Finding Happiness and Resiliency

Finding happiness and resiliency is about having balance across three areas in your life: community & connection; health & wellbeing; and meaning & purpose.

Fun Isn’t Only for Children – Here’s How to Make Your Life More Fun!

02/06/2021 by Marie

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What’s the Link Between Your Mental Health and Fun?

Who wouldn’t want more fun in their lives? As I write this, I am definitely on board in theory, yet I can’t remember the last time I specifically set aside time or put in effort to bring more fun into my life. That’s about to change!

I know, I know, this site is called Happiness for Cynics, so you’re maybe not quite on board yet. But as always, there’s great research that backs up the benefits of having fun in your life, like this study from the Martin Luther University in Germany, in which 533 participants did a week of exercises to boost participants’ playfulness. They found that you can actually stimulate and train people to be more playful, and this, in turn improves their mood and happiness levels.

So, what have you got to lose? Read on to explore how to have more fun in life and why it is so important to your happiness levels.

The Benefits of Having More Fun in Your Life

To find out more about the benefits of having fun, I spoke to Dr. Mike Rucker – a charter member of the International Positive Psychology Association (IPPA) and a member of the American Psychological Association – about having fun and improving people’s overall wellbeing.

According to Rucker, there are times when things are really bad, and you can understand why people wouldn’t be focussing on incorporating fun into their lives at that point. But there are also too many moments when things are kinda OK, yet we’re all just on the hedonic treadmill… just living life, getting on with getting on… but many of us as still not incorporating fun into our lives then either!

Yet we all have the power to increase our happiness levels, and according to Rucker, a great way to do that is to have some more fun.

One of the narratives that I like to talk about is productivity porn or hustle porn. We get caught up in this notion that we have to devote our lives to work and that should be our purpose. And we’re just not wired for that. Mike Rucker

In fact, Rucker says, “There’s a recent study that shows the more spontaneous we are, the more that we kind of look for the spices of life, that can lead to happiness.”

He also mentions that having deliberate fun allows people to circumvent the Hedonic treadmill if you do it mindfully. “A lot of things that we pursue are based on keeping up with the Joneses and things that we think are fun. But when we take a more mindful approach to it, fun, pure elation and really enjoying something, that is true to your soul, it ads gains to our life,” he says.

Rucker also warns about the trap of thinking you’re doing something for fun, that isn’t actually fun. “Often times what people think is leisure, like binge watching a show that they don’t really care about, can be replaced with something more meaningful. I want to be careful there, too, because it certainly is meaningful if (…) it’s something that you really enjoy,” he says. “A good litmus test for that is any sort of activity that if you went back to savour or relish it, would you remember what it was about. A lot of times if people are being honest with themselves, social media viewing or TV doesn’t fit in that category.”

So what’s the solution? It’s often as simple as taking a look at the existing acititives in your diary and thinking of them in news ways. For instance, are you being mindful and truly engaging with your kids when you take them to the park, or are you on your phone or planning the dinner menu?

Listen to my interview with Dr Mike Rucker.

How to Have More Fun in Life

It is easier to bring play into your life than you might realise. Let’s be really honest, we all know how to have more fun. It’s something we all grew up knowing as kids… we might have just forgotten to do it or devalued it over time. If that applies to you and it’s time to change that, but you’re stuck on how to get started, here’s how.

Just Google it. You can simply start with Google to find a lot of different ways to bring more play into life, but if you’re still wanting something more prescriptive, one of the ideas I love the most is a dance-off.

Have a dance-off. This is a great one to do with your family. Think back to the 60s, 70s, 80s etc, there have been some classic dances throughout the decades. All you need to do is name some different types of dances, and put them down on a piece of paper, pop them into a hat, and you have to do the dance and your friends and family have to guess what decade it’s from, or if you want to make it harder, ask them to name the dance. It’s really simple. Pretty soon you’ll have the whole family jiving and doing Gangnam style and the Macarena, and not only are you having a bit of fun, but you’re also doing a bit of exercise.

Other ideas. Other ways to look for more fun in life include finding opportunities for laughter (try board games or maybe sign up to a local laughter yoga workshop) and finding opportunities for novelty and being spontaneous (day trips and holidays are good prompts for novelty and can bring out our more playful side). If you’re still not sure how to get going, then check out this article by Dr Stephanie Sarkis on what might be holding you back.

And one final sense check… remember that what you might find fun might not be fun to someone else. When designing fun activities, make sure you ask the people involved what they want to do and what would interest them!

**Want to learn more about how to have fun in life? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!**

The Happiness Gene: Are We Born Happy?

26/05/2021 by Marie

Philosophers, scientists and psychologists have been pondering this question for centuries, engaging in countless studies and analyses of the human condition to find an answer to Are We Born Happy? Why do certain people have the gift of being intrinsically at peace, while others are caught in the grips of depression and sadness, feeling trapped in the quicksand of everyday life? Unfortunately, the answer to whether we are born intrinsically happy is not entirely clear, but research does confirm that all of us come into this world with a specific “happiness gene.” So there you have it, right? If we all have this gene, we all should be happy.

Well… not so quick. Like most things in life, not all things are created equal. And, when it comes to science, especially as it relates to the human body, there are almost always conditions to every conclusion.

A Little About The Happiness Gene

Researchers have identified that being happy is engrained in our DNA nearly from the point of conception because of a specific gene identified as 5-HTT or “the happiness gene.” This means that all of us have this gene. On its face, this revelation would SEEM to suggest that all of us should exit the womb happy, grow up happy and live happy lives. Great… so why is that not the case?

Because there are exceptions to every rule, even in science. Research conducted by Jan-Emmanuel De Neve, a behavioural economist at the London School of Economics, and a study by the Journal of Human Genetics suggests that all of us are predisposed to be happy BUT that doesn’t mean it’s guaranteed over the long haul. When we dig a little deeper into the science and research that has been done on the subject of the “happiness gene,” the answer to “Are We Born Happy?” becomes a bit more complicated.

Understanding the Science

The 5-HTT gene carries the code for serotonin receptors. Serotonin, a primary “feel good” neurotransmitter, requires a receptor on our cell walls for them to attach to in order to exert their effects. So, while this “happiness gene” does not get involved in making serotonin it is necessary for it to work. The 5-HTT gene varies from person to person meaning it can be either short or long. Researchers embarked upon a definitive study to determine whether a short or long 5-HTT gene had any correlation with happiness levels. They did this by asking participants in their study whether they were very satisfied, satisfied, dissatisfied, very dissatisfied or “none of the above” with their life as whole. They then matched their genetic makeup to these results, remembering that every person has two codes for the 5-HTT gene: one from their mother and one from their father.

