Unapologetically Marie

Writer, podcaster, mental health advocate

Happiness Blog

Are You Blindly Riding the Hedonic Treadmill? (E68)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about happiness set points and the hedonic treadmill and ask the question, are you blindly riding it?

Show notes

During the podcast Pete references a Ted talk about social inequality, please see attached below.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: Hi.

P: And we’re back.

M: We’re back.

P: Laugh!

M: Regular as clockwork.

P: Like the passing of the sands through the hourglass,

M & P: so are the days of our lives. Laughter!

P: Oh my god, I can’t believe I remembered that. How many years ago was that?

M: Oh dear. Laugh.

P: Hey, I’ve got a story, I got a share story. Can I share?

M: Yes, share your story.

P: So, with all this work that we have been doing around happiness and consciousness and mindfulness and all that sort of stuff. I had an event happen last week where I got a letter in the mail which was horrible.

M: Oh.

P: And it resulted in a bad, a bad lose for the week.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And I went to bed that night and I had nightmares that there was a Jaguar in my room and I woke up at 4 in the morning and I couldn’t get back to sleep. Obviously, I was stressed from this letter. I kind of went ‘oh no, what am I going to do? and I’m not sleeping well, and I thought this is a great opportunity for me to practise what I preach.’

M: Yes!

P: So, I got up in the morning and I had a PT appointment booked with my lovely trainer Alan and I was shattered, I was tired, I was like ‘oh I can’t do this’. But I got up and I went ‘No, I’m going to go and I trust Alan, he won’t push me if my body is not ready for it. So I got there and he said, ‘ooh you looked tired.’

M: Soft Laugh.

P: Yeah, I woke up at four a.m. and I couldn’t get back to sleep. And he went, ‘right.’ So we took the workout right back, but we did some stuff that was really challenging. And I walked out of that gym as I always do… feeling better than when I walked in.

M: Yep.

P: And I went straight home and I took action against this letter, straightaway.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: I rang up people, I got advice, it pushed me to be more proactive and if this had happened six months ago, I wouldn’t have taken those steps. I would have stayed in my little hole and buried my head in the sand and maybe not taken direct action. And I thought, this is really what we talk about.

M: Yes.

P: Taking control and doing the one step for one thing that you can take control of. For me, it was going and doing the exercise, even though I felt terrible. I was like ‘No, go and do it because you know that exercise brings about happy hormones, makes you more engaged and it gets you actioning things.

M: And not only that, you’re actually getting some social benefit out of it because you like your trainer.

P: Exactly.

M: You’ve been with him for a few years now.

P: Yeah, I have. Yeah, he’s fantastic. As I said, I always walk out of that place [feeling] better than when I walked in. So just a little tip, you know, even though you and I are the ones that are bringing all this stuff to our lovely listeners, we still have challenges.

M: Oh!

P: We still have things that screw up our day and present us with a aaahhhh! But we have the tools.

M: So, I was on a panel this week because it’s Mental Health Month.

P: Yay!

M: And one of the things that me and the other panellists talked about a fair bit was sleep.

P: Mmm.

M: And how it is the one thing that all of us have a bad night’s sleep every now and then, particularly those of us with pets or kids. It happens more often.

P & M: Laugh!

M: Not just angry or bad letters, but it’s one of those things that can really impact your happiness the next day.

P: Oh definitely.

M: It is just so common, and what I love about your story is that you recognised it.

P: Mmm hmm.

M: So, you’ve done enough self-assessment that you’re now understanding your triggers.

P: Yes.

M: And we all have triggers.

P: Yep.

M: My husband leaving his socks on the floor in the doorway. That’s one of my triggers. Laugh!

P: Constantly comes up on this show.

M: Laugh.

P: Every chance you get you remind us of that one, laugh.

M: Yep, being injured.

P: Yep.

M: So, I’ve just sports-wise, had a bad back for the last few weeks, have been struggling with that. Poor sleep, there’s a number of things for me that are my triggers and I’m now so much more aware of those triggers and therefore know to cut myself some slack.

P: That’s emotional first aid.

M: Absolutely, yep. So what are we talking about today?

P: I don’t want to say this ‘cause I’ll say it wrong.

M: Hedonic Treadmill.

P: Amygdala! Laugh. Nor-epinephrine!

M: Laugh! I think we had hedonistic treadmill written down some point.

P: We did! Because I remember thinking that sounds fun, laugh!

M: Instead of the hedonic treadmill. Laugh.

So, we are talking about… and I wanted to start, I love that we started with story. I was going to start with a quote, but we’ll get to the quote now and it is a famous Socrates quote and he once said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

P: [Reverent sound of awe] Aaahhhh…

M: So I have a question for you Pete.

P: Oh, Q&A.

M: Are you loving your life?

P: Yes, very easy to answer that question.

M: I would love for our listeners at home to really ask themselves that question and truthfully, answer it because for a lot of people myself included in my twenties and thirties.

P: Yep.

M: I was living life, I wasn’t loving life necessarily. And there’s this theory called the hedonic treadmill, which a lot of us in Western society will have been blindly following because we haven’t examined our life. We haven’t spent the time examining the scripts that our parents and society and school and government gave us.

P: Ah, yes.

M: And we live in a Western consumerist society that teaches us from a very young age that success and achievement is important.

P: Yes.

M: And so we spend a lot of our lives going after the next thing.

P: Mmm.

M: Good grades, a good school, good job, a good company, a promotion, a house, a bigger house, a McMansion –

P: Laugh!

M: – the list goes on and on. And there’s this unwritten understanding that that will make things good for you and maybe happy.

P: You’re ticking the boxes.

M: Yep.

P: You’re ticking all the boxes that are presented for the recipe that was handed down from your parents and from their parents –

M: – for what’s important.

P: Exactly.

M: Yep. Now the research shows us that is our society and how we’re generally programmed unless your parents had a different view, or you went to an alternative school. That’s the prevailing theory and way that our society is set up.

Now the hedonic treadmill is a theory that we have a tendency to quickly return to a relatively stable level of happiness after major positive or negative events or life changes. So, if you get a promotion or a pay rise, your expectations and desires for, say a bigger house or a nicer car will rise accordingly, which results in no permanent gain in happiness.

P: Ok.

M: Similarly, if you get fired, for instance, you may be sad for a while, but then you’ll balance back out. And we talked the other day about your set point.

P: Yeah.

M: So, really what we’re saying here is that you’ve got a set point that you naturally and somewhat biologically sit at.

P: Yep.

M: On a scale of one to ten, you might sit at a six naturally, and if you get fired, then for a period time you might be a two or three or you might dip all the way to a one, but eventually you will come back to a six.

P: Personally I like to think of myself as a size eight.

M: Laugh! We’re not talking sizes.

P: Eight just fits me, laugh.

M: Well, actually, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned studying with the Happiness Studies Academy, and one of the things we do is regularly ask ourselves how we’re doing against – They have, a model with five elements, and you rate yourself against each of them.

P: Ah yeah.

M: I’m consistently high on those, generally I’m a nine.

P: I’m really good at four, one I’m shit on.

M: Laugh.

P: Although it’s going up lately. That’s good, Laugh.

M: Good. And, I think we tend to prefer some of them, for me, its intellectual.

P: Yeah, there are things that you’re drawn to, and they’re the ones that we might spend a bit more time on. And it’s, I love that exercise because it does highlight the fact that even if you’re just looking at that diagram or those five sections and you can say to yourself ‘yeah, number three’s a bit dodgy.’

M: Yes.

P: You know that you have to focus on that, or at least to devote a little bit more time to that. Or ask yourself the question. What am I doing to satisfy number three?

M: Yep, and to bring balance across all of them? Because we know that having that imbalance leads to a lot of issues.

P: Yep.

M: Yep, or put you at risk when those bad events happen, of not being able to bounce back or be more resilient?

P: Exactly, yeah. This is what I’m saying about my story is that I felt like I had more tools at my disposal. So, when I woke up at four I was like, ‘Oh, it’s going to be that night. It’s going to be, I’m not going to, yeah, I’m out, I’m done.’

M & P: Laugh.

P: Get comfortable with that and then make the adjustment. And then it was, it was the next morning and I’m like right. I’m going to get on top of this bang, bang, bang. I was much more active than I’ve ever been before, Yay Me 😊

M: And they say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

P: Are you calling me an old dog?

M: Laugh, I just did.

P: Laugh!

M: So, what this means when you look at it from the hedonic treadmill point of view is that chasing those material things might make you happier in the moment. But it’s not going to raise your set point. It’s not going to make your subjective well-being or your happiness levels higher overall.

P: This comes back to that example we had a few weeks ago about the guys in the New Zealand who got the promotion, and we’re working harder and longer and their perceived happiness was higher and you are all ‘Mmm, I’m not sure about that one, I challenge that.’ This is the same thing.

M: Exactly, yep.

P: Were they happier because of what they’re achieving? Or is it that they’re happier because that was what society had set for them with the goals that they wanted.

M: So, this is all saying the opposite of what that that study said, which is that you’ll only get a small hit to your happiness levels and then you come back to your base line a set point.

P: Mmm.

M: So chasing the success, the bigger house, you know, the unit, the house, the McMansion and the white picket fences and going up and up and up –

P: Yep.

M: – will make you feel so happy the day that you put the sold sticker on the board and you take your photo in front of your house.

P: Laugh!

M: And share it on Facebook with everyone, and you’ll be feeling on top of the world that day within a small amount of time, a tiny amount of time. That house just becomes your new normal, and you go back to your base happiness level.

P: That’s when you get the $200,000 reno.

M: Exactly, and then it’s more and more and more and for today’s kids, I really feel sorry for them because they’re so much more able to compare themselves against others because of social media. Again, we’ve spoken about that before as well that it makes it really hard to live and to take yourself out of those societal expectations, particularly when social connection is so important, particularly teens.

P: Yeah.

M: And to not buy into having the latest shoes and latest jeans and the latest –

P: Yes.

M: – and having a car. I Remember the kids who had cars. I was so jealous.

P: Me too, laugh!

M: Yep, absolutely so we know that there’s a number of things that make people happier. And the number one thing is social connection.

P: This is your big thing, this is your big platform? You love your social connections?

M: Well, it’s where all the research starts. Any model out there, whether you’re talking Martin Seligman or Tal Ben Shahar or any of the positive psychology bigwigs out there all have something about relationships or social connection. And we know about the Harvard study, the longest longitudinal study in the world, which comes out over and over again with strong social connections and blue zones.

P: Yep.

M: So not only does make you happier, you lived longer. You don’t die [early].

P: That’s coming out in the health research that’s coming out as well. It’s all about the bio-social model.

M: Yep.

P: Not just being medical model, but it’s about the social influences and the environment that which you live and the connections that you’ve got in the support mechanisms that are around you. And this is coming out with all the research that’s coming through on global health studies.

M: And why there is such a concern from World Health Organisation and so many of the other global and national bodies, medical bodies about loneliness in particular and old age.

P: They’re finally recognising that that’s a real factor in the situational influences, which comes down to environment under the international classification of functioning, which was one of the big shifts in health going on the moment.

M: Absolutely, so if you want to raise that set point going after the newest and the latest, and the achievement is not the way to do that.

P: What is the way, Marie?

M: Social Connection, number one.

P: Yep.

M: Purpose and Meaning, we’ve said before.

P: Yep.

M: Again, why people who retire are often depressed within a year, and why people who lose their jobs quickly get depressed. There are so many examples of when purpose and meaning are taken away or abruptly stop that people decline very quickly.

P: So, is that about asking the question a little bit earlier in your life cycle? Not waiting until you retire to go, ‘oh, what do I really want to do?’

M: I think it’s about having a growth mindset. That’s the latest [thing] that everyone’s talking about. So that your never not learning and growing there’s a great quote, I have no idea who said it.

P: Laugh.

M: And it was, “I play the violin, I do art, I play soccer, blah blah blah… and the person says ‘Oh my gosh, you are so accomplished.’ They said, no, no, no, I don’t do any of them well, but I do them all.”

P: Laugh.

M: And that is it, it’s about learning new things. So if you learn a new skill every year and never master any of them. That’s just as good as spending your whole life trying to master something else that you’re passionate about.

P: Something that you’re passionate about at any level is good, and curiosity.

M: Yes, so that’s where the passion and meaning comes from. What really excites you and how can you spend your time? It could be gardening. It could be so many things it could be raising your kids or your grandkids. But, it’s having something that really gets you excited.

P: Hmm.

M: And then the last one, again, Healthy Mind and Body habits.

P: Oh, yes.

M: So, if you didn’t have that habit the other day of going to the gym and that commitment as well, which is good to your PT, you might have skipped out.

P: Yeah, definitely. Would’ve been so easy to go ‘I’m not going this morning because I’m too tired’, but because there was that routine, if you like, yeah [I did go].

M: Mmm hmm.

P: I’ve even done it on other days as well, where I’ve woken up, and …I guess it’s a throwback to the days of being a dancer. You wake up, you do class. That’s the first thing you do every single morning. And no matter how bad you feel, even when you’ve been out partying and you go to in the first Port de bras and first position, oy vey! Laugh. You soon feel better because you’re moving your body around, and it is routine that actually helps you a lot with that. It’s not motivation it’s habit.

M: Absolutely. So, that’s why we talked about that last one being about habits, the healthy mind and body. So lastly, what are the steps to help get off that Hedonic treadmill?

P: Oooh.

M: How do we get off this treadmill of needing to succeed and wanting more, more, more, more.

P: So more handstands!

M: Handstands are great, I like handstands.

P: Laugh! Is it about throwing something into the mix that isn’t normal, is that how you do it?

M: I think the first step is listening to our podcast right now.

P: Ha, ha!

M: Understanding that you’re on that treadmill.

P: Oooh, the self-confession.

M: It’s what we said with Socrates, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” So if this podcast has helped you do one thing, it’s to maybe look at whether you’re on that treadmill. Are you looking, as soon as you’ve got one thing, at what’s next? What’s next? What’s next? And working longer hours and harder to get your promotion and buy a new car and to get you nice holiday because everyone else had a nice holiday.

P: Yeah, yeah. My name is Peter Furness and I’m a hedonist, laugh! [on the hedonic treadmill]

M: Well, there can be balance, right? We don’t have to give it all up?

P & M: Laughter!

M: I’m not advocating for you to go live in a cardboard box on the street.

P: Laugh. Well, it’s interesting that when I first read the title on being the hedonistic treadmill, I was like, ‘This is going to be fabulous, it’s all about doing what you want and going against the grain and being flamboyant and you know.

M: This is me!

P: Yeah, laugh. Like running naked through the forest, all that sort of stuff.

M: Laugh.

P: I didn’t realise it was a bad thing, laugh.

M: Yeah, no… you don’t want to be, it’s, it’s the rat race, really.

P: Yeah.

