Unapologetically Marie

Writer, podcaster, mental health advocate

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Finding Happiness and Resiliency

Finding happiness and resiliency is about having balance across three areas in your life: community & connection; health & wellbeing; and meaning & purpose.

Your 6 Step Social Media Detox (and why you Need one NOW)

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Spending too much time in self-isolation and feeling the negative effects? You need a social media detox!

Do the things you like instead of liking things others are doing!

Have you found yourself turning to social media to while away the long hours of Covid lockdown? Are you noticing some negative effects? If so, you may need a social media detox.

Even before Covid, social media was well ingrained in most societies around the world. In Australia, as of January 2019 there were 18 million active users of social media websites (69% of the population). Facebook is the most popular social media platform, with ~16 million monthly users of the website. In the U. S., about 70 percent of adults say they use Facebook and YouTube, while Instagram and Snapchat are growing in popularity among 18-24 year-olds.

Social media can be an important part of modern life, but unfortunately, the research also tells us that it can also be destructive to our mental wellbeing. Many studies have linked excessive social media use to increased depression, anxiety, loneliness, sleeplessness, and many other mental health issues.

So, what should you do if you feel that your social media use is not good for your mental health? What if you’re spending too much time on social media?

Start With Self-Reflection

To begin with, take the time for some self-reflection. Grab a notepad and each day for a week, reflect on your social media habits.

Evaluate how social media makes you feel and how it impacts your life.

Write down your thoughts for a week. After some reflection, if you identify any negative effects that your social media use has had on your life, then you might want to consider a social media break. Here are your next steps…

6 Steps For a Successful Social Media Detox

1. Find a social media detox buddy: You’re more likely to complete the detox (or any new habit for that matter) if you have a friend to do the detox with. Agree on how long you’ll detox for – maybe try a week to start with and set the start date. Set a date with your friend, and touch base with each other regularly to check in during your detox.

2. Stop using your phone as an alarm: Get a real alarm clock and leave your phone away from your bed. This should stop you reaching for it first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

3. Be OK with being bored: The goal here is to take back your time and mindfulness. This means replacing hours of endless scrolling with more fun, but mindful, activities. It also means being present and being ok with being bored in-between tasks, like ad breaks or while waiting for things to happen.

4. Delete your social media apps: If this makes you feel anxious remember that this is only temporary, you can always download them again at any time. If you just can’t delete them, try moving them to a different screen on your phone. If you want to take it one step further, also limit your news intake to no more than 30 minutes a day!

5. Change your lock–screen: The simple act of having to put in a new and long password will make you think every time you open your phone screen. That can be enough to stop you from mindlessly using social media apps.

6. Start a new project: It’s easier to not miss something if you have something else to grab your attention. So why not start a new project or course.

After Your Social Media Cleanse: How to Bring Social Media Back Into Your Life

At some point, you might wish to bring social media back into your life, which is fair enough, and it’s important to note that there’s nothing inherently wrong with spending time on social media. It’s only when it starts having negative impacts on your life that you should be worried.

When you do bring it back into your life, bring it back slowly and the most important thing is to use it with purpose and intention. This means deliberately setting aside specific timeboxed times in the day to look at your social media. Perhaps it’s on the bus to work or school, for 10-minutes at lunchtime, and for 30 minutes after dinner.

Also, it helps to remove all notifications from your apps. This will help you to not be tempted throughout the day as the phone pings at you.

Remember it’s about you having control over you phone, not your phone having control over you. If you can be mindful, it will help you to ensure you don’t slip back into mindless scrolling.

Good luck!

Related content: Listen to our Podcast: Social Media Detoxing (E15)

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11 Ideas For Your Next Mental Health Day

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Mental Health day ideas

How To Ask For A Mental Health Day And What To Do When You Get One

Are you feeling stressed or burnout? Do you need to reset and unwind, but are you just too exhausted to think about mental health day ideas? Do you need some inspiration?

The month of May is Mental Health Awareness Month – an annual reminder that 1 in 5 people will face a mental health issue at some point in their lives. It shines a light on mental health and mental illness and raises awareness of the fact that many people struggle day to day with mental health issues. More than that, talking about it helps to normalise it, lessening the stigma and letting people know there is no shame and there is support.

This year, talking about mental health is even more poignant with many people currently experiencing heightened stress, anxiety and fears due to Coronavirus. Not only that but the impacts of the Coronavirus, such as losing your job or being isolated, can compound the issue by adding financial stress and/or deepening feelings of loneliness and guilt, among many others.

Then there are the essential workers and remote workers, the people we are depending on and who are working longer more stressful hours. Not having a job comes with its own stresses, but in today’s environment having a job can be just as stressful. And essential workers have been working at a heightened stress level for weeks now, just to get the job done. And many are starting to feel the effects of burnout. Even before the pandemic hit, the World Health Organization (WHO) estimated that one in four adults will experience burnout in their lives.

Signs You May Need a Mental Health Day

Burnout is a slow progressing state that you get to over time. It’s about working at an unsustainable pace for too long. It can leave you feeling physically and emotionally exhausted, as well as cynical and detached.

Symptoms of burnout include:

  • excessive stress,
  • insomnia,
  • fatigue,
  • sadness, anger or irritability,
  • defensiveness, cynicism or a negative outlook
  • alcohol or substance misuse,
  • high blood pressure, and
  • decreased immune function leading to an increase in illnesses, among others.

