Are You Doing Self-Care Wrong?
Are you stressed, overwhelmed or burned out? You’re not alone.
We’re all living in a Change Storm – experiencing more change, more often than ever before. So, we feel busy, all the time. It can feel like there’s never enough time. Between all the things we must do and all the things we should do, life can just be overwhelming.
The to-do list just keeps getting longer and longer, and with it, the stress just keeps piling up. There’s work (or looking for work), commute times, laundry, cooking, cleaning, car servicing, hairdresser appointments, doctor and dentist appointments, paying the bills, keeping up with family and friends, answering emails and texts and messages and pings, and posting, and for those who have them, let’s not forget all the responsibility that comes with kids and pets.
And that’s just the basics! For many people, there are so many more pressures and ‘must-dos’ in their daily lives, from looking after sick kids or elderly parents, to being a single parent or running a small business… let’s just say that first list was a starting point only.
But we’re not done yet. Then there are the things we feel we should do, and every time we don’t do them, we add another failure to the scorecard or more guilt into our lives. From cleaning the house better or more often, calling mum more often, cooking healthier meals, doing more (or any) exercise, or finding time to do your hair or make-up better or at all… it all adds up to a crushing weight of inadequacy, adding more and more stress to our already stressful lives.
Life is so busy and so hectic that it’s no wonder the World Health Organisation labelled burnout an official medical diagnosis last year.
So what to do about it?
The Dangers of Doing Too Little
All too often a typical response to doing too much is to try to do too little. With all this stress, it’s no wonder that we’re spending more time just vegging. Binge watching is a thing now, as is ‘mindless scrolling’ on social media. But these responses to stress are also not helpful.
Social media can have very positive effects, as we’ve seen with the social distancing that COVID-19 brought us. It can help to maintain connectedness and relationships. However, mindless scrolling has been shown to be addictive, trigger sadness, make us compare our lives to others more (which is also unhealthy), and it can lead to jealousy.
Similarly, watching TV or playing video games might seem like a great way to unwind from a stressful day. But if you do it for hours on end, for days on end, it becomes something else altogether. Repeated binge-watching has a number of negative health effects, from not getting enough sleep and not getting any exercise to things that will kill you like deep vein thrombosis.
Just like Goldilocks taught us, it’s about finding a balance that’s just right.
Related reading: Why You Need A Social Media Detox Now
The Self-Care Revolution
The science is clear that we need to do a better job of balancing looking after ourselves with all the stressors of the modern world.
Cue the self-care revolution! From mindfulness retreats to yoga and meditation classes, and CrossFit, veggie smoothies and #RandomActsOfKindness we’ve seen an explosion of new fads (mostly science backed).
There are experts from all walks of life, all around the world, telling us to make sure we:
- Invest in family and friendships to stave off loneliness (another new 21st-century disease). Meet new people and cultivate supportive relationships to build your sense of belonging and connectedness.
- Exercise more, but make sure it’s intense, but only sometimes, other times it needs to be gentle, but not too gentle or it’s no longer exercise
- Sleep at least 8 hours every night, but sometimes 9 is better, but not too much sleep or you might be depressed.
- Eat well, this means no sugar, no fat, no salt, no meat, no processed foods, no gluten, no alcohol. But make sure you get the right kind of fat, and protein is important, and some sugars are ok, and make sure your diet is balanced, and take vitamins to supplement your diet, but if you’re eating well you shouldn’t need vitamins.
- Look after your mind because stress kills. So practice breathing and meditating, and take your vacations, and use your commute time to refocus your brain, but also to listen to podcasts because learning and having a growth mindset is just as critical. Never stop learning! And journal every night about things you’re grateful for, and practice kindness towards others.
You get my point here, right? Even self-care can feel like more things to add to that never-ending
Are You Doing Self-Care Wrong?
So, what is the goldilocks amount of self-care? And are you doing self-care wrong?
As Shawn Achor and Michelle Gielan write in the Harvard Business Review: “resilience is about how you recharge.”
It’s about giving yourself time to do nothing, or time to do something, with no pressure and a lot of self-forgiveness and kindness about what you do, or don’t end up doing. It’s about doing something that you enjoy, something fun, not something that you feel you should do because some over-hyped expert told you to do it on a podcast.
“The key to resilience is trying really hard, then stopping, recovering, and then trying again. This conclusion is based on biology.”
Shawn Achor and Michelle Gielan, Harvard Business Review.
To be resilient, we do need to have some basic body, mind and soul habits in place and that we maintain when times get particularly tough. The great news here is that there are so many options here, that we can pick what we want to do. And the minute it starts to feel like a chore, or we don’t enjoy it, we can move on to something else.
But we also have to stop overscheduling ourselves and make time to spoil and pamper ourselves.
So, for your own personal health and longevity, go ahead and book that massage, or pour that glass of wine and get in the bath, or grab that book you’ve been meaning to read for months and go lay outside in the sun and read it… whatever floats your boat. Do whatever you want to do to help you unwind, with no guilt and no pressure.
Or don’t.
It’s completely up to you.
Related content: Read Moving On article 11 Ideas For Your Next Mental Health Day, listen to our Podcast: Self-Care is Church for Non-Believers (E17)
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Comment below! Tell us what do you think! Are you doing self-care wrong? What’s your go-to stress buster for when things get too busy or you feel yourself approaching burn-out?
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I have observed that over the course of building a relationship with real estate homeowners, you’ll be able to get them to understand that, in every single real estate deal, a commission amount is paid. Eventually, FSBO sellers never “save” the commission rate. Rather, they try to win the commission by means of doing an agent’s task. In the process, they shell out their money and time to perform, as best they might, the responsibilities of an real estate agent. Those jobs include uncovering the home via marketing, representing the home to prospective buyers, building a sense of buyer emergency in order to trigger an offer, arranging home inspections, managing qualification investigations with the bank, supervising maintenance, and facilitating the closing.
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