Unapologetically Marie

Writer, podcaster, mental health advocate

Happiness Blog

Self-Care is Church for Non-Believers Pt 2 (E38)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

In this episode, we revisit the popular episode that was the inspiration for our new book: Self-Care is Church For Non-Believers. We explain how a decline in church attendance and an increase in overall scepticism mean that many of us no longer prioritise self-care activities. Yet, we need to prioritise strong self-care habits more than ever.

As the Dalai Lama said, “I believe the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness. Whether one believes in religion or not, whether one believes in that religion or this religion, we are all seeking something better in life. So, I think, the very motion of our life is towards happiness…”

Transcript

M: You’re listening to the podcast Happiness for Cynics, I’m Marie Skelton.

P: And I’m Peter Furness. And

M&P: We wrote a book!

P: [Laugh] But back to the Podcast. Each week we will bring to you the latest news and research in the world of positive psychology otherwise known as happiness.

M: So if you’re feeling low.

P: Or if you are only satisfied with life but not truly happy with it.

M: Or maybe you just want more!

P: Then this is the place to be!

M: And to take us one step further on our happiness journey, today’s episode is all about the premise behind our new book, Self-Care.

P: Aww.

[Happy Intro Music]

M: So Pete, it’s time to ditch the cynicism and buy in the Self-Care.

P: Woof.

M: [Laugh]

P: I love it when you’re aggressive.

M: [Laugh] So, this is the whole idea behind the podcast but also our book, which was a spin-off of one of our earlier episodes where we looked at Self-Care. And in the end we kind of came to the conclusion that it was something that a lot of people, who were following religions and going to church, were actually already being taught and doing but without knowing it. And a lot of people have been practicing the types of interventions that are scientifically proven to make them happier simply by going to church.

P: There we go. The church people had it right.

M: Now there’s a problem, because less and less people are going to church nowadays.

P: Oh, yes, yes. The decline in church attendance, the decay of our moral fibre’s, the politicians are weeping.

M: The Ministers, Priests.

P: Oh, I thought the politicians were, oh well.

[Laughter]

M: So that was conundrum number one. One thing that’s changing our society. And the second thing is, particularly in Australia, we’re all cynics.

P: Ah, I like this concept. Are Australians truly cynical.

M: We tend to be.

P: Mmm.

M: Australians, we’re a cynical bunch.

P: Yeah, we are cynical, it’s part of our humour. Part of our sarcasm and wit is to be a little bit cynical and not take anything too seriously.

M: Yep, absolutely and we’re well known for it as well.

P: Yep, yep. Very true. But are we cynical to the point of being detrimental to our own happiness?

M: I think that around the world, all people are. So whether or not you buy into Self-Care, a lot of people aren’t practising Self-Care, whether it’s because of cynicism or because life just gets in the way.

P: Mmm.

M: We are seeing a huge rise in loneliness, anxiety, stress and depression. And it’s getting even worse during Corona virus. So we need to do something. We need an intervention here.

P: Interesting. So we all need to be a little bit more aware of Self-Care and it may be a little bit more, shall we use the “I word”, indulgent?

M: No, don’t use the “I word”!

P: [Laugh]

M: And this is the second conundrum that we discuss in our book. So the first one is we’re not going to church as often, and that’s due to people not believing in God as much so that that makes sense, right? We’re not saying here at all that you need to believe in God or that you don’t. We’re completely agnostic on the religious front.

P: If God works for you, you go there.

M: Yep, absolutely.

P: Definitely.

M: What we are saying, though, is that if you’re not going to church and therefore doing a lot of these interventions that bring a more positive mindset and more happiness and Well-Being, then you need to do something else.

P: I think it comes down to being spiritual and again. This is a.. This is the cynical viewpoint that comes back about the minute you mentioned Spirituality in a conversation over this dinner table. A lot of people roll their eyes, and go ‘Oh, here we go, here come the angel stories and the crystals and all the dream catchers and all that sort of stuff. There’s this kind of assumption that Spirituality is an indulgence. [Silly voice] “It’s a cosmic energetic transference and trans-mutation.”

M: You might call it that. I would not call it that.

P: I’m not saying I call it that but this is the impression that you get and I’m usually the person at the dinner table starting to quote the Spirituality conversation, or lead the conversation in that direction. And I get this push back a lot from different people and the cynics of the world to come forth and go ‘Oh, that’s just bull shit.’

M: Yeah, I think it is. Yes.

P: [Laugh] And yet, and yet-

M: So back to Self-Care, which I do not call Spirituality.

P: No, I think there’s a link here. I think that if we look at, look at the fact of church attendance and the link between church attendance and what it does to all the Self-Care elements that we clocked.

M: Yep.

P: If you replace that church attendance with Spirituality, Spirituality has a huge factor of the same concept of giving you meditation, making you gracious, making you aware of these Self-Care elements that you put into your life doesn’t necessarily have to be religion.

M: Does it? Again, I’m not spiritual in anyway. So when you say spiritually, what do you replacing God with?

P: Oh, we’re taking, we’re taking religion out of the equation. We’re going with something a little bit more left of field. So we’re going with the people that might be pagans, for example, or practise energetic Healing Arts, those kind of, maybe even more Eastern practises that have gone into that realm of Crystal Reading and Tea Leaf Predicting, those sorts of things.

M: Well each to their own.

P: Exactly.

M: But I wouldn’t say that they cover off Awe, Gratitude, Service to Others, Meditation all of the things that a traditional church does.

P: I’m going to challenge you on that, Marie.

M: So Tea Leaf Reading is an activity in and of enough itself and I wouldn’t say that it teaches you all of those things that a traditional church would cover off.

P: Okay, I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree on that one, because I think it does. There’s a lot of, there’s giving of the self. There’s an investment of another person in Tea Leaf Reading for example, if you read your tea leaves, I’m offering you a space that is more reflective, I’m being gracious towards you. I’m giving you my energy.

M: Is that part of the teaching of a Tea Leaf Reader.

P: Well, I’m not a Tea Leaf Reader so I couldn’t necessarily say that.

M: Well there is the problem with your argument.

P: [Laugh] Well, I hope we get some Tea Leaf Readers writing in, right now.

[Laughter]

M: So, I guess what I’m calling out here is that the particular Spiritual vocations or activities that you’re calling out are very distinct and activities that don’t span the full spectrum that a normal church environment would. So you’re not being given morals and activities and that societal responsibility that comes with a traditional Christian or Muslim church type environment or, or any of the major religions which ask you to not only consider yourself and your own behaviours, but to consider society. Tea Leaf Reading doesn’t have that larger, holistic, life style impact, I would argue, and again back to the whole reason why we’re talking about all of this stuff. Religious or Spirituality, Religion or Spirituality aside, we need to stop calling these things indulgences. Or –

P: That’s what I meant.

M:  –crazy crackpot religious ideas, they’re not. They are science backed.

P: So, Self-Care is not an indulgence.

M: It’s not an indulgence, and it’s not for the weird spiritual or religious people. It is so important. And this year we’ve seen such a huge rise in mental health issues across the board, across every demographic all around the world, we’ve had changes to our society, and people aren’t coping.

P: You’ve got a couple of quotes there Marie from the Pew Research Centre and the Edelman Trust Barometer.

M: Or research, yeah definitely.

P: This is about the rise of employees losing their jobs, working mothers find it difficult to balance work and family life. In the World Health Organisation, noting that depression anxiety have an estimated cost to the global economy of $1 trillion a year in lost productivity.

M: It’s becoming an epidemic. Sorry lets, it is an epidemic.

P: Mmm.

M: World Economic Forum has done a lot of work on loneliness.

P: Mmm Hmm.

M: Burnout, last year was a hot topic. Stress and anxiety have been going up for years. Trending upwards we’re just not coping.

P: So we need to invest in Self-Care more on a personal level, everyone needs to address their own Self-Care.

M: Absolutely and we’ve got to stop thinking or isn’t as indulgent.

P: It’s necessary.

M: Why don’t we have an ability for kids who are feeling too stressed out to take a mental health day? Why can’t we give them control to go into a space at their school and say “I’m sorry, Nurse Smith, I just need to take a mental health day today.” Whatever you had on that day, you’ve got to catch it up later. Don’t get me wrong, you’re going to skip out on exams.

P: [Laugh]

M: Because kids can be.. [Laugh] .. a bit crafty.

P: [Laugh] I’m just imaging the line up around the block of the nurses office going ‘Yeah, I want a day off.’

[Laughter]

M: We have a maths test today.

P: You know they’d coordinate that, wouldn’t they? Like you’d be with you fellow classmates like ‘let’s have a mental health day here, the test won’t happen.’ [Laugh]

M: It will happen the next day, right. But again, it’s about giving them control and in particular, teenagers who treading that line between being told what to do 100% of their time and breaking free of that and doing everything as their own decisions and they’re learning to become independent. They need to be given some control over their mental health.

P: Yeah.

M: And kids as we mentioned last episode are really struggling with mental health and having control and understanding the feelings that they’re feeling, we just haven’t equipped them to deal with Corona virus or the world very well.

P: You were discussing with someone today in a private conversation we were having who’s been rolling out of programme of awareness and the GEM Principal to Educational institutions across Australia.

M: Yeah, absolutely so a great book called The Resilience Project from a guy called Hugh [van Cuylenburg] and his partner now who go around the country, but mostly they’re Melbourne based, go around the country and have been focusing primarily on schools but he’s also worked with Rugby… can’t remember if it’s League or Union.

P: [Laugh]

M: He even gave a talk to Cricket Australia. So he’s been working with elite athletes as well as students and their parents to help them understand three principles.

That’s the GEM Principle:

  • Gratitude;
  • Empathy; and
  • Mindfulness.

And he has done thousands of talks over the last few years and has a great book, really good storyteller. So if you’re kind of not into this, you know, airy fairy, wishy washy,-

P: [Laugh]

M: -spiritual, religious, mumbo jumbo BS, whatever you want to call it, have a look at this book because he’s been teaching halfbacks and you know, these big, burly men about the importance of Gratitude, Empathy and Mindfulness and how to weave them into your day to day life. And he’s got some great stories about how he has really changed the trajectory of some of these guys lives from contemplating suicide to a year or two later truly understanding the value of life and how to be happy.

P: Mm. And that has a social implication as well, because when the individual is feeling empowered and centred and understanding and empathetic, that has a flow on affect to the rest of society. I mean, I’m thinking particularly in terms of sports stars. They have a huge influence over kids. Kids look up to them.

M: Mm hmm.

P: So if you’ve got a child that is looking up to their Rugby/Sports star and he comes out with ‘Yeah I practise Empathy, I practice Mindfulness’, the kids are going to lap that up and that really has a kick in effect in terms of getting children and getting school students to be aware of their emotional Well-Being and their Self-Care on. Maybe that’s where we need to be focusing more of this education is employing these ideas into daily interactions in schools so that it starts to permeate into society on a general level and so you know, we could be looking at 10 to 20 years from now, we’ll be having Mindfulness symposiums that are booked out; And everybody is aware of their 15 minutes of Self-Care per day.

M: I think that we’ve started that journey. So the great news is, we missed it, I missed the bandwagon.

P: [Laugh]

M: I think that a lot of kids today are hearing these messages. So I’ve got a really good friend whose kids do meditation in their school in Canberra. Obviously, Hugh has been doing a lot of work down in Melbourne, but he has also been travelling the country and talking to teachers and students all around the country and a lot of Australian education… Sorry schools got together back in 2012 I think and they started coming together. So I was just reading about Knox Grammar was one of the founding members.

P: That’s being a Sydney private school.

M: Yes, very prestigious, elite, Sydney Boys School and way back in 2012 they got together with a range of other schools around the country to start talking about positive education, which is positive psychology for kids. And they’ve found a drop in bullying and an increase in resiliency in these kids. And ultimately, when you’re talking about mental health, these are the skills we need to give our kids.

P: Absolutely. There’s that flow on effect, of directly, of what we’re talking about trying to get kids to understand it so that has that flow on effect.

M: So the kids are getting it, nowadays. They’re starting to. It’s not across every school in every state, and it’s not part of the curriculum. It is definitely an add on for a lot of schools. However, a lot of people have left school, the majority of the population aren’t in school and so people that are your age and my age, without mentioning age. We’ve missed the boat and a lot of us need to catch up on this stuff and change our mindset about it.

P: I think changing our mindset is the important message here. Self-Care is not indulgence.

M: Quite simply, we have to a better job of looking after ourselves and the Self-Care activities that we used to practise at church like Kindness, Service to Others and Gratitude are proven, scientifically proven to help.

P: There’s that science. [Laugh]

M: This book is not about religion. It is about saying that those activities that we used to do a church, if you’re no longer going to church, again no judgement, what are you doing to bring them into your life? And what habits?

P: What’s your process? Where’s your ceremony with your 10 minutes of each day or one hour of each week? What do you do that is Self-Care for you? That is conscious Self-Care. Not just going to the gym, not just spending some time on your own in the park.