M: We’re really talking, we’re really having a go at the rat race and consumerism.

P: And being distracted by that as well. It’s easy to buy into other people’s goals.

M: Yes.

P: What your goals are not necessarily going to match with what my goals are.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Thankfully, they cross over a lot in terms of holidays and whatnot. But it’s recognising that… even your other half, even your significant other, if their goal is slightly different to yours, that’s okay, because as long as you both have passion involved, then somewhere the crossover can occur.

M: Yeah. And I think also understanding that generationally things change. For our grand parents who went through the Depression, securing your financial future was critical to survival.

P: Yeah.

M: In our world of over-abundance, it is not that important.

P: We also have more choice. Well, too much choice as we’ve talked about before.

M: Yep. And when we talk about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, our ability to secure our basic needs is so much easier in today’s society.

P: Yeah, and that’s getting better. The Global Burden of Disease study came out last year, – and I’m getting all this research is great!

M: Laugh.

P: The study revealed that from the years 2000 to 2010, we’ve done a really good job from the Millennium Statement, which was done in 2000 by the UN of reducing, poverty, reducing child malnourishment.

M: From the Global Sustainability Goals?

P: Yeah, that came from the same publication yeah. But we’ve done a really good job in there in terms of the SDI countries, the Social Demographic Index, basically the poorer nations, or what used to be called the underdeveloped nations or undeveloped nations. They’ve done a really good job in balancing out that inequality.

M: Yep, and you’ll find, there’s a great book by Hugh van Cuylenberg called The Resilience Project, and he went to India and then Nepal, and he spent some time in the Himalayas. And he said he met the poorest people he’s ever met. But they were also the happiest.

P: Mmm, yeah, yeah.

M: And, of course, they were poor but they had their basic needs met. So, just like we’re talking about here with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and you look at some high schools around Sydney, these kids that have it all –

P: Mmm hmm.

M: – and they’re nowhere near as happy as those kids in Nepal.

P: Yes, I have watched a wonderful Ted talk with a gentleman, I can’t remember his name, I have to put it in the notes. But he talks about the role of inequality in our society, and how that is damaging us and that we need to address that inequality and it is about happiness. In a sort of backwards loop, he talks about the health impacts, mainly of it coming through. But those top countries like America [U.S.], the amount of violence that is on the streets in America is hugely disproportionate when you look at other countries globally.

M: Mmm.

P: And he says that this is a direct result of lack of trust, of the lack of the fairness on how this is.

M: Yep.

P: It’s eroding our social fabric.

M: So, that is a great point as we start to wrap up.

So, the first thing you need to do to get off the hedonic treadmill is to understand that you’re on it.

The second thing is to stop comparing yourself to others. So even if you are in America [U.S.] and on minimum wage and life is not frickin fair. Being upset about it is not going to do you in your life any good.

P: Yeah, you’ve got to suck it up princess.

M: Unless you want to be miserable for your whole life; Then go for it, go be miserable. If you’ve got your basic needs met, you can put food on the table and you’re not under too much undue financial pressure, and a lot of people in the States are, and in Australia. But if you’ve got those basic needs met than constantly trying to keep up with the Joneses is only doing yourself a disservice.

P: Yep.

M: And so, when we talk about the hedonic treadmill that is the key to getting off it, stop comparing yourself to other people.

P: Find what’s true for you.

M: And then, lastly, re-focus on the things that will raise your set point.

  • The Social Connection;
  • Purpose and Meaning; and
  • Healthy mind and body habits.

P: And doing handstands.

M: Absolutely.

P: Laugh.

M: And on that note –

P: Handstand away, laugh!

M: Wishing you a happy week.

P: Still laughing!

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more, please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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Mental toughness can help you cope with challenging events like the pandemic – here’s how to cultivate it

by

mental toughness

Dara Mojtahedi, University of Huddersfield

With the recent passing of the one-year mark since the COVID-19 pandemic began, the long-term effects have become more apparent. Not only has the virus taken over 2 million lives worldwide, it has also had a profoundly detrimental impact on the mental health of billions of people across the globe.

Research on Chinese citizens at the start of the pandemic found that symptoms of anxiety, depression and stress were common reactions to the pandemic. These effects were mirrored in other countries and increased over time.

For example, a more recent study in the US found that one in four adults reported symptoms of anxiety or depression – an increase from one in ten in 2019. For some, the increased levels of stress and anxiety have also been accompanied with poorer sleep and increased alcohol and substance use – exacerbating mental health problems further.

The rise in mental health problems during the pandemic cannot be attributed to a single factor. Instead, psychologists suggest these negative emotions are due to several different issues. Namely, health worries, fears of dying or a loved one getting ill, isolation, disrupted travel and social plans, along with media-information overload.

Research found that the psychological impact of the pandemic was greater among certain groups, such as women, students and people with pre-existing health problems. But our new research has also found that for some people, having certain personality traits seems to have offered some level of protection during these difficult times. Indeed, it seems that having “mental toughness” has helped many people to keep the adverse mental health effects of the pandemic at bay.

What is Mental Toughness?

Mental toughness is about more than just having resilience and control in difficult situations. It relates to a psychological frame of mind that endorses confidence and commitment to success. In his book Developing Mental Toughness, the psychologist Peter Clough describes mental toughness as a combination of the following:

  • The amount of control a person believes they have over their life and emotions;
  • How much commitment is placed upon achieving goals despite hardship;
  • Being able to see potential threats as opportunities for self-development;
  • Continuing to strive in changing environments;
  • The level of confidence a person has in succeeding despite setbacks.

Mental toughness levels are influenced by many different factors. While genetics are partly responsible, a person’s environment is also relevant. For example, both positive experiences while you’re young and mental toughness training programmes have been found to make people mentally tougher.

be strong

Holding it Together

Research shows that people who have these traits are less likely to have negative emotions in stressful situations and display greater coping skills. So our study wanted to build on these findings to discover how mental toughness has potentially helped people during the pandemic.

Overall we found that reports of depression, anxiety and stress symptoms were markedly higher than in pre-COVID times. Those who had lost their jobs or businesses during the pandemic reported significantly more symptoms of these afflictions.

Even those facing temporary furlough were more likely to report high levels of distress. This is because the psychological impact of unemployment goes far beyond financial instability. A job provides a sense of purpose – and brings a sense of control to people’s lives. Taking this away at a time when people are isolated with a limited sense of freedom can further diminish wellbeing.

Yet people who scored higher on our mental toughness questionnaire reported lower levels of depression, anxiety and stress. This is most likely because these people felt they had a greater sense of control over the situation – and were more capable of staying focused under stress and better equipped to mentally cope. Mentally tough people were also less likely to report depressive symptoms.

What You Can do

Research examining the effectiveness of mental toughness training is in its infancy. But research with Australian football players has shown the promising potential for using such training in boosting mental toughness.

For anyone wanting to improve their mental toughness, a good place to start is by simply identifying and affirming yourself with the skills and attitudes associated it – such as relaxation, positive thinking, goal setting and self-motivation. This could include daily affirmations, setting specific and achievable goals for a project or something you’re working towards and making sure you take time out of your day for meditation or deep breathing exercises.

Dara Mojtahedi, Lecturer in Psychology, University of Huddersfield

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

Want to learn more about mental toughness and the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

Why Hobbies can Improve your Mental Health (E67)

by

Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about why hobbies can not only improve your mental health but they can also boost social skills and wellbeing.

Show notes

During the podcast Pete refers to Charlotte Hespe as being a chairwoman of the Royal Australian College of General Practitioners when in fact she is the Director. We apologise for this error.

We also apologise for the incorrect use of feminine pronouns when referring to Professor Alex Haslam in this podcast.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: And we’re back again.

P: Hello 😊

M: Hello 😊

P: How are we? How’s your work going, Muz?

M: Yeah, not too bad. How’s yours?

P: It’s, it’s bang in there, it’s back on the treadmill, you know, going hard going home. Actually I’m not going home.

M: Laugh! Just going hard?

P: Yeah, just going hard, two assignments due this week. So, bring on human anatomy and physiology, I’m already, laugh!

M: I’m kind of in a different head space where I’m trying to look after myself and have some downtime. I’ve just been running too fast for too long and I just need to add a bit of self-care into my week this week.

P: Oooh, lovely. Well, we’re very good at that.

M: Yes.

P: We’re good at prescribing that on here. I hope that we’re good at applying it?

M: Every now and then, sometimes I’m just too busy to do it.

P & M: Laughter.

M: This week, I’m feeling my resilience slipping.

P: Oh, what’s your self-care go to?

M: … Netflix.

P & M: Laugh.

P: So, you’re a Hygge person?

M: Yes, yes, yes.

P: It’s good weather for that at the moment.

M: Yes, it’s been raining and miserable hasn’t it?

P: Yeah, it’s been a good day to get out your… I was going to say galoshes.

M: My Uggs! Yes.

P: Get your tracky pants and watch cartoons.

M: Yeah, definitely.

P: But that’s not going to talk about today. We won’t talk about Hygge, we’ve done that one.

M: What are we talking about today?

P: Oooh, today we’re talking about… what are we talking about?

M: Hobbies 😊

P: Laugh, hobbies, yes.

M: And we’re talking about hobbies and the importance of hobbies on our mental health.

P: Oh, how many people forget their hobbies when they get out of school? Most people forget, they go to university [and] they drop all their hobbies.

M: I think, because when we get busy, we forget that we need those other things to create balance in our life and to keep our resilience.

P: Mmm, absolutely.

M: And one of the best things that you can do when things get tough is double down on your hobbies and sports and those other things, self-care activities.

P: Yep.

M: To help create that balance and to help you through busy times. Unfortunately, though, when we get to university and it becomes exam time or you get to work and you’re in your twenties and you’re trying to –

P: Yeah, trying to cranked it up.

M: – make a career for yourself. We drop those things.

P: We, so shouldn’t.

M: And it actually hurts your mental health –

P: It does.

M: – rather than help you achieve those career goals or study goals.

P: It does, very much. So, take that afternoon off. Go and play that tennis game or play some basketball, and I don’t feel bad about it.

M: Mmm hmm, absolutely. And it’s even more important, you know, we talked about it, university and exam pressure and then work pressure, but we’re in the of a global pandemic.

P: Yep.

M: I don’t think anyone’s forgotten that. Laugh.

P: No, not recently.

M: But it has severely impacted many people’s mental health. And a lot of the reasons why we’re not coping is that we haven’t been able to participate in our traditional hobbies.

P: Activities.

M: But there are so many other hobbies that you could replace it with. That may not be a first choice.

P: True.

M: But it’s still just as interesting and just as beneficial to our mental health.

P: Absolutely. It was very funny when my father died and we were concerned about our mother and my sister actually stepped up and said, Mom, you’ve got to find a hobby. And mum wasn’t a hobby person like she did things because she had to or she was expected to.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: She was very, very good at them and she found orchids. She became the orchid whisperer. She invested [in it]. She joined the local orchid society. My mother doesn’t like people.

M: Laugh!

P: And yet, she went over the orchids society. Admittedly, there are a couple of people that she goes ‘oh I don’t like that person.’

M & P: Laugh.

P: But you know, she took on this role of orchids and she got right into it. Now she knows people all over the country with orchids.

M: Ohhh.

P: It’s a big thing, who would have thought.

M: And you know what? She’s probably getting so much joy out of that, and such good benefits from a mental health perspective.

P: She talks to them. She does, she talks them. So, I think it’s actually really good from a mental health perspective. People probably think she’s batty, but she’s actually having a good old conversation. Laugh!

M: Gardeners do talk to their plants, don’t they?

P: It works because apparently oxygen is really good for plants, you’re supposed to talk to your plants.

M: Laugh! That would be carbon dioxide if you’re talking to your plants.

P: Oh, I don’t know, I’m not a science person! …much.

M: Laugh, then go ahead and talk to your plants.

P & M: Laughter!

P: I’ll just keep that in mind for my anatomy exam, laugh.

M: So obviously, let’s not forget that in times of stress and pressure, it is really also really important to keep regular patterns of eating, sleeping, hygiene and exercise.

P: Oh, very much, yes.

M: The four.

  • So eat well,
  • Get your eight hours of sleep –

P: Seven.

M: – or seven or nine, whatever it is that you need, I need nine.

P: Oh wow.

M: Or I don’t function. So yeah, I need sleep, yep. Anyway,

  • Exercise, and
  • hygiene.

P: Mmm.

M: Keep, keep yourself in check. Laugh.

P: Pluck and wax, laugh.

M: Not necessarily. But there’s something to be said –

P: Brush your teeth and all that sort of stuff.

M: I’ve had so many conversations with people who have been going back into the office about how it’s actually nice to put a bit of lippy on.

P: Oh, ok.

M: And to do your hair and actually feel presentable and nice about yourself. Put on a pair of earrings or something.

P: There was that wonderful movement in the middle of the pandemic when they hit last year, people mowing their lawns in ball gowns.

M: Laugh! I missed that!

P: Did you! It was every Friday, it was where your ballgown day!

M: Oh!

P: And people were mowing lawns and doing the dishes in these full-on like debutante dresses. It was hilarious.

M: I have to go google that.

P: There are images of it, very funny, yeah. People posting on social media it was great. Laugh.

M: So, if you are having a difficult time and you’ve dropped your hobbies, the research is showing that having a hobby is linked to lower levels of depression, and it may even prevent depression for some, and one of the things that people who become depressed often do is they withdraw.

P: Yep.

M: So, they stop doing things that they love. So, it makes sense to me, I guess, that what the research is showing is a way of preventing depression is to add these things into your life.

P: Get active, mmm. Definitely. There is a whole movement about this in the health circles as well. About a social prescription.

M: Yes.

P: And they talk about being the third tier of health. And it’s actually UK invention that’s been around in the UK for a while, and we’re kind of picking the ball up here in Australia. We’re starting to do it. GP’s are starting to push for it a lot more, and it has come out of a Brigham Young University report, which is about Loneliness and Social Isolation and the Risk Factors for Mortality. And this was done in 2015 and it quotes figures ranging from 30% in the UK to 50% in the U.S. of people who lack social contact, having higher rates of mortality than those who have good social interaction.

M: Oh.

P: Now the part of social prescription is getting people in touch with local community groups; that can be debate teams, orchid society’s, –

M: Laugh.

P: the local dance classes and getting people, [actually] prescribing them memberships to these organisations so they go and join, its like ‘you will go and you will be social!’

M: Laugh.

P: Can you imagine your GP saying that to you in the middle of the medical university. But the research shows that it’s actually really beneficial. It creates positive interactions. It’s a co design for non-clinical medical prescription. Black Dog Institute in Australia is very much for it.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: They’re very much about promoting it. It came about in the NHS [National Health Service] in the UK around the 1990’s in the Bromley by Bow Centre was one of the first ones in East London. And it was a non-medical referral system, the idea being that social connectedness became a community-based operation in an effort to prevent issues being a strain on the public health system. So the NHS in England, was saying, ‘We can’t deal with the influx, let’s bring in the community organisations.’