Among those who had a long-long version of the 5-HTT gene, 69 per cent said they were very satisfied or satisfied with life. Only 19 per cent of those with the short-short version were satisfied or very satisfied. This illustrates a very strong link between the 5-HTT gene and happiness, although it does not say that genetics are the whole story. What this does tell us, though, is why we each have a unique baseline level of happiness and why some people tend to be happier than others. (Source: Journal of Human Genetics)

Clearly, genetics play a significant role (nearly 50%) in how we present ourselves to the world. Physically, there is not much we can do to change how we look, walk, talk, our mannerisms, etc.

Emotionally and psychologically, however, even the researchers acknowledge that there are additional factors, including other genes, external circumstances, environmental factors, and our individual actions and thoughts, that combine to impact our ability to be happy.

We are, if you will, predisposed to be happy if we are born with the long version of the gene; unfortunately, those with the short version of the happiness gene might not be so lucky. So, how do we know, and it does it really matter? And if we are truly “born happy,” why do many of us struggle with finding our personal happy place?

The Dalai Lama is widely quoted as saying that “The purpose of our lives is to be happy.” Personally, I believe this to be true. But putting this principle into practice can, at times, be insurmountable. It’s just not as easy as it sounds. Yes, we are all born with the so-called “happiness gene.” But that is just one part of a complex internal ecosystem that is different for everyone. No two individuals are exactly the same, which makes our existence both beautiful and complex.

On the one hand, it is clear that most of us want to create certain feelings like passion, excitement, purpose, love and other emotions that make us happy. But this journey to happiness can often fall flat because we set unreasonable expectations for ourselves and others or look in all the wrong places. And, in other instances, some people who are generally perceived as being happy can experience certain circumstances in their lives that turn their world upside down leaving them sad, angry and a shell of their former selves.

The good news is that most people generally find their way to – or back to – their own baseline for what makes them happy. Life can be challenging to navigate but perhaps we can all find solace in knowing that our body is predisposed from birth to be happy! Much like being genetically predisposed to being happy, we are also capable of facing our challenges believing in our ability to be resilient. We can overcome external and environmental factors that affect our happiness, as well as obstacles that will inevitably come our way. I’ve done it – you can, too.

Mental toughness can help you cope with challenging events like the pandemic – here’s how to cultivate it

19/05/2021 by Marie

Dara Mojtahedi, University of Huddersfield

With the recent passing of the one-year mark since the COVID-19 pandemic began, the long-term effects have become more apparent. Not only has the virus taken over 2 million lives worldwide, it has also had a profoundly detrimental impact on the mental health of billions of people across the globe.

Research on Chinese citizens at the start of the pandemic found that symptoms of anxiety, depression and stress were common reactions to the pandemic. These effects were mirrored in other countries and increased over time.

For example, a more recent study in the US found that one in four adults reported symptoms of anxiety or depression – an increase from one in ten in 2019. For some, the increased levels of stress and anxiety have also been accompanied with poorer sleep and increased alcohol and substance use – exacerbating mental health problems further.

The rise in mental health problems during the pandemic cannot be attributed to a single factor. Instead, psychologists suggest these negative emotions are due to several different issues. Namely, health worries, fears of dying or a loved one getting ill, isolation, disrupted travel and social plans, along with media-information overload.

Research found that the psychological impact of the pandemic was greater among certain groups, such as women, students and people with pre-existing health problems. But our new research has also found that for some people, having certain personality traits seems to have offered some level of protection during these difficult times. Indeed, it seems that having “mental toughness” has helped many people to keep the adverse mental health effects of the pandemic at bay.

What is Mental Toughness?

Mental toughness is about more than just having resilience and control in difficult situations. It relates to a psychological frame of mind that endorses confidence and commitment to success. In his book Developing Mental Toughness, the psychologist Peter Clough describes mental toughness as a combination of the following:

The amount of control a person believes they have over their life and emotions;
How much commitment is placed upon achieving goals despite hardship;
Being able to see potential threats as opportunities for self-development;
Continuing to strive in changing environments;
The level of confidence a person has in succeeding despite setbacks.

Mental toughness levels are influenced by many different factors. While genetics are partly responsible, a person’s environment is also relevant. For example, both positive experiences while you’re young and mental toughness training programmes have been found to make people mentally tougher.

Holding it Together

Research shows that people who have these traits are less likely to have negative emotions in stressful situations and display greater coping skills. So our study wanted to build on these findings to discover how mental toughness has potentially helped people during the pandemic.

Overall we found that reports of depression, anxiety and stress symptoms were markedly higher than in pre-COVID times. Those who had lost their jobs or businesses during the pandemic reported significantly more symptoms of these afflictions.

Even those facing temporary furlough were more likely to report high levels of distress. This is because the psychological impact of unemployment goes far beyond financial instability. A job provides a sense of purpose – and brings a sense of control to people’s lives. Taking this away at a time when people are isolated with a limited sense of freedom can further diminish wellbeing.

Yet people who scored higher on our mental toughness questionnaire reported lower levels of depression, anxiety and stress. This is most likely because these people felt they had a greater sense of control over the situation – and were more capable of staying focused under stress and better equipped to mentally cope. Mentally tough people were also less likely to report depressive symptoms.

What You Can do

Research examining the effectiveness of mental toughness training is in its infancy. But research with Australian football players has shown the promising potential for using such training in boosting mental toughness.

For anyone wanting to improve their mental toughness, a good place to start is by simply identifying and affirming yourself with the skills and attitudes associated it – such as relaxation, positive thinking, goal setting and self-motivation. This could include daily affirmations, setting specific and achievable goals for a project or something you’re working towards and making sure you take time out of your day for meditation or deep breathing exercises.

Dara Mojtahedi, Lecturer in Psychology, University of Huddersfield

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

Want to learn more about mental toughness and the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

Take Control of Your Happiness This Mental Health Month

12/05/2021 by Marie

Why you Need to Take Control of Your Happiness

Feeling ‘meh’? Or just not sure what to be feeling at the moment? May is Mental Health Month, and it’s time to take control of your happiness and mental wellbeing.

A few years ago, I stopped to ask ‘why’ and it has changed my life. Why was working hard the ultimate goal? Why was achievement so valued by our capitalist society? Why was a busting my *ss for a corporate company which was just as likely to make me redundant in the next restructure as the next guy? Why?

Many people follow the script. They work hard through school, get into a “good” university, get good grades and head out into the workforce. They marry and have kids, get a mortgage and a house, get a promotion, or two, and then one day, they look around and think, “is this it?” You might also know this as the mid-life crisis.

But some people have found another way to live… one where your happiness is placed at the centre of your decision making. Let’s be clear, chasing happiness does not work, but by following the below steps, you can bring happiness, satisfaction and mental wellbeing into your life.

