Unapologetically Marie

Writer, podcaster, mental health advocate

Happiness Blog

Finding Flow (E93)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week Marie and Pete talk about finding your flow and the wonderful benefits it can give you on your journey to true happiness.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background] 

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.  

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.  

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.  

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny. 

[Intro music fadeout] 

M: Welcome back.

P: I’m in a recumbent position and I’m not moving.

M: Laugh. Pete’s sitting, his legs crossed and his arm above his head.

P: I’ve been told that I’m not allowed to move because I make too much noise, laugh!

M: He does, our poor production people.

P: Laugh!

M: Person, sorry.

P & M: Laughter.

P: Yeah, we have a team.

M & P: Laughter.

M: Yes, Pete has a habit of scratching furiously –

P: Laugh.

M: – jingling his bracelets, clicking his fingers.

P: Laugh, I just like to express myself every now and then get myself into a mode and I like to let everybody know how I’m feeling.

M: Laugh. And by every now and then, you mean every two minutes.

P & M: Laughter.

P: If you’re wondering what we’re talking about. We’re talking about how to do a radio interview properly and how you have to sit with your hands on the table feet apart.

M: You should plant yourself in a position where – See he’s already just running his hands over his leg. Laugh.

P: I like touching things I can’t help it!

M & P: Laughter!

M: Very tactile, laugh.

P: You want people to be relaxed and be able to respond during an interview. So, for those of us who are more physically inclined.

M: Then we’d probably get you to stand in front of a mic that’s fixed.

P: Ahh…

M: So that you can’t touch things or bang things –

P: That wouldn’t work for me. Laugh.

M: – or just stay put! Well, for those of you who listen to our show, we hope you find the [background noise] …noise that is constant. Laugh. Pete just dropped a pillow.

P: Laugh. I did not!

M: We hope you find it charming, not amateurish.

P: Laugh, it’s something new every week that people can enjoy.

M: Laugh. All right, well, today we are actually exploring our full range of emotions, and it is not such a happy day today because we are sad to say that Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi has passed away at the age of 87.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: So, he’s a Hungarian-American psychologist, and we started out really early by looking at his work on flow, didn’t we, Pete?

P: Mmm. He was the first person that I remembered because I had to remember his name.

M: Laugh.

P: Had to learn how to say it.

M: We spent a lot of time drilling in Csikszentmihalyi, Csikszentmihalyi, Csikszentmihalyi.

P: Laugh.

M: And for those of you who you think that’s only four syllables, I think there’s like 20 letters, though. [16 letters]

P: Yeah, there was an alphabet.

M: Laugh.

Csikszentmihalyi was Hungarian-American, and he was known for his work in the study of happiness and creativity. He was really a pioneer in the positive psychology space, and in particular he introduced flow theory in the seventies, and he defined flow as a state of mind attained when one becomes fully immersed in an activity.

P: He was a real ground breaker, though I can’t imagine many people in the seventies who weren’t living in communes and going around and burning their bras.

M: Remember, he came from Hungary to the States in 1956.

P: Mmm.

M: So, he would have been living through World War II prior to that.

P: Yeah. It makes his ideas and his brain even more amazing.

M: Absolutely.

P: Chicago’s a pretty, pretty liberal kind of place. It has got some great minds and some really broad thinking people there.

M: Yep.

P: But in the seventies, he was in San Francisco. This person would have gone around going, “I want to talk about flow.” Laugh. Can you imagine what these academics?

M: Laugh.

P: I mean, this is exactly what the podcast is about. It’s about the cynical brain, and I just think someone who is that ground breaking, who could go, “I’m going to explore this and I’m going to pursue it with research.”

M: Mmm hmm.

P: That’s amazing conviction.

M: I think that a lot of people, you know, Viktor Frankl is another great example of someone who, so he wrote Man’s Search for Meaning and he spent a lot of his time researching what makes people happy and he lived through the camps.

P: Yeah, mmm.

M: So, I think Csikszentmihalyi – Pete’s changing chairs.

P & M: Laugh.

M: His knees are cracking.

P & M: Laugh.

M: Now Csikszentmihalyi, I don’t believe it was in the camps, but I do believe he was [affected].

P: Mmm.

M: He lived through World War II and was definitely impacted by it. And I think that led a lot of people to want to study psychology.

P: And the meanings and reasons behind why people behave in a certain way, yes.

M: And what matters in life. Just like over the last 18 months, a lot of people around the world during the pandemic have reassessed their lives and what is and isn’t important.

P: Mmm, yes. Hugely.

M: Yeah, so whereas you and I have planted gardens, Csikszentmihalyi dedicated his life to helping other people understand what brings happiness. He developed this theory of flow and received a lot of awards and an external recognition for that and spent a lot of time in universities teaching others about how to live life.

P: Mmm, yeah again that would have been a ground-breaking area of development.

M: And the field of positive psychology was really new then.

P: Yeah, yeah, certainly in it’s infancy.

M: And he was not only a pioneer in flow, but more broadly positive psychology and really helped the movement gain traction more broadly and with the public.

P: Yeah, yeah. So, for those who may not have heard our previous episode on this. Marie, what is flow?

M: Flow.

P: Yeah.

M: Flow, F – L – O – W, not Flo down the road.

P: Laugh. She makes the best pumpkin scones, I swear.

M: Laugh. Or not ‘flow’s come to town.’

P: Laugh.

M: Which is such an Aussie –

P: Laugh.

M: – saying. I’m not going to explain for our overseas listeners –

P: Laugh!

M: – what that means.

P: Laugh. Australian colloquialisms.

M: Let’s just say it happens once a month for most women.

P: Laugh.

M: So, what it [flow] means is that you’re completely focused on the task at hand, to the point that you forget about yourself and others and about the world around you.

P: Mmm.

M: So, you might lose track of time. But it doesn’t matter because you’re so engrossed in your activity and so happy in the moment.

P: Mmm. We’ve talked about it being a state of presence and a real mindfulness.

M: It’s this weird dichotomy where you’re so in the moment that you’re unaware of what’s happening around you.

P: Yes.

M: So, I’ve got a quote here from Csikszentmihalyi. So, he says,

“Contrary to what we usually believe, the best moments in our lives and not the passive receptive, relaxing times, although such experiences can also be enjoyable if we’ve worked hard to attain them. The best moments usually occur when a person’s body your mind, is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”

P: So, it’s those things that you remember when you’re reflecting on something from 10 years ago or when you’re maybe in a stressful situation and you’re recalling that ‘No, I’m sure I can do this, I remember back in 1982 when I did that’, and I was in that moment. Is that kind of what flow does? It makes, it builds a little bit of resilience maybe it builds a little bit of a marker for us to rely on in future times?

M: I guess it does in the sense that if you’re looking at not giving up.

P: Mmm.

M: Or using your passion to dedicate time to building skills or depth of understanding, I guess from that point of view you could use it. But I think more than that, it’s the pleasure it brings in the moment. Just like mindfulness has been proven scientifically to help with happiness levels. It’s about being deeply engrossed in something and flow, similar to meditation, has the same types of impacts on the brain.

P: Mmm.

M: The same types of positive impacts and visualisation during flow can give similar results to when people are meditating. So, really, it’s about creating an environment where you can just follow your passion down a rabbit hole.

P: Laugh, be like Alice!

M & P: Laugh!

P: Follow the White Rabbit.

M: Exactly, follow the white rabbit and come out the other side, and you’ll feel proud and satisfied of what you’ve done that day versus eight hours on the couch Netflixing.

P: Mmm.

M: Which as Csikszentmihalyi says here can also be enjoyable.

P: Right, but in a different way?

M: Exactly. Or, you know, if you’ve worked really hard for a holiday and you just want to lay on the beach for a few days, that can be a good experience, and definitely we need that kind of rest as we’ve discussed before.

P: Yep.

M: But flow is a different type of… I won’t say rest, but it can be equally as satisfying and equally as positive to your mental health.

P: It’s kind of like a way of tapping into that well spring of positivity. For those who are maybe a little bit obsessive compulsive or much more active people, people like yourself who might struggle with meditation. This is another way of accessing those benefits.

M: Yeah.

P: In a very different format. You can be as neurotic as you want about getting the grout out of the bathroom if you really want to if that’s your flow.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: It’s much more in touch with… mindfulness with activity? Is that a fair call?

M: Yeah, I’d say so. And it’s about also achieving things. So many people read Marie Kondo’s book or watched her on Netflix and got to packing their T shirts in those little tepee things in the drawers.

P: Laugh.

M: You know what I’m talking about, laugh. I know you do.

P: Laugh!

M: And you know that was lockdown activity number one. Let’s go through and spring clean and de-clutter everything. And a lot of people really took a lot of satisfaction from spring cleaning their places during lockdown.

P: Yep.

M: So absolutely, you can apply it to many different things.

P: Laughter!

M: For me, it’s writing so I can start writing and look up hours later and the sun has gone down.

P: Yeah. When you’re in that moment, and it’s kind of really special because it doesn’t happen very easily. It doesn’t happen all the time, not every time do you sit down to write does it happen. It’s got to be –

M: Sadly, no.

P & M: Laugh.

P: – the right atmosphere, the sun is going to be in the right position, you know a butterfly has to have flapped its wings in Tokyo.

M: Mmm hmm, laugh.

P: You know. All that sort of stuff, laugh.

M: And there’s a great quote by Margaret Thatcher, and she says,

“Look at a day when you’re supremely satisfied at the end of it. It’s not a day when you lounge around doing nothing. It’s a day when you’ve had everything to do, and you’ve done it.”

P: Mmm.

M: So, it’s like the satisfaction of ticking that last item off your to do list and then closing your laptop down on a Friday afternoon.

P: Yes, laugh.

M: Being like, ‘Yes! it’s the weekend.’

P: Laugh, it’s 5:03.

M: Laugh. Eh… Four o’clock.

P & M: Laugh!

M: Now, I’ll watch some Ted talks, laugh. Hang out here till the boss isn’t watching.

P & M: Laugh.

P: They’ve already been down at the pub for three hours.

M: Laugh! So, really, what we’re talking about. And, we mentioned this, I think it was episode five that we first talked about flow.

What is Flow and How to Find it (E5)

P: Yes, it was right at the beginning.

M: Yes, before you were studying and we’re throwing out scientific terms at us, left, right and centre.

P: Laugh.

M: We discussed the default Mode Network, or DMN.

P: Yes.

M: Where all your autopilot/default activities happen.

P: Yeah.

M: And so, to explain that term before we move on. So, as kids, everything is new and we’re constantly learning. And as we get older, things become more of the same, and as a result, our brains don’t need to try as hard.

P: Yes.

M: And they instead operate in the default mode network. So that’s when you’re on autopilot. But when you’re in a state of flow, just like when we’re experiencing awe, we move from the autopilot part of our brains to the learning and inspiration part.

So, it’s about switching from wake up, feed the kids, have a shower, brush your teeth, get out the door, get on your public transport, get to work. It’s about switching off that default mode network and that do this every day and switching on –

P: Yeah, it’s almost passive in a way, isn’t it?

M: Yeah, switching off the passiveness and switching on the engagement, the excitement.

P: OH MY GOD THAT’S A RED PEN ON THE FLOOR! Laugh!

M: Laugh, right? Imagine going back to Disneyland for the first time every day?

P: Ooohhh!!!!!

M: Right? That’s what you’re trying to tap into that wonder and awe.

P: Yeah.

M: Awe is another one as well. You know, for me, the moment that really brings back memories of awe was first seeing Taj Mahal. I imagine if I went back, I wouldn’t have that same feeling.

P: It’s divine, mmm.

M: Yep, it is. It’s about trying to find ways to tap into that again, and you can actually do that. And so maybe we can move forward with ways to bring more flow into your life and deliberately put into practise. Because there are… Oh, God, we’re sounding old now, 50 years of research now, thanks to Csikszentmihalyi on this topic. Since it first came out in the seventies.

P: Yeah, wow.

M: First one, Get rid of the bloody mobile phones.

P: Yes! I’m fully on board for that one. Put it down. Put it in a drawer. And where I first went with this idea is give yourself time.

M: Yep.

P: Give yourself some time to experience flow, set some time in a diary and go ‘this is my flow hour.’ You might not get there but give yourself an hour to explore it.

M: Absolutely. And to do that,

P: Uninterrupted.

M: Yes, it needs to be uninterrupted. So, if you’re sharing a house with someone else, maybe try going to sit in the park.

P: Mmm.

M: Or go to the library.

P: Yep.

M: Those things still exist.

P: Laugh.

M: I know we get all our content online nowadays, but libraries have really evolved quite a bit.

P: I think they’ve done a remarkable job of remaining current and appropriate in the digital age.

M: Mmm hmm. Absolutely. So, go find somewhere quiet and turn off your phone. Put it on silent or leave it another room to stop you checking it because the other thing we do with our phones is if they’re within hands reach in that moment when we’re switching thinking from one idea to the next, we reach for the phone. We go ‘I wonder if anyone’s messaged, I wonder if I’ve gotten an email’ and it’s about not doing that and letting the ideas flow from one to the next, not interrupting that thinking.

P: Mmm and that’s a training thing as well, doing that repeatedly actually makes it an easier state. You don’t get distracted by the technology quite as often.

M: Mmm hmm. Even the technology that’s not on, right?

P: Laugh.

M: Because it’s just in arm’s reach. You turn it back on.

P: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

M: Okay, so number two, we kind of touched on this and they’re all interlinked, is get away from other people.

P: Laugh, have your moment.

M: Mmm hmm. If you’ve got kids, you know, the phone ringing, the TV blaring, you know our busy lives can just feel like one big interruption, and I know at work I have in the past really struggled with finding flow. And as someone who needs to do a lot of writing and thinking, it’s really difficult when you’re constantly being pinged on teams and messenger or whatever your platform is that your company uses to communicate and then you’ve got emails and then you’ve got your phone and it’s exhausting at times to never have that time to do deep work.

P: Mmm.

M: And meetings.

P: Laugh.

M: Oh my goodness, do we love a meeting in corporate world? So, it’s about blocking out time, and I do this now. So, three days a week, not every day but three days a week. I’ll block a two-hour block, and mostly I’m successful at protecting it. And I’ll close down my email and my messenger apps and then just do some work. And I find I come out the other side of that day so much more satisfied with myself.

P: Mmm, yep.

M: Absolutely. Because I’ve actually done some work that day.

P: Because you’ve given yourself the time and eliminated distractions.

M: Yep, and not only that, I do get work done in between meetings and multitasking and all the rest of it. But there’s nothing like the flow that comes from the two hours uninterrupted work.

P: Mmm, the quality. Yeah. And I find that even when I’m working with someone as a client, as a massage therapist, it’s very easy for me to cut out all the distractions. And people tend not to want to interrupt that space.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Unless they really, really have to. And it is. It’s lovely when I’m in there and I remember going back to when I first started professional work as a massage therapist, really easy for me to do 2.5 hour treatments because there wasn’t a time limit with certain clients and I could indulge and so I could actually –

M: How do I get a massage therapist like you?

P: Laugh! Get them when they’re young.

M & P: Laugh!

P: That’s all I can say, laugh! But it was that love. It was that lovely indulgence. And when you’re in that space, you can do some pretty amazing quality work because it builds one on top of the other. It’s that cumulative effect, if you like, of achievement. And, as you said, unlocking even more fabulousness from yourself.

