Unapologetically Marie

Writer, podcaster, mental health advocate

Happiness Blog

Mental Health in an Unequal World (E88)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about inequality and equity and how it impacts our mental health.

Show notes

In this week’s episode, Marie and Pete talk about a great video which helps people to better understand privilege. Check it out.

Transcript

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.  

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.  

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.  

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny. 

[Intro music fadeout] 

P: Yeah. Hey, hey, It’s exciting. Oh, my Lord, this feels so weird. We’re back in the same room. Oh, my God. Like it’s been whole three months. I’m not saying you being able to be negative.

M: I love the way you’re saying that. That is making me think. “Oh, my God, Becky, look at her butt”

P: Yes, Romy and Michelle’s high school reunion! We’re back. We’re back together. It’s so nice to see you.

M: So nice to see you too. No one else can see us seeing each other.

P: I can see you see me. So that’s all good. It is so good. And next week. Sydney’s opening up So that’s good news for us. It’s huge news for us. We’ve been in a three month plus lockdown, our first real big one. So yes, you could feel the excitement. I’ve got clients coming through my door going, Oh my God, can you believe Monday’s coming?

M: Not only that, we’ve had beautiful spring weather. There’s just birds and it’s lovely. Yeah, absolutely.

P: So what are we talking about today?

M: Well, today we’re talking about World Mental Health Day and this is theme is mental health in an unequal world. So the 10th of October is World Mental Health Day. I wish you and your family good mental health on that day.

P: It’s wonderful that we’ve actually got a day for. I mean, there’s a day for everything these days, but a day…

M: And a month we’ve got a mental health month as well, and Australia does a different one to America and all around the world.

P: But we’re talking about mental health more, which I think is really valuable.

M: Absolutely.

P: And what I like about this one is that this particular focus on the inequality of mental health and how certain people have more access to mental health than others. And how we can redress that.

M: Well, not only that, it’s talking about inequality more broadly, so not just around mental health. It’s about how poverty, for instance, and there are a range of different groups out there who are still experiencing inequality today. And we talk about the huge progress we made in the 20th century when it comes to women’s rights, for instance. But even in the past year, we’ve seen with the #MeToo movement in America that there’s still so much that we need to do. We are still so far from having an equitable society. Um, and women’s rights is one of the most progressed. If you look at groups like people with disabilities or, um, LGBTQ rights around the world, there’s huge inequities, particularly if you look country to country. We are pretty blessed here in Australia, But even here there is still huge ingrained hatred and, uh, all the ISMs… racism, you know, homophobia, agism and all of those things that as a society we haven’t redressed.

P: We’re starting to redress them here in Australia. We’ve had a number of royal commissions lately in the last maybe decade, I would say that is redressing and bringing to light some of these issues, particularly in terms of elder care and disabled access, and people with disabilities. So it is the start of the conversation. But how does this impact on people’s access to health and to happiness?

M: Well, what we’re talking about here is a person feeling “less than,” right? So your experience as a non-binary or a transgender person, or as a woman in this world, or as a person of colour or a person with a disability is “less than” others around you… the majority. And therefore, we’ve spoken about this before, it’s looking at those around you and knowing that you have less than others because of the system you’re in, not because you’ve worked less hard or you’ve done something wrong, but the system is stacked against you. And so when you look at others around you and you find that you have less opportunity and less access to everything, including mental health resources, then your ability to be happy is impacted

P. Absolutely. How do you work against that? How do you find a way through?

M: Oh my goodness. That’s a big question isn’t it?

P: Yeah

M: look, what I love about positive psychology is that it started saying, let’s not only focus on the bad, let’s also focus on the good so that you’re painting reality. Right now, your reality is that if you are one of these people in one of these minority groups and that that minority group has historically and systemically been disadvantaged, then you are starting from behind the start line in life line, and that’s reality.

P: A wonderful video of the American coach who gets his class out on the football field. And everybody who answers yes to a question gets to take two steps forward and some kids never leave the start line [see video in show notes]. Some kids, yeah, and the kids who are at the front don’t see them. And so, at the end of this exercise, he asked the kids at the front to turn around and they look behind them and they see everybody else who are 100 metres behind them and starting from a lot further back. And they have to work all that much harder to get to the same start point. And it makes it relative that when you have privilege, how valuable that can be and the awareness of being able to go, “right, I have privilege because of the A, B, C and D. How do I address the imbalance?”

M: So that’s awareness, and that is gold. That’s really great exercise to help people understand privilege. However, if you are starting behind others, there is a reality to that. And that doesn’t mean give up.

P: No, definitely not.

M: It does mean you still have things to be thankful for, and there are still ways positive psychology can bring the good to your world. So you’ve got the things that you can’t change that are outside your sphere of influence, they are what they are. And many people have their own story, their own background, their own baggage… and some people have a lot more that they bring with them. And then there is still the hope and the inspiration that comes from people who, despite all the odds, are happy, positive, optimistic people. And that’s what the goal is.

P: You see this so much with certain cultures that have got things like generosity and gratefulness and mindfulness built into their cultural values that you see if anyone has been to Nepal. You see these people live simple lives. They live on the side of a mountain, and they are so happy and so generous, and they will give you the shirt off their back. And the joy that they emanate is because they value simplicity, um, and mindfulness and family and society. And all of these things that we know are proven to increase your mental well being and happiness subjective wellbeing levels.

M: And not only that, I think that the flip side is, you know, if you’ve been dealt a raw hand, there’s still things you can do to increase your happiness, right? We’ll pop it in the show notes that video about privilege. If you’ve been dealt a good hand, it’s still important to do all of these things that we talk about on the show because it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to be happy. As we’ve seen before, a lot of us are stuck in the rat race. We’re trying to get more and more and more, and we’re not focusing on mindfulness getting out into nature, being grateful all of those things. But also, if you do find that you’re living a life that is privileged and I definitely am, I’ll put my hand up to say that I’ve had a lot of advantages in life. Some of the things you can do is just to become an ally.

P: Yes, do something proactive and creative reflect on the community. How do you support your community? How do you contribute to your local community?

M: Next time you hear someone say something racist or sexist or homophobic or ageist or anything like that, what are you going to do? How can you help in a polite and respectful way to bring people forward on this journey so that we end up at a point of equity at some point in the near future? Hopefully, in our lifetime!

P: It doesn’t take much. It can just be about having that conversation. And it does have to be a respectful and dignified conversation because someone who has an opinion, you’re not going to change that opinion.

M: You might be able to..

P: but that should be the goal.

M: But sometimes people say things without realising the impact it has on others, and I’ve been pulled up, and I was mortified that I used a word that I didn’t realise had such a bad impact on a certain group. And I’ve never said – well, I think I might have said it once or twice accidentally since – but I’ve made a real effort never to say it again. Never deliberately. And that’s growth and that, you know, I thank the person who pulled me up on that and had an awkward conversation is an awkward conversation. And it’s not an easy one to have.

P: When you’re um, perhaps a colleague at work or something. Someone has been a more senior position. It’s difficult to go one sec. I need to talk about this. Yeah, absolutely. But that’s how you can be a really strong ally.

M: Absolutely. And then a lot of us who work for corporate will have various days through the year. There’s wear it Purple Day that we do in my organisation to support LGBT like we wear purple T shirts, make an effort on that day to find a purple T shirt or to find a scarf, or to find a way to show that you are supporting that community because it is such a simple thing for us who are in the privileged position and in the majority to just go, “I don’t have a purple T shirt.”

P:  This is what I like about these awareness days, like I love the one about hearing impairment like you don’t we take it for granted because we can all here. But when you come across someone that has a hearing impairment, how do you communicate? How do you work with that? How do you find make someone’s life easier? Who has that hearing impairment? I’ve been getting access to a lot of that in terms of a communication course that I’m doing through my studies at the moment. And it’s made me really self-reflect on how I interact with those people who are living with disabilities and providing equal access and also being respectful enough in terms of, um, not drawing attention to it, I’m not dismissing it in my daily interactions

M: It’s also about being flexible to accommodate it

P: absolutely hugely.

M: Find a way, call someone you know who can help you communicate. Go that little bit further or the extra mile to help that person feel included and help them belong. It’s huge. Another thing you can do is simply educate yourself.

P: That’s a huge one that can be uncomfortable as well.

M: Yeah, absolutely.

P: You’re putting yourself in that receptive position. For some people, it’s really difficult because some people believe, “But I’m not racist.” I’m a running gag with a friend of mine. You know, I’m always going on about the ‘bloody Asians.’ But I totally don’t agree with that, I have to have to quantify this. So I managed a volleyball club for many years and it was predominantly Asian. And so when I walked into that club, I boxed Asian people into one big pigeon hole. And then what I realised was that there was a difference between dealing with the Thai population, dealing with the Chinese population dealing with the Malaysians, and that all these different populations have their idiosyncrasies and intricacies. That was my education, and I had to take a big kick. Step back, really look at myself. So now it’s quite interesting, but when I say “the bloody Asians” it comes from a place of love. But if someone heard me, they probably wouldn’t

M: there is probably a whole other conversation about how you probably are encouraging other people.

P: My point exactly is that I’ve got to check myself when I do those sorts of things, because I might be coming from it from a place of love. And yet I’m supporting a stereotype and the negative by making light of the situation or making it into a gag.

M: Yeah, absolutely. So there are so many great videos. I watched a great one on Trans People the other day, 15-minute video on YouTube and learned about language and gender and sexual identity versus physical, what you’re born with and what you identify as and it was just. And I am heavily involved in the LGBT community, both at work and in volleyball circles, and it was still confusing me. So, I think the thing to ask yourself is, Do I have a friend who identifies as a minority group? And if you don’t go watch a video from that person’s perspective, that can be tough for some people. I also don’t have any indigenous friends, so that’s another area where I lack firsthand experience and so it’s important to go find someone who has lived experience with being in that minority group and watch a video about their experiences.

P: That’s a very relevant I was going to say, Australian, but I’m probably getting myself into trouble there. Um, I come from a very rural community. That was where I was brought up. And there’s a lot of calls about Australia being a racist country, which I believe that fundamentally it is.

M: I think some people are. I think it’s like that with every country.

P: Exactly This is my point is I come at it from my perspective that when you’re in those pockets where that that rhetoric is prevalent, and you wonder how many people in a minority group do these people associate with? So instead of discarding someone on the street or stereotype seeing them and judging them for who they are, put yourself in an uncomfortable position and go and spend some time there…

M: Yeah, or go online today, right? That’s very easy. So, you know, not every person who is in a minority wants to be a spokesperson for that minority group. They don’t necessarily… You don’t want to go approach the gay guy at work and be like, hey, because you’re gay, can you talk to me about the gay population?

P: Isn’t your crew happy now? It’s Mardi Gras.

M: I’m sure you’ve had that a lot, right? And just as you know, I often early in my career, was asked to represent grads. And you do a lot of work when you’re helping grads. When I was in a grad position, but also women and a lot of extra hours to represent women in and I was in tech. So women in tech, I was on committees and, you know, organising events and stuff. And it’s all done on top of your day job. So be really careful not to find that one person in your organisation or your sports group or whatever and put that extra burden on them. Really, the burden should be on you, and there are great online resources that don’t put a burden on anyone. There are people who have stood up and put themselves out there to help other people understand them in their community. So I highly recommend that.

M: So I do just want to say the theme for this year’s World Mental Health Day is mental health is an unequal world, and what they’re trying to do is highlight that inequality due to race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity and the lack of respect for human rights in many countries, including for people living with mental health conditions and physical health conditions and all of those differences, inequality can have impacts on our happiness levels. And we saw that earlier, we spoke about it this year in the World Happiness Report that came out in March. Yes, so if you remember, we talked about how one of the major findings from this year’s World Happiness Report was that – and that looks at 157 countries and the quality of lives as they’re being lived. And the report’s assembled by the Sustainable Development Solutions Network, which is made up of economists, psychologists and public health experts around the world – and one of the main findings this year is the assessment of how inequality affects wellbeing across the various countries. So essentially, researchers have found that people are happier when they live in populations with less inequality.

P: We’ve talked about this before in terms of Ted talk that we found where a an English scholar was explaining how inequality, wealth, inequality, impacts on social inequality and people’s access and experience of happiness and feelings of belonging and contentment. Yeah, right down to the financial aspects of it.

