Happiness Blog

5 Ways to Teach Kids Resiliency and Happiness

12/12/2019 by Marie

Change is here to stay. In fact, the rate of change is only going to get exponentially faster, leaving the unprepared feeling burnt out and frazzled. We’re living in a Change Storm. That’s why it’s so important to teach our next generation about how to cope with the ever-evolving world we live in.

Think about it. We teach kids to read and write, we teach math, science and history, but nobody teaches kids how to deal with the complicated business of existence itself. Who is teaching kids the social and emotional skills needed to navigate life in a mentally and physically healthy way?

Sorry, I don’t have the answer for you, but I do have 5 great products that can help your kids develop the mental and emotional skills needed to become resilient, emotionally mature and happy adults.

The Big Life Journal

The Big Life Journal is a kids’ workbook that is designed to help kids develop a growth and resilient mindset so they can face life’s challenges with confidence. The activities in the book encourage better self-esteem and resilience, while infusing a love a learning and an openness to taking on new challenges. Find this on Amazon.

Awesome Ends In Me gratitude journal

Awesome ends in ME is a guided gratitude journal which teaches kids how to get the most out of practicing gratitude. The book also includes activities so kids aged 5-12 can learn to manage emotions, create a growth mindset, focus on their strengths, create meaningful connections, and maintain healthy habits to live a happy life. Available on Amazon or check out the AwesoME Inc website for some great adult products too.

Superhero Strengths: Card Game

This is a fun game for kids and teens aged 6-14, teaching skills in strength, coping, feelings, resilience and relationships. Kids play the role of superhero collectors while learning to identify their strengths, deal with feelings, build coping skills, and improve resilience. Available on Amazon.

The Tower of Self Esteem

This game helps kids learn to choose positivity and while boosting self-confidence and social skills with creativity, problem solving and teamwork. Kids work with family and friends to build a joint tower in additional to a personal tower using cards that instil positive thinking. For ages 6 and up, available on Amazon.

No Waries Social Emotional Game

This fast-paced game for kids and adults ages 5+ is based on the classic game called War. It helps kids learn new feeling and emotion words, gaining an understanding of a variety of emotions so they can acquire and apply social emotional skills. Visit Amazon to puchase.

UPDATE: New product!

Snakes and Ladders: Climb to Emotional Maturity

Since posting this article, I have also come across a great game by The School of Life which teaches kids about emotional life. They’ve reworked the old Snakes and Ladders game: the ladders represent all those moments when you learn how to be more of a grown-up, the snakes the times when you end up acting, against your better nature, like a tantrum-prone toddler. Visit The School of Life’s website to order the game.

Comment below! Do you have other recommendations for great products that can help children develop the skills to be happy and resilient adults? Tell us below in the comments.

How Caregivers Can Stay Resilient

08/12/2019 by Marie

There’s a special place in heaven for caregivers.

With an ageing population, caregiving is something that more and more of us will have to step into at some time in our lives. It’s an often-thankless role, involving putting one’s own needs aside, neglecting oneself even, to focus solely on the care and comfort of a loved one.

Who is Caring for the Caregivers?

Looking after others, particularly if they’re approaching the end of their lives, can be the hardest thing a person can go through. Yet, all the focus is often on the person who is sick.

The simple fact is that the psychological, social and health impacts of caring for others can take its toll on even the most resilient and positive of people, and more often than not, the role of caregiver also ends with devastating heartache.

When I was in hospital following a motorbike accident, my husband took time off work and was constantly by my side for weeks. He eventually had to go back to work, or risk losing his job, but he continued to visit me every evening as soon as he could and would stay until the nurses told him to leave for the night.

After leaving the hospital, he would go home and start the household chores, which had suddenly all fallen to him. He’d cook and prepare meals for the week, he’d do the laundry, clean the house, pay the bills, feed the cat and take her to the vet for vaccinations. He lived among a pile of boxes for months, as we had only just bought our first apartment and hadn’t yet moved in when the accident happened.

