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Roads to Happiness (E76)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about the many roads to happiness and how to navigate them to bring more joy into your life.

Show Notes

Below are the three models for happiness (positive psychology) that are discussed in this podcast. The first modal is from Marie and Pete aka Happiness for Cynics. The second modal is PERMA and was devised be Martin Seligman and the SPIRE modal was created by Tal Ben-Shahar.

  • Finding Meaning and Purpose
  • Strong Relationships
  • Healthy Mind and Body

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

P: And we’re back.

M: … [whispers] Pete, you’re up.

P: I’m leading?! You’re letting me lead for once? Laugh!

M: You can lead the ‘hello’s’.

P: [small voice] Hi… Laugh!

M: Laugh.

P: Welcome back to another fabulous episode of Happiness for Cynics starring Marie Skelton [whispers] and Peter Furness.

M: Well done. Okay. Now to the serious stuff.

P: Laugh! What are we talking about this week, Muz?

M: Road maps to happiness.

P: Oh.

M: I think we should, no let’s just make that “Roads to Happiness.”

P: Different journeys, different roads.

M: Yellow brick roads.

P: Oh, follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road… I can sing the whole song if you want to.

M & P: [Singing] Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road.

M: Laugh, we are on our path to happiness, obviously. We do now take illicit drugs, laugh.

P: Oh, so on the path to happiness, we are leaping across the churches of… churches? Where was I going with churches? I meant bridges.

M: Bridges?

P: The bridges to happiness! Oh, wow. We are a bridge to happiness.

M: Oh, we could be.

P: We are, we are. That could be out new book?

M: Find your road, we’re your bridge.

P: Laugh.

M: I like it, laugh.

P: There’s a troll living under mine –

M: Laugh!

P: – but that’s ok. Laugh!

M: Only because every Disney show has a troll under the bridge.

P: Yeah, and every now and then Gandalf might make an appearance, “You shall not pass! …until you answer a happiness question.”

M: Laugh. I love it! So, road maps or roads to happiness.

P: What are our roads to happiness, Marie.

M: So, we have in the past discussed the model that I use to organise the types of activities that are proven, scientifically proven.

P: Ooh!

M: Science says.

P: Laugh!

M: To lead to happiness. So, we talk about a three-foundation model that includes:

Finding meaning and purpose.

P: Yep.

M: And that is often-times through how you experience your job. But it can mean a million other things as well. You could find meaning and purpose in raising children.

P: Yep.

M: You could find meaning and purpose in volunteering and supporting others. You could find meaning and purpose in creating music. There’s a million different ways that you can find that meaning and purpose. The second foundation is:

Strong relationships.

P: Yep.

M: And this is both romantic relationships as well as family and friends.

P: Yep.

M: And really investing time in having strong relationships around you. And that doesn’t mean 500 Facebook friends.

P: No.

M: And often that takes away from the stronger relations.

P: Yeah, having the intimate relations. These are the relationships that you invest time into, and you really spend time nurturing them. They’re your garden.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: They are your herb garden on your roof that you do during covid.

M & P: Laugh.

P: Don’t let the herbs die, laugh.

M: Absolutely. And then the third foundation that we talk about is:

Healthy mind and body.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And there is so much in there, but it is sleeping well, eating, well, getting exercise, looking after your emotional needs. So practising gratitude, mindfulness, meditation, yoga kind of bridges the mind and body.

P: Yep, emotional first day.

M: Yep.

P: All that stuff.

M: All of those fabulous things, practising kindness. There’s a lot in there, so they’re the three foundations that we talk about on this show.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: But there are other, smarter people that have come before us.

P: NO! Definitely not.

M: Laugh, yep.

P: Laugh.

M: So, we’re going to talk about the science. But more than that, what makes someone impressive in their field is when they have their first model.

P: Oh really, is that all you need?

M: That’s all you need.

P: Laugh!

M: You need a model, so we’re going to start with the forefather, the founder of Positive Psychology, Martin Seligman and his model for happiness. So, his way for you, his road or road map for people to follow in order to have better wellbeing and happiness.

P: Ok.

M: And his model is called the PERMA Model.

P: PERMA. Ooh, it sounds like something you do in the nineteen seventies with your hair.

M: Laugh.

P: And don’t get to get it wet.

M: Take a Valium and wash it down with some chardonnay. And so, Pete, I know you’re new to these, but do you want to talk through what PERMA stands for?

P: PERMA has five pillars, as opposed to our three-pillar model. We’re talking about:

Positive emotion

And that comes down to:

  • Spending time with people you care about,
  • Inspirational and uplifting actions,
  • Reflection on gratitude, what’s going well in your life, [and]
  • Experiencing positivity.

M: Yes and creating activities and events that lead to positive moments or experiences in your life.

P: Mmm.

M: Going on holidays.

P: Having friends over for dinner.

M: Yep.

P: That’s what I miss.

M: Yep, Positive emotion. P for PERMA, Positive emotion. A pretty simple one.

P: E. E is for Engagement.

M: I feel like we’re on Sesame Street.

P: Laugh, oh can I be Elmo? Laugh.

M: Laugh!

P: Laugh.

Engagement

  • Living in the moment;
  • Activities that you really love where you lose track of time,
  • Experiencing flow,
  • Spending time in nature, immersing yourself,
  • Observing what happens around you,
  • Identifying and learning about your character strengths, and
  • Doing the things that you excel at.

M: Yeah, so this is really mindfulness, slowing down and getting deeply involved in things and being in the moment.

P: Yep. Relationships, we talk about this all the time, laugh.

M: Yep.

R for Relationships.  

P: So, these are

  • Our intimate and our non-intimate relationships,
  • The people that we have around us that we value.
  • It’s the herb garden.

M: It’s having people who get you.

P: Yeah, yeah, so when you’re stressed and having things not go right, you’ve just got to sit near that person. That’s all you need because they understand. So, creating this friendship –

M: I mean, that’s a big thing to put on someone, laugh.

P: Laugh.

M: But yes, that’s what it is.

P: I think it’s a true measure. I was reflecting on a friendship that I had once where I cut short my holiday in Bath because his boyfriend had dropped him. And I said, that’s it. I’m coming back to London now, and I drove –

M: You’ve got your priorities all wrong, he should have joined you in Bath.

P: Laugh! He was in no state to travel.

M: Aww.

P: So, I did the rescue mission and I had a friend with me and I said, “I’m sorry, we have to go back to London right now, and I need a day.” And I went and sat with my friend for two days actually.

M: “Because you’re not as important as my other friend.” Laugh.

P: Laugh! Oh, come on, no. Sandy was with me for six months, so, you know, one day out of that six is not bad.

M: Alright. But, speaking of priorities, when we talk about relationships, it is about investing in the ones that are worth keeping and pruning. You know if you’re talking about gardens and relationships being like gardens and investing and nurturing.

P: Yep.

M: You do also need to prune, and you need to take out the unhealthy relationships and the relationships that aren’t giving you what you need as well.

P: Yep and not feeling guilty about that.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Really important point. Really important.

M: It takes time. When you’re a kid, it’s about having as many as you can. But you realise, as you grow up that it’s about quality more than quantity.

P: Yeah, definitely. Okay, M.

M is for Meaning.

We talked about this a lot, having meaning and purpose in your life.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So that sort of correlates with our model as well.

M: Yep.

  • Volunteering or
  • Finding passions

Again, this is very similar, I find, and we kind of crossover in our model with Seligman’s Engagement and Meaning. The E and the M from PERMA, there’s a lot of cross-over in those two.

P: Yeah, and the last one is:

A for Accomplishments.

  • Setting goals,
  • Setting smart goals,
  • Reflecting on past successes and
  • Looking for creative ways to celebrate your achievements.

I love that one.

M: Yes. We really don’t talk much about achievement and goal setting except to enable those foundations. So, we have had quite a few episodes where we’ve talked about setting goals and also creating habits –

P: Yes.

M: Towards those goals.

P: Yep.

M: Definitely, you can’t put any of this into practise without goal setting and habit forming and understanding how to do that.

P: I actually think the habit forming is the crux of it, because when something becomes a habit, it becomes what’s the word?

M: Self-fulfilling?

P: Self-fulfilling, that’s the one yep.

M: Laugh, for those of you who can’t see Pete, which is all of you –

P: Laugh.

M: – His head is doing circles on his shoulders.

P: Laugh, I physicalise my thought process.

M: Laugh.

P: Sometimes I have to get up and do pirouettes.

M & P: Laugh.

M: So, absolutely. So, this brings in something that we talk about as underpinning our three foundations. This actually brings it into the model as something that you ought to do.

P: Hmm.

M: So, a different way of looking at things and really who are we to judge? Martin Seligman is God.

P & M: Laugh.

M: In the positive psychology world, laugh! Not that I mean to be offensive to anyone.

P: Oh, leave that to me. I’m much better at that than you.

M: Well, I apologise at least ‘cause I was potentially offensive.

P: Laugh.

M: Moving on. Moving on to Tal Ben-Shahar, who is a… He was a Harvard professor. He wrote the book ‘Happier’ and he has a model, so he’s legit.

P: Laugh.

M: And it is SPIRE model.

P: This is colourful.

M: Well, we can see something colourful.

P: We’ll put this in the show Notes for Leandra [producer].

M & P: Laugh.

P: I like this one, it’s got colours, laugh.

M: All right. So, the five elements of SPIRE are:

  • Spiritual,
  • Physical,
  • Intellectual,
  • Relational, and
  • Emotional.

P: Mmm.

M: And for spiritual, Tal is clear to say that there is evidence that having faith, people with faith tend to be happier.

However that doesn’t mean that you need faith in order for this pillar to be important to you.

P: Ok.

M: And really, what this is about is having a meaningful and mindful life. So are you… Is your soul content? Is how I would put it. For those of you who are not religious, are you at peace with who you are and where you are in the world? And again, is your soul content.

P: Mmm. Okay.

M: For P, Physical. Again, caring for the body and tapping into the mind-body connection.

So, Tal talks about whole being, well-being. So, is your entire body healthy? And he’s very much influenced by early philosophical writing but also eastern philosophy and talks very much about the connection between mind and body and how you can’t be healthy physically and not mentally and have well-being.

P: Yes.

M: And vice versa.

P: Yes, definitely and that’s basically my start in my happiness journey that came for me at a very young age. It’s that is interest in eastern philosophy and that combination of healthy body, healthy mind.

M: Mmm hmm. So, he also talks about the importance of all five of these elements in the SPIRE model and how they interact with each other. And sometimes you could do one activity that satisfies two or three of these elements in the model.

P: Finding the crossover?

M: Yeah.

P: They’re good ones to get into. Laugh.

M: Yeah, definitely.

P: Do ones that tick more than one box.

M: Yeah, exactly. Life’s busy. I don’t have time to do five new things.

P: Absolutely.

M: But I could do two new things if they cover all five of these elements.

P: There we go, yeah.

M: Yeah.

I, Intellectual and I love this.

M: And this is my go to. This is where I come back to, and I over invest.

P: Laugh.

M: This is my safe and happy place.

P: Yes.

M: So, this is engaging in deep learning or opening yourself up to new experiences.

P: Mmm.

M: So, for me one of the biggest rubs in my marriage was the first holiday we went on, and all my husband wanted to do was nothing.

P: Laugh.

M: And all I wanted to do was see everything, now!

P: Laugh. I’ve been there with you on a holiday, Muz.

M: Laugh.

P: I feel Francis’s pain. Five hours in Buckingham Palace.

M: So? You enjoyed it.

P: I enjoyed it. I did enjoy it.

M & P: Laugh.

P: But I can imagine how that would be challenging for someone who is not interested in Renaissance art. Laugh.

M: You can go back to the hotel, and they have a pool with cocktails.

P: Laugh.

M: So, Intellectual and definitely Tal in his teaching says that we tend to gravitate towards some of these more than others, so Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual.

The next one is Relational, otherwise known as relationships.

P: Yep.

M: And again, as we’ve said about nurturing those relationships that bring you happiness and joy.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And last one is Emotional. And again, this is about feeling all your emotions, so not hiding emotions. No emotions are wrong.

P: No. It is okay to be curled up heap on the floor, bawling your eyes out.

M: Absolutely.

P: Just don’t stay there.

M: Don’t stay there and understanding that all emotions are valid and important. It’s only behaviours that are right or wrong.

P: Yes. Oh, I like that Muz, well done.

M: Well, this is from Tal. I’m just repeating… Yeah, yeah. Smarter people came before us.

P & M: Laugh.

P: D’Oh!

M: Can’t claim it as my own this time, laugh. It’s not one of our pearls of wisdom.

P: Laugh.

M: And by feeling all your emotions and understanding how to manage yourself through those emotions in a constructive way, you can reach towards resilience and optimism.

P: Mmm. This comes back to a point that we made in one of our very earlier podcasts, where we talked about using precise words and using our adjectives to describe our emotions and be really specific about what it is that we’re feeling. So, are you feeling angry or are you feeling frustrated?

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So, if you’re feeling frustrated, you can by being specific with your wording, you can come at a problem or an issue from a slightly more intellectual perspective and break it down to be even more direct and go ‘Oh, I’m not angry, I’m frustrated.’ That lessens the impact a little bit, puts you a bit more in control.

M: Labelling things, gets you out of your emotional brain and into your intellectual side of the brain and then helps you to move forward and create steps needed to unpack that.

P: Doesn’t put you at the mercy of your emotions.

M: Or, you know, have a tantrum on the floor. Whatever it is that you decide you want to do next. Whatever behaviour…

P: Hey, breaking mirrors is valid.

M: Ooh.

P: It’s really good externalisation of things. Just break a mirror and then –

M: Maybe not a mirror.  

P: Oh, it looks really good and it shatters! Laugh!

M: Oh, I don’t know. I’d prefer to kick something that is meant to be kicked like a punching bag.

P: Oh yeah, ok. Each to their own, laugh.

M: Laugh, true. Each to their own.

P: Laugh.

M: So, those are two models that are pretty, you know, popular models within the positive psychology realm. And really, this was just about sharing other ways to look at happiness.

P: Mmm.

M: So, ours isn’t necessarily the best, but we have a model. So, we are legit now too, laugh.

P: Laugh! Yay, us!

M: These people have PhDs, though, so I definitely recommend listening to them.

P: Sure.

M: But, there are different ways of organising what is essentially the same types of activities, and they’re all scientifically proven, you know backed with research. There’s a gazillion out now of different types of research into all the things that we talk about.

P: Mmm.

M: But what I would say is these are also really good frameworks to do a little self-assessment and check in against.

P: Mmm, yeah.

M: So, if I were coming off the back of this episode, Pete, I would pick one of these and just do a little check in. So, if you’re going to pick PERMA from Martin Seligman.

P: Yep.

M: You know, how much positive emotion have you had in the past month? And how much do you have coming up in the next month?

P: And have you made space for that?

M: Block something in or book a catch up for coffee or something, or a WebEx call if you’re in lockdown.

P: Yeah.

M: That kind of thing.

P: Yeah.

M: Engagement. Are you doing any activities you love? If not, are you trying to find activities you love? And there could be a test and learn in here as well. Or like me, I discovered writing early on and then lost it for a while. And I’ve rediscovered that recently.

P: Mmm.

M: Relationships, you know. Are you tending your garden?

P: Laugh.

M: Meaning, are you actually taking some time to give back or to work out ways to use your passions to help others or spend quality time with people you care about.

P: So important.

M: Be kind to others.

P: Mmm. Yeah, and putting time in place to be kind.

M: Yeah.

P: What’s your investment portfolio for your kindness? Ooh.

M: And that takes us to the A of PERMA. Are you spending time setting goals and looking at your accomplishments and achievements?

P: Mmm.

M: Are you putting those habits into practise?

P: Yes.

M: And again, if you’re going to use these any of the three models we’ve talked about today to do a little self-check in. Don’t go trying to climb a mountain first thing off the bat.

P: Yes, laugh.

M: Pick one small thing that you can change and then put it in your diary. So, like me, I think I mentioned last episode that I started running on the treadmill every lunchtime.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: It’s in my diary and blocked every lunchtime, Monday to Friday, I do a run.

P: You’ve got to make space for it. And if you don’t write them down often you don’t follow them through and if they’re in the back of your mind. You’ve got to bring them to the forefront of your mind. And that means putting it out there, putting it on your mirror, the makeup mirror that you look at first thing in the morning, in your phone, put a reminder in your phone, ‘Have you had 10 minutes of mindfulness today?’

M: Yes.

P: And if you haven’t made it a priority, make sure that you schedule that into your day or into your weekly routine.

M: Yep.

P: Yeah.

M: So, challenge is have a look at these three models. Find one that works for you. Do a self-check in, schedule one thing that you’re going to change for the next week and lock it in forever more into your calendar, and then put a reminder for a month from now to do the same thing with a new habit.

P: Yeah.

M: It takes about a month to build a habit. So, let your first one settle in a bit and then put a reminder in for your second (or) next one that you want to really tackle.

P: And doing this for someone else is actually a really good way to keep you accountable.

M: Mmm.

P: Like any good habit being accountable for your habits and just telling someone this is what I’m aiming to do, and having them hold you to account is a really good self-check if you like, or –

M: It’s the basis for the success of weight watchers.

P: True? Yes.

M: Mmm hmm. And on that note, we’re going to call it.

P: Laugh.

M: We’re over time again, our poor production person, every week is like ‘Ahh!’

P: Sorry, Leandra.

M & P: Laugh!

M: All right, well, wishing you a happy week and we’ll see you again next time.

P: Bye!

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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Self-Care, Are You Doing it Right? (E75)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about how self-care has become a buzzword with bad repercussions and ask the question, are you doing it right?

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!

P: Laugh.

M: It’s round one, Pete.

P: Oh dear, I don’t look forward to these ones and where Marie’s all, you know motivated to strip me bare of any –

M: Laugh!

P: – challenges that I might have. This is going to get ugly, folks.

M: Laugh. So Pete, you have the topic for today’s show.

P: I have the floor, laugh.

M: And I am in the other corner, laugh. It’s like high school debate team. I’m just arguing for the sake of the other argument. You know, sake of the other side.

P: As we know, in terms of competitiveness. We know that I’m a competitive person, but I am nothing compared to the onslaught that is Marie Skelton when she’s motivated.

M: Laugh.

P: So, gird your loins people! Laughter!

M: Yep.

P: Today, we are talking about, are you doing self-care, right?

M: No!

P: Laugh.

M: Or am I yes? Am I the affirmative?

P: Let, me put my argument forward first, Laugh.

M: Laugh, put your argument forward.

P: Ahh, pressure.

M & P: Laugh.

P: So, I’ve been doing some research on the social media. I came across this rather wonderful article by a woman called Brianna Wiest, and she’s in Philadelphia, and she is a self-awareness and self-understanding author. She’s written several books in the early 20-tens and early 2020’s, Essays That Will Change The Way You Think (2016),  The Mountain Is You (2020) and Ceremony (2021). It’s an interesting concept because she talks about self-care is often a very un-beautiful thing.

M: Mmm.

P: So, Marie and I are both proponents of the whole hygge concept that getting yourself into pyjamas, having a nice cup of tea, watching some Disney or something indulgent is really fantastic. We both agree on that, yep?

M: We even wrote a book on self-care Pete?

P & M: Laughter.

M: Why don’t we just go back a little bit further? Laugh.

P: Ok, we agree that things that are a little bit indulgent are good for us to do because they do contribute to our happiness, and it is good to reward yourself. Remember that phrase because we’re going to come back to that. It is good to reward yourself.

M: Hmm.

P: What I like about what Brianna is talking about is that there’s a certain part of self-care that is not the sitting in the bath having a chocolate cake frenzy and eating doughnuts. That’s not necessarily what you need to do to have self-care. Neither is it going on a shopping spree and spending lots of money on your credit card or indulging in over-eating snacks.

M: You’re really going hard on the doughnuts.

P: I’m going hard on it, yeah, but we’ve got to give you some fodder here Marie.

M: Laugh. Mmm hmm. So, she’s saying it’s not any of those things and it shouldn’t be any of those things?

P: It’s not the only part of self-care, and I’ll just paraphrase here. I’ll try and read out… try and surmise the article and what she talks about.

The opening statement is that self-care is making a spreadsheet of your debt and enforcing a morning routine, cooking yourself healthy meals and no longer just running from your problems and calling the distraction a solution? So, we agree on that. We’ve talked about that before. It’s about doing the hard work, putting things in place to make sure you address the issues rather than just going, ‘I’m going to tell myself to be happy.’

M: No, disagree. [Fail noise]

P: Ok.

M: Round One has started! Laugh.

P: Laugh, unpack this. Go for it, Muz!

M: I think that self-care is about listening to your body and your mind and your emotions and giving it what it needs and what it needs doesn’t have to be boring, hard, you know it, it’s framing it differently.

So doing your finances isn’t shitty and horrible. It’s, you know, looking after yourself. So, I think it’s a framing thing for me more than is it actually… like semantics, maybe we could argue.

P: Yeah, ok I’ll give you that.

M: I think that listening to your body and your emotions and all of that and going, I need to stop my diet and have five doughnuts –

P: Yep.

M: – and feel guilty about it and next time only have three.

P: Laugh.

M: And feel guilty about it next time, maybe have two when I’m needing that outlet that sugar rush or whatever it is on knowing that those adjustments and behaviour come sans-guilt and judgement and that we’re all growing and learning.

P: Yep.

M: I think that self-care is about when you’re feeling depleted in any way, as happens so often. Being kind to yourself and listening to what your body needs.

P: I definitely agree with the being kind to yourself.

M: Sometimes… The 1% means overindulgence, right? But the things you’re talking about is not. I wouldn’t say self-care is doing your finances, eating healthy, doing your exercise. That should be a day-to-day how we prioritise living.

P: I agree.

M: Not the stuff we do on top that we need to ask special permission from our bosses to leave early to go the gym… or any of the other things we shouldn’t be excusing all of those other behaviours as secondary to work or family, or you know, whatever else, your partner, it should be up there and just as important.

P: Yeah.

M: And this is the mind shift that I’m waiting to happen at the moment that all of those activities that make life worth living and make life happy and that are critical to our mental health should not be second class citizens in our schedule.

P: Yes, one of the other things she brings up is that becoming the person you know you want to and are meant to be.

M: Yep.

P: And someone who knows that salt baths and chocolate cake are ways to enjoy life but not escape from it.

M: Yes. It’s not escaping, it’s just going ‘Oh, I’ve had a crappy day, I got fired from my job and I don’t know how I’m gonna pay next month’s rent.’

P: Yep.

M: Life’s good apart from that, but today I’m eating the cake.

P: Yep, laugh.

M: And maybe having that extra glass of wine.

P: Yeah, true.

M: Yeah.

P: And this comes back to rewarding yourself and the way that we choose to reward ourselves. There is an escapism in having the doughnut, having the bath, having the red wine. And that’s, I guess my question is, is that self-care? Or is that just a momentary reprieve?

M: Again, If your definition like mine of self-care, is that it’s listening to what your body needs.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: Then it is self-care, I think. Because for me, eating well, not drinking too much, taking care of your finances, being physically active, journaling, doing gratitude, practicing love, all of that stuff is how you should live.

P: Mmm.

M: Self-care is above that, and beyond that, and amongst all of those ways that you should live there are… We’ve talked about negative affect and positive affect, and I think it’s when those spikes hit, where your up or down, where self-care comes in.

P: Yep.

M: I’ve been working on a project that today has finished!

P: Oh, congrats!

M: And for the last month I’ve been exhausted just trying to get to this day. But I’ve booked a holiday for the end of this month and that self-care for me. I need that time at the end of this month to unwind, decompress and during that time I’m not going off to theme parks and travelling the world. Not that any of those are options for me at the moment.

P & M: Laughter.

M: I intend on going somewhere really quiet where I can write and read.

P: Yeah, right.

M: And that’s self-care. That’s special.

P: It is. You’re right, you’re absolutely right as well Marie. I don’t want, I don’t want to sound like I’m saying don’t reward yourself because we know that reward is important.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And we’ve got people like Gretchen Rubin, I think she’s one of your mates, Muz.