M: So you’d find in a country like America, which has one of the highest, if not the highest, levels of income inequality, your top 1% (You can’t even wrap your head around how much they earn per hour or you can’t. And I’m not exaggerating. You can’t) versus someone who’s working 60 hours a week to put food on the table at $5 an hour and can’t afford a healthy meal. Can’t afford to feed their kids fruit and vegetables because it’s just not doable.

P: Yep, absolutely.

M: And so that’s the difference that, um, you’re seeing in America versus potentially a third… developing country. Urgh, I’m always going to go back and say, ‘Third World’ I need to stop myself… sorry, developing country that doesn’t have that income inequality because they’ve got less money overall, so that top 1% is far closer to the bottom 1%.

P: Exactly.

M: That society, even though they’re in a developing country and their access to clean water and fresh food, is just as, um poor, if not worse, because they’ve got less inequality within their society. It impacts less on their happiness.

P: Absolutely, and the science proves it if you can, if you can value those elements of human connection, sometimes that leads to better contentment

M: and stop comparing yourself to others. We’ve talked about social media as well, and how this is exacerbating that need to compare to people around you. And, you know, if you had a plan to get married and have kids by 30 and all your friends have and you still haven’t, it’s the comparison. If your friends have bigger houses, bigger incomes, nicer cars, sexier husbands… whatever, it is we naturally compare. So it’s dropping that comparison from our self talk and how we look at our lives… which is not an easy thing to do! But again, um, when you talk about inequality and inequity, something that compounds that is constantly focusing on it.

P: Yes, bring it back to you. Bring back to your goals and your ideals and your values

M: mmmm, and the positive psychology side. What can you control and what is good in your life of control? What is good and what’s important? A lot of the times you might be thinking, How come that person has a great car?

P: I don’t

M: But really, when you sit down, do you even want a nice car?

P: Exactly. Yeah, all right.

M: But we’re done for another week. So wishing everybody out there a happy mental Health day, World Mental Health Day and I highly encourage you to go out and watch YouTube video about a minority group if you don’t have a friend or family member who has that lived experience. And work on a way that you can speak up, will become a better ally or support one of these groups so that we can continue our fight against inequality.

P: Absolutely. Get involved in the community. Find it in the community. On that note until next time. Have a happy week.

[Happy exit music – background] 

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic. 

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out. 

M: Until next time. 

M & P: Choose happiness.  

[Exit music fadeout] 

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks! 

3 Silver Linings of the Pandemic  

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Silver Linings of the Pandemic

This time last year we were hopeful for a complete end to the pandemic and a return to normal life. Then the Delta strain hit and we went back into lockdowns and cases picked up again. Now, we’re facing the reality that Covid is here to stay and we’re grappling with the certainty of a different future from what we had previously imagined. 

With this renewed hope, now is the time to take stock of our lives and look at where the pandemic found us and where it leaves us. It’s true that our lives have been disrupted in unprecedented ways. We have lost a great deal. Yet a lot of good has also come from the pandemic. It has even impacted many of us positively as well. We’ve learnt lessons that no school would have ever taught us, and if we commit to growth, we can carry these lessons for a lifetime. Afterall, you should never let a crisis go to waste! 

So, what are these hard-fought lessons? Let’s take a look. 

1. We Understand the Importance of Getting Outside into Nature and Sun 

They say you often don’t appreciate something until it’s gone, and I’m sure I never fully appreciated going for a walk before the pandemic. Afterall, who could have ever predicted that something as simple as a walk to the park would be out of reach? Then, as the pandemic hit, many people found the only nature we could access was our backyards, balconies or the rays of light through windows.  

For days we were stuck indoors, and the effects to our collective mental health have been well documented. Boredom, fatigue, irritability, loneliness, anxiety… the list goes on. Not only that, but many of us also have to deal with the equivalent of the ‘freshman five’ although for me it’s more like the ‘Covid ten.’ Although I have put on weight I am forever thankful for the vast array of spandex clothing I have been able to order online.  

The physical and mental impacts of not being active are well documented, as are the impacts of not getting enough sun and the positive impacts of getting out into nature. 

This study shows that to be happier, all you need to do is take a moment to notice the nature around you. Simply take a moment to look at that tree outside your window, or that plant that has just flowered, and notice how it makes you feel. Researchers say observing nature — wherever you may be — will make you feel happier. Similarly, a team from the London School of Economics and Political Science found that being outdoors, near the sea, on a warm, sunny weekend afternoon is the perfect spot for most people. In their study, participants were found to be substantially happier outdoors in all natural environments than they were in urban environments.  

Dr George MacKerron, from University of Sussex, who undertook the study in conjunction with the LSE, said, “People recorded the highest levels of happiness in marine and coastal locations, followed by mountains and moors, forests and farms.” 

With things clearing up, we’re now stepping out again, and it shows. Just spending a couple of hours in nature changes the trajectory of our entire day. We’re happier, more relaxed and optimistic. As things open up again, let’s not forget to go out and savour the landscape. Feel the sun on our faces, and the breeze in our hair. Take in our surroundings and get that little bit more exercise into our days while we’re at it.  

2. We Value Relationships More  

With the hectic lifestyles that we led before the pandemic, many of us were taking our relationships for granted. But thanks to Covid, some of us were forced into small spaces 24-7 with the people we love – they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and this has proven true for many families. 

Difficult conversations were finally had. Issues were raised that were long overdue. Matters were clarified. Not an easy process; but a necessary one. Although Covid has exposed some gaps in already-shaky relationships, it has left others with a renewed appreciation for family.  

With nothing else left to do, we baked cookies with the kids, and had sourdough bread bake-offs with friends. We finally called our mothers every week, just to check in on them and make sure they’re ok. We played silly games and ate meals over Skype and Zoom. We planted gardens together, and went for walks with bubble-buddies.  

We’ve also had an opportunity to talk to our neighbours, often the only other company we could get besides our families. We shared supplies when families were running out.  

Quite simply, we prioritised checking in on friends and family, and as a result many of us have formed closer bonds than before the pandemic. There is substantial research into the benefits of close social bonds. You could read this study which outlines the health benefits of being social. Or there is this study that looks at the economic impact of having a happy marriage, and a good social life. The results? Good relationships and social bonds not only make you happier, they also make you richer! And then there’s this study which shows that eating together benefits your kids’ mental and physical health.  

During Covid, we learned to care for each other. When we return to a new normal, the pandemic will have left behind more united communities. Our challenge will be to continue to take the time to invest in these relationships once we’re back in our stressful, overcommitted lives again. 

3. We’re More Grateful  

Covid taught us a painful lesson on gratitude. The things we have, the very mundane things that we don’t even stop to think about, can be gone from us in a moment. Did we ever think that popping by a café for coffee would be a luxury? Or taking a flight? Or attending a party? Or just meeting friends to catch up? We know that now, and many of us have learned to be more grateful for what we have.  

Covid has impacted us all in so many ways. A quote I love to think about is that “we’re all in different boats, but we’re in the same storm.” So, while Covid has impacted us all, it has definitely impacted us in different ways and what each of us is thankful for will differ. For me, when I get sick of working yet again from home, I try to remember that at least I have a home and a job. That is something to be thankful for, and something which many people cannot say. When I think about what could have gone wrong, I know I have been truly blessed and this brings a peace and quiet optimism to my life that I wish I could share with everyone I know. And I am not alone, many people have been counting their blessings throughout these tough times… and that’s a good thing.  

Gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships. Practicing gratitude can be as easy as sharing what went well that day with your family at the dinner table or keeping a daily or weekly gratitude journal. 

Related reading: How to Practice Gratitude, and Why You Should do it 

Covid has pushed us to our emotional limits; but it has also challenged us to live a more intentional, purposeful lives, build stronger relationships and acknowledge that every day is a gift. Hopefully, these three silver linings of the pandemic are lessons we all carry forward throughout the rest of our lives. 

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources! 

Making a Positive Portfolio (E87)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about how to reinforce your happiness by making a positive portfolio highlighting positive emotions.

Show notes

Positive Portfolio – 10 emotions (according to Barbara Fredrickson)

  • Gratitude,
  • Serenity,
  • Interest,
  • Hope,
  • Pride,
  • Amusement,
  • Inspiration,
  • Awe,
  • Love, and
  • Joy.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background] 

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.  

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.  

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.  

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny. 

[Intro music fadeout] 

M: Hey, hey!

P: Hello happy people!

M: I’m happy today. Are you happy today?

P: I am happy today. I have one more day to reach before the end of term and then I have a week of no lectures. So, I’m feeling very positive.

M: Whoop, whoop!

P: Oh yeah, laugh.

M: I make an online purchase –

P: Oh!

M: – for my cats, a scratching post. So, it arrived yesterday and took it out of the box. I put it right next to where they love to hang out. And they have spent 24 hours non-stop… playing with the box.

P: Laughter! It’s like a two-year-old at Christmas.

M: Laugh, it is! Playing with the wrapping paper.

P: Laugh!

M: They’re enthralled, I even put a ball into the box and that just kicked off a whole other round of games.

P: Wow, laugh. What about the scratching post? Where did you put the scratch post? Laugh.

M: It’s just sitting next to the wall, hasn’t been touched. Laugh, unfortunately.

P: Hilarious.

M: But that is joy and play,

P: Mmm.

M: and they’re loving it.

P: Laugh.

M: So, that brings us to what we’re talking about today.

P: Which is…

M: Positive portfolios and how to make a positive portfolio. I am studying at the moment, it’s a year-long course at the Happiness Studies Academy and it’s run by Tal Ben Shahar, who’s the Harvard professor who wrote the book Happier.

M: And last week we covered off positive portfolios, the why, the science and what to do with it. And I just have to share this week –

P: Laugh.

M: – because I’ve gotten started on pulling it together, and it is such a simple thing that can bring so much emotion. I won’t say which ones yet, because we’ll get to that later.

P: Ok.

M: So much good and positive emotion into your life and either for yourself personally or with others. And it’s not something we do that much anymore. In a world of digital lives, we’re not creating tangible portfolios of things in the way that we used to.

P: Are you talking about scrapbooks?

M: …Yes. What was it that women used to make? Some mothers and grandmothers used to make boxes to give to their granddaughters for their wedding day.

P: Oh, the glory box?

M: Yes, Glory boxes!

P: Yes, yes. The glory box is a story.

M: It’s a box of emotions.

P: Ooh.

M: Yes.

P: I’m getting all sorts of images now. Like a little camphor box. My sister had a glory box. It was a camphor thing, and it was huge. All the treasures, all the generational treasures went into it so that when she married.

M: All the hand me downs, keepsakes, all that kind of stuff.

P: Mmm, yeah.

M: So, positive portfolios is what we’re talking about today. This idea came from James Pawelski and Alain de Botton, who are both pioneers in the field of happiness. And I’d actually read one of Alain’s books ages ago on philosophy, and one of the great things about Alain is he’s so well read.

P: Mmm.

M: And he brings together philosophy and psychology and sociology and history and brings them together in so many different and interesting ways. And we’ve got a couple of quotes here from James Pawelski, but really, what we’re talking about and what both of these positive psychology or happiness pioneers are talking about is positive portfolios, and all that is, is a bunch of things that you collect to reinforce an emotion.

P: It’s like picture books. You sort of go back over your picture books to remember events in your life.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: It’s why, before we had the digital age, I remember putting things into photo albums.

M: Yep.

P: And then you’d pull them out when you were having friends over for dinner and go, “let me take you through my trip to Italy.”

M & P: Laugh.

P: Bore everybody for hours, laugh.

M: And then you’d get a slide projector out.

P & M: Laughter!

P: Yes! Slide nights. We had slide nights. They were hilarious.

M: Or do you remember when you were little, burying a time capsule?

P: I never did that. They never got a chance to do that.

M: Things that were important to you.

P: Mmm, mmm. I like the idea, though, pulling something out of 50 years-time.

M: Of things that mattered to you then.

P: Mmm, mmm.

M: There were a couple of quotes you were going to share with us from James Pawelski.

P: There was. So, he’s talking about positive portfolio in the first one, and this one is that it’s a target for a group.

“Brainstorm what music, poems, pictures, letters, emails, cards, objects, and the like you could include in your portfolio. Place your portfolio in whatever binder, folder, or container works best given its contents.” [– James Pawelski]

P: So, that’s the instruction. But then he talks about the positive portfolio is intended to be a verbal, visual and auditory collection of materials conducive of a particular effective state. First, select what particular effective state you would like to practise. Be it Joy, Gratitude, Serenity, Interest, Hope, Pride, Amusement, Inspiration, Awe, or Love.