M: Yeah, absolutely. So, the third thing is, find the right task that you can immerse yourself in. Folding the laundry doesn’t count.

P: Laugh. This comes back to our conversation about passion, I think.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Knowing what it is that gives you that flow. Or what activity is that you know you can achieve that state in.

M: Yep. So, Csikszentmihalyi says it needs to be sufficiently difficult without being overwhelmingly difficult or unachievable.

P: Yeah, yeah.

M: So, there’s got to be a challenge there to it. This is why study, is a good one.

P: Yep.

M: So, I don’t know… As someone who’s gone back to university whether you’ve experienced flow when studying.

P: Completely, yeah. Especially when I’m engaged with the content. You do, you look up and go, ‘Oh my god, it’s dark. Where’d the day go?’ Laugh.

M: But I will say both of us are quite similar. And where we go to with our flow activity is it is so subjective, though. So, just because we haven’t mentioned it today in this podcast doesn’t mean that… You know maybe riding a horse –

P: Yeah.

M: – is your thing. Trying to think of things that other people might, laugh.

P: Climbing a mountain.

M: Mmm.

P: Like going for a peak, for example? I mean, that’s very challenging, and that can be a flow moment.

M: Yep.

P: It means you’re doing it on your own, laugh!

M: Yeah, definitely. So, there are some ideas that we can give you. Well three in particular. So, if you’re looking for things to bring flow and also some other benefits as well, a lot of it can be found by doing things in a novel or new.

P: Mmm.

M: So, find inspiration by doing something new. So, sign up for a class or activity or course that’s a good one.

P: Yep.

M: Find inspiration by going somewhere new. So go for a mountain climb or get out of town. Even, what I love doing is getting on the hop on, hop off bus.

[Hop on Hop off Bus Tours – providing sightseeing tours on an open-top bus where you can hop on and off to explore it all at your own pace.]

P: Laugh.

M: Love it. And then find inspiration by meeting someone new. Oh, and having a conversation or sparking new ideas with people.

P: Which might lead to new activities, yeah. I like that.

M: Mmm hmm. Or you can try volunteering or joining a book club.

P: Putting yourself in flows way.

M: Yes.

P: Laugh.

M: Absolutely. All right, well, that’s all we have time for today. Again, so sad news today in the positive psychology community.

P: Yes.

M: But –

P: What a legacy to leave.

M: Yeah.

P: Yeah, I just think it’s such a fabulous thing. I was the inventor of flow and positive thinking. Thanks. Goodbye, laugh.

M: Peace out, mic drop.

P: Laugh.

M: Laugh. Alright, well on that note, wishing you a happy week with plenty of flow.

P: Chow

[Happy exit music – background] 

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic. 

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out. 

M: Until next time. 

M & P: Choose happiness.  

[Exit music fadeout] 

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks! 

Coronavirus: Tiny Moments of Pleasure Really can Help us Through this Stressful Time

by

Desirée Kozlowski, Southern Cross University

If I told you that last night I built a blanket fort in the living room, crawled inside with my cat, a glass of wine and my just-arrived copy of the New Yorker, would you think less of me?

After all, we’re in the midst of a global coronavirus pandemic. Borders are closing, people are sick, dying, losing their jobs, and locked in isolation. And there was I, playing – as though I didn’t have a care in the world.

Meanwhile, you might be reading this holed up at home, screaming with fury at those bloody hoarders. Or perhaps you’re on a train valiantly trying to keep 1.5 metres away from the next person, shrinking back as they cough and splutter.

Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, whatever you think about the pandemic, the economy, or your compatriots, a tiny part of you knows you could do with a bit of pleasure right now.

Read more: What is hedonism and how does it affect your health?

The Effects of Sustained Stress

When we’re first exposed to something stressful, like a deadly new disease, our body reacts with a cascade of small changes such as releasing adrenaline and other chemicals, and activating brain regions related to fear and anger.

In many cases those changes make it more likely we’ll meet the challenges we face.

But if the stressful conditions continue, and especially if we feel powerless to fix the situation, the consequences of the stress response increase.

Read more: Coronavirus is stressful. Here are some ways to cope with the anxiety

Our risk of chronic diseases increases, immune function can be compromised, and we become more vulnerable to mental health problems.

We can feel depleted, disconnected, anxious and depressed. We can become fixated on negative thoughts and on looking for signs of threat. Sound familiar?

The good news is the effects of stress on the brain are reversible.

Pleasure in Times of Stress

It may seem too simple to be true but shifting our attention toward the small, everyday pleasures in our lives can offset the consequences of stress or negative events.

US researchers reported last year that experiencing pleasurable emotions, for example having interesting things to do, serves as a buffer between chronic stress and depression. So, among people with sustained, high levels of stress, those who reported more pleasurable moments were likely to experience less severe depressive symptoms.

Pleasurable experiences might even be of most benefit in times of stress.

We experience pleasure in a myriad ways. Perhaps one of the most potent of pleasures, and one that springs most easily to mind, is a lover’s caress.

Read more: Coronavirus and sex: Dos and don’ts during social distancing

But to maximise the pleasure in every day, we should look more widely, to a multitude of sources.

If we’re too busy reading those alarming headlines to notice the beauty of the sun setting outside our window though, it’s a missed opportunity for a moment of delight.

When I recently asked people on Twitter to share the things bringing them delight in these challenging times, I received hundreds of replies within a couple of hours.

Each one was a small vignette conveying a personal moment of simple pleasure. Gardens and dogs and children and nature featured strongly, and many people reflected on the added pleasure of recalling such moments.

Indeed, recollection and anticipation – along with relishing pleasure in the moment – are effective ways to maximise the value of positive experiences or emotions. We call it “savouring”.

Luckily, we can get better at savouring with practice. And the more we savour, the less stressed we feel. And that’s why I’m here.

If we increase the pleasure we experience, it can lift our psychological well-being. In turn, higher well-being is linked to better immune function.

Read more: Running out of things to do in isolation? Get back in the garden with these ideas from 4 experts

It’s About Boosting our Personal Capacity

My message is not to avoid the facts or pretend nothing has changed. It’s to intentionally build in moments of reprieve and restoration. It’s to turn your attention to what is still good and rich and fun – to really focus on those things.

This is how we can harness the protective power of small pleasures, for the sake of delight itself and to build grit and resilience.

So, there may never have been a better time to build a blanket fort, or to bring out a game of Twister, or to lie on your back in the garden making fantasy creatures out of passing clouds. Find excuses to giggle.

Read more: Social distancing can make you lonely. Here’s how to stay connected when you’re in lockdown

Making Pleasure Happen

In difficult, frightening times, no one is immune to worry; it’s a natural response. But what we can do is take steps to protect ourselves, as much as possible, from its physical and psychological ill-effects.

The challenge is to make this happen, to tear yourself away from analysing the COVID-19 curve and intentionally, systematically engineer more small delights into your day.

Do you like the sunshine? Then know when the sun falls on your balcony, in your garden or in the street near your place. Take a cup of tea or coffee with you and soak up the warmth.

Read more: Cat lovers rejoice: watching online videos lowers stress and makes you happy

Pets? Run, play, be silly with them. Eating a tomato? Plant the seeds and watch something grow, from nothing, because of you. Sing. Dance. Delight someone with an act of kindness.

Plan your opportunities for pleasure. Put them in your diary. Set your alarm for them. Commit to share them with others. Photograph them. Post them on social media or share them directly with friends and family. Anticipate them gleefully and reflect on them with delight. This is our time to be here. Savour.

Desirée Kozlowski, Lecturer, Psychology, Southern Cross University

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources! 

Covid Burnout and Why You Need a Holiday Pronto (E92)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about Covid burnout, how it may be affecting you and why you need a holiday pronto.

Show notes

What does Covid burnout look like? – Sourced from Covid Fatigue and Burnout: How to Cope (healthline.com)

  • Feeling cynical and emotionally exhausted. Two of the most common burnout symptoms are feeling emotionally drained and cynical about the world around you. Researchers have observed these symptoms in people who have worked in demanding environments during the pandemic. 
  • Being less effective on the job. Burnout happens when you’ve run out of personal resources. Self-doubt creeps in and, over time, you may not be able to pay as much attention to work tasks. Researchers have noticed that some people with pandemic-related burnout begin feeling like a failure at work. 
  • Having a deep sense of anxiety about the future. Your anxiety may be related to your own future or the future of your community and the wider world. Researchers think this anxiety comes from the fact that you can’t predict when the pandemic will end. When things are unpredictable, people often feel they have no control over their lives. 
  • Being less willingness to comply with health guidelines. As the pandemic drags on, more people are tiring of restrictions such as mask-wearing and social distancing. Growing tired of inconvenient public safety measures may be natural, but experts say it could prolong the pandemic even further. 

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background] 

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.  

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.  

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.  

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny. 

[Intro music fadeout] 

P: And we’re back.

M: We’re back.

P: Here we are. Glad to see you all again. See you? See you? We’re seeing you. Laugh.

M: We’re seeing you?

P: Yeah, we’re seeing you today. We’re exploring our auras. We’re seeing the world.

M: Nice to see you and be seen.

P: Laugh, yeah. Ok, that’s nice.

M: Yes. How you doing?

P: Really!? Been a bad week, laugh. I’ve hit saturation point, I think.

M: Okay. Too much going on?

P: Either that or I’ve hit the point where I know that it’s the end or I know that it’s close to the end.

M: Mmm.

P: And so, I’m a big believer in The Body Keeps the Score [by Dr Bessel van der Kold M.D.]

M: Yeah.

P: Which is a very good book. The body lets you know when you’ve had enough, and it will hold off if you tell it to but it will hit you in the backside, laugh!

M: But then you crack.

P: Laugh, yep.

M: And just when you take holidays you get a cold.

P: Yeah, because you’ve turned off.

M: Laugh.

P: So, I kind of have hit this week going, ‘Oh, the end is in sight and I’m up to date with everything I can actually take a little bit of a load off.’

M: Laugh.

P: Oh dear, there goes my back and there goes my face, and you know, I was all weepy eyed.

M: There goes your face?

P: Yeah, I had a bad face day on Sunday. I was out for lunch and my, my eyes just wouldn’t stop weeping.

M: Aww.

P: And my right eye started to actually close in on me.

M: I have a lazy eyelid. You have to look closely.

P: Laugh!

M: But when I get drunk! It’s out there for everyone to see.

P & M: Laugh.

P: Are you looking at me? Or around the corner?

M: Laugh, not a lazy eye. Just a lazy eyelid.

P & M: Laugh!

P: So, yeah, hitting the wall.

M: So, this is really topical, actually, because today we’re going to talk about covid burnout. We’ve spoken a bit about work burnout and World Health Organisation, a couple of years ago now, started talking about burnout as a medical condition.

P: Mmm.

M: But today we’re not talking about normal burnout. We’re talking about covid burnout.

P: How is that more specific?

M: So, the World Health Organisation defines, its pandemic fatigue so they define pandemic fatigue as being demotivated and exhausted with the demands of life during the covid crisis.

P: Hmm.

M: So, the World Health Organisation warns that this fatigue could ultimately lead to longer, more devastating pandemic. So how this plays out in real life is you know, at the beginning of the pandemic, when we were scared and unsure, we were willing to follow the rules, we chipped in and did the right thing.

P: Laugh, everyone was doing the right thing, yeah.

M: Yeah, we made, we made an effort to wear a mask even outside.

P: Yes.

M: Even when the rules were unclear.

P: Yes.

M: We kept our distance in supermarkets and followed those little stickers.

P: Laugh.

M: Just to make sure we were 1. 5 metres away.

P: Laugh.

M: And we went got our vaccines when they were made available to us in general. We even did that weird elbow bump thing for a while.

P: Ahh…

M: Did you ever do that?

P: No, I didn’t. I did the fist bump, but not the elbow bump.

M: Uh huh. We did that, because we wanted to follow the rules and chip in and do our part for society and for helping to end the pandemic.

P: True.

M: Now, over time, we’re not as fearful. We kind of know what to expect we’re more frustrated, right?

P: I agree with that. Yeah.

M: So, this has been going on for a really long time and to be quite frank we’re just tired of it all.

P: Hmm.

M: So, that’s when exhaustion and complacency set in. And that’s what we’re talking about when we talk about covid burnout.

P: Mmm. Would you be able to apply this to maybe other pandemics like the Spanish flu as well?

M: You can apply it to any negative long events. So, if anyone’s ever cared for someone who’s terminally ill –

P: Yes.

M: – for a particularly long period of time, you can burn out with that.

P: Yes. Yeah, totally.

M: If you have, perhaps been in a war situation. I mean, these are extremes, right?

P: Mmm.

M: War situation. You can be extremely resilient. Humans are so resilient.

P: Very much, yeah.

M: But there comes a point where you’re just, you’re just over it.

P: I think when the threat is removed, I think what whilst you’re in the threat, you’re going, you’re in fright or flight, you’re in sympathetic nervous system response.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: You are running from the lion, and humans can do that for a very long time.

M: For a certain amount of time. But, you know, if you go back to World War II, that was a number of years. So, 1939 to 1945. I’m guessing after two, three years of, you know, Anne Frank hiding in a tiny upstairs room, she would have hit the wall at some point and gone. ‘I’m done. Maybe I want to go outside’, right? So, whether or not she did, um, I don’t know. I don’t know enough about her story even though I’ve read the book.

P: Mmm.

M: But at some point, people sort of would take more risks. She might go downstairs and look out a window.

P: Yeah, yeah. That’s true.

M: Right? There just comes a point where you go, ‘Oh, is this really worth it?’ And without any foresight and knowing when a war might end or a pandemic, how the pandemic might end or what the future could look like, It’s really hard to make rational, proper decisions.

P: Now that’s an interesting thing to explore scientifically, I imagine. What our brain does –

M: Mmm hmm.

P: – after a sustained period of fear.

M: And not only the brain, but how it impacts you physically. And there are so many studies of kids that were born during the war.

P: Mmm.

M: Not only the mental health implications on the mother and how that translated in utero to the kids and their personalities and all the rest of it, but also the physical implications of high stress.

P: Yep.

M: To the person experiencing the stress, but also they pass it through in different ways to their kids.

P: Definitely, yeah. And those hormones have an effect on foetal development.

M: Yep.

P: And more importantly on brain development.

M: Yep, absolutely.

P: Certain parts of the brain develop quicker or lag.

M: Yep. And so many of us have been in that low level fright phase, not so much flight phase for the last 18 months, which is low levels of stress, really is what we’re talking about.

P: It is, but the stimulus for the sympathetic nervous system doesn’t differentiate between stress.

M: Yep.

P: So, we could be having a less stress or more stress but the hormonal release is the same. The access which is activated to the adrenal glands still fires. So, the body doesn’t necessarily go, ‘Oh, this is a 50% stress.’ It just goes, ‘It’s stress!’

M: Yep.

P: So, that in built reaction of the brain releasing hormones from the hypothalamus into the pituitary gland down to the adrenal cortex.