If you’ve noticed any of the above symptoms, you could be experiencing burnout. It may be time to ask your boss for a mental health day. If so, read on for some mental health day ideas.

How To Ask For Time Off

Even though conversations about mental health are slowly becoming normalised, it can still be hard to ask for time off to recharge. As much as we know that mental health is just as important as physical health, it is that much harder to ask for a day off when we’re stressed or overwhelmed compared to when we have the flu.

Before you have a conversation with your boss, therapist Julieann Ipsan says: “It is vital to assess if your company and work culture is open to the idea of mental health days. If asking and explaining details will ultimately create more stress, it’s better to take a sick day with no explanation of the mental health needs.”

If your company is OK with mental health days, but you’re still not ready to share your reasons with your boss, you can always say something like, “I’m not feeling well so I have to take a day off, but I’ll be back tomorrow.” This is completely acceptable, after all, you don’t want to create more stress by asking for a mental health day. When pressed for more information, you can simply say “Don’t worry, I am OK, but I really don’t feel up to sharing the details at the moment.”

Once you know that your boss and workplace are open to mental health days, and you are OK with opening up that dialogue, then a little bit of planning can help to smooth the way. If possible, try to take a day off when you will have a limited impact on others or where you can reschedule your meetings.

When you talk to your boss, explain the symptoms you’ve been experiencing, and the benefits of taking some time off to recharge. It could go something like this: “As you know, I’ve been under the pump and the stress is getting to be too much. I’ve not been sleeping well for a while now and I know I have been short-tempered lately. I’m also not doing my best work. I need to be better at looking after myself and I would like to take a mental health day on Thursday to recharge. I hope this helps me to improve my mood and productivity.”

The more people talk about this, and chart a course for others, the more we’ll all benefit from this open, supportive environment in the future. Remember, if you need additional help, reach out to a professional.

11 Mental Health Day Ideas

Once you get your day off, it can be easy to sleep in and just curl up on the couch with the remote. That would be a mistake. It’s time to give yourself what you’ve been missing over the past few weeks or months. This means a mix of quiet, mindful activities, a little bit of pampering, and a lot of rest.

Here are 11 mental health day ideas:

  1. Don’t set an alarm. Let your body tell you when it has had enough sleep.
  2. Put your phone on silent. You don’t want to get sucked into mindless news and social media scrolling, or even worse: work issues! If you absolutely have to be contactable, set aside a small amount of time in the morning and again in the evening to check your messages. Stick to those timeframes!
  3. Put on some music. Set the tone for the day by choosing a playlist or artist who makes you happy or relaxed.
  4. Make your favourite breakfast and eat it outside. The benefits of being outside are well documented. Mindfully enjoy your meal, sit quietly and feel the sun on your face.
  5. Do some light exercise. Go for a 30-min walk around a new part of your neighbourhood. See what you can find that you never knew existed. Be mindful and take notice of nature. Don’t do extreme exercise as it can add further stress to your body – today is about recharging not further depleting your body.
  6. Eat a healthy lunch. It’s time to reset any bad eating habits you’ve developed while stressed. Try a big bowl of salad with chicken or fish. If this feels like a punishment, try to think of it instead as caring for yourself, and then add some nuts and cheese!
  7. Fit in a pampering activity. Go get your nails done or get a massage. Whatever makes you feel like a million dollars.
  8. Make some commitments to change. If you’re in an unsustainable position at work, think about to talking to your boss to let them know explicitly that your situation is not sustainable and ask them to work with you on solutions, or propose some solution. It might take some time for things to change, so in the meantime, you should also commit to changing your own self-care behaviour to help you get through. Pick one thing you can do starting tomorrow. This could be committing to getting 8 hours of sleep, drinking enough water, packing healthy lunches, drinking less alcohol, or walking more each day (try getting off the train/bus one stop earlier).
  9. Set yourself up for the next day. Particularly if you’re going back to your stressful work the next day, you want to do what you can to ease the anxiety that will be building as you get closer to going back. Put your clothes out in the evening and pack a healthy lunch so it’s easy to grab and go.
  10. Wind down. If you’re an evening TV watcher, try changing your routine to read a paper book for a couple of hours before bed. Either way, before you go to sleep, take 20 minutes to do some light stretching, then sit calmly and think about 3 things you’re grateful for. Write them down in a book.
  11. Go to bed early. You don’t want to mess up your sleeping patterns, so don’t go to bed too early, but make sure you’re in bed with enough time to get 8 hours of sleep.

Related content: Read Moving On article Resiliency Is About Recharging And Self-Care, But Are You Doing It Wrong?

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going, at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

Comment below! Tell me, what activities do you do on your mental health or self-care days?

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

7 Pieces of Happiness Advice to Live By

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What is the top Happiness Advice From the Experts?

There are a lot of people who are happy to hand out life advice. My mum has handed down some doozies (in all fairness, times – and science – have definitely changed over the years).

I now know that going outside with wet hair won’t make me sick, and I won’t drown if I swim less than 30 minutes after eating. And I can attest to the fact that hair-of-the-dog always makes things worse, not better.

But what’s the latest advice about how to be happier? And who are today’s happiness advice experts (not just what mum told me … which was to “find a man who treats you right”)?