In this article, we explore how to take control of your happiness and mental wellbeing. Read on!

Get to Know Yourself

Over the last few decades, many studies have shown that journaling is a great tool to help you understand yourself better, unpack old issues and let them go, and give your mind the knowledge to understand how you see and react to the world around you. It has also been shown to increase happiness, help to reach goals and even have some positive physical health benefits.

And if you’re someone who is generally not comfortable opening up to people, studies show that journaling might be the most beneficial to you.

“When we put our thoughts and feelings down on paper, we’re not just transferring them—we’re also transforming them. Writing forces us to arrange our ideas into a sequence, one after another; over time, themes and patterns start to emerge; new insights and perspectives start to bubble up.”
Kira M. Newman, Greater Good Magazine.

To get started all you need is a notepad, and you need to get into the habit of doing it. Generally, you want to set a timer and just keep writing for at least 20 minutes. However, research suggests that even writing for a few minutes can be beneficial. You also want to start making this a practice. Try to write for four days a week, but as with all new habits, remember to forgive yourself if you fall short and just pick up where you left off (in other words, keep going!).

Research shows that what you write about and how you write it matters. You want to write about the things that are bothering you and try to work through your thoughts and emotions… but you also benefit from ending each entry with three things that went well that day or that you’re grateful for.

Once you’ve spent time looking at the past and present, try spending some time focused on the future too. Growth mindset theory says you’re never too old to learn more and keep growing – in fact, the research shows that people who are curious and commit to lifelong learning are happier. You can try finding your passion and purpose through the Japanese art of Ikigai, or you could explore your strengths. Or, you can subscribe to some podcasts or explore new ideas with Ted Talks, or even sign up for a new course.

Achievement is not the Path to Happiness

So, if constantly striving for success isn’t the path to happiness, what is? There are now decades of research into what makes people happy, and her research boils down into three broad foundations. Here’s how to take control of your happiness:

Find Meaning and Purpose. Happy people have meaning and purpose in their lives and this is often tied to a strong sense of identity and self. They have spent time understanding themselves, and know their strengths and their emotional baggage. This is also about having something to get you out of bed in the morning, and about having goals, plans and commitments. These people also tend to practice gratitude, which helps you retrain your brain to scan for the positives in life.

Community and Connection: Happy people have strong community and connection. They have a core group of people they can talk to and depend on. They also tend to have a wider community network, through activities like church, regular volunteering or actively practicing kindness. They find ways to laugh and play with their friends and family, and they also limit their social media activity, which is often not as social as we might think.

Health and Wellbeing: Happy people practice and prioritise positive habits for a healthy body and mind. It could be getting exercise by out into nature for walks, going to the gym, or playing on a sports team, or it could be meditation, drinking water, and making sure they get 8hrs of sleep. The activity itself is less important, the main point is that resilient people prioritise their preferred self-care habits, even when life gets busy.

Resources

Happiness is a skill that you can learn – you can take control of your happiness. However, it’s important to note that this article is written for people who have it within themselves to take control of their mental health and make changes to bring more joy and satisfaction into their lives. These are tips to help people who are generally in good mental health yet who are struggling with day-to-day, manageable issues like low-level stress, burnout and anxiety.

If you are experiencing more sever mental health issues, such as depression or a diagnosable mental condition, or if you are not coping, these activities will not treat your condition and they are unlikely to fix any underlying issues. Visit Psychology Today to look up a professional counsellor in your area.

If you need additional support, here are some amazing Australia-based organisations.

If you are in immediate danger, please call 000 right away.

Mental health, stress and crisis support

Lifeline, 24/7 13 11 14, www.Lifeline.org.au
Beyond Blue, 24/7, 1300 244 636, www.BeyondBlue.org.au

Sexual assault, family & domestic violence

1800 RESPECT, 24/7, 1800 737 732, www.1800respect.org.au
Rape & Domestic Violence Services Australia, 24/7, 1800 211 028, www.rape-dvservices.org.au

Financial hardship

National Debt Helpline, Mon to Fri 9am to 5pm, 1800 007 007, www.ndh.org.au
Gambling Help Online, 24/7, 1800 858 858, www.gamblinghelponline.org.au

Legal aid

Each state and territory has its own Legal Aid Commission. Google “Legal Aid Australia.”

Coronavirus / COVID-19

National Coronavirus Helpline, 24/7, 1800 020 080, www.health.gov.au

LGBTIQ support

QLife, 7 days 3pm – midnight, 1800 184 527, www.Qlife.org.au

Veterans & Their Families

Open Arms, 24/7, 1800 011 046, www.OpenArms.gov.au

Men & Their Families

MensLine, 24/7, 1300 789 978, www.MensLine.org.au

Kids

Kids Helpline, 24/7, 1800 55 1800, https://kidshelpline.com.au

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics or sign up to my weekly newsletter for the latest happiness news & resilience resources!

Significantly Boost Your Happiness With 3 Daily Habits Under 10 Minutes

05/05/2021 by Marie

Can you boost your happiness?

Ever wanted to boost your happiness? Well you can! Everyone has a set point for happiness – where our natural happiness levels sit. Some people are just a bit happier than others, while others are just a bit more negative than others. But with just a tiny bit of time and some consistent effort, research is showing that some very easy habits can help to increase our happiness set point.

In this article, we explore 3 daily habits you can bring into your life that only take 10 minutes or less to significantly boost your happiness levels. Read on!

Make Gratitude a Habit

We’re all wired to scan our environment for bad things. Afterall, the ancestor who failed to see the lion stalking them from the bushes wouldn’t survive long enough to care about fine art or mastering their chosen profession. But where does that leave the modern-day man or woman?

We may no longer have to worry about lions, but in today’s day and age there are even more things we have to worry about. There’s all the day-to-day stresses of our job, if we’re lucky to have one – and even if we do have a job, who knows how long we’ll keep it. Then there’s keeping up with friends, which costs money and is a killer for our self-esteem – trying to save enough to buy a house, worrying about having enough for retirement, but not worrying too much because you might forget to live for today. Engaging with friends on social media, and being interesting enough, pretty enough… heck, just having enough friends to engage with. Watching enough TV to keep up to date with what everyone else is talking about, but not too much because we all know sitting is the new smoking.

I could go on… and on. Today’s modern (capitalist) world is designed to keep us fretting – and coming back for more – so that it can seem like we’re constantly anxious, stressed, frustrated or worried about something.

That’s where gratitude comes in. Practicing gratitude is super simple, really quick and can completely rewire your brain. By spending just a few minutes everyday on writing down 3 things that you’re grateful for (or I prefer to write down three things that went well), you are teaching your brain to balance out all those negative thoughts with some positive ones. Over time, your brain literally rewires itself to see more of the good things in life. So, your brain will stop to smell the flowers, so to speak. This helps to build resilience against the all bad things that happen in life and all those negative emotions and day-to-day stressors.

