Unapologetically Marie

Writer, podcaster, mental health advocate

Happiness Blog

Happiness and Health (E63)

by

Happiness for Cynics Podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about how happiness leads to better health, but does being healthier make you happier?

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: We’re on.

P: Hello.

M: Hello, welcome back.

…

P: Oh!

M: That’s you, you’re up, laugh!

P: I thought it was you!

M & P: Laughter!

P: Welcome back to this week’s episode of Happiness for Cynics.

M: Yes, we are talking about happiness literacy, this week.

P: Ooh, I like this word.

M: And it’s tied to other types of literacy.

P: Mmm.

M: And so we’re going to talk about other types of literacy that society today says we should have.

P: Yes, and having the understanding of how to use that literacy and how to use it for the best outcome –

M: Absolutely.

P: – later on in life and how it sets you up for later in life.

M: Absolutely. And so, we are going to focus in a little bit on health and happiness and health literacy and how that ties to happiness literacy.

P: Yep.

M: And we know we’ve discussed many, many times, all the research that shows that being healthier makes you happier.

P: Definitely.

M: But the question we’re looking to answer today is does being happier make you healthier?

P: I like the twist on this, laugh.

M: Yes, does it go the other way? And when we first, I think in episode one we talked about what makes people happy. We talked about negative affect.

P: Mmm.

M: So all the crap that goes wrong in your life. Positive affect, all the good stuff that happens and how they give you momentary bumps and troughs in your happiness level. And then there’s pretty much mindset, let’s be honest.

P: Yeah.

M: It’s what else you do that is within your control, that impacts your happiness.

P: Mmm.

M: And that’s things like practising gratitude, having good and strong social connections, having purpose and meaning in your life and having healthy mind and body habits.

P: Mmm

M: So, health is a major foundation for happiness benefits.

P: And for happiness itself, from some of the stuff that I’ve been reading. So we might mention those further down the track.

M: Yep, absolutely. So really, what we’re talking about here is how much does your health impact your happiness and your well-being, your satisfaction with life?

P: Well, hugely, I think. I think that if, because if illness and disease is around, it’s very difficult to be positive. Let’s face it, when you’re sick, you just want to crawl into bed and hug a pillow and have a warm cup of tea.

M: Yep.

P: It doesn’t allow you to be thinking proactively and to be positive in your outlook in terms of life goals and achievement. If you’re worrying, we know that if you’re worried about stress and putting food on the table, then the idea of spending two hours working on your happiness levels just doesn’t come into it.

M: I think also there’s a certain point where you go back to living a life of decreased health and you find ways to find happiness so temporary or even permanent disability.

P: Mmm.

M: You move on, you find a way and it might not be at a level that was the same as before, pre-accident or pre-illness etcetera. But we’re very resilient as far as animals go. Humans are very resilient people, and there’s almost a rebound after a major trauma or illness where you can often times end up happier than you were before.

P: So, it’s a conduit to a greater level of happiness.

M: Yes, so you might have decreased health. But you are so much more grateful for everything you do have and that translates into being happier.

P: Mmm, and possibly the lever as well, like it makes you more grateful because

M: Absolutely.

P: you’re walking the street again, in the sunshine, makes you go ‘Yeah! I couldn’t do this two years ago.’

M: Yeah, and it’s called post traumatic growth.

P: Oh.

M: So, there’s a whole field of study around this, definitely. So health and poor health can actually lead to better happiness levels but day to day, I think you’re absolutely right. And then there’s, then there’s that step further, people with chronic pain in particular.

P: Mmm, mmm.

M: It is really hard to be happy when you’re just trying day in, day out to fight, to not let the pain sink you.

P: Absolutely, that is a real negative cycle that keeps so many people in a downward spiral.

M: Yeah, and in depression.

P: Yeah, absolutely. It’s a huge issue, chronic pain and where we’re seeing more chronic pain coming through in health data at the moment, we’re getting better at diagnosing chronic pain. We’re also recognising it more a lot and bless my mum she’s like ‘We didn’t have any of this crap when I was around.’ And I’m like ‘No mum, we didn’t know what it was. We had no, no way of diagnosing it.’

M: Yep.

P: The terms weren’t there and we’re getting better at identifying issues now. That maybe aren’t, we don’t know exactly the causes, but we’re still willing to look at them. And even in the health education that is out there, people are being encouraged to look at social factors and mental factors rather than just looking at the biological model of health, which looks directly at “Are you sick?”

M: I think the other great thing that’s happened in the last 10 years or so, and a lot of people are still cynics, –

P: Laugh!

M: Gotta throw that word in.

P: Gotta put that out there, laugh.

M: Yep, it is the point of the show.

– is that we’re actually giving credibility to the Eastern way of thinking, which is tying mind and body together, it is one, it is one system.

P: Mmm.

M: You cannot separate one from the other. You can’t, we are one united system and so you have to look at mind and body together and treat mind and body together.

P: Mmm.

M: And for Western science, we’ve often separated the two.

P: Well, it’s even, it even goes further back than just Eastern philosophy. If you look at ancient cultures, so the definition of indigenous health is a connection to the land, so it even takes that one step further of it’s not about you it’s about your connection with the land and with the community. So, the ancient cultures or those older, older cultures of which the Eastern culture is part of the definitely have that relationship between mind-health, body-health and all things moving forward.

M: Yep, absolutely. So, we started this out by talking about being happy literate, but we wanted to look at health literacy.

P: Health literacy, yeah.

M: And you’ve been doing a lot of study on this recently.

P: I have! I feel like I’ve got I’ve got things behind me now!

M: Laugh.

P: I have references! I did a reference list for the first time! Laugh.

M: Laugh!

P: That was interesting.

M & P: Laughter!

P: And I do have to give a shout out to one of my lovely clients who got so excited when I said I was doing a reference list. She’s an academic and at the beginning of her apartment she went “Can I have a look.”

M: Laughter!

P: And then she spent 20 minutes fixing my references, laugh. So lovely Jill, thank you so much, you gave me a reference list education in our appointment, laugh.

But yes, health literacy really, really important. How to understand health and understanding the health system so that you can use it for your own benefit.

M: So that you can get the best health outcomes.

P: Definitely. And this all comes at the beginning stages of your life. If you can understand things when you’re 20 and be putting things in place. So, putting practises into place taking part in healthy behaviours this sets up good social conditioning which lasts you into your eighties and nineties and beyond.

M: And I think the reason why this is new and why your mom is like, ‘we didn’t have this stuff before!’

P: Laugh.

M: Because, sorry mum, people used to just die.

P: It’s true.

M: Yep.

P: Yep.

M: We didn’t treat this stuff. Cancer was a death sentence.

P: People were dying earlier, we weren’t able to treat chronic illness early.

M: Yep.

P: And it was, it had a huge effect.

M: Chronic or acute. We couldn’t [treat it] before, it was it was a death sentence. So that’s firstly and secondly, the sheer volume of data that is produced on a, I was going to say daily, but hourly basis in our world is astronomical, absolutely astronomical. There’s a great start that I love to point to. So the average person in their lifetime a hundred years ago used to read as much information as is in one issue of The New York Times.

P: Ok.

M: And if you think about it, so [just] one issue of The New York Times is what they would know over their lifetime.

P: Ok, wow.

M: We read one of those every day. Plus, we have Google and Facebook and work and so much information at our fingertips, and so we’re consuming so much more were not necessarily retaining it all, let’s be frank.

P: Laugh, no. Well, our short-term memory is editing a lot more now.

M: Well, it has to. There’s so much more, we’re being bombarded as humans with so much more information and the average doctor cannot, the average GP who’s your first line of defence against all of your medical issues, can’t be across the latest in every field.

P: No.

M: In every medical field. They can’t, they just physically can’t and this is why I’m really excited about AI doctors.

P: Laugh!

M: I think with your, with your physical person, you’re human touch Doctor, combined, they can do fabulous things. But health Literacy is a thing now because if you’re not health literate, you can have really poor health outcomes. But if you are health literate, you can survive well into your eighties, nineties, you know, up to 100, living an agile and healthy and happy life and contributing to society.

P: Mmm.

M: But if you get that wrong, you can not only die a lot earlier, but you could also just live a really poor quality of life from a health perspective which impacts your happiness for your last 20, 30 years.

P: They talk about this a lot with the disability care and the disability adjusted life years expectancy.

So you may be living until you’re 60. But 30 of those years I spent in care and in a nursing home because you haven’t got the ability to be able to look after yourself. And it’s a stat that they’re looking to change in terms of our managing of disability care and aged care as well.

M: Mmm hmm. Yeah, I couldn’t support it more and again, there are so many people who were so much worse off than I was. But after my motorbike accident, I was stuck at home in a wheelchair without a lot of the support because it was a temporary disability, not a permanent disability.

P: Mmm, yeah.

M: And I was isolated, completely isolated. My ability to participate in society was stripped from me completely.

P: Mmm.

M: And I…

P: And as you pointed out, we need that social interaction to maintain our happiness levels or to keep ourselves buoyant.

M: Absolutely. And you have a lot of elderly people who are just not stable on their feet or have health conditions that limits them to home.

P: It does.

M: It’s safe at home, right?

P: Especially if the models are that they’re going to move towards a home-based care, which has come out of the royal commission recently.

M: Yeah, absolutely. So, you can stay at home, but that’s a lot lonelier place to be.

P: It can be yeah. That has to be managed and supported through community networks and integrated health system, which they’re also talking about.

M: So, I think we’ve pretty much given the answer away we know that being happier makes you healthier, but being healthier does make you happier as well.

P: Definitely makes a difference.

M: So you have some studies.

P: I do, laugh.

M: Speaking of your reference list.

P: I do. Well it actually goes in terms of actually talking about location as well, that socioeconomic indicators, so those people who are more wealthy or less wealthy has an impact on our ability to be taking part in actions that contribute to our happiness and to our longevity.

So there’s a lot of work from Darwin and Drewnowski in New York who talk about the socioeconomic influences in regards to health education and access to the health system.

M: So, health education or access. I get access. If you’re poorer, you can’t get the greatest doctor because you might not have private health insurance.

P: Or you can get to a doctor because then they’re not in your area. You have to travel.

M: Yes, okay, so look, that’s, that’s to me, a no brainer, but coming back to literacy.

P: Mmm, hmm.

M: Why are poorer people not getting access to information, which is free a lot of the time, right?

P: It is, but one of the one of the factors that they pointed out here is that, for example if you take youth health literacy in our remote and rural communities, people aren’t getting to school in our rural and remote communities. The rates of year seven entry are low. In a study in 2009, year seven entry rates in rural and regional areas of Australia at 67%, 54% and 24% respectively.

M: Rural and regional?

P: Rural, regional and remote, [Year 7 entry rates for 2009]

  • Rural – 67%
  • Regional – 54%
  • Remote – 24%

M: Ok.

P: If we look at Indigenous populations in an urban setting. So, a disadvantaged group, but in an urban setting, [Year 7 enrolment rate is] 63.1%.

P: So the access to school is lower in those geographically challenged locations. And then if we look at some of the other people that are talking about, what that does to us in terms of access to health.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: The school acts as a link to the health system because you’re getting mentored into good behaviours. You’re getting access to information, which is coming through the school system that talks about nutrition, talks about getting enough sleep, talks about giving you the information to negotiate the health system and to understand what it means when you’re going for a Pap smear or your looking after you health into your fifties and sixties.

M: I didn’t get that. We rolled condoms on bananas.

P: Laugh! But you remember that.

M: And we were told don’t smoke and don’t do drugs.

P: Yeah, yeah.

M: But I think at that point it was so, you know, adults telling you not to do it, so everyone went out and had a smoke just to see what the fuss was about, you know.

P: True, true.

M: Yeah, look, I think maybe things have evolved a little bit. We started talking about nutrition in P.E. (Physical Education) a little bit, but I hope that things have evolved because obviously, as we’re showing here, the healthy you are, the happy you are. And if it’s going to be such a negative affect, so we go back to the negative affect on positive affect.

P: Yep.

M: These are things that a lot of the time are out of your control or you know they’re situational. If you could do anything to impact the negative affect in your life, such as knowing that you should choose a salad over a burger.

P: Mmm, yep.

M: Just knowing that, then it’s going to impact your life and you’ve only got one life.

P: There’s a study about that in Deakin University.

M: Oh, listen to you!

P: Laugh!

M: Tell me, tell me about your study Pete?

P: Felice Jacka of Deakin University in Australia did a study on the therapeutic impact of a healthy diet.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And what she found was that she took a group of people who were depressed and on psychotherapy and taking antidepressants.

Half were given nutritional counselling and then the other half were given one on one counselling. So a social connection and trying to establish which group came out better and what they found was the people who engaged in the healthy eating had a significantly happier response than the group that were having the additional companionship.

M: Mmm.

P: This comes bounding back to that social connection. We need social connections. But in this instance, what they’re saying is that the change in diet actually had a bigger impact.

M: Well, social connection with the therapist is a bit of a loose social connection.

P: Well, true…

M: I do hear what you’re saying about diet, though, and I think that’s fabulous and a great result. But if you could allow people to go socialise with their friends at the pub versus spend an hour talking about how –

P: Well, I guess we’re looking at depressed people.

M: [someone] bullied me, laugh.

P: Yeah, we’re talking about psychotherapy. We’re talking about people who are clinically depressed.

M: Yeah, a different type of social [interaction].

P: True.

M: I wouldn’t pick that one necessarily, but I think it is super interesting – don’t get me wrong – that food can have such an impact.

P: There is a second study at the University of Konstanz in Germany supports the same thing.

M: Yep.

P: It says, diet that was based on vegetables and fruit over time had a larger share of the overall happiness than the group that we’re on a high sugar diet.

M: And I think we’ve spoken out blue zones where the healthiest and longest living people live before and there’s a few things that you see across the board. So there’s Okinawa in Japan, Bar-bag…

P: Laugh.

M: Bar-bagia [Barbagia] in Sardinia, the Nicoya Peninsula in Costa Rica and Linda Loman in California. And these air all small communities where people are more likely to live to 100. So they’re small, and scientists looked at whether that meant it was just a gene thing or whether it was life choices.

P: Ok.

M: And definitely it’s come down to life choices. And there’s a few things that all these communities have in common.

They find purpose in their social connections.

So, that is definitely a strong theme through all of these small, tight knit communities.

They also live closer to nature, and they spend their time in nature.

So there’s a health benefit from surrounding themselves with nature and all the lifestyle choices that come with that.

P: Yeah.

M: So that ties closely to exercise like we’re talking about.

P: Yep.

M: Also, most people living in blue zones enjoy physical activity and incorporate that naturally into their daily lives.

P: Yes.

M: So, they do a lot more gardening and walking.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: They spend a lot more time running around after their grandchildren and volunteering.