M: I love it. And those emotions that he’s mentioned there are from Barbara Fredrickson’s 10 big emotions. They’re the big things that are super cool. So, it’s saying again we’ll go again because we’re going to make you guys at home do this. And Pete and I both gotten started on doing this.

P: Laugh. Which is rather fun, I’ve got to say. I actually quite enjoyed this little task. Yeah, it did bring me a lot of joy to be honest. It was like, ‘Oh, this is kind of inspiring.’

M: I’ve loved it as well. So, what emotion did you pick, Pete?  

P: Well, I chose two, but I’m going to choose the one that I did have, which is love. So, a love portfolio.

M: So, the emotions you can pick, the 10 big emotions, according to Barbara Fredrickson, positive emotions, are:  

  • Gratitude,
  • Serenity,
  • Interest,
  • Hope,
  • Pride,
  • Amusement,
  • Inspiration,
  • Awe,
  • Love, and
  • Joy.

P: What’s interest, Marie? What would you put in that?

M: For me, it would be all of these books on positive psychology.

P: Laugh.

M: The practice of doing this podcast just shows my interest in this topic. I went on a bent a while ago with philosophy, which is where I first discovered Alain de Botton.

P: Mmm.

M: And then before that, I went on a classics… and so Jane Eyre and…

P: Oh, wow.

M: Everything that’s on the top 100 books you should read in your lifetime. I read the whole thing.

P: Like I said, you devour books.

M: Laugh, I do. Sometimes it’s been baking and learning how to do the fancy baking. Not so much since I found out I’m gluten intolerant and dairy intolerant because that really limits how much baking you can do.

P: It certainly does limit the baking you can do.

M: Laugh.

P: Yeah, gluten free flours doesn’t behave the same, I’m sorry. Laugh!

M: No, and neither does almond milk compared to normal milk.

P: Laugh, no.

M: Not the same at all. But there are so many things out there, and we talk about nowadays the importance of lifelong learning and having interest. And recently I’ve been really interested and looking into van life and tiny home.

P: Laugh!

M: So that’s been what’s on my YouTube video watching.

P: Ok, yeah, right.

M: So, look I’m one of those people that’s like ‘Ooh, something shiny!’

P: Laugh.

M: And off I go. And at the moment for you, I’d say a lot of what you’re probably finding interesting is through your studies.

P: Oh, completely. Yeah, I’m totally obsessed and a huge nerd. It’s ridiculous. I know everybody in my classes.

M & P: Laugh.

P: [Whispering class-mates] ‘Shut him up!’ Laugh.

M: It’s not about them. It’s all about you.

P: Laugh, I can be selfish? I did. I did make that choice this morning, so we were about to do our lecture and usually I try not to answer all the questions. And my lecturer sent me a private message, and he could see me mouthing the words. He said, ‘Peter, your muted.’

M: Laugh.

P: And I wrote back to say, ‘There’s a reason I’m muted, I don’t want to appear like a Hermione Granger.’

M & P: Laugh!

P: And he wrote back saying, ‘We love Hermione Granger’s!’ So, today I decided to be a Hermione Granger and just answer every single question as it came up, and we got through the lecture in an hour and a half that’s supposed to take two hours.

M & P: Laugh.

M: And you know what, everyone else in the room would have been like, ‘Woo hoo, 30 minutes back!

P: Laugh! There you go.

M & P: Laugh!

P: But we digress. Back to positive portfolios.

M: So, you picked love?

P: I did.

M: And I picked joy.

P: Mmm.

M: So, really keen to just share.

P: Share?

M: We’ve actually had some really great feedback from quite a few of our listeners who, I cannot thank you enough for bothering to listen to little Pete and me.

P & M: Laugh.

P: Always feels a bit embarrassing when people say ‘Oh, I love your podcast.’ And I’m like, ‘Oh, really?

M: Oh, shit. What am I going to say?

P: Laugh. We just chat.

M: Laugh, so this is time for us to share a little bit. So, I’m really keen to understand what your portfolio would look like. So, would you put it in a binder, or is it in a drive or a folder on your computer or is it a physical thing?

P: I think I would have to be a physical thing. Yeah, mine would have to be like a suitcase that you would unpack, and I put items out on a table so that everyone could sort of see what represented, what was representative for me, but also maybe bring their own meaning to it.

M: I love it. So, what would you put in your [love portfolio]?

P: All right. So, the first one, you’re going to laugh at, is massages.

M: Oh, we know that your love language is touch.

P: Laugh, yeah.

M: So, giving or receiving massage?

P: Both. I’ve always said this, and it’s very interesting now that I am studying a different degree and looking at doing a career change. There’s a lot of my long-term clients that are like, ‘are you still gonna massage when you’re a physio and I’m like, Yeah, I’m pretty sure I will, because I love that space. I love the intimacy of it. I love the investment in it. It’s the quiet space. And it’s a non-verbal activity, which I just adore because to me, the body doesn’t lie, laugh.

M: Hold on. So, when I come in and get a massage and just ramble the whole time, you’re like, ‘far out…’

P: Laugh.

M: ‘Shut up.’

P: Laugh, well, you listen to Disney in your massages, so that’s okay.

M & P: Laugh.

M: Okay, So massages in your love portfolio.

P: Definitely.

M: So, what else?

P: Cuddles on rugs, so rugs are a part of it because it’s textural. It’s like I have thick rugs in my house.

M: Tactile.

P: Yeah, very tactile. Big thick shag pile rugs and cuddles on rugs, there’s something about lying on the floor because you’re not incumbered by a defined space. You can roll everywhere, and you can be really physical, and you’re still on the rug. I mean, I have big rugs, so that kind of work for me.

M & P: Laugh.

P: Dinners or picnics, food. Food is very much a part of my love category.

M: You love cooking.

P: Yes, definitely. To cook and sit with a dinner with a loved one is very special. It’s there’s a, there’s a chemistry in it, there’s a visceral partaking of so many senses that are involved with dinners and so forth that I love.

M: So, make sure you keep an eye on your portfolio, so it doesn’t go mouldy.

P: Laugh. That’s all right, every time I open it, I have to cook a new dish that works for me.

M: All right, they don’t stay in the portfolio.

P: Laugh.

M: They get consumed and then logged in words.

P & M: Laugh!

P: Then there’s vistas, so, awe inspiring nature scenes, whether it be an ocean, a mountain. One thing that I’m really missing at the moment is going for a drive in the mountains, and I think that’s a real, that’s something that I would share with love and include in love simply because of the amazing depth of feeling that I get from being out in nature.

M: Would you have to share that with someone for it to fall in your love portfolio?

P: No, definitely not, it’s something that you can do solo that is still involved in love. Yeah, it’s definitely both.

M: Is it self-love? Is that what you’re talking about?

P: Yeah.

M: Freedom for yourself.

P: Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Going for solo drives is a is a bit of a passion of mine. And I’ve done it in Sydney with this lovely Royal Botanical Park, which is down south. And when I first bought my little red convertible, I drove down there with opera playing and the top was down and it was sunny, and I felt so ebullient. It was, it was like I was in a movie set.

M: Mmm.

P: It was so good. And that’s self-love for me. Real treats.

M: Love it.

P: Wine, of course.

M & P: Laugh.

P: More food. Me and my wines. I’ve actually yes, I’ve actually been rediscovering my passion for wine, and it’s, uh yeah, it’s I get inside wine, and I want to get involved with it. Try different things and the colours and the flavours and so forth.

M: Mmm.

P: Linen tablecloths. Again, it’s a textural thing.

M: That mean love?

P: Yeah, that means love for me, because I have the tablecloth, which is a damask tablecloth from my mother that was given to her by her mother when she was 18.

M: See, there’s the love.

P: Yeah, So that’s a love thing.

M: The meaning.

P: Definitely. Yeah. totally. And it’s funny that Mum, I don’t think she ever used it. It sat in the cupboard for years, and she gave it to me, and I used it straight away. I was like, Dinner party, let’s come over and, you know someone spills a red wine stain on it and I’m like, ‘Meh, that’s fine, that’s what bi-carb’s for.’ Laugh.

M: And that’s love. There’s a story behind it now. And you know what? Our parents and our parents, parents, had the good set and the not so good set.

P: Yes! I don’t get this! It doesn’t make sense.

M: It doesn’t make sense to us, because it all costs the same now. And it’s cheap as chips. But for them, you know, you don’t want the kids ruining your fine China when it costs… You know, you get one set for marriage, and that’s it.

P: Yeah. Yeah, I get that it’s precious but.

M: We’re the throwaway generation.

P: Yeah, alright we are.

M: Yeah.

P: But I think I think a good a good cracking of China on a good story because someone got so excited when they were talking about Shakespeare, and they threw the plate against the wall. Well, I think that’s a story, laugh.

M: Yeah, but it never happens that way. It’s that Bob put his elbow down on the edge of the plate and I went flying.

P& M: Laugh!

M: That’s the reality.

P: Laugh, there’s always a Bob.

M & P: Laugh!

M: Yep.

P: Maybe we have different dinner parties.

M & P: Laugh.

P: I have people throwing things at walls, laugh. I do remember a rather wonderful dinner party I hosted in Townsville in my first job. And it was a four-course roast dinner in Townsville, which is, you know, 45 degrees at the best of days.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And we had cigars and we were smoking and having red wine. And the three of us were getting into a bit of an animated discussion, and Avril stood up on the chair to make a point. So, then Benjamin stood up on the chair to make a point as well. And I went ‘Oh, bugger this, if you guys are getting up, I’m getting up.’ So, we all stood on chairs and battered out this argument.

M: Laugh, I was waiting for one of you to fall through the chair, but no?

P: No, completely fine. Laugh.

M: All right. Last one?

P: Sunsets.

M: Oh. I’m glad you said sunsets and not sunrises. Laugh.

P: No, Sunsets. Sunsets, yeah. There’s something very quietly reassuring about a sunset, yeah.

M: All right. I’m gonna fly through my joy portfolio.

P: Ok.

M: But mine includes Martinis.

P: Laugh!

M: And Veuve.

P: Ahh! I’m so glad you said that.

M: The songs that bring me joy, Carl Orff – Carmina Burana.

P: Ooh, oh! [panting]

M: It’s such powerful music.

P: I swear if I was allowed to…

M: And I Love Adiago for Strings as well.

P: Mmm.

M: Lately in the Club by Thomas Newsom, he’s a favourite amongst friends.

P: Mmm.

M: Into the Unknown by Indina Menzel.

P: Laugh!

M: Is also a favourite among friends at the moment.

P: Laugh.

M: For a very long time, Stuck in The Middle with You.

P: Yeah.

M: I used to play volleyball and was a middle blocker and hated it.

P: Laugh!

M: All the Lovers by Kylie Minogue, brings so many good dance memories.

P: Oh! Who doesn’t love Kylie?

M: I was playing that, as we joined today.

P: Laugh.

M: Be our Guest from Beauty & the Beast.

P: Yes!

M: Heaven by DJ Sammy.

P: Oh.

M: And Operation Blade – Public Domain.

P: I don’t know that one.

M: Definitely brings back memories from about 2000.

P: Wow.

M: And we were clubbing a lot at that point.

P: Laugh.

M: So, I’ve got quite a few quotes here as well that just brings me joy, so I’ll read a few of them.

“If you have good thoughts, they will shine out of your face like sunbeams, and you’ll always look lovely.” – Roald Dahl

P: Oh, that’s lovely. Oh, that’s good.

M: Okay,

“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” – Abraham Lincoln

P: Very true.

M: Yeah.

“When I was five years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I wrote down happy. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment. I told them they didn’t understand life.” – John Lennon

P: Laugh! Wow, that’s brilliant.

M: “We don’t laugh because we’re happy. We’re happy because we laugh. –

William James.

P: Mmm.

M: And,

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing.” –

George Bernard Shaw.

P: Yeah, very much agree with that.

M: Immanuel Kant, just new things long before we did. Rules for happiness.

“Something to do, someone to love, something to hope for.” – [Immanuel Kant]

P: Mmm.

M: I think I’ll end with Maya Angelou.

“I laugh as much as I can and cry when I have to, without apology. I think that’s happy.”

P: Ooh, wow. Oh, that’s, that’s lovely.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Yeah.

M: I would include some memorabilia in my box, so I would actually go get one of those dollar shop boxes with a lid.

P: Laugh, yeah.

M: I’d have some photos from my days at George Mason on the volleyball team.

P: Aww.

M: Photos from World University Games and the opening ceremony which had hundreds of thousands of people.

P: Wow.