M & P: Laugh!

M: I wish she was one of my mates! I’ve mentioned Gretchen before, that’s probably where you got that, laugh.

P: Yeah, laugh. She talks about the importance of reward, the importance of the little treat, the receiving of the surprise gift or watching a funny video gained in self-control.

“The secret of adulthood, give more to myself so I can ask more from myself.” [Gretchen Rubin]

M: Yes.

P: I like that quite from her.

M: So, self-care is looking after yourself so that you can give more, be more, do more, etc.

P: Mmm. And you want to keep going into those periods where you are working hard because you know that there’s a little reward in the end.

M: Or a big reward?

P: Big reward, yeah.

M: There’s satisfaction in kicking these goals and getting stuff done.

P: Yeah. Susan Biali, who is also a medical doctor, also talks about reward and she talks about it in terms of the celebratory treats that will enhance us and not make us regret.

M: Mmm.

P: What Susan Biali talks about is that we need to choose our rewards carefully to make sure that they’re contributing and they’re not detracting. So, they’re not something that we’re going to regret later on and so that could be about having a reward that is proactive in terms of reinforcing what you’ve done.

M: So, there’s many models for happiness, but we’ve talked about relationships, purpose and meaning and healthy mind body. And I’ve been letting part of my healthy mind and body down recently, which is physical exercise.

P: Right.

M: I’ve been over indexing on a few other things, so now that we’re in lock down, I’ve got my treadmill and I’ve made myself a little deal.

P: Have you given your treadmill a name?

M & P: Laughter!

M: It does need a name, hey?

P: Laugh, Rupert?

M: I’m going to have to think about that, laugh. The way that I am motivating myself is that I can only watch Disney when I’m on the treadmill.

P: Laugh, [Clap].

M: So, I’m watching Raya the Dragon at the moment.

P: Oh! I really want to watch that too.

M: And if I want to get through it, I have to keep running, laugh.

P: Yep, like. There we go, that’s a great reward.

M & P: Laughter.

P: Oh, fantastic. Love it. The interesting thing about rewards as well is that, now Gretchen talks about this in her book as well, The Happiness Project, and she talks about the difficulties in setting rewards that may not be a good aspect, and one of the things she brings up is that the attainment of the goal and the reward marks a finishing line on the finishing line marks a stopping point.

So, you could have developed this wonderful habit of doing the treadmill. But then, if you reward yourself with something and you go, okay, well, that’s done never doing that again.

M: Then you break your own good habit. Oh, that’s a shame.

P: It’s a shame, but it’s something to keep in mind that you don’t want the reward to write you off because you want to keep that good habit going true?

M: Mostly depending on the habit. Yes, eventually, you’ll want to finish studying.

P: Yes, absolutely.

M: Laugh, for instance.

P: Yep, I agree.

M: I probably should not be aiming to finish running.

P: Laugh.

M: It’s a healthy habit I want to maintain.

P & M: Laugh.

M: Yep, so the other thing I’ve done for that. So, I take my lunch break and I make sure I take my lunch break and I’m not allowed to eat my lunch until I’ve done my run.

P: Oh, that’s good.

M: So, that’s the other reward.

P: Yeah.

M: And the great thing that many people before me have found, I’m not new to finding this is that the more I do it, the more I then choose healthy food options when I go to lunch, and you know –

P: Yeah, cause you’re reinforcing [healthy habits].

M: – it has flow on effect.

P: Yep definitely. There’s one other thing that Gretchen Rubin talks about in terms of rewards, and that’s the decision. So, reward requires a decision. I.e. Do I deserve this reward.

M: Mmm.

P: And every time we make that decision, there is the opportunity to make the wrong choice. There are too many loopholes to choose from. When you have that decision in place that we have an opt out if you like, it’s like, ‘well bugger it, I won’t go for a run, cause I don’t want to watch Disney anymore.’

M: Laugh.

P: You can fool yourself into making bad choices, even with a reward.

M: We are so good at fooling ourselves, aren’t we?

P: Yes, yes!

M: Damn human brains!

P: Laugh! So, when thinking about rewards and this comes back to the article by Brianna Wiest. What I like about it is, self-care is not just about giving yourself all the indulgences. There is a little bit of work in there, and there are sensible choices to make in terms of reward and pleasure and what to reinforce for good self-care.

M: Mmm.

P: And part of that as you were saying Marie, and I think we agree on this one is part of that self-care is looking after the body, looking after your relationships and having some purpose and that can be a little bit of hard work.

M: And if your day today is not balanced or you’re out of whack in some way, self-care is about understanding those things in your day to day enough.

P: Yes.

M: And listening to yourself enough to be able to identify when you need to change things. So, when you need to just go to bed earlier, that is self-care to me.

P: Yeah.

M: You know. For me it’s not the day to day, it is more the exceptions.

P: Mmm. There’s a quote here that I read from Brianna’s article,

“It is learning how to stop trying to “fix yourself” and start trying to take care of yourself.” – [Brianna Wiest]

M: Yes.

P: Now that’s diving a little bit deeper into addressing issues and so forth and trying to look at your lifestyle and go one of the bad influences. She also talks about the toxic nature – that may not be the best word to use – of this internal pressure of self-care. Like ‘Oh, I better be looking good, or I better do this, or I better do that.’

M: Everything is a to do list!

P: Yes!

M: We’ve talked about this before. All of this stuff that is meant to make us happier can just make people think, ‘holly molly how am I supposed to fit all this into my week.

P: Laugh, yeah.

M: Ahh, it can add more stress.

P: Absolutely.

M: Yeah.

P: And that’s, maybe that’s what she’s talking about in terms of the ugly side of it. There’s a little bit of stuff about being dishevelled and doing your ironing so that you can go to work the next day and look decent and presentable for a professional interaction.

M: No way! That is not self-care!

P: No?

M: Nope, round two. Here we go.

P & M: Laugh!

P: Elaborate, Marie?

M: That’s living life, doing your ironing that is life. Doing your finances –

P: Ok.

M: – doing your personal hygiene.

P: Laugh!

M: Physical exercise, eating well, sleeping well, all of that is life, I think, and it is a juggle and It’s not easy. I don’t want it to be a seen as self-care anymore. I want it to be seen as skills that we teach kids. I want them to know how to be mindful and practise meditation and calm their minds and turn off the busy noise of the 21st century.

P: Yep.

M: I want them to understand how to control their emotions and when not to control their emotions as well. I want people to understand that life is not just about working.

P: Mmm.

M: What a sad, sad thing for your life just to be about –

P: Oh, absolutely.

M: – getting a house with a picket fence and two point whatever children –

P: Two point four.

M: – and a partner and entering the rat race and staying there till you retire. And then, I don’t know, maybe while you still can you might get on a cruise once a year, right?

P: Laugh.

M: Like that’s not life. That’s not living, that’s not life. And that’s not how to have a satisfying life.

P: It’s the checklist approach, isn’t it? It’s the tick, tick.

M: It’s the capitalist approach.

P: Ahh. Ohh.

M: It’s the consumer, you know, and you want bigger and better things along the way.

P: Mmm, mmm.

M: Pretty much.

P: Yeah, consumer self-care.

M: No, that’s the consumer approach that you and I went through school learning maths and English and all of that in order to get a good job so that we could be contributing members of society. And that meant following that script.

P: Yep.

M: I think that we haven’t to date done a good enough job of also telling kids, here’s how you also get satisfaction out of your job and here’s how you get happiness out of your life along the way and those things don’t need to stop or disappear.

P: No.

M: But there’s so much more in there and they’re not add-ons. They are not the icing on the cake.

P: Mmm.

M: They’re essential pieces for our existential health.

P: Wow, wow! Laugh!

M: They’re essential pieces of life. It’s how to live life, and that’s what we haven’t taught people to date very well.

P: So, they’re part of the recipe?

M: Absolutely. We need to add them in, and we need to stop apologising for it.

P: Oooh!

M: We need to stop as I said before, feeling bad for being 10 minutes late to work because we got caught up at the gym finishing a set. And, you know, we’ve just added all this stress and we’re 10 minutes late and no one notices. Just stay 10 minutes late at the end, who cares?

P: Laugh.

M: A lot of the time, obviously there are some places where it matters. If you’re 10 minutes late.

P: Yeah.

M: But we need to stop apologising for wanting to go see a kid’s theatre production or anything, going to get a massage and taking a long lunch.

P: Mmm.

M: If you’ve got the flexibility in your work to do that.

P: Mmm.

M: That is, that is living and it is a valuable and needed part of life and it’s not an add-on it’s not tack-on and I don’t think that it should be self-care. I think self-care is when all of that is just a bit out of whack or out of balance, and you need to take extra care.

P: Right. I like that, I definitely agree with that point.

M: Hold on, we’re not meant to be agreeing. Laugh.

P: I know, but damn it, we just, we always get to this point, Laugh!

M: This is the problem when you have two besties on a podcast.

P: Laugh!

So, I was meant to be having a relatively free week this week, and next week I was supposed to be going on a holiday, my one-week holiday for my 12 months of the year, I was going to go up to Byron and have a little week off.

M: [Singsong voice] Someone sounds a little bitter, laugh.

P: Oh, I’m not bitter… much. Laugh.

M: Right? Who wouldn’t be bitter? Let’s be really clear here, this sucks.

P: Laugh.

M: You’re in lock down.

P: Yes.

M: It’s not happening.

P: I was sort of looking at my diary going well, I’m not allowed to go to Byron, I’m not allowed to leave my house. I’m not allowed to even go to the gym. Which brings me a lot of pleasure and a lot of enjoyment.

M: Oh.

P: I’m not allowed to go for a drive in my car. It was so sunny the other day and I was in my car driving to work, which I was allowed to do because apparently, I’m essential services. And I just had the top down and I had music on, and it was sunny. And I just wanted to keep going. I just wanted to drive to the mountains like I had his utter urge. And I couldn’t do it.

M: And it’s winter, so you can’t even tend your rooftop garden, laugh.

P: Laugh, true. Well, I could have on that day because it was sunny. It was a momentary burst of sunshine.

M: It is Sydney.

P: Yeah.

M: Which isn’t really winter.

P: Yeah, we get like six weeks of winter. The point was that I looked at my diary for next week and, well, I can’t do any of the lovely things that I was going to do for myself. So, I may as well just open up my diary for work because I’m allowed to work. And I thought, oh my god this is horrible.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Like the one thing that I’m allowed to do is to actually work. So, Tuesday and Monday every week we’re really busy and I realised that I’d actually booked myself entirely out with work obligations because there was nothing left that I could do, and I thought ‘I don’t want this.’

M: You need to do nothing every now and then too.

P: Exactly, yeah. And it was a really realisation that me the free spirit is all I’m about, you know, all the buying into all this stuff on doing it naturally and I was really confronted with it with the lock down experience.

M: Lock down just makes us question everything, doesn’t it?

P: It does. It definitely does and that can be a helpful thing.

M: And healthy.

P: And questioning, re-questioning, re-prioritising, finding yourself.

M: “The unexamined life is not worth living.” – [Socrates]

P: Oh, who said that?

M: I have no idea, I can’t remember.

P: Laugh!

M: I’m so bad.

P: Laugh!

So, one thing before we wrap up here, I want to also address the idea that self-care means being the hero of your own life, not the victim.

M: Yes. No one likes a… Wait, I’m taking that back. That’s horrible.

P: Laugh! This is, again what Brianna was talking about was that it means rewiring what you have until your everyday life isn’t something you need therapy to recover from.

I think this is super important and this aligns exactly with what you’re saying Muz.

M: No.

P: Oh, oh. It doesn’t?

M: Because she’s still going with the idea that self-care is the add-on, still go on it’s a valid point.

P: Oh, no. I don’t know. I don’t think she is, because I think she’s talking about building a life, building the recipe that has parts of the self-care paradigm in its such as doing your exercises, eating well all that sort of stuff, indulging in a small reward at the end of a project. Treating yourself to a theatre experience, for example, when you’ve had six weeks of really tough work obligations.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: But it’s also about taking care of things so that you don’t need therapy from your own lifestyle. If you’re pushing hard and going for those tick list items, and it’s creating drama and creating stress, that is just so all-encompassing that you need to take a week off of the end of it because you enforced this on yourself. That’s not helpful.

M: I think it’s reality though.

P: To a certain degree.

M: To a certain degree, yes. There is a line, absolutely. If you’re a serial over-committer then assess your life and take something out.

P: Yep.

M: Look at what you can find or change or whatever. Find?

P: She actually mentioned that as well.

M: 21st century living is not smooth, it’s not linear are and it’s not predictable. And there will always be times where a well-oiled machine will break down.

P: True.

M: Just like your story for next week, right?

P: Mmm.

M: You could not have predicted a lock down.

P: Yeah, yeah absolutely.

M: You had planned for a healthy mental break from your studies. And it’s not happening. And you know, you’ve had to go through a little bit of self-exploration to work out what to do instead that is going to set you up for success next semester. Again you still need that break.

P: Yeah. So, to wrap it up, sometimes we need to be a bit more mindful of the things that were involving in our day to day life. We need to build that recipe that includes those elements of the self-care, whatever they want to be, and that in finding our ways of rewarding ourselves, we need to be mindful of the types of rewards. Make sure your rewards will invigorate rather than burn you out or be detrimental to your life.

M: Oh, I like that. We’re going to end there.

P: I got an agreement! Yes! I scored! One for Petey! Laugh!

M: On that note I’m going to wish you a happy week ahead and we’ll see you then.

P: Laugh, bye.

M: Bye.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

How to Make Your Happiness a Habit (E74)

by

Happiness for Cynics Podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about neuroplasticity, how to make your happiness a habit and the importance of repetition and practice.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

P: And we’re back.

M: We’re back.

P: Where do we go from here?

M: [Singing] Where do we go from here?

P: Laugh, how was your week Muz? How are you?

M: Well, we’re back in lock down, yay Sydney.

P: Oh. Yeah, I kind of like the fact that this is our time in our week where we devote an hour too investing in happiness, investing in all those things that we talk about, which is mindfulness, gratitude and purpose and all that sort of stuff. So, for us, this is a really valuable investment.

M: Absolutely and we talk about happiness habits, and I count this as one of my happiness habits.

P: Mmm.

M: So, during the research, we talk about these habits, and we talk about doing things like practising kindness and volunteering and gratitude and mindfulness and meditation and exercise and sleep and all of those wonderful things. And it just sounds like an exhausting laundry list of things that you have to do to stay happy.

P: Absolutely, laugh.

M: And what we don’t talk about-

P: It’s a big list.

M: Yeah.

M: – and what we don’t talk about is how to actually turn those activities or positive psychology interventions (PPIs) into habits or routine.

P: Is it an abbreviation?

M: PPIs, yes.

P: Oh, PPIs. I love it.

M: You see it in a lot in a lot of positive psychology stuff, it’s the activity that comes off the back of the research, Laugh.

P: Laugh.

M: But, how do you make it real?

P: Laugh.

M: And we’ve spoken about a lot of those things, but really, what most people, when it boils down to its struggle with is just doing it, making it a habit.

P: It’s a task, it’s a task. Yes, so habit, we know habit needs repetition.

M: Routine.

P: Routine.

M: Yep.

P: Ok.

M: And if you want to, I think we spoke last week or the week before, about if you want to be a good volleyballer, then you go practise. If you want to be a good piano player, you’ve gotta practise.

P: Yep.

M: You want to be happy.

P & M: You gotta practice.

M: Yep.

P: Absolutely, it’s a skill that you need to develop.

M: Yep, and a lot of us have never, never, ever develop those skills. How many of you out there and I will count myself in this group have set 10 New Year’s resolutions, and feeling all proud of yourself.

P & M: Laughter!

M: And three weeks later, you’re not doing any of them!

P: I never set New Year’s resolutions, I never thought they were a thing. I always thought they were just pathetic excuses of goals that you never wanted to achieve really.

M: Have you not set goals though?

P: I’ve set lots of goals. Yes, that’s a difference, though.

M: Ok.

P: I liken the New Year’s resolution to the people that go to the gym on the first day of the year. It’s like, ‘Hi, how are you? Haven’t seen you in 12 months. I’ll see you next year.’ Laugh. Because it doesn’t have enough leverage and when you set goals outside of specific huge events or massive celebrations. Goals need to have those, those parameters behind them. Those smart goals.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Where they’re sensible, they’re measurable, they’re actionable. They need to be thought through, and you need to commit to them, and that needs to be more than just a momentary inspiration.

M: So, a lot of people do put a lot of thought into their news resolutions.

P: Well, I’m sure they do.

M: And they do make smart goals, and they are things they want.

P: Mmm, But! Laugh.

M: But, there’s also a lot of research…

P: Laugh.

M: So, it doesn’t matter what time of year I would say.

P: Hmm. No, I agree.

M: So, if you’re out there listening to us and you would like to be happier, then the first step is to turn some of these ideas that we’ve been talking about these activities, or PPIs into habits. And in order to do that, the first thing that everyone needs to know is that you can change, and you can change your brain.

P: Mmm. I like it.

M: And today, we’re going to talk about neuroplasticity. In the last couple of decades, neuroplasticity has become a big thing, and it’s really informed what Carol Dweck has been a lot of time teaching -she’s a researcher- and studying, which is all about growth mindset and one of the coolest things about her research is that simply knowing that you can change is enough to help kick start you on your journey. So, a lot of people for a long time believed that you born the way you are, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

P: Mmm, mmm.

M: Or perhaps you are born the way you are, you learn your behaviours and you are really set by your parents and your environment as you grow up. But once you hit maybe your late teens or early twenties, that’s it. That’s your personality, and that’s your behaviours and nothing can change.

P: Mmm.

M: And the research shows that that’s so not true. We can keep changing right up until the day we die if we put the right type of effort in.

P: I agree.

M: And just knowing that, just knowing that one thing that you can change is a huge mental shift for a lot of people and helps kick start them on their road to change.

P: There is a certain amount of truth in the fact that our brains are a lot more, inverted commas, “plastic” when we are younger. We do have the ability to take on new ideas and we’re much more open to it when we are younger. But there’s nothing to say that we can’t be more neuroplastic into our senior years.

In terms of long term health benefits, doing actions that challenge our brain coordination and interpretation is actually really healthy for us into senior years because it helps offset a lot of those dementia symptoms that come forward and the research that they’re doing in the health field is that doing things, particularly with multiple tasks. So, one of the best things for dementia is dancing because you’re –

M: Interpreting.

P: Well, yeah. You are. You’re interpreting music, but you’re also reinforcing it with bodily movement and you’re processing new co-ordinations. There are three big areas there and in terms of creating habits, having that flexibility. It marries right in in terms of trying to cement your habits in and create that plastic brain. If you’re investing in those activities that really challenge you continuously and not going ‘oh, I’m too old for this’, then you’re already setting yourself up for a change and for achievement.

M: Mmm hmm. And that’s the mindset that we were talking about there, that ‘I’m too old for this’ or ‘I can’t teach an old dog new tricks’.

P: Mmm. Don’t believe it.

M: Or ‘I’ve always been this way.’

P: Nah.

M: None of that is true. All of it goes out the window, and if that’s your internal monologue, you need to kick it to the curb now.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And we’re gonna talk neuroplasticity.

P: Oh, let’s go.

M: So, we’re going to help you understand how you can take control of your brain. Don’t think about that too hard.

P: Laugh, I’m thinking of saddle riding and reigns around a mouth.

M: Is it your brain that’s riding the saddle?

P: No, no, the brain’s in front.

M: On your brain, or under your brain?

P: So, I’m sitting on my brain.

M: Are you taking control of your brain?

P: Laugh.

M: This is what I’m saying, don’t think about it too hard.

P: Laugh.

M: Neuroplasticity refers to the ability of your brain to reorganise itself both physically and functionally throughout your life due to your environment, behaviour, thinking and emotions.

P: Mmm.

M: And I love the emotions bit there because a lot of people, myself included, have really turned their nose up at positive affirmations.

P: [Guilty giggle]

M: But what the research is showing and what this definition of neuroplasticity is really saying is you can reinforce a negative behaviour or emotion or way of thinking just as easily as you can reinforce a positive emotion, behaviour or way of thinking.

P: Yep.

M: So, if you have a preclusion to look for the negative or if you’re wired to look for the negative.

P: Well, we’re all hard wired to look for the negative, that’s a scientific fact.

M: Yep, yep. So, what are you doing to combat that?

P: Mmm.

M: And two people can look at the same situation and respond very differently.

P: Mmm.

M: So, you’re not hard wired to respond negatively.

P: No, exactly. It’s your interpretation, which is the same for stresses we mentioned before. It’s how you interpret stress.

M: So, in his book Soft-Wired: How the New Science of Brain Plasticity Can Change Your Life, Dr Michael Merzenich, who is a leading pioneer in Brain Plasticity research, has 10 core principles which are necessary for creating change. And when we say creating change, its rewiring your brain. And so, we’re going to talk through a few of them now.

P: Hmm.

M: The ones that actually speak to us and weren’t too techy, because neither of us are scientists.

P: Laugh.

M: So, there’s a fine line here between saying, here’s what I read and getting science wrong.

P: Yep.

M: Which we don’t like to do.

P: Change is mostly limited to situations in which the brain is in the mood for it.

M: Yes.

P: Mmm, if you’re alert, on the ball, engaged, motivated, ready for action, the brain releases neurochemicals so neurotransmitters, which are necessary for changing pathways. If we’re not engaging –

M: This is so true.

P: Yeah, if you’re not motivated to do something, you’re not going to keep doing it.

M: And that is point number one about news resolutions. Many of us pick perhaps smart goals or other resolutions or goals that they believe others think they should be doing.

P: Mmm, yes.

M: Or society says you should do like going to the gym.

P: Yep.

M: Going to the gym is just not my cup of tea, right? And it means that, if that’s one of my goals, I’m never going to be motivated.

P: Absolutely.

M: And I’m already putting a roadblock in my path.

P: And that block will be strong.

M: And really my goal is to get fit or to be healthy, not to go to the gym.

P: Yes.

M: So it’s worth remembering. You know, if you’re looking at exercise, for instance, if you are not in the mood for that exercise –

P: [Failure noise]

M: It just won’t happen.

P: Change. Laugh.

M: You’ve got a right fit to change.

P: Yes, definitely.

M: Though with a lot of the other things we talk about generosity and volunteering or gratitude, journaling, you know that can look like a lot of different things; Some of it’s just vocal around the dinner table, some of its writing pages and pages in a notebook, meditation has many, many different forms.

P: Definitely.

M: Mindfulness can look very different to different people. It’s really about finding the right fit. This first step here.

P: Mmm.

M: So, you’ve got to find something that inspires our energises you or at least interests you.

P: Definitely.

M: You need to want to make change.

P: If it’s a task you won’t commit, and that flows nicely into the second point that you’re going to make Pete.

P: Laugh.

The harder you try, the more motivated the more alert you are and the better or worse the potential outcome, the bigger the brain change.

P: So, if you’re really engaged with something and it’s a focus goal, then your brain will actually make that change for you much more readily. If there’s an important reason that drives a change or the will to engage, then the brain will actually support all that and try and actually recruit more neurons or synapses or connections to actually bring that about.

M: Yeah, and look, I think you can really supercharge a change you’re trying to make by making it social that can make the activity enjoyable. And it’s one of the reasons why I fell in love with volleyball, not because it was better than netball, basketball or any other sport that I was playing that year, but because my best friend’s made the team.

P: Mmm.

M: And so, the four of us all got to go together and have a laugh and a hit and a giggle and got to socialise. And so, volleyball has become a huge part of my life, probably mostly because my friends were doing it to start with.

P: Laugh.

M: And because I was motivated to make the team, I think I picked it up quickly and it became probably like a Nile sized river down the middle of my brain, –

P: Laugh!

M: – with volleyball skills in it – 20 years later, laugh.

P: Volleyballers Collosum, there we go.

M: Laugh. Because I was motivated.

P: Mmm.

M: All right. Shall we move on to number three?

P: Sure.