If writing down things that you’re grateful for isn’t your jam, you can also get huge benefits from thanking others – and so do they! Simply make it a daily habit to give a heartfelt thanks to someone every day. Whether they’re your partner, or family member or colleague, spreading thanks will cheer up the people around you and come back to you in positive vibes!

Not sold yet? A recent study showed that saying thanks in the right way can also strengthen your social bonds. When it came to thanking our loved ones, the key was to focus on how responsive they were to your needs. According to the researchers, saying something like: “I wouldn’t have made it to the meeting on time if you didn’t drop me off at the office today,” tended to produce the most positive response from a partner.

Related reading: Top 5 Speakers on Gratitude

Get Your Heart Pumping

Most of us know we need to exercise more. We also know how important exercise is to our health and happiness, but so many of us hate it, or just simply can’t find the motivation to do it. Whether you’re too busy, or unmotivated, or kinda motivated but just not when it counts, one of the easiest ways to make something stick is to make it so quick and easy that it’s almost harder not to do it.

In his bestselling book, Atomic Habits, James Clear advocates for 10 steps to make habits stick. Among them are three that really resonate when it comes to finding a way to fit exercise into your day.

Build a system for getting 1 per cent better every day. That’s it! Only 1 per cent! You don’t need to climb Kilimanjaro on your first attempt, heck you don’t even have to go to the gym. In fact, recent research has shown that simply doing 10 minutes of high intensity interval training (HIIT) can have significant benefits. A HIIT workout is super intense and is about getting your heart rate up quickly and working really hard for a short amount of time. There are plenty of 10-minute HIIT workouts on YouTube you can easily do in your living room for free.

Design your environment to make success easier. One of the hardest things about starting a new exercise routine is actually starting it. Whether you’re going to do a HIIT workout, or a 10-minute fast walk around your neighbourhood, just getting to that first workout can be insurmountable. So, make it as easy as possible to get going. For the first few weeks, why not select the HIIT workout you want to try the night before and set it up on the TV and go to bed in your gym clothes with your gym shoes next to the bed. Or organise to meet a friend for that walk, so you have to cancel (which is a hassle) if you aren’t feeling like it. Anything you can do to make it easier to do the activity than not will help you to do it.

Make tiny, easy changes that deliver big results. Again, don’t go for it all at once. Go easy on yourself. Start with twice a week, or even once a week. And if you don’t hit your target, forgive yourself, BUT KEEP GOING the next week. This will happen at some point, so be prepared and know that you’ll still keep pushing forward. Only once your habit has become second nature should you even attempt to add more time to your workout or do it more often in your week. You don’t want to scare yourself off!

Bring Some Laughter Into Your Day

Laughter is natures wonder drug. It makes you feel happier, not only in the moment, but also in the long-term; it also helps to dull pain. It lowers blood pressure and reduce stress. The list goes on and on – see The Mayo Clinic for a range of research and writing on the positive effects of laughter for stress reduction.

But did you know that you can really easily and simply add it into your day in only 60-second!?

Grab your phone and start the timer. For the first 10 seconds, laugh out loud. You don’t have to feel it, you just need to vocalise ‘ha-ha-ha’ a few times. Think of it like an acting class with really bad acting. It doesn’t have to be authentic laughter to begin with, just do it.

Once you’ve done 10-seconds of ‘ha-ha-has,’ breathe deeply for the next 10-seconds. Repeat these two steps two more times and you’re done. That’s it! It really couldn’t be more simple! The key to this exercise is to commit to doing it every morning for a couple of weeks (at least). What have you got to lose?

Want to learn more about how to boost your happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & happiness and resilience resources!

Yep, laughter really is the best medicine

28/04/2021 by Marie

Is Laughter the Best Medicine?

Is laughter the best medicine? I’m going to say yes! Last week, I attended a lunchtime webinar by the Centre for Optimism and listened to an amazing panel of experts talk about laughter, optimism, resilience and wellbeing… and I’m still buzzing!

In particular, I learned from La Trobe University’s adjunct profession Ros Ben-Moshe about the science behind laughter and we did a short but very effective laughter yoga exercise that had me grinning like a Cheshire cat for the rest of the afternoon. While still high on laughter, I signed up for Ros’ upcoming 5-week virtual course at La Trobe Laughter, Resilience and Wellbeing.

I’ve known for a while about the power of laughter to boost your mood and bring joy – it’s a bit of a no brainer really. But what I hadn’t stopped to think about for a very long time was actively integrating laughter into my week to increase my base happiness and wellbeing levels. This is going to change!

In this article, I’m exploring whether laughter really is the best medicine, and how we can use some super simple exercises to not only feel happier in the moment but to also achieve a happier life overall. Read on!

What’s the Link Between Laughter and Ongoing Wellbeing?

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The science has been pretty definite on this one for a while. Laughter truly is the best medicine. It’s not just a saying but a scientifically proven way to increase your wellbeing. For instance, laughter helps to reduce stress. The Mayo Clinic in the U.S. has a range of research and writing on the positive effects of laughter for stress reduction. For example, a good laugh can decrease your heart rate and blood pressure, it can also sooth pressure and relieve muscle tension.

Longer term, laughter has a range of other benefits, such as improving your immune system and helping you fight illness. In fact, Ros Ben-Moshe (who I mentioned above), wrote a book, called Laughing at Cancer: How to Heal with Love, Laughter and Mindfulness, in which she describes how mindful healing techniques and the power of laughter got her through her cancer diagnosis and treatment (along with good medicine of course).

Stanford University psychiatrist, William Fry, performed a series of studies over his 50-year career, finding that laughter stimulates the immune system, increases circulation and invigorates the brain. Not only that, laughter exercises muscles, so a good intense laugh can be a form of exercise!

Aside from the physical wellbeing benefits, laughter also makes us happier in the moment – I know, that’s a no-brainer. It does this by releasing endorphins in the brain that make us feel great. But did you know laughter can increase not only your short-term happiness but also your long-term happiness?

For instance, if you laugh with other people, it helps to strengthen bonds between people. When you laugh with others and all get that endorphin hit together, it creates a sense of togetherness. Not only that, but laughter spread around groups. It’s contagious. So having a good laugh around your friends and family will make them happier too. In fact, there was a study conducted to work out whether happiness can spread from person to person and whether niches of happiness form within social networks. Researchers found that:

“A friend who lives within a mile (about 1.6 km) and who becomes happy increases the probability that a person is happy by 25%. Similar effects are seen in co-resident spouses, siblings who live within a mile, and next-door neighbours.”

So, laughing with friends and family strengthens those bonds and makes the relationships more solid – and we know that relationships are a key foundation of a happy life.