M: What does differ, though, is our reaction to that stress. And so, if it’s unmanageable, then we’ll go into anxiety, depression, etcetera and a lot of people around the world have. A lot of people have been dealing with that stress and coping with it. And this is where they’ve gone from, perhaps flourishing and dealing with good mental health and doing all the things they should to coming back to languishing in a way. And maybe we can look at what are some of the signs of this covid burnout. So, in a lot of ways, it’s very similar to normal work burnout and everyone is different.

P: Yes.

M: We read a great article from healthline talking about some of the symptoms, so things like feeling cynical and emotionally exhausted.

P: Mmm.

M: So, probably two of the most common burnout symptoms for all types of burnout is just being emotionally drained and starting to get a bit negative, just really not having that well of positivity and mental health to draw from.

P: Yeah. All of a sudden, the coffee that won’t taste right becomes a dramatic throw it against the wall kind of moment.

M: Yeah, and we’re observing a lot of that with frontline employees, your nurses and doctors who have been in it for a very long time, who started out really positive and gung ho.

P: Yep.

M: And we’re going to save as many people as we can. And now a lot of the discussion in our media is about, ‘I can’t believe they’re still not vaccinating. I’m done with this. I’m not staying in this profession.’ You know, they’ve really just had enough.

P: Mmm.

M: And they can’t see the forest for the trees. They need a holiday, really. Laugh.

P: Oh, yes.

M: They need a break from all of the stress.

P: Yeah, don’t we all get to that point sometimes where you just need –

M: You need a break.

P: – a moment to step away, yeah.

M: And no one can step away from Covid. So, that’s the catch here.

P: Yeah, you can’t escape it in a way, especially when it’s restricting your movements.

M: Yes.

P: And I’ve noticed that with a lot of my clients, the things that they’ve usually dealt with that have helped them deal with stress, they haven’t had access to.

M: Yeah, like going to the gym.

P: Yeah.

M: So, the second one is being less effective in your work. So again, burnout happens when you just run out of that well of energy and resilience.

P: Mmm.

M: And things like self-doubt start to creep in. You don’t pay as much attention to work tasks or your family and really, the negative emotions that come with that, that lack of satisfaction from doing a job, start to spiral.

P: Mmm. The self-doubt one is a big one, because that’s like a little wedge that gets inside the door, and it grows.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: It is like a cancer. It starts to spread, and so all of a sudden, you’re making rash decisions. You’re making emotional decisions.

M: Emotional, yes.

P: Not logical [decisions]. Or you’re not having that that calmness because you’re second guessing everything that you do.

M: Yep, and not only that, you’re then doing a worse job, which then reinforces that.

P: Mmm.

M: And the smallest suggestion or criticism or, you know, opportunity for improvement, otherwise known as a shit sandwich –

P: Laugh!

M: – from the boss. You get really defensive. You take it personally.

P: Yes, yeah.

M: You come home and have to vent. It gets blown out of proportion. It’s tough to get good perspective on what’s going on.

P: Mmm, mmm. I agree very much.

M: All right, so the third thing or symptom that you could be seeing if you’re experiencing Covid burnout is a sense of anxiety about the future, so heightened anxiety levels. So, that could be related to your future, whether you’re uncertain about your current job or going back out into society now that everything is opening up, your future for your community or your family or the world in general.

P: Mmm.

M: So, the anxiety comes from the fact that you can’t predict when things are going to end or how they’re going to turn out. You’ve got little control over what’s going to happen. So, again, having less resilience and having been on that heightened level of stress for such a long period of time. That’s taken away your resilience and taken away your, your stock. Your well.

P: Your well of well-being.  

M: Yep, it means that you can start dwelling on this and going down that spiral and just being more anxious in general.

P: Mmm.

M: We’re seeing a lot of that as companies return to work.

P: The workspace?

M: Yeah, and they’re asking employees to come back in. And there are quite a few people who are just really unsure about going back into the office.

P: Mmm.

M: Getting on public transport, sitting in an office space where there’s recycled air all day. All of those things that are at higher risk for catching Covid.

P: Mmm. That’s the fear factor of it all, isn’t it?

M: Mmm hmm.

P: It’s playing into that fear. So, is it possible to remove that fear? Is that where, is that part of a? I’m probably jumping ahead of the gun here. We haven’t gotten to the fourth one yet.

M: Mmm hmm. Look, if you can predict the future, you can.

P: Laugh, well true. I guess it is about addressing those areas of control and addressing the areas of resilience and doing the work that we’ve talked about in many episodes about your mental health work and your homework and your emotional understanding.

M: Mmm hmm. And we’ll get to that in the next section.

P: Ok, sorry.

M: So, the last Covid burnout.

P: [whispers] I’m going to be quiet now I’m going to go over here.  

M: Laugh, ok you go sit in the corner.

P: [whispers] I’ll go sit with the cat.

M & P: Laugh!

M: So, the last burnout symptom to keep an eye out for is being less willing to comply with health guidelines.

P: Oh! This is me!

M: It’s me, too. So, today. So, we still have in our building mandatory mask wearing in common areas. So, when you go through the lifts and lobbies and today, I had to run downstairs and pick something up from a friend and I went out the door, pressed the buzzer on the lift and went, ‘Oh, I don’t have my mask, I forgot my mask.’

P: He, he.

M: ‘Oh, well, I’ll be quick.’

P: Yeah.

M: Went down the lift, out the door. Don’t tell my building manager.

P: Laugh.

M: But you know, when this first began, I would have quickly run back into the house and got my mask. This is probably the first time I’ve gone, ‘Oh well’, and done it anyway.

P: It’s very common at the moment, though.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: I’m seeing a lot of people, and I’m a big, very guilty of this, I will take my mask off to walk down the street because I’m so sick of wearing it, laugh. And when it’s a beautiful sunny day, it’s like I just want to enjoy it. And if I’ve got my [mask]. When the Covid ban was still in and we were still being obliged to wear masks, I would walk away from people. If they were walking against me, I would maintain the 1.5 metre distance –

M: Mmm hmm.

P: – but I’d have the mask down, I must admit. It was just a sense of freedom for me.

M: Yep.

P: And it was that, I think what you’re saying here is right is that willingness to comply. My willingness is gone. It’s like, I’m over this. I don’t want to do this anymore. And, you know, we haven’t had a COVID case in that area yet, and I was like ‘Oh bugger it, I’m just going to walk down the street without my mask on and enjoy the sunshine.

M: Yep, yep.

P: But only in that one moment.

M: Yep. And everyone is getting to that point now.

P: Mmm.

M: To varying degrees, we’re just over it, just over it.

P: Yeah.

M: So, what that means for how far you’re willing to break the rules probably comes down to whether you’re naturally a rule breaker or whether you believe in rules? I imagine, if you’re a big bang theory person –

P: Laughter!

M: – Sheldon would still be wearing his mask, laugh.

P: He would be doing virtual presence.

M & P: Laugh!

M: Mmm hmm. So, what all this means is, we’ve spoken before about the difference between flourishing and languishing. And when we’re flourishing, we’re at our peak mental health. We’re not simply living life, but we’re loving life.

P: Yep.

M: What we’re talking about here is that a lot of us are coming from the top end where you find passion, energy, excitement, love, awe and hope.

P: Mmm.

M: And we’re moving into this languishing space, which is not the negative mental health space. It’s not depression, anxiety and a place where you really should be seeking professional help.

P: Yep.

M: It’s really well summed up as just ‘meh.’

P: Bleurgh. Yeah, right. Does that affect the people who are more used to being in that upper space a little bit more?

M: You would probably notice a difference more, but this is a phenomenon we’ve spoken about before, and I think Episode 70 we’ve talked about from languishing to flourishing.

P: Yes.

M: And so if you’re normally a ten on the scale or a nine and you’re now sitting at a six, that ‘meh’, you know, you’re not in the under five space where you really need to take action and there are serious consequences for not.

P: Yep.

M: You’re not in the ill health space.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: You’re just kind of going through the motions of life. You know, what a waste of your life in that space for too long.

P: Laugh, yeah. And that’s where the techniques that we talk about, I think can come in really, really advantageously. The first one that comes to mind for me is the physicality shaking off literally do a Tay Tay [Taylor Swift].

M: Laugh!

P: Go out running, running out into the world half naked, for example and just go “Aaaahh!!’

M: Legally.

P: Yeah, completely legally, where a sarong, do something crazy, wear a crazy hat put a wig on. Do something that’s going to shake yourself up physically and that’s enough sometimes to flip that switch and get just that little bit out of languishing I feel.

M: Yep, absolutely. So, let’s go into what we can do.

P: Oh, I did it again, didn’t I? Laugh.

M: How can you take action?

P: [whispers] I’ll go sit in my corner now.

M: Well, no. We’re in this section now.

P: Oh good! I’ll get out of my corner now, laugh.

M: So, the first step is to be aware. And just by listening to this podcast, you are at least starting to think about whether or not you’re struggling.

P: Yeah.

M: Whether you’re losing focus or energy. So, now that you are a little bit more aware of the dangers of Covid burnout. It’s a great idea to take a little bit of time to see whether the signs apply to you and look at how you’re tracking.

P: Mmm.

M: Secondly, as we said before, if you’re feeling overwhelmed or unable to move forward, or if you have dropped into that mental ill health. So, if your anxiety levels are too high for you to manage or you think you’ve moved into depression, seek professional help.

P: Yes.

M: And then thirdly, I’m gonna say, work out. So, if you find you’ve been languishing, you might need a mental fitness plan to build up your mental strength.

P: Yeah.

M: And this is where Tay Tay comes in, Pete.

P: Laugh, yeah.

M: And many of the other things, I think for me the one thing that can really help to turn things around here is, book a holiday.

P: Yeah, and planning for the holiday is often enough to actually shake that, shake off those blues.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: It gives you focus. It gives you a goal to work towards. It’s got so many positives in it, and a holiday doesn’t have to be overseas, it can be up the coast for an hour.

M: Yep, absolutely. Not only that, but research also shows that planning future travel boosts mood and mindset. But also, when you do get there, get out and get some sun and do some walking and see nature. All of those things that we have talked about that bring positive mental impacts.

P: Yeah.

M: So, the next thing that I would recommend is, why not start taking a daily walk? Get outside regularly.

P: Mmm.

M: You can add, 10 minutes only. If you’ve only got 10 minutes.

P: Mmm.

M: Really good way to turn your mental health around and to start building that mental fitness.

P: And it’s good for your brain. The physical activity has so many benefits for brain activity and accessing positive emotions.

M: Yep, do you have any more recommendations? I’ve got one more before we wrap up.

P: I still think running around in a sarong this with the crazy wig on does it for me.

M: Laugh. Wig, ooh.

P: Yeah, I put a wig on. I’ve got a unicorn hat that I could use.

M: Laugh, I wonder who bought you that!

P: Laughter!

M: All right, well, lastly, then one that we don’t talk about enough, but which is so powerful is to practise love and kindness.

P: [soft sigh] Aahhh.

M: Yeah, so research shows that helping others through acts of charity or volunteer work can make you feel better and happier.

P: Mmm.

M: But more recent research finds that simply wishing someone well can have a similarly positive effect on our moods. So, really easy task for you to take from today is if you just kind of feeling a bit ‘meh’, put into your diary once a week to send a note, could be a text message, it could be an email, or you could pick up the phone and send someone a note to wish them well and let them know you’re thinking about them.

P: Mmm, I’ve got a good one for that too. Make a cake.

M: I love it.

P: Give it to your neighbours.

M: There’s two things there. So, the mindfulness of baking, which is a whole other episode.

P: Laugh. I think we just came up with another episode title.

M: And then giving it away as well and doing something nice for others.

P: Yep, and it doesn’t need to be the next-door neighbour, it can be the old lady down the street constantly telling you to put your bin inside the garage.

M: Tsk, tsk, tsk. Pete.

P: Laugh. Take her a few muffins. No, she likes me because I cleaned up the back alley garden.

M: Aww.

P: Jennifer, I know you’re not listening, but I love you.

M: Aww.

P: She has been my neighbour for 12 years.

M: Alright.

P: And now she talks to me all the time, laugh.

M: So, on that note, we might finish up for this week and hopefully, you are not feeling the effects of Covid burnout. But if so, hopefully you can take some ideas to help move you forward and take you from languishing back up to flourishing.

P: Oh! I want to do a pirouette.

M: But we won’t, so good night, laugh.

P: [whispers] I’ll go back in my corner.

M: We’re not doing TV, Pete.

P: Oh, damnit. Laugh! Have a happy week.

M: Let’s just say you did.

P & M: Laugh.

P: Bye.

[Happy exit music – background] 

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic. 

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out. 

M: Until next time. 

M & P: Choose happiness.  

[Exit music fadeout] 

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks! 

Are You Suffering from Covid Burnout?

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Are You Suffering from Covid Burnout

What is Covid Burnout? 

The World Health Organization (WHO) defines pandemic fatigue as being “demotivated” and exhausted with the demands of life during the COVID crisis. The WHO warns that this fatigue could ultimately lead to a longer, more devastating pandemic. 

How this plays out in real life is that at the beginning of the pandemic, when we were scared and unsure, we were willing to follow the rules. We chipped in and did the right thing. We made an effort to always wear a mask – even outside, and even when the rules were unclear. We kelp our distance in supermarkets, following the little stickers to ensure we were 1.5m away from others. We went to get our vaccine as soon as we could. Some of us even did that weird elbow bump thing for a while… 

But over time, fear subsides, and frustrations grow. We simply get tired of it all. That’s when exhaustion and complacency set in. And that’s where many of us are right now… we’re just over it all. 

I’ve spoken before about work burnout, and in many ways Covid burnout looks similar. Everyone is different though, but according to Healthline, the symptoms could include: 

Source: Healthline 

Related reading: Signs Of Burnout At Work 

What to do About Covid Burnout 

We’ve spoken in the past about the difference between flourishing and languishing. When we’re flourishing, we’re at our peak mental health, we’re not simply living life, but we’re loving life. This is where you find passion, energy, excitement, love, awe and hope.  

However, many of us spend a lot of our lives languishing – simply going through the paces…. not quite in poor mental health, but nowhere near the higher end of the spectrum either. Many summarise this mental place as ‘meh.’ This state of mental being is where many of us now find ourselves.  

Listen to: From Languishing to Flourishing (E70) 

But here’s the thing… you can change this seemingly never-ending cycle. If you’re sick of the ‘meh,’ it’s time to do something about it! 

Take Action Against Covid Burnout 

  1. Be aware. Are you starting to struggle, lose focus or energy? If you’re suffering from Covid burnout, you can take back control by firstly being aware of what you’re feeling. Take some time to understand the signs and look at how you’re tracking. Reading this article is a great first step. 
  1. Seek help. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unable to move forward, it’s always best to reach out to professionals.  
  1. Work out! If you find you’ve been languishing, then you might need a mental fitness plan to build up your mental strength. You can try: 
  • Planning a holiday: Planning a trip is directly correlated with happiness. Research reveals that simply planning future travel can boost mood and mindset. 
  • Taking a daily walk: Get outside regularly. Many studies have shown that switching off your devices and spending time outdoors is associated with higher levels of happiness. The trees, the sun and the birds have all been shown to improve our wellbeing. 
  • Practicing love and kindness: Research shows that helping others through acts of charity or volunteer work can make you feel better and happier, but more recent research finds that simply wishing someone well may have a similarly positive effect on our moods. 

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!  

