Unapologetically Marie

Writer, podcaster, mental health advocate

Happiness Blog

Happiness at Work (E2)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast – season 1, episode 1

We spend an estimated 90,000 hours at work over our lifetime, so it’s important that we’re happy at least some of that time, right? Here’s the latest research on how to bring happiness to your workplace.

Subscribe so you don’t miss out! We’re working on new episodes as we speak. Don’t miss out!

Transcription

Okay, Welcome back. You’re here with Marie, and Peter and this is Happiness for Cynics.

P: I’m the happiness, she’s the cynic.

M: [Laugh] Today, we’re going to talk about happiness in the workplace. Unfortunately, most people have to go to work.

P: [Laugh] Some of us choose to go to work because we’re happy.

M: [Laugh] A lot of us go to work because we choose not to live on the streets.

P: Aahh fundamental choices, we’ll talk about that in another episode won’t we.

[Laughter]

M: And I am I think that there’s a lot of discourse right now about choosing something that you’re passionate about and something that makes you happy.

P: Well, we do spend what, 30% of our time working or something like that.

It’s interesting because I made those choices many years ago not to follow the money path, to follow passion and it’s funny these conversation keep coming up and I’m “Hey, I’m already there, I’ve done it! Yay for me!

M: It’s funny you should say that because as much as I love you, I have to say, I feel like it’s an elite privilege to be able to make those choices.

P: I’d agree with you on that. Yes.

M: Not, not trying to judge you or anything but I think that a lot of people especially living in a large city like we are in Sydney. You don’t really have many choices, if you’ve got two kids and a husband or a wife or a partner, you have to make some career choices that may not be solely driven by your personal happiness.

P: Yes, completely agree. The ability to be able to choose passion over career or over a more logical choice is determined by your situation and your circumstances eg. Children, mortgage all that sort of stuff. You can choose to deny some of those but some of those you can’t and that will inform what you choose to do with your occupation. I agree with you on that one. Hey, we agree on something, how nice.

M: [Laugh] It won’t last.

P: [Laugh]

M: There’s been a lot of discussion in the media about millennials and the shift in millennials’ expectations for the work place and the fact that traditional corporates have been struggling to hire millennials because they’re not offering purpose and passion – or they traditionally haven’t – and they’re having to now look at what they offer to that generation if they want to hire them. Things like flexible work, purpose, meaning and in fact, there’s a great article that we just read called ‘It’s Time to Take Culture Seriously’ that we found on ChiefExecutive.net and in that article.. look I’ll quote something to you Pete, if you’ll bear with me. I’m really keen to discuss this idea of meaning and purpose, and whether it really is an organisation’s or company’s job to help employees discover their meaning and purpose and then provide that to them, or whether their job is simply to pay wages for work done.

P: Yeah

M: I’ll read this quote.

‘It’s time that we stopped thinking that culture happens to us and instead take responsibility for designing inclusive environments, collaborative ways of working and humane incentive systems that bring out the best in ourselves and in others. It certainly helps when a culture is modelled at the top, like the change that Mandela is sparking at Microsoft. But we’re all capable of making more positive choices that create meaning and shared purpose regardless of our official role or title.’

Now I find this fascinating, so meaning and purpose and the reason why I want to talk about that right now is that they’re so critical to happiness.

P: Definitely, I definitely agree.

M: If you’re lost and you’ve got no meaning, no purpose, it’s very hard to be happy. And so given that we spend so many hours a week out work, Do you think it’s the organisation or boss’s job to make someone’s role meaningful? What do you think? You’re a small business owner Pete?

P: I am and I have battled with that concept actually. I remember in my own career, in a former career, I remember one of my bosses turned to me, saying, “it is not my job to make you feel good my job is to create art.” So you would walk into the rehearsal room and you knew that it wasn’t that person’s job to make everybody feel good about themselves and have a nice time. They were like no, we have a job, we have to do this and we have to get this product made and we’re going to do that and it’s tough.

I don’t think that we can be mushy mushy and have all these fuzzy feelings in terms of CEO or leaders of business or business owners having to take responsibility for other people’s happiness. However, I think it is an interesting conversation that is coming around now that we are identifying that the workplace has a role in that and that if you read the people who have gone through the self help world and have come out the other side. The book that comes to mind is ‘The ‘Monk who sold his Ferrari’ by Robin Sharma. It’s a book about a guy who was a hot shot corporate lawyer then sold it all and moved to the Nepal and came back to his workplace and shocked everybody with his transformation. Our employees and our employment has the capacity to give our lives meaning, and I think there is a role that senior people can have in identifying that, but in that quote that you read there was a personal responsibility for everybody to ensure that they have meaning in their lives. So you can’t just give that over to somebody else there’s a bit of personal responsibility as well.

M: So I think it’s a bit easier in jobs where you’re using your brain and there’s flexibility for creativity. Where I think that this new idea falls over is in areas like the service industry or more blue collar work, to be honest. So if your job is to turn a widget 100 times every hour, how is the owner of that factory meant to give you more satisfaction, turning that widget 100 times per hour? How can they?

P: I think that comes down to the value of your worker and making your worker feel that they are part of a bigger cog or a bigger system that if that widget doesn’t turn then that’s not going to allow other people to achieve the high-end of the product if you like. So if you look at it from a watch maker’s perspective, if they ignore one cog, the whole system doesn’t work the watch doesn’t function and therefore, you can’t call yourself a watchmaker or repairer because you’re not doing the job. If the person in the chain is not aware that they are contributing to the bigger product, then that’s a failing of the person who’s in charge. You’ve got to empower the smallest of people to feel they’re making a difference. Take a janitor in high school if he doesn’t clean the rooms, then it is not a clean school. And that has huge implications on the students, the people who are using the product and the teachers who are coming in and expecting the science room to be clean on its not but that does that janitor have a clear line of sight to the affect that their work has. And maybe that’s where people who are in charge, CEOs and business people have more of a role to make people more informed of the value of what they actually do within a structure.

M: I think that’s a really good segue into a lot of talk right now about purpose of an organisation. Everyone always talks about the importance to motivate your employees of having a strong vision, it’s leadership 101. We’ve all known that for ages, but in today’s day and age, where technology and social media makes even the smallest mistake viral within 24 hours, the smallest leadership mistake can bring that down, and Uber is a great example that.

P: Absolutely, and we can look at some of our insurance corporations in the most recent rounds of the royal commission and see examples of that as well.

M: Yeah absolutely. So if an organisation in a capitalist society is there to make money and this is the cynic in me again, right. Like an organisation with shareholders, its primary purpose is to make money for its shareholders. You can also talk about the importance of your customers, which a lot of companies do, and one would argue that they’re intrinsically linked. You could also, then, if you’re really on top of it, talked about how valuable your employees are. And again, one would argue they’re all intrinsically linked. But when push comes to shove the purpose of a public company — we’re in Australia, so we would call them public — so shareholder owned company is to make money. So, how is it that an employee who turns 100 cog – even if it is for a watch maker and they understand that their watches help people tell time – Get it? How are they meant to feel that sense of purpose or meaning or pride, more than anything, I think if really all an organisation is there to do is to make money. And are we seeing a shift of bottom up ground swell that our employees and our customers are expecting more from corporations with all the corporate social responsibility? It was a fad 10, 15 years ago, 20 years ago, and now it’s becoming far more intrinsic to the way people operate.

P: I think you hit the nail on the head there in terms of the social aspects of corporate business and corporate identity because people are mindful investors now. So you have more people interested in supporting businesses that have a social network that have a social fabric or a social identity. Mining is huge, a lot of people don’t like mining, it’s dirty, it’s polluting and all that sort of stuff. But Australia makes its back off it, so we can’t just negate that huge influx into our economy. So mining companies are doing things like supporting local communities and doing indigenous development programmes to try and up their social value if you like. And I think that this is a change in what we’re seeing in terms of corporatisation, maybe you’ve had more to say on this but definitely since the industrial era, it’s no longer enough to just make more money and we’re seeing that in Geopolitics as well where the culture of wellbeing is informing our policy. Look at the recent release of New Zealand’s wellbeing budget that’s just been rolled out.

M: I just have to say, Jacinda Ardern [NZ’s Prime Minister] is just killing it, love it.

P: She is but what she’s doing differently with this is that this is a concept has been around since the 2000’s with lots of countries like Sweden, Wales, Ireland, even the UK and Australia have had these phrases in the treasury policies, and things have been out there. But what Jacinda is doing really well is that they’re taking it further, and now they’re putting in actual critical measurement stakes off the five areas they want to improve and they’re giving it value and giving it goals. So this is a reflection of maybe what’s going on in corporate culture as well is that no longer is it enough to just make more cash.

M: For those of you listeners who haven’t been following what little New Zealand has been doing over here in the pacific. Recently New Zealand announced a new set of goals for government essentially, and rather than just focusing on GDP, they’re focusing on wellbeing measures. So it’s not enough for the country to get richer and the people get poorer. And it’s not enough for the country to get richer if the people don’t have access to education and health care. So it’s really interesting to look at that. And if you want to read more on that, there’s a whole lot online around the sustainable development goals. And they’ve definitely aligned up to some great..