His life revolved around me… my doctors visits, my surgeries, my recovery. But in some ways, he was lucky, because he could escape the banality of my hospital room and the stress of the situation and go to work for 9 hours a day. He got a small reprieve every day – granted it was only work – but many don’t. Still, it was hard on him, I could see it.

The good news is that research shows us that caregivers who practice positive emotion skills benefit greatly, with increases in positive moods and ultimately less depression.

Caring for the Caregivers

Researcher Judith Moskowitz explains that building moments of positivity into caregivers’ weeks can help to cope with the stressors of caregiving and can build your resiliency to deal with what’s going on in your life.

“We’re really clear in this intervention—or we try to be—that this is not about pretending like things aren’t bad or difficult, or that you’re not distressed or stressed. It’s about understanding that you can experience positive emotion alongside the negative. The negative is what it is; it should be acknowledged and addressed if it’s at high levels that are unsustainable,” said Judith in an interview with Greater Good Magazine.

Here are three types of interventions, backed by Judith and her team’s research, that you can take to help bring more positivity and resilience into your life as a caregiver:

Being thankful: Take the time every day to notice the positive things you have in your life. Every evening before bed, write down 2-3 things that you are thankful for and, over time, watch your outlook on life change.
Mindfulness: Adapted from Buddhist practices, everyday mindfulness is about being self-aware and accepting of our thoughts. It is proven to reduce stress and can help to make you feel better. There are plenty of resources online to help you develop mindfulness practices.
Goal setting: Make sure you set some goals outside of the immediate needs of caregiving and work to achieve them. Having goals and something to work towards give additional meaning to your life and is critical for This could be as simple as planning and going on a picnic or a weekend getaway, or you could focus on developing or mastering a skill.

So, please, take the time to look after yourselves too caregivers! And if you think you don’t have time to dedicate to yourself, then let me leave you with the most important takeaway from Judith’s research: people who were happier were better caregivers.

Related content: Read Moving On article Resiliency Is About Recharging And Self-Care, But Are You Doing It Wrong? , listen to our Podcast: Positive Affirmations (E29)

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Seeking Interviewees

06/12/2019 by Marie

I am currently looking for people who can spare 30-minutes for a Skype interview sometime over the coming months. In particular, I am looking for people who fit the following criteria and have struggled with the transition:

Former professional athletes, who retired from their sport more than 1-year ago
Former military personnel, who transitioned out of the military more than 1-year ago
People who have had a significant trauma or illness that led to prolonged treatment and or hospital stays, who have been in remission or recovered for more than 1-year
People who have retired from full-time work, who have been retired for more than 1-year

Background

I’m currently doing research for a book I’m writing on transition and change. The idea for this book is close to my heart. You see, while the physical trauma and pain following my motorbike accident was hard, my darkest days were after I got to go home from hospital.

Since then, I have been questioning why I wasn’t prepared for the transition from hospital to ‘real life.’ After speaking to many other people who have gone through major life transitions, I found that this response to these types of life transitions is rather common, yet so many people are not prepared, and as a result, many people struggle with the change.

So, this book will look at why a period filled with so much hope for the future often turns into one of the hardest, most mentally and emotionally challenging periods in a person’s life, why there is a disconnect between expectation and reality, and how people can be better prepared for these transitions.

Please note: I am looking for people who have gone through significant change, not trauma or grief – although I acknowledge that change often comes as a result of trauma and grief. While my heart goes out to you if you’re currently dealing with trauma or grief, I am not a trained councillor or psychologist, and this is not the focus of my research.

How will the information be used?