Let’s take a look at what the world’s experts on happiness – monks, psychologists and professors – have to say about how we can live a happier life. Here are 7 pieces of happiness advice to live by.

7 Pieces of Happiness Advice

1. Flow, the Secret to Happiness

Positive psychology pioneer Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi has studied those who find pleasure and lasting satisfaction, and his happiness advice lies in doing activities that bring about a state of “flow.”

“There’s this focus that, once it becomes intense, leads to a sense of ecstasy, a sense of clarity: you know exactly what you want to do from one moment to the other; you get immediate feedback. You know that what you need to do is possible to do, even though difficult, and sense of time disappears, you forget yourself, you feel part of something larger.”

2. The Habits of Happiness

Biochemist turned Buddhist monk Matthieu Ricard says we should train our minds in habits of well-being to generate a true sense of serenity and fulfillment.

“Mind training matters… this is not just a luxury. This is not a supplementary vitamin for the soul. This is something that’s going to determine the quality of every instant of our lives.”

3. The Surprising Science of Happiness

Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert says our “psychological immune system” lets us change our views of the world, so that we can feel better about the world in which we find ourselves.

“Our longings and our worries are both to some degree overblown, because we have within us the capacity to manufacture the very commodity we are constantly chasing when we choose experience.”

4. Plug Into Your Hard-wired Happiness

Writer and life coach Srikumar Rao says we all strive for happiness — but our model is wrong. We need to learn how to accept the life we have, and to do that we must invest in the process, not the outcome.

“There is nothing that you have to get, do or be in order to be happy… Think about your life 10 years ago…if you remember clearly, there were certain things you wanted… Odds are pretty good that many of those things you wanted 10 years ago you now have. Is that correct? Where has that left you? In exactly the same place, right?” 

5. Want to be Happy? Be Grateful

David Steindl-Rast is a Benedictine monk who says that happiness in born from gratefulness.

“A grateful world is a world of joyful people. Grateful people are joyful people, and joyful people – the more and more joyful people there are, the more and more we’ll have a joyful world.”

6. The Happy Secret to Better Work

Positive Psychologist Shawn Achor is the CEO of Good Think, and he says happiness inspires us to be more productive and more successful.

“90 percent of your long-term happiness is predicted not by the external world, but by the way your brain processes the world… only 25% of job successes are predicted by IQ, 75 percent of job successes are predicted by your optimism levels, your social support and your ability to see stress as a challenge instead of as a threat.”

7. What Makes a Good Life? Lessons From the Longest Study on Happiness

Robert Waldinger, the director of the Harvard happiness study, says good relationships are the key to a fulfilling, long life.

“Social connections are really good for us, and (…) loneliness kills. Good relationships don’t just protect our bodies, they protect our brains.”

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going, at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

How To Make Friends As An Adult

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How to make friends as an adult: everything you need to know.

How to make friends

Have you ever wondered how to make friends as an adult? The simple truth is that making friends as an adult is not always easy!

But it used to be easy. Remember at school when we were kids and there were tens if not hundreds of kids that you could pick from to be friends with. If you didn’t really get along with one person, there was always someone else to get to know, or another group that was maybe more your style. Sure, there were fights and hurt feelings, sometimes you might have wanted to be friends with someone who didn’t want to be friends with you, but more often than not, there were still other options or choices. There truly were more fish in the sea, and once you found your fish, becoming friends was pretty quick and easy.

Unfortunately, life as an adult is just not that easy.

You see, what many of us don’t realise until it’s too late is that school is set up in a way to make it easy to get to know people well, to make friends quickly. But once we leave school, it’s nowhere near as easy to make friends quickly or to find friends with similar interests, and it can leave many of us wondering how to make friends as an adult.

This can be exacerbated if you’re particularly shy, or if you move interstate or overseas for work, or if you work for a company or small business with only a handful of people to interact with every day – leaving quite a few people in their 20s and 30s all of a sudden feeling a lonely. In fact, young adulthood in particular can be a lonely time, with more than 1 in 3 young adults aged 18-25 reporting problematic levels of loneliness according to a report last year from Swinburn University and VicHealth.

Even then, if none of those situations apply to you, you still need to watch out if you’re particularly independent or even just really busy, as it can be easy to accidentally neglect the relationships around you. Or through no fault of your own, your friends move away, one by one, to travel or pursue jobs opportunities or romantic interests, and before you know it, you might not have that many people you can call a ‘good’ friend.

Once we leave school, the number of opportunities diminish to interact deeply on a daily basis with a variety of people . This means that the choices are more limited, but also that we have to put in time and effort to maintain the relationships we have.

Why Having Good Friends Is Important

Connecting with others is proven to build emotional resiliency and make your life happier. Friends bring us laughter and good times and help us get through the bad times. They make us feel connected and help us build self-esteem. They can make us feel loved.

On the flip side, the Swinburn and VicHealth study found that higher levels of loneliness increased a person’s risk of developing depression by 12 per cent and social anxiety by 10 per cent.

It’s also shown that people with close social relationships fair better in old age. According to a recent study, “Social engagement and connectedness may simply be the single most powerful factors for cognitive performance in old age.” In short, staying involved in the community and having close social relationships is also critical to a longer life.