The more something is practised, the more connections are changed.

M: Yes. So, again, this is that big Nile river running down the middle of my brain. It started off as a trickle of water and slowly over time that, that pipe has expanded and grown as I’ve reinforced the same skills but also added new skills into that, that same stream.

P: Mmm, yep. The repetition factor.

M: I’ve exhausted that metaphor, haven’t I?

P & M: Laughter!

P: I’m liking it. I’m getting a vision of it, I’ve got brain things going through my head already. But volleyballers collosum is now a thing.

M & P: Laugh!

M: All right, so the next one is:

The brain also strengthens its connections between teams of neurons.

P: I like this one. This is an interesting one.

M: So, this is about bringing separate moments of successive things together.

P: Mmm.

M: And putting everything in context, really.

P: Mmm.

M: Your brain is putting things together so that if I say the Pete one times one equals two… oh sorry.

P: Laugh.

M: One times one equals one, one times two equals two. You know that the next thing in that sequence is one times three equals three.

P: Yes, exactly.

M: Right. So, your brain through repetition in primary school whenever it was that we learned our times tables has put those sequences together.

P: Yes, and it strengthens, and it reinforces them so that you automatically go down the list and do the same actions. And to use your volleyball metaphor. When you serve the ball, you run into a certain position on the court because that’s where you stand for defence.

M: When you get into a car, for anyone who drives a manual, you put your foot on the clutch.

P: Yeah, there you go.

M: Like when you first got into a car is a learner that wasn’t just what you did.

P: Yes.

M: But you know that that will be the next step in a series of things, and then you put it into neutral or potentially you put it into first gear or reverse, and you’ve got your foot on the clutch and you turn the key.

P: Yep.

M: That series of things go together in your brain and the more you strengthen all those individual things, and the more you do those in a series, the more your brain puts them all together in context around each other.

P: And creates a little team of events and team of sequences.

M: And flow, so it’s a continuous flow from one to the next.

P: Ahh.

M: So, you don’t actually have to think about putting your series of activities together, they just flow on into the next.

P: Yes.

M: All right, moving on. Oh, this is the sad one.

P: Laugh.

M: So, we’ve been talking about how if you want to start a habit, you need to do something that has a good fit for you and your personality and what you like. You also need to repeat it over time, and the science behind this is, it varies, some people say 21 days for a habit to sink in. Probably 30 days is a good starting point, I would say just to make it really stick.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And you want to make a small change that is really easy. You’d almost have to trip over yourself not to do it. So, you know, we talked about people who put their running shoes next to their bed in the morning, so they just put their feet in and off they go for their run.

P: Yeah.

M: Or, you know, eating healthy, putting all the junk food at the back of the cupboard and bringing all the healthy food forward. So, it’s easier to eat healthfully.

P: Laugh, sure.

M: So, you want to remove those barriers. You want to do something over and over and keep growing and building those connections that river. More water flowing through that channel so that you’re building that habit, because the next one that we have here is:

Initial changes are temporary.

P: This goes back to the New Year’s Resolution thing.

M & P: Laugh.

M: If you don’t create that habit and put in the time and effort to do it for at least you know, 30 days –

P: Yeah.

M: – Your brain will forget.

P: I always like the comparison of rolling a stone up a hill or down a hill. It’s really difficult to get the stone to move, especially if it’s a big stone, so it’s this big goal that you want. It’s really hard to generate that first effort, to get it moving, but then it gets moving and you can follow on, and then it takes on its own kinetic energy, and it’s like, ‘Yeah, I’m riding the wave.’

M: Down the hill. Not up, laugh.

P: Yeah. Oh, it could be up, laugh.

M: Ohh! No, that just get’s harder doesn’t it.

P: Yeah, laugh.

M: Also, what’s going on in your brain is that initial changes, small changes, if you don’t repeat them, they get put into your short-term memory. You don’t start to build those stronger neural pathways. So, if you do something once it’s forgotten, you do something two days in a row. You might have a little tiny bit of that kinetic energy you’re talking about Peter.

P: Yep.

M: Little neural pathway starting to build, but it’s still in your short-term memory. You do it a third day and a fourth day and a fifth day. Now you starting to build enough of a neural pathway, and you need to keep going for up to 30 days for it to slip into your long-term memory and to really strengthen that neural pathway.

P: Yep.

M: If you don’t make it that far, you’re not going to make it.

P: Very true.

M: 30 days. If you’re going to do it, just commit for those 30 days to start with. But again, find the right fit first and then get your 30 days in. Now this also goes for breaking the bad habit. So, if you want to go for a run every morning, but you like to snooze –

P: Laugh.

M: – and you’ve been snoozing for 10 years.

P: Yep.

M: You’ve got to do 10 years of not snoozing to break that habit. Well, probably not. But you need to do at least 30 days to start to rewire your brain away from that other habit.

P: Yep.

M: The bad habit that you have been reinforcing and that neural pathway that is huge and start building the other one for the good habit.

P: Mmm, definitely.

M: And a lot of us are fighting the bad habit as well as trying to build the new habit.

P: Well, I guess you don’t even have to qualify it as bad or good habits they’re just habits. So, if you want to break a habit, you have to interrupt it for with a different habit. So again, that 30 day window is what you need to reinforce.

M: All right, next one:

Memory guides and controls most learning.

P: Mmm.

M: So again, as we’re talking about short term and long term memory, you want to be building those neural pathways and trying to get your skills and that habit or that routine into your long term memory. And that’s where it becomes really a lot easier and almost uncomfortable not to do it. So, if you always go to the gym on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and one Friday, you get stuck at work. It’s almost going to feel uncomfortable not to have made it to the gym that day. If that is your habit and your routine.

P: It’s an interesting one, isn’t it? Because it is that whole thing of ‘dammit, I’ve created this habit and now I’ve got to stick to it because now it feels weird when I don’t do it.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: As a recovering smoker Marie, was that something that you found when you first gave up smoking the action of actually reaching for a cigarette? Or when you were involved in certain…

M: Oh, the amount of lolly pops I went through the first time I tried to smoke and the pen lids that I chewed.

P: Laugh.

M: And yeah, to be honest, a lot of it was the environment. So, if I had a cup of tea or coffee I was screwed.

P: Laugh.

M: I was craving for it, you would not believe. There were certain times of the day or situations. An alcoholic drink –

P: Mmm.

M: – used to be a trigger as well, a lot of them were environmental triggers and that habit that physical habit rather than the nicotine craving that kicked it off.

P: Mmm.

M: Obviously the nicotine craving follows.

P: Yeah.

M: Got my wine, laugh.

P & M: Laughter.

M: Just don’t have my ciggy.

P: But it flows nicely into the next point, which is about:

Movement of learning, providing moments of opportunity for the brain to stabilise.

P: So, what this is talking about is cutting out the noise and paring back those things that trigger us to create an action or create a habit. So, if you’re trying to create a new habit or new action that you do and you keep getting distracted by the alcoholic beverage or the cigarettes –

M: The phone.

P: The phone. Yeah, yeah there we go.

M: The phone! Let’s turn our phones off so we can actually focus. Sorry, side bar – keep going Pete.

P: Laugh.

Each time your brain strengthens a connection to advance your mastery of a skill, it weakens other connections of neurons [that weren’t used at that moment].

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So, not only are you reinforcing a good habit or the new habit? You’re actually taking that bad habit and going ‘no, sit back in the corner, sit back in the corner.’

M: It’s a two-way street –

P: There we go.

M: – Neuroplasticity.

P: Ah ha, nice Segway. Laugh!

M: All right, there’s ten [nine] things there, again, the book is called Soft-Wired: How the New Science of Brain Plasticity Can Change Your Life. We’ve only gone through a few of the different things there. But really, this was our attempt to start to take our conversation from ‘we all know the things we should do’ to actually, ‘what are you doing?’

P: Yep.

M: So, this is my challenge. What can you put into your diary as a habit? A happiness habit that you want to prioritise in your life.

P: Mmm.

M: And again. Laughter Yoga, 60 seconds. Gratitude at the dinner table, a really good way to just bond with your family and friends. There are so many things that you can fit in really easily that don’t have to be going to the gym for an hour three times a week.

P: Yes, definitely.

M: Which is also good for you.

P: Laugh.

M: But, you know, choosing healthier meals more regularly. Things like that that you can schedule in, and one of the easiest ways to do it is to actually put it in your diary as time set aside for being kind to your team at work.

P: Mmm.

M: Or things like that, or as a regular reminder. And on that note, we might wrap up. We’re well over time.

P: Laugh. Enjoy your new habits people.

M: Have a happy week.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

How to Start Your Day in a Happier Mood (E73)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about how to start your day in a happier, healthier and more energetic mood with these five helpful tips.

Show notes

The Southern Lights – These lights also known as the Aurora Australis and are caused when plasma particles carried by the solar wind strike the Earth’s atmosphere. This causes an excitation of the particles which emits the multi-coloured light. During the podcast Marie asks when the lights can be seen and was correct in assuming that the lights are most visible during the south’s winter (June – August), However they can be seen all year round and peak during the Spring’s equinox in September when the state of the Earth’s magnetic field facilitates more solar particles to create more auroras. The best places to view the lights are in the southern most areas of our world, including Antarctica, Tasmania, Southern Victoria, New Zealand, Chile, Argentina and the Falkland Islands.

During the podcast Pete refers to a talk given be a General about starting your day with one success. It was in fact given by U.S. Navy Adm. William H. McCraven, and the exact quote is, “If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed.” We apologise for any incorrect referencing during the podcast. To view the full speech go to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sK3wJAxGfs

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

P: How you doing Muz?

M: Good.

P: That’s good. Happy festival of light.

M: Oh, what is that?

P: It’s the winter solstice.

M: Today?

P: Not today, but this week.

M: Okay.

P: I’m pre-empting, laugh.

M: Alright, well happy that, laugh.

P: Happy winter solstice, everyone. It’s the time for celebrating the longest night of the year.

M: Oh, and practising some hygge?

P: Hygge!

M & P: Laugh!

P: Cosy socks, it’s basically Christmas.

M: Mmm, for the southern hemisphere.

P: Well yes. It’s our, it would be like our Christmas. So, Christmas was actually over-taken by cultures to coincide with the pagan festival of light, which is the winter solstice, which is the longest night of the year.

M: Oh, does mean that you’d see the southern lights at this time of year? Do you see the northern lights in the coldest months?

P: I don’t know that answer at all.

M: Is that a dumb question? Have I just asked something really dumb?

P: No, no. Let’s, let’s research that and come back to that.

M: We’ll come back to it.

P: Yeah.

M: Alright, producer Lea, please remind us –

P: Laugh! As you always do, my darling.

M: – to come back to that.

P & M: Laughter!

P: And put it in the notes.

M: Laugh, nothing would ever happen without our fabulous producer Lea.

P: Oh, Leandra is fabulous. She reminds us when we say we’re going to do that. And then two weeks later she says I can’t find anything –

M: “Guys, you didn’t do it”, laugh.

P: No, she doesn’t even say that she’s very respectful. “Can’t find anything in the show notes. And I had a look online.” But yeah, that just means we didn’t do it.

M: Sorry.

P & M: Laugh.

M: We said we’d do something, and we don’t.

P & M: Laugh.

P: Anyway, we’re not talking about the winter solstice this evening, although we could, because it’s fabulous and it’s a time for hunger and imbibing in all those lovely inside indoors-y things like –

M: [Whispers to Pete.]

P: Laugh, we’re not going sexual, we’re going fires and –

M: G rated show, G rated show.

P: – and red wine.

M: Oh.

P: My coffee person told me today, I said, “Today’s a great day for coffee because it’s cold and you just want to hold on to it.” And she said “Yeah, that and red wine.” And I’m like thanks, that’s all I’m going to think of now all day long.

M: Laugh!

P: And that was at eight o’clock this morning!

M: Oh, dear.

P: Laugh, I’m not a morning person, people.

M: Speaking of –

P: Oh! Speaking of not being a morning person! Oh, what a segway! I’m going to take that one!

M: So, today we are going to talk about how to wake up happy.

P: [Singing] ‘Because I’m happy, clap along if you feel’ –

M: Ok, stop there or we’ll have to pay royalties.

P: Laugh!

M: We are talking about how to wake up happy.

P: Giggling.

M: Not that I think we need help Pete, laugh.

P: Oh, are you kidding? You’ve seen me thing in the morning, I’m a miserable bitch, laugh!

M: We’re not great morning people, are we? There is actually research into whether morning people are happier and it does tend to point to morning people being happier people in general.

P: Damn it!

M: Same with another recent study, which I will mention which I’ve popped up on my website, which talks about vegans versus meat eaters.

P: Oh yeah, I’m going to question this one. They’re only happy because they think they’re better, Boom!  

M: There’s also a lot more acceptance of vegans –

P: Laugh! They think they’re better than everybody else and that’s why they’re happier.

M: Oh, you stop Pete. We’ve talking about this.

P: I like my pig! Laugh.

M: So, there was a study I think over a decade ago that said that vegans were only more respected than lawyers and politicians.

P: Oh, laugh.

M: Or something along those lines, but lately our vegan brothers and sisters are coming more into mainstream. People are doing, you know we used to do tight-ass Tuesdays now we do meatless Mondays.

P: Oh, really? We do?

M: Yeah.

P: Oh, whoops. I missed that one.

M: Or just having less meat in our diet in general. Having vegetable lunches.

P: I will fully support that one. I’ve actually played with this myself and in the last 12 months I have cut down my red meat intake, and I’ve got to say it works.

M: Yep.

P: It’s good for you. All the science says that it’s good for your internal organs, it’s good for your digestion it reduces the inflammation markers in your body.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: It is actually a good thing.

M: And don’t we know that Physical Health is tied to Mental Health and happiness Pete, laugh.

P: I’m not saying anything! Laugh! Stay tuned…

M: Alright, we should get to today’s topic.

P: Yeah, sorry. So, how to wake up happy.

M: How to wake up happy.

P: What do you have to do to wake up happy Muz?

M: Look, we’ve got five things we want to talk about today that are scientifically proven –

P: Of course.

M: – to help you have a better day. And really, this is about setting yourself up for a positive day and a positive life.

P: Oh, I’m intrigued please tell me more?

M: There are habits that you can build into your morning that will help you, you know love your life. Simple as that, love your life.

P: Yep, I’ll agree with this.

M: And it is the first one, the biggest one, sorry for all you new parents out there, –

P: Laugh!

M: is get enough sleep. Such a no brainer.

P: It seems basic, doesn’t it?

M: Really does.

P: Yeah, it’s a big indicator.

M: Yep, such a simple thing. It is a basic human need, like eating and drinking water.

P: Yep.

M: And there is a huge correlation between mental health and sleep.

P: And physical health.

M: Yep.

P: Our immune function goes down by 40% if we lose one hour of sleep in a night.

M: Not only that, but our ability to experience happy events is reduced. So, everyone knows that you get a bit grumpy if don’t get enough sleep.

P: Yep.

M: But not only that, if you get promoted or you get great news or you pass an exam or whatever it is that can happen that is good and could actually have a positive affect on your life.

P: Yep.

M: You will experience less positive emotions.

P: [Shocked gasp!]

M: If you didn’t get a good night’s sleep beforehand.

P: You mean I can be happier?

M: Yes.

P: Oh, I’m in!

M: Laugh. I just want to read a great quote by Sara Mednick, who’s a sleep researcher in the Department of Psychology at UC Riverside. I applied for U C Riverside.

P: Did you?

M: Yeah.

P: Is that in California?

M: Yeah, it is.

P: Right.

M: Everyone wants to go to California, and play volleyball, laugh.

P: Laugh.

M: [Sound of failure], did not get in. Anyway, so Sara Mednick says:

“Imagine a silent epidemic wreaking havoc on our health, endangering our safety and straining our relationships with family and loved ones. The body count rises dramatically, yet no presidential task forces are assembled, no big celebrity fund-raisers are held, and very little outcry is heard I the media. As a result, millions of afflicted people go on as if nothing is amiss and the spread of the disease continues unabated. This is not an imaginary scenario. The plague is upon us. It’s called fatigue.”

P: Oh, that’s so dramatic, I like it.

M: I could have been an actress.

P: Laugh.

M: I gave that, my all.

P: Yeah, it was good.

M: But you don’t expect it to be fatigue.

P: Hmm, no.

M: Yet, there are so many physical and mental health issues that come up if you have sustained lack of sleep.

P: Yep, there’s so much more awareness of this coming out and a lot more people are doing things to promote the value of the sleep. There are some brilliant Ted talks out there.

M: Mmm.

P: I’m going to bring up my good old mate, Professor Ian Hickie from Swinburne University in Melbourne [Professor of Psychiatry and Co-Director of the Mind and Brain Institute at Sydney University]. He is the sleep dude, he’s the sleep doctor, laugh. He’s very vocal on how sleep affects our health and what it does for our mental and physical health.

M: Yep.

M: So, the best thing you can do to wake up happy, ahead of your morning routine, is to get enough sleep.

P: Done! Number two, I like this.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Set your alarm to [singing] ‘happy music!’

M: Are you going to start singing again. [Singing] ‘Because I’m Happy.’

P: Laugh. For me it would be a Disney tune.

M: Laugh.

P: I actually tried this. I did actually set my alarm to ‘Hakuna Matata.’

M: Disney, yes!

P: From ‘The Lion King.’

M: Yes!

P: But, get this! It was too much!

M: Laugh!

P: I couldn’t, I couldn’t handle ‘Hakuna Matata’ when I was coming out of sleep.

M: No!

P: It was too, it was too happy!

M: Wow, laugh.

P: It was too bright.

M: Laugh.

P: I did this a few years ago, and I was like ‘I’m gonna do this and it’s gonna be fabulous. I like wake up and it’s like ‘What in the hell is going on! There’s a meerkat in my head and it won’t let me go.’

M: Laugh. That’s the way to hate Disney.

P: Laugh, well it doesn’t if you don’t go overboard. There’s this whole thing, I love this, sleep inertia.

M: Yes.

P: It’s a thing, it’s like forest bathing, it’s a thing. Sleep Inertia is experienced as a feeling of grogginess or a lack of alertness when you wake.

M: Oh, I hate that.

P: Yeah.

M: For me if the room’s too dark, I really struggle with waking up. I end up with sleep inertia.

P: Mmm.

M: If I can wake up gently and slowly on the weekends with light coming in my room.

P: Oh, yeah.

M: That is my ideal way of waking up.

P: And I agree. I think it’s a really nice way of waking. So I switched from ‘Hakuna Matata’ –

M: Mmm hmm.

P: – to ABC Classical FM.

M: Ah, yeah. That way you get a bit of variety. I’ve got this weird Celtic music with rainfall and birds chirping at the moment.

P: That works, yeah.

M: But I’m a bit over it.

P: Yeah, and you can. You can get over your alarm.

M: Yeah.

P: So I think changing your alarm is actually really important. But what they say is that soft melodic music, irrespective of the specific type or genre, leads to significantly reduced feelings of sleep inertia when compared with alternative music such as a melodic beeping alarms or high pitched.

M: Like: Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep…

P: Oh my god. Who wants to wake up to that! I’d slap someone if they did that to me.

M: Yep, yet so many of us don’t change our alarms.

P: Yeah, laugh. I remember volleyball mornings, having that alarm to make sure I woke up at some ungodly hour, so I get to the court on time because my coach said I had to be there 45 minutes before the game started.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Not looking at anyone, Marie Skelton…

Back to the point. Beeping noises don’t work.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Don’t do it. It’s not good. It’s not pleasant.

M: And you’ve got a story to tell about sleeping in, don’t you?

P: I do. This is quite cute. So, a NASA astronaut went to the International Space Station and he set some alarms for himself because, he said, “I had to wake up before the sunrise over the earth.” I mean, you’re on the international space station, it’s a big thing.

M: Which is something you train for your whole life to be an astronaut.

P: Yes.

M: And this is it!

P: It’s the moment! And you don’t want to sleep at all because you want to take the most out of this moment.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Someone slept through their alarm…

M: Twice, right?

P: Laugh!

M: Twice!

P: Laugh, [fail noise]. So, the quote is:

“The morning started disastrously. I slept through two alarms, one set for 0600 and another half an hour later to remind me to take some Crew Earth Observation (CEO) pictures. My body apparently went on strike for better working conditions.

M: And that’s what happens when you don’t get enough sleep.

P: Laugh.

M: Or maybe have a Beep, Beep, Beep alarm.

P: Yeah, and you don’t want to wake up.

M: And you get sleep inertia.

P: Yep. Find some nice music, some melodic raindrop music is good.

M: Or some happy music. Whatever makes you happy.

P: Yeah, but don’t go ‘Hakuna Matata’ cause it’s too much.

M: You know I really am actually going to go with ‘Hakuna Matata’ this week.

P: Laugh.

M: I want to see how it goes.

P: Laugh. I say ‘Snow White’ you know, [singing] ‘Someday my Prince will come…’

M: I think ‘Over the rainbow’.

P: Oooh.

M: My Grandma used to sing it to me. It has meaning.

P: Yes, yeah that works. Ok, number three.

M: Yeah. I’m going to start with ‘Hakuna Matata’ though.

P: Laugh.

M: So, this is what I’m really bad at, but all the science says to do it.

P: Laugh.

M: And again I’m going to say that, and I’m going to point to Sonja Lyubomirsky, who is the Queen of Gratitude research around the world.

P: I remember going through her name and trying to figure out how to say it.

M: I think we’ve listened to it on Ted talks. So, I’m pretty confident about this one.

P: Laugh.

M: And Chic-sent-me-hail [Csikszentmihalyi]

P: Laugh!

M: Everyone else I apologise for ruining your name.

P: Laugh, amygdala…

M: But Sonja Lyubomirsky has written books and has published so much research about the benefits of gratitude. And she herself says, she doesn’t Gratitude Journal. She doesn’t, because it’s not her thing. It’s not for her. It doesn’t speak to her.

P: Right.

M: So, I’m going to talk about something that just doesn’t speak to me, and it is doing light exercise or stretching in the morning.

P: Yeah. Yep, yep, yep.

M: So, if you can fit 15 minutes, just 15 minutes and make this a happiness habit during your morning routine, it can set you up for a great, great day.

P: It so works.

M: Light exercise can be just walk around the block or having a good stretch in the sun.

P: Mmm, yep.

M: Something to get your blood pumping and your body moving.

P: Mmm hmm, mmm hmm.

M: There are so many studies and so much research.

P: It just so works. I found this when I was dancing, and I joined a company in Brisbane. And I had this beautiful apartment that had a 180-degree view over the Brisbane skyline and I would wake up and I’d spend 45… I started with 20 minutes, it ended up being 60 minutes because I had this beautiful view and I’d do 60 minutes of yoga. And then walk down to Brumbies and get a loaf of bread and comeback.

M: So last week I was like, Okay, I’m sick of bailing on the gym. I really need to do better.

P: Laugh.

M: I’m going to wake up an hour earlier and go the gym. Which is in my building complex, it is that easy to go to, laugh.

P: You have two…

M: I have no excuses at all!

P: Laugh!

M: For not going to the gym.

P: Laugh.

M: And I set my alarm an hour earlier… And then snoozed.

P: Laugh.

M: Not only did I set my alarm –

P: Oh, hang on. What was your alarm sound?

M: It told me what the weather was going to be today. It then told me what I had in my calendar for the day.

P: Yeah, I’d be asleep already. No, I’d be asleep already.

M: But it was a good 10 minutes babbling away at me.

P: Laugh, and you just laid there.

M: And I was like ‘Ahh, I can’t do this!’

P: Laughter!

M: It was still dark, it’s the middle of winter, it just didn’t happen.

P: Oh, laugh. See, I’m weird because middle of winter is when I do get up.

M: Ah, no.

P: I remember being in London and I would get up at five AM, walk to the gym and I would go running for 20 minutes and then do an hour of yoga.

M: Remember, I said, if it’s dark, my body, just my body clock doesn’t handle that. My body is in its ideal state when it wakes up to light.

P: Mmm.

M: And I wake up at 6 AM in the summer, but 7:30 in the winter –

P: Yeah.

