Unapologetically Marie

Writer, podcaster, mental health advocate

Happiness Blog

Why we Need to Bring Back Touch (E53)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

Are you lonely, sad, or anxious? If so, you might need more touch in your life. This week, Marie and Pete talk about why we need to bring back touch. 

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

P: Touch. It’s my episode. It’s all about what I do. Also it’s my love language, apparently. I didn’t know that until we started doing the podcast.

M: Yes.

P: You knew, apparently.

M: I picked you, I called it.

P: Certainly.

M: Either that or we have to talk about your sexuality.

P: Laughter!

M: Okay, we’re going with touch is your love language, got it.

P: Touch is important people, very important.

M: It’s so important for your happiness and so many other things. It’s just so interconnected, everything we talk about.

P: Yes, and apparently, we’re touching less. This surprises me.

M: Covid!

P: Not only Covid.

M: Well…

P: Yeah, there’s other eelements [elements] in there as well, eelements? That sounded l New Zealand, Laugh.

M: Eelements?

P: Eelements, laugh. Apparently we have been touching less for sometime, since before covered for various reasons.

M: Well, for centuries, actually. So religion-

P: Mmm.

M: – is the first thing that we always love to blame.

P & M: Laugh!

M: But along with religion, came a shame in extra-marital touching.

P: Yes.

M: Whether it was platonic or not.

P: It became the taboo.

M: Absolutely. So it was seen as cheap, dirty, tarty.

P: Yes. Leading one on –

M: All the things that were called [inappropriate].

P: – How dare you?

M: Absolutely. So it started way back then.

P: It did.

M: And then there’s also a whole lot of different cultural differences around the world in terms of what’s acceptable.

P: Yes, and where you can touch in terms of culture.

M: Yes, absolutely.

P: Also weather. Climate apparently makes a big difference. So people who live in warmer climates are more inclined to be physically affectionate than people who live in colder climates.

M: I would have thought that would be the other way around.

P: No.

M: Cause if you’re warm and hot, you’re like sticky and gross.

P: No, well apparently not, it invites touching because of loose clothing and skin being shown and that sort of stuff. So culturally I think they’re talking.

M: Aaahh.

P: I thought that was an interesting one.

M: I like it. So there are definitely differences culturally and also just we are touching less and a lot of it more recently, back to your original point is due to technology.

P: Mmm yep.

M: We are spending less time with people we care about in face to face situations and more time with people we don’t care as much about online.

P & M: Laughter!

P: There’s a classic example of everyone sitting around on the couch with their phones on and not engaging.

M: Mmm hmm, yep. And then now we’ve had Covid in the last year.

P: Yes, we have. Yes, there’s also been some social issues as well that have actually created the fear of touch, one of them being the decades of sexual misconduct, which is starting to come to light in more recent times. So all those misconduct cases of people who were in trusted positions and that’s all coming to the floor now, with various movements and people being more comfortable coming out about it, this has created a fear of, of touch on that has become a non-desirable factor of life.

M: I think also what would have contributed to that, not only with things coming out coming to light more recently, the training that’s been happening since eighty’s and ninety’s, I’d say teachers, coaches, I know that when I’ve done all my coaching courses, they’re very clear on what is appropriate touch what’s not appropriate.

P: Yeah, I fell into that because I never did those courses and I was teaching community dance classes. And then they told me I couldn’t touch people. How am I supposed to teach them how to move without not touching them? That was very strange.

M: Mmm hmm. You are actually allowed to touch them, that’s probably bit over the top. But there’s very clear rules about how you can touch people.

P: Definitely.

M: Yes, so there’s a lot of really good touch that was happening that no longer happens. You know, and it’s caring touch.

P: Well, what do we lose if we don’t touch Marie?

M: Well, how we talk about we talk about the benefits?

P: Well, that was a direct question way.

M: What do we lose?

P: Laugh!

M: What do we gain?!  Glass half full.

P: I’m usually the half full guy, I don’t know why…

M: Not a problem. Well, firstly, have you ever noticed the first thing that a kid does when they fall and scrape their knee?

P: Mum!

M: They go running to mum for a hug and mum always, sorry dad’s out there, mum’s always give the best hugs.

P: Miranda did that one when I let her off the swing.

M: Snort, Chloe?

P: Chloe, I don’t know a child dropped off the swing and I was in trouble, laugh.

M: A child let go of the swing, put her arms out for you to catch.

P: At the back end of the swing! It wasn’t my fault, I was waiting at the other end!

M & P: Laughter!

P: This way Chloe, this way!

M: So anyway, when Chloe fell off the swing, she went running to mum for cuddle for a hug.

P: She did, yeah.

M: And that is because from an early age, there is definitely a mother child bond don’t get me wrong, but touch alleviates pain. It also relaxes us and calms us. So I know there’s a lot of support dogs out there who are trained to put their bodies on people who are about to seize or about to fit.

P: Yes.

M: And that touch is calming.

P: Soothing.

M: Yes, it also is really good for the immune system. So accelerates your body’s self-healing and helps kids with healthy development as well.

P: That’s a big one, yeah. Societal development and our behavioural development is so –

M: Cognitive [development].

P: – is so dependent on touch. Yeah, cognitive as well.

M: We’ll come back to that one.

P: That’s a big one, yeah.

M: And the big thing for the last year, if we’re talking about psychological health, is that touch helps to alleviate anxiety, depression and many psychological issues, including things like eating disorders.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: So you wouldn’t necessarily make that connection. But touch is so beneficial from a physical, psychological, emotional, spiritual, you know, every perspective; There are studies, and there is research on the benefits of touch.

P: Yep, definitely.

M: Oh, and there’s one more, touch makes your sex life better.

P: Ooh, well I can’t imagine not touching in that instance.

M: Well, I think the problem is we don’t touch for long enough in the right ways.

P: Aahh.

M: So we’ll get to some studies in a second. I know we’re both itching to get to the research!

P & M: Laugh.

P: Now I’m getting images of the wedding sheet with embroidery around a little hole.

M & P: Laughter!

P: You can have sex but not allowed to touch.

M & P: Laugh.

M: I think more to the point, we, we’re a society now where everything’s hard and fast and sex has become that as well, for a lot of people in a lot of situations.

P: Mmm. Hug your lover people! Hold them.

M: Before and after.

P: After is really important.

M: Yeah, absolutely.

P: I could have offered a personal anecdote there, but I will refrain.

M & P: Laughter!

P: Moving right along. Let’s look at the research. So the first research that came about in the 1960’s was by a doctor called Harry Harlow, and he did a lot of research on monkeys and primates with touch.

M: So, this is a horrible study before we put a lot of ethics and morals into how we organise our studies. But essentially, monkeys were separated from their mothers early on after they were born and then tracked over time, and those monkeys compared to the control group that had the touch of their mother’s fared poorly in nearly every possible measure, so they often were found you know, like you see with animals that are stuck in zoos. They were found curled up in corners, rocking back and forth.

P: Yep.

M: Their physical development was stifled and also their cognitive development, so they were just not developing in all of the measures that you want a baby [to develop].

P: What I found interesting about this research was that the monkeys that weren’t in the controlled [i.e., Touch deprived] group were more adventurous. So my readings said that the monkeys that were given the touch were more willing to go out and explore and then would run back to the maternal figure. They were more adventurous because there are more adventurous, they did develop physically. There was even talk that the brain development was different in the control group. That the size of the brain was larger in the group that were actually exposed to touch.

M: Absolutely, and I think they found something very similar with the children in Romania.

P: This is a huge one. This is something that we both came across independently during the communist regime in the 19… I’m going a seventies and eighties in Romania a lot of horrible things happened and there was a real increase in children in orphanages. And in the overthrow of the communist regime in 1989 researchers, went back into Romania and met with these victims of the orphanages who suffered unbelievable hardship and rejection and really sort of being like being in a cell, basically.

M: Well, kind of. A lot of them were left in cribs, but so let’s paint the picture. They were given all their basic needs, they had air, water, food, friendship, others around them, they were just too numerous. So there were 150,000 of these kids across the country whose parents had passed for horrible unspeakable reasons.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And these kids just didn’t get enough hugs and cuddles from their carers because there were too many of them. So I think it’s really interesting, when you look at these poor kids, that they had all their basic needs met and you don’t see on any pyramid; You know, Maslow’s pyramid wasn’t talking about touch as a basic need, but this really shows that if you want to be a functioning adult and grow into a functioning person who can look after themselves and contribute in society. Touch should be on that list.

P: Absolutely, yeah.

M: Because that was really the only thing they were missing in their basic needs.

P: I might have come across some different interpretations of that. I think I maybe come across more of the institutionalised information that came out through that. So from my perspective.

P: The reading that I did, Mary Carlson and Felton Earls were two people that I referenced that went over and spoke to these Children and these sufferers and at the ripe old age of thirty, these people were socially withdrawn, they were mute, inept, and the biggest thing was displaying bizarre, atypical movement patterns and violent behaviour.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: You were talking before about the movement patterns of the monkeys and so forth, and this was a shocking wake up as to the what happens when we don’t touch that people develop physical characteristics –

M: Yep.

P: – Such as ticks and shaking and all those restrictive movements that can render someone incapacitated just from not being touched.

M: Yep and again I think we’re saying the same thing.

P: Oh, yeah, yeah.

M: It’s touch right, and they were shown to develop autistic characteristics.

P: Mmm, very much so.

M: And again, a lot of people with autism can have those ticks.

P: Yep.

M: Anyway, trying to make sure that I’m not being offensive in any way.

P & M: Laughter.

M: And using the right language here.

Other studies that I find justice fascinating. So the one that really kicked off a lot of this and that I love is this story about a NICU, so the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, at a hospital. There were two different NICU’s in this hospital and they found that in one of them the premature babies were putting on more weight and growing faster. And for a premature baby, that’s a difference between life and death, right? And so one doctor decided to go spy on the NICU that was doing well.

P: This is hilarious.

M: Laugh.

P: So does the Doctor go ‘Something’s up there, I’m going to sit in here and wait.

M & P: Laughter.

P: What did he except to see? Alien beings coming in? Laugh!

M: Well, that was the problem. They couldn’t work it out. So these babies were being fed the same formula.

P: So, everything was the same between the two of them.

M: They were being cared for the same, exactly the same and they couldn’t work out why there was such a big difference. And it wasn’t a small insignificant difference, it was It was notable.

P: So what did he find?

M: Anyway, so he was there one night. You know, I picture him sort of squatting in the corner.

P: Laugh!

M: I’ve got this mental image.

P: [Whispers] Shh. You can’t see me, I’m not here.

M: Exactly, laugh. And a nurse came in and kind of had a look around and saw the coast was clear and picked up one of the babies and started just gently stroking the baby and kind of cuddling with the baby. And then she put that one down. She went to the next one.

P: I love it.

M: And so this was a nurse that I was allowed to be there, right?

P: Mmm hmm.

M: But the thinking before that period was that you had to keep them in sterile environments in order for them to survive. Right? And what they found was that the babies who were held and stroked gently were found to put on about 47% more weight than those who weren’t.

P: Wow, that’s amazing.

M: And more than that, months later they were found to be significantly more cognitively progressed.

P: Yeah. Yeah. This is the thing that keeps coming back with a lot of studies. Is our brains develop and our curiousness and our intellect develops because of the stimulation of touch.

M: Yes, Absolutely. And coming back to why we do this study, this podcast.

P: Mmm.

M: It makes you happier.

P: Yep.

M: Touch, regular touch throughout your day makes you happier. So there’s a psychologist, Jane Clipman, who asked her students to hug five times a day.

P: Ha! This is really confronting. People don’t like hugging, laugh.

M: A lot of people don’t, even pre Covid.

P: Yeah.

M: Some people, I know a person who says to me, I’m just not a hugger.

P: Mmm.

M: They cringe at being hugged by people.

P: Mmm, very much.

M: So, the hug had to be non-sexual,

P: Yep.

M: frontal,

P: Yep.

M: all face to face and with two hands. So you couldn’t do like the bro…

P: The pat on the back, the chest bump, laugh.

M: And so, she had one group of students go hug five times a day and another control group, and they found that the huggers were significantly happier a month later.

P: It works. Hugs are memorable.

M: Definitely.

P: Tammy Hunyadi, if you’re listening, I still remember that.

M & P: Laughter.

P: Well, it was our first lesson we learnt in massage class. Our very first lesson. We all stood up in a circle and we had to hug the person who was in front of us and behind us and apparently Tammy was standing behind me, and she said ‘all I saw was this bald head.’ And then this man turned around and all of a sudden I was enveloped by these arms and my face was against his chest. I didn’t even see his face.

M: Laugh.

P: And that was me apparently. She always tells that story and she says it was one of the fondest memories of our friendship.

M: Awwweee.

P: It was just this massive, enveloping of care.

M: Lovely, love it. Actually, there’s a thing that I read about a few weeks ago. I really in preparing for this episode should look this up, a few weeks ago? I mean, a few years ago. There’s places that you can go to hug.

P: Hug therapy, yes.

M: Yeah, you go hug complete strangers.

P: Yep, yep. It’s a thing and I think it’s in the Nordic countries. Dare I say it again? Good old Norwegians.

M: Yeah, Okay.

P: There’s a very famous book that was brought out it was called the Midas Touch in 1984 and that goes on touching a more basic level. It says that diners who were patted on the arm by their server were more inclined to tip more generously and that people in care homes will eat more after physical contact.

M: Mmm.

P: So that’s on a lesser level of what touch can do. But it doesn’t have to be an all-enveloping hug. It could be a slight interaction. Students who were given a friendly pat by their teachers, with three times more likely to speak up in class.

M: I think there’s a safety to a pat.

P: Mmm. There’s a reassurance, I think.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: But it does stimulate neurochemicals and get things going in the brain. And so that comes back to that behavioural development that is so important. And this all comes back from that work that Harry Harlow did in the 1960’s. It’s still informing us today.

M: Yep.

P: So how do we touch in Covid?

M: Well…

P: This is a hard one. How do you, how do you engage with touch in a Covid world.

M: I think for anyone who’s within a household, it’s a no brainer.

P: Hmm.

M: What we’re really talking about is people who have roommates that aren’t in the habit of touching.

P: Mmm.

M: Not immediate family that they live with or people who live by themselves. And before Covid even, there was the World Health Organisation was talking about loneliness as the new epidemic, right?

P: Mmm.

M: And a lot more people now can afford to live by themselves. Before, it was really cost prohibitive.

P: Yep.

M: Which is a lot of the time where people married, laugh.

P: Ha, interesting.

M: We’re going to unpack that [later].

P: Laugh.

M: But for the first time in human society. We expect to be able to buy a house and not necessarily as part of a couple. A lot of people are buying houses and living in them by themselves.

P: Yep.

M: And also on the flip side, older ages, they’re living by themselves a lot longer, and as a result, a lot of people, particularly in Covid, It’s now even worse. A lot of people are lonely.