Laughter and Your Happiness Set Point

How happy are you, really? Wouldn’t you like to be happier overall? Well, the current thinking about happiness is that we’re all born with a certain set point for happiness levels – meaning some people are naturally happier, while others are naturally grumpier.

Happy events – like a birthday party or graduating from college — can lead to a momentary spike in your happiness set point, just as sad events can lead to a momentary drop. But eventually, we all come back to our natural happiness level, or set point.

So, you might be thinking there’s no point in trying to be happier then, but here’s the great news: you can bring habits and routines into your life that help to increase your set point for happiness – essentially making you happier overall and increasing your wellbeing in the process.

What’s one way to increase your happiness set point? Bring more laughter into your life!

Want more? Listen to our podcast episode: Happiness is Contagious (E8)

Why Not Try Some Laughter Yoga?

Laughter yoga is a new craze that has gained steam over the past couple of decades. It involves people meeting to laugh together, often in a park or open space. That’s it. Simple. It doesn’t (necessarily) involve folding yourself into a variety of pretzel-like poses while laughing…. the ‘yoga’ part is more of a nod to the gentle breathing and movement that accompanies some laughter exercises.

There are many laughter exercises that you can practice at home by yourself, or with family, or friends. Before you start, remember that you’ll need a safe, open space where people feel comfortable and everyone is willing to be playful and childlike, letting down barriers.

Remember that some people will feel uncomfortable participating in laughter yoga exercises, so don’t pressure anyone or force them to participate – particularly if you decide to bring this into the workplace. It should be an ‘opt-in’ exercise, and who knows, once they’ve seen the benefits, maybe they’ll overcome their shyness and join in next time.

It’s also worth remembering that often people need to fake the laughter at the beginning, but very soon people end up laughing for real – it’s all about just giving it a go and getting started.

Here are three exercises you can try:

Start your day right with laughter

Add this quick 60-second exercise to your morning routine to start your day in a happy mood and set the tone for the rest of the day. Laughing with others can be a bit daunting, so this exercise is also a great starting place for people who are a bit reluctant to be vulnerable in front of other people. Here’s what you need to do…

Use laughter to bond with friends and family

As mentioned above, one of the great things about laughter is sharing it with others. Laughing with other people is more intense and it helps to bring people closer together (so it’s great for team building exercises). So, grab some colleagues, friends, your partner or the whole family and convince them to join in this short exercise with you.

To start, get everyone into a circle and together take a deep breath in, and out. Repeat this a few times. Then, start moving around the circle to join up with a person. Then there are three steps:

hold their hands or shake their hand,
look them in the eye, and
laugh for 10 seconds.

Once everyone has had 10 seconds of laughter with their partner, they should find another partner and repeat steps 1-3. Keep doing this until everyone has shared a laugh with everyone else in the group.

You’ll want someone to be the timekeeper and keep everyone on track with instructions on when to move on. You can get playful with it. Once everyone is on a roll, try doing a round where everyone has to laugh like Santa (ho-ho-ho), or be cheeky (tee-hee-hee) or put on a German, French or Russian accent, or simply throw in a good snort.

Make some noise and let loose

Ready to really let go? This is a good exercise for groups or individuals. Start by smiling and slowly move onto a giggle, then a chuckle and finish with a big belly laugh. Slowly increase the intensity and volume as you go. Once you’ve had a loud and big belly laugh for a good 10 seconds or so, bring it back down, stage by stage, to a smile.

To get a good benefit from this one, you can repeat this a few times. You can also add some movement into this one, starting small and crouched down and slowly opening up until your arms are in the air, your head is tilted back and you’re standing like a starfish.

Happy laughing!

Want to learn more about the laughter and bringing happiness into your life? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

The Science Behind why Hobbies can Improve our Mental Health

21/04/2021 by Marie

Ciara McCabe, University of Reading

The pandemic has taken its toll on many peoples’ mental health. Given the fear of the virus and the government restrictions on movement many may understandably be feeling more lonely, anxious, and depressed than usual. The World Health Organization (WHO) has even issued guidance on how people can look after their mental health during this difficult time. Key advice includes trying to keep a regular pattern of eating, sleeping, hygiene and exercise.

But a less obvious recommendation is to make sure you’re still finding time to do the things you enjoy. In fact, research shows that having a hobby is linked to lower levels of depression – and may even prevent depression for some.

Losing interest and joy in things you normally like doing is one symptom of poor mental health. Known as anhedonia, this is a common symptom of depression and is something patients say they would most like relief from – possibly because the drugs used to treat depression target other symptoms and don’t seem to alleviate it.

For some people, anhedonia is one of the first symptoms of depression, and can even be used to predict the severity of depression a person might experience.

So, finding time for your interests and pleasures – such as a hobby – during lockdown could be one way of avoiding anhedonia and depression. In fact social prescribing is a treatment method where doctors can ask patients with mild to moderate depression to take up a non-medical intervention (such as a hobby) to improve their mental health. As antidepressants can be less effective in those with mild depression, this treatment strategy may still help patients with depression find relief from their symptoms.

So far, some studies have shown that social prescribing programmes that ask patients to take up hobbies such as gardening or art are beneficial for mental health and wellbeing.

Evidence also shows that even for those with clinical depression, certain psychological treatments – like behavioural activation, which requires patients to schedule in time to do things that bring them pleasure and joy – improve symptoms of depression. A wide range of activities and hobbies may play a role in social prescribing and behavioural activation, such as exercising, playing an instrument, drawing, reading or handicrafts.

Reward system

The reason that finding time for hobbies can work has to do with how they affect the reward system in the brain. When we take part in a hobby that we enjoy, chemical messengers in the brain (known as neurotransmitters) are released – such as dopamine, a chemical which helps us feel pleasure. These feel-good chemicals can then make us want to do the hobby again, and feel more motivated to do so.

So even though we may not feel motivated in the beginning to spend time on a hobby, once we start it and feel the associated pleasure, this will kick-start our reward system and subsequently our motivation to do it again. This is something we’re researching in greater depth in our lab.

Alongside pleasure and motivation, hobbies can also bring other benefits. Physical hobbies can, of course, improve your fitness, and others can even improve your brain function. Research suggests that some hobbies – like playing a musical instrument – can improve your memory, while artistic hobbies (such as reading or board games puzzles) are reported to prevent dementia later in life.

So if you’re feeling lower than normal during the pandemic, perhaps try to find time to re-engage with some hobbies that you may have enjoyed in the past – or try new ones. You can also seek help or guidance from your GP or a therapist to find the best treatment for you.