[pause]

P: I’m just looking at the reference actually

[Laughter]

M: Pete’s typing it you can hear him..

P: I was told I wasn’t allowed to type.

[more laughter]

M: There’s no getting away with typing with two microphones in a podcast.

P: There’s a great article on TheConversation.com that talks about New Zealand’s wellbeing budget deliveries. If you just put that into the search engine there they will come up with a whole heap of references to that website which is really pro-actively promoting the new Ardern agenda.

M: Yeah, definitely worth looking at. So back to happiness in the workplace, though. So what are the takeaways here. Is it an organization’s job to make sure it’s employees are happy?

P: It’s in its best interest, surely. A happy worker is a good worker. I’m going to come out with a personal story I have here where I was working in a hospitality job in Adelaide. We were having a little bit of fun on a Sunday was a big Sunday. We were getting slammed and it was hot. Everyone was wanting all this stuff and I decided I was in a silly mood and started taunting this waiter from across the cake counter. Doing little Peter Rabbit noises across the cakes. And she began to lose her flow for delivery to the table, to the point where she actually had to come behind the counter to give me a little slap and then we fell on the floor laughing. We were working for four hours really hard’. The business owner’s father walked around the countertop. Saw us both on the floor behind the cake counter, laughing, and simply looked at us and went, ‘well a happy worker is a good worker’. And I think that that’s a real little gem there is that happy workers will work hard for their employers if they can see the direct influence that they’re having. If your employer comes to you and says, Marie great job on this aspect of that presentation, it really helped give the company a certain leg up or got us forward in this, in this aspect of our business, that’s going to give you a little bit of feeling of well being and self esteem and self esteem is a huge bonus in terms of prerequisites for happiness. It’s going to make you feel good the next time that a difficult product or a difficult question crosses your desk. You’re going to do a better job again. That direct feedback is really important. And in that way, looking after your workers in that way is vital for a functioning company.

M: Yeah, Look, I definitely do agree, but the cynic in me just wants to reiterate that it’s not about having values plastered on a poster that you trot out any time you are interviewing someone.

P: Which comes down to a great quote in the article that we mentioned.

‘Clear communication is critical, but words are empty without follow through.’

P: You need to action things up. You can’t just be seen to be supporting wellbeing and supporting your work.

M: All right, well, we are out of time.

P: That was awfully quick [Laugh]

So we might circle back on some of the other developments in happiness at work. I know that the greater Good Science Centre, over at California, Berkeley. They do some great work and have even got an ed-X course titled ‘Happiness at Work’, which is a good free primer to all of the research out there. And there is a lot of research out there on the importance of happiness at work and also how to help your organisation or your business to have happy employees. There is also a lot of science behind this and the importance and benefits down to ROI [return on investment] and bottom line dollars for having happy employees.

P: So is a very big field. But all for another time.

M: Well, thank you, Peter.

P: My pleasure

M: I never call you Peter… and Thank you listeners, we will see you next time.

Meet besties Marie and Pete

Marie and Pete

Marie Skelton is an Australian writer, speaker, and change and resiliency expert. She started her career in journalism before working in public affairs and then specialising in organisational and culture change for some of the world’s largest tech and financial services companies, both in Australia and the U.S. She also played volleyball for Australia and on scholarship at a D1 university in the U.S. and she captained the NSW Women’s Volleyball team in the Australian Volleyball League.

Following a motorbike accident that nearly took her life, and leg, she began researching change and resiliency to find out how people cope with major life changes and why some people are really good at dealing with whatever life throws at them, while others struggle. She is passionate about mental health and writes about how to cope with today’s Change Storm and maintain mental wellness.  

Marie and Pete

Peter Furness is just plain awesome. He loves unicorns and champagne. Pete is the owner of Max Remedial, and a qualified remedial therapist and has worked all over the world with professional athletes, dancers, sporting organisations and medical professionals. Peter’s practice is influenced by his interest in Eastern philosophy and he works closely with Chinese and Ayurvedic practitioners, approaching the body from the principles of ancient medicine.

Peter has practiced Asstanga Yoga for 20 years and combines these principles with his approach to health.

Peter was also an award-winning contemporary dancer in Australia and in the UK. 

What is Happiness? (E1)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast – season 1, episode 1

In our first episode, meet Marie and Pete and learn a little about what we mean by happiness and its history. Learn about why you too should be asking the question: what is happiness?

Subscribe so you don’t miss out! We’re working on new episodes as we speak! Don’t miss out!

Transcript

[Intro]

M; You’re listening to the podcast happiness for cynics. I’m Marie Skelton, a writer, speaker and change and resilience expert, and my co-host is Pete.

P: Hi there. I’m Peter Furness. I’m a remedial massage therapist, dance and movement practitioner, yoga loving global adventurer. Each week we will bring to you the latest news and research in the world of positive psychology, otherwise known as happiness.

M: You can find our podcast at HappinessForCynics.com or visit MarieSkelton.com for articles and resource on change and resiliency as well as happiness and finding balance in today’s busy world. The site talks about a lot of the same research we talked about here on the podcast and has some really practical tips for bringing joy and happiness into your life.

P: So let’s get into it. Cynics the world over. It’s time to suck it up and get happy!

[happy intro music]

P: Ah the happy music. Don’t you love it?

M: That’s going to be so annoying after the hundredth time.

P: Every time I hear it, I bop my head.

M: Well it does make me smile, that’s why we picked it.

P: Exactly. Okay, Welcome to Episode one. Today we’re talking generally about happiness.

M: I guess we should. That’s why we’re here, right?

P: But before we do that, why are we here and who are we? Marie?

M: I’m a cynic. It’s true. I’m naturally curious and generally positive. But I’m definitely a realist, and I have no time for fluff. It’s why I’ve spent my entire life quietly, scoffing at the headlines like ‘Five Ways to be your Best self’ or ‘why mindfulness is so important at work.’ But then, a couple of years ago, something happened that since made me question everything I thought I knew about living life. I had a motorbike accident a couple of years ago, and I nearly lost my life and my leg. And I’ve spent years recovering both physically and mentally, but something strange has happened along the way. I started reading those articles with the bubbling brooks and the five stones stacked on top of each other. And to be fair, I still haven’t really gotten on board with the whole Yogi movement. But the weird thing is that now I won’t automatically rule it out.

P: We’re getting to you see, It’s a Revolution!

M: It’s a cult

P: I, however, come from a much more creative background, dredged up in theatres and stages, school drama rooms and music halls. I even have a degree in dance performance, much to my mother’s despair. I’ve never worn a suit to work, so my background is perhaps a little more, shall we say, alternative?

M: Yes we shall.

P: My friends often referred to me as the universal, angel loving believer in the karmic gods. They would joke that Pete would always throw it up to the sky and let the angels guide me. Now, I’m sure that somewhere along the path of being a creative, dramatic thespionic devotee and performance artist, I also managed to pick up a belief that the world will throw what is right at you in the right moment. I’m probably more of an ethereal than a realist, in contrast to Marie, but believing in the ebbs and flows of energetic poles and some well reasoned, fatalistic surrender. But I’ll admit that over the years, a little bit of the dark side of logic has permeated my unicorn laden realm.

M: uh huh, each to their own.

P: [Laughter]

M: now, because I’m a cynic and still coming to terms with admitting I buy into all this New Age stuff, I also started studying it because that’s what cynics do. You know, to make sure it’s actually legit.

P: You need the statistics and the research. You don’t just go believing.

M: Yeah. No. I’m really not throwing anything up to angels. So the weird thing is, I never knew this was out there. Even though the field of positive psychology is still relatively young, there is a huge body of research out there! Absolutely massive. Which brings me to why we’re here. This stuff is real and cynics all over the world are missing out.

P: Too, right. Okay, So we’re here to talk about happiness, and when we talk about happiness, there are so many permeations of that word. We are here to talk about how to approach happiness and our own approach to what makes us happy.

M: I think what Pete’s trying to say is…

P: shut down!

M: We’ll present the research and case studies…

P: because it’s all about the research

M: Well, yes, with a heavy dose of cynicism from me and maybe even we’ll try some of these ideas out. If you want to follow along at home, I promise I won’t tell anyone, so you don’t feel silly.

P: And those people who are more like me, we’ll just go along because it’s fun.

M: So let me just start by saying I’m not buying it.

P: Oh Muz.. [Marie’s annoying nickname that stuck sometime around 1998]

M: I admit I’m more than a little bit sceptical, but I’m also curious. And surely the huge amount of real research out there can’t be wrong.

P: I’m a buyer Muz. I’m the one waiting for the doors to open at five AM on those Boxing day sales. I’m primed, shoulder pads ready to go, plucking my way through the bargain basement offerings of the happiness stock pile. I don’t know why, but one day I just decided to buy into happiness.

M: I think that’s why this will work. You’ve got the cynic and the buyer. So, we should probably start with a bit of history about happiness. From my side it’s going to be short history, you see, even though philosophers have been writing about happiness and meaning for centuries, psychologists have traditionally been more focused on the negative aspects of mental health. So it’s only been in the last couple of decades that researchers have put any time into studying what happy people are doing, rather than why people are sad.

P: Yeah, Eastern and Western philosophers have all debated and tort apart the search for happiness and what that indeed means to us, as in mankind, us. The concept of happiness being a thing to strive for is a relatively Western ideal.