M: And this is so aligned to the positive psychology movement which says it is cheaper to have people proactively take care of their happiness and well-being rather than to fix it once it’s broken.

P: Exactly, it saves so much money in the health system going into mental health disease prevention, definitely.

M: And all that we’ve learned in the last 30 to 40 years with the positive psychology movement shows that you can take control of your happiness and your well-being, and you can influence it. So, having a hobby is such an easy way to safeguard against all of the crap that’s going on in the world today.

P: Laugh! Absolutely, yeah.

M: And whether it was to combat loneliness, like the studies that you’re showing or to keep your mind active and engaged in to help find purpose –

P: Yes.

M: – like we discussed last week, and meaning in your life; Or to help keep your mind active as you age and find a hobby that can, you know, make you grow and learn and continue –

P: Gives you tasks and new skills.

M: Yep, goal and achievement.

P: That that’s a really big way of offsetting… ageing diseases?

M: Dementia and Alzheimer’s.

P: Yes, neurological diseases.

M: Yep.

P: Sorry, I got my terminology mixed up.

M & P: Laugh.

M: Absolutely. So, having a hobby or being social, or if you can combine the two, we always talk about how they nearly always intersect. All of these activities it can be a real tangible way to avoid, they call it anhedonia, which is when people get depressed and they stop finding joy in things that they like. So, it’s a symptom of poor mental health. So, it’s about turning that around.

P: That’s a really easy measurement to check in with yourself, isn’t it?

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Am I still finding joy in decorating cakes or cooking the evening meal? Like if you did find joy in that, that’s a bit of a that’s a bit of a warning signal, isn’t it? It’s a bit of red flag.

M: Absolutely, and we all get bored.

P: Yeah.

M: Novelty is such a powerful thing. But if you do something day in, day out for years on end, of course you’re going to get bored if it eventually, unless you’re still growing in that activity and mastering a skill.

P: Yeah.

M: You know, cake decorating might be great for five years, but you might want to move on to playing tennis after that.

P: True, it’s a different skill base, maybe.

M: Or if you’re like me, just trying to keep a plant alive for more than a month.

P: Laugh!

M: So what hobbies do you have Pete?

P: What hobbies do I have?

M: Mmm.

P: Well, interestingly enough my blog, it turned into a hobby, so the blog was started as a business venture. It was started as a business development tool and for client engagement and all that sort of stuff. it turned into a hobby, I actually started enjoying reading about science and articles and then researching things in my basic understanding or way. And really, it kind of led me to going back to Uni.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Because I decided, Hey, I’m actually learning this stuff, maybe I should take it a step further and do the next formal bit, which is going into formal training again.

M: Getting a degree, getting that piece of paper.

P: Yeah.

M: It’s funny how you spend so much time trying to get that piece of paper.

P: Laugh.

M: And then you never look at it again.

P: True.

M & P: Laughter!

P: The achievement is always there, you can look at it and go ‘ahhh’ [positive sigh]

M: It’s about the journey as we know.

P: Yes.

M: About the journey of learning.

P: Yes.

M: Absolutely.

P: My other hobby is cooking. I love cooking, like I love making a meal for myself, a 10:30 at night, if that’s the time that I’ve gotten home.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Known to do a roast at that hour.

M: Yes, you have. I like them.

P: Laugh!

M: For me its writing and teaching.

P: Teachings a great one.

M: Yep.

P: Teaching brings so much joy and so much goodness because it ticks so many of the happiness boxes.

M: Mmm hmm. Yeah, absolutely. And so, the reason that hobbies are so good for our brain is that it effects the reward system in the brain.

P: Ooh yes.

M: Yes.

P: The limbic system.

M: So when we take part in a hobby that we enjoy, all the chemical messengers in the brain are released. So, dopamine, which helps us feel pleasure; All the feel good chemicals that make us want to do the hobby again and feel motivated to do so.

P: Mmm.

M: So this is why and I think we’ve spoken about the book Atomic Habits by James Clear.

P: Yep.

M: He talks about if you want to get more fit, find activities that you actually enjoy –

P: Oh, gosh yes.

M: Where maybe going to the gym isn’t your thing. But you really love having a chat with the neighbour. Have your chat with the neighbour as you walk around the block three times.

P: Yep.

M: And that’s going to actually make you want to do it. So, finding that thing, that hobby or that activity that you actually enjoy, don’t force it because you just won’t do it.

P: Exactly.

P: I’ve seen that firsthand with clients. When you give them exercises and they’re like ‘I’m not going to do that.’

M: Mmm hmm.

P: So, you’ve got to be creative. It’s like, Ok you got a baby, I want you to roll around on the floor with Bubs for 10 minutes a day.

M: Yep.

P: Get down and up off the floor. It’s being creative with that and I think that’s really important is finding that blend.

M: The other thing to remember is that getting started can be one of the hardest things when it comes to a hobby taking that first step and if you can just make yourself get there, then those chemicals will kick in that keep you going. But it’s getting yourself there in the first place. That can be really hard sometimes.

P: It’s hard to get going when you haven’t for so long.

M: Yep, absolutely. Or just, you know, to get up the motivation to just go to the gym or something. Again, going back to the more you can do to make it an activity that you enjoy, the more likely it is you’ll actually do it in the first place.

P: Laugh.

M: And then, of course, physical hobbies. If you have a hobby that can improve your fitness, there are so many benefits there, so many another thing, especially as you get older. We talked about cognitive functions, so playing a musical instrument can improve your memory and also artistic hobbies and board games and reading things that engage your brain in a certain way. They, again, can prevent dementia later in life.

P: There’s some interesting research supporting that dance is actually one of the best ways to assist with reducing the onset of dementia because you are using your brain in a way that actually includes movement. But you’re also interpreting music now that’s accessing the hind brain have got non-dominant side and that coordination of processing movement with the body. Plus, applying it to musical interpretation triggers more synapses. It triggers more involvement of the brain. And so that’s why dancing is so good because you’re using two different motor unit systems.

M: So, I guess that would be dancing in a structured way where you’re learning patterns and learning new ways of dancing.

P: Yes, yes. It is the learning of the patterns, unfortunately. Improving and going off on the dance floor. Still good, maybe not as good as learning some salsa or some waltzing or some contemporary dancing.

M: I learned the Pride of Erin, laugh.

P: Oh, yeah. You can turn the Pride of Erin into a 100 metre sprint. My sister did it at her deb[utante] ball, it was hilarious.

M: Laugh. I did mine at the deb ball as well. Does anyone ever learn the Pride of Erin any other time in their life?

P: I can still remember 1 2 3 kick, back 2 3 kick, 1 2 3 turn around, back 2 3.

M: Yes!

P: There we go! Laugh. My education wasn’t wasted, laugh.

So, just for all those cynics out there, this is an opinion and a way forward that is being supported by the medical practitioners. We’ve got Charlotte Hespe, chairwoman of the Royal Australian College of General Practitioners. She’s out there calling for the conversation to go forward with social prescribing and getting people being more social, to prevent mental health and physical health from becoming an issue and a strain on the public health system.

M: Mmm.

P: This is also supported by Professor Alex Haslam, who is leading Australia’s investigation into the social indicators in relation to health. She thinks, I can quote her saying that all the research shows that “a lack of social integration and support are the most important determinants of mortality, we found that people tend to see them as among the least important.”

So, if you’re cynical about this line of reasoning, don’t be because the science says it’s not right.

M: And otherwise, you’ll die!

P: You will die! Laugh.

M: Which is what we always circle back to.

P: You, shall not pass!

M: So really, again it comes back to, you know, the three foundations that we keep talking about:

  • Strong social connections;
  • Finding purpose and meaning; and
  • Healthy mind and body.

And really, a hobby can satisfy all three of those and bring all of the science together.

P: Really and it’s fun. Hobbies are meant to be fun. I challenge people to go back to a hobby they haven’t done for 20 years, if they can. If your hobby was rock climbing, maybe you can’t do that. If you’re a 75 year old person.

M: I challenge that!

P: Ok.

M: Do it safely.

P: Laugh. But how many of us have gone back to a hobby? I went back to volleyball after 17 years of not playing, maybe there’s something that we could challenge our listeners to do. Try and find a hobby that you did as a kid. It could be, choose your own adventure. Remember those? They were fun, laugh.

M: You know what I found the other day? You know those murder mysteries where you host a dinner party and you’ve got to work out who done it?

P: Laugh, yes.

M: I actually bought one at the hobby shop the other day.

P: Oh, they’re fun. I think I did one recently to be honest and it was, it was really fun. Yeah, it’s good.

M: Absolutely.

P: It’s play acting and that’s social. But you could, you could even do that in covid time.

M: Absolutely. And I think that that is the point to come full circle back to the fact that we’re in a global pandemic. And it’s time to re-engage with hobbies that you might have enjoyed in the past, or try new ones as a way to balance out the negative mental health impacts of the pandemic.

P: Yeah, I couldn’t agree more.

M: Definitely.

P: Get out there and find, find those old things that you used to enjoy, do it!

M: Or new things.

P: Yes. Say yes, you know the whole concept about saying yes?

M: Maybe we need to just have a week of saying yes?

P: Yeah, that could be a way of doing it. You never know what you’re going to get yourself into.

M: Absolutely. Or just go to Google and Google hobbies, there’s so many interesting things out there and find the weirdest and wackiest one.

P: Laugh!

M: And give it a go.

P: That could be dangerous, laugh.

M: Or find a buddy and go through a list together of 10 new hobbies that you’re going to try this year.

P: 10! Oh my lord, laugh.

M: You don’t have to commit to a whole year of doing it. You just have to try.

P: Okay, alright. Ten new hobbies for a year, let’s start them now.

M: All right. Deal.

P: On that note, we’ll see you next year.

M & P: Laugh!

M: And… That’s the end of our podcasting.

P: Laugh!

M: All right, Have a happy week everybody, we’ll see you next time 😊

P: Bye 😊

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going, at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

Take Control of Your Happiness This Mental Health Month

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Why you Need to Take Control of Your Happiness

Feeling ‘meh’? Or just not sure what to be feeling at the moment? May is Mental Health Month, and it’s time to take control of your happiness and mental wellbeing.

A few years ago, I stopped to ask ‘why’ and it has changed my life. Why was working hard the ultimate goal? Why was achievement so valued by our capitalist society? Why was a busting my *ss for a corporate company which was just as likely to make me redundant in the next restructure as the next guy? Why?

Many people follow the script. They work hard through school, get into a “good” university, get good grades and head out into the workforce. They marry and have kids, get a mortgage and a house, get a promotion, or two, and then one day, they look around and think, “is this it?” You might also know this as the mid-life crisis.

But some people have found another way to live… one where your happiness is placed at the centre of your decision making. Let’s be clear, chasing happiness does not work, but by following the below steps, you can bring happiness, satisfaction and mental wellbeing into your life.

In this article, we explore how to take control of your happiness and mental wellbeing. Read on!

Get to Know Yourself

Over the last few decades, many studies have shown that journaling is a great tool to help you understand yourself better, unpack old issues and let them go, and give your mind the knowledge to understand how you see and react to the world around you. It has also been shown to increase happiness, help to reach goals and even have some positive physical health benefits.

And if you’re someone who is generally not comfortable opening up to people, studies show that journaling might be the most beneficial to you.

“When we put our thoughts and feelings down on paper, we’re not just transferring them—we’re also transforming them. Writing forces us to arrange our ideas into a sequence, one after another; over time, themes and patterns start to emerge; new insights and perspectives start to bubble up.”

Kira M. Newman, Greater Good Magazine.

To get started all you need is a notepad, and you need to get into the habit of doing it. Generally, you want to set a timer and just keep writing for at least 20 minutes. However, research suggests that even writing for a few minutes can be beneficial. You also want to start making this a practice. Try to write for four days a week, but as with all new habits, remember to forgive yourself if you fall short and just pick up where you left off (in other words, keep going!).

Research shows that what you write about and how you write it matters. You want to write about the things that are bothering you and try to work through your thoughts and emotions… but you also benefit from ending each entry with three things that went well that day or that you’re grateful for.

Once you’ve spent time looking at the past and present, try spending some time focused on the future too. Growth mindset theory says you’re never too old to learn more and keep growing – in fact, the research shows that people who are curious and commit to lifelong learning are happier. You can try finding your passion and purpose through the Japanese art of Ikigai, or you could explore your strengths. Or, you can subscribe to some podcasts or explore new ideas with Ted Talks, or even sign up for a new course.

Achievement is not the Path to Happiness

So, if constantly striving for success isn’t the path to happiness, what is? There are now decades of research into what makes people happy, and her research boils down into three broad foundations. Here’s how to take control of your happiness:

Find Meaning and Purpose. Happy people have meaning and purpose in their lives and this is often tied to a strong sense of identity and self. They have spent time understanding themselves, and know their strengths and their emotional baggage. This is also about having something to get you out of bed in the morning, and about having goals, plans and commitments. These people also tend to practice gratitude, which helps you retrain your brain to scan for the positives in life.

Community and Connection: Happy people have strong community and connection. They have a core group of people they can talk to and depend on. They also tend to have a wider community network, through activities like church, regular volunteering or actively practicing kindness. They find ways to laugh and play with their friends and family, and they also limit their social media activity, which is often not as social as we might think.

Health and Wellbeing: Happy people practice and prioritise positive habits for a healthy body and mind. It could be getting exercise by out into nature for walks, going to the gym, or playing on a sports team, or it could be meditation, drinking water, and making sure they get 8hrs of sleep. The activity itself is less important, the main point is that resilient people prioritise their preferred self-care habits, even when life gets busy.

Resources

Happiness is a skill that you can learn – you can take control of your happiness. However, it’s important to note that this article is written for people who have it within themselves to take control of their mental health and make changes to bring more joy and satisfaction into their lives. These are tips to help people who are generally in good mental health yet who are struggling with day-to-day, manageable issues like low-level stress, burnout and anxiety.

If you are experiencing more sever mental health issues, such as depression or a diagnosable mental condition, or if you are not coping, these activities will not treat your condition and they are unlikely to fix any underlying issues. Visit Psychology Today to look up a professional counsellor in your area.

If you need additional support, here are some amazing Australia-based organisations.

If you are in immediate danger, please call 000 right away.

Mental health, stress and crisis support

Sexual assault, family & domestic violence

Financial hardship

Legal aid

  • Each state and territory has its own Legal Aid Commission. Google “Legal Aid Australia.”

Coronavirus / COVID-19

LGBTIQ support

Veterans & Their Families

Men & Their Families

Kids

Want to learn more about the science of happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics or sign up to my weekly newsletter for the latest happiness news & resilience resources!