M: Which was amazing. Getting my black belt and getting my offer letter from Oxford University for Post Grad, that’s in there.

P: Wow.

M: And then photos. All of our overseas trips, our trips to Coffs Harbour, our gold medal at Good Neighbour.

P: Mmm. Laugh.

M: Pretty much any time I’ve been overseas, there are memories there that just bring me so much joy. And then I want to finish by recommending an artist, an Australian artist called Maree Davidson. And she creates amazing cartoon likes somewhat realistic, somewhat cartoon art of animals. So, she’s got a pair of donkeys here and some cute giraffes, and I’ve bought four pieces of artwork from her.

P: Laugh.

M: And they just, they’re slightly childish. But they’re just happy and joyful pieces of art.

P: Yeah.

M: And I love them.

P: Yeah, I love the rabbit.

M & P: Laugh.

M: And so, before we finish, we have this great idea that we’d love to challenge our readers to do.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And that Pete and I’ve been talking about. So, we’re in lockdown in Australia. But as soon as we’re out, we are going to start curating our own emotion museum exhibitions in our own homes and inviting our friends over to experience these emotions. And so, one of the things that I think is such shame is when people pull together or curate museum exhibitions, they tend to group their exhibitions around things like the period or the medium. It might be all sculptures. It might be all oil on canvas, etcetera, or it might be genre, so it could all be postmodern art.

P: Mmm.

M: And what I love about this is that you’re curating items around, an emotion that you want others to feel.

P: Mmm.

M: And I think we have just decided, and we’re gonna be inviting our friends as well, to pick some of these emotions out of a hat and bring friends over to experience that emotion in a way that is subjective and means something to you but that hopefully you can share with others and you can add music, you can add movies, you could add performances of any kind, artistic performances, as well as do something just as cheap as printing off some prints and hanging them up on the wall to help people feel these emotions.

P: Love it. Very immersive.

M: That’s what I love. As far as your own portfolio goes. If you pick one of those emotions or all 10 and create them, make sure that you go back to them over time and look at them again so that you can re-experience the emotion that goes with that. And it’s something that we’re doing less of nowadays, but it is very important.

P: Yes, tangible. Having something tangible to actually trigger those memories and reflect.

M: Yep, and it’s something that if you are in lockdown, you can still do.

P: Mmm.

M: So, on that note, we’re going to wrap up.

P: Laugh, homework people! Let us know how you go.

M: Do your homework!

P & M: Laugh!

M: And we might actually pay some photos of some of the things in both of our portfolios for everyone to see.

P: Yes.

M: All right. Thank you for joining us, and we’ll see you again next week.

P: Have a happy week.

[Happy exit music – background] 

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic. 

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out. 

M: Until next time. 

M & P: Choose happiness.  

[Exit music fadeout] 

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks! 

Eating Fruits and Veggies Actually Makes You Happier!

by

Eating Fruits And Veggies Makes You Happier

For our entire lives, organisations and people – from the World Health Organization to our mums – have told us we need to eat plenty of fruit and veggies and get exercise. So, it comes as no surprise that a new study has again found that fruits and veggies are good for our physical health.  

However, what might be news to you (well it was news to me!) is that eating fruits and veggies and getting exercise also make you happier with your life! Simply, they have positive mental health impacts too. 

The study, which was published in the Journal of Happiness Studies, has found that fruit and vegetable consumption and sports activity increase life satisfaction. The study looked at UK Understanding Society Data, which covers 40,000 UK households over time. Though the impacts varied for men and women, the results were positive and significant across income groups, gender, education, age groups and rural or urban dwelling. 

It’s fair to say that we’ve known for a while that eating well and doing exercise is good for us, and researchers have long known that there’s a positive correlation between lifestyle and wellbeing but showing a causal effect had not been proven until this latest study.  “One of the problems with such an analysis is the potential for reverse causality, which is rife in all studies of life satisfaction. In particular, it is possible that those who have better lifestyles may have greater life satisfaction, but it is also possible that those who are more satisfied with their lives will adopt better life styles,” they write in their report.  

This first of its kind research aimed to unpack the causation of how happiness, the consumption of fruit and vegetables and exercising are related – with researchers using an instrumental variable approach to filter out any effect from happiness to lifestyle.  

Their conclusions? Eating fruit and veggies and exercising make people happy and not the other way round. 

How Did They do it? 

The researchers focused specifically on the ability of individuals to delay gratification and focus on the long-term benefits of lifestyle decisions.  

“These instruments are particularly appropriate because the consumption of F&V and sports activity are often undertaken as investments in a healthier future rather than because they bring immediate pleasure. This implies that individuals who have the ability to delay gratification are better able to make these investments,” the researchers write. 

As a result, the study found that the ability to delay gratification is a good instrument for these two lifestyle variables. They controlled for any direct effect that delayed gratification may have on life satisfaction, and the results show clearly that investments in a physically healthy future (eating fruits and veggies and sports activity) are very effective in improving subjective wellbeing. 

So, How Much is Enough? 

Eating Fruits and Veggies Makes You Happier

A similar study in 2014 at the University of Queensland found that eating eight or more portions of fruit and vegetables a day can improve mental health. In the study of more than 12,000 Australian adults, researcher Dr Redzo Mujcic found participants were at their happiest when they ate five portions of fruit and four portions of vegetables each day. 

“The results showed that the optimal consumption bundle is around four serves of fruit and four serves of vegetables a day for most well-being measures, and that less than 25 per cent of Australian adults consume this quantity,” he said. 

So what’s the overall verdict? Consuming more fruits and vegetables may not only benefit your physical health in the long-run, but also your mental well-being right now. 

Breathing Your Way to Happiness (E86)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

In this episode, Marie and Pete discuss breathing your way to happiness, the science behind it and teach some simple breathing techniques. 

Show notes

Wim Hof – Breathing and Meditation

The Wim Hof method can be defined by its simple, easy-to-apply approach and its strong scientific foundation. It’s a practical way to become happier, healthier and stronger.

Diaphragmatic breathing – Medical News Today

  • Lie down on a flat surface with a pillow under the head and pillows beneath the knees. Pillows will help keep the body in a comfortable position.
  • Place one hand on the middle of the upper chest.
  • Place the other hand on the stomach, just beneath the rib cage but above the diaphragm.
  • To inhale, slowly breathe in through the nose, drawing the breath down toward the stomach. The stomach should push upward against the hand, while the chest remains still.
  • To exhale, tighten the abdominal muscles and let the stomach fall downward while exhaling through pursed lips. Again, the chest should remain still.

People should practice this breathing exercise for 5–10 minutes at a time, around three to four times each day.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

[Singing]

P: Da Dum Da Daaaa!

M: Da da da da, da dum da daaaa

P & M: Da da daaaa!

[End singing]

P: Oh wow. You went to the refrain straight away.

M & P: Laugh!

P: God bless John Williams. Is that John Williams? I think it’s John Williams. [Yes, it is]

M: I’ve got no idea.

P: Laugh!

M: I didn’t even realise what we were singing, I just know it. Star Wars? What are we doing?

P: That was Raiders of the lost Ark, laugh.

M: Oh, yeah. Okay. Alright. It was one of those things from deep within my childhood.

P: Laugh!

M: It just came flooding back to me and I was like, I don’t know why I know this, but I do. Laugh.

P: Someone today at our IT meeting said does anyone here remember Xena Warrior princess? I’m like a, duh, laugh!

M: I dressed up as her for Halloween.

P: Laugh!

M: Do I remember her, psht! I have photos.

P: Laugh.

M: So, I’ve decided on today’s episode that we’re not going to mention the C word.

P: Oh! Not the See you next Tuesday?

M: No, not that “See” word.

P: Laugh!

M: The C word that has taken over our entire life.

P: Exactly. I’m all for not saying it ever again.

M: Well, I do think there are times where you need to acknowledge that things aren’t okay. But I also think focusing on bad things too much can just make you get stuck in a rut.

P: I fully support this forward progression.

M: So, today we are going to talk about breathing your way to happiness.

P: Oh, you just stole my intro, Laugh.

M: And we’re not going to mention the C word.

P: Laugh!

M: We’re going to talk about breathing.

P: We’re going to talk about the B word, laugh.

M: The B word. Yes. Which as a cynic, and cynic is not the C word we were talking about.

P & M: Laughter.

M: As a cynic, breathing kind of seems a bit far-fetched.

P: I love that you brought this up Marie, because the way I was going to segway into this was actually talking about meditation.

M: Yep…

P: So, in a way, this is,

M: …

P: Uh okay, hold back. Just give me a second, laugh.

M: Go on. Change my mind, Peter.

P: Laugh, I have to explain this to our listeners. Sometimes Marie needs a bridal, laugh. You’ve just got to pull back a little bit and go ‘Okay, hang on. Let me have control here for a second.’ Laugh.

M: Or you could just join in?

P: Laughter!

M: I like to think it is passion and energy.

P: Oh, I support it, yeah.

M: And generally, people just come along for the ride, laugh.

P: True. True.

M: Laugh.

P: You get dragged along kicking and screaming. Both work! Laugh.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Anyway, moving on.

M: Breathing.

P: So, breathing. Well, it melds into meditation. And in the light of some of the episodes that we’ve done the last few weeks, this is this is an episode with a coping mechanism. So, we’re talking about things that you can actually do. And it got me thinking because I’ve recently been exposed to this, I actually realised that I’ve been using breath for a very long time –

M: Me too.

P: and breathing, actually –

M: Since I was born, I’ve been breathing.

P: Laugh, down Bessie!

M & P: Laughter.

P: Once again, bridal moment!

M: Laugh, sorry. As you were.

P: Laugh.

M: As you were saying, you’ve been breathing for a while?

P: Yes, I have been, but using breath, it was something that we did in my dance training. There was a lot of work around breathing, and we did a lot of Alexander technique and Feldenkrais technique and applied kinesiology, which is all about using the breath. These are terms that may not be familiar for a lot of people, but breathing was actually part of our training, if you like.

M: I think you might need to tone it down a bit, Peter.

P: Thanks, Marie. Laugh.

M: Laugh.

P: I’m pushing on here.

M: I love these episodes where I just get to jump in with snide comments or I prefer to call them witty comments.

P: Laugh, witty!?

M: When you’re trying to teach our listeners something.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: Anyway, a bunch of fancy names for breathing.

P: Yes. Alright, then meditation comes along, so we know that Marie isn’t a meditator I’m speaking out, I’m looking out into my room here as if I’m speaking to the audience.

M: Laugh.

P: I’m choosing to ignore the person on the computer screen.

M & P: Laughter.

P: Using my nonverbal communication skills here.

M: Laugh.

P: So, we know that breathing is part of meditation. That breath is something that people who meditate train a lot with, and there is science behind it. We’re about to explore that science. So, there is a link between breath and stress, and so there’s been a lot of work in this and as far back as the 1950s. There was a gentleman called Walter Hess who coined the term the trophotropic response.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Now this trophy trophotropic response is about the integration of breath and how it works with the brain and in particular the hypothalamus, which is our sort of brain centre. It takes information and processes and sends it out to different parts of the brain and coordinates how the brain responds to information that’s coming in and out. So, the messages that are coming in from sensory and messages are going out, which is action.

M: And that’s what regulates this [stumbling over the word] tropho-tropic response?

P: The trophotropic response talks about the influence of the breath on the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system.

M: You’re getting really techy.

P: We are getting techy, I’m going for it with my study notes here. Sympathetic is the fight or flight response. So, when we are running away from the lion, we are in the sympathetic response. Our brain is going, ‘there’s a threat we need to run away. Let’s get all the blood and send it to the brain, because we need to activate the muscles. Let’s get all the blood and send it to the muscles because we need to perform running motions and get away. We need to elevate our adrenaline response because we need lots of energy to get moving to run away from the lion.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: The parasympathetic response is the opposite. It’s what happens when we sleep. It’s the rest and digest. So, when we rest were lying on the couch. We’re watching a movie. The blood doesn’t need to be out in our skeletal muscles. So, it goes internal. It goes to our digestive organs. It goes to our immune function. It goes to our defecation muscles down into our bladder and our urethra and things like that, so that we’ve got this resting and digesting.

In Eastern Medicine, they talk about it being descending Chi. So, the Chi goes from the outside, inwards into our organs. Are you with the mouse?

M: I feel like I’m having a science lesson. But how does this relate back to breathing? And what is trophotropic response again? Laugh.

P: Laugh. So, the trophotropic response is coined by Walter Hess to demonstrate an organism’s natural response to relaxation. What happens in our body when we relax, the science of relaxing.