P: Yeah, they’re not getting any touch.

M: And a big part of that, is there not hugging, touching anyone. Because if you are lonely you might see your postman and your garbageman from your window. You might wave, maybe.

P: Hmm.

M: You’re not going to hug the person behind the counter at Coles.

P: Nope.

M: Laugh.

P: Not through that Perspex glass.

M & P: Laughter!”

M: Not anymore!

P: You can’t get near ‘em Damnit! Laugh, ‘I love you, you just gave me 30% off!’

M & P: Laughter!”

P: [Funny voice] ‘I know that guy, he sold us our furniture.’ That’s a musical quote.

M: Laugh, yep. So hugging may not be the right answer, especially during Covid.

P: But it doesn’t have to be a hug this is the thing. It needs to be some sort of physical interaction.

M: So my recommendation is massage.

P: Oh, Glad you said that, not me.

M & P: Laughter!”

P: It is interesting, though, that I’ve found this generally, not only during Covid, during times of crisis; So during the GFC that happened a few years back and in times of things like the bushfires and stuff like that, people seek out comfort and they seek out health. So, I would get people turning up to my clinic going ‘I don’t know why I’m here, I just want a treatment, I just want to feel nice for an hour.’ I’m like [internal monologue] ‘why are you seeing me, you shouldn’t be seeing me?’

M: Laugh. You fix people!

P: Laugh. They want that interaction, they want that touch. It’s very important for people because of all the sensory information that comes through. It does make you feel, for want of a better word, more loved, more secure. And that comes back to our maternal connections.

M: Uh huh.

P: When we first start out, we need to be touched by our parents. When we first come out of the out of the channels and screaming and yelling, there needs to be a nurturing there otherwise we don’t develop as well, and we don’t have all those physical attributes that we should.

M: Yep, so to be really clear, any consensual touch can make a difference.

P: Very much.

M: Consensual is important, and Covid safe touch is what we’re advocating for. If you can if you’ve got people in your household that you can try the five hugs a day exercise with.

P: I like that idea.

M: I really recommend.

P: People will struggle with that, yeah.

P: Five hugs with the person you love. It’s not that hard to do, but you’ve got to put some time and effort into it. And if you are living by yourself and can get out to someone who can… even get your nails done, or someone who, you know that’s holding hands for an hour while they do your nails a lot of the time; There’s that, there’s massage.

P: Yep.

M: Find ways to get some more touch into your day. It might help to alleviate a lot of the stress and anxiety that’s going on.

P: It will help, it will help.

M: And with the loneliness due to Covid. Hmm. All right, well, and also it is really important to ask for consent before you go do that.

P: Laugh! Don’t ask! Just launch in there!

M: Laugh.

P: I just go for it and people go ‘oh, ok we’re doing that.’ Laugh

M: Because I do want to say that some cultures and religions or just people might need more gentle touch.

P: Yes.

M: Or are afraid of touch, possibly due to trauma.

P: Very wise words. Ooh Yes. Big one.

M: Yes.

P: Yeah.

M: So consent is good.

P: I know, I just keep forgetting.

M: Laugh. Well, it’s okay with people you already know.

P: Yeah… I still want… I’m just bad like that. I’m sorry to all the people that I’ve hugged without permission, laugh.

M: I just don’t want our listeners going out and hugging people randomly.

P: Laugh!

M: Then get slapped down, laugh!

P: Please don’t slap anyone.

M: Laugh.

P: All right, on that note, we’ll finish up.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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What’s the Link Between Money and Happiness? Let’s Sort This out Once and for all.

by

money and happiness

Money Does buy Happiness

A new study suggests that the more money you have the happier you get. Period. This contradicts previous studies which have suggested that there is a plateau at $75,000. Instead, researcher Matthew Killingsworth, a senior fellow at Penn’s Wharton School who studies human happiness, says his study shows that money does influence happiness and there is no dollar value at which it stops influencing a person’s wellbeing.

Through the app ‘Track Your Happiness,’ Killingsworth collected data from 33,391 employed, 18- to 65-year-olds in the United States. This provided in-the-moment snapshots of feelings during daily life which people recorded at a few randomised times each day. “This process provided repeated snapshots of people’s lives, which collectively gives us a composite image, a stop-motion movie of their lives,” he says.

Previous studies have shown that after a certain income level, there is no measurable rise in happiness. However, contrary to earlier research, this study showed no tapering off of happiness levels at higher levels of income.

Instead, the study found that people who have higher incomes are happier. This is due in part to having more of a sense of control over life, and probably also having less financial stress in life overall. “When you have more money, you have more choices about how to live your life. You can likely see this in the pandemic. People living pay check to pay check who lose their job might need to take the first available job to stay afloat, even if it’s one they dislike. People with a financial cushion can wait for one that’s a better fit. Across decisions big and small, having more money gives a person more choices and a greater sense of autonomy.”

But even though the latest research shows that having more money makes you happier, it’s not the only factor in what make you happy. In fact, the research is still showing that if you focus only on the money, you still won’t be happy. It’s only a means to an end. There are still many unhappy people with plenty of money.

Killingsworth warns of getting stuck on the hedonic treadmill and only chasing success and money. His research shows that income is only moderately linked to happiness.

“Although money might be good for happiness, I found that people who equated money and success were less happy than those who didn’t. I also found that people who earned more money worked longer hours and felt more pressed for time,” he said. “If anything, people probably overemphasize money when they think about how well their life is going,” said Killingsworth. “

It seems, as always, that nothing is ever simple! Let’s look at the other factors and research into money and happiness.

It’s all in Your Head: Comparison and Perception

comparison

Theodore Roosevelt called comparison “the thief of joy.” Yet, in today’s day and age, it’s hard not to compare ourselves to others. With social media feeds constantly reminding us of celebrities’ “perfect” lives, it’s not only hard to keep up but also hard to feel like we’re measuring up.

Yet social comparison theory suggests that we are all biologically wired to try to understand ourselves and how we fit within the world around us. This means it’s perfectly normal to look at everyone around you and think that some people are prettier, smarter, richer, happier, have more friends, better health or better jobs. The problem is that focusing on those who have more can lead to negative feelings, such as envy, poor self-esteem or unhappiness.

Research published in 2020 in the Psychological Bulletin, by researchers at Yale School of Management and Singapore Management University, suggests that it’s not so much about how much you earn, but how you perceive your earnings and standing in society compared to those around you. Instead, researchers suggest that income does not adequately capture the influence of money on happiness, and they now want to test the idea that happiness is more dependent on what people think they have compared to others.

These findings were backed up by a different study published in 2020 by the American Psychological Association that showed that there is a growing class divide in happiness in the U.S. The researchers found a link between socioeconomic status (including income, education, and occupational prestige) and happiness. Over 40 years, the happiness levels of rich individuals have been consistent, whereas the happiness levels of poorer individuals have slowly declined. Researcher Jean Twenge said the decrease in happiness among lower-income people may be a result of rising inequality, increasing real estate values and decreased ability to pay for education.

Read: Turns Out Money Does Buy You Happiness, Study Finds

The simple lesson here is to stop comparing your life to others and instead focus on the activities that can bring you happiness. It’s easier said than done, I know, but half the battle is being aware of your behaviour.

Money Does Matter at Work

Although having a lot of money won’t make you happy in and of itself, a recent study of 2,000 people in Belgium shows that it’s the main factor in our happiness at work. Human resources company Acerta found that 53 per cent of Belgians said having a good salary was key to their happiness at work, while 39 per cent wanted good work-life balance and 35 per cent said job security were important.

In support of the uPenn study, Acerta also found that 84 per cent of people surveyed want their pay to be flexible, in the form of a budget that allows them to make their own choices about pay and possible benefits. This again points to the idea that it’s not so much the money that matters, but the choice and control that it enables.

When Money Can’t buy Happiness

online shopping

If all the above research stands the test of time, then it’s fair to say that you should be spending your money on experiences you can get excited about planning or enjoy and share with others – not fancy cars, bigger houses and flashy clothes.

Yet, despite all that research, there is one group for which getting material things does lead to better happiness levels: children. In a recent study, children 3-12-years-old found more happiness from material things than from experiences. This is because kids at this age are still developing their memory, so having a Barbie doll or a toy truck to play with over the year brings them more joy over time than an outing with the family, for instance, which they can easily forget.

However, the researchers note, “As children age, the happiness they derive from experiences increases, to the point that older adolescents derive more happiness from experiences than from material goods, consistent with adult findings.” So don’t go putting down that deposit on a McMansion just yet!

Read: 5 Cheap Ways to Live a Happy Life

Relationships Still win

Having a decent income plays a small factor in our happiness, more because of what it enables rather than because chasing and earning money will make you happy. So, if money isn’t the answer, then what is?

Simple. Good relationships.

Time and time again, research shows that having good relationships, with lovers, family and friends – or any combination of the three – is absolutely critical to our happiness levels. Yet, chasing money can lead us away from time with loved ones.

“When people base their self-worth on financial success, they experience feelings of pressure and a lack of autonomy, which are associated with negative social outcomes,” says Lora Park, who co-authored a recent study into money and loneliness.

“Feeling that pressure to achieve financial goals means we’re putting ourselves to work at the cost of spending time with loved ones, and it’s that lack of time spent with people close to us that’s associated with feeling lonely and disconnected,” said Deborah Ward, who led the research team.

In the end, nothing is black and white, but a lot of it is common sense if you think about it. And that’s the key. You have to think about it. Reflect.

When was the last time you felt at peace, content or happy? What brings you joy?

It’s guaranteed to fit into three foundations:

  1. spending time with people;
  2. doing activities you enjoy and that bring you purpose and meaning; and
  3. looking after yourself – from getting enough sleep, and eating well, to getting outside and doing some exercise, or getting a massage.

 

Want to learn more about the money and happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

Happy Words from around the World (E52)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about happy words and concepts from countries all around the world and why they are so important for us all. 

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

P: So Marie, this week we’re talking about non English happiness, laugh.

M: [Incredulous voice] Non-English happiness? No, non -Western.

P: Non-Western.

M: Well, no, no, there is Western in there. We are talking about words from other cultures and other countries that have connotations of happiness that we don’t have in our language in the English language.

P: Yes. So it just goes to show that happiness is not all science and laboratories and people in white lab coats doing fabulous experiments. It is also cultural, and there’s lots of cultural references for happiness and the best thing about this stuff, is that a lot of these words can’t be translated.

M: Yes.

P: They are what they are, and they stand in their own entity and we should hearken to them, hearken to them. Well, that’s a good one, Hearken to thy Happiness.

M: …Okay.

P: You love it when I get creative.

M: I love it when you make up words.

P: Hearken is a word.

M: Not in that context it’s not, laugh.

P: Hearken to thy happiness, I like it. I’m going with.

M: All right, we’ll go with it.

P & M: Laughter

M: Alright. So what I do love about these words that we’re going to talk about today is that they are just so closely tied to a lot of stereotypes for how we see these countries and their cultures.

P: That is true, laugh.

M: So they really are a great way to better understand other people from around the world and what makes them happy.

P: What happiness is to a Danish person might not be the same to a Chinese person nor a Japanese person.

M: Mm hmm.

P: There are lots of little ways that you can celebrate it.

M: Absolutely. So shall we get started?

P: Yes.

M: We’ll get started with one that we’ve already covered, which we know and love.

P: Laugh, Hoo-geh [Hygge].

M: Laugh.

P: Which I think is wrong [pronunciation].

M: Which is actually Hee-geh [Hygge] from Denmark. And this is all about cosiness and comfort. It’s a warm fire and a good book.

P: Hot chocolate.

M: Mmm hot cocoa, wearing a comfortable new jumper for the first time and just snuggling under a blanket fires.

P: Soft blankets and fires.

M: Yes, absolutely. And it’s part of Danish and Norwegian culture and has been for centuries. And it’s just a great way to reframe those long, cold winters that they have over there.

P: Oh, yeah. It’s a great idea. You’re going to be locked in for hours anyway, so why not enjoy it?

M: Exactly. And you could look at the winters and think, you know, the sun sets really early and it’s really freezing. And I can’t do all this stuff. Or you could look at it in a great, positive way and find ways to be cosy and enjoy that cosiness, either by yourself or with friends. So it is very subjective from what I’m reading and understanding. But really it’s cosiness and comfort, Hygge.

P: I like that. Yes I’m in.

M: Yes.

P: Next one is from Finland, so same area, but slightly different country. See-soo [Sisu], is that right?

M: Sure.

P: Okay.

M: S-i-s-u.  

P: So, the Finnish, they also have huge winters. And that’s why they need Sisu. It’s a resilience and stoic determination in the face of adversity.

M: Yes, its strength, its grit and it’s about overcoming challenges and taking action against all the odds. So, it’s something to have pride in and again it’s part of the Finish national character. So just like in Australia, we take great pride in people like Bob Hawke, who can scull a yard glass, laugh.

P: Laugh! What an achievement.

M: In Finland it’s all about this grit, Sisu and having this ability to overcome adversity.

P: Mmm, stick it out and get through the tough area and come out the other side, conquer it.

M: My Grandma would love this. She lived through the Great Depression, and then she definitely, that generation, have Sisu.

P: Yes, yes, definitely.  

M: Yep.

P: Ooh the next one… laugh.

M: Free-luft-sliv [Friluftsliv]

P: Free-luths-live? Laugh.

M: From Norway.

P: Don’t say that one when you’ve had a few drinks.

P & M: Laughter.

P: You might say a bad word.

M: Laugh. So this one literally translates to ‘free air life’. But it means so much more and a lot of the Nordic countries, Denmark, Finland, Norway, Sweden, all of those countries that have winters that we just can’t fathom. I almost think they’re crazy for doing it, but they love their outdoor sports. Even in winter.

P: It’s funny isn’t it? It’s 42 degrees below Celsius, let’s go out and play hockey. Laugh!

M: Exactly, laugh. And so Friluftsliv in Norway is a freer life, but it means more about being active and outdoorsy. So it’s about mindfully spending time in nature and being one with the natural world.

P: Not letting the winter or the weather disparage you from being active outside.

M: That, too. Definitely. I think the weather doesn’t necessarily factor in. It’s a year round thing, and it’s about understanding the importance. And we’ve spoken about this before. The importance of connecting with nature and the outdoors.

P: Yeah, okay.

M: Yeah, so it’s all about that spiritually uplifting that nature provides whether or not your freezing your butt off or sweating your balls off.

P & M: Laughter

M: It’s about being outdoors.

P: Finding a way to enjoy it and interacting.

M: Yeah, and living the free air life.

P: Ohhh…

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Right, off to the Netherlands, Niksen.

M: Niksen!

P: Niksen.

M: Oh, we’ve just had five days of this, haven’t we Pete?

P: Laugh. Yeah pretty much.