All information will be anonymised, so no one will ever know it’s you (except me)
If I use any quotes from you in my book as a case study, I will change your name and ensure no one can recognise you (such as changing your profession or gender), and I will send you the text for your approval before publishing

What to expect

A 30-minute Skype conversation, that will be taped. Alternatively, if you’re in Sydney, I’d be happy to meet you face to face. If you’d like to contribute to this important work, but are uncomfortable or unable to meet or call, I can send you some questions via email if you’re more comfortable with that.
I will be asking you to be open and share your story so others can learn from your experiences – this may bring up old memories and feelings for what was potentially a difficult period in your life. At any point if you would like to stop talking, or you need a break, you can just let me know to stop.

Please contact me or share

If you are interested in talking to me, please shoot me an email on marie.skelton@gmail.com.

Or, if you don’t fit the requirements, but know someone who does, please forward this to anyone in your networks who might be interested.

I hope that this book can help others to navigate their next life transition better than I did, and maybe together, by telling our stories we can make a difference in someone’s life. Thank you in advance for your support.

How to Make Cooking Fun Again

01/12/2019 by Marie

It’s True, I Find Cooking Boring

Here’s my truth: I hate cooking. My food never looks as good as the photos in Women’s Day (eg. see above for how good my food never looks), and it certainly doesn’t taste as good as the food in restaurants. I lack inspiration almost every night, and often just give up and order take out.

When I do cook, I reuse recipes that work, oldies but goodies that I know are quick and easy and even I can’t mess them up. But even then, the day to day struggle of deciding what to cook for dinner can suck all the enjoyment out of the task. I never thought deciding what to cook for dinner could be such a source of stress!

After working all day, my thought process generally follows this pattern:

Me: oh crap what are we going to eat tonight? Hmmm, what’s in the fridge, oh yeah we have lettuce and half a tomato that need to be eaten, maybe we can have tacos…. it’s quick and easy and cheap too, But we had tacos a few days ago… I’ll just swing past the shops and see what inspires me, I’m sure there’s something at the supermarket that will give me a better idea.

Significant other *coming into the kitchen an hour later* Tacos again?

Me: Yep

Let’s be honest, after doing the same thing every evening for any number of years, most tasks would likely fail to inspire. But, the other day, I invited some friends around for dinner and the whole experience was new and fun again. I got to googling and planned a meal, picked some wines, set the table, kicked my hovering husband out of the kitchen, and got to work creating my masterpiece.

When Did We Stop Inviting People Over For Dinner?

You see, this was a rare occasion in our house. We always have good friends over, and being Australian BBQs are a stable part of our lives, but having a sit down dinner with people around a table and copious amount of wine…? Well, not so much.

I can’t for the life of me work out why we don’t have people over for dinner more often. I can still remember my mum cleaning off the orangey-brown fondue set for when guests would come over. I remember the three courses she’d serve up after hours of prep time in the kitchen. I remember being on my best behaviour and sitting quietly at the table otherwise I wouldn’t get dessert, then being excused as quickly as I could to get away from the boredom of adult conversation which flowed, along with the wine, until late in the evening.

Cooking For Friends Is Good For The Soul

Somewhere along the way, I lost that inclination and with it the joy that it brings. So, the other night, with sore cheeks from laughing and my friends sitting around the table, I thought “I need to do this more often. It’s so good for my soul.”

And there is actual science to back-up my new-found inspiration. You see, cooking is a way of nurturing people and sharing a meal is a great way to create deeper social bonds.

Cooking is also a form of self-care, and if you’re mindful and take the time to enjoy the process, you can reap the benefits of preparing a meal for others.

I’m still no chef, and I still don’t like cooking, but it was a surprisingly fun night, with great friends and lots of laughs, and despite my fears, the plates were all clean in the end.

Related content: Read Moving On article What You Didn’t Know About Practicing Kindness

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3 Habits of Positive People

25/11/2019 by Marie

Robert Collier, one of America’s original self-help authors who believed happiness and abundance were achievable by everyone, once famously said “Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.”

What if positivity was the same, and all you had to do was repeat the same few habits and you could be a happy person?