But when we’re not in a school environment, finding that time together becomes harder, so it takes longer and requires a lot more work. So, look after your old friendships, or develop new friends—but be prepared for it to take dedicated time and effort. Either way, having good friends will serve you in the long run.

Making friends as an adult isn’t always easy. Here are some tips on how to make friends as an adult and add some extra happiness to your life.

Friends beat family

So, if you find yourself in a new town, or you have moved on from old friendship groups, you can sometimes be left wondering how to make friends as an adult…

To start with, it’s important to note that it takes a significant amount of time to make good friends. In a study by University of Kansas professor Jeffrey Hall, he found that it takes about 50 hours to go from an acquaintance to casual friend. It takes another 90 hours or so to move to friend status and then an additional 200 hours to become close friends.

So, if you’re willing to put in the work, here are some ideas to get you started on building new friendships.

Starting out on making friends

So, how do you make friends as an adult? To start out, look for an activity that brings together a variety of people and encourages regular social interaction. It’s about doing activities together that gives you something to do while you slowly getting to know others. This helps with the awkwardness of just meeting people in a bar or approaching strangers at a party. You could try:

  1. Joining a class – ever wanted to learn to paint or do pottery? Classes give you a reason for seeing people every week. Once you suss out the people in the class whom you might want to be friends with, sit closer to them and have a bit of a chat on the way out of class. After a few classes, you can offer to carpool or grab a drink afterward for additional bonding.
  2. Volunteering – contributing to your community not only makes you feel good, but it can also be a great way to meet like-minded people. If you like animals, try volunteering at your local pound or pet rescue centre. If you want to help the environment, find a group of people who plant trees or clean up beaches or organise in other ways to make a difference.
  3. Join a sports team – this is an easy way to meet a variety of new people and often involves training and playing multiple times per week, upping the interactions and often speeding up bonding – particularly if you can play at a higher level.

Deepening the bonds of friendship

Once you have found someone you think you might want to be friends with and you’re into the ‘acquaintances’ stage, look for opportunities to do some deeper one-on-one activities.

  1. Go for a hike – This type of activity is quite forgiving of long periods of silence, in case you’re both still getting to know each other and the conversation isn’t quite flowing yet. You can focus on walking or you can chat as you go, either way you’ll be getting to know each other better as you go.
  2. Plan a short holiday together – divide the planning and work on it together, this is just as important as the trip away itself. The planning together is half the fun. So, take a trip to a local winery, or to the coast for the weekend, or somewhere you both decide would be fun, and fill your days exploring a new location.
  3. Invite a small group over for dinner – this can be a really easy way to bring different but new people together. Again, the focus can be on the food, and it’s a short, defined time if things aren’t going too well! After dinner, you could try some conversation starters (see below) if you’re a bit nervous about keeping the conversation going!

Keeping the friendship alive

I know, life gets busy, but keeping relationships takes work. Here are some tips to keep the relationship strong.

  1. Make an effort to see your friends at least once per month. During that time, make sure you’re spending quality time together – making time to talk to each other one on one. So if you go to the movies, or theatre or a show, make sure you also grab a drink afterward, or dinner beforehand.
  2. Don’t forget to pick up the phone and just have a chat every now and then.
  3. Use social media to share smaller moments you can bond over. See something that reminds you of something you shared? Send it to your friend with a short message.
  4. Remember birthdays and Christmas – even if it’s just by sending a card.
  5. Need some inspiration for things to do? Try some of these ideas to bring inspiration into your life.

BONUS: Fun Conversation Starters For Dinner Parties

  1. If someone was going to make a movie of your life, what actor would you choose to play you?
  2. What is the most boring sport ever?
  3. When making a cup of tea, do you put the milk in first or last? Why?
  4. If you could be invisible for one day, what would you do?
  5. Which two historical figures would produce the most amazing children?
  6. Who would you choose to rule the world and why?
  7. If you were forced to change your nationality, what nationality would you choose?

Related content: Read Moving On article How to make cooking fun again

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going, at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life: Ikigai

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How To Find Your Passion And Purpose

Many philosophers have pondered the meaning of life over the centuries, and more recent research has shown the link between longevity and happiness, but what’s the real, tangible key to finding your passion and purpose?

Although the scientific and philosophical contributions over the past centuries have been many, no one idea has seen tangible results more than the concept of Ikigai.

Ikigai comes from the people in the small Japanese community of Okinawa, a remote island with a remarkably high number of centenarians (people over 100 years old). Although their impressive age has been attributed in part to their diets, the practice of IIkigai has also been noted as a major factor not only in their longevity but also their happiness.

What Is Ikigai?

In English, the rough translation of Ikigai is “reason for being” or you could see it as your reason for getting out of bed in the morning. More than that, it’s a guide to living a fulfilling, happy life. A guide to finding your passion and purpose.

In short, having purpose makes you happier, which in turn helps you live a longer and more satisfied life. The diagram below outlines the four overlapping elements of Ikigai: what you love, what you are good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for.

The Japanese Art of Ikigai - finding your passion and purpose

Often represented as a Venn diagram, Ikigai is a great tool for self-reflection and to help you think about all the things that may bring you joy, passion and purpose.  

Lessons From Ikigai

Author Dan Buettner wrote the book Blue Zones: Lessons on Living Longer from the People Who’ve Lived the Longest. Working for National Geographic, he travelled the world to explore the communities where people live the longest, which he calls “blue zones.”