M: Five days of Niksen, the art of doing nothing. Laugh.

P: Ahh… It’s brilliant. But doing nothing with people that do your kind of nothing that’s also really important.

M: Doing nothing with friends is better.

P: But your friends have to do your kind of nothing.

M: Yeah, absolutely.

P: Kinda has to match, because my kind of nothing may not necessarily be your kind of nothing and then we’d just be butting of heads.

M: Yeah, that would be lame. So, in the Netherlands Niksen is the art of doing nothing, and it’s about taking a break. It’s about knowing when your body needs to recover and this is so important in today’s day and age.

P: Mmm, so important. Talk about this a lot with my work. It is okay to take a day off.

M: Mm hmm.

P: A day off work, a day off cooking, a day off training, a day of being a mum. Like kids “Get your own meals, I’m taking a day off.”

M: Absolutely. And there’s a great Ted X talk by Manoush Zomorodi, and she talks about how boredom can lead to the most brilliant ideas.

P: I love that concept.

M: Yep, absolutely. And look, that’s kind of along the same idea here in that you need to give your body and your mind time to do nothing. And that’s no screen time, no places that you’ve got to be, rushing and let your stress levels come down and in today’s day and world, with all the things that we’re trying to fit into our days, don’t let this be yet another tick box thing that you have to do right.

P: Mmm.

M: But you need to make sure you recover from all of that stress and stress can be a good thing as long as you’re not always in it.

P: There’s also a lot of research that talks about the value of this in accessing your creativity on your sub consciousness. Allowing your subconscious to come to the floor allows the creative responses and sometimes a problem that you’ve been trying to solve for ages and ages pops into being because you’re doing nothing. Isaac Newton, apple on the head.

M: Mm hmm.

P & M: Laughter.

M: Or it hits you on the head.

P: Laugh. Okay, we’re staying up north.

M: Sweden.

P: Sweden, Lagom.

M: This is something… I’m not quite sure I’m down with.

P: Laugh. A measured response.

M: It’s a mindset of everything in moderation. Look, I would say that this is really good advice, but I tend to do the opposite, laugh.

P: Well… I guess that’s the thing is that if you’re someone that does do the opposite that maybe this is a concept that you can bring into being three months out of the year?

M: …Maybe, maybe. Maybe one.

P: Laugh. We’ll talk about it later. Re-finding that moderation, perhaps, and riding that crest on the wave for a little bit and then going off on your merry way and doing the crazy things like walking up Machu Pichu on having rocks hurled at you.

M: Well, yes, that was a whole different thing, but I’m definitely more of a go hard, go fast, rest. Go hard, go fast, rest.

P: Yeah, I can see how that would work. Alright Japan.

M: Yes.

P: Ohanami.

Gathering to enjoy and appreciate cherry blossom, sakura, so amazing. It’s just the most blissful experience. I did this in Tokyo when I was on tour, and what struck me was the silent, reverent nature of it.

So it’s in downtown Tokyo. And yet everyone is just quietly walking under this canopy of white cherry blossoms that was incredibly visually stunning. But the moment wasn’t lost on anyone, it created that whole idea that we talk about a lot of mindfulness, being in the moment, like it was so easy because the softest little sound of the petal was what you could hear.

M: The sound of a petal?

P: Yes.

M: That’s very quiet.

P: But it has a noise. So it’s not like you’re It’s not like you’re all being in a church and stuff, but there is this sort of dulling of everything, and everyone goes in with it, and it’s quite mesmeric. If you haven’t done it, I say do it once in your life if you can.

M: Ok, nice. We definitely had a very different cherry blossom experience in D.C. But equally as beautiful.

P: Yeah, right.

M: Just not as beautiful or as quiet. Tourist area.

P: Oh, laugh. I was struck be the quietness and how everyone was… yes, reverential.

M: I think, actually, back to what we were saying before it’s again indicative of the different cultures.

P: Mmm. Ah yes, very true.

M: Yes, so Japan actually have a word for this. Where as that word doesn’t exist in the English language. So maybe that’s why the experience is different when you see the cherry blossoms in Washington.

P: Maybe.

M: Mmm hmm. Alright what’s next?

P: Staying in Japan, Wabi-sabi!

M: Wabi-sabi. I like this one.

P: Scream it out, Wabi-sabi! Laugh. See what people do.

M: Love it and I love this idea.

P: I love this too.

M: The Japanese just… It’s a beautiful concept, I think so it’s about imperfection and impermanence and incompleteness. And being a traditionally Buddhist country, accepting the transience of life and embracing things in their most natural state leads to contentment.

P: Mmm.

M: So this could be about appreciating the beauty in chipped pottery or an ageing face or fleeting cherry blossoms.

P: Laugh. Well, there’s another reference in there for the Japanese, for the cracked pottery. It is the art of Kintsugi, which is where they actually fill the cracks with gold and that is again, it’s a very Buddhist concept in that even the imperfections of life should be celebrated.

M: Mm hmm.

P: I love that concept. I think that’s very Japanese as well.

M: I think we’ve spoken about this before, but I love that idea of smile lines in someone’s face, and I’ve always been drawn to those beautiful photos of real close ups of elderly people, you know, with huge grins that take up their faces and crinkly eyes.

P: Yep.

M: And that’s always just been something that draws me in. But I love it so Wabi-sabi is that.

P: Staying in Japan. I read about this one.

M: Mm hmm.

P: Shinrin-yoku, forest bathing!

M: Yes.

P: It’s scientific! Laugh. It’s been around for ages, but in since the 1980’s, Japan’s actually been spending money on investing in this and actually governments are giving forest people… Forest people, what do you call them?

M: City people –

P: Laugh.

M: – prescriptions to go walk in the forest.

P: Yes.

M: It’s actually a clinically proven or scientifically proven way to decrease stress and anxiety, and so it’s being prescribed. So it’s a wonder drug.

P: Yep. It is, and what it actually does is there’s an oil that is given off by forests and nature and when we spend time in forests. And they say, apparently the time is two hours minimum. It’s a good two hours, it’s not like a quick walk in the park, it’s a two hour soaking and that allows us to actually breathe in some of these oils that are exerted, and it actually boosts our immune system.

M: Definitely. I’m not saying two hours isn’t a good way to do that, and I’m not sure about the oils, but there’s definitely science at 15 minutes walking in a forest is enough to decrease your blood pressure, stress levels and anxiety levels.

P: Yep.

M: Just 15 minutes of walking in the forest is enough and back to what we’re saying earlier just being outside in the outdoors can have such benefits for your happiness levels.

P: It does, yep.

M: Free air life of Norway or the Shinrin-yoku of Japan. Definitely.

P: I mean, there’s a hole heap of scientific research, if more people are more interested in this at Oxford University they’re also investigating into this with the research there about forest bathing and its being prescribed in the UK as well. It’s also taken off in Canada and in the US, and I think Australia as well.

M: Hmm, there you go. All right, next. Back to Ireland.

P: I can’t do an Irish accent.

M: Laugh.

P: We’re talking about crack! Laugh.

M: Craic. So this one’s C-r-a-i-c and this is so Irish to me.

P & M: Laughter.

M: So it is about fun and good times, and it’s having a laugh and sharing stories, sometimes at the pub with your mates. What is more Irish than that?

P: Very true.

M: I love that one, and then next one is in Entrückt, which is German.

And that is about being enraptured and absent. Being in your own mind. It’s about being lost in your own thoughts.

P: Ok.

M: So I guess it could go to that meditative empty or it could be full. But it’s about being lost in your own mind.

P: Ok, all right.

M: Which is a lovely way to be, I think, and it’s lovely that they have a word for that. So it could be when you’re writing or reading or just daydreaming.

P: Is it flow?

M: It can be flow, absolutely. Could be when you’re doing the dishes or when you’re writing as well. And it’s more about being less hurried and just allowing that to be.

P: Mmm.

M: And also can lead to a bit more creativity and calm, less anxiety, less stress. So I really do like that idea as well. Being a writer, as well.

P: Laugh.

M: All right, what’s next?

P: Spanish, Estrenar. I hope I said that right? Laugh.

M: Sounds about right.

P: To use or wear something for the first time.

M: Oh I love that feeling.

P: Now we have a friend who does this. Anyone who’s got any Venezuelan friends out there, apparently, this is a thing to wear new items of clothing on… is it New year’s day or New Year’s Eve?

M: I think they do it New year’s eve to ring in the new year though.

P: Yeah, so it’s a tradition that you have, along with jumping seven waves and eating 12 grapes or something.

M: What?

P: Yeah, yeah. It’s our South American friends who have to go to the ocean and jump over seven waves on the first day of the year.

M: Oh. As you do. Each to there own.

P: Laugh. Anyway, this is about Estrenar, wearing new things. And I remember this when I played tennis. Whenever I had new tennis socks or new shoes or something. I always played better. Gives you confidence.

M: Oh, see once you win in a pair of undies, that’s your lucky undies.

P: Ewww.

M: You wear them all over.

P: Laugh!

M: But there is something for me just so nice about putting on new pair of sweats with the warm, fleecy fuzziness.

P: Yep, ok.

M: Love it.

P: Yeah, yeah, I get that.

M: So for me that’s Estrenar, wearing something for the first time. That’s just fluffy and comfy.

P: Yeah, they also talk about you can apply it to something like a new cherished possession. We’ve talked about this in terms of cars.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Every time I jump in my little car, I have a little smile on my face. “Good morning, darling.”

M: Aww.

P & M: Laughter.

P: That’s Estrenar, the allowing it to imbue you with a sense of happiness or a sense of contentious and confidence.

M: All right, we might tip to Greece and go with Meraki, and I love this one too.

P: Ooh, food!

M: Anyone who has had Greek neighbours or friends or family or Italian as well, this is all about the joy that you put into [cooking], it’s a labour of love and for Italians and Greeks, what better way to show your love than to cook for your family?

P: Yeah, definitely. Always wanted to be in the kitchen with someone’s Nona and say “Just cook with me and I’ll learn”. Laugh.

M: Mm hmm, yeah, so it’s about giving yourself to your task and deriving happiness for yourself, but also creating something that could bring happiness for others.

P: Yep.

M: So, Meraki, like that one.

P: Off to Russia Azart, the Russian word Azart is all about finding joy or excitement from making yourself uncomfortable.

Crazy Russians, laugh! It’s about jumping in the snow after a sauna.

M: Absolutely, and again, I keep seeing these words, and they’re just so typical of these countries.

P: Laugh!

M: Crazy Russians going from sauna right into the snow.

P: No, no, it’s the birch twigging?

M: Birch twigs.

P: That’s a crazy one, beaten to death with birch twigs after being in a sauna.

M: Laugh.

P: [Whispers] Very Catholic.

M: Really, this is about making yourself uncomfortable. So, you know, it could be about knowing that scary movies scare the bejesus out of you and watching it anyway or going skydiving or, you know, the birch twigs, laugh.

P: Challenging yourself.

M: Making yourself front up.

P: Yeah, putting yourself in a potential situation, I guess. Which brings up your adrenaline, that sort of stuff. Wakes you spirit up.

M: Yeah, exactly. And that’s the happiness or the good part about it. It’s not just being uncomfortable, [it’s] actually doing it and finding excitement and joy out of that.

P: Alright off to Turkey, Keyif.

M: Yes!

P: Taking time every day to savour the simple moments of life.

M: Yes. So it’s the pursuit of a moment of idle pleasure.

P: Oh, I love idle pleasures. Simple pleasures.

M: Mmm hmm. Yep, Absolutely. And then in Brazil, we’ve got…

P: Why do I have to do this one?

M: Laugh.

P: All of our Brazilian volleyballers are going to scream at me here, Saudade.

M: Yep. Well, sau-da-je.

P: Oh, it’s got the G thing, that’s right. Yes, you’re right. Sorry, Anderson.

M: And this one is happy but sad. I think we’ve all been here, so it’s a feeling of melancholy or longing or nostalgia for a happiness that once was and can never be again. So if anyone has lost a loved one or can look back with fondness on moments in their life, that can’t happen again.

P: Yep.

M: For me that that might be my university days. I just loved being university. I’ll never be there again.

P: Laugh.

M: But, boy, were they great. Oh, and this next one’s great, too.

P: Jayus from Indonesia. Ha, Dad joke.

M: Dad joke.

P: It’s a joke that’s unfunny, literally.

M: Laugh! Or told so badly –

P: – that you have to laugh. We’ve all had one of those experiences.

M: Laugh, Hey.

P: What?

M: It’s what horses eat.

P: [Pity laugh] Oh dear, that wasn’t told well.

M: Because you were meant to say “Hey”. That’s why. But that was one of my dad’s favourites.

P: Laugh. And the last one from South Africa, Ubuntu.

M: Yes, so this is about a common humanity and oneness. It’s, I am because you are. It’s about understanding that we live as part of a society. So as much as you can be an individual with individual rights and individual wants none of that matters if you don’t have the society to help you to achieve those things.

P: Mmm.

M: And it acknowledges that we are all part of the whole.

P: I take this a little bit more individually. It very much resonates with me with a yoga practise that I have, in I see the light in you that is also in me. It’s that recognition of common humanity.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And how that if I could do that with every single person that I see then that brings about that humanitarian aspect. I think it’s wonderful, it was mentioned in a Barack Obama speech.

M: Yes.

P: For the funeral service for Nelson Mandela?

M: Yes, at the memorial service. So he said that Nelson Mandela’s greatest gift was that there is a oneness to humanity that we achieve ourselves by caring for those around us.

P: And that is a lovely way to wrap up this episode.

M: Sure is.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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5 Cheap Ways to Live a Happy Life

by

How to Live a Happy Life

Need some more pep in your step or want to find more happiness in 2021? There’s a lot of advice out there about how to live a happier life, but a lot of it can be cost prohibitive. From year-long courses and counselling, to changing where you live or work, and planning holidays or starting new projects… it can all add up. So, what if you want to make some changes this year, but you’re on a budget?

Well, the good news is that happiness isn’t about material things. In fact, according to research from the University of Illinois Chicago about what Christmas gifts makes people happiest, it turns out that giving (and receiving) gifts that we can experience (live through) instead of material things makes us happier.

The research does show the easiest way to make gains in your happiness and how to live a happy life: plan to create meaningful experiences or share time with people you care about this year – and you can do that for very little money!

Here are our 5 cheap ways for how to live a happy life. Read on!

1. Make a Garden

do some gardening

There’s a reason why many doctors and therapists recommend gardening to people. By helping you to create life yourself and watching it grow into something beautiful, gardening can bring immense peace and happiness into your daily life.

Lots of people will say that they love gardening because of the outcome of it, the fresh vegetables or pretty flowers. However, many people don’t realize the positive psychological effect it has on your mind and body while you’re cultivating those plants.

According to Project Happiness, scientists say that working with soil is beneficial to your health and happiness. Soil bacterium are microscopic bacteria that enter your system when you touch soil – and they generate the feel good hormones: serotonin and dopamine.