Well, the research shows that’s exactly how it works. You can train your brain to be more positive and happier! Here’s the science backed way to do it.

1. Practice Being Grateful, Every Day

Write down 3 things you’re grateful for each day.

“In just a two-minute span of time, done for 21 days in a row, we can actually rewire your brain, allowing your brain to work more optimistically and more successfully,” says psychologist and CEO of Good Think Inc., Shawn Achor, in his Ted Talk The Happy Secret to Better Work.

Shawn and his team have worked with a whole lot of companies, and by the time they’ve finished this simple exercise people’s brains are starting to retain a pattern of scanning the world for the positive first, not the negative. If that doesn’t work for you, try making it a habit to talk to your family each night about one positive experience you’ve had that day – this allows your brain to relive it. 2.

2. Exercise Regularly

This one is tried and true. We’ve heard it all our lives, do exercise, it’s good for you in so, so, so many ways.

There are a whole lot of YouTube videos for 10- and 20-minutes exercise sessions you can do before work or bed each day. Make sure you start small and work your way up. Remember it’s better to do a bit somewhat regularly, rather than a lot all at once then quit.

If you’ve never really been into exercise in the past, I recommend starting in your lounge room, with a 10-minute exercise like this one for beginners or for a more intense cardio workout try this session from Brookes. Try doing this three times per week for a month, then try making this a regular pre- or post-work habit and doing it five times a week. After a few months, or when it becomes too easy, move to a 15-minute session.

3. Make it a Habit to be Nice

And finally, be nice. If you make being nice or kind a habit, you become more positive and see more niceness in others’ actions and around you.

On top of that, according to Dr. Ritchie Davidson at the University of Wisconsin, being nice makes you nicer too! “It’s kind of like weight training, we found that people can actually build up their compassion ‘muscle’ and respond to others’ suffering with care and a desire to help,” says Ritchie.

Check out these other studies that show the benefits of being nice. There are so many easy and free things you can do to be nice, such as writing an email to thank a colleague for a job well done, or leaving positive comments on a blog or online article. For more inspiration and resources, visit https://www.randomactsofkindness.org.

The research is conclusive and shows you can train your brain just like you train your body. Life’s too short to not be happy with it, why not put these 3 things into practice today?

Related content: Read Moving On article TED’s top 11 positive psychology talks

Tell me what you do to stay positive in the comments below!

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Keep your mind sharp to live longer, says study

16/11/2019 by Marie

A recent study has shown that early retirement can accelerate cognitive decline. Specifically, the study found that early retirement led to poor memory or recall, which is an early predictor of dementia.

Now, I don’t want to work forever, but I am also banking on a good quality of life for at least a few years after retirement. So, what to do?

As a side note, the researchers did point out that retirees’ sleep and other physical health measures improved in retirement. But mental health… not so much.

It seems we tend to decline in brain function after retiring, unless you do these two things that positively impacted retirees’ cognitive function: maintain and foster good relationships and do things to keep your brain active.

Keep your mind sharp in retirement

“Social engagement and connectedness may simply be the single most powerful factors for cognitive performance in old age,” the study reports. “Policymakers can introduce policies aimed at buffering the reduction of social engagement and mental activities.”

So, the good news is that there’s a solution that should keep your body healthy (just retire) and your mind healthy (stay social and keep learning) well into your older years. Retirement is a good stress reductor, and if you work on having strong relationships and take a lifelong learning approach to life, you will keep your mind active and alert.

It’s not about books and classrooms

In fact, lifelong learning has been all the rage in corporate offices around the world over the past couple of years, and there’s an increasing body of evidence that we should all be focusing on lifelong learning, at every stage in our lives, not just the first 20 years.

But what if you were never really good at school to begin with? Or you made it through with flying colours but could think of nothing worse than going back? What if you never liked school or learning just isn’t your thing?