P: Mmm.

M: They also have a slower pace of life, so a bit less stress as well, and finally back to what we’ve been talking about. Their diet is characterised by moderate caloric intake.

P: And mostly plant-based sources, I can see as well.

M: Yes. Yes so vegans rejoice.

P: Laugh!

M: So these are small communities where Maccas hasn’t moved in, right?

P: Yeah, there’s more information I’ve got on that. So, Adam Drewnowski, in a 2009 study, talks about the existence of food deserts in areas of America.

M: Yes!

P: And this is where fast food outlets actually outnumber grocery stores. And this comes back to social determinants of health and having access to that dietary area. So the location where you live, if you live in one of these food deserts, it’s much harder for you to get access to fresh fruit and veg to the point of like 200 kilometres.

M: Yep.

P: You have to travel that far to get to a grocery store.

M: Because they’ve only got a 7/11, and any time they put fresh fruit and veg in there –

P: it’s gone.

M: No, it goes off.

P: Oh!

M: They’re not selling it enough, so they don’t sell it.

P: Yep.

M: It’s a, it’s a cycle, right?

P: Mmm.

M: There’s a couple of other things that I think are fascinating when it comes to health and happiness and the other impacts. So, firstly, a lack of exercise has been shown to lead to psychological disorders as we’ve discussed, so:

  • Depression;
  • ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder);
  • ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder);

Which is interesting for a lot of kids nowadays who are developing ADHD and ADD.

P: Yes, true. Or being diagnosed with it.

M: Yeah. Also, increasing exercise reduces your chance of dementia by 50%.

P: Yeah, that’s huge.

M: Yeah, absolutely.

P: That’s a big figure.

M: And then Ronald Petersen, who is an American doctor, he said “regular physical exercise is probably the best means we have of preventing Alzheimer’s disease today, better than medications, better than intellectual activity and better than supplements and diet.”

P: Mmm, interesting.

M: Exercise.

P: Yep, so true. And if we sort of get that 15 minutes a day that is so recommended, it does, it makes such a difference to your well-being and to your perspective.

M: Yep.

P: Getting out. Out of the house, out of the room that you’re in. I rode my bike for the first time in weeks today and I was like ‘Oh, yeah, I remember why this is good for me.’ Get’s you breathing. It gets all the systems moving through. And that has huge effects on your endocrine activity and your hormonal balances that ruled your system.

M: Absolutely. All right, Well, we have definitely shown that being happier makes you healthier. And being healthier makes you happier.

P: Laugh! Flip the switch.

M: Absolutely, thanks for joining us this week and we’ll see you next time.

P: Choose happiness.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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How to Start your Day in a Happy Mood

by

I get it, for some people life is just one never-ending to-do list, and the hectic pace of our lives and all that external stimuli means that our sleep is constantly being interrupted. For others, biology has other ideas and we’re forced every night to consider whether we can ‘make it through’ or ‘have to get up and go.’ Then there are those who for no real reason simply are not morning people, and rather than starting their day in a happy mood, it can take hours to get going or put a smile on their face. (I won’t even mention new parents – you’re in a league of your own. Good luck with that life choice!)

Yet this all puts demands on our sleep, leading to us waking up feeling tired, drowsy and emotionally flat.

But did you know that you can actually train yourself to become a morning person? According to a study from Cornell University, sleep and happiness are closely connected and building the right habits for a better night of sleep can help you to start the day in a happier mood. So, read on and learn some tips and habits for you to use that might make mornings a bit easier, and help you start the day in a happy mood.

7 Things You Can Do to Start your Day in a Happy Mood

Here are some happiness habits to get your days off to a good start and put you in a happy mood before tackling whatever life throws at you.

1. Prep Before Bed

There are many happiness habits that you can use to prep yourself and your space before heading to bed for the next day. In fact, setting up routines is one of the best ways to signal to your body that it’s time to wind down and sleep.

Start by establishing a night-time routine. Before bed, why not take a few minutes to declutter your bedroom. It’s like ticking off things from your to-do list. Fold clothes and put some items away to not only declutter your room but also to get them out of your cluttered subconscious.

Gently stretching before bedtime is not only good for your body but also a great way to relax and release any tension you may have built up throughout the day.

If you’re sluggish in the mornings, then try setting out your outfit and supplies the night before so you can almost sleepwalk yourself through your morning routine. Prepping the night before minimises the number of decisions you have to make in the morning and allows you to get ready without wasting or energy making decisions while getting anxious as you run out of time to make your morning commute.

2. Get Enough Sleep

This is one of the most important tips we can give about how to start your day off happy. Sleep is a basic human need, just like eating and drinking water, and there is a huge correlation between mental health and sleep and how important it is for you to get a good night’s rest.

“Imagine a silent epidemic wreaking havoc on our health, endangering our safety and straining our relationships with family and loved ones. The body count rises dramatically, yet no presidential task forces are assembled, no big celebrity fund-raisers are held and very little outcry is heard I the media. As a result, millions of afflicted people go on as if nothing is amiss and the spread of the disease continues unabated. This is not imaginary scenario. The plague is upon us. It’s called fatigue.” Sara Mednick, sleep researcher in the department of Psychology at UC Riverside.

The impacts of not getting enough sleep are huge and impact every single aspect of our lives, from lower immune system which can lead to allergies, asthma, colds and flus and cancers, as well as heart attacks in women, weight issues, diabetes, drops in energy levels (particularly as we try to treat low energy levels with sugars and fats).

Not only that, but the aging process speeds up and our sex drive is diminished. Cognitive performance drops, as do productivity, memory, performance, intelligence and creativity. Also, as long-term memory is solidified when we sleep, getting enough sleep helps to embed and retain material.

Finally, as mentioned above, there is a direct link to poor or insufficient sleep and our moods and happiness levels. Consistent poor sleep (without recovery) leads to unhealthy stress, with researchers showing that many people who say they are stressed just need better sleep. Poor or insufficient sleep also leads to poor moods, depression, more arguments, anger and poor behaviour. This often impacts the relationships in our lives by leading to conflict with loved ones, friends or colleagues.

Researchers have also found that when you’re tired, you experience happiness less. So if you get a promotion when you’re tired, you won’t appreciate it or enjoy it as much as if you’d had a good night’s sleep.

So, what should you aim for? Ideally, as an adult, you should aim to wake up naturally (without an alarm clock), after 8 hours of sleep. If you get up a bit earlier or a bit later, just trust your body has slept for as long as it needs.

Read: Is a Good Night’s Sleep the key to Sustained Happiness?

3. Do Some Light Exercise or Stretching

We’d mentioned before that stretching is an important happiness habit to use during your night-time routine, but it can also be essential to a productive morning routine. Doing some light exercise like a quick walk around the block, or having a good stretch in the morning will wake up your body and get your blood pumping.

It doesn’t have to be anything too intense or complicated. You can easily find 10-15 minute videos online of exercise, stretching, or yoga routines that are designed to help you start your day off happy.

Read: 9 Small Ways To Add Exercise Into Your Day Without Exercising

4. Do Something You’re Passionate About

This tip for how to start your day in a happy mood is all about you. What’s your go-to activity that brings you joy? Maybe you want to carve out 10-15 minutes to meditate, or maybe you’re someone who likes to cook and make yourself fun breakfasts with the kids. You might spend some time journaling, or painting, listening to a podcast or calling friends or family overseas (particularly if it’s really early).

Regardless of what your interests are or what you’re passionate about, it’s worth identifying your passions and carving out a little time in your morning routine. Doing something you love in the morning will automatically put you in a happier mood, making your day better from the start.

Whether you realise you need this or not, this tip is critical for helping you to bring some balance and additional happiness into your life. If your routine is to roll out of bed, go straight to work, come home tired, eat dinner, watch some TV or scrolling through your phone and doing it all again the next day… then you’re not prioritising your happiness.

Read: 5 Cheap Ways to Live a Happy Life

5. Get Inspired or Learn Something New

Learning something new is an essential part of creating a happy environment for yourself and a great way to start your day in a happy mood. Our brains develop more and release happy chemicals when we learn something new or stimulate them with exciting information.

This doesn’t have to be a complicated or expensive happiness habit; it can just include watching a TedTalk during breakfast or listening to a podcast on your way to work. This type of habit will put you in a happy mood just by stimulating your brain and getting your gears turning.

Not only that, but according to global consulting firm McKinsey & Company, “studies show that workers who maintain their ability to learn outpace other professionals. The people who will thrive in the 21st century will be those who embrace lifelong learning and continually increase their knowledge, skills, and competencies.”

Finally, it turns out that developing a growth mindset and lifelong learning habits are skills that will benefit you well into retirement too. A recent study showed that people who keep their mind sharp in retirement tend to live longer.

Read: Is Your Mindset Holding Back Your Growth and Happiness?

6. Put Away Your Smartphone

AmeriSleep.com has written about why we use alarm clocks and why they are important, acknowledging that while it would be nice for us all to wake up naturally, the reality is that life is not set up that way. Staying up late or having a troubled night’s sleep can disrupt our internal clock and without an alarm, we’d often be late for our commitments.

Having said that, an alarm on your smartphone isn’t the same as a traditional alarm clock. Keeping your smartphone in your room and having it be the first thing you reach for in the morning can lead to mindless social media and internet surfing, which has been shown to negatively impact mental health.

Subjecting yourself to social media as soon as you wake up gives others control over how your day begins. Instead, take control and make your morning time about you and what you need to be happy in life. Prioritise and schedule your happiness needs and start your day in a proactive and positive way.

So, why not buy an old-school alarm clock and keep off your phone first thing in the morning. You will be in a much happier mood if you take control of the start of your day.

Read: Your 6 step Social Media Detox (and why you Need one NOW)

7. Express Gratitude to Start your Day in a Happy Mood

Serious about starting your day in a happy mood? A really healthy happiness habit to put into practice for yourself is to start your day off with gratitude. When you first wake up, think of the things you are grateful for in your life. It’s even more effective if you jot them down to make them more real. This habit will put you in a happy mood by reminding yourself of the positive aspects of your life that you are grateful for. It’s also proven to help you throughout your day to continue to scan the world for other positive things – essentially retraining your brain to be happier.

And it’s all linked! A study by Emmons & McCullough published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology showed that participants who kept a gratitude journal weekly for 10 weeks or daily for two weeks experienced more positive moods, optimism about the future, and (yep, you guessed it)… better sleep!

Read: How to Practice Gratitude, and Why You Should do it

All of these habits of happiness will make a huge difference in your mornings and how to start your day in a happy mood. After all, how you start your day and the mood you’re in when you get up is often reflected throughout the day. These easy habits and tricks can make it easier for you to take control of your mornings and carry that positive energy with you, either on your way to work or whatever else you have going on day-to-day.

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for the latest positive psychology news and happiness and resilience resources!

Happiness – Working One Day a Week? (E62)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete discuss and agree to disagree on whether working one day a week will bring you happiness.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

P: Okay, I’m putting in a caveat for this episode. We have two cats on the bed with us.

M: Laugh.

P: And they’re attacking my shoes.

M: It’s a team show.

P: Laugh, it’s Marie’s team.

M: Yep.

P: I’m on the outside for once.

M & P: Laugh.

M: I will say though, Happy Easter to everyone.

P: Yes. Oh, that happened didn’t it?

M: Yes. That did happen.

P: Yay! Yeah that’s right, we watched football with your husband.

M: We did.

P: Well, he watched football, we chatted.

M: Laugh.

P: Which is how we watch football.

M: Laugh, pretty much.

This week we are talking about a great study, which I am very supportive of,

P: Laugh.

M: which has found that flexible working is a winner.

P: Flexible working or minimal working?

M: Look, we all know minimal is great.

P: Laugh.

M: But essentially new research has come out, which shines a light on a new aspect of flexible working and says that the five day workweek is not conducive to optimal well-being.

P: I agree with this.

M: Our current model is broken.

P: Laugh.

M: So a bunch of research has been done by researchers at Cambridge University. And they looked specifically last year at people who’ve been furloughed in the UK,

P: Right.

M: people who’d lost their jobs. And they looked at people who were working full time, people who had no jobs and people who were working only one, two, three or four days a week.

P: Ok.

M: And guess who were the happiest people?

P: I know what you’re going to say.

M: You know, the answer.

P: Laugh.

M: It’s a really, really bad guess who. So why don’t you tell us, Pete?

P: The one day-ers has got the job.

M: They were the happiest. People who work one day a week are the happiest.

P: But you can hear all the cynics out there going ‘yeah, but who could afford to work one day a week?’

M: Well.

P: Ah, there’s a but!

M: Well… yes. I think for now, yes, we could be cynics about that.

P: Alright.

M: Definitely. So the researchers looked at the employment routines of about 5000 people during the past year, and it was an unusual year.

P: Yes, true.

M: Alright, it definitely was. And they found that people who work one day a week were happiest. People who worked… who didn’t work and didn’t have jobs were the most negatively impacted.

P: Mmm, yes.

M: But one day a week, followed by two days a week, had the benefits of employment in terms of mental health and engagement and purpose and meaning, but also had really high happiness levels compared to people who work three, four or five days a week.

P: Yeah, right.

M: And the worst was no days a week.

P: It’s like everything I guess it’s a balancing act, we don’t want minimal, but we do want some interaction and contact.

M: And purpose and meaning.

P: Yep, purpose and meaning is a big one. I’m thinking of a client of mine who’s, I think who is 83 and he still goes to work every morning and opens the shop.

M: I love it.

P: Yep, and that’s his job, he may just sit there and do nothing sometimes.

M: Laugh.

P: And after work he comes and gets a treatment from me. But he, lovely Sam, he constantly talks about having purpose and having that routine, and that, that’s what he has done all his life and that if he didn’t do that, he would find it very dull and boring. And his life wouldn’t have meaning which would not bring him happiness.

M: Or he’d have to find new meaning –

P: Yes.

M: – because I wouldn’t say necessarily that people need to never retire. But I will say that 40% of people who retire are depressed within a year.

P: I’ll agree with that yes, because they don’t replace it with anything.

M: Exactly.

P: They just go ‘oh, I’m going to have nothing.’

M: Yes, that’s the point. So you can’t do nothing.

P: No.

M: And for a lot of people, their job gives them that purpose and meaning.

P: Definitely, and that’s a really important reason to get up in the morning and get going.

M: Yep. There are some really smart companies and really smart countries out there, like Spain, Germany and New Zealand, who are already trialling for day work weeks.

P: Interesting.

M: And I think that we will start to see this pick up steam, particularly in light of Covid, when it’s been the biggest flexible work –

P: Experiment? Laugh.

M: – experiment, laugh, in the world. Whether it was because people were furloughed or were working 50% of their original hours because shops couldn’t afford to keep 100%.