Ciara McCabe, Associate Professor, Neuroscience, University of Reading

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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How to Start your Day in a Happy Mood

14/04/2021 by Marie

I get it, for some people life is just one never-ending to-do list, and the hectic pace of our lives and all that external stimuli means that our sleep is constantly being interrupted. For others, biology has other ideas and we’re forced every night to consider whether we can ‘make it through’ or ‘have to get up and go.’ Then there are those who for no real reason simply are not morning people, and rather than starting their day in a happy mood, it can take hours to get going or put a smile on their face. (I won’t even mention new parents – you’re in a league of your own. Good luck with that life choice!)

Yet this all puts demands on our sleep, leading to us waking up feeling tired, drowsy and emotionally flat.

But did you know that you can actually train yourself to become a morning person? According to a study from Cornell University, sleep and happiness are closely connected and building the right habits for a better night of sleep can help you to start the day in a happier mood. So, read on and learn some tips and habits for you to use that might make mornings a bit easier, and help you start the day in a happy mood.

7 Things You Can Do to Start your Day in a Happy Mood

Here are some happiness habits to get your days off to a good start and put you in a happy mood before tackling whatever life throws at you.

1. Prep Before Bed

There are many happiness habits that you can use to prep yourself and your space before heading to bed for the next day. In fact, setting up routines is one of the best ways to signal to your body that it’s time to wind down and sleep.

Start by establishing a night-time routine. Before bed, why not take a few minutes to declutter your bedroom. It’s like ticking off things from your to-do list. Fold clothes and put some items away to not only declutter your room but also to get them out of your cluttered subconscious.

Gently stretching before bedtime is not only good for your body but also a great way to relax and release any tension you may have built up throughout the day.

If you’re sluggish in the mornings, then try setting out your outfit and supplies the night before so you can almost sleepwalk yourself through your morning routine. Prepping the night before minimises the number of decisions you have to make in the morning and allows you to get ready without wasting or energy making decisions while getting anxious as you run out of time to make your morning commute.

2. Get Enough Sleep

This is one of the most important tips we can give about how to start your day off happy. Sleep is a basic human need, just like eating and drinking water, and there is a huge correlation between mental health and sleep and how important it is for you to get a good night’s rest.

“Imagine a silent epidemic wreaking havoc on our health, endangering our safety and straining our relationships with family and loved ones. The body count rises dramatically, yet no presidential task forces are assembled, no big celebrity fund-raisers are held and very little outcry is heard I the media. As a result, millions of afflicted people go on as if nothing is amiss and the spread of the disease continues unabated. This is not imaginary scenario. The plague is upon us. It’s called fatigue.” Sara Mednick, sleep researcher in the department of Psychology at UC Riverside.

The impacts of not getting enough sleep are huge and impact every single aspect of our lives, from lower immune system which can lead to allergies, asthma, colds and flus and cancers, as well as heart attacks in women, weight issues, diabetes, drops in energy levels (particularly as we try to treat low energy levels with sugars and fats).

Not only that, but the aging process speeds up and our sex drive is diminished. Cognitive performance drops, as do productivity, memory, performance, intelligence and creativity. Also, as long-term memory is solidified when we sleep, getting enough sleep helps to embed and retain material.

Finally, as mentioned above, there is a direct link to poor or insufficient sleep and our moods and happiness levels. Consistent poor sleep (without recovery) leads to unhealthy stress, with researchers showing that many people who say they are stressed just need better sleep. Poor or insufficient sleep also leads to poor moods, depression, more arguments, anger and poor behaviour. This often impacts the relationships in our lives by leading to conflict with loved ones, friends or colleagues.

Researchers have also found that when you’re tired, you experience happiness less. So if you get a promotion when you’re tired, you won’t appreciate it or enjoy it as much as if you’d had a good night’s sleep.

So, what should you aim for? Ideally, as an adult, you should aim to wake up naturally (without an alarm clock), after 8 hours of sleep. If you get up a bit earlier or a bit later, just trust your body has slept for as long as it needs.

Read: Is a Good Night’s Sleep the key to Sustained Happiness?

3. Do Some Light Exercise or Stretching

We’d mentioned before that stretching is an important happiness habit to use during your night-time routine, but it can also be essential to a productive morning routine. Doing some light exercise like a quick walk around the block, or having a good stretch in the morning will wake up your body and get your blood pumping.

It doesn’t have to be anything too intense or complicated. You can easily find 10-15 minute videos online of exercise, stretching, or yoga routines that are designed to help you start your day off happy.

Read: 9 Small Ways To Add Exercise Into Your Day Without Exercising

4. Do Something You’re Passionate About

This tip for how to start your day in a happy mood is all about you. What’s your go-to activity that brings you joy? Maybe you want to carve out 10-15 minutes to meditate, or maybe you’re someone who likes to cook and make yourself fun breakfasts with the kids. You might spend some time journaling, or painting, listening to a podcast or calling friends or family overseas (particularly if it’s really early).

Regardless of what your interests are or what you’re passionate about, it’s worth identifying your passions and carving out a little time in your morning routine. Doing something you love in the morning will automatically put you in a happier mood, making your day better from the start.

Whether you realise you need this or not, this tip is critical for helping you to bring some balance and additional happiness into your life. If your routine is to roll out of bed, go straight to work, come home tired, eat dinner, watch some TV or scrolling through your phone and doing it all again the next day… then you’re not prioritising your happiness.

Read: 5 Cheap Ways to Live a Happy Life

5. Get Inspired or Learn Something New

Learning something new is an essential part of creating a happy environment for yourself and a great way to start your day in a happy mood. Our brains develop more and release happy chemicals when we learn something new or stimulate them with exciting information.

This doesn’t have to be a complicated or expensive happiness habit; it can just include watching a TedTalk during breakfast or listening to a podcast on your way to work. This type of habit will put you in a happy mood just by stimulating your brain and getting your gears turning.

Not only that, but according to global consulting firm McKinsey & Company, “studies show that workers who maintain their ability to learn outpace other professionals. The people who will thrive in the 21st century will be those who embrace lifelong learning and continually increase their knowledge, skills, and competencies.”

Finally, it turns out that developing a growth mindset and lifelong learning habits are skills that will benefit you well into retirement too. A recent study showed that people who keep their mind sharp in retirement tend to live longer .

Read: Is Your Mindset Holding Back Your Growth and Happiness?

6. Put Away Your Smartphone

AmeriSleep.com has written about why we use alarm clocks and why they are important, acknowledging that while it would be nice for us all to wake up naturally, the reality is that life is not set up that way. Staying up late or having a troubled night’s sleep can disrupt our internal clock and without an alarm, we’d often be late for our commitments.

Having said that, an alarm on your smartphone isn’t the same as a traditional alarm clock. Keeping your smartphone in your room and having it be the first thing you reach for in the morning can lead to mindless social media and internet surfing, which has been shown to negatively impact mental health.