Buettner says the older generations in Okinawa not only have an understanding of their Ikigai, but most importantly they put it into practice. For some this means regular catch-ups with friends to sing and dance, for others this is by regularly giving back to the community and finding ways to be useful in society – which brings thanks from colleagues and boost self-esteem.

This is backed up by all the latest science: people who are happy and fulfilled lived longer. And not only that, they live better lives too.

So, at this point you might be thinking, “well that’s nice but I have bills to pay.” And, yes, the reality is that you cannot always do what you love for work. Sometime, you have to do what’s needed to pay the bills.

But just because your job just needs to help you get food on the table and keep the utilities on, that doesn’t mean you can’t have purpose and passion in life. The good news is that your Ikigai isn’t synonymous with your job. You can have a job that just pays the bills while filling your hours outside of work with activities that bring you joy, happiness and satisfaction.

Having said that, if you downright hate your job, you may wish to look into finding another one too – because even if your life is great outside of work, that amount of hours every week doing something that is sucking the life out of you is not healthy. This doesn’t always mean that the job itself is bad, and you need to retrain or start from scratch. Sometimes all you need is a new company or team or happier people around you. Either way, don’t stay in a job that you hate and expect the rest of your life to not be impacted.

Related reading: 5 Life Lessons They Should Teach At School

Taking Action: Finding Your Passion And Purpose

My Ikigai worksheet

So how do you find your passion and purpose?

The first step to changing your life is to start by understanding it better. Do some self-reflection and find the one or two things that satisfy all four Ikigai elements. Write down all the things that you enjoy, that bring you flow or make you happy. Download your free worksheet and get started on some brainstorming.

Next, you need to change your habits, and set some goals. Knowledge without action is useless. If you need some help to turn your newfound knowledge into action, perhaps the best book about changing habits is James Clear’s Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. In his book, he helps people to make time for new habits (even when life gets crazy) by making tiny, easy changes that deliver big results.

Final Lessons From The Blue Zones

There are a few other things that people from Okinawa, and other blue zones all have in common.

  1. Keep your mind active: It’s critical to stay mentally active, particularly after retirement. You can read books, listen to podcasts or Ted-talks, travel or learn new skills like gardening or creative arts.
  2. Stay social: Staying involved in the community is also critical to a longer life. You can volunteer, join classes, book groups, or anything else that encourages regular social interaction.
  3. Eat well: eating a healthy diet means including a variety of food groups, good portion control, eating plenty of fresh foods instead of processed and packaged foods, limiting (or eliminating) unhealthy fats and sugar.
  4. Get outside and do light exercise: The mental and physical benefits of being outside, coupled with the physical benefits of exercise make going for a walk one of the best things you can do for yourself on a daily basis. Even better, go for a walk with a friend or loved one.
  5. Give thanks: Practicing gratitude makes you happier and less stressed, and it leads to higher overall wellbeing and satisfaction with your life and social relationships.

Good luck finding your passion and purpose!

Want To Know More? Try Reading These Great Books.

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going, at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

5 Best FREE Positive Psychology Online Courses

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positive psychology theories book in library

Start your Journey to a Happier Life Today!

It’s no secret that happier people do better in life. They’re more likely to get and stay married, they are more likely to graduate from university, they have more friends, more money, and feel more confident, and they are even more physically healthy. And yes, you guessed it, that means they live longer too!

So, how can you learn to be happy? It’s simple, just sign up for one of the many life-changing free positive psychology courses below and start your journey to being happier.

Top 5 Free Positive Psychology Courses online

The Science of Well-Being (Coursera, 4.9 stars)

This is the free version of Yale’s most popular class ever. Professor Laurie Santos first taught this class in 2018 in response to concerning levels of student depression, anxiety, and stress. It became the most popular class in Yale’s history and garnered national and international media attention. Now, you can take it for free. You will learn skills of gratitude, happiness, mediation and savouring.

The Science of Happiness (EdX)

This 8-week course is run by the team at the University of Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center and was the first online course to teach positive psychology. Join the 409,000 student who have already learned the science-based principles and practices for a happy, meaningful life. You’ll learn what happiness really means and why it matters to you; how to increase your own happiness and foster happiness in others; why social connections, kindness, and community are key to happiness; which mental habits are most conducive to happiness and how mindfulness can help.

Develop Creative & Happy Mindset – Rise in Love with Life (Udemy, 4.8 stars)

Learn the positive habits to reignite your creative drive and happiness. Wake up awesome and live with passion. Learn about how to clarify your dreams, strengths and passions in life; develop a positive mindset and positive self-talk; be more happy and enthusiastic; and be more creatively engaged in your life.

A Life of Happiness and Fulfillment (Coursera, 4.8 stars)

One of the most popular courses on happiness with over 130, 000 students. The course is based on the award-winning class offered both at the Indian School of Business and at the McCombs School of Business at The University of Texas at Austin. Take this course to find out the answers to questions  like “why aren’t the smart and the successful as happy as they could—or should—be?” and ”What are the “7 Habits of the Highly Happy” and how can you implement them in your life?”

The Foundations of Happiness at Work (EdX)

Another great course from the team at the University of Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, this course explains what happiness at work looks like, why it matters, and how to cultivate it. Learn why happiness at work matters and how to increase it within yourself and across your organization.