P: Yes.

M: Or whether people were made redundant or were working from home. Or were doing all kinds of other different ways to make ends meet. We’ve had the biggest experiment ever, and I think that we’re only gonna see an acceleration of all these trials around what a work week should look like in the future.

P: It’s a recalibration of work to see what is most effective. And it’s good, it’s good to ask those questions, like anything, talking a lot about it in terms of happiness is asking the right questions, taking the time out to check in. So why not do that in our work hours as well?

M: Yep, and I think we’ve known for a while now that the 40 hour workweek is so broken and we say 40 hour work week in Europe, a lot of the time, it’s 35 in a lot of government jobs in Australia, it’s 35. It’s a seven a half hour work-day with a half hour lunch break, which is 9 to 5.

P: Right.

M: But in a lot of corporates it’s 8.30 to 5 or 8 to 5, with a one hour lunch break.

P: A lot of research is saying that we’re working more.

M: Yes.

P: That we’re working longer hours, that’s the research I’m looking at.

M: Yes, and we’re, we’re not even the worst. In America (USA) they are working even longer hours.

P: Yes, and it’s that perception of keeping the job. Don’t buck the trend when you’re asked to do extra time because you have a job so don’t want to lose it.

M: Or a lot of managers are just old school, and they want to see people at their desks and you get rewarded for working later and for being there longer.

P: And that’s –

M: That’s presenteeism.

P: Yeah, what is Observance? It’s being seen. Laugh.

M: Yep. Absolutely.

P: It’s not to do with productivity, it’s ‘are you there?’

M: Yes, and ‘are you committed?’ And those people, unfortunately, get rewarded. Whereas the people who skip out of the office, because they’ve done their work, at five and have other commitments are seen as less committed to the job and the company. P: You would say that’s a very, well I would say that’s a very narrow-minded view of work efficiency and work proficiency.

M: And look, the HR view of this is that that is a narrow-minded and old school view.

P: Yay, I got right!

M: But that doesn’t mean that people aren’t people and that Managers aren’t all lacking leadership training at times. Some, some are more trained than others and some are more self-aware than others. And a lot of people aren’t up to date on the latest and do still want to see their people at their desks.

P: Interesting.

M: Yes, definitely.

P: So, one day a week. What does one day do for you? Does it just give you lots of time off to go and frolic through the forest and jump in the ocean?

M: Well, that’s another really interesting thing about this study. They don’t mention what, what people are doing, the rest [of the time.]

P: Oh, is that with everything? They don’t say why these people are happier. Is it because they have more leisure time? Is it because they have more space to do other things that bring them purpose and meaning?

M: I have a feeling part of it is a reduction in stress.

P: Hhm.

M: I do think that five days a week, plus trying to raise a family or be a good husband or wife and friend and daughter and etcetera and fulfil all your other obligations. Nowadays, life’s busy –

P: Yep.

M: – for a lot of people, and one day a week gives you a lot more time to fulfil all your other obligations, whether they’re self-imposed or imposed by others.

P: Yes, yes, I agree.

M: So I’d say you get a reduction in stress. I would also say so, you know, so to bring it back to me.

P & M: Laughter!

M: I took a job last year and negotiated for a four day week.

P: Mmm.

M: And also, Covid hit around the same time. And so I got about 10 hours worth of commute and make up time back.

P: You’re still fulfilling your, inverted commas, 40 Our commitment.

M: Yes.

P: So you’re doing four days, but they’re big days?

M: Four long days. Yes, but I have the friday off to work on the podcast and the blog and the book writing.

P: Mmm.

M: And I launched a book last year, I’m also studying.

P: Yep.

M: So I’ve filled that time with other things that bring me joy and happiness.

P: Sure, yeah.

M: I spend time with friends on the weekends. I have a very full week, but that flexibility has allowed me to do other things that bring me joy in happiness.

P: Mmm. A friend of mine negotiated that in the UK about 15 years ago. He just decided he said ‘No, no, no, I need my day, my one day.’ He was very, very advanced, Mr. Marshall, if you’re listening and he moved back to Australia and he kept his job in the UK and has still kept his job in the UK. He’s in [the] medical research field.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And he has always maintained a four-day working week, for it would be about 15 years now. And he is inundated with work at the moment with the Covid [pandemic], the vaccines, he’s on the front line and reading nine research papers a day and publishing information on it, so very busy.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: But he’s still sort of, you know, tries to maintain that four-day working week.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And that fifth day is his day to go and do some reading, walk in the park, go on, have a coffee somewhere or go and see a therapist or get a massage or all those things that we would love to do if we had the time, inverted commas, laugh.

M: Yep. And the weekend just doesn’t give you enough time to do all those things and a lot of the time things that you want to do are closed on a weekend.

P: Yes, sometimes we’re trying to fit into schedules, are pre- determined for us and that makes scheduling difficult.

M: Absolutely.

P: And any groceries done. I mean, I don’t want to be there at six o’clock when everybody else is standing in line, it’s really annoying.

M: I love online shopping.

P & M: Laugh.

P: Oh, no.

M: Such a man, laugh.

P: I like to check it, see if there’s any little bits floating around inside. Smell it. Take a bite put it back on the shelf.

M: Laugh. Poor Covid.

P: I’m going to challenge you here, Marie, because I’ve actually done a little bit of research as well.

M: Ok.

P: And the whole one-day concept does come down to your perception of what that working week is. So, I’ve got a couple of studies here, one of them being from the Harvard University in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Findings that they found were that Americans may be happier, working more hours in comparison to their European counterparts because they believe more than Europeans that hard work is associated with success.

So, their reward mechanism is telling them that if they spend the five days, 10 hours sitting at the desk and the boss is seeing them, they’re actually getting themselves a reward because their perception is that it’s healthy for them, so they’re therefore happier.

M: Oh, no more successful. No, the study showed –

P: But doesn’t that lead to happiness?

M: – No! Success does not equal Happiness. So, this is something we’ve discussed so many times success and happiness and not tied, not tied together. So the study that you’re referring to says that they believe that hard work is associated with success and I would argue in America (USA), and we’ve discussed this many times before and in particular even last week with the World Happiness Report that culturally in America (USA) there’s a real drive to success and it’s at the detriment of their happiness.

P: Ok.

M: And I would actually argue that this supports that, that they perhaps think it is better for them and it will make them happier. But I’d really question whether or not that drive for success is actually making them happier?

P: Well, according to the study I’ve got here, they’re saying Americans may be happier because. So, I would say that they’re assuming it drives happiness levels.

M: They may be happier working more, not that they are, because they believe more than Europeans do that hard work is associated with success.

P: Hmm, Okay.

M: Agree to disagree on this one? Laugh.

P: I think we’ll have to, yeah. Laugh!

So, a second study that was done actually in New Zealand by Peter Roborgh and Stacey Barrie, sorry, Barrie Stacey, got that around the wrong way, laugh. Anyway, they were looking at promotions, particularly for males.

M: Yep.

P: And how the hours per week spent working were affected by the job promotion and what that did for their satisfaction and what they found, was that the average well-being was significantly higher, even though the working hours increased and the annual holidays became shorter. So they’re saying, I’m assuming, that it is about perception and that tie in – you’re shaking your head.

M: That’s not how I’m reading it. Keep going though, laugh.

P: I was making the assumption there that it is about the perception of what you are achieving. So, if you are working longer hours, if there’s a purpose in mind, if there’s a goal in mind. Again, it comes down to that success that you were talking about. But that perception does drive a certain amount of contentment and happiness for you.

M: I think we’ve spoken before about comparing and looking around you and seeing whether or not you have more than others –

P: Oh, we’ve definitely spoken about that.

M: – can increase your happiness. So maybe that does factors into how people view their happiness and their lot in life, their situation in life. So, I read here income and socioeconomic status both dropped markedly following the promotion, career change.

P: Which you would think would create unhappy, you know, not contentment and stress.

M: Yes, yeah. Look, I’d have to read, I’d have to look at the report a bit more, I don’t think there’s enough there from what I can see. But, you know, there could be a number of factors into why a promotion could lead to someone being happier.

P: For me the takeaway from that is, it’s about the perception. So if you’re invested in your identity as a worker or whatever and that that driving for those goals or success rates or however you want to measure it can bring about a certain amount of happiness for you because you’re feeling good about your contribution.

M: Yep. Look, I think we’ve discussed studies in the past that show that you do definitely get a spike when you hit these moments. But whether or not it is sustained is the question.

P: Well, sustained comes into a different realm because you know you can’t keep working longer hours forever.

M: Yep.

P: You know that doesn’t work.

M: Yeah, definitely.

P: Especially with the factor here of holidays being decreased. I don’t know if I agree with that, but for some people, obviously it does work in terms of the study.

M: We’d have to look at why?

P: Yep.

M: Look, what I find interesting about the one day, a week and all of this is that we’re right in the middle of a huge amount of change in particular brought on by technology.

And there’s been quite a lot of discussion over the last decade or so, decade or two even, about how robotics and automation is going to lead to less jobs.

P: Hmm, Automation of the workforce.

M: Yeah, and look depends on who you talk to, but anywhere up to 40% of jobs will be lost in the future.

P: To automated?

M: Automation and robotics. Things that we used to be able to do as humans, that will be outsourced now.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: You know, many argue that that will be replaced by other technical jobs. So you need someone to look after the robots and fix the robots and etcetera, etcetera and the systems.

P: Or direct them.

M: Yep. But overall, everyone says we’re going to lose jobs. Which means if we continue with this idea of working a 40 hour week, five days a week, that there will be 40% of people, potentially, who will have no job. But if everyone only works two or three days a week, then there will be enough jobs for everyone to go around. You’re talking about job sharing as well? Role sharing?

M: Yep.

P: Those are solutions.

M: Yep, definitely. Or just you know, you work two days a week. Your role is two days a week of work and there might be four people who do a role like yours. Yep.

P: It’s an interesting one because they think that to me, laugh, poking the bear here. It’s the climate change argument of pulling things out of fossil fuels and going to renewable energies and all these people saying but what about the jobs? What about the workers that are gonna be out of work? Well, retrain.

M: Yep.

P: Put you into different areas where you have to adapt and you have to retrain and go with where the job opportunity is, which is in renewable energy and not in coal mining.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: I mean, that’s my basic argument with my mother when she brings it up, laugh.

M: I come from a family of coal miners, laugh, and I agree.

P: I understand what you’re saying when people are going –

M: You can’t fight progress.

P: – I’m at risk of losing my job. Okay, so re-train.

M: Yep.

P: Yep, re adapt. The medical field is the same as well. The huge advancements in robotics is that surgeries will no longer be done by human hands.

M: They’re already being done by robots.

P: They’re all being done by robotics.

M: Well, some.

P: Well, no. But that’s the prediction. And in the not-too distant future, all surgeries will be done by AI machines because they’re more precise.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And with what we’re doing now, with surgery and the nature of it being so specific, it needs that level off accomplishment. However, surgeons [and] doctors will still need to be consulted, will still need to be referenced because the robot can’t tell what’s going on with you, can’t give you the necessarily assessment.

M: Oh, Yeah they can! GP’s are going to lose their jobs to.

P: I don’t agree with that.

M: And have you ever been into a doctor’s surgery and they actually get on Google to look stuff up?

P: Laugh, no.

M: Because there’s more on the Internet and more research than any one human can possibly know, and there’s more advancements every day, than, than anyone could stay across. You have to be able to rely on computers nowadays to analyse things properly.

So anyway, this is all getting into the lovely geek elite tech discussions.

P: That is true.

M: But I think that working one or two days a week is really the utopia that we should be striving towards.

P: Laugh.

M: If there won’t be enough jobs out there because computers can do it better, I’m not going to be crying.

P: Laugh. Yes, well, there are other factors involved in terms of sustaining that, being able to live on that.

M: So there’s this great idea called UBI, Universal Basic Income and a country like ours is kind of in a good position. I’d say, definitely the Scandinavian countries and New Zealand, or probably more advanced or more likely, to implement this. But if everyone gets a basic income from the government and then works one or two days to keep the economy growing and churning along with support from computers, then we’re all happy. Happy days.

P: Mmm, laugh.

M: Utopia has arrived.

P: Laugh! I could see a very political speech taking off from there Marie.

M: Laugh. All right, well, that is our discussion of why you need to work one day a week.

P: Laugh.

M: I haven’t yet worked out how to make it actually financially viable, laugh.

P: There we go, yep. Sounds like a wonderful idea.

M: And I don’t know any bosses who would be in for it.

P: Laugh!

M: So, do what you will with information we’ve provided.

P & M: Laugh.

M: But if you can, definitely if you’re working 40 hours a week or more I would be looking at how that’s impacting your happiness.

P: Yep, very true. You know, that’s the crux of the argument.

M: The takeaway.

P: Yes. And so we’re going to leave you with just a few tips, and Google is your friendly place to be. So if you do want to ask for more flexible work arrangements. You can simply Google ‘ask for flexible work.’ And there’s so many videos and articles about how to have a conversation with your boss or how to negotiate when you get a job to negotiate those more flexible hours to work around your life.

P: And I think they’re much more open to the idea now.

M: Definitely. Now’s the time to ask.

P: Laugh.

M: All right, see you next week.

P: Bye, folks.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going, at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

Four Lessons From the 2021 World Happiness Report

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What can we Learn From the 2021 World Happiness Report?

For the 9th year, the Sustainable Development Solutions Network has published The World Happiness Report, giving us insight into what makes people happy around the world. This year’s report focuses on the effects of COVID-19 on happiness and how countries have differed in their success in reducing the deaths and maintaining connected and healthy societies.

Researchers say their aim this year was two-fold, first to focus on the effects of COVID-19 on the structure and quality of people’s lives, and second to describe and evaluate how governments all over the world have dealt with the pandemic. In particular, they try to explain why some countries have done so much better than others.

The report also states that for 2020 the same six factors continue to support well-being (income, health, someone to count on, freedom, generosity, and trust) and these six factors continue to do so in almost exactly the same way as in previous years.

Despite a tumultuous year, there has been little change in the top 10 happiest countries. Here are the top 10 countries who fared the best in 2020:

  1. Finland
  2. Iceland
  3. Denmark
  4. Switzerland
  5. Netherlands
  6. Sweden
  7. Germany
  8. Norway
  9. New Zealand
  10. Austria

The rankings use data that come from the Gallup World Poll surveys from 2018 to 2020, and are based on answers to the main life evaluation question asked in the poll, called the Cantril ladder. This asks respondents to think of a ladder, with the best possible life for them being a 10, and the worst possible life being a 0. They are then asked to rate their own current lives on that 0 to 10 scale.

In this article, we explore the key lessons from the 2021 World Happiness Report. Read on!