You also get vitamin D, and although we’re warned by society to stay out of the sun, it is actually detrimental to our health if we don’t get enough of it. Sunlight allows us to stay happy and healthy while soaking in Vitamin D, which is essential for our bodies. So slap on some sunscreen and get to planting!

Seeing something you’ve worked hard on finally come to fruition is a positive experience no matter what it is you’re working on. And there’s nothing better than seeing your garden sprout beautiful flowers or fresh fruits and vegetables. 

2. Go on a Walk in Nature

walk in nature

If you live in a big city, as most of us do, chances are walking in nature is something you don’t do enough. But finding the time to walk in nature regularly can change your life in numerous ways.

The benefits are endless:

  • Improved sleep. The exercise you’ll be getting will improve sleeping quality and increase the time you spend asleep. This gentle exercise can affect your body’s natural melatonin production, creating a healthier sleep schedule all around.
  • Increases “feel good’ hormones. Along with the increased melatonin, walking in nature will release other healthy endorphins, giving you a natural high. These endorphins will decrease pain, therefore increasing positivity and a healthy well-being. 
  • Increased creativity. Being on a walk engages your body in a low-level activity, but it doesn’t take much mental energy effort. This allows your mind to wander, daydream and make new connections and think of new ideas. 
  • It allows you to unplug. Our world today is full of technology and social media that lowers serotonin and productivity. Going on a walk allows you to put away the smart phone and unplug for a while without the temptation. 
  • Increased Intake of vitamin D. Much like gardening, going for nature walks will also increase your Vitamin D intake, giving your body a hormone boost to improve your mood. 
  • Decreased stress. Cortisol is the stress hormone. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious or stressed you will tend to have more cortisol in your body which can contribute to a wide range of unpleasant symptoms. Walking in nature can help to lower levels of cortisol in your body, in fact, a review of 24 Shinrin-yoku (forest bathing) studies confirmed that simply looking at forest landscapes reduces cortisol by about 13 per cent, while walking in the woods decreases it nearly 16 per cent.
  • Grounds you back to what is important. Just taking the time to be in nature can help you feel more connected to the earth and its positive effects on our bodies. Even the color green alone has been shown to lower heart rate and increase calmness. 
  • It encourages you to breathe. Our bodies breathe involuntarily, but in our day-to-day lives we rarely stop to really allow ourselves to breathe. Walking in nature encourages deep, rhythmic breathing which encourages your body to relax and feel calmer. 
  • Increases your energy levels. It’s important to breathe fresh air away from toxins in urban areas. Walking among nature will help you breathe in pure, fresh air, resulting in you feeling invigorated and energized. On top of this, if you can make it a daily exercise or walking routine it will increase your productivity and energy in general. 

3. Learn Something New

learn something new

According to global consulting firm McKinsey & Company, “studies show that workers who maintain their ability to learn outpace other professionals. The people who will thrive in the 21st century will be those who embrace lifelong learning and continually increase their knowledge, skills, and competencies.”

The best part about the research on adult learning is that it’s not only the acquisition of new skills and competencies that benefit these workers. The mindset that drives people to be curious and want to learn more is also a great buffer against criticism and failure. People who have a growth mindset see failure as a part of their development journey. Learning also fuels our creativity, making us feel more productive and happier.

And, it turns out that developing a growth mindset and lifelong learning habits are skills that will benefit you well into retirement too. A recent study showed that people who keep their mind sharp in retirement tend to live longer.

According to Psycologies.co.uk, there is evidence to suggest that adult learning has the most positive impact on self-esteem and self-efficacy when the learning provided meets the needs of the learner, and when the learner is at a stage in their life when they are ready and receptive to benefit from it. So you have to find something that sparks your interest, not something you think you ‘should’ do.

A cheap way to learn something new is to create a new podcast list or create a playlist on Ted Talks. If you want to learn more about how to live a happy life, you could also check out the 5 Best FREE Positive Psychology Online Courses or these Top 5 Speakers on Gratitude.

4. Start Journaling

journaling

Do you feel emotionally stuck? Or are you going through a tough time right now? Are you curious about seeing a counsellor or feel you need to speak to a professional, but just can’t afford one?

Why not try journaling?

“When we put our thoughts and feelings down on paper, we’re not just transferring them—we’re also transforming them. Writing forces us to arrange our ideas into a sequence, one after another; over time, themes and patterns start to emerge; new insights and perspectives start to bubble up,” said Kira M. Newman on Greater Good Magazine.

Are you someone who is generally not comfortable opening up to people? Studies show that journaling might be the most beneficial to you.

To get started all you need is a notepad, and you need to get into the habit of doing it, here’s how:

Generally, you want to set a timer and just keep writing for at least 20 minutes. However, research suggests that even writing for a few minutes can be beneficial. You also want to start making this a practice. Try to write for four days a week, but as with all new habits, remember to forgive yourself if you fall short and just pick up where you left off (i.e. keep going!).

**If you’re going through a tough time and need to speak to a professional, the above information might not be suitable for you – in Australia, you can call Lifeline on 13 11 14 for free if you need to speak to someone. **

5. Practice Gratitude

practicing gratitude leads to a happier life

One of the easiest and cheapest ways for how to live a happy life is practicing gratitude — and it’s fully science backed. In fact, all it takes is a few minutes a day or per week. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, showed that participants who kept a gratitude journal weekly for 10 weeks or daily for two weeks experienced benefits.

These benefits included more positive moods, optimism about the future, less stress and better sleep. Gratitude also leads to higher overall wellbeing and satisfaction with your life and social relationships. Why? We’re biologically wired to look out for the bad things in life (don’t want that lion to eat us, ya know?!) so we need to balance the scales and train out brains to see the good things too. And the more you train your brain to see what you do have, the more you’ll see and appreciate the good in others and in your own life.

The research suggests that writing about what you’re grateful for is key. Translating your thoughts into concrete language makes you more aware of them, deepening their emotional impact. It’s useful to reflect on smaller, more frequent things—such as a modest bit of help from a friend or colleague. You can simply pick up a notebook from the shops and get to writing.

Not all is lost if writing isn’t your thing, I have personally found that sharing what I’m grateful for with my husband every night has had huge impacts on both of us and has also brought us closer. Instead of asking what we’re grateful for which started becoming hard not to repeat things every night, we instead ask, “tell me 3 things that went well today.”

Related reading: How to Practice Gratitude, and Why You Should do it

All of these ideas and tips are proven to cheap ways for how to live a happy life. Why not get started on your happiness journey today?!

Want to learn more about how to life a happy life? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

Can Swearing Make You Happier? (E51)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete discuss the myths behind swear words and how swearing can make you happier. No, really, it can!

Please be advised this podcast contains explicit language which may be offensive to some listeners. It is recommended for mature audiences only.

Transcript

M: Listeners should be advised that the following audio content contains explicit language which may be offensive to some people and is inappropriate for Children. The content within this podcast is intended for mature audiences only.

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

P: Twat Pirate!

M: Nob Jockey!

P: Piss Wizard!

M: Wanker!

P: Tit Mate.

M: I’m out. Twat what?

P: Laugh. Nob Head, Nob Head!

P & M: Laughter!

M: Ass Monkey!

P: Laugh.

M: Fuck-Nugget!

P: Douchebag.

P & M: Laughter.

M: Oh there’s so many good ones.

P & M: Laughter.

M: Only if you say them while laughing, I normally I think… What is the swear word Pete that you use the most?

P: The swear word of choice? Laugh. Actually, it’s a combination. It’s what my mother used to say.

P & M: Laughter.

P: I can’t say it without laughing. Bitch and Bastard Buggery!

M: Ooh.

P: Laugh, Oh yeah.

M: Look, Australians really do a good job.

P: Yeah, we do.

M: Wanker is very English and Australian both, but I think just stock standard Shit or Fuck for me.

P: Laugh. Shit!

M: Laugh.

P: I do use Bitch quite a bit. Especially used a term of endearment for me.

P & M: Laughter.

P: Oi Bitch! Laugh.

M: Ok, that’s fair too. It makes you feel better.

P: Oh I’m tingling, I’m literally tingling.

M: To get it out. Laugh.

P: There’s, there’s something to be said for the value of cursing.

M: Definitely and I think the curse words Shit and Fuck that I tend to say are indicative of the fact that I’m not using them at people. I’m using them because of the situation generally.

P: Laugh.

M: So I will throw that out there because I do not agree with any kind of verbal or physical abuse.

P & M: Laughter.

P: Well, usually my abuse is taken out on inanimate objects. My classic one is when I used to be able to change bike tyres. I can’t change by tyres… so screwdrivers would end up in the neighbour’s yard.

M: Laugh.

P: You know the wheel would be tossed casually at the back of the garage, which is about 20 metres away. And that’s usually when the expletives would fly because I just couldn’t get the bloody tube off! Laugh, let alone get the new one in, laugh.

M: So we’re here today to talk about the benefits of that horrible behaviour!

P: There is so much science and research supporting SWEARING. You have free licence to swear people, laugh.

M: And for those of you who don’t believe us, there is currently just released a Netflix show called The History of Swearing With Nicolas Cage.

P: The trailer will have you laughing.

M: Absolutely, just google the trailer, it’s hilarious. So today we’re going to talk about… We’ve got six different areas of research that proves beyond a doubt –

P: Laugh.

M: – that you should let fly and swear more often in your life.

P: I know, where do we start?

M: I need to get over it. I did actually put my layer of judgement on at some point, I caught myself.

P: Ooh, oh!

M: In this little encounter that we’ve already had there is an element of allowing yourself to do this, and being ok with it too.

P: Permission?

M: Yeah.

P: Giving yourself permission to express your emotions.

M: Definitely.

P: Now that’s a big one for a lot of people. A lot of different ways. But we won’t side track it.

M: Yeah well, to express your emotions using swear words, because I don’t know about you, but Mom used to say SHI-vers when she stubbed her toe or something.

P: Laugh.

M: So we grew up in a household where swearing was not allowed, and I got a walloping the one time I did swear. One time… One.

P: Laugh.

M: You learn your lesson pretty fast.

P: True.

M: And it was something that uneducated people did because they didn’t have the proper –

P: Vocabulary to express themselves in other ways. I’ll actually go along with that.

M: It’s total Bullshit.

P: Well?

M: Bullshit! I’m calling it.

P: Colloquialisms and language development because swear words are now included in the Oxford Dictionary and they’re constantly being added, and languages do develop as we know, and I think swearing has become a language norm to be honest.

M: I love the idea, and again go back and look at that Netflix show, but I love the idea that this judgement of using swear words, comes from a rich elite who want to keep the poor down. So again, who determines what a swear word is?

P: Yeah, definitely.

M: And if the rich own the dictionaries and the newspapers, then they can say what words that evolve are good and bad. And generally, it’s the words that the poorer classes use that have been deemed bad or crass.

P: Unworthy.

M: Yeah, exactly.

P: To be included in academic circles.

M: Yeah.

P: That no longer is the case. Thank goodness, because we’re all the richer for it.

M: Ahh. No. I’d say it’s still the case.

P: I’d challenge that, I think that, I think that especially the Oxford and the Webster dictionaries are very good at clocking colloquialisms and words that are developing and the cultural uses and actually including them in academic text.

M: I would never walk into my corporate career and say Tit bag, dick weasel, ass hat, douchebag.

P: Yeah, ok. I get what you’re saying.

M: Never use those words.

P: True, true.

M: Laugh.

P: My poor clients I swear at them all the time.

P & M: Laughter.

M: That’s alright, they’re swearing at you too.

P: Laugh, well we’ll come to that, pain tolerance.

M: Laugh.

P: Alright. Swearing is an effective way of communicating.

M: I love this idea. So we just talked about the judgement in a societal context that all of this is happening within. But the research shows that it is an effective way of communicating, and it can increase the effectiveness and persuasiveness of an argument.

P: Mmm.

M: So particularly if you’re in a corporate environment within the appropriate settings of course, adding a swear word in can show that you have feeling about a certain topic as well, rather than just a[n] unbiased argument that you’re putting forward to people that you actually care and that can be more persuasive.

P: Interesting, that it’s a care factor. I care about this so much that I’m going to swear in the use of it. It shows, it shows passion, it shows engagement, which is interesting because you couldn’t do that in a news conference. Could you imagine the Prime Minister saying ‘Yeah, piss off!’

P & M: Laughter.

P: You know that’s exactly what he wants to say to some people who are asking him questions.

M: Well, I think that was some of the draw of Trump.

P: Yeah.

M: As well as the horror of Trump is that a leader for the first time was using these words that had been taboo, had been again, not what a cultured person does.

P: Yes.

M: And I think this might actually be one of the good things that comes out of Trump’s presidency. Is that language wise we can be a bit more inclusive.

P: Yeah, that’d be good.

M: Oh, my goodness. I never thought I’d [say that!]

P: Laugh!

M: I’m showing my political stripes. I try not to be political on this show.

P&M: Laughter.

M: [Sigh] Anyway…

P: What I will pull up about the communication, though, is that by using swearing, sometimes we prevent resorting to a physical altercation.

M: Which is always what you want.

P: Yeah, exactly. And you can imagine this in certain circumstances of, say, two alpha males having an argument. And, you know, basically butting their chests and beating, beating their chest in a very primitive way by using swear words, you can actually have an engaging conversation without resorting to ‘I’m going to thump the living daylights out of you.’

M: Again, never appropriate. All right, so:

1. It’s an effective way of communicating.

2. Number two, it might mean you’re more honest.

P: Ooh, this is conjecture?

M: It is not conjecture; it is science.

P: Oh, sorry. Where’s the study? Where’s the research?

M: Laugh. The research is that a recent study found that people who swear often lie less and have higher levels of integrity.

P: Oh, do explain?

M: So it all comes down to being comfortable expressing the truth and, you know, ties into a person’s truthfulness. So the study found a positive relationship between those who curse and their honesty levels.

P: Wow.

M: And again, I think that if you’re comfortable swearing, you’re not putting on a mask. You are standing up in a society that often looks at swearing as a bad thing and saying, I don’t care about that judgement, perhaps know that it’s not appropriate, some might not know, and yet I’m going to say it because it’s my truth.

P: Ok, yeah.

M: And those people are more truthful. So this just kind of make sense to me. It’s logical.

P: Yeah, righto. I’ll go with that. I wouldn’t have made that jump, but definitely.

M: Look, it is a jump. That’s not what was written in this study, but that’s my assumption. So, there’s definitely a positive relationship, but we’ve taken it a little bit further.

P: Laugh. Alright, let’s move on to the next one:

3. Improving your pain tolerance.

M: Well this is a no brainer!

P: Laugh! Does it make… Does your pain tolerance increase when you swear? Science says yes, almost 50%.

M: So let loose!

P: Laugh.

M: So next time you stub your toe, or you have to go get a massage from Pete.