M: Mm, Hmm.

P: It’s got to be dedicated real time that actually informs your conscious and subconscious mind.

M: Absolutely. And I think Stephen Covey talked about if you don’t prioritise it, then it’s not a priority. So this is about making Self-Care a priority, so schedule it in.

P: Yep.

M: If you put your work into, like if you’re holding 9 to 5 or 8 to 6 or whatever it is that you’re holding for work or whatever your work schedule is nights and weekends, et cetera, and you’re setting aside time to pick up groceries, you’re sitting aside time to commute, you’re setting aside time hopefully to exercise, hopefully getting your eight hours of sleep.

P: Yep, [laugh].

M: You know, look at your calendar and take a look at where you’re spending your time because a lot of people say ‘I don’t have time.’

P: Mmm, make time.

M: Don’t even make time. Look at where you’re spending your time, so I will challenge you. Anyone who says they don’t have time.

P: Ok, that’s fair.

M: And I would say that nine times out of ten you are still spending time in front of the TV, you’re spending time on social media and on your phone, and there are times where you could redirect 20 minutes here or there, 40 minutes in your week, away from another activity that you think is actually helping you to regenerate and to relax and whole other topic on social media detoxing and the rest of it, because it doesn’t. Mindlessly tuning out in from the TV and social media as we’ve seen, actually adds more cognitive load to brain. Where as going for a 20 minute walk in the sun at lunchtime is so good for you for a variety of reasons, and that is true Self-Care.

P: True.

M: So what this boils down to is, you know, habit making. So being aware of where you’re spending your time and making sure that you’re setting aside time to look after yourself and again a lot of this starts with just being aware of your own feelings. And if you have a morning routine of getting in some exercise and then you shower and have a good breakfast and off you go and you commute and have a salad for lunch and you come home and… Like if that’s your routine, but you wake up that day feeling like crap, you might decide that it’s okay not to go the gym that day.

P: Yep.

M: Be nice to yourself, or that evening might be take out night instead of Friday.

P: Yes.

M: Alright, because you’re just not feeling up to cooking. So be nice to yourself or the flip side of that is have a salad instead of something greasy.

P: [Laugh]

M: Be nice to yourself.

P: It’s all about the interpretation.

[Laughter]

M: Yeah, but whatever it is that you feel you need in the moment, find a way to give yourself what you need as well and Self-Care again is about being forgiving and flexible and understanding yourself better and giving your body and your mind what they need.

P: Mmm. I like that. It’s a nice point to wrap it up on.

M: I think so.

P: [Laugh]

M: Shall we wrap it up? Well, our book! It is now available on amazon.

P: Yay!!

M: We didn’t even talk about the book.

P: This covers a lot of what the book is about though.

M: Yep.

P: It’s our little handy, very small little book, Marie.

M: It is, it’s a pocket book.

P: You could read a book in an hour, talked about all this sort of stuff. And the little things that you can do and the elements to be considerate of when putting together your own Self-Care package.

M: Absolutely. And we’ve got some great tips in the back of every section. So do you remember what we cover in the book, Pete?

P: Yes, I do…

M: Can you open the book? [Laugh]

So we cover social Connection, practising Kindness, practising Gratitude, Service to Others, practising Mindfulness, practising Forgiveness and Experiencing Awe and amongst those things we talked about the science, we talk about easy things that you could do in any of those categories to bring them into your life. And all you need to do is pick one or two out of the book and just add them into your month add them into your calendar and plan for them.

P: Do a 10 minute session on Mindfulness.

M: Yep, absolutely.

P: Ten minute session on Awe, which is really easy.

M: Absolutely. So our book is available on Amazon. It is called Self-Care is Church for Non-Believers.

P: The little book of happiness. [Giggle]

M: And help us out if you can, and give us a review on Amazon or Good Reads, that would be a great help. All right, well, that’s it for today.

P: If you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like our podcast. You can find us at www.marieskelton.com, which is a site about balance, happiness and resilience, also send in questions and proposed topics for discussion.

M: And, if you like our little show, we would love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out or a comment or rating on our book would be helpful too.

P: Until next time.

M & P: Choose Happiness!

[Happy Exit Music]

Related content: Read Moving On article It’s Time to Ditch the Cynicism and buy Into Self-Care, listen to our podcast Self-Care is Church for Non-Believers (E17)

It’s Time to Ditch the Cynicism and buy Into Self-Care

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New book explores why we don’t buy into self care and how to navigate the anxiety and stress of day-to-day life and a global pandemic

Self-care is church for non-believers

From the creators of the podcast “Happiness for Cynics” and just in time for World Mental Health Day, comes a little book of happiness: “Self-Care is Church for Non-Believers” (eBook ISBN: 978-0-6489180-0-4)

A decline in church attendance and an increase in overall scepticism mean that many Australians don’t practice self-care activities. Yet, we need to prioritise strong self-care habits more than ever.

Around the world, we’re seeing a rise in loneliness, anxiety, stress and depression:

  • The Pew Research Center estimated that 52 per cent of working fathers and 60 per cent of working mothers found it somewhat or very difficult to balance work and family life.
  • The 2020 Edelman Trust Barometer revealed that 83 per cent of employees feared losing their job, attributing it to the gig economy, a looming recession, a lack of skills, cheaper foreign competitors, immigrants who will work for less, automation, or jobs being moved to other countries.
  • The World Health Organization noted that depression and anxiety have an estimated cost to the global economy of $1 trillion per year in lost productivity.

Even worse, since the pandemic hit, there has been a dramatic increase in stress, anxiety and overall poor mental health across Australia. We need to buy into self care!

“Quite simply, we have to do a better job of looking after ourselves, and the self-care activities we used to practice at church like kindness, service to others, and practising gratitude are proven to help,” says co-author Marie Skelton. “People who no longer go to church are often neglecting the habits that lead to resilience, happiness and mental wellbeing.”

Let’s be clear. This is not a book about religion. As the Dalai Lama said, “I believe the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness. Whether one believes in religion or not, whether one believes in that religion or this religion, we are all seeking something better in life. So, I think, the very motion of our life is towards happiness…”

This book is for people who are looking for more… more happiness, more satisfaction, more contentment. Or maybe they’re looking for less… less stress, less pressure, less anxiety. It’s a book for the cynics and the sceptic, those who need to reassess their habits, and buy into self care.

“Australians are sceptics and cynics by nature, which means self-care has often been seen as self-indulgent or just fluff. However, the self-care interventions we discuss in the book are science-backed and proven to help build resilience,” says co-author Peter Furness. “It’s time we opened up the conversation and start prioritising our own mental health. This isn’t fluff, it’s science.”

In their funny, and light-hearted way, authors Marie Skelton and Peter Furness break down misconceptions, discuss the science, and show readers the path to a happier and more fulfilling life.

About the Authors

Marie and Pete

Marie Skelton is an Australian writer, speaker, and change and resiliency expert, currently living in Sydney. She started her career in journalism before working in public affairs and then specialising in organisational and culture change for some of the world’s largest tech and financial services companies, both in Australia and the U.S. Marie played volleyball for Australia and on scholarship in America, but following a motorbike accident overseas that nearly took her life, and leg, she began researching change and resiliency to find out how people cope with major life changes and why some people are resilient while others struggle. She is passionate about mental health and writes about happiness, resiliency and maintaining mental wellbeing at www.MarieSkelton.com. 

Peter Furness is the owner of Max Remedial and a qualified remedial therapist. He has worked all over the world with professional athletes, dancers, sporting organisations and medical professionals. Peter is now settled in sunny Sydney. His practice is influenced by his interest in Eastern philosophy and he works closely with Western, Chinese and Ayurvedic practitioners, approaching the body from the principles of classical medicine alongside Western-based science. Peter has practiced Ashtanga yoga for 20 years, currently trains in movement and gymnastics and combines these principles with his approach to health. Peter was also an award-winning contemporary dancer in Australia and in the UK. 

Happy Teens (E37)

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Happiness for Cynics

This week, Marie and Pete discuss The Children’s Society “The Good Childhood Report 2020” and the troubling decline in teens’ happiness levels over the past few years.

Transcript

M: You’re listening to the podcast happiness for cynics. I’m Marie Skelton, a writer and speaker on change and resilience.

P: And I’m Peter Furness, a bouncy castle lover, a naked swims partaker and an exuberant celebrator of sunsets. Each week we will bring to you the latest news and research in the world of positive psychology, otherwise known as happiness.

M: So if you’re feeling low.

P: But if your only satisfied with life but not truly happy with it.

M: Or maybe you just want more.

P: Then this is the place to be!

M: And to take us one step further on our happiness journey today’s episode is about happy teens.

[Happy Intro Music]

P: Ok, so this is an interesting one, happy teens?

M: Yes.

P: When you proposed this topic, my mind instantly went to the cynical side of my brain. Going ‘Oh bloody millennials, they’re so boring and everything and you know –

M: Boring? [Laugh]

P: Everything’s a trial. Get over it, get a life. But-

M: You’re showing your age, Peter.

P: Yes, yes, I am definitely. But  the sad thing is that when you actually start looking at the science, it’s tough for a young person out there these days. And I didn’t realise how tough it was going to quite a serious episode.

M: Ooh! You’ve done a flip?

P: Yeah, yeah.

M: All right. So what prompted this episode is a report from The Children’s Society over in Europe called the Good Childhood Report 2020 and they recently put out their findings and it’s, it’s really troubling and look, it’s to be expected during Covid.

P: I think this goes beyond Covid this is-

M: Absolutely.

P: -a much broader perspective in terms of the world and our society and what teens now have to deal with. And I think the.. sorry I cut you off completely there Marie. [Laugh]

M: It’s ok, keep going.

P: Damnit I’m standing up. I’m shocked thinking about the rates of information that are coming at us the way that we can be hounded by so much social media, devices. The Internet makes it so much easier for people to reach us, for example. You can’t escape. I’m thinking, particularly in terms of things like bullying and on social media pressuring us to look a certain way and I know you’re going to talk about that. When you actually take the time to sit and think about it, it is tougher these days to be a kid.

M: And expectations have changed. So when we were young, we used to do sports because it was fun. If you did sports or you did drama or you did volunteering at the local pound or whatever it was. Your parents might push you a little bit to do some kind of extracurricular activity, normally just to get you out of the house.

P: “You’re in Mum’s way in the kitchen.”

[Laughter]

P: [Woman’s voice] “I’ve just done the floor!” [Laugh]

M: Get out of the house, make sure you’re back before the lights are on in the street.

P: Yeah, there we go. [Laugh]

M: Nowadays, though, there is a checklist of things that young adults need to do in order to be well rounded adults and even in the States to get accepted into university. Your life is determined by the sheer volume of tick box activities you can do between 11 to 17 in order to round out your personality and yourself. And so playing sport is about how much can you excel, playing… Having a job is about what type of skills can you gain. Doing any other type of extra correct curricular activity is about rounding out your resume so that you can be positioned-

P: Prepared, ready, yeah.

M: Yeah, exactly. And that’s taken all the joy.

P: Mmm. I was shocked the other day, talking to a client who has an eight year old son who was doing mountain biking. No, not mountain biking he was doing swimming and he was telling me that the other kids were doing better times because they were training six times a week, at eight years of age these kids are doing six days of training to be the best swimmer. I was shocked.

M: Yep, yep.

P: Where’s the playtime? Where’s the time to run around trees, scrape your knees, climb the.. run away from mum and jump off the bridge into the river?

M: Yes, absolutely. So that pressure and stress on today’s teens is huge. And that’s just one, one small thing. So the pressure and stress to do stuff rather than.. So it’s the extrinsic motivation rather than the intrinsic motivation that we talked about rather than enjoying the activity. For me playing volleyball, I didn’t do it so that I could tick a box and get into a better university.

P: Yeah.

M: I loved volleyball, loved it, right?

P: Yes.

M: So they’ve lost all of that. Then you’ve got what you mentioned before the social media and that pressure there. Can you imagine having someone constantly following you around telling you I don’t like your outfit today? I don’t think you’re very good looking. I don’t think you’re funny at all. What’s that big pimple on your forehead, Pete?

P: Yeah, yeah.

M: Really, if you put on some weight, should you really be eating that?

P: Yes, mm, mm.

M: The constant pressure of having someone there watching you all the time. That is social media.

P: Yep, pretty much.

M: That’s what social media is. And if you don’t partake in the social media, the social ostracize you.

P: Yes, pretty much.

M: So there’s that. So this report, let’s go into the report. So pre-Covid there was a really troubling trend and decline in a lot of kids happiness. And so we’re talking between 10 to 15 year olds in general, there was a decline in happiness with friends, with schools with a lot of the different elements of kids lives. The one thing that did remain constant was happiness with families so that is actually nice.

P: Yes.

M: But as we know, when kids reach teen years, they’re trying to pull away from family and find themselves and create their own identity. And that’s very heavily tied to friends. So their decrease in happiness with friends can be a really deep impacting factor in their happiness.

P: Yeah, right.