M: So happiness is not momentary emotions like fun enthusiasm or pride. It’s not about being always cheery or without stress, anger, grief or sadness also not about having a continuous stream of positive emotional experience.

P: Unendingly happy people are so boring.

M: [Laughter]

M: It’s also really hard to attain, right? And in fact, as long as it doesn’t last too long, being sad or angry can be a positive thing and give your life more meaning and happiness afterwards.

P: Completely. Happiness is not about pleasure and hedonism. Unfortunately. Sadly, it’s not achieved by gratifying all of your desires or by having decadent, luxurious experiences. Happiness isn’t a tireless climb towards achievement or status, and it isn’t the result of getting everything perfect all the time.

M: Okay, so we know what happiness isn’t. But what is happiness? I think my favourite definition comes from the pioneer of scientific research on human happiness Sonja Lyubomirsky. She’s a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside, and she defines happiness as “the experience of joy, contentment or positive wellbeing, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful and worthwhile.”

P: It’s interesting because the origins of the word for happiness actually relate to the meaning of luck for cultures that had to endure plague, invading armies, famine or the wrath of others. Happiness was luck. Pure luck. There’s a great quote by English Buddhist monk Gelong Thubten that says, ‘the mind that seeks happiness is telling itself that it is unhappy.’ He would argue that happiness, fundamentally, is an emotional response to an outcome. It’s result reliant.

Academics, self-help Gurus, Monks all seem to agree that joy and well being are vital elements of happiness. The message is often that joy is the thing that we should seek, for out of joy comes happiness. If you can find joy in the doing, then you will achieve happiness. Wellbeing is a similar prerequisite for happiness, as when we are well and healthy, we are more disposed to enjoying free time with fulfilling actions that ultimately bring about contentment and meaning. So, short, what all the ancient wisdom warns us against is simply striving for happiness. It is an empirical irony in this way, unlike other goals, it cannot necessarily be attained simply by striving for it. It shouldn’t be the goal. It’s the added bonus. It’s like at the end of an Oprah Winfrey show “you get a car, you get a car!”

M: [Laughter] OK, free cars aside why bother with this hippy New Age happiness stuff? A lot of older generations were quite happy to suck it up in boring, unfulfilling jobs and mediocre lives without complaining the whole time. This all seems a bit indulgent don’t you think.

P: Not at all, Marie. Because Unhappy people die!!!

M; Okay, that’s true. Studies find that when you’re less happy, you’re more vulnerable to illness. You’re more vulnerable to different kinds of disease. You also take longer to recover from illness, and you actually have a compromised life expectancy. Researchers Dacher Keltner and Emiliana Simon-Thomas, who teach course called the Science of Happiness so that people who are happy in life have an easy time feeling good and recovering from adversity. They have close, supportive social connections, and they believe their presence in the world matters.

P: Absolutely, there’s a huge body of research out there that shows that happier people live longer, healthier lives. There’s a wonderful research project in Harvard University in Boston that was started in 1938. It followed 724 young men from diverse backgrounds. Their findings are so conclusive that happiness has a direct relation to your life expectancy and your quality of life, especially in your later years.

M: So what you’re saying is this is the part where we all go wake up at five AM do yoga, drink green tea and are sickeningly happy, right?

P: [Laugh] Well we know not all of us aren’t morning exercise people. But it is about buying in Marie. When you go to a Tony Robbins presentation over two days over the weekend, you walk in on that first morning and you’re in an auditorium filled with thousands of people and you don’t see Tony first. Out comes the fluffer the dude who primes everybody before hand, he fluffs the crowd gets people out of their chairs. He gets them active he gets them physical. It’s like, How do we get you to the level that we need you so that when the dude walks out, you’re ready to receive his words and there are a lot of people who go to these presentations and they spend a heap of money and they’re standing there go[ing] “why am I jumping around like a Baptist preacher? Why am I doing this?” and the dude on stage is so encouraging. You’ve got to believe in this. You’ve got to buy in. If you don’t, you’re not going to get the benefit of the presentation.

So you do the first day and you come out going “Wow, that was amazing. That was really cool.” You come in the second day and you do the same thing, the fluffer comes out and he’s ready to get your pumped. But this time you’re ready for it. And you understand. I have to buy into this. I have to be a part of this process and jump around and clap my hands. Because I know that if I do that, I’m going to be ready and receptive to what magic is about to come at me from the stage.

M: Okay? So even though my entire body is fighting against jumping around in order to be receptive to your message, I’m here. We’re here. I’m in, and I’m really excited to see where this will take me, despite my cynicism. So I think it’s really interesting that a lot of people live their lives, live successful lives, but they’re not necessarily satisfied. And that’s really what I want this podcast to be about. How to be satisfied? And for me that means how can you be happy? So I’ve always looked at you, Pete, and seen a very happy person.

P: Oh dear [laughter]

M: Tell me, Are you happy?

P; That’s a huge question. Yeah, I like that question. Actually, we all have different moments of happiness. We have different moments of feeling good and feeling great. I think that for me I know that happiness is there when I’m walking down the street and I’ll smile at something innocuous. There’s a dog peeing up against a lamp post. I smile, I think, isn’t the world a wonderful place? I think that’s the perspective for me. When I’m in that happiness state, I can actually look at things and you look at two people holding hands, walking down the street like an old couple walking their dog and you go ‘Yeah, that’s pretty cool’, because you’re in that space where.., it’s that awareness of taking those things in and going the world is good I’m in a happy space, so I’m seeing happiness around me. It’s like when you go to buy a red car on all you see are red cars. All of a sudden your brain is switched on to see more red cars. So if you’re in that space where you’re relatively happy and going along with life and things are good, you start to notice the nice little subtle things that make you go. Yeah, that’s a good, good thing in the world. That’s a good egg.

M: It’s, it’s funny you say that, Yes. So all I can think is you’re talking about this is mindfulness. And there’s been so much discussion recently in the last decade or so about mindfulness and being mindful of being in the moment and to me, you’re talking about (and sorry. And also so much research about how mindfulness can help with happiness.)

P: Yes.

M: Right, but what you’re talking about there are moments of mindfulness. When you’ve stopped and you’re in the moment and you’re enjoying life, what it is. And it doesn’t have to be cakes and glitter and parties and Champagne, it can be an old couple holding hands.

P: Yeah, and you’re right it is mindfulness and I’ve done a bit of work on that and around that for many years because of my eastern philosophy reading. It wasn’t training, I didn’t go into a monastery and sit down and cross my legs for 20 hours. You know, I just read about it and I went I can do this. I can start journaling, and I can start making the most of moments and recognising those moments. So, yes, you’re right. There is a lot of mindfulness in there.

M: Yeah and a few years ago, I never would have had this conversation with you about mindfulness.

P: It comes to each of us in its own way. And I think that’s something you’ve got to understand with happiness. You can’t force it. You can’t just go I’m going to be instantly happy straightaway. It is a process. It takes time. It takes investment. It takes being open to it and then buying in as we said.

M: Yeah, yeah, and I think for me, my journey is different to yours in that I followed that path of success. That was what my parents instilled in me. Work hard at school, get a good job, get a house. You know, follow all the major milestones that everyone, society, just said you should. And it took a pretty significant event in my life for me to reassess my life, which had, until that point been successful.

P: Yeah and within that success you were happy because you were ticking the boxes.

M: Well no, I wasn’t that’s the whole point. So there’s definitely something to be said for those moments of achieving success. I mean, they’re great who doesn’t want to win? Right?

P: [Laughter]

M: But since the accident and since I’ve started exploring a lot of these positive psychology concepts, and Eastern and Western philosophy now, ideals and ideas; I can say that I’m that person stopping the street and going aww when the old couple across the road are together holding each other’s hand, you know, and I’m such a happier, more relaxed, less stressed person than I was and I 100% credit that to nearly dying. Let’s be really honest. It’s the ‘ah ha’ moment that on a lot of people, a lot of people who go through significant trauma have that ‘ah ha’ moment and reassess how they live their lives.

P: Definitely

M: But it’s such a shame and such a waste that it takes that to happen to, I don’t know, the 1 to 5 to 10% of the population, I’m making up numbers here, for them to reassess their lives and go surely there’s more to life than having a house and a job, a stressful job at that. There is so much more out there and again that’s why I think this podcast is so important. I don’t want people to have to nearly die to realise that this mortal life.

P: It is about talking about it and having the conversations with people and I think that’s where I was maybe a little bit lucky in terms of the world that I lived in in my creative, artistic world is that you come up against those people so much more often than you wouldn’t know corporate environment. There’s more. There’s Mohe. There’s more need for cynicism in a corporate environment in the arts world, it’s the opposite. So I think maybe that’s where I was fortunate in my experiences up until that point. So it allowed me freely to explore that a little bit more.

M: But on that you don’t need to be a cynic to be in a corporate environment. You can be happy and you can be happy go lucky even and a little bit carefree and still get your job done well.

P: Yep, I would agree with you there.

M: And that’s where my balance was off before and I hope that just by debunking a lot of the weird, hippie, new age ways that we often talk about this. We talk in platitudes, you know, be positive and all that which really turns a lot of people off. Australians in particular we are so cynical, so so cynical.