P: Laugh!

M: Let rip!

P: I love it when my clients say, ‘oh d$^& f%$#!’ and I say you can make all the noises that you want, and they come out with the swear words and I’m like ‘there you go.’

P & M: Laughter.

P: So, Dr Richard Stephens at Keele University in the UK showed that swearing can help you become more persuasive and increase your pain tolerance. They do the ice water test of putting your hand in a bucket of ice water and seeing how long you can hold your hand in there. One control group weren’t allowed to swear one control group were allowed to swear and they saw results of up to 50% more time being able to be endured in the ice bath if you were allowed to swear.

M: I think we need to pass this on to Lamaze classes.

P: Laugh.

M: Breath and swear.

P: Laugh.

M: Big, deep breath in and swear.

P: Laugh. They say that it’s a very similar effect to drugs like morphine. It helps to calm your system down and has that effect of decreasing the stimulation in the nervous system.

M: I wonder if you can over swear so that your body becomes… you know just like with morphine.

P: Laugh.

M: If you take too much, you’ve got to have more.

P: Laugh.

M: So the science behind that is that it triggers the flight or fight stress response. So it is a trigger to your mind, to release all of those chemicals that help you deal with pain.

P: Yep, neurotransmitters and so forth.

M: Yeah, yeah, but I do wonder whether, if you do it all the time it kind of dampens the effect or something.

P: Well, that that would stand to reason because too much of the fight or flight response and too much of those neurochemicals does desensitise the nerve synapses so good point there.

M: So do swear, but selectively when it comes to pain.

P: Well, I think it’s like anything. If you use something too much, it loses its potency. So if you’re using Shit in every sentence, then when you’re really when you’re really emotional Shit just doesn’t cut it anymore, you’ve got to go to another level or you get a different word.

M: Such as?

P: Fuck!

P & M: Laughter.

P: Pussy!

M: I love that that’s the word you go for.

P: Mole! Laugh, that’s one of my favourites actually.

M: Laugh, which reminds me for all those Australians out there of the comedy company and Kylie Mole.

P: Yeah, Kylie Mole.

M: She goes, she goes, she just goes.

P & M: Laughter.

P: Alright, moving on.

4. Does it make you perform better during exercise?

M: This is really topical because so many of our sports stars in Australia have been receiving fines for swearing.

P: Yep.

M: Because everything’s miked up and you can see every angle of everything.

P: Yeah.

M: We’re asking them to, again, apply standards that swearing is not appropriate and to not swear.

P: But that’s shown to be ineffective. Research in 2017 suggests that swearing could affect the outcome of your workout. So if you’re in a long tennis match and you see those people, you know, those tennis stars, think of the Nick Kyrgios’s and the explosions. We’ve always had that John McEnroe, Andre Agassi before he did his mindfulness work was a huge lout on the tennis court, but it was effective.

M: It was effective, or ineffective?

P: Yeah, it was. It can sustain, sustain their workouts and sustain their levels of intensity.

M: And look, let’s be honest when it comes to elite athletes, you’re not there to play in a mindful, meditative state. You’re there to compete, and that takes a whole different compeTitive mindset. That is not about being nice.

P: No.

M: And curbing your language. It is –

P: It is bringing your passion.

M: – just short of kill or be killed, right? You are there to win.

P: Yeah.

M: And I think swearing is a natural extension of that if you’re really in that frame of mind.

P: Yeah, I agree. Taking on a slightly different stance, I really like this. A Yoga instructor and movement facilitator, Lindsey Istace who’s 24 in Canada invented Rage Yoga.

M: Yes!

P: Laugh. I love this!

M: I love the juxtaposition of  that.

P: Laugh, and it’s this whole idea of being in the yoga class and being all meditative and quiet and finding your breath inside the [angry voice] ‘downward dogs three-legged extension!’ Laugh, and its hard yakka (work).

So Lindsay found that she was in a really bad break up and she went in to do a work out and she started swearing and she had an awesome response and her whole body was tingling. Said it really helped her overcome the issues that she was facing and get her emotions out.

So she started introducing a class encouraging people post work to come into a yoga class, do the yoga workout, but within that to swear and to swear loudly to curse and it took on a real momentum and that even has become now a thing of come in, do some swear yoga and then have a beer afterwards.

M: Oh, I love it.

P: So it’s that whole social connection in bonding and it’s allowing you to, if you’ve had a Shit day at work, come in yell and scream and get it out and then talk about it afterwards because your emotions are out for everyone to see and you’re exposed and you’re vulnerable, which the perfect time to be open and honest about how you’re feeling.

M: And also what I love about this is that you’re doing it with others. So you’re never alone.

P: Exactly, you’re supported.

M: Yep.

P: And if you’ve got a class situation, then usually you’ve got people [you know] within that class. Who doesn’t go to the same gym class because the people there make it fun.

M: I love it.

P: Yep, brilliant stuff.

M: So the moral of that is, we need to find some new words maybe that people don’t think of as swear words?

P: Laugh!

M: Because words are just words because humans say their words, so you can let that level of energy come out of your mouth and be vocalised without getting fined thousands of dollars.

P: True.

M: Laugh.

P: Yes, that’s one technique. I’ll agree with that. Fire truck works well for me, laugh.

M: Yeah okay, I like it.

P: Firetruck!

M: I have to say frustration is part of volleyball, that we both play.

P: Oh yeah.

M: It’s a game that’s built on errors, right?

P: Laugh.

M: And you know how good it can be. And even after 20 years of playing the sport, it’s like woah.

P: Laugh.

M: Even after years and years of playing sport. Things still just don’t happen the way they’re meant to.

P: Laugh. We’ve all had those moments play with Laurent or Claire swearing in French all the time.

M: Laugh.

P: That wasn’t just one word, that was a whole sentence of profanities in French, laugh!

M: So I played at George Mason University and we had a no swearing policy on our team. Except for Zuma, I’ll call her out, she was from Puerto Rico and she used to swear like a sailor!

P: Laugh.

M: But because it was all in Portuguese. No one said anything. No one said anything. And it was like ‘that is so unfair’!

P: Laugh.

M: Why does she get to swear and I don’t?

P: Laugh. Oh dear… Alright-  

M: Alright.

P: – moving on to the next one.

5. Swearing may give you a sense of calm.

Don’t meditate, swear.

M: I’m down with that.

P: Laugh.

M: Meditation does nothing for me.

P: Ahh, you haven’t given it a good shot.

M: Yeah, okay. I don’t want to.

P: Laugh.

M: That’s the cynic in me. We all know this. I’d prefer to go swear.

P: Okay, so what does swearing do for us?

M: What does swearing do for us?

P: Laugh! Increases our circulation. It elevates our endorphins and via this creates an overall sense of calm and control.

M: And well-being.

P: So it’s that post swearing state that you’re getting to, really.

M: And if you want to look into the benefits of swearing on your sense of calm so if you have stress, anxiety, etcetera. And let’s be honest in today’s world, who doesn’t? There is a writer and psychiatrist based in Oxford, England, called Neel Burton, who wrote Heaven and Hell: The Psychology the of Emotions.

P: Hmm.

M: So check out that book as well, if you don’t want to take our word for it.

P: Laugh. There’s another one that I came across Jason Headley, who’s a writer and director who lives in San Francisco and he’s created, Fuck that: An Honest Meditation.

M: I love that we’re getting more and more into just saying Fuck and Shit and damn and everything else.

P: Laugh.

M: As we go along in this podcast.

P & M: Laugh.

M: We’ve opened the doors Pete.

P: [Singing] Let it go, let it go.

M: Laugh, and we’re back with Disney.

P: I always go back to Disney.

M: Laugh, always. Alright in the last couple of minutes, we’re going to talk about my favourite research.

P: Laugh!

M: Which says that:

6. Swearing is a sign of intelligence.

P: Which totally is against everything that has been perceived about swearing since Victorian England.

M: Absolutely, absolutely so. Studies have suggested that fluency in swear words is associated with possessing a larger vocabulary in general, not a smaller vocabulary.

P: That’s really interesting.

M: So researchers who’ve studied swearing also say that the habit may be linked with a higher IQ.

P: Well, we should have an Olympics of swearing.

M: I struggle, the second I go outside my comfort zone of Shit and Fuck I’m out of words.

P: Laugh!

M: And for those of you who listened, well obviously, if you’re here with us right now and you listen to the beginning of this podcast, those words were all written on paper.

P: Laugh!

M: They weren’t coming, freely flowing out of  my brain.

P & M: Laughter!

P: Which I think comes back to that ability to be able to use different words and have power behind them on them or tools you have in your toolbox that the more fun you can have with it and the more effective it becomes.

M: Mmm.

P: So again if Mole just isn’t cutting it and you need to go to Tit Bag or Cheese Nozzle.

M: Laugh.

P: You’re assigning power to those words and having that vocabulary. You might not pull out Cheese Nozzle quite as much as you pull out Mole. But when you do, you know that it’s an elevated sense of expression, so you’re giving it more power, which allows you to tap into that. All those neurochemicals and all those effects that we’ve just mentioned because you have a selection of different levels of swear that you can employ.

M: And you’ll be smarter for it.

P & M: Laughter!

P: Fair enough, so if nothing else, you’ve got the IQ. All right, we’ll wrap up on that one. So aah…

M: What are we going to leave you with?

P: Laugh!

M: Have a Fucking great day.

P: Laugh! Piss off! Laugh!

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

To Make it Through Covid, Start Looking Forward

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Want to be more positive? Start looking forward

If there’s one thing I love about this time of year, it’s the hope that comes with a fresh start. Even the often cynical and negative news cycle gets a positivity boost in December and January. There’s been a flurry of articles (see here and here) on how to have a more hopeful and positive year – given that 2020 was a sh*tshow – and now new research from the University of Surrey shows that there is power in having hope and looking forward.

In the study, which was published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, participants were surveyed and then randomly assigned to one of four groups. Group one completed interventions focused on nostalgia (looking at the past). Group two focused on gratitude (looking at the present). The third group focused on their best possible self (looking to the future). Following the intervention, each participant was measured on their wellbeing and positive feelings.

Results showed that the group who focused on the future (group three) had higher positive feelings. Groups two and three also had higher social connectedness than the nostalgia group (group one). The researchers concluded that focusing on the present or future during lockdown is more effective for wellbeing than focusing on the past, which alongside trait characteristics predict well-being under lockdown. As for those traits that amplified the effects of looking forward, the researchers noted that those people who had better relationships, greater emotion regulation, and more social interactions were faring better in lockdown.

So why not gift yourself some hope this new year? Here’s how to easily look forward.

Book a holiday

To start with, it’s important to be realistic about what’s doable in the middle of a volatile COVID-19 environment. My advice: don’t go booking overseas holidays or even interstate holidays. Instead, look for some natural wonders or unvisited cities or towns a bit closer to home and plan to visit and explore the area.

Make sure when you’re planning you next holiday that you enjoy the planning period too. Research shows that biggest boost in your happiness can come not from the vacation itself, but from the act of planning the vacation!

Plan a get together

Whether you plan to have a special family dinner or invite friends over for a board game (within any local lockdown rules of course), you will benefit from planning an evening and you’ll benefit from the social contact.

Researchers have found that having a family meal benefits your kids’ mental and physical health. And if you have a games night, don’t forget to let lose and have a laugh at yourself. Studies show people who make fun of themselves are in fact happier and better socially adjusted – which were some of the characteristics that predicted wellbeing during lockdown!

Get out into nature

Researchers have found that simply going for a leisurely walk can improve mood and boost subjective well-being, particularly for adults who are normally sedentary. Plus, you’ll get the added benefit of being outside in nature, which has also been shown to help people feel better.

So why not plan to go for a trip somewhere new and hike in the mountains or a walk along the beach this weekend?

Don’t’ forget once you’ve planned your activities and completed them to make sure you have other activities lines up that you can continue to look forward to! In fact, that’s a new year’s resolution I can get behind, always having something in my diary to look forward to, and if not, get to planning something!

Want to learn more about the science of happiness and how to be more positive? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

The Happiness Paradox (E50)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

In this week’s episode Marie and Pete discuss the Happiness Paradox and why so many of us struggle in the pursuit of happiness. 

Transcript

Show notes: At ~ 10 minutes Pete references a 2010 study, Motivating Goal-Directed Behavior Through Introspective Self-Talk: The Role of the Interrogative Form of Simple Future Tense, conducted at the University of Illinois, the authors of this study are: Senay, Albarracin and Noguchi.

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: And we’re back.

P: Hi… Laugh.

M: Hey, I love that we start every episode by laughing at each other, pretty much.

P&M: Laughter.

P: Well we found out very early in the episodes really, because we did the first one and it was… so bad.

M: I know, we need to go back and rerecord the first one.

P: I knew we would…

M: Laugh.

P: And then you were like ‘we need to make each other laugh somehow.’

M: We need to be less robotic, eeuggh. Live and learn. So today we’re talking about:

P: The Happiness Paradox.

M: [Singing] Ta da.

P: [Singing] Ta da. Explain what that is Marie.

M: Okay, so.

P: Strap yourselves in people.

P & M: Laughter.

P: Get comfy.

M: So, research suggests-

P: Oh! Research, laugh.

M: – research suggests a surprising, paradoxical effect.

P: Ooh.

M: A happiness paradox.

P: Mmm.

M: And it is that the more people pursue positive emotions, the less likely they are to experience positive outcomes.

P: [Singing] So true.

M: So the more you chase happiness, the less likely you are to get it.

P: The further away you are.

M: Yes, so the happiness paradox is something that a lot of people in positive psychology would know about and that’s what we’re going to talk about today.

P: Ok.

M: So let’s dig into maybe what that is and how it presents a little bit more.

P: Yeah, sure.

M: So it is saying or thinking things like, I’ll be happier when.

P: Mmm.

M: I’ll be happier when I have a red sports car.

P: Laugh …Well.

Laughter

P: I was very happy when I got my red sports car.

P & M: Laughter.

M: Or I’ll be happier when I have a better place to live in when I can get a place of my own or have a newer a car or a promotion or a better job, or more money. Or insert something you want, normally a consumerist driven, capitalist society-

P: Laugh, wow, just wow.

M: -inspired thing, rather than state of being or anything like that.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: So insert that here and the problem is that what we’re really saying when we say ‘I’ll be happier when’ what we’re really saying is that I’m not going to be happy now, but when that happens, I will be happy.

P: Mmm.

M: And so, we’re delaying our opportunities for happiness in the moment and it doesn’t give us permission to be happy now. It’s always you want to do that and then you’ll be happy.

P: Yes.

M: And lo and behold, you get a promotion or a fancy house, and you might be happy for a short amount of time, because that’s cool, right?

P: Yep.

M: But often. Well always you won’t be happy forever. Because it’s just a thing, right? So and then you set another goal and you work towards that because surely you’ll be happy then?