M: And then, of course, this report’s come out and been surveying people this year, so 2020 in the middle of Covid and everything is just jumbled. Everything has gone even worse for people.

P: Yes.

M: So 15 year olds in the UK were amongst the saddest and least satisfied with their lives through Europe, and worries about relationships with friends, appearance and school were the three worst impacted areas for kids that are impacting their happiness. Not good times for kids.

P: No. So I actually went for the Australian experience with this and went into The Australian Loneliness Report, which was published in 2018 and it says that younger adults compared to adults over 35 are reporting more social interaction anxiety (slightly higher [than teens]). That’s among 18 to 35 year olds.

But also more depressive symptoms were coming through in the 18 to 25 year old bracket and that’s feeding in directly from what you’re talking about Marie in terms of the teens. So is this an epidemic and a problem that we can cut off in the teenage years?

M: I think that loneliness.. So World Health Organisation has said that loneliness is an epidemic. They’ve got a lot of research into this, and I think most of us immediately think of Grandma and Grandpa, who are isolated at home and perhaps have mobility issues that can’t get out and of course that’s going to be a lonely time for them. We don’t realise that this is an epidemic that is hitting every generation right now, it is hitting our teens, and I think that technology has a lot to do with this.

P: Definitely.

M: And it’s training us to have a back up, which is ‘Oh, I don’t know anyone here. I’m going to look at my phone’, right? Rather than working through the discomfort and growing as a person to better your social skills.

P: Yes.

M: So you go to a party and you feel awkward and you don’t have a phone. You find a way to make a friend.

P: Yep, exactly.

M: Yeah, and we’re not doing that. We’re not doing that anymore as kids, we can hide behind the technology, so we’re more awkward as a society I think. [Laugh]

P: Interesting.

M: Also, if you look into a lot of it the way that our cities are structured nowadays, there are more people living by themselves than ever before in human history, and it is seen as something to strive towards. Living in a share home is not normal as you get older. It is not common [or] as common as it used to be, because our standards of living have gotten better.

P: [Yeah]

M: We can afford now as a single adult to get a small apartment by ourselves, and you might come in and out from the garage up to your apartment back and never see your neighbours.

P: Yep, exactly.

M: And that is the way that our world, the mega cities, and increased density of housing all of that is impacting our loneliness levels as well.

P: Mm. And that’s a big one for kids playing in the neighbour’s backyard. Getting the ball from across Mr. Biggs’s backyard because went over in a cricket match that was six and out, that’s not happening.

M: All the kids playing on the street, doesn’t happen.

P: No, that interacting is not happening as much so this is one of the reasons behind why kids are finding it harder and the cynics like me need to take a little bit of a chill pill and be more understanding. [Laugh]

M: Definitely so, one of the big things that this research found was that fear of failure is really impacting kids nowadays. So teenagers again, we’re talking about teens, so exam stress, bullying, school culture. All of it’s just adding up. But there are high levels of fear of failure amongst our teens, so this is kind of 15 [up] older teens, and a lot of them are just, they’re just struggling with the academic achievement and the pressures that are being placed on them.

P: Yep, right.

M: And they’re worried about failing. And failure nowadays happens in a public forum. You can’t fail and hide anymore because everything is out in the open for people.

P: Yeah. Right.

M: So really, really sad.

I did want to talk a bit about education now for teens, since it is such a big part of their lives.

P: It’s also where, a lot of social interaction occurs for the teens is at school.

M: Yeah.

P: That’s where you are. You’re away from the home you’re away from Mom and Dad and you’re forced to interact with a bunch of other kids that you don’t necessarily like and that’s where you learn life skills. It’s where you learn how to deal with projection and bullying and all that sort of stuff that does happen and naturally happens in an environment where you put the kids together, Lord of the Flies stuff.

[Laughter]

P: A book everyone should read.

M: Yeah, good book, definitely.

P: So what do we need to think up in our education systems? What other things did the report say?

M: Well I think back to that intrinsic connect, extrinsic motivation and what,  what drives us and what makes us happy. So rather than a check box of things you need to do to be a well rounded human way need to rethink. And the Nordic countries again are doing such a good job in this area. And it is about the joy of learning rather than the tick box exercise to get you through to the next year and the last year and out the back into university and a good job.

P: [Laugh]

M: And it’s that that treadmill we’ve been talking about and that is shown not to make you happy. So in the Nordic countries, there again, looking at what makes you happy and they rather than sitting down and reading a chapter of a text book and then rote learning and writing about rocks, they get kids out to the playground and playing with rocks. They have to go collect 20 rocks and they bring them back in, and then they’ll divide them up into the types of rocks they are, and they’ll teach them that way.

P: Right.

M: And if the kids don’t feel like doing that that day, they might be off learning or climbing trees and learning about gravity. What happens when you fall?

[Laughter]

P: The experience, experiential as opposed to the academic approach.

M: Well, no academic, they’re both academic, but the traditional, as opposed to the traditional approach.

P: That’s read and learn.  

M: Yes, and let’s take all of the love of learning out.

P: Yes,

M: And force you to rote learn a bunch of things so that when you finish school you think ‘Hoorah, I don’t have to learn ever again.’

P: [Laugh]

M: Yeah, and as we know, growth mindset is so important, to growing and learning over your life and is actually a factor in happiness. So our whole education system needs a rethink. And that’s a whole other episode, [laugh] to be honest.

P: [Laugh]

M: Yeah, but there is just so much in here that sadly we haven’t caught up on the 21st century from an education point of view. We’re still teaching that industrialised way of learning that hasn’t changed since the early 19 hundred’s when it was first put in.

P: Hhmm.

M: We haven’t caught up yet, and I think a lot of that is adding to the stress and pressure that our teens are feeling.

P: Because teens are being left behind, some teens are being left behind because they don’t learn?

M: I mean there is that definitely, but we’re just not giving them skills they need for the 21st century.

P: OK.

M: We’re not teaching them that happiness isn’t about how many boxes you can tick it’s about the enjoyment of ticking boxes [laugh].

P: Is it about more play. Is it about allowing more space to have other things come into your life, other influences because we are so pressured with achievement and getting there, I mean even at year six and year five getting 100% are getting an A on the test is still the goal.

M: Rather than exploring the joy of maths, that’s the different.

P: Ok.

M: And if you love maths, you should be able to go to year seven level of maths. Even though you’re in year six, because you love it as long as the teacher is also teaching you balance, so you might love maths, but what can we love in English, too?

P: Yeah, righteo.

M: And kids who take themselves through their learning journey are far more engaged, and there’s actually a whole lot of research now into what used to be the weird kids who did home schooling.

P: [Laugh] Yes.

M: Home schooling was for the weird, eccentric, hippies or whatever else.. cults.

P: [Laugh]

M: You know, or whatever else, that stuff. But there is so much research now they’ve organised in the States. There is so much to be said for the kids who direct their own learning based on their own interests.

P: Mmm.

M: That doesn’t mean that they get to not do certain things.

P: Yep.

M: These kids are so much more balanced. And the fear was always that they wouldn’t develop social skills needed because they weren’t at school.

P: Yeah.

M: Nowadays, they’ve organised like I said. So they’re doing the field trips with other home schooled kids and things like that.

P: And that’s a change storm, they’re changing it up completely of how we interact on an educational level.

M: Yep.

P: But again, it’s about balance. So as you were saying, it’s finding a solution outside of what we need because okay, so we are not interacting at a school level. So let’s have a field trip that come together and that has to be organised and generated from the top down.

M: Yep, and allowing home school kids to band together into a baseball team and join the local schools comp.

P: Yeah.

M: As a bunch of home school kids so that they can still play sports, team, sports and things like that. But what they’ve done is they’ve looked at the education system and seen that there is a gap there, and these kids are well out performing in intellect and IQ and general EQ as well, emotional intelligence. A lot of the kids that are going through all your prep schools.

P: [Laugh]

M: The model is broken right now, and that’s adding more pressure and stress and hurting our kid’s ability to be happy.

P: So how can we change that? How do we create situations as a, as an adult looking at interacting with teenagers and trying to help them get a little bit more social interaction and bring up their happiness levels?

M: Look, we were products of the same system that they’re going through. Just theirs is on steroids.

P: [Laugh] That’s a good description.

M: Right? So we need to role model the right behaviours for our youth. We need to put the phones down at dinner. We need to do around the table, ‘what are we grateful for today kids?’ conversation before we dig in to our meals.

P: Right.

M: If you’re not religious and you’re not thanking God, you’re, you’re just going around the table and still doing that exercise of what is ‘what are we grateful for today, kids?’

P: So is this coming back to some of that old school things that we have talked about.

M: Yeah.

P: This seems to be a trend, but a lot of happiness movement, it’s coming back to some routines and connection between the generations. In my own experience, having the kids around Grandma has been a huge influence for them. And don’t get me wrong Grandma’s difficult to deal with sometimes.

M: [Laugh]

P: But the kids have learned to negotiate that space, and I remember watching my niece deal with Grandma in the back of the car and it was great because she was, she was finding her own way and eventually she fell asleep.

[Laughter]

P: But they’re was, because Grandma was a part of their daily lives, they had to negotiate that. And it’s now a source of comedic relief if you like in terms of conversations like ‘ Oh that’s a Grandma statement, or that’s what Grandma would do.’ But it’s a relative experience.

M: Yep.

P: And it’s bringing that into connection between the generations which is so important. And again the…

M: Face to face.

P: The face to face, the dining room table conversations and having those routines of gratitude and saying, ‘OK, phones are off the table, we’re all sitting and we’re all enjoying a meal together, spending time together.’

M: Yep and don’t make it a special one off, it’s just what we do in our house.

P: It’s a Sunday thing.

M: Yep, and one of the other things that I think a lot of people have realised through Covid is, it could be so simple, it could be baking cookies with kids. It could be doing gardening with kids, the puzzles, games, all this tech free stuff. It’s returning to that simplicity, but it’s the activity of just enjoying doing something.

And the last one that I’ll throw in there is ‘let your kids be bored.’

P: Yes, “the groundswell of creativity is boredom.”

M: [Laugh]

P: That’s not the right quote but someone said it, who was it? [Laugh]

M: There’s two things to it. Boredom creates an opportunity for creativity. But also boredom helps you to feel uncomfortable and you never grow without feeling uncomfortable.

P: Yes, yes. I agree with that.

M: So there’s definitely, and they’re gonna hate you for it. But explain why. Kids are smart.

P: Yep.

M: Yep.

P: I like it.

[Laughter]

P: Ok, I think we’re there. Thanks for listening. And if you like this podcast, then please subscribe and don’t forget to visit us at www.marieskelton.com, which shows a lot of the research and the articles that we talk about here on the podcast.

M: Including our new book, which was recently launched.

P: Yay!

M: If you’re interested in the book, go to our website and you can find where to buy it but we’re also on Amazon. Alright, thanks for joining us.

P: Remember people, choose happiness.

[Happy Exit Music]

Related content: Read Moving On article 5 ways to teach kids resiliency and happiness , listen to our Podcast: The Importance of Being Social (E14)

Go on: Smile for World Smile Day

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Faking it ‘til you Make it Might Actually be Good Advice

Next week we celebrate world smile day.

While I am not a fan of positivity for the sake of positivity, nor do I ever want to gloss over the more serious mental health issues that many people face, this day is a simple yet powerful reminder about how we can bring some happiness into our lives and the lives of others.

And, recent research has just proven what many already knew: smiling does make you happier.

Smiling Improves your Outlook and Mood

New research from the University of South Australia confirms that the act of smiling can trick your mind into being more positive.

In two scenarios, a smile was induced by participants holding a pen between their teeth, forcing their facial muscles to replicate the movement of a smile (see image). The results? The action of faking a smile generated more positive emotions.

Lead researcher and human and artificial cognition expert at UniSA, Dr Fernando Marmolejo-Ramos, says the finding has important insights for mental health.

“When your muscles say you’re happy, you’re more likely to see the world around you in a positive way,” he said. “In our research we found that when you forcefully practise smiling, it stimulates the amygdala – the emotional centre of the brain – which releases neurotransmitters to encourage an emotionally positive state.”

Dr. Marmolejo-Ramos believes this has interesting implications for mental health. “If we can trick the brain into perceiving stimuli as ‘happy’, then we can potentially use this mechanism to help boost mental health.”

Hold a pen between your teeth to fake a smile
Source: UniSA, Daniela A´ lvarez, 2020

Spreading Positive Vibes This World Smile Day

Nothing reminds us of our humanity and the rollercoaster of normal human emotions we deal with like a global pandemic. In fact, a term that really speaks to me is the ‘Corona-coaster.’ This is the rollercoaster of emotions, feelings and moods we’re all going through as this pandemic plays out.

But emotions are proven to be contagious. If someone is happy or angry around us, we inadvertently mirror their emotion. “Not only do we mimic the feelings of others, we actually start to feel them ourselves,” according to Sigil Barsade, professor at the University of Pennsylvania Wharton School of Business.