And here’s one more, just because I can…

Returning to a State of Happiness (Udemy, 4.8 stars)

The state of happiness is your most natural state of being. Learn how to become as happy as a carefree child; what stops you from experiencing the state of happiness you know is possible; and how to find inner peace.

Best CHEAP Positive Psychology Courses Online

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But wait! If you didn’t see something you like in the above free Positive Psychology Courses, don’t fret! There are even more options that are not free, but really quite cheap.

Foundations of Positive Psychology Specialization (Coursera, 4.7 stars)

Run by one of the founding fathers of positive psychology, Dr. Martin E.P. Seligman, this five-course specialization provides you with the key theories and research in the field of positive psychology as well as opportunities for application.  Positive Psychology: Well-being for life. Master strategies and tools that enable individuals and organizations to thrive

Be Happier with Positive Psychology (Udemy)

The Science of psychology and happiness shows tested ways to increase your well-being and life satisfaction. Sign up as a new student and get 85% off this course, only $14.99

Certified Positive Psychology Practitioner [Accredited] (Udemy)

Psychology of Happiness: Learn about and Get Practical Tools to Become Happier and Even More Successful. Sign up as a new student and get 85% off this course, only $16.99

Certified Habits Life Coach Positive Psychology [Accredited] (Udemy)

Professional Life Coach Certification: Habits and Happiness Accredited Certification with 40 CPD/CE Educational Credits. Sign up as a new student and get 85% off this course, only $12.99 Not quite ready to sign up to a course but want to learn a bit more about how to be happy? Read these 50 science-backed activities you can incorporate into your life that are proven to help you be happy: How to be happy – 50 science-backed ways to improve your happiness.

Prefer to Read?

Here are some great positive psychology books to read.

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Get my free resiliency workbook!

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5 Life Lessons They Should Teach At School

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There are some life lessons they should teach at school… then again, we probably wouldn’t listen.

Unfortunately for young people, some life lessons first require life experience, and even then, some deeply ingrained mindsets will only shift after a major shock to the system, like trauma or grief.

For me, true happiness only came after a major motorbike accident, which nearly took my life, and my leg, and left me battling depression. But before that, I had been pretty successful. I had a full life. I was satisfied with my accomplishments. Only now with hindsight would I say I wasn’t really happy.

My parents, my teachers, even my society had taught me to strive for success and accomplishment. And I was working hard at that. You see, according to them, striving only for happiness was a sure-fire way to end up homeless and on the streets with no prospects. Financial stability was the most important thing, and then you could worry about things like happiness afterward, if that’s what you really wanted.

The thing that our parents, teachers and society failed to understand is that we only have one life and wasting it on trying to be successful first and happy later does not work. In her book, Top Five Regrets of The Dying, palliative nurse, Bronnie Ware, says among the top five regrets of the dying is “I wish that I had let myself be happier.” And you know what else is in the top five? “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”

What are we taught at school?

For a large portion of Westerners, we are not at war and our countries mostly enjoy social stability. We have some choice over of the job we do. That job brings us enough income to house, feed and clothe our families. We enjoy the company of our families, sometimes getting married, sometimes having children.

Even with the uncertainty that Coronavirus has brought, we truly are living in the best times in our human existence. We live in an age of abundance and technological advancement, where we can honestly hope to make it to the peak of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs – self-actualisation.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

The problem is we’ve been taught to strive and succeed, and once we have enough, many of us don’t know what to do. We take that success and stability and look to strive for more. More stuff. Bigger houses, nicer cars, fancier holidays.

Or worse, we look around at the stuff we’ve amassed, and wonder, was that all? Is this it? Where did I go wrong?! Cue mid-life crisis…

What we were never taught is that self-actualisation isn’t the last stop on the bus ride of life, and it isn’t the last item to check off on our ‘to do’ list before we get too old to enjoy it. It is the purpose of life itself. It should be deeply ingrained in all our thoughts and behaviours throughout life.

Happiness is a life lesson that should be taught at school!

Yet while we learn our times tables and the difference between adjectives and adverbs, not one teacher taught me the skills to live a happy life. To be fair, I don’t think they knew either.

The good news is that happiness and financial stability are not a dichotomy, we don’t have to choose one or the other. The science shows you can be both happy and have financial stability, achievement and success. In fact, that’s the secret, learning to balance both. 

So here are the life lessons they should teach at school.

5 Life Lessons They Should Teach At School

1. Happiness is a choice.

You can wake up every day and do some really simple things to improve your happiness. The science is very clear. The key is to decide you want to have happiness in your life and then prioritise it. Don’t know where to start? Try this science-backed  30-day happiness challenge.

2. Exercise isn’t a punishment, it’s part of your self-care routine.

The benefits of exercise to our physical and mental health cannot be overstated. Yet making time to go to the gym or play a sport is often seen as an indulgence or worse, a hassle. It’s the first thing that gets cut when budgets are tight or ditched when we have to stay late at work. It’s got to stop! Find an activity that you enjoy or just commit to walking more in your day-to-day life. Get off one stop too early, park at the back of the parking lot, take the stairs. It’s that simple.