Lessons From the 2021 World Happiness Report

1. Humans are Really Quite Resilient

Despite a global pandemic, surprisingly our happiness levels have remained pretty consistent in 2020.

“Surprisingly there was not, on average, a decline in well-being when measured by people’s own evaluation of their lives,” said co-author John Helliwell. “One possible explanation is that people see COVID-19 as a common, outside threat affecting everybody and that this has generated a greater sense of solidarity and fellow-feeling.”

Instead, the report shows that aside from an initial dip in happiness levels early in 2020 when most countries went into lockdown, on average people were just as happy and optimistic as in previous years. As a whole across the world, humans have shown some pretty incredible resilience.

However, country to country, there were definite variances, with stability and regional responses to COVID leading to different national experiences. Some factors that accounted for a variation between countries included: the age of the population; whether the country was an island; and proximity to other highly infected countries. Also, cultural differences played a key role as well including confidence in public institutions; knowledge from previous epidemics; income inequality; and whether the head of government was a woman.

In short, a country’s perceived poor management of COVID and higher than average death rates negatively impacted their happiness levels. This may explain why the United States, the U.K. Argentina, Brazil, Colombia and Mexico all became less happy in 2020, and why China moved to 84th place from 94th last year.

“The East Asian experience shows that stringent government policies not only control Covid-19 effectively, but also buffer the negative impact of daily infections on people’s happiness,” said co-author Shun Wang.

When it comes down to it, high levels of trust has been a common factor in countries happiness levels during the pandemic.

2. Inequality continues to impact our happiness

We’ve seen in previous research that humans have a habit of comparing themselves to others – and when we come up short, our happiness levels drop. This might explain in part why countries with highest number of COVID death and highest death rates are less happy than those with lower death rates as people criticize their governments and lament their situation.

As noted in the report, “it is to be expected that further evidence from 2021 will support the conclusions reached here, that driving community transmission to zero and keeping it there has been better for all the pillars supporting happy lives: good health, good jobs, and a society where people can connect easily with each other in mutual trust and support.”

Aside from inequality between countries, the report also notes inequality within countries as a factor in happiness levels – also drawing a line between intra-country inequality and trust.

The report found: “We do not have a full global sample measure for social trust, so we use income inequality as a strong proxy variable because social trust is generally lower in countries where income inequality is higher. We have previously found that inequality of subjective well-being is an even stronger predictor of social trust.”

Additionally, the report found that there is some early evidence of empirical linkages between income inequality and COVID-19 death rates, supported by pre-COVID evidence of links between income inequality and health. This explains the higher death rates in the U.S. and Mexico compared to Denmark and Sweden, for instance.

Unfortunately, two demographics have fared disproportionately worse than others during the pandemic, with women and youth more likely to lose their jobs due higher representation is hard hit sectors like tourism and hospitality. Also, women were more likely to have to forgo work to look after kids during lockdowns.

3. Finland does it again

Yet again, the 2021 World Happiness Report found that Finland remains on top of the world for the fourth year in a row, which comes as no surprise. It continues have high levels of mutual trust which has helped to protect lives and livelihoods during the pandemic.

“We find year after year that life satisfaction is reported to be happiest in the social democracies of northern Europe. People feel secure in those countries, so trust is high. The government is seen to be credible and honest, and trust in each other is high,” said co-author and Columbia University economist Jeffrey Sachs.

 

4. We’re Social Beings

Lastly, as many positive psychologists have known for a while, being around people and having strong social connections is critical to our happiness. This was particularly obvious in 2020, as lockdowns impacted our ability to see people as often or at all.

But in a twist that was a little counterintuitive, the 2021 World Happiness Report found that people who were more social and had more friends pre-COVID, were more likely to suffer during lockdowns. This is probably due to the fact that the most social people suffered the greatest impact and change in lifestyle when they couldn’t see other people. This change in social activity disproportionately impacted women and youth, who tend to have more relationships and social activities.

In fact, a study of by University of Essex researchers Ben Etheridge and Lisa Spantig showed that women with at least four close friends slumped more than anyone during the spring 2020 lockdown.

The report notes that as you might expect with lockdowns and physical distancing, the pandemic had a significant effect on workforce well-being. Unemployment during the pandemic was associated with a 12 per cent drop in life satisfaction.

“Strikingly, we find that among people who stopped work due to furlough or redundancy, the impact on life satisfaction was 40 per cent more severe for individuals that felt lonely to begin with,” said Jan-Emmanuel De Neve. “Our report also points towards a ‘hybrid’ future of work, that strikes a balance between office life and working from home to maintain social connections while ensuring flexibility for workers, both of which turn out to be key drivers of workplace well-being.”

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

Love Maps – Building Intimacy and Trust in Relationships (E61)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Pete and Marie talk about Love Maps, building intimacy and trust and staying emotionally connected to the people you love.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: And we’re back, Hi.

P: Hi, laugh.

M: So today we are talking about love maps.

P: Love maps. This sounds like something you do at a party.

M: Love maps. Sounds like some soppy thing that a psychologist gives you when you go to marriage counselling.

P: Laugh.

M: I really am such a cynic, aren’t I?

P & M: Laugh!

P: Essentially you are, laugh.

M: Yes, deep down I really am, laugh.

P: Laugh.

M: So the reason we are talking about love maps today is firstly because I recently just did one with my husband and we had a great time doing it.

P: We get to find out a lot about you and your husband on this show, don’t we?

M: We do, my poor husband. I don’t think he signed up for all of this.

P: Ha ha, tough.

M: Laugh, yep bad luck. And the reason why love maps is so important is that one of the basic foundations of happiness is strong relationships.

P: Yes, we’ve talked about this before. Intimate and strong, long lasting relationships build happier people, and they increase your quality of life into your senior years. Those people who have significant others into their seventies and eighties have a much higher quality of life and that doesn’t just relate to health, but it relates to interactions and feelings of security and happiness in general.

M: Absolutely so I think the biggest study is the Harvard –

P: Definitely the longest, laugh.

M: Yes, the longest definitely. So the study of adult development at Harvard, which was started in 1938 by Dr Arlie Bock. So it is still going, and it is the world’s longest running longitude… longitudinal study –

P: Such a hard word! I’ve been trying to write it lately and I keep tripping up going longit-ti-di-ti-di-nal.

M: Laugh! – of adult life and researchers have been studying two groups of men in the US since 1938 and tracking them through their lives, and there was one group of men from Harvard but another group of inner-city Boston men as well.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And they tracked them by getting into answer questionnaires every two years and being personally interviewed every 15 years. And I believe, after a number of years, they started adding women to this study.

P: They did it about halfway through they started asking that their spouses to come in to be interviewed as well.

M: Yep, so they got a more rounded idea of these people’s lives. And so they followed these two groups from adolescence or, you know, late teens through to retirement and older. And the researchers identified over these people’s lives several factors that predicted healthy ageing. So, there’s stuff that we all know we should do.

P: Laugh!

M: And we don’t.

P & M: Laugh.

M: There’s limiting alcohol, getting enough exercise and maintaining a healthy weight. But they also found that a good marriage is also really important. Other factors in there, our education and mature coping skills.

P: Mmm, life skills.

M: Well, I think these are the mental health skills that we’re now starting to teach, like self-compassion and forgiveness and all of those other things that we didn’t used to focus on being kind, gratitude, all of those things that we never spoke about 20 years ago, I didn’t grow up hearing them. But having a good emotional maturity –

P: Yes.

M: – is going to do you well in life.

P: Yes.

M: And then the big one. So the big, big lesson to be learned from the Harvard study is that the most powerful influence on a rewarding life is the simplest, intimate relationships.

P: Ta da… Find me a husband, laugh.

M: Intimate, doesn’t mean husband and wife.

P: No, it doesn’t.

M: Or husband and husband or wife and wife.

P: We’ve talked about this before. Intimate relationships take many forms and identities, and that you can investors much into an intimate relationship with a friendship as you can with a partner.

M: Or a mother or sister or…

P: Yep, all those sort of things.

M: Or a besty Pete!

P: Laugh! Absolutely. And I’ve got some more contemporary based research that

M: Oh, well! Contemporary.

P: Well it’s from this century, laugh!

M: Look, this is still going, and they’ve actually started the second study of adult development.

P: Oh wow.

M: So.

P: It’s a sequel!

M: It is!

P: Longitudinal study version two.

M: Pretty much.

P: The beasts comeback, laugh.

M: But what more recent studies to you have, to share?

P: Well, these are more from psychological science and these are on the happiness levels in terms of relationships, and we’ve got one from Brown, Nesse, Vinokur, and Smith in 2003 that talks about how providing social support is more beneficial and how that can contribute to your happiness levels and ergo longer life.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And what this study found, this is one of the often cited studies because it targeted the fact that providing social support, so being the person in the community that helps to look after others has more benefit than actually receiving it. And we’ve talked about this in a previous podcast about receiving gratitude or receiving –

M: Kindness.

P: – Kindness, but giving kindness is the big key to increasing your happiness levels and having them maintained throughout the rest of your life and into senior years. And then there’s another reference from Diener and Seligman.

M: Oooh, they’re big wigs.

P: I noticed, you know these people, laugh.

M: Everyone knows Seligman.

P: Yep.

M: Father of Positive Psychology.

P: Laugh. And they were talking about the self-rated happiness scale and the people that they found at the top of this scale who were averaging around 30 out of 35 spent the least amount of time alone and were rated highest on good relationships. So, these are the people that if you like, the happiness gurus, the guys that are scoring high and maintaining happiness seem to also –

M: They’re social, they’re social.

P: Yeah, they’re out there, they’re doing things, but they also have good relationships good, intimate relationships which is a defining factor in the study.

M: Yeah OK, and they’re spending a lot of time with other people, too.

P: Yeah and they’re not sitting at home.

M: There was a recent study that came out during COVID that talked about how the amount of incidental interaction that we’re having with people has dropped off significantly.

P: Understandable.

M: And we shouldn’t discount that when it comes to loneliness. So it’s not only about seeing your friends and family less. It’s about not seeing the guy at the coffee shop as often.

P: Oh! I’m devastated that I’m not seeing my barista any more.

M: Laugh.

P: It was a 12 year relationship, the longest relationship I’ve ever had.

M: Laugh!

P: Alex, if you’re out there, I miss you. I love you, and my coffee is never the same.

M: And we really don’t think about that as being part of the social needs that we have.

P: Oh, I do.

M: It’s that smile with the person –

P: Totally.

M: A lot of people don’t get it.

P: I used to walk into that place and come out with a hug.

M: You’re special, sorry. Laugh.

P: See I just bought in. I was like ‘I like going in here.’ Laugh.

M: Or perhaps, you know, having a quick chat to the uber driver or saying hello to the bus driver when you get on and off and saying thank you.

P: Yep.

M: Those incidental interactions with people are not happening as often because we’re not venturing out as much, but also with masks it makes it even more difficult.

P: Yes, dealing with masks is difficult because you’re not judging how people are responding. And sometimes it isn’t what said, It’s a smile.

M: And if someone’s crinkling their eyes are they just old or are they smiling at you?

P: Yeah.

M: Like, it’s really hard and I don’t want to… yeah.

P: Oh yeah.

M: Yeah, there’s a whole cultural thing there as well that you can’t get into, laugh.

P: And there’s the whole thing about mask acting and how you have to express other ways without using your voice. It’s a, it’s a skill that not many people have.

M: Mmm. All right, so back, back –

P: Off track.

M: Yeah, off track.

P: [Rewind noise.]

M: So back to what we’re talking about, which is healthy relationships, laugh.

P: Ok.

M: And how they are critical for a happy life and a long life.

P: Yes.

M: So the question then becomes, how do you have happy relationships and good and positive relationships? And I’ll take back the word happy because good relationships often times are not happy. There’s stress and things go wrong, and we yell and behave badly, and we’re all human.

P: A good relationship survives those little moments.

M: Yes, and the big ones.

P: Mmm? Yeah ok, I won’t argue with that. And you can have those, and that’s not just a marriage situation –

M: Mmm hmm.

P: – with intimate friendships.

M: Yep.

P: You can have your little, the little moments where it all goes pear shaped, you don’t speak for a little while.

M: Yep, yep, absolutely. Or when someone puts the keys in the wrong mailbox.

P: Oh!

M: Laughter.

P: That was a communication issue.

M: As many issues are between married couples.

P: You were cranky, laugh.

M: Laugh, I was, I’ve apologised.

P: Laugh, it’s ok. I laughed.

M: So the way to having strong relationships, there are many ways and there are many things that factor into this, but really what we’re talking about here is about knowing and being known. So knowing the other person and being known for being authentic and vulnerable with them.

P: Oooh, that’s a big ask.

M: And sharing. And so how do you do this today? As we said before, we’re going to talk about love maps.

P: Do we need to get crayons?

M: …Sure.

P: Do we need colours?

M: Of course.

P: Ooh, yay.

M: The whole rainbow.

P: Laugh, you said the right word.

M & P: Laughter!

M: So love map is a way of getting to know your partner or friends or family. And it was created by psychologist Gottman, who did 40 years of research with thousands of couples, and he’s well known across the world for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction.

P: Ooh god, it’s someone good to have at a dinner party.

M: Absolutely.

P: “Could you tell me if I’m going to be with this person in ten years? Should I propose tonight or not?”

M: Laugh, “Or should I run?”

P: Laugh.

M: So in 2007, the psychotherapy networker described him as one of the 10 most influential therapists of the past quarter century.

P: Wow.

M: That’s pretty impressive and look, as we all know, divorce rates have been going up, so I’m sure we’ve been keeping him busy.

P: Laugh.

M: So according to Gottman, the couple’s most likely to enjoy marital closeness and satisfactions are the ones who build richly detailed love maps.

P: Oh, ok.

M: And what do you mean by that is when you go to a new city, you pull out a map and use it to explore the new city. A love map is a way of exploring your partner, getting to know them, and their inner world.

P: Ah.

M: And we do this quite naturally when we first meet. You know those butterfly moments when you meet someone that you like and you ask questions like, “What do you dream about?”

P: Oh my god!

M: “What are your goals?”

P: Oh my gosh! That’s when I turn into the cynic.

M: Laugh, and when you’re in that moment, it all seems completely natural and normal.

P: Laugh.

M: [Sweet voice] “What do you dream about doing?”

P: Oh my lord, laugh.

M: Uh huh. But then we stop. We stop asking those questions, and Gottman argues that in relationships you should be circling back on those types of questions and checking in with your partner or your friend or your sister –

P: I support that, yeah.

M: – more regularly.

P: It’s a refresh.

M: Yep.

P: It’s like goal setting, you’ve got to go back and do it every now and then because your values change.

M: Exactly. We all change over time.

P: Yeah, definitely.

M: Yep, so the Gottman Institute has created a card deck called 52 Questions Before marriage or moving in.