It’s called emotional contagion, and it means we can make others around us happier or sadder, more relaxed or more angry, simply by feeling those feelings ourselves.

This explains why watching endless hours of negative media about the pandemic put us all in bad moods.

On the flip side, this also means we not only have the tools to make ourselves feel more positive (faking a smile), we also have the tools to inoculate our family, friends and colleagues against the Corona-coaster: by spreading our good mood to others.

So, this World Smile Day, let’s make an effort to spread something good… a smile 😊

Related reading: Three Quick Ways to Improve Your Mood

Happy World Gratitude Day (E36)

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Happiness for Cynics

Happy World Gratitude Day!

In this week’s episode, Marie and Pete revisit the topic of gratitude and discuss some practical and fun ways to be more grateful in your life.

Transcript

M: You’re listening to the podcast happiness for cynics. I’m Marie Skelton, a writer and speaker focused on change and resilience.

P: And I am Peter Furness, keen recycler, blog writer and driver with the top down. Each week we bring to you the latest news and research in the world of positive psychology, otherwise known as happiness.

M: So if you’re feeling low.

P: Or if you’re only satisfied with life but not truly happy with it?

M: Or maybe you just want more.

P: More? Then this is the place to be.

M: And to take us one step further on our happiness journey today is World Gratitude Day.

P: Yay.

[Happy Intro Music]

M: So welcome back. It is soon to be World Gratitude Day.

P: Yay!

M: [Laugh] September 21st for those of you who aren’t keeping track of these things.

P: Which is everybody.

M: Yep. [Laugh]

P: I didn’t know that as-well, until yesterday.

M: So what better time to start a new, practice of gratitude and bring a little bit more happiness into your life?

P: Of course, it’s what we’re here for.

M: And I think that is the point though, it’s about starting a new practice, and so many of us just aren’t doing that.

P: Mmm.. Do the work people. But it’s true and we’ve talked about this before in different episodes of making actions, doing actions to actually support what is going on with happiness and the elements of happiness, and gratitude is a big one.

M: Now early on in our journey of discovering happiness. We did an episode on gratitude, and we dug into the science. So today’s not about the science, today’s about practical things that you can do in the gratitude realm to increase your happiness. But it wouldn’t be our show if we didn’t just quickly touch on the science. [Laugh]

P: Of-course Marie, [laugh]. Science Marie?

M: I’m going to do it in one sentence.

P: Impressive.

M: You ready? 3.. 2.. 1  The science is clear, 30 years of Positive Psychology research, a lot of it in the area of gratitude, has shown us that practicing gratitude makes you happier, less stressed, it leads to higher overall well-being and satisfaction with your life and better social relationships.

P: Done.

M: And still, so many of us don’t practice Gratitude as part of our weekly practices.

P: Yes, actually, having a tick list of your active gratitude for the week.

M: Absolutely.

P: How many of us do it? [Whispers] Very few.. [Laugh] Maybe some of us do, do it? Marie?

[Laughter]

M: I’ve been doing a whole lot of research into habits and habit making and actually looking at successful people and how they start their days in particular.

P: Mmm. Yes.

M: Some people are really good at the end of the day’s as well, but a lot of it’s about how you start your day and really it comes down to scheduling it.

P: Yeah.

M: You put stuff in your diary and you make it a part of your daily or weekly practices and that happens, if you don’t, it doesn’t happen.

P: It’s exactly the same as starting a new diet or doing an exercise regime you’ve got to schedule it in.

M: Yep.

P: So you never go ‘Oh, I just forgot.’ No you didn’t forget you just didn’t do.

M: Yep, yep.

P: It’s on you people. [Laugh]

M: And to make it happen, you’ve got to make it part of your schedule. You’ve gotta have a diary and you’ve gotta have things that you prioritise. And that means also, at times things that you de-prioritise in order for that to happen.

P: Yes, making space for [it].

M: Definitely. So Gratitude. Super important. Do it people!

P: [Laugh]

M: Because what the science shows is it just like with exercise, you can train your brain to be more positive.

P: Yes, I agree.

M: So, look the science shows it, I’m glad you agree Pete.

P: [Laugh]

M: Today we’re going to talk about some brain exercises.

P: Yipee! Get on your sweat pants and your eighties fluorescent G strings with the headbands.

M: [Laugh]

P: Here we go.

M: Alright, so the first brain exercise comes from Shawn Achor, who’s the American author and speaker known for his advocacy of positive psychology, particularly in the work place. He’s the author of ‘The Happiness Advantage’ and he founded Goodthink [Inc.]

D: Ooh, good title.

M: Definitely. So this one is the easy one. I challenge anyone to tell me that they can’t do this.

P: Ok, challenge me. I’m already accepting the challenge. Tell me what I’m doing?

M: Great.

P: Oh oh…

M: I’ll see you in 21 days.

P: Oh this is another Altruistic August thing.

M: [Laugh] That you didn’t do.

P: [Indignant voice] I did do!

M: Anyway, Shawn has proven that in just a two minute span of time for 21 days you could rewire your brain. What it does is it re-wires your brain to work more optimistically and successfully.

P: Ok.

M: So he’s taken this into every company that he’s worked with and companies, your traditional companies, have some of the biggest cynics, I think.

P: Yes, Corporate. Definitely.

M: Absolutely. Two minutes a day for 21 days. And he’s rewiring their brains to be more optimistic.

P: Ok.

M: So here’s what you do. It’s so simple.

Write down three new things that you’re grateful for, for 21 days in a row.

P: New things?

M: New things each day.

P: Okay, all right.

M: At the end of that, your brain actually starts to retain a pattern of scanning the world for not the negative, but the positive.

P: Yeah ok. This is the camera thing. Focus on what you want and take a picture and if you don’t just get rid of the negative and take another shot.

M: Yeah.

P: Yes, I like it. I like it.

M: So that’s it.

P: It’s re-programming.

M: That is it. 21 days, two minutes, write down three things that you’re grateful for. And this is about teaching your brain to look for positive things. It could be. I am grateful for the clean air I’m breathing up here in Tamworth.

P: [Laugh] We all remember it was January this year, we were all wearing masks because of the bush fires and we’re there again. September is here, bushfire season is upon us again.

M: Yeah, I’m grateful for the majestic yet terrible and wild country we live in.

P: [Laugh]

M: But again, it’s about being grateful and noticing the little things that we, we take so much for granted.

P: Yeah. And it’s not until you don’t have it, you don’t realise how important it is.

M: So this is rewiring your brain to realise how important that is.

P: Oh completely, I’m very big on this. On taking those moments, and this comes back to mindfulness. So, driving down to the Royal National Park a couple of weekends ago and standing at Wattamolla Beach, I was so in awe of scenery and reminded myself, this is what you should be doing every month. Take an afternoon off, go for a walk in the park and find a spot where you could be inspired and just create awe and it’s so important. And that mindfulness each day, it could be when I’m sitting on the front balcony at 10 o’clock, because I’ve got a random half hour off, and soaking in the sunshine.

M: And stopping to feel that heat on your cheeks. It’s not just being in the sunshine. It’s appreciating that you are in the sunshine.

P: Yeah, definitely.

M: All right, so that was brain exercise number one. So simple yet so impactful. Number two is from the King, the founder of Positive Psychology, Martin Seligman and he calls this the Gratitude visit and this is so powerful.

P: Ok.

M: So this one takes a little bit more to do, but it is a one off, so you could do it once.

P: Is this is once a month, once a week?

M: Just, just a one off. You can do it once a year. That would be lovely to.

P: Ok.

M: So, Pete and listeners.

P: Oh oh. What, did I sign up for this?

M: Close your eyes. Sshh. Calm your mind Pete.

P: Oh, do I have to adopt the yoga lotus pose?

M: No just close your eyes. Now, if you’re a listener and you’re driving or running, don’t close your eyes.

P: [Laugh]

M: Stay with me Pete.

P: Sorry, focus, focus.

M: So if you’re running or driving then just listen intently. For the rest of you, close your eyes.

Okay. So, to start with, I want you to think back and remember someone who did something enormously important that has changed your life in a good way.

P: Okay.

M: They’ve got to be alive. Keep going till you find someone who’s impacted your life in a good way. Who’s still alive. Preferably someone that you’ve never properly thanked.

P: Okay, Got it.

M: Alright. Will you share with us, Pete?

P: Oh, yes. I will.

M: Yes. You can open your eyes.

P: So I’m thinking back to when I was 21 and it was my first job and a lovely young lady who was living in the house that I was being billeted at when I first flew up to Townsville in North Queensland. And.. we were having a party, and we were all in the pool, [it was] boiling hot. And she arrived late and introduced herself to me. And when I was trying to find a place to live, she was in real estate and so she helped me out with going to the real estate agent’s office and finding a home and we ended up becoming, we’ve ended up become lifelong friends, and I guess I have thanked her for other things. But I’ve never thanked her for the first couple of weeks where she basically taxied me around and helped me out. So, Sandra, I know you’re listening and –

M: – No, sshht.  So your assignment.

P: Oh, oh, sorry we’re not there.

M: I’m stopping you right there because you’re about to go into the next part of the assignment.

P: See I do this naturally.

[Laughter]

M: So for listeners at home and for Pete. You’ve now got someone who has impacted your life for the positive. Who is still alive.

P: Yep, yep.

M: Your assignment is to write a 300 word, testimonial to that person.

P: Oh, done. Easy. Got it.

M: Then you have to call them on the phone, ask if you can visit and don’t tell them why. Now they’re all the way out there. You don’t have to go all the way out in the world.

P: Okay.

M: So you could do this and just ask for a video call, particularly nowadays.

P: Ok. Righto

M: But it would definitely be far more powerful if you can see someone in person. Ask if you can visit and don’t tell them why. So you show up at the door or in today’s Covid world you videoconference them and you read them your testimonial. And according to Martin Seligman, everyone cries when this happens.

P: Yep. Especially if it’s in person.

M: Yes, exactly. That’s powerful, you know innately that’s powerful.

P: Yes. That’s right.

M: Okay, so here’s the good part. Apart from that just being such a feel good moment for you and the other person who’s receiving that message. The good part is, what Martin and his team have done is they’ve done this exercise with many people, and they’ve followed up with them afterwards and they test people one week later, a month later and three months later, three months later. Three months later, they’re both happier and less depressed.

P: Wow.

M: Both people, the giver and the receiver of the good message.

P: Oh, alright. I’m in, I’m down.

M: One simple thing, again it takes a little bit more time. But three months later, that powerful act has impacted.

P: And it would, especially if you’re there in person because you have taken time and effort to actually go and investigate and commit. That’s powerful, really powerful.

M: Yep.

P: Actions speak louder than words.

M: Absolutely. So that was my brain exercise Number two. It has three months worth of impact. The first one [only] 2 minutes for 21 days, don’t stop after 21 days, you can get into that habit and make it a habit, two minutes a day will rewire your brain to be more positive. And I actually know quite a few people who are true cynics.

P: [Laugh]

M: I call myself a cynic and I definitely did get really stuck in that corporate rat race through my twenties and think that that was just where I needed to be and where I was focusing my mental energy and efforts, but I have always been a bit positive.

P: [Laugh] You have.

M: But if you are wanting to look at the world more in a half glass full way, then that is a really great exercise, the first one to do.

P: And we can all get stuck in that as well. I mean as a supposedly positive person, as I’ve been called. [I was] called that this week, which was quite sweet. I still yell at  technology, I’m known to have a hissy fit when something’s not going right, and I’ll throw things, like I’ve broken the TV remote and then had to explain how I broke it to my housemate.

M: [Laugh]

P: And then I’m like ‘Ah yeah.. my bad.’

[Laughter]

P: So even if you are that happy person you can still do these exercises to remind yourself and to re- I think the refocusing, that camera thing- focusing on what is positive brings more positivity. It so works. It’s like seeing red cars.

M: [Laugh]

P: Say red car and then, all of a sudden all you see are red cars.

M: Yep. And I think that Covid has definitely made us get – Covid, and the media coverage that came with it- has definitely made us more attuned to the negative this year. So this is, this is a really good balancing act. So even for people who are positive and happy, I’ve seen a lot of them really come down from a positive into a neutral if not negative this year.

P: Yep.

M: Really good exercise for people who might be struggling this year with keeping a positive outlook.

P: Yep definitely. I mean, that’s a really nice segway into my contribution to the podcast.

M: Yes, so what have you got for us?

P: I’ve been looking at actions of gratitude. So there are so, so when you say gratitude people go ‘there’s so much choice of what to do, What’s the list? Give me a list. So I’ve gone through some of the known factors of gratitude that you can do.

Now there are big actions, as you’ve done in your two brain tasks. There are big, big actions that you could do what you could probably do once a week, once a month and this is a checklist. So if you haven’t had your act of gratitude for the week, this is a checklist you can go through and actually go ‘right, that’s what I’m going to do this month. That would be my one act of gratitude.’

So they’re things like giving a detailed example of appreciation;

Writing a positive review for someone

(which we all do these days with cafes, restaurants, headdresses, massage therapists.)