P: Laugh.

M: Right?

P: [Pretend yelling voice] ‘But when I get there, I’m not happy!’

M: Pretty much. So you might have a small spike [in happiness] I’m not saying that getting a promotion won’t make you happy.

P: No, no, no.

M: If you wanted it.

P: It makes you feel glad, excited, positive.

M: Yeah, definitely. But it’s not a sustained happiness.

P: It’s not a key to a long term happiness.

M: Absolutely.

P: It’s a peak and a trough.

M: Yep, absolutely.

P: I love the graphic example of this is where you’ve got peaks and troughs and then you’ve got a hyperbolic curve. So the investment in exercises of long term happiness, so doing some daily meditation on doing is an act of kindness or gratitude and so forth that creates that hyperbolic curve, which is constant. So the peaks and the troughs can come within that, but that curvature of doing those long term happiness exercises helps to balance that out. So you don’t have the emotional swings, and you’ve got this underlying current that drives through at a more median level.

M: You have no idea how I’m representing that in my head right now.

P: Laugh. It’s a visual representation.

M: I think I just drew a picture of a cat.

P: [Laugh]

M: With spikey ears.

P: Ok. Laugh. I’ll try that again sometime. Moving on…

[Laughter]

M: But, I think I know where you’re going.

P: Yes.

M: Laugh.

P: So if you’re going up and down all the time, it’s hard work. If you’re constantly going up a mountain, down a mountain, up the mountain, down the mountain, it’s hard work.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Now, if you’ve got a bridge that goes between those mountain peaks, the climb is more sustained and it creates a longer, more balance effect. A measurement of happiness or exertion.

M: Nah..

P: Still not there? Ok. Alright I give up, laugh!

M: No, I see what you’re saying.

P: Laugh.

M: I guess where I’m at is I believe that sustained long term happiness keeps you above neutral.

P: Yeah.

M: You know, above… If you have happiness is on a scale of 0 to 10. You’re going to have shit, things that happen in you’re life.

P: Oh, yeah.

M: And you’re going to have good things. And they’re your spikes.

P: Yes.

M: And some of them you can avoid through your own behaviour and some of them just happen, good and bad.

P: And you’ve got to deal with them.

M: Yep. But you want to be. You want your engine revving above neutral and that’s your long term sustained.

P: I should have done the engine rev example.

M: Yes!

P: Laugh.

M: You want, you want your… So you don’t want to be sitting at zero and having peaks up to 10 and troughs down to zero, every now and then, you want to be sitting at two or three, which is a really good quality high level of… Sorry I said up to 10 didn’t I?

P: Yes.

M: So I’ve stuffed that up already.

P: Laugh!

M: If 0 is neutral then 5 is excellent and minus 5 is bad. You want to be sitting at two or three on a regular constant basis.

P: Yes, there we go.

M: And that’s your starting point for peaks that go up to five and troughs that at times might go to minus 5. But if you’re in a good mental state, are more likely to only go to zero.

P: It also makes you a bit more resilient.

M: Oh, absolutely.

P: So when those troughs do happen, you bounce back a little bit more because you’ve got the tools.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And I’m stopping clicking, sorry. I get it looked at when I click, laugh.

M: And the weird this is you probably hear this every second episode.

P: Laugh!

M: Yet I’ve listened back to our podcasts and half the time you can’t even hear the clicks.

P: See!

M: So it’s an imaginary thing that we are talking about.

P: Laugh! Anyway, getting back to the podcast.

Laughter.

P: It’s that resiliency that comes from having that base level of happiness and that base level, which you’ve  got to work hard to get.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Don’t get me wrong people. You’ve got to do the work people all the time. That allows you to bounce back from those troughs, really well and possibly or maybe a little bit quicker than someone who isn’t on that 2,3 level.

M: Yep, definitely. And that’s really the definition of resiliency it’s how quickly you bounce back. So this lays the foundation and the groundwork for bouncing back quickly when things so to shit.

P: Yes, I like it.

M: Which is my word of the day, obviously. Shit, shit, shit.

P: Laugh.

M: So what is the problem with this happiness paradox and chasing happiness? There’s kind of three things that we’re talking about here.

1. So the problem, the first one is that we’re often not good at predicting what will make us happy.

P: Yes, laugh.

M: So the car, the house, the bigger house.

P: Mmm.

M: You might get the bigger house and then spend all you Saturday mornings cleaning it.

P: [Exasperated voice] Oh Yes…

P & M: Laughter.

M: Right? Or that car just very quickly becomes yet another car.

P: Or you have to tune it up, send it to the mechanic every six months because you want it to be maintained.

M: Absolutely. Or the big house comes with a really long commute.

P: Mmm, yes.

M: So we are really bad at predicting the things that will make us happy. So that’s the first thing.

2. Secondly, we are really good at setting super high standards that we just can’t achieve.

P: Hmm.

M: And so we say ‘I want to be a general manager of my company by the time I’m 30.’ A lot of millennials –

P: Yep, yep.

M: – are saying this and realising the harsh reality that we’re looking at and going ‘no, it takes 30 years to get there. Anyway I’m not going to dis millennials…

P: Laugh. [Whispers] They’ll come for you.

M: Laugh. [Panicked voice] Ok, I take it back, I take it back.

P & M: Laughter

P: They’re all around us, laugh.

M: But we set goals like I wanna be GM by 30. And then when it doesn’t happen instead of actually being something that you can be happy about. Proud of [what you have achieved], it actually becomes a source of negative emotion.

P: Discontent, yeah.

M: Yeah.

3. And then the third thing is that when we’re focused on getting to a goal, we can often forget to enjoy the journey.

P: Absolutely, oh sooo normal.

M: Absolutely. So that’s why the happiness paradox exists and sort of what it’s made up of. And we’re all so guilty of doing this.

P: Laugh! Very much, laugh.

M: So, I’ll throw to you now Pete. What can people do to get off that… treadmill? I’ll call it a treadmill.

P: I’ll bring in some research here.

M: Ooh!

P: A 2010 study conducted by Senay, Alvarez [Albarracin] and Noguchi from the University of Illinois.

M: Are you sure you said that right?

P: No, but I went with it, and I was confident!

M: Laugh!

P: So therefore, in my brain I’m telling myself I said it right and I’m just blasting on through. Laugh!

M: We will make sure the spelling is right in our show notes.

P & M: Laughter.

P: They talk about interrogative self-talk and how we can put ourselves into a hole by the sorts of thoughts that are going through our head. And when that comes down to being goal oriented, when you don’t get the promotion or you don’t achieve that goal, it’s this negative internalisation that just goes [whispers] ‘I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough’ and it eats away at you. And that doesn’t allow you to celebrate the small victories that you might have had along the way.

M: Yes.

P: So you didn’t get the GM role. But you developed a whole heap of skills which are going to make you much more employable to another industry. And you might change industries in five years time and find that you’ve already skilled up. But you forget to celebrate those small moments.

M: Yep.

P: And having that ability to recognise things that contribute to our change and advance us further along the path and those micro celebrations are really important.

M: Mmm.

P: That’s that base level of happiness.

M: It’s what we’re saying about enjoying the journey, not waiting to be happy at the end, but enjoying the process of learning on your path to may or may not be a GM by 30.

P: Yeah. One of my favourite monks Gelong Thubten from the UK talks about a saying ‘happiness is not a destination, it is a journey.’

M: Yeah, I’ve seen that on a T-Shirt somewhere, I’m sure.

P: It’s so true. A lot of people go, ‘oh it’s all new age crap.’

M: [Laugh]

P: It’s not new age crap. It’s, it’s a fundamental truth. When you start looking into this stuff, it becomes so prevalent and just believable.

M: Yep.

P: I think we mentioned him in our first episode when we first with our whole paradigm around what is happiness?

M: Mmm hmm, yep.

P: All these sorts of thoughts came out.

M: Well talking about this, again it’s like going back to that first episode when we first started looking into all of this research and before my blog and before the accident, I had followed life’s script. I was doing what society expected of me, which was to succeed at life.

P: Yep.

M: And I look back now and I feel like I’ve come out of a fog for 30… 20 something years –

P: Laugh.

M: – of my life.

P & M: Laughter.

M: I was following the script and I was succeeding and I wasn’t happy. And I did get happiness from the successes along the way from the promotions and the good grades at school and the extracurricular activities and the marriage and all of that stuff that your meant to do.

P: Yep.

M: But they were tick boxes and there were very superficial levels of happiness that were gained from that.

P: We are tick box oriented, especially in western society.

M: Absolutely.

P: It’s reinforced on us. We’re taught to be goal oriented, which is positive.

M: Right from the first day you went to school.

P: Yeah, yeah absolutely. And that’s fine but It’s not the be all and end all.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So sometimes it’s about the process of learning and understanding of what you experience along the way, and I think that that’s the change that’s going in the world at the moment. I feel with positive psychology we’re much more aware of enjoying the journey, taking part in the fun things as well as not just being ‘I’m gonna sit in my room and study for 20 years so that I get this accolade.’

M: Or be that single focused and as we’ve discussed many times before, the way to get your engine revving at a 2 or a 3 is cultivating those strong social relationships.

P: Definitely.

M: And that’s really undervalued in our society, spending time with family and friends.

P: Yep, older generations.

M: It’s the first things you cut when things get busy and to make sure you’re looking after your mental and physical well-being. And again those are the things that get cut when things get busy and three, finding meaning and purpose in your life. And a lot of people are really disillusioned with their jobs because they assume that would give them meaning and purpose.

P: Yes. Goal oriented.

M: And they don’t. Yeah exactly.

P: I’ve got the job that I have my dreams. Why am I not happy?

M: Yep.

P: You’ve got to have some fundamental beliefs in there too people.

M: Yep.

P: You’ve got to have some other things running through the river. Oh, that was a good one!

P & M: Laughter!

M: Are you peeing in the river?

P: No, I was thinking of the fishies!

P & M: Laughter!

P: Oh, I was on a good one there!

P & M: Laughter!

P: Shut down again.

M: Love it. So, really what we’re saying is you’ve got to get off the treadmill by making a decision. I have decided to become happier now.

P: This happened to me in London. I think I’ve mentioned it before, it’s the journal moment where I was journaling all my worries and my ‘I’m frustrated with this blah, blah, blah.’ And then I read it back one year and I went ‘Oh my God, I’m depressed!’

M: Laugh.

P: This is horrible! I started using journaling-  

M: Stressed or melodramatic?

P: I! …yeah.

M: Laugh.

P: Clutch my pearls ‘How dare you!’

P & M: Laughter!

P: So I made a conscious choice to start writing down positive stuff. What happened today that was good.

M: Yeah.

P: And that was the switch that flipped, and then all of a sudden, my brain was starting to notice things that were good, and I started looking for them. It’s the red car principle. You’re going to buy a red car. Then all of a sudden, all you see are red cars. It’s the same thing.

M: Absolutely. For me, as you know, it was nearly dying.

P: Yeah.

M: Nearly dying made me go ‘surely there’s more to this life.’

P: Yeah, Laugh.

M: And I stumbled across all of this research and was just baffled that no one had taught me any of this before. I’d been missing all these life lessons and by blogging and podcasting. It has become such an integral part of my life, and I’m happy.

P: Yeah, it’s good.

M: It makes such a big difference.

P: I agree, I agree.

M: So these podcasts, and I know that we’ve had people write to me and mention these podcasts are a great way for them to keep in mind weekly all of the positive psychology activities and thinking that can positively impact their weeks and their lives as well.

P: Yeah. Keeps you honest.

M: Definitely. So you’ve got to take the jump.

P: Ha ha, buy in!

M: Take the happiness jump!

P: Laugh.

M: So by being in that old paradigm that so many western societies, still! It’s western capitalist societies still push, you’re delaying your happiness.

P: Yeah.

M: And the last thing you want to do is be on your death bed and think ‘I succeeded, ticked all the boxes.’

P: ‘Is that the entire journey?’ Yeah.

M: ‘But really is that it?’

P: And it can be as simple as celebrating dinner with your family.

M: Yep.

P: It’s ‘Oh the family’s home, let’s have a dinner together. Let’s sit down and be next to each other.’ And those small activities that you do do, catching up with your mates once a week on a Sunday for a pub lunch. They’re important connections to keep going.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So, when you do get busy or you are pushing for a goal-oriented task, don’t forget the small stuff.

M: Yeah, give yourself permission to prioritise that stuff, and as we mentioned before it’s stuff that you cancel first, but it’s the stuff you need the most when you are under the pump at work, you need to make sure you make time for the gym and that you still see your friends; Because that will make you stronger and more resilient to make it through that tough time at work.

P: It takes your focus away from the thing that’s causing you grief.

M: Yep.

P: It separates your… We know the saying. ‘volleyball is its own bubble.’

M: Oh, absolutely.

P: Laugh. Have a crap day? Go and play some sport.

M: Yeah.

P: Go and do something that’s motor skill oriented. It will take your mind off your concern at the moment.

M: Particularly if you can hit things hard.

P: Laugh! Preferably not the other players.

M: We do not condone violence, laugh.

P: Hey, a good 6 pack is a good 6 pack.

M: Laugh. Ok we only condone sport endorsed violence.

P: Laugh!

M: So, another couple of things that are really good for getting off that treadmill and that ‘I’ll be happier when’ way of thinking is gratitude. So as we’ve mentioned on other shows, gratitude is about retraining your brain to notice the positive.

P: Mmm.

M: And a really simple, simple way is, to particularly if you’ve got a partner or significant other or a housemate every night just swap stories of what went well today.

P: Hmm. It’s huge, I understand as well with my husband, we do that. How was your day? Grunt. What was good about it?

M: Exactly and I love the way you say ‘what was good?’ Because if you say what are you grateful for? We run out of ideas.

P: Laugh.

M: [sarcastic tone] I’m grateful for the clean air.

P: Laugh.

M: And like it becomes really a tick box exercise, right?

P: Yeah, yes.

M: But if you say what went well? It’s easy to always find something that went well.

P: Absolutely.

M: And that’s, that’s practising gratitude. And the other one is mindfulness.

P: [Softly singing] Aaaahhhh.

M: Stopping to turn your phone off or to enjoy the moment you’re in, whether you’re standing at a bus stop, having dinner with your family or catching up with a friend or just taking some time before your workday to enjoy the sun on your face.A

P: Watering the herb garden.

M: Yep.

P: Standing in the garden, watering in the sunshine and go ‘Oh, it’s going to be a nice day.’

M: But actively, actively committing to being there in the moment.

P: Yep.

M: Definitely. All right, well, that was the happiness paradox.

P: Hope that was interesting for everyone, Laugh.

M: I’m still picturing the cat with the spikey ears.

P: Laugh! It was an image! I still like my river reference, I thought that was more, more pertinent anyway, I’ll come up with better analogies next time I promise.

M: I’m seeing people upstream peeing into the river.