M: – really happily and gladly. So, 6 AM is not the problem, it’s the light for me.

P: And I’m not a morning person, but I was five AM. It was pitch black, I’d walk to the gym in pitch black London winter, and I did that more consistently through winter than I did through summer.

M: Ok. You’re better than me, I get it.

P: Oh! It is not a judgement call. Harsh!

M & P: Laugh!

M: Well, for all of you other people are there who are better than me.

P: Laugh.

M: If you can fit 15 or 20 minutes of exercises or stretching into your morning again it’ll just set your body up physically for a good day.

P: Yeah, it does. Play with the dog. That’s where dogs come in great.

M: Kids!

P: Kids get you out of bed.

M: Yeah.

P: I tell my clients my clients this, get on the floor and play with your Children. It is so healthy for you and so good for you. And if they’re up at 5.30 AM going Mum, mum, mum!

M: Then don’t yourself. You can’t actually hit snooze on your kids.

P: No, you can try?

M: Laugh.

P: They might slap you back one day.

M: We are not advocating for violence.

P: Laugh. Right. Moving on, number 4. I like this one.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Put away your smartphone. Put away your device. Do not reach for your phone first thing in the morning.

Now, I will quote a very known talk by a… I have to get this right*. He is an army General, and he was giving a valedictorian speech at his university and he talked about the importance of making your bed, first thing in the morning.

*See Show notes above

M: Of course an army General would say that!

P: But, no. He was really good.

M: Complete with the… what do they call the corners? hospital corners?

P: Yep. So, he talked about the fact that making your bed first thing in the morning is more than just doing what you’re told to do. It sets you up for achieving the first task of the day. Now, what I like about this is that you’re waking up and your first thought doesn’t go to, ‘I need to grab my phone, I need to check my emails’ because your phone goes off during the night and people, especially if you’ve got overseas friends, they’re posting to you.

M: Yeah.

P: So, if you reach for your phone first thing in the morning, you could spend 5 to 10 minutes scrolling because –

M: You could spend 30 minutes to an hour scrolling.

P: Okay, all right, some people do it more than me, laugh.

M: A lot of people are.

P: All right, Ok. So, this is a normal thing. Most people go through their phone first thing in the morning, have a lie in bed scrolling.

M: A lot of people reach for their phone to turn off their alarm and get suckered by what’s on the screen there.

P: Yep, yep.

M: And if you’ve ever seen there’s a great Netflix documentary called ‘The Social Dilemma.’

P: Oh yes, yes.

M: Which talks about how phones are there to give you dopamine hits, they’re there to suck you in. It’s like gambling or drinking first thing in the morning for an addict.

P: Yep. Imagine that. Imagine waking up and having a poker machine next to your bed and going straight to it.

M: Yep.

P: That is what you are doing with your smartphone.

M: And that is what so many people around the world are doing. And not only that you are handing away your control of how you start your day.

P: Yeah.

M: You’re allowing your phone to dictate whether you’re seeing your ex’s photos of their wedding.

P: Yes.

M: Or…

P: That is not a happy morning.

M: No, it’s not.

P & M: Laugh.

M: Save that for lunchtime when you’ve already had a coffee or something, like Jeez.

P: When you could throw something at some one.

M & P: Laugh.

M: Yep.

P: Again, we are not advocating violence.

M: So, again a lot of these activities… So, we have said:

  • Get eight hours of sleep.
  • Start with a happy alarm music.
  • Do some light exercise or stretching; and definitely
  • Put away your smartphone.

M: A lot of the most successful people in the world time and time again have a morning routine, and it does not include scrolling aimlessly on social media. Now there’s a time and place for that.

P: Definitely, sure.

M: But first thing in the morning just sets you down the wrong path, and it gives control of your a day and your thoughts over to someone else already takes it out of your control.

P: Yes, absolutely. It’s already imprinting on your subconscious of things that you should be doing or that you don’t have.

M: Yep. And like you were saying with the army General [navy Admiral], this about taking control of the start of your day.

P: Make your bed!

M: Make your bed, do some stretching, whatever works for you.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: Again, back to Sonja Lyubomirsky who doesn’t gratitude journaling herself, even though she knows how beneficial it is.

P: Laugh.

M: Take control of your day. For me, what I find passion in is writing. And so, I always spend time every morning writing.

P: Mmm, nice. So, I used to be an exercise person first thing in the morning. But since studying, I’ve actually found that I’m really good at sitting down at a desk and doing a bit of reading first thing in the morning. I’m sharp.

M: Focus work.

P: I’m on. Yeah, yeah, it’s really good and the other thing that I’ve noticed as well, and this is backed up by some nutritional advice, a segway here, don’t have a coffee first thing. Have something else before you have your first coffee, because your cortisol levels are hugely high when you first wake up. Your body starts producing cortisol 60 minutes to 30 months before you wake up, so there’s a big spike in your cortisol levels to get everything going. To, get your systems ready for what’s about to come.

If you throw caffeine in the mix with that, apparently it’s a really bad combination. So, something like lemon water, hot lemon water is a really good thing to have before you have anything, even food, even glucose can be something that’s too much first thing.

M: And I’ll add in, if you’re trying to lose weight, that’s an even better way. It’s a win-win.

P: Oh, yeah.

M: Putting a big cup of water into your belly.

P: Yep.

M: Helps you not over-eat.

P: Yeah, exactly.

M: All right, we’re going to move and quickly talk about our last one, which is expressing gratitude.

P: Oh, we talk about this all the time.

M: The final thing to start your day in a happy mood. Again, we’ve talked about positive affirmations. We’ve talked about gratitude. Both of them are training your brain to create those positive associations and also, you know, if you’re particularly focused on the negative, you’re training your brain, you’re creating those neurons, those highways where negative thought is repeated. This is about creating the positive thought highways in your brain.

P: Yep, train your brain to see the positive. We are negatively geared. We look for the negative because that’s our evolutionary mind map. But if you can train that positive ‘Oh my God, it’s so works!’

M: Absolutely.

P: It’s so good for you.

M: Wake up in the morning and do your light exercise and stretching while thinking of things that you’re grateful for, or that you appreciated, that were good with your day the day before, or even looking forward. Three things you’re looking forward to in the next week.

P: Yes.

M: Really easy.

P: You can set that up in the night before. You could put a post it note on your mirror in your bathroom of the positive thing. And so that’s the first thing you see in the morning.

M: Yep. The other thing here, if we’re you know being science led.

P: Ooh!

M: A study by Emmons and McCullough, who are big in this space, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, showed that participants who kept a Gratitude Journal, weekly for 10 weeks or daily for two weeks, experienced more positive moods, optimism about the future and better sleep.

P: Oh.

M: So, it’s all circular. So not only are you going to wake up more rested, you’ll start your day better as well.

P: What a lovely thought.

M: Yes, great way to end. But I do have one more thing to throw in here because it is something that I have started adding to my mornings. I do 60 seconds of laughter yoga in front of the mirror in the morning.

P: Laugh.

M: And for me this is like the sky diving of happiness.

P: Laugh! Wheee!

M: This is me saying, I’m not just committing to a good day. I’m living my life!

P: Oh, yes!

M: And choosing, choosing to love my life every day and of course things go wrong. Don’t get me wrong.

P: Yep.

M: Doesn’t mean I finished the day with laughter, laughter yoga mindset.

P: Laugh.

M: But this is this is fully choosing and empowering myself to experience life. I hope you will have happy beginnings of your days for the next week.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

How Nature Affects Your Loneliness (E72)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk how nature affects your loneliness and why nature is so important for your mental health.

Show notes

During the podcast Pete references a study where findings indicated the need for both residential and non-residential areas in a city. It was incorrectly referenced to The Australian Institute of Health and Wellness and can be found in a University of NSW study through the following link.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: Hey, hey.

P: And we’re back.

M: We’re back.

P: Laugh, how’s your week been Marie?

M: Um… really, really good, but really exhausting.

P: Laugh.

M: You know, those days that you look back on and they’re so rewarding.

P: Ahh yeah. You can taste that pound of flesh.

M: Laugh.

P: Shakespeare had it right.

M: Absolutely, and this week I was organising a bunch of interviews with customers.

P: Mmm.

M: Tio hear their personal stories and we had some really vulnerable and authentic people come in and share their, their good and their bad.

P: Oh yeah.

M: And how large organisations have and haven’t supported them through those moments. And that’s things that all of this go through you know we’re all vulnerable at different times in our lives. And unfortunately, you can’t just read from a script when things are going on around you.

P: Nope, gotta relate.

M: So, I think a lot of this came out of the Royal Commission a few years ago in the banking and the insurance industries.

P: Ahh, interesting.

M: You know, despite companies in theory, trying to do the right thing and ensure a consistent level of service. You know, there are some things you just can’t script and we’re human, we’re messy.

P: Yep.

M: Life is messy.

P: Yeah, it is, very.

M: Yeah, but it was wonderful to just have those open and heart-warming and gut-wrenching discussions with people who were there to help us be better.

P: Yeah that’s doing the work, isn’t it?

M: Yeah. Yeah, kind of. Having a chat with people who are lovely, laugh.

P: It is but putting yourself in the vulnerable position and putting yourself in the receptive position as well.

M: Yeah.

P: Which relates directly to work that we do for our self-esteem and our well-being to create happiness and to ensure longevity and happiness.

M: Yep. Yes. Yeah, definitely. How about you? How was your week?

P: My week’s been lovely, laugh. The accelerator is off, sorry the pedal is off… the pedal? The foot! What am I going for here, Marie? Laugh!

M: You’re slowing things down.

P: See I’m trying to do a racing car reference and it’s just not working. I should just stick to fashion walking.

M & P: Laughter!

P: The foot is off the accelerator, shall we say, just slightly. So, I’ve had a very [good week] yeah. So, I said to a friend of mine who’s a professor of physiotherapy at Sydney University, ‘Should I be this relaxed?’ Laugh.

And he said, ‘Yeah if you’ve done the work, you should be Ok. I’m like ‘Ok, I’m good.’

M: Until the night before the exams.

P: Well, that’s what I said, ‘Call me next Tuesday.’

M & P: Laugh!

M: So, what are we talking about this week?

P: Ooh, we’re talking about green spaces! Laugh.

M: And loneliness.

P: And loneliness, yes. A new study out by a couple of Australians?

M: Yes. So, Thomas Astell-Burt from the University of Wollongong and Xiaoqi Feng from the University of New South Wales. I apologise if I have mispronounced your name… yet again.

P & M: Laugh!

M: And they’ve just recently released findings from a longitudinal study which was published in the International Journal of Epidemiology, which finds that adults in neighbourhoods were at least 30% of nearby land, was parks, reserves and woodlands had a 26%, so 1 in 4 percent lower odds of becoming lonely compared to their peers in areas of less than 10% green space.

P: This is very in vogue, this kind of investigation and this kind of study in terms of looking at how our liveable cities do better and how they have a social impact.

M: Absolutely, so there are so many different fields of study that are looking at green space. In one of our previous episodes on liveable cities, we looked at green space.

P: Mmm.

M: I think we talked about in Paris there is a big push to put green areas and walking areas along the Seine.

P: Yes.

M: Yes, a lot of big cities are doing it. London is greening a lot of their poorer neighbourhoods.

P: Yes.

M: So, they’re investing in poorer neighbourhoods and again this study was just saying 26% lower odds of becoming lonely compared to peers in areas of less than 10% green space and that 10% green space, that tends to be the slums and your low socio-economic areas of large cities.

P: Yeah, the poverty areas.

M: Yeah, yeah.

P: And we’ve talked about this before, but there was also a similar study done on the links between your health rate on your suburban location in Australia.

M: Yep.

P: And that was an ABC report that we’ve mentioned in a couple of episodes that it depends on which suburb you live in a city which actually comm predetermine your health outcomes and your literacy, your financial situation. Your access to the good things of life, really.

M: Yep, so this is one of those many things and you wouldn’t think just having parks.

P: Ahh, it’s so important.

M: Yep.

P: The built-in environment has actually a huge impact. We’ve actually studied in one of my subjects in this semester, The built-in environment and its impact on health. We don’t realise that the areas in which we live have a huge impact on how we interact, what we do, how were shuffled around in terms of pedestrianisation.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And what they… I think it was the Australian Institute of Health and Wellness [apologies it was UNSW]. In their study [they] published saying that cities need to be a mix of residential and non-residential, ideally because –

M: And not just residential and commercial and industrial, but residential and parkland.

P: Well, it also said there is a place for –

M: Socialising?

P: – commercial and industrial within the landscape, because if you have all residential, then you get too much density. So, the cross section of the area needs to include all elements that includes industrial.

M: Not necessarily industrial. So, I think there’s some really good work that was being done just outside of Washington D.C, where they were putting train stops and then building in your parking, first layer of commercial and then residential and building little zones where you don’t need a car for your area.

P: Mmm.

M: So, you can do everything you need to do day to day within walking distance. And if you have to go somewhere industrial, which in old times meant it would pollute your air, they put those as far away as possible.

P: Mmm.

M: So, they don’t put an airport right next to a residential area for instance. So, there is some industrial nowadays, but you don’t end up with a lot of higher chemicals and air pollution.

P: Yeah, white industrial vs. big plants and things like that.

M: Yes. So, anyway, this study is looking at the intersection of mental health and green spaces and loneliness in particular.

P: Why loneliness, Marie?

M: [dramatic pause] … Because you’ll die!

P & M: Laughter!

P: It’s a bit of a catchphrase now, isn’t it?

M: Laugh.

P: We talk about dying a lot here, laugh.

M: I know, everything makes you die these days.

P & M: Laugh!

M: So, in 2019 the World Economic Forum put out a lot of research and published a lot of research on loneliness. 2019 was loneliness, 2020 was burnout.

P: Mmm.

M: But these lifestyle and health, mental health and lifestyle conditions are becoming increasingly more common across all generations and around the world and across all cultures.

P: I think we’re becoming a little bit more aware of them as well. I think people are, I think people are more inclined to admit that they might feel lonely a little bit more. And we’re more aware that our mental health impacts our physical health. And so, our understanding of the impacts of psychological stress of psychological disorders we understand they’re things to be discussed. Whereas 50 years ago you didn’t discuss them, it was like you have a cup of tea, you get on with life.

M: I think loneliness is one of the last ones that still has such a stigma around it.

P: Mmm.

M: It’s not easy to say I have no friends.

P: Yeah true.

M: Or I want someone to love.

P: Mmm.

M: You know, and to admit that to yourself, let alone other people. And to be quite fair, admitting it to other people can backfire.

P: That’s true.

M: And even worse spiral.

P: Mmm.

M: So, the world economic forum said that 40% – and this, this really got me because whenever I think loneliness, I think of elderly people with mobility issues who live alone.

P: Yep, and you’d be right because that’s a –

M: Big, big, group that are lonely in general, but The World Economic Forum said that 40% of under 25 year-olds report feeling lonely.

P: That’s scary.

M: And to me, that is a sign of our times, because you could be standing in a room full of people, a crowded room and still feel lonely even though you’re not alone.

P: Yes.

M: And a lot of our youth have grown up using phones.

P: Mmm hmm, and they don’t have the social skills.

M: Exactly, yeah. So, there’s a lot of people who aren’t truly connecting, even though they’re standing in that crowded room or crowded Facebook or Instagram, laugh.

P: Yeah, but that’s the thing is that they don’t have the understanding or the know how to strike up a conversation. I remember feeling a little bit like that when I moved to Melbourne from being in the country, the first time I’d really lived in a big city. And I remember talking to some of my friends who were going to university at that time and I was always amazed at how this one guy Robbie, he could talk to anybody. He could just walk into a room and strike up a conversation. I’m like ‘How do you do it?!’

M & P: Laughter.

P: [How do] you have that confidence?

M: So, you went to… You grew up in a small town, didn’t you?

P: Mmm hmm, yeah.

M: I think that is really harmful to kids.

P: Laugh.

M: So, I went to a preschool that fed into a primary school that fed into high school that fed into college.

P: Yep.

M: And then we went to one of two universities in our city, laugh!

P: Yeah. So, you know everyone.

M: Yeah, and the class split [at university]. Whereas when I went overseas, that was the first time I actually had to make friends.

P: Mmm.

M: The first time we didn’t show up and have people – I might not have liked them too much, but I could always hang out with them, right?

P: Laugh.

M: But thankfully I went to a country where I was the novelty. So, the second opened my mouth, I had an accent, and people would go ‘oh, where are you from?’ It’s an opener.

P: It’s an icebreaker.

M: Yep, absolutely. But I’ve always thought that for small town kids it’s tough if you’ve never moved [or] had to start from scratch anywhere.

P: Mmm.

M: And the first time you’re doing that is when you go off to university or in your first job, you miss a lot of the growth that comes from those social interactions.

P: Yeah, yeah, I think there are also other advantages as well as disadvantages sometimes in that you get more social interaction in the country down. Perhaps this is an opportunity of meeting more people in a way, because in the city you cloister, you… Yeah, I can see the pros and cons of both sides.

M: Yeah.

P: Yeah.

M: I think when you’re older, it’s a bit different but when you’re younger. You’ve got your sports group’s and your music groups, school, church.

P: You’re constantly meeting people, definitely.

M: Yeah, definitely. But I do hear what you say when you’re an adult and you moved to a big city.

P: Yeah, and it’s challenging. And being thrown in the deep end is actually one of the best things you can do. You just jump in and go, ‘Right, here I go!’ Laugh.

M: So this study shows that the benefits of having more green area around you are even stronger for people who do live alone. And that’s really important because we’re living in this world of abundance.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: We’re, we’re spoiled, let’s be honest. Really, really honest, in Australia. Yep, you might not be able buy house, but the house that our parents could buy 100 years ago [maybe 200] was a hut on the master’s property, with no running water.

P: Yeah, laugh.

M: So it’s only maybe the last 50 years that homeownership looked the way it did.

P: Hmm.

M: It is changing again now, but we are also finding that a lot more people are living alone and choosing to live alone.

P: Mmm, yes. Yeah. That trend is definitely going up.

M: Yep. My mom wants to live… alone is the wrong word, but wants to be independent and have her own space.

P: Yeah.

M: And, you know, as do many other people. So there are more of us living by ourselves. But if you’re going to live by yourself, then you’ll be less lonely if you have more green space around you. And the reason the researchers think this is the case is that when you go and spend more time in parks and enjoying the outdoors and getting outside of your home, there’s more chances for light interaction but also deep interaction.

P: Mmm, I agree. It’s the cycle path phenomenon again. We know that cycle ways create social and community interaction.

M: Really? I didn’t know this one about cycle ways.

P: Remember when we did the liveable cities episodes?

Designing Happy Cities (E19)
Designing Happy Cities (E19)

P: Cycle paths are the new black remember?

P & M: Laugh.

M: Yes dear, yes dear.

P & M: Laugh.

P: It is the social aspect of cycle pathways; It creates a sense of community because you see people out on the streets. It’s like driving a convertible, I get this all the time now that I drive a convertible, people think they can talk to you.

M: We’re just going to leave that there. It’s red by the way.

P: It is.

M: Laugh.

P: Well, it’s really funny how people are, they feel like it’s an obligation, or they can have a conversation with you when you’re pulled up with the lights.

M: Laugh!

P: Sometimes not always a pleasant conversation. It’s like, what do you mean you want me to go there’s 16 cars in front of me dude, what do you want!

M: Laugh.

P: You can have these interactions with people because you’ve got an open top and they go ‘oh, I can talk to this person.’ Laugh.

M: It’s a really funny situation though, have you ever looked over and seen someone picking their nose in their car?

P: Totally, yeah.

M: Exactly. We’ve all seen it, right?

P: Laugh!

M: Or singing their heart out with no –

P: Yes! I love it, it’s great!

M: shame, no shame. But if they ever saw anyone watching them, they would stop straight away and feel embarrassed by it.

P: Yes, yes, true.

M: There’s something about having that roof on, that gives you this weird sense of privacy.

P: Laugh.

M: Anyway, we digress. Laugh.

P: The point being that if you’re out and about, you invite interaction whether you want it to or not, it’s there.

M: So, we will make you not be lonely, whether you want it or not!

P: Laugh! We’re enforcing this! I you want to go sit on the park bench bad luck I’m coming and sitting next to you, laugh!

M: Mmm hmm and have a conversation. So, look I thought that was interesting that it had such a huge impact on people who live alone. But there was also a really surprising finding from their study. So, the researchers found that more green space didn’t provide relief from loneliness.

P: Mmm, yeah.

M: So, if you’re already lonely, having more parks around doesn’t change anything.

P: Which goes to say that there’s another intervention that needs to happen there. So, we need to find another source of dealing with that issue rather than just putting parks in place. Parks won’t be enough. They’re good for creating –

M: They’re good for stopping [loneliness].

P: Yeah, they’re not, they’re not going to treat it. For people who are already suffering from loneliness, there needs to be further intervention that level.

M: Yep, one of the other things that we spoke about this year was birds. Do you remember that study?

P: Birds?

M: Have you got worms tonight Pete?

P: I’m trying to get comfortable with this new microphone and it’s hemming me into the couch.

M: Laugh.

P: I’m feeling attacked! Laugh!

M: Sorry we’re having audio issues tonight.

P: Laugh!

M: We’ve invested in super smick – smick?

P: Smick, shit, laugh.

M: Super schmick microphones and Pete’s squirming like a five-year-old who has to eat his peas and carrots.

P & M: Laugh.

P: I don’t like peas and carrots.

M: Anyway.

P: Birds.

M: Remember we spoke about birds.

P: Oh, yes, yes, yes.

M: How diversity in birds increases happiness as well, and I think it’s all interlinked if you’ve got more trees and park space, you know naturally you’ll have more birds.

P: Well, the other factor that comes into when they talk about city design and the built-in environment and how it affects us is walkability.

M: Yes.

P: So, the ability to actually walk somewhere and, not feel threatened for it to be well lit to have a consistent pathway of consistent pedestrianisation on your journey that has huge impacts on how we use the space on that is going to encourage people to get out of their homes and not jump in the car and drive to the mall or drive to the shopping centre.

M: Or drive to work?

P: Or drive to work.

M: This’s where I think America boomed and their cities sprawled.

P: Yes.

M: And they’ve built their cities for big freeways and car travel and kept their gas prices low. To enable everyone to have the dream of a home and a car.

P: Yes.

M: Right? And I think we know that London and Paris and Rome have infrastructure issues because they’re just such old, old cities.

P: Yeah. They weren’t designed that way.

M: It’s hard to put lifts in for people with physical disabilities when you’re underground is Swiss cheese and it might cause things to collapse.

P: Laugh.

M: Or all the buildings are heritage listed and the stairs are not only uneven but they’re warn down in the middle and all the rest, you know all of that stuff. But I think where America is really going to struggle is that they were built on that promise of being able to drive your car.

P: So, the accessibility of the city is not necessarily –

M: The walkability is not there.

P: Yeah, definitely.

M: In Canberra, which is one of the few or two I think fully designed cities. There’s another one [Brasilia] in South America somewhere that we have spoken about. But they designed local shops and then a suburb of residential area around it and then another local shops with residential around it. So that everyone could walk to the shops.

P: Mmm.

M: And the shops always had a kid’s playground next to it, and you know, it was designed as that being the middle of the residential hub, I guess it was the hub. But in the States, it wasn’t and that sprawl means that even if you just want to go from a butcher to the baker, it could be kilometres difference.

P: Yep, absolutely.

M: So that’s a real challenge, I think.

P: It is especially for our vulnerable populations such as children and elderly. They haven’t got the, you know, the children don’t have necessarily the access to transport. The elderly aren’t able to be mobile enough to get access to the transport.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So, they are left on the fringes. Yeah, you know, my mom only goes shopping once every fortnight, and she waits until that once a fortnight, partly because of that’s just the way that she likes to go.

M: Yep. And I think, unfortunately, technology has made it easy so that you don’t have to go to the bank can do it all from home.

P: Mmm.

M: But that means you’re not getting out.

P: You’re not interacting with people anymore; You’re interacting with technology.