M: And how does that relate to breathing?

P: So, what Walter talked about was looking at the ways that we could influence our relaxation. What do we do when we relax? What is the first thing you do when you finish work and you sit on the couch. What’ s one of the first things you do, Marie?

M: Scratch my ass?

P: Yep, then?

M & P: Laughter!

P: Grab a drink.

M & P: Laughter!

M: Hold on, I will sit with the vodka, generally.

P: Laugh!

M: Alright, I’ll play along, I’ll play along. Take a big, deep breath.

P: Take a big, deep breath. When we’ve finished a project, or we finished a block of study, or we finished an event. You take a big [long deep breath].

M: Mmm.

P: Now if we all just do that. If everyone takes a big breath and lets it out.

M: [Big breath]

P: What does that feel like?

M: [Whispers] Like a deep breath.

P: Notice your voice. It just went quiet. So, it brings us back to centre. If it takes us away from being this, ‘I’m on show and I’m gonna do this and that1,’ it’s like, Okay, let’s bring it all in internally. There were other scientists that explore this in the 1970s Schwartz, Davidson and Goleman and they looked at relaxation techniques which have a relation on cognitive and somatic components of anxiety. So, they’re looking particularly at anxiety and how relaxation techniques can influence what happens in our brain to downgrade anxiety.

M: What’s a somatic component of anxiety?

P: Somatic is movement basically. So, we’ve got cognitive, which is thinking.

M: Ok, yep.

P: And somatic, which is more movement, and this was coined by I’m going to get this wrong, Meryem Yilmaz, who is a Turkish PhD professor. She was talking about this and took this a step further when she was talking about exploring relaxation techniques with post-operative patients. So, patients who have gone in for operations.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Even pre-operative going into operations, using relaxation techniques and seeing how it affected their recovery from an operation. And she found that there was a positive correlation between breath and better recovery from operations. So, really, what you’ve said here is breath impacts, relaxation and relaxation can have impacts on anxiety both mental and physical, as well as pre and post-operative outcomes.

P: Yes.

M: Sorry. Not pre-operative outcomes as in… Okay, we get it though, laugh.

P: The intervention at the pre-operative stage.

M: Yep, helps with post[-operative] outcome.

P: Doing something pre-operatively helps with recovery, yeah. So, we’re talking about things that actually can help you with your health and bring you out of a situation in a better position. Agreed?

M: Got it.

P: Okay, so here comes the science.

M: But what’s the breathing, though?

P: Well, I’m so glad you asked this, Marie. Laugh.

M: I’ve been breathing since, you know, probably a few seconds after birth.

P: Laugh.

M: As has everyone else I know who’s alive.

P: Alright, I’m excited about this, I’m excited about this.

M: Laugh

P: So, if we actually go back to breathing and we look at the science, we’ve got a thing called tidal volume. So, tidal volume is the rate of oxygen and carbon dioxide that is exchanged in a single breath. Now, if we exercise and we breathe, what do we do?

M: When we’re exercising? Breathe.

P: Yeah.

M: You breathe faster.

P: Exactly. A lot of us take short, sharp breaths.

M: Yep, cause you’re trying to get oxygen in quickly.

P: Exactly. So, the other way that some of us will do when we’re exercising or we’re trying to breathe better is to breathe deeper. So we use forced inspiration to bring more oxygen into our lungs and then forced expiration to force more air out. Which do you think is more efficient?

M: Deeper versus shorter breaths.

P: Absolutely right. I’ve got some figures here.

Tidal volume is the amount of air that is exchanged on inhalation and exhalation. Okay?

So, according to percentage, 85% effective to slowly deep breathe as opposed to 40% on shallow and rapid breathing.

M: So, if you’re running or working really hard at the gym.

P: Yep.

M: Even though you might feel like you need to breathe faster and suck air in.

P: Yep.

M It is going to serve you better to slow that down as much as possible.

P: This is one of the things that we’ll come to later, and there’s a gentleman that we’ll talk about that’s actually trained in this. He’s trained his breath and training his body so that he can endure fitness by use of his breath, [and] he can make his oxygen/carbon dioxide transfer more efficient. Obviously, if you’re working at a high level, you need to breathe quickly and you need to expel air quicker. So, there is a certain point where your rate of breathing will increase.

M: Mmm.

P: If you’re under really heavy load and you’re going for it and half way through your marathon you’re having to go up a hill, you need to breathe quickly and you need to forcefully expire and inspire. We can’t change that. But if we look at the ways that we can actually control our breath, there are a couple of things that go on in the body. And the big one that is involved with a lot of research recently is this thing called the vagus nerve. Here we go with more science. I’m getting so scientific, I’m so proud of myself.

M: I know!

P & M: Laughter!

P: You created a monster, Marie! Laugh!

M: Accessible science, Pete.

P: Oh, oh.

M: Without the jargon, laugh.

P: Okay. So, one of the things that this deep breathing can do is it can stimulate the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve is our 10th cranial nerve. Okay, so when we’re talking about the vagus nerve and what it does essentially, if we can tap into the power of this vagus nerve, we can actually control how our body reacts to stress.

M: Ok.

P: And this is where the link with breathing comes in. So, if we can, when we are emotional and we’re suffering [from] stress and we’re running around and we’ve got things going on and I’ve got this deadline due and you start to get all hyper, you start to breathe really shallowly. One way that we can control that is to tap into our deep breathing which, according to the science, activates our vagus nerve, slows down our heart rate. We can use our breath to effectively calm our system.

M: Oh.

P: And there’s a gentleman who’s done this really well. And he’s well known in some of the extreme endurance athlete circles. Wim Hof, who is described as an endurance athlete and a Dutch philosopher.

M: Laugh, Dutch, I tell you, they’re all philosophers.

M & P: Laughter.

M: All those long, long winter nights.

P: Laugh, yeah. So, he’s known colloquially as the ICE MAN, because he goes and sits himself in the ice and snow and this is one of the ways that you can stimulate your vagus nerve. That and cold showers.

M: Hmm.

P: Yeah.

M: Again, another reason why this is just not for me.

M & P: Laughter.

P: But have you ever done that, when you come out of a really heavy volleyball tournament, and you’ve gone for a nice cold shower?

M: Look, we used to do ice baths when I was in college, and at the AIS. So yes, I know, really cold!

P: Laugh!

M: Not comfortable, you know, to the point where it’s painful, but I’ve never been a cold shower person. Never done it for me.

P: Yeah, so this guy has explored this whole idea of cold exposure and stimulation of the vagus nerve and says that this can actually ease yourself into stimulating your vagus nerve and calming your system down and creates better health and better understanding and better mental clarity after a very stressful event.

M: So, have a cold shower or breathe, and you’ll be able to reduce your stress. Is that kind of a summary of what we’re talking?

P: That’s pretty much it. Yeah.

M: Ok, I’m following. Laugh.

P: Laugh.

M: I got it. I got it!

P: Laugh! Took us a while to get there and lots of fancy words in between. I blame Marie.

M: I feel smarter.

P & M: Laugh.

M: Don’t ask me to repeat anything you just said.

P & M: Laugh.

M: But I feel smarter.

P: So, if any of our listeners want to go forth. I’ll get I’ll get this in the show notes. But you can look up Wim Hof and have a look at some of his stuff. They have been researching these claims in the last five years, and out of this research has come treatments for epilepsy. They insert, like a pacemaker into the vagus nerve, which stimulates the vagus nerve and helps people who suffer from epilepsy from having attacks. And they’re exploring this for other conditions, even down to Parkinson’s.

M: Interesting.

P: Yeah, so there is science behind this. So, the takeaway message is that if we can practise and be more aware of our breathing, we can actually breathe our way to better health and better happiness. And we did this a couple of weeks ago in one of our podcasts, where I asked everyone to do a little breathing exercise where we sat down and I asked everyone to take some belly breaths. Do you remember that one Marie?

M: Yeah. So, how much breathing do you have to do? How much like not normal breathing?

P: Laugh.

M: Visual… mindful breathing?

P: I’d have to look up some figures on that one, but it’s like anything. It’s about training, training the breath so that you can pull on this skill when you need it. So, if you feel like you’re just so pent up and you want to hit something because you’ve had a really bad day at work.

M: Because for some reason the idiots and my work are multiplying.

P & M: Laugh!

M: I don’t know if anyone else is experiencing this. Over time, there are more and more of them, I swear.

P: Laugh. We’re not naming Marie’s workplace in this episode.

M: Laugh.

P: Ugh, corporate. Corporate in general, laugh. So, if you’re dealing with annoying colleagues or just stress or you’ve got projects on or the C word is happening. If any of that’s going on, you can train yourself to recognise that and breathe in order to help reduce your stress response.

P: Definitely, yep. According to this, you can breathe your way out of it.

M: And does Ice Man, what’s his name? Wim Hoff. Talk about training yourself to breathe more deeply overall? Like, can you make this a subconscious behaviour? Can you train how you breathe in general?

P: Yes, yogis have been doing it for centuries.

M: So, yogis don’t only breathe deeply when they’re doing their exercises.

P: No, no they don’t.

M: They take that through their life. Do they breathe differently when they’re sleeping?

P: Laugh. Ooh, good question. That would be interesting. Well, it would be because there is a measurement of vagus nerve stimulation. So, you know, I would be interested to see the science behind it.

M: My watch tells me how deeply I sleep at night, how I breathe at night.

P: Aah!

M: It measures my breathing. I think there’s something, I think there’s different value in this. I know for myself that if I can tap into my breath when I’m involved in exercise, when I’m doing a particularly difficult workout. Sometimes I do tell myself, ‘control your breath, use your breath’ because that was, coming full circle, that was part of my training as a dancer, and it’s remarkable how it actually can. For me, it brings me very centred, and it makes me go. Yes, I can achieve this task that I’ve set for myself.

M: If I tried getting it in in volleyball. It would just be too much. There’s already so many things running through my head.

P & M: Laugh!

P: Which is why you’ve got to train it.

M: I think singing would be a great way…

P: Yeah, true.

M: You’re still thinking of a lot of things while you sing.

P: You are, which is why you need to train it so it happens naturally.

M: Yeah, yeah.

P: So, that’s the crux of it. And just as a finishing note, there is little exercise that you can do for this. A lot of people talk about belly breathing and how we should belly breathe and not chest breathe. We should breathe into our diaphragm, which is very true.

M: Yeah.

P: A lot of people associate belly breathing with blowing your belly out, and that’s actually not the best way to do belly breathing. The best way is to:

M: [whispers] I’m doing it right now.

P: Laugh. How do you feel, Marie?

M: Um… A little uncomfortable now!

P: Laugh.

M: But I think, yeah. I could do that.

P: I challenge you. I challenge you to try it and see how you go, laugh. There endeth the lesson.

M: Laugh. Thank you, Peter Furness.

P: Laugh.

M: Professor Furness.

P: Definitely not Professor!

M: It was a pleasure as always.

P & M: Laugh!

P: See what you’ve done?

M: Laugh!

P: Can’t take it back now. Laugh.

M: I’m still going to challenge you. Now you’ve gone the other way.

P: Laugh.

M: And I’m like… nah. Too much thinking, this is a podcast, Pete.

P: Where’s the gongs and incense and sarongs?

M & P: Laugh.

M: Exactly.

P: Laugh.

M: All right, well, I think we could all use a little bit of stress reduction in our lives at the moment. So, I will definitely be looking at breathing.

P: Yeah. Have a look at the website. See, if you can have a practise.

M: Okay. Will do, alright until next week.

P: Have a happy week.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

Screen-time is Making our Girls and Young Women Unhappy, and the Pandemic is Making it Worse

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A new study shows that being online more during the pandemic has exacerbated already shocking levels of online harassment and abuse, negatively impacting many girls and young women’s happiness and mental wellbeing.  

In the last year, more than 70 per cent of the girls and young women interviewed in the U.K. Girlguiding study experienced some form of online harm, such as harassment, bullying, hate speech or images that made them insecure about how they look. In Australia, research released in 2020 found that 65 per cent of girls and young women reported being harassed or abused online – not only that, but that young Australian women cop more online harassment than the global average.  

However, this latest study has found that although technology has allowed girls and young women to keep up with studies and stay connected with their friends, being online more is putting their mental health at risk.  

“While social media has been a crucial way for girls and young women to connect over lockdown, a rise in online harassment and appearance pressures have left many feeling isolated,” said 18-year-old Emily, who is an advocate for Girlguiding’s annual Girls’ Attitudes Survey.  