It’s true that the old adage ‘use it or lose it’ applies to our brains, but that doesn’t mean you have to spend your retirement auditing university courses. In fact, the great news is that ‘lifelong learning’ isn’t about learning at all. It’s about curiosity, which simply means wanting to learn, explore, discover and understand.

There are plenty of activities that you can do to keep your mind active, and many of them also include the added benefits of being social activities where you can meet others and build relationships too. Here are just a few:

Travel

Plan and book a holiday with family or friends. Research the things you can do and see while you’re away and read up on the area’s history before you go. You don’t even have to go far, why not plan a series of local trips to places you can drive to within 2hrs on the weekend?

Garden

Research the types of plants what would flourish in your garden and then buy the bulbs and plant a garden. Speak to the people at your local gardening store to ask questions and get advice.

Volunteer

Reach out to a local church or national organisation in your area to find a volunteer opportunity that suits your natural talents and interests. If you were a nurse, you could now read to sick kids in hospital. If you were in the Army, you could help at the local Scout hall.

Exercise

There are many activities now for retirees, try asking at your local library, council or reach out to a national organisation to enquire about local programs. If you are new to exercising, you can try low impact activities like Tai Chi, water aerobics, or dancing.

Why not try one of these activities to keep your mind sharp in retirement? Or come up with one of your own? It’s never too late to start incorporating a Lifelong Learning approach into your life.

Leave a comment!

What do you like to do to keep your mind active? Share your ideas by leaving a comment below!

3 Ways to Bring Inspiration into Your Daily Life

10/11/2019 by Marie

Research Shows Finding Inspiration Makes You Happier

At a certain point in our lives, it becomes easy to get stuck in a rut. Somewhere along the way, we run out of novel experiences and daily inspiration.

The dandelion in the front yard that so enthralled us as a five-year-old now barely gets a passing glance. The phone conversations with our best friends that used to last hours into the night as teenagers (Every. Single. Day) are now short, sharp and functional. The drive to work has not changed in three years, you’ve been married for ten years. In fact, you could walk around your neighbourhood blindfolded and probably get on OK.

Life might be good, but is it inspirational? Are you living your best life? Without new experiences, life can get a bit ho-hum. So, why not do something about it, here are some ideas to help you find inspiration.

Find Inspiration by Doing Something New

Sign up for a new course, activity or class. A cheap way to learn something new is to create a new podcast list or create a playlist on Ted Talks.
Break your usual family routine and make it special. You could try making Sunday morning breakfast a special occasion by cooking coloured pancakes (with food dye) with the kids and eating them on a picnic blanket in the backyard. Even better, if you can do an activity near a body water, it’s been proven to make you happier!

Find Inspiration by Going Somewhere New

Take a different route to work one day. Plan for the extra time, and make sure you turn off your devices and put your book away to look at the new suburbs. Keep an eye out for somewhere new you might try for dinner, and while you’re there, look at the menu to find inspiration for meals you could try cooking at home later.
Pack a lunch and get on a bus going the opposite direction than you usually take. Get off at the first park you see and have a picnic.
If you live in a big city, jump on a Hop On Hop Off bus and explore your own city. Make sure you get the headphones and listen to the commentary – you might learn something about your own city!

Find Inspiration by Meeting Someone New

Join a local group. You could try volunteering, joining a walking group or a book club.
If you’re a bit shy, or need to engage on your time, try joining an online community or group. Go to Twitter, Facebook, or Google+ and search for community groups that might interest you. For big ideas and world-changing concepts, you could join the World Economic Forum Book Club.

PS. In no way do I endorse walking around your neighbourhood blindfolded. That would be silly.

Related content: Read Moving On article Awe-inspiring activities to bring wonder to your life, listen to our Podcast: Bringing Awe and Inspiration into Your Life (E4)

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Lessons From Navy SEAL David Goggins

04/11/2019 by Marie

If you want inspiration – along with a kick in the butt – then look no further than retired Navy SEAL and endurance athlete David Goggins.