M: Tech, yep. Or as we’ve all found through covid we’re interacting, but not in ways that are forming deep relationships.

P: Yes, the importance of touch.

M: Laugh, don’t go touching your banker!

P: Laugh!

M: But as we’ve mentioned before those small interactions even with your coffee guy.

P: Yep, vital. Yeah. I still miss my coffee, man. Alex, where are you? You’ve left me.

M: Laugh. And we’ll need to wrap up but I just want to say that Melbourne’s gone into lock down yet again.

P: Oh, so awful… Are people trying to escape?

M: It was crappy the first time, crappy the second time, third time like ‘come on!’, fourth time everyone’s kind of just over being positive.

P: It’s about building that resilience though.

M: It’s tough, It is really tough. And you know Sydney, it’ll happen again for us I’m sure and other cities and countries around the world haven’t come out [of lockdown].

P: Yeah, exactly.

M: So, one of the best things that has been shown to increase resilience and mental health in the pandemic is to go for a walk in nature. So, if you’ve got your parks and you’re allowed to, based on your lock down laws and a lot of countries let you do some exercise, it is one of the easiest things you can do.

P: Can I say it? Can I say it?

M: Do it! Laugh.

P: Forest Bathing! It’s a real thing!

M & P: Laughter!

M: If you have a forest near you or it’s within a kilometre area that you’re allowed to. Otherwise, a local park will do.

P & M: Laugh.

P: Two hours people, go and get two hours in nature. It’s good for your immune function. It’s good for your mental health, it’s good for everything. It’s good for your stress management.

M: All of it.

P: Yep.

M: All of the above.

P: Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick!

M: Yes, and it is good for your loneliness.

P: Mmm.

M: And on that note, we’ll finish up.

P: Have a happy week.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

Getting to Know Your Strengths (E71)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about getting to know your strengths and why it’s so beneficial to your overall happiness.

Show notes

The VIA Character Strengths Survey

https://www.viacharacter.org

Get to know your greatest strengths.

Why take the survey?

The VIA (Values In Action) Survey is the only free, scientific survey of character strengths in the world. Take this simple, 15 minute character test and discover your greatest strengths. Research shows that knowing and using your character strengths can help you:

  • Increase happiness and well-being
  • Find meaning and purpose
  • Boost relationships
  • Manage stress and health
  • Accomplish goals

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: And we’re back!

P: Howdy, howdy, howdy!

M: Hi, hi, hi 😊

P: Laugh!

M: I think we’re going to have a catchphrase on our hands if we’re not careful.

P: Well, I can’t claim mine. It’s from Toy Story. “Howdy, howdy, howdy.” It’s the Sheriff.

M: Love it. Yeah, I’m sure that Disney doesn’t have really strong rights, laugh.

P: No, not at all. Laugh!

M: Laugh, great we’re going to get a cease and desist letter from Disney because we said “hello.”

P: Laugh. No, the helicopters are going to start circling around and Disney Characters/Figurines are going to start jumping onto the balcony.

M: I’d be ok with that.

P: Yeah, I know. It would be fine.

M: Maybe not.

M & P: Laughter!

M: So, today we’re talking about getting to know your strengths.

P: Grrr, I’m strong. Grrr!

M: Good, and do you know how strong you are? That’s the question.

P: I can squat 125kg.

M: Ok… We’re going down the wrong path.

P: Laugh.

M: So last week we talked about the VIA Character Strength Assessment.

P: Yes, from Penn State University, Philadelphia.

M: Yes, well done. I don’t know that Penn State University is actually in Philly?

P: It is.

M: Really?

P: Yeah, I went to the campus.

M: Mmm… Been to, what’s it called? …Another university in Philadelphia.

P & M: Laugh!

M: Played volleyball against them and Lindsay transferred from there, and she’s going to kill me for not remembering her old uni.

P: Laugh.

M: But she left them and came to us at George Mason in Virginia, so… we know who’s best.

P & M: Laugh!

M: But anyway, we are talking about getting to know your strengths. And the reason we are focusing on the VIA Survey of Character Strengths is that it is a free self- assessment, it takes less than 15 minutes.

P: Oh.

M: And it provides a wealth of actionable tips and information so that you can understand the best qualities and double down on them.

P: Now you were talking before about the shift of going away from working on your weaknesses to just embracing your strengths.

M: Absolutely. So, it used to be that you would tell employees, you know “here are the things you’re bad at, and here are the things you’re good at” and now we’ll put a development plan together to be better at the things that you’re bad at.

P: Mmm. That’s funny because we know what we’re bad at. Our bodies are hardwired evolutionary to focus on the negative.

M: Yes.

P: As a survival mode it is more important to know what you don’t have or don’t do or cannot be, because you will be able to then negate the lion that’s pacing behind you rather than focusing on ‘oh, I can run away from the lion or…’ We are hardwired to know what our weaknesses are.

M: I don’t know, as long as you can run faster than the person behind you.

P: Laugh! What sort of character trait does that say about you, Marie?

M & P: Laughter.

M: But, no. If you’re talking life or death?

P: Survival.

M: You don’t get any more cutthroat than that.

P: It’s almost like when you go to swim at the beach, as long as there’s someone out further than me a shark won’t get me.

M & P: Laughter!

M: I don’t know, they come in pretty close nowadays.

P: Laugh.

M: So, the thinking is to be for you to spend your time working on the things that you’re not good at, which is just horrible.

P: Laugh, no one wants to do that.

M: Who wants to spend 40 years of your adult life focusing on being a better communicator, when what you want to do is work with numbers on spreadsheets.

P: Laugh.

M: Right?

P: True.

M: You know, if you’re an introvert, you don’t give two hoots about Jane’s weekend with her Dad and Father’s Day presents.

P: Laugh!

M: Like, who gives a crap.

P: Laugh.

M: Right? Or the opposite. Who wants to have to be good at understanding the economics of the business when they’ve got no interest in doing that, they just want to be in marketing.

P: I’m putting my hand up there.

M: Laugh.

P: That’s so me, I just want to push people.

M & P: Laugh.

P: That’s essentially what it is, laugh.

M: So, you’ll be happy to know if you join corporate right now the thinking is that you should be doubling down on what you’re good at.

P: Mmm.

M: Obviously, if you want to achieve something and to do that you’ve got weaknesses. You might need to work on that, but you’re choosing that, right?

P: You’re choosing to focus on your weaknesses? Or your choosing?

M: Well, if you want to be the CEO, you need to be a good communicator. And if you’re not a good communicator and you want to be a CEO, you can’t just be a numbers man.

P: Yeah.

M: You can’t be the finance guy and not have that rounded experience.

P: Sure.

M: So, you can stay the finance guy, in the sweet spot and not push yourself and stretch yourself. Or you can the knowledge that you’re gonna be doing some stuff that you’re not good at. You might never be good at it, you just need to keep plugging away.

P: Mmm.

M: And I’ve actually worked for quite a few senior leaders who know that they’re not good at communicating.

P: Mmm.

M: And the sign of a good leader is that they keep trying. They know what they should keep trying.

P: Laugh.

M: There are other leaders who wipe their hands of it because they know they’re not good.

P: Righto, ok. They make no acknowledgement that they can improve?

M: Yeah, pretty much. You know, ‘I’m not good at that, I’m just not going to do any videos.’

P: Yeah, right.

M: Well, that’s how some of your people want to hear from you.

P: Yes, exactly.

M: So you don’t get to just walk away from things you’re not good at if you choose that type of career.

P: Mmm.

M: Yeah.

P: It also comes in to putting yourself out there, in discomfort. We learn from discomfort.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: You learn.

M: You grow.

P: Yeah, you grow, it’s that growth phase and it’s not necessarily pleasant. But it is a worthy investment.

M: If that’s what you want.

P: Yeah, choosing. Choosing whether to do it is vital and you don’t want to do it all the time, that’s for sure.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: That’s why I think this model is interesting, pursuing your strengths.

M: And again, you know, I think if that’s what you want. I think a lot of people don’t, I think a lot of people are really happy doing their specialty.

P: Yeah.

M: And they’ve found their niche and they’ve found their passion and so they can outsource the other stuff or they find other people to do the other things, or they decide they don’t want to leave “their world” so they don’t need to keep moving up.

P: Mmm.

M: They don’t need to stretch themselves in that way because they love what they do. And you can stretch yourselves outside of work.

P: True.

M: You could learn how to… do cooking classes –

P: Laugh.

M: – or do something completely random to stretch yourself in that way and keep that growth mindset.

P: Yeah.

M: So, the VIA survey of character strengths is free. Over 15 million people have taken it and is a fully scientific survey.

P: Oh, it must be right then, it’s scientific. Laugh.

M: Well Penn State’s a pretty big name to throw around isn’t it.

P: Laugh, yes.

M: And really the reason you want to understand your strengths, or your personality better is so that you can improve your well-being so that you can make sure that what you’re doing aligns to what your strengths are, and there is alignment in your purpose and meaning.

P: Well, that’s bringing together a couple of concepts.

M: Such as?

P: Well, we’re talking about purpose, we’re talking about well-being talking about personality strengths.

M: Yep.

P: So we’re kind of tying those up a little bit.

M: And even then, strengthening relationships as well. Knowing yourself is so important for living a happy life.

P: Yes, I’ll give you that, yeah definitely.

M: And when you know yourself, you can get to know others better as well.

P: Mmm.

M: I can’t remember any course or learning that I’ve done where I had an “Ah Ha” moment that I didn’t also then look to apply those “Ah Ha” moments to other people around me.

P: Laughter! Hey, I experienced this come over here!  

M: If I am this, and I do this. Like the Myers-Briggs, there are so many people who walk around… So I’m an INTJ [Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging], but it really helps me to look at other people and go ‘[frustrated sound] I can label you.’

P: Laugh!

M: I know we don’t get along because you’re a Blah, blah, blah.

P: Laugh. Is that a little like astrology?

M: Knowing other people?

P: You’re a Leo, we’re not supposed to get along.

M: Oh, oh yeah. Pretty much, going all the way back to how we’re wired.

P: Evolutionarily?

M: That’s the word I was looking for, human beings categorise. It’s our way of knowing good from bad and safe, from not safe and in and out.

P: Yep, essentially yes.

M: Right from the word go, babies recognise their family versus strangers, right?

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And, what’s safe and what’s not.

P: Yep.

M: So learning more about yourself. It’s natural that we then go label.

P & M: Laugh.

M: Which is not something that anyone should ever do.

P: Laugh. Come on… Just don’t express it.

M: Laugh.

P: It’s fine to do it, just don’t tell anyone.

M: Laugh. As long as you’ve got that self-awareness, go to town.

P: Laugh!

M: Just don’t tell anyone! And go walk through your family and go “[frustrated noises] Ahh!” Or whatever.

P: Laugh!

M: And this is why, actually, when I did the Myer-Briggs testing, I came home and I’m like ‘Francis, I finally know why we never agree on holidays!’

P: Laugh.

M: And it was really useful to have that conversation.

P: Ok.

M: So, when I’m on holidays, I want to see and explore and be inspired by stuff.

P: Yeah.

M: And Francis is just, [he] wants to do nothing.

P: Yeah,

M: Just having that realisation that we both have different expectations from holidays has meant that we can broker that difference better and make sure that we both get what we need out of holidays we take together.

P: Alright, yeah. Right, I mean I’ve never been one for taking personality tests or doing screening exams or anything like that. So, I know nothing about this, I just float along in my lovely little naive unknowing way, laugh.

M: Well, the website is really easy to find. It is viacharacter.org.

P: Ok.

M: And I last did this character strengths profile at the beginning of the 2020 just before covid.

P: Ah, right.

M: The other thing that’s really interesting to me is that we change over time as well.

P: Oh, ok. Is there like a ten-year, five-year, sort of timeframe?

M: Well, look if you suffered a traumatic event tomorrow, the person you are today would be different from the person you are tomorrow.

P: Yep.

M: You also could just hit a rut and not change it all for a very long time.

P: Mmm.

M: So, it’s very subjective, but people change over time. And so, your profile and your strengths profile.

P: Could change.

M: Could change as well over time. So, it’s www.viacharacter.org.

M: I’m happy to share, I guess.

P: Oooh, here we go. We get a little insight into Marie, laugh.

M: So, we’ll go my top five, which, in case you couldn’t tell, really paint me as a bit of an optimist.

P & M: Laughter!

M: My number one is honesty, and that comes from courage.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: Number two is humour from transcendence.

P: Yeah.

M: Number three is hope again in the transcendence bucket. Number four is curiosity, which is in wisdom and creativity under wisdom. Number six was love of learning as well in wisdom.

P: Well, we know that as-well, yeah.

M: So, these strengths align up to… my top three there were transcendence, courage and wisdom. And so, wisdom is definitely a strong strength of mine because I had three on my top six there that were lined up to that one.

P: Oh, right. Oh, I see.

M: You do get a full report.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: Again, you could pay thousands to go get people to do this kind of assessment for you.

P: Yes.

M: Myer-Briggs was something that I did previously through an organisation and that costs, you know, a decent chunk of money at times.

P: Yeah, right-o.

M: So, again, this is fully free. Which is, you know, why I’m really happy to talk about it.

P: Give it a bit of a plug.

M: Yeah. So, for me, for honesty, for instance, that’s about speaking the truth, but more broadly, presenting oneself in a genuine way and acting in a sincere way.

P: Mmm.

M: So being without pretence and taking responsibility of one’s feelings and actions.

P: Ooh, that’s a good one. Taking responsibility for your feelings. Some people are a little bit distant on that one.

M: I kind of feel… yeah.

P: It’s a big ask, I think. It’s a big, it’s a big topic if you’ve never really thought about it, it’s about really owning what you experience and, not necessarily to the detriment of others, really targeting essentials about yourself.

M: I think where this, really you know, where the rubber hits the road on this for me is when other people don’t live up to that expectation.

P: Yeah, yeah. Well, that’s obviously a value clash as well, especially if that’s you top one.

M: That’s my top one, yeah. When other people play politics or beat around the bush it just drives me batty.

P: Laugh.

M: So, my number two is humour. Humour and hope, two and three both transcendent. So, liking to laugh and tease bringing smiles to other people, seeing the light side and making not necessarily telling jokes.

P: Oh ok.

M: And then hope is about expecting the best in the future and working to achieve it and believing that a good future is something that can be brought about. And I have to say a lot of people look at the current outlook for our environment in our world and are just um… unfortunately beaten down.

P: Yeah.

M: And I, time and time again, think that we’ll sort our shit out.

P: I think you’ve got to have that fundamental want and desire in there. It’s one thing to throw your hands up and walk away from the issue, but to persist with it and to try and come up with small ways that you can contribute to a solution. Being a solution-based person.

M: Yeah.

P: Being a solver of questions as opposed to just asking more questions. I guess, yeah. That’s what I’m trying to say there, finding a solution.

M: I think also just having hope that a solution will be found.

P: Yes true, things like climate change, it’s a massive, huge, magnanimous beast of an issue.

M: Mmm hmm. So many different facets.

P: Exactly and I can’t, sitting here in my little house, in the middle of a town. I can’t imagine how one little thing that I do has an impact. Though, it has an impact for me and that’s really reassuring. So, when I make the decision to not drive the car and take the bicycle. I’m feeling good about myself in that way, and I can tick that little box for myself for the day.

M: Yep.

P: And that’s really reassuring. And don’t discount that as a personal investment.

M: Absolutely and then, just to give a bit more flavour for people of what they can expect. So, curiosity is about taking an interest in ongoing experience for its own sake. So, finding topics and subjects fascinating, exploring and discovering.

P: Oooh, hang out in a library.

M: Yeah, in anything. So, walking around a new city or a town, any exploring.

P: Mmm.

M: A new book, whether that’s fiction or non-fiction, it is just being interested in experiences for their own sake.

P: Hmm.

M: Creativity is thinking of novel and productive ways to conceptualise and do things, and that includes artistic achievement but isn’t limited to it.

P: Hmm.

M: And I’d say I’m not very artistic, but I would say I’m creative.

P: Yeah, it’s a nice difference to clock that one.

M: Mmm, it is. And then last one, love of learning for me, not last one it’s number six on a very long list. Love of learning, so, mastering new skills, topics and bodies of knowledge, which is really this journey we’re on right now is understanding positive psychology and happiness and how to live life.

P: Mmm.

M: And then it is also related to strength of curiosity but goes beyond it to describe the tendency to add systemically to what one knows.

P: That’s a big sentence, laugh.

M: Yes, and probably explains why I never have any time, and I’m always signing up for new courses.

P: Laugh, you are!

M: And taking more courses.

P: You finish one and you’re already signed up for the next one.

M & P: Laugh!

M: Now, there are a whole range, and I’ll just read some of the other things: fairness, perspective, social intelligence, leadership, gratitude, kindness, bravery, zest, judgement, forgiveness, teamwork, appreciation of beauty and excellence, self-regulation, love, spirituality, perseverance, humility and prudence.

P: Oooh.

M: Prudence is last on my list of 24.

P: Laugh!

M: Possibly explains why I got on that motorbike while I was overseas.

P & M: Laughter!

M: Being careful about one’s choices, not taking undue risks, not saying or doing things that might later be regretted.

P: Hmm.

M: Prudence is definitely not my forte.

P: Yeah, I’ll agree with you on that one. So, once you’ve got this big list as you said, you’ve taken the top six. What are the sort of things you can do with this tool? How do you move forward?

M: Well, the next step that you probably want to take and again go to the site, and it will give you a full understanding of not only our strengths but what to do next. But I should be looking for, well, again looking at how this impacts my relationships with the people around me.

P: Ok.

M: So, understanding.

P: Do you have to apply it to a certain element in your life?

M: Again, it’s not enough to just read a book.

P: Yeah.

M: You’ve got to apply it –

P: Yep.

M: – if you want to see change and growth and so understanding that honesty is my number one… so it would be great to do this with a partner or a best friend and to understand what your differences are and to have a conversation with those people around you.

P: Ooh.

M: So, as you mentioned, honesty is my number one. But Pete, it may not be yours, and you might find my openness confronting.

P: Yep.

M: It might make you feel vulnerable or attacked or like I’m expecting you to be just a as honest as well.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And it’s good for me to know that so that I could dial it back a little bit, as well when people aren’t the same.

P: And not matching you?

M: Yeah.

P: Ok.

M: And that also just helps to strengthen relationships. So, this would be a great thing to do with your significant other as well.

P: Mmm.

M: When you’re getting to know, getting to know someone.

P: Mmm. Maybe not bring it out on the first date.

M: Maybe not.

P: Laugh!

M: Sunday night, kind of you know, let’s sit down after dinner and you know both complete our things and then let’s have a chat about the results.

P: Oh, that could open up a big can of worms.

M: It definitely could.

P: Laughter.

M: If you’re ready for that, but it would strengthen your relationship as well.

P: Absolutely, yeah. That honesty. And again, that uncomfortable space creates growth.

M: And then the other thing for me is looking at my job, if I’m spending 40, 50, 60 hours a week.

P: Oh, yeah.

M: Does my job give me an opportunity to use my honesty, humour, hope, curiosity, creativity and love of learning?

P: Yeah, right. That’s a good one.

M: Or at least some things in my top ten. And I have to say I’m pretty lucky that my day job is definitely meeting all of those strengths of mine.

P: Hmm.

M: It’s giving me the opportunity to display those strengths.

P: Nice.

M: And all of the side gigs that I’ve got going on are pretty much… I don’t know, I feel like you could be a bit more humorous Pete.

P: Laugh!

M: Apart from that.

P: Is it about making jokes? Or doing jokes?

M: Laugh. Exactly.

P: Or being the butt of jokes?

M & P: Laugh!

M: You know, life’s pretty good, you know.

P: Yeah.

M: Against these strengths.

P: It’s a nice check in. It it’s a nice way to have a check in, and I think that my take away from it is that it’s another tool that you can use to check in and do a little bit of measuring.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: We were talking about that last week, having things to measure by and then maybe taking it again in three months’ time and seeing where you’re sitting, whether it’s consistent. I like the idea of measuring this against your, against your investments. So your job, you’re your second job if you have one, your passion, are they matching with your strengths?

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And if they’re not, maybe you need to reconsider those.

M: If they’re not, it might be holding you back in languishing and stopping you from flourishing.

P: Oh, what a nice way to round-off the episode.

M: Absolutely.

P: Laugh.

M: I hope you have a happy week.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additonal cost to you. Thanks!

From Languishing to Flourishing (E70)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about how to go from languishing to flourishing in our super busy, stressful and complicated world.

Show notes

During the podcast Pete talks about a segment he heard on Triple J by Dr. Karl Kruszelnicki.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: And we’re back.

P: Howdy, howdy, howdy!

M: Hi, hi!

P: Laugh. So, I’d like to start off the episode this week Marie with an acknowledgment of country.

M: Aww.

P: It’s reconciliation week this week in Australia, and for those of you who aren’t aware reconciliation week in Australia is about our shared history. Acknowledging our first Nations peoples, acknowledging the shared history that we have [and] addressing some of the issues that have come out of the acknowledgement that shared history in terms of the things that have happened and how we can move forward in a reconciliation format.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: If I could speak our native language, I’d do it but I’m not going to insult our first nations people by attempting that.

M: Laugh.

P: I was thinking about it in terms of a happiness scale, and this is one of those things that you can get involved with, which is going to bring more happiness and more joy into your life. This is an opportunity to go and do something and be involved in a community endeavour.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And we know, and we’ve talked about how volunteering your time and taking part in ethical actions can sometimes bring about good feelings. And those good feelings are sustainable. Going along to a local ceremony or going along to an event showing your support is one way of doing an ethical thing which is going to give you back tenfold in terms of what you put in.

M: Absolutely. And so I would like to pay my respects to elders past, present and emerging, and we live here in Sydney in the Eora nation. So, I did know that. Thank you for springing this on me!

P & M: Laughter.

M: But there are some great activities you can do, and the other thing we talked about is novelty and bringing novelty into your life.

P: Mmm.

M: We haven’t really explored our indigenous history. There are so many fabulous things you can do, particularly around Sydney here.

P: Mmm.

M: We did a wonderful tour through the rocks area and learned about how our ancestors ate and the fish and the ways that they communicated with other tribes that came through and to tell them what was poisonous and what was not.

P: Yep.

M: And learn about the plants and the agriculture and horticulture and all of that …culture.

P & M: Laugh!

M: Not my area of expertise, just throwing that out there!

P: Laugh.

M: Alright, and how they lived as well. And it was a fascinating walk-through modern-day Sydney with learning about past culture.

P: Mmm. There was a wonderful programme I heard this morning on JJJ which is a local youth National Broadcasting Channel, Radio Channel in Australia. Dr. Karl, who most people will know.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Karl Stefanovic.. not Stefanovic. What was his name?

M: Uh, I don’t know. Dr. Karl.

P: I can’t remember, laugh.

M: Does anyone even know their last name?

P: Laugh! Anyway they had a couple of First Nations People on the program this week and one of them was an astronomer who looks at the stars through an indigenous lens.

M: Aww, I love it.

P: And I though, oh that would be really cool, but unfortunately I had to go and do an exam.

M: Oh.

P: Listening to those sort of things or going and experiencing some of the fantastic performances and celebrations that are around and just choosing to be part of that.

M: Mmm.

P: It’s a good way to bring happiness and joy.

M: Absolutely, well thank you for bringing that up.

P: That’s alright, [Super excited voice] what are we talking about this week, Marie?

M: Laugh! We are talking about a really hot topic –

P: Oooh, I like a hot topic!

M: Yes, everyone’s talking about languishing,

P: Oh!

M: and what it is to languish.

P: Oh, I feel like I need to repose in a pool with a gin and tonic.

M: Mmm hmm.

M: So last year, or maybe the year before flourishing, flourishing and thriving were the buzzwords in positive psychology, particularly Arianna Huffington, launched her website Thrive and it’s all about living your best life.

P: Mmm. Now flourishing post covid or during covid we’re still in covid, let’s be honest and sorry for all you Melbourne people down there who are very much still in covid and in the lock down Flourishing is a word that’s come out in the last year to mean just kind of surviving, just living.