Work-Life Balance and The Great Resignation (E91)

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Happiness for Cynics

This week, Marie and Pete talk about ‘The Great Resignation’ and how many people are looking for a better, more fulfilling work-life balance.

Show notes

Article in THE CONVERSATION on Work-Life Balance by Lis Ku, Senior Lecturer in Psychology, De Montfort University  

Work-life balance: what really makes us happy might surprise you

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background] 

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.  

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.  

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.  

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny. 

[Intro music fadeout] 

P: And we’re back.

M: And we’re back. How’s it going?

P: Oh, very well. Very well, you know, it’s a lovely spring stormy weather in October in Sydney and we’ve had thunderstorms and rain and all sorts of interesting things going on. But we are, we are out and about here in Sydney.

M: Freedom!

P: Laughter, which is lovely, even though I haven’t changed a single thing yet. I haven’t had a coffee in a cafe yet or anything like that.

M: Me neither.

P: But I can if I choose.

M: But it’s been horrible weather this week.

P: Laugh.

M: You know that photo at the end of World War two of the soldier kissing the young lady in the streets as everyone celebrates freedom.

P: Yeah, yep.

M: That has been top of mind this week for me. I feel like we’re celebrating the end of a war or some horrible period in our lives.

P: Interesting, laugh.

M: And ironically, I’ve done nothing different this week. I’ve worked from home.

P: Laugh.

M: We did have dinner, though. Last night, actually.

P: We did. We had more than five people in the house, which felt lovely because it was a birthday. Happy birthday, Michael.

M: Happy birthday Michael. But aside from that, not really much has changed, laugh.

P: Well, I was walking around the streets near my work on Monday, which was our first day of release here in Sydney, and it did feel odd. There were tables on the streets again. Everything was open.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Oddly, the second hand clothing store was busy as anything –

M: Laugh.

P: – which I thought was hilarious, laugh.

M: ‘Cause everyone’s put on the covid 10 [pounds], laugh.

P: Laugh, yes. But it was, it was almost a surreal feeling of going, ‘Oh, that’s right. This was –

M: Normal.

P: What was normal before and there was a real… There was a happiness, dare I say it pun intended, and walking out of work that night and seeing people in the pub sitting around having a glass of wine and seeing separate groups of people sitting.

M: Seeing crowds.

P: Yeah.

M: I went to the shops the other day and I felt a bit claustrophobic or crowded.

P: Laugh.

M: You know? It feels… there’s a real lightness and party and volume of people out.

P: Which is great when you’ve had a period of denial. It’s the lovely release afterwards. It’s like, Yeah, we can do whatever we want! Well, within reason.

M: We’ll see. We’ll see if pay for this freedom.

P: Laugh.

M: But it is, it is wonderful to be feeling this finally in Australia.

P: Yeah.

M: We are lagging many other countries from that point of view, but overall have really managed covid quite well from a illness and death perspective.

P: Yes, we’re very fortunate here.

M: So that’s, that’s the price that we’ve paid, I think.

P: Yeah, definitely. But on another note, congratulations are in order.

M: Aww… Shucks 😊

P: I am sitting here in the presence of a certified Happiness Trainer, laugh!

M: Happiness practitioner, thank you. Laugh!

P: Happiness Practitioner. I’m sorry, let’s get the title right. This week Marie finished her course. Her first course happiness.

M: Not my first. I’ve done a range of other little bits and bobs, but this was a full year course.

P: This was a big one, wasn’t it?

M: Yeah, this was a big one. And now I’m… you know, life is too short, I have too many pipe dreams and I don’t know which one I’m gonna… you know, pursue next. But in my mind is how can I open a Sydney Happiness Centre?

P: Laugh, I’d love to see what a happiness centre looks like. Just fluffy things to fall on lots of furs and you know, tactile –

M: Well, happiness is subjective, isn’t it?

P: Oh, yes.

M: So, it would be a very flexible space with a lot of diversity and activities. Anyway, we are four minutes in –

P: Laugh.

M: – and have a great topic to talk about something that I’ve been watching really closely. We’re talking about work-life balance and the great resignation. And we are looking at this because of a great article on the conversation by a senior lecturer in psychology at De Montfort University, Lis Ku. And she’s had a look at how our expectations, work-life balance, have evolved over covid.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And all of us, in Corporate world in particular, anyone who’s on linked-in with any frequency would have seen that there is this phenomenon around the world that Corporates are watching, which is called the Great Resignation.

P: Sounds like the Great Depression or something like that.

M: It is.

P: Is it a global movement?

M: Absolutely.

P: Oh, wow.

M: Australia is lagging a little bit because we’ve only just started opening up and we’re only starting to find a new normal. Whereas in the UK, they locked down, I think, in 2020 and never went back, laugh.

P: Yeah.

M: The US did a similar sort of thing. They’ve been fully open for a while now, and what all these large Corporates are finding is that people are sick of them.

P: Laugh.

M: Sick of it, done.

P: I’m done. I’m leaving. I’m leaving the building. I’m taking my ball and going home, laugh.

M: Yeah, exactly.

P: Laugh.

M: And to the point that – generally, when people quit their jobs, they would have lined up something else.

P: Ok.

M: But people are so annoyed or over it, or they’ve had this pent-up, you know, dissatisfaction with their employer for the last 18 months and haven’t been sure about the economy and have stayed longer than they normally would have.

P: Ok.

M: And they’re so frustrated now that they’re leaving without even having another job lined up.

P: Mmm.

M: And that’s the unusual part here.

P: Is that in part due to the fact that there’s been a shakeup of priorities and there’s been a change in what we value?

M: Yes! Yes!

P: Due to the pandemic.

M: We want more and women in particular want equity if we’re going to take a larger role at home. I want to work from home and not have to commute two hours so that I can put the load of laundry on.

P: Mmm, yeah.

M: And I can’t cook a healthy meal for my family, for instance. Now, I’m not going to make this about gender.

P: Laugh.

M: Get back off my soapbox.

P: Laugh.

M: But what working from home has allowed many people to do is better balance their own personal needs.

P: I couldn’t agree more, I’ve noticed it in health. We have been flat chat, and I’m not just talking about myself. I’m talking about every health professional that I know has been super busy because people can manage their days better and they’re much more flexible so they can come in for the three o’clock appointment –

M: Mmm hmm.

P:  – and be able to see their Chiro, Dr or Physio or Massage Therapist, because they have that flexibility and that ability to stack their day out.

M: Yep.

P: And I think that’s –

M: And why would we give that up?

P: Well, I don’t think we should. The Scandinavians have been proving this since the year 2000.

M: So, someone needs to tell the CEOs.

P: Laugh, really?

M: Really… The Tech industry CEOs have cottoned on.

P: Oh, really.

M: A lot of them have said, ‘we’re actually going to get rid of our office’, and unfortunately, that is not going to serve the needs of the extroverts who have been craving more team time.

P: Contact, yes.

M: Yes.

P: And people time.

M: So that’s one extreme. The other extreme is organisations that are led often by extroverts who have been craving that team time and missing the communication and the incidental discussions and conversations and ideas and innovation that happens when –

P: Around the water cooler.

M: Yep. And so, they’ve decided that everyone needs to come back in for five days a week, as we used to do, starting Monday. See you all then.

P: Laugh. But that’s a little bit unrealistic in this new climate, isn’t it?

M: You would think so. These people run large corporations –

P: Laughter!

M: – and they haven’t cottoned on to it yet despite ‘The Great Resignation’. And people are leaving in droves. So, you’ve got those people who are keen to come back into the office and even the extroverts – often the stats are showing – don’t want to come back in five days a week.

P: No, that’s what I’m hearing. Everybody wants a 2-to-3-day split.

M: Yep. And then you’ve got those who just don’t want to come back into the office.

P: Laugh!

M: They’ve been more productive.

P: Yes!

M: So, this big experiment that we went through has shown that people are more productive when they work from home than they were in the office because they get in and they do their work. They’re not having those water cooler conversations.

P: Mmm.

M: So, the work may not be as good a quality, but they’re pumping through it faster. So, there is a trade-off for both things, right?

P: Oh, ok.

M: They’re getting more done and they’re sick of their leaders telling them, ‘It’s good for you to come in.’ For a lot of people –

P: It’s not.

M: Well, I’m one of them. I’ve had better mental health during Covid than I did before because I’ve got two hours back a day.

P: Yes, and that’s a lot of time.

M: It is.

P: I’m acutely aware of having 15 minutes to myself with my schedule.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And an hour, an hour goes quickly. But when you’ve got that extra hour, there’s so much that you can actually achieve.

M: And I’ve got a heavily scheduled week and giving two hours back a day.

P: That’s huge.

M: Yep, it means a lot of things that I do for my well-being, I will no longer be able to do.

P: Mmm.

M: That’s what it means to me when someone says, ‘come back into the office and it will be good for your well-being.’

P: Sarcastic laugh.

M: Weellll….

P: Laugh. So, what is the balance between the Great Resignation and what it’s, what it’s done for our work-life expectations?

M: So, our expectations have changed, and I think that we’re now we’re entering a period of our human history where individuals and equity are a much more palatable conversation.

P: Mmm.

M: So, people are voting with their feet, just like they are voting with their money. When it comes to corporations that don’t follow the expectations that we have of them.

P: Yep, or investments, or all those sorts of financial decisions that used to be all that you go with the safe option now it’s like no, I go with the ahh… what’s the word I’m after?

M: The ethical option.

P: Yeah, that’s it.

M: Yeah. So, just like people are using their spending money to influence change. The Great Resignation is people walking from these companies to others that are willing to offer them five days a week from home if that’s what they want, or two days a week in the office, not five, or an organisation that will treat them well like a human being –

P: Laugh.

M: – during the most significant period of upheaval and change that a lot of people will face in their entire lives.

P: Yeah.

M: So, there’s two things going on here. There’s the change in expectations and the mismatch between what some organisations are expecting people to go back to and what people actually want.

P: Mmm.

M: There’s also a backlash against those organisations that didn’t manage the change well during Covid.

P: Mmm.

M: So, a lot of people are just fed up with the big machine of these Corporates and being treated like a number and not having good management or good bosses and good team environments. All of those things that make up what we would normally call employee engagement.

P: Right.

M: But really, no one wakes up and says, ‘I’m really hoping to be engaged at work today.’

P: Laughter! Well…

M: No one does that, but what they do do, and what I’ve done is, ‘you know what? I’m really not happy here. I’m going to go to another employer. I’m going to start looking for another job.’

P: The concept in this article that I find interesting, is that people are packing up and leaving without the option of another job to go to. That speaks a lot to that there’s been a… This happens when we have great events in society and history. This happened at the end of the World War, Great Depression, even fiscal crises. People make, not rash decisions, but they’re more inclined to make riskier decisions. Would that be fair to say?

M: You’d have to wait for a bit for a rebound out the back of those because of your economy. So, people feeling… What people are feeling right now is a certain level of confidence in their economies that there will be another job out there.

P: Right, ok.

M: And that safety net is there. That means they can take that risky move.

P: Is it just an economical perspective, or is it a ‘We’ve gone through… We’ve had our parameters change, we’ve had our thought processes changed about what’s important and what’s valuable. I haven’t got something to go to, but I’m going to make the jump and create it or create the opportunity.’

M: ‘I’m going to make the jump, and I trust there will be something there because the economy hasn’t tanked.’

P: Mmm.

M: I think if the economy had tanked, people would continue and that’s why they didn’t move for 18 months, right?

P: Yeah.

M: Because they were waiting to see whether you know you don’t want to start a new job. First one in, first one out, rule. Right?

P: Yes.

M: So, there is a little bit of that play into this, but you’re absolutely right, historically, traditionally, most people prefer to line up another job before they quit their current job.

P: Yep. And that’s not happening.

M: And we’re not seeing that.

P: Yeah, interesting.

M: Sorry, with a larger proportion of people, we’re not seeing that.

P: I like it. I’m a bit of a chaos believer and dive in the deep end.

M: Laugh!

P: So, I like it. This is my comfort space. I’ll just pack up everything and move to London without a job and, you know, I’ll figure it out when I get there, laugh.

M: I’m definitely an optimist when it comes to that uncertainty, however, I am also a planner.

P: Mmm.

M: So, I would… Again, it would depend how fed up I am.

P: Yeah, right.

M: And I’m not currently fed up, so if I was looking for another job. I’d probably wait to find it before I quit my current one.

P: Ok.

M: But there are many people out there who are so dissatisfied with the work life balance and also the virtual office environment that they’ve or physical office environment that they’ve been in for the last 18 months –

P: And they’ve chosen to opt out.

M: – they’re just walking, yep.

P: Let’s speak to the other part of the article, which actually talks about balancing our leisure time and our work time and that, that kind of idea that all you want to do is walk on the beach all day. Does that actually bring about true happiness for us Marie?

M: I love where this article goes, and we’ll post a link to it. But this is what is discussed further on, is work life a tension that we shouldn’t have it all?

P: Mmm.

M: Right, so Lis talks about how there have been studies in which people look at whether or not people would prefer to not work at all.

P: Yes.

M: And there’s also just moments in life where you don’t work at all. So, if you’ve been made redundant, if you retire, there’s been lots of work with people who have won the Lotto and don’t need to work.

P: Yes, yes.

M: And time and time again, these studies show that people get less life satisfaction. Your ego takes a hit. Your sense of self-worth takes a hit if you don’t work.

P: Mmm.

M: So, you really do need work to contribute to your happiness.

P: I think this goes back to a conversation in one of the episodes we’ve talked before about having purpose and meaning.

M: Mmm hmm

P: And also I’m going to throw the word passion in there.

M: Yes.

P: I think the people that negotiate these changes and you’re… you can speak to this with a lot more authority than I can Marie. But people who go through retiring, winning the lottery, for example, if they find a passion that they can invest their time and energy into that, gives them purpose.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: That makes them wake up in the morning going ‘right, I’ve got this to do today’, and it gives them a certain amount of structure that leads to greater life satisfaction ergo happiness.

M: Absolutely. There are so many studies that show having purpose not necessarily having work is important.

P: Mmm.

M: Contributing and being a part of something bigger than yourself, serving others. There are so many different ways that you can bring that to life.

P: Mmm.

M: Or, you know, working for a pay check where you feel pride for the contribution that you make towards whatever it is your organisation does or your company or you know, you’re whatever work it is you do.

P: Yeah.

M: That has such a big impact on our well-being and also contributes a large part to our identity, particularly in Western society.

P: Yeah, pretty much.

M: So, America, Australia, England. You ask –

P: You are you’re job. ‘What do you do for work?’

M: Exactly. So, without that, we lose not only, you know, the well-being part of that we lose part of our identity and then part of the pride that comes with being able to answer that question well.

P: Mmm.

M: “What do you do?”

“I’m unemployed.”

P: Laugh.

M: Comes with a sense of shame in our society.

P: Yes, yes, definitely.

M: Back to your question about work-life and the false-tension that we’re implying by putting that dash between those two words.

P: Yes.

M: There’s another study that talks about how much free time is a good amount of time. So, when we talk about work life, the thing that we’re often complaining about is that work takes up too much time and we don’t have time to do all the other things we want to do.

P: Yes. ‘I just want to read a book all day.’