P: Laugh! I’m going to pull this out the next time I interview a flatmate “Excuse me, I just have a couple of questions for you… 52.”

M & P: Laugh.

M: And really, these questions help you map your partner and really explore areas that might not be top of mind when you’re 15 years into a marriage like me.

P & M: Laugh.

M: Or, you know, after your through that honeymoon phase. So this is really about re-exploring your friendship, your relationship, whatever relationship you pick.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: So some of the questions in the deck include:

In what ways do you operate well as a team? In what ways could you improve?

P: Oh, ok.

How is this relationship different than those that have not worked out?

P: Laugh.

M: Tell me Pete, how is our relationship different than those that have not worked out for you in the past.

P: Hmm. You make me go to things.

M: Laugh.

P: I don’t have to drive the boat. You say we’re going to Magic Mike, and I say Yes!

M & P: Laugh!

M: Shhh, it’s a secret.

P: I’m so going to be the individual man.

M & P: Laughter!

P: It’s going to be funny.

M: It will be funny.

M & P: Laughter!

M: Ooh, the big one!

What are your main strategies for coping with tough financial times?

P: Now that’s a vulnerable question. That’s a really vulnerable question. Yeah, you have to, you have to. You have to be very earnest, honest about your own actions when it comes to what do you rein in? What do you, what do you do in that situation? I think that’s a really, that’s a big one.

M: Is it enough to say you don’t have any… You just spend money when it’s there.

P: No.

M: Laugh.

P: No, I think that’s a really good one, because I think that shows how you restrict and how you pull back. It’s also a value decision.

M: It’s values.

P: What do you value the most? What do you actually keep going with? And what do you sacrifice for the interim?

M: Yeah, absolutely.

P: And that’s a really insightful answer.

M: And to be honest, I left home at a reasonably early age and put myself through university, and I had no financial strategies. It was try to make it through the week with enough money for food, laugh.

P: Or, let’s go a France on the scholarship fund and eat 2 minute noodles, laugh.

M: For the rest of the semester.

P: Laugh!

M: See! I didn’t have good money management skills.

M & P: Laughter!

M: Because I didn’t have any money.

P & M: Laughter!

M: So, when I did start having an income, and it was around that time that I met my husband, I still had no financial strategies. So, we’ve had some very interesting discussions over the years, laugh.

P: But I think that’s also a bonding thing, going through the tough times actually makes you stronger.

M: Yes, but I’d say that you can’t always expect to have the same outlook on things, and going in with your eyes open is probably better than discovering it when you already committed.

P: Okay. Yep.

M: I would argue that one. I think that’s why it says questions before marriage or moving in.

P & M: Laugh!

M: It’s good to align on these things beforehand, like, “Do you want kids or do you not want kids?” before you get married.

P: What?

M: That’s a big one too.

P: When are we having children?

M: Laugh, we’re not getting married honey.

P: Oh hang on, I’ve already given you the roses.

M: Laugh. So, ooh I like this one, and for anyone who’s ever had a roommate.

P: Laugh!

M: How will you decide who is responsible for which chores?

P: Laugh!

M: Otherwise, you get stuck cleaning the toilet for 15 years of your life, laugh. I think you’re in that position too, are you Pete.

P: Laugh.

M: So, I thought –

P: Does it come down to who does a better job? Laugh.

M: Yeah, well it doesn’t count if they do it but don’t do it right.

P: Ha, Charlie don’t listen to this.

M: Mmm hmm.

P & M: Laughter!

M: All right, the point is though to have these conversations and to talk about these things with your partner or your, you know, friend, lover, whoever it is you’re trying to get closer to, sister, brother, mother, father any type of close relationship.

P: Yeah, right.

M: So you might not even know the answers yourself to these questions until you’ve been asked them.

P: Very true.

M: And it’s about talking them out and getting to know yourself better. But also getting to know your partner better.

P: Mmm.

M: And the next lesson off this is that we should be making being curious and asking questions of each other habit.

P: Those conversations need to happen, but not all the time, but they need to circle back every now and then.

M: Yep.

P: Like a chicken. We have a mutual friend couple that do have these conversations once a month. They sit down and they go on a date. They sit down and they go “Right, this, this, this, this pissed me off this week.”

M & P: Laugh.

P: I actually think It’s a very honest and open understanding, and they do it every month, and I think it’s a, I think it’s a real strength of theirs. It’s all cards on the table. I’m not going to edit myself here. I’m going to put it on the table. So then you can either talk about it or say Well I don’t agree with you on that, but there’s a there’s a calmness rather than you blowing up in the middle of the dinner party going [hysterical voice] “Oh my God, you did this!” then lobster on the ceiling, the whole thing.

M: Waste of lobster.

P & M: Laugh.

P: Yeah, it is. But honest and quite frank conversations. And I think having them more regularly means that when they do happen, you’re not scared by them.

M: So without naming names, I know you’re talking about. And I would say that although that relationship started off well, a little birdie told me that they’d forgotten to do them over the last couple of months.

P: Oh.

M: So this is maybe a little bit of a kick up the butt for that couple in particular.

P: Laugh.

M: But [also] for all of us, because they put this in place is a really pure and good thing to do when they first got together, so that they could get to know each other better and talk through these things.

P: Hmm, yeah.

M: And as we’ve discussed here, that’s really easy in the honeymoon phase.

P: Yeah, true.

M: It becomes almost hard work after a year or so.

P: Yeah, righto.

M: So, I did a love map with my husband last weekend, and it took us the whole weekend to get through all the questions.

P: Wow!

M: It was a long weekend, three days and we did it over dinner and meals, and we sat down at one point outside in the sun and went through a few questions. But they really are great open-ended questions that can take you down so many unexpected paths and conversations and that really help you understand yourself a little bit better. So they’re things that we don’t always ask ourselves.

P: Hmm.

M: And that can help with your own personal growth as well as getting to know each other.

P: Hmm.

M: And if you competitive, like me, we nailed it way!

P: Laugh!

M: I have to say, laugh!

P: Of course, you did.

M: Laugh.

P: Of course, you did. Laugh.

M: So we asked these questions of each other and worked out who knew more.

P: Laugh.

M: At first it was a competition between us, because everything’s a competition.

P: Laugh.

M: And then it was, how well have we been connecting? It was almost a litmus test of whether or not we started growing apart. And I think we did pretty well, so I came out of it feeling pretty good.

P: Nice.

M: I was pretty chuffed.

P: That’s good. That’s a positive. Good for you, well done.

M: So, before we leave, I’m going to test our friendship Pete.

P: Oh gosh, I didn’t sign up for this! Laugh.

M: Laugh.

P: Pressure.

M: All right. So, the question is, what was your favourite vacation?

P: Well, that’s easy.

M: So the question is, what was my favourite vacation Pete? And I’ll answer yours, what was your favourite vacation.

P: Oh, is that how it works.

M: Yep.

P: Oh, okay, I am going to say, driving around Paris, driving around France.

M: Yeah.

P: [Triumphant] Laugh!

M: I think that was pretty spot on.

P: It was pretty special, yeah.

M: Ooh, I think probably that trip would have been up there for you as well.

P: Yep, I’m nodding.

M: Yep.

P: Nodding in agreement there.

M: We were both on the same trip.

P: Yeah.

M: Yeah, but look, Paris was pretty special, but I’d say that Sweden was also pretty cool as well.

P: Yep, yep, yeah.

M: Well all right, I think we nailed it!

P: Laugh!

M: Besties for life!

P: Laugh, woo!

M: Yay!

P: There we go, we’re done. Who needs 52, we just did one.

M: Laugh.

P: Maybe we can do one a year?

M: That works.

P: See if we can make it to 52 years of friendship, laugh.

M: I like it. I like the intent there. Anyway, I really recommend you can Google the Gottman love map at Gottman and pull this up and I really recommend just pulling it up, taking a screenshot so that you’ve got it on your phone. And next time you see your family or your friends or your loved one, just start going down the list.

P: Yep, I reckon it’s a great cocktail hour game.

M: Absolutely.

P: Yeah. It’s a good one for you too, you can ask a few questions and see how crazy they all are, laugh.

M: All right. Well, on that note we’ll leave it there. We’ll see you next week.

P: Enjoy your love maps.

M: Yep.

P: Bye.

M: Bye.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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The Key to Resilience, According to Bestselling Author Hugh Van Cuylenberg

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What’s the Key to Resilience?

Want to know the key to resilience? Last year I interviewed best-selling author of The Resilience Project, Hugh Van Cuylenberg (listen to the podcast). We talked about his journey and experiences, and the amazing work he’s doing in Melbourne and around Australia to teach kids, athletes and corporate big-wigs how to be more resilient in today’s hectic world.

Hugh also shared the key to resilience, which is the premise behind what Hugh teaches and his book – a nifty little acronym called GEM, which stands for Gratitude, Empathy and Mindfulness.

Read on to find out how Hugh teaches people around Australia how we can use the GEM this info to achieve a happier, healthier life.

Click to buy the book

The GEM Principle

“I was living in India and I was volunteering in a school community. When I got there, I thought, ‘Oh my God, there’s no way I’m going to stay here (…) because I was thinking I can’t sleep on the floor here for two weeks. I can’t walk half an hour down to the river to get water every day. I’m not going to sit in the river for a bath, like that’s just not going to happen.”

“But I remember on my first day in the school, which I planned to be my second last day in the whole community, I met a kid who was nine years old and slept on the floor like everyone else. But I remember thinking to myself, ‘I have never in my life seen joy like this before. This kid’s the happiest person I’ve ever met. I’ve never seen anything like him. How incredible. How is it this kid’s so gleefully happy?’

I was living with the principal and I remember I went back to his little mud hut, and I (…) said, “No, I think I need to stay a bit longer.” And the reason I wanted to stay longer is I was thinking ‘What do these people do every day that makes them happy, what does this kid do that makes him happy?’

It wasn’t just this kid, it’s everyone right. Everyone was just so full of joy. I remember looking out the hole in this, well it wasn’t a window. It was like a hole in the mud brick wall at this school. I’m looking across thinking ‘there’s nothing here, there’s nothing in this village. Like I mean, there’s a beautiful view of the Himalayas, and that’s about it. I don’t know what these people are so full of joy.’ So I decide to stay there as long as it would take me to work out what it is those people do every day that makes them so happy.

And I ended up staying for three and a half months, and in three and a half months I saw three things. I mean, there were many things going on. I mean, they were surrounded by awe all the time. I watched what those people did. And every day they practiced Gratitude, Empathy, and Mindfulness.

Gratitude

“I would watch these kids in particular this boy stands out. And when he saw something he was grateful for, he would just stop and point it out to me, and he would try and say the word ‘this’ but couldn’t pronounce the ‘th’ so he’d say ‘dis’.”

“As people who’ve read the book will know, he’d say “Sir, dis! Dis, dis, dis,” you know, whether it was his shoes that were too small because he can’t afford to buy new shoes. But he was pointing at them saying “How lucky am I, I’ve got shoes on my feet. Some of the kids here don’t have shoes. How lucky am I?” Whether it was the rice he got for lunch every day, he only got rice every single day. Just rice. That’s it, from the school. But he couldn’t afford to bring lunch to school. So, the fact they got provided lunch. ‘Sir, dis, dis, dis. Look I get fed here every day. How lucky am I?’”

“Moments he loved. If he realised in a good moment, you know, he’d stop, and he would just point out the things he was really grateful to have like the things that were happening. He loved Bollywood dancing, so often I would walk past him, and he was doing a ridiculous, choreographed Bollywood dance, but he’d say “Sir, dis, dis, dis.” What he was saying was, ‘I’m so lucky I’m doing this right now.’ That’s actually a really, that was quite a life changing, I won’t say moment but a realisation for me. We need to get better at paying attention to the good stuff as it happens.”

Empathy

“What I saw with this community in India is these kids were so unbelievably kind. This kid particular, if he saw saw someone by themselves [he’d go] straight over to them “just checking you’re ok. Do you want to come play with us?”

“If someone wasn’t in school, he would swing past their mud hut after school and say ‘Hey, just checking in, are you ok?’”

Mindfulness

“And mindfulness, they practised it every single day. They had a half an hour meditation before school, every single day. It was optional, so no one had to be there. Yet every single child turned up for it, and I think essentially because they just got instinctively how good it was for them.”

Some Parting Advice from Hugh…

“The most simple thing to do, I think, in order to experience more joy and positive emotion, that’s what creates resilience. So that’s why I’m bring this up. But I think that the easiest thing to do a really practical one, is just to write down three things every day that went well for you. Not three things that have been life changing, not three things you’re grateful for because that’s impossible to keep that up every day and not get bored.”

“What are three things that went well for you today? Had a nice coffee. You saw the sunrise. Had a nice text message for a friend.”

“Whatever it is. If you do that every single day, you actually physically rewire your brain to start scanning the world for the positives. And that makes you a happier person. And it’s something you look forward to. Write it in a note pad next your bed, in a journal, on the shower screen door. However you want to do it, totally up to you. But what you’ll find is you’ll start to experience more moments of joy, and you’ll be more aware of them as they happen, which is a really nice starting point for all this stuff.”

About Hugh and the Key to Resilience

Hugh van Cuylenberg has been working in education for over 15 years. The highlight of his teaching career was the year he spent in the far north of India, volunteering and living at an underprivileged school in the Himalayas. It was here that he discovered resilience in its purest form.

Inspired by this experience, he returned to Melbourne and The Resilience Project was born. Having completed his post graduate studies looking at resilience and wellbeing, Hughes developed and facilitated programs for over 900 schools around Australia for the National Rugby League, The Australian Cricket Team, The Australian Netball Team, The Australian Women’s Soccer Team, The Jillaroos, 10 AFL teams, and he has presented to over 500 corporate groups. Hugh is also the best-selling author of The Resilience Project.

You can find Hugh and get more resilience tips at www.TheResilienceProject.com.

Hugh Van Cuylenberg
Hugh Van Cuylenberg

Want to learn more about the key to resilience and the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

Has COVID-19 Taught us How to Be Happy? (E60)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week Marie and Pete discuss how COVID has impacted our happiness levels, and has taught us how to be happy in spite of adversity. 

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: Okay, so today we are looking at what COVID has taught us about how to be happy.

P: Who would think that COVID would be linked to our happiness levels.

M: Well, you know, teaching us things about happiness. I think that this is the big wake up call that we’ve been needing around the world.

P: To make us focus on a mental health, just a global pandemic.

M: Well, this is the best… You couldn’t do this in a scientific study; Make some people get a disease and others not just to see what happens to their mental health.

P: Laugh! Yes. The ethical reasoning is mind boggling.

M: Laugh, exactly. It is the biggest and best way to look at resilience and mental health. Obviously, you would never wish this on anyone.