P: [Laughter]

M: So, I hope that by us having a good balance and a bit of a laugh between us, we can help some people to realise that there’s so much more life. And you’ve only got one life.

P: Make the most of it while you’ve got it.

M: Be happy.

P: [Laughter] Damn it! [sarcastic tone]

All right. I do just want to say before we go that we are launching this podcast on International Happiness Day, 20th March.

P: Yay

M: So thank you for your listening today, we’re very aware that there is a lot going on in the world today with the Corona virus or Covid 19. And it’s making a lot of people particularly anxious, and for the right reasons, so be kind to each other. Try and have a bit of a laugh.

P: Be part of a community, not part of the self.

M: Yeah, definitely.

P: It’s time to be mindful of others as well as looking out for yourself.

M: And definitely as part of the research that I’ve been doing from my book one of the recurring themes that comes up with people who are resilient and happy in their lives is those social bonds and social relationships. So I know this might sound a bit weird to the millennials out there. The rest of you, you’ll remember the day when you used to pick up the phone and make a phone call with it. So I’m asking you all out there to pick up the phone, particularly if you’ve got elderly relatives or friends who are self-isolating. Pick up the phone. Have a chat with someone today. That’s my challenge to you all.

P: Call your Grandma.

M: Yeah, exactly. Call Mom. Call you Grandma. Have a bit of a chat. It could be just five minutes but take the step to just keep those relationships going because it could be a very lonely time in general in today’s world, but particularly if we’re self-isolating with all that’s going on with the corona virus.

P: Very true

M: Yeah, not a good time to be sad.

Alright, We’ve gone over time for our first episode already. [Laughter]

P: Oops, that’s probably me..

M: So Pete before we go, our listeners, I’m sure hooked already. That’s really arrogant, I’m going to take that back.

P: [Laughter]

M: But do let us know. Can you give us just a really brief heads up for what people can expect in future episodes? So what are we going to cover?

P: Lots of different topics.

We’re going to talk about Awe and inspiration and how important is to be inspired by things. Take the time out for that. We’re going to talk about mindfulness because it’s part of one of the pillars of happiness. And we’ll talk about joy. We’re even going to talk about meditation.

M: Yeah, that was a big one for me. I don’t know about all that.

P: We are going to be meditating and ohm-ing and doing singing bowls and bells, people so get ready.

M: We also have some great interviews with people, amazing people to bring to you.

P: Inspiring people.

M: Yeah, So don’t forget to subscribe so that you can stay abreast of all our future episodes and thank you for joining us.

P: Thanks for coming along, look forward to seeing you again. Bye M: Bye

Meet besties Marie and Pete

Marie and Pete

Marie Skelton is an Australian writer, speaker, and change and resiliency expert. She started her career in journalism before working in public affairs and then specialising in organisational and culture change for some of the world’s largest tech and financial services companies, both in Australia and the U.S. She also played volleyball for Australia and on scholarship at a D1 university in the U.S. and she captained the NSW Women’s Volleyball team in the Australian Volleyball League.

Following a motorbike accident that nearly took her life, and leg, she began researching change and resiliency to find out how people cope with major life changes and why some people are really good at dealing with whatever life throws at them, while others struggle. She is passionate about mental health and writes about how to cope with today’s Change Storm and maintain mental wellness.  

Marie and Pete

Peter Furness is just plain awesome. He loves unicorns and champagne. Pete is the owner of Max Remedial, and a qualified remedial therapist and has worked all over the world with professional athletes, dancers, sporting organisations and medical professionals. Peter’s practice is influenced by his interest in Eastern philosophy and he works closely with Chinese and Ayurvedic practitioners, approaching the body from the principles of ancient medicine.

Peter has practiced Asstanga Yoga for 20 years and combines these principles with his approach to health.

Peter was also an award-winning contemporary dancer in Australia and in the UK. 

Are your finances making you sick?

by

Take Control of Your Finances and Kick That Financial Stress to the Curb

Many of us are experiencing financial stress, and it’s impacting our overall mental and physical health and wellbeing. Read on for some tips and resources to take back control.  

What is Financial Stress?

Financial wellbeing is critical for overall mental health and wellbeing. According to Thriving Wallet, we know that poor financial wellbeing impacts physical and psychological health, mood, work satisfaction, sleep and relationships.

However, even though nowadays we’re spending more time working, for the first time since 1930 we’re earning less relative income than those who came before us. We also have less financial security.  At the same time, in many countries, costs for necessities like food, healthcare, housing and education have skyrocketed.

Money is the #1 stress for people in the U.S.1

This lack of financial security is causing huge amounts of stress, and more than that, it’s impacting our wellbeing more broadly. A recent study in Canada looked at the importance of financial satisfaction for overall life satisfaction. They found that for financially stressed households, their financial stress overwhelmingly conditioned their overall sense of life satisfaction. 2 In short, they were less happy and satisfied with their lives.

What Financial Stress Looks Like

Those who earn the least in society are often living in a constant and overwhelming state of financial distress. The Salvation Army’s annual survey shows that the poorest people in Australia experience extreme housing stress, face multiple barriers to finding work and struggle to maintain a basic standard of living. At times, they are unable to feed themselves or their families, and most upsetting, children continue to be deprived of basic necessities due to the lack of economic resources. This financial hardship means that children miss out on educational opportunities and activities at school and many don’t have access to technology or the internet at home. This is despite respondents often saying that they would ‘go without’ so that their children did not have to do so.3

Meanwhile, around the world for the Millennial generation the wealth gap continues to increase, and many millennials have huge university debt, no prospects of ever buying a house, and they probably won’t be able to retire until they’re 75 years old.

According to Credit Swiss: “The Millennials (people who came of age after the turn of the century) have not been a lucky cohort. Not only were they hit at a vulnerable age by the global financial crisis, its associated recession and the poor job prospects that followed, but they have also been disadvantaged in many countries by high house prices, low interest rates, and rising student debt making it difficult for them to buy property or accumulate wealth.”4

When Things go Wrong

If you’ve had a sudden or unexpected change in your circumstances, like losing your job or having a health emergency that prevents you from working, and you’re experiencing financial stress, the sooner you start working with support groups, the better.

Often times, sticking your head in the sand and hoping it will all go away can make problems worse and things can snowball quickly. The key is to reach out to support organisations as early as possible. Organisations like The Salvation Army have people available to speak to you if you’re struggling.

Taking Control of Your Finances

Reading Resources

Thankfully, many people are starting to talk about financial stress and financial wellbeing, and there are a range of resources you can now access.

For a great read and to learn a bit about your spending and saving mindset, check out the classic book: Rich Dad, Poor Dad.

You can also download the Thriving Wallet research insights report / white paper, which has some good stats about the issue (you’re not alone!) as well as some practical micro-steps you can take.

Online Tools to Manage Financial Stress

The Commonwealth Bank has a range of resources for you to assess and then manage your situation. They believe there are 3 ways you should be looking at your overall financial wellbeing:

  1. Every day: Managing your day-to-day finances.
  2. Rainy day: Being ready for the unexpected.
  3. One Day: Making your one day goals a reality.

They also have some great free resources for things like making budgets (and how to make sure you stick to it!), ensuring you only spend within your budget, and learning how to pay off your debts. Although some things (like their customer app) require you to have a product with them, the site is still really valuable and for most resources you don’t get a hard-sell, which is nice.

NOTE: For full disclosure, I used to work at the Commonwealth Bank – which is why I know about their Financial Wellbeing site. But please note that I am not receiving any payment from them for this post, I just believe in the advice and resources they’re providing.

Dealing with Stress

Remember throughout it all that there are science-backed activities you can do to better manage your stress and build your resiliency. Check out the posts under the below topics for some ideas on how to manage your stress, or speak to a professional.

Community and Connection: Connecting with others and contributing to your community are proven to build emotional resiliency and make your life happier. It is so important not to neglect this part of your life, especially if it doesn’t come easily, like when work is really busy or if you’re a natural introvert.

Health and Wellbeing: Your health and wellbeing is critical to your happiness. Luckily, there is a wealth of information about how to make small changes to your life to make it healthier and improve your wellbeing.

Meaning and Purpose: Having a sense of meaning and purpose in life is critical to resiliency and living a happy life. You need it to thrive and flourish. It’s about having a reason to get out of bed in the morning, setting goals and having commitments. Some lucky people get that purpose through their job, but many of us get our purpose through other activities such as volunteering, learning or experiencing new things or caring for others.

References

  1. “The Thriving Wallet, research insights report/white paper.” Page 1. https://content.thriveglobal.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/Thriving-Wallet-Research-Insights-Report.pdf, accessed February 2020.
  2. Brzozowski, M. & Spotton Visano, B. J ““Havin’ Money’s Not Everything, Not Havin’ It Is”: The Importance of Financial Satisfaction for Life Satisfaction in Financially Stressed Households.” Happiness Stud (2020) 21: 573., https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-019-00091-0, accessed February 2020.
  3. The Salvation Army. “Feeling the Pinch: National Economic and Social Impact Survey, 2018.” https://apo.org.au/sites/default/files/resource-files/2018/11/apo-nid204626-1240541.pdf, accessed February 2020.
  4. Credit Suisse. “Global wealth databook 2019.” Page 141. https://www.credit-suisse.com/about-us/en/reports-research/global-wealth-report.html, accessed February 2020.