Subjecting yourself to social media as soon as you wake up gives others control over how your day begins. Instead, take control and make your morning time about you and what you need to be happy in life. Prioritise and schedule your happiness needs and start your day in a proactive and positive way.

So, why not buy an old-school alarm clock and keep off your phone first thing in the morning. You will be in a much happier mood if you take control of the start of your day.

Read: Your 6 step Social Media Detox (and why you Need one NOW)

7. Express Gratitude to Start your Day in a Happy Mood

Serious about starting your day in a happy mood? A really healthy happiness habit to put into practice for yourself is to start your day off with gratitude. When you first wake up, think of the things you are grateful for in your life. It’s even more effective if you jot them down to make them more real. This habit will put you in a happy mood by reminding yourself of the positive aspects of your life that you are grateful for. It’s also proven to help you throughout your day to continue to scan the world for other positive things – essentially retraining your brain to be happier.

And it’s all linked! A study by Emmons & McCullough published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology showed that participants who kept a gratitude journal weekly for 10 weeks or daily for two weeks experienced more positive moods, optimism about the future, and (yep, you guessed it)… better sleep!

Read: How to Practice Gratitude, and Why You Should do it

All of these habits of happiness will make a huge difference in your mornings and how to start your day in a happy mood. After all, how you start your day and the mood you’re in when you get up is often reflected throughout the day. These easy habits and tricks can make it easier for you to take control of your mornings and carry that positive energy with you, either on your way to work or whatever else you have going on day-to-day.

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for the latest positive psychology news and happiness and resilience resources!

Four Lessons From the 2021 World Happiness Report

07/04/2021 by Marie

What can we Learn From the 2021 World Happiness Report?

For the 9th year, the Sustainable Development Solutions Network has published The World Happiness Report, giving us insight into what makes people happy around the world. This year’s report focuses on the effects of COVID-19 on happiness and how countries have differed in their success in reducing the deaths and maintaining connected and healthy societies.

Researchers say their aim this year was two-fold, first to focus on the effects of COVID-19 on the structure and quality of people’s lives, and second to describe and evaluate how governments all over the world have dealt with the pandemic. In particular, they try to explain why some countries have done so much better than others.

The report also states that for 2020 the same six factors continue to support well-being (income, health, someone to count on, freedom, generosity, and trust) and these six factors continue to do so in almost exactly the same way as in previous years.

Despite a tumultuous year, there has been little change in the top 10 happiest countries. Here are the top 10 countries who fared the best in 2020:

Finland
Iceland
Denmark
Switzerland
Netherlands
Sweden
Germany
Norway
New Zealand
Austria

The rankings use data that come from the Gallup World Poll surveys from 2018 to 2020, and are based on answers to the main life evaluation question asked in the poll, called the Cantril ladder. This asks respondents to think of a ladder, with the best possible life for them being a 10, and the worst possible life being a 0. They are then asked to rate their own current lives on that 0 to 10 scale.

In this article, we explore the key lessons from the 2021 World Happiness Report. Read on!

Lessons From the 2021 World Happiness Report

1. Humans are Really Quite Resilient

Despite a global pandemic, surprisingly our happiness levels have remained pretty consistent in 2020.

“Surprisingly there was not, on average, a decline in well-being when measured by people’s own evaluation of their lives,” said co-author John Helliwell. “One possible explanation is that people see COVID-19 as a common, outside threat affecting everybody and that this has generated a greater sense of solidarity and fellow-feeling.”

Instead, the report shows that aside from an initial dip in happiness levels early in 2020 when most countries went into lockdown, on average people were just as happy and optimistic as in previous years. As a whole across the world, humans have shown some pretty incredible resilience.

However, country to country, there were definite variances, with stability and regional responses to COVID leading to different national experiences. Some factors that accounted for a variation between countries included: the age of the population; whether the country was an island; and proximity to other highly infected countries. Also, cultural differences played a key role as well including confidence in public institutions; knowledge from previous epidemics; income inequality; and whether the head of government was a woman.

In short, a country’s perceived poor management of COVID and higher than average death rates negatively impacted their happiness levels. This may explain why the United States, the U.K. Argentina, Brazil, Colombia and Mexico all became less happy in 2020, and why China moved to 84th place from 94th last year.

“The East Asian experience shows that stringent government policies not only control Covid-19 effectively, but also buffer the negative impact of daily infections on people’s happiness,” said co-author Shun Wang.

When it comes down to it, high levels of trust has been a common factor in countries happiness levels during the pandemic.

2. Inequality continues to impact our happiness

We’ve seen in previous research that humans have a habit of comparing themselves to others – and when we come up short, our happiness levels drop. This might explain in part why countries with highest number of COVID death and highest death rates are less happy than those with lower death rates as people criticize their governments and lament their situation.

As noted in the report, “it is to be expected that further evidence from 2021 will support the conclusions reached here, that driving community transmission to zero and keeping it there has been better for all the pillars supporting happy lives: good health, good jobs, and a society where people can connect easily with each other in mutual trust and support.”

Aside from inequality between countries, the report also notes inequality within countries as a factor in happiness levels – also drawing a line between intra-country inequality and trust.

The report found: “We do not have a full global sample measure for social trust, so we use income inequality as a strong proxy variable because social trust is generally lower in countries where income inequality is higher. We have previously found that inequality of subjective well-being is an even stronger predictor of social trust.”

Additionally, the report found that there is some early evidence of empirical linkages between income inequality and COVID-19 death rates, supported by pre-COVID evidence of links between income inequality and health. This explains the higher death rates in the U.S. and Mexico compared to Denmark and Sweden, for instance.

Unfortunately, two demographics have fared disproportionately worse than others during the pandemic, with women and youth more likely to lose their jobs due higher representation is hard hit sectors like tourism and hospitality. Also, women were more likely to have to forgo work to look after kids during lockdowns.

3. Finland does it again

Yet again, the 2021 World Happiness Report found that Finland remains on top of the world for the fourth year in a row, which comes as no surprise. It continues have high levels of mutual trust which has helped to protect lives and livelihoods during the pandemic.

“We find year after year that life satisfaction is reported to be happiest in the social democracies of northern Europe. People feel secure in those countries, so trust is high. The government is seen to be credible and honest, and trust in each other is high,” said co-author and Columbia University economist Jeffrey Sachs.

4. We’re Social Beings

Lastly, as many positive psychologists have known for a while, being around people and having strong social connections is critical to our happiness. This was particularly obvious in 2020, as lockdowns impacted our ability to see people as often or at all.

But in a twist that was a little counterintuitive, the 2021 World Happiness Report found that people who were more social and had more friends pre-COVID, were more likely to suffer during lockdowns. This is probably due to the fact that the most social people suffered the greatest impact and change in lifestyle when they couldn’t see other people. This change in social activity disproportionately impacted women and youth, who tend to have more relationships and social activities.