P: Laugh.

M: And merging and melding into one…

P: And on that note!

P & M: Laughter.

M: Thanks for joining us.

P: Laugh!

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

10 Tips for Better Job Happiness in 2021

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job happiness

Are you stuck in a job rut? Are your colleagues driving you crazy? Maybe you’re seriously questioning why you even picked your field in the first place?

Some people have no choice in the type of work they do – it’s just about paying the bills and putting food on the table. Other people spend years studying and enter a field of work only to discover that they don’t really like it! Other people (the lucky minority) find a job that inspires them. These are the people that say, “it’s not a job but a calling,” but even these lucky few don’t wake up every day excited to go to work.

Job happiness can be elusive… but there is a secret. It’s not the job that will bring you happiness, in the end it’s got nothing to do with the job. It’s you!

Many people who have found the key to happiness head off every day to unfulfilling jobs but have a blast anyway. I remember some of my most enjoyable jobs were during university when I was waitressing or serving coffees. I loved my team, and we had some great laughs, even though I only saw the job as a temporary thing to pay the bills.

You see, to find job happiness you need to be intentional about doing small things throughout the day to boost your mood. And here’s the best part, if you’re happier at work, studies show you’ll also be more successful in your career, getting more promotions than your grumpier colleagues. According to ScienceofPeople.com, if you’re happier at work, you’ll also be more productive and more engaged. You’ll also have better health and be more resilient, so when things go wrong, you’ll be better able to bounce back and move forward.

So how do you get greater job happiness? Here are 10 ideas and tips.

1. Start Off the Day on a Good Note

Happier.com describes this aspect of job happiness by saying that “researchers analysed the moods and performance of customer service representatives. Those who were in a good mood in the morning were more productive during the day and reported having more positive interactions with customers.”

Taking a few minutes in the morning for yourself to have breakfast and drink some tea or coffee can significantly affect how the rest of your day is going to go. Another option is going outside for a walk to get some fresh air or maybe even doing an at-home workout or yoga routine.

2. Help a Colleague

Helping others, in general, has been proven to make people feel more productive and better about themselves. It doesn’t have to be anything huge or lifechanging, but even just grabbing a quick coffee for a colleague can go a long way. Not only can it make your day better, but also theirs.

3. Make Progress and Acknowledge it

Happy chef

You may feel like your work sometimes goes unnoticed, which can be very demotivating. So, why not try flipping the script and instead of looking for extrinsic recognition, go for intrinsic motivation instead. Start each day by writing down some daily goals and get to work completing them. As you complete each task, cross it off your list (is there anything more satisfying!?) At the end of the day, you can look back and acknowledge your progress. Although this encouragement isn’t coming from a supervisor directly, this affirmation goes way deeper and providing a sense of confidence and self-worth that you give yourself… not that’s reliant on someone else.

4. Find an Alternative Career or Side Job that you Enjoy

Not everyone has the luxury of working in a career that they particularly enjoy. Whether or not this is true for you, it’s always an option to switch to a different career or find another job that brings you more job happiness.

As The Balance Careers describes, “no employee is happy at work every single day, and even jobs you are passionate about can sometimes be frustrating or tedious. But if your career is something you generally enjoy and feel proud of, you are more likely to feel happy at work.”

Whether you start a blog, or make jewellery to sell on eBay, or create artwork or any number of other side gigs, you’ll be in good company. In the U.S., about 36 per cent of workers are now involved in the gig economy, according to SmallBizGenius. In Australia, ABC News reported that close to a million people have a second job or side hustle. While it’s true that many of these people are simply paying the bills, it’s also true that many people are simply following their passions and dreams… and in the process finding happiness that permeates all parts of their life, even their 9-5 job too.

5. Take Responsibility for What’s Going On at Your Job

It can feel frustrating to feel out of the loop at work. Not knowing certain information or being uninformed about things going on at your job can leave you frustrated, confused, and dissatisfied. Instead of relying on others to keep you up to date on everything and involved, take initiative yourself to seek out information and make important decisions.

The research backs this up, people who are more autonomous and feel a sense of purpose at work are generally happier in their jobs. This is about being involved in decisions, contributing ideas and generally being engaged. So take control and get involved. You may find that your supervisors or colleagues didn’t even realise that there was a lack of communication.

6. Make Friends

Make friends for job happiness

Regardless of how your work environment is as a whole, making friends with your colleagues can change the environment completely. As an employee, you spend a lot of time at work. Feeling understood and valued by your colleagues can help you feel more encouraged and productive.

Having friendships inside of work can also bleed into your regular life, and every now and then, a friend you make at work ends up being a friend you keep for life.

7. Give Yourself Some Fun Rewards

If you don’t love the work that you do, you can try and use small rewards that are almost like bribery for yourself. Make a game of it. You could try something like, “If I finish this paperwork, I’ll order lunch at my favourite place down the street on my lunch break.” Or “yesterday I completed seven reports, and today I’m going to beat that and do eight.”

Although this is a very small way to keep things exciting and interesting for you, it’s a good way to keep yourself on track and productive in your work. You could even create a rewards jar, putting multiple rewards in there and drawing them randomly to celebrate your productivity.

8. Create a Playlist to Boost Your Mood

Music can change everything. It has been scientifically proven that music can raise your serotonin levels and make you happier. In fact, a recent study showed that music can foster interpersonal connections, growth and even healing.

So, unleash your favourite beats at work and watch your mood lift! When you’re having a rough day at work, turn up that playlist and crank your tunes. It might turn your entire mood around. Also, you can find many playlists on apps such as Apple Music, Spotify, YouTube, etc. that are designed specifically to keep you productive at work.

Need some inspiration? Check out these 10 songs that neuroscientists say are the 10 happiest songs ever.

9. Organise or Attend Social Events for Co-workers

Remember when we mentioned making friends with your co-workers? This is the perfect opportunity. Sometimes in a work environment, it can be difficult to truly socialize because of the tasks you are trying to get done.

Attending a social event with co-workers can allow you to break these barriers down and allow you to socialise with your co-workers in a way that may not be possible in some work environments. Plus, it’s nice to go out and have fun every once in a while!

10. Smile

They say if you smile, the whole world smiles with you. So, I’ll leave you with a simple reminder that sometimes all it takes is a smile to turn your mood around.

Research from the University of South Australia confirms that the act of smiling can trick your mind into being happy. As you’re coming into work in the morning, make a conscious effort to smile at every person you see on the way in. If you’re not in a job where you see people much or often, you can simply smile to yourself to get the benefits of this exercise… you might feel silly, but who’s going to see you?!

Remember, at the end of the day, finding job happiness is up to you. Use these tips to help propel you forward and make 2021 your year of job happiness!

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

How The Mind Affects The Body (E49)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete discuss the how the mind affects the body and look at a study by Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer.

Transcript & Show Notes

In this episode, Marie mentions a book by Dr. Helena Popovic, called NeuroSlimming: Let your brain change your body. Also, Pete mentioned someone and accidentally mis-identified him, his name is Ian Hickey.

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: So Pete, today we’re talking about how the mind affects the body.

P: Ooohh [Twilight Zone noises]

M: And maybe how the body affects the mind?

P: Oh, yes, It’s a very intrinsic relationship,.

M: Definitely, it’s so linked, and I think throughout western culture in particular we’re really coming late to the party on this one.

P: [Laugh] We may be, but we’re definitely there. There’s so much more research out there now that tells us why physical and mental work is good and how the two are very..  have a very symbolic relationship. And I think that’s where the positive psychology movement has made a lot of advances for people. People have definitely felt that in my workplace, people are much more aware of their mental health and how being physical and moving has power over that, and also how much your mental state has power over your physicality.

M: For me, I’m fascinated with the Gut Mind research.

P: Microbiomes!

M: Yes!

P: [Laugh] See how excited we get over science, oh my god I feel like I’m on ‘The Bing Bang Theory’.

M: [Laugh]

P: I Am Not Sheldon!

M: You are so far from Sheldon.

P: [Laugh] Please don’t let me be Wolowitz. I’m not Jewish! Oy vey..

M: [Laugh] Who’s ahhh..

P: Rajesh?

M: Penny.

[Laughter]

P: We have a Penny in our group, I’m not going to say his name. [Laugh]

M: All good. So anyway, for those of you who haven’t seen the latest research and books and shows and everything that’s exploding around this topic of gut-brain-health; The long and the short of it is the latest research is showing that the health of your gut, so your belly, where you’re food goes –

P: Mmm hmm.

M: – is directly linked to the health of your brain. And having imbalances in your belly or poor diet can lead to things like depression.

P: Definitely and a million other issues as well, such as Parkinson’s disease, degenerative diseases, inflammatory diseases, crone’s disease, celiac disease that sort of stuff all can be linked back to the Microbiome. It’s a really interesting… There’s a great show called ‘Searching for Super Human’ on the ABC channel in Australia, you can download all of that stuff still on ABC ivew, a little plug for ABC there. It’s a really good introduction to the concept of Microbiomes and also how much power our brain has over us. And I think we’re going to probably ref – I’ll probably reference that today as we talk this through. [Laugh]

M: We’ve also got some leading world leading researchers in particular over at UNSW and I saw a talk last year on this, and I will put in the show notes because it’s escaping me right now. The book that I got [‘NeuroSlimming: Let your brain change your body’] and leave the author [Dr. Helena Popovic], the researchers name in the show notes as well.

P: There’s a lot of stuff down at Swinburne University in Melbourne, Ian Richie… [Ian Hickey] I think that’s the right professor?

M: We’ll make sure it’s right in the show notes as well.

[Laughter]

P: Really exciting stuff.

M: A big call out to our show producer, Lea.

[Laughter]

P: Who does a marvellous job of-  

M: Of cleaning up our mistakes.

[Laughter]

P: [Singsong voice] Thanks Lea.

M: So what started us on discussing how the mind affects the body was, of course, a research study.

P: [Sarcastic tone] Of course, gotta love research studies..

M: [Laugh] Called the Hotel Maid study.

P: [Laugh]

M: Well, that’s what I named it.

P: [Laugh]

M: I’m sure it’s got some really…

P: Artistic licence there Muz?

M: Yeah. There is a really long, boring, hard to understand research appropriate title but I’m calling it the Hotel Maid study.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And it’s by Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer, and she has done so much good work in researching in positive psychology over the years.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And this is just one of many supercool studies.

P: [Laugh]

M: I think she did the coolest ones to be quite frank.

P: Okay.

M: There’s some really um, really funky and fun studies out there, and Ellen’s done two that I’m aware of.

P: [Laugh]

M: But this one the Hotel Maid study, I’ll set it up for you.

So she went to a bunch of hotels and divided employees, maids of those employees into group one and group two.

In group one, she came in and told the maids and the cleaners all about the importance of exercise, how it contributes to lowering your heart rate and your blood pressure and makes you healthier and all of the raft off positive physical and mental benefits that you get from doing its exercize.

P: Ok.

M: We all know.

P: Sounds like my life coach.

M: [Laugh] We all know it. So she went and told them how to such eggs, right.

P: [Laugh]

M: And then she did, ran a bunch of tests on them and left.

P: And just walked out the door?

M: Yep.

P: Thanks and bye.

M: Yep, pretty much.

With group two. She did exactly the same thing.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: Importance of exercise, how it contributes to physical and mental health. And then she drew the connection to what the maids do day in and day out.

P: Mmm.

M: And said, you know, when you’re lifting your arms up and shaking the sheets that’s actually using your muscles, and when you’re vacuuming and all of the things that you do day in, day out and a lot of you may not realise, because I can see here on your reports were that you filled in on the way in, a lot of you say that you don’t do any exercise, but I can tell you for eight hours a day when you’re doing your shift. That is all exercise.

P: I’m a big believer in that.

M: And so she then did the tests and left.

P: Thanks and bye.

M: [Laugh] So a month later, she came back and redid all the tests. And lo and behold, when you tell people to suck eggs, nothing changes, right?

P: [Laugh]

M: So there was no change in behaviour in either group. No one did anything differently. [whispers] I think a lot of doctors could learn from this.

P: Ok.

M: And my friend Kelly exercise physiologist. Physios, a lot of people could learn from this. You tell people go away and do three times 10 reps of this calf raising exercise.

P: [Laugh]

M: And you’ll get better. And people go ‘uh huh.’ And then they forget it –

P: – as soon as they walk out the door.

[Laughter]

M: So lo and behold, all the maids went, ‘uh huh’ and then did nothing, right?

P: [Laugh]

M: But, but, but!

P: [Laugh]

M: Otherwise this would be the most boring story in the world.

P: [Laugh] Get on with it, keep going.

M: [Laugh] But group two believed they were getting more exercise than before.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And this belief led to a radical change.

P: What happened Marie?

M: [Whisper] Radical change.

P: Tell us Marie.

M: So Group two had less depression, less anxiety, more positive moods and higher self-esteem and confidence and greater job satisfaction.

P: That’s the big one.

M: So all of that is positive mental health impacts. Physically, their weight decreased significantly.

P: [Gasp] Hear that all you housewives of wherever you are?

M: [Laugh]

P: Go out and do some domestics [laugh].

M: As did their BMI, their Body Mass Index, and their blood pressure went down. So they got all the benefits from during exercise simply because they believed that what they’d always been doing was now exercise. Not just a boring job.

P: [Laugh] I’m ticking the boxes, yay!

M: [Laugh]

P: I think it’s so true. There’s such a benefit to the placebo effect. Now, being in therapy myself and someone that works with people day in, day out, and trying to get them better in whatever way, shape or form. One of the first things I talk about with my new clients is, if you don’t think I have achieved anything, don’t come back. There’s no point if you don’t trust the people that are working with you and trying to help you and giving you these exercises, that you don’t do. Or at least if you’re trying to do them. If you don’t believe they’re actually of benefit to you, it’s not gonna have the right effect. The brain has a lot to do with keeping us motivated than keeping things happening and working through, and that flow on effect to actual physical recovery is definitely linked as we’re seeing with the research.

M: So the fact that I didn’t buy into all this positive psychology BS.

[Laughter]

M: For so long, actually means that I was never going to benefit from it until I started buying into it anyway.

P: I agree.

M: That is a weird mind… I can’t say the F word.

P: It’s kind of like the emperor’s new clothes.

M: [Laughter]

P: It is. You’re just walking around naked until you actually believe what’s going on.

M: Yeah, the question is what do other people think?

P: [Laugh]

M: What are you wearing?

P: [Laugh] Better go put your clothes on… I get that all the time.

M: You so do, girl put some clothes on.

P: [Laugh] Anyway, we digress.

M: Yes. So look, this is, and I read this study and loved it, love, love, loved it. The fact that these people thought that what they’d always been doing was exercise, and they’ve reframed how they saw what they were doing, [and it] led to huge benefits.

P: Yep

M: And for me, the take home of all of this is to actually, take some time to look at my week and the small amounts of incidental exercise I do. And believe me, they’re small because I work from home.