NOTE: This is not financial advice. It is intended to provide generalised, educational information. I do not know your financial situation or needs, and you should not rely on this information as financial product advice.

The ‘No Excuses’ Beginners Exercise Plan

by

Try this free, less than 20-minute, at-home beginners exercise plan

There are so many reasons we don’t exercise regularly. For many of us, it’s a bit daunting and not easy to get started. For others life is just too busy to fit something else in. Then there’s the people who have good intentions, but somehow in their busy lives, exercise just keeps getting cut, week after week.

STOP! It’s time to prioritise you and your health!

We all know the benefits of exercise to our mental and physical health. So, no more excuses!

Here’s a simple beginners exercise plan that’s designed to only add 20 minutes to your day, at home. That’s it! No gym fees or expensive equipment, no commuting to classes, just 20 minutes before you get in the shower in the mornings.

Instructions for your beginners exercise plan:

Here’s how it all works:

  1. Change Your Thinking. Exercise is not a chore and it is not a burden. It is about your self care and being the best you, you can be. Period.
  2. Set a Goal. Losing weight and being healthy are important, but they don’t tend to be good motivators. You need a reason why you’re doing this. If you can, make your goal something you want to see or visit or tie it to a holiday plan, then go book your tickets. (For example, my goal was to trek Machu Picchu).
  3. Commit. Tell your family, friends and work colleagues that you’re starting a new work-out routine, and discuss any small changes you and they will need to make, such as your partner making breakfast for the kids in the mornings, or maybe starting work 30 minutes later (and working back). This is important as these people will hold you accountable.
  4. Make Your New Routine. This program is set up to be a 20-minute exercise plan for beginners that is completed at home every weekday. I recommend the following new morning routine:
    1. Get out of bed, do not look at your phone/devices
    2. Have a glass of water and repeat “I deserve me time. Exercise is my time for me.”
    3. Put on some gym gear
    4. Turn on some of your favourite music
    5. Get the exercise done before your usual morning routine
  5. Get Started! Print a copy of your weekly exercise planner, write your goal at the top, and refer to it to complete the exercises. If you’re not sure how to do an exercise, you can easily search for any of these on YouTube.
  6. Build on Your Progress. It’s OK if some exercises are easy (not everything should be hard all at once). When you can easily do all the exercises on any given level, move up to the next level. This is generally every 2-4 weeks.

What to expect

  • Commit to Two Weeks: Getting started is hard! When you first start, you will probably feel a lot of doubt (and soreness!). Start with a promise that you’ll do two weeks – and remember these are the hardest weeks!
  • Workout Principles: To avoid injuries, you should always start each exercise by tightening your core (tummy) muscles, then do the exercise. If you’re too tired to do an exercise in a controlled way, then you should stop. If a muscle or body part is feeling particularly tight or sore, skip that exercise for the day.
  • Know Your Limits: Push yourself a little with each exercise. This feeling will get easier as time goes on. But if you’re experiencing pain, you should stop and get professional advice (generally from a qualified physio, chiro, remedial massage therapist or doctor). It will take a while to understand what your body is saying.
  • Self-care: If you’re getting tight and sore, treat yourself to a light massage to try to relieve some tension. Make sure you tell the therapist that you’re sore from working out, and what’s bothering you.
  • Be Forgiving of Yourself. If you miss a day, or even a week, just get started again when you can. Be aware that you might need to drop back down a level again if you take an extended break.

What you need:

  1. A chair for your squats
  2. A step or stairs for the step-ups
  3. A carpeted area or a yoga mat is preferable (more comfortable for you) but not necessary
  4. A stop watch, timer, or clock with seconds hand
  5. Two 1kg weights, this could be shampoo bottles, or large water bottles, or even bottles of wine!
  6. A tennis ball or foam roller (check out these YouTube videos for how to use a foam roller)

You should be able to make this all work for free, but if you do want to buy the equipment, I’ve included some suggestion below. Please note: I get an affiliate commission if you buy these items, but it’s at no extra cost to you.

Click to Download Your
Beginners Exercise Plan now!

Hey guys and gals, I’ve just got to cover myself here, so all the legal stuff is below, but in short, please listen to your own bodies and seek professional help if you think something is not right.

The ‘Beginners Exercise Plan’ does not take into account your personal health, strength or fitness level. It is intended as general information. It is not a rehabilitation plan, nor is it meant to replace professional medical advice. Please listen to your own body and see a qualified professional if you need to. By completing or attempting to complete this plan, you understand the above statements and agree that you are 100% responsible for your body and health and you agree to release Marie Skelton from any liability, responsibility or accountability for any negative outcomes.

Balancing Work Pressures With Health and Fitness

by

Dade Bailey, corporate leader and personal trainer, talks about the importance of balancing work and health

We all know we need to do exercise. There have been hundreds, probably thousands, of studies into the positive effects of regular exercise. It leads to better moods, decreased stress, more mental resilience, more confidence, more energy, and I could keep going on. So, there is no way I could have a site dedicated to happiness and mental health, and not cover exercise.

Unfortunately, when we get busy, exercise is often the first thing we drop!

That’s why this week I’m interviewing Dade Bailey, who has had a very successful career in the corporate world, but he also recently retrained as a personal trainer. I spoke to him about the importance of balancing the pressures of work with health and fitness, and how to bring a bit more balance into your life.

You’ve had a very successful career with some big Australian brands, but there’s more to you than your professional career… Let’s cut to the chase: you’re buff.

<Laughs> Nice, thanks. Yes I’m Okay. So yes, but it took a long time for me to get here.

How much time do you spend working out or doing exercise each week and what do you do?

On reflection looking back, I always wanted to get to this point of being able to look in the mirror and go, yeah, I look good. I feel great. I’ve got a healthy balance, and it took a very big mind shift to get there.

The gym I’ve been with for 14 years called Hiscoes in Surry Hills [Sydney], is such a great gym, I did a strength challenge with them that was the catalyst. They really gave me the understanding of how muscle groups work, how nutrition needs to work, how building good longevity strength really would help. And that helped me set my mindset to where I am now.

Now, I’m at the gym about four or five times a week for my own personal training. I do different things, that could be strength training, high intensity training, but also it could be just something for stress relief – like going to kick the crap out of a boxing bag, or just going to do some yoga for active recovery. I really love Pilates – Reformer Pilates – that’s really good. So, four to five times a week because rest is so important as well. You’ve got to be able to allow your body time to recover.

Is balance something that’s important to you?

I think being in the corporate world for such a long time, exercise is always my outlet and going to the gym in the morning sets me up for the day, to really start my day off well. So from a mental health point of view, it was like, I’m ready. I’m walking in the office ready to take on the day. I’m feeling good. I’ve got all these endorphins happening. It’s great. Fantastic.

However if my nutrition wasn’t balanced and I was then going to eat an egg and bacon sandwich every day, and not really balancing my food, I wasn’t really complimenting my training well. Then then looking at other parts of my life and ensuring I have a balance in those areas.

When I lead teams questions I’d ask ‘are you exercising? Are you eating right? Are you sleeping right? How’s home life?’ To see if their life is balanced, and if it wasn’t, they wouldn’t be able to bring their best selves to work. At the start of each week, I used to ask my team “How are you feeling out of 10 this week?” To gauge how balanced they are heading into the week and how I could support them better.

Additionally I included exercise at work, instead of just having a 1:1 in a room, we’d go and have a walk and talk to do some exercise at the same time. Or have team meeting, we’d get out the building, so you were getting away from your desk.

Now I’ve become a personal trainer and I know a lot more about the sciences behind it, so going back into the corporate world is really going to help me as a leader to help my team thrive, so they get the best out of their work and bringing their best selves to work.

A lot of people join gyms and go to one or two classes and never go back. How did you find that spark or that passion to begin with?

As I said before there was a challenge at the gym. It was an eight-week strength challenge and I’m like, you know what, for eight weeks, I will commit. This is a short amount of time. Really commit. And even by week four of the eight weeks, I was seeing so many different changes in my body, how I was sleeping, how I was motivating myself. I changed myself from not being a morning person to being a morning person.

That’s huge!

It’s huge. I never used to be able to get out of bed. I used to sleep in and just go to work, but now I wake up at like 5:30 in the morning, quite happily.

Okay, I need your secret. We’ll get to that in a second.

But I think for me, it was that you’ve got to be able to help yourself and that was the mindset thing. You are the only one who’s going to be accountable here. You’ve got personal trainers that will help you, use them to help build out a program but it’s also “Where’s your commitment in this?” And I had to make a commitment to myself.

The corporate world is relentless, and it’s nonstop. And you have to find those moments to find that balance.

A lot of us are spending long, long hours in corporate world, and it’s becoming harder and harder to say no. What advice would you give to people to make sure they can find the balance in their life to fit in exercise.

Just from a personal point of view, after 14 years of working in an organization of the scale and the complexity that I did, I was really burnt out. And I’ve taken the time out to do some of the things I wanted to do, like become a personal trainer, which is amazing.