M: Well, here’s the thing, Pete. So having worked in public affairs, corporate affairs and looking at things like who leaves reviews and not.

You are so much more likely, I don’t know the stats off my head [21% more likely], but so much more likely and leave a negative review than a positive review.

P: Yes.

M: A negative review can significantly impact a business.

P: Hugely.

M: Hugely. So you’ve had a good experience with someone. Take the time to write them a review. Just three words, service was great or loved the food or whatever it is and pop down your stars into Google or whatever review app, makes such a difference to so many people.

P: And keeping that balance as well. I mean, I’ve written negative reviews because I’ve been so emotional after a bad experience.

M: Mm Hmm.

P: I think it’s important to then go ‘Right, where am I gonna put my positive review? Keep it balanced.

M: Yep, yep.

P: Because that’s important about that focus.

M: Yep.

P: Reminding yourself to focus on the positive.

Be an active listener.

M: Sorry?

P: Active listening, so really engaging with someone.

[Laughter]

M: It took you a while.

P: I was on a roll there.

M: What, sorry. Did you say something?

P: [Laugh] Active listening, it’s engaging with the person. So it’s not speaking over the top of them.

[Laughter]

P: Jumping in on their conversation, which we never do on the podcast.

[Laughter]

P: But really listening to what someone is saying, hearing their words and even waiting before you respond and thinking about what you’re going to respond with. That’s really important, and that’s about empathy as well and tapping into so many other [Positive Psychology aspects].

M: To build on that thinking about what you’re going to respond with after they’ve spoken, because you’re always thinking about what you’re going to say next. You’re not really actually listening.

P: That’s right, yeah.

Giving out compliments

Oddly enough we don’t do it all the time. You think ‘that was nice’ and walk away. Whereas if someone’s been really, really great getting to service, I think if someone’s giving you great service or if someone’s actually helped you out at the cash register in woolworths, give them a compliment. Train your brain to give those compliments. Sorry I’m clicking, I’m excited.

M: [Laugh] But also the better you know someone, the less likely you are to remember to tell them.

P: compliment them. Yes.

M: Tell them lovely, you don’t even have to believe these ones. Just is a really lovely thing to do.

P: Yeah.

M: “I love your earrings.” “Your hair looks pretty today”, you know “Nice shoes.” Whatever it is, you have got a beautiful smile.

P: Yep.

M: Actually, if you can stay away from the clothes that I just mentioned.

P: [Laugh]

M: That’s a bit empty isn’t it?

P: Not necessarily.

M: A little bit empty but still, still better than nothing, right?

P: Yeah.

Volunteering for unpleasant tasks.

Now, this is something that a lot of people won’t want to do. Taking the garbage out, cleaning the garbage bins. Oh, that’s a big one.

M: Well, when we talked about love language. I said that’s service to others.

P: Yes.

M: So this is what I do. I clean, I cook, I, you know, whatever it is. I hate doing it all.

P: [Laugh]

M: But it is my way of showing love to others.

P: That’s a weekly thing, if you can do one unpleasant task a week. You’re on the right path.

M: Yep.

P:

Hug someone.

M: Yay!

P: This is my love language, give someone a hug.

M: Happy to hug someone.

P: Go up and just throw you arms around someone randomly. That was actually a really funny thing when we went back to volleyball after Covid and our President of our Gay and Lesbian Volleyball Association released a press statement saying, ‘No hugging or kissing.’ It was like ‘what! Are you kidding!’ [Laugh]

M: Bloody Covid, actually hug someone in your household.

P: Yep. OK.

M: Yeah.

P: Excellent.

Be gracious when you’re challenged.

Now, this is a hard one. When someone is challenging you, when someone is making a critique of you or giving you some feedback, which is not positive, be gracious with it. Understand where they’re coming from, again be an active listener. Try to, not take it personally, if you can. It’s a hard one.

M: Yeah, I’d say that if you’re in a good mental space, then that is where you should be aiming. If you’re not in a good mental space in your first gut reaction is defensiveness or being upset again it’s about just taking a breath and understanding. It’s not necessarily even about you of times.

P: Yeah, exactly.

M: Your reaction could be more, feeling triggered, rather than a true reaction.

P: And taking a moment to understand that is very important.

M: Yeah. So being gracious when challenged, I’d say Absolutely. We should be aiming for that when we’re in a good mental health space. Being forgiving of yourself if you’re not right now, because that’s we’re all, all over the place at the moment as well.

P: Yep. That’s fair.

A hand written note.

Writing a card, birthday card, get well card, leaving a card at someone’s door. All that sort of stuff. That’s a really easy one to do once a week.

M: Yeah.

P: If you feel like it, and it makes a big impact. We don’t receive things in the mail anymore. And it would make a lovely distract[ion], even if you come home and see something on the door. Someone saying I liked this about their day today.

Journal your Blessings.

P: Again, keeping a journal. This is a daily one. That’s a really good one, a really powerful one. So, if you haven’t got a journal, go buy one. And the big one:

Smile.

M: Smile.

P: Smile, pen between the teeth.

M: Can we, yeah, there’s one.

P: [Laugh]

M: Can we finish with that?

P: Okay.

M: So, I did message this to, I have a group chat going on ‘What’s app’ or ‘messenger’ or something, and I asked everyone to put a pen in their mouths and show their teeth for 30 seconds. So you put, like a dog with a bone.

P: [Laugh]

M: So sticking out the sides, not, not straight but going sideways. So it’s sticking out both sides of your mouth and put it really far back in your teeth and show your teeth, your front and your top teeth, but a pen. Do it and hold it there for 30 seconds. I asked everyone on the chat to send me their photos.

P: [Laugh]

M: Now, firstly, the photos were hilarious.

P: [Laugh] I was wearing my unicorn hat.

M: They were pretty, pretty, funny. Secondly, this is just such an easy trick. So because you’re cheeks are pulled back in the shape of a smile, your brain is tricked into releasing the feel good chemicals-

P: Oxytocin?

M: – because it thinks that you are happy because you’re smiling essentially. And what I found most interesting was who engaged with that request in the group and who didn’t.

P: Yes, Ah interesting.

M: Yes, anyway, I’m not going to psycho-analyse my friends on this show.

P: [Laugh]

M: But it was it was really telling and a great exercise to just give yourself a short, sharp, quick happiness boost.

P: And we were all wondering what was going to come back at us.

[Laughter]

P: It’s a good one to do.

M: Absolutely. All right. Well, we’re done for today. Thank you again. I would love if you could visit our site marieskelton.com and check out the book that we’re launching.

P: Oh, exciting!

M: Yes, a spin off from one of our favourite episodes, Self-care is Church for Non-Believers, and our book will be launched on Amazon. You can pre order it now. Yes. So look for Self-Care is Church from Non-Believers. Or go to our website, marieskelton.com and check out the book section to order it there.

P: Thanks and subscribe to this podcast if you like it and people, Choose Happiness.

[Happy Exit Music]

Related content: Read Moving On article Practicing Gratitude: Why and How You Should do it , listen to our Podcast: The Importance of Gratitude (E3)

Top 5 Speakers on Gratitude

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September 21 is World Gratitude Day, why not watch one of these top speakers on gratitude?

World Gratitude Day (September 21) is nearly upon us. So what better time to watch some of the world’s top speakers on gratitude, and maybe even start a new practice of gratitude and bring a little more happiness into your life.

The science is clear. Practicing gratitude makes you happier and less stressed. It leads to higher overall wellbeing and satisfaction with your life and social relationships. Yet many of us don’t make gratitude a part of our weekly practices.

To give you some inspiration, listen to these top speakers on gratitude. Learn not only why you should practice gratitude, but also get some tips on how you can easily introduce it into your daily routines.

Top Speakers on Gratitude

The new era of positive psychology

From the founder of positive psychology, Martin Seligman, comes a talk about how psychology has evolved over the past 30 years. He also delves into his mission to evolve the field of psychology — from focusing on those who are unwell to focusing on how to relatively untroubled people happier, more fulfilled and more productive. Seligman also provides a great gratitude exercise that leads to an increase in happiness for up to three months.

Want to be happy? Be grateful

Listen to Brother David Steindl-Rast talk about the one thing all humans have in common: we all want to be happy. The path to happiness is easy if you know how, be grateful. Steindl-Rast is an American Catholic Benedictine monk, author, and lecturer committed to exploring the interaction between spirituality and science.

Remember to say thank you

Watch counsellor and life coach, Laura Trice, in this short talk about the importance of praise, admiration and thank you, and having it be specific and genuine. Laura draw from her experience delivering a therapeutic program called Writing in Recovery. The program uses creative skills such as journaling and music to help people develop better self-awareness and set goals.

The happy secret to better work

Want a laugh while learning about gratitude? Then look no further than Shawn Achor – an American author and speaker known for his advocacy of positive psychology. He authored The Happiness Advantage and founded GoodThink, Inc. He also delivered lectures on positive psychology in the most popular class at Harvard.

Gratitude works!: The science and practice of saying thanks

Listen to the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude. Professor of psychology at UC, Davis, Robert Emmons explains how gratitude can heal, energize and change human lives. In this extensive (1-hour) talk, he discusses recent research and deep dives into how gratitude can change your life.

Maybe watching these top speakers on gratitude isn’t your thing. Why not check out this article instead: Practicing Gratitude: Why and How You Should do it

Don’t forget to subscribe for our monthly newsletter for more tips, freebies and subscriber-only content!

How to Make a Happy Home (E35)

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Happiness for Cynics

This week, Marie and Pete discuss the 2020 Good Home Report, which shows that if you are happy with your home, you are almost certainly happy in life. In fact, our homes are more important to our overall happiness than our income or jobs. 

Transcript

M: You’re listening to the podcast happiness for cynics.

P: She’s Marie Skelton are writer and speaker, focused on change and resilience, who writes in colours and sticks post-its to the walls and makes a mean breakfast sandwich.

M: And he’s Peter Furness, a Disney loving, wine swigging best buddy. Each week we bring to you the latest news and research in the world of positive psychology, otherwise known as happiness.

P: So if you’re feeling low.

M: Or if you’re only satisfied with life but not truly happy with it.

P: Or maybe you just want more.

M: Then this is the place to be.

P: And to take us one step further on our happiness journey. Today’s episode is all about Happy Homes.

[Happy Intro Music]

P: [Laugh] So what I don’t think everybody realises is that while the music is playing, Marie and I tend to be darting around like two little five years old on the Wiggles episode pretending to do the music.

M: We dance every time, we find it to be the most annoying music we’ve ever heard and that’s probably why we picked it, really.

[Laughter]

P: The odd thing is it puts us in the right headspace

M: Yes.

P: Because when we do that, we come in and we’re really up.

M: Yes, definitely.

P: Change of physicality.

M: [Laugh] So today, Happy homes. And this is really your turf.

P: Oh! My house mates are gonna listen to this episode and go, uh huh, uh huh.

M: [Laugh]

P: I feel so sorry for my housemates sometimes what they put up with, it’s all my mother’s fault.

M: Yeah, I think my husband would probably agree. I don’t think he.. I am house proud.

P: Very.

M: Yes. Oh, very.

P: Yeah you are, your design and your style thing. Very particular.

M: Yes, so husband has to go along with that. You know, happy wife, happy life. [Laugh]

[Laughter]

M: But there is research and we’ve been reading the Happy Homes report. So that’s put out by the Happiness Research Institute.

P: It’s a fabulous document. I’m so impressed that someone’s actually going out and done the research on happy homes and what they do for us.

M: Absolutely. And it’s so important nowadays because most of us are in isolation.

P: Yeah [Laugh]

M: Or you know, if not completely isolated. We’ve just entered a period of our lives almost where we’re spending so much more time and home.

P: Mmm. And I think this is the telling thing at the moment as well is people are much more conscious of their own spaces now. So I’m finding with a lot of my clients. They’re saying, ‘oh, I have to change things around now because I’m not set up correctly for being at home so much.’

Some clients are doing seriously well because they’re in the home space, they’re putting laundry on at random hours of the day, they’re getting breaks. They’re actually doing superbly well because they’re getting out and they’re pottering in the garden and going for walks and things, whereas before they weren’t doing it.

M: Yep.

P: So for some people, it’s been a really positive change.

M: Well, if you think about that, I’m really close to the city in Sydney. But it still takes me a good hour door to door, well door to desk.

P: That is Sydney Public Transport.

[Laughter]

M: Exactly. But that’s two hours of my day I’m getting back.

P: Mm Hmm, absolutely. Yeah. So having.. the home is your happy castle, if you like, all those sorts of quotes, there’s a lot of truth in it now. And here we’ll tell you why. Because of the science.

M: Definitely. So here is the science.

P: Oh, is that me?

[Laughter]

“The home space is a treasure trove of information about who we are, who we want to be, and what makes us happy.”

That comes from Lindsey Graham who’s a psychologist and research specialist at the Psychology of Space at the Centre for the Built Environment, University of California, Berkeley.

M: That’s a mouthful isn’t it?