David recently wrote a book called Can’t Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds, which chronicles his amazing life and amazing willpower. If there’s one thing I learned from his life story, it’s that this guy is seriously driven… superhumanly driven… to be honest, somewhat insanely driven.

In Can’t Hurt Me, David Goggins reveals that most of us only tap into 40% of our capabilities (the 40% Rule), and he outlines a path that anyone can follow to push past pain, demolish fear and reach their full potential.

David takes “overachiever” to a whole new level, so I feel like there might be something to this. His mantra has helped him become the only man in history to complete elite training as a Navy SEAL, Army Ranger and Air Force Tactical Air Controller. As if that wasn’t enough, he then went on to set a world record in pull-ups and compete in numerous ultramarathons (FYI, these look nothing like your standard 5k charity runs).

Now, I’m realist and maybe somewhat of a cynic at heart, so I’ve never bought into the new age, touchie-feely self-improvement stuff before, but David’s honest, crazy and blunt approach was accessible and his achievements were so inspirational that I found myself sticking post-its to my bathroom mirror (gasp!).

So, here’s what I learned from the book:

1. Set Goals and Commit

I know, I know, everyone says to set goals… but David has a unique, no bullsh*t way of looking at this task. Sometimes in life we need some clarity (set goals) and often we need a little reminder (make them highly visible). So, as many have before, David advocates for an Accountability Mirror, where you post your goals, dreams and wants to your bathroom mirror. Where David’s approach differs from the rest is that he advocates for 100% honestly, and bluntness.

“If you look in the mirror and see someone who is obviously overweight, that means you’re fucking fat! Own it! It’s okay to be unkind with yourself in these moments because we need thicker skin to improve in life,” says David.

Every day, look at that goal and make sure you are doing something to achieve it. This isn’t for everyone, but if you can’t give yourself a kick up the butt, will you ever change?

2. Sign up to Being Uncomfortable

To learn, change, grow or get stronger, you must be OK with discomfort. David asks readers to identify a few things that they don’t like or that make them uncomfortable, then go do them.

“It’s about moving the needle bit by bit and making those changes sustainable. That means digging down to the micro level and doing something that sucks every day. Even if it’s as simple as making your bed, doing the dishes…,” he says.

Find a way to step outside your comfort zone every day. Not only will you become a better, smarter, fitter person, but you will also feel more self-confidence and achievement in life in general.

“A lot of people in life are very successful but I think very few are fulfilled. Fulfillment comes when you know you tried your hardest and have given your absolute best when responding to life with “I must go on!” Stay hard!”

3. Define Your Identity

When you look in the mirror, who do you see? When you write your LinkedIn bio, what do you write? This is how you see yourself.

Is it what you want to see? Are you inspired by what you see?

If not, then re-write your story. Write down who you want to become: the faster runner in the field, the smartest student in the class, the best public speaker at the conference.

Then tell yourself that’s what you are, plot a path to achieve that goal and start moving to dial slowly in that direction. It will take time, adding more load on as you go to reset your baseline, but your new identity is what you need to fall back on when the going gets tough, when you get so tired that your mind wants you to stop (David calls this voice the Governor).

The fastest runner in the field, would not give up after losing a race. They would work harder. Decide what you want to be then make it happen!

Now this one was hard for me initially. After my accident, I didn’t know what I wanted. Nothing was appealing and everything was appealing all at once.

So, if you’re not sure what you want to be, start by identifying a few things that make you uncomfortable and work to achieve them. Success breeds more success, and before you know it, achievement will be a regular part of your life and you’ll have a clearer understanding of where you want to go – the key is to just get started on going somewhere.

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going, at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

Related content: Read Moving On article The ‘No Excuses’ Beginners Exercise Plan , listen to our Podcast: Exercise Makes You Happy (E13)

I Choose to Get My Ass Kicked

27/10/2019 by Marie

There’s nothing more life affirming than getting your ass kicked, and being OK with it. It’s the simple act of showing up, of not knowing if the outcome will go your way, and participating anyway.