The corporate world is relentless, and it’s nonstop. And you have to find those moments to find that balance. As a leader in an organization, it was making sure that people came to work and they had a balanced life outside of work was my priority, because if they were wandering in and they didn’t have that balance, they weren’t able to perform at work. So for me, them making sure that they could do work flexibly if they wanted or being able to prioritize going to the gym classes that they wanted, or “hey, there’s a yoga class at four.” Go for it. You can. I know you’ll work to make up the hours. It’s about not putting restrictions on or being stuck in the old way of working of, “I need to see you at your desk from nine to five, and you need to produce X amount of widgets.”

Instead it’s like, “Here are the outcomes that you need to achieve. I expect you’re an adult and you’re able to achieve them. I will give you accountability to do that, and you work how you want. Giving people that freedom enabled them to be able to bring more of themselves to work and they were honest with me going, “I’m going through a tough time with this happening at home.” Okay, cool, at least I’m aware. But at least that kind of relationship really helped people bring everything they can to the office, and I created teams that thrive. And that’s where I’m always very proud of those moments. Because for me, if I’m running a team and they’re not living their best life outside of work, they’re not going to enjoy coming to work every day.

Absolutely. So obviously we all wish we had a boss like you! Were there any points in your life where you had bosses that didn’t subscribe to this idea? And how did you deal with explaining that you need to take time for yourself in order to be better for the organization or for your boss?

I had a boss who was a micromanager, and he really pushed my buttons. In the end, I learned that to manage the micro manager, I had to manage back. Okay, you want to know everything I’m doing? Here is a task list. Here’s everything I’m doing. You want to see that I’ve done all these tasks? Awesome.

Instead of them controlling me, I had to take control of them. But I also gave them honest feedback. I’d ask, “Can I just ask why you need to know this level of detail?” And sometimes people are just afraid of the boss. So just ask the question, “What was this to achieve? What’s the outcome?” Because for me, that kind of open and honest communication doesn’t happen enough in the corporate world. People need to ask the question “why” a lot more.

Have there been any times since you first started including exercise in your life on a regular basis that you haven’t been able to exercise, and have you noticed any impacts on your mental health or resiliency?

Absolutely. When in high delivery times, if I don’t get sleep and I don’t get to the gym in the morning, I go straight to work, I can sense my productivity levels dropping. I’m wandering in, I don’t feel energized, it would take me about two hours to get going. And people are bombarding me with questions and I wasn’t firing on all cylinders!

So that’s why it becomes so important to make sure you find that time and make sure that it happens, saying ‘this is important to my balance and the reason for that is to avoid two hours of wasted time as I wander in.’ Make sure you have the conversation as to why it’s important with your leaders to go, ‘this is me, this is why I need to do this. This is going to be better for you.’ This could be not just exercise, it could be making sure you’re dropping the kids off or going to swim class with the kids or prioritising a doctors appointment. As long as they let me know, there were ways we could make it work.

One time I noticed it started to affect my mental health was when I was leading the one of the biggest, complex change programs to deliver IT experiences to the whole organisation. It was consuming so much of my time, I started see my drinking habits go up each day, I was working longer hours, I was getting to bed late and sleeping in and not getting to the gym.

So I actually did a checkpoint, a kind of ‘put me at the centre’ activity and what actually makes me happy overall. For me it was flexible working, meaningful work, getting to the gym, making sure I’ve got time for my nutrition and making sure I’ve got time with my friends. When I started to protect those parts of my personal life, I felt the balance returning. I ensured I could cook on a Sunday night for the food for the week, ensured I limited my drinking to weekends, had conversation with my boss to come in a bit later so I could fit in my gym in the morning.  I really had to look at and put myself under the microscope and go, what makes you happy on a day to day basis from the outside of work. And what is work affecting of those pillars? And make changes.

I think it’s such an irony that when we’re needed most at work, we let down all the other areas of our life that keep us healthy for work.

But it’s also the ability for a leader to see that in their people. And for me now coming into a personal training side, I think I’m rounding out my skills in a very different way. Because it will be a very much, “well, what makes you ‘you’ outside of work? Is it exercise? Is it nutrition? How are you balancing yourself out? And how as a leader can I help that outside work operate well? What blockers do I need to remove to help free that up so you come into this office skipping?”

Can I ask you since you have been training and doing your certifications, what are some tips for people who are just starting out on their exercise journey?

Ask questions of anyone working in that gym. I’ve had the same personal trainer since day dot (Hi Mac) and he’s just so full of knowledge, like how bodies work, how you sleep, how exercise affects your energy levels – there’s so much knowledge that they have! Learn from them and really ask questions. They want to be asked and if you have a question over motivation, programs, technique or what is best to achieve your fitness goals, ask them. And if they don’t know they’ll know someone who can [help].

A lot of people don’t do the gym because they have a fear that they may look silly, don’t know how to  use the equipment or may go “ahh no, they look really fit, I can’t join that class.” But everybody working at the gym is there to help you. And yes, there are some people in gyms that are all there posing in front of mirrors or at the other end of the spectrum where they’re like, “Oh, my God, you had an alcoholic beverage, the world is ending.” But remember most people are there to better themselves. You’re all there for the same reasons, you’re there for health or want to look better for your wedding that’s coming up, or something like that. And there are people in that gym, with so many skills to help you achieve that. Don’t be afraid.

I know I was! I think I first went to a gym when I was 13 or 14 and those machines looked so scary. I don’t know if you remember going, “Oh my gosh, how do these work?” So would you recommend maybe taking a class to get started versus going straight for the weights equipment?

A couple of things that I’d recommend: most gyms overall should have some kind of introduction assessment. They should do a fitness assessment with you as soon as you walk in. Let’s sit down and get a baseline, let’s do some measurements. Let’s make sure you can know what your goals are, what do you want to achieve. A good gym will sit down and help you design a program and not only help you design a program to help you start to achieve that, but also show you how to use that equipment.

Regarding your point on the machines looking scary, they are built to help you ensure you’re doing your form correctly. Most should have a little illustration on them as how to use it properly, if you don’t have the confidence to talk to someone at the gym to demonstrate it to you. Otherwise, ask one of the trainers because they honestly want you to use the gym, use it safely, have correct form and they want their product to be used and for you to get the best results.

Is there anything I haven’t asked you that you want to add before we go?

I think in summary it’s about finding balance overall. If you are completing exercise or want to start, then work with your gym on how to do that and remember your body needs fuel for that exercise. Complement this with great nutrition, getting the sleep you need sleep, ensure you have time for your own mental health and having time for enjoying life – you need to look at what factors of your life are really are important to you, see how you get balance across them and see how you protect them.

After all, we work to live, not live to work!

If you’re in Sydney, you can find Dade at Hiscoes gym in Surry Hills. Visit www.hiscoes.com.au.

What is a State of Flow and How to Find it

by

What is a State of Flow?

Flow is a concept made famous by one of the pioneers of positive psychology Mihály Csíkszentmihályi. Being in a state of flow means you’re completely focused on the task at hand, to the point that you forget about yourself, about others and about the world around you. You might lose track of time, but it doesn’t matter because you are so engrossed in your activity, so happy in the moment.

“Contrary to what we usually believe (…) the best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times—although such experiences can also be enjoyable, if we have worked hard to attain them. The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”

Mihály Csíkszentmihályi

There’s nothing better than spending a few hours in a state of flow to complete a task. The ability to focus on deep work and find distraction-free concentration can be hugely satisfying. It’s that feeling of having ticked a million things off your to-do list or finally sending your boss that huge presentation you’ve been working on.

Indeed, Csíkszentmihályi’s research has shown that people who experience a state of flow not only enjoy performing the task more, but they also have increased productivity and satisfaction, and reduced stress while increasing the quality of the output.

“Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It’s not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; it’s a day you’ve had everything to do and you’ve done it.”

Margaret Thatcher

So, how does the state of flow work?

There’s a part of the brain called the Default Mode Network (DMN) where all your autopilot activities happen – you know those times you leave work and before you know it you’re home and you think, “wow I don’t really remember how I got home.” That’s when the DMN is running the show.

As kids, everything is new and we’re constantly learning. As we get older, things become more ‘the same’ and as a result our brains don’t need to try as hard, instead operating in the DMN. But when we’re in a state of flow, just like when we’re experiencing awe, we move from the autopilot part of our brains to the learning and inspiration part.

“Dampening DMN activity may be key to giving us a sense of self-transcendence. Other studies have found decreased DMN activity when participants entered a flow state, during meditation, and when participants under the influence of psychedelics experienced “ego dissolution,” according to Summer Allen a Research/Writing Fellow with UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center.

In short, when we’re in a state of flow, we’re coming off autopilot and experiencing the world in a deeper and more meaningful way.

Three steps to put flow into practice

1. Get rid of technological distractions

To engage in truly deep work, you need to limit or eliminate interruptions and find a way to silence the change storm! So, turn off your phone, or put it on silent and leave it in another room (to stop you checking it!). If you’re working on your computer, be sure to turn off email notifications.