P: Of course not, no.

M: But what we can learn from it is extensive.

P: Well, this is very true. And this is what happened after the 1917 [1918-19] Spanish flu experiences. The society learned a lot.

M: Yep.

P: They learned a lot of lessons on how to cope with bacterial infections and control mechanisms and –

M: Washing your hands.

P: Yeah, all those basic reminders, I guess.

M: Yeah.

P: So yeah, yeah. I guess it’s time to learn the lessons.

M: Absolutely. And we’ve been going through it and feeling it, and I really hope that this is the kick up the butt that the world needs to really start to focus on well being.

P: Laugh. Well, if we’re looking at this report, it would seem that way.

M: Yes.

P: We are looking at the World Happiness Report – Laughter!

M: Laugh.

P: A cat just flew across my computer.

M & P: Laughter.

M: I was going to lock them out of the room.

P: Laugh.

M: I didn’t… I’m learning my lesson.

P & M: Laughter.

P: Okay, so today we’re actually looking at the second World Happiness Report.

M: Oh, no!

P: No, there’s more.

M: Many, many of them.

P: This is our second, laugh.

M: Yes. So, when we first kicked off last year, we did an episode on the Global Happiness Report findings and the 2021 Global Happiness Report Findings have just been released in time for World Happiness Day. So last week for us.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: And we’re able now to look at all of that data from the previous decade and compare it to this year’s data (from 2020) and really look at how COVID has impacted our happiness levels around the world. So it’s a great tool for us to look at what’s changed.

P: Yes.

M: And so there’s a lot that hasn’t changed. Let’s just start there.

P: Yes.

M: So Finland again forth year in a row.

P: Oh the Finnish, they’re all running around, clapping their little, what do they wear there? Wearing clogs?

M: Yeah, I don’t know.

P: They’ve got little bootie things.

M: Ok. I just see them as being very cold.

P: Laugh.

M: So, this report is compiled by the U.N. Sustainable Development solution, and it’s an annual report, and it ranks about 150,149 countries based on:

  • Gross domestic product per person. So how much money do you have and all the well-being indicators that go with having some money.
  • Healthy life expectancy. So how long you going to live
  • And the opinions of residents.

So it asks respondents to indicate on scale of 1 to 10 how much social support they feel they have if something goes wrong, their freedom to make their own life choices. That’s about autonomy, their sense of how corrupt their society is and how generous they are.

P: Oooh.

M: We’ve spoken a lot about generosity and gratitude and things like that as well.

P: Yes.

M: So the top 10 countries in 2021.

P: De de de de!  We have on top,

1. Finland! Yay!

M: Wooh!

P: Do we have the Finnish National Anthem? Can we play it now?

[Finnish National Anthem – 10 second exert]

P: Laugh, followed very closely by,

2. Denmark; and

3. Switzerland.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: It’s the Scandinavians, they always seem to be on top. And then

4. Iceland.

P: Oddly enough, all the core countries.

5. The Netherlands.

6. Norway; and

7. Sweden.

P: Again, we’re staying up around Scandinavians.

8. Luxembourg.

9. New Zealand!

M: Whoop, whoop!

P: Go the Kiwis! And

10. Austria.

P: Random, Austria?

M: Well again, not very far from all the other countries up there.

P: I guess so, yeah.

M: And so, as we said before, it’s the fourth year that Finland has come out on top.

P: Mmm, yeah. They must be doing something right.

M: Some other noteworthy countries. The US, which was at number 13, five years ago, has slipped from 18th to19th place, so they’ve been slowly declining over the last half decade, and we really have seen a huge decline in the South American countries.

P: Yeah.

M: So, Argentina, Brazil, Colombia and Mexico all became significantly less happy in 2020.

P: We’ll talk about the reasons why about that later.

M: Yep.

P: But interesting, the Latino countries are not doing so well.

M: No, not at all. And a lot of Asian countries are, just sort of in the mix in the middle. But definitely they’re not leading the pack. It is Finland, Denmark, Switzerland, The Netherlands, Norway and Sweden.

P: Hmm.

M: They’re all doing an amazing job and New Zealand.

P: Yeah, although I do find it interesting. I was flicking through the report. They did say that the Asia Pacific region is one of the top regions in terms of dealing with the COVID response.

M: Yes, and that is a factor that we’ll come to in a little bit. Is how countries have dealt with COVID.

P: Yes.

M: So it is worth saying, though, that you would think that happiness levels may have dropped in 2020.

P: I would… yes. Overall, I would say yes. I think some people have actually fared well, but you’d have to put it on an aggregate and I would say on average yes.

M: So not substantially in anyway. So, the numbers are still pretty consistent with the year before. So that is that I thought that was a bit surprising.

P: Mmm.

M: There was, however, periodic dips.

P: Yep.

M: So when everyone first went into lock down, women in particular didn’t fare particularly well, but overall, lots of people didn’t fare well for that moment.

P: Mmm.

M: But if you look at the full year and obviously these questions are looking much more broadly at life satisfaction rather than that moment in time, how are we faring today? Overall, people were faring about the same as in 2019 for happiness levels, which I thought was a bit surprising.

P: Yeah. Look, sometimes having issues and having a challenging time of it actually makes you relatively more understanding and grateful for what you do have.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So that in and of itself, we talked about gratefulness a lot. Making you feel grateful is going to make you feel a bit more contented and happy because you get away from the materialistic products and the big, flashy cars and the overseas trips and it comes down to ‘ah, I have people around me that I’m enjoying and I have food in my belly and they can enjoy my home, home, lifestyle and things like that.

M: Mmm hmm. Definitely.

P: So your daily happiness might actually go up because you’re more appreciative.

M: Well, there’s this and we’ve spoken about this before. Definitely if you have experienced trauma.

P: Mmm.

M: A lot of people bounce back and are even happier than pre-trauma.

P: Yes, the relative effect.

M: Yep. So that’s not what we’re going to talk about today.

P & M: Laugh!

P: Tangent!

M: But there are six lessons that we can take from the results, and why don’t you kick us off?

P: Oooh. Older people are happier!

M: Nice.

P: Go the silver hair-set!

M & P: Laugh.

P: Those wearing glasses and bald. Well done, ladies and gentlemen. The age profile of happiness before the pandemic struck, they were saying, was roughly a U shaped curve.

M: Yep.

P: People began their adult lives in a cheerful way and they became less happy in middle age.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And then they got happy again at 50, and then if they got into the senior years, into the seventies and nineties bracket, they fell back into the doldrums. But now they’re saying, particularly the UK, which is an interesting one, that the pattern is on upward slope and that older people are actually a little bit happier.

M: And the young are less satisfied right now as well, aren’t they?

P: Yeah.

M: So it’s more like a line rather than a U shape.

P: Which is… is that a generational thing?

M: Well, the U shape has been around and being discussed for a while now.

P: Mmm.

M: And what we’re saying is during the pandemic, rather than a U shape and starting happy our younger generations have dropped, but our older generations have gotten happier, which is a bit counterintuitive because the older generations the most risk of dying from COVID.

P: I guess so, but there’s a relative understanding there as-well, and maybe there’s a relative resilience in there with the older generation and let’s face it, if they’re if they’re around the nineties then they went through the Depression and the post war era and stuff like that. So maybe those lessons that they learned in those days have come back to serve them well in a global pandemic such as COVID.

M: Or maybe they’re happy that they’re not the ones that have passed.

P: Very true.

M: Maybe they’re grateful for their lives.

P: Yeah maybe.

M: So the next one or next lesson to be learned is that countries in which governments are seen to have not done as well with COVID have slipped.

P: This doesn’t surprise me, laugh.

M: Yes, and the UK and the US are the two biggest examples of this.

P: Oh, huge!

M: So, one of the co-authors of the report, Columbia University economist Jeffrey Sachs said, quote “We find year after year that life satisfaction is reported to be happiest in the social democracies of northern Europe. People feel secure in those countries, so trust is high. The government is seen to be credible and honest, and trust in each other is high.”

P: Mmm.

M: Also, people’s perception of how their country was handling the pandemic contributed to an overall rise in well-being.

P: Hmm.

M: So several Asian countries fared better than they had in last year’s rankings; China moved to 84th place to… from 94th [to 84th]. So they moved up 10 spots because of their handling of the pandemic.

P: Yeah, wow.

M: We assume. And countries like Finland, Iceland, New Zealand, who I have to say I kind of had an advantage if you’re an island, laugh.

P: If you’re a small island, you [just] close the borders. I mean, even Australia, we fared well because of that fact, we could close off the borders and say ‘sorry you’re not coming across.’

M: Absolutely.

P: We are our own little place down here and put the fences up.

M: Yes, absolutely. So, countries which have managed COVID and managed keep COVID levels low, have happier residents.

P: Yeah, I’d easily believe that when you’ve got faith in the higher power, especially when you’re relying on them in an international crisis. You’re relying on leadership. And even if you don’t necessarily agree with the leadership before that situation happens, if there is a response, if there is communication and clear communication and daily steps being made, then yes, you would have more faith in the powers that be and that’s got to make you feel more secure and you know the hierarchy of needs, we need security it’s number 3?

M: Yep… Oh don’t ask me.

P: Talk to Maslow, I know who he is now.

M & P: Laugh.

P: That little pyramid, laugh.

M: So, look I think that’s a bit of a no-brainer the countries that are having lower death rates and lower infection rates are happier.

P: Mmm. Maybe that’s a thing about the Latino countries. I mean you look at the Brazil example of the government there just how, how tense it is with the entire population and possibly also with Colombia and Mexico.

M: Yeah, so we mentioned before Argentina, Brazil, Colombia and Mexico have all dropped.

P: Mmm.

M: Definitely.

P: Staying with the country theme let’s move on to number three. Countries with a strong capitalist culture are not faring well. Down with capitalism.

M: Mmm.

P: Is this the anarchists making a play?

M & P: Laugh!

P: I’m expecting costumes to come out with the, you know, V for Vendetta.

M: Laugh.

P: That’s going to start, wearing red.

Your favourite author, Sonja Lyubomirsky, professor of psychology at the University of California at Riverside, has noted that, for example, in the American culture, one of the capitalist leaders of the world, prizes of and big signs of wealth, big houses, big cars, multiple cars, they rely on this more in America than in other countries and that leads her to assume, I’m going to say assume or to cite that ‘material things don’t make us happy.’

M: It’s a fair assumption, but it’s back by research. Absolutely.

P: Oh, well we believe it then, laugh.

M: We do.

P: Laugh!

M: We’ve spoken about this before, material things don’t make us happy.

P: Yep.

M: So, if you look at the top 10, they’re all strong social democracies. Whereas capitalist culture, like in the US, where having big cars and blingy jewellery and flashy jobs and all the rest of it is far more prized, they’re not as happy.

P: It’s a temporary happiness that they get from those items. That long term happiness is lacking.

M: Yep.

P: Nothing like a crisis to make light of the holes that are in your fabric as it were.

M: Absolutely.

P: Ooh, I’m feeling allegorical.

M & P: Laugh.

M: Definitely. One of the other lessons we can learn from the report is that inequality continues to impact happiness.

P: I must say, I’m a bit surprised by this one.

M: Well, we’re spoken about how humans compare themselves to others, right?

P: Yep.

M: And how this can impact your happiness and so if you look at your neighbour and they seem to have everything.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: It’s really hard to be happy when you feel like you have nothing.

P: This is the social dilemma, the Facebook, Twitter, Instagram thing, yeah.

M: Absolutely, that makes it worse.

P: The wall of comparisons.

M: And you’re seeing other people through their social media, and it’s a fake life that you’re seeing.

P: The best moments.

M: Yeah, exactly. Not the real moments. Well, young people and women have been disproportionately impacted by COVID. So many have lost their jobs. In America, for instance, the unemployment rate for people between 20 to 24 shot up from 6.3% in February to 25.6% –

P: Wow!

M: – 2 months later.

P: Wow! That’s huge.

M: Now, last month had dropped back to about 10% but that’s a huge drop and for 1/4 of a demographic to be out of work that’s a huge impact.

P: Yep, and that’s gonna have a long term reaching effects into the…

M: Superannuation.

P: Yeah, everything as they get older, definitely.

M: Definitely. And then in a lot of richer countries or more well off countries. Women have also had a particularly hard time, so they often wake in sectors like hospitality, which have been shut down.

P: Mmm.

M: Also, when schools closed, many were stuck with more than their fair share of childcare responsibilities.

P: Yep, mmm hmm.

M: And so the inequality that we’ve seen because of COVID, particularly for women and young people but also across the board, has been really tough for a lot of people to bear. And looking at other generations or sexes or other demographics and seeing that you’ve been impacted when others haven’t is really tough and really hits your happiness levels.

P: Mmm.

M: So it’ll be really interesting to look, I find this this aspect fascinating, looking into how inequality is impacting certain demographics and looking at the systemic ways that our governments can help to address some of this inequality because this is an only a COVID issue.

P: No, this is gonna be my point is that this happens a lot when we have financial issues across national scales. Same thing happened in the GFC, a lot of women left work, left the workplace and went back to Home Care/Childcare and things like that and their often much more transient in nature in regards to employment.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And we know we know this, and it’s interesting that this trend has still stayed.

M: Yep, and the question is, how is that impacting their long-term happiness, their life, happiness? And I think COVID’s finally shining a light on that because, as we’ve said before, happiness, impacts your well-being, your mental-health, physical health, your longevity.

P: Mmm.

M: It has so many wide sweeping impacts, and we’re actually seeing through this report the impact of losing your job or being unequally impacted by a global pandemic or a global financial crisis, or whatever issue of the day we’re dealing with is going to impact people unfairly.

P: Mmm. There is a counterpoint to that argument, which I’m going to throw at you Marie, and I’m getting my shields up ready to deflect, laugh.

M: I’m ready, I’m ready to fight!

P: Laugh!

M: I’ve got my gloves on.

P: I may get hit here people, laugh. The counterpoint of that argument is that women are much more willing to surrender their career choices -hear me out- and go back to child care and home care and things like that, possibly because it is a social expectation that’s placed upon them. But I would like to see the data on how many women make that choice because they do want to be happier. They make the choice to return to not being in a career and prefer to support the other person. I’m wondering if that is part of the equation.

M: I think there are some women who choose, and that’s their right, there are far more who don’t choose it, but because they’ve got to push the baby out –

P: Yep.

M: – and recover from that.

P: This is what I mean.

M: They have no choice and therefore they have to take time off work, and that impacts their ability to save superannuation.

P: Mmm.

M: It also is the only way that the family can survive because a lot of men don’t have paternity leave, and so they’re the only ones that can get an income.

P: It’s a policy issue.

M: Yeah, it’s a systemic issue, and I’d say yes, there are some women who would like to stay home and look after their kids. However, there are many who don’t and they’re stuck with no choice. And that’s the problem.