In fact, a study of by University of Essex researchers Ben Etheridge and Lisa Spantig showed that women with at least four close friends slumped more than anyone during the spring 2020 lockdown.

The report notes that as you might expect with lockdowns and physical distancing, the pandemic had a significant effect on workforce well-being. Unemployment during the pandemic was associated with a 12 per cent drop in life satisfaction.

“Strikingly, we find that among people who stopped work due to furlough or redundancy, the impact on life satisfaction was 40 per cent more severe for individuals that felt lonely to begin with,” said Jan-Emmanuel De Neve. “Our report also points towards a ‘hybrid’ future of work, that strikes a balance between office life and working from home to maintain social connections while ensuring flexibility for workers, both of which turn out to be key drivers of workplace well-being.”

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

The Key to Resilience, According to Bestselling Author Hugh Van Cuylenberg

31/03/2021 by Marie

What’s the Key to Resilience?

Want to know the key to resilience? Last year I interviewed best-selling author of The Resilience Project, Hugh Van Cuylenberg (listen to the podcast). We talked about his journey and experiences, and the amazing work he’s doing in Melbourne and around Australia to teach kids, athletes and corporate big-wigs how to be more resilient in today’s hectic world.

Hugh also shared the key to resilience, which is the premise behind what Hugh teaches and his book – a nifty little acronym called GEM, which stands for Gratitude, Empathy and Mindfulness.

Read on to find out how Hugh teaches people around Australia how we can use the GEM this info to achieve a happier, healthier life.

The GEM Principle

“I was living in India and I was volunteering in a school community. When I got there, I thought, ‘Oh my God, there’s no way I’m going to stay here (…) because I was thinking I can’t sleep on the floor here for two weeks. I can’t walk half an hour down to the river to get water every day. I’m not going to sit in the river for a bath, like that’s just not going to happen.”

“But I remember on my first day in the school, which I planned to be my second last day in the whole community, I met a kid who was nine years old and slept on the floor like everyone else. But I remember thinking to myself, ‘I have never in my life seen joy like this before. This kid’s the happiest person I’ve ever met. I’ve never seen anything like him. How incredible. How is it this kid’s so gleefully happy?’

I was living with the principal and I remember I went back to his little mud hut, and I (…) said, “No, I think I need to stay a bit longer.” And the reason I wanted to stay longer is I was thinking ‘What do these people do every day that makes them happy, what does this kid do that makes him happy?’

It wasn’t just this kid, it’s everyone right. Everyone was just so full of joy. I remember looking out the hole in this, well it wasn’t a window. It was like a hole in the mud brick wall at this school. I’m looking across thinking ‘there’s nothing here, there’s nothing in this village. Like I mean, there’s a beautiful view of the Himalayas, and that’s about it. I don’t know what these people are so full of joy.’ So I decide to stay there as long as it would take me to work out what it is those people do every day that makes them so happy.

And I ended up staying for three and a half months, and in three and a half months I saw three things. I mean, there were many things going on. I mean, they were surrounded by awe all the time. I watched what those people did. And every day they practiced Gratitude, Empathy, and Mindfulness.

Gratitude

“I would watch these kids in particular this boy stands out. And when he saw something he was grateful for, he would just stop and point it out to me, and he would try and say the word ‘this’ but couldn’t pronounce the ‘th’ so he’d say ‘dis’.”

“As people who’ve read the book will know, he’d say “Sir, dis! Dis, dis, dis,” you know, whether it was his shoes that were too small because he can’t afford to buy new shoes. But he was pointing at them saying “How lucky am I, I’ve got shoes on my feet. Some of the kids here don’t have shoes. How lucky am I?” Whether it was the rice he got for lunch every day, he only got rice every single day. Just rice. That’s it, from the school. But he couldn’t afford to bring lunch to school. So, the fact they got provided lunch. ‘Sir, dis, dis, dis. Look I get fed here every day. How lucky am I?’”

“Moments he loved. If he realised in a good moment, you know, he’d stop, and he would just point out the things he was really grateful to have like the things that were happening. He loved Bollywood dancing, so often I would walk past him, and he was doing a ridiculous, choreographed Bollywood dance, but he’d say “Sir, dis, dis, dis.” What he was saying was, ‘I’m so lucky I’m doing this right now.’ That’s actually a really, that was quite a life changing, I won’t say moment but a realisation for me. We need to get better at paying attention to the good stuff as it happens.”

Empathy

“What I saw with this community in India is these kids were so unbelievably kind. This kid particular, if he saw saw someone by themselves [he’d go] straight over to them “just checking you’re ok. Do you want to come play with us?”

“If someone wasn’t in school, he would swing past their mud hut after school and say ‘Hey, just checking in, are you ok?’”

Mindfulness

“And mindfulness, they practised it every single day. They had a half an hour meditation before school, every single day. It was optional, so no one had to be there. Yet every single child turned up for it, and I think essentially because they just got instinctively how good it was for them.”

Some Parting Advice from Hugh…

“The most simple thing to do, I think, in order to experience more joy and positive emotion, that’s what creates resilience. So that’s why I’m bring this up. But I think that the easiest thing to do a really practical one, is just to write down three things every day that went well for you. Not three things that have been life changing, not three things you’re grateful for because that’s impossible to keep that up every day and not get bored.”

“What are three things that went well for you today? Had a nice coffee. You saw the sunrise. Had a nice text message for a friend.”

“Whatever it is. If you do that every single day, you actually physically rewire your brain to start scanning the world for the positives. And that makes you a happier person. And it’s something you look forward to. Write it in a note pad next your bed, in a journal, on the shower screen door. However you want to do it, totally up to you. But what you’ll find is you’ll start to experience more moments of joy, and you’ll be more aware of them as they happen, which is a really nice starting point for all this stuff.”

About Hugh and the Key to Resilience

Hugh van Cuylenberg has been working in education for over 15 years. The highlight of his teaching career was the year he spent in the far north of India, volunteering and living at an underprivileged school in the Himalayas. It was here that he discovered resilience in its purest form.

Inspired by this experience, he returned to Melbourne and The Resilience Project was born. Having completed his post graduate studies looking at resilience and wellbeing, Hughes developed and facilitated programs for over 900 schools around Australia for the National Rugby League, The Australian Cricket Team, The Australian Netball Team, The Australian Women’s Soccer Team, The Jillaroos, 10 AFL teams, and he has presented to over 500 corporate groups. Hugh is also the best-selling author of The Resilience Project.

You can find Hugh and get more resilience tips at www.TheResilienceProject.com.

Want to learn more about the key to resilience and the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!