M: Yeah, I want to read a book, I want to see my friends, I want to travel the world, I want to go play sports. I want to, you know, if have had more time I’d go to the gym.

P: Laugh!

M: Uh huh… No, you wouldn’t let’s be really, really frank here Marie.

P: Laugh.

M: I can’t remember the last time you got off your ass and went to the gym.

P: Laugh.

M: So, we… But we think and we convince ourselves that if we just had more work-life balance. In other words, if we worked a five-hour day or if we work three days a week, not five days a week or, you know, skin a cat however you want. But what the studies show is that there is such a thing as too much free time.

P: Mmm, I like this idea.

M: Mmm hmm. And anywhere more than five hours of free time in a day starts to impact on your well-being.

P: Yep.

M: And that is, you know, an eight-hour workday and five hours on either side and a good night’s sleep. That’s pretty much meaning that if you work a 40-hour week, that’s where your optimum work level should sit.

P: Yeah.

M: I don’t think I believe it.

P: Laugh, really? I kind of do.

M: It’s the science though sometimes Pete.

P: See I wasn’t looking from the scientific perspective at all. I’m looking at it from my own experience. I know I’m happier when I am busy and doing things, so when you’ve got things to sink your teeth into, it’s like I can’t wait to get home. And even with my study.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: It’s like sometimes I’m really keen to get home and open the anatomy books and go, Yeah, I’m enjoying this. I’m enjoying engaging with this content.

M: So, I think that’s where I’m struggling in that I have so many side projects.

P: Laugh, yeah you do.

M: So many side projects that give me that same sense of well-being and passion and purpose and meaning and identity that sit on top of my 40-hour day job. So maybe I’m in a different situation here, yeah.

P: So, Lis Ku talks about the idea of eudaimonic happiness.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And the definition that she gives is that this is derived from optimal functioning and realising our potential.

M: So that’s one way that you can fill your week, I think.

P: She does give a couple of… there’s three different types of happiness that she talks about.

M: Yeah and there’s a study that she references, which aligns nicely to a topic we discussed, The Psychologically Rich Life, a few episodes ago.

P: Yes.

M: So, in this study, they say, across nine countries and tens of thousands of participants, researchers found that most people, so, over 50% are still unfortunately aiming towards a happy life typified by hedonic happiness.

P: Mmm.

M: So that’s that treadmill we were talking about.

P: Yeah, yeah.

M: Bigger house, bigger car, etc.

P: Getting, getting the goals instead of a [meaningful life].

M: Mmm hmm. And that shows that little podcast here is not reaching enough people.

P: Laugh!

M: Right?

P: Yet. Yet!

M: Yet, laugh. The second is that about a quarter prefer a meaningful life embodied by eudaimonic happiness, that you just mentioned. And that’s meaning and purpose and all of the good things that we talk about. And then there’s the third group of people. So, about 10 to 15% in each country who choose to pursue a rich and diverse experiential life.

P: I’m so in that category.

M: Well, I kind of think two and three are sort of mixed in for me. I think they’re both just as important.

P: I think there’s a difference. I think there’s a very chaotic, throw caution to the wind attitude in that last experiential category that doesn’t exist necessarily in the eudaimonic happiness one.

M: Ok. Well, I want both. I want my cake and I want to eat it too.

P: Laugh. Well, you can have both.

M: And you know what? I’m happy with a bit of hedonism thrown in.

P: Laugh! I get into my car and I always say, ‘Good morning, gorgeous, it is so nice to sit in you.’

M: Aww.

P: Laugh. That was actually my surviving mechanism for covid in my five-minute commute to work for 2.5 kilometres, driving with the top down, I was in a happy space.

M: So, I think that that balanced with your studies, balanced with your work, balanced with all of these different things. So having a little bit of hedonistic happiness in there as well as a meaningful life and also that experiential life and having the balance across all of that and work can play in all three of those spaces at different times.

P: Very true. It can give the passion to drive a little bit in there.

M: Yep, work can feature in all three. That is work-life balance.

P: What a lovely way to finish the episode, from our accredited Happiness Practitioner.

M & P: Laughter!

M: All right, well on that note, wishing you all a happy week and we’ll see you next time.

P: Chow, chow.

[Happy exit music – background] 

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic. 

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out. 

M: Until next time. 

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout] 

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going at no additional cost to you. Thanks! 

11 Studies That Show Taking a Walk Will Make You Happier

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What’s the link between taking a walk and your happiness? 

 

Recently, I hurt my back and I admit it negatively impacted my mental health and resilience. Aside from the ongoing pain and interrupted sleep, I also wasn’t able to exercise, and I found myself spending a lot of time laying down on the couch.  

There are definitely worse things than binge watching cool shows. And the irony here is that this behaviour is also what I would consider my go-to for a lazy Sunday afternoon of self-care. It’s also very similar to how I’ve spent many hours over the last 18-months since Covid hit… but for some reason, this time, it really impacted my mood… 

… until I started walking.  

Now, hindsight is a wonderful thing. It’s funny when you look back on the things you know you should, but don’t, do. I’ve done so much research into the mental health benefits of simply taking for a walk – which I was quite able to do despite my back pain — yet I didn’t do it.  

Until I did. I started out with a quick walk around the block for 10 minutes at lunchtime. That turned into a 30-minute walk the next day, which developed into a 30-minute walk every day. And it makes me feel great. Not only that, but the movement started to help my back recover, rather than hurt it – win-win! 

So, here I am to say, even people who live and breathe all this positive psychology stuff (the converts) get it wrong sometimes. And, as a reminder to me, and maybe to you, in this article, I’m going to refresh my memory and explore eleven studies that show why taking a walk will make you happier.  

Read on! 

11 Studies That Show Taking a Walk Will Make You Happier 

1 Being around birds linked to higher happiness levels (World Economic Forum). Greater bird biodiversity can make people more joyful, according to a study published in Ecological Economics. The happiest Europeans are those who see the most bird species in their day-to-day life.  

2 Street trees have a positive effect of on mental health. Daily contact with trees in the street may significantly reduce the risk of depression and the need for antidepressants, according to research by a De Montfort University Leicester (DMU) academic. 

3 Heading outdoors keeps lockdown blues at bay. A study found that spending time outdoors and switching off devices, such as smartphones, was associated with higher levels of happiness during periods of COVID-19 restrictions. 

4 Pick up the pace and get your heart pumping. Researchers are stressing the important links between your mental health and heart health. And they’re calling on clinicians to screen and address mental health when seeking to treat heart conditions. 

5 Take your lunchbreak and get outside in the sun. A recent study shows that spending time by the sea makes people happier. It also showed that just being outdoors makes you happier — preferably in a non-urban environment, but hey, we’ll take what we can get!  

6 Boost your immune system by walking around trees. Not only does being around trees increase our mental wellbeing, it also has a positive impact on our immune system! Who knew?  

7 Take an awe walk. Studies show that experiencing moments of awe makes us more generous and patient, and helps you deal with stress better. If you feel a need to get out of your head, go take in that vista, take a hike, get into nature, or whatever helps you find your awe—it just might help. 

8 Take a moment to look at nature: On your way to work? Popping into the shops? Wherever you are, be sure to stop and smell the roses, or at least notice them. Research says that observing nature — wherever you may be — will make you feel happier.  

9 Be Active: A study that examined data from almost 34,000 people has found that as little as one-hour of exercise per week, regardless of intensity, can help to prevent depression. So, get out there and something, anything, for just an hour and you can reap the benefits! 

10 Take a happy stroll: Researchers have found that simply going for a leisurely walk can improve mood and boost subjective well-being, particularly for adults who are normally sedentary.  

11 Get out!: No really, get outside! The findings are in - the more green-space in the neighbourhood, the happier people report feeling. Quite simply, if you want to feel better, just go outside.  

Finally, for those of you who can’t currently go for a walk, or even get off the couch or out of bed, or for those who just need to switch off for a bit and zone out in front of the TV, don’t feel bad at all, this recent study shows that watching TV in lockdown was beneficial for people. While going for a walk, exercising, sleeping well and investing in relationships have all been shown to positively impact mental health, this latest research shows it doesn’t hold true that watching TV is always bad for our mental wellbeing. As with all things, if we go about it the right way – in moderation – you can find your happy place while sitting on the couch too. 

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!  

Creating Your “To Be” List (E90)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about self-awareness and “To Be” lists, what they are and why you need to create one.

Show notes

Character Strengths

Click on the following link to do a free online survey to find out what your strengths are and how they can help you. VIA strengths assessment 

How to know what you want to change or reinforce? 

Ask yourself the question, On your deathbed, what would you regret? Or what would you change?

Create Your “To Be” List

Think about and then write down five values or attributes that you would like to incorporate into your life. These can be things that you already excel at or just wish to improve. Whatever they are focus on your emotional growth. This is my (Marie) to do list to show as an example.

  1. Kind and caring 
  1. Fun and happy (bring joy to others) 
  1. Accepting and non-judgmental 
  1. Honest 
  1. Present 

Use reminders to make positive change. Creating a “to be” list is about giving yourself a reminder for things that aren’t part of who you are. When they become second nature, you can remove the daily reminders.

Transcript

Creating You “To Be” List (E90) 

[Happy intro music -background] 

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.  

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.  

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.  

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny. 

[Intro music fadeout] 

M: Hey, hey!

P: How are you, Muz?

M: I’m good. How are you?

P: I am happy this week because someone’s coming back to Sydney.

M: Oh, I am.

P: My best friend is coming back to Sydney.

M: Yay! That’s me!

P: Yeah, it’s all about you, laugh!

M: And we’re in the same five k (km) zone.

P: Ah.

M: So, we can picnic as much as we want.

P: Laugh.

M: So, what are we talking about today?

P: Ooh, we are talking about [Shakespearian accent] “To be or not to be. That is the question.” Let’s make a “To Be” List!

M: So, we will get into “To Be” lists in a second. But really, what we’re talking about is improving your own emotional intelligence checking in with yourself.

P: Mmm.

M: All of the soppy, 21st century,

P: Laugh.

M: BS.

P: Laugh, the stuff that you turned your back on before you visited all this happiness bullshit.

M: [The stuff] that is so important for an open and happy life.

P: The tools, the tools that actually help you to be happier.

M: Absolutely.

P: Which we talk about a lot.

M: We do talk about how to be happy a lot.

P: Mmm.

M: It’s kind of the reason we exist, isn’t it?

P: Laugh, I guess so.

M: Not existentially.

P: Laugh.

M: Although, I would argue that maybe we do exist to be happy, that’s a whole other season.

P: That’s a nice thought. I liked that thought. We should exist to be happy. We shouldn’t be. Yes, we shouldn’t be toiling and working away at things that don’t improve our level of enjoyment of life. Why bother? Laugh.

M: I’m with you. Mm.

P: One of the sort of roundabouts that we came to in discussing today’s episode was the value of self-awareness.

M: Oh.

P: Now, if we throw back Marie to when you were pre-Happiness for Cynics.

M: Pre-accident.

P: Laugh, pre-accident. If I said to you, pre-accident, I had said to you, “self-awareness.” What would that have meant to you? If you can cast your mind back to being that cynical person?

M: … Idiots who have no idea of what they, you know, the havoc they wreak at work.

P: Laugh.

M: Or the impact they have on people around them. Very low opinion of people with no self-awareness. But what’s funny now that I’ve grown more mature.

P: Laugh.

M: Aged, we’ll say, and have more experience is that there’s a lot of high functioning people out there with no understanding of their own self, and a lot of them work in the finance industry, I’ve come to realise.

P: Ahh, ok right.

M: Laugh.

P: Your industry?

M: My industry.

P & M: Laugh.

M: Yes, a lot of people with big egos and really to switch is neutral and angry.

P: Interesting, yeah. Do you think those people are aware of their happiness and aware of their access being content and happiness?

M: I think these are the people who are on that hedonic treadmill that we’ve talked about, right?

P: Yep.

M: They’re the ones who get their happiness from the positive affect in their life. So, when they get the promotion, when they get the bigger house, they compare themselves to others quite often.

P: Yep.

M: And they look at their success in comparison to those around them in their friendship circles and in their neighbourhoods. And if they’re doing well on that front, then they believe they are happy. But as you and I both know, that type of happiness is only ever a short lived and then you’re striving for the next thing.

P: Yes.

M: And so, I think they spend a lot of their times on that treadmill there. They’re the rat in the rat race running around in circles just for that one moment where they get the promotion, and they go out to dinner and pop a bottle of champagne.

P: Yep, yep.

M: And they would argue that their lives better.

P: Mmm.

M: Than your life or my life because they’re got more.

P: Yes.

M: They’ve got more success; they’ve got more recognition.

P: Laugh!

M: They’ve got more, more, more.

P: I’m going to quote Cruella Deville here “You fools, you idiots, you imbeciles!”

M: Laugh! And that was where I was stuck pre-accident, right? And I was doing well. I was being successful at life, which is what I was told mattered. And, boy is it a 180 when… and I feel like I’ve joined the hippies.

P: Laugh!

M: I really do.

P: [Singing] “Let, the sunshine!” You’ve got roses in your hair and you’re running around naked with a sarong. Oh, I’m sorry, that’s me.

M & P: Laugh.

P: Interestingly enough, I come from the other side of the perspective with my new chosen career path that I’m going down and we’ve actually been doing a lot of technical study in one of my units at uni on self-awareness and the value of self-awareness as a health professional and that whole concept of being self-aware so that you can better inform or better deal with others.

M: Mmm.

P: And being in, in the non-finance industry, which is probably a complete flip. In the health care industry where you are there to trying to take care of other people and make other people feel better. There’s a lot of research that supports the placebo effect and that sometimes it is not about the physical intervention of what you’re doing to the person’s body. It’s actually about being a nice person to them and making them feel better. That actually has a lot of value in terms of making someone feel better about an illness or a disease or their situation.

M: Or in convincing them to take action.

P: Yes, oh yes, we’re going to come to that one.

M: And I will absolutely say that it might not be immediately apparent. But the finance industry needs this just as much as the health care industry.

P: Hmm?

M: So, insurance, where I am right now, people are calling up and they’ve just had their house burned down, with their pets inside.

P: Yeah…

M: Or they’ve had a car accident and they don’t know how they’re going to support their family for the next three months because they’re in retail and they’ve broken their leg.

P: Yep.

M: Or, you know, on and on and on and on. And an ability for someone to answer a phone and to behave… like a human being, laugh.

P: Laugh.

M: With empathy and care.

P: Yes.

M: It is so important. And similarly with banks where oftentimes, when things are going good, you don’t call your bank. You call when things are going wrong, you know? When you’ve lost your job, when you can’t make a payment, etcetera, etcetera.

P: Yeah.

M: Again, just so important for people to be able to have enough self-awareness that they’re not carrying all of their baggage into every conversation that they have in life, whether it’s at work or with people around them.

P: Mmm. One of the direct quotes that I’ve got here from one of the texts that I’ve got from a tool is that “self-awareness increases self-understanding to the point of being able to control your emotions, thoughts and behaviours.”

M: Yep.

P: You can look at all these finance people who are walking into meetings or conferences, and if you just come out of a really stressful interaction or a really aggressive confrontation, how to get control of those emotions. How to find that still point where you actually can control yourself to enter each new conversation at a base level.