P: Ok.

M: And not only that when they do finally have the opportunity to go back to work, they are starting from scratch, they’re struggling to find work.

P: They’re at a disadvantage.

M: They often can only find part time work or they have to look for part time work because they still have to look after the kids.

P: Yep.

M: And the man in the relationship has continued to build a career, and they’re so far behind that it doesn’t make sense for the family, for them to be the full time breadwinner and the man to be the part time carer.

P: Mmm.

M: So the system just keeps perpetuating that loss off income and career progression for a good 10 years, or however long it takes until you feel comfortable that kids can walk home from school by themselves.

P: Mmm, yeah. I still I still think that there is a demographic in there that make the call, they don’t want the career choice they actually prefer ‘No, I don’t want the stress of that’ because they still have to take care of Children.

M: And I’d say there’s just as many of them as there are men and the men have no choice to do that. For us women that is the only choice a lot of the time.

P: Mmm, ok.

M: Because the system’s stacked against us and there’s a lot of women who, as we’ve mentioned before, would like to have purpose and meaning in their life that isn’t tied to someone else’s happiness.

P: Of course.

M: Any way I could be on my high horse for a very long time, laugh.

P: I just wanted to get it out there, because I was genuinely shocked when I saw the inequality towards women was a COVID response.

M: Yep.  

P: In response to COVID. But I was surprised by that, because I would say that generally speaking, I find women more resilient in terms of emotional responses to issues.

M: Well, I think this next one, we’re going to have to speed this up and wrap it up.

P: Oops, sorry.

M: This next one will actually give the counter argument to that.

P: Ok.

M: So why don’t you drop in this next one?

P: Alright, so the next one is that people who are more social had greater drops in happiness. So, people who were going out and [they’re] the life of the party, the social butterflies, the ones who are coordinating all the friends and have lots of friends, fared far worse in COVID than those who were perhaps a little bit more stringent with their socialising.

We have a study from Britain by Ben Etheridge and that Lisa Spantig, both from the University of Essex, that found that again, women without least four close friends slumped more than anyone during the spring in 2020 lock down and that people who are used to seeing a lot of friends, here we go again with the young people, they suffered really badly –

M: Young people and women.

P: – in this experience.

M: So back to your point about women, the drop in social contacts could have also been exacerbating things. Definitely.

P: Mmm, yes.

M: And that would have been impacted again, unequally compared to men who had less friends, in general. Now we’re definitely stereotyping and generalising here.

P: Yeah.

M: But definitely young people and women again would have been exacerbated by lockdowns.

P: And that comes back again to that other point about the youth having to really struggle through this and they really are at a disadvantage. As you said, those figures in the job market in the US that puts them back behind the eight ball for another 10 years.

M: Yep.

P: Add on to that the social impacts of having their friendship circle [cut], because that’s when you make friends in your twenties and you’re meeting people who are outside of your normal sphere. You know, you’ve moved out of home, you’ve gone to university, you’ve gone to new places. Yeah, not meeting people at that point that could have a real social impact 10, 20 years down the track.

M: Yes. Absolutely. All right, well, we’ll have to end there. But it was –

P: An interesting one.

M: – definitely an interesting one, yep. Laugh. And sorry for the rant on the women’s rights.

P: No, no. I want to get your response, I just wanted to throw that one at you.

M: Oh! Yep.

P: Laugh, I could see – Laugh!

M: I’m still biting my tongue, Pete. Laugh!

P: Yeah, I’m just ready for a back hander, laugh.

M: We’ll do that off air, laugh. All right. Thanks for joining us today and we’ll see you next week.

P: Bye

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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COVID’s Mental Health Fallout Will Last a Long Time. Here’s How we’re Targeting Pandemic Depression and Anxiety

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Source: Pexels

Richard Bryant, UNSW

Although Australia is now largely COVID-free, the repercussions of the pandemic are ongoing.

As the pandemic enters its second year, many people will be continuing to suffer with poor mental health, or facing new mental health challenges.

The effects of recurrent lockdowns, fears about the effectiveness of the vaccines, restricted movement within and beyond Australia, and the bleak economic outlook are taking their toll on psychological well-being.

Now is the time to think about sustainable, evidence-based mental health programs that will serve Australians as we confront the mental fallout of the pandemic in 2021 and beyond.

The evidence is in

We now have incontrovertible evidence mental health has deteriorated during the pandemic. Large studies that assessed people’s mental health before and during COVID-19 have reported marked increases in anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress since the pandemic began.

Although many experts predicted people with pre-existing mental disorders would be most vulnerable, we’ve seen even greater increases in psychological distress among those without a history of mental illness.

Unemployment and financial stress have exacerbated psychological problems during the pandemic. The major concern is that the increase in mental health problems will persist for years because of the economic downturn facing most nations.

Importantly, suicide rates increase during economic downturns. One study showed each 1% increase in unemployment was associated with a 1% increase in suicides.

The impact of unemployment and financial hardship on mental health is relevant for many Australians, as fears of reduced support from the JobSeeker and JobKeeper schemes loom. Although the government this week announced the JobSeeker payment will go up, welfare groups have warned it’s still not enough.

So what can we do?

The question now facing many nations is how to manage the unprecedented number of people who may need mental health assistance. There are several challenges.

First, lockdowns, social isolation, and fear of infection impede the traditional form of receiving mental health care in clinics. These obstacles might now be greater in other countries with higher infection rates, but we’ve certainly seen these challenges in Australia over the past year.

Second, many people who have developed mental health conditions during the pandemic would never have had reason to seek help before, which can impede their motivation and ability to access care.

Third, many people experiencing distress will not have a clinical mental disorder, and in this sense, don’t require therapy. Instead, they need new skills to help them cope.

Since the pandemic began, there’s been widespread promotion of smartphone mental health apps as a remedy for our growing mental health problems.

While these programs often work well in controlled trials, in reality most people don’t download health apps, and even fewer continue using them. Further, most people who do use health apps are richer, younger, and often in very good health.

Evidence does suggest apps can play a role in delivering mental health programs, but they don’t represent the panacea to the current mental health crisis. We need to develop more effective programs that can be scaled up and delivered in an affordable manner.

One approach

Man experiencing COVID mental health fallout
Source: Pexels

A few years ago, the World Health Organization and the University of New South Wales (UNSW) jointly developed a mental health treatment program.

The program consisted of face-to-face group sessions teaching people affected by adversity new skills to manage stress more effectively. It has been shown to reduce anxiety and mood problems in multiple trials.

My team at UNSW has adapted this program during COVID-19 to specifically address the mental health needs of people affected by the pandemic. A clinical psychologist leads weekly sessions via video-conferencing over six weeks, with four participants in each group. The sessions cover skills to manage low mood, stress and worries resulting from the pandemic.

Typically, mental health programs have attempted to reduce negative mood and stress by using strategies that target problem areas. A newer approach, which we use in this program, focuses on boosting positive mood, and giving people strategies to optimally experience positive events and pleasure when faced with difficulties.

In controlled trials this strategy has effectively improved mental health outcomes, even more than a traditional program.

Trialling this tailored program around Australia in recent months, we’ve found it effectively improves mood and reduces stress. Although we haven’t yet published our results in a peer-reviewed journal, our preliminary data suggest the program results in a 20% greater reduction in depression than a control treatment (where we give participants resources with strategies to manage stress and mood).

This raises the possibility agencies could provide simple but effective programs like these to people anywhere in Australia. Delivering a program by video-conferencing means it can reach people in remote areas, and those not wishing to attend clinics.

One of the common patterns we’ve seen in previous disasters and pandemics is that once the immediate threat has passed, governments and agencies often neglect the longer-term mental health toll.

Now is the time to plan for the delivery of sustainable, evidence-based mental health programs.

Australians experiencing distress related to the pandemic can express interest in participating in the trial program here.

If this article has raised issues for you, or if you’re concerned about someone you know, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

Richard Bryant, Professor & Director of Traumatic Stress Clinic, UNSW

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

Are you feeling COVID’s mental health fallout? Sign up to my email newsletter for more tips and advice for reducing stress.

The Smell of Happiness (E59)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about the smell of happiness and how researchers are bottling it to help treat nervous disorders.

Show notes

During the podcast Pete mentions research done in Austria to teach a dog to smell COVID. Please click on the following article to read further. Austrian military dog sniffs out COVID-19

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

P: Can I just say I miss our foreplay?

M: Laughter.

P: With this pre-recording of the intro, I’m not sure I like it. Laugh.

M: Yep.

P: I kinda get sprung, it’s like coming out of the bath with a towel around you going Aahh!

M: Laugh! We go straight into it.

P: Laugh.

M: Yeah, having said that doing the same intro with slight tweaks every single time was really getting on my nerves.

P: See, I found it really fun.

M: I’m happy with a quickie. I don’t need foreplay.

P: Yeah, you’ve been married for how many years, laugh.

M: Laugh.

P: Laughter! Welcome to this week’s episode, laugh.

M: And Happy International Day of Happiness Pete.

P: Oh my goodness! Has it been a year?


M: It has, since we launched.

P: Weee! De, de, de, de [Award ceremony theme] Can I take my pants off?

M: …Ah. Sure.

P & M: Laughter.

P: It’s what I do when I’m happy, you know that, laugh.

M: It is, it is. Normally you’ve had a few drinks though.

P: See I’m doing it even without alcohol isn’t that even better?

M: Whatever floats your boat.

P & M: Laughter!

M: So since we are talking, ah this is our episode one year in.

P: Wow.

M: I wanted to start with just a quick chat about how you’re tracking with your Happiness Pete?

P: Oooh. Not a good week to ask.

M: That’s really good, because life happens.

P: Life does happen. Yeah, life gets busy. Life gets hectic. I’m in the throes of closing down a business and starting up another one and starting university and trying to balance that with all sorts of other things. Yes, I’ve got for four plates in the air at the moment, like the little Chinese plates on the spinning sticks.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: One’s wobbling, laugh.

M: Yep and is that your happiness? Are you prioritising your happiness right now?

P: Ah, good question. I have, it’s interesting with the work that we have done.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: I am very proud of the fact that I am still setting aside time for myself to exercise.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: I am setting aside time for myself to cook.

M: Good, yep.

P: I got to cook this week, which is really nice because [Cookie Monster voice] “I love cooking!”

M: Yes, we do know that, laugh.

P: I adore cooking. So, those kind of activities instead of going ‘No, I haven’t got time. I’m going to let that plate drop’, today I went ‘No, I’m going to take half hour and I’m going to make myself a nice chicken lunch, and I’m going to sit down in front of the television and watch the opening credits of Doctor Zhivago.

M: You lost me at the end there.

P: Laugh.

M: But I’m happy that you’re prioritising happiness because I think one of the main reasons that so many people are burning out is that we were never taught to live. We were never given permission to prioritise our own needs at times. And women in particular I know, feel this a lot, that guilt about taking time for themselves when they’ve got family and other commitments.

P: Yes.

M: But men, too. And also we were never taught how to live even if we did get past that guilt.

P: Laugh!

M: What is it that I need to do? And it’s not eating fatty, sugary foods and, you know, indulging in alcohol and all those other things. It is all the things we discuss on this show. They bring people happiness.

P: Mmm.

M: So I think it’s really important that you and I in particular are human, because everyone gets this wrong at times.

P: Yeah. Well, I guess that’s the thing isn’t it, that we all have to be kind enough to ourselves to allow that space and when you do take a half hour break, don’t begrudge yourself from it. And if that little voice inside your head starts rearing his little red head, that’s all right, you can push him down because this sort of stuff is really important.

M: Yep.

P: And with all the research that we have done over the past year. It was really easy for me to go, ‘Yeah, na, I’m gonna to sit down, have some food.’

M: That’s so Aussie.

P: Laugh!

M: Yeah, na.

P: Yeah na! Laugh.

M: How’s your sleep going?

P: Oh, well, surprisingly well. Actually, I’m Yeah, I’m waking up a bit, but yeah, I’m getting up early.

M: Are you getting enough sleep?

P: Possibly not, no. I’m getting enough. Technically, I’m getting enough. I’m getting about 6.5 to 7 hours from the research that I have done 7 hours is the minimum from stuff that I’ve done in the Sleep Institute down in Melbourne.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Dr Ian [not a Doctor], Professor Ian Hickie and all those guys. So, yeah, I am getting about seven… I can’t read that, so there’s no point in crossing it out, laugh.

M: I’m covering it up. So today’s episode, we’re about to dive into it after we get through the International Happiness Day intro.

P: Oh, alright.

M: But it’s all a surprise for Pete. I came across this article and this research and I’ll be leading you blindly through it, laugh!

P: Laugh, she’s about to spring it on me. Petie doesn’t know quite what’s going to happen.

M & P: Laughter.

M: All right well shall we get to it? Shall we get into the topic of today’s episode?

P: You’re in charge, laugh.

M: Which is The Smell of Happiness.

P: Laughter!

M: So today we’re going to talk about a great piece of research that they found on the European Commission’s EU research and innovation magazine about the smell of happiness.

P: I love it. I love it.

M: So, Pete, what smells making you happy?

P: Oooh. Fresh bread.

M: Ah, Bakery. Just walking past any bakery.

P: Yeah, bakery, bakery and butter. Ah, fresh bread definitely makes me happy. I got some lovely flowers this week and I smelt some rose, which was really nice.

M: Awe…

P: So, yeah.

M: I love lemon. Like any lemon and anything lemon scented.

P: Yeah, wow.

M: Love it. Like lemon grass, really strong.

P: Yeah.

M: Yeah.

P: The smell of my herbs make me happy, now that you’re talking about lemons.

M: Mmm.

P: Yeah. If I go into my herb garden and you know, dig around, poke around your hands, smell all thyme-ie, basil-ie and oregano-ish.

M & P: Laughter.

M: Great words, those.

P: Laugh.

M: But we get it.

P: Yeah, And I guess that smell comes out when it’s raining, which it is pouring down at the moment.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So yeah, that’s very that’s a very vibrant smell, that’s a happy smell.

M: Yep, happy smell.

P: And is that because you, you in general, we in general, as human’s associate actions with those smells, or is it purely the smells?

M: Or memories as well?

P: Yeah, I think it’s memories and meaning behind it.

M: Yep.

P: So for me, my herb garden is a source of happiness. So naturally the smell of herbs are going to make me go “sniff, oh yeah that’s my herb garden”.

M: I think so. I think, it’s triggering happy thoughts.

P: Yeah.

M: So we’re not going to talk about all those happy smells.

P: Ok, laugh.

M: What we’re going to talk about it is some work that a professor at the Department of Information Engineering at the University of Pisa, Italy, so Enzo Pasquale Scilingo.