More time online has led to more opportunities to experience the dangers and negative impacts of harmful comments, bullying and hate speech. Hate speech and hateful comments are the most common type of online harm.  

Additionally, moving to online classes and video calls means many girls and young women also felt increased pressure to fit in and look good on video calls. More than 50 per cent of 11-21-year-olds said they had felt self-conscious on a video call, and 94 per cent think more should be done to protect young people from body image pressures online.  

A Steady Decline in Girls and Young Women’s Overall Mental Health 

In addition to the negative impacts of social and online media over the past year, perhaps more concerningly the study has shown a steady decline in girls’ and young women’s wellbeing since it’s first report in 2009.  

Overall, fewer girls and young women are saying they’re happy most of the time, with 32 per cent of all girls saying they feel unhappy most of the time compared to 17 per cent in 2018, and 8 per cent in 2009. They also say they know more girls and young women their age suffering with their mental health, and they feel sadder, lonelier and are more worried about their futures because of the pandemic. More than 70 percent of the 11-21-year-olds surveyed said they know more girls and young women their age with anxiety disorders or with depression.  

“It’s also clear that the pandemic is taking its toll,” said Girlguiding Chief Executive, Angela Salt. “Girls’ mental health has been significantly impacted. Online harms have been exacerbated. It’s critical that we address the decline in girls’ happiness that we’ve observed since we started this research over a decade ago. Society must do more to address this worrying downward trend.” 

Photo by Daria Nepriakhina on Unsplash 

As a result of the pandemic, almost three in five 11 to 21-years-olds said their most common worry is struggling with their mental health and wellbeing. The numbers are higher for girls and young women with disabilities (73%) and LGBTIQ girls and young women (78%). 

Finding Hope 

Despite declining overall mental health and exacerbated impacts of the pandemic and being online more, there are some silver linings to the report. When it came to managing their mental health, 71 per cent of respondents said that that being outdoors had helped them feel more positive.  

Additionally, girls and young women were hopeful for the future with 45 per cent hopeful that people will be more caring after the pandemic and 42 per cent of 11-21-year-olds hoping communities will stay connected and technology will help fewer people be as lonely. 

The annual Girlguiding survey asks more than 2,000 girls and young women aged 7 to 21 how they feel about their everyday lives, including specific and emerging pressures facing them today, and what these mean for their happiness, wellbeing and opportunities in life.  

The Silver Lining of COVID-19 (E85)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about the silver lining of COVID-19, what it has taught us and how it has made us stronger.

Show notes

We are not in the same boat

A poem about COVID-19 

Live in the Future

During the podcast Marie talks about an article in the conversation that discusses Why living in the future, rather than in the past, is key to coping with lockdowns – new research 

Transcript

Coming soon

The Neuroscience Behind why Your Brain may Need Time to Adjust to ‘Un-social Distancing’

by

Kareem Clark, Virginia Tech

With COVID-19 vaccines working and restrictions lifting across the country, it’s finally time for those now vaccinated who’ve been hunkered down at home to ditch the sweatpants and reemerge from their Netflix caves. But your brain may not be so eager to dive back into your former social life.

Social distancing measures proved essential for slowing COVID-19’s spread worldwide – preventing upward of an estimated 500 million cases. But, while necessary, 15 months away from each other has taken a toll on people’s mental health.

In a national survey last fall, 36% of adults in the U.S. – including 61% of young adults – reported feeling “serious loneliness” during the pandemic. Statistics like these suggest people would be itching to hit the social scene.

But if the idea of making small talk at a crowded happy hour sounds terrifying to you, you’re not alone. Nearly half of Americans reported feeling uneasy about returning to in-person interaction regardless of vaccination status.

So how can people be so lonely yet so nervous about refilling their social calendars?

Well, the brain is remarkably adaptable. And while we can’t know exactly what our brains have gone through over the last year, neuroscientists like me have some insight into how social isolation and resocialization affect the brain.

Social Homeostasis – the Need to Socialize

Humans have an evolutionarily hardwired need to socialize – though it may not feel like it when deciding between a dinner invite and rewatching “Schitt’s Creek.”

From insects to primates, maintaining social networks is critical for survival in the animal kingdom. Social groups provide mating prospects, cooperative hunting and protection from predators.

But social homeostasis – the right balance of social connections – must be met. Small social networks can’t deliver those benefits, while large ones increase competition for resources and mates. Because of this, human brains developed specialized circuitry to gauge our relationships and make the correct adjustments – much like a social thermostat.

Social homeostasis involves many brain regions, and at the center is the mesocorticolimbic circuit – or “reward system.” That same circuit motivates you to eat chocolate when you crave something sweet or swipe on Tinder when you crave … well, you get it.

And like those motivations, a recent study found that reducing social interaction causes social cravings – producing brain activity patterns similar to food deprivation.

So if people hunger for social connection like they hunger for food, what happens to the brain when you starve socially?

Your Brain on Social Isolation

Scientists can’t shove people into isolation and look inside their brains. Instead, researchers rely on lab animals to learn more about social brain wiring. Luckily, because social bonds are essential in the animal kingdom, these same brain circuits are found across species.

One prominent effect of social isolation is – you guessed it – increased anxiety and stress.

Many studies find that removing animals from their cage buddies increases anxiety-like behaviors and cortisol, the primary stress hormone. Human studies also support this, as people with small social circles have higher cortisol levels and other anxiety-related symptoms similar to socially deprived lab animals.

Evolutionarily this effect makes sense – animals that lose group protection must become hypervigilant to fend for themselves. And it doesn’t just occur in the wild. One study found that self-described “lonely” people are more vigilant of social threats like rejection or exclusion.

Another important region for social homeostasis is the hippocampus – the brain’s learning and memory center. Successful social circles require you to learn social behaviors – such as selflessness and cooperation – and recognize friends from foes. But your brain stores tremendous amounts of information and must remove unimportant connections. So, like most of your high school Spanish – if you don’t use it, you lose it.

Several animal studies show that even temporary adulthood isolation impairs both social memory – like recognizing a familiar face – and working memory – like recalling a recipe while cooking.

And isolated humans may be just as forgetful. Antarctic expeditioners had shrunken hippocampi after just 14 months of social isolation. Similarly, adults with small social circles are more likely to develop memory loss and cognitive decline later in life.

So, human beings might not be roaming the wild anymore, but social homeostasis is still critical to survival. Luckily, as adaptable as the brain is to isolation, the same may be true with resocialization.

Your Brain on Social Reconnection

Though only a few studies have explored the reversibility of the anxiety and stress associated with isolation, they suggest that resocialization repairs these effects.

One study, for example, found that formerly isolated marmosets first had higher stress and cortisol levels when resocialized but then quickly recovered. Adorably, the once-isolated animals even spent more time grooming their new buddies.

Social memory and cognitive function also seem to be highly adaptable.

Mouse and rat studies report that while animals cannot recognize a familiar friend immediately after short-term isolation, they quickly regain their memory after resocializing.

And there may be hope for people emerging from socially distanced lockdown as well. A recent Scottish study conducted during the COVID-19 pandemic found that residents had some cognitive decline during the harshest lockdown weeks but quickly recovered once restrictions eased.

Unfortunately, studies like these are still sparse. And while animal research is informative, it likely represents extreme scenarios since people weren’t in total isolation over the last year. Unlike mice stuck in cages, many in the U.S. had virtual game nights and Zoom birthday parties (lucky us).

So power through the nervous elevator chats and pesky brain fog, because “un-social distancing” should reset your social homeostasis very soon.

[Understand new developments in science, health and technology, each week. Subscribe to The Conversation’s science newsletter.]

Kareem Clark, Postdoctoral Associate in Neuroscience, Virginia Tech

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

Coping with Stress Through Music (84)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about coping with stress through music and the surprising effects it has on our mental well-being.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

P: [Motherly voice] Hello Possums!

M: Hello! Laugh. Oh, that’s a cultural reference there Pete.

P: Laugh! For those people who aren’t Australian, in our listening audience, Google Dame Edna Everage and you’ll have a little laugh.

M: And look at the fabulous glasses!

P: Oh, yes. That was the Dame Edna of late. The Dame Edna the original was a very dowdy housewife. Yes, comedian character, created by Barry Humphries, 1950’s Melbourne housewife who came to stardom and was reinvented as a celebrity in the 1980’s.

M: It was probably my first ever interaction with a transgender or a man dressing as a lady.

P: Yeah, that character very much helped to normalise the experience for many Australians.

M: Mmm hmm. It was very progressive for that time.

P: It was, It was very brave of Barry Humphries to do that.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Very brave.

M: I’m sure he would have gotten a lot of hate mail. It would have been sent in the regular post. For those of you who remember what that is because it was a while ago.

P: Laugh, a letter? What exactly is a letter?

M: We are showing our age! Laugh. But I have some news today, Pete.

P: Ooh, some news.

M: Look what I got?

P: Oh, wow. Marie is holding up a wristwatch. Is that a…

M: A Fitbit.

P: Clickbit.

M: Fitbit. And now I will know how unfit I truly am.

P: Laugh. Are you lying on the couch eating crisps? Yes. Yes, I am.

M & P: Laugh.

P: And loving it!

M: So, I’m really hoping to rely on my Fitbit to do a bit better measurement of my overall wellbeing.

P: These things are amazing. I came across a client the other day who had a ring.

M: Yes. The Oura ring.

P: Awesome.

M: Yeah, they’re pretty cool.

P: So, he’s been monitoring his sleep, and you and I both appreciate how wonderful and fabulous sleep is and how we don’t get enough of it. We’ve talked about it before, see our podcast list.

Are You Getting Enough Sleep? (E54)

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And yeah, I was, I was intrigued. I was like, I’m going to get one of those, cause they look great.

M: If you want the ring, it doesn’t have as much functionality as I think, ah, what’s the Chinese one? [Xiaomi mi] So, there’s Fitbit, there’s the apple watch and then wewu [venu?] or something like that is another kind of Android one.

P: Yeah.

M: And then the ring does a few things more things, but is a lot more limited.

P: I kind of like that, though, because I don’t want to watch telling me to wake up and to go to the toilet and all that sort of stuff. Laugh, I’d rather listen to my body.

M: Just so that we’re clear my watch doesn’t tell me to go to the toilet.

P & M: Laugh.

M: That is not the functionality of a fit-watch.

P: Laugh.

M: Before we get sued.

P: It’s time for a bowl movement.

M & P: Laugh.

M: On that note. What are we talking about today, Pete?

P: Laugh. Well, we’re not talking about bowel movements, and we’re not talking about watches, but we are talking about music.

M: Oh! Dum dum dummmm!

P: Laugh, and how music can make you happy. Can music make you happy, Marie?

M: It’s not that direct.

P: Ooh, it never is.

M: My big, my big learning here. So, yes, it can help you relieve stress. And the reason I’m really keen to talk about this is because of a new study that came out. And I don’t know about you, Pete, but I am seeing so many more people around Australia experiencing stress and lowered mental resilience.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And high-strung emotions.

P: Yes, I would agree with you completely.

M: Laugh, it’s the most diplomatic way I can put all of that.

P: I’m seeing it clinically in my presentation of clients at work. Very acutely and oddly, the need for touch is also becoming quite obviously a need for a lot of people who are in Sydney because we are in an extended lockdown. So, yeah, definitely agree with you on that one. And the fractiousness of people is becoming a little bit more obvious. I think there’s a lack of patience. There’s a lack of, there’s chinks in the armour starting to show.

M: Yes, absolutely. And you know, just because there’s a chink one day doesn’t mean it’s there the next.

P: No.

M: I think we’ve called it the Corona Coaster before.

P: Oh.

M: The ups and downs.

P: Ooh, can we patent that?

M: Well, any woman who’s been through a normal menstrual cycle would know how ups and downs work.

P: Ew!

M & P: Laugh.

P: La, la, la, la.

M: I think the whole world is experiencing these in 24 hours cycles right now.

P: Laugh! Hey, I had my man period a couple of weeks ago. I can relate, laugh!

M: Was it the response to covid shop, is that it?

P: No, no, no, no, no, no. I just had a bit of an emotional moment in the park and had to sit down in a gutter and compose myself for a couple of hours. Laugh.

M: Look, exactly, and this is exactly what I’m talking about. And I just want to be really clear that we need to experience those emotions.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: But we also need to pick ourselves up and move forward through them and not get stuck in them.

P: Yeah, don’t unpack.