M: Or more to the point when I’m having a tense, angry conversation with someone, I know that they’re getting angry because of their baggage, and it has nothing to do with me.

P: Yes.

M: So, I don’t need to escalate.

P: Yeah.

M: So, I need to be detached from their emotions and understand it’s got absolutely nothing to do with me. It happens really often, particularly in customer service. People come in angry.

P: Yep.

M: And so, just being able to understand others better.

P: Yeah, balance the demands of the interaction.

M: Yep.

P: Balancing everything from the perspective.

M: Yep.

P: Yep.

M: Martin Seligman is big on strengths and understanding your strengths and big [on] understanding yourself in order to be more emotionally aware and in order to open yourself up to happiness and be happy. We’ve spoken about before, you can go to the Penn State website and download for free the VIA Strengths Assessment, in order to better understand your own strengths so that you can double down on those the thinking used to be that you want to be well rounded in everything so you focus on your weaknesses in order to become better at them.

P: Yes, yeah.

M: Nah. It’s BS. Throw that out.

P: Laugh!

M: The thinking has evolved, double down on your strengths so that you can do things in which you can succeed easily and continue to make that part of what you do day in, day out. Who doesn’t want to succeed more often?

P: Absolutely. One of the ways of actually focusing on your strengths is assessing those strengths and asking the right questions of yourself.

M: Yes, the other day, poor Francis.

P: Laugh.

M: I am still studying with Happiness Studies Academy, which is amazing, and every week is just opening my mind to so much new thinking and what I do love about Tal-Ben Shahar is that he started his studies in philosophy. So, we get a real cross of psychology with philosophy and, you know, ancient thinkers and amazing texts to read.

P: Laugh.

M: But one of the things that he was talking about in last week’s class was, you know, on your death bed, what would you regret? Or what would you wish you’d done more or less of?

P: Oh, that’s a good question. Laugh.

M: So, I went running in and my husband was in the shower, and I was like, ‘Great, you’re trapped and have to talk.’

P: Laugh! You trapped him in the shower recess with his naked body so that he couldn’t leave. Laugh!

M: Exactly. I pulled the toilet seat down and sat down and went, ‘Okay, here we go.’

P: And he finally went, ‘Oh, dear, I’m stuck. I have to talk to her.’

M: Pretty much, laugh. You can picture it, can’t you?

P: I can actually, laugh!

M: So, you know, and again, it’s just a great exercise to ask yourself if you were on your deathbed tomorrow, what would you regret about your life? Or if regret is too strong a word? Because for me, I try to live a no regrets life, you learn, you don’t regret, and you learn that there are things that you don’t want to do ever again rather than you regret.

P: Ok.

M: So that’s personally just a mantra I live by.

P: Ok.

M: But there are things that I would change in my life. So, another way of asking that is on your deathbed, ‘what would you say you wish you’d done more or less of?’ So, for example, some of us might say I wish I had spent less time at work.

P: Yeah, yeah.

M: Or I wish I’d spent more time with my family or I wish I had spent less time stressing or worrying.

P: You mentioned that you were talking about before the episode Marie that this helps to clarify what’s important.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And I think that that’s really vital. And again, this comes back to self-awareness and doing the work of being self-aware and doing some self-reflection time, so that you ask those important questions and really can clarify. So that when someone like you slams you in the shower –

M: Laughter!

P: – and they sit down on the toilet, they’re going ‘right Pete.’ You’ve got the answers, you know what’s going on and that consciousness and that awareness of those answers and questions, I think is really powerful, because when you’re faced with a choice, you have the tools ‘you’re like, well, I know that this matches with my values, so I’m going to go this route.’

M: And really, this is what it’s all about. So, we spoke ages ago about authenticity and the importance of authenticity. So, when your values and your behaviours and your actions and your thoughts all align, then you can live a happy life.

P: And that’s a lot of work.

M: It is.

P: Having those four elements, it’s tough.

M: And if you’re not checking in with your values and your thoughts and your behaviours on a regular basis, they change over time.

P: Exactly, yeah.

M: So you’ve got to keep going back to them and making sure they’re still valid. And the person I was when I was 20 is very different from the person I am now.

P: Mmm, mm, yeah.

M: But I wouldn’t I give yourself a must check in. I would highly recommend journaling. And for me, that’s been a real catalyst for better understanding myself. And you can do the one sentence journal.

P: Yep.

M: You know. Every day, ‘what have I learned about myself?’ One sentence. So, one of the great ways that we like to one of the great ways that I like to, or I have reflected on my life is with a “To Be” list.

P: Mmm.

M: So, it’s sitting on my whiteboard behind me,

P: Laugh.

M: which Pete can see and essentially a “To Be” list, is my daily reminder, because I come into this room every morning and I sit down to do my writing and then to do my work for the day. I sit down and I walk past my “To Be” list and this is a list of five things that I want to be.

P: Mmm.

M: So, when I asked myself, what would I wish I’d done more or less of on my deathbed? For me, the things that I wish I’d done more of is understand myself, when I was younger, pre-accident, my life is very much a pre-accident and post-accident.

P & M: Laugh!

M: Chapter one and chapter two kind of thing.

P: Yeah, yeah.

M: So, pre-accident I’d spent way too much time at work. I’ve spent way too much time trying to be perfect, being a perfectionist and worrying and stressing about things that weren’t perfect. And I’d spent way too much time trying to succeed. And I wish I’d spent more time understanding myself in order to be happier.

P: Mmm mm.

M: And my “To Be” list kind of extends on that. So, I’ll read through my five and then Pete, I’m going to put you on the spot.

P: Oh!

M: And ask you – calm down.

P & M: Laugh.

M: And this is, you know, another take on ‘you are what you eat.’

P: Oh yeah, I like that.

M: Or you put out into the world, and you behave in a way that you yourself focus on being. So, this is about setting up a reminder, you could put it on your desktop, or you could write it on your whiteboard like I did.

And it’s about reminding myself to make sure that I prioritise these things in my life that make me who I want to be. And when they become second nature, you can remove those reminders so you can set yourself up a calendar reminder or a phone alarm. Great way to just make sure you’re reminding yourself to ensure that that change happens.

P: Mmm.

M: So, my five are:

  • I want to be Kind and Caring.
  • I want to be Fun and Happy.
  • I want to be Accepting and Non-judgmental, and for me, this is really about slowing down.

M: I get busy and I don’t stop to put myself in other people’s shoes and then to understand the other person sitting across from me. I am, as I mentioned before, I tend to go towards perfectionism and stress, so being accepting and nonjudgmental and really stopping to listen.

  • Number four is Honest, and I have a really strong radar for right and wrong and fair. So that’s a value that I strongly believe in is honesty, and
  • Five is Present. and this is again an area that I think I have a lot more growth to experience. But I would like to be more present more often. And when I am, I notice my mental well-being is so much better.

M: So, this list is somewhat aspirational, somewhat already part of who I am, you know, and there are some gaps that are bigger maybe in others as far as reconciling who I want to be and who I am today.

P: I like the fact that it’s both reflective and prospective.

M: Yes, I fail at these quite often.

P & M: Laughter.

P: It’s the giving yourself permission to fail as well. And it’s there. And it’s the, the wonderful thing is to know when you have failed.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: I think that’s really, that’s being present. That’s really understanding that, ‘Oh, I didn’t do that very well or I could have done that better’, because next time when you’re faced with that situation, you may well just do it better, because you you’ve got that self-awareness enough and you’ve actually spent some time reflecting on ‘Ooh, was that the right way to approach that situation, or did I perform that well enough? Maybe I can increase this aspect.’

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And you won’t get that clarity unless you spent some time sitting with that uncomfortable [understanding] as we talked about before.

M: Yep. Absolutely. All right, so in the last few minutes, what would you have on your “To Be” list?

P: Oh. I’ve been madly scribbling here whilst you, uh, were talking, laugh.

M: Maybe you added something to your list, active listening. Laugh.

P: Oh, I got assist on that last week. I was fabulous! Laugh!

M: Ok! …

P: Laugh. All right. So, I’ve got four. I’ll have to come up with the fifth one, but first one is

  • Aware.

M: Aware?

P: Actually aware, being more aware of myself in space and others around my space. So that’s one that I think that I like and just stopping very quickly here and reflecting on what I just said about you, Marie, I’ve tried to include some retrospective and some prospective stuff in this.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So, this next one you’re going to laugh at and this is definitely me when I was up until maybe age 30.

  • Less Dramatic.

M: Oh Why!?

P: Laugh! There’s a negative side to be dramatic. There’s a positive side, I will clarify that, but yeah, less inclined to jump to emotional conclusions.

M: Oh.

P: And I think this was me before I discovered this self-awareness and my study in Buddhism and the present being and then all that sort of compassion work. I was so inclined to jump down the throat of anyone that didn’t agree with my opinion or see the negative straight away. It was like instead of actually going, ‘Oh, what’s their perspectives?’ So that’s a really important one for me is curtailing my emotional responses.

M: I only ever get positive emotional responses from you I feel.

P: Oh, you’re so nice to me, oh my Lord. This is why I like you.

M & P: Laugh!

M: Because we feed each other’s egos.

P: We do. Exactly.

M: Laughter!

P: And this is why we’re fabulous.

  • My third one is Generous, generosity.

And again, I think that I fail at this sometimes in my, in my current state. Yeah, I’d like to be more generous. I’d like to. I like to do half a shit that I say I’m going to do.

M: Can I tell you about the last time I tried generous? I know we’re running over time, so I’ll make this quick. We were driving on a Sunday, and we passed an elderly gentleman coming up the hill on his bicycle and it was starting to rain.

P: Oh wow.

M: And I said to my husband, we should stop and offer him a lift. We’re in the ute. We could have thrown the bike in the back. Could have given him a lift. And he turned the corner, because we we’re turning the corner and he was like, ‘Really? Do you really mean that?’ and I was like, ‘Well, kind of yeah I do.’ And he was like, ‘well, should I turn around?’ and I was like, ‘Oh, well, now we’ve gone…’, like by this stage, we’ve gone further on, and I couldn’t actually then, like anyway, it ended up becoming an argument. Laugh!

P: Oh dear. Laugh! All from the good intentions of being generous. And the kind Samaritan.

M: Yes. Yeah. Anyway, that was me trying to be nice, but ah fail.

P: Oh well…

M: All right, what’s your last one?

P: My last one. Oh, I have to think of one… I would have to say.

M: Didn’t you say you had four?

P: I have four. But I don’t like this last one because I kind of covered in the last one about being generous.

M: Okay, we’ll leave it at three for today, because it did put you on the spot.

P: No, I’m going to give you this one,

  • Being Committed.

M: Laugh, I can commit you. That’s easy.

P: Laugh!

M: There’s a home down the road.

P: No thanks Muz. Being committed. So, committing to myself and committing to my own expectations, but also the expectations that I set for other people and that other people might sit for me. So, following through, following through.

M: Mmm.

P: I say something I want to follow through on it.

M: Mmm, I like it. And Forgive Yourself if you don’t.

P: That can be number five.

M: Laugh.

P: Thanks, Muz.

M: Alright. Well, on that note, I do hope that if you’re listening that you take these two activities. Actually, we snuck a second one in there. Even though the title of this is creating your “To Be” list, the second one in there is the exercise of what would you regret or wish you’d done more or less of on your deathbed? Really great little exercise to help you unpack, whether your life is where it should be and whether you’re spending time in the right places.

P: Yes.

M: And then this other one is to write yourself a “To Be” list. And not only that, but to set yourself a reminder. So put it somewhere visual, up on the wall or something, or put it into your phone. Once you’ve got it written down and set yourself an alarm or a calendar reminder.

P: Put it on the fridge.

M: There you go. All right. Well, have a happy week.

[Happy exit music – background] 

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic. 

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out. 

M: Until next time. 

M & P: Choose happiness.  

[Exit music fadeout] 

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The Great Attrition is Only the Start of the Happiness Revolution

by

Happiness Revolution

The Happiness Revolution is finally happening, and it’s starting in the most unlikely of places… our workplaces.

All around the world, millions of employees have started rising up and taking control of their lives and their wellbeing. They’re saying “no” to corporate platitudes and mediocre work environments. They’re saying, “enough is enough.”

You see, since early 2020, we’ve all been thinking… we’ve been thinking about what’s important in life… a global pandemic will do that to you.

We now know we want to work to live, not live to work. We don’t value long work hours and bad work environments. We do value time with our family and friends, a slower pace of life, less stress, more time. Better wellbeing.

As organisational psychologist Adam Grant writes, “For generations, we’ve organized our lives around our work. Our jobs have dictated where we make our homes, when we see our families, and what we can squeeze into our downtime. What if we reversed that, and started planning our work around our lives?”

So, our jobs have to change. They have to enable, not hurt, our wellbeing. We don’t want to work 50-hour weeks, in horrible work environments with horrible bosses and colleagues. We want jobs that we’re passionate about. We want meaning and a sense of satisfaction from the work we do.

We also want flexibility. Not flexibility to work more hours, blur the lines between home and work and eventually burnout. No, we want flexibility to put our lives first and our jobs second. If we want to take a class at lunchtime, or pick up the kids from school, then we’re now looking for jobs that can fit around our personal wellbeing priorities, not the other way around.

Source: Work Chronicles | Comics about work (twitter.com)

Finally, we want positive, happy work environments, and we will no longer put up with bad bosses or teams. If we do have to spend 40 hours a week with a group of people, we want to at least enjoy their company and feel like a solid team working together to achieve a goal.

In a Wired article called The Great Resignation is here and no one is prepared, recent job quitter, Ashley said, “I want a job that suits my life and means I’m not tied to a desk all day, every day. And if I don’t feel happy, I can just quit. There are more than enough jobs out there.”

Ashley is the face of the Happiness Revolution.

You might be thinking that I’m exaggerating. Surely, I’m just talking about a handful of those pesky entitled millennials. This phenomenon can’t be that endemic, can it?

Sorry, it is, and we’re seeing it across all generations, all around the world. People are voting with their feet, by leaving their jobs in droves.

Global consulting firm McKinsey surveyed employers and employees in Australia, Canada, Singapore, the U.K. and the U.S. and found that forty per cent of employees were at least somewhat likely to quit in the next three to six months. In the U.S., an astounding 11 million people quit their jobs between April and June, according to the US Department of Labor.

Source: Ms. Young Professional (@MsYoungProfess) / Twitter

It’s the Start of the Happiness Revolution

The conditions are now ripe for mass disruption. For the first time since the first Industrial Revolution – before the slow degradation of organised labour over the past century – workers have the power, not the large corporations. We know there are plenty of jobs in the market, and thanks to social media we can easily organise ourselves and share information about the wages, conditions and benefits others are getting. Not only that, but we’re seeing the start of a post-Covid boom as economies pick up again, leading to more jobs than qualified people.

Now that we, the workers, have the upper hand, we’re calling out the long-ignored disconnect between the rhetoric at the top (or from the HR department’s glossy brochures and web pages), and the lack of any hiring processes that screen for true leadership. We’re saying “no” to bad bosses, who communicated poorly – or not at all – during the past 18 months. We’re saying “no” to the leaders who only care about making their bosses happy, who take all the credit for the team’s work, and who couldn’t even tell you whether you have a family, let along know that little Johny has been sick. We’re saying, “good luck micromanaging us from home!”