Finding Your Purpose (E66)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about the importance of finding your purpose – and it doesn’t have to have anything to do with your day job. 

Show notes

The Rush Memory and Aging Project

During the Podcast Marie references the above study and sites that it started in 1979, however it started in September of 1997 and went through to April of 2005.

Exercise – Identify your strengths 

Understanding your strengths. Spend some time thinking and answer the following questions about your strengths (this is not a time to be modest!): 

• What is the best thing about you? 

• What do you like most about yourself? 

• What are you like when you are at your best? 

• What, or who brings out the best in you? 

• What is your most significant achievement? 

• How have your strengths helped you in the past? 

• How can your strengths help you in the future? 

Once you have a good grasp on your strengths, commit to using them in a new way at least once a week. 

IKIGAI (Venn Diagram example)

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: We are back.

P: And this week we are talking about finding your purpose.

M: Solving the world issues here.

P: Oh, solving the world issues?

M: Well isn’t that purpose.

P: Well okay, that’s your interpretation, I’ve got a different one.

M: World Peace.

P: Laugh!

M: Isn’t that where we’re going with this.

P: It’s a very beauty pageant response, Marie.

M & P: Laughter

M: Just to be clear, I’ve never been in a beauty pageant in my life.

P: Laugh!

M: There’s a reason I’m doing podcasts and not YouTube videos.

P & M: Laughter

P: Oh, I didn’t realize that I needed to dress up here. I’m in my tracky-dacks and a t-shirt, laugh.

M: Yeah, I have been since the pandemic started.

P & M: Laughter

M: So, we’re in the same boat there.

P: Laugh.

M: But today we are talking about purpose.

P: What is a purpose? What’s your purpose? There’s a song cue in there but…Ok, I won’t go there.

M: Okay, we won’t go there.

[Purpose] is, well you can think of it like an overarching sense of what matters in your life.

P: Ok.

M: So, it’s the thing that gets you up in the morning or that gets you excited.

P: Well, I like the excited bit.

M: Yeah, so some people wake up in the mornings not grumpy.

P: What!

M: Laugh!

P: Who are these strange people?

M: I know!!

P & M: Laughter

M: It’s something that you strive towards or you enjoy doing.

P: True.

M: That brings passion and excitement to your life.

P: Is it a harbinger of passion or is passion part of purpose?

M: …Yes.

P & M: Laugh!

P: Well, I guess the question is if you have passion, do you automatically have purpose? Or does passion come out of the finding your purpose?

M: Bit of both, definitely the second one. But it’s pretty hard to be passionate about stuff you don’t care about. So, having that that meaning and that purpose.

P: It’s like the cherry on top scenario.

M: Not so much. You need to have purpose or meaning. You need to care about stuff to be passionate about it.

P: So, you need to have purpose first.

M: Yes.

P: To have passion.

M: Yes. They’re very interlinked. They’re, as always, is a whole lot of research –

P: Laugh.

M: – in particular when people say that they have purpose, they are happier.

P: Ok. Why?

M: Why?

P: Why?

M: Why a lot of things.

P & M: Laugh!

M: So, purposeful people are not only happier, but they live longer and healthier lives.

P: Mmm.

M: There’s a longitudinal study that found that a single standard deviation increase in purpose reduced the risk of dying by 15%.

P: Wow, that’s big. What’s a standard deviation of purpose?

M: I have to go look at the actual numbers, but, you know, if you go up by 1% or one number.

P: Ok.

M: So, reduce the risk of dying in the next decade by 15%. That’s big, and that holds regardless of age or the age at which people identify their purpose.

P: Oh, that’s interesting because we’ve talked before about retiring and the dangers of retiring and having nothing to get up for, interesting that that transcends age brackets. I find that’s very interesting.

M: Well, I think that the statistic that we’ve quoted before is that 40% of people who retire end up depressed within a year.

P: Mmm.

M: And a lot of the time it is because they’ve taken that purpose and meaning away.

P: Yes.

M: And not only that, they also, it’s a double whammy when you retire from work, you lose not only your purpose and meaning, but you also lose the social connections.

P: If you’ve only used social connections through your workplace identity, yeah.

M: And if you only had purpose through your work, and in our Western society –

P: Workplaces can be multi layered.

M: Oh, absolutely.

P: It’s like an onion.

M & P: Laughter!

M: Are we going to quote Shrek?

P: Yeah! Laugh.

M: All right, so looking in our capitalist Western society, most people equate purpose with work.

P: Mmm.

M: It’s really important to say that they are not mutually inclusive. They do not have to be the same thing. And in fact, very few of us are lucky enough to truly find that wake up in the morning singing, happy effect –

P: Laughter.

M: – from our jobs.

P: Very few, yes.

M: It is a luxury that very few of us have.

P: Yes.

M: And so, the question then is, if you’re not getting purpose from your job, how can you tailor your job or your workplace or your industry so that you get a little bit more purpose? But also, how can you do things outside of that 40 hour workweek that will bring you purpose?

P: Yeah, definitely.

M: So going back to just a few more stats here there is a Rush Memory and Aging project, which began in 1997, found that people with a sense of purpose were:

  • 2.5 times more likely to be free of dementia, they were
  • 22% less likely to exhibit risk factors for stroke, and
  • 52% less likely to have experienced a stroke.

P: That’s a big number.

M: Yep.

P: The dementia one is an interesting one so purpose, I can see the relationship between that, because when you wake up with a purpose or if you if you find something that you have a goal or something to strive for, then you are involved in sort of a neurological activation.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Let’s try  –

M: Using your mind.

P: You’re using your mind a lot more and your resourcing things, you’re being creative, you’re having to solve problems still and the small amount of research that I’ve done on dementia is that things like sudoku just aren’t enough. Brain training concept in terms of keeping your mind active isn’t enough to way lay the onset of dementia and Parkinson’s disease and those neurological conditions. It needs to be something more and one of those is incorporating movement with your movement patterning, so things like dancing and sport come into it, co-ordination.

M: Social.

P: Yeah.

M: Adding a social layer in there as well. So, loneliness is a real – sitting is the new smoking, maybe loneliness is the new sitting.

P & M: Laugh.

M: But the negative health impacts of poor social connection are so wide and varied, including negative impacts on dementia. A lot of this stuff that we talk about on the podcast is so interlinked being able to find meaning, perhaps through volunteering at an organisation that has personal meaning for you and having the connections of the people that you volunteer with and bringing new friendships and relationships into your life and maybe walking there and back on the way.

P: Laugh. Yeah.

M: That’s one activity you can do yeah, and bring it all together into one.

P: Multi factorial purpose.

M: Laugh, definitely. So we’ve talked about individual purpose.

P: Ok.

M: There’s also a huge movement there has been for years and years with corporate and companies about giving people purpose in their jobs. Now this is a little bit harder, right, because if you work for I don’t know, a mining company?

P: Gosh.

M: A big bank?

P: Yep.

M: You know, the list goes on.

P: How do you find purpose within those big corporations?

M: Exactly. How can you find purpose if you don’t necessarily, if your values don’t align with the company’s purpose.

P: Mmm.

M: There is definitely good research that shows that you can have purpose around your role in what you do in your role, even if you don’t necessarily align with the companies’ values.

P: Mmm. Yep.

M: So, it’s not an all or nothing.

P: No, it’s fulfilling an aspect of it.

M: Yep.

P: So, it’s choosing a path and purpose.

M: You might be an accountant for a mining company, and you might not agree with mining. But you can still do your job to the best of your abilities and learn and grow and do your job well and find meaning from that.

P: Yes.

M: Now, obviously, being an accountant for a company that you agree with what they do would be even better.

P: Laugh.

M: And if you wake up one day and decide you want to start your own not for profit and help with world peace.

P: Laugh!

M: Or whatever it is that you decide, nothing is going to beat that.

P: No.

M: Right?

P: Yeah, of course.

M: As far as purpose.

P: Definitely.

M: But it is really important if you lead a team, if you’re a small business owner, if you have any people working for you and around you or if you’re part of a team, so I what people take responsibility here.

P: Oooh! Initiative.

M: Not just leave it to the manager.

P: Laugh.

M: It is really important that you look for the purpose that you get out of that job, which takes up so many hours in our week.

P: Ok.

M: Because it contributes to your employee experience, which is linked to higher levels of engagement, stronger organisational loyalty. So, people will stay with the team for longer, which is very valuable in today’s day and age, where people don’t stay for very long and it increases feelings of well-being. So again, if you can find purpose at work, it’s going to impact your personal well-being and happiness and resilience levels.

P: Mmm.

M: And so, people who find purpose at work that aligns with their values. They get more meaning from their roles, they’re more productive and they out-perform their peers. And for those companies out there who are thinking this is all a load of baloney, there’s a positive correlation between employees who are engaged and have purpose and revenue.

P: Oh! Money, money, money, money, money, laugh!

M: Mmm hmm.

P: A bottom line, there it is folks. On that concept of finding purpose. When you when you first mentioned to me that we were doing purpose today, the first place I went to was small matters of purpose. So a lot of people think of purpose being this big, overarching statement that you live your life by. You should have it plastered on your bedroom wall. So you see it when you wake up. It should be this massive statement that is like, you know Martin Luther King or something like that.

M: I believe in world peace!

P: There we go. Boom! But purpose doesn’t have to be that grand. It can be really small, and it can be tiny. And I reference Rebecca Teasdale, who is an executive coach in America, on she read an article in one of her publications on recognising the small moments of purpose. And it was all about a conversation that she had in a cab after she gotten home from an overseas trip. She was exhausted, she was tired. The cab driver started to engage her, she immediately went to [thinking] ‘oh, don’t talk to me, I’m exhausted, I’m tired, I just want my space.’ But she chose to engage back, and she said the conversation was very interesting because it made her realise that those small interactions can sometimes be enough purpose for the day.

M: Yes.

P: So, don’t dismiss the retail assistant, don’t dismiss the train driver or the bus driver. Those small moments can be your purpose in terms of trying to engage with 10 people that you don’t know in a day, and that can be a big enough purpose for you to bring about the same feelings that you’re talking about with those grand sweeping ideals that we live by.

M: So you’re talking about engaging with those people when they ask, What do you do?

P: Yes, or the opportunity to engage in a cab, for example, instead of retreating into your own headspace, which we all need to do sometimes don’t get me wrong.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: There is an opportunity to grab those small one to two minute interactions and make them a win for yourself if you can recognise those wins that also can lead to other, bigger, grander purpose statements. Again, it’s like a practise session you’re practising finding the purpose in each interaction, which needs to find a purpose in a day, finding a purpose in a month, finding a purpose in life.

M: Okay, all right.

P: It’s a tool.

M: Nice. So, I had a couple of other exercises that I thought I could run you through.

P: Sure.

M: These are great exercises.

P: You always say that.

M & P: Laughter!

P: And I sit there going ‘do I have my cynic hat on now?’

M: Laugh! No, these are science backed exercises.

P: You know I don’t like audience participation.

M & P: Laugh!

M: So, if you are in the audience, maybe get a pen and paper or definitely have a look at the transcript, because these will be in there.

P: Laugh.

M: So the first thing, and this is big at the moment. This is what a lot of Positive Psychologists and Neuroscientists and HR Professionals are all looking at, and it’s about identifying your strengths.

P: Oh, ok. Laugh.

M: So the logic used to be that you should understand your strengths and your weaknesses.

P: Yes, I remember that being talked about.

M: Mmm hmm. And every person who’s ever done any training for an interview has been told, ‘what are your weaknesses? Make sure you know what your weakness are.’

P: Tell me about your weakness? What don’t you do well? ‘Nothing! I’m Fabulous!’

M & P: Laughter.

M: So that the current thinking is that you shouldn’t be spending all this time on making your weaknesses better so that you’re completely well rounded and perfect. It’s just not do-able. It’s not possible.

P: Embrace your flaws.

M: Well, understand your flaws, and maybe if it truly is holding you back, do a bit of work there. But more importantly, if you want to find your purpose, focus on your strengths.

P: Because they will lead you.

M: Because that’s what you’re good at and what you’re good at, aligns with what you want to do, then double down on that.

P: Ok.

M: So, the current thinking is focus on your strengths. Obviously, being aware is still very important. But spend some time thinking and answering some of the following questions about your strengths.

P: Ooh! Is this like a ten second thing?

M: This is not a time to be modest, and no it is not a ten second thing.

P: Ok.

M: So, sit down with a pen, I’ll ask you a couple, Pete. So, –

P: I’m ready, go.

M: What is the best thing about you?

P: … crickets, laugh.

M: Your sense of humour, great. Next –

P: Laughter! Did you just answer for me.

M: Laugh!

P: Marie, can I answer? Marie? Marie!

M & P: Laugh!

M:  – What is your most significant achievement?

P: Oooh, a career where I started like –

M: You’re a professional dancer, just for everyone listening at home who didn’t have that cryptic [insight].

P: You dropped the D word. Laugh. – where I was behind the eight ball from the start.

M: A successful career, as a professional Dancer.

P: Okay.

M: So, I won’t go into all of them, because as great as you are, Pete, you don’t need to spend the last half of our podcast talking about how fabulous you are.

P: Laugh!

M: But the rest of the questions:

  • What is the best thing about you?
  • What do you like most about yourself?
  • What are you like when you’re at your best?
  • What or who brings out the best in you?
  • What is your most significant achievement?
  • How have your strengths helped you in the past?
  • How can your strengths help you in the future?

P: I did an essay on that [last one]!

M: And once you’ve sat down and really thought through this and really been not modest, firstly.

P: Mmm.

M: But also truthful.

P: Yep.

M: And once you’ve got a good grasp of your strengths, then the trick is to commit to using them in a new way at least once a week.

P: Oh! a new way?

M: Mmm hmm. So, whether you’re good with people and so you decide to have that conversation with the taxi driver.

P: Ok, yeah.

M: Or to attend more networking events, or to mentor someone, or coach them.

P: Yeah.

M: There’s a whole lot of ways that you can use those people skills, if that’s what your strength is –

P: Yeah.

M: – in different and new ways, and to keep flexing that muscle, if that’s what you’re good at, double down on it and really become excellent at it.

P: Hmm. I like it, that kind of narrows into what I was saying before about using the small moments and using the small exercises.

M: Yeah.

P: As you were saying, flexing the muscle, doubling down on the skills. I like that. Finding your own way is challenging.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Sometimes it’s difficult to come up with new ways to use a skill set.

M: Yes.

P: That can be some creative thinking right there.

M: Which is good, a bit of creative thinking never hurt anyone.

P: Yes.

M: All right, so the second way to find your purpose and there are a million ways to find your purpose. But if you think back to all of those vocation surveys that you did in high school. [Unenthused voice] I got gardener…

P & M: Laugh!