3. Making good friends is hard, keeping them requires work.

The one thing people remember when they’re on their death beds is the people. The relationships. The love. The moments of shared love and laughs are the most important. Also, the studies are clear that having friends and people you can count on is important for your health, longevity and wellbeing. We need other people in our lives. But no one tells you that making new friends gets harder as we get older.

Jeffrey Hall, an associate professor at Kansas University, found that it takes, “roughly 50 hours of time together to move from mere acquaintance to casual friend, 90 hours to go from that stage to simple “friend” status and more than 200 hours before you can consider someone your close friend.” But when we’re not in a school environment, finding that time together becomes harder, so it takes longer and a lot more work. So, look after your old friendships, or develop new friends—but be prepared for it to take dedicated time and effort. Either way, having good friends will serve you in the long run.

4. Self-care isn’t indulgence, it’s critical to a long life.

The science is clear, looking after yourself both physically and mentally leads to a longer life. Eating well, getting eight hours of sleep, exercising, drinking water, reducing or managing stress and resting – all of these activities prolong our lives and improve the quality of our lives. Sometimes it’s the mental health care that can be the hardest to justify, but in today’s hectic world, it’s even more important than ever to know yourself and know when you need to breathe, or rest or remove yourself from a chronically stressful situation. So, make sure you have time for yourself and remember: you can’t care for others if you don’t care for yourself.

5. You can’t always do what you love for work, but you can always have something to do that you love.

The sad reality is that not all actors, artists, athletes or writers can get paid enough for their work to make a comfortable living. So, leverage your strengths to find work that interests you, or uses your strengths, even if you’re not passionate about it. But, make sure you dedicate time in your week for something that does inspire, motivate, light a fire or bring passion to your life. Even if you can only spare an hour per week, or a couple of hours per month, prioritise that time (put it in your diary and tell the family that’s your time) and protect it.

Similarly, if you haven’t yet found something that brings you passion, go looking for it. Sign up for new classes, try things that take you out of your comfort zone. Travel. Learn. Some things you won’t like, other things might stick, just be mindful and enjoy the journey along the way.

The key to happiness is to find a way to balance these activities around the things you have to do to meet your minimal needs. As Bronnie pointed out in her book Top Five Regrets of The Dying, and as many people who have gone before us realised all too late: while you’re working for safety, security, stability and a certain level of comfort, don’t forget to also be incorporating happiness into your life.

30-Day Happiness Challenge

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How to Rewire Your Brain to Bring More Happiness Into Your Life

We’re all living through unique and challenging times right now. To make matters worse, a lot of our stresses are completely out of our control.

But there are certain things that are 100 per cent within your control and you can do to build your resiliency and happiness.

Follow the 30-day Happiness Challenge and Rewire Your Brain to Bring More Happiness Into Your Life!

The challenge is divided into activities under the three resiliency and happiness foundations: purpose, social connection and healthy mind and body. If any activity doesn’t speak to you, try to replace it with a similar activity that motivated you.

Before you get started:

  • You’ve got to be all in! It’s only 30 days, and what if it works? Go on, commit and see where it will take you.
  • Prepare to set aside time each day to complete your activity in a mindful, distraction-free way.
  • Plan ahead. Take a look at the activities for the upcoming week so you can plan anything that needs planning. Set things up in your diary early to lock it in.
  • Do it with a friend! Find a friend to complete the challenge with, and you can hold each other accountable.
  • Need inspiration? Click on the links if you want more help, ideas or explanations.

Start the 30-day Happiness Challenge now!

Day 1 – Plan a dinner date with a friend or loved one

Day 2 – No sugar day

Day 3 – Start a gratitude journal

Day 4 – Set aside time to find flow

Day 5 – Call your Mum or a sibling for a chat

Day 6 – Go for a 30-minute walk with a friend or family

Day 7 – Rest and relax

Day 8 – Learn something new – try a podcast, book or Ted Talk

Day 9 – Organise a dinner party

Day 10 – Drink 8 glasses of water

Day 11 – Write in your gratitude journal

Day 12 – Bring awe into your life

Day 13 – Hug a pet, partner or friend

Day 14 – Go to bed 1 hour earlier

Day 15 – Sit outside in nature for 30 minutes

Day 16 – Write in your gratitude journal

Day 17 – Practice kindness or help a friend or neighbour

Day 18 – Get 30+ minutes of exercise

Day 19 – Write in your gratitude journal

Day 20 – Set aside time to find flow

Day 21 – Grab a drink or meal with a work colleague

Day 22 – No processed foods, only fresh foods

Day 23 – Take a social media detox. Turn off all notifications.

Day 24 – Learn something new – try a podcast, book or Ted Talk

Day 25 – Plan your next holiday with family or a friend

Day 26 – Do 30-minutes of stretching

Day 27 – Write in your gratitude journal

Day 28 – Practice positive solitude

Day 29 – Practice kindness or help a friend or neighbour

Day 30 – Go for a 30-minute walk with a friend or family

Follow our 30-day happiness challenge to bring more happiness into your life today!

Tell us in the comments what activities do you do that help you to bring happiness into your life!

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3 Common Pitfalls of Working From Home

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The Common Pitfalls of Working From Home

1. There Are no Boundaries

When we start doing our work at home, it can become harder to see the boundaries between work and home. It’s all too easy to just check a few emails when you get up. Before you know it, it’s mid-morning and you haven’t had breakfast and you’re still in your PJs. Or even worse, you get to the evening and realise you’ve worked a 12 hour day without really moving!