P: [Laugh]

M: So I walk five steps to get from my desk to the toilet and maybe eight steps to get from my desk to the kitchen. There’s not much else going on for a lot of days and I spend during Covid a lot of time in my home. So it’s about when I do go out shopping, making sure that I park at the back of the parking lot.

P: Yep.

M: Or take the stairs if I do go out, things like that.

P: It’s those small things that do accumulate and as we’ve realised with the Covid experience, incidental exercise has decreased greatly.

M: Yeah.

P: And a lot of people aren’t moving as much and it’s the movement that helps to stimulate a lot of that brain activity that goes towards positive thinking, feeling all those good [hormones] dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin levels, all that sort of contribution.

M: Yep. So my challenge to myself is to look at all those little incidental things and to now call them exercise. And to tick that off.

[Laughter]

P: I like it. You’re sounding like my mom.

M: [Laugh]

P: I’ll tell this story though, this is a personal story. I have these visions of when I was a little boy, you know ages 5 to 8 of my mother doing domestics. Now mum was 5 ft four. She’s no longer 5 foot 4, she’s a lot shorter that that now. But mum would get her shoulder behind a bookcase full of books and move it so that every week she could clean the skirting board. This was every week. Mum was diligent about it.

M: That’s dedication.

P: Oh yeah. And that happened in the entire houses. So she would shift every wardrobe, every cupboard. She would pull it out and clean.

M: Now that’s exercise.

P: Huge exercise. Now Mom has never been an exerciser. We have one photo of mum in a netball team when she was maybe 20, it was really funny.

M: [Snort laugh]

P: My mother on a netball court. Wow, that’s really weird. But Mom has even an exercise that Mom is now 85 and she’s still getting around her own home. And she’s still doing her gardening and so forth. Admittedly, she’s got some health issues because she hasn’t maybe exercised as much as what she should have. But what has saved her, I think a lot, is that she was so determined of her housework. That was weightlifting. I mean, a bookcase full of –

M: But did she see it is weight lifting?

P: No, she just saw it as work.

M: Because what we’re saying now is if she’d seen it has weight lifting. She wouldn’t have those even small health issues you were talking about, right?

P: Maybe, quite possibly. But it is about clocking what you do throughout the day. And just because you’re not going to the gym doesn’t mean that you can’t be doing some movement and doing some loading and doing some resistance work.

M: Yes. Now moving back to how that relates to mind and body.

P: Did I go on a tangent?

M: Yes, you did.

P: [Laughter]

M: But I know that you’re really passionate about stuff and we should all do exercise. I’m just saying think about all the little things you do as exercise and then you can get off the hook.

P: [Laugh] I don’t need to go to the gym I did vacuuming.

M: What? Look that’ll get your heartrate up if you do it properly.

P: Absolutely, it does.

M: [Laughter]

P: So the power of the brain in that, that’s what matters?

M: Yes, absolutely.

P: [Laugh] I’ve got some research here from some of the journals from post-traumatic stress disorder and some really big advancements that have been going on in Australia with Mirjana Askovic a Psychologist with service for treatment and rehabilitation of torture and trauma survivors.

M: Say that ten times fast?

P: Yeah.

Now she has been doing a lot of work with traumatic stress disorder people about retraining brain activity and trying to not focus on reliving trauma but advancing positive mood thoughts with the brain, which actually helps with depression, anxiety, sleeplessness, all these secondary benefits and its using video games.

M: Oh!

P: It’s getting a person, instead of talking about the trauma of being a refugee and having to get a boat and come to Australia, she sits in front of a television, and they have to power a plane with good thoughts, positive thoughts and there’s two other planes on either side of them and if those planes start to take over, they have to work harder with their positivity and recalling happy memories, good thoughts, things that make you laugh, to power that plane along and that training is helping to promote levels of serotonin, oxytocin and those lovely neurotransmitters, which helps with the secondary incidences of depression, anxiety, sleeplessness, really amazing stuff.

M: I love a few things there. So first thing is that a lot of the science that you’re talking about there is really similar when we talk about gratitude about training your brain to recognise the positive.

P: Absolutely.

M: And you need to train it just like a muscle, right?

P: Yep.

M: It is a muscle.

P: [Laugh]

M: In that sense.

P: [Laugh] I’m going to leave that one alone…

M: In that sense it is like a muscle.

P: [Laugh]

M: We’ll leave it there and we might get angry emails.

P: [Laugh]

M: You’ve got to train it. You’ve got to train your brain to not focus only on negative, and get it to focus on positive.

P: Yeah, absolutely. For sure, and it works. The success rate of this program at the moment is 80%. That’s huge.

M: That’s crazy.

P: It’s great.

M: And then the other thing that I’ll chime in off the back of that is personally after I had my motorbike accident. I absolutely do think that you need to talk about it first. But there does come a point we’re talking about it is only reinforcing the negative. It’s not helping you to move forward.

P: Mmm, yeah.

M: So when I first used to tell the story of what happened, I would shake uncontrollably and I noticed probably after like the 20th time I told it, you know countless doctors, my family, my close friends would ask you what happened and probably a good 20 times in two weeks later, I noticed I wasn’t shaking as much and I wasn’t so tense when I was telling the story there was definitely a physiological impact to me, reliving that.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And telling the story. And the other one was that probably a good six weeks after the accident, the doctor was in one day and reached for my knee and I flinched.

P: Mmm.

M: He hadn’t even touched me and I flinched. I was again just so protective of that leg that I’d nearly lost. And he says to me, ‘You’re going to have to do something about that or it’ll become a thing.

P: [Laugh]

M: He finished up his consult and he walked out and I looked up at my husband and I was like ‘do what?’

P: [Laugh]

M: How do I not flinch?

[Laughter]

M: But you know, good old Google helped us out and we spent a lot of hours trying to untrain that flinch reaction.

P: Oh yeah, it’s huge, I’ve worked with some amazing people with that. I’ve had a woman with Parkinson’s and I worked with her and she had major traumatic stress from incidences in her previous life and it took us a good 18 months, but we’ve got to the point where she could handle me touching her rib. And I remember the treatment and I remember the day and it was a massive celebration for both of us because she didn’t flinch. She didn’t lock up, she didn’t respond in that typical fashion.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: 18 months. It’s a big trust exercise, but it shows that you can actually train that response and those emotional triggers to a better place.

M: Absolutely. So our conclusion then is that the mind affects of body and the body affects the mind.

P: [Laugh] The link is there. Definitely, there’s countless things you could pull out [of the research].

M: So I do you want to leave us with one last story. And it is from the same researcher at Harvard, Ellen Langer, and in 1979 she got a bunch of elderly men and put them into an environment that looked like 1959.

P: Aahhh.

M: And she asked them for the whole week to wear clothes that they would have worn in 1959, to eat what they would have eaten for breakfast, to pretend they’re back in their jobs at that time that their kids were young and from that time. And to pretend for the entire week that they were 20 years younger than what they were, and off the back of that, they had random people look at photos before and after and on average strangers thought that these people were three years younger after they came out.

P: Wow.

M: And not only that, these men saw a huge range of positive physical and mental impacts from just spending a week pretending to be 20 years younger. [Laugh]

P: Put yourself in that position. Put yourself around that idea of going. I’m gonna act like I am 50.

M: It’s not even that it’s tricking your mind.

P: Yeah.

M: Actively tricking your mind into impacting your body. So their eyesight got better, their hearing go better, the arthritis was less pronounced. The physical impact from them pretending for a week to me 20 years younger were amazing.

P: The power of brain activity.

M: Yeah.

P: There’s other stories of that with Parkinson’s disease and dementia and so forth that’s come out as well that’s lovely. I’ll just very quicky throw this in.

M: Yep.

P: This lovely lady, they were doing sound therapy, so music therapy.

M: Ohh.

P: Finding the music that applies to that person’s life from when they were younger.

M: Yep.

P: And these people who do not recognise anyone, sitting in a vegetable state. They put this old lady with the headphones on, and she started swinging her arms and clapping and being so mobile with this lovely music that made her feel like she was 20. And then she turned and looked at the man sitting next to her and went ‘Oh! I know you. You’re my son.’

M: [Gasp]

P: It’s the first time that she recognised him in two years.

M: Awe.

P: It’s such an advertisement for training your brain and doing things that link your brain activity to positive outcomes.

M: Absolutely.

I know we’ve spoken about positive affirmations before, but there is so much to explore in this. And I think we’re only just tapping into the potential of our minds to help us live happy and healthier lives.

P: Yeah.

M: And I think we’ll end it there.

P: End it there. What a lovely line to end on. [Laugh]

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

Top 20 Positive Psychology and Happiness News Articles in 2020

by

Top Positive Psychology and Happiness News

If 2020 hasn’t challenged you, I want to know your secret! For the rest of us, there might be a thing or two we can learn from the top positive psychology and happiness news in 2020.

Even though the field of positive psychology is relatively new, there is so much good content out there and new research to learn from and apply. Aside from research, there’s also just a lot going on in this space too!

Here’s a look at the must-read positive psychology and happiness news from 2020, covering topics such as resiliency, happiness, gratitude, positivity and of course COVID-19. Enjoy!

Top Positive Psychology and Happiness News in 2020

Happiness Museum looks at brighter feelings in uncertain times. Happiness seems to have faded from our vocabulary amid the global pandemic, economic turmoil and, well, collective sense of doom and depression that is 2020. Which is why the opening of a new Happiness Museum in, where else, Denmark feels like the most optimistic story of the year.

Return to school sees improvement in children’s mental health. “Schools provide an immensely important forum for children and young people and are an essential component of society’s infrastructure in promoting positive mental health, providing support and resources for those with additional educational needs and protecting young people and society from poor mental health outcomes and adverse impacts on long-term life chances. This report is a timely reminder of the importance of schools and education and associations with young people’s mental health.”

Time Confetti and the Broken Promise of Leisure. t’s true: we have more time for leisure than we did fifty years ago. But leisure has never been less relaxing, mostly because of the disintermediating effects of our screens.

More Money Does Buy More Happiness. Researchers and economists have been debating this idea for decades, and a new study in the journal Emotion sheds more light on the role money plays in increasing happiness levels.

Lessons From One of the Happiest Countries in the World. As the world deals with a global pandemic, a Happiness Museum opened its doors in Denmark for the first time. Here’s what we can all learn from one of the happiest countries in the world.

Your Happiness Might Very Well Be Inherited, Says Scientists. Science says the human’s degree of happiness is related to their genetic makeup. Yet it is almost impossible to change genes to improve your satisfaction.

The “Happiness Hormone” That Promotes Patience (Technology Networks). Do good things come to those who wait? A study on mice conducted at the Okinawa Institute of Science and Technology Graduate University (OIST) pinpointed specific areas of the brain that individually promote patience through the action of serotonin.

Three Pillars of Permanent Happiness (Psychology Today). New research in psychology sheds light on the factors that shape our happiness. What works? That depends, but psychologists and happiness researchers have identified a few common elements that tend to be found in happy people. Here are three recent findings from the field of happiness science that may help guide you to a brighter, happier future.

Applying the Research to Boost Your Happiness

Faking a smile tricks the brain into feeling happier (Daily Mail). Experts found the physical task of smiling activates specific muscles in a person’s cheeks and this triggers happy emotions in the brain. Scientists say this has important implications on mental health and could be exploited to help people cope with stress.

People react better to both negative and positive events with more sleep (Science Daily). New research finds that after a night of shorter sleep, people react more emotionally to stressful events the next day — and they don’t find as much joy in the good things. This has important health implications: previous research shows that being unable to maintain positive emotions in the face of stress puts people at risk of inflammation and even an earlier death.

Can a Walk in the Woods Improve Your Well-Being? (Psychology Today) Urban lifestyles are related to negative emotionalities, such as feelings of panic, anxiety, and depression. Nonetheless, the migration toward urban living over the past several decades has increased. Because of this conundrum, scientists are investigating whether humans can counteract the harmful effects of urban life by reconnecting with nature.

How a spring clean is good for your mental health (Kidspot). Psychologist Dr Jo Lukins says there’s a good reason why we feel so satisfied after a good clean-up. As it turns out, a spring clean does wonders for our mental health. Here’s why and what you need to get started.

Survey Reveals Designing For Happiness And Health Is More Essential Than Ever (PR Newswire). Marvin, a leader in designing for well-being in home building and remodelling, continues to reinforce the notion that happiness in the home is more important than ever. As we close out 2020, the company unveils findings from a new survey, “Designing for Happiness at Home,” and shows the home is an essential happiness driver, ranking second on Americans’ list of things that contributes to their state of happiness – equal to their physical health and just one point behind the health of their family.

Playfulness might be the cure to coronavirus-induced boredom (The New Daily). Timely new research finds that “simple exercises can help to make people more playful and consequently feel more satisfied with their lives”.

The science behind expressing gratitude will surprise you (Fast Company). Two psychology researchers detail the connection between gratitude and well-being. According to the John Templeton Foundation, there have been at least 270 studies on gratitude in the past two decades. More than half were published in the last five years.

News About Happiness at Work

Transformational Leadership: The One Missing Trait (Forbes). It’s not what you might think and it’s not what most would expect. It comes down to one word: Happiness. But don’t take my word for it. Research shows us that happy and optimistic leaders are considered more transformational and generally lead better, and there is a strong link between transformational leadership, happiness and financial performance — traits that have been found to completely predict individual and team productivity and innovation.

Tips to help remote workers gear up for the day with balance and well-being in mind. (Tech Republic) Focus on new “rituals”. From listening to a preferred podcast on the metro to having a cup of coffee as we get dressed, a standard morning before commuting to the office is filled with nearly automatic day-to-routines for many. Sans a physical commute and the dress code requirements of in-person meetings, many of these habits have been cast to the wayside.

Better Leadership Starts With Gratitude. (Built In) Gratitude has the potential to reshape the world around us, but as business leaders, it can be easy to forget its power or dismiss it entirely. We think we’ll automatically feel gratitude when we’ve made it, when that next round of funding comes in or when we make that next big hire to finally relieve an overworked team. The default assumption many people have is that gratitude isn’t something we can reach for regularly, but instead something we feel when all is right with the world.

Building a Better Workplace Starts with Saying “Thanks” (HBR). Research shows that managers should emphasize the importance of expressing thanks and appreciation at work. Cultivating a culture of gratitude won’t just boost employees’ well-being and performance. According to our research, it’ll also help stop workplace mistreatment.

New Research Identifies Six Ways To Increase Happiness In The Workplace (Forbes). Improving workplace happiness is a challenging task, but it can be done. A recent analysis of 61 workplace happiness interventions found that 96 percent of the interventions increased employee happiness and about half of the results were statistically significant.

Have you read anything this year that’s worth sharing? What’s your top positive psychology and happiness news of 2020? Let us know in the comments below!

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!