecting oneself even, to focus solely on the care and comfort of a loved one.

Who is Caring for the Caregivers?

Looking after others, particularly if they’re approaching the end of their lives, can be the hardest thing a person can go through. Yet, all the focus is often on the person who is sick.

The simple fact is that the psychological, social and health impacts of caring for others can take its toll on even the most resilient and positive of people, and more often than not, the role of caregiver also ends with devastating heartache.

When I was in hospital following a motorbike accident, my husband took time off work and was constantly by my side for weeks. He eventually had to go back to work, or risk losing his job, but he continued to visit me every evening as soon as he could and would stay until the nurses told him to leave for the night.

After leaving the hospital, he would go home and start the household chores, which had suddenly all fallen to him. He’d cook and prepare meals for the week, he’d do the laundry, clean the house, pay the bills, feed the cat and take her to the vet for vaccinations. He lived among a pile of boxes for months, as we had only just bought our first apartment and hadn’t yet moved in when the accident happened.

His life revolved around me… my doctors visits, my surgeries, my recovery. But in some ways, he was lucky, because he could escape the banality of my hospital room and the stress of the situation and go to work for 9 hours a day. He got a small reprieve every day – granted it was only work – but many don’t. Still, it was hard on him, I could see it.

The good news is that research shows us that caregivers who practice positive emotion skills benefit greatly, with increases in positive moods and ultimately less depression.

Caring for the Caregivers

Researcher Judith Moskowitz explains that building moments of positivity into caregivers’ weeks can help to cope with the stressors of caregiving and can build your resiliency to deal with what’s going on in your life.

“We’re really clear in this intervention—or we try to be—that this is not about pretending like things aren’t bad or difficult, or that you’re not distressed or stressed. It’s about understanding that you can experience positive emotion alongside the negative. The negative is what it is; it should be acknowledged and addressed if it’s at high levels that are unsustainable,” said Judith in an interview with Greater Good Magazine.

Here are three types of interventions, backed by Judith and her team’s research, that you can take to help bring more positivity and resilience into your life as a caregiver:

1. Being thankful: Take the time every day to notice the positive things you have in your life. Every evening before bed, write down 2-3 things that you are thankful for and, over time, watch your outlook on life change.
2. Mindfulness: Adapted from Buddhist practices, everyday mindfulness is about being self-aware and accepting of our thoughts. It is proven to reduce stress and can help to make you feel better. There are plenty of resources online to help you develop mindfulness practices.
3. Goal setting: Make sure you set some goals outside of the immediate needs of caregiving and work to achieve them. Having goals and something to work towards give additional meaning to your life and is critical for This could be as simple as planning and going on a picnic or a weekend getaway, or you could focus on developing or mastering a skill.

So, please, take the time to look after yourselves too caregivers! And if you think you don’t have time to dedicate to yourself, then let me leave you with the most important takeaway from Judith’s research: people who were happier were better caregivers.

Related content: Read Moving On article Resiliency Is About Recharging And Self-Care, But Are You Doing It Wrong? , listen to our Podcast: Positive Affirmations (E29)

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