M: Yep. You can tell how much that suits me.

P: That’s funny! I’ve seen your herb garden.

M: I kill everything, laugh.

P: Laugh!

M: So anyway, if you want to take this a little step further. We have spoken before about the Japanese [art of] Ikigai.

P: Ah Yes.

M: Do you want to talk us through Ikigai, Pete?

P: Oh, oh. The art of Ikigai, the art of finding your purpose. Yeah, so Ikigai is all about a little place in Okinawa which is an island off the end of Japan, which is one of the blue zones of the world.

M: Yes it is.

P: With the centenarians, people who live with longest and have a great quality of life. And you have this whole concept of the practise of finding the reason for being and finding that reason for getting out of bed in the morning. And it’s about living a fulfilling and happy life and each day contributes to that fulfilment. So if your job is to sweep the floor of the house or the porch, that is what you wake up for. And that is one of the first things you go for. What you do it so well and you commit to it and you give it your all, and you even apply your, your, your best to being better at it in the future, even if it is a domestic task, you see how excited I am about sweeping the front porch!?

M: Yes.

P: And this is what these people believe in, they believe in finding the passion and purpose.

M: Well, finding the passion, yes.

P: Finding the passion in what you’re doing and committing to that and investing in it.

There is a lovely story of a makeup company that had make-up brushes and they had a little Japanese Lady. And this company was known for the quality of their make-up brushes and a guy came over from America, and he wanted to meet the manufacturer and they said, ‘Oh, we have one department for the makeup brushes’ and he took him out the back into this small little room in the back of the factory, and there was a Japanese woman, and she handmade the makeup brushes, every single hair.

That was her role. She loved it. She did that job for years, and that was the application because it was her passion to make the best brush each time she did.

M: That is a beautiful story, and I hope we can all find our makeup brush. But just to circle back on, how to find your Ikigai and what it is. So Ikigai is about, if you’ve ever looked at a Venn diagram and different things and how they intersect, it’s about identifying:

  • what you love;
  • what you’re good at;
  • what the world needs; and
  • what you could be paid for.

M: And the intersection between those four things is your Ikigai. And that could be for you making makeup brushes. It could be helping kids with cancer. It could be… world peace.

P & M: Laugh!

M: We’ll finish on that note.

P: That old nugget.

M: Laugh. But whatever it is for you. So, what you love, what you’re good at, what the world needs and what you can be paid for. And the intersection of those things is where your Ikigai is.

P: Nice.

M: All right. So that is another way. One of many, many ways that you can find purpose in life and again finding that purpose. And for some people it’s coaching little league on the weekends or giving back to their community in various ways. Volunteering is often a really good way to find that purpose and that meaning and get those social connections.

P: Mmm.

M: So, if you’re maybe not finding the meaning and purpose in your day job, look at some volunteering opportunities.

P: Look at something else.

M: Look at what has brought you joy and passion and what you’re good at and find a way to get involved in that outside of your work.

P: Ok, nice.

M: All right.

P: Enjoy finding your purpose people.

M: And living longer and happier. And on that note, we’ll see you next week.

P: Laugh. Bye 😊

M: Bye 😊

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness!

[Exit music fadeout]

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going, at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

Significantly Boost Your Happiness With 3 Daily Habits Under 10 Minutes

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Can you boost your happiness?

boost your happiness

Ever wanted to boost your happiness? Well you can! Everyone has a set point for happiness – where our natural happiness levels sit. Some people are just a bit happier than others, while others are just a bit more negative than others. But with just a tiny bit of time and some consistent effort, research is showing that some very easy habits can help to increase our happiness set point.

In this article, we explore 3 daily habits you can bring into your life that only take 10 minutes or less to significantly boost your happiness levels. Read on!

Make Gratitude a Habit

gratitude journaling

We’re all wired to scan our environment for bad things. Afterall, the ancestor who failed to see the lion stalking them from the bushes wouldn’t survive long enough to care about fine art or mastering their chosen profession. But where does that leave the modern-day man or woman?

We may no longer have to worry about lions, but in today’s day and age there are even more things we have to worry about. There’s all the day-to-day stresses of our job, if we’re lucky to have one – and even if we do have a job, who knows how long we’ll keep it. Then there’s keeping up with friends, which costs money and is a killer for our self-esteem – trying to save enough to buy a house, worrying about having enough for retirement, but not worrying too much because you might forget to live for today. Engaging with friends on social media, and being interesting enough, pretty enough… heck, just having enough friends to engage with. Watching enough TV to keep up to date with what everyone else is talking about, but not too much because we all know sitting is the new smoking.

I could go on… and on. Today’s modern (capitalist) world is designed to keep us fretting – and coming back for more – so that it can seem like we’re constantly anxious, stressed, frustrated or worried about something.

That’s where gratitude comes in. Practicing gratitude is super simple, really quick and can completely rewire your brain. By spending just a few minutes everyday on writing down 3 things that you’re grateful for (or I prefer to write down three things that went well), you are teaching your brain to balance out all those negative thoughts with some positive ones. Over time, your brain literally rewires itself to see more of the good things in life. So, your brain will stop to smell the flowers, so to speak. This helps to build resilience against the all bad things that happen in life and all those negative emotions and day-to-day stressors.

If writing down things that you’re grateful for isn’t your jam, you can also get huge benefits from thanking others – and so do they! Simply make it a daily habit to give a heartfelt thanks to someone every day. Whether they’re your partner, or family member or colleague, spreading thanks will cheer up the people around you and come back to you in positive vibes!

Not sold yet? A recent study showed that saying thanks in the right way can also strengthen your social bonds. When it came to thanking our loved ones, the key was to focus on how responsive they were to your needs. According to the researchers, saying something like: “I wouldn’t have made it to the meeting on time if you didn’t drop me off at the office today,” tended to produce the most positive response from a partner.

Related reading: Top 5 Speakers on Gratitude

Get Your Heart Pumping

exercise at home

Most of us know we need to exercise more. We also know how important exercise is to our health and happiness, but so many of us hate it, or just simply can’t find the motivation to do it. Whether you’re too busy, or unmotivated, or kinda motivated but just not when it counts, one of the easiest ways to make something stick is to make it so quick and easy that it’s almost harder not to do it.

In his bestselling book, Atomic Habits, James Clear advocates for 10 steps to make habits stick. Among them are three that really resonate when it comes to finding a way to fit exercise into your day.

Build a system for getting 1 per cent better every day. That’s it! Only 1 per cent! You don’t need to climb Kilimanjaro on your first attempt, heck you don’t even have to go to the gym. In fact, recent research has shown that simply doing 10 minutes of high intensity interval training (HIIT) can have significant benefits. A HIIT workout is super intense and is about getting your heart rate up quickly and working really hard for a short amount of time. There are plenty of 10-minute HIIT workouts on YouTube you can easily do in your living room for free.

Design your environment to make success easier. One of the hardest things about starting a new exercise routine is actually starting it. Whether you’re going to do a HIIT workout, or a 10-minute fast walk around your neighbourhood, just getting to that first workout can be insurmountable. So, make it as easy as possible to get going. For the first few weeks, why not select the HIIT workout you want to try the night before and set it up on the TV and go to bed in your gym clothes with your gym shoes next to the bed. Or organise to meet a friend for that walk, so you have to cancel (which is a hassle) if you aren’t feeling like it. Anything you can do to make it easier to do the activity than not will help you to do it.

Make tiny, easy changes that deliver big results. Again, don’t go for it all at once. Go easy on yourself. Start with twice a week, or even once a week. And if you don’t hit your target, forgive yourself, BUT KEEP GOING the next week. This will happen at some point, so be prepared and know that you’ll still keep pushing forward. Only once your habit has become second nature should you even attempt to add more time to your workout or do it more often in your week. You don’t want to scare yourself off!

Bring Some Laughter Into Your Day

Laughter is natures wonder drug. It makes you feel happier, not only in the moment, but also in the long-term; it also helps to dull pain. It lowers blood pressure and reduce stress. The list goes on and on – see  The Mayo Clinic for a range of research and writing on the positive effects of laughter for stress reduction.

But did you know that you can really easily and simply add it into your day in only 60-second!?

Grab your phone and start the timer. For the first 10 seconds, laugh out loud. You don’t have to feel it, you just need to vocalise ‘ha-ha-ha’ a few times. Think of it like an acting class with really bad acting. It doesn’t have to be authentic laughter to begin with, just do it.

Once you’ve done 10-seconds of ‘ha-ha-has,’ breathe deeply for the next 10-seconds. Repeat these two steps two more times and you’re done. That’s it! It really couldn’t be more simple! The key to this exercise is to commit to doing it every morning for a couple of weeks (at least). What have you got to lose?

Related reading: Yep, laughter really is the best medicine

Want to learn more about how to boost your happiness? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & happiness and resilience resources!

Emotional First Aid (E65)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about recognising emotional trauma and how to apply emotional first aid to your psychological cuts and bruises.

Show notes

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: And we’re back!

P: Hi, hi, hi!

M: Hey.

P: Muz, how ya doing?

M: I am a bit frantic and frazzled this week.

P: Oh.

M: So I have, in response, upped up my physical exercise, I’ve been on the treadmill and just making sure I’m getting enough sleep. It’s just a busy time at work and with everything else. I’ve kind of got two jobs that I’m juggling.

P: Mmm, yes.

M: So, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

P: Laugh.

M: I’m just so grateful to have such a full and satisfying life. But it’s just a bit busy at the moment. How about you?

P: I’m good, I’m good. I’m pumped and ready to go. I excited about this week’s episode because –

M: Because this one’s all you, isn’t it Pete?

P: It is.

M: What are we talking about?

P: Well, I led with that question. I was hoping you were going to say something else along the lines of, you know, my body’s a bit sore and I could go, ‘Oh, that’s great, I can fix that!’

M: Laugh.

P: Because I’m a sports therapist and I know what to do with broken bodies, But you brought up a really interesting point because you sAid frantic and frazzled and we’re talking about emotional First Aid this week. And when someone comes to you and says ‘I’m frantic, I’m frazzled’, it’s like …crickets.

M: Laugh, mmm hmm.

P: That not good, what are we doing for Sunday dinner?

M & P: Laughter.

P: Let’s move on, laugh.

M: Yep.

P: And the reason that we do this is because not many of us know how to deal with emotions or apply the First Aid for emotional First Aid.

M: And this is such an important topic. I Don’t know why it’s taken us a whole year to get to this. But we are encouraging people to do self-analysis and to understand their emotions and their triggers and emotional baggage and to work through it, whether by journaling or by talking to other people. Yet as a society, there are so many people out there who just freak out. They don’t know what to when someone says, ‘you know, I’m not doing so well.’

P: The change is in the winds though Marie, it is changing. We’re moving away for a biological biomedical health model. We’re now looking at the socio ecological model of health and that means we now GP’s pharmacists, all these health professionals are now taking into account social issues, people’s emotions. It has become a change and a shift and 100 years ago, this change and shift happened around physical health. All of a sudden we became aware that we have to take care of ourselves.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: We have to eat well. We have to, not imbibe in too much rich food otherwise we get gout and that brought about a 50% increase in life expectancy. This is 100 years ago and the person that will be referencing today, who is Dr Guy Winch, he talks about that at the moment we’re on a different bent in that were becoming aware of our emotional health.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And people are now becoming more okay with the terminology around psychological health, mental well-being, understanding social equity and all these sorts of terms that 20 years ago, 40 years ago maybe we didn’t even know about. But now it’s so much more in our faces that’s being promoted so much more because this stuff has an impact on our mortality. If we don’t address this stuff, we die! Laugh!

M: We were saying that around here, don’t we?

P: We do! Laugh. We say it a lot.

M: It’s actually really topical because this month, May, is Mental Health Awareness Month in Australia, and I’m talking on a panel at my corporate gig in a week’s time. So I think I agree with you 100%. We are having these discussions in the corporate setting, as well, which is where a huge portion of our population work, not all of them by any means, but a large portion.

P: Yeah.

M: And corporate are also changing their language and driving change around this. They’re talking to older generations and men, people who traditionally have shunned a lot of this talk because they were tougher.

P: Yeah, it wasn’t accepted. It wasn’t encouraged in our society, for men, particularly to be in touch with their emotions. That’s out the window, now. That’s gone. The tough male model is gone, thank goodness.

M: Well… a lot of it.

P: Yeah.

M: We’re opening up the conversation. I think there’s still a long way to go, yeah.

P: The expectation, though there is now that boys are allowed to cry.

M: Yeah.

P: And that, that’s a good thing because, yes, it’s good to express our emotions. I’m referencing a very interesting psychologist this week from America, Guy Winch. Who some of you may know from his very famous Ted talk on emotional First Aid. He was interviewed as one of one of the First speakers for Being a Better Human, which is a new Ted talk series which is coming out. And his talk on emotional First Aid that he also go to Google was voted as one of the most popular Ted talks ever.

M: Hmm.

P: So reasonably well known. He’s published two books, one that we’re looking at today is his book on emotional thirst Aid, which is entitled The Practical Strategies for Treating Failure, Rejection, Guilt and other everyday Psychological Injuries.

M: So is that –

P: Do you have any psychological injuries?

M: Oh my gosh yes! Who doesn’t?

P: Laugh.

M: My psychological damage is giving me a crick my neck. Seriously.

P: [Silly voice] Ay, I got such a crick in my neck, it is such a sunder!

M & P: Laughter!

M: I’ve even got a bag, thank you from Life School, which says emotional baggage.

P & M: Laughter!

P: But it’s true we all have emotional baggage.

M: And you’ve got to open it up and dig around in there sometimes –

P: Absolutely.

M: – because otherwise it drives you and drives your behaviours and reactions without you even realising it.

P: Exactly and when you listen to this guy’s talk, it’s amazing how much it drives. So we could take a few examples today. So let’s work through the main –

M: Well, before you get started. What do you mean by emotional First Aid?

P: Emotional First Aid is knowing how to apply a Band Aid to a psychological trauma. So if you’ve had a bad day at work and your boss has pulled you into a meeting and sAid that presentation that you gave last week was substandard, you didn’t address this, you didn’t address that, I’m really disappointed in your performance. I think you need to go away and actually have a think about this again before you present it again to the national forum on next week and for God’s sake, do a better job this time. How would that make you feel?

M: Didn’t even get a shit sandwich.

P: Laugh!

M: Just went straight for the kill. I’d be looking for a new boss of that’s how they do feedback.

P: Laugh!

M: But I’d also be feeling pretty crappy.

P & M: Laugh!

M: Now in the real world, corporate leaders are taught to compliment, deliver the hard stuff and then finish it with a compliment.

P: Yeah, I missed that one. I come from the art’s, it’s just cutthroat, Laugh. ‘That plier was shit, do it again!’

M & P: Laughter!