P: Oh, really!

M: Uh, not flourishing, languishing!

P: Oh, ok right. I was just gonna say [flourishing] has been dumbed down, laugh.

M: And really is reflected in the fact that in the past year, a lot of us have just been.

P: Existed.

M: You know, I am.

P: Yeah.

M: Yeah, exactly, exactly. So we’re talking about how to get from languishing to flourishing.

P: Flourishing! It just makes you want to sing “Laaaaaa.”

M: And I love that the study that we’re looking at today came from an Aussie!

P: Laugh! Oh, I’ve got to do this haven’t I?

M: You do and how do you pronounce Geraldine’s last name?

P: Geraldine Przybylko. She’s Polish by the look of it.

M: In Australia, yes.

P: So, Geraldine I hope I got that right.

M: Laugh. Ah, yep. It was too much for me, I say that with all the respect in the world.

P: Laugh.

M: Her and her colleagues have just published a new study in the journal of Positive Psychology, which suggests that happiness comes with practise, which we’ve said quite a few times on our show.

P: Yeah.

M: And that you’ve got to put work into being happy. So if you want to go from languishing to flourishing, you’ve got to put in the work.

P: Do the work people. It’s like wanting to play an instrument or be a good sports person and only reading the books or listening on the podcast not actually getting out practising.

P & M: Laughter!

M: And happiness is like that. You can’t just read a book about volleyball and not ever go into a gym and play.

P: Laugh.

M: And unfortunately, a lot of people are buying self-help books and are doing that reading and coming out all inspired, and they’re wondering why they’re not happy three week later.

P: Yeah.

M: So, this study is actually looking at what we need to do, to go from languishing to flourishing.

P: And they’re talking about the combination of two different aspects. One of positive psychology, but combined with lifestyle medicine.

M: Yes.

P: What is the lifestyle medicine Marie?

M: Things like eating well, getting enough sleep. All the things your doctor tells you to do.

P: Or your allied Health Professional?

M: Yes, and positive psychology adds in the positive affirmations.

P: The mental aspect of lifestyle medicine, would you say?

M: Yeah. Mental and emotional.

P: Hmm, ok.

M: Yeah. So, adding those two together in a 10 week program showed a 17% increase in happiness or moving from languishing to flourishing.

P: That’s higher than interest rates in the eighties!

M: Laugh, sure is.

P: Laugh.

M: And not only that, up to 12 weeks afterwards, people were still showing higher happiness levels.

P: So, it’s lasting change.

M: Yes.

P: Ah, ok.

M: It is 10 weeks will give you at least another 10 weeks after that of change.

P: Makes sense though, because in anything that you’re trying to do in terms of habit forming if you’re going to do 10 weeks, you’ve set the practise in motion and you’ve got the habit formed by 10 weeks.

M: Well, the interesting thing about this – I’d say yes, definitely – But they did 10 different things over 10 weeks.

P: Mmm.

M: So, they weren’t setting habits necessarily. So, they did 10 different things over 10 different weeks and combined all of those 10 things, added to people’s happiness or flourishing levels.

P: Oh! So how does one measure our flourishing level?

M: Well, why don’t you tell me?

P & M: Laugh.

P: Well, it’s funny because when I first read this, I went and put my cynic hat on.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: The flourishing scale… And the first thing that came into my mind was ‘how can you rate flourishing scale because it’s very subjective, like pain. My pain is different to your pain.’

M: They have a scale for pain too! And actually, Jo and Francis, when I was in hospital used to hold up the scale to me in the morning.

P: Laughter! But the nature of pain is very subjective, so in terms of comparing data, it’s very difficult.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So, what they’ve done to maybe get past that subjective measure is they’ve created 10 different measures of flourishing, they start with:

Most days I feel a sense of accomplishment from what I do.

M: That’s engagement with your life.

P: Ok yep, next one is:

In the past week I felt calm and peaceful.

M: Again, that’s a measure of not feeling manic and like a lot of people do in today’s day and age.

P: Mmm hmm.

I love learning new things.

M: This would go along with the growth mindset, which has been proven to make people happier than people who don’t have growth mindset. Yep, love it.

P: Yeah.

I generally feel that what I do in my life is valuable and worthwhile.

M: Purpose, yep purpose we know that one.

P: Laugh.

Always optimistic about my future.

M: Always is a strong word, isn’t it?

P: Laugh, yeah. Well, I don’t know anyone who’s always [optimistic].

M: We’re reading these on a scale right? So perhaps for this one a 7 is good.

P: Yeah.

Taking all things together, how happy would you say you are?

There are people in my life who really care about me.

M & P: Social connection, laugh.

P: We know you love that one, Muz.

When things go wrong in my life it generally does not take me a long time to get back to normal.

P: Resilience!

M: This is resilience, Pete!

P: Laugh. Geez, I’m getting good at this, I only went over this today.

M: Look at us, we know what we’re talking about!

P & M: Laughter!

P: [gunshot noises] Pew, pew, pew!

M: That’s a bit of a surprise, research that we’ve actually talked about!

P: Laughter, ok last two:

In general, I feel very positive about myself.

P: Projection.

M: There’s something Aussie and cynical in me that’s like ‘stop being so arrogant!’

P & M: Laugh.

P: And the last one:

In the past week, I had a lot of energy.

M: [Lack of energy] Is an early sign for depression. Just feeling really lacklustre and not feeling like wanting to do anything.

P: It’s one of the markers for leading to different conditions.

M: Interesting.

P: So, asking yourself those questions is a really good way to measure your flourishing. And I guess you would collate the points score together and measure it out of 100 see where you’re sitting. So, if you are 66 okay, my flourishing level is above average, above 50.

M: I don’t think that you would compare it average. I think the key point there is subjective happiness like you said before happiness is subjective. So, you start at 66 which is neither good nor bad.

P: Ok, yep.

M: And after the end, have you gone up?

P: Oh, ok.

M: You know, is your level at 88?

P: Just like a remedial exercise program, laugh.

M: And after 10 weeks if you continue and do another 10 weeks of it do you get more gain?

P: Aahhh, that would be interesting. Or to do it spasmodically. Spasmodically?

M: Laugh.

P: Periodically, like throughout year at different points or a three-monthly exercise. We can re-visit our goals once a year, maybe we could revisit our flourishing level once a quarter, when do your tax return, laugh.

M: And you know what, they say you can’t prove what you don’t measure.

P: Mmm, I agree.

M: And I think it needs to be something that we’re more systemic, systematic and put more attention towards.

P: And this is a really, easy tool to do that. It’s a really easy way to come up with a measurement without going ‘Oh, where do I rate myself today?’ This is just answering questions off the cuff.

M: Yep, absolutely. So, let’s move to the activities because that’s really where it’s interesting, I think.

P: Ok.

M: What can you put in practise that is going to tangibly improve your happiness levels? And these 10 things, so one a week is what they did, they had a daily challenge and a weekly challenge.

P: Ok.

M: So every day there was something little. And then over the week they had a lot more, like bigger things, that they needed to do. So, week one – really, really easy, Speak positively.

P: Ahh, yeah, the inner voice. Change the inner voice.

M: Yes, and now the first one, if you’re not someone who likes to look in the mirror and tell yourself you’re beautiful, wonderful, smart, and intelligent –

P: Laugh.

M: – this might make you breathe a sigh of relief; It is offering a genuine compliment. So once a day for a week offer a genuine compliment to someone else.

P: That’s pretty easy to do, yeah.

M: It is, as long as you focus on doing it, you remember to do it.

P: Yeah.

M: Put it in the diary, put a reminder in your phone, whatever it is and then make sure that you do it. And then the weekly challenge was memorize an inspirational text or saying.

P: I love that.

M: Absolutely and I love that, because when was the last time you actually sat down and memorised text?

P: All the time, laugh!

M: Memorized?

P: Yeah.

M: So, you can quote it back later?

P: Yeah.

M: I’m so 21st century brain, I consume so much and retain and remember so little, laugh.

P: Yeah, right-o ok.

M: To be really honest.

P: That’s possibly something I have done a lot of through my positive psychology training, remembering things that I can pull out of a hat or let inspire you.  

M: It’s about mindfulness in a way. It’s really connecting deeply with something in the moment that’s, that’s beautiful and ironic that I don’t do it more often, laugh.

P: It was also part of my blog, I used to always end with a quote.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So, I had that in there, that I had a weekly task of finding a quote. You do that.

M: I have a quote for my weekly newsletter, do I remember them?

P & M: No, laugh!

M: I love them in the moment.

P & M: Laugh.

M: But I don’t commit them to memory because it’s about going that next step.

P: Yep.

M: So, that was week one. Week two, this one’s for you, Pete.

P: Oh.

M: Move dynamically.

P: Woo hoo! Dance, dance, dance.

M: Yes.

P: Dance naked around the kitchen! It’s really fun! Just do it when your flatmate’s not coming home from volleyball.

M: Laugh, sorry Charlie.

P: Laugh!

M: So, for one week only, you’re going to really commit to some exercise. So, they say 30 minutes of moderate exercise or 10,000 steps.

P: Yeah.

M: Yeah, we do that every single day for one week. And then the weekly challenge is really quite easy. So on one of those days, do 20 minutes of guided resistance exercise, that’s like weights.

P: Yeah, Thera-bands, body-weight work, some gymnastics, handstands!

M: All right. Week three – Immerse in an uplifting natural environment.

P: Aahhh, forest bathing!

M: Get out into nature.

P: Forest bathing, it’s a thing.

M: 30 minutes a day. Essentially, what they’re asking is for 10 weeks, put 30 minutes aside to be happier.

P: Yes.

M: So 30 minutes a day, you know, out near a lake, the beach, the mountains.

P: Find a local park, there’s so many of them around in Sydney.

M: Yep or go to the beach. And then the weekly challenges to experience a sunrise.

P: Oooh, that’s a hard one.

M: It sure is.

P: Laugh! Mind you I’ve been getting up really early.

M: Eeuggh, sunrise early?

P: Yeah.

M: It’s the middle of winter.

P: Yeah, I know, it’s not hard ‘cause it’s later, laugh.

M: …Okay, all right. Week four – Immerse in a positive social environment.

P: Mmm.

M: So daily, do something intentional, to show you care.

P: Ok.

M: And weekly, this one’s a good one, forgive someone who’s hurt you.

P: Oh, that’s opening up a can of worms.

M: Yeah, and we’ve spoken about forgiveness before. Forgiveness is not about that person.

P: Mmm.

M: It’s about you letting go of things and your anger.

P: Yeah, and it’s not about you saying ‘I forgive you.’ It’s just the action and you don’t have to express it.

M: Yep.

P: I think that’s what people fear, ‘I simply can’t do it!’

M: No, no, no, you never have to talk to them again.

P: Yeah.

M: And you don’t have to approve of their behaviour, or anything like that. It’s about you.

P: Yeah.

M: Alright, week five – Look to the positive. So spend 15 minutes reflecting on three things that went well everyday.

P: Oooh.

M: That’s gratitude.

P: Yep.

M: We talked about that before and then weekly, write a letter of gratitude to someone and share it with them.

P: Aww.

M: Again, we’ve spoken about the power of that well.

P: Yep.

M: Week six – Eat nutritiously.

P: Yeah, we know this works.

M: Oh, this is my downfall.

P: Gasp!

M: Laugh! Eat eight servings of plant based food a day.

P: Yes.

M: it’s really… You’re not going to be hungry.

P: No.

M: Eight servings of plant-based food, unless your choosing lettuce each time.

P: Laugh, even lettuce will fill you up.

M: Absolutely. You know you can definitely feel full off that.

P: Yep.

M: And then the weekly challenge is to prepare a high fibre, plant based meal with one or more friends.

P: Yes!

M: Make it social.

P: Sook socially, it’s good fun.

M: It’s very, the weekly challenge is very 21st century, isn’t it?

P: Mmm.

M: Plant based, that wasn’t even a thing 20 years ago.

P: Yeah, definitely.

M: So, we’re definitely not only doing what’s better for our bodies, but being environmentally conscious about it.

P: Laugh.

M: Okay, Week seven – Rest – sleep.

P: Sleep, sleep more! So, many studies done about this.

M: Yes.

P: And it always comes up. If we don’t rest, we don’t regenerate.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And one hour sleep deprivation is enough to downgrade your immune system by 50%.

M: Look at you and your course knowledge.

P: Laugh.

M: Or stats, that you remember.

P: Laugh.

M: So, this is about committing to spending eight hours in bed without a device.

P: Mmm.

M: It doesn’t count if you’re watching cat videos.

P: The better way is to plug it into a wall socket away from you bed.

M: Yep.

P: Put it in another room and make your room device free.

M: Or go to bed early, and so I read on my device, I know it’s not good, and then I’ll put it away, but I’m very good at getting my eight hours of sleep. I’m a cranky –

P: Laugh!

M: – person if I don’t. And then the weekly challenge to add to that was to spend an evening by firelight.

P: Oh, oh, candle-light, does that work?

M: Yes.

P: Alright, that’s easy.

M: Alright, week eight, I’m loving seven and eight, these are right up my alley. Week eight is –

Rest – from stress.

P: Oh.

M: So your daily challenges is to spend 15 minutes in a quiet place, relaxing and being mindful of your surroundings.

P: Ah, a bit of meditation time.

M: Yes.

P: Go, sit under a tree, hear the birdies tweeting. Sit in church, go and sit in a church, you don’t have to pray. Churches are great for that, they’re wonderful places –

M: They’re really beautiful.  

P: – and they’re quite, great to sit in and be awed and inspired.

M: Yep. And then the weekly challenge for that one is to take a day off work and have a digital Sabbath.

P: Mmm.

M: So, so offline for 24 hours to recharge.

P: Yeah, escape.

M: So, I guess if you can, you know, go camping or find somewhere just quiet and away from all your stresses and be quiet for a day.

P: Mmm, mmm.

M: All right, keep going. Number nine is – Serving others. So, your daily challenge is to perform a random act of kindness.

P: Laughter! Done.

M: Mmm hmm. And your weekly challenge is to use your signature strength to perform an act of service, so I don’t think we’ve actually covered signature strengths yet.

P: Not yet.

M: But the VIA [Values In Action] signature strength test [The VIA Character Strengths Survey], so, that’s from Penn University in the States, it’s a really good way to just understand yourself better.

P: Hmm.

M: And the thinking used to be in the corporate world in the nineties and early two thousand’s that you wanted to understand your strengths and weaknesses and work on your weaknesses so that you were a well-rounded human-being.

P: Yeah, yeah,

M: The thinking nowadays is screw that –

P: Laugh.

M: if you’re not good at it don’t bother!

P: Laughter!

M: Unless it’s really holding you back.

P: Yeah.

M: And to really focus in on what your strengths are and double down on that.

P: Oh, ok.

M: If that’s what you’re good at, go do that!

P: Yeah.

M: And make sure that that’s part of your job.

P: Well, that taps into purpose as-well doesn’t it? And that concept of Ikigai, where you’re doing something you’re passionate about that you’re good at.

M: Passionate about, yeah. Because we’re normally not passionate about stuff that we don’t… that we’re not good at.

P: Mmm. Yeah, no, true.

M: So this is, again VIA strengths assessment, and you can go do that for free online and just get a better understanding what your strengths are.

P: Mmm.

M: And last one, week 10, the question is – What does it take to flourish? So your daily challenge is continue the challenges that you found to be helpful.

P: Ok.

M: And your weekly challenge is to continue the challenges that you found to be helpful.

P: Laughter!

M: It’s a bit of a cheat week, isn’t it? Laugh.

P: Yeah, it’s a week off. Laugh, ah we’ll give you a break!

M: So, I guess before we wrap up. The whole point of talking about this in today’s episode is to say that we talk about so many of these things every week, don’t we?

P: Mmm, yeah.

M: But just like exercising or learning an instrument, we can’t just talk about it and we can’t just listen to a podcast.

P: Mmm.

M: You’ve actually got to put this stuff into the practise.

P: Yep.

M: And if you do, this latest study here shows that you can improve your happiness or move away from languishing and more towards flourishing and loving life by up to 17%.

P: Yep, that’s a decent figure.

M: Sure is. Who wouldn’t want to be 17 percent happier?

P: Definitely.

M: I think Dan Harris, wrote a book 10% Happier.

So, this is like kicking you ass down, laugh.

P: Hey, we’re one up! Laugh! Throw that challenge glove down!

M & P: Laugh!

M: Absolutely, well on that note we’ll end for the week.

P: Enjoy your tasks people.

M: Wishing you a happy week.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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Random Acts of Kindness (E69)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about random acts of kindness, how they will make you happier, and challenge you to get involved.

Show notes

During the podcast Marie and Pete briefly discuss racism and Pete mentions that they will come back to the discussion later. Unfortunately they ran out of time this episode and will hopefully discuss this topic at another time. Please feel free to suggest podcast topics, post a question or even just leave a comment at www.marieskelton.com

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: And we’re back.

P: We’re back. Fun fact –

M: That we’re back?

P: No, no. I’ve got a fun fact for you.

M: Laugh! Ok, yes. What’s your fun fact?

P: Laughter lowers cortisol.

M: Stress hormone.

P: Yes.

M: Ohhh.

P: It came up in a lecture of mine this week. Laughter lowers cortisol and I’m like ‘oh! I know this!’ Laughter!

M: Should we do some laughter yoga now?

P: Exactly, laugh.

M: Though, I don’t know if you need it, you’re already laughing.

P: But, I thought it was really interesting that, you know, this came out a lecture. Laughter actually lowers your stress hormone. So, if you’re having a bad week, the best thing that you can do for immediate effect is to go out and get a laugh.

M: Yep.

P: However, that happens if it’s going out and doing something silly, like walking around the house naked or if it’s going to a comedy show, watching your favourite movie.

M: Or having a laugh in the mirror for 60 seconds like we practised the other week.

P: Oh yeah.

M: It’s so easy, so, so easy and I’ve been doing in the mornings –

P: Laugh.

M: – and it’s just so mind blowing to me that such a simple 60 second thing can make such an impact.

P: It makes such a difference and I think that it’s worth investing in. So, get out there and laugh people!

M: Laugh.

P: Enjoy.

M: So, I went through our stats on our [podcast].

P: Ooh!

M: Guess which episode is the most popular?

P: Snigger, oh ooh… Laugh, I don’t want to guess this!

M: Laugh! It’s the only explicit one that we’ve had.

P: Oh! Oh, the swearing!

M: The swearing!

P & M: Laughter!

P: You people are wrong! So wrong! Really? Swearing got a lot of hits?

M: Absolutely.

P: That’s funny.

M: Can Swearing Make You Happier. I think people are trying to justify their swearing, laugh!

P: I love it. So, someone actually asked me the other day when I was talking about the podcast, and they said ‘Oh, you do a podcast?’

And I was like ‘Yeah, yeah.’

‘Which episode should I listen to first?’

And I was like ‘…I’m really not sure.’

M: Laugh.

P: If you listen to the first episode, you get really bored, laugh.

M: Mmm.

P: But if you listen to the last episode, you go ‘these guys are crazy!’

M: Probably, I’d go from last to first.

P: Well, I actually said, our episode on self-care, Self-Care is Church for Non-Believers.

M: Aww.

P: I thought that was a good starting point.

M: Yeah, yep, yep, I think so. We finally relaxed at that point.

P: I said this, I said that if you listen to the first episode, we’re going to be very formal.

M: We might need to go re-record that one.

P: Well, actually, we would love to hear from our listeners and ask, What’s your favourite episode thus far? Let us know?

M: Yes.

P: Because sitting here on the bed as we do.

M & P: Laugh.

P: Sometimes we’re not clued in as to what the formula is and what works. But if there’s an episode that you’ve really enjoyed, we would love to hear from you and here what that episode got for you.

M: Yep. All right, we’re moving on to today’s episode,

P: Which is…

M: Random Acts of Kindness.

P: Aww!

M: Now we’ve spoken about kindness before.

P: Lots.

M: Yes. So, I’m going to skim over the science, which is that kindness works, be kind, right?

P: Laugh. Do it people, do it.

M: That is the science, laugh.

P: Yep.

M: And today we wanted to just go through all of the fabulous things that you could do and put a challenge out there.

P: Oooh!

M: Now, you’re busy, I’m busy, but we’re going to pick one each and report back next week.

P: We are?

M: That is the deal, yes.

P: You’re giving me homework!

M: We’re giving everyone homework.

P: I haven’t finished my PHS [Population, Health & Society] essay yet and it’s driving me crazy! I can’t.

M: This is more homework.

P & M: Laughter.

M: And the great thing about this, just like the laughter yoga for 60 seconds or the gratitude journaling, it’s a 60 second activity.

P: Oh, alright… I’m in.

M: But you can’t bail on this.

P: [Reluctantly] I’m in.

M: So, what we’re talking about is finding a way to be kind to others.

P: Awe… It’s a Cinderella moment.

M: It’s so simple. And I’m going to quote Amelia Earhart here.

P: Oooh.

M: Who said, “A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions and the roots spring up and make new trees.”

P: That’s so true.

M: Well, just like with laughter, which we said was contagious and has been shown to be contagious. Kindness is the same thing, and couldn’t we all use just that little bit more kindness in the world?

P: It’s the pay it forward principle.

M: Yes!

P: You know, taking something and pushing it forward to someone else. When you get a gift, pass it on.

M: And not because you should, but because it will make you feel good about yourself.

P: The science says so, laugh.

M: The science says, absolutely.

P: Listen to me? What have you done to me Marie?

M: Laugh. You know, you’re not scientific if you just say ‘the science says!’

P: Laugh!

M: So you can go back and listen to some of our previous episodes if you would like the science because it does exist.

P: Laugh.

M: It’s not just us saying the ‘science says so.’

P: It’s there somewhere, I don’t know, I just blast over that stuff.

M: Laugh.

P: Marie’s the one on the science, laugh.

M: Well, it is there definitely. But today we wanted to talk about random acts of kindness specifically and give everyone some ideas and maybe give ourselves some ideas for what we’re going to do in this upcoming week.

P: Mmm, OK. So how often would you have a random act of kindness in a week?

M: I think it’s a mindset.

P: Hmm.

M: I think that no one ever was hurt by giving too much kindness to others. And I think that lives could be saved by small acts of kindness being received.

P: Do you think we’ve lost the ability to be kind to each other in the current contemporary society? Ooh, that’s a deep question.

M: I don’t think that society prioritises [kindness] enough. It’s seen as a weakness just like happiness. So Shawn Achor’s book, it’s a great book about happiness at work, shows that what we thought about success is actually the opposite. So, you don’t – there we go, The Happiness Advantage.

M: Successful people aren’t happier, happy people are more successful.

P: Mmm.

M: And I think with kindness, it’s similar and the research shows that as well. Being kind to others is seen as a weakness, but people who mentor others and care for others make better leaders and generally do better. So if you bring people along with you rather than tearing them down in the work environment or a team environment, you’ll succeed more.

P: Yeah.

M: So, I think there’s a lot of misconceptions around kindness, and we maybe need to correct some of those.

P: Misconceptions in what way? Who doesn’t want to be kind?

M: I think that you can get very jaded with this very busy life that we live, and it becomes…

P: An effort to be kind?

M: No, not a priority.

P: Interesting.

M: We’ve become quite selfish, particularly in corporates which are quite cut throat at times.

P: Yep. Well, competitiveness breeds cutthroat.

M: Exactly. And the irony is that the more competitive you are, the more kind you should be. You shouldn’t be cutting kindness off your list of things to do in a day or a week. You should be adding it deliberately and scheduling it in.

P: Mmm.

M: That is my challenge.

P: I think this scheduling it is quite difficult because it is very easy to put on your blinkers. And we had this in an episode a couple of weeks ago, we talked about the taxi driver and the woman getting in, and she was exhausted and she was just over her day and she just wanted to get home. But she chose to engage with the taxi driver. Now, is that an act of kindness?

M: Mmm… That’s not being a dick.

P: Laugh! Well okay, yeah there is that as well, it is coming down to being a dick not being a dick.