Employers need to up their game, and pronto. They need to realise they can’t just throw around empty statements like “employee engagement is important” and “we value our employees,” while hoping that the jerk they just promoted because he gets the job done will remember to use the corporate reward and recognition platform a couple of times a year. Nope, thanks to Covid, employees now expect more.

As millions of people around the world quit their jobs – sometimes in response to terrible leadership and wellbeing support during Covid, sometimes due to the fear of a mandated return to the ‘pre-Covid’ office environment, and sometimes in search of greener pastures – it’s clear there is no going back. No matter which way you look at it, the Great Resignation is here, and the Happiness Revolution is underway!

Sidebar: Before we move on, I do want to apologise to those ‘entitled Millennials’ who spent the past decade asking for jobs with purpose, true opportunities for growth, and flexibility – because they had already realised that life isn’t only about work and the rat race. After a couple of years of burnout, anxiety, soul-searching and eventually (for most of us) growth, the rest of us are now onboard. We finally get it. Sorry it took us so long.

woman sitting on sofa while looking at phone with laptop on lap
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

3 Steps to Retaining and Attracting Employees During the Happiness Revolution

Leaders, this is your wake-up call. If you want to retain any of your top talent, or attract any of the talent currently, or soon to be, on the market, you need to get onboard with the happiness revolution. The good news is that happy employees are more productive and more successful, so it’s a win-win.

All it takes is a bit of effort and time. Listen to your employees, get to know them, and as much as possible, have authentic conversations with them about what they want. The research in this space has been around for years, it’s time to finally prioritise it. Here’s what you have to do…

Help you Employees Find Purpose and Meaning – and not Necessarily With you

Leaders need to get back to mentoring their team members, being their biggest cheerleaders and helping them to reach their potential. This starts with having conversations to find out who your employees are and what they want out of life. It means knowing and caring about their lives outside work. It means knowing what drives them and what they care about. And once you know what they want, it means actively advocating for your team members, promoting their achievements and taking their career advancement into your hands.

More than anything, it means helping them find meaning in their job, or helping to craft a role that can provide that meaning. And if that’s not possible, it means helping them build the skills to eventually move onto another job that will deliver purpose and meaning. This might seem counter-intuitive, but they will work harder for you while they develop those skills and be an advocate for you and the organisation when they do leave (which they would have done anyway). Maybe one day they’ll return with deeper skills and more appreciation and loyalty.

None of this is new, but in a post Covid world, and in a fight for talent, there is no longer any time to dawdle. As organizational psychologist and bestselling author Adam Grant says in this Wall Street Journal article, “The Great Resignation isn’t a mad dash away from the office. It’s the culmination of a long march toward freedom. Flexibility is more than choosing the place where you work. It’s having freedom to decide your purpose, your people, and your priorities.”

We know the best way to succeed is to help others succeed. So get to it, because if you don’t invest time into helping your employees find purpose, they’ll look for it elsewhere.

Related reading: What Makes a Job Meaningful and Why That Matters

Provide True Flexibility – for all

Somewhere in the past 18-months – between Zoom calls, stretchy pants, and sourdough baking – we realised we no longer want “work-life balance.” We just want a life. A good life.

We’ve realised the dichotomy of work and life that is implicit in the term ‘work-life balance’ is false. We were not put on this earth to hate our jobs, work 50-hour weeks, work through our lunch breaks, never take leave, and suffer such severe burnout and stress that it impacts our physical health.

Meanwhile we try to cram every good experience into the remaining evening and weekend hours. Constantly ticking off our to-do list and never feeling rested. Then eventually we die.

NO THANK YOU.

That is not life. And that is not living.

The great thing about the global Covid work-from-home experiment is that we now know we can be productive when working from home. Despite leaders’ fears, nothing fell apart. In fact, the stock market has boomed since early 2020.

The work-from-home experiment also shone a light on inequity. Caregivers – who are disproportionately women — don’t necessarily want to go back to a world with an additional two hours of commute time, on top of an eight-hour workday and a few hours of caregiving squeezed into the remaining hours of the day. People on minimum wage don’t want to have to come back into the office, spend money on expensive work attire and CBD-priced lunches.

This experiment has shown we work 100% from home and still deliver results. So why then are some leaders talking about everyone coming back into the office?  Flexibility doesn’t mean everyone gets to work one day a week from home, it means you ask each and every worker what works for them, and you accommodate their needs. Nothing short of this will lead to retention of good employees.

Related reading: How to Move on From Job Burnout

Happiness Matters – Have Some Fun

I don’t know why organisations are so tied to employee engagement as a metric of success. No employee wakes up thinking, “Jeez, I hope I’m engaged today.’ But many millions of people are leaving poor-fit roles, depressing teams, bad bosses and in-flexible companies because they are not happy. Ask any parent what they want most in life for their children, and they’ll say “happiness.”

It’s simple really. Happiness matters. As psychologist and happiness author Shawn Achor found in his research on workplace happiness, happier workplaces are more successful.  “When we are happy—when our mindset and mood are positive—we are smarter, more motivated, and thus more successful. Happiness is the center, and success revolves around it,” he said.

As we enter the happiness revolution, and employees expect their happiness to matter, we need to bring some fun and joy back into workplaces and teams. Spend time laughing and learning together. Ask your employees, “what makes you happy?” Then make them responsible for contributing, but also take charge yourself for building a happy culture.

“Each one of us is like that butterfly in the Butterfly Effect. And each tiny move toward a more positive mindset can send ripples of positivity through our organizations our families and our communities.”
― Shawn Achor, The Happiness Advantage: The Seven Principles of Positive Psychology That Fuel Success and Performance at Work

Related reading: Fun Isn’t Only for Children – Here’s How to Make Your Life More Fun!

 

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School of Positive Transformation

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Living a Psychologically Rich Life (E89)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete discuss what it means to be living a psychologically rich life and how to reach your potential.

Show notes

Measuring your Psychological Richness – according to University of Virginia psychologist Shigehiro Oishi and his team.

Just answer on a scale from 1 (strongly disagree) to 7 (strongly agree) and see how you go! What you do with your final score is up to you 🙂 

  • I have had a lot of novel experiences. 
  • My life has been full of unique, unusual experiences. 
  • My life consists of rich, intense moments. 
  • I experience a full range of emotions via first-hand experiences such as travel and attending concerts. 
  • I have a lot of personal stories to tell others. 
  • On my deathbed, I am likely to say ‘‘I had an interesting life.” 
  • On my deathbed, I am likely to say ‘‘I have seen and learned a lot.” 

Recommended book on monogamy in the 21st century

Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background] 

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.  

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.  

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.  

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny. 

[Intro music fadeout] 

P: [Dame Edna voice] Hello darlings.

M: [English accent] Hello.

P: Laugh, we’ve gone English!

M: I’m not going to keep that up because I don’t feel like being vulnerable right now, laugh.

P: Oh, that’s not good, are you ok Muz?

M: Ahh… yeah. Just, just tired. Tired, which just makes everything, you know, that bit testier and yeah.

P: Yeah, resilience gets low when we’re tired.

M: Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. So, we were just talking about a lovely listener who wrote us a beautiful message. Her name’s Laura.

P: Hi, Laura. We love you, Laura. Thank you so much for your email. It was so lovely to hear from you.

M: And we’re dedicating this episode to Laura, who’s had a tough year. A lot of us have, but [she’s had] a particularly tough year. So, Laura is also a positive psychology fan and is working on her own podcast.

P: Yes!

M: Which she’s yet to launch.

P: Come on, Laura, you can do it!

M: Laugh.

P: Just jump in! Turn towards the tidal wave with open arms and dive in! Laugh.

M: Be vulnerable, do it!

P: Laugh.

M: We’ll be your first listeners.

P: Absolutely, absolutely. I love what she said in the email because she talks exactly about what we talk about here on the podcast, the interest in positivity and being creative and finding different ways of reframing and being vulnerable and… just hit that open button and just go for a Laura! Share it! Because that’s ultimately the best way to create more energy and to create more connections.

M: And who would have thought, Pete, that anyone would give two hoots about what we have to say?

P: Laugh! I know, hello?!

M: When we launched my Mum, your sister, my sister were our only listeners.

P: Laugh, yeah, yeah.

M: We do have some lovely, like good friends that we know of. But there are hundreds of people who tune in every week to listen to us have a chat, laugh.

P: Laugh. Crazy really!

M: It is.

P & M: Laughter!

M: We’re calling all our listeners crazy. That’s probably not smart marketing.

P: No, definitely not. We’re fabulous. We’re artists, we know that we’re fabulous.

M: Well, our listeners are fabulous.

P: Yeah, our listeners are fabulous. Out listeners are unicorn idealists, laugh!

M: Absolutely.

P: Laugh!

M: I actually saw a lovely quote, which said, you know, next time you think ‘oh, I can’t believe we’ve got to work from home’, remember that you have a home, and you have a job.

P: Very true. Very true. Miserable being must find more miserable being and then he’s happy.

M: … I have no idea what that means.

P: Laugh!

M: What did you say, a miserable being must find another miserable being and then he’s happy?

P: Look up, Lady and the Tramp, the Russian Wolfhound talking to the Tramp. You’ll get it, laugh!

M: All right. Thank you for that clarification. We all have our marching orders, laugh.

P: Laugh!

M: Me and our listeners, laugh.

P: The Lady and the Tramp 1947. Don’t quote me on that, laugh. [1955!] Anyway, moving on.

M: Moving on. What are we talking about today?

P: A psychologically rich life.

M: A psychologically rich life.

P: Mmm.

M: And I don’t think that anyone, in my entire… 21 years has ever said to me it’s important that you have a psychologically rich life.

P: I love this idea. I think it’s brilliant. It’s kind of, it is that thing of turning towards the world and going ‘Come at me. I’m ready!’ Laugh, bring on everything.

M: I think it’s a real… struggling for the right word, real example of how far we’ve come since we grew up, in the early 2000’s.

P: [Snort] Laugh! That’s being very generous!

M: Laugh, ok in the 21st century. When we grew up back then [late 1900’s] mental health and psychology were… I mean psychology was purely about fixing the ill, the mentally ill.

P: The seriously mentally ill, yeah.

M: I said purely – we do acknowledge that positive psychology was around at that time but really was in its infancy. And secondly, like no one talked about mental health.

P: Yes.

M: It was like death and taxes – not death and taxes, wrong thing.

P: Laugh.

M: Health and money. You never talk about it. Very English.

P: Not a conversation one brings up in polite society.

M: Mmm hmm, and nowadays it is on the front page.

P: Mmm.

M: Self-care is on the front page of every woman’s magazine. Men have magazines dedicated to mental health. You guys are lagging a little bit behind us women, we cottoned on a bit earlier, you know.

P: Yeah, you’re so much more emotional. Laugh!

M: Not only that but more in touch with our emotions. I would argue that men are just as emotional because anger is a very, very strong emotion.

P: You don’t, you don’t have to justify that. That was completely tongue in cheek. Let me qualify for our listeners, laugh. Uh, there’s this wonderful programme that I’ve been watching about Australian politics and the role of the female in Australian politics.

M: Yep.

P: And there’s this, there’s this whole point that they make about, that’s a line that is levelled at women when they are getting aggressive and they’re getting passionate. It’s like ‘Oh, stop being so emotional.’ I’m like what the?

M: Mmm hmm.

P: No, I’m not being emotional. I’m being direct. I’m being assertive.

M: Passionate.

P: Yes, exactly. And I’m all for the passion and displaying passion.

M: Oh, we know you’re all for passion.

P: [Fake offended voice] What are you saying? How dare you suggest such a thing.

M: Can’t tell you what I’m saying, it’s a PG show.  

P & M: Laughter.

M: Anyway, back to a psychologically rich life.

P: Yes, sorry. We digress.

M: Laugh, we digress. We tend to do that a lot.

P & M: Laughter.

M: So, this idea is very much driven by University of Virginia psychologist Shigehiro Oishi.

P: Well done.

M: Who defines happiness and well-being as a psychologically rich life. So, we talk about happiness and what is happiness, and Shigehiro, says happiness is about living a psychologically rich life, and that is a life that is characteristic by:

  • Variety,
  • Depth, and
  • Interest.

P: Mmm.

M: So, it’s about not being bored and about having novel experiences.

P: I like the use of the word novel because… it’s not about just the pleasant, fluffy stuff on top. It’s about everything. It’s having the lovely, beautiful, indulgent moments. But it’s also about some hard nuts of reflection.

M: Novel for me means things like chasing new experiences all the time and the one thing that makes me think, ‘Oh, I don’t know if I’m quite on board with this’ is what does that mean for monogamy?

P: Wow. Okay!

M: Laugh, we’re going there.

P: I’m strapping myself in, laugh.

M: And I think there’s some great feminist literature, and I’ll have to find the books and put it in the show notes. [see above]

M: Some great books out there that talk about monogamy in the 21st century and how there’s a pull between wanting novel, we search for novel things in life. We get bored quite easily as humans.

P: Yep.

M: Especially, you know, one year, two years, five, ten, twenty, thirty years in.

P: Yep.

M: You know, if you’ve been with someone, there’s not much you don’t know about them after about three years, you know, once that honeymoon period is over, right?

P: Sure.

M: And the reason we have that honeymoon period is because we’re finding out new things, right?

P: Mmm, mmm.

M: However, love relies on that depth of connection over time, the real deep love. So, if you always end your relationships when those honeymoon periods end then you’ll never get that true depth of connection.

P: Okay, I like the way you’re describing this. This is. Yeah, I’m with you.

M: So, I think for monogamy, you’re giving up on that novel-ness with that one person you spend the rest of your life with.

P: Mmm.

M: That’s what you’re agreeing to not have.

P: Hmm.

M: Open relationships, kind of is a new thing that a lot of, not only LGBTQ people are considering nowadays, but straight couples are now, you know, opening the doors to that.

P: Yep.

M: But I think novel experiences in the rest of your life, absolutely agree. That, to me, is psychological richness.

P: I agree. And they’re not always pleasant experiences either. It’s, it’s not always the, the fun and exciting stuff. Sometimes it’s the unpleasant, and it’s the difficult investigation that needs to actually come out.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And I’ve got an article that I’ve referenced here from someone who also references Oishi. Which is by Scott Barry Kaufman. Interestingly enough, Laura mentioned Scott in her email to us.

M: Yep.

P: Laugh.

M: Small world, laugh.

P: Yeah, yeah, it was always meant to happen, laugh. But yes, Kaufman talks about the psychologically rich life as being:

  • Deep Emotions,
  • Diverse,
  • Novel – as you said,
  • Surprising, and
  • Interesting Experiences.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Sometimes the experiences are pleasant. Sometimes they are meaningful, and sometimes they are neither pleasant nor meaningful.

M: I… Oh. So, when we went to India, that was transformative for me.

P: Yes.

M: It was the most run down, impoverished society I’d ever been in and trust me, I’ve been in. I’d lived, actually overseas, in a house that had no windows and no running water, so you know, I’d seen poverty. But the things I saw in India have stuck with me. I can still smell, smells of India.

P: Yeah, wow.

M: And I can still in a real tangible way, remember a lot of just horrible, horrible things. But I also still remember the, the polar opposite, the beautiful, beautiful countryside and the riches of that country. You know, the juxtaposition is just amazing. And for me, of all the countries that I’ve visited, that’s the one that stands out because it was it was novel the whole way through.