P: So, with those sorts of traumas, that’s as bad as a wound, that’s an emotional wound. So, your ego’s taken a hit, your self-esteem has taken a hit and you’re feeling pretty low. How do you address that?

M: How do you personally address it for you? Or how do you help friends and family and colleagues?

P: Let’s take the, let’s take the personal straight away because it is up to us to look after our own health.

M: Yep.

P: And, if I cut my finger when I was cooking, I’d know to wash it, put some Dettol on it and put a Band Aid on it because I don’t want it to get to get infected. We should have that same understanding when we have an emotional wound. So, if someone tells us we’re crap, we should have immediate steps in place that we know that was a hit to my ego. So now I need to go and do some self-esteem work, however minor or free it is, or do something that’s good for myself. Rather than going and finding a bowl of ice cream and eating it all in one go, opening up the wine bottle –

M: [Longing Sigh] Oh…

P: – or going and doing some retail therapy.

M: Can we do both?

P: Laugh. That’s the point. These things are not emotional Band Aids. They don’t help the injury, they waylay it.

M: No, but if you feel good in the moment, laugh!

P: They smother it. They push it down and Guy Winch –

M: Are they part of a holistic strategy, you know, multi-pronged attack, laugh!

P: No, no. I’m going to say no.

M: Darn it, alright.

P & M: Laughter!

P: Because they just suppress the issue. So high carb – sugar rush. So it releases endorphins in your system and you don’t think about the injury. Alcohol suppresses all the all the emotions. The problem with alcohol and Doctor Winch uses this example is it’s going to come back up.

M: Laugh.

P: They’re going to vomit that alcohol back up. So, it’s really important that we have more fundamentally beneficial First Aid approaches when we have a psychological trauma.

Let’s take something like failure.

So failure is a psychological wound.

M: Yes.

P: When you fail at something, you’re not feeling good.

M: I never fail.

P: Oohhh…?

M & P: Laughter!

M: I just don’t do things that I’m going to fail at.

P & M: Laugh!

M: That’s why. No, I lie, I lie. I’ve had some shocking failures in my life.

P: Yeah, and you’ve gotta bounce back from those. So what we’re talking about here is the way that failure registers with us the mind tricks us into not being able to function and do the simplest tasks. Things like going and doing the washing, going to the fridge and getting the milk out of the fridge and you drop it and it falls on the floor and you end up in a puddle of a mess because you’ve had a hard day.

M: Laugh.

P: Those sort of simple tasks we can’t do when we have failure because our cognition and our ability to just coordinate is impacted by our emotion. The mind is a hard thing to change once it’s been convinced that it’s a failure. So, if someone says your shit, then it’s really hard to actually bring yourself up going ‘No, I’m not’; unless you’ve got really good self-esteem in the first place, it’s really hard to go ‘No, I’m not shit, I have these qualities, and I can do this, and this, and this, and this, and that’s going to make you feel better and that is an emotional Band Aid.

M: I’ve actually seen people with failure, baggage and the huge impact can have on their happiness levels.

P: Definitely.

M: They’re going to operate in society and at the smallest challenges they run away rather than step up and learn or grow or fight.

P: Mmm, yep.

M: And it’s such a limiting thing to carry around in your emotional baggage.

P: Absolutely, definitely and it doesn’t have to be a big failure. It can be a small failure if can happened when you were a teenager.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: That informs so much of your developmental understanding. And this in a psychological wound, so we have to know how to take that up and take care of it and let it heal. So there are different things that we can do.

M: Also, failure is part of life, right?

P: It is.

M: Let’s be really honest. So when kids experience failure, it’s about helping them to develop the tools to pick themselves up and try again, rather than trying to stop them from experiencing that failure because experiencing it is still so important.

P: Yes, so much.

M: And we found with the latest generation of parents who stereotypically have over parented and tried to protect their kids. And they’ve gone in and fought with the teacher who gave them the B, so they could get an A.

P: Mmm, yeah.

M: And all of those things, have had arguments with the coach who benched them, and these kids have never learned to fail.

P: Exactly.

M: And they hit the real world.

P: And they can’t cope.

M: Parents can’t go in to bat for them to get the promotion, laugh.

P: Absolutely, definitely.

M: And they buckle at the first sign of any pressure because they’re not used to stepping up in the face of that.

P: Yeah, I’ve got a great example from when I was doing my study when I was a massage therapist and I knew my nutrition lecturer really well. We were friends. We were colleagues. And we went out for dinner one night and she said,

‘Oh, so we have the test on Monday, are you ready?

And I’m like ‘No! I haven’t been able to study!’

And she goes ‘That’s ok. I’ll just throw you a question. Why don’t we eat meat when we’re unwell?’

And I just sat there going ‘I don’t know!

M: Laugh!’

P: And Kirsty looked at me and said ‘It’s okay Pete, it’s alright.’ She said it’s because we don’t want iron in our system because that’s what the bacteria feeds off when we’re ill. We don’t want iron in our system.

M: I just learned something?

P: Exactly. And do you know what? I have never forgotten that conversation since 15 years ago. So now whenever it comes up I’m like ‘ah, we don’t eat meat when we’re sick!’

M & P: Laugh!  

P: It’s stuck in my brain.

M: I’m betting the science has changed since then, now we have to eat meat, laugh.

P: Oh, I’m sticking with it because I had an emotional response.

M: Yep.

P: And It triggered a memory in me, and it happened a couple weeks ago in uni. I’ve got the same thing, I got something wrong. I will now always know that DALY always stands for disability-adjusted life years.

M: Laugh.

P: So it’s there, you had those emotional responses, they are a step to learning. Let’s take one more example.

Let’s look at something which is really fun, ruminating.

The brooder, we all know a brooder, don’t we?

M: We need to redefine your definition of fun.

P: Laugh! A person who sits there and creates and thinks some things through endlessly. This is a real risk of psychological trauma because it puts you in that cycle again, and it doesn’t let you come up with any solutions again that’s not exercising the right kind of brain waves that allows you to achieve tasks that affects your work ethic and affects your achievement scales, it affects your self-worth. Because you’re not seeing any positivity coming out of a situation, you start fantasising. You start creating situations that are never going to happen. You know ‘the FBI are going to come from a chimney at night and gag me and take me away because I didn’t put the toilet seat down.

M: Are you fantasising? Or ruminating? Laugh!

P: Well, that’s the thing. One thing leads to another. That’s a serious example, though.

M: I think in a way we’ve covered this in the past with conversations about gratitude and how we’re actually wired to see the negative. The person who noticed the tiger that was stalking them was more likely to live than the guy who was skipping through the daisy field oblivious to the, you know, the threat, right? So, we’re wired, biologically wired to look for the negative, and that can really lead down a really bad path if you don’t stop it.

P: Yeah.

M: And so a really great way again to counter act that, is to bring a gratitude practise into your daily life.

P: Definitely.

M: It is so simple and easy. And it helps you to scan your environment for positives.

P: Mmm.

M: And balance that out, and might even to a certain degree, depending on what your brooding or ruminating on might even short circuit a lot of that behaviour and retrain your brain to not ruminate.

P: Science says you are right, Marie.

M & P: Laugh!

M: How about that, laugh.

P: Dr Winch talks about it in terms of adaptive versus maladaptive, so self-reflection can be maladaptive. When you become a ruminator and your self-reflecting and you go down that negative cycle and you keep looking for the negatives that’s maladaptive reasoning and that has powerful affect because it leads to alcoholism, eating disorders, increased cortisol and cardiovascular disease, so the science says, I’m not going to quote any studies because we’re running out of time. He calls it picking at emotional scabs.

You’re not letting something heal because you keep driving a knife into the wounds going ‘Yeah, let’s put this knife in deeper and see how deep it can go.’ Whereas adaptive reasoning is exactly what you’re talking about, Marie. It’s taking some time to be positive and do some real work around, trying to bring yourself up and bring yourself out of that brooding, only seeing the negative cycle.

M: There’s a great course that life line used to run called Accidental Counsellor, which I took last year, actually, and it teaches people who may be caught off guard who are not mental health professionals how to have conversations and support friends, colleagues, people at work, customers even who’ve come out with, you know, some really tough, tough disclosures at times.

P: Yeah

M: And if you’re not prepared for it or equipped, what do you say? How do you support that person and give them what they need? But then, also on the flip side, how do you not give them too much advice or coaching because you’re not the professional, right?

P: Exactly.

M: And one of the great things that we learned in that session was that you can be there for someone too much.

P: Hmm.

M: If you’re letting them talk too much, and they’re in that ruminating space, and all they’re doing is just reinforcing the negative. There comes a time where, you know, as the friend who’s supporting you need to say, ‘enough’s enough, this isn’t working. This is ruminating.’

P: This is brooding and it’s not beneficial.

M: I’m supporting you.

P: Yeah, and I’m enabling you to do more of it. Someone has to come in at some point and cut that that process off. Otherwise, we get so many health risks coming forward.

M: Yeah, so it’s not just with yourself, but with friends who may be going through a tough time. You can listen and listen and listen. And that is the number one recommendation out of this course for how to help people who are going through tough times. Listen.

P: Yeah.

M: Sit and listen and validate what they’re feeling, but there comes a point where you need to stop listening and move them to a professional or even extricate yourself out in the right way.

P: And you can do that on yourself as well, you can, listen, listen and listen to yourself talk, but there comes a point where you going ‘Right, enough’s enough. Let’s take, take some action. And if that action is going getting some professional help then that’s great, because getting that is a positive step we’re taking action.

M: Yep.

P: I know we’re pushed for time,

but I do want to mention one more, rejection.

This is a psychological trauma, which a lot of people go through, it can be rejection from a job. It can rejection from a lover. It could be rejection from a date. I mean, who hasn’t gone on a date and have someone get up in the first ten minutes and say ‘Sorry, I’m out.’ It’s like, Oh my God, I feel terrible. [Sad laugh]

M: Is that common?

P: Not if you’re married. Laugh.

M: Well, I’ve been married for 15 years. [actually, 9 years this December]

P & M: Laughter!

P: Online dating. We have so much interaction on an online sphere, and then you go and meet the person and you realise, oh my God, they’re completely not who I thought they were and I actually have nothing in common with this person.

M: Mmm.

P: So people will back out in five minutes flat.

M: Which I think is fine, but you can deliver that message in a more sensitive way, laugh.

P: Absolutely. So, let’s look at that feeling of rejection.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Now, it’s interesting. The science behind this was done using a ball game. So, I’m number one, Marie you’re number two, let’s make Francis number three. I throw the ball to you, you throw the ball to Francis, and Francis throws the ball to me.

Then halfway through this, we keep doing it, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la; And then all of a sudden, Francis throws the ball back to you, and then you throw to Francis and Francis throws it back to you. Then all of a sudden, I’m standing there going ‘no one’s throwing me the ball’. That’s going to make me feel rejected. It’s going to make me feel ostracised.

M: Piggy in the middle!

P: Laugh! As a piggy though, I’m active cause I’m trying to catch the ball. This, I’m not even involved in the ball game anymore because you guys have decided to keep it between the two of you.

M: Yep.

P: So what they did was they took some MRI scans of the person who was feeling these feelings of rejection. What they found was the pathways, the neural pathways that activated during the feelings of rejected mimic the pain pathways that we experience when we are in physical pain.

The reason behind this, when we were running around in tribes, as nomads we needed to make sure that we were part of the clan. Otherwise, we died. Literally, we could not survive as a solo human being in the wild because something would eat us or we wouldn’t be able to get enough food.

So the body developed this in our evolutionary history. This process to let us know something is wrong. We’re going to make you feel pain because you need to get involved with the group again.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And that’s a lever, that’s creating something that makes us go back to the group. And it’s really important because it can be as simple as a ball game and it can leave someone feeling out. And if we don’t act on that, if we don’t know to recognise that as ‘I’m being excluded, somehow I have to find a way to connect back in with the group’, then we are left feeling ostracised and it results in trauma such as cardiovascular disease, increased cortisol levels, all those things that we’ve talked about in terms of chronic illness and inflammatory responses which have a physical impact on our body.

M: There’s a great book called The 10 Types of Human by Dexter Dias, and he talks about this study [similar to above], and it was actually done on the beach with people playing Frisbee.

P: Laugh.

M: They talk about how this relates to other animals that are social and pack animals as well, there’s some great stories in there. But it is a biological and physiological response about rejection.

P: Yep, definitely. We don’t like it, it’s not just humans, it’s other animals as well.

M: Yep.  

P: But we don’t like it, and it’s not good for us. So, learning to identify that and applying the processes of being able to go, that’s an emotional wound, let’s address it, helps to keep us healthy and better and living longer.

M: So you’ve got a few others here, loneliness and guilt, and we’re out of time. But to wrap up the conversation, I guess, on emotional First Aid, what we’ve done is talked about some of the things that can really lead us down a path of lifelong injuries, mental injuries that we carry with us and into our relationships and everything we do and really what you’re saying here Pete, if I can maybe parrot it back, is that we need to be better at identifying that and short circuiting that.

P: Absolutely.

M: Exploring it, picking at it, but not too much.

P: Yep, laugh. Don’t pick the scab.

M: Yep, laugh.

P: This goes into something that we can talk about later, which is this whole idea we came up with of emotional literacy like we have health literacy, there’s happiness, literacy, there’s emotional literacy. We need to know it and it’s identifying those markers and going ‘ah, this is loneliness, this is what we do for loneliness.’ We need to be better at that. And maybe we can talk about this in another episode about the tips behind how we can address that.

M: Yep.

P: Maybe that’s a different episode that we can do.

M: Sounds good, all right. On that note, we’ll definitely put Guy Winches Ted talk in our show notes for everyone.

P: Yeah.

M: And I’m going to go have a read of that because I haven’t yet, laugh.

P: Yeah, it’s really interesting, he presents it in a really interesting way with some great anecdotes and stories.

M: Love it. All right, well, that’s all we have time for this week. We’ll see you next week.

P: Till next time.

M: Bye.

P: Bye.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

Please note that I get a small commission if you buy something from my site. Your support helps to keep this site going, at no additional cost to you. Thanks!

Yep, laughter really is the best medicine

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Is Laughter the Best Medicine?

Is laughter the best medicine? I’m going to say yes! Last week, I attended a lunchtime webinar by the Centre for Optimism and listened to an amazing panel of experts talk about laughter, optimism, resilience and wellbeing… and I’m still buzzing!

In particular, I learned from La Trobe University’s adjunct profession Ros Ben-Moshe about the science behind laughter and we did a short but very effective laughter yoga exercise that had me grinning like a Cheshire cat for the rest of the afternoon. While still high on laughter, I signed up for Ros’ upcoming 5-week virtual course at La Trobe Laughter, Resilience and Wellbeing.