M: Yep.

P: Choosing, choosing to actually engage with people and also see people for who they are.

M: It’s stopping to say ‘how are you?’ when a cashier says ‘Hi, how are you?’

P: Yeah, well you had an episode recently when you were on a call centre and you spoke to a lady in India.

M: Yes. So, you know, again, I was on a call trying to get my banking sorted or something. And I have to say those call centres and the rigmarole you go through just to click all the numbers and get to where you want to go –

P: Yeah.

M: – and you’re on hold.

P: Definitely.

M: It sets you up to be in a bad mood, by the time you actually talk to someone.

P: You do because you’re frustrated, because you’re sitting there for 25 minutes going ‘I could be doing so much more with my time!’

M: Absolutely, and lady got on the phone and she was efficient and good at what she did. And I could hear the accent. And I said to her, I hear an accent where you from? And I could hear the hesitation in her voice actually, because I’m sure based on that one question, I could go either way.

P: Mmm, she’s scared. Yeah, exactly.

M: Right, [some] people are racist.

P: That’s a point to come back to later in the episode, I think. Is that questioning of like, ‘do I let myself be exposed here?’

M: Yep. So, she said she was in Mumbai, and I said, ‘I am just so sorry for what is happening in your country right now. I am so blessed that we’re in Australia and that we have no cases, at the moment here, and I can’t even imagine how hard that would be for you right now.’

P: Mmm.

M: And you could hear the relief in her voice just from that one acknowledgement –

P: That one comment, yeah.

M: – that other people are doing it tough and, you know I felt bad.

P: Mmm.

M: So look, I’m not trying to put myself up on a pedestal because I behave like a dick too.

P & M: Laughter!

M: Being honest. We’re all human.

P: But it’s having the presence of mind to acknowledge a human when you’re engaging with them, because I think in society in general we’ve become so used to not engaging as humans, and we lost that ability to recognise that this is a person on the other end of the line.

M: Yeah, a lot of the time, it is simply about remembering to say thank you for something meaningful to people you interact with every day. So next time you talk to your boss, next time you talk to a colleague, what can you add into that conversation that’s going to make them feel happy and put a smile on their face?

P: Mmm, yep. I agree.

M: So simple. Less than 60 seconds, Pete.

P: Laugh!

M: To be kind!

P: Laugh.

M: Help someone else to feel good about their day and to bring joy to their day.

P: Which brings joy to your life. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. It brings you back so much more than what you give out. It’s five seconds of your moment, but it brings you back so much more goodness, in terms of all the all those lovely things that we like to exhibit with neurotransmitters.

M: The first way to be kind or random act of kindness that I think most people can do is to have a look through your house for what you could recycle or up-cycle and pop it on gum tree. Or give it to Vinnies or whatever charity organisation is in your area, for free.

P: I actually have had experiences with that with gum tree. I was selling a very old set of stereo speakers that my Mother gave to me.

M: Aww.

P: Which was, you know, there is old as I am. I remember Mum getting them, they were huge.

M: Were you 21?

P: [Indistinct noises] … I’ll come back to that one.

M: Laugh.

P: But this lovely bloke came around to pick them up and he was super keen. And when you sell something on gum tree, it’s a free for all, you know, you getting these random messages from people going ‘I love you, I love your family, I just want to buy your product.’

M & P: Laugh.

P: It’s like if you could bottle that you’d be a rich person. So, this guy turned up in his little is little Suzuki 121? or whatever it was and he got these massive speakers in there. And then he said ‘oh, you know, I was wondering if you could sell them for $5 cheaper?’ And I went ‘You know what dude, have-em, take-em, I don’t care. Just take em. And he was like ‘Oh, really?’ ‘Yeah, sure. Off you go, enjoy!’ Laugh.

M: And that would have made his day.

P: Exactly, and it was the reaction of his surprise that made me feel really good and so that fuelled me for a couple of days.

M: Yep, absolutely. And that is something that nearly every person can go do whether it’s clothes that don’t fit you anymore, items in the kitchen that you just don’t use, we’ve all got them.

P: Yeah, oh yeah! A George Foreman Grill, laugh.

M: Absolutely. A really, really easy way to, just make someone’s life that little bit easier. Or if you’re going to sell it on gum tree or Facebook marketplace or whatever, give away for free and you’re really going to help someone out. That’s my number one and I can say tick for the week because we did that this morning with our old washing machine.

P: Yay.

M: But I’m going to add more on for us this week.

P: OK, I’m going to throw in here. The one for me is to give to a homeless person.

M: Yes.

P: It’s so easy to walk past someone on the street and even easier now in the day of the non-cash society that we are –

M: Yes.

P: – where everything is done by card. To actually have some cash in your wallet and to give someone not just one or two dollars but to give them $10.

M: If you can afford $10 a quarter or a month, you know.

P: Yeah.

M: Put that aside as something that you’re going to give with no strings attached.

P: Yep.

M: No expectations.

P: It’s an honest, generous giving notion and when it happens spontaneously, I reckon the happiness level that you get from that is five-fold.

M: Absolutely.

P: It’s such a gorgeous gift to go ‘here, have this’ and to see the person’s reaction. It’s like giving presents at Christmas. It’s one thing to send something to someone. It’s another thing to watch them open it and watch the joy and the excitement that, for me, is really precious. And I think that when you actually do that, when you surprise someone by saying ‘I’m not going to give you a coin, I’m going to give you a note.’

M: Yep.

P: And I want you to take this and buy something nice for yourself.

M: Absolutely. We took a lady in the shop next to where she was asking for money and got her a sandwich and we asked,

‘Do you want it toasted?’

‘That would be great’, because it was a bit chilly and

‘Do you want to drink with that?’ and she was like,

‘Could I?’

P: Oh, wow.

M: And I said ‘Do you want dessert?’ Laugh, and just the look on her face. Like, if I couldn’t, couldn’t buy lunch, that would just, yeah I can’t imagine.

P: I think we can get a bit cynical about it as well in contemporary society, we think these people aren’t really poor. They’re not really homeless. They’re just pretending.

M: Or, you know, they brought it on themselves –

P: Oooh!

M: Or what have they done? They could get a job if they wanted to.

P: Yeah, yeah.

M: There’s so much judgement that can so easily creep into your heart.

P: And that’s the cynic, which is why we did this podcast.

M: Absolutely.

P: It’s drop that cynicism, actually see the person for who they are.

M: You don’t even have to, you can just give the 10 bucks and walk on and feel better.

P: True. Yeah, yeah ok.

M: Laugh. If that makes you uncomfortable.

P: See, I like the being uncomfortable.

M: Yep.

P: I think if it’s uncomfortable, it’s challenging. And there’s something… Nothing great comes from being comfortable. I’ve said this a lot in the last few months, that has been a really interesting one for me. No great achievement comes from being in a comfortable space.

M: Yep.

P: You need to challenge yourself. You need to push yourself to be better and that comes in being generous and being kind. You need to push yourself a little bit out of your comfort zone. So the next time the guy comes to your windscreen, to wash your windscreen. Think about that. It’s really easy to dismiss them and go ‘I haven’t got any change in my car anymore, I’m cash-less.’

M: Mmm hmm.

P: What else could you offer? What else could you provide?

M: If strangers are not your cup of tea. There are so many other ways that you can help-out people who are closer in your circle as well, like your neighbours.

P: Oh.

M: We often, don’t speak to our neighbours. I honestly, I’m not throwing rocks because I have no idea who my neighbours are.

P: Laugh.

M: I live in apartment block, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen most of them, we just don’t cross paths ever.

P: Yeah. It’s a very dense city experience.

M: Yes, absolutely. So, things like taking their garbage bins out. Or if you’ve got elderly neighbours and you’re mowing your lawn, you know, helping them out with theirs.

P: Mmm.

M: Things like that can make a really big difference to someone.

P: I’m going to give a shout out here, so I often refer to my Mum in a very negative light sometimes.

M: It’s family, if I ever said anything bad about your Mother, you’d deck me.

P: Laugh! I rip on her a bit. So here we go, my Mum, my Mum, is difficult to love, don’t get me wrong, she’s a hard nut. But there was a lady across the road and she was impaired, physically impaired with illness and Mum used to go out, go across the road, go to the woodpile and bring the wood to the back door –

M: Aww.

P: – so that she didn’t have to go down the stairs to get to the wood. And that sparked off a friendship that sparked off a relationship. And then it turned to Mum, getting the mail, bringing her groceries. All this sort of stuff that Mum just did out of the goodness of kindness. It was like ‘she can’t do it, so I’m going to help her out.’ And when this lovely lady passed away, Mum was like ‘oh’, Mum rang me and she said, ‘I lost my mate today.’ And whenever Mum says that to me, it’s a very poignant moment because, as I said, Mum’s a bit difficult to love sometimes.

M: Giggle.

P: But there’s this lovely generosity in there and when Mum decides to support you, you get supported.

And she said ‘Oh, I lost my mate today.’

And I said, ‘Oh Mum, I’m so sorry.’

And she goes, ‘Yeah, yeah, it was really tough, she got wheeled away and that was the last time that I saw her.’

Three months later, a brand-new television arrived on Mum’s doorstep. The daughters of this lady said, ‘you looked after our Nan – sorry the Grand-daughters – you looked after Nan in her final years and this was something that we bought for her, but we never got to give to her, so we thought you might like it.’

M: Aww. A random act of kindness.

P: Yeah, a random act of kindness and every time that Mum turns on the television to watch the footy, she thinks of her mate. That’s soul fulfilling.

M: Aww, what a lovely story!

P: It’s a brilliant story. You can have that much impact on someone’s life from a random act of kindness.

M: Absolutely, and you don’t even have to go to that length, you don’t even have to give money. You can do something as simple as learning the security guard’s name.

P: Yes.

M: Hi Bob, as you walk in the door.

P: Yep, makes a huge difference.

M: Absolutely, or the receptionist or people that work in your area there are a huge list of things that you can do on a fabulous website called…

P: Random Acts of Kindness

M: dot com!

P: Laugh.

M: It’ll be tough to remember that one, I’m sure.

And they have a lovely calendar, and what I love about their calendar is that they have so many ideas, things like leaving notes for people to find with beautiful messages.

P: Oh! I remember someone doing that for me not looking anywhere but right to my side for my 37th birthday.

M: Laugh, aww. Yep.

P: I still find them, laugh.

M: Or become a blood donor.

P: Yep.

M: That’s not going to cost you anything. Plus, they have really good snacks.

P & M: Laugh.

M: And they’re normally really lovely. So, there’s so many things. They’re all on this site, and in particular they’ve got a kindness calendar so you can kind of theme it. There’s things you can do with your family or your friends, and you’ll never be short of ideas for random acts of kindness.

P: Is that the challenge to this week, Marie? Are we all supposed to go in the calendar and find one act?

M: Absolutely.

P: Is that what we’re doing?

M: I think that is the challenge. Find and do?

P: Alright. So, we’ve got to action it. All right.

M: And as I said, it could be simple and free. Praise someone publicly for their work.

P: Oh, yeah.

M: Something that they’ve done. Go check out the Random Acts of Kindness dot com website, there are some great ideas on the site. Or just look for their calendar and scroll through. There are so many good ideas and they will make you feel better as well.

P: Mmm.

M: And if you really like this idea about spreading kindness and the site is all dedicated to spreading kindness throughout the world and making the world a kinder place, if you buy into that, then schedule it in, first of every month, do something that brings kindness because, as we know, if you don’t schedule it and prioritise that, you forget it, no matter how good it makes you feel, you’ll do it once and never again.

P: Yeah, the other way of doing that is to pop it on the fridge.

M: Yep. Although, I forget things [on the fridge], like I’ve got these gorgeous things that I’ve had in my fridge, and I never remember to look at them.

P: Laugh. Well, maybe put it on your mirror in the bathroom, something to remind you that you did a good thing.

M: Yep.

P: And acknowledge yourself for it because I think that’s actually the beauty of it is when you acknowledge it yourself.

M: Yep.

P: I think that’s where the magical lies.

M: Well actually, there’s some stuff in this calendar about being kind to yourself as well.

P: Oooh, that’s another episode.

M: All right, well, on that note, we should wrap up then, so be kind.

P: Ohhhh. It’s a Cinderella moment.

M: Laugh, until next week.

P: You didn’t do your cut off.

M: What cut off?

P: You didn’t do your cut off. What was the cut off? Not ‘be happy.’

M: Have a happy week?

P: That’s it.

M: Laugh. Alright, have a happy week, guys. Bye.

P: Laugh. Bye!

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

Are You Blindly Riding the Hedonic Treadmill? (E68)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about happiness set points and the hedonic treadmill and ask the question, are you blindly riding it?

Show notes

During the podcast Pete references a Ted talk about social inequality, please see attached below.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: Hi.

P: And we’re back.

M: We’re back.

P: Laugh!

M: Regular as clockwork.

P: Like the passing of the sands through the hourglass,

M & P: so are the days of our lives. Laughter!

P: Oh my god, I can’t believe I remembered that. How many years ago was that?

M: Oh dear. Laugh.

P: Hey, I’ve got a story, I got a share story. Can I share?

M: Yes, share your story.

P: So, with all this work that we have been doing around happiness and consciousness and mindfulness and all that sort of stuff. I had an event happen last week where I got a letter in the mail which was horrible.

M: Oh.

P: And it resulted in a bad, a bad lose for the week.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And I went to bed that night and I had nightmares that there was a Jaguar in my room and I woke up at 4 in the morning and I couldn’t get back to sleep. Obviously, I was stressed from this letter. I kind of went ‘oh no, what am I going to do? and I’m not sleeping well, and I thought this is a great opportunity for me to practise what I preach.’

M: Yes!

P: So, I got up in the morning and I had a PT appointment booked with my lovely trainer Alan and I was shattered, I was tired, I was like ‘oh I can’t do this’. But I got up and I went ‘No, I’m going to go and I trust Alan, he won’t push me if my body is not ready for it. So I got there and he said, ‘ooh you looked tired.’

M: Soft Laugh.

P: Yeah, I woke up at four a.m. and I couldn’t get back to sleep. And he went, ‘right.’ So we took the workout right back, but we did some stuff that was really challenging. And I walked out of that gym as I always do… feeling better than when I walked in.

M: Yep.

P: And I went straight home and I took action against this letter, straightaway.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: I rang up people, I got advice, it pushed me to be more proactive and if this had happened six months ago, I wouldn’t have taken those steps. I would have stayed in my little hole and buried my head in the sand and maybe not taken direct action. And I thought, this is really what we talk about.

M: Yes.

P: Taking control and doing the one step for one thing that you can take control of. For me, it was going and doing the exercise, even though I felt terrible. I was like ‘No, go and do it because you know that exercise brings about happy hormones, makes you more engaged and it gets you actioning things.

M: And not only that, you’re actually getting some social benefit out of it because you like your trainer.

P: Exactly.

M: You’ve been with him for a few years now.

P: Yeah, I have. Yeah, he’s fantastic. As I said, I always walk out of that place [feeling] better than when I walked in. So just a little tip, you know, even though you and I are the ones that are bringing all this stuff to our lovely listeners, we still have challenges.

M: Oh!

P: We still have things that screw up our day and present us with a aaahhhh! But we have the tools.

M: So, I was on a panel this week because it’s Mental Health Month.

P: Yay!

M: And one of the things that me and the other panellists talked about a fair bit was sleep.

P: Mmm.

M: And how it is the one thing that all of us have a bad night’s sleep every now and then, particularly those of us with pets or kids. It happens more often.

P & M: Laugh!

M: Not just angry or bad letters, but it’s one of those things that can really impact your happiness the next day.

P: Oh definitely.

M: It is just so common, and what I love about your story is that you recognised it.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: So, you’ve done enough self-assessment that you’re now understanding your triggers.

P: Yes.

M: And we all have triggers.

P: Yep.

M: My husband leaving his socks on the floor in the doorway. That’s one of my triggers. Laugh!

P: Constantly comes up on this show.

M: Laugh.

P: Every chance you get you remind us of that one, laugh.

M: Yep, being injured.

P: Yep.

M: So, I’ve just sports-wise, had a bad back for the last few weeks, have been struggling with that. Poor sleep, there’s a number of things for me that are my triggers and I’m now so much more aware of those triggers and therefore know to cut myself some slack.

P: That’s emotional first aid.

M: Absolutely, yep. So what are we talking about today?

P: I don’t want to say this ‘cause I’ll say it wrong.

M: Hedonic Treadmill.

P: Amygdala! Laugh. Nor-epinephrine!

M: Laugh! I think we had hedonistic treadmill written down some point.

P: We did! Because I remember thinking that sounds fun, laugh!

M: Instead of the hedonic treadmill. Laugh.

So, we are talking about… and I wanted to start, I love that we started with story. I was going to start with a quote, but we’ll get to the quote now and it is a famous Socrates quote and he once said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

P: [Reverent sound of awe] Aaahhhh…

M: So I have a question for you Pete.

P: Oh, Q&A.

M: Are you loving your life?

P: Yes, very easy to answer that question.

M: I would love for our listeners at home to really ask themselves that question and truthfully, answer it because for a lot of people myself included in my twenties and thirties.

P: Yep.

M: I was living life, I wasn’t loving life necessarily. And there’s this theory called the hedonic treadmill, which a lot of us in Western society will have been blindly following because we haven’t examined our life. We haven’t spent the time examining the scripts that our parents and society and school and government gave us.

P: Ah, yes.

M: And we live in a Western consumerist society that teaches us from a very young age that success and achievement is important.

P: Yes.

M: And so we spend a lot of our lives going after the next thing.

P: Mmm.

M: Good grades, a good school, good job, a good company, a promotion, a house, a bigger house, a McMansion –

P: Laugh!

M: – the list goes on and on. And there’s this unwritten understanding that that will make things good for you and maybe happy.

P: You’re ticking the boxes.

M: Yep.

P: You’re ticking all the boxes that are presented for the recipe that was handed down from your parents and from their parents –

M: – for what’s important.

P: Exactly.

M: Yep. Now the research shows us that is our society and how we’re generally programmed unless your parents had a different view, or you went to an alternative school. That’s the prevailing theory and way that our society is set up.

Now the hedonic treadmill is a theory that we have a tendency to quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness after major positive or negative events or life changes. So, if you get a promotion or a pay rise, your expectations and desires for, say a bigger house or a nicer car will rise accordingly, which results in no permanent gain in happiness.

P: Ok.

M: Similarly, if you get fired, for instance, you may be sad for a while, but then you’ll balance back out. And we talked the other day about your set point.

P: Yeah.

M: So, really what we’re saying here is that you’ve got a set point that you naturally and somewhat biologically sit at.

P: Yep.

M: On a scale of one to ten, you might sit at a six naturally, and if you get fired, then for a period time you might be a two or three or you might dip all the way to a one, but eventually you will come back to a six.

P: Personally I like to think of myself as a size eight.

M: Laugh! We’re not talking sizes.

P: Eight just fits me, laugh.

M: Well, actually, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned studying with the Happiness Studies Academy, and one of the things we do is regularly ask ourselves how we’re doing against – They have, a model with five elements, and you rate yourself against each of them.

P: Ah yeah.

M: I’m consistently high on those, generally I’m a nine.

P: I’m really good at four, one I’m shit on.

M: Laugh.

P: Although it’s going up lately. That’s good, Laugh.

M: Good. And, I think we tend to prefer some of them, for me, its intellectual.

P: Yeah, there are things that you’re drawn to, and they’re the ones that we might spend a bit more time on. And it’s, I love that exercise because it does highlight the fact that even if you’re just looking at that diagram or those five sections and you can say to yourself ‘yeah, number three’s a bit dodgy.’

M: Yes.

P: You know that you have to focus on that, or at least to devote a little bit more time to that. Or ask yourself the question. What am I doing to satisfy number three?

M: Yep, and to bring balance across all of them? Because we know that having that imbalance leads to a lot of issues.

P: Yep.

M: Yep, or put you at risk when those bad events happen, of not being able to bounce back or be more resilient?

P: Exactly, yeah. This is what I’m saying about my story is that I felt like I had more tools at my disposal. So, when I woke up at four I was like, ‘Oh, it’s going to be that night. It’s going to be, I’m not going to, yeah, I’m out, I’m done.’

M & P: Laugh.

P: Get comfortable with that and then make the adjustment. And then it was, it was the next morning and I’m like right. I’m going to get on top of this bang, bang, bang. I was much more active than I’ve ever been before, Yay Me 😊

M: And they say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

P: Are you calling me an old dog?

M: Laugh, I just did.

P: Laugh!

M: So, what this means when you look at it from the hedonic treadmill point of view is that chasing those material things might make you happier in the moment. But it’s not going to raise your set point. It’s not going to make your subjective well-being or your happiness levels higher overall.

P: This comes back to that example we had a few weeks ago about the guys in the New Zealand who got the promotion, and we’re working harder and longer and their perceived happiness was higher and you are all ‘Mmm, I’m not sure about that one, I challenge that.’ This is the same thing.

M: Exactly, yep.

P: Were they happier because of what they’re achieving? Or is it that they’re happier because that was what society had set for them with the goals that they wanted.

M: So, this is all saying the opposite of what that that study said, which is that you’ll only get a small hit to your happiness levels and then you come back to your base line a set point.

P: Mmm.

M: So chasing the success, the bigger house, you know, the unit, the house, the McMansion and the white picket fences and going up and up and up –

P: Yep.

M: – will make you feel so happy the day that you put the sold sticker on the board and you take your photo in front of your house.

P: Laugh!

M: And share it on Facebook with everyone, and you’ll be feeling on top of the world that day within a small amount of time, a tiny amount of time. That house just becomes your new normal, and you go back to your base happiness level.

P: That’s when you get the $200,000 reno.

M: Exactly, and then it’s more and more and more and for today’s kids, I really feel sorry for them because they’re so much more able to compare themselves against others because of social media. Again, we’ve spoken about that before as well that it makes it really hard to live and to take yourself out of those societal expectations, particularly when social connection is so important, particularly teens.

P: Yeah.

M: And to not buy into having the latest shoes and latest jeans and the latest –

P: Yes.

M: – and having a car. I Remember the kids who had cars. I was so jealous.

P: Me too, laugh!

M: Yep, absolutely so we know that there’s a number of things that make people happier. And the number one thing is social connection.

P: This is your big thing, this is your big platform? You love your social connections?

M: Well, it’s where all the research starts. Any model out there, whether you’re talking Martin Seligman or Tal Ben Shahar or any of the positive psychology bigwigs out there all have something about relationships or social connection. And we know about the Harvard study, the longest longitudinal study in the world, which comes out over and over again with strong social connections and blue zones.

P: Yep.

M: So not only does make you happier, you lived longer. You don’t die [early].

P: That’s coming out in the health research that’s coming out as well. It’s all about the bio-social model.

M: Yep.

P: Not just being medical model, but it’s about the social influences and the environment that which you live and the connections that you’ve got in the support mechanisms that are around you. And this is coming out with all the research that’s coming through on global health studies.

M: And why there is such a concern from World Health Organisation and so many of the other global and national bodies, medical bodies about loneliness in particular and old age.

P: They’re finally recognising that that’s a real factor in the situational influences, which comes down to environment under the international classification of functioning, which was one of the big shifts in health going on the moment.

M: Absolutely, so if you want to raise that set point going after the newest and the latest, and the achievement is not the way to do that.

P: What is the way, Marie?

M: Social Connection, number one.

P: Yep.

M: Purpose and Meaning, we’ve said before.

P: Yep.

M: Again, why people who retire are often depressed within a year, and why people who lose their jobs quickly get depressed. There are so many examples of when purpose and meaning are taken away or abruptly stop that people decline very quickly.

P: So, is that about asking the question a little bit earlier in your life cycle? Not waiting until you retire to go, ‘oh, what do I really want to do?’

M: I think it’s about having a growth mindset. That’s the latest [thing] that everyone’s talking about. So that your never not learning and growing there’s a great quote, I have no idea who said it.

P: Laugh.