M: Well, do the opposite. Unpack it, experience it, feel it, talk to people, get help if you need to. But resilience is all about bouncing back and not getting stuck in that space.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And if you’re going down into that emotional place, it’s really worth looking at all the habits that you have and practises that you have in your life and whether or not they’ve been so disrupted that you’re leaving yourself without happiness and resilience cover right now.

P: Yeah, true.

M: So, if you can’t see your friends, that’s one of the pillars we’ve said. Or if you’re really just missing your friends and family and that face-to-face contact if all your hobbies and exercise, and all of that has just been stripped away from you. And, what’s the third pillar, Pete?

P: Laugh, p –

M: Purpose and meaning!

P: I was just about to say! Laugh.

M: Purpose and meaning. You know, if you’ve lost your job.

P: Yes.

M: And you’re just spending long hours watching Ellen and Oprah.

P: Laugh, or not even lost your job, but just at home and unable to work. This is the thing, a lot of people are at home and unable to go to work.

M: Exactly.

P: And it’s finding that purpose in your daily activities, waking up and going, ‘what do I do today?’

M: Mmm hmm. And so, if you haven’t replaced any of those things and even it’s just one of those pillars that’s been pulled away for the first time ever in Australia, we have so many of us in lockdown, so many in lockdown.

P: Mmm, it’s a new experience for us, isn’t it?

M: It’s a new experience for Australia and particularly new experience for our regional areas.

P: Yes, very much.

M: So, if you have had all these things stripped away from you and you are feeling a bit emotional, you are on the Corona coaster right now. What are going to do to replace some of those things? Because otherwise you run the risk of sinking further down that hole and entering depression potentially or increasing anxiety again, don’t watch too much news.

P: Yep, get those techniques out that we’ve talked about in our happiness literacy episode.

Happiness Literacy (E80)

M: Laugh.

P: If you’d like to go back and check that out. Getting my promotion on!

M: Laugh.

P: I’m dropping all the numbers here, [click, click] Laugh! But, no. Getting active and controlling what you can control and finding a purpose in something that you actually can do rather than seeing what you can’t do.

M: Yeah.

P: Flip the switch.

M: And so, one of those things, and we talk about many things [like] getting exercise, you can do by watching your TV and pulling up a 10, 20, 30 minute exercise or yoga class or any of, meditation even. There’s plenty of things on there that you can do.

P: Mmm.

M: From a mindfulness perspective as well. And it’s all free. It’s just about making sure you introduce these new habits. So, pick one. And now we’re going to talk about music, laugh.

P: Laugh.

M: Back to where we started. So, we’ll talk about this study. The Max Planck Institute for Empirical Aesthetics.

P: I love that ‘empirical aesthetics.’

M: Laugh, it’s a bit of a mouthful.

P & M: Laugh.

M: They have recently done this study. It involved six countries on three continents during the first lockdown in April and May 2020.

P: 5,000 people.

M: Yep.

P: That’s a lot of people, that’s a big study.

M: Absolutely, so from Germany, France, Great Britain, India, Italy, and the U.S.

P: Mmm.

M: A big group of people that they studied, and they looked at whether music impacted their moods and their stress levels.

P: I’ll jump in here, and just go from the complete impassioned response, and music so affects every moment of my day. I’ve always been very affected by music, and I use music as a way of connecting with different elements of my day and in my treatments, and when I’m working out and when I’m having quiet time. There are specific types of music that I tap into, so this is very close to my heart. It’s something I’ve always done. Even as a kid.

M: I tend to agree, but I don’t rely on music a lot it’s not a big part of my life.

P: Right.

M: But, depending… So, my writing days are Friday’s.

P: Ahh, yes.

M: And there’s a very big variety of music.

P & M: Laugh.

M: Depending on what I want to be feeling at the time.

P: Laugh!

M: What this study found, which I thought was most interesting, was that music itself isn’t the coping aid.

P: Mmm.

M: But music related behaviour.

P: Laugh.

M: So, the way people have adapted their musical behaviours during the crisis.

P: Ok.

M: So, if you were feeling down or if I was feeling down, I would put my Disney playlist on.

P: Laugh!

M: And I may or may not, get the shower then and sing to my heart’s content.

P: Believe me people, I’ve heard it. It’s been broadcast.

M & P: Laugh.

M: So, for me that’s the way of actively trying to turn my mood around.

P: Mmm, and it so works.

M: Singing, smiling, thinking back to being a kid, really, just letting it all go.

P: Yep.

M: To help balance the negative emotions. That’s what we mean by a coping mechanism.

P: Mmm.

M: Now, if music was just playing in the background and there wasn’t that intentionality, that mindfulness behind it.

P: Yep.

M: Then it probably wouldn’t have the same effect.

P: Yes, I’d agree. You need to be engaging with it consciously.

M: Yes, picking the music to influence you.

P: Yeah, definitely.

M: There’s good news here, in that people who were experiencing increased negative emotions – so just what we were talking about before – were found to engage with music, primarily as a way to regulate depression, fear and stress.

P: Mmm.

M: And then people who reported more positive emotions overall were found to use music largely as a replacement for social interaction.

P: I like this idea of using music as a replacement, I think that’s again that’s a solution-based perspective. They’re going ‘What can I control? I can control how I feel by using music when I can’t see my friends or reminding me of my friends because of a certain musical interlude or a certain musical experience.

M: And then more than that, a lot of musical people went out and made music.

P: Ah, oh yes! Yes, go the creatives.

M: Absolutely, and they have gone viral in so many ways. So, the company I work for has a fabulous employee who also plays guitar and sings. And she created a ‘Corona sucks’ video.

P: Laugh!

M: Where she lamented all the things that we’re all experiencing that we’ve mentioned many times here before. You know, the stretchy pants and the extra five kilograms we’ve all put on.

P: Laugh.

M: The fact that our hair is twice as long as when we started. There’s some very interesting men with some pretty interesting haircuts.

P: Yep, laugh.

M: Or lack of haircuts. Or they’ve just taken to the razor and taken it all off.

P: Laugh, yeah I’ve seen that.

M: Yep, laugh.

P: I’ve seen some guys come in with some coifs going ‘I just want my barber to be open.’

M: Laugh, mmm.

P: And then you see the guys coming in, ‘Yeah, the wife got to me.’

M: Laugh. And they’ve got a number one.

P: Yep, all over. Laugh.

M: Laugh.

P: Bowler cut.

M: Yep.

P: Laugh.

M: So, a lot of people have been making music about our experiences, and again that really can bond people.

P: Mmm.

M: Help you to know that you’re not alone.

P: Absolutely. There’s a wonderful story of a mutual friend of ours Marie, fabulous Brazilian boy. When the first lockdown happened, he manages a hotel in Sydney and they were part of the… Oh, the words escaped me.

M: Group of quarantine hotels?

P: Yes, the group of quarantine hotels. And on the last night at the 14 day quarantine. So, night 13 our friend Lucas organised for a DJ to come into the courtyard and played all these disco tunes for the people who are in lockdown, who could I think they could open their windows slightly. And they were all kind of dancing around in the disco.

M: Laugh.

P: And I thought, ‘What a wonderful way to bring a group of people who can’t actually communicate or even speak to each other together.

M: They can’t leave their rooms.

P: Yeah, and give them a little celebration. And there was another video that went viral in Sydney of a Sydney drag queen –

M: Yes!

P: – who jumped out on the roof of her apartment building and set up a disco ball and a DJ and got someone to film her doing full drag in the summer sun whilst everyone else was locked up in their rooms, laugh! I thought it was rather fabulous!

M: And do you remember early on in Covid. So, this would have been March, April last year in Italy with people playing on their balconies?

P: Oh, yes! That was amazing. Yes.

M: Yeah.

P: That was incredible!

M: Power of music! Laugh.

P: It is so powerful. And it has such an ability to change your mood. Which is why I’m interested about your point Marie in terms of its not the music, that’s the solution, it’s the behaviour around it.

M: Yes, so again, I think it’s like everything we talk about. You’ve got to be mindful, right?

P: Mmm.

M: Right? So, just putting on a playlist in the background and reading a book and not really registering it, it just becomes background noise.

P: Yep.

M: If, even that same playlist the next day, if you put it on and decided, you’re just going to head bang to it around the lounge room.

P: Laughter!

M: Very different physical and mental response to those two scenarios.

P: Mmm, Ok. And that elevates your mood. It’s that physical response to the music, which is actually doing the things with the neurotransmitters and changing the brain waves and the connections.

M: Physical, physiological, psychological response, all of it together so you don’t have to jump up and down and head bang.

P: Laugh.

M: I don’t want people to hurt their necks, but you maybe sit and just meditate or something over the music. I learnt that the other day, meditation, it’s a thing.

P: Laugh! I’m actually more buying into the head banging thing, because for me, being a former dancer, I wasn’t a technician, I was a musical performer like music. Music and movement was the thing, and I could perform or dance to a certain piece of music in such a way that was completely different to something else. And for me, it is that physical response. It’s that buying into the, putting Julie Andrews on with the opening of The Sound of Music and throwing yourself into a pirouette and spinning out into the backyard, going ‘The hills are alive!’ You know, that laugh.

M: I would have gone with Queen.

P: Yeah, everyone has their, has their breakout song.

M: Queen!

P: Yeah, you do. You jump around, you make yourself physical and I think this is, this is definitely a key for it.

M: I don’t know anyone that can play Bohemian Rhapsody without screaming it from the roof tops.

P: Laugh!

M: And then when, when that guitar solo comes in, laugh!

P: That guitar moment, yeah.

M: The headbang! Yeah.

P: I blame Wayne’s World for that one. I don’t think anyone ever did the head banger before Wayne’s World.

M: Laugh.

P: If you can’t remember Wayne’s World kiddies, look it up. Laugh!

M: There you go. There’s another cultural reference for your Netflix watching, laugh.

P: There you go. I want to just jump in here Marie and mention that it’s not only during Covid that music has been used a coping mechanism. There’s a lot of references to music being used as a coping mechanism in other great trials of humankind. And, of course, one of those is the Holocaust from the Second World War in Nazi Germany.

M: Yes.

P: There was a lot of music being used by people in the concentration camps and people in Auschwitz and things like that to find emotional comfort and also to connect because they couldn’t speak to people in the other gulags. But they could hear them, and it was as simple as whistling. And there’s a story of one young boy who actually whistled along with the band, and it resulted in him getting less, less duties in the concentration camp.

So, there was this lovely connection. I’ve got a couple of quotes here,

‘Music gave us so much. To escape, even for a few moments to a “normal” world. Music allowed us a complete disconnect and emotionally escape from the horrors of the daily life.’

M: That’s so powerful.

P: It’s completely powerful.

M: What do I say after that? [Nervous laugh]

P: Yeah, and it’s momentous. And even after that, it’s that buying in. And again, it’s mindfulness because when you hear the strains of something beautiful. I mean, if anyone’s watched Schindler’s List that that haunting melody it can definitely suspend whatever moment you’re in. And if you can buy into that and choose to listen and disengaged for that 30 seconds that can provide that respite and it can even provide connection.

M: It can take you to another time and place. I think it was, was it a week ago?, two weeks ago? That I wrote to you and I was almost balling, laugh. This is again another Corona stress-filled moment.

P & M : Laugh.

M: Baby Mine came on my playlist.

P: Oh! Disney!

M: From Dumbo, and Dumbo was the movie that we had on VHS when I was little and it was what I watched probably 50 times.

P & M: Laugh.

M: But it was my sick movie, that and Annie, and I watched Dumbo a lot. And so, Baby Mine came on this playlist, laugh. And I got all teary and emotional.

P: Laugh!

M: Poor Dumbo, his mother behind bars.

P: Laugh. Yep, totally agree with that one.

M: And it really just took me back to being in my lounge room on my orange velvet couch.

P: Oh wow!

M: Yeah, yeah. We were out of the seventies. We held onto it a bit longer than we should have.

P: Laugh!

M: But comfy couch. It really just took me back to that place and time. So, I’m just sitting here in my first world home with my income and with my husband and cats. And that was such a wonderful experience of escapism for me as well.

P: Mmm.

M: That was meaningful, but yeah, absolutely there are people going through tougher times than us, definitely.

P: Yep.

M: And music has helped people who have been through probably one of the worst periods.

P: Mmm. And it can help you, I think. And that’s the thing if you are feeling like you’re struggling, maybe give music a go.

M: Well, I think again, as we’re saying, give something a go.

P: Mmm, mmm. Find something you can control and give it a shot. See how you feel, buy in.