I’ve known for a while about the power of laughter to boost your mood and bring joy – it’s a bit of a no brainer really. But what I hadn’t stopped to think about for a very long time was actively integrating laughter into my week to increase my base happiness and wellbeing levels. This is going to change!

In this article, I’m exploring whether laughter really is the best medicine, and how we can use some super simple exercises to not only feel happier in the moment but to also achieve a happier life overall. Read on!

What’s the Link Between Laughter and Ongoing Wellbeing?

[image]

The science has been pretty definite on this one for a while. Laughter truly is the best medicine. It’s not just a saying but a scientifically proven way to increase your wellbeing. For instance, laughter helps to reduce stress. The Mayo Clinic in the U.S. has a range of research and writing on the positive effects of laughter for stress reduction. For example, a good laugh can decrease your heart rate and blood pressure, it can also sooth pressure and relieve muscle tension.

Longer term, laughter has a range of other benefits, such as improving your immune system and helping you fight illness. In fact, Ros Ben-Moshe (who I mentioned above), wrote a book, called Laughing at Cancer: How to Heal with Love, Laughter and Mindfulness, in which she describes how mindful healing techniques and the power of laughter got her through her cancer diagnosis and treatment (along with good medicine of course).

Stanford University psychiatrist, William Fry, performed a series of studies over his 50-year career, finding that laughter stimulates the immune system, increases circulation and invigorates the brain. Not only that, laughter exercises muscles, so a good intense laugh can be a form of exercise!

Aside from the physical wellbeing benefits, laughter also makes us happier in the moment – I know, that’s a no-brainer. It does this by releasing endorphins in the brain that make us feel great. But did you know laughter can increase not only your short-term happiness but also your long-term happiness?

For instance, if you laugh with other people, it helps to strengthen bonds between people. When you laugh with others and all get that endorphin hit together, it creates a sense of togetherness. Not only that, but laughter spread around groups. It’s contagious. So having a good laugh around your friends and family will make them happier too. In fact, there was a study conducted to work out whether happiness can spread from person to person and whether niches of happiness form within social networks. Researchers found that:

“A friend who lives within a mile (about 1.6 km) and who becomes happy increases the probability that a person is happy by 25%. Similar effects are seen in co-resident spouses, siblings who live within a mile, and next-door neighbours.”

So, laughing with friends and family strengthens those bonds and makes the relationships more solid – and we know that relationships are a key foundation of a happy life.

Laughter and Your Happiness Set Point

How happy are you, really? Wouldn’t you like to be happier overall? Well, the current thinking about happiness is that we’re all born with a certain set point for happiness levels – meaning some people are naturally happier, while others are naturally grumpier.

Happy events – like a birthday party or graduating from college — can lead to a momentary spike in your happiness set point, just as sad events can lead to a momentary drop. But eventually, we all come back to our natural happiness level, or set point.

So, you might be thinking there’s no point in trying to be happier then, but here’s the great news: you can bring habits and routines into your life that help to increase your set point for happiness – essentially making you happier overall and increasing your wellbeing in the process.

What’s one way to increase your happiness set point? Bring more laughter into your life!

Want more? Listen to our podcast episode: Happiness is Contagious (E8)

Why Not Try Some Laughter Yoga?

Laughter yoga is a new craze that has gained steam over the past couple of decades. It involves people meeting to laugh together, often in a park or open space. That’s it. Simple. It doesn’t (necessarily) involve folding yourself into a variety of pretzel-like poses while laughing…. the ‘yoga’ part is more of a nod to the gentle breathing and movement that accompanies some laughter exercises.

There are many laughter exercises that you can practice at home by yourself, or with family, or friends. Before you start, remember that you’ll need a safe, open space where people feel comfortable and everyone is willing to be playful and childlike, letting down barriers.

Remember that some people will feel uncomfortable participating in laughter yoga exercises, so don’t pressure anyone or force them to participate – particularly if you decide to bring this into the workplace. It should be an ‘opt-in’ exercise, and who knows, once they’ve seen the benefits, maybe they’ll overcome their shyness and join in next time.

It’s also worth remembering that often people need to fake the laughter at the beginning, but very soon people end up laughing for real – it’s all about just giving it a go and getting started.

Here are three exercises you can try:

Start your day right with laughter

Add this quick 60-second exercise to your morning routine to start your day in a happy mood and set the tone for the rest of the day. Laughing with others can be a bit daunting, so this exercise is also a great starting place for people who are a bit reluctant to be vulnerable in front of other people. Here’s what you need to do…

Grab your phone and start the timer. For the first 10 seconds, laugh out loud. You don’t have to feel it, you just need to vocalise ‘ha-ha-ha’ a few times. Think of it like an acting class with really bad acting. It doesn’t have to be authentic laughter to begin with, just do it.

Once you’ve done 10-seconds of ‘ha-ha-has,’ breathe deeply for the next 10-seconds. Repeat these two steps two more times and you’re done. That’s it! It really couldn’t be more simple! The key to this exercise is to commit to doing it every morning for a couple of weeks (at least). What have you got to lose?

Use laughter to bond with friends and family

As mentioned above, one of the great things about laughter is sharing it with others. Laughing with other people is more intense and it helps to bring people closer together (so it’s great for team building exercises). So, grab some colleagues, friends, your partner or the whole family and convince them to join in this short exercise with you.

To start, get everyone into a circle and together take a deep breath in, and out. Repeat this a few times. Then, start moving around the circle to join up with a person. Then there are three steps:

  1. hold their hands or shake their hand,
  2. look them in the eye, and
  3. laugh for 10 seconds.

Once everyone has had 10 seconds of laughter with their partner, they should find another partner and repeat steps 1-3. Keep doing this until everyone has shared a laugh with everyone else in the group.

You’ll want someone to be the timekeeper and keep everyone on track with instructions on when to move on. You can get playful with it. Once everyone is on a roll, try doing a round where everyone has to laugh like Santa (ho-ho-ho), or be cheeky (tee-hee-hee) or put on a German, French or Russian accent, or simply throw in a good snort.

Make some noise and let loose

Ready to really let go? This is a good exercise for groups or individuals. Start by smiling and slowly move onto a giggle, then a chuckle and finish with a big belly laugh. Slowly increase the intensity and volume as you go. Once you’ve had a loud and big belly laugh for a good 10 seconds or so, bring it back down, stage by stage, to a smile.

To get a good benefit from this one, you can repeat this a few times. You can also add some movement into this one, starting small and crouched down and slowly opening up until your arms are in the air, your head is tilted back and you’re standing like a starfish.

Happy laughing!

Want to learn more about the laughter and bringing happiness into your life? Make sure to subscribe to my podcast Happiness for Cynics and my email newsletter for regular updates & resilience resources!

Laughter is the Best Medicine (E64)

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Happiness for Cynics podcast

This week, Marie and Pete talk about why laughter is the best medicine and try out a laughter yoga exercise you can do at home.

Transcript

[Happy intro music -background]

M: Welcome to happiness for cynics and thanks for joining us as we explore all the things I wish I’d known earlier in life but didn’t.

P: This podcast is about how to live the good life. Whether we’re talking about a new study or the latest news or eastern philosophy, our show is all about discovering what makes people happy.

M: So, if you’re like me and you want more out of life, listen in and more importantly, buy in because I guarantee if you do, the science of happiness can change your life.

P: Plus, sometimes I think we’re kind of funny.

[Intro music fadeout]

M: All right Pete, welcome back.

P: Hi!

M: Hi, so today we are talking about laughter!

P: Mmm, the joys of laughter, it’s fun! Laugh!

M: Just waiting for you to laugh, I’m like ‘he’ll laugh!’

P: There’s nothing better than a good belly laugh I say.

M: So true, where your cheeks hurt.

P: Yep.

M: Your belly hurts but you keep laughing.

P: Yep.

M: I’m just massaging my cheeks at the moment while talking to you, laugh!

P: Your zygomatic bones, laugh.

M: [Sigh] We’re going to hear a lot more about this as you continue your degree aren’t we?

P: Laugh! I’m going to get very specific and very technical about my anatomy.

M: And I’m gonna pay you out for it.

P: Yes, you will and you’re allowed to.

M: Alright. So, last week I did some education as well, and I intended a lunchtime webinar by the Centre for Optimism, they’re based out of the Melbourne.

P: Oh.

M: Victor Perton, who is ‘that Optimism Man’ runs the centre down there and they’re doing some fabulous stuff. So if you are an optimist already, and want to find your tribe.

P: Laugh.

M: Or maybe you want to be more optimistic, I highly recommend signing up and getting access to all of their resources, but also their lunchtime webinars and morning panel discussions and night-time workshops and all the other fab stuff that they run. So, I went to a talk with a panel of experts and it was about laughter, optimism, resilience and well-being. A real focus on laughter though.

P: OK.

M: And I am still buzzing!

P: Laughter!

M: Loved it, loved it and really, for me, it kind of reminded me that laughter is just so powerful.

P: It so is, yeah.

M: And I’ve even run a laughter workshops at Commonwealth Bank ages ago. So I’ve done laughter yoga workshops but I’d just for gotten.

P: Laugh. Well you can, I mean, the thing is that if you… Like anything, if you’re not flexing a muscle, it’s not, it’s not staying awake.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: Things atrophy if we don’t use them, and I really think that this comes down to a lot of the happiness work that we do. If you fall off the happiness bandwagon and those regular things that you’re involved in, you’ve got to get the momentum rolling again and often that’s the point where people choose that it’s all too hard.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: It’s too hard to be positive, it’s too hard to be optimistic. It is [hard], but once you get it going, it’s really easy to ride that curve. I had a similar situation a couple of weeks ago [with] my new position in my new job; where I, I had a huge day planned, I walked in it’s 7:30 in the morning and I’m not a morning person, everybody knows that.

M: Mmm hmm, laugh.

P: People having 8am massages! Really people, come on, get with! Laugh.

M & P: Laughter!

P: This is an evening activity! Laugh.

So, I sort of walked into work well, straight out the back, and then my boss came up to me about halfway through the day and went ‘hello, are you ok?’ and I went ‘yeah, I’m fine why? I’ve got things to do and places to be.’ And I’d forgotten that in the moment, it’s important to recognise people, be friendly, wake yourself up and use those tools of being positive and kind and all those lovely things that come with momentum. And once you start doing it; It’s like if you start the day that way, it carries throughout the day.

M: Absolutely.

P: I’m a big believer in that and that’s why the first things that you do when you get up out of bed should be something that’s actually really enjoyable or that makes you have a giggle. Put on an episode of Disney it first thing in the morning and see what it does to your mood swings for the day, laugh.

M: Well, I have something if you can’t watch a feature film before you leave the house –

P: Laugh!

M: – that might be a little bit more practical for people who are struggling to get more optimism, laugh.

P: [Singing] The hills are alive…

M & P: Laughter.

M: Or I’ve actually got quite a few friends who Monday morning, listen to our podcast and that’s their weekly reminder to prioritise happiness, which is lovely. Thank you guys.

P: Scares me a little bit when they say to me ‘keep going’ and I’m like ‘why!?’ Laugh.

M: The question is, are they laughing with us or at us?

P: Hopefully with us.

M & P: Laughter!

P: Right, so back to the point.

M: So, I’ve known for a while about the power of laughter to moost… moost your bood?

P: Moost your bood, I like that. Moost your Bood!

M: Boost your mood.

P: Laughter.

M: And it’s a no brainer, it is such a no brainer. You laugh, you feel good.

P: Yeah.

M: I don’t have to be a scientist to know that. But there is a science behind it, and it’s pretty definitive science.

  • Firstly, it can increase your wellbeing.
  • It helps to reduce stress.

One of the big ones for all you corporate people or you people starting your massage day at eight in the morning.

P: Laugh.

M: And going is stressed, one of the greatest ways to break that stress cycle is to have a good laugh.

P: Yep, I agree.

M: And the Mayo Clinic in the U. S. Has a huge range of research and riding on the positive effects of laughter and stress reduction.

  • It decreases your heart rate and your blood pressure; and
  • it can also relieve muscle tension.

P: Absolutely shaking, vibration.

M: Mmm hmm, and on that note, for those of you who know they should do more movement and exercise in their day. Did you know that a very big belly laugh is actually exercise?

P: Laugh! Ok, yeah alright I’ll give you that one.

M & P: Laugh.

M: Now, it might not be as good as a million other different exercises.

P: Laugh.

M: But it’s still exercise! Laugh. You could count that in your week.

P: Alright, Alright, like that could be 10 steps, laugh.

M: So [laughing] also has a range of other physical benefits, like:

  • Helping to improve your immune system, which helps you to fight illness.

One of the people on the panel is Roz Ben-Moshe, who is a lecturer and researcher at La Trobe University in Melbourne. She actually wrote a book called ‘Laughing at Cancer, How to Heal with Love, Laughter and Mindfulness’.

P: Oh, I like that.

M: She discovered laughter when she was going through cancer treatment, and I’m not saying that you would replace modern science and medicine with laughter.

P: Mmm.

M: I’m saying, in addition to that.

P: It’s not about replacing; it’s about using with that.

M: Yep, it’s a complimentary technique that can help you get through not only the physical, but the mental part of dealing with cancer.

P: Sure, absolutely.

M: There’s real scientific study that shows that laughter can be so beneficial.

P: Fundamentally, laughter releases dopamine. It’s one of our happy drugs.

M: Mmm.

P: And that’s a big one for keeping the other neurotransmitters going as well. Dopamine, it’s a big precursor to so much other stuff. So fundamentally, at that neuro transmitter-chemical level laughter has a benefit.

M: So, [laughter] is:

  • Releasing endorphins.

P: Mmm.

M: So that again, as we said, we know you’re happier when you’re laughing.

P: Mmm.

M: But you might not realise it also has long term impacts on your happiness. So not just the short term, in the moment, I’m laughing right now and therefor I’m happier.

P: Yep.

M: There’s also longer-term impacts to your happiness. The other piece here is if you laugh with people, then it strengthens bonds. It makes you closer and trust other people. So, in a corporate environment or a work environment, particularly for new teams that are just forming, introducing ways to laugh together as a team will bond your team a lot faster and create more trust between your team members.

P: Mmm, interesting.

M: And the teams that laugh together, trust more.

P: I like that idea.

M: Not just for crazy yogi’s, because we’re gonna talk about laughter yoga in a second.

P: Laugh.

M: So, going back to that idea, though of long term happiness. We’ve spoken before Pete about you’re happiness set point, it’s that point where you tend to come back to after good events and bad events. You just come back to this base level of happiness.

P: Mmm.

M: And some people are born a little bit happier and with higher set points. Some people are grumpier.

P: Laugh.

M: And they were born that way and they have a lower set point.

P: Laugh.

M: But laughter and deliberate, habitual laughter exercises has been shown to increase your set point. So, you’re not stuck with where you are right now.

P: Mmm, we can always contribute to our base level of happiness that’s for sure.