It’s about making yourself vulnerable, knowing it, and doing it anyway.

Get in the arena and fight, or lay down and die.

The latter is exactly what I did when I got out of hospital after 3 months of fighting. Yep, you read that right. I just opted out. I don’t know why, but it turns out that many people do it following big life transitions.

It’s been a long road since then, and I’m only just wrapping my head around all the research in this space, but I want to start by talking about vulnerability.

The Power of Vulnerability

There’s a certain rush that comes with it, not quite like jumping out of a plane, but close enough without putting your life in danger. It’s the rush of fear and loss of control – which is particularly hard on us Type A people!

Vulnerability is exactly what Dr. Brené Brown has been advocating for since spoke at TedxHouston in 2010. Since then, her talk “The Power of Vulnerability” has become one of the top five most viewed TED talks ever, with 44+ million views.

Brené, a research professor at the University of Houston, has spent more than two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. She is the author of five #1 New York Times bestsellers. And she has recently filmed a talk on Netflix, “The Call to Courage,” which was launched in April 2019.

With a great sense of humour, Brené talks about choosing courage over comfort, and I couldn’t agree more. I highly recommend you find the time to watch these videos, because as Brené says: “I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.”

So thank you Brené, and yes, I too choose to get my ass kicked.

Related content: Read Moving On article My Story

The Change Storm

10/10/2019 by Marie

We’re all living in a change storm – experiencing more change, more often than ever before.

Whether we’re starting our first job, moving interstate or overseas, changing careers or retiring, it’s clear that life is full of major transitions and changes. So, why are so many of us unprepared? Why are we so often not equipped to deal with that change, even though quite often we know it’s coming and sometimes we’re even looking forward to it?!

Can it really be true that we all go through major life changes, yet none of us are taught how to be prepared to do it well?

We’re Living in a Change Storm

Globalisation and technological change are transforming companies, industries, countries and societies. More than that, they’re leading to uncertain, volatile ways of living and working. We’ve all heard it before, the only constant is change, and there’s no escaping change in our lives.

For instance, did you know…?

Globally, 14 percent of jobs could disappear in the next 15-20 years, and another 32 percent are likely to change radically.

In Australia, some jobs cuts are estimated as high as 40%, and possibly even more in rural areas. This means many Australians should prepare to lose their jobs or have to change jobs in the future.

In the US, more than 70,000 baby boomers will reach retirement age every single week until 2030, and hundreds of thousands of service members separate from the military each year.

In the UK, there were 2.34 million higher education students in 2017-18 who were preparing to enter the workforce.

And the latest research shows that most people will change their career 5 or more times in a lifetime.

You Can’t Ignore the Change Storm

Now, I am no stranger to change and stress. I come from an elite sports background. I started my career in journalism before moving to a successful career in public affairs, advising top executives in multinational corporations both here in Australia and in the U.S.

But, a couple of years ago, I had just finished a season as the captain of the NSW State Women’s Volleyball team, and I was on holidays in central Vietnam with my best friend when I had a motorbike accident and nearly died.

But here’s the kicker, that wasn’t the worst part.

The worst part wasn’t when I thought I would have to have my leg amputated. It wasn’t the 12 surgeries, and years of pain and rehab. And the worst part wasn’t being told I would never play volleyball again – even though that was a devastating day.

The worst part was months after my accident. That was when everything fell apart, and it was a long road to regain my mental health.

Once on the other side of that dark place, I began to really question why my resilience had left me then. Why was I mentally tough when I had played volleyball in packed stadiums, and when counselling angry executives during huge crises, or even during my horrific accident, but not when I was making progress in recovery and looking forward to going home?

As I was trying to unpack everything I had experienced, I began to talk to people who’d had similar periods of depression following big life changes. And I went from feeling alone and ashamed that I hadn’t coped well, to feeling indignant that this was so common, yet no one had warned any of us what to expect!