M: Absolutely, buy in. We’re no longer cynics you know, you’ve kind of convinced me to buy in.

P: Laugh, yeah.

M: We might need to change the name of the show pretty soon, laugh.

P: No, because I think I have moved into the cynic world.

M & P: Laugh.

P: I had a little moment last night, where someone was talking about a certain esoteric absence and I was like, ‘what a crocker!’

M: Laugh!

P: I’m like ‘Oh dear. What has this show done to me? Laugh! I want science. I want studies, I want scientific evidence-based research! Laugh.’

M: I love it, and soon we will be one Peter.

P: Laugh! Oh, youngling.

M & P: Laugh.

M: All right, well, I think we might wrap it up there for today. But we will also maybe finish our episode with a clip from one of Pete’s favourite songs.

P: [Gasp] Oh!

M: I’m not going to tell you what it is. But our producer Lea, will end our episode with that.

P: Laugh!

M: So, until next week.

P: I’m going to have to listen back now.

M & P: Laugh!

M: All right, bye everyone.

P: Have a happy week.

[Snippet from the song supercalifragilisticexpialidocious in Mary Poppins – Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke]

It’s supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious
If you say it loud enough, you’ll always sound precocious
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle ay

[start of fade out]

Because I was afraid to speak when I was just a lad
Me father gave me nose a tweak and told me I was bad
But then one day I learned a word that saved me achin’ nose
The biggest word you ever heard and this is how it goes

[faded out]

11 Must-Read Books on Happiness

by

Must Read Books on Happiness

From the best books based on the science of happiness to top happiness books with the most inspirational and powerful personal journeys, here are the top 11 must-read books on happiness.  

Searching for the Perfect Book on Happiness? 

Are you looking for must-read books about happiness? Or maybe you’re searching for something different to dive into in 2021. If ever there was a time to find happiness, this would be it. Financial stress, loneliness and depression are all on the rise. Add to that the ever-increasing pressures of our modern world, social media, and general information overload it’s no wonder that burnout is also increasing.  

So, where can you turn to find your happiness? In this article, we explore the 11 all-time, must-read, best-selling books on happiness. These books not only look at different aspects of human happiness but will explain and teach you the skills needed to find your happiness. So, with a little bit of knowledge and some small changes, we can all achieve a happier, healthier life.   

Books Based on the Science of Happiness  

1. The Art of Happiness – the Dalai Lama & Howard C. Cutler 

“The very motion of our life is towards happiness.” – Dalai Lama

A beloved classic – the original book on happiness, with new material from His Holiness the Dalai Lama. Nearly every time you see him, he’s laughing, or at least smiling. And he makes everyone else around him feel like smiling. He’s the Dalai Lama, the spiritual and temporal leader of Tibet, a Nobel Prize winner, and a hugely sought-after speaker and statesman. Why is he so popular? Even after spending only a few minutes in his presence, you can’t help feeling happier. 

The Art of Happiness is the ultimate happiness book. Through conversations, stories, and meditations, the Dalai Lama shows us how to defeat day-to-day anxiety, insecurity, anger, and discouragement. He explores many facets of everyday life, including relationships, loss, and the pursuit of wealth, to illustrate how to ride through life’s obstacles on a deep and abiding source of inner peace.  

Based on 2,500 years of Buddhist meditations, mixed with a healthy dose of common sense, The Art of Happiness is a book that crosses the boundaries of traditions to help readers with difficulties common to all human beings. This book has touched countless lives and uplifted spirits around the world. 

2. Authentic Happiness – Martin Seligman  

An international bestseller, Authentic Happiness launched the revolutionary new science of Positive Psychology—and sparked a debate on the nature of real happiness. According to esteemed psychologist and bestselling author Martin Seligman, happiness is not the result of good genes or luck. Real, lasting happiness comes from focusing on one’s personal strengths rather than weaknesses—and working with them to improve all aspects of one’s life.  

Using practical exercises, brief tests, and a dynamic website program, Seligman shows readers how to identify their highest virtues and use them in ways they haven’t yet considered. Accessible and proven, Authentic Happiness is the most powerful work of popular psychology in years. 

3. The Happiness Advantage – 7 Principles that Fuel Success and Performance at Work. – Shawn Achor  

“Happiness is a Choice, happiness spreads, and happiness is an advantage.”  – Shawn Achor 

We’ve been taught that if we work hard, we will be successful, and then we’ll be happy. If we can just find that great job, get a raise, lose those five pounds, happiness will follow. But recent discoveries in the field of positive psychology have shown that this formula is actually backward: happiness fuels success, not the other way around. 

When we are positive, our brains become more engaged, creative, motivated, energetic, resilient, and productive. This discovery has been repeatedly supported by research in psychology and neuroscience, management studies, and the bottom lines of organizations around the world. 

Shawn Achor, who spent over a decade living, researching, and lecturing at Harvard University, draws on his own research—including one of the largest studies of happiness and potential at Harvard and at large companies like UBS and KPMG—to share strategies for how to fix this broken formula in The Happiness Advantage.  

Using case studies from his work with thousands of Fortune 500 executives in 42 countries, Achor explains how we can reprogram our brains to become more positive, and ultimately more successful at work. A must-read for everyone trying to excel in a world of increasing workloads, stress, and negativity, The Happiness Advantage at its core is about how to reap the benefits of a happier and more positive mind-set to achieve the extraordinary in our work and in our lives. 

4. Stumbling on Happiness – Daniel Gilbert

“What makes humans different from every other animal is that they think about the future.” – Daniel Gilbert 

Bringing to life scientific research in psychology, cognitive neuroscience, philosophy, and behavioural economics, this bestselling book reveals what scientists have discovered about the uniquely human ability to imagine the future, and about our capacity to predict how much we will like it when we get there. 

In this brilliant, witty, and accessible book, renowned Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert describes the foibles of imagination and illusions of foresight that cause each of us to misconceive our tomorrows and misestimate our satisfactions. With great insight and accessible writing, Gilbert explains why we seem to know so little about the hearts and minds of the people we are about to become.

5. The How of Happiness – Sonja Lyubomirsky

“You can change your personal capacity for happiness.” – Sonja Lyubomirsky

Drawing on her own ground-breaking research with thousands of men and women, research psychologist and University of California professor of psychology Sonja Lyubomirsky has pioneered a detailed yet easy-to-follow plan to increase happiness in our day-to-day lives — in the short term and over the long term. 

The How of Happiness is a different kind of happiness book, one that offers a comprehensive guide to understanding what happiness is, and isn’t, and what can be done to bring us all closer to the happy life we envision for ourselves. Using more than a dozen uniquely formulated happiness-increasing strategies, The How of Happiness offers a new and potentially life-changing way to understand our innate potential for joy and happiness as well as our ability to sustain it in our lives. 

 

6. Happier – Tal Ben-Shahar  

“This fine book shimmers with a rare brand of good sense that is imbedded in scientific knowledge about how to increase happiness. It is easy to see how this is the backbone of the most popular course at Harvard today.” – Martin E. P. Seligman, author of Authentic Happiness

Can you learn to be happy? YES . . . according to the teacher of Harvard University’s most popular and life-changing course. One out of every five Harvard students has lined up to hear Tal Ben-Shahar’s insightful and inspiring lectures on that ever-elusive state: Happiness. 

Grounded in the revolutionary “positive psychology” movement, Ben-Shahar ingeniously combines scientific studies, scholarly research, self-help advice, and spiritual enlightenment. He weaves them together into a set of principles that you can apply to your daily life. Once you open your heart and mind to Happier ’s thoughts, you will feel more fulfilled, more connected . . . and, yes, happier. 

7. The Power of Now – Eckhart Tolle 

This book has been translated into 30 languages and sold millions of copies worldwide. Eckhart says he receives millions of letters from people who say the book has transformed their lives – including Oprah Winfrey, Meg Ryan and Cher. Yet, in true cynic style, Eckhart admits that many people still simply don’t get it, in fact, Time Magazine wrote: “But the book, awash in spiritual mumbo jumbo (“The good news is that you can free yourself from your mind”), will be unhelpful for those looking for practical advice.”  

Cynics aside, this book has become a classic for all those looking to find joy in life. To make the journey into the Now, Tolle says we need to leave our analytical mind and its false created self, the ego, behind. Through Tolle’s book, we learn to move rapidly into a significantly higher altitude where we breathe a lighter air. We become connected to the indestructible essence of our Being, “The eternal, ever present One Life beyond the myriad forms of life that are subject to birth and death.”   

Although the journey is challenging, Eckhart Tolle uses simple language and an easy question and answer format to guide us. A word-of-mouth phenomenon since its first publication, The Power of Now is one of those rare books with the power to create an experience in readers, one that can radically change their lives for the better.  

Happiness Books with Powerful Personal Journeys  

8. The Happiness Project – Gretchen Rubin

One rainy afternoon, while riding a city bus, Gretchen Rubin asked herself, “What do I want from life, anyway?” She answered, “I want to be happy”—yet she spent no time thinking about her happiness.

In a flash, she decided to dedicate a year to a happiness project. The result? One of the most thoughtful and engaging works on happiness to have emerged from the recent explosion of interest in the subject. 

The Happiness Project synthesizes the wisdom of the ages with current scientific research, as Rubin brings readers along on her year to greater happiness. In fact, Rubin’s “happiness project” no longer describes just a book or a blog; it’s a movement. Happiness Project groups, where people meet to discuss their happiness projects, have sprung up across America—and across the world. Rights have been sold in more than 35 countries. Hundreds of book groups have discussed the book; professors, teachers, psychiatrists, and clergy assign it. The book has spent more than two years on the New York Times bestseller lists, and The Happiness Project was even an answer on the game-show Jeopardy! 

9. 10% Happier – Dan Harris 

“I wrote a memoir about a fidgety, sceptical newsman who reluctantly becomes a meditator to deal with his issues – and in the process of publishing it, I occasionally, to my embarrassment, found myself failing to practice what I preach. I was kind of like a dog that soils the rug, and the universe kept shoving my face into it.” 

In 2014, Dan Harris published his memoir 10% Happier. The book—which describes his reluctant embrace of meditation after a drug problem, an on-air freak-out, and an unplanned “spiritual” journey—became an instant bestseller and Dan, to his own surprise, became a public evangelist for mindfulness.  

10% Happier is a spiritual book written for – and by – someone who would otherwise never read a spiritual book. It is both a deadly serious and seriously funny look at mindfulness and meditation as the next big public health revolution. 

10. Eat, Pray, Love – Elizabeth Gilbert  

Eat, Pray, Love is a journey around the world, a quest for spiritual enlightenment, and a story for anyone who has battled with divorce, depression, and heartbreak. 

It’s 3 a.m., and Elizabeth Gilbert is sobbing on the bathroom floor. She’s in her 30s, she has a husband, a house, they’re trying for a baby – and she doesn’t want any of it. A bitter divorce and a turbulent love affair later, she emerges battered and bewildered, and realises it is time to pursue her own journey in search of three things she has been missing: pleasure, devotion, and balance. 

So, she travels to Rome, where she learns Italian from handsome, brown-eyed identical twins and gains 25 pounds; to an ashram in India, where she finds that enlightenment entails getting up in the middle of the night to scrub the temple floor; and to Bali, where a toothless medicine man of indeterminate age offers her a new path to peace: simply sit still and smile. And slowly, happiness begins to creep up on her… 

11. The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World – the Dalai Lama & Archbishop Desmond Tutu

An instant New York Times bestseller. Two spiritual giants. Five days. One timeless question. Nobel Peace Prize Laureates His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu have survived more than fifty years of exile and the soul-crushing violence of oppression. Despite their hardships—or, as they would say, because of them—they are two of the most joyful people on the planet. 

In April 2015, Archbishop Tutu travelled to the Dalai Lama’s home in Dharamsala, India, to celebrate His Holiness’s eightieth birthday and to create what they hoped would be a gift for others. They looked back on their long lives to answer a single burning question: How do we find joy in the face of life’s inevitable suffering? 
 
They traded intimate stories, teased each other continually, and shared their spiritual practices. By the end of a week filled with laughter and punctuated with tears, these two global heroes had stared into the abyss and despair of our time and revealed how to live a life brimming with joy. 
 
This book offers us a rare opportunity to experience their astonishing and unprecedented week together, from the first embrace to the final good-bye. In this unique collaboration, they offer us the reflection of real lives filled with pain and turmoil in the midst of which they have been able to discover a level of peace, of courage, and of joy to which we can all aspire in our own lives. 

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