Try: Set start and finish times for your work day, and stick by them. Plan activities immediately before and after your work hours so you have an excuse to not be online.

2. You’re Not Set up For Success

I have seen a huge increase in meetings since my office moved to virtual working, and I’m sometimes asked to attend 8-hours or more of meetings each day! This means I can struggle to find time to pee let alone to eat or move. That’s not healthy and it’s not sustainable.

Try: I’ve had to set up my work calendar to block my lunchbreak, and two 15-minute breaks so I’m not on calls all day. And I made a point now of not movig them for anyone! Be OK with saying “can we make that a 15 minute call instead of 30?” or “no, that will have to wait until tomorrow.”

3. You Forget to Move

Have you cut out nearly all incidental movement from your day? When we worked in offices, we used to walk to and from the car park or bus/train stop. We would pop downstairs for a coffee mid-morning and head out to the shops for lunch. Now that we’re working from home and self-isolating, we’re spending huge amounts of time sitting — which is as bad as smoking 15 cigarettes a day!

Try: Pick a few meetings throughout the day with close teammates or where you only have to listen (not write). Turn off your video and stand up for the entire call. If you can, stretch and march on the spot during that call.

Maintaining Your Balance

If you’re new to working from home it’s easy to fall into these 3 common pitfalls of working from home. But the key to maintaining your happiness and mental wellbeing is to find balance across three foundations: meaning and purpose; community and connection and healthy mind and body.

It’s a stressful and anxious enough time right now without introducing new bad habits into your weekly schedule, but unfortunately, recent changes in our working environments coupled with self-isolation have changed the balance many of us had established in our lives.

Here’s what you need to look out for:

Meaning and purpose: if you have your job, you will probably find that this foundation is still quite strong and no extra effort is required here.

Community and Connection: if you’re self-isolating, then you need to be mindful about reaching out to people and connecting. Try scheduling in video calls with a different friend or family member each weeknight.

Healthy Mind and Body: if you’re working from home all day every day and self-isolating, you need to be more mindful of getting enough exercise.

Luckily, it’s easy enough to set yourself up in a new routine and find balance. For some extra help with how to plan your day to avoid these common pitfalls of working from home, you set up your calendar like I do below.

Notice I schedule a lot of extra exercise and movement times into my day right now, and I’m prioritising calling my friends and family each evening while I’m on a walk.

I also am making sure I stand-up during work calls and march on the spot or stretch when I can.

Common Pitfalls of Working From Home

NOTES:

Life happens, and I don’t always get to everything I mean to in a day. I have no time for guilt, so when that happens, I just try again the next day. Nobody is perfect, but setting the right intentions is half the battle!

To keep things interesting, I am searching YouTube for “HIIT workout at home” and “work-out for beginners” or “workout at home.” I then vary my lunchtime workouts between the high intensity interval training (HIIT) classes and something lighter like Pilates or a lower intensity workout, like this one.

Thriving in the Change Storm

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Thriving in the Change Storm

How to Build Resilience and Happiness

Are you struggling to cope with all the changes that are happening in the world today? Are you wondering about surviving self-isolation? Or how to cope after losing your job or being ‘stood down’ due to Coronavirus?

Have you ever looked at other people and wondered how they seem to move through life without a worry in the world? How are they so happy, and so resilient, when your life feels like it’s falling apart? Why are they surviving self-isolation just fine, while you hate it?

Are you wondering ‘What’s the secret to reducing stress in my life and building resilience?’

The good news is that there’s no secret. There are some easy things you can do to become more resilient, even in today’s crazy, hectic world.

And here’s the best news, along the way you may also reduce your levels of stress and bring happiness and balance in your life!

Get your free guide and workbook to build a happier and more resilient life!

Get your free guide and workbook now!

Your FREE Step-by-Step Guide to Building Mental Strength

The first step to making change in your life is understanding why we do the things we do. Read our guide and do the activities to understand yourself better, then learn what makes some people more resilient than others and how you can make some simple changes in your life to build resiliency.

This research-backed advice will lead to decreased stress, and help you live a happier and more resilient life.

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Surviving self-isolation? Coping with change? Job loss? We’re all going through the same Change Storm, but no matter what you’re dealing with, this free workbook will help you build a more resilient life!

Simply input your email address and we’ll send you your free copy now!

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Why Should you Listen to me?

Hi, I’m Marie, and change and resiliency are my jam.

I started my career in journalism, working with The Canberra Times and USA Today, before working in public affairs and advising top executives in times of crisis for some of the world’s largest tech and financial services companies, both in Australia and abroad.

I also had a successful volleyball career, representing Australia as a junior and senior, and earning a scholarship to a Division 1 college in Virginia, America, and captaining the NSW Women’s Volleyball team in the Australian Volleyball League.

I thought I had resiliency down pat, but then I had a motorbike accident that nearly took my life and my leg, and my world fell apart. So I began researching how people cope with major life changes to find out why some people are really good at dealing with whatever life throws at them, while others struggle. I have conducted interviews with people all over the world who have been through major change in their lives to find those answers. I am now a mental health advocate and like to share my findings and tools with people around the world.

P.S. That’s you!