M: Yeah.

P: That’s what it comes down to a lot of interpretation and doing some of the mindfulness work that we’ve talked about out. Definitely, it’s a plus you know, you want your base point to be higher because we don’t want to negate the ebbs and flows as we talked about before, emotions and meant to take us down they’re meant to take us up, but we want that curve to be to be there and riding that wave. But we do want to come back to that point where there were slightly more than being just bland.

M: Yep.

P: Yep.

M: We’re only here for a short time. I want it to be a good time too.

P: Yeah, yeah, exactly.

M: Yeah. All right, are you up for it, Pete?

P: I’m always up for yoga. I’m rather impressed that you’re about to teach me yoga. I’m really intrigued by how this is gonna go.

M: So, I’m going to start by saying that laughter yoga is the new craze that has really gained steam over the past couple of decades. It’s not that new, actually.

P: Laugh.

M: And all it means is people meet and they come together to laugh together often in a park or an open space.

P: Ok.

M: That’s it. Simple.

P: Alright.

M: Doesn’t necessarily involve folding yourself into a variety of pretzel like poses.

P: But I can do that.

M & P: Laughter.

M: So, for all of you like my husband, who can barely tie his shoes.

P: Laugh!

M: You don’t need to worry about your flexibility in order to do laughter yoga. The yoga part here is more of a nod to the breathing side –

P: Oh ok.

M: – than the movement side. Having said that, you can take it in that direction and combine the two.

P: I’ve done a lot of that too, with movement therapy with happiness.

M: Yes.

P: That’s yes, incredibly powerful, actually and that can really shift emotions and psyches and in a really amazingly positive way.

M: Yes, so I would love to walk you through three exercises that I think people can take to their office, to their workplace.

P: Ok.

M: Remember, when you’re doing this, it’s worth reminding people about the actual benefits and the scientific benefits if you’re trying to get them to opt in.

P: Yep.

M: And secondly, if you are taking it to your work, it’s really important not to pressure anyone or force them to participate and make it an opt in because –

P: Laugh! I force people to exercise every day! I’m putting them on yoga mats and saying ‘do this!’ And then they forget them.

M: Laugh. They’re paying you to do that. They’re not necessarily paying you tell them to do laughter yoga in the office.

P: Laugh, true.

M: But it is, [laughter] is uncomfortable for some people to share with others, and they do feel self-conscious about their laughs and about letting go.

P: Mmm.

M: So, some people may be uncomfortable and would prefer not to participate. It’s just worth remembering that so you should do it within close proximity of them so that they see how much fun you’re having and want to opt in next time.

P & M: Laughter.

P: There we go, lead by example.

M: Now it’s also worth remembering in these exercises that often you need to start with fake laughter at the beginning –

P: This is where a lot of people find it difficult.

M: – and after a while, it becomes authentic.

P: It’s the fake laugh. It’s putting the laugh on, and I was going to come to that afterwards. It’s the fake it ‘til you make it concept, and it’s a hard space to do when you’re feeling crap.

M: Mmm.

P: And when people say, you know, you’ve got to laugh it off. It does actually work because you’ll start doing the fake laugh. Then all of a sudden a giggle will come.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: And that’s an amazingly empowering way of changing your situation.

M: Okay, So the first exercise we’re going to do is about starting your day right.

So, maybe could have used this on Wednesday.

P: Laugh.

So this is a quick 60 second exercise that you can add to your morning routine to start your day in a happy mood and set the tone for the rest of the day.

P: All right.

M: So, it’s a great starting place, this one for people who are a bit reluctant to be vulnerable in front of other people. You can do this by yourself in the shower or… I was going to say while brushing your teeth or eating breakfast but…

P: That might be a bit messy, laugh.

P & M: Laughter!

P: Avocado on toast spewed in front of the entire bus stop.

M: Laugh. No.

All right, so I’m just going to grab the clock on my phone and go to the stopwatch. And what we’re going to do is you grab your phone, we start the timer, and for the first 10 seconds, you laugh out loud. You don’t have to feel it, you just have to vocalise ‘Ha, ha, ha.’

P: Ok.

M: And then you do that a few times, it’ll roll from there.

P: Ok.

M: Think of a like an acting class with really bad acting.

P & M: Laughter!

M: So, it doesn’t have to be authentic.

P: Ok.

M: So once we’ve done 10 seconds of ha, ha, ha’s, we’re going to breathe deeply for the next 10 seconds, so that’s probably two deep breaths over 10 seconds. And then we’re going to do those two steps two more times, and that will be 60 seconds.

P: Ok.

M: So that’s it. That’s it. It’s that simple. All right, so we’re going to do it now, we’re going to start timing.

P: Audience participation, I love it!

M: Can you see my phone, Pete.

P: Yes, I can.

M: Okay. All right. Ready?

P: Yeah.

P & M: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…. (10 sec)

M: Take a big deep breath. (10 sec) And I do hope that everyone at home is following along. I really encourage you to.

P: Laugh.

M: Look at that smile on your face, Pete. All right, we’re up again.

P & M: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…. (10 sec)

M: Deep breaths. (10 sec) Last one.

P & M: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…. (10 sec)

M: Alright and deep breaths. (10 sec)

That was a bit quick those breaths and I probably wouldn’t do that normally, I don’t want you to hyperventilate.

P: Laugh.

M: But that is it. That is it. That is all the we’re talking about. And if you’re not laughing at us right now on this podcast, I don’t know what else I can do for you, I’m sorry.

P: Laughter! This’s part of the attraction of morning radio. I think a lot of people use morning talk show radio to try and have a bit of a giggle in their commute to work or first thing in the morning. It’s really important that people try and access their happiness in those first hours when you’re up, because it does set the tone for the day.

M: Mmm.

P: And who doesn’t love driving along and you hear someone say something really stupid and it makes you giggle in the car on your own and then you have that you have a better morning.

M: You do and honestly, my cheeks a kind of sore because I can’t get this silly grin on my face right now.

P & M: Laugh!

M: But that’s it. And if you do that every morning for, I think, what did we say recently? 21 days to make a habit.

P: Yep.

M: 60 seconds is all that takes, and it can really change your mindset and just put you in a great mood for the day.

P: Yeah, it is a bit of a trial, and you’ve got to get, you’ve got to be consistent with it. Like anything, it’s like exercise. You’ve got to be consistent to get the benefits. So if you feel stupid and ridiculous or feel like throwing a small, fluffy animal out the window because you’re feeling so stupid and that’s fine, keep going, keep trying because it will kick in.

M: Yes, absolutely. And again, it doesn’t have to be authentic to start with. Neither of us were laughing authentically to start with.

P: Nah.

M: There were giggles in there, definitely from both of us. And then we went a bit silly. And then we came back, and then we had a real laugh, and then we didn’t. But your body doesn’t know the difference and that’s –

P: Exactly! Yes, you’re tricking your body into the reaction.

M: Yes! All right. So, I’ll quickly go through the last two exercises that I want to leave you with.

So the second one is about bonding with friends and family.

So, as I mentioned before, one of the great things about laughter is sharing it with others. Episode eight we talked about how laughter is contagious.

P: Yes, we did.

M: So, laughing with other people makes it more intense and helps bring people closer together. So, it’s a great team building exercise. So, if you want to grab some colleagues or friends or your partner or the whole family and convince them to join in this short exercise, you will be creating stronger bonds with the people around you.

P: Mmm.

M: To start with you get everyone into a circle and you take a deep breath in and out. Repeat that a few times just to get everyone in a different mood and mind set and then moving around the circle, you’re going to join up with a person and then there’s three simple steps.

  1. You will either hold their hands or, if you’re in a more formal environment, shake their hand, so handshake
  2. and you’re going to keep doing that while looking them in the eye
  3. and laugh for 10 seconds.

P: Laugh!

M: That’s it. So once everyone has had 10 seconds of laughter with their partner, you find another partner and you repeat steps 1 to 3. You keep doing it until everyone has shared a laugh with everyone else in the group. The eye contact is a bit confronting for some people –

P: Yeah, very.

M: – but it’s really important for that bond.

P: Breaking through that uncomfortable silence and that sort of space of going ‘well, I need to be vulnerable here.’

M: Yes.

P: It’s an important part of it, because then you can let go, you can let go of it all.

M: Absolutely, so you’ll need someone to be the timekeeper, and you’ll need to keep everyone on track with instructions on when to move on. But once everyone’s done one round, you can get playful with it. So this is where it gets a bit more fun and exciting. So once it runs on a roll and they know what they’re doing, you can throw in a Santa round.

P: Laugh!

M: Everyone has to laugh like Santa. Or you could throw in a feeling or an emotion, so maybe cheeky laughing.

P: Okay, yep. Righto.

M: Or you could do an around the world round. German laughing, French laughing, Russian laughing.

P: Laugh!

M: Or simply throw in a good snort.

P: Yep, that always works.

M: Yes, so you can have a bit of a play with it and see where people go. And again, it’s kind of like an acting class. Some people really get into it, and that will carry the mood for a lot of people.

P: Laugh.

M: Others will be a bit more reluctant, but if they’re participating, they’re going to get the benefits anyway.

P: Yep.

M: And so the last one and I know we’re really short on time. So, I’ll fly through this last one.

This is about really letting go.

P: Ok.

M: There’s a little bit more movement in this one, so it’s a good exercise, either groups or individuals, so you could do this at work with your family or by yourself.

  • So you start by smiling and slowly move into a giggle then a chuckle and then finish with a really big belly laugh.
  • Even hold your belly and really get into that belly laugh so you’re slowly increasing the intensity and volume as you go.
  • And once you’ve had a really loud big belly laugh for good 10 seconds or so, bring it back down, stage by stage to a smile, and to get a good benefit from that one.
  • You should repeat it a few times, but you can also add movement.

So if you start crouched or small or seated, depending on your mobility as you get louder and get more volume and intensity to your laugh, you come up until your arms are up in the air.

P: Laugh.

M: Your head is tilted back, and you’re standing like a star fish.

P: Laugh.

M: You’re really opening up your body and being big in presence as well as laughter.

P: There’s also a thing about letting the vibration go into certain cavities of your body. So, if you can actually feel the laugh and this is where the visualisation comes into this. I’ve felt this before in classes where you feel visualisation, so you laugh from your toes and you let the laugh reflect your toes so little tiny laugh and you wiggle your toes and then you move it up into your calves and into your knees, and by the time you get to your chest or your belly, it’s big, it’s boisterous, it’s loud. It’s got some volume.

M: Mmm hmm.

P: It’s an acting thing that you do, a warm-up actually, but it is very [beneficial] that visualisation of small spaces and echoing and filling the space with the vibration of the sound is a really good way of doing that same exercise as well.

M: Well, absolutely. And you can take these really simple exercises and create a million different permutations.

P: Mmm.

M: And if these aren’t talking to you, then just Google it.

P: Yeah.

M: Love Google. There’s so much out there that you can learn. Now there is definitely the whole physical side with laughter yoga that this can go to, but it’s like yoga, there are so many different variations of it –

P: Yep, sure.

M: – that it can go in any type of direction. The point is to have a good laugh.

P: Nice. What a nice idea, who doesn’t want that?

M: Absolutely. And now that we’ve had a bit of a laugh, as well, hopefully everyone listening at home had a laugh with us.

P: Laugh.

M: Or at us, either way, laugh.

P: Doesn’t matter.

M: Either way, hopefully you are listening to this in the morning, and it’s going to make your day a little bit brighter.

P: Laugh. On that note, enjoy your day folks and have a good laugh.

M: Bye.

P: Chow.

[Happy exit music – background]

M: Thanks for joining us today if you want to hear more please remember to subscribe and like this podcast and remember you can find us at www.marieskelton.com, where you can also send in questions or propose a topic.

P: And if you like our little show we would absolutely love for you to leave a comment or rating to help us out.

M: Until next time.

M & P: Choose happiness.

[Exit music fadeout]

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The Science Behind why Hobbies can Improve our Mental Health

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hobbies can improve our mental health
Source: Pexels

Ciara McCabe, University of Reading

The pandemic has taken its toll on many peoples’ mental health. Given the fear of the virus and the government restrictions on movement many may understandably be feeling more lonely, anxious, and depressed than usual. The World Health Organization (WHO) has even issued guidance on how people can look after their mental health during this difficult time. Key advice includes trying to keep a regular pattern of eating, sleeping, hygiene and exercise.

But a less obvious recommendation is to make sure you’re still finding time to do the things you enjoy. In fact, research shows that having a hobby is linked to lower levels of depression – and may even prevent depression for some.

Losing interest and joy in things you normally like doing is one symptom of poor mental health. Known as anhedonia, this is a common symptom of depression and is something patients say they would most like relief from – possibly because the drugs used to treat depression target other symptoms and don’t seem to alleviate it.

For some people, anhedonia is one of the first symptoms of depression, and can even be used to predict the severity of depression a person might experience.

So, finding time for your interests and pleasures – such as a hobby – during lockdown could be one way of avoiding anhedonia and depression. In fact social prescribing is a treatment method where doctors can ask patients with mild to moderate depression to take up a non-medical intervention (such as a hobby) to improve their mental health. As antidepressants can be less effective in those with mild depression, this treatment strategy may still help patients with depression find relief from their symptoms.

Source: Pexels

So far, some studies have shown that social prescribing programmes that ask patients to take up hobbies such as gardening or art are beneficial for mental health and wellbeing.

Evidence also shows that even for those with clinical depression, certain psychological treatments – like behavioural activation, which requires patients to schedule in time to do things that bring them pleasure and joy – improve symptoms of depression. A wide range of activities and hobbies may play a role in social prescribing and behavioural activation, such as exercising, playing an instrument, drawing, reading or handicrafts.

Reward system

The reason that finding time for hobbies can work has to do with how they affect the reward system in the brain. When we take part in a hobby that we enjoy, chemical messengers in the brain (known as neurotransmitters) are released – such as dopamine, a chemical which helps us feel pleasure. These feel-good chemicals can then make us want to do the hobby again, and feel more motivated to do so.

So even though we may not feel motivated in the beginning to spend time on a hobby, once we start it and feel the associated pleasure, this will kick-start our reward system and subsequently our motivation to do it again. This is something we’re researching in greater depth in our lab.

Alongside pleasure and motivation, hobbies can also bring other benefits. Physical hobbies can, of course, improve your fitness, and others can even improve your brain function. Research suggests that some hobbies – like playing a musical instrument – can improve your memory, while artistic hobbies (such as reading or board games puzzles) are reported to prevent dementia later in life.

So if you’re feeling lower than normal during the pandemic, perhaps try to find time to re-engage with some hobbies that you may have enjoyed in the past – or try new ones. You can also seek help or guidance from your GP or a therapist to find the best treatment for you.

Ciara McCabe, Associate Professor, Neuroscience, University of Reading

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.

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