[Laughter]

M: Thanks, Lindsay. Great job.

P: Can we just sat University in California?

[Laughter]

P: She’s blind and she has three children.

M: [Laugh] So one of the other things that we have to mention is that the Happiness Research Institute that did the report found that happiness of our home is almost three times as important to our overall happiness as our income.

P: Oh, I’d agree with that.

M: So I think one of the great things about this report is that it looks at people who are renting. It looks that people who live in mansions and it looks at everything in between, And it doesn’t matter whether you live in that mansion and or you live in a falling apart dorm house with two other students and me down furniture. There’s still so much you can do to make your home a happy place that impacts on your levels of happiness.

P: Yes.

M: So I thought that was really interesting. So there are five core emotions Pete, that this research looks into.

P: The document talks a lot about the five core elements that come from a happy home and what that entails and they list them as:

  • Pride; [44%]
  • Comfort; [25%]
  • Identity; [17%]
  • Safety; and [10%]
  • Control. [4%]

And these emotions are mental states. So by investing in our home and finding a sense of identity within it and creating a happy space, we’re catering to these five basic emotions and mental states. Pride is the big one. It apparently counts for 44% of the emotions based around a happy home and you found this one quite telling for you Marie.

M: Yeah, I did. Look if 44% of your feelings about your home are tied up in how proud you feel about your home and how happy you are with your home directly impacts your happiness level. Then, dig in to pride. Nearly half of it comes from pride. So how can you build pride in your home in order to have a happier home and a happier life is what I wanted to look into it and I just, I’ve written a post on my side about this and looked at ways that you can bring pride into your home without necessarily spending much or any money.

P: Mmm, yes. It doesn’t cost.

M: Yeah, definitely.

P: It comes back to cleaning, my big passion.

M: Well, that’s the first thing, the three cheap things that you can do is make your bed in the morning, tidy up, clean your house, and it is amazing what 2 to 3 hours of spring cleaning can do. Firstly, if you haven’t done it in a while, it can lead to more mess.

P: [Laugh]

M: Just a warning.

[Laughter]

M: But once you get through all that de cluttering or cleaning, whatever activities you’re doing, there are so many positive benefits psychologically. And that’s the whole reason that Marie Kondo’s books have sold so well and her Netflix show is doing so well, is that this stuff works.

P: And it even comes down to, the influences that we found, I think that you know the advent of the home renovation show ‘The Block’ and all these things. People enjoy that because not only do they get to pass judgement on other people’s homes, but it is this investment in the space, investment in the private space of your home and who doesn’t feel proud of having a clean house with ambient candles, lighting everything as people come over for dinner.

It’s, it’s an investment in the self. When you’re hosting a dinner party, you’re hosting friends coming over. You clean up a little bit. You make it nice. You put a little bit of flowers in a vase on the table and so forth. You grab some stuff from the outside garden and bring it inside, and it creates an ambience. That investment in the space is an investment in the self.

M: Yes, absolutely.

P: You’re taking pride in something. You’re getting pride. I find it interesting because you’re getting pride from an external source. So if you’re wanting to feel a bit, more, better about yourself, going and cleaning the house and creating a space and rearranging a bit of furniture at midnight so that it looks different and then stand there and look at it. You’ll feel a sense of achievement. It ticks that box of achievement you’ve achieved a task and then when other people walk into that space go ‘Oh, this is nice’ again that’s a positive affirmation. It’s a reaffirmation of your own, your own projection..

M: Self.

P: Yeah.

M: Well identity was one of the things there, 17% of how you feel that your home is tied up in your identity.

P: Yeah, the report talked about it being the integral part of ourselves. It represents who we are and how we would like to be perceived.

So it’s that opening the home up and it doesn’t even really have to be friends and so forth. The water reading man can walk in and say something and it can give you a sense of pride for the morning.

M: Yep and I think there is often, I’ve noticed when you’re just not feeling great about yourself or you’re going through a rough patch and you let the house slide and you also stop inviting people over.

P: Yep.

M: Not feeling house proud can be a real barrier to social connection.

P: Yeah, definitely. That’s a good point. I think it’s interesting that that could actually be a tool as well. If you’re having a low moment, get out the Dettol!

M: [Laugh]

P: Clean the bathroom and see how you feel. [Laugh] Oddly enough, maybe it works.

M: [Laugh] Maybe we just stumbled upon the key to solving happiness.

P: Throw on an apron get some yellow gloves on and make yourself feel better.

[Laughter]

P: It’s a good concept.

M: There is something nice though, about coming into the kitchen and that clean smell that you get from having used cleaning products as well. Not just wiping down the kitchen cabinet after making toast.

P: Yeah, true.

M: Well, it doesn’t even smell.

P: ..The report does talk about control as being one of the five emotions. Now this is the [it] only accounts for 4% of the emotions that they monitor. But I would actually question that. I would say it’s more, by taking control of your home environment and I think, because I am a share house person. I again, I apologise to my housemates, who are probably sitting there with their arms crossed right now.

M: [Laugh]

P: Petie rules the house.

M: [Laugh]

P: The couch will go there and the side table will go there. And if someone moves something, I’m like ‘Why is that over there?’

[Laughter]

P: So I actually do take a lot of control and find a lot of control in controlling the space in which I am in.

M: So this report was done last year before Covid. And I think that a lot of the uncertainty and anxiety that we’ve all felt this year has come from a lack of control. So it would be interesting to do this survey again. So just to give a bit of context. The research was done in Europe so I imagine it would be similar enough in Australia.

P: Yes.

M: To bring over, and predominantly Western Europe, so similar enough. But I think that if we’d done this in the survey and the research again during Covid, control might actually be more of a factor. Because we’ve had so little control over so much of our lives this year.

P: Mm, mm. Yeah, that’s what I think. It’s more than 4% for me. Safety is 10%. And I understand that as well in terms of your home being your safe space.

M: Yes, particularly for the elderly, it found. So a lot of elderly people go out to the world and do not feel safe. But their home is somewhere they come home to. They can lock the doors and feel safe in their bubble, their world, their home?  Yeah, Definitely. So what else we got, Pete?

P: Well, we’ve kind jumped around those five, five core emotions [elements]. It is worth saying that these are all interlinked, so that sense of control and safety can lead to greater pride and comfort, and they all sort of cross over and share in that sort of way.

M: Mm, Hmm.

P: I mean, that’s the guts of the report. The report also talks about whether you’re a renter or whether you’re a buyer. I think that that’s an interesting aspect because not everybody owns their own home. And one of the facts that I found interesting was, you don’t need to own your own home or own the space to actually feel that happy, safe space for you. You can do this when you’re a renter.

M: Yep, Absolutely. There’s, you might not be other paint the walls, but there’s now those great sticky things that you pull down on.

P: The 3M stickers.They have changed home decorating for ever! [Laugh]

M: So you can put stuff up on the walls and also you can use colour, pops of colour. So we said pride through achievement, you can reach pride by cleaning or re.. sorry

de-cluttering your home. But there’s also pride through re-decoration and I love this one. We’ve talked about flow before. That setting yourself the task and getting into enjoying the task of redecorating. So Pinterest is great for finding inspiration and pinning boards of things that you do and don’t like. And you can go on to Pinterest and look for orange themed bedrooms.

P: Oh! I didn’t know this.

M: Ha ha. Or Indian inspired bathrooms.

P: Oh, wow. I like this idea.

M: You know, there’s any number of things and you can pin them all to a board and get inspiration. And then nowadays, there’s not only -so I have to say, k-mart has really picked up its game in home decor.

P: Interesting. Yeah.

M: Candles. All your basic candles, pop plants, little knickknacks,

P: Clocks.

M: Clocks, [Laugh] anything. They have definitely picked up their game and you can things really quite cheaply. And then there’s places like Etsy, who are – oh Pete.

P: I don’t know Etsy. 

M: [Gasp] Etsy is where all the artistic people sell their stuff.

P: Oh.

M: Yes, And so it’s people making broaches or pillows or artwork, all kinds of stuff.

P: I just go to my Mum for that.

M: [Laugh] I think my Mum crochets.

P: Everything looks like 1950’s, but that’s ok it’s good.

M: [Laugh] But it’s also really reasonably priced. So that’s E-T-S-Y, worth checking out. But there’s a million different online shopping options, even if it’s just eBay or Amazon where you can find cheap items to make your, your project come to life.

P: Nice. I like that.

M: Yeah, so I’d say pride through achievement, so cleaning, definitely. And then there’s pride through redecorating. If you want to, even your local op shops. And on the last one, the big one.

P: [Laugh]

M: You mentioned before HD TV and all the home reno shows. The only thing I’ll say is, if you’re not an electrician, don’t do electronics.

P: [Laughter] Find help when you need it.

M: Yes.

P: There are some things it’s better off paying someone to do.

M: Yep, I mean, there are great YouTube tutorials out there, but still.

P: [Laugh] We’ve all been there staring in front of the electrical socket going ‘if I connect that red thing to the green thing am I gonna, Ooh!

M: [Laugh] Have we all been there? I was thinking maybe I could do flooring. That looks like it’s.. yeah don’t.

P: [Laugh]

M: Hire a professional, with the amount of money you put into buying all the stuff.

P: Yeah, true.

M: You’re doing a reno.

P: I get that.

M: That’s the, that’s the big one. But again, you don’t have to go full hog to find that pride in your home and pride isn’t the whole, you know story either.

P: How do you mean pride isn’t the whole story?

M: There’s the five [four] other things as well, so identity. So you could actually design all your own artwork. If that is an expression of your identity.

P: Sure, yeah. Where do we go from here?

M: I do like the paragraph on the sizes and everything.

P: [Laugh] They do bust some myths in this report about home owning on what it means, and they say that size isn’t everything. So, if you don’t have a palatial mansion, doesn’t mean you can’t take pride in the space. And I think I discovered this when I was a student and I had my tiny little two bedder house in Mountain Street in South Melbourne. And we had wicker furniture.

M: [Laugh]

P: It was disgusting. My flat mate at the time would come home and in this small space I’d managed to rearrange the wicker furniture around the television. And he’d come in and stumble over something going and go ‘oh Pete rearranged the house again.’

M: [Laugh]

P: But it was, it was that sense, there can be a real sense of achievement and ownership in small spaces. You just have to be clever and spending some time and some research actually on small spaces and how to create perceptions of space in a small room. So letting more light in,

M: Light.

P: creating, having furniture in the right ratio. Tall furniture might make a space feel more enclosed, low to the ground furniture might open it up a little bit more. All those sort of factors could be a research project and investing in yourself via your home.

M: Yes, definitely, and even light furnishings rather than dark.

P: Mmm. Which is interesting when you do look. Like watching, what is it, ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’, the new one?

M: Yes! Please.

P: The guy who does the kitchens he has everything is dark timber. He always paints the kitchens in a dark colour.

M: Yeah, but those houses in the States are huge.

P: Yeah, that’s true.

M: Compared to European and Australian nowadays.

P: And there’s actually more light I suppose.

M: A thing that I wanted to mention in the report is back to this idea of comparison. So we’ve talked about before how one of the natural, biologically driven things that we do is compare ourselves to others.

P: Yes.

M: Right. And it is so bad for your psyche.

P: Thank you social media.

M: So, so bad. And even just these home reno shows we’re watching in America as people redo an entire 20 metre by 20 metre kitchen for $10,000.

P: [Laughter]

M: It’s just not doable in our country. Who has a kitchen that big, ever!

P: [Laugh]

M: But it’s just again about being mindful of comparing yourself to others, and something that the report did find is that if you, back to your earlier point, if you’re a university student and you’re in a home that has mouldy floorboards and the kitchen’s falling apart, you could be as happy as Larry because you’re a student and everyone else is in the same kind of boat as you.

P: Yep.

M: But if you feel that your peers, the people around, your friends and people in a similar life stage as you are ahead of you. Then that can be really hard to reconcile with your happiness levels. And it it really does have a negative impact.

P: I think, I think that also it comes down to investing in what you have though as well. So it’s one thing to go to someone’s, someone else’s place and to see their situation. And if they are on a similar timeline to you, similar time frame, working similar jobs and so forth. Yes, you can compare it to yourself, but innately, I think you should invest in yourself and reflect on what you do have and what you have control over again, we’re coming back to these five major emotions that investing in the home space creates.

Maybe that’s the key, investing in what you have. And if you’re not spending time looking after your house and if you’re essentially ‘we don’t keep it clean, we don’t do the weekly clean’ and it’s a pig sty and if that makes you feel like you’re not achieving, then maybe you need to spend some time and do the work, as I always say, on creating a space that’s enjoyable. It’s not about expense. It’s about bringing a flower in every now and then. So, little things like that to make a huge difference.

M: Okay, so what is the one tip that you would leave for listeners? To make their home happier.

P: Do a spring clean.

M: For me, I would say, bring some of that green space indoors.

P: Ooh right, nice.

M: All right, we might end there.

P: Have a read of the report. It’s really good. And it’s worthwhile spending some time reading and taking it on. I think it’s a wonderful initiative.