2. Get away from other people

From kids asking you questions, or the phone ringing, or the TV blaring, our busy lives can feel like one big interruption. Similarly, today’s modern office spaces are built to encourage collaboration, but often at the expense of deep work. So, let others around you know they’re not to disturb you for a set period of time and close the door. Or try to get out of the busy environment for a few hours, try the local library or a coffee shop with some noise cancelling headphones. If you’re at work, try to find a peaceful space alone, or if you’re one of the lucky few who can work from home, guard that privilege with your life!

3. Find a suitable task that you can immerse yourself in

One of the key requirements of the state of flow is that the task be sufficiently difficult, without being overwhelmingly difficult or unachievable. That perfect task will be completely subjective but it will often revolve around mastering a skill or task or completing a big task or project. Here are some activities that might inspire you.

Personally, I’ve been lucky to have the time to tackle quite a few projects that have given me flow lately. I recently launched a blog, and aside from writing, I’ve been reading and researching all about websites, web security, SEO and e-commerce and putting it all into practice. I’ve often looked up after a whole day of research and fiddling with my site to see the sun has gone down and my husband arrived home hours ago without me really registering it.

I hope you find your flow too.

Mihaly Csíkszentmihályi talks about flow at TED

Tell us. What activities do you do that help you to experienced flow?

Don’t forget to subscribe for our weekly blog.

How to Find Balance in Life

by

The key to Finding Balance and Living a Good Life

Prefer to watch this on video? Click here.

Do you ever feel a bit overwhelmed by everything you have to do and all the demands on your time? Have you ever wondered about how to find balance in life?

  • How do you keep balance in your life?
  • How to achieve balance in life?
  • What are the benefits of balance?

Life is pretty hectic at times, and it can feel like there’s a constant tension between what you need to get done and what you know you should do.

But the research is clear: happy, resilient people have balance across three key foundations:

  • Purpose & Meaning
  • Community & Connection
  • Health & Wellbeing

These are the people who take change in their stride and weather anything the Change Storm throws their way. They’re confident and they’re killing it!

The trick to finding balance in life is to maintain the balance across these three foundations, especially when things get hectic and crazy, because these are the things that will make you most resilient through the tough times.

Here’s a little bit more about each of these three foundations and how they can help you find balance in life.

Meaning & Purpose

Having a sense of meaning and purpose in life is critical to resiliency and living a happy life. You need it to thrive and flourish. It’s about having a reason to get out of bed in the morning, setting goals and having commitments. Some lucky people get that purpose through their job, but many of us get our purpose through other activities such as volunteering, learning or experiencing new things or caring for others.

Community & Connection

Connecting with others and contributing to your community are proven to build emotional resiliency and make your life happier. It is so important not to neglect this part of your life, especially if it doesn’t come easily, like when work is really busy or if you’re a natural introvert.

Be patient: it can take up to 150 hours to become good friends with someone. So don’t get discouraged if it takes a while to develop new friends.

Health & Wellbeing

Your health and wellbeing is critical to your happiness. Luckily, there is a wealth of information about how to make small changes to your life to make it healthier and improve your wellbeing.

This means that more often than not, you choose to:

  • eat well and drink plenty of water
  • get enough sleep, regularly and consistently
  • do regular exercise every week
  • remember to rest too!

But remember, it’s about doing the right thing most of the time. Don’t aim for perfection. Setting unrealistic goals is not going to help you, in fact it will be impossible to live up to and you’ll likely just give up.

Download our infographic!

Finding Balance in Life - Infographic

How to Practice Gratitude, and Why You Should do it

by

How to Practice Gratitude

In today’s high stress, constantly changing world, it can be hard to work out what will make life easier and what is just more noise. Thankfully, practicing gratitude is not only science backed, but also really easy and cheap. Plus, if you practice gratitude you’ll be happier, less stressed and have higher overall wellbeing and satisfaction with your life and social relationships. Read on to learn how to practice gratitude and why it matters.

What is Gratitude?

The Oxford Dictionary defines gratitude as “the quality of being thankful, and readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.”

Gratitude is often mistaken as a sign of politeness—something that parents teach kids to impress other adults and prepare kids for more formal social experiences.

Actually, it is a much deeper human characteristic that fundamentally supports our capacity to work in social groups. It’s all about being collaborative and working well with others in harmony.  When we express gratitude, we affirm mutual dependence with others and convey interest in future collaboration. When others express gratitude to us, we are infused with purpose, motivation and common humanity. When we feel gratitude, we grow more attuned to what is good in life and connect that goodness to other people.

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.

Cicero, Roman orator and philosopher

Benefits of Practicing Gratitude

Now I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a sceptic. So, I really need some good science to make me take more time out of my week to do something that on the surface may seem a bit airy-fairy. So, here’s what a tiny sample of the studies show:

UC Berkeley’s Summer Allen writes that grateful people are happier, more satisfied, less materialistic and have better mental and physical health. 

Northeastern professor and author of Emotional Success, David DeSteno, has spent his life studying gratitude and his research shows that gratitude helps people have more self-control – which in turn helps them to achieve goals.

In fact, according to DeSteno, “People feeling grateful are more likely to help others who request assistance, to divide their profits in a more egalitarian way, to be loyal even at cost to themselves, to be less materialistic, and even to exercise as opposed to loafing.”

A study by Emmons & McCullough published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2003 showed that participants who kept a gratitude journal weekly for 10 weeks or daily for two weeks experienced more positive moods, optimism about the future, and better sleep.

Practicing Gratitude at Work

At work, practicing gratitude can be hugely beneficial as it helps to keep people out of their head, and in a positive frame of mind. This is particularly relevant in today’s corporate world, which is currently advocating for failing fast and sharing failures. While it’s important to analyse and learn from mistakes, focusing too much on failures can sometimes mean we think too much about what goes wrong and not enough about what goes right.

Additionally, with today’s increasing pace of change and constant striving to keep up with competitors, shifting markets and new trends, it can be easy to keep focusing on what’s next, then what’s next, then what’s next after that. Add to that a lot of the time, in today’s Agile organisations with a constant iteration mindset, it can feel like nothing is ever done, and therefore nothing is ever good enough.

But, practicing gratitude forces employees to stop and pay attention to the good things they’re accomplishing. It makes them appreciate the things they might otherwise take for granted. In that way, they start to become more attuned to the sources of pleasure around them—and the emotional tone of their work life can shift in profound ways.

Multiple studies back this up (see here and here). These studies have found that cultivating gratitude toward the workplace can help alleviate negative emotions and attitudes at work. Also, employees with higher levels of gratitude toward work are more likely to excel by going above and beyond their job tasks.

So, in short, cultivating a culture of gratitude in your organisation will improve performance and engagement, which leads to better retention.

How to Practice Gratitude and Make it a Habit

Here’s the best part of practicing gratitude. It’s really easy and cheap. You just need to get into the habit of doing it. You can pick any, or all of the below ideas and add them into your week. Here’s how to practice gratitude:

Journaling: Writing about what you’re grateful for is key. Research suggests translating thoughts into concrete language makes us more aware of them, deepening their emotional impact. Two or three times per week is enough, and it’s useful to reflect on smaller, more frequent things—such as a modest bit of help from a friend or colleague. You can simply pick up a notebook from the shops, or you can buy one of the hundreds of options online, like the ones below.

Write a thank you note: Summer Allen’s research shows that actually taking action and physically writing out letters of thanks to people is an even better way to harness the power of gratitude. So, when writing in your journal, keep an eye out for a person who has come up multiple times or has gone above and beyond.

Conversations: At the dinner table each night or on a certain day each week, start a conversation with your family or friends and take turns letting everyone know what you’re most grateful for that day or week. This has the added benefit of being a good conversation starter and helps to build stronger social bonds!

Volunteer: Not only is this the ultimate way to show gratitude, but research has shown that helping others through acts of charity or volunteer work can make you feel better and happier.

Don’t forget to subscribe for our weekly blog.

VIDEO: Weathering the Change Storm

by

We’re all living in a Change Storm and experiencing more change, more often than ever before. It’s making us sick, with anxiety, stress and burnout.

In this video, I share some of the results of my research and the secret to why some people are resilient, while others are not. Learn about the three foundations to build your mental strength and resilience, so you can weather the Change Storm and cope with anything life throws at you.

See transcript below.

Want to know more? You can find out more about the Change Storm and how to build your resilience, or read about My story.

Dealing with the Change Storm

There are science-backed activities you can do to better manage your stress and build your resiliecy. Check out my posts under the below topics for some ideas on how to manage your stress, or speak to a professional.

Community and Connection: Connecting with others and contributing to your community are proven to build emotional resiliency and make your life happier. It is so important not to neglect this part of your life, especially if it doesn’t come easily, like when work is really busy or if you’re a natural introvert.

Health and Wellbeing: Your health and wellbeing is critical to your happiness. Luckily, there is a wealth of information about how to make small changes to your life to make it healthier and improve your wellbeing.

Meaning and Purpose: Having a sense of meaning and purpose in life is critical to resiliency and living a happy life. You need it to thrive and flourish. It’s about having a reason to get out of bed in the morning, setting goals and having commitments. Some lucky people get that purpose through their job, but many of us get our purpose through other activities such as volunteering, learning or experiencing new things or caring for others.

TRANSCRIPT: Weathering the Change Storm

Now, more than any other time in human history, we’re experiencing more change, more often than ever before. It’s a change storm. And it can feel like it’s raining down on us, and there’s hailstones pelting us. And there’s that sideways rain, and it’s even raining cats and dogs… and even men.