The Three Resilience Foundations

So, being an ex-journo, I decided I needed to interview people all over the world. I’ve spoken to Olympic athletes and coaches, to current and former military personnel, to people who have retired, changed careers or been made redundant, and I’ve spoken to people who’ve had heart-breaking diagnoses and accidents.

And here’s what I’ve learned: Resilient people – the people who deal with whatever life throws at them – have balance across 3 key foundations.

This isn’t to say that when things go wrong or bad, that resilient people don’t feel pain and sadness. It means that despite the change storm, resilience people did not let times of higher stress overwhelm them or lead to depression.

1. Purpose and Meaning

Firstly, they have purpose and meaning in their lives, and this is often tied to a strong sense of identity and self. This is about having something to get you out of bed in the morning, and about having goals, plans and commitments.

2. Community and Connections

Secondly, they have strong community and connections. They have a core group of people they could talk to and depend on, they also tend to have a wider community network, through activities like church or regular volunteering.

3. Healthy Mind and Body Habits

Thirdly, they practice and prioritise some positive habits for a healthy body and mind. That could be getting out into nature for walks, going to the gym, or playing on a sports team, or it could be meditation, drinking water, and making sure they get 8hrs of sleep. The activity itself varied, the main point was that resilient people prioritise their own self-care habits.

So, there is nothing particularly ground-breaking here, this is common sense, right? So, why are we getting it wrong?

My Story

Being discharged from hospital was a monumental achievement and happy day, but what I had failed to understand, is that while I was in hospital the fight to survive and keep my leg had given my life meaning and purpose. Similarly, I had the support and daily interactions with the army of healthcare professionals, friends and family who had rallied by my side.

But in one fell swoop, I lost it all. The second I came home, I was left mostly alone and with no real purpose. There were a lot of empty hours in the day, and it didn’t take long for me to crash.

My mental health recovery was gradual, and largely due to dumb luck. There were two changes that happened around the same time that helped me find my mental health again.

Firstly, I had been quite frustrated at how slow rehabilitation is. I’d been an athlete, and I am quite competitive, and I was already bored. So, one day I rolled my wheelchair into the gym and told my physio I had booked flights to Machu Picchu in a year’s time. That gave me a goal and lit a fire.

Around that same time one of my good friends begged me to help him establish a competitive volleyball program for Sydney’s LGBTIQ Volleyball Club. They needed a coach who could launch and run a new program. He had it all planned out, so I didn’t have any excuses. I reluctantly agreed, not having the strength to look him in the eye and say no, even though that’s all I really wanted to say. A few weeks later, I rolled my wheelchair into the gym for tryouts, preparing myself for the looks of confusion and doubt from the adult men in the gym. I couldn’t have known at the time that these fabulous, dramatic, caring men would save me. Because they might not know it, but they gave me back my identity, my community. They gave me back some meaning and purpose. And slowly, I began to heal. To move on.

Weathering the Change Storm

So, my question to you is simple: are you the most resilient you can be to ensure you can weather the change storm?

If nothing else, there are two things I hope you take from this site:

Firstly, if you’re going through change, and if you’re struggling, please know you’re not alone. This story is far more common than we are led to believe.

Secondly, good change and bad change will happen. You can’t escape it. So here’s my challenge to you: take stock of your life now and the balance you may or may not have in your three resilience foundations, because it’s too late after you’ve retired, or been made redundant, or had that accident. But if you maintain and protect these foundations, you can weather even the fiercest of storms.

Unless you plan on hiding under a rock for the rest of your life, you will face a major life change at some point, if you haven’t already – so be prepared.

Related content: Read Moving On article 5 ways to teach kids resiliency and happiness, listen to our Podcast: The Benefits of Psychological Safety (E16)

Thanks for visiting and please reach out to me with any questions! Wishing you all love and best wishes for your change journey.