P: Mmm.

M: But some of it was not nice, laugh.

P: No.

M: No, laugh.

P: Yeah, but it’s still beneficial. It gives you an experience, it gives you a relative understanding, and this feeds into reframing, which we’ve talked about before. It’s a perspective. So, coming back to my original quote, a miserable being must find a more miserable being. It’s about understanding that there is always something that could be worse. And when you have that breadth of perspective than the fact that you can’t get a choc soy latte with no foam, it’s a little bit relative, laugh.

M: It does give you that relativity, right? It’s the juxtaposition of how horrible life was at some point that it helps you appreciate how good life actually is a lot of the time.

P: And that can turn things around. I find myself doing this a lot. Yeah, I’m an emotional, demonstrative person and –

M: – No?

P: Laugh! Don’t agree too quickly, Marie.

M & P: Laugh.

P: The point is, when you’re in the depths of despair and like, ‘Oh, my God, life is so hard’ all it takes is that relative understanding and going, ‘Oh, but I’ve got this. I’ve got that’ and it’s what you we’re saying, ‘I have a job, I have a house.’

M: Mmm hmm.

P: That’s enough and if I just focus on those things then maybe I could turn this around.

M: But it’s not turning it around, because you’re allowed your tantrum, you’re allowed to feel crappy.

P: Absolutely.

M: You know, things go wrong.

P: Who doesn’t love to put on their Princess tiara and go for it!

M: Me!

P: Laugh!  

M: Well, actually, Pete, you found me today with my vodka and my chocolate.

P: Laugh!

M: I’m having one of those days where I’ve allowed myself chocolate bickies. Dairy free of course.

P: You’re going to pay for that. You know you’re going to pay for that, the next 24 hours, laugh.

M: No, no, no, they’re dairy free, gluten free. …You know, people don’t need to know my eating [intolerances].

P: Laugh!

M: Anyway. Um, but you found me today with the chocolate biscuits and the vodka, laugh.

P: Oh, dear.

M: Right? Laugh. It was one of those days where I needed to. And we talked about different types of care and rest. This was a rest from having to be healthy and look after myself and do the right thing all the time.

P: Love it.

M: Look after myself.

P: I’ve had a day like that. As I said, I said to Marie this morning, I sat down this morning, I’ve got a week off of lectures this week, I was gonna do four hours of study. I lasted 45 minutes and then I went and played in the garden, laugh.

M: Perfect.

P: Yay.

M: I think that’s part of self-care and forgiving the fact that you didn’t do four hours of study and you only did 45 [min]. That will come back, you can’t avoid things forever, right?

P: No, it’s not about avoiding. No, very true, and you pick it back up again. But it is important to give yourself that slack. When you’re having those days, It’s okay, and that’s a novel experience.

M: Gardening instead of studying?

P: Sure.

M: There’s nothing novel about that for you, Pete.

P: Laugh. Come on, I was reaching, laugh.

M: All right, so let’s help people understand how they can have a psychologically rich life, according to Shigehiro.

P: Mmm.

M: So, the way that him and his team measure a person’s level of psychological richness or propensity towards novel experiences is by asking a whole lot of statements. So, what we’re going to do, Pete, is I’m going to read these statements out.

P: Ooh, fun! Audience participation!

M: Did you say the F word? You dropped the F bomb then.

P: No, I said audience participation and I shimmied my shoulders.

M: Oh, I’ve got no idea what I heard there…

P: Laugh!

M: Anyway, we are going to answer on a scale from one which means strongly disagree to seven which means strongly agree.

P: Okay. All right, I’m ready. I’m strapped in, laugh.

M: Okay. And what you do with your final score is up to you. So, this is just a bit of self-exploration for a Monday morning, which is when we launch or whenever you’re listening to this.

P: It’s Monday already! Oh, my Lord!

M: Laugh. [Quietly speaking] We release our episodes on Monday morning Pete, laugh.

P: I knew that, laugh.

M: You rock up every week and you’re like I don’t know what happens after this.

P: Laugh!

M: Somehow, stuff gets published, laugh.

P & M: Laugh.

P: La, la, la, la I’m fabulous.

P & M: Laughter!

M: Alright, let’s get through. So, I’ve picked eight statements for us to go through before we run out of time. So, the first one on a scale of 1 to 7. Do you strongly disagree [1] or strongly agree [7]?

I have had a lot of novel experiences.

P: I’m going to go a big old seven. I feel like I’ve… If I died tomorrow, I’d be really happy with the life that I’ve had thus far. I’ve had some amazing highs and big lows. I’ve had lots of different stuff going on. I’ve had lots of novel experiences and so, yeah, I’d be really happy with saying seven on that. I feel very lucky to have had the opportunity to live the life that I’ve lived.

M: Aww, that warms my heart.

P: Well, you’re a big part of that Marie. Big love.

M: Oh, even better. All right, number two,

My life has been full of unique, unusual experiences.

P: Mmm. I’d probably say another strong, a strong seven. Um, unique? definitely. It’s always relative when you talk to people.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And I can say, ‘Oh, I’ve done this, this and this and people go, ‘Oh, my goodness. You’ve lived a really full life.’

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And you go, ‘Oh, have I? It’s just It’s just what I’ve done.’

M: Ha, ha, ha. Yep!

P: Doesn’t everybody do this?

M: I been stumbling through and that’s where my life took me so I went.

P: Yes, I was kicked out of France and held in a holding cell with French policemen. And that was fine.

M: Laugh. They were cute, so it was okay.

P: They were fabulous, all they wanted to talk about was rugby.

M: Ha, lovely. And they probably would have been nice, I’m sure because they won the world cup.

P: Yeah.

M: That was a while ago.

P: Yeah, yeah. Laugh.

M: Okay. Moving onto number three.

My life consists of rich, intense moments.

P: 6 to 7. Rich and intense. That’s an interesting use of phrases I would say intense, definitely. I think I almost encourage intense experiences. And that comes from having…

M: Do you?

P: Sorry?

M: Mmm, no. Keep going.

P: I’d say.

M: No, you finished.

P: Intense experiences. I would say that I’m the person that runs headlong into a storm.

M: Mmm.

P: I’m like, ‘All right, if it’s coming at me, I’m not going to run away from it, I’m gonna go ‘Right, come at me, here we go.’

M: I hate conflict, but in general yes.

P: Yeah.

M: I feel like my life is kind of like a bell curve. It’s either I’m hiding away and writing for hours on end with no like –

P: Yes.

M: Everyone leave me alone and I want to read a book. And I want to lead the most grandma-ish of lives. I just need to pick up knitting and I’ll be right.

P: Laugh. I can’t see you knitting.

M: It takes too much patience for knitting. And then on the other side, it is I don’t know the word no, I’m all in and I’m in 150 million bajillion percent, laugh!

P: Yeah, yep.

M: There is no in between for me.

P: That’s richness.

M: Yeah.

P: You’re probably a rich thrill seeker.

M: Absolutely. Yeah.

P: Yeah.

M: Give me a theme park.

P: Yep, you’re in for the ride.

M: Yeah.

P: Laugh.

M: All right, number four.

I experience a full range of emotions via firsthand experiences such as travel and attending concerts.

P: Big old yes. Hard yes.

M: That’s a yes for me too. Well, pre covid.

P: Obviously. But even, even within covid, there’s, there’s I think that yeah, there are.

M: You compromise.

P: There are ways of accessing, you go seeking it. You go looking for it.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: It’s like I need I need that rush. I need I need something exciting so, whether it will be, you know, having a naked bath on the front of the balcony where everyone can see you or something like that, I don’t know. I’m thinking of a friend of ours.

M: [Whispers] Remember we’re PG?

P: I know, but it’s so much fun!

M: Ok, moving on.

P: I love you, Felix. Laugh!

M: I have a lot of personal stories to tell others.

M: See, I don’t think I’m the best storyteller, but I do have a lot of stories, I’d say.

P: I’m mid-range on this one. Yeah, yeah, that’s a hard one because that’s again that’s being vulnerable.

M: And open and you don’t generally tend to go ‘blah, here’s my everything.’ Like it’s taken me a while to get to know you and hear your stories, but I would say you do have a lot of them.

P: Interesting. Okay, I would never make that judgement. I would let my friends make that judgement to be honest.

M: I’ve never had troubles with you, not talking. Laugh.

P: That’s because it’s you Muz. Laugh. Well, yeah, well, me and shy don’t necessarily go together.

M: Laugh, mmm.

P: Although I can be. I do say to people sometimes I’m naturally very shy, really, I am.

M: [Snort] Laugh.

P: Laugh!

M: All right. Let’s get through these last two so our lovely listeners can go off on their days. Okay, they get a bit morbid here.

P: Oh, my Lord!

M: On my deathbed, I’m likely to say, “I had an interesting life.”

P: I think I’ve already answered that one. I answered that one in question one.

M: Yeah, you did.

P: Moving on.

M: And the last one is,

On my deathbed, I am likely to say, “I have seen and learned a lot.”

P: Hard yes.

M: For me, yes. But I do want to say that I hit a period in my life and career after studying, going overseas and, you know, um, playing volleyball around the world and all of that where I hit my career and I settled. And I, for some reason, thought that was when, you know, like, things should calm down and you have your four weeks of holiday and a lot of people get into that trap.

P: Mmm.

M: You know, I was climbing the corporate ladder, saving to buy a house. That kind of stuff and life didn’t… wasn’t psychologically rich. I kind of stopped doing a lot of that stuff for a while, and I burned out. I was too focused on work.

P: That’s a really interesting point to kind of bring to a conclusion with the episode is that if you feel like you’re not having a psychologically rich life, is that a point to turn around and go, ‘Maybe something’s not right here? Or maybe, maybe I need to reframe. Maybe I need to relook at this?’

M: Or make some plans. That’s, I mean that’s really all this comes down to.

P: Mmm.

M: What unique, intense, novel experiences that are interesting or can teach you things or show you new things can you put into your next month and your next year that you can look forward to and plan for?

P: I think that’s our weekly challenge to our listeners.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: We want rich, intense, novel… What was the fourth one?

M: Laugh, it doesn’t need to be all of them. One is fine.

P: Oh, come on!

M: Me and my eternal optimism just booked a cruise next year in Europe.

P: Oh! Wow! You’re brave.

M: We will see if I actually get to do that.

P: I just want to go to the mountains! Laugh.

M: But I’m all in!

P: So, that’s our homework people. To find something that can bring psychological richness into your month. It doesn’t have to be huge, remember that it can be something small, but I think I think that’s a really good focus for a monthly task to find something psychologically stimulating and rich, novel, intense.

M: Yep.

P: Open arms into the tidal wave, here we go.

M: And on that note, we’ll see you next week.

P: Have a happy week.

[Happy exit music – background] 

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic. 

P: And if you like our little show, we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out. 

M: Until next time. 

M & P: Choose happiness.  

[Exit music fadeout] 

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Work-Life Balance – What Really Makes Us Happy Might Surprise You

by

Work-Life Balance

Lis Ku, De Montfort University

Finding the right work-life balance is by no means a new issue in our society. But the tension between the two has been heightened by the pandemic, with workers increasingly dwelling over the nature of their work, its meaning and purpose, and how these affect their quality of life.

Studies suggest people are leaving or planning to leave their employers in record numbers in 2021 – a “great resignation” that appears to have been precipitated by these reflections. But if we’re all reconsidering where and how work slots into our lives, what should we be aiming at?

It’s easy to believe that if only we didn’t need to work, or we could work far fewer hours, we’d be happier, living a life of hedonic experiences in all their healthy and unhealthy forms. But this fails to explain why some retirees pick up freelance jobs and some lottery winners go straight back to work.

Striking the perfect work-life balance, if there is such a thing, isn’t necessarily about tinkering with when, where and how we work – it’s a question of why we work. And that means understanding sources of happiness that might not be so obvious to us, but which have crept into view over the course of the pandemic.

Attempts to find a better work-life balance are well merited. Work is consistently and positively related to our wellbeing and constitutes a large part of our identity. Ask yourself who you are, and very soon you’ll resort to describing what you do for work.

Our jobs can provide us with a sense of competence, which contributes to wellbeing. Researchers have demonstrated not only that labour leads to validation but that, when these feelings are threatened, we’re particularly drawn to activities that require effort – often some form of work – because these demonstrate our ability to shape our environment, confirming our identities as competent individuals.

Work even seems to makes us happier in circumstances when we’d rather opt for leisure. This was demonstrated by a series of clever experiments in which participants had the option to be idle (waiting in a room for 15 minutes for an experiment to start) or to be busy (walking for 15 minutes to another venue to participate in an experiment). Very few participants chose to be busy, unless they were forced to make the walk, or given a reason to (being told there was chocolate at the other venue).

Yet the researchers found that those who’d spent 15 minutes walking ended up significantly happier than those who’d spent 15 minutes waiting – no matter whether they’d had a choice or a chocolate or neither. In other words, busyness contributes to happiness even when you think you’d prefer to be idle. Animals seem to get this instinctively: in experiments, most would rather work for food than get it for free.

Eudaimonic Happiness

The idea that work, or putting effort into tasks, contributes to our general wellbeing is closely related to the psychological concept of eudaimonic happiness. This is the sort of happiness that we derive from optimal functioning and realising our potential. Research has shown that work and effort is central to eudaimonic happiness, explaining that satisfaction and pride you feel on completing a gruelling task.

On the other side of the work-life balance stands hedonic happiness, which is defined as the presence of positive feelings such as cheerfulness and the relative scarcity of negative feelings such as sadness or anger. We know that hedonic happiness offers empirical mental and physical health benefits, and that leisure is a great way to pursue hedonic happiness.

But even in the realm of leisure, our unconscious orientation towards busyness lurks in the background. A recent study has suggested that there really is such a thing as too much free time – and that our subjective wellbeing actually begins to drop if we have more than five hours of it in a day. Whiling away effortless days on the beach doesn’t seem to be the key to long-term happiness.

This might explain why some people prefer to expend significant effort during their leisure time. Researchers have likened this to compiling an experiential CV, sampling unique but potentially unpleasant or even painful experiences – at the extremes, this might be spending a night in an ice hotel, or joining an endurance desert race. People who take part in these forms of “leisure” typically talk about fulfilling personal goals, making progress and accumulating accomplishments – all features of eudaimonic happiness, not the hedonism we associate with leisure.

The Real Balance

This orientation sits well with a new concept in the field of wellbeing studies: that a rich and diverse experiential happiness is the third component of a “good life”, in addition to hedonic and eudaimonic happiness.

Across nine countries and tens of thousands of participants, researchers recently found that most people (over 50% in each country) would still prefer a happy life typified by hedonic happiness. But around a quarter prefer a meaningful life embodied by eudaimonic happiness, and a small but nevertheless significant amount of people (about 10-15% in each country) choose to pursue a rich and diverse experiential life.

Given these different approaches to life, perhaps the key to long-lasting wellbeing is to consider which lifestyle suits you best: hedonic, eudaimonic or experiential. Rather than pitching work against life, the real balance to strike post-pandemic is between these three sources of happiness.

Lis Ku, Senior Lecturer in Psychology, De Montfort University

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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