There is no escaping change today. So why are we so bad at coping with it? Now I’m no stranger to change. I come from an elite sports background, having played volleyball for Australia and on scholarship in the states college. I started my career as a journalist working with USA Today and then moving to large multinational organizations, where I coached senior executives.

But a couple of years ago, I was on holidays with a friend when I had a motorbike accident and I nearly died. But that wasn’t the worst of it.

The worst part wasn’t being told I’d probably have to have my leg amputated.

And it wasn’t the three months in hospital, the 12 surgeries, the years of pain and rehab.

The worst part was a few months after the accident, shortly after I got home.

One day, I started crying. And I wheeled myself into my bedroom and put myself to bed and that’s where my husband found me when he got home from work that night. And that’s where I stayed crying for the next four days. It was the start of a very long journey to regain my mental health.

And when I got out of that dark space, I started talking to people who’d been through major life changes. And I went from feeling alone and confused about what I’d gone through to feeling indignant that so many people I spoke to had similar stories to mine. They had been through major change and they hadn’t coped.

So I ask you again, why are we not able to deal with this change when we all know it’s happening?

So being an ex journalist, I’ve spent the last few months talking to people around the world. I’ve spoken to Olympic athletes and their coaches, to former and current military personnel to people who’ve been made redundant and people who’ve retired, a second of people who’ve been given heartbreaking diagnoses and who’ve experienced trauma.

The great news is there are three foundations that people who cope with change well have.

Now this isn’t to say that those people don’t feel pain. When things go wrong, they still experience the stress of the situation. But they bounce back faster. And they don’t let it overwhelm them and lead them to depression. So I’m guessing you want to know what those three things are?

So firstly, they have purpose and meaning in their life. And for a lot of us, that means a job. But there is variety here. It’s what gets you out of bed in the morning. It’s having goals and commitments.

The second thing is they’ve got strong social bonds. They’ve invested time into a core group of people that they feel like can depend on. They also often have a wider community of people around them due to things like church, sports groups, and volunteering activities.

The third thing these people have is that they practice and prioritize health and wellness habits. Now the habits themselves can vary between things like yoga, practicing gratitude and mindfulness, to hardcore gym junkies or simply eating healthfully and drinking water. But they prioritize those habits in their lives over the other things that get in the way of day to day life.

Now, you’re probably wondering what happened to me and how I got myself out of that mental health hole and to be honest, it was dumb luck. Two things happened around the same time.

Being an athlete, I was getting bored with my rehab, it was going a bit too slowly. And one day I rolled into my physio, and I said I’ve just booked my flights to Machu Picchu, we’ve got a year to get me there. And last October, I did hike Machu Picchu [applause]. But that gave me a goal gave me a purpose and it lit a fire.

The second thing that happened around the same time is a good friend of mine railroaded me into coaching Sydney’s LGBTQ first ever competitive volleyball club. And what I didn’t know at the time is that those crazy, loving, fabulous men would give me back my community and my social bonds that I’d lost when I’d come home from hospital all of a sudden. And I can’t thank them enough.

So if there’s two things that I want to leave you with today, firstly, if you’re going through change, please know that you’re not alone if you’re struggling.

Secondly, you will all go through change at some point in your future. So take stock of your life. Look at those three things — workaholics in particular — make sure there is balance and you’re investing in your social bonds and the people around you and that you’re taking time to look after yourself.

Thank you

Being Alone Can Make You Happier

by

Introverts Rejoice – Being Alone Is Good For You

I’m an introvert. That’s not to say I’m not social or don’t have a lot of friends. It just means that I do everything in my power to find “me time.” I’m most wound-up after work, where I have been interacting with people all day in an open office environment. So, when I get home, the last thing I want to do is speak to people. Ideally, I would spend my entire evening alone with a book, or a TV show or a project. Every evening.

Introverts are energised from being alone. Extroverts are energised from being with people.

The problem is that between the pinging of my phone, expectations of friends and family, and realities of work and life, it’s a constant struggle. The world just isn’t built for introverts, and I feel the pressure to be present and available.

My story is not uncommon, estimates are that anywhere from 20-50 per cent of the population are introverts, or have some introverted tendencies or characteristics (if you prefer to think of introversion and extroversion on a sliding scale or spectrum).

The World Is Built For Social Interaction

It is well documented that social connection is important to happiness. Humans evolved from tight-knit families and hunter-gatherer groups, where being alone or separated from the group often led to death. In modern times, the importance of community remains.

So it stands to reason that much of the design of modern western society is geared to supporting and rewarding positive social connection. In sports and at work, the happy, outgoing, positive and popular people are given leadership positions, and the quiet achievers are often overlooked. The world is an extrovert’s playground, from large school classrooms to group projects at university and now open office environments.

For an introvert — someone who craves a quiet place to think and work — being successful in this world can be tough. It’s a never-ending juggling act of showing up and ‘being seen’ while constantly searching for opportunities to get away to recharge by yourself or get some quiet time.

This isn’t to say that (most) introverts don’t want or need to be around people, it’s just that we need more balance between time with and time without other people. Extroverts and introverts are all social beings, it’s just the degrees of contact that vary. And the science backs that up. Be social we’re told, it’s the key to happiness and helps prevents loneliness.

Extroverts – Not Only Introverts – Should Seek Alone Time

But does it hold true then, that all our time should be spent on social pursuits? And that we should never be unsocial?

It turns out the answer is no, and we may have been overlooking the benefits to being alone. In fact, the research shows that the introvert’s constant search for ‘me time’ could be making them happier and more creative.

Russian researchers Martin Lynch, Sergey Ishanov and Dmitry Leontiev have investigated the phenomenon of positive solitude, where people choose to spend time alone for contemplation, reflection or creativity. They found that being alone leads to more positive emotions, like relaxation and calm, and having a greater sense of pleasure and meaning.

A study discussed in Medical News Today also confirms that individuals who have balance between social interaction and periods of chosen isolation are highly  creative. The study found that being too shy or avoiding people is not good for individuals, but simply choosing to spend time alone isn’t a bad thing, in fact quite the opposite.

According to lead researcher, University of Buffalo’s Julie Bowker, some individuals spend more time alone than others, but also regularly spend time socialising. This group of individuals “may get just enough peer interaction so that when they are alone, they are able to enjoy that solitude. They’re able to think creatively and develop new ideas — like an artist in a studio or the academic in his or her office.”

Finally, it’s worth pointing out that for me, being alone also gives me a chance to unwind from stress and re-balance. It’s my personal form of mediation, minus the meditation. Working from home one day a week has helped with my resiliency, allowing me to cope better with a busy and often stressful world around me. It’s the day I am most productive and feel the most satisfaction with what I achieve throughout the week.

Being Alone Is NOT Feeling Lonely

A quick sidebar… to be clear, being alone is not the same as feeling lonely.

Being alone is a deliberate choice to spend time away from others in contrast with the unpleasant experience of feeling lonely, which can be detrimental to your health.

Over the last decade, there has been an increased focus on the dangers of loneliness. Brigham Young University researchers showed that social isolation increases premature death by 50 per cent. Loneliness is also associated with increased blood pressure, cholesterol levels and depression, and decreased cognitive abilities and Alzheimer’s disease.

More than that, in our modern society we’re learning that loneliness is not just a problem for older generations – who are more prone to suffering from isolation – it has also become an area of concern for the young. The Young Australian Loneliness Survey showed that loneliness is common among adolescents and young adults, a significant proportion reported problematic levels of loneliness. This included one in six adolescents (aged 12–17) and more than one in three young adults (aged 18–25).

It’s clear there is a global loneliness problem that we need to look into solving. But, that’s for another time, and is not the topic of this article. So, back to being alone.

3 Steps To Being Alone (Not Lonely)

The research shows that being alone can make you happier and more creative. It is also a key factor in finding flow, which is again linked to happiness and satisfaction. And introverts have long used alone time to ensure positive mental health.

Why not book a date with yourself today? Here’s how…

  1. Schedule Alone Time

If your usual MO is all about filling every waking hour with family, friends and activities, being alone might feel a bit weird to start with. The first step is to schedule some “me time.” So, plan a date with yourself, block out your calendar and tell your family you are taking some time for you.

  1. Find an Activity That Works For You

There are many things that you can choose to do, the only limitation is that you do it alone and without interruptions. You could plan a self-care or pamper date with yourself – go to the spa, or get a massage, have a long bath. You could go to a coffee shop or space you enjoy and read a book for a few hours. Maybe you could sign up to learn meditation or yoga, or go for a walk in nature, or plan to do something awe-inspiring.

  1. Be Mindful With Your Alone Time

Once you’ve scheduled your “me time” you have to make sure you get the benefits! That means silencing or turning off your phone and setting expectations that you won’t be contactable. It also means being mindful during the experience. Make sure you stop to appreciate the moments and take the time to be with your thoughts.

Related content: Read Moving On article What is a State of Flow and How to Find it, listen to our Podcast: Being Alone Can Make you Happier (E7)

Do you have any tips for how to be alone? Let us know in the comments below.

Don’t forget to subscribe for our weekly blog.