P: Oh, I love it. Enzo, Enzooo!

M: …So Enzo is doing some work –

P: Laugh.

M: – on a project called Potion.

P: Ooh!

M: Which is researching chemosignals. So they’re the different scents our bodies produce when we feel happy or afraid.

P: Yes.

M: So they’re actually odourless, but they’re believed to trigger happiness or fear in others and impact on people social interaction.

P: I have read a little bit about this, yes.

M: Yes, so it’s like a virus.

P: Laugh.

M: If I’m scared, you won’t know why, but you’ll also start to feel fear unconsciously.

P: It’s picking up on that fear.

M: Yes.

P: It’s picking up on the emotions of someone else and if you’re empathetic as well, taking it on board.

M: Definitely empathy would play a role there but this is all about the… is it olfactory?

P: Yes.

M: It’s all about the olfactory sense, so he’s doing research into smell and odour.

P: Oh, interesting. I like it.

M: Absolutely, so in the same vein the smell of happiness can make other people happy. So if you know happy people, make sure you hug them.

P & M: Laugh!

P: Well touch is my love language, so I’m good.

M: Get nice and close, laugh.

P: Laugh, can I put my nose in your armpit?

M: Just get your nose in there.

P & M: Laughter!

M: So, Enzo hopes that scientists can produce a spray, a happiness spray.

P: Laugh! He’s bottling it!

M: Like perfume. Have you read Perfume the book?

P: Yes, I read it. Oh, no I havn’t read it I’ve seen the movie though.

M: Yes.

P: Wonderful.

M: Yes, absolutely. So, bottling happiness is the goal. And he hopes he can do it within a few years.

P: Wow.

M: And one of the reasons why this is so important and particularly in light of COVID-19 is the horrible mental health stats around the world right now, particularly with young people, anxiety and depression are just on the rise and a happiness spray could actually help to –

P: I like that idea.

M: -negate that.

P: Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

M: All right.

P: I wonder if you could use it as deodorant?

M: Hmm. Where do you spray it?

P: I could say something but it would be really, really offensive.

M & P: Laugh!

M: This is a G rated, actually no it’s more like a PG rated show, definitely not G rated.

P: Laugh.

M: We started with foreplay today.

P: We did, laugh. We jumped straight in there.

M: M. M rated.

P: Well it would make sense to sprayed in the areas where other hormone secretions are coming out, so you around the around the neck or into the armpits, or even down around the folds of the hips or the butt.

M: Depends if it’s for you or for others?

P: True.

M: Yep, I think.

P: I immediately went to others actually.

M: Mmm, you were trying to make everyone else happy.

P & M: Laughter!

P: I’m trying to make everyone touch me!

M & P: Laughter.

M: I’m so not surprised we ended up there.

P & M: Laughter!

P: Pulse points, I guess yeah.

M: All right, So let’s look at how it works or what they’re trying to do.

P: Yeah, let’s look at the science behind it because I’m intrigued by this.

M: So researchers start by using videos to induce fear or happiness. So they’re looking at the difference between the two. Obviously, you’ve always gotta have a baseline or a test, you know, something to test against. So they’re using fear and happiness.

P: Yep.

M: So they sit people down in front of movies on make them laugh a lot or get scared. And then they collect their sweat to analyse which chemical compounds are released with each emotion.

P: Mmm. Yep.

M: Okay, they then will synthesise the odours and investigate how they induce emotions in others. So remember a while ago we spoke about people going down a line and smelling sweat. This kind of similar, laugh.

P: Ah… Oh yeah.

M: There’s a lot of work[/research] into sweat, and I think it’s such an unexplored field from, laugh – I mean I’m not an expert in sweat by any means.

P: Laugh.

M: But if there’s a whole lot of unconscious or subconscious things going on that we, because we’re not dogs with an acute sense of smell or something, just don’t know are happening.

P: Mmm.

M: And this is just such a fascinating field, I think.

P: Yeah, yeah.

M: So anyway, eventually, they’re hoping to use people’s responses to Happy Sweat to help psychiatrists understand more about different aspects of phobias and depression, and to maybe helping treatment or compliment traditional therapies for phobias or depression or anxiety.

P: Now that’s interesting, because there is a lot of olfactory use in traditional medicine in terms of herbs and tinctures, using smell as one of the senses that you manipulate if it were, to try and calm, relax, meditate or excite.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Get people excited, so pepper for example gets people excited. It gets people going and fires things up a little bit more.

M: Would you spray someone else’s sweat on you?

P: I have no problem with it, in the name of science I will do all things.

M: Laugh. If you twisted my arm…

P & M: Laughter!

M: Ok…

P: Are you gonna pay me?

M & P: Laugh.

P: Do I get a free lunch?

M: Probably, if you want to go to Italy.

P: Oh, go and see Enzo, yes!

M & P: Laugh.

P: I like this idea, I think it’s intriguing because it’s using more of what we have available, and it’s investigating areas that perhaps have been overlooked.

M: Yeah, and I think smell is one of those areas.

P: Definitely. Yeah, when you think about it, it’s very powerful. And as we said before, it brings about memories. So especially in the same way that music can bring about memories that helps with people with dementia and Parkinson’s. Maybe this is a way of triggering happy memories for people. So, for people who are suffering from anxiety or psychological stress or even post-traumatic stress disorder.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: This might be another way to manipulate those senses and try and bring about contended memories to balance out the negativity-

M: Better well-being.

P: – and experiences, yeah.

M: Yeah, definitely. So one of the other areas that the researchers have looked into is how odours impact people’s social interactions.

P: Oooh.

M: Yes, so they’re looking at how people have a sense of inclusion or exclusion from others. And previous research into this area has found that a person’s emotional state can influence how they respond to other people but also how others respond to them. And now we would have traditionally without this view said that that would have been more of an empathy or, you know, just sensing that someone else is uncomfortable around you.

P: Yeah.

M: That kind of a reaction. So this takes that further, so if you go into a room and you’re nervous networker.

P: Mmm, yes.

M: You’re making it worse for yourself, and I know that’s just screwed up, right?

P: Laugh.

M: That is so, so tough to overcome if you’re a nervous person, same if you’re a speaker you probably can’t smell the speaker on stage though.

P: Not in a large space.

M: If you’re a speaker in a small room and you’re really nervous. What you’re sending out to people from an odour of perspective is what’s going to come back at you.

P: It comes back to that old saying, you know, predators can smell fear.

M: Absolutely.

P: Dogs or aggressive beasts can smell the fear in you.

M: Yep, absolutely. So if someone is feeling fear when they come in, then people are less likely to trust them.

P: Mmm, definitely.

M: And you don’t bond as well.

P: No, it’s a definite barrier.

M: And people will be wary of you and the reverse is true for happiness. And I’ve definitely seen this, happy people I just gravitate towards them.

P: Completely. I saw it this week in a meeting. Someone who is usually quite jovial has had a bit of a rough month and I noticed it a couple of weeks ago and then this week I noticed a complete change in that person’s demeanour and the way they were greeting people.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And I went, ‘Yeah, you’ve turned it around’ and you can buy into that. Buy into it. You notice it.

M: Yep.

P: Very clearly, especially with people that you know well.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: It’s very easy to get that sense of energy if you like and this is where it does get a bit esoteric, people saying, ‘I’m feeling this from you’. Maybe there’s a scientific basis to that. Maybe we are picking up on scents. Or instead of picking up on energy vibrations.

M: Absolutely. So, there’s a Dr Lisa Roux, in France, who works at the Interdisciplinary Institute for Neuroscience in France, and she says that humans use our sense of smell way more than we think.

P: Mmm.

M: So, it’s more unconscious. But we’re realising more and more that smell is so important to social interaction.

P: Hmm.

M: Which is kind of a bit creepy, but there it is. And one of the things that we now need to throw into the mix is that so many people who’ve had COVID are losing their sense of smell.

P: Hmm.

M: And that can be really devastating to people’s well-being. So, sense of smell is linked to pleasure, but also to depression. And scientists posit that it’s because of the link to the limbic system.

P: Yeah, that make sense.

M: But up to a third of people with a defective sense of smell experience symptoms of depression.

P: Mmm. I wonder if it’s because you’re downgrading one of your primary sensors.

M: Well, I take so much pleasure out of food and you know when you’re sick and you can’t taste anything and you just stop wanting to eat?

P: Yeah, awful.

M: It’s crap!

P & M: Laughter!

M: Really bad.

P: Very true.

M: And that’s just one little thing that – well little, it’s big- impact of not being able to smell. So, you know, I kind of get it. If you let that get to you.

P: I could see where that could go. I could see where it could take you down with it.

M: Yep, definitely.

P: It would be interesting to notice if people were feeling a little bit low, go and sniff something that you know you love.

M: Oh, I love that idea.

P: Go and [sniff]. For me, I’d just have to take myself to a bakery, and stand there like a dog at the front of the bakery sniffing.

M & P: Laugh.

M: Having a bad day? Go stand in front of the bakery.

P: Laugh. Hey, I think it’s a great idea, laugh.

M: Love it. So there’s also a lot of research into animals. And look, I’d be really interested to see whether there is something there. We might not overtly go and smell a dog’s butt or our friend or partners butt –

P: Laugh!

M: – the way that dogs do or the way that mice do as well. So they definitely use smell to form relationships and to create those bonds.

P: Yep.

M: But there is a whole area of research that we still need to do on all of this to see really how much smell impacts our day to day lives.

P: How much we can learn from it, yeah.

M: Yep.

P: I’ve always said life must be really tough being a beagle.

M: Laugh.

P: Can you imagine being a beagle and just wandering around the city going ‘Oh, I can smell it, it’s so good!’ Laugh.

M: Well, they do say that some dogs can smell things like cancer and other…

P: Well, they were testing this with German shepherds smelling COVID.

M: Oh wow.

P: Yeah, there are. Don’t quote me on this, and it was probably totally an article that I shouldn’t be quoting because It’s not an academic article, but yeah, I can’t remember where I saw it but it was a thing about dogs smelling COVID, and they were using that thing and saying we could use this in airports.

M: Oh, I love it.

P: Interesting idea.

M: So, on that note, we’re saying this is just the start of what could be a mind-blowing shift in how we experience the world and see the world, but also could open up a whole range of perfumes.

P & M: Laugh!

M: All your emotions on the shelf, laugh.

P: True.

M: You can pick from moving forward.

P: I’m feeling nonchalant.

M & P: Laugh!

P: I’ll have number three, laugh.

M: Exactly. But the one thing you can do is exactly what you said Pete. If you’re not feeling great, go find a smell that just makes you happy.

P: I love it.

M: Yep.

P: I’m going to be wandering around the bakery across from my work all the time, laugh.

M: For me it would be having a bath and I’ve got a lovely lemongrass oil that I would put in.

P: Nice.

M: Yep.

P: Cool. Play around with it people. Let’s see what your smells do for you.

M: What smell makes you happy? All right, Happy International day of happiness, everybody, and we’ll see you next time.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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Is Swearing Good For You?

by

I don’t know why I haven’t covered this topic before, but as someone who more than occasionally let’s a swear word slip out, this topic is close to my heart. My academic interest in swearing only started recently when I watched the hilarious Netflix documentary ‘History of Swear Words,’ hosted by Nicholas Cage and a cast of gutter-mouthed comedians and actors.

Funny anecdotes aside, this was a real documentary, with history lessons and all, and it made me wonder whether there was a science of swearing. Lo and behold, there is. Not only that, but along the way, I discovered my parents’ insistence that I never swear – as it was unladylike and crass – was actually doing me a disservice.

In this article, we explore why mum and dad (and millions of other people) were wrong and how swearing can be good for you, because as it turns out swearing can help you achieve a happier, healthier life. Read on!

Swearing is Good for you

Authenticity is a popular topic among positive psychologists, with the thinking going like this: if you can’t be honest with those around you, you will never be truly happy. Throughout history, minority and oppressed groups have experienced the downside of having to hide their identity, often battling higher rates of mental health conditions and suicide. The research shows that if you don’t show your real self, then true happiness will be hard to find or sustain. So, what does authenticity have to do with swearing?

Simply, swearing is a way of telling the truth and being authentic. People who swear are more honest. This is backed up by findings from a study by researchers at Maastricht University, Hong Kong University of Science and Technology, Stanford and the University of Cambridge. The researchers noted that, “We found a consistent positive relationship between profanity and honesty; profanity was associated with less lying and deception at the individual level and with higher integrity at the society level.”

The researchers found that using profanity to express your anger, frustration or sincerity is an open and honest way of communicating with others. So, as long as you’re not using profanity to demean or harass someone else (which is never OK), then letting a few curse words fly can make you seem more authentic and honest to others. It is worth noting that in this study, although researchers found the same positive correlation with openness and truth telling, they also found that people who swear more were also more likely to display neuroticism, and be less conscientious and agreeable… which kinda makes sense, if you’re swearing a lot you probably don’t care what others think so much.

Profanity Helps with Pain and Relaxes you

Another reason to add swear words to your vocabulary is that they help us to cope with pain. In a study by Richard Stephens at Keele University, people had to hold their hand in icy water while repeating either a swear word or a neutral word. After adjusting for a range of other factors, Stephens and his colleagues found that for most people, swearing not only increased pain tolerance, but also decreased perceived pain compared to those who didn’t swear. They found that the people who swore could keep their hand in the icy water up to 50 per cent longer than those who didn’t.

It seems that swearing activates our brains natural pain reducing chemicals, which are similar to morphine. But just like with opioids, overuse of swearing can dull the effects. Researchers found that when people swore regularly, their swearing was less effective at helping to cope with pain. So, it’s better to save your swear words for the times you really need them.

Stephens also suggests that swearing might kick us into a fight-or-flight response, nullifying the link between fear of pain and pain perception. So next time you stub your toe, go ahead and let out an expletive or two and remember, it’s a healthy way of coping with pain and stress.

Stephens wrote a whole book on this subject, “Black Sheep: The Hidden Benefits of Being Bad.” Stephens’ book covers a range of bad behavior that you may wish to rethink, not the least is swearing. You can also check out Emma Byrne’s book, “Swearing is good for you: The amazing science of bad language.”

And yes! Swearing is a Sign of Intelligence

Saving the best for last, this next fact flies in the face of the commonly held idea that people who swear are low-class idiots. In fact, quite the opposite is true.

Research shows that using swear words is a sign of a greater vocabulary – with people specifically choosing to use swear words from a vast array of options and alternatives. Researchers found that people who know a large number of swear words also tend to know a larger number of words in general. And greater vocabulary is correlated with greater IQ, so if you have a greater number of swear words at your disposal, you’re likely to be more intelligent too!

The moral of this story? Yes! Swearing is good for you! So, dust *ff those swear words, spew some pr*fanities and have a hell of a day!

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!