M: And it was, “I play the violin, I do art, I play soccer, blah blah blah… and the person says ‘Oh my gosh, you are so accomplished.’ They said, no, no, no, I don’t do any of them well, but I do them all.”

P: Laugh.

M: And that is it, it’s about learning new things. So if you learn a new skill every year and never master any of them. That’s just as good as spending your whole life trying to master something else that you’re passionate about.

P: Something that you’re passionate about at any level is good, and curiosity.

M: Yes, so that’s where the passion and meaning comes from. What really excites you and how can you spend your time? It could be gardening. It could be so many things it could be raising your kids or your grandkids. But, it’s having something that really gets you excited.

P: Hmm.

M: And then the last one, again, Healthy Mind and Body habits.

P: Oh, yes.

M: So, if you didn’t have that habit the other day of going to the gym and that commitment as well, which is good to your PT, you might have skipped out.

P: Yeah, definitely. Would’ve been so easy to go ‘I’m not going this morning because I’m too tired’, but because there was that routine, if you like, yeah [I did go].

M: Mmm hmm.

P: I’ve even done it on other days as well, where I’ve woken up, and …I guess it’s a throwback to the days of being a dancer. You wake up, you do class. That’s the first thing you do every single morning. And no matter how bad you feel, even when you’ve been out partying and you go to in the first Port de bras and first position, oy vey! Laugh. You soon feel better because you’re moving your body around, and it is routine that actually helps you a lot with that. It’s not motivation it’s habit.

M: Absolutely. So, that’s why we talked about that last one being about habits, the healthy mind and body. So lastly, what are the steps to help get off that Hedonic treadmill?

P: Oooh.

M: How do we get off this treadmill of needing to succeed and wanting more, more, more, more.

P: So more handstands!

M: Handstands are great, I like handstands.

P: Laugh! Is it about throwing something into the mix that isn’t normal, is that how you do it?

M: I think the first step is listening to our podcast right now.

P: Ha, ha!

M: Understanding that you’re on that treadmill.

P: Oooh, the self-confession.

M: It’s what we said with Socrates, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” So if this podcast has helped you do one thing, it’s to maybe look at whether you’re on that treadmill. Are you looking, as soon as you’ve got one thing, at what’s next? What’s next? What’s next? And working longer hours and harder to get your promotion and buy a new car and to get you nice holiday because everyone else had a nice holiday.

P: Yeah, yeah. My name is Peter Furness and I’m a hedonist, laugh! [on the hedonic treadmill]

M: Well, there can be balance, right? We don’t have to give it all up?

P & M: Laughter!

M: I’m not advocating for you to go live in a cardboard box on the street.

P: Laugh. Well, it’s interesting that when I first read the title on being the hedonistic treadmill, I was like, ‘This is going to be fabulous, it’s all about doing what you want and going against the grain and being flamboyant and you know.

M: This is me!

P: Yeah, laugh. Like running naked through the forest, all that sort of stuff.

M: Laugh.

P: I didn’t realise it was a bad thing, laugh.

M: Yeah, no… you don’t want to be, it’s, it’s the rat race, really.

P: Yeah.

M: We’re really talking, we’re really having a go at the rat race and consumerism.

P: And being distracted by that as well. It’s easy to buy into other people’s goals.

M: Yes.

P: What your goals are not necessarily going to match with what my goals are.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Thankfully, they cross over a lot in terms of holidays and whatnot. But it’s recognising that… even your other half, even your significant other, if their goal is slightly different to yours, that’s okay, because as long as you both have passion involved, then somewhere the crossover can occur.

M: Yeah. And I think also understanding that generationally things change. For our grand parents who went through the Depression, securing your financial future was critical to survival.

P: Yeah.

M: In our world of over-abundance, it is not that important.

P: We also have more choice. Well, too much choice as we’ve talked about before.

M: Yep. And when we talk about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, our ability to secure our basic needs is so much easier in today’s society.

P: Yeah, and that’s getting better. The Global Burden of Disease study came out last year, – and I’m getting all this research is great!

M: Laugh.

P: The study revealed that from the years 2000 to 2010, we’ve done a really good job from the Millennium Statement, which was done in 2000 by the UN of reducing, poverty, reducing child malnourishment.

M: From the Global Sustainability Goals?

P: Yeah, that came from the same publication yeah. But we’ve done a really good job in there in terms of the SDI countries, the Social Demographic Index, basically the poorer nations, or what used to be called the underdeveloped nations or undeveloped nations. They’ve done a really good job in balancing out that inequality.

M: Yep, and you’ll find, there’s a great book by Hugh van Cuylenberg called The Resilience Project, and he went to India and then Nepal, and he spent some time in the Himalayas. And he said he met the poorest people he’s ever met. But they were also the happiest.

P: Mmm, yeah, yeah.

M: And, of course, they were poor but they had their basic needs met. So, just like we’re talking about here with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and you look at some high schools around Sydney, these kids that have it all –

P: Mmm hmm.

M: – and they’re nowhere near as happy as those kids in Nepal.

P: Yes, I have watched a wonderful Ted talk with a gentleman, I can’t remember his name, I have to put it in the notes. But he talks about the role of inequality in our society, and how that is damaging us and that we need to address that inequality and it is about happiness. In a sort of backwards loop, he talks about the health impacts, mainly of it coming through. But those top countries like America [U.S.], the amount of violence that is on the streets in America is hugely disproportionate when you look at other countries globally.

M: Mmm.

P: And he says that this is a direct result of lack of trust, of the lack of the fairness on how this is.

M: Yep.

P: It’s eroding our social fabric.

M: So, that is a great point as we start to wrap up.

So, the first thing you need to do to get off the hedonic treadmill is to understand that you’re on it.

The second thing is to stop comparing yourself to others. So even if you are in America [U.S.] and on minimum wage and life is not frickin fair. Being upset about it is not going to do you in your life any good.

P: Yeah, you’ve got to suck it up princess.

M: Unless you want to be miserable for your whole life; Then go for it, go be miserable. If you’ve got your basic needs met, you can put food on the table and you’re not under too much undue financial pressure, and a lot of people in the States are, and in Australia. But if you’ve got those basic needs met than constantly trying to keep up with the Joneses is only doing yourself a disservice.

P: Yep.

M: And so, when we talk about the hedonic treadmill that is the key to getting off it, stop comparing yourself to other people.

P: Find what’s true for you.

M: And then, lastly, re-focus on the things that will raise your set point.

  • The Social Connection;
  • Purpose and Meaning; and
  • Healthy mind and body habits.

P: And doing handstands.

M: Absolutely.

P: Laugh.

M: And on that note –

P: Handstand away, laugh!

M: Wishing you a happy week.

P: Still laughing!

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going, at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

Why Hobbies can Improve your Mental Health (E67)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about why hobbies can not only improve your mental health but they can also boost social skills and wellbeing.

Show notes

During the podcast Pete refers to Charlotte Hespe as being a chairwoman of the Royal Australian College of General Practitioners when in fact she is the Director. We apologise for this error.

We also apologise for the incorrect use of feminine pronouns when referring to Professor Alex Haslam in this podcast.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: And we’re back again.

P: Hello 😊

M: Hello 😊

P: How are we? How’s your work going, Muz?

M: Yeah, not too bad. How’s yours?

P: It’s, it’s bang in there, it’s back on the treadmill, you know, going hard going home. Actually I’m not going home.

M: Laugh! Just going hard?

P: Yeah, just going hard, two assignments due this week. So, bring on human anatomy and physiology, I’m already, laugh!

M: I’m kind of in a different head space where I’m trying to look after myself and have some downtime. I’ve just been running too fast for too long and I just need to add a bit of self-care into my week this week.

P: Oooh, lovely. Well, we’re very good at that.

M: Yes.

P: We’re good at prescribing that on here. I hope that we’re good at applying it?

M: Every now and then, sometimes I’m just too busy to do it.

P & M: Laughter.

M: This week, I’m feeling my resilience slipping.

P: Oh, what’s your self-care go to?

M: … Netflix.

P & M: Laugh.

P: So, you’re a Hygge person?

M: Yes, yes, yes.

P: It’s good weather for that at the moment.

M: Yes, it’s been raining and miserable hasn’t it?

P: Yeah, it’s been a good day to get out your… I was going to say galoshes.

M: My Uggs! Yes.

P: Get your tracky pants and watch cartoons.

M: Yeah, definitely.

P: But that’s not going to talk about today. We won’t talk about Hygge, we’ve done that one.

M: What are we talking about today?

P: Oooh, today we’re talking about… what are we talking about?

M: Hobbies 😊

P: Laugh, hobbies, yes.

M: And we’re talking about hobbies and the importance of hobbies on our mental health.

P: Oh, how many people forget their hobbies when they get out of school? Most people forget, they go to university [and] they drop all their hobbies.

M: I think, because when we get busy, we forget that we need those other things to create balance in our life and to keep our resilience.

P: Mmm, absolutely.

M: And one of the best things that you can do when things get tough is double down on your hobbies and sports and those other things, self-care activities.

P: Yep.

M: To help create that balance and to help you through busy times. Unfortunately, though, when we get to university and it becomes exam time or you get to work and you’re in your twenties and you’re trying to –

P: Yeah, trying to cranked it up.

M: – make a career for yourself. We drop those things.

P: We, so shouldn’t.

M: And it actually hurts your mental health –

P: It does.

M: – rather than help you achieve those career goals or study goals.

P: It does, very much. So, take that afternoon off. Go and play that tennis game or play some basketball, and I don’t feel bad about it.

M: Mmm hmm, absolutely. And it’s even more important, you know, we talked about it, university and exam pressure and then work pressure, but we’re in the of a global pandemic.

P: Yep.

M: I don’t think anyone’s forgotten that. Laugh.

P: No, not recently.

M: But it has severely impacted many people’s mental health. And a lot of the reasons why we’re not coping is that we haven’t been able to participate in our traditional hobbies.

P: Activities.

M: But there are so many other hobbies that you could replace it with. That may not be a first choice.

P: True.

M: But it’s still just as interesting and just as beneficial to our mental health.

P: Absolutely. It was very funny when my father died and we were concerned about our mother and my sister actually stepped up and said, Mom, you’ve got to find a hobby. And mum wasn’t a hobby person like she did things because she had to or she was expected to.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: She was very, very good at them and she found orchids. She became the orchid whisperer. She invested [in it]. She joined the local orchid society. My mother doesn’t like people.

M: Laugh!

P: And yet, she went over the orchids society. Admittedly, there are a couple of people that she goes ‘oh I don’t like that person.’

M & P: Laugh.

P: But you know, she took on this role of orchids and she got right into it. Now she knows people all over the country with orchids.

M: Ohhh.

P: It’s a big thing, who would have thought.

M: And you know what? She’s probably getting so much joy out of that, and such good benefits from a mental health perspective.

P: She talks to them. She does, she talks them. So, I think it’s actually really good from a mental health perspective. People probably think she’s batty, but she’s actually having a good old conversation. Laugh!

M: Gardeners do talk to their plants, don’t they?

P: It works because apparently oxygen is really good for plants, you’re supposed to talk to your plants.

M: Laugh! That would be carbon dioxide if you’re talking to your plants.

P: Oh, I don’t know, I’m not a science person! …much.

M: Laugh, then go ahead and talk to your plants.

P & M: Laughter!

P: I’ll just keep that in mind for my anatomy exam, laugh.

M: So obviously, let’s not forget that in times of stress and pressure, it is really also really important to keep regular patterns of eating, sleeping, hygiene and exercise.

P: Oh, very much, yes.

M: The four.

  • So eat well,
  • Get your eight hours of sleep –

P: Seven.

M: – or seven or nine, whatever it is that you need, I need nine.

P: Oh wow.

M: Or I don’t function. So yeah, I need sleep, yep. Anyway,

  • Exercise, and
  • hygiene.

P: Mmm.

M: Keep, keep yourself in check. Laugh.

P: Pluck and wax, laugh.

M: Not necessarily. But there’s something to be said –

P: Brush your teeth and all that sort of stuff.

M: I’ve had so many conversations with people who have been going back into the office about how it’s actually nice to put a bit of lippy on.

P: Oh, ok.

M: And to do your hair and actually feel presentable and nice about yourself. Put on a pair of earrings or something.

P: There was that wonderful movement in the middle of the pandemic when they hit last year, people mowing their lawns in ball gowns.

M: Laugh! I missed that!

P: Did you! It was every Friday, it was where your ballgown day!

M: Oh!

P: And people were mowing lawns and doing the dishes in these full-on like debutante dresses. It was hilarious.

M: I have to go google that.

P: There are images of it, very funny, yeah. People posting on social media it was great. Laugh.

M: So, if you are having a difficult time and you’ve dropped your hobbies, the research is showing that having a hobby is linked to lower levels of depression, and it may even prevent depression for some, and one of the things that people who become depressed often do is they withdraw.

P: Yep.

M: So, they stop doing things that they love. So, it makes sense to me, I guess, that what the research is showing is a way of preventing depression is to add these things into your life.

P: Get active, mmm. Definitely. There is a whole movement about this in the health circles as well. About a social prescription.

M: Yes.

P: And they talk about being the third tier of health. And it’s actually UK invention that’s been around in the UK for a while, and we’re kind of picking the ball up here in Australia. We’re starting to do it. GP’s are starting to push for it a lot more, and it has come out of a Brigham Young University report, which is about Loneliness and Social Isolation and the Risk Factors for Mortality. And this was done in 2015 and it quotes figures ranging from 30% in the UK to 50% in the U.S. of people who lack social contact, having higher rates of mortality than those who have good social interaction.

M: Oh.

P: Now the part of social prescription is getting people in touch with local community groups; that can be debate teams, orchid society’s, –

M: Laugh.

P: the local dance classes and getting people, [actually] prescribing them memberships to these organisations so they go and join, its like ‘you will go and you will be social!’

M: Laugh.

P: Can you imagine your GP saying that to you in the middle of the medical university. But the research shows that it’s actually really beneficial. It creates positive interactions. It’s a co design for non-clinical medical prescription. Black Dog Institute in Australia is very much for it.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: They’re very much about promoting it. It came about in the NHS [National Health Service] in the UK around the 1990’s in the Bromley by Bow Centre was one of the first ones in East London. And it was a non-medical referral system, the idea being that social connectedness became a community-based operation in an effort to prevent issues being a strain on the public health system. So the NHS in England, was saying, ‘We can’t deal with the influx, let’s bring in the community organisations.’

M: And this is so aligned to the positive psychology movement which says it is cheaper to have people proactively take care of their happiness and well-being rather than to fix it once it’s broken.

P: Exactly, it saves so much money in the health system going into mental health disease prevention, definitely.

M: And all that we’ve learned in the last 30 to 40 years with the positive psychology movement shows that you can take control of your happiness and your well-being, and you can influence it. So, having a hobby is such an easy way to safeguard against all of the crap that’s going on in the world today.

P: Laugh! Absolutely, yeah.

M: And whether it was to combat loneliness, like the studies that you’re showing or to keep your mind active and engaged in to help find purpose –

P: Yes.

M: – like we discussed last week, and meaning in your life; Or to help keep your mind active as you age and find a hobby that can, you know, make you grow and learn and continue –

P: Gives you tasks and new skills.

M: Yep, goal and achievement.

P: That that’s a really big way of offsetting… ageing diseases?

M: Dementia and Alzheimer’s.

P: Yes, neurological diseases.

M: Yep.

P: Sorry, I got my terminology mixed up.

M & P: Laugh.

M: Absolutely. So, having a hobby or being social, or if you can combine the two, we always talk about how they nearly always intersect. All of these activities it can be a real tangible way to avoid, they call it anhedonia, which is when people get depressed and they stop finding joy in things that they like. So, it’s a symptom of poor mental health. So, it’s about turning that around.

P: That’s a really easy measurement to check in with yourself, isn’t it?

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Am I still finding joy in decorating cakes or cooking the evening meal? Like if you did find joy in that, that’s a bit of a that’s a bit of a warning signal, isn’t it? It’s a bit of red flag.

M: Absolutely, and we all get bored.

P: Yeah.

M: Novelty is such a powerful thing. But if you do something day in, day out for years on end, of course you’re going to get bored if it eventually, unless you’re still growing in that activity and mastering a skill.

P: Yeah.

M: You know, cake decorating might be great for five years, but you might want to move on to playing tennis after that.

P: True, it’s a different skill base, maybe.

M: Or if you’re like me, just trying to keep a plant alive for more than a month.

P: Laugh!

M: So what hobbies do you have Pete?

P: What hobbies do I have?

M: Mmm.

P: Well, interestingly enough my blog, it turned into a hobby, so the blog was started as a business venture. It was started as a business development tool and for client engagement and all that sort of stuff. it turned into a hobby, I actually started enjoying reading about science and articles and then researching things in my basic understanding or way. And really, it kind of led me to going back to Uni.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Because I decided, Hey, I’m actually learning this stuff, maybe I should take it a step further and do the next formal bit, which is going into formal training again.

M: Getting a degree, getting that piece of paper.

P: Yeah.

M: It’s funny how you spend so much time trying to get that piece of paper.

P: Laugh.

M: And then you never look at it again.

P: True.

M & P: Laughter!

P: The achievement is always there, you can look at it and go ‘ahhh’ [positive sigh]

M: It’s about the journey as we know.

P: Yes.

M: About the journey of learning.

P: Yes.

M: Absolutely.

P: My other hobby is cooking. I love cooking, like I love making a meal for myself, a 10:30 at night, if that’s the time that I’ve gotten home.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Known to do a roast at that hour.

M: Yes, you have. I like them.

P: Laugh!

M: For me its writing and teaching.

P: Teachings a great one.

M: Yep.

P: Teaching brings so much joy and so much goodness because it ticks so many of the happiness boxes.

M: Mmm hmm. Yeah, absolutely. And so, the reason that hobbies are so good for our brain is that it effects the reward system in the brain.

P: Ooh yes.

M: Yes.

P: The limbic system.

M: So when we take part in a hobby that we enjoy, all the chemical messengers in the brain are released. So, dopamine, which helps us feel pleasure; All the feel good chemicals that make us want to do the hobby again and feel motivated to do so.

P: Mmm.

M: So this is why and I think we’ve spoken about the book Atomic Habits by James Clear.

P: Yep.

M: He talks about if you want to get more fit, find activities that you actually enjoy –

P: Oh, gosh yes.

M: Where maybe going to the gym isn’t your thing. But you really love having a chat with the neighbour. Have your chat with the neighbour as you walk around the block three times.

P: Yep.

M: And that’s going to actually make you want to do it. So, finding that thing, that hobby or that activity that you actually enjoy, don’t force it because you just won’t do it.

P: Exactly.

P: I’ve seen that firsthand with clients. When you give them exercises and they’re like ‘I’m not going to do that.’

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So, you’ve got to be creative. It’s like, Ok you got a baby, I want you to roll around on the floor with Bubs for 10 minutes a day.

M: Yep.

P: Get down and up off the floor. It’s being creative with that and I think that’s really important is finding that blend.

M: The other thing to remember is that getting started can be one of the hardest things when it comes to a hobby taking that first step and if you can just make yourself get there, then those chemicals will kick in that keep you going. But it’s getting yourself there in the first place. That can be really hard sometimes.

P: It’s hard to get going when you haven’t for so long.

M: Yep, absolutely. Or just, you know, to get up the motivation to just go to the gym or something. Again, going back to the more you can do to make it an activity that you enjoy, the more likely it is you’ll actually do it in the first place.

P: Laugh.

M: And then, of course, physical hobbies. If you have a hobby that can improve your fitness, there are so many benefits there, so many another thing, especially as you get older. We talked about cognitive functions, so playing a musical instrument can improve your memory and also artistic hobbies and board games and reading things that engage your brain in a certain way. They, again, can prevent dementia later in life.

P: There’s some interesting research supporting that dance is actually one of the best ways to assist with reducing the onset of dementia because you are using your brain in a way that actually includes movement. But you’re also interpreting music now that’s accessing the hind brain have got non-dominant side and that coordination of processing movement with the body. Plus, applying it to musical interpretation triggers more synapses. It triggers more involvement of the brain. And so that’s why dancing is so good because you’re using two different motor unit systems.

M: So, I guess that would be dancing in a structured way where you’re learning patterns and learning new ways of dancing.

P: Yes, yes. It is the learning of the patterns, unfortunately. Improving and going off on the dance floor. Still good, maybe not as good as learning some salsa or some waltzing or some contemporary dancing.

M: I learned the Pride of Erin, laugh.

P: Oh, yeah. You can turn the Pride of Erin into a 100 metre sprint. My sister did it at her deb[utante] ball, it was hilarious.

M: Laugh. I did mine at the deb ball as well. Does anyone ever learn the Pride of Erin any other time in their life?

P: I can still remember 1 2 3 kick, back 2 3 kick, 1 2 3 turn around, back 2 3.

M: Yes!

P: There we go! Laugh. My education wasn’t wasted, laugh.

So, just for all those cynics out there, this is an opinion and a way forward that is being supported by the medical practitioners. We’ve got Charlotte Hespe, chairwoman of the Royal Australian College of General Practitioners. She’s out there calling for the conversation to go forward with social prescribing and getting people being more social, to prevent mental health and physical health from becoming an issue and a strain on the public health system.

M: Mmm.

P: This is also supported by Professor Alex Haslam, who is leading Australia’s investigation into the social indicators in relation to health. She thinks, I can quote her saying that all the research shows that “a lack of social integration and support are the most important determinants of mortality, we found that people tend to see them as among the least important.”

So, if you’re cynical about this line of reasoning, don’t be because the science says it’s not right.

M: And otherwise, you’ll die!

P: You will die! Laugh.

M: Which is what we always circle back to.

P: You, shall not pass!

M: So really, again it comes back to, you know, the three foundations that we keep talking about:

  • Strong social connections;
  • Finding purpose and meaning; and
  • Healthy mind and body.

And really, a hobby can satisfy all three of those and bring all of the science together.

P: Really and it’s fun. Hobbies are meant to be fun. I challenge people to go back to a hobby they haven’t done for 20 years, if they can. If your hobby was rock climbing, maybe you can’t do that. If you’re a 75 year old person.

M: I challenge that!

P: Ok.

M: Do it safely.

P: Laugh. But how many of us have gone back to a hobby? I went back to volleyball after 17 years of not playing, maybe there’s something that we could challenge our listeners to do. Try and find a hobby that you did as a kid. It could be, choose your own adventure. Remember those? They were fun, laugh.

M: You know what I found the other day? You know those murder mysteries where you host a dinner party and you’ve got to work out who done it?

P: Laugh, yes.

M: I actually bought one at the hobby shop the other day.

P: Oh, they’re fun. I think I did one recently to be honest and it was, it was really fun. Yeah, it’s good.

M: Absolutely.

P: It’s play acting and that’s social. But you could, you could even do that in covid time.

M: Absolutely. And I think that that is the point to come full circle back to the fact that we’re in a global pandemic. And it’s time to re-engage with hobbies that you might have enjoyed in the past, or try new ones as a way to balance out the negative mental health impacts of the pandemic.

P: Yeah, I couldn’t agree more.

M: Definitely.

P: Get out there and find, find those old things that you used to enjoy, do it!

M: Or new things.

P: Yes. Say yes, you know the whole concept about saying yes?

M: Maybe we need to just have a week of saying yes?

P: Yeah, that could be a way of doing it. You never know what you’re going to get yourself into.

M: Absolutely. Or just go to Google and Google hobbies, there’s so many interesting things out there and find the weirdest and wackiest one.

P: Laugh!

M: And give it a go.

P: That could be dangerous, laugh.

M: Or find a buddy and go through a list together of 10 new hobbies that you’re going to try this year.

P: 10! Oh my lord, laugh.

M: You don’t have to commit to a whole year of doing it. You just have to try.

P: Okay, alright. Ten new hobbies for a year, let’s start them now.

M: All right. Deal.

P: On that note, we’ll see you next year.

M & P: Laugh!

M: And… That’s the end of our podcasting.

P: Laugh!

M: All right, Have a happy week everybody, we’ll see you next time 😊

P: Bye 😊

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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