M: Alright and on that note, Thank you for joining us. If you enjoyed the show, please subscribe and we would love a review on any of our channels, if you can.

P: Yes. That would make us very happy.

[Laughter]

P: Until next time folks, choose happiness.

[Happy Exit Music]

Related content: Read Moving On article What makes a Happy Home

What Makes a Happy Home?

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Study Shows a Happy Home Makes for a Happy Life

You might not think too much about whether you have a happy home, and that’s possibly impacting your happiness. Our homes shape how we feel about our day, ourselves and our lives more broadly. They are also closely tied to how happy we are overall in our lives.

Since we’re spending so much more time in our homes nowadays, I thought I’d look into some of the research and find out how we can change our homes to make our lives happier. Yet again, there is wealth of research across the fields of psychology, neuroscience and public health into how to design your home to make you happier.

And, in yet another surprise to me (because every positive psych article I research ends up surprising me) the Happiness Research Institute found that happiness with our home is almost three times as important to our overall happiness as our income. Who knew!?

“We have learned how we connect with our homes emotionally and what is truly important to achieve happiness in them,” said Meik Wiking, CEO of the Happiness Research Institute. “To paraphrase Winston Churchill: first we shape our homes and then our homes shape us. Homes are where we may not only live, but thrive.”

Wiking and the team at the Happiness Research Institute studied thousands of respondents across ten countries in Europe. They conducted hours and hours of quantitative and qualitative interviews, and found 73 per cent of people who are happy with their home are also happy in general.

“The most important factors are not where you live, how big your house is, or whether you rent or own,” said Véronique Laury, CEO of Kingfisher, which sponsored the study. “What matters most is having a home that gives you a feeling of safety, comfort, identity and pride. What matters is putting your stamp on your home.”

Do you feel happy about your home?

According to the research, there are five core emotions we tend to feel about our homes: pride, comfort, identity, safety and control.

Most important was pride, which accounts for 44 per cent of our feelings of happiness with our home. This is almost half of the emotional attachment to our homes! When the researchers delved deeper into this specific emotion, they found that 88 per cent of people who were proud of their homes were also happy with their homes; and the prouder they are, the happier they are.

But even though pride is the most important emotion when it comes to our homes, relatively few people actually feel it, according to the study.

Three ways to build pride in your home and have a happier home

The great news is that you can do something about this. This article would suck if you couldn’t. So, here are three things you can do to give yourself more pride in your home, and to help you have a happy home.

1. Pride through achievement

Set aside some time to do a full de-clutter and deep clean. Millions of people have bought Marie Kondo’s book and watched her Netflix series on how to declutter their homes.

According to Konmari consultant and founder of Neatly Awesome, Pilar Llorente that’s because we’ve come to realise “physical clutter becomes mental clutter as well.” In fact, the best part of the Konmari method, according to Pilar is the spiritual and emotional outcomes.

Check out this article for steps to declutter your home, and your mind.

2. Pride through redecorating

Nowadays, redecorating a room in your house doesn’t have to be hard or expensive. And it doesn’t have to be overwhelming anymore.

Start by visiting Google for ideas or visit Pinterest to collect images of looks you like. Remember the look you like has to match with the house you have, so go with accentuating what you have, rather than trying to make your house into something it isn’t.

Once you have some ideas, get to purchasing your items and decorating! Remember to keep receipts in case it doesn’t look how you pictured it in your mind.

If you’re tight on budget, don’t forget to check out your local opp shops. Or why not try Kmart and Target, which have both upped their home-deco games in recent years.

A cheap redecoration can still pack a punch. Think of picking a new fresh colour for throw pillows and a throw rug. Or you can change out your curtains, or paint an accent wall.

3. Pride through home improvement

This is the big one and it’s not for everyone. Many people just aren’t up for the disruption to their lives. Others underestimate their tiling, floor laying, plumbing or worse, electrical skills and end up making their place worse, not better. Thanks HGTV and all those home reno shows! By the way, just so we’re clear, you should never do your own electrical work. Ever.

However, if you can pay professionals to do the hard stuff (or all of it) and work out the easy stuff with YouTube videos, then this is worth doing. The Happiness Research Institute study found that 74 per cent of people who have an interest in and spend time doing home improvements are proud of their home.

That’s it. These are a few little things you can do if you’re wanting to make your home a happy home.

Also, there are a whole lot more elements to the research, if you’re interested in reading the full report, go here.

Related reading: Stress Reduction Lessons from Marie Kondo

Don’t forget to subscribe for our monthly newsletter for more tips, freebies and subscriber-only content!

Is it Even Possible to be Happy During COVID? (E34)

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Happiness for Cynics

This week, Marie and Pete discuss a recent study that looks at whether positive psychology interventions work during a global pandemic. Is it even possible to be happy during a pandemic? The answer might surprise you.

Transcript

M: You’re listening to the podcast happiness for cynics. I’m Marie Skelton, a writer and speaker focused on change and resilience.

P: And I’m Peter Furness a champagne swilling, fried chicken cooking over-indulger of gastronomy. Each week we will bring to you the latest news and research in the world of positive psychology otherwise known as happiness.

M: So if retail therapy isn’t working.

P: Or bingo day isn’t the same without a drag queen.

M: Or you might be a bit interested in all this positive psych. stuff, even though you’d never tell your friends.

P: Then this is the place to be.

M: And today we’re talking about whether you can even be happy during a global pandemic.

[Happy Intro Music]

M: Thanks for joining us today. I have moved to Tamworth, so I’m going to apologise right now if our Internet bandwidth isn’t what it used to be. And if there are some technical and or its sound issues. But I hope that you forgive us and stick with us and enjoy the show. All right, Pete. So today we’re talking about a recent study that’s come out about positive psychology interventions during Covid and during the pandemic.

P: Mmhh.

M: And before we get into what that research showed, I think maybe we need to back up a little bit, just summarise some of all of the research and stats that talk about positive psychology and what’s going on and what we’re seeing in Covid. So we know that pre-Covid things weren’t looking so great.

P: No..

M: To be quite frank. The Pew Research Centre estimated that 52% of working dads and 60% of working moms found it somewhat or very difficult to balance work and family life. So there was stress on working parents.

P: Yep.

M: The Edelman Trust barometer revealed that 83% of employees feared losing their jobs. This is a global study that actually was the 2020 study that came out just before Covid here. So 83% of employees feared losing their jobs, and the World Health Organisation noted that depression and anxiety have an estimated cost of the global economy of $1 trillion per year in lost productivity.

P: Hhmm only half what apple make.

M: Really? Trillion? two trillion really?

P: That’s their share values.

M: Yeah.

P: So if you work for apple, pat yourself on the back and have a glass of champagne.

[Laughter]

M: So that’s just three stats, there are so many more that talk about loneliness, depression, anxiety, mental health more broadly and how just as a society things are about to hit that breaking point.

P: Mmhh.

M: I think the straw that broke the camel’s back kind of moment and that was all pre Covid.

P: Yep.

M: And now since the pandemic hit, we have seen a dramatic increase in stress, anxiety and overall poor mental health across Australia.

P: Ok.

M: So in June, the Sydney Morning Herald reported on two studies, one suggested that the number of people displaying symptoms of anxiety, stress and depression in the community have risen between 13 to 21%.

P: Uh huh.

M: While the other found that roughly one in every five people is experiencing clinically relevant depression symptoms.

P: Right.

M: Now that one to me isn’t as scary because I think people have been saying for a while now in Australia at least that one in five people will experience depression in their lives, so that’s pretty much on par. But for one in five to be, currently all experiencing depression symptoms, that’s a bit of a difference as well.

P: Ok yep. The Danish study, published in April, found that 2458 people reported an increased level of stress and anxiety. This is alongside an American study that found people were eight times more likely at the moment to fit the criteria of serious mental illness.

The interesting thing about the American study is that those between the ages of 18 to 44 were more likely to be adversely affected than the older generations. And I think that’s an interesting point because that’s right in that bracket of people who are not as secure maybe and not as relaxed in their approach, they’re, you know, up and comers. They’re trying to make their way and get their careers secure or getting, launching them even if you’re 18 to 23 you know there’s a lot of pressure on that generation. You know, “Go generation.. what are we at Y or something”

M: Millenial. They’re Millenials.

P: Millenials, they’ve got a rough deal. We’ve said it before and they really have.

M: I think also, they’ve never been tested. Whereas the older generations had Vietnam, they had their recession in the eighty’s as well and their uncertainty and financial insecurity through that period, the recession that Australia had to have.

P: Yep, all that sort of stuff. Good old Paul Keating.

M: Ha ha.

P: I feel that, I feel that with what you’re saying is that it’s the snap at the co-worker, it’s the yelling at the kids when you don’t realise it. And I think they’re little things to be aware of in terms of the … experience of the Covid lock down, which we’re, we’re an international podcast. But obviously our audience I think is very Australian based.

M: Yep.

P: I think it’s really important to recognise the influences. So if you are feeling a bit crappy and you do have a little bit of a snap at someone, you take it on board and go, Yeah, the stress and anxiety that is being experienced is making an impact on our daily lives. Our interactions with our wives, spouses, children, housemates, friends all that sort of stuff is making a difference.

M: Yeah, absolutely, even in the most resilient of us.

P: Exactly. Definitely.

M: So in normal times we would not, we would say, to people who are experiencing normal, manageable levels of stress, anxiety and depression. To.. I’m sorry, I hate to use the word normal there, I’m taking that back.

P: [Laugh]

M: But manageable day to day levels of sadness, anxiety, stress, we would say institute some positive psychology interventions, and you will see results.

P: Yes, yes that.

M: Overall, there are thousands of studies that confirmed that many positive psychology interventions help people to feel happier overall, and they lower levels of depression and anxiety.

P: Yes.

M: Some interventions work better than others. You’ve also got to match the person to the intervention as well, but they do show effects. Now where I want to talk about today is whether or not positive psychology interventions work in Covid times?

P: Ok.

M: So There’s a study that just came out two weeks ago by Webster University. It’s a small study, and it was completed during the pandemic, with a small group of 45 women and men between 23 to 40 years old. And they had a control group and another group that were asked to do Positive Psychology Interventions and what they found, unlike pre Covid time studies is that not very much happened with the overall levels of happiness in the participants.

P: So there’s no increase in levels of contentment and happiness necessarily.

M: Or subjective well-being. No, this is new, this is different. But here’s the but.

P: [Laugh]

M: There’s a but, there’s always a but.

When it came to levels of depression, anxiety and stress, the participants who did the positive psychology interventions had lower levels.

P: And that’s the gold.

M: Yep. So it’s not that it made people happier, but it stopped them from being sadder.

P: Stopped them from going down that hole, yeah. And let’s face it we know that doing some things on a daily basis, which we’ve talked about a lot during this podcast that makes a big difference to your general well-being. And it’s those small things that stop you from going deeper down a hole of stress in times of great anxiety and heightened awareness that is most important.

M: Absolutely.

P: Maintain, maintain a balance, ride the wave and stay it, stay at that plateau if you can, if you’re doing that, you’re doing well.

M: Yep, so being in a neutral mental health space is better than being in a negative mental health space.

P: And that’s what you want to hold on to in times of crisis, you want to just maintain that, that level of calm if you can. And I think, I think that’s my mother’s generation and my mom is a war baby and they were on rations in the middle of the outback in Australia and the relative experience is if you’ve got food on the table at the end of the day you’re doing well. It doesn’t have to be fillet mignon.

M: No.

P: Food on table and you’ve got a shirt on your back. It’s all good, and I think that maybe this is our defining moment when, when we look at the studies and a reference before about that American study, saying that the 18 to 44 year old’s are more likely be adversely affected. Our parents are more [mentally prepared], especially my parents who are slightly older than a lot of people. It’s a relative experience and it comes down to those basics and again, mindfulness, which we talked about a lot and appreciating the small things and the basic needs being met at a time when everything is… let’s face it, going to shit.

M: Yep. Well, it is good that you mentioned being thankful there because this study, again just a small group. But I think it makes sense to me right. It makes sense that this is something that could apply a bit more broadly but this group did gratitude exercises as part of their positive psychology interventions, and they showed a decrease in their levels of low moods, anxiety and stress. And all it took was 14 days.

P: Yeah wow.

M: So doing activities in the positive psychology sphere of things you could do like gratitude, it only takes a little is 14 days to recalibrate your, you know, we call it the Corona Coaster of emotions.

P: [Laugh] Do we?

M: It’s up and down. Well yeah. The corona coaster, we’re all on it right now. Some of us have just doing those little up, down, up, down, up, downs and a pretty like [ok] but some of us are going 90 degrees up and then 90 degrees down, right.

P: [Laugh]

M: What you want is those little fluctuations?

P: I always was a moderate rollercoaster boy. I didn’t want the big ones. [Laugh]

M: Yeah, well, you don’t in mental health terms either.

P: [Laugh]

M: It [Positive Psychology interventions] just helps to stabilise you is I guess what I’m saying. So you’re not having those lows.

P: Yes, staying on that even keel. And in times of anxiety, that’s the point. You don’t want those big moments of happiness. You don’t want to be running down the street screaming ‘my life is fabulous!’ You just want to be on that nice, ‘Yeah, I’m doing well. I’m going alright, everything is normal, I’m okay.

M: Everything’s normal. Some thing’s are bad, some things are good. I react accordingly and appropriately but in general I’m staying strong.

P: So I’m going to bring in some stuff here from BBC Future, which I was having a bit of research of.

The top things to do during the Covid crisis.

Actual tips that you can do that are actually going to make a difference today. And this goes on the back of all positive psychology work. So we know that those things of gratitude, graciousness, meditation, self-care, all that sort of stuff helps.

Distraction was the first one. Distract yourself. Go and do something that distracts your mind.

M: Mmhh, I would say this equates to having a hobby or something to do.

P: Something that takes your mind completely out of the stress of looking at the news.

For me and you Muz, it’s volleyball.

M: Yep, you’re writing Pete.

P: I will read a quote of yours Muz, ‘Volleyball is its own little bubble.’

M: Oh, it always is. That was a coach, quote, wasn’t it?

P: Yes. It was in fact and I love it, I’ve used it many times. But that’s the idea is you use something that actually takes you away and gives you complete mindfulness at that point, which is great. So from my mum, it’s orchid gardening.

M: Yep.

P: Good old Mum.

M: Gardening is something we can even do in isolation and in shut down. So as long as you’ve gotten the equipment beforehand, even people who are living in apartments can do little gardens on their balconies.

P: It can be as easy as shifting the plot plants around like I did that today. I shifted some plants in the back to the front, and it was 15 minutes in the sunshine because it was a beautiful sunny day in Sydney today and that’s enough.

M: Yep.

P: Moving on.

Meditate, ah Marie your favourite past time.

M: Sorry I missed that.

[Laughter]

P: Meditate, Marie’s favourite pastime.

M: [Noise of derision] Yeah, no I was joking. I prefer to sleep than meditate. It’s the same thing in my mind.

P: Look, meditation is hard and it’s the whole thing of… And I think what I would actually insert here as opposed to Meditate is being mindful. Today I sat on the front veranda with my cup of tea and my little lunch, and the first time in, I’d say 11 years, I’ve been in this house for 11 years, I heard the wind whistling through the Cyprus pine across the road. It’s the first time in 11 years that I’ve heard that sound.

M: Was it a windy day.

P: Yeah. Meditation. It’s Mindfulness. Spend two minutes being silent, that’s all it is. You don’t have to meditate, you don’t have to clear your mind. All that stuff, reference our previous episode on meditation.

M: Yeah, and so if meditation isn’t your thing, I would offer have a bath, have a device free, distraction free, bath.

P: Yep.

M: And as you’re sitting in the bath. Go top to bottom and get all your muscles to relax.

So I feel the stress leaving. And then this is actually meditation. I sit in the bath and actually feel the stress. Leave your, your face, your neck, your shoulders and go down your arms.

P: Yes, love it.

M: Leave your book out of the bathtub. Leave your devices, your music. Turn it all off and have a bath.

P: Yep, have quiet time. Love it.

M: Yeah.

P: Next one,

Don’t obsess over being happy or positive.

M: Oh yeah, this is so true. Yeah.

P: You’re not feeling great, don’t worry about it.

M: Yep, but also don’t chase it. This is also-

P: – I love that you said that Marie. Don’t chase it.

M: It’s the journey.

P: Yeah, definitely. And it comes right back to our original episode.

Happiness is not a destination. Happiness is the journey.

M: Mhm.

P: Don’t expect, don’t set these high expectations for yourself and maintain this plastic smile on your face, like Barbie. [Laugh] We love Barbie but you know, even her cheeks got sore in Toy Story.

M: [Laugh]

P: Watch the credits, you’ll see the reference I’m talking about. All right, moving along.

Focus on the small things.

So a small cup of tea during the day can actually be enough. If you can have a cup of tea and sit down for five minutes, that’s enough. If you can maintain that sort of level of normalcy, you’re doing well.

M: I think the other thing to add in here. A lot of what we talk about need to be done as habits. So you need to set up the routine of gratitude, journaling, exercising, practicing kindness. The second it’s not scheduled in somewhere, it gets forgotten or overlooked, or it gets bumped out of a busy day.

P: Exactly, yes.

M: So, focus on the small things. I’ve just finished reading the Atomic Habits by James Clear and something that is so valuable that he says, is when you’re starting new habits, make them small. Make them so easy that you have to trip over yourself not to do them, right?

P: Ha ha, I like that.

M: So if you want to be a runner, run for three minutes to start with and do that until it drives you crazy and you have to do four, and then push it to five. So easy, to just write once a week, something you’re grateful for and set an alarm on Sunday nights, or whatever it is that you pick. But make it small. And so when you say focus on the small things, I know that’s not exactly what you were talking about, Pete.

P: I still agree.

M: But when it comes to a lot of the positive psychology interventions we talk about make them small so that there’s really no excuse not to do them.

P: Brilliant. Love that. That’s really, really good. Well done. Ok, three more.

Clean.

Do some cleaning, go and clean out the closet.

M: Why am I being punished? What’s going on here?

P: [Laugh] No, it’s really good because it ticks so many boxes.

M: Hold on, declutter? Or clean?

P: Declutter, that’s a very [Marie] Kondo-esque way of looking at it.

M: I’m down with the declutter.

P: The cleanings, brilliant, like I actually love it like going and cleaning the bathroom. You’re in this moment. I’ve just gotta get it clean. And you can be really obsessive about cleaning. So, it ticks a lot of boxes. It takes your mind out of the situation. It gives you a task. It distracts you. It gives you a sense of achievement at the end of it. There’s a lot of positive things about doing some domestic cleaning.

M: OK, alright.

P: Getting fluff off the carpet in the hallway when you’re vacuuming. You’ll be thankful when you walk on it the next day [laugh].

M: I hear what you’re saying, actually, and I think the bit that sold it for me was that feeling of satisfaction and also the focus of doing a task and completing it. Yeah, all right.

P: If you’re feeling absolutely shit go and clean something.

M: Alright, I’ll give you that.

P: Okay, alright.

Balance your social media.

M: Mhm.

P: Beware the social demon and know that I’m aware of this, Marie, be careful of going on social media and getting caught in the scroll moment.

M: Yeah or mindlessly doing stuff. I think one of the best things that I’ve done since moving up to Tamworth is I’ve got myself a morning routine. As I said, I’ve been reading atomic habit, so making some changes and I have forbidden myself from looking at my phone until mid-morning when I have a cup of coffee.

P: Oh, brilliant. That’s awesome.

M: So I get up, I do some exercise, I write, and then I start work. And so all of those, and have some breakfast. All of those things happen without any social media or other things pulling me away.

P: Your friends, a friend of mine, started this years ago. He started charging his phone in another other room so that he didn’t wake up and reach for his phone. So important people get off the bloody devices.

[Laughter]

P: Alright, last one, last one.

Get out of town.

Now this is difficult for some people. It’s very difficult, especially if you’re in lock down, such as our lovely friends down in Melbourne, who I feel very, very painful for every time I reference them. But if you can get out if you can change your surroundings.

I’m going to quote here “[As little as] a 20 to 30% increase in blue space visibility– What’s blue space Marie?

M: The ocean or a lake or river? Any water? A large body of water.

– could shift someone from moderate distress into a lower category”.

That’s from the BBC Future’s website. So get out of town people. Go and change your perspective. Get out of the concrete jungle go and get into nature, do some forest bathing.

M: [Laugh] Nice. Alright, we might wrap it up there. So what was our conclusion Pete, can you be happy during Covid?

P: I say, yes, you’ve got to put the work in, but you could do it.

M: Look, I think that there are certain people, so they say that there’s three parts to being happy.

One is low negative affect like so if you’ve lost your job or really struggling, then bad luck, sorry. I think the most you can hope for is to be neutral and to put in the work to just grit and bear what is not a great situation for you.

And then there’s positive affect, and there’s probably not a lot of positive affect going on right now.

P: No.

M: But there’s still things that we can look forward to and see, even if you can’t be going to weddings or overseas trips, etcetera, all that stuff stopped.

So that then leaves the people who aren’t going through particularly tough times. I think those people can be relatively happy.

P: You’ve got to take control… the thing is it comes down to doing the work you have control over your reactions and your perspective and if you exert that control and take ownership of it, yes, I believe you can be happy during a global pandemic.

M: Well, on that note, I’m going to say Thank you for joining us today. If you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember can find us at www.marieskelton.com. Which is a site about how to find balance, happiness and resilience in your life. You can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: Ooh, please propose a topic. We love this, give me something to do.

M: Or reach out if you have people you’d like us to talk to or interview.

P: Oh, yes. Definitely and if you like our little show, we would love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Yeah, that would make us happy.

P: [Laugh] until next time people, choose happiness.

[Happy Exit Music]

Related content: Read Moving On article 5 Ways to Overcome the COVID Blues, listen to our Podcast: What is Happiness? (E1)

5 Ways to Recharge When You’re too Stressed

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How to Build Resilience and Recharge When Stressed in Less Than 1-Hour

Why is recharging when stressed so important and why is it even a thing? Because we’re living through a period of extraordinary change. We’re experiencing more change, more often than ever before in human history.

It’s a Change Storm, and this storm is constantly beating us down. From the little drops of rain to big hailstones, we’re constantly being pelted with adverse events and experiences, changing circumstances and environmental stress.

Even before COVID-19 came knocking on our doors, globalisation and technological changes were completely transforming companies, industries, countries and societies.

More than that, they were leading to uncertain, volatile ways of living and working. We’ve all heard it before, the only constant is change, and there’s no escaping change in our lives.

But this unrelenting change can bring stress, and even though stress can be good for us, it can also be bad. If you’ve been experiencing too much negative stress for too long now, or you can feel that you’re close to burnout, but you don’t have the luxury of taking a holiday, here are some quick ways to recharge.

But remember, eventually everything catches up to you. It is really important to recharge from periods of high stress. Being stressed for too long without any breaks or recharging can lead to illness, burnout and heart disease.

OK, enough of the heavy stuff. Because we know that you have no time, here are some ways to recharge when stressed, all in less than an hour.

5 Ways to Recharge When You’re too Stressed

1. Take a Quiet Bath

Run the bath, put some nice salts or bubbles in, but leave all distractions outside. This means leaving music, screens and books behind. Instead, spend some time reconnecting with yourself. Once you’re in the bath, close your eyes, and take some deep breaths. Then focus on releasing the tension in your body. Start at your head and work your way down to your feet. Focus on one muscle or group of muscles at a time, feel them relax and let the tension go.

2. Have a Laugh

Laughter is contagious, so one of the best ways to bring some laughter into your life is to be around people who are laughing. Laughter is also more often experienced and enjoyed with someone else, so find a friend and do something together to bring about laughter.

If you can’t get to a comedy show or your friends are all too serious, you can get onto Google or YouTube and look up the “Skype laughter chain.” It currently has 32 million views on YouTube. The ideas is that a person being filmed starts laughing, and someone else watches that person laughing and starts laughing at the first person. Then you film a third person watching the second person and they start laughing and on and on. So, you end up with series of people laughing, one after the other, and I dare you not to laugh too.

3. Take Your Lunchbreak

If you regularly skip your lunchbreak, you’re not alone. Almost one in three Australians (28 per cent) habitually eat at their desk and 33 per cent skip lunch entirely more than once a week. The problem is that sitting for such a long time is really bad for your physical health, in fact many people say that sitting is the new smoking. It’s also really bad for your mental health to not take that break. Taking as little as 20 minutes for a break has been shown to increase your productivity for the entire day. So, if you can’t do anything else, take a 20-minute lunch break. Trust me, it might feel tough to find the time to do it, but it’s worth it in the end.

Listen to our podcast on Taking a Lunch Break for more research into why it’s important and tips for what to do during your break.

4. Spoil Yourself

OK, so if you need to recharge because you’re too stressed, ask yourself, “what is the one thing that makes you go “ahhhhhhh” and relax?” Whatever it is, go do that. Get a massage, or facial, or get your nails done, or whatever floats your boat. When things are crazy and stressful, there’s nothing like being a bit indulgent and having some ‘me time.’ That might mean going to the movies by yourself, or with a friend; or meeting a friend at the pub away from the children; or going for a swim at the beach. The point is to schedule some ‘me time’ and do something that brings you joy.

5. Find Some Green Space (and sun)

Studies show that spending time outdoors makes you happier — preferably in a non-urban environment, but hey, we’ll take what we can get! Go for a walk and find some green space near you. Then calm your mind and focus on your surrounding environment. Research also shows that observing nature — wherever you may be — will make you feel happier. Notice the grass, the wind, the sky. Get some sun on your face too.

Tell us in the comments below, when it all gets too much, how do you